#10: More Beautiful Than Physics
Title: More Beautiful than Physics
Game: FE7
Word Count: 5.5k (sorry guys! It wouldn't stop!)
Pairings/Characters: Mary Sue (OC), Gary Stu (OC), Eliwood, Hector, Raven.
Warnings: I tried to keep this as absolutely true-to-form as possible. Complete with 57% more royalty, ellipses, twins, love quadrangles, plot holes, amnesia, sexiness, mischaracterization of Raven, angst, dark and mysterious pasts, and absurdly unnecessary description of Mary Sue’s eyes! (AKA I'm totally trolling.)
Eliwood’s strength was failing.
He had underestimated the ability of the mercenary he had engaged in battle, who had wisely dodged Eliwood’s thrust, because Eliwood may or may not lunge with the wrong foot and then not recover from his lunges like good swordsmen do. The former option is the only truth, however, because Eliwood is a handsome and charming male lead, who needs to be good at everything.
Unfortunately for this handsome and charming male lead, his mercenary opponent skilfully bound their blades together, forcing them into a contest of muscle in which the loser would surely die. Handsome and charming drops of sweat rolled down Eliwood’s face and into his eyes, stinging them. Handsome and charming tendons strained in his wrists, biceps, and neck. He was running out of time, and needed to think of something—quickly. And handsomely and charmingly.
Suddenly the mercenary threw his weight against his sword with a burst of strength, knocking Eliwood backwards. Being a good swordsman and wasting no time with flashy flourishes or salutes like Eliwood himself may or may not have done, he immediately thrust the point of his sword at the center of Eliwood’s chest. The handsome and charming lord drew what he believed would be his final breath…
…And then a gigantic robin’s-egg-blue fireball of magic hurtled into his vision out of nowhere, obliterating the mercenary into a shower of purple sparkles that twinkled merrily before they disappeared.
Eliwood let out the breath he took, which he had been holding, and gazed for a moment at the space where his opponent had once stood. Then, slowly, he looked over his shoulder at the girl striding toward him. What he saw nearly blinded him with glory.
She was perfect. There really is no other way to say it, unless they invented a word like p-henominallysuperawesomeandfantasticine
She is, Eliwood thought, beautiful. So beautiful that flowers were springing up wherever she took a step, so beautiful that wounded soldiers on the ground around her reached out to her as they would to the angel of death, so beautiful that the single sunbeam piercing its way out of the cloudy sky followed her like a spotlight as she walked.
Yeah, that happened. She was more beautiful than physics.
Eliwood’s heart skipped a beat. “Mary Sue,” he breathed.
And so it was—the mysterious tactician and her magical sword. She offered him a hand and helped pull him to his feet, asking,
“Are you…all right?”
“I am now,” said Eliwood, and gazed into her amazing lilac eyes. “Mary Sue, you…you saved my life.”
She glanced away, blushing. “Oh, no…it was nothing, really.”
“Nothing? But you just shot him from afar with your magical sword! You’re a swordswoman and a mage! And you can shoot your magic out with the precision of a sniper, so you’re one of those too! Why, all that practically makes you an assassin—only a magical assassin, which is better than even Jaffar! And you just showed us the other night that you can dance and play the flute simultaneously, making both Ninian and Nils completely obsolete!”
She simply lowered her large orchid eyes beneath heavy, modest lids. “Please, my lord…”
“Yeah,” said a new, low voice, followed by the sound of heavy tramping on the battlefield grass. “Easy on the praise, Eliwood.”
The lord of Pherae and his ever-so-clever tactician looked up to see Hector making his way toward them with his large axe resting easily on a large shoulder. Eliwood blushed almost imperceptibly at the intrusion. Mary Sue blushed as well, which only enhanced her beauty until a wounded soldier nearby literally melted into a dead puddle at the sight of it, for her beauty was truly stronger than the laws of physics…but she blushed for a very different reason than Eliwood, for Hector’s eyes were locked upon hers, firmly and warmly, as he approached.
“I’m glad you’re safe, Mary Sue,” said the lord of Ostia, somewhat gruffly. “That was a tough battle. We need you, you know.”
“We certainly do,” agreed Eliwood warmly, and Mary Sue glanced at him with her captivating mauve eyes to find that his eyes were also beseeching her the favour of drowning in her own. For a moment she was compelled only to look back and forth between the two lords with those entrancing plum-coloured eyes, confused and flushed.
They…need me? But after all I’ve been through…I’ve been emotionally ravaged. I’m not fit to help anyone after the darkness of my past…
When she looked up from her soft and beautiful melancholic reverie, she realized that Hector and Eliwood were glaring at each other.
“What was that supposed to mean, Eliwood?” Hector asked finally, referring to the redhead’s last comment.
Eliwood shrugged one shoulder handsomely and charmingly. “I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
What followed next may or may not have been completely out of character for both lords, but is in fact absolutely wonderfully dramatic and sort of completely necessary to advance the plot. It began with Hector pointing out how much time Eliwood spent with the magical swordfighting tactician, and then Eliwood retorted that Hector must simply be jealous, to which Hector insisted that the tactician liked him more anyway, which resulted in the two staring once more at Mary Sue desperately, wishing her to voice her opinion.
The tactician’s heart was wretchedly torn. She was extremely close to both lords, and certainly admired them both a great deal. Eliwood had not only the perfect slender figure of a Greek god and the most enchantingly blue eyes on Elibe, but he was also as intelligent and charming as a sparkly vegetarian vampire. Hector, on the other hand, possessed the manliest jaw and most impressive barrel chest on the continent, in addition to being as loyal and brave as some sort of super intense Doberman/Lion hybrid that could also breathe fire and fly.
In the end, she loved them both, and confusion drove her to tears.
“I can’t,” she was finally able to gasp. “I can’t choose one of you…because it would hurt the other!”
Eliwood and Hector, with no other suitable and in-character way to settle their disagreement, resorted to fisticuffs. Mary Sue cried out in alarm and rushed into the middle of their fight, throwing herself heedlessly in front of their flailing, smashing fists without regard to her own safety, only wishing to stop them from hurting each other over her account.
I’m not worth it! her mind wailed.
A blow intended for another accidentally smote upon her brow…or would have, had the amethyst pendant around her neck not suddenly flared with intense light and shot out a huge bubble-shaped shield of purple fire that deflected the blow and sent Mary Sue, Hector, and Eliwood flying in different directions.
Mary Sue sat up quickly, her fingers wrapping around her pendant, breathing heavily. The protective charm had been with her as long as she could remember—which was, admittedly, not too far back. She only hoped that it had been able to protect Eliwood and Hector, too.
On cue, the two lords sat up as well, groaning and rubbing their heads but otherwise unharmed. Mary Sue breathed a sigh of relief and two tears, which had been wobbling in her breathtaking magenta eyes this entire time on the brink of inexpressible sorrow, silently slid down her cheeks in mere relief. She got to her feet.
“I must leave you both now…” she said softly. Eliwood and Hector gazed up at her, loving and distraught. “Truthfully…I believe that there is…that there is…”
She turned her face away, blinking hard, unable to finish.
“Is what?” Hector and Eliwood asked. “Is what, Mary Sue?”
After pressing her knuckles dramatically to her mouth, she forced out, “There is…someone else!”
And then she fled from them, crying once again, not only because she had broken their hearts beyond all repair forever but also because she was sure that the man that she truly loved could never, ever love her in return.
Not with her past—a swirling vortex of hardship and misery, the details of which were mercifully but frustratingly hidden from her by a thick shadow of amnesia.
XXX
Unbeknownst to Mary Sue, the object of her deepest and most passionate affection was already watching her running form with soft eyes, stricken by a love of his own. It was not Matthew or Heath or Guy, although they were also watching her from across various distances with love and wonder…no, this man was different. This man was the most angst-ridden brooding bad boy to walk the face of Elibe, which, as research has shown, made him unbearably attractive to all of womankind.
This man was Raven.
Raven had always loved Mary Sue, from the moment that he had first seen her. She was p-henominallysuperawesomeandfantasticine
Because he was Raven.
Still, as he watched Mary Sue run on her model-esque long sexy legs in her model-esque long sexy boots, it occurred to him that something was wrong. Mary Sue never ran like that; she never ran from anything. She was a strong and super amazingly gorgeous woman—so strong and super amazingly gorgeous that even the laws of physics bent their own rules when she was around. Flowers bloomed after her in a blazing trail, which happened wherever she went, but Raven realized that the flower-path was leading not only away from the battlefield, but away from the campsite. Away from everything.
Where is she going? Raven wondered, and his heart filled with curiosity and concern. She’ll get hurt, going off by herself like that.
The fact that he was just thinking about how she was stronger and more skilled than Pent and Lyn (probably combined) is no longer important. Raven gripped the hilt of his sword and immediately headed after her, determined to follow her to at least keep an eye on her…and perhaps even to find out what was wrong.
“Lord Raven, where are—?” Lucius began pleasantly, but Raven cut him off with a snarling,
“SHUT UP, Lucius! GODS, stop holding me back! My past is too full of angst to have you around being all holier-than-thou, so go away and I hate you!”
He could say such things.
He was Raven.
XXX
Mary Sue collapsed as soon as she was sure that she was all alone. She had reached a riverbank and fell there, gasping, trying hard not to cry. O Unrequited Love!
Her life was hard. Sure, for the moment things were wonderful; she was surrounded by an army of people who loved her and she had a magical sword through which to channel her impressive powers. But before…before…she couldn’t remember too much of before. She just remembered that it was a never-ending torrent of darkness and anguish and pain, ended only when she woke up in Lyn’s ger and her adventure began.
The adventure, however wonderful, was still difficult at times because she felt so alone. Everybody loved her, but nobody understood her. And nobody ever would understand her. Nobody ever would love her for who she truly was. She was torn and useless. Why, nobody in the army even knew her real name! Every small detail she remembered about her past, she had to keep secret.
Mary Sue sat up on the banks and blinked back the rest of her tears. Then she hugged her knees and sat tranquilly by the river for a very long time in a beautiful picture of angst. She thought that her heart would break.
“…Mary Sue?” a voice said softly from behind her.
The tactician was not surprised; her magic and refined senses had told her that someone was coming. Still, when she looked over her shoulder and saw with her bewitching grape-hued eyes that the man approaching was Raven, her heart began to thud wildly in her chest.
“R-R-Raven,” she gasped. “What…what are you doing here?”
“I followed you,” he responded, softly but bluntly, and somehow it wasn’t creepy even though that’s a pretty creepy thing to say. “Are you all right?”
“Yes…” lied Mary Sue, and turned her face away.
“I don’t think that’s the truth.” Raven settled himself next to her on the riverbank.
She laughed bitterly. “What would you know of truth? You’re still looking for it.”
That stung Raven deeply (as deeply as I’m sure it stung our readers to notice that Mary Sue spoke her first sentence without ellipses so far in this tale. HOW DISAPPOINTING). Raven was, after all, very sensitive. Secretly. “What do you mean, Mary Sue?”
“You’re looking for truth,” she accused him. “You have a dark past…and I can see in your eyes that you want revenge for it…but more than that, you just want to know why it ever had to happen. You want the truth…you want to be loved.”
Raven recoiled as if he were struck with an arrow, which he was—the glorious honey-tipped arrow of her insight (not that the last thing she said had anything at all to do with her original point. Mary Sue was simply that insightful.) How could she know? How could she see inside his soul so well? It was like all his defences crumbled away before her. She had pierced through all his lonely and angsty manliness. Now all he wanted to do was kiss her…but he couldn’t, not yet. A story like this needs all kisses to come at the exact perfect time.
Instead, Raven found himself nearly swallowed by curiosity about Mary Sue’s own past. It was clear that the tactician was very different and special, but had also been through a lot. Probably even more than Eliwood, who had lost his father, or Matthew, who had lost his lover, or Lyndis, who had lost her parents and tribe, thus effectively eliminating every single person she knew as well as destroying her entire culture and way of life. Those aren’t very big problems, granted, but he was sure that Mary Sue’s was worse than all of them combined.
“Mary Sue,” he ventured, “you ran out here all alone. Was it…perhaps…to think about your dark past?”
“No…Raven,” she said, and shook her head so that her gorgeous violet hair swayed from side to side. “Don’t…”
“But I want to know. You’re such a mystery to me, Mary Sue,” Raven murmured, gazing up at her with his secret love glimmering out clearly from his blood-red eyes.
Mary Sue turned her face away, oblivious to the oxymoron the previous sentence written in this story presented, closing her ensnaring puce eyes against the coming onslaught of sorrow. Her beautiful purple tresses blew elegantly in the summer wind as she half-opened her seductive amethyst eyes once more, which were now clouded with painful memories.
“Don’t, Raven…” she whispered. “Don’t ask me…about my past.”
“But why not?” he asked, placing one strong, manly hand over her slim and extremely feminine one. “You already know everything about me…you’ve guessed all the secrets of my past. You’ve seen into my very soul in a way no one ever could. I transform from a brooding, revenge-wrecked mystery man to a badly-written yet sensitive hopeless romantic when I’m with you.”
“Raven…I can’t…” she whispered again, withdrawing her hand from his and standing. Her hair, which was indeed so deeply empurpled that it simply CANNOT BE DESCRIBED ENOUGH, continued to blow dramatically in the breeze.
“You can trust me,” he told her desperately.
Tears leaked down her cheeks, and Raven noticed that she looked pretty even as she cried—prettier, in fact. She was already the most gorgeous woman in the world, but now she was so beautiful that some nearby cows grazing in a field exploded from the sheer impossibility of it.
“No, Raven,” she sobbed, “I…can’t trust anybody!”
And then she ran from him, still crying, and although Raven chased her, she was still too fast for him to catch despite the fact that he was clearly a trained swordsman with more muscles, not to mention a male who could amass more of said muscle than Mary Sue, as a woman, was physically capable of.
Mary Sue was stronger and faster and more beautiful than physics, however, so she got away.
XXX
When she arrived back at camp, however, Eliwood and Hector met her immediately.
“Mary Sue!” Eliwood gasped, “Where have you been? We’ve been looking for you everywhere!”
The tactician looked between the two lords bewilderedly. They were even more handsome and manly when they were sweaty, but her heart did not so much as stir. Neither of them were like Raven. He was…well, Raven.
“I…I had to go,” she said, and refused to tell them anything else because that’s mysterious and mysterious characters are really, really cool. “What is the matter?”
“Forces are approaching,” Hector told her. “They’re led by someone we’ve never seen before…but his legions carry him on a throne and our scouts say that he shines like the sun. This may be the most powerful enemy we’ve ever encountered.”
Mary Sue’s magical blade, which she had been holding, slipped from her grasp and fell to the ground.
“No…” she whispered. “It can’t be…”
“Mary Sue, what is it?” Eliwood asked, but she was already gone, running away from them and toward the other side of camp, where she would be able to see the approaching enemy. Eliwood and Hector quickly followed.
She ran to the top of a conveniently-placed hill and her astounding lavender eyes widened in shock as she saw the forces approaching on the horizon. Meanwhile, the light of the setting sun made her wind-swept hair even more radiant. Like Radiant Dawn, only better. Hector and Eliwood could only stare, until she whispered,
“It’s…”
“It’s what?” asked Eliwood.
“It’s…”
“What?” Hector pressed.
Mary Sue delicately pressed a hand over her heart and gasped, “It’s…Gary Stu!”
“Gary Stu?” the lords asked in unison, and looked at each other confusedly. Mary Sue could not answer their question, however, because her memories came back with horrific force and sucked her into a fit of dramatic sobbing.
“Mary Sue!” her friends cried, and ran to her, for she had crumpled to the ground in emotional pain. They were quick to stroke her hair and massage her shoulders, but she didn’t seem to realize they were there.
“It can’t be!” she lamented. “I remember everything…my past, my real name, my evil twin brother!”
“Evil twin brother?” Hector and Eliwood mouthed to each other, and then looked toward the horizon, toward the glowing demigod of a man approaching them with hordes and hordes of soldiers. He had the same sexily dramatic purple eyes and hair as Mary Sue, but he was dressed in magical glowing gold armour, and carried a magical sword of his own that was wreathed in gold fire instead of blue fire.
“Is he as talented a warrior as you, Mary Sue?” Eliwood asked quickly, but the tactician was staring at her brother numbly. For a moment he thought her too traumatized to reply, but finally she shakily got to her feet and spoke.
“Gary Stu was never as good as me,” she said, “and he was always jealous of me…is that why he’s here? To try to defeat me, and take…the throne?”
“The throne?” Hector repeated, baffled. Mary Sue looked over her shoulder to face him, and her unique amaranthine eyes smouldered with regal bearing—something that had been there all along, Hector realized, but had never noticed until now.
“I…am a princess, Hector,” she told him. “I was to succeed my father and take the throne…because I was stronger and better-looking than my twin brother. But then, something…something terrible happened, and I had to flee. When I found Lyn…I was afraid that Gary Stu would come looking for me, so I had to change my name…keep anyone from getting close to me…and forget my past.”
“That’s awful,” Eliwood said, horrified. “Oh, you poor thing.”
He went to embrace her, but suddenly a deep and sultry voice boomed across the battlefield.
“MARY SUE!” it said. “I SEE YOU’VE FOUND AN ARMY OF YOUR OWN!”
“Gary Stu!” Mary Sue shouted back; dramatic violet eyes flashing. “What are you up to?”
“Honestly,” the voice drawled back, “I’m astounded that you even found friends in this land! Don’t they know who you are? What you’ve done?”
“How can they hear each other from such a vast distance?” Hector wondered aloud.
“Probably telepathy,” Eliwood answered gravely. “Being twins and magical, I’m sure the two have several intense mind powers. They can hear each other not just with their voices, but with their heads. In fact, I’m sure that’s how Mary Sue was such a great tactician…perhaps she could see into the minds of our enemies with her own, more perfect one!”
At the moment, however, that more perfect brain was engaged in an argument, and ignoring the convenient plot hole whispering that if she was actually telepathic, Hector and Eliwood should not have been able to hear Gary Stu’s voice. We shall ignore that for the sake of convenience.
“Stop it!” Mary Sue cried at her brother as she stomped her foot. “Stop it right—“
“Or have you lied about your past?” Gary Stu’s voice persisted. “Do these ‘friends’ of yours know anything about you, dearest sister? Do they even know your real name?”
“Gary Stu, stop!”
“DO they, Marie Susanne?”
“What?” Eliwood and Hector gasped, shocked by the words. The name was so incomprehensibly intricate and beautiful that hearing it produced a shock in one’s ears. The air crackled with power when it was spoken.
“Yes…” Mary Sue admitted softly. She turned once more to Eliwood and Hector with her amazing amethyst eyes full of sorrow. “Mary Sue…is not my real name. My real name is…Marie Susanne.”
Another thunderclap of power cracked across the sky.
“It’s so different,” said Hector, awed.
“We never would have guessed!” Eliwood agreed. “You’re so brilliant, to be able to disguise your own name that way.”
“Her brilliance cannot help her now!” came the cocky, cackling voice of Gary Stu. “She must now come to terms with her dark past!”
“Garrett Stuart!” the tactician howled (beautifully, of course), and stomped her foot again. There was another roll of thunder at her brother’s true name.
“Tell them the truth, dearest Mary Sue! Tell them of your crimes!”
“Mary Sue, don’t!” cried a new voice. The tactician whirled, her skirts and hair flying out gorgeously, to see Raven charging up the hill toward them.
“Mary Sue,” he pleaded, “you don’t have to say anything! You are free of your past, here! We love you for who you are!”
“Oh, how sweet,” drawled Gary Stu. “You’ve even found a lover, Marie Susanne!”
More thunder. Raven gasped in an angsty and manly fashion.
“Would he still love you if he knew what you’ve done?”
Tears rolled down Mary Sue’s perfect ivory cheeks. “Stop, brother, stop!”
“Tell him! Tell him who stole the cookies from the cookie jar!”
For a long moment, all was silent. Hector, Eliwood, and Raven ceased breathing with anticipation. Then Mary Sue dropped her head and whispered,
“…I stole the cookies from the cookie jar.”
“What?” said Raven breathlessly.
“I stole the cookies from the cookie jar!” Mary Sue tore free of his hold, now sobbing freely. “Don’t look at me, Raven…I’m not worth anything!”
“Finally, you admit it!” Gary Stu was now close enough for the people on the hilltop to see him point at them dramatically. “After all these years of you running and hiding!”
“It’s not my fault!” Mary Sue cried back. “Father told me to! Mother said he wasn’t supposed to have the cookies…but he told me to bring them to him, so I did! Then you and mother got mad! I couldn’t stand to see our family torn so…so I left! I escaped the darkness!”
“You’re a coward!” Gary Stu bit back. “You have to admit to your crimes, get back in that kitchen and bake apology cookies! “
Mary Sue began to cry again. She felt so helpless, despite being better with both sword and magic than anybody else she knew. Her problems were so awful.
“Mary Sue, no,” said a voice, hard but gentle, and Raven pushed his way in front of her, shielding her from Gary Stu’s immediate view. “You will never have to go back to that…that… abuse!”
“…Raven…” the tactician whispered in love and awe.
I mean, come on.
He’s Raven.
“We will also fight for you, Mary Sue,” said Eliwood, his blue eyes flashing, and he drew his rapier with a satisfying gleam and shink! sound which doesn’t actually happen when one unsheathes a blade. Hector, too, set his axe (conveniently held this entire time?) into a battle stance. All three men were undeniably in love and undeniably sexy beasts.
They could not compare to the sexiness of Gary Stu, however. While the members of Mary Sue’s undyingly loyal army should have been readying their weapons and rallying to help her, one of their figureheads was wandering toward Gary Stu, mesmerized.
“No, Lyn, no!” Mary Sue cried to the woman who had saved her butt on the plains one day and then faded to the background as said butt-saved foreign princess with amnesia managed to single-handedly control and gain the love of everyone close to her with no effort. “Don’t do it!”
It was too late. Lyn was already gone, and stumbled to her object of affection with love overflowing in her eyes, mumbling his name: “Gary Stu…”
“We’ve lost Lyn!” cried Hector. “Blast!”
At this point, it should be noted that Hector said “blast,” which thus immediately rockets this tale from “enchanting” to “mother-effing epic.”
“No!” moaned Mary Sue as tears continued to course down her fair cheeks. “I won’t lose my friend…I won’t!”
She gripped her magical sword and rushed into the fray.
“Mary Sue, no!” Raven gasped, sprinting after her, but the beauty of her determination and the song-like quality of her battle cry caused physics to shift once again, making her cover ground much faster than her man-candy and Lyn (who was still after her own man-candy).
The hordes of Gary Stu instantly closed upon Mary Sue. The odds were all against her. Her chances of survival were a million to one. Eliwood and Hector were also running for her now, but were much too far away, and a scream tore from Raven’s throat as he realized he could never get close enough to save his love. Mary Sue was swept away by the black-clad forces of her brother and lost from sight.
Raven dropped to his knees, moaning “No…no!”
The only woman to ever understand him…the only person he had ever loved…gone!
But then, far off in the distance, a blue light began to glow. Its glare grew stronger and stronger until it hurt to look at, and Raven shielded his eyes before he was blinded. When it faded, he slowly looked up to see that Mary Sue, in a great burst of power, had destroyed every enemy soldier. She stood in the midst of their defeated bodies, glowing with azure fire and sexily catching her breath.
“What?” howled Gary Stu, and leapt from his portable throne. He twirled his own sword about dramatically, making the golden fire lining it surge, and ripped off his dramatic cape in a dramatic fashion. “Well, Mary Sue, you may have defeated my underlings, but you are no match for me!”
The two would have engaged in an epic combat that lasted for days. They would have turned into gigantic robots that fought in outer space. They would have summoned earth and air spirits to lend them god-like powers. They might even have had a dance-off.
But none of that had a chance to happen because Mary Sue was so p-henominallysuperawesomeandfantasticine
“Noooo!” gasped the perfect man with his dying breath. “It can’t be!”
“It can,” Mary Sue retorted with not-quite-excellent-dialogue but in an appropriately dramatic way. “And it will.”
“Not yet, it won’t!” And with that, Gary Stu died…exploding with gorgeousness as he did so.
Because of a convenient plot hole, Mary Sue’s amulet did not protect her from this final attack. She was doomed. But then…a man jumped in front of her, saving her life. He had been running nonstop to get to her side. He was super-manly and secretly super self-sacrificing (points for alliteration).
He was Raven.
“Raven!” gasped Mary Sue as her wounded stud fell to the ground with a manly grunt of pain. “Raven, no!”
But it was too late. He was dying before her. She cradled him in his arms.
“You…you do love me,” she whispered, and he raised a hand to touch her cheek.
“I do,” he confessed weakly. “You’re the most p-henominallysuperawesomeandfantasticine
Her lip trembled attractively. “Even now that you know about my past?”
“Even now…Marie Susanne.” He smiled weakly. (Cue thunderclap.)
She clutched his hand. “R-Raven…”
“No,” he whispered. She looked at him, startled, and he fixed his eyes on hers. “It’s…it’s…Raymond.”
“Raymond,” she breathed, and grasped him more tightly. Already she could feel his life slipping away. She bowed her head and felt tears burn in her beautiful heliotrope eyes. “Oh, Raymond…you shouldn’t have jumped in front of me like that.”
“I would die for you,” Raven declared ardently.
Mary Sue determinedly shook her head. “No…no you won’t!”
And with that, she pressed her brow against his. Blue light surrounded them both in an orb of power and love, and gradually Raven felt all the pain leave him. The darkness pressing against the edges of his vision receded. Life had returned.
Mary Sue released him, and he merely stared with awe into her magnificent violaceous eyes (absolute new favourite word, used RIGHT THERE IN THAT SENTENCE).
“You…healed me?” he finally asked her softly. “But how?”
She shrugged one shoulder prettily. More prettily than physics ever could. “Oh, I’ve always been able to heal people with my mind.”
“Of course,” said Raven, and drew her into a tight embrace.
Things were looking up, Mary Sue decided happily. The man that she loved loved her in return. Lyndis was not under Gary Stu’s sway any longer. Eliwood and Hector would simply have to get over it. And in the meantime, she could frolic forever with Raven…
Suddenly, the man himself grasped her shoulders and held her at arms length.
“Mary Sue,” he said slowly, seriously. “We still…can’t be together.”
The tactician gasped. “What? But…but…why not?”
CLIFFHANGER!!! I’LL ONLY POST THE NEXT CHAPTER IF I GET 50 REVIEWS!!1!one!
Game: FE7
Word Count: 5.5k (sorry guys! It wouldn't stop!)
Pairings/Characters: Mary Sue (OC), Gary Stu (OC), Eliwood, Hector, Raven.
Warnings: I tried to keep this as absolutely true-to-form as possible. Complete with 57% more royalty, ellipses, twins, love quadrangles, plot holes, amnesia, sexiness, mischaracterization of Raven, angst, dark and mysterious pasts, and absurdly unnecessary description of Mary Sue’s eyes! (AKA I'm totally trolling.)
Eliwood’s strength was failing.
He had underestimated the ability of the mercenary he had engaged in battle, who had wisely dodged Eliwood’s thrust, because Eliwood may or may not lunge with the wrong foot and then not recover from his lunges like good swordsmen do. The former option is the only truth, however, because Eliwood is a handsome and charming male lead, who needs to be good at everything.
Unfortunately for this handsome and charming male lead, his mercenary opponent skilfully bound their blades together, forcing them into a contest of muscle in which the loser would surely die. Handsome and charming drops of sweat rolled down Eliwood’s face and into his eyes, stinging them. Handsome and charming tendons strained in his wrists, biceps, and neck. He was running out of time, and needed to think of something—quickly. And handsomely and charmingly.
Suddenly the mercenary threw his weight against his sword with a burst of strength, knocking Eliwood backwards. Being a good swordsman and wasting no time with flashy flourishes or salutes like Eliwood himself may or may not have done, he immediately thrust the point of his sword at the center of Eliwood’s chest. The handsome and charming lord drew what he believed would be his final breath…
…And then a gigantic robin’s-egg-blue fireball of magic hurtled into his vision out of nowhere, obliterating the mercenary into a shower of purple sparkles that twinkled merrily before they disappeared.
Eliwood let out the breath he took, which he had been holding, and gazed for a moment at the space where his opponent had once stood. Then, slowly, he looked over his shoulder at the girl striding toward him. What he saw nearly blinded him with glory.
She was perfect. There really is no other way to say it, unless they invented a word like p-henominallysuperawesomeandfantasticine
She is, Eliwood thought, beautiful. So beautiful that flowers were springing up wherever she took a step, so beautiful that wounded soldiers on the ground around her reached out to her as they would to the angel of death, so beautiful that the single sunbeam piercing its way out of the cloudy sky followed her like a spotlight as she walked.
Yeah, that happened. She was more beautiful than physics.
Eliwood’s heart skipped a beat. “Mary Sue,” he breathed.
And so it was—the mysterious tactician and her magical sword. She offered him a hand and helped pull him to his feet, asking,
“Are you…all right?”
“I am now,” said Eliwood, and gazed into her amazing lilac eyes. “Mary Sue, you…you saved my life.”
She glanced away, blushing. “Oh, no…it was nothing, really.”
“Nothing? But you just shot him from afar with your magical sword! You’re a swordswoman and a mage! And you can shoot your magic out with the precision of a sniper, so you’re one of those too! Why, all that practically makes you an assassin—only a magical assassin, which is better than even Jaffar! And you just showed us the other night that you can dance and play the flute simultaneously, making both Ninian and Nils completely obsolete!”
She simply lowered her large orchid eyes beneath heavy, modest lids. “Please, my lord…”
“Yeah,” said a new, low voice, followed by the sound of heavy tramping on the battlefield grass. “Easy on the praise, Eliwood.”
The lord of Pherae and his ever-so-clever tactician looked up to see Hector making his way toward them with his large axe resting easily on a large shoulder. Eliwood blushed almost imperceptibly at the intrusion. Mary Sue blushed as well, which only enhanced her beauty until a wounded soldier nearby literally melted into a dead puddle at the sight of it, for her beauty was truly stronger than the laws of physics…but she blushed for a very different reason than Eliwood, for Hector’s eyes were locked upon hers, firmly and warmly, as he approached.
“I’m glad you’re safe, Mary Sue,” said the lord of Ostia, somewhat gruffly. “That was a tough battle. We need you, you know.”
“We certainly do,” agreed Eliwood warmly, and Mary Sue glanced at him with her captivating mauve eyes to find that his eyes were also beseeching her the favour of drowning in her own. For a moment she was compelled only to look back and forth between the two lords with those entrancing plum-coloured eyes, confused and flushed.
They…need me? But after all I’ve been through…I’ve been emotionally ravaged. I’m not fit to help anyone after the darkness of my past…
When she looked up from her soft and beautiful melancholic reverie, she realized that Hector and Eliwood were glaring at each other.
“What was that supposed to mean, Eliwood?” Hector asked finally, referring to the redhead’s last comment.
Eliwood shrugged one shoulder handsomely and charmingly. “I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
What followed next may or may not have been completely out of character for both lords, but is in fact absolutely wonderfully dramatic and sort of completely necessary to advance the plot. It began with Hector pointing out how much time Eliwood spent with the magical swordfighting tactician, and then Eliwood retorted that Hector must simply be jealous, to which Hector insisted that the tactician liked him more anyway, which resulted in the two staring once more at Mary Sue desperately, wishing her to voice her opinion.
The tactician’s heart was wretchedly torn. She was extremely close to both lords, and certainly admired them both a great deal. Eliwood had not only the perfect slender figure of a Greek god and the most enchantingly blue eyes on Elibe, but he was also as intelligent and charming as a sparkly vegetarian vampire. Hector, on the other hand, possessed the manliest jaw and most impressive barrel chest on the continent, in addition to being as loyal and brave as some sort of super intense Doberman/Lion hybrid that could also breathe fire and fly.
In the end, she loved them both, and confusion drove her to tears.
“I can’t,” she was finally able to gasp. “I can’t choose one of you…because it would hurt the other!”
Eliwood and Hector, with no other suitable and in-character way to settle their disagreement, resorted to fisticuffs. Mary Sue cried out in alarm and rushed into the middle of their fight, throwing herself heedlessly in front of their flailing, smashing fists without regard to her own safety, only wishing to stop them from hurting each other over her account.
I’m not worth it! her mind wailed.
A blow intended for another accidentally smote upon her brow…or would have, had the amethyst pendant around her neck not suddenly flared with intense light and shot out a huge bubble-shaped shield of purple fire that deflected the blow and sent Mary Sue, Hector, and Eliwood flying in different directions.
Mary Sue sat up quickly, her fingers wrapping around her pendant, breathing heavily. The protective charm had been with her as long as she could remember—which was, admittedly, not too far back. She only hoped that it had been able to protect Eliwood and Hector, too.
On cue, the two lords sat up as well, groaning and rubbing their heads but otherwise unharmed. Mary Sue breathed a sigh of relief and two tears, which had been wobbling in her breathtaking magenta eyes this entire time on the brink of inexpressible sorrow, silently slid down her cheeks in mere relief. She got to her feet.
“I must leave you both now…” she said softly. Eliwood and Hector gazed up at her, loving and distraught. “Truthfully…I believe that there is…that there is…”
She turned her face away, blinking hard, unable to finish.
“Is what?” Hector and Eliwood asked. “Is what, Mary Sue?”
After pressing her knuckles dramatically to her mouth, she forced out, “There is…someone else!”
And then she fled from them, crying once again, not only because she had broken their hearts beyond all repair forever but also because she was sure that the man that she truly loved could never, ever love her in return.
Not with her past—a swirling vortex of hardship and misery, the details of which were mercifully but frustratingly hidden from her by a thick shadow of amnesia.
XXX
Unbeknownst to Mary Sue, the object of her deepest and most passionate affection was already watching her running form with soft eyes, stricken by a love of his own. It was not Matthew or Heath or Guy, although they were also watching her from across various distances with love and wonder…no, this man was different. This man was the most angst-ridden brooding bad boy to walk the face of Elibe, which, as research has shown, made him unbearably attractive to all of womankind.
This man was Raven.
Raven had always loved Mary Sue, from the moment that he had first seen her. She was p-henominallysuperawesomeandfantasticine
Because he was Raven.
Still, as he watched Mary Sue run on her model-esque long sexy legs in her model-esque long sexy boots, it occurred to him that something was wrong. Mary Sue never ran like that; she never ran from anything. She was a strong and super amazingly gorgeous woman—so strong and super amazingly gorgeous that even the laws of physics bent their own rules when she was around. Flowers bloomed after her in a blazing trail, which happened wherever she went, but Raven realized that the flower-path was leading not only away from the battlefield, but away from the campsite. Away from everything.
Where is she going? Raven wondered, and his heart filled with curiosity and concern. She’ll get hurt, going off by herself like that.
The fact that he was just thinking about how she was stronger and more skilled than Pent and Lyn (probably combined) is no longer important. Raven gripped the hilt of his sword and immediately headed after her, determined to follow her to at least keep an eye on her…and perhaps even to find out what was wrong.
“Lord Raven, where are—?” Lucius began pleasantly, but Raven cut him off with a snarling,
“SHUT UP, Lucius! GODS, stop holding me back! My past is too full of angst to have you around being all holier-than-thou, so go away and I hate you!”
He could say such things.
He was Raven.
XXX
Mary Sue collapsed as soon as she was sure that she was all alone. She had reached a riverbank and fell there, gasping, trying hard not to cry. O Unrequited Love!
Her life was hard. Sure, for the moment things were wonderful; she was surrounded by an army of people who loved her and she had a magical sword through which to channel her impressive powers. But before…before…she couldn’t remember too much of before. She just remembered that it was a never-ending torrent of darkness and anguish and pain, ended only when she woke up in Lyn’s ger and her adventure began.
The adventure, however wonderful, was still difficult at times because she felt so alone. Everybody loved her, but nobody understood her. And nobody ever would understand her. Nobody ever would love her for who she truly was. She was torn and useless. Why, nobody in the army even knew her real name! Every small detail she remembered about her past, she had to keep secret.
Mary Sue sat up on the banks and blinked back the rest of her tears. Then she hugged her knees and sat tranquilly by the river for a very long time in a beautiful picture of angst. She thought that her heart would break.
“…Mary Sue?” a voice said softly from behind her.
The tactician was not surprised; her magic and refined senses had told her that someone was coming. Still, when she looked over her shoulder and saw with her bewitching grape-hued eyes that the man approaching was Raven, her heart began to thud wildly in her chest.
“R-R-Raven,” she gasped. “What…what are you doing here?”
“I followed you,” he responded, softly but bluntly, and somehow it wasn’t creepy even though that’s a pretty creepy thing to say. “Are you all right?”
“Yes…” lied Mary Sue, and turned her face away.
“I don’t think that’s the truth.” Raven settled himself next to her on the riverbank.
She laughed bitterly. “What would you know of truth? You’re still looking for it.”
That stung Raven deeply (as deeply as I’m sure it stung our readers to notice that Mary Sue spoke her first sentence without ellipses so far in this tale. HOW DISAPPOINTING). Raven was, after all, very sensitive. Secretly. “What do you mean, Mary Sue?”
“You’re looking for truth,” she accused him. “You have a dark past…and I can see in your eyes that you want revenge for it…but more than that, you just want to know why it ever had to happen. You want the truth…you want to be loved.”
Raven recoiled as if he were struck with an arrow, which he was—the glorious honey-tipped arrow of her insight (not that the last thing she said had anything at all to do with her original point. Mary Sue was simply that insightful.) How could she know? How could she see inside his soul so well? It was like all his defences crumbled away before her. She had pierced through all his lonely and angsty manliness. Now all he wanted to do was kiss her…but he couldn’t, not yet. A story like this needs all kisses to come at the exact perfect time.
Instead, Raven found himself nearly swallowed by curiosity about Mary Sue’s own past. It was clear that the tactician was very different and special, but had also been through a lot. Probably even more than Eliwood, who had lost his father, or Matthew, who had lost his lover, or Lyndis, who had lost her parents and tribe, thus effectively eliminating every single person she knew as well as destroying her entire culture and way of life. Those aren’t very big problems, granted, but he was sure that Mary Sue’s was worse than all of them combined.
“Mary Sue,” he ventured, “you ran out here all alone. Was it…perhaps…to think about your dark past?”
“No…Raven,” she said, and shook her head so that her gorgeous violet hair swayed from side to side. “Don’t…”
“But I want to know. You’re such a mystery to me, Mary Sue,” Raven murmured, gazing up at her with his secret love glimmering out clearly from his blood-red eyes.
Mary Sue turned her face away, oblivious to the oxymoron the previous sentence written in this story presented, closing her ensnaring puce eyes against the coming onslaught of sorrow. Her beautiful purple tresses blew elegantly in the summer wind as she half-opened her seductive amethyst eyes once more, which were now clouded with painful memories.
“Don’t, Raven…” she whispered. “Don’t ask me…about my past.”
“But why not?” he asked, placing one strong, manly hand over her slim and extremely feminine one. “You already know everything about me…you’ve guessed all the secrets of my past. You’ve seen into my very soul in a way no one ever could. I transform from a brooding, revenge-wrecked mystery man to a badly-written yet sensitive hopeless romantic when I’m with you.”
“Raven…I can’t…” she whispered again, withdrawing her hand from his and standing. Her hair, which was indeed so deeply empurpled that it simply CANNOT BE DESCRIBED ENOUGH, continued to blow dramatically in the breeze.
“You can trust me,” he told her desperately.
Tears leaked down her cheeks, and Raven noticed that she looked pretty even as she cried—prettier, in fact. She was already the most gorgeous woman in the world, but now she was so beautiful that some nearby cows grazing in a field exploded from the sheer impossibility of it.
“No, Raven,” she sobbed, “I…can’t trust anybody!”
And then she ran from him, still crying, and although Raven chased her, she was still too fast for him to catch despite the fact that he was clearly a trained swordsman with more muscles, not to mention a male who could amass more of said muscle than Mary Sue, as a woman, was physically capable of.
Mary Sue was stronger and faster and more beautiful than physics, however, so she got away.
XXX
When she arrived back at camp, however, Eliwood and Hector met her immediately.
“Mary Sue!” Eliwood gasped, “Where have you been? We’ve been looking for you everywhere!”
The tactician looked between the two lords bewilderedly. They were even more handsome and manly when they were sweaty, but her heart did not so much as stir. Neither of them were like Raven. He was…well, Raven.
“I…I had to go,” she said, and refused to tell them anything else because that’s mysterious and mysterious characters are really, really cool. “What is the matter?”
“Forces are approaching,” Hector told her. “They’re led by someone we’ve never seen before…but his legions carry him on a throne and our scouts say that he shines like the sun. This may be the most powerful enemy we’ve ever encountered.”
Mary Sue’s magical blade, which she had been holding, slipped from her grasp and fell to the ground.
“No…” she whispered. “It can’t be…”
“Mary Sue, what is it?” Eliwood asked, but she was already gone, running away from them and toward the other side of camp, where she would be able to see the approaching enemy. Eliwood and Hector quickly followed.
She ran to the top of a conveniently-placed hill and her astounding lavender eyes widened in shock as she saw the forces approaching on the horizon. Meanwhile, the light of the setting sun made her wind-swept hair even more radiant. Like Radiant Dawn, only better. Hector and Eliwood could only stare, until she whispered,
“It’s…”
“It’s what?” asked Eliwood.
“It’s…”
“What?” Hector pressed.
Mary Sue delicately pressed a hand over her heart and gasped, “It’s…Gary Stu!”
“Gary Stu?” the lords asked in unison, and looked at each other confusedly. Mary Sue could not answer their question, however, because her memories came back with horrific force and sucked her into a fit of dramatic sobbing.
“Mary Sue!” her friends cried, and ran to her, for she had crumpled to the ground in emotional pain. They were quick to stroke her hair and massage her shoulders, but she didn’t seem to realize they were there.
“It can’t be!” she lamented. “I remember everything…my past, my real name, my evil twin brother!”
“Evil twin brother?” Hector and Eliwood mouthed to each other, and then looked toward the horizon, toward the glowing demigod of a man approaching them with hordes and hordes of soldiers. He had the same sexily dramatic purple eyes and hair as Mary Sue, but he was dressed in magical glowing gold armour, and carried a magical sword of his own that was wreathed in gold fire instead of blue fire.
“Is he as talented a warrior as you, Mary Sue?” Eliwood asked quickly, but the tactician was staring at her brother numbly. For a moment he thought her too traumatized to reply, but finally she shakily got to her feet and spoke.
“Gary Stu was never as good as me,” she said, “and he was always jealous of me…is that why he’s here? To try to defeat me, and take…the throne?”
“The throne?” Hector repeated, baffled. Mary Sue looked over her shoulder to face him, and her unique amaranthine eyes smouldered with regal bearing—something that had been there all along, Hector realized, but had never noticed until now.
“I…am a princess, Hector,” she told him. “I was to succeed my father and take the throne…because I was stronger and better-looking than my twin brother. But then, something…something terrible happened, and I had to flee. When I found Lyn…I was afraid that Gary Stu would come looking for me, so I had to change my name…keep anyone from getting close to me…and forget my past.”
“That’s awful,” Eliwood said, horrified. “Oh, you poor thing.”
He went to embrace her, but suddenly a deep and sultry voice boomed across the battlefield.
“MARY SUE!” it said. “I SEE YOU’VE FOUND AN ARMY OF YOUR OWN!”
“Gary Stu!” Mary Sue shouted back; dramatic violet eyes flashing. “What are you up to?”
“Honestly,” the voice drawled back, “I’m astounded that you even found friends in this land! Don’t they know who you are? What you’ve done?”
“How can they hear each other from such a vast distance?” Hector wondered aloud.
“Probably telepathy,” Eliwood answered gravely. “Being twins and magical, I’m sure the two have several intense mind powers. They can hear each other not just with their voices, but with their heads. In fact, I’m sure that’s how Mary Sue was such a great tactician…perhaps she could see into the minds of our enemies with her own, more perfect one!”
At the moment, however, that more perfect brain was engaged in an argument, and ignoring the convenient plot hole whispering that if she was actually telepathic, Hector and Eliwood should not have been able to hear Gary Stu’s voice. We shall ignore that for the sake of convenience.
“Stop it!” Mary Sue cried at her brother as she stomped her foot. “Stop it right—“
“Or have you lied about your past?” Gary Stu’s voice persisted. “Do these ‘friends’ of yours know anything about you, dearest sister? Do they even know your real name?”
“Gary Stu, stop!”
“DO they, Marie Susanne?”
“What?” Eliwood and Hector gasped, shocked by the words. The name was so incomprehensibly intricate and beautiful that hearing it produced a shock in one’s ears. The air crackled with power when it was spoken.
“Yes…” Mary Sue admitted softly. She turned once more to Eliwood and Hector with her amazing amethyst eyes full of sorrow. “Mary Sue…is not my real name. My real name is…Marie Susanne.”
Another thunderclap of power cracked across the sky.
“It’s so different,” said Hector, awed.
“We never would have guessed!” Eliwood agreed. “You’re so brilliant, to be able to disguise your own name that way.”
“Her brilliance cannot help her now!” came the cocky, cackling voice of Gary Stu. “She must now come to terms with her dark past!”
“Garrett Stuart!” the tactician howled (beautifully, of course), and stomped her foot again. There was another roll of thunder at her brother’s true name.
“Tell them the truth, dearest Mary Sue! Tell them of your crimes!”
“Mary Sue, don’t!” cried a new voice. The tactician whirled, her skirts and hair flying out gorgeously, to see Raven charging up the hill toward them.
“Mary Sue,” he pleaded, “you don’t have to say anything! You are free of your past, here! We love you for who you are!”
“Oh, how sweet,” drawled Gary Stu. “You’ve even found a lover, Marie Susanne!”
More thunder. Raven gasped in an angsty and manly fashion.
“Would he still love you if he knew what you’ve done?”
Tears rolled down Mary Sue’s perfect ivory cheeks. “Stop, brother, stop!”
“Tell him! Tell him who stole the cookies from the cookie jar!”
For a long moment, all was silent. Hector, Eliwood, and Raven ceased breathing with anticipation. Then Mary Sue dropped her head and whispered,
“…I stole the cookies from the cookie jar.”
“What?” said Raven breathlessly.
“I stole the cookies from the cookie jar!” Mary Sue tore free of his hold, now sobbing freely. “Don’t look at me, Raven…I’m not worth anything!”
“Finally, you admit it!” Gary Stu was now close enough for the people on the hilltop to see him point at them dramatically. “After all these years of you running and hiding!”
“It’s not my fault!” Mary Sue cried back. “Father told me to! Mother said he wasn’t supposed to have the cookies…but he told me to bring them to him, so I did! Then you and mother got mad! I couldn’t stand to see our family torn so…so I left! I escaped the darkness!”
“You’re a coward!” Gary Stu bit back. “You have to admit to your crimes, get back in that kitchen and bake apology cookies! “
Mary Sue began to cry again. She felt so helpless, despite being better with both sword and magic than anybody else she knew. Her problems were so awful.
“Mary Sue, no,” said a voice, hard but gentle, and Raven pushed his way in front of her, shielding her from Gary Stu’s immediate view. “You will never have to go back to that…that… abuse!”
“…Raven…” the tactician whispered in love and awe.
I mean, come on.
He’s Raven.
“We will also fight for you, Mary Sue,” said Eliwood, his blue eyes flashing, and he drew his rapier with a satisfying gleam and shink! sound which doesn’t actually happen when one unsheathes a blade. Hector, too, set his axe (conveniently held this entire time?) into a battle stance. All three men were undeniably in love and undeniably sexy beasts.
They could not compare to the sexiness of Gary Stu, however. While the members of Mary Sue’s undyingly loyal army should have been readying their weapons and rallying to help her, one of their figureheads was wandering toward Gary Stu, mesmerized.
“No, Lyn, no!” Mary Sue cried to the woman who had saved her butt on the plains one day and then faded to the background as said butt-saved foreign princess with amnesia managed to single-handedly control and gain the love of everyone close to her with no effort. “Don’t do it!”
It was too late. Lyn was already gone, and stumbled to her object of affection with love overflowing in her eyes, mumbling his name: “Gary Stu…”
“We’ve lost Lyn!” cried Hector. “Blast!”
At this point, it should be noted that Hector said “blast,” which thus immediately rockets this tale from “enchanting” to “mother-effing epic.”
“No!” moaned Mary Sue as tears continued to course down her fair cheeks. “I won’t lose my friend…I won’t!”
She gripped her magical sword and rushed into the fray.
“Mary Sue, no!” Raven gasped, sprinting after her, but the beauty of her determination and the song-like quality of her battle cry caused physics to shift once again, making her cover ground much faster than her man-candy and Lyn (who was still after her own man-candy).
The hordes of Gary Stu instantly closed upon Mary Sue. The odds were all against her. Her chances of survival were a million to one. Eliwood and Hector were also running for her now, but were much too far away, and a scream tore from Raven’s throat as he realized he could never get close enough to save his love. Mary Sue was swept away by the black-clad forces of her brother and lost from sight.
Raven dropped to his knees, moaning “No…no!”
The only woman to ever understand him…the only person he had ever loved…gone!
But then, far off in the distance, a blue light began to glow. Its glare grew stronger and stronger until it hurt to look at, and Raven shielded his eyes before he was blinded. When it faded, he slowly looked up to see that Mary Sue, in a great burst of power, had destroyed every enemy soldier. She stood in the midst of their defeated bodies, glowing with azure fire and sexily catching her breath.
“What?” howled Gary Stu, and leapt from his portable throne. He twirled his own sword about dramatically, making the golden fire lining it surge, and ripped off his dramatic cape in a dramatic fashion. “Well, Mary Sue, you may have defeated my underlings, but you are no match for me!”
The two would have engaged in an epic combat that lasted for days. They would have turned into gigantic robots that fought in outer space. They would have summoned earth and air spirits to lend them god-like powers. They might even have had a dance-off.
But none of that had a chance to happen because Mary Sue was so p-henominallysuperawesomeandfantasticine
“Noooo!” gasped the perfect man with his dying breath. “It can’t be!”
“It can,” Mary Sue retorted with not-quite-excellent-dialogue but in an appropriately dramatic way. “And it will.”
“Not yet, it won’t!” And with that, Gary Stu died…exploding with gorgeousness as he did so.
Because of a convenient plot hole, Mary Sue’s amulet did not protect her from this final attack. She was doomed. But then…a man jumped in front of her, saving her life. He had been running nonstop to get to her side. He was super-manly and secretly super self-sacrificing (points for alliteration).
He was Raven.
“Raven!” gasped Mary Sue as her wounded stud fell to the ground with a manly grunt of pain. “Raven, no!”
But it was too late. He was dying before her. She cradled him in his arms.
“You…you do love me,” she whispered, and he raised a hand to touch her cheek.
“I do,” he confessed weakly. “You’re the most p-henominallysuperawesomeandfantasticine
Her lip trembled attractively. “Even now that you know about my past?”
“Even now…Marie Susanne.” He smiled weakly. (Cue thunderclap.)
She clutched his hand. “R-Raven…”
“No,” he whispered. She looked at him, startled, and he fixed his eyes on hers. “It’s…it’s…Raymond.”
“Raymond,” she breathed, and grasped him more tightly. Already she could feel his life slipping away. She bowed her head and felt tears burn in her beautiful heliotrope eyes. “Oh, Raymond…you shouldn’t have jumped in front of me like that.”
“I would die for you,” Raven declared ardently.
Mary Sue determinedly shook her head. “No…no you won’t!”
And with that, she pressed her brow against his. Blue light surrounded them both in an orb of power and love, and gradually Raven felt all the pain leave him. The darkness pressing against the edges of his vision receded. Life had returned.
Mary Sue released him, and he merely stared with awe into her magnificent violaceous eyes (absolute new favourite word, used RIGHT THERE IN THAT SENTENCE).
“You…healed me?” he finally asked her softly. “But how?”
She shrugged one shoulder prettily. More prettily than physics ever could. “Oh, I’ve always been able to heal people with my mind.”
“Of course,” said Raven, and drew her into a tight embrace.
Things were looking up, Mary Sue decided happily. The man that she loved loved her in return. Lyndis was not under Gary Stu’s sway any longer. Eliwood and Hector would simply have to get over it. And in the meantime, she could frolic forever with Raven…
Suddenly, the man himself grasped her shoulders and held her at arms length.
“Mary Sue,” he said slowly, seriously. “We still…can’t be together.”
The tactician gasped. “What? But…but…why not?”
CLIFFHANGER!!! I’LL ONLY POST THE NEXT CHAPTER IF I GET 50 REVIEWS!!1!one!