Fallen Identity

Comparing This to My Previous Post

2010-09-13T20:55:39Z

Also:

I am now 24 years old (and a half, GAH). This Wednesday is Bobby and my 2 year, 10 month anniversary. I am still working at Midtown Comics (5 days a week at the warehouse, 1 day at Times Square (on Sunday, w/ my favorite peeps Andre and Andrew).

I went to Atlantic City to see Lady Gaga on July 4th, (sat from noon-7 when we went inside, to stand some more in the pit until the show started at 8PM).

I went on vacation to California (!) to visit Annitsa; and the place stole my heart. I very much want to move there. (We were specifically in North Hollywood, and the general L.A. area).

Jamie's baby girl, Evie, turned ONE year old on Sept. 1st. (Wow.)

Seems like every once a year...

2010-09-13T20:46:32Z

that I update this thing. Haha. Well, it's September 13th, 2010, folks. How do I feel? Nostalgic, as always. Whenever am I not?

What life is currently like for me:
My favorite obsessions (besides Spice Girls) are Lady Gaga & Tim Gunn.
I love in the Bronx, with Bobby, in our lovely one bedroom apartment in the same building as my buddy Xander.
I have two adorable one-year old kitties, Twilight and Angel Eyes.
I met Tim Gunn for the second time at a signing at Fashions' Night Out at the Kate Spade store in Soho, on Friday, Sept. 10th. I will be meeting him for the third time at the Barnes N Noble signing Tuesday, Sept. 21st. Because I adore him. ^.^
I was incredibly proud of Lady Gaga when she won all of her VMA's this year, especially the Video of the Year, where she announced the title to her third album, "Born This Way", with tears, and then belted out a few lines from that track. Gorgeous and chilling.
Listened to the Goo Goo Dolls new album, "Something For the Rest of Us" today; not my favorite, but as I listen over and over I do like it, and it has a nostalgic feeling all on it's own.
I just got back from visiting Wisconsin for 11 days; cleared out my storage unit, moved everything into my Dad's garage attic. I experienced the most amazing Monster Ball ever, where Gaga pointed at me and said "I think you're sexy", and "that's right, Superfan!" when I shouted "truth!". Best day all around. <3
I'm tired, and it's heading into my favorite time of year; fall. Which, of course means, the best time of year: Halloween!

.nostalgic.

2009-07-03T04:46:17Z

Sometimes, I just really wish I could go back. I want to do the Renaissance Faire again, and travel. I miss it SO much. I also wish I could go back even furthur, to when I was a young teen and completely naive and innocent.

I really just have no idea what I'm doing.

It's been 90 weeks since my last post...

2009-06-15T16:54:02Z

How crazy is that? The last time I posted, I was 21 years old, going to school at the New York Film Academy, single, and living in Brooklyn, NY.

Now, I am 23 years old, working at Midtown Comics (a year and a half now), living in Queens, NY, and today is the one year seven month anniversary of my relationship with my boyfriend, Bobby.

And just look at how much Live Journal has changed.

Ha.

This year, the 23rd year of my life, was supposed to be the BIG one. This was my last favorite birthday to turn, (now it's all just down hill, ;P), and I needed to do something important in my life to make it feel worth it.

So far, the biggest things that have happened are: my best friend's Loryn got MARRIED, Jamie, HAVING A BABY!, and Caser's is moving into her FIRST APARTMENT. All VERY exciting stuff. But, wait, that is not happening to me, now is it? But I am VERY excited for all of them. <3

But yannow, it hasn't been bad on my end, either. I met my one of my heroes, Melanie Brown a.k.a. Scary Spice TWICE, along with John Noble and Jasika Nicole from Fringe, Joss Whedon!, and received a phone message from Amber Benson, who I will meet in the flesh in two weeks. All pretty amazing!

I also took a vacation to LAS VEGAS, NEVADA, so I could see Mel B in Peepshow, and that was all thanks to Bobby. AMAZING time, all in all.

I have also declared bankruptcy and have no idea what to do with my life.

But, hey, I am blessed with amazing friends, and family, and experiences, so I'm sure it'll all be all right.

yep.

Vote for me for RENT! Please? :D

2007-09-18T16:38:25Z

I am currently in a contest to be able to auditon for the casting directors of (my fave musical!) RENT. I had to submit a 60 second video of my singing a part of the character I am going for's main song (Maureen's Take Me or Leave Me). Then starting today going through to Sept. 30th, people vote for their favorites, and the top three get to see the show, meet the cast, stay in a hotel, and most importantly, audition for the casting director! Ahh!!

If you had a moment of spare time (which is rare, I know), I would really appreciate your vote. The URL is http://www.siteforrent.com/onlineaudition/votes.html , and then you scroll down until you find my name, Rea Laskowski, (it will be in the top 30 at least, because it lists by votes). And then click!!

Thank you so much!!

. send in the rain today.

2007-03-26T16:31:10Z

I had these crazy frightening dreams last night. It all started with me being pregnant, and for some reason someone was forcing me to get an abortion. So to do this, they were torturing me. I was being attacked by this tall, creepy man (whom of which I can't recall the face). I could see the child in me, the body, and it had blond hair; it was like a mini toddler instead of a true newborn (and she was perfectly clean, not slimy with inside stuff). I could picture her inside me getting hurt as I was being tortured. And the strange thing, we were in a store, a dept. type store, and we were in a dark area (like the store was closed) near the toy section. (So many of my dreams take places inside stores, and it's always something weird.) So at one point he looked away and I just took off into the toy aisles. I was so, so afraid, but he yelled and came after me, so I took a right into the bathroom area (which interestingly enough, was a huge bathroom with many stalls, all grey, and there were signs saying how is was a mutual bathroom for boys and girls) and I ran through looking for an empty stall (guys were walking out of some that i dodged) and I finally reached one and slammed the door shut, terrified outta my mind. The Creepy Guy came to stand outside my door in a menacing way and I just yelled at him desperately saying that I just had to pee, let me alone, I just needed the restroom, i wasn't running away, really. (Why am I such a coward? I should have run to the front of the store and tried to get out of there. Though, I suppose I'm a large pregnant woman...but still. Coward. I pray that in real life I would do whatever I could to get away.) So he waited for me, and I remember my child bleeding inside of me, all bloody.

Then things changed. I'm not sure how to explain this, but the dynamics changed and a guy was now being tortured, but he was doing it to save his g/f who didnt know she was pregnant? or some such. I just remember this scene where the young guy was on a dock outside in the dark that was on a huge body of murky water (and yet are still in the dept store scene, but this was like a doorway opened into this hellish scene) and he was being electrocuted by Creepy Guy, and then was being tossed into the water.

Then, there was more to the scene. A part of the dept store changed into, well, everything had the same dark yellowish orange light as in the murkey water area, but it was like part of a house, and there was a party or something going on, but it was all still sinister. But now there were kids, and I was there taking care of them with a few other people my age. And there was this game thing where each got to be a different super-hero or villian, and they got to dress up as them. So the first kid was Silver Surfer, and the next was Toad from the Brotherhood of Mutants. And we were trying to take pictures of them, but then my camera died and we needed batteries for it, so then this search pursued for batteries, but quietly, so that Creepy Guy didn't know what we were doing. Because he could show up at any moment and we weren't supposed to be taking batteries. (we were searching in drawers of a kitchen) And then the Silver Surfer kid was complaining about how he was injured, his shoulder was misplaced and it he was in great pain because the Creepy Guy had tortured him. And the guy I was searching with looked at me and we were like, "this cannot go on". So we were gonna do something about it.

And then I think I woke up and the dream that I had next still had a weird vibe but it wasnt the same story line. In that one, I was in this small basement like room with a bunch of couples (i think Loryn and Alfred were there) and I was with this guy, some plain guy with really light blond hair, and a pale face with rosy cheeks. And we were laying together on a couch, but something weird was going on, and, stuff was being said that didn't make sense, and suddenly we all went into the living room area and I was being given these really hideous clothes as gifts and I had to pretend that they were fantastic (though they were old and ikcy) and my b/f was just like, (for a really grungy white top) that's BEAUTIFUL! I can't wait till you wear that, because you always wear black. And I'm like, what? I wear tons of colors! I hardly wear black. Pssh. And...it was just all weird vibey. But, hey, I had someone to cuddle with for a while, so it can't be all bad.

Really, the first dream unsettled me, because of all the torture going on. WtH? creepy.

you can breathe, you can breathe now (but the air is running out)

2007-03-23T15:57:32Z

Yannow what I hate? I hate when I write something perfectly, all my thoughts in place, and then somehow it deletes before I can save it. Wonderous. And you can never repeat it, yannow? Everything seems choppy after that first perfect draft.

But I shall try again anyhow.

How is life, you might ask? Life is freakin CRAZY. Look at where I am; bloody NEW YORK! My god. It's everything I've hoped for my whole life, it's like I'm actually beginning. Not that other events in my life haven't had any impact. One of the most important events of my life is still the '04-'05 Renaissance Faire experience. I learned so much from that; it molded my future self. I am proud to say that I have grown so much from who I was then. I will treasure and carry those times with me for the rest of my life.

I hate that at a time like this I still have unhappy days where all I want to do is sob. Yesterday was one of those days, and really, it almost upsets me more that I feel like that then what's going on to make me feel that way. Does that make sense? I don't know, it's like I know what's going on with me, but it's so deep down and encrusted and I'm not sure how to wipe it away. I want to be fresh and vibrant and alive, and I want that every day. But I guess that just doesn't always happen.

I am excited beyond belief, however. I love my NYFA friends; it's going to be so sad at graduation. I hope some of these relationships become bonds that can't be broken just by not seeing each other every day. I hope everyone becomes successful in what they want to do, and that we can have chances to work with each other in the future. How wonderful would that be? I can see how some of these people have just the greatest character and it's so interesting to watch them; I know they'll be successful. Like Jenna! I wish that girl wasn't so self conscience (i think thats the wrong spelling). She is so entertaining to watch. But anyway, I have three different connections with people that I don't want to lose, and it may not be the people you think. Ha.

So...yeah. I think everything will work out okay. No matter what, I kinda know, I've always known, what I want to do with myself. I want to travel all over. I don't want to stop. I want to go from NY to CA to New Mexico, all acoss the states, to London, to Dublin to Sydney, Paris to Holland, and Switzerland, to Mexico (only with an escort. ha), and of course my dream home, New Zealand above all else. I don't want to stop moving, I don't want to settle down. At least not for years and years. I imagine how I want to live when I'm old and gray; I want my little cottage in a NZ forest somewhere, all by myself with the mystical woods filled with nymphs and faeries and all things beautiful and magickal to befriend me in the end days of my life. That is what I want. That is what I've always wanted.

It's funny to think, though. I love my independence. I love to do things my way, when I want to. If I want to go somewhere I will without guilt. But I love love, and friendships. I don't want to lose them. The people I feel close to are precious to me. I have to get better are staying in contact, because I truly lack in that. I can be a lazy person when it comes to such things, but it doesn't mean I don't care or am not thinking about you. And the love thing...what do do about the love thing? That is hard, because if you are in love, and have that perfect person, you have to be able to understand....I can't settle down. It's not in my nature. Even if I have children one day (and I do. I really, truly do. I really want to raise children, because I think I could do it well. I think I could pass on wonderful ideals and love to them. I think I could do a great job. But everytime I think of kids, I think of myself as a single Mom. I want to raise the kids MY way, with no interference. And not everyone shares my views and opinions of the world we live in) I want to stay on the run. I don't want to ruin their lives by being unstable, but unless I find the perfect place, I can't imagine ever feeling satisfied anywhere. I CAN be satisfied, for a week, a month, maybe more, but usually not for long. I always feel restless. I always want to go somewhere else.

So that's my life...it's unnerving. I WANT to feel, satisfied. Though I am only 21. I have time. Or maybe I'll be like this forever. The only time I feel kinda settled is when I think of my retirement. Because I KNOW, I just KNOW, that I'll be happy, if I get what I imagine. If I can be alone with nature all around me, magick and life and dreams surrounding me, I know I'll feel peaceful. I'm okay with death, if death is the releasing of me into dreams. Man, even when I imagine the scenario in my head (my old age and home), I feel so calm. I just pray that the world won't be too changed/destroyed by that time, that everything will be lost. What a horror to think about. Let's pray that in sixty years everything will still be kinda okay. Ha.

So....yeah. I've talked too much. Long live today. Because today is all you've got. So live it to the fullest, and do everything you can with it. I like that philosophy too. Because I do believe that, even though I'm always living one foot into the future. I love today, I love the journey. It amazes me.

I'm just one big contradiction. :D

. so today in Brooklyn.

2007-03-05T01:39:58Z

Well, I am here, residing in the great vibrant state of New York, in Fort Greene, Brooklyn area. I arrived this past Thursday, and have basically just been emotionally preparing myself for the change and looking forward to Monday when classes at the Film School begin. I pray that for one, I make some good friends there, and two, (well, more importantly) that things head in the direction that I want them to. This is my life's goal and dream, and I am gonna do what it takes to make it come true.

Hope everything is well with everyone, I'll try to keep this more updated than in the past.

Love ya's,

Rea

. terrified, excited, worried.

2007-01-10T19:31:55Z

Every day that passes means a day closer to leaving, and that is filled with mixed emotions. Some days, some certain times or occurences, I feel SO ready to leave; I can't wait, let it be here. But most of the time, I'm filled with anxiety and I just do not feel ready. I am afraid to not have the ones I love close by, I am afraid that it's all going to fall apart, I'm just afraid. The nightmares are constant, and I know it's because I'm worried that I don't have a definite place to live yet (though now that I found Craigslist and all the messages of people looking for roommates, I feel more hopeful). And then of course the money situation.... Sometimes, it just feels easier to stay; I could pay off my debts, I have loved ones who would take care of me and would be there, I would have an affordable place to live; everything would be familiar. But I know that shortly I would start feeling restless; I would need to get out and see the world and try the things that I have wanted to do since I was young, and not get stuck. More than anything I want that life where I am able to do the things I want to do, and not get stuck at a 9-5er, just passing time. I don't feel the conventional life is the right one for me.

So I know that means that I have to go through with this, one way or the other. I have to somehow make it through. Aiy.

. i'm so tired, but i can't sleep.

2006-11-30T03:39:41Z

It's funny to think about how I used to use the internet SO much years ago. That was half my life; it seemed everything. I'm not sure why now. Hmmph. At least I used to a lot of that creatively, so it doesn't seem like such a waste.

Anyway, I'm hardly on for an hour a week these days (luckily I have free internet now, or otherwise what a waste that would be), and that's why nothing is hardly every updated or responded to.

I miss a lot of you, and dream frequently about you Kat and Casey. (Nothing too weird, I promise.) It's strange not to have Ren Faire to mix some of us up, and this summer really blew the whole group thing for some of us. Alas.

I don't know if I wrote this already, but I am leaving at the end of Feb/ March First ish to New York, because of money and housing issues, but two months isn't all that much of a delay (and at least it won't be snowing!) so I have a little more time to see you all.

I gotta go, I'm exhausted. Love yas.

. you're so vaiiiiin.

2006-10-18T04:41:10Z

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
0
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

. let's waste time chasing cars .

2006-10-05T21:21:08Z

New York....I just got back, was there from early Monday through Wed....first time anywhere where I did everything all on my own, and knew absolutely no one.

I was a bit iffy about it, to tell you the truth. I felt at home, not like a tourist, but I just felt sad at first; prolly just lonely. Then I realized something, as the days progressed and I experienced and got used to the subway system and streets. Well, actually I realized this when I got home. I realized that I do truly love New York, and loved being there. That I guess Milwaukee, though I love it in a sense, for it is where I grew up the past 20 years...is just not the place for me. Maybe it's just not fast paced enough, not cultural enough? (though I know you can search and can of course find, but it just doesn't seem enough) I really loved the fast pace of things there. I don't really know how to explain it, I just....really felt myself there. Strange, I know. Hmm.

So. The shitty thing right now is that I still have to find housing, because I had the wrong address and all the housing that they gave me is too far away to the actual place where my classes are. I am a bit p-o'd about that, but in the end I might just wait a couple months and start in March instead. At least it would be heading toward warm weather (I was amazed at how much warmer it was there than in Milwaukee). So I'm still searching, and we shall see what occurs. I do know, however, that I really do want to attend the school. I think it's going to be a great experience, even if I do go broke.

So that's my update. Oh! I also got to see Avenue Q on Broadway. It was absolutely FANTASTIC. There was an understudy playing Princeton/Rod, and I am really glad that he did, because it was a lot hotter than the regular guy and he did an EXCELLENT job. In fact, everyone was great, except I would say the guy playing Brian was mediocre (how much can he do anyway?) and the woman playing Gary Coleman didn't seem too enthused that night. Ah, well, everyone else was fab. Mary who played Kate Monster/ Lucy t. Slut is now a fave of mine; I think a lot due to that she really reminded me of Julie Benz; she was so cute. :) Since I was by myself and the show wasn't sold out that night, I was upgraded to an AMAZING seat, and saw everything perfectly. I love how they used the t.v. screens to move the story along. All in all, fab. :)

And that is that.

. this is the end.

2006-09-08T18:04:01Z

Well, I did it. I ended it with Ruben. Again. But this time for real. I know it's the right thing to do, it's just very hard. But life will move on, and it will be okay. Everything turns out okay, since everything is for a reason.

.sometimes i wish i could paint my face, and pretend that i am someone else.

2006-09-07T15:11:05Z

Why does he upset me so? Everything will be fine and dandy, and then, *BAM* he acts like an asshole and hurts me in so many ways. I don't think I can take the mental abuse anymore. I mean, does he even realize what he is doing? Everytime I try to talk to him he just doesn't get it.

I hate how my life is going right now; I wish it were December. I wish I knew what I was doing.

. i seriously hate guys.

2006-08-31T18:05:05Z

Sometimes. My boyfriend is being an annoying f***. We'll be all happy dory, and then BAM outta nowhere he gets all upset and then leaves without saying good-bye and slamming the door. The boy's got ISSUES, I swear. Man, sometimes, I wish I could just say "sayonara" (or however you spell it) but I know that would be really hard. If it was November or Decemeber, I prolly just would, because I'd be almost gone. But I do love him, and this just hurts. GRRR him. Grrr.

. we are all innocent, we are, we are.

2006-08-22T05:03:42Z

Me and Jesus are friends again. Yay! (i bet that sounds funny when you don't put the accent. ha.) That makes me really happy. In fact, the whole day was pretty good; i was in a chirpy mood. Last night I watched Along Came Polly with Ruben because the couple reminds us of us (Me as Polly and Ruben, as, well, Ruben. Ha.) And I think that helped me get back to myself, feeling that I can be a "cool" person too. Ha. Since really, I had a lot in common with Polly.
But anyhow.

I am just really happy we are friends. I love having friends. Huzzah! :)

So basically I am still in the process of organization and moving things into storage. It's fun, in a way. I'm trying to to sell whatever I can on ebay, and so far sold a shirt...that Loryn ended up buying. HA. But someone else did actually bid, so that makes me feel a bit better. Hee. I just hope I can sell everything else, somehow.

Yay life.

. every single night, the same arrangement.

2006-08-21T16:21:54Z

Well, what a crazy crazy summer. It's really frightning, and incredibly exciting, to know that in just a few months I will be heading out to NYC. (well, actually earlier, to get housing situation all set up and such.) But I'm afraid, because certain things are so good right now and I am afraid of how that is all going to turn out. I don't know, I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

It sucks, too, in a way. This week is the last week Loryn will be working with me at Shur-line. And now it seems all the other friendships I had going there are just going into the shitter. My fave work partner is moving to first shift as of Sept. 1, and I sort of had a falling out with the one person I thought I was closest with there, and though it was semi-repaird I will never think of her the same way again. I was betrayed by her and I think that she is still bitter that I am driving and she is not. Le sigh. Then of course, my other fave guy, who just got back from stint of being on medical leave. I want to be friends so badly, and I hope I can accomplish this somehow. I know I screwed up, as did he, but we can get through that, right? I really want to, so much.
I think part of that is because really, the only people I hang out with are Loryn and Ruben, and I just want friends again. Like this past Fri, one was at work and the other in Madison, and I had no one, and I just really wanted to go and do something. Damnit. 'Course, it doesn't help that I'm only 20 and can't get into all the places that everyone else can, though I wouldn't drink anyway. Le sigh.

Four months. Scary.

. one song before i go.

2006-07-19T18:22:07Z

I had this fab dream last night.

I was rehearsing for a musical performance (not sure quite what) and I was rehearsing with Roger (from RENT, the Adam Pascal long hair movie version). We were friends, and we were singing together (oooo) and we both knew we liked each other. We were sitting,and we were snuggling together, and we KNEW we wanted to kiss, but I had horrible breath and I wanted to brush my teeth, so I race into a bathroom to start but he opens the door and pulls me out. So then I look for gum, which I find and am chewing, as is he, and we are snuggling and just grinning at each other and I want the gum out so I can go for it, because I want to before he does for some reason, but then I decide that really, I want HIM to initiate it, because that rarely happens with me, and I thought it would be incredibly sexy. Mmmm. So then I'm telling him about how I was doing "One Song Glory" in my music lessons (ha), explaning everything from how I had to take a break for the summer because my instructor had to go back to Madison and yadda yadda, and then finally I finish with that gum. So, I turn back to him and we are just about to lock lips when I wake up for absoultely no reason whatsoever. ARRRRRGH! I tried so, SO hard to get back to sleep but it just wasn't working.

Bloody hell. But it was nice anyway, with the snuggles and the knowing we wanted each other. I mean, come on, it's Adam Pascal. Mmm. But yannow, it's funny. I don't know why I always dream about him, when Mark (Anthony Rapp) is my fave. Huh.

fallenidentity @ 2006-07-03T12:10:00

2006-07-03T17:21:36Z

For some reason, I feel really good about work today. Though, it is true that probably nothing at all will happen out of the ordinary, I guess it's just a nice feeling that for one, Mondays go by really fast, and two, we have off tomorrow for the holiday; and it's paid. Yay!

So...life is crazy. Had a pretty good weekend at faire, I always feel bad when I think I'm disappointing someone. I want to do everything right and work hard, but sometimes I just get flustered and angry and whatnot. I dunno. It'll all be fine. I'm very excited about the finale, and that St. Lawrence is the first to enter. I loved being the first to go up. Hah. Though I know that's not going to happened everytime, it was still a great feeling. I love productions. I love acting; I love performing. So much.

I'm in such a weird state of being right now. It's JULY already. DAaaaAAmmmmnnn. Where is the time going? I know I say that every time, but sheesh. I
I have a lot going through my head right now. Too much, really. I'm just tired of everything. Blah. I want to just relax and for everything to be calm, but it's just not going to be that way, I can tell.

Le sigh. I have to get ready for work. (but it'll be a good day! really!)

.why are you so damn self-destructive?.

2006-06-28T14:40:03Z

So I wrote an entry last night, using it as a form of test. I was curious if my boyfriend read my LJ. So I wrote the worst possible entry that he would ever want to see on here. Why? Because I guess late at night when you've been through a long day of pain you think of sadistic things to do, and then don't really think much about it. And I wanted to see how much he really knew me, I suppose.
Funny enough, I'm wondering if it worked, because he was acting pretty far away this morning.
Truth of the matter is, if he read it he would never believe that I was just telling a story. Because I guess that doesn't really make sense, in a way. And then, if he HADN'T read this, and he was troubled by something else, well, then, curiousity grabs me.

I love him, but I am a huge fuck-up. I wasn't in the right place, and I do really stupid things that seem to make sense at the time.

I guess time will tell.

.eyes wide open; i can't see.

2006-06-28T04:42:23Z

You know, it's funny just how crazy a person can be. Or how much you think somebody else, until you are alone with that person and they just turn incredibly different, and are tainted in your eyes forever.

Everything that happened happened for a reason, this I believe and NEED to believe. What did it prove, exactly? I have absolutely no idea. I have no idea what to do now. I'm burning bridges left and right here.

In a way, I can see the clear path, but I don't think that will work just now. It's funny how you think something at one point, and then suddenly it all just changes before you. Everything just shifts and you're like, what the hell happened? What am I doing? And am I just rushing into things again? Am I just being crazy? What the hell is with me?

You see, what I almost want to do right now is tell him that I think we were meant to be together. And that I made a mistake. That I don't know why this all happened, but even though it happened, I still love you. I forgive you, and I want to try again. Can you forgive me for hurting you?

And then there's Ruben.

.just breathe.....just breathe.

2006-06-11T03:02:14Z

Life has been a crazy, insane ride as of late. All I can say is what an experience, what a crazy, bizarre experience in life.

I was kicked outta my home, I moved in with my boyfriend who lives about a block away, now we are fighting and acting strangely because he is crazy jealous over one of my guy friends-sigh-, and it's just one bloody thing after another. My computer was down for a few weeks being repaired, and I had a high fever for a while.

But I'm back now. I think I am moving out of here and into my Mom's apartment, because apparently she is moving in with her fiance/boyfriend/whatever and she has a lease until Janurary, which is strangely convienent since I'm leaving for NYC in late Dec.

Hmmmm.

My computer's battery is about to die.

. no tinsel, no candy canes.

2006-05-21T13:41:46Z

Omygoodness crazy. My actual computer is in the shop (aiy) and so I am at the library real quick updating this.

I worked the entire day yesterday, and this crazy thing happened.

I was walking out to my car with two other guys, my buddy Jesus who is this small mexican guy whom of which I love, and John, this crazy old guy (and i'm not kidding about the crazy). And Jesus and I are yakkin as we always do, but he's acting sorta strangely so I just sorta stop talking. We were chatting about what we would do on our one day off, and he asked me if i worked which i said thank God I don't for once, and that i'll prolly catch up on my shows, and he makes this face like, augh, tv? And I'm like, what! and all offended because he seems to be making a big deal out of it for some reason....and anyway, that's when i sorta start talking, and as we get outside where it's pouring rain, I'm trying to get to my car and I say goodnight, when Jesus sorta waits till John is in his car when he calls to me, "Wait, Rea", and im like, whaaat? It's raining. I need to get into my vehicle. And he's standing there, and it's like he wants to say something,a nd i continue to be like, whats UP jesus, why are you stopping me? and he's finally like, you wanna go out sometime? and im like, oh shit. So I play it off like "you wanna HANG out sometime? yeah that'd be great Jesus! see you later!have a good sunday!"jump into my car.

Oh, man o man o man.

I love Jesus. And this is just gonna be crazy. Ahhh. ANd the crazy thing was that it was all romantic, standing in the rain. LOL.

Why do I attract all these 30 year olds?

. walk down the street, stare at lots of things.

2006-05-12T00:02:48Z

I had my very first lucid dream last night.
It was amazing- I was at an office, much like at work, and I was talking through a window, and there was Ruben and Brad, just like at work. But as I'm talking to them I ask them straight out "this is a dream, right?" and Brad just sorta mumbles back at me and I'm like, yes, this is a dream. And what do I always want to do in dreams?
I fly.
And it was freakin' AWESOME.

It was very strange, because toward the end I flicked to where I was in reality- which was in bed- and I knew I didn't want to wake up, so I tried to just keep going, but something occured in that flicker, and I began to lose control and was taken over by the dreamworld's control once again.

But it was so, so amazing.
WOo.

. nobody knows but me.

2006-05-04T11:40:36Z

Well don't mind if I do.

You Should Be an Actor

You have a flair for the dramatic, and you probably already do a lot of acting in your day to day life, just to entertain yourself.
No need to steal the spotlight from your friends... You'll get plenty of attention once you start acting professionally!

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

hee.