I hate when she's right...
ME: I think the real problem is that I don't have one aim or goal.
MUM: I think you're being dishonest. You know there is one thing you want to do, but you don't want to admit it to yourself because it's unconventional.
ME: Oh yeah? *raises eyebrow* What's that? *expects lame answer*
MUM: You want to write.
She's right and it irritates the shit out of me. But it's true. I do want to write. That's what I want to do with my life. But it's a tough thing to do...I don't want to write solely for the money (not that there's always much money in it) - I want to write because I can...To make people feel something, or challenge the way they think.
I love the idea of doing not much but write...But naturally I'd have to get a job of some sort....Waiter, dishpig, cashier etc etc etc. Which bugs me...Because I don't want to be like my parents, who both work jobs that they hate.
The other thing that's been rattling around in the back of my cranium, and has been brought back to my attention by an aunt of mine, is do the TAFE course to become a library technician. Yes, to many people it doesn't sound like that much fun, but to be surrounded by history, knowledge and other people's (sometimes amazing) thoughts would be brilliant and fulfilling. Besides, skills like those can lead to museum jobs.
The plus side to that would be I could be like Giles *squee*....Full of nifty and useful information and a little bit quirky. Which, in hindsight, I sort of already am. Hmm....
Anyhow, we spoke a lot about lots of things tonight. In a period of about half an hour, which is so like us, lol.
I've come to realise that although yeah, I have a tendancy to be a little intense, paranoid and suspicious, it's not me. That's who I used to be and it's become a behavioural habit. One that I am slowly - but surely - coming to change. The other thing that is changing is that I am (very) slowly growing patience. There are some things that I can't do shit about and I really just have to sit tight and deal. I'm learning that there are some things that I can't control too...Which shits me. But I have to deal with that too.
When you ask your deity of choice for patience, you're not going to be granted with a patience bone. You'll be put into situations in which you must be patient. I thank the deities for kicking my arse and encouraging me to make the discovery that, yeah, there is a nugget (albeit a small one) of patience in me. Yay. I guess. I just hate waiting around.
I learned today that your life can be great...All you have to do it survive.
Haven't seen Legs since Wednesday last week. Hmm. Was supposed to hang out with her on Friday, but she was busy. Doing what? No idea. But I've decided to call her tomorrow and see if she wants to do something on Wednesday. Hopefully the answer will be yes, but we have exams very soon, so who knows. Hmm. I know I sound (or at least feel) a little needy and pathetic, but I miss her. And last week was odd, so I want to find out what the hell that was all about. More hmm.
See?? Patience scenario. Fucking hell.
Gawd, I just want my life to return to some semblance of normalcy...Although I'm beginning to think that this constant state of wondering is my normal state of being. Hmm four.
Whatever. Nothing to do. Hot. Bored. My mind is tired. Too much caffeine. Porn?? Lol.
That was seriously my train of thought....I am sad.
MUM: I think you're being dishonest. You know there is one thing you want to do, but you don't want to admit it to yourself because it's unconventional.
ME: Oh yeah? *raises eyebrow* What's that? *expects lame answer*
MUM: You want to write.
She's right and it irritates the shit out of me. But it's true. I do want to write. That's what I want to do with my life. But it's a tough thing to do...I don't want to write solely for the money (not that there's always much money in it) - I want to write because I can...To make people feel something, or challenge the way they think.
I love the idea of doing not much but write...But naturally I'd have to get a job of some sort....Waiter, dishpig, cashier etc etc etc. Which bugs me...Because I don't want to be like my parents, who both work jobs that they hate.
The other thing that's been rattling around in the back of my cranium, and has been brought back to my attention by an aunt of mine, is do the TAFE course to become a library technician. Yes, to many people it doesn't sound like that much fun, but to be surrounded by history, knowledge and other people's (sometimes amazing) thoughts would be brilliant and fulfilling. Besides, skills like those can lead to museum jobs.
The plus side to that would be I could be like Giles *squee*....Full of nifty and useful information and a little bit quirky. Which, in hindsight, I sort of already am. Hmm....
Anyhow, we spoke a lot about lots of things tonight. In a period of about half an hour, which is so like us, lol.
I've come to realise that although yeah, I have a tendancy to be a little intense, paranoid and suspicious, it's not me. That's who I used to be and it's become a behavioural habit. One that I am slowly - but surely - coming to change. The other thing that is changing is that I am (very) slowly growing patience. There are some things that I can't do shit about and I really just have to sit tight and deal. I'm learning that there are some things that I can't control too...Which shits me. But I have to deal with that too.
When you ask your deity of choice for patience, you're not going to be granted with a patience bone. You'll be put into situations in which you must be patient. I thank the deities for kicking my arse and encouraging me to make the discovery that, yeah, there is a nugget (albeit a small one) of patience in me. Yay. I guess. I just hate waiting around.
I learned today that your life can be great...All you have to do it survive.
Haven't seen Legs since Wednesday last week. Hmm. Was supposed to hang out with her on Friday, but she was busy. Doing what? No idea. But I've decided to call her tomorrow and see if she wants to do something on Wednesday. Hopefully the answer will be yes, but we have exams very soon, so who knows. Hmm. I know I sound (or at least feel) a little needy and pathetic, but I miss her. And last week was odd, so I want to find out what the hell that was all about. More hmm.
See?? Patience scenario. Fucking hell.
Gawd, I just want my life to return to some semblance of normalcy...Although I'm beginning to think that this constant state of wondering is my normal state of being. Hmm four.
Whatever. Nothing to do. Hot. Bored. My mind is tired. Too much caffeine. Porn?? Lol.
That was seriously my train of thought....I am sad.