Conflict....
I'm struggling a bit to post this, lol, I shouldn't be. I'm not shy about these types of things or anything like that. I'm wondering if I ought to leave this in my head to ruminate over. But then again, it's always nice to get these things out - and who knows, perhaps someone has some healing things to say....Or perhaps I'll come to a conclusion myself.
I'm stuck, lol.
I loved serving my girlfriend (now ex, thank gods). I loved submitting myself to her. I polished her boots, sat by her side, followed her rules (with which she ultimately manipulated me), pleased her, did things for her and really loved to be with her in my "little" space....Until she told me to grow up because she didn't want to babysit me....ouch.
I miss that life - not her, however - and I miss subbing. I miss being looked out for by my Domme/Mistress.....I miss the whole lot. And the hardest thing for me is missing out on the opportunity to have those first hand experiences....I miss learning those things. I'm sometimes saddened by all of this much more than I thought I would be.
Perhaps when I grow up and learn the ropes a bit I could have a boi or girl all to myself, lol....But not just for D/s - as a lover and partner too.
You know....I'm lonely. I miss being in a relationship. I'm not the kind to fuck around (surprisingly). I'm lonely, lol. And I'm not sure where to start.
It doesn't matter.
All I know is that it needs to be real. I hate meeting people in clubs and stuff - it's all so high pressure and full of expectation.
I'm stuck, lol.
I loved serving my girlfriend (now ex, thank gods). I loved submitting myself to her. I polished her boots, sat by her side, followed her rules (with which she ultimately manipulated me), pleased her, did things for her and really loved to be with her in my "little" space....Until she told me to grow up because she didn't want to babysit me....ouch.
I miss that life - not her, however - and I miss subbing. I miss being looked out for by my Domme/Mistress.....I miss the whole lot. And the hardest thing for me is missing out on the opportunity to have those first hand experiences....I miss learning those things. I'm sometimes saddened by all of this much more than I thought I would be.
Perhaps when I grow up and learn the ropes a bit I could have a boi or girl all to myself, lol....But not just for D/s - as a lover and partner too.
You know....I'm lonely. I miss being in a relationship. I'm not the kind to fuck around (surprisingly). I'm lonely, lol. And I'm not sure where to start.
It doesn't matter.
All I know is that it needs to be real. I hate meeting people in clubs and stuff - it's all so high pressure and full of expectation.