Confessions of a fallen angel

for truth_or_dare

fallen_lee — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 21:58:53 GMT

week 23: Truth: Share an unpopular opinion.

God loves us.

Only he doesn’t. You can argue all you want, but the baseline is that God doesn’t give a fuck about us. And you want to know why? You do? You honesty do? Well, I’m going to tell you why. It’s not the war(s) or the AIDS or the global warming-that are just warnings. It’s going back, way back. Back to the first human, that was just a mortal, powerless image of God.

If God didn’t hate us, then why do humans hate so much one another? Why humans are fighting humans? Why humans are killing humans? Not for the money, not for the joy and definitely not because God loves us.
[Unknown LJ tag]

for fandom_muses

fallen_lee — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 21:25:36 GMT

If money and the law and talent were no issues what would you be doing right now?

Killing every asshole that thinks s/he's better than everyone else. Okay, maybe not killing them, but beating the crap out of them. Kinda long target group, I know. I would start with paedophiles, then move to wife beaters and last, but not least, the drug dealers. Not really, no. But I had you there for a moment, no?

It's not something I'm not thinking it, cause I am, it's just that...law is not an issue for me and I kinda have some special talents, but money is where I lack. If I had money, if I had a lot of money, I would be somewhere nice with not many people around me. Probably in Alaska somewhere.

A wooden cabin, a fire place and a bottle of good wine. What more could I ask for?
[Unknown LJ tag]

for just_muse_me

fallen_lee — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 20:49:34 GMT

#16.2.4 Do you have a best friend? How did you meet and how does your friendship last?

I can't say I do. I mean, Dorf is more of a father figure-if I had been born, and sometimes he's acting like a love sick fool, but we are not best friends. I can't be best bubs with him. I know what he did and who he was...but that's another story.

Mariah is someone I depend to keep an eye to Jude, but friends? We are 'friends' when we need one another. We are friends when we are not trying to kill each other. We are friends when people or/and demons try to kill us.

Then, yes we are friends. But best friends? No.

for just_muse_me: 11.6.1

fallen_lee — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:51:13 GMT

1. I was an angel. Yes, an angel. What, are you deaf or something?
2. I only had sex with two men in my life.
3. I don’t like humans.
4. I have a supernatural sense of direction
5. Although I’ll never admit it in front of her, I’m glad Mariah is my friend
6. I love heavy metal music. Especialy thrash metal
7. I am insanely old
8. I don’t own a TV
9. But I do own a pc, a PSP, a PS3 and an Xbox
10. I have a son

muse: Liandra
fandom: Fallen Angel
words: 76

for just_muse_me: 7.5.2

fallen_lee — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 09:22:34 GMT

TEN wishes

1. For Jude to find his way to this world
2. That way may lead him away from Bete Noire
3. For things to be like before
4. For Mariah to find someone that can touch and don’t die on her
5. Money. I do need more money. More money would be good.
6. A peaceful night. Okay, I’m not into peace and stuff, but I DO need a peaceful, boring, night.
7. Um, I would love to have sex sometime this millennium. Thanks.
8. For me, patience to understand how the human kind thinks and acts.
9. For my favorite bands to stop releasing bad songs (and albums).
10. ~~For Boss man to find the peace he deserves.~~

for makeyourlist

fallen_lee — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:44:50 GMT

Make a list of emails you need to respond to. (week 49)

1. A man 5000miles away needs me help; ~~after I save the world sweetheart.~~
2. Some charity event takes place at the college I work and they need to know if I'm brining a date.
3. Ethan send my an email asking me if I'll go to the Blood Star Halo gig next month.
4. Jude. For some reason, he keeps sending me emails and I need to ask him why.

Make a list your upcoming holiday plans. (week 50)

1. Save Bete Noire
2. Buy a xmas tree
3. Ask Jude to spend xmas together
4. Cook
5. ~~Ask Mariah if she wants to spend xmas together~~
6. Watch an old movie or two
7. Get drunk

for truth_or_dare;week 18

fallen_lee — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:56:42 GMT

I guess I could give up smoking. But then it’s not like I’m going to die from it. Others have and will, but not me. The best and the worst thing when you’re cast down from heaven; you can’t die. You can get hurt and you probably will, but you can’t die. The heaven won’t have you; the earth will reject you and hell? Well, the hell could have a hell of a time with someone like me, but no. Hell will reject me.

So I could try to stop smoking, but why to bother? Same goes for the drinking; why bother? The hangovers, okay, I can live without them, but that’s the only bad effect booze do to me and the headache goes away after a while (usually with the help of an aspirin or two).

Maybe I’ll quit sex. But wait? I’m not having any! Maybe that’s what I have to quit. I must quit those little things we do every week, go out, have a drink, smoke a bit and get laid.

Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

muse: Lee
fandom: Fallen Angel
words: 181

for on_the_couch: "Can you hear me now?"

fallen_lee — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:20:49 GMT

One thing she liked about being human was the fact that she could enjoy the music she liked without getting weird looks from the others. Well, to be honest, she was still getting weird looks from the others, but it wasn’t the same. It felt different, it felt good.

"Can you hear me now?”

She asked turning the volume down a bit. It was very amusing watching Mariah’s animated moves, but the other woman had a temper and Lee had a sensitive skin. It was wiser to keep Mariah’s toxic skin away from her own.

“Yes!” Great, Mariah was pissed off.

Taking a breath, Lee said as calmly as she could, “And you wanted to tell me what?”

“I was sitting in my room, trying to come up with a plan when I heard your music choices,” Mariah raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Now that’s not what I was expecting from an angel. Even from a fallen one.”

“What did you expect Mariah? Hymns and Byzantine music?”

“Actually…yes!”

Lee couldn’t help but laugh hearing that. “Well, I’m sorry, but I never liked Byzantine music in the first place.”
“But Blood Star Halo? You don’t like the Boss, I get that, but don’t you think this is too much even for you?”

“Honesty? I don’t. And you know why?”

Rolling her eyes, Mariah waited for exactly five seconds and when Lee said nothing more, she asked her. “Why?”

“I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.”

“And what an amazing job you’re doing so far.”

muse: Lee
fandom: Fallen Angel
words: 260

for on_thecouch: Who from your past would you like to see again?

fallen_lee — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 22:35:19 GMT

I was his guardian angel. The little prick never heard me. He wasn’t always like that. Before the drugs, and the booze, and the leather pants he was a good boy. He was still the good boy, but he was so blinded by the lights to realize that.

When he started drinking, I was so mad at him. All the potential, all charisma would go to vain. But Jimmy had a mind of his own. Like all people, he did as he pleased, Never thinking twice. I get it, you know. Humans only have one life time and they need to get as much of it as they can. I get that, I do.

I would like to see Jim again. I was never bored guarding him, that’s for sure. I would like to say that to him. I also would like to say that I was proud of him, even when I was fucking mad with him. He screwed up his life and became an idol.

Not many can do that.

muse: Lee
fandom: Fallen Angel
words: 174

for just_muse_me: 6.5.5

fallen_lee — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 17:22:36 GMT

1. The Silent of the Lambs
2. Taxi Driver
3. 28 Days Later
4. X2
5. Citizen Kane
6. American History X
7. Fight Club
8. S7ven
9. Nightwatch
10. Akira

muse: Lee(Liandra)
fandom: Fallen Angel

for truth_or_dare;week 17

fallen_lee — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 17:11:18 GMT

Truth: Talk about something you want but are uncomfortable discussing with others.

It’s not that I’m uncomfortable talking about what I used to be before, it’s that people have this image in their minds about how angels look or behave and I’m a million miles away from that. My own son doesn’t believe me and he’s a hammer. He believes everything the nuns told him. Yet, he doesn't believe me.

Angels are a lot like humans. We love, hate, feel. Some of us are even questioning the Boss. We are not followers. Except when we are. I was one. I guess the reason why I don’t talk about my ‘angelic’ days is because I, sometimes, miss being an angel. If I had the change…I though of that before. I think one part of me really wants to go back. And another hates God so much too even care.

If I had the change to go back, would I do it? Honesty, I don’t know. I want to believe that I wouldn’t. But then the Boss does something and I’m turned again. I would love to talk about God to someone and not get funny looks. I would love to talk about our deal, but I can’t. It’s not that I’m uncomfortable, it’s because they are not ready to hear.

muse: Lee
fandom: Fallen Angel
words: 211

for makeyourlist

fallen_lee — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 20:56:20 GMT

Make a list of chores that you need to complete.

1. Help Jude find the City of Life
2. Kill Moloch
3. Clean the house
4. Pay the bills
5. Give Mal a proper funeral
6. Save the world

Make a list of things you hate about trick-or-treaters.

1. Trick-or-treaters
2. Trick-or-treaters
3. Trick-or-treaters

for just_muse_me: 6. 2 Questions

fallen_lee — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 20:52:08 GMT

1. If one thing could complete you, what would it be?
Probably a cold glass of beer. And a cigarette. I don't believe in love and the rest. But I do believe in beer.

2. Have you ever just wished you were someone/somewhere else?
Nope, but I'm sure people have wish that for me. Especialy if I'm seconds away to kick their ass.

3. Can a leopard really change its spots?
No. If it could, it could have done it already.

4. What's something you are afraid of right now?
~~I'm afraid to show Jude how much I love him, I'm afraid of letting him down now, when he needs me the most, I'm afraid that I'll lose him at the end~~ I fear nothing.

5. Does laughter really heal?
No, that's why we have so many sick/injured people. Also if it could heal it would be really stupid to be a doctor.

6. What's the most important lesson you were taught in your life?
Life sucks. Deal with it.

for muses_w_remore: “Love is not only blind but stupid."

fallen_lee — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 20:35:43 GMT

They say love is blind. She thought it was funny until she fell in love with Juris. They weren’t a typical couple. They had sex. Lots and lots of hot, steamy sex. They hardly talked and they never went on a date.

Yet, she loved Juris and she’s sure that Juris loved her back. Sure they tried to kill each other too many times to count and at the end if it wasn’t for the baby growing in her body, he would had killed her without blinking his eyes.

She was a troublemaker and the last thing Juris needed was a troublemaker in Bete Noire. He had enough problems of his own. The city was one huge problem and Lee only added to that.

And it wasn’t as if Lee needed him in her life. The opposite actually. She wanted him out of her life for good. He was Bete Noire’s Magistrate and that meant he was everything she fought against.

Loving each other wasn’t only exhausting; it was also stupid.

And dangerous for their health.

But it wasn’t as if the could chose whom to love.

muse: Lee
fandom: Fallen Angel
words: 187

for truth_or_dare: Truth: Share a Halloween memory

fallen_lee — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 16:47:50 GMT

“I don’t get it.”

They looked at me; Jude with wide eyes, Mariah with a mischievous smile. I felt like I was disappointing them. I think that a lot these days. Just because I was an angel, that doesn’t mean that I know about humans and how they act. After all, I’m still more of an angel than a human.

“What you don’t get, Fallen?” Mariah asked me while giving me another card. It was weird having them at my house and I’m sure Mariah knew that. To her credit, she kept her mouth shut around Jude.

“Halloween. I don’t get Halloween.”

“What you don’t get mother? It’s fun and it’s a tradition. Kids eat candy and they are happy about it.” Jude, my son, he was raised my nuns and he only saw the good in people. I, on the other hand, didn’t.

Taking a sip from my beer I said, “I still don’t get it.”

“That’s your tenth bottle,” he pointed at the bottle.

“Oh, I wasn’t aware you were counting, thank you,” That annoyed him a bit but amused Mariah.

“Jude, I’m not an expert here, but I think your mother view the world different than the rest of us. So I have to ask, what you don’t get Fallen?”

“I don’t get why you need to wear a mask to act like you really want to.”

Sometimes I say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

“You need another card?” Mariah asked Jude and he shook his head. Neither of them tried to answer my question. To tell the truth I think I ruined their day. It was as if I told a child that Santa Claus wasn’t real and let’s face it, that wasn’t the worst I could say.</a>

muse: Lee
fandom: Fallen Angel
words: 294

for_onthecouch: 23.1 – What scares you?

fallen_lee — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:38:16 GMT

People.

What people are capable to do to each other for money, power or even because they have nothing better to do. The world is full with examples. Last week, a fourteen year old kid died in the school. His parents noticed that he wasn’t at home twenty hours later. The kid was lying dead in the toilet for more than twenty four hours.

And his parents hadn’t notice that their son was missing!

That scares me. The knowledge that some people think that they are better than everyone else. The kid was rich so they thought that it was okay to leave him free to do whatever he wanted. Money wasn’t a problem for them. And now he’s not a problem for them either.

The police asked his friends and they all said the same; he was sniffing some H, he took too much, he passed out, they left. He died and they don’t even feel bad about that.

I don’t know what scares me more; what people are capable to do or what people are not willing to do.</a>

muse: Lee
fandom: Fallen Angel
words: 181

for truth_or_dare: Discuss a time when you've held back from taking action, and your reason for it.

fallen_lee — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 21:17:13 GMT

As a guardian angel I was forced not to take action. I had to respect free will. Sometimes it was easy, sometimes it was hard and sometimes it hurt too damn much. But that was my job and there was a time that I took great joy.

Then Holly was born and everything change. You see, people can’t see their guardian angel, but wethey are always there, whispering to your ears. We They are the logic in you. Angels are a lot like ER doctors; they do all the dirty job, but the can’t get involve with their patients. It would be too hard to move on to another patient once they finish (or if the patient dies).

Angels work that way; we get an assignment, we finish it, we move on to the next one. But Holly was a very special girl and for some reason only the Boss knows, she could see me. And I felt…loved. The little girl loved me and I loved her back. She was such a beautiful little girl and most of the times she did as I told her to do.

Except the time she didn’t. And she paid the price with her life. That was the first time in aeons I wanted to do something. I wanted to kill, I needed to kill. Because Holly was my daughter and he took it away from me.

Because Malachi did nothing.

Because the Boss did nothing.

Because I did nothing.

Malachi stopped me from killing him, but I had let her climb to the car at the first place. I should had stop her, but I didn’t. I believed so much to God and to his love to me that I…

So there.

The one time I had to do something and my faith to God let me down.

And I let Holly down.

muse: Lee
fandom: Fallen Angel
words: 311

for the on_thecouch: 21.2--What makes you happy/laugh?

fallen_lee — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 20:40:15 GMT

What makes me happy? Nothing.

What makes me laugh? Stupid people.

muse: Lee
fandom: Fallen Angel
words: 11

Not even close to the hundred mark, but she's a little pissed off right now

for makeyourlist: Make a list of things you like about Fall (or Halloween).

fallen_lee — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 10:53:00 GMT

1. The chill in the air
2. The colours
3. The cold nights
4. The Halloween
5. The golden brown leafs
6. The nights

for badcompany_muse

fallen_lee — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 19:35:20 GMT

She’s smoking when she hears him coming.

“What?” she asks him before he has a change to say what he has to say. “I lost my temper.”

“You lose your temper very easily, don’t you think so my angel?”

“I’ll pay for the window,” she says and he smiles.

“Ya, and for the door, but I’m not here for the bill.”

“Dolf, I’m not in the mood right now.”

“Of course you are not,” he says and leaves.

The next day she’s hung over and still pissed off and the last thing she needs is to teach to teenage girls how to play defence. What does she knows about defence anyway? All her life she was the one to attack.

“Fuck,” she murmurs and she wishes for an Advil or for some time away from everything. Away from the school, away from Bete Noire and most of all away from her Fallen Angel persona.

God, that would be lovely.

for fandom_muses: What would you have for your last meal?

fallen_lee — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 18:54:02 GMT

For my last meal? Something to drink that’s for sure. Maybe an exotic cocktail or a fifty years old scotch. Or bourbon, I’m easy really. Since we know the important part of the mean. I do love my foods to be a bit spicy so I would pick Cajun dishes.

I would start my meal with Mini Bacon Quiches and maybe some tortilla chips with Buffalo Chicken Dip extra hot! Hearty Gumbo salad with warm French bread. Crawfish Boulettes with Creole Tartar Sauce (minus the garlic) for the main course and I would end it with a large piece of Impossible French Apple Pie.

I believe I could die happy after that.

muse: Lee
fandom: Fallen Angel
words: 112

for just_muse_me: 5.5.5 TEN memories I wish I could forget

fallen_lee — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 19:11:03 GMT

1. Holly’s death
2. ~~Jude’s birth~~
3. When Juris told me he didn’t want to see me anymore
4. When Jude came to Bete Noire
5. When I fell
6. Every death I witness and did nothing about
7. Having sex with Juris (the sex was good, Juris on the other hand...)
8. Sleeping with Malachi
9. Terry May singing (and dying)
10. <strikThe last time I cried

for thruth_or_dare: week 3 Truth: What's one of your guilty pleasures?

fallen_lee — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 09:39:59 GMT

Truth: What's one of your guilty pleasures?

I love to play video games. I have over fifty titles in my house. My guiltiest guilty pleasure? NBA Live ’06. I love that video game which it’s kinda strange since in real life I prefer soccer. Don’t get my wrong, I watch a game or two (when the Spurs are playing).

I play the 76ers the most although from time to time, I play the Lakers. Why I don’t play my favourite team? Real life is more about strategy and less about fun. Video games are more about fun and less about strategy. Of course some teams and their coaches don’t know that yet.

Another game I love; Silent Hill. It’s creepy, dark, moody and you don’t feel bad when you kill whatever crawls your way. If it moves you have to shot it. Raw violence; what more to ask from a game?

And to think I lecture Asia Minor for playing Tekken *sighs*

muse: Lee
fandom: Fallen Angel
words: 157

for makeyourlist: week 44

fallen_lee — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:09:29 GMT

Ten songs I hate to admit I like

1. 'When doves cry'-Prince
2. 'Sleeping with the lights on'-Busted
3. 'Arms around your lover'-Chris Cornel
4. 'Wheel in the sky'-Journey
5. 'Dirty Pop'-Nsync
6. 'Forever young'-Alphaville
7. 'Superman'-Eminem
8. 'Dick in a box'-Justin Timbarlake
9. 'Turn you car around'-Lee Ryan
10. 'You were always in my mind'-Elvis Prisley

for just_muse_me: QUESTIONS

fallen_lee — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:30:40 GMT

1. Is there a time you ever just wanted to give up?
To give up? No, never. The only time I came close to give up was after Holly's death. But even them I didn't want to give up, I wanted to kill that son of a bitch!

2. If you could change one thing about your life to date, what would it be?
I would tell Boss man that he's fucking wrong sooner.
3. Do you believe in fate?
Fate is for the humans, so no. I don't believe in fate. I believe in action.
4. Are you introverted or extroverted?
Introverted. Oh, so introvertes. ~~Having a son and not telling the father for twenty years sounds like extroverted to you?~~
5. If you don’t believe money makes the world go around, what does?
Power! Look at God, he has no money and yet he fucks the world around.
6. What makes you angry?
1. God
2. Stupid people
3. Teenage girls
4. Jude
5. A lot of things.

muse: Lee
fandom: Fallen Angel
words: 170