...
Fuck it. I'm going to update this now. It's been in my head since last night and I need to put it away from me. It's a little violent, as a lot of my more private thoughts are, but it's part of me and now I'm putting it out here.
I was watching a few (maybe one too many) episodes of SVU last night and there were one or two eps that really awoke that "thing" inside of me. I thought it'd been dormant for a little while, didn't catch a hint of a stirring from it - no feelings, no images - but it's happened again and, as unsettling as it can be, I feel more alive with it. It's that "dark" side that I believe that everyone has inside of them...I think it's just that I tend to be a little more honest about it (at least within myself). I do love it, though, it's fuel for the literary fire and it leaves me feeling physically and mentally charged....
But yeah. I've found that it can be dangerous sometimes and it keeps me from sleep. I've learned that if I'm in a relationship it can get more out of control (ah, everyone loves dangerous sex, right??) and there have been a couple of times where I've really had to pull on the reigns. I think that's mostly because I enjoy having someone to...play with (and, sometimes unfortunately, not always with the purest of intents). Pity the latest ex liked some things and was so against others (though maybe it was to her benefit, lol), would have made for some great writing.
How pretty you are, your hair falling in tendrils about your chin and lightly wisping in the breeze. Your neck, lily-white and unmarred.
How beautiful your mouth is with it's bright red lips and straight white teeth.
Your legs, so long and elegant, and your hands - clever and long-fingered.
I wish I could know you from where I sit. I wish you could see me - would see me. Would want me. I wish you would speak to me, notice me, be with me.
I know you never could, but it'll happen.
How pretty you are, your hair tangled and fisted in my hands. That neck and its dark oval bruises, the bites and the welts.
How beautiful your mouth is; shouting, begging. How stunning that red is, smeared and angled.
Those legs, your legs, spread and tensed, and your fingers clawing desperately, the nail polish chipped.
Yes, I will know you.
Yeah, actually, it is hard sometimes, to carry this thing and some of the other "things" I have but never address (and very seldom write down). I do believe that it could be dangerous, you know? What with that undying urge to act out and having poor impulse control. Again, that's part of what makes it difficult if I'm seeing someone....The only problem is how to stop myself from going too far. Pfft, but then again, everyone has the potential for do serious harm, some are just better at keeping it in check.
But yeah, I don't believe that I'm the only one who thinks this way (sometimes violently), but it makes me wonder sometimes if other people can tell...If they can go, "oh, that's what makes you strange, I see it now". I've often wondered, truthfully, if people can kind of sense those sorts of things, though I suppose it's all about intuition, isn't it? Trust your gut. Sometimes makes me uncomfortable if I'm in a group conversation, no matter how well I know the other people involved, and topics like kinks, fetishes and other taboo topics come up...Almost like walking down a street with a kilo of pot in your pockets and you're about to pass some sniffer dogs, lol...Will they get me???
Just read over that whole insane ramble. Makes me look like a right nutter. And as if I have something to hide. I don't. Probably ;)
I was watching a few (maybe one too many) episodes of SVU last night and there were one or two eps that really awoke that "thing" inside of me. I thought it'd been dormant for a little while, didn't catch a hint of a stirring from it - no feelings, no images - but it's happened again and, as unsettling as it can be, I feel more alive with it. It's that "dark" side that I believe that everyone has inside of them...I think it's just that I tend to be a little more honest about it (at least within myself). I do love it, though, it's fuel for the literary fire and it leaves me feeling physically and mentally charged....
But yeah. I've found that it can be dangerous sometimes and it keeps me from sleep. I've learned that if I'm in a relationship it can get more out of control (ah, everyone loves dangerous sex, right??) and there have been a couple of times where I've really had to pull on the reigns. I think that's mostly because I enjoy having someone to...play with (and, sometimes unfortunately, not always with the purest of intents). Pity the latest ex liked some things and was so against others (though maybe it was to her benefit, lol), would have made for some great writing.
How pretty you are, your hair falling in tendrils about your chin and lightly wisping in the breeze. Your neck, lily-white and unmarred.
How beautiful your mouth is with it's bright red lips and straight white teeth.
Your legs, so long and elegant, and your hands - clever and long-fingered.
I wish I could know you from where I sit. I wish you could see me - would see me. Would want me. I wish you would speak to me, notice me, be with me.
I know you never could, but it'll happen.
How pretty you are, your hair tangled and fisted in my hands. That neck and its dark oval bruises, the bites and the welts.
How beautiful your mouth is; shouting, begging. How stunning that red is, smeared and angled.
Those legs, your legs, spread and tensed, and your fingers clawing desperately, the nail polish chipped.
Yes, I will know you.
Yeah, actually, it is hard sometimes, to carry this thing and some of the other "things" I have but never address (and very seldom write down). I do believe that it could be dangerous, you know? What with that undying urge to act out and having poor impulse control. Again, that's part of what makes it difficult if I'm seeing someone....The only problem is how to stop myself from going too far. Pfft, but then again, everyone has the potential for do serious harm, some are just better at keeping it in check.
But yeah, I don't believe that I'm the only one who thinks this way (sometimes violently), but it makes me wonder sometimes if other people can tell...If they can go, "oh, that's what makes you strange, I see it now". I've often wondered, truthfully, if people can kind of sense those sorts of things, though I suppose it's all about intuition, isn't it? Trust your gut. Sometimes makes me uncomfortable if I'm in a group conversation, no matter how well I know the other people involved, and topics like kinks, fetishes and other taboo topics come up...Almost like walking down a street with a kilo of pot in your pockets and you're about to pass some sniffer dogs, lol...Will they get me???
Just read over that whole insane ramble. Makes me look like a right nutter. And as if I have something to hide. I don't. Probably ;)