Excuse me for feeling hard done by.
So on Thursday, I went out for drinks with Milo and Tray. Had a drink, kidded around, etc, and then I get this phonecall from Legs. She was in a bad way, so I left the pub with a hurried apology (keeping in mind it was around 10pm), caught a cab to the station and got a fast train to Central. From there I caught the bus and bam! There I was.
Now, for the record, I'm not bitching about this. Even though we're not together, she's still important to me and she's still a friend. One of the very few I'd get off my ass for.
So she told me what was going on, I lended a sympathetic ear and we talked until about 3am. All fine. Crashed on the couch...All good, if a little uncomfortable.
She was in the shower the next morning and I nicked a piece of blank paper from her printer to write something down on.
We went to pay her rent and went to the city for some air hockey. Not my best games, but you know how it is when your heart's not in it. Spent more time talking. Far less awkward than the last time, no fucked up emotions or anything like that. All good.
Later, she thanked me for coming over etc etc and she got on her bus and I headed for the station.
So, last night, I get this message asking where I got the paper from. I told her the printer. And then she has this go at me about some envelope or something that was in the printer that she thinks I read. Or something, I don't even know. See, I took the paper from the back of the pile in the printer, so if there was an envelope front of the paper, I wouldn't have seen it because I wasn't looking there.
But honestly. My point is this. I left friends that I organized to spend time with back in the pub and made it to her house in record time because she needed someone to be there for her. And I was and it wasn't a problem. But she's my ex and I don't owe her anything, I didn't have to see her, but I did because I promised her ages ago that regardless of the situation between us, if she needed me, I'd be there.
But to get this accusatory message...The subject of which I know nothing about, mind you...Really pissed me off. And the other thing was, I tried to call her to find out what the hell she was talking about, and she didn't pick up the phone! After I was out. And she called. And I picked up first go. And left to see her. And she couldn't afford me the courtesy of picking up the phone for a simple and short call.
Thank fuck I've gotten that out, because I have the shits like you would not believe. I mean, we couldn't have a balanced relationship, so I was hoping we could have a balanced friendship. Hmm. We'll see.
As of now, I'm choosing not to let it bother me too much. If she can't trust me, that's not my problem. Again, we're not together anymore, and so I don't owe her shit. I've fucked people off and out of my life entirely for much, much less.
Makes this whole process a little different. I wasn't upset or angry or anything before, and now I am more pissed off than I have been in a really long time. And the thing is, I don't know what to do about it, you know? How do I deal with this? Meh. Fuck it. It'll take care of itself...Heh, not like I have anything to lose in that department.
P.S. My great-aunt had a heart attack yesterday morning. Three blocked arteries. They put a stent in two of them and might put another in later on. There's been damage done to the heart (not her first heart attack) and they're unsure yet as to whether or not they ought to do a bypass.
They say these things come in threes.
1. With whom did you last get angry?: My ex…
2. What is your weapon of choice?: Knives
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?: Sure…If I was either big enough or fast enough to handle the impact of him hitting me.
4. How about of the same sex?: Not if I could help it.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?: Who cares?
6. What is your pet peeve?: People reading over my shoulder, people eating with their mouth open….Pigtails on grown women.
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?: Depends on the grudge, depend on the person.
SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?: Eat properly.
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up?: 4pm
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't?: Ooh….Pretty much everyone
4. What is the last lame excuse you made?: "I have another thing to go to".
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones)?: Yep, nearly every night. Bowflex!!!
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in?: End of the soccer season.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?: None. Though I did reset the alarm.
GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?: Probably a smoothie with wheatgrass juice…Boost, maybe?
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat?: white.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?: I don’t know what I had to drink, or how much, but my BAL was .117. Three times the legal limit…And I’m pretty tiny, so it was kind of horrible. But still, lol, go me.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?: Pfft. No.
5. Do you have an issue with your weight?: Urm. Sort of.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?: Salty
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, LUNCH?: Not especially, although I’ve always wondered what it would be like to eat a person. Not that I would.
LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?: A few
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?: Also a few.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?: Maybe ;-)
Now, for the record, I'm not bitching about this. Even though we're not together, she's still important to me and she's still a friend. One of the very few I'd get off my ass for.
So she told me what was going on, I lended a sympathetic ear and we talked until about 3am. All fine. Crashed on the couch...All good, if a little uncomfortable.
She was in the shower the next morning and I nicked a piece of blank paper from her printer to write something down on.
We went to pay her rent and went to the city for some air hockey. Not my best games, but you know how it is when your heart's not in it. Spent more time talking. Far less awkward than the last time, no fucked up emotions or anything like that. All good.
Later, she thanked me for coming over etc etc and she got on her bus and I headed for the station.
So, last night, I get this message asking where I got the paper from. I told her the printer. And then she has this go at me about some envelope or something that was in the printer that she thinks I read. Or something, I don't even know. See, I took the paper from the back of the pile in the printer, so if there was an envelope front of the paper, I wouldn't have seen it because I wasn't looking there.
But honestly. My point is this. I left friends that I organized to spend time with back in the pub and made it to her house in record time because she needed someone to be there for her. And I was and it wasn't a problem. But she's my ex and I don't owe her anything, I didn't have to see her, but I did because I promised her ages ago that regardless of the situation between us, if she needed me, I'd be there.
But to get this accusatory message...The subject of which I know nothing about, mind you...Really pissed me off. And the other thing was, I tried to call her to find out what the hell she was talking about, and she didn't pick up the phone! After I was out. And she called. And I picked up first go. And left to see her. And she couldn't afford me the courtesy of picking up the phone for a simple and short call.
Thank fuck I've gotten that out, because I have the shits like you would not believe. I mean, we couldn't have a balanced relationship, so I was hoping we could have a balanced friendship. Hmm. We'll see.
As of now, I'm choosing not to let it bother me too much. If she can't trust me, that's not my problem. Again, we're not together anymore, and so I don't owe her shit. I've fucked people off and out of my life entirely for much, much less.
Makes this whole process a little different. I wasn't upset or angry or anything before, and now I am more pissed off than I have been in a really long time. And the thing is, I don't know what to do about it, you know? How do I deal with this? Meh. Fuck it. It'll take care of itself...Heh, not like I have anything to lose in that department.
P.S. My great-aunt had a heart attack yesterday morning. Three blocked arteries. They put a stent in two of them and might put another in later on. There's been damage done to the heart (not her first heart attack) and they're unsure yet as to whether or not they ought to do a bypass.
They say these things come in threes.
ANGER
4. Have you done it?: Lol, what is this? Fifth grade??
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?: Back, hands, legs.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?: No, but I’ve been solicited before by someone who thought I was "working".
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy?:
STDs: Nope.
Pregnancy: Nope.
GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own?: Zero.
2. What's your guilty pleasure store?: Build-A-Bear, toys R us…EB.
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?: Travel a bit and move out.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous?: Rich.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?: Ooh…I don’t know, actually.
6. Have you ever stolen anything?: Yes.
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?: Lol, God, I don’t even know.
PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of?: Gotten through my secondary education relatively unscathed.
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?: Survived.
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life?: Write a book
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?: Yes. I’m only happy when I’m winning.
1. With whom did you last get angry?: My ex…
2. What is your weapon of choice?: Knives
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?: Sure…If I was either big enough or fast enough to handle the impact of him hitting me.
4. How about of the same sex?: Not if I could help it.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?: Who cares?
6. What is your pet peeve?: People reading over my shoulder, people eating with their mouth open….Pigtails on grown women.
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?: Depends on the grudge, depend on the person.
SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?: Eat properly.
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up?: 4pm
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't?: Ooh….Pretty much everyone
4. What is the last lame excuse you made?: "I have another thing to go to".
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones)?: Yep, nearly every night. Bowflex!!!
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in?: End of the soccer season.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?: None. Though I did reset the alarm.
GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?: Probably a smoothie with wheatgrass juice…Boost, maybe?
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat?: white.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?: I don’t know what I had to drink, or how much, but my BAL was .117. Three times the legal limit…And I’m pretty tiny, so it was kind of horrible. But still, lol, go me.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?: Pfft. No.
5. Do you have an issue with your weight?: Urm. Sort of.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?: Salty
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, LUNCH?: Not especially, although I’ve always wondered what it would be like to eat a person. Not that I would.
LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?: A few
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?: Also a few.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?: Maybe ;-)