I just deleted a whole entry because I was beginning to sound like a crazy person. With poor punctuation. Not on.

This morning I withdrew my application to join the Navy.

There are a myriad reasons, but the first and foremost is that recently I've been experiencing some symptoms I'm rather familiar with (panic attacks, anxiety, sleeplessness, anger, boredom, restlessness) and so have decided to take steps to nip that in the bud quickly, rather than letting a malaise settle into a depression again.

I've decided to pull my application to reduce stress in my life. It was a lot of pressure and not altogether something I was fully committed to - although I wanted to be committed to it.

Having said that, there are some aspects of joining the Navy that really appeal to me; the travel, meeting new people, keeping in shape, learning interesting things. I will still experience those things.

Also, I'm not cut out for the Military. I'm anti-establishment, anti-authority, pro freedom of thought and speech, pro body art and anti-waking up early. I hate being told what to do...I'll go out of my way to be contrary if someone tells me what to do. I'm such a brat. I'm also a nonracist, pot smoking peacenik. Hm.

So anyway, I'm alright. I'm trying to keep myself and my head together and as I said before, I'm taking steps to deal with all of that and, if I have to *hopes not*, I will see my doctor early.

I'm going to stick with the physical exercise stuff, though. I sort of like swimming every week. I'm getting better at it - last week I swam my first 1000m.

So....That's about it. I'm sorry I've been away for so long.