fallmoonlitrose

The Sims 3 and my OC's.

fallmoonlitrose — Mon, 24 Jun 2013 08:51:26 GMT

Theres a few things I have been doing a lot of lately..

. I have organized and been updating my DA, almost every other day.
. I've been playing my 3DS like crazy (Animal Crossing and Fire Emblem FTW).
. I put myself on a liquid diet of water, literally all I drink is water. Occasionally, I might have ONE other drink of the day (diet soda, juice, milk, ect), but then it's back to water. I've been having caffeine withdrawals..now I remember why I didn't want to become dependent on caffeine to get me through work.
. Starting to get back into the mood to write my books again! YAY!
. Been editing my photo-shoots, working on making my photography business, and preparing for Kumoricon in September.
. Been playing The Sims 3 again like crazy. Now in my sims game, I have a whole town dedicated to my OC's from my book "Snow" (so Felina and all of them), as well as my two of best friends (Ash and Sam) OC's so my characters have their lovers, families, ect (so essentially from the mini book we where working on: To Make You Smile). I have been having.. WAY to much fun creating them. Which is funny because usually I don't like the making Sims process, just playing them. XD Well, I been taking some epic in game shots, downloading mods to make them perfect, ect.. may post some of the photos up here so you can see.

That being said, playing with Felina in the game makes me miss her in RL..My room-mate and I will be heading up to Seattle soon to get her though, so now long now! :D <3

Hope everyone is having a nice and safe night/day!! <3 <3

A entry about food.

fallmoonlitrose — Sun, 09 Jun 2013 03:52:45 GMT

I love food. Truley, I do. I enjoy trying new things, most of the time. I love cooking movies (Julie and Julia is one of my all time favorites), and shows (I am re-watching Cake Boss), and even books (Our Garden Herb book is always around me)!
So it's funny that, I myself, can not really cook. I mean, I can cook soups and stews. If I want to give myself a little pride here, I actually make the best soups and stews in the house hold. I also make a mean scrambled egg dish, I am well known to have the best Bruschetta, and I apparently make the best crock-pot Pot Roast in the house. But when it comes to any big dishes, I tend to burn.
I often think I would LOVE to take a cooking or baking class, love too! But the thing is, I don't like attending those things alone. Their always more fun when it's with a friend, alone it's just..awkward.

That being said..anyone want to take a cooking or baking class with me? :3

Hope everyone is having a fun and safe day/night! <3 <3

I really should post more instead of whenever something bad happens, lol.

fallmoonlitrose — Sun, 02 Jun 2013 01:24:25 GMT

As the title says, I really need to update this more. I feel like I pay for a small premium for nothing! Haha.
Well I guess I will be doing that more, mostly because..I got laid off from my job.
It was all rather sudden, and a bit odd how they did it. I was in shock, and I am feeling a little bit depressed from it all still. Unlike my last call center job, I actually like this one. I liked my team, my boss, the environment, even the customers where usually fun and easy to deal with. My stats had been good the last few weeks, and only getting better, and I rarely took time off that wasn't approved by my work itself.. so I am not sure what caused them to lay me off. I was a temp yes, but they where planning on converting me.. then suddenly I wake up one morning to a call saying for me to not return because they decided to end my contract. All very weird, very strange.. and of course, it put a lot of future plans on hold once again.
I been looking on the positive side of things though: I get a summer. I been there long enough to get unemployment. This gives me time to write, work on my books, do photography, and get my photography business off the ground. Possibly go back to college. Exercise more. All the positive stuff.

One thing I think I know by now though: I am not sure I want to do Call Centers anymore. I feel like I am done with that. It's so much stress and pressure, trying to do everything right and keep all your stats perfect every day..I am just not sure anymore.

I look forward to updating this more!
Hope everyone is having a safe and fun day/night!

Ready for May.

fallmoonlitrose — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 09:50:12 GMT

I know I said I was going to post more, back in March, and then after that I had Sakuracon 2013 (which went excellent btw), and than what I almost called "the month of hell"...April.

I want to get the month of April out of the way, keep things positive with it, and trying not to think of all the bad that happened with it. So I am going to do the bad first, and then the good, in shot point lists. Haha.

The bad of this month:

. Room-mate last her job, and can't get unemployment. Really I am not too worried about it yet, she's qualified for a lot of jobs, if a matter if any of them will reply (wish and hope someone does soon)!! It really just sucks it happens, but I don't like expect much less from a little place I use to work at called..Stream.

. Got into my first ever car wreck. Everyone is fine, it was on the way to my fiances birthday party. It was a fender bender. I was really sore the day after, mostly because the impact of the car hitting the back of ours (I was in the back seat), slightly threw my room-mate and I forward and then back, but YAY FOR SEAT BELTS, just remember to wear them kids!!

. My mom had a seizure. Now notably one of the scariest. Feelings. In. My. Life. EVER. She's fine, and got out of the hospital the next day. My boss got to watch me run out of work crying (with her permission of course), and threw a mentos at my head. I spent a good portion of the night with my fiance and my mom at the hospital, making sure she was ok.

. My moms dog went to a pet hospital. Had something that if not caught early (which thank fully it was) could be fatal. He's also fine now.

. My grandfather died. I barely got to see him since I was a child, and I rushed out of work, once again, to go see him one last time. Even now it still almost makes me cry. I said good bye to him crying.. I never thought it was THAT hard.. He wanted to see me before he went though, and my fiance. So I brought Justin, who I could tell he loved. It was so good to see him again..and a reminder that I need to keep in touch with my other grandfather (from my dads side) more as well.. I'm going to truly miss him..

. Our cat peed on some of my favorite new shirts, and in the process of washing them to the wash, I could A LOT of my favorite and NEWEST clothes, that have been missing for months, in a DONATION box in the wash room!! WTF?! I also found a lot of my fiances clothes, and my room-mates. No more clothes are allowed in the washroom without being in THE DIRTY LAUNDRY BASKET that I will be purchasing soon.

. Annd to top everything off for the month, my favorite, AND MOST FUN, bar, Hamburger Mary's, closed. Ironically right when I was thinking "after this month, I need a drink!". HAHAHAHA. Their planning on a reopening in a new location though, hopefully soon, as I was planning for that place to be my birthday spot for next month.

So yeah, the month of April, just not been any of our month really, but we all made it through, and are stronger from it somehow.
And since I believe looking on the bright side of things always helps, here's a list of all the good things that happen this month!!

. My fiances birthday. Though there was a car wreck that day, the birthday was a fun little get together, and my fiance had a blast, and got a lot of cool things he wanted. He was particularly happy with the cameo rifle case I got him, and the Hitman Absolution and Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butchers Bay video games I got him, and the mini do-it-yourself mini whiskey barrel my mother got him, lol!! He was so cute, how his face lit up to these things!! <3 <3

. My fiances work schedule got changed, HE NOW HAS WEEKENDS OFF WITH ME!! :D Im so happy and excited about this, I really hope it sticks around!! It has been so nice being able to sleep in and wake up together, getting out and doing things and activity's together we really haven't been able to do since November 2012, when we didn't have work schedule that over lapped so much, lol! It's been really nice, so keep hoping and wishing his schedule sticks to this, because we're loving it!! This coming weekend we plan to get out to start our annual garden!! :D <3 <3 I love him so much!!

. Getting my photography business up more, made myself more a name at Sakuracon 2013, cosplayers are starting to know who I am, and I got returning customers now!! This is a good start to my business, yeah!! <3 <3"

. Annd lastly, SUPER GOOD NEWS, I have a good chance of being converted to a FULL-TIME EMPLOYEE at my job, so says my boss, just got to work a bit more and get my stats up, and I'm good!! :D So wish and hope with me on that too!!

Annd yeah! That's it for now! I got a REALLY good feeling that May is going to be EPIC!! <3 Yep!! <3

So I hope everyone is having a fun and safe night/day, keep watch for me posting more!! <3 <3

It's been a long while..

fallmoonlitrose — Sat, 23 Mar 2013 20:51:06 GMT

Jeez..I really havn't posted here in a good while. I will be sure to fix that soon! I actually thought about posting all the time but I either got too tired or too busy to do so, but now that things are calming down a bit (hopefully, I'll start trying to post more).

A small bit of what I been up too since I am actually at work:

. New apartment is almost finished being unpacked. Theres still a bit to go, but I need more storage space first.
. Sakuracon next week!! I am charging for my shoots this year and I am AMAZED by all the people who signed up, I am actually FULL on all four days!! O__O I also managed to get two small cosplays done in time, I am sensing this year will be epic Sakuracon wise.
. My fiance got a job!! He's a security guard for the show Grimm, how cool is that?! He also does security for other places as well.
. Finally got my girls (my BJDs) put away on their shelves. Now that spring has hit, I really want to take Rosalie to the Rose Gardens for a shoot..I need to do that soon.

. And probably the biggest thing, I am finally taking Felina to get her faceup done. :) She will be going to Sakuracon with me and safetly delivered in the arms of my good friend Ana, who is is not only going to give her an awsome faceup, but body blush her as well. I must say, I am still a bit nervous. I trust Ana like no tomorrow with Felina, but I have never left Felina with ANYONE before. D: So this is what it feels like..
But I am seriously excited by the fact she's getting it all done, pretty soon Felina will be back in business to have shoots with, YAY!! <3 <3

Hope everyone else if having a nice and safe day/night!! <3 :)

New Year's Resolutions.

fallmoonlitrose — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 06:12:33 GMT

I am really late on doing this, mostly because work keeps me so busy, and when I am not at work I am being lazy and haven't been wanting to write it out, lol! XD Anyways, trying to keep it simple this year since last year some stuff I was not able to complete resolution wise. So here we go, my resolutions for the year 2013!

. Finish at least half of one of the three books am writing.
. Get healthier in the new year, and lose weight (at least get back down to 120 pounds, which is just over what is suppose to be my heights average weight).
. To make and keep my friends, fiance love, and family happy and healthy!!
. Take more model and portrait photography.
. Take more BJD photography.
. Keep my current job or find a permanent one (everyone wish and hope I keep my current job)!!
. Get the money to move to our new apartment next month.
. Get a new bed frame and mattress (queen size, so my fiance Justin and me can have more room).
. Get new living room furniture (I really want a sleeper bed couch for guests)!!
. Get my photography business up and running
. Travel to Seattle or Las Vegas with my fiance (and room-mates for Las Vegas)
. Go out more, go to more clubs and things with friends and family and my fiance!!
. Go to at least one or two conventions
. Finish at least one or two new cosplays
Possibly et a new camera or at least camera lens
. Conquer my OCD and Anxiety so it doesn't effect me as much with the intrusive thoughts, compulsions, ect.

And that's it for now, my main top resolutions for 2013. =] Everyone please wish and hope me luck on all these, as I do for all yours!! I really think I can get most if not all these done this year!! ^.^ <3 <3

Hope everyone is having a safe and happy night/day!! <3 <3

And the battle goes onward.

fallmoonlitrose — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 21:14:47 GMT

I really should be posting my New Year resolutions, but I just need to rant a little.

About my OCD.
No one ever says it's going to be that hard, and I mean, people can have different levels, different types, of OCD.
But it really is, that hard.
Especially the O of the ocd, which is the obsessions, the intrusive thoughts.
How many false negative thoughts can be put in your head, that you'll start obsessing over because you wondered why you ever had it in the first place, because you forget you have ocd, and instead of telling yourself it's simply not true, not real, not you, your ocd can make you believe it is.
I get worried that I'll get on that level someday, that I'll lose everything I love, people I really love..
But then I remember I am better then this, I just need to get in control again.
I need to get in control again.
Which means, I need to find at least some moments of the day where I don't feel stress.
Because stress fuels depression and anxiety, which in turn fuels ocd and it's obsessions and compulsions, which just fuels more anxiety and depression, a deadly cycle.
I was getting better for awhile, but this Holiday season (as fun as it was), hit me hard with several things. Money, our lease being up, travel, moving, ect.
Then on top of trying to be perfect at work so they'll want to keep me.
I feel like I need a break..
I want to go to like.. Seattle. With my fiance. Maybe even my room-mates too. And just have a day of relaxing fun. See the market. Walk around. Maybe go on that new scary ass Ferris Wheel.
It feels good writing it all down though, makes me realize how stupid I been for letting ocd get to me lately, but I suppose that is why it's a medical condition.
Someday I'll overcome it. It's coming soon

Another post later today for New Year Resolutions!! :)

Hope everyone is having a nice and safe day/night!! <

The battle goes onward.

fallmoonlitrose — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 21:04:54 GMT

I really should be posting my New Year resolutions, but I just need to rant a little.

About my OCD.
No one ever says it's going to be that hard, and I mean, people can have diffrent levels, diffrent types, of OCD.
But it really is, that hard.
Especially the O of the ocd, which is the obsessions, the intrusive thoughts.
How many false negative thoughts can be put in your head, that you'll start obsessing over because you wondered why you ever had it in the first place, because you forget you have ocd, and instead of telling yourself it's simply not true, not real, not you, your ocd can make you believe it is.
I get worried that I'll get on that level someday, that I'll lose everything I love, people I really love..
But then I remember I am better then this, I just need to get in control again.
I need to get in control again.
Which means, I need to find at least some moments of the day where I don't feel stress.
Because stress fuels depression and anxiety, which in turn fuels ocd and it's obsessions and compulsions, which just fuels more anxiety and depression, a deadly cycle.
I was getting better for awhile, but this Holiday season (as fun as it was), hit me hard with several things. Money, our lease being up, travel, moving, ect.
Then on top of trying to be perfect at work so they'll want to keep me.
I feel like I need a break..
I want to go to like.. Seattle. With my fiance. Maybe even my room-mates too. And just have a day of relaxing fun. See the market. Walk around. Maybe go on that new scary ass Ferris Wheel.

It feels good writing it all down though, makes me realize how stupid I been for letting ocd get to me lately, but I suppose that is why it's a medical condition.
Someday I'll overcome it. It's coming soon

Another post later today for New Year Resolutions!! :)

Hope everyone is having a nice and safe day/night!! <

My worries and what nots.

fallmoonlitrose — Sun, 30 Dec 2012 04:48:33 GMT

I am on LJ AT WORK. On break of course. But still, AT WORK. Haha, how cool is that? Really?
I have nothing better to do on break obviously. The dude in front of me is on Farmville. And I have a orange juice that I filled with airborn as well, creating Strawberry-Orange Air Juice. Yep!!

Anyways, I recently registered our hotel room for Sakuracon 2013, which I am excited for, but more so freaking out about it right now. Mostly because we have five people so far for the hotel room, which is perfect, means we can afford it. But I am really worried about how it will all go. If we will have a ride. If we will have enough for the room in the end (five is perfect, 4 we need to find another). I also have to make my ad for my photography services at the con, lose some pounds for a cosplay, and help a friend work on another.. and in three months. Three months. It feels far away, but it's not.. I also need to get my badge soon, which thankfully Granpa gave me christmas money for.

We also recently got our apartment stating our lease will be up soon, and we have 15 days to tell them if we will move or not. If we don't tell them by then, they will raise our rent again.. Now that we have two room-mates with us, we where looking at upgrading to a three bedroom, which is a tad bit larger, more new appliences (lamps on fans!), and just $200 more then what we are paying for our two bedroom. So with all of us, that seems like a pretty sweet deal. We all need to talk about it as a group though.

Besides that, not much is going on. I been fighting the stress, anxiety, and ocd that I got from Christmas on and off, and it's getting better (least most days). I really msis my BJD hobby, but financially, least till I know what happens in the next couple months, I had to put all doll plans on hold. I also havn't had much time for my photography, which I am really starting to miss. Also trying to lose a few pounds in three months, and get into writing more.. ect.

Well, that's all for today. Typing on a actual keyboard is fun, lol!!

Hope everyone is having a fun and safe night/day!!

Christmas and the gift list.

fallmoonlitrose — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 20:57:50 GMT

So Christmas was good, felt really out of tradition this year, but good.

Since I had work till 10:30pm Christmas Eve, everyone had Christmas Eve dinner without me. The evening felt even more rush when I came over to watch the traditional "Polar Express" movie (one of my favorites) as we do on Christmas Eve, but my mother was sick, and went to bed early, and everyone just pretty much talked loudly (or where drunk) and I felt like I was mostly watching it by myself.
Christmas Day was a lot better. Usually my fiance and I stay at my moms Christmas Eve, but this year my mom just told us to go back to our place, so we did, and came back early in the morning. Gift opening was fun, I love seeing the reaction to people with the gifts I gave them more then my own, haha.
I got from my mom, sister, fiance, and room-mates:
. Some jewelry.
. A pocket mirror that totally represents my OC's Katsu and Sai.
. A beautful Scarf.
. Taco Nyan Cat T-Shirt.
. J.K. Rowlings new book "The Casual Vacancy" (so excited for this, thanks my love fiance)!!
. Bailey's in a Shoe (literally, I love it).
. A Kindle!!
. Subscription to "Martha Stewart Living" magazine (I am ignoring the Martha Stewart part). It's basically a home DIY magazine, kinda cool.
. A Christmas Ornament.

After Christmas at my moms, we went back home and let the cat's rip at their stockings (well not literally, we pulled all the stuff out for them) and go at their new toys, then my Dad and Stepmom came by and we opened presents, and left to go have Christmas Brunch, well the room-mates headed off to their families/lovers.
My dad and stepmom got me:
. Hot Topic Gift card.
. JC Pennies gift card.
. Van's Shoes gift card.
. Barnes and Nobles gift card.
. A Christmas Ornament.
We went and had Brunch at the Cascade Grill, which was willing filling in the end. A huge plate of Thanksgiving/Christmas food, and topped off with pie.
After my dad and stepmom dropped us off, my fiance and I hung out at the house till his parents dropped in to see us. They opened their presents from us and it was a lot of fun to just sit and chat with them.

After they left things got pretty boring, so my fiance and I decided to just randomly hop on the train and go see a late night movie. We ended up seeing Cirque Du Soleil: World's Away (which I wanted to see anyways) in 3D. IT. WAS. SO. GOOD!! It's based off all the show's that are currently in Las Vegas, and since I saw two of the three biggest ones there, it totally brought memories back!! Seeing my loves face to all the actual filmed stunts was awesome too. I hope I can take him to a real one someday. I plan to go see the movie again with the roomies next week, so excited! I definitely recommend it!! It was beautifully done..course anything Cirque Du Soleil (or James Cameron directing movie wise) is.

Besides that, I got a couple gifts from friends, which is a rare thing! I rarely expect gifts, I just like to give, so it was a nice suprise!!
I got a three tier bento box with a beautiful crane design on it, a comission of my OC Sai and my friends OC (and Sai's lover) Kit, and some Kat Von D "True Romance" eyeshadow kit (looove)

So yes, all and all, Christmas was fun. Now to bring on the New Year!! :D

Hope everyone is having a wonderful and safe day/night!! <3 <

Just updates of job, sick, life.

fallmoonlitrose — Sat, 15 Dec 2012 06:10:08 GMT

So work has been going fine, I actually really enjoy it. Though I am adjusting to being back in a Call Center, and a late night schedule (which I never really done before) the customers here are a lot more mature, or at the vert most, very easy to work with. I am not on the floors, in my own team, which I have learned are very crazy, but very fun! I really enjoy it there, and I really hope they take me on after the season, so I been trying to do my very best and be a shining star.

So I am sure, especially if you seen my DA, that you can see I been rather sick on and off for the last few weeks. Well I havn't updated it, cause ironically enough if I did now it would be because I am sick AGAIN. Except this time I am really REALLY SICK. It started about three days ago, my cold of a swollen throat and runny nose seemed to come back. I thought nothing of it, drank lots of tea with honey, and took some more medicine. The next day I felt worse, but I went to work anyways because, like more call centers, strick attendance policys, and besides loosing my voice and rather congested, I felt ok enough. My room-mate gave me some kinda pill that clears up congestion and things like plugged up noses and what not, and that kept me going for most of the day fine, till about 3-2 hours before my shift ended, in which everything just seemed to crash on me and I felt like absolute shit, and my voice was nearly gone. I made it to the end of my shift, went home, curled up under blankets on the couch, ate soup, and took more medicine, trying to fight this off the best I could.
Well today I woke up to almost no voice, at the least I had a small whisper, at the most a rhaspy voice that was barely hearable. I was also in a lot of pain from my face to my throat, to my neck and back, and had a bad dry cough (the night before my cough was mostly tons of flem). After estimating if I could go to work with this (which, with a call center, obviously not), I called my boss and my works attendance line and stayed home. I then went to my moms to see if I needed to go to the doctors, and while I waited I saw the news on the CT Massacre (but I'll get on that soon), and my mom took my tempeture, which said I didn't have a fever. I went home, and basically slept most of the day, till about 5pm, in which I bundled myself up on the couch and tried to watch some TV, feeling and looking like I now had a fever. But as if all my symptoms weren't bad enough, I felt, and heard, a cracking sound in my nose, and suddenly my ear to my throat gave me a almost knife piercing like pain, enough to make kneel over with my hands on my ears. My love fiance Justin called my mother, and we took off to Urgent Care, were I found out I have Sinusitis, Bronchitis, and Laryngitis. Doctor told me to stay home from work for Saturday and Sunday, and gave me a whole bunch of drugs.
I am going to stay home Saturday, tomorrow, but if I feel better Sunday, despite the doctors notes, I think I'll go to work. I really want to do good at this job, so that they would be willing to take me on after the season, and I am afraid this will take my chance.. but since it was doctors orders, I don't see why it should. I really hope it doesn't. I am also just worried about how much money I'll be loosing from this..aye.
Main goal: Get better so I can go back to work and make money.

So as I said, while I was at my moms so she could see if I needed to go to the doctores or not, I saw the live news on the CT Massacre.. some man went to a elementry school in CT and shot it up.. an elementry school.. AN ELEMENTRY SCHOOL. 27 Dead, 20 students, 6 teachers, and 1 outside of the school in a diffrent location.All the news reports and everything have nearly brought tears to my eyes, all day, as well as to my fiances and my mothers, and room-mates, and friends. I don't think I know one person who couldn't even cry a little to this.... These were kids. Ages 5-10. Why would someone even do that?! Their innocent kids, they did nothing wrong, and some crazy jackass just has to come in and take away that innocence. I am not a parent yet, but I am a older sister, and I have friends with young children themselves who I consider like my family, so I can't say I can fully imagine the horror to all the parents and families affected by this, but I can at the same time, I can, just a little. Tonight and the next few nights my best wishes and prayers will go out to the families affected by this tradegy..
What is our world coming too lately? :(

So that's about it for todays update..

Hope everyone is having a fun and safe night/day.

In which the writer is today's bad guy.. Or so it feels..

fallmoonlitrose — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 03:23:18 GMT

So today has probably been one of the worst days of this week, I mean I had a couple this week, but this one nearly takes the cake.
I am not going to share all the details with you, but I'll give a small look into it all.

I finally decided to see my dad today, which I havn't seen or talked too since the incident. I was thinking this was all going to go well, that we wouldn't talk about it, and that he would be really happy to hear that one of my room-mates and I both got jobs, especially that I manage to get one since he freaked out about that most.
WRONG.
It didn't even take us to get out of the entry way to the apartments and he was already starting a heated argument. Jobs he didn't care about, he just kept going on and on about putting all money away, nothing else, and things about my fiance, untrue things, that I had to argue back about. By the time we got to the store, an errand I needed to do for the day, he had said something VERY hurtful and I took off in the rain, only to have him yelling at me to get come back. I had given up on trying to talk to him calmly about anything and settled with just not speaking at all. He calmed down after awhile but I didin't even bother to try and say anything. It was really stupid. When we returned my fiance apologized to him about the incident, something we completely didn't have to do since we were not in the wrong, and he just brushed it off.
He finally sent a text saying he was proud about my job and would see me the next weekend over, but by then I was already in a bad mood.

So I distract myself by helping my fiance clean the apartment, as usual. The day before I had gone through a lot of old clothes and put off stuff I wanted to keep but needed to lose weight for, and stuff that I plan on either selling or getting rid of. It ended up being a long task that just killed my self confidence over and over, but I figured today why not finish what I started. So I cleaned the cat box and worked on all the drawers in my bathroom, organizing stuff, taking out the dirty laundry, waking up one of my other room-mates, and then going back to working on my part of the bedroom. I turned on my comp and blasted my music, and tried to get rid of the bad mood from earlier.
But as if that wasn't enough earlier, we get a knock on our door and the new neighbor from downstairs is down there, telling my fiance how he would appreciate it if he we could walk quieter at night. I could hear his voice, and he wasn't trying to be mean, but this annoyed the hell out of me, mostly because I was in a bad mood from earlier and also because this was the new neighbor who decided to do EVERYTHING between 9pm-5am, which included drilling when he moved in (at 4am), yelling (or "talking really loud") in his bedroom, which is right below mine, turning on his loud ass bathroom fan and leaving it on, blasting music, and much more. Hell, I can even hear him walk around. I considered reporting him before for all this, but never have because I am use to loud apartments and the last people under us before him were a couple with kids who spent all their time screaming and crying and I never said a word. Yet this guy told us to walk quietly, which sure, I can do, and I will do it, but it annoys me he had the guts to come and tell us that when I havn't said a WORD about all his noise, and he's on the second floor, so OF COURSE he should expect to hear walking! Hell I can hear him walk, I can hear my neighbors on both sides up here walking, hell I can hear when people are going up and down the stairs. Your always going to hear walking in an apartment.
So because I was in a bad mood about this and annoyed, I posted up a rant, in which it immediatly got called stupid by my fiance and room-mate, so I took it down, and it started some stupid ass argument between my room-mate and I, which I didn't even WANT or mean to do, in which I immediatly once again, just pissed someone else off. Which really fucking sucks seeing as this is my last day of my weekend, and I just wanted to sit with my room-mate, RP a bit, write a little, and watch a damn movie. Now I am going to be sitting here alone soon and just trying not to be depressed about this fucking day and all the things I been called this week from.. just about well everyone I hold close. This exactly how I wanted to end my weekend before I go to back to work for the week.. But I can't talk since this really is just my faut..
And of course, once again, no money to get myself to work, and I refused to let my dad buy me a bus pass because before he even tried he bitched about spending money. Told him I'll get one later. Though at $100 for a one month that's questionable if I will.
Least I like work so far right now, the customers are mature, and easy to work with, though I get left out much more easy at this job then the last one.

I kinda want to take a bath, but I don't want to clean the tub. :/ I am tired of all this cleaning now.. I don't even have a appetite..ugh..

Neighbor is playing some weird drumming music downstairs, and keeps dropping something heavy, so I am not going to attempt to sleep. Too early anyways, I'll probably just lay there.

This is a pretty pointless rant in the end..-sigh- Just feels like one of those nights were I hate myself.. :/

Sorry for the rant everyone..trying to get myself into a better mood now.

Hope everyone else is having a nice and safe night/day.

A late post from a sick girl!

fallmoonlitrose — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:06:29 GMT

So I started work, yesterday (or two days ago about now), it's all going very quickly, and were to be on phones by Friday, which to me for a two week training class is WOAH. I found out there was one other person from my old call center job here, and we hang out during lunch, which is good since it makes me feel less awkward then hanging out alone.
Originally I was going to take the bus their and home this week, but then I realized, I am nearly out of money, lol, since a All Day ticket for the train and bus is $5. I was planning on getting a pack of tickets, or maybe even a bus pass, but turns out a pack to keep me going for the two weeks might of been about over $30 or so, and a bus pass is $100!! So..yeah. My room-mate has been so kindly taking me and picking me up, thank goodness.. A temporary job and those prices just don't fit sometimes.
As for work itself, I been going at an ok speed. Everything to learn is easy to learn enough, much easier then my last tech support job, and that's not even what this is. I had a bit of a moment were the anxiety my last job left me with hit me, when I realized I would be talking on phones again, but you know..I am getting paid..and this is a lot easier then the last..I believe I can do it. Yeah!

Besides that, I DID end up getting sick. Caught whatever my fiance has. It's such a weird sickness though. Instead of being fully sore, my throat feels like it's scratchy and like it's full of gunk. I am tired and go between really warm to very cold, and I have a runny nose. I been drinking lemon tea with honey, and taking cough drops, like CRAZY, even at work!! I really tried avoiding getting sick and taking the things for it, so I hope that this is the only time I get sick this winter..hopefully. I been pretty much just eating salads, bagel and cream cheese, soup, and rolls with butter. Though I can't resist a piece of pie and whip cream every so often. Currently right now I am drinking theraflu, blech.
And of course, if being sick isn't enough, my body has giving me my shark week early too..so now I am uncomfortably cramped on top of everything else, and mood-swings. Ugh.

Hope everyone else is having a safe and nice night/day!!

Just a quick nightly update!

fallmoonlitrose — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 08:25:05 GMT

I can't sleep right now, which is bad, seeing as I start my new (temporary) job tomorrow. Lol. XD

The other day my love and I went out with my mom and her friend and got a Christmas Tree, since thanks to some certain cats we love so much, who broke our smaller one last year, we are now in need of a newer, bigger (since we have more ornaments since we got the small tree, and we buy a few more every year), this year. We looked at real ones first, but at $6-$7 a foot (depending on tree) it was just to much for something to only be used during the season (only upside was the fresh Christmas Tree Pine smell). So instead I slightly halved with my mom and we invested in a larger, 6ft fake "Boulder Mountain Pine" Christmas Tree. I use to not like fakes but you know, it works, you end up saving trees in some way, and at least this will last us a couple years, so saving money! Right? Right! We need to do some furniture re-arranging before putting it up, so maybe we'll do that tomorrow and get it up! Time to pull out all the Christmas Ornaments and decorations soon too! Can't believe it's almost winter. XD

So tonight I took my room-mates and my love fiance to see "Rise of the Guardians" at our local theater We went when it was still matinee so we got pretty good seats, and surprisingly their wasn't as many young children (or a very busy theater), so we got good seats and wasn't very loud (besides a couple young kids kids behind us, anyways, there's always that one group). The movie itself was excellent, and I highly recommend it!! It's very cute, and a really good action/adventure. The animation in it is just beautiful as well!! The story line was great, and the characters and their personalities were very fun!! If your really into folklore and ideas about how legends work, such as Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, Jack Frost, Sand Man, ect, then you would LOVE this movie. It plays some really awesome ideas around, and I believe it was really enjoyable for all ages, partly judging by the looks of the audience I was with. It's a movie I wouldn't mine seeing again, or even owning, so like I said, highly recommend it if your looking for something fun, go check it out!!

As I said earlier, starting my new temporary job at Netflix tomorrow. A part of me really hopes this becomes a lasting job for me, from them, by the end of the season (which is some January, early February at the most they said). While the depression and anxiety I gained from being unemployed and rejected by tons of jobs has been VERY hard on my OCD, and obviously me, cause of all four obviously, I still worry that, since this is a Call Center, and my last experience with Call Centers also brought me in the end, a lot of depression and anxiety, I still worry of returning to that. But then when I think about what I saw during my interview, the fact this place had more open space, the feel that the employees there where rather calm and more relaxed, and that the costumers base that called seem more..well mature..made me feel better. It didn't really seem like the chaotic and stressful place that my last job was. I am also looking at the other upsides to this, I'll be getting paid, well, much more better then being on unemployment obviously, and I'll be able to not only afford most Christmas presents for family and some really close friends, but also be able to pay rent and bills without worry, at least for a couple months. And if all goes well, and they hire me on after this, I don't even have to worry about finding work again for awhile! Can't say I favor the schedule I was given, or the public transportation routes, but you know, the small things, and at least I get Christmas off, and maybe my schedule will change if I am hired on, and I will be driving by then too hopefully!! Wish and hope with me everyone!!

Besides all this, my fiance caught some sort of bad cold, which went from room-mate, to another room-mate basically. I been drinking Airborne like crazy as if I was back at my old job again, to keep it at bay, and been washing and sanitizing my hands normally when we shared stuff, but today my throat started to get that slightly funny feeling it seems to be started with..so all day it's been Airborne, Lemon Tea with Honey, and a knock off brand of Thera-Flu..I really can't afford to be sick right now, right before I start my new jobs training, lol. My fiance seems to be better, after taking care of him and him taking care of himself for a week, while one room-mate has a sore throat and the other has a sore throat and looks like she caught the cold. :( I hope we all feel better soon..this sucks..and the sicker room-mate has work to top it off, so I really really hope this passes quickly and easily as possiable, wish and hope on that too everyone!!

Hope everyone else is having a fun and safe night/day!! :) <3

Jobs and Christmas Tree Lighting.

fallmoonlitrose — Sat, 24 Nov 2012 00:15:04 GMT

A short and simple post till later. I got a seasonal job at Netflix! Yay! I start training for two weeks, on Monday, and then I have a 2pm-10:30pm shift (yikes). But at least it's Christmas money and rent till about February 2013..then I am not sure what happens. Hopefully I can get my unemployment back while I search for work again, less Netflix hires me (cause right now I actually hired by some temp agency of theirs), which would be awesome!!

Besides that, heading out soon to the Christmas Tree Lighting. It's raining here, but that's to be expected for Oregon. It should be a lot of fun! Christmas Carols, Hot Chocolate, our citys grand tree, and one of my best friends and my fiance, so excited!! <3 <3

Hope everyone else is having a good and safe night/day!! <3 <3

This Week: The War Agaisnt My Anxiety.

fallmoonlitrose — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 05:09:01 GMT

I am not sure where it started this bad. While, I kinda did. My depression and anxiety from being unemployed for so long has slowly been building up (if you havn't noticed), and my OCD has been rather affected by it, creating more compulsions, more intrusive thoughts or feelings, then usual, which in turn just turned into more depression and anxiety (the deadly circle). I been trying so so hard not to take one of my anxiety pills that your only suppose to take when you really need it, because I only have so few of them left (I never get many from the doctor at once cause apparently they can be addictive), but maybe I should after all.
All week it's just been panic and anxiety attacks, my ocd giving me horrible thoughts that can bring me to tears, usually over my self or about things and people I hold really close and love, and almost shredding my train of thought of reality.
It's a good thing I know how to control it most of the time, when to tell myself to stop.
I am just tired, especially at night, of getting the anxiety and depression feeling, always feeling like I am going to cry, and the ocd and the false thoughts and feelings and compulsions it brings. I don't think it's been this bad since..well..two years, since the last time I was trying to find work.
And all these worries..about finding jobs..and were we'll move to once March rolls around, IF we move, and money and just..I don't know.. all this stress and it's just getting to me in bad ways lately and I just felt like writing it here cause..ranting helps..
But I never have felt so down about myself, at least not since I was young. I just feel horrible about myself, how I look, and things like that. Thanks to my ocd I question things I shouldn't or don't need too, cause I know the truth or answer, but then I just feel worse cause it was my ocd, and my anxiety goes up. I haven't been getting good sleep.
I am just a walking disaster this week..

I think I should get back into writing though, it seems to help, I just wish plot progress on my books would go faster..
Going to try on focusing on good things, hopefully that will take care of all this, good things, tea, and getting to see my favorite band in three days with the love of my life. Yeah! <3 That's going to be great. :)

Hope everyone else is having a nice and safe night/day.

UUUGGGHHH!!

fallmoonlitrose — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 06:16:59 GMT

So the last couple days I have been dealing with some horrible stomach bug or I have the stomach flu. I haven't had a fever, but I have been switching between extremely cold to so freaking hot that I am drenched in sweat, my whole body has been in immense pain, I can't stand for very long without getting dizzy or collapsing, and my stomach won't let me eat anything without giving me horrible cramps, causing me to be nauseous, or just a sick feeling. So far the OK things to eat have been ice cream, pudding, and mash-potatoes..though I did manage to eat tiny bites of cute up steak earlier that is sitting ok right now. This has all been really annoying though, and I hope it ends soon, mostly because I feel like I have got nothing done as of late, besides sit here and rest and sleep and try to force myself to eat.

To add on top of the strange illness I have (that my room-mates sadly seem to have caught), I thought I would go ahead and play Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask today in attempt to be less bored. Now earlier today the Wii crossed during me trying to play Animal Crossing, so I kept it off most of the day. Well when I go to play Majora's Mask, it tells me the file is corrupted, and that I need to delete it and re-download from the store. So I delete it, in which it just sits there "deleting" it forever. Finally I restart the wii, and it's gone. So I go to the Wii Shop to redownload it, it just sits their forever AGAIN, loading it. I try going back to the menu and to the SD card with it, just keeps loading AGAIN. So I finally go to the shop after another restart, and it says to do an update. So I do the update, it goes through, and the shop works. I go to redownload the game, this time to the Wii SD card I have, and it sits there, once again, downloading forever. After a good bit of it just sitting there saying it was downloading, and nothing was moving, I had my fiance restart it again, only this time, it turns on to a BLACK SCREEN. I am now completely frustrated.
I looked up online what it could be, and I got three answers: That it was overheating and needs to sit, that it needs to be cleaned out, or that it got the Black Screen of Death. When I picked it up earlier it was a bit warm, it DOES need to clean out, and I mean, I got this Wii when it FIRST came out as a Christmas Present from my dad.. So wish and hope with me everyone, that it was either just over heating or needs to be cleaned out. I will try to clean it tomorrow and see what happens.. I really hope so, cause some saved games, like my long worked on Animal Crossing game, couldn't be put on the SD card since they use wifi..and I really don't want to lose them. >__< So wish and hope!!

Hope everyone else is having a safe and nice day/night.

Spammers, Bartending, and Livejournal Updates?! OH MY!!

fallmoonlitrose — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 09:18:13 GMT

Hello and welcome to the very early morning edition of Rose updates her Livejournal.

First of all..am I the only LJ person here who is getting a TON of spam posts every time I get on my LJ, and I have to go to each entry and delete them? Seriously, I was enjoying for awhile the fact that I never (or at least very rarely) got any sort of spam on here, but now I am getting so much. I just went through three of my entries, from newest to very old, to get rid of a bunch of spam messages How annoying.

So my mom surprised me today, she had me to come over to give me a surprise gift..she has paid for me to go to Online Bartending school. Says this will be a new and good "Career" path for me. I am both kinda excited and at the same time, not fully thrilled. I mean, I have talked about possibly going to bartending school before, seemed like fun, but when I really think about it, it sounds like a good way to screw up my resume, which is all perfect looking for good paying jobs like receptionist or administrative assistant. I am also not very happy she spent so much money without asking me if I would be really interested. At the same time, I am still a bit excited because this is a whole new skill set and who knows..maybe this will be fun. Only issue is I spent tonight looking at Bartending jobs..theres barely any right now, and most of the ones there is around, want at least 3 years or more in bartending already.. Other downside is most of them only pay minimum wage, for about part-time work, and then tips..if you get any. This worries me, I can't live off that..it will barely pay rent.
Would I even be a good bartender? I don't normally drink that much, especially strong things..lol..I can't tell if this sounds fun, bad, or dangerous at this point, lol..
Ugh..idk anymore I guess.

So I made the mistake of clicking that lovely button on the top of the friends page on my LJ that says "Click here for the new friends page update", and now everything is diffrent..more..tumblr..like. Can't tell if I like it yet or not. I mean, it's easier then clicking pages to go back I suppose. It takes a tad bit longer to load though. Well I guess we'll see how I get use to it lol!!

Hope everyone is having a fun and safe night/day!!

Lazy Day is LAZY!

fallmoonlitrose — Sun, 28 Oct 2012 02:26:50 GMT

So today was our towns Zombie Walk, and though earlier this month I was so excited for it (cause I LOVE the zombie walk), yesterday and today I just lost all motivation to go to it.
It started with the fact all I heard to wear that I could destroy was the same black dress I wore to it every year, and then I realized I had no zombie make up. So that kind of killed it for me, along with the fact that this year they moved it way across town, like a train AND a bus ride away, which is long. Then my fiance and I went to his parents house last night for a small Halloween/Home-warming party (which was really REALLY fun. Their really into Halloween and have ALL these amazing haunted house set ups and decorations, half the party was just staring at all the creepy stuff, lol. Their amazing decorators, and some of it was hand-made by the family, including my fiance!! It was a seriously fun party, got to see my father-in-laws band play finally and everything), and my father-in-law and mother-in-law gave us some really good zombie make up, and even gave my room-mate a shirt she could destroy as well!! So my motivation came back.
But then coming home, we found out it was planning to pour down rain the next day, and my room-mate had tons of college homework, so she decided not to go, which means back to train and bus, and that + rain + zombie makeup sounds bad.. Not to mention walking in it..
So motivation was lost again, but then I thought, you know, I could just go and take pictures, yeah?
Well I wake up this morning and sure enough, it's been pouring down rain all day, only stopping for maybe 20 minuets. The walk I found out was also only from 10am-12:40pm, and everything else was just parties. I realized that I may need a media badge from the walk committee to actually TAKE pictures of the others, and when I sent a message no one got back. I also realize that maybe taking my expensive DSLR with non-waterproof lenses into heavy rain was a bad idea.
So once again, all motivation lost and I decided not to go after my fiance expressed he rather not walk in the rain either.
I suppose nothing was lost, sounds like this year wasn't that good, the new location wasn't in the best part of town (I REALLY hope they move it back to the town square next year, it was way more covenant for me, for everyone, and it was a shorter ride), and it turns out none of my friends ended up going anyways, sooo..next year, yeah! I'll plan farther ahead, maybe like a month ahead. Issue with it is no one ever knows when it's going to be. X_X

Anyways, today's totally been my, possibly much needed, lazy down. I am still in my PJ's, I havn't really done any chores. Mostly just played Animal Crossing: City Folk Wii, and yeah. That's about it. Maybe I'll apply to a couple more jobs, have to help fiance with Unemployment anyways. Or play Minecraft, lol.
Fold some laundry later, yeah.

Hope everyone else is having a nice and safe night/day.

Feeling a bit better..

fallmoonlitrose — Thu, 25 Oct 2012 07:35:08 GMT

I feel a bit better, and today was spent mostly trying to keep myself positive and in a good space. Every so often I felt the need to cry again, or that sick feeling in your stomach you sometimes get with depression, but I shook it off and focused on today's activity's.
I want to thank the people who were there for me, the one here who commented on my post (you know who you are, you gave me a lot of confidence back, thank you <3 ) and the very few on FB who actually left giant paragraph wall posts for me.. You all don't know how much it really REALLY means to me to know that their are SOME who care..or hell, even look at these journals, lol.

Either way..back to the job hunt. Thanks again everyone. <3

Hope everyone is having a nice and safe day/night!! <3

Warning! This is a self rant! (Don't even bother reading if you think you'll get annoyed by rants.)

fallmoonlitrose — Tue, 23 Oct 2012 23:43:28 GMT

My anxiety and depression bubble has finally exploded today.
And now a good portion of everything bothering is going to come pouring out in this journal.
What did it?
Was it because my dad burst into my fucking apartment this morning to promptly scream at my fiance and me about us lying over NOTHING? Was it the fact that I apply to a job I am fully qualified and have more then 5+ years experience in, and I DON'T EVEN GET A FUCKING EMAIL?! Was it that I have actually applied to over 40 jobs in last month in a half and the only thing bothering to email at all is a fucking scam job?

I just don't get it, at all. I have almost completely lost my confidence in myself. I feel like I am getting no where suddenly. I am stuck in this spot. I feel pathetic, and useless. I mean, I even had to use part of my college fund just to pay a fucking bill. What's college right? A degree? HA. Classes for photography, writing, English, language, fashion? Please.
I haven't felt this horrible about myself since like..idk..early high school years?
I mean, I can't even get a fucking job, that I have 5+ years experience in, fully qualified, at a CALL CENTER, one that actually I have DONE TROUBLESHOOTING FOR before and KNOW HOW TO DO, but everyone else I know who has gotten calls or works there (which is about, idk, 5 or 6 now), either had little experience, or never ever ever had experience in it at all or were even qualified for it!! Or even had a job before!! They all get calls!! I mean the place freaking trains you!! What's this mean about me? Am I stupid and I don't know it? I been to college before, I took tons of classes. I didn't get my degree because I didn't have money to continue. I don't think I am stupid, I mean I advanced in the job career far above any of my friends (a sourcer for high end recruiters, most don't get that till years later), but now I can't get a fucking job in a god damn call center that I fucking qualify the fucking daylights out of. I heard this company has discrimination issues against people who use to work at Stream call center (my old work), and has been slightly proven by the fact I know only 3 people who DID qualify and have experience, and were from Stream, that manage to get this place. And guess what? They were all managers. Everyone else they just blow right off as soon as they see the word it seems. But I really really actually wanted this job, seriously. And it's weird cause I am happy for all my friends so far who keep telling me they got call backs for interviews at that place, but then at the same time I feel miserable because.. wheres mine? I'm am more then qualified, I know what to do, I have the experience, wheres mine? And it's not even this job, it's all jobs!! I have applied to so many that I am qualified for, so many that I KNOW I can do or even do great in!! And NOTHING. Not a call back, not even a email saying they filled the position, or their not interested.. and like I said, this is way over 40 jobs by now..
My confidence being shot left and right.

Then just..applying!! I am not just applying for myself, but my fiance as well since he's computer illiterate!! And this morning my dad comes over to give me a letter that was FOR SOME REASON sent to his house, about having some old 401K plan close and they want to send me a check, great right? Well the whole time he's here my dad just bitched about how I am really searching for a job, how I am not trying, how I will lose my apartment, and how I will have no where to go soon. Basically almost like saying I am failing, which thanks, I got that lately. Then he starts bitching about how we had to take some money out of my college fund for the electricity bill, which wasn't $89 like we said, it was $150, but this was because they had already added the next months bill to it, but nooo, apparently somehow he got from the people at the place that we were 3 months late, which is bullshit because last month we checked out balance, and it was ZERO, until this months fee came in. Either way, he thinks were lying when we tell him it's not, and suddenly things go crazy, he starts screaming and wakes up my room-mate, freaking starts yelling at my fiance, before storming out when I told him he had to go. AND THIS ISN'T EVEN THE WHOLE STORY.

Basically spent the whole day with all my stress leaking out in the form of tears and headaches. My room-mate and fiance have been trying to make me smile, but I just sit here and get this sick feeling inside on and off, like I will puke. I have no appetite. I have not eaten one thing and all I have had was a little coffee..
I just feel lost today. I feel like giving up. Like it's just done. I am just done.. I feel pathetic, like a failure, and stupid.
Yeah, I know this is the "oh your just being selfish, stop your self pitying" journal rant, post. But know what..fucking deal with it. It's my feelings right now, my stress..
I am trying so hard to look on the bright side. I have applied to the call center again, so cross fingers that maybe this time it will happen, I don't give a shit if it's single. I also applied to lots of other places so yeah.. And hopefully that 401K check they send will be able to pay for some bills.

And things will get better very soon..right? right.

"Once upon another time
Before I knew which life was mine
Before I left the child behind, be
I saw myself in summer nights
And stars that up like candle lights
I make my wish but mostly, I believed" -Sara Bareilles

Hope everyone is having a nice and safe day/night.

Today is slow, and Exercise?

fallmoonlitrose — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 23:58:01 GMT

Today's been pretty simple. Went and worked for my mother for a little bit for some extra money. Came back home, straightened up the apartment some more even though my fiance and I cleaned the whole place yesterday. Put away dishes, folded all the laundry, made notes of some more food for the grocery list, and did the last of the laundry and folded that too. Now just relaxing a little, and hopefully tonight we can go grocery shopping, as we are basically out of a lot of food. X_X

I been trying to get back into shape lately. My Yuki Kuran cosplay has become rather tight on me, and this is actually kind of upsetting to me. I went from someone who was near anorexic (but not actually anorexic, I ate A LOT when I was little, jut never gained weight, but kept losing it instead somehow, fast metabolism, wonder where that went) and wanted to gain a goal weight of at LEAST 110, to someone who who is now apparently "over average weight" (according to measurements of my height, I am rather tiny), and wants to go back down to at least 120 (my average weight is suppose to be 110 for my height apparently). @_@ Plus I just..feel unfit. Some days I am happy with how my body is, other days I wish I could just shed it all off. Are these feelings normal?
I think it's because my gaining weight wasn't in way that was from muscle or exercising or healthy eating, but more so eating junk food and my fiances delicious delicious cooking. I can't help it, I LOVE food!! And I want to still love food. I just want to start eating healthier, while being able to eat my fiances delicious cooking (with junk food being an off to the side thing)..so I been eating a lot more veges, fruits, things like that. I have a calorie tracker app on my Ipod that I can list what I eat every day, and it gives me a calorie count for me everyday that I need to not go over. I been going on long walks a lot, and walking my moms energetic dog, which turns more into a slight run then a walk. I was swimming quite a but during summer, but now that it's fall, It's a bit too cold for it (even with a heated pool) so I am looking into some sweat pants so I can start going to the gym and using the machines and such. Also trying to get back into dancing, and yoga. I am looking to mostly lose these love-handles I created, and some of my stomach..I don't want to lose TO MUCH weight..does anyone know the best way to loose these parts? And maybe some in the thigh as well?

I think the scary part, is ever since I got my interest of fashion back in tact, something happened that I use to HATE when I was younger. I was looking at a fashion magazine, at some modes, and actually went "I was I was that thin". No. NO! I don't have anything agaisnt models, some are actually healthy and work out for their bodies, I like those ones, but I have never ever EVER wanted to be something anorexic, starves them self and won't admit to it, ect. When I was near anorexic, I knew, and still know, the horrors of being that thin, without even wanting to be!! It's not fun, it's actually horrible to heat the things doctors say. And because I knew first hand this, I always shared it with people who aspired to be like these models, and I still do.
If I were to ever want to be like a model, I would be like my top favorite female model, Erika Linder, who eats healthy, exercises, and has a fucking three pack!! She's slender, fit, healthy, and sexy. I want to be like that if anything.

But mostly, I just want to be healthy..I want to feel healthy. I don't mind eating junk food every so often to the side, but I just want to eat better, exercise more, and feel a bit better about myself. My goal was always to get to 110-120..well when you don't have a scale, you go over.. haha.
And I am not that big. I mean, I even admit, I am not that big. I know their are people out their who tell me all the time I can't complain, and I am not trying too, and I am not trying to offend anyone either when I say I want to lose some weight and become healthy. I am just saying, if their is a goal I would want by the end of this year or the next, it would be to get back down to a healthy weight for me, 120. Does anyone get what I mean really? It's not that weird, right? :S

And so ends my small rant to myself on trying to lose some weight and get back into being healthy, here's hoping I can keep up with it!! :D

Hope everyone is having a safe and fun day/night!! <3 <3

The 2nd Place?

fallmoonlitrose — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 07:50:32 GMT

First of all. Zombie Walk here in Oregon on the 17th. Excited to dress up and go, but what will I dress up as this time? I feel like my costume was too plane last time. Afterwords my mother wants to go to Hamburger Mary's for their Halloween night. She also wants to go to Fright Town soon with my sister, my best guy friends, and possibly my other best friend, and an old room-mate/friend.
I am in desperate need of a second hoodie sweater, and I was planning on possibly buying this really cool skeleton one I like from Hot Topic, but I guess it will have to wait.. Hm. I'll have to see were my money is.

So I can't help but notice that, with some friends (and no, I am not pointing out a certain friend, because a good few seem to do this), I seem to be 2nd place, if not very last place, with how they choose friends. Now, this wouldn't bug me, but some of these friends (or well, all of them) I do like..EVERYTHING for. I am there for them, whenever they need it. I am constantly supporting and helping them. Helping them. Even buying them things, or taking them out, ect. Yet somehow, no matter how much I consider them my friends, I get pushed way back unless they NEED something, or if I am the last friend on their list they can ask to go do something with them. Yet other times, their there for me, and help me when I need it. I just don't know..in most cases, this is when people tell you to get new friends, but I don't want to do that. I known these friends for a long time, I still care about them like I use too..I just wish I wasn't the last friend that pops up for consideration when going to do something..
What can I do to make them realize this?..

Anyways..small rant was small..could be longer, but I don't feel like putting it here, or now..

Hope everyone is having a nice and safe night/day.

Trying to keep this journal updated.

fallmoonlitrose — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 04:44:34 GMT

Month is going by rather quickly.
We went to Fright Town, it was a lot of fun!! My mother is thinking of taking my little sister, my guy best friend, and me later this month.
Besides that, my fiance and I decorated the house for Halloween, it looks really nice. My room-mate and one of my best friends took me out to our favorite (drag) bar, Hamburger Mary's, that was super fun, and on Halloween were going to be taking my guy bestie to see a classic live experience showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show for his birthday (yep, he has a Halloween birthday)!! So I am excited for that.
And next month, my fiance and I are going to see my favorite band ever, The Birthday Massacre!! <3 So so excited and happy for that!!

Besides that, trying to put stressful things off to the side and work on them. Still looking for a job, all of us are.. Running out of food and not having much to get groceries cause of food stamps.. ect. :/

Trying to get into writing more, and BJD photos, things to keep the stress-anxiety-and anything OCD away, lol.

This post was to have more to it, but I am kinda meh tonight. That's what 4 hours of sleep does to you..lol!!

Season 3 of Glee added on Netflix!! A friend already got the season for me and I already started it, but my room-mate doesn't remember all of it so were re-starting it..plus being able to pause it without having to jump up to get to the mini-comp every time is nice, lol. <3 So happy about this, all my shows are getting updated with their latest (but not newest obviously) seasons!! <3

Hope everyone else is having a nice and safe night/day!! <3 <3

October Plans and Other Things!!

fallmoonlitrose — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 08:03:54 GMT

Apparently my LJ sub ran out recently. CRAP!! I really need to start remembering to post here, in fact, I should put this at the top of my book mark bar.

This month must be my fun month, a month I am going to spend trying not to stress to much and just have fun.
Go go bullet points!!

. Bought some new clothes, all except one on clearance sale!! Also bought some new earrings!!

. My fiance and I had our 8th anniversary. It was wonderful!! We went on a movie date, saw "Hotel Transylvania which thanks to some issues with movie timing, Fandango, and a full theater without warning, the manager kindly upgraded us to a later showing of the movie that day, and in 3D, with no extra cost!! The movie itself was good, it was actually very cute and pretty funny. For anyone with a love of supernatural humor, I totally recommend it. After the movie we went and ate dinner at Pastini down the block from it. The waiter we had was very friendly and the food was EXCELLENT, for sure going back!! Our anniversary gifts to each other? Well I got my fiance Resident Evil 5, since he said he wanted to play that before the new RE6 which just came out, and he has been glued to it since. For me, he got Kat Von D's Saint perfume, and two eye-shadows from her make up line!! Loving them, both colors look good on me and I love the perfume. Kat Von D even tweeted a congrats on our anniversay when she saw the post (and a diffrent post by my room-mate) I put up about it!!

. The day after our 8yr anniversary was my moms birthday. Her request this year was to go to the country to the Pumpkin Patch, which we actually do every October anyways, so this was perfect!! I made us Egg Salad Sandwiches, and we bought some chips, and had a nice picnic there. The weather was perfect (maybe almost a little to perfect, to warm)!! We walked around the farm, saw the animals, and took a hey-ride out to the pumpkin patch were we picked our pumpkins. We then checked out the store and bought some local organic apple-cider, some small table pumpkins, and then walked around the flower garden. Later we had dinner at her place, and cake/pumpkin Pie!! It was a really nice day!! My mom got a whiskey dipped cigar from my fiance for her birthday, and from me a vintage fashion purse with Darth Vader on it, oh yeah!!

Besides that, here's my upcoming highlights of this month!!:

. Haunted Houses Fright Town on Thursday with my fiance, room-mate, and friends!! So excited!!

. Pumpkin carving this weekend possibly!!

. Fashion Week Singapore on the 20th-22nd!! I plan to watch it on Youtube (I don't have cable) and HDMI it too my TV!! >w<

. And on the 31st, Halloween, it's my best guy friends birthday, and we plan to dress up and to the historical Clinton Theater to see the classic Rocky Horror Picture Show!! So excited!!

And that's it for now!!

Hope everyone is having a fun and safe night/day!! :)