fuck you all
You know what? I am so fucking tired of competing with everyone....I hate it, but I still do it....It's really beginning to piss me off. Every one of my friends is older than I am, and therefore I feel that they're further ahead (or something) than I am, so, in order to keep/catch up, I'm constantly trying to be better dressed, better looking, more articulate, smarter, fitter or whatever than them. I hate it. I feel inadequate, what can I say, honestly. It's the truth, so there you go.
My girl is going to be 17 soon and I kinda feel that there's this huge ass gap between 16 and 17...Maybe it's in my head...and I want to feel less like a little kid, you know? I guess it's a bit insane or whatever, but still...I think I'm going mad.
I don't want people to keep saying "that girl's your age" and that sort of crap. It really unnerves me and, like being laughed at, I don't handle that very well. It feels like there's something wrong with being "my age", like it's not good enough. It's like being younger has some kind of stigma attached, like "well whatever, but we'll have to sheild you 'coz you're young and fragile". It annoys me and makes me feel like I'm only a 9 year old, not a much more grown up 10 year old.
I'm also bored with myself, but that happens to everyone, right? Right?? I'm planning on getting my Learner's Licence later on this year (hopefully) so I can sort of get myself onto that road of independence, which I'm a bit behind on, or so I think.
I want to do something about my clothes. They're all over the place, you know? I don't have a style, but eventually, I'd like one. I want to look less slouchy and a bit more...Dapper, I suppose. I dunno. I'm having a pre-midlife crisis.
As for my body...Burn the damn thing down and start again, lol. Nah, I have a plan. I'm going to get in better shape. I'm kinda thin (but could stand to be thinner) and I weigh around 53Kg (not so much of a problem, but 50 is the goal), so what I was planning was to get back into the standard excercise (sit-ups, push-ups etc) because they're not hard and it's gradual.
Yeah...I don't know. Maybe this isn't a lasting thing and it'll go away at some point or another. Maybe not.
I don't know. I want all of these changes to happen, but I don't want to change that much and turn into some conceited asshole. I don't want to be so unhappy with myself all the time...
My girl is going to be 17 soon and I kinda feel that there's this huge ass gap between 16 and 17...Maybe it's in my head...and I want to feel less like a little kid, you know? I guess it's a bit insane or whatever, but still...I think I'm going mad.
I don't want people to keep saying "that girl's your age" and that sort of crap. It really unnerves me and, like being laughed at, I don't handle that very well. It feels like there's something wrong with being "my age", like it's not good enough. It's like being younger has some kind of stigma attached, like "well whatever, but we'll have to sheild you 'coz you're young and fragile". It annoys me and makes me feel like I'm only a 9 year old, not a much more grown up 10 year old.
I'm also bored with myself, but that happens to everyone, right? Right?? I'm planning on getting my Learner's Licence later on this year (hopefully) so I can sort of get myself onto that road of independence, which I'm a bit behind on, or so I think.
I want to do something about my clothes. They're all over the place, you know? I don't have a style, but eventually, I'd like one. I want to look less slouchy and a bit more...Dapper, I suppose. I dunno. I'm having a pre-midlife crisis.
As for my body...Burn the damn thing down and start again, lol. Nah, I have a plan. I'm going to get in better shape. I'm kinda thin (but could stand to be thinner) and I weigh around 53Kg (not so much of a problem, but 50 is the goal), so what I was planning was to get back into the standard excercise (sit-ups, push-ups etc) because they're not hard and it's gradual.
Yeah...I don't know. Maybe this isn't a lasting thing and it'll go away at some point or another. Maybe not.
I don't know. I want all of these changes to happen, but I don't want to change that much and turn into some conceited asshole. I don't want to be so unhappy with myself all the time...