Application [
hometrail]
player info.
name/handle: Herit
contact info: EmergencyShank (AIM) / Chabliya (Gmail)
personal journal:
srs99d_s2am
previous characters: Leonard L. Church (snipinggod), Rookie (brb_napping)
character info.
character name: Jowan
canon & medium: Dragon Age: Origins (video game)
age & species: 20s, human
appearance: 1 (face & standard expression), 2 (full body/clothes), although tbh at this point he looks closer to this.
previous rpg memories: -
timeline: During his time in the cell in Redcliffe, after being attacked by the undead, but before being rescued by the Warden.
background/history link: Wikia
personality:
If there is one thing that defines Jowan, then it is that he's full of contradictions - beyond what is common for people. It's literally impossible to have an accurate picture of him without knowing all of his background story, and even then, one can never be quite sure what he will do next. Just from meeting him and talking to him, there is nothing that would hint at what kind of person he really is, and what he really is capable of.
For the most part, maybe exclusively, that would mean grossly underestimating him. He invites people to do that: being not exactly good looking and rather unkempt, almost constantly nervous or somehow agitated, and truthfully quite whiny most of the time, it's easy to see him correctly as an unsuccessful, maybe even somewhat tragic figure. What few people would expect, however, is that he's actually an apostate and maleficar; a blood mage - and a quite powerful one at that. What drove him to follow that path despite the danger, the well-known fact that anyone finding out about his studies would mean that he would be sentenced to death, appears to have been curiosity and the desire to improve his, after his own admission, not exactly astonishing skills as a mage. And while blood magic is, as is a commonly known fact in his canon, undeniably evil, dangerous, and forbidden in any way, he didn't have the intention to cause any harm with it. Here lies Jowan's defining problem: he's a man with good intentions, always making the wrong decisions.
Mainly responsible for these are two things, personality traits that make doing the actual right thing uncommonly difficult for him: While he is overall a nice enough and normal enough man, he has both a certain egocentric ruthlessness, and a tendency towards extreme feelings and opinions. He can hardly ever be seen in a balanced state, in regards to anything.
He is paranoid and depressed, angry, afraid, desperate, or completely happy and in love, but never anything in between, only always somewhere on the extreme end of things. When in love with a girl, he doesn't only ignore the fact that he is a mage apprentice and she an initiate of the Chantry, who has taken her vows, but he also promises to run away with her, give up magic all together, and settle for a calm farm life instead. When the First Enchanter catches him in the act of destroying his phylactery, it's not even just a personal problem any more that he listed him for the Rite of Tranquillity; instead, he sees and accuses the First Enchanter of not caring about the mages in general, of just bending to the Chantry at every opportunity. When there is a problem, he runs away, when he is caught, he agrees to an assassination mission, when his skills are insufficient, he resorts to blood magic. If there is one thing that is really telling about him, then it's his readiness to take the most extreme option possible, if it promises the quickest success, even if it means burning all his bridges. And when he's emotional, he's very emotional - and that is what it is most of the time.
Similarly, while overall caring and well-meaning as a friend and as a boyfriend, being honestly devoted to and appreciative of his lover and of his childhood friend, they often suffer under his rash decisions, and while the risk to them is obvious, Jowan is disturbingly quick to take it, even to guilt his friend into potentially ruining his own quite successful life to help him in the name of friendship; to help him out of a situation only Jowan himself is responsible for, nonetheless. What is perhaps even worse is that he can lie to both friends who have known him for years, and lovers he is extremely close to, without hesitation. Even when asked, he denies being a blood mage, keeping it secret and actually dragging his friend and his lover along to help him when they both are convinced that he is innocent, despite being found out ruining the lives of both of them. Of course he shows regrets for that later, but it doesn't change the fact that he was quite willingly and coldly deceiving the two people closest to him, and knowingly exposed them to a risk that he knew perfectly well.
Jowan is, in his own words, not a bad person - he is, however, not a good person either. Good or at least innocent as his intentions may be, his - partially intentional - thoughtlessness and ruthlessness when exposing others to danger or even sacrificing others quickly show a different, somewhat chilling side he possesses. Even though he's not consciously doing evil, he is just a little bit too self-centred, a little bit too cold, and a little bit too evil to really be good. He's more evil than he himself would like to admit, or even knows. That his kind of evil is instinctive and based on finding the easiest, quickest way for him to improve his situation only makes that worse, because it's an evil he's not really responsible for, but neither is anybody else, and it is mostly the others who suffer because of it. A very good display of that is also the Warden's encounter with him in Redcliffe, where he does offer his help - however by suggesting to perform a blood magic ritual that requires a human sacrifice. He is shown to be reluctant about suggesting the idea, and he does so in order to save a child, but he is willing and quickly ready to really do it either way.
It's important to understand that despite this, his good personality traits are not lies. When he expresses love or friendship or care, he means it - he does feel as extremely as he expresses it, perhaps even more. He loves Lily with all his heart, and he is devastated upon her being punished for her involvement in his plans. In a similar way, he regrets having betrayed his friend until the end, and upon realising how much destruction his actions in Redcliffe have wrought, he declares that he has to right his wrongs, and help undoing what can be undone of the damage. However, it is worth noting that this statement is immediately preceded by the realisation that the man who had given him the task to assassinate the arl has abandoned him. While his regret is genuine, the train of thought that led there - his own situation - is self-centred and pragmatic as usual. He means well, but he just can't help that he's a little ruthless sometimes. He hides that part well enough, even - apparently - from himself. When asked about his involvement in the events in Redcliffe, he admits having poisoned the arl, but tries to excuse himself with having been told the arl was a threat to Ferelden, something that having lived in his household, he should have quickly discovered as a lie. It's an excuse for the fact that he didn't care if it would cost another's life to save his own, and not a very good one. It is one that he at least desperately wants to believe himself, though.
Admittedly, he is not very brave, occasionally outright refusing to go get himself in danger, and whining a lot - and then, on the other hand, there are situations in which he's capable of surprising acts of braveness and badass. When he confronts two Templar guards, the Templars' knight-commander, and the First Enchanter at once in order to protect Lily (and his own life), taking them all down in one strike with blood magic, that speaks for itself. He isn't completely devoid of courage, he just needs some encouragement to show it. Over the course of his story, he gradually learns to show it along with learning the way to redemption; if allowed to escape by the Warden, he is later encountered again, living under a fake name, protecting refugees who seem quite grateful for his presence and note that he's saved them three times over already. Sometimes, however, it's not so clear if he is actually being brave, or simply giving up - so for instance when he awaits judgement in his cell in Redcliffe, at which point he also accepts the death penalty without even an attempt to defend himself. While that would at first seem brave and honest to his decision to repent for his crimes, it took him being caught several times and being imprisoned with no way out, seeing everything in his own life destroyed, to get to this point. If let go by the Warden, he happily accepts that offer, too, and is later seen protecting refugees, as mentioned above, but also living under a fake name and wearing a mage's robes, while technically still being an apprentice - continuing with his lies.
Jowan is, in a nutshell, defined by failure: He can't be as good a mage as he wants to be, and he can't quite bring himself to being as good a person as he wants to be either. He is the epitome of quick, thoughtless decisions that take a toll later on. With his lack of responsibility and his selfishness, coupled with intense emotions and a bit of a quick temper, he is in the end as much a danger to himself as he is to others. Still, he means to be a good guy, and he tries pretty hard - he's just not always successful, and the way to learning to genuinely care enough to avoid hurting others beforehand, instead of only regretting it afterwards, is a very long and hard one for him. He will learn to shut up that devil on his shoulder, eventually - hopefully.
Beyond that, however, there is of course more that defines him as a person, and there are a couple of personality traits and characteristics that are actually a bit more flattering than the aforementioned. There is, for one, the determination with which he pursues his aims. As described in detail above, most of the time, this determination leads to unhappy outcomes for everybody involved; nonetheless, when he has made a decision, he usually goes through with it until the (very) bitter end. If given the chance to flee and live on, that is clearly visible in his protecting the refugees, even if he makes that possible by continuing his usual path of lying. The intention is to help - and that, he does, when he could at this point just as easily flee the country entirely. He's decided to repent for his crimes and mistakes, and he doesn't let any danger stop him from that, even quite calmly asking the Warden, when encountering him again with money on his head, to let him go, since he has work to do.
This calmness may seem surprising when seeing his usual nervousness and agitation, which may at times even seem paranoid. It's not a direct contradiction to that, however - when given the possibility to prepare for a certain outcome, he is able to accept that, and face it rather maturely. It is the same when his friend asks him about his future plans after the escape while they search for his phylactery: when asked what would happen if he was caught, he states that he basically expects to be executed, most likely on the spot, without showing much concern about that fact.
Compared to his borderline panic about having the Rite of Tranquillity performed on him that he goes through at the very same time, that change in mood may seem almost absurd, but there's an important difference between both those dangers: one is imminent, somewhat unexpected, and essentially needs a quick decision. It risks exposing everything he's tried to hide, and since he usually hides old, crumbling lies behind more, new lies for good measure, that would have meant bringing down a lot, destroying a construction of lies and secrets he had built up over years. Worse, it would have shown Lily that he wasn't exactly what he was pretending to be, and since he desperately wanted to be honest with her except for all the dirt in his past, it actually mattered to him. The threat of possibly being caught some day and then executed or made tranquil is much farther away, and therefore no concern of his just yet. He is the kind of person who is aware of the possible negative outcomes, but he just doesn't care until the threat is imminent - and therefore he is often able to accept risks and calmly notice dangers that lie in the future, without backing away from what he decided to do. Occasionally, as seen in his repentance, that even leads to a good outcome.
Another thing worth noting is his honest devotion to Lily. While the relationship between the two has the typical characteristics of an ill-fated teenage romance, with all the lies, misplaced and betrayed trust, rather dark secrets, and overt enthusiasm up to and including running away together to marry, there is no doubt that he is not just in love with her, but genuinely loves her. It doesn't stop him from lying to her and putting her at a risk he knew well beforehand, because his short-term solutions matter more to him than anyone else's safety - but his exclusive attention to her (shown in case a female main character confesses her feelings for him, in which case he reacts confused and almost irritated, dropping the subject and emphasising his love for Lily), his determination to give up blood magic and magic all together for her, his protectiveness towards her, and his grief about her being punished because of him all indicate that this is far more for him than just a fling. All their talk about their future plans may sound childish and typically thoughtlessly romantic, but they mean it - and while he does hide his past from her, he doesn't hesitate to reveal his identity as a blood mage when they and their future together are threatened. He also mentions briefly that part of his fear of becoming a Tranquil lies in knowing that Lily would have to see him like that, which he absolutely does not want to do to her, as he says.
Furthermore, something that partially speaks in his favour, partially is the reason for many of his problems, is his inability to accept rules. He is very open about his dislike for the Templars' supervision of the mages, for the First Enchanter's cooperation with the Chantry, and for the rules of the Circle. Perhaps a little antisocial deep down, along with his occasional callousness and difficulty to show empathy, he is a person who is unable to adhere to rules or see their importance. He understands them, of course, but is constantly shown blatantly ignoring them - his completely unnecessary dabbling in blood magic is just one indicator for that, albeit possibly the strongest, along with his poisoning of Arl Eamon. He seems to feel restrained by rules rather than accepting them to have a point to a certain degree, and occasionally gives the impression that he feels that rules exist for everybody but him. It is only towards the end of his story that he finally learns to accept the need to take responsibility for his actions, if at all - if the Warden forces him to be confronted with justice in Redcliffe.
Here, we have another thing that made seem a bit contradictory or at least strange: it's clear that Jowan dislikes the Circle immensely, mainly for the rules. However, it's not like he actually had a better life before coming there as a child. While it would have been understandable to harbour such a strong dislike towards it for a child that had been taken away from its family against its will, that wasn't the case for Jowan. When asking about his family during the mage origin story, the player can remark that he never actually talks about his family, to which he will reply that not only does he not care where they are, but also that he doesn't want to think about them. Remembering his parents surprisingly well considering he came to the Circle at the age of five or six years, he explains only briefly and very coldly that his mother - whom he just describes as someone who "could be cruel, especially if you got on her bad side, which was easy to do" - completely rejected him when he began showing signs of magical ability, referring to him as a "thing", a "demon child", and an "abomination in the sight of the Maker" that she didn't want in her house, and eventually, after many fights, convinced his father to leave him at the village chantry. He explains very clearly that his parents hated him - so the expected reaction upon arriving at the Circle would be to finally find a home that welcomed him. That isn't the case for him, however. He doesn't seem to have any gratefulness towards the Templars or the mages of the Circle, despite everything. The only person he seems to consider close to a family are the main character, his friend, whom he states to consider a sibling, and Lily, whom he plans to marry. Otherwise, he shows as little sympathy towards and interest in the Circle as towards his real parents.
Lastly, one particularly interesting thing about Jowan is that despite his own (repeated) statement that he is not a particularly strong mage, and his constant whining and nervousness, he seems to possess a rather strong self-confidence. Surprisingly for someone like him, he doesn't only seem to have no problems at all with shyness; he even managed to score with a girl from the Chantry, who had taken her vows and was otherwise quite religious and devoted. But even in regards to his abilities, while he doesn't show any kind of arrogance, he doesn't exactly hesitate to explain what he is capable of either; when asked if there was a risk that after his escape and without the Circle's supervision he could become an abomination, a mage so corrupted by power and magic that he turned into a monster himself, he states quite plainly that this was not going to happen, since he would stay away from magic from this point on, and furthermore considered himself strong enough to fight off any demons coming for him. While that may have been a hint at his already existing experience with demons - as blood magic was ultimately taught to humans by demons - he presents it as if it was a realistic estimation of his abilities: without pride, but also not hiding what he thinks he can do.
In the same way, it is interesting to note how he gives hints as to the Circle's real motivation to turn him tranquil during most of the introduction: when first expressing his concerns about the possibility of being made tranquil instead of going through the Harrowing, he explains to the player that the Rite of Tranquillity is usually the apprentice's choice, or forced on the apprentice if the Circle deems them too weak - or, as he adds after a break, too dangerous. There is little doubt as to which category he belongs to, in his own opinion. The very same thing is hinted at when he has a talk with the player about blood magic, pretending to consider it a danger, but smiling when he explains how blood mages can control the minds of others - and what would happen if one was to control a king, for instance. While it's small hints, and he doesn't exactly put it in words, he clearly doesn't think of himself as weak or defenceless. However, how much of that self-confidence actually comes from having studied blood magic and therefore having an advantage over most other people in the Circle, who are largely unfamiliar with this dangerous brand of magic, is unclear. In either way, despite his tendencies towards panic and nervousness and whining, he seems to be capable of judging his abilities realistically, and doesn't ever show hesitation when it comes to expressing his opinions. On the other hand, he's not above whining and begging for help, either, and actually admits quite often that he "can't do this on [his] own", pathetic as it may (and does) make him look, even using guilt-trips on his friends to make them help him out.
abilities:
Magic. In Dragon Age, magic is an innate ability that develops over time, which is why mages are, if discovered (and not yet killed by an angry village mob), taken in by the Circle at a young age and trained to work under the Chantry's control. So his abilities to do magic are innate, his spells are acquired through training. Aside from standard Circle training, he also "dabbled" in the illegal Blood Magic, which is taught to human mages by demons. It's noteworthy that while he is by his own admission not a very good mage, he's - as per display and comments from other characters - quite powerful as a blood mage, able to overcome the First Enchanter, the Templars' knight-commander, and two other Templar guards, all in one strike; a degree of power that even surprises the knight-commander. Blood Magic at the same time enables the mage to sacrifice his own or others' life energy to fuel his magic, and - at a later and more powerful stage which he hasn't reached yet - to find the sleeping minds of others, see their dreams, and control their minds through their blood. It's pretty scary at that point, really.
His spells in detail:
And on the Blood Magic front (note this involves using his blood as a fuel for the spells):
Apart from that, he's also good (although no expert) at mixing poisons and mixing herbs into medicine. Except that's with the ingredients he knows from home, so... it would take some serious experimenting before he could do that again here, if there even are herbs and ingredients like this here. He just knows the basics.
any plans for your character here? Summon a demon, get Cid possessed, have him kill and raise everybody on the caravan, bawww why bad shit keeps happening to him. Without the first three points. Nooo, actually? Since I'm taking him from a point briefly before he turns to redeem himself for his past deeds, pretty much in the middle of realising that his life needs a change, I want to see how that turns out if he's removed from his world, the people hunting him, his dungeon cell, everything he's done wrong, and... well, the guys who do or do not offer him a chance to change, but in any way confront him with his crimes. I don't know which way he'll go yet, if he's going to get more into this Blood Magic deal, or if he's going to try and turn his back on it (and with that on the whole messing everything up thing). It really all depends on the people he meets and the things that happen. But either way? It'll be interesting to see how it plays out.
possessions: Nothing. He's coming from directly out of a dungeon cell, so he doesn't have anything on him except for (bloody) clothes, i.e. blue apprentice robes. Well. And there's his magic. Buuut yes. He's going to try and get a knife soon as possible, though, so he can do his creepy demon magic again.
samples.
sample journal entry:
[voice]
[the situation: suddenly, zombies everywhere. and here is for you a very urgent psa.]
Walking dead? Again? But-
Listen, I didn't mean to do this! I'm sorry! I just wanted to- I thought- I was just curious! I thought this was going to do something, but- This was never meant to turn out like this, you have to believe me!
Maker's breath, I have to fix this-
[and here's a loud BAMM against a door.]
NO! Stay out, leave me alone!
Somebody, help me! Please, I need help! I can't end this on my own!
[ooc: ... yeah, spontaneous zombie apocalypse. IDK. NELLY SAID I COULD DO THIS.]
third-person sample
name/handle: Herit
contact info: EmergencyShank (AIM) / Chabliya (Gmail)
personal journal:
srs99d_s2amprevious characters: Leonard L. Church (
snipinggod), Rookie (brb_napping)character info.
character name: Jowan
canon & medium: Dragon Age: Origins (video game)
age & species: 20s, human
appearance: 1 (face & standard expression), 2 (full body/clothes), although tbh at this point he looks closer to this.
previous rpg memories: -
timeline: During his time in the cell in Redcliffe, after being attacked by the undead, but before being rescued by the Warden.
background/history link: Wikia
personality:
If there is one thing that defines Jowan, then it is that he's full of contradictions - beyond what is common for people. It's literally impossible to have an accurate picture of him without knowing all of his background story, and even then, one can never be quite sure what he will do next. Just from meeting him and talking to him, there is nothing that would hint at what kind of person he really is, and what he really is capable of.
For the most part, maybe exclusively, that would mean grossly underestimating him. He invites people to do that: being not exactly good looking and rather unkempt, almost constantly nervous or somehow agitated, and truthfully quite whiny most of the time, it's easy to see him correctly as an unsuccessful, maybe even somewhat tragic figure. What few people would expect, however, is that he's actually an apostate and maleficar; a blood mage - and a quite powerful one at that. What drove him to follow that path despite the danger, the well-known fact that anyone finding out about his studies would mean that he would be sentenced to death, appears to have been curiosity and the desire to improve his, after his own admission, not exactly astonishing skills as a mage. And while blood magic is, as is a commonly known fact in his canon, undeniably evil, dangerous, and forbidden in any way, he didn't have the intention to cause any harm with it. Here lies Jowan's defining problem: he's a man with good intentions, always making the wrong decisions.
Mainly responsible for these are two things, personality traits that make doing the actual right thing uncommonly difficult for him: While he is overall a nice enough and normal enough man, he has both a certain egocentric ruthlessness, and a tendency towards extreme feelings and opinions. He can hardly ever be seen in a balanced state, in regards to anything.
He is paranoid and depressed, angry, afraid, desperate, or completely happy and in love, but never anything in between, only always somewhere on the extreme end of things. When in love with a girl, he doesn't only ignore the fact that he is a mage apprentice and she an initiate of the Chantry, who has taken her vows, but he also promises to run away with her, give up magic all together, and settle for a calm farm life instead. When the First Enchanter catches him in the act of destroying his phylactery, it's not even just a personal problem any more that he listed him for the Rite of Tranquillity; instead, he sees and accuses the First Enchanter of not caring about the mages in general, of just bending to the Chantry at every opportunity. When there is a problem, he runs away, when he is caught, he agrees to an assassination mission, when his skills are insufficient, he resorts to blood magic. If there is one thing that is really telling about him, then it's his readiness to take the most extreme option possible, if it promises the quickest success, even if it means burning all his bridges. And when he's emotional, he's very emotional - and that is what it is most of the time.
Similarly, while overall caring and well-meaning as a friend and as a boyfriend, being honestly devoted to and appreciative of his lover and of his childhood friend, they often suffer under his rash decisions, and while the risk to them is obvious, Jowan is disturbingly quick to take it, even to guilt his friend into potentially ruining his own quite successful life to help him in the name of friendship; to help him out of a situation only Jowan himself is responsible for, nonetheless. What is perhaps even worse is that he can lie to both friends who have known him for years, and lovers he is extremely close to, without hesitation. Even when asked, he denies being a blood mage, keeping it secret and actually dragging his friend and his lover along to help him when they both are convinced that he is innocent, despite being found out ruining the lives of both of them. Of course he shows regrets for that later, but it doesn't change the fact that he was quite willingly and coldly deceiving the two people closest to him, and knowingly exposed them to a risk that he knew perfectly well.
Jowan is, in his own words, not a bad person - he is, however, not a good person either. Good or at least innocent as his intentions may be, his - partially intentional - thoughtlessness and ruthlessness when exposing others to danger or even sacrificing others quickly show a different, somewhat chilling side he possesses. Even though he's not consciously doing evil, he is just a little bit too self-centred, a little bit too cold, and a little bit too evil to really be good. He's more evil than he himself would like to admit, or even knows. That his kind of evil is instinctive and based on finding the easiest, quickest way for him to improve his situation only makes that worse, because it's an evil he's not really responsible for, but neither is anybody else, and it is mostly the others who suffer because of it. A very good display of that is also the Warden's encounter with him in Redcliffe, where he does offer his help - however by suggesting to perform a blood magic ritual that requires a human sacrifice. He is shown to be reluctant about suggesting the idea, and he does so in order to save a child, but he is willing and quickly ready to really do it either way.
It's important to understand that despite this, his good personality traits are not lies. When he expresses love or friendship or care, he means it - he does feel as extremely as he expresses it, perhaps even more. He loves Lily with all his heart, and he is devastated upon her being punished for her involvement in his plans. In a similar way, he regrets having betrayed his friend until the end, and upon realising how much destruction his actions in Redcliffe have wrought, he declares that he has to right his wrongs, and help undoing what can be undone of the damage. However, it is worth noting that this statement is immediately preceded by the realisation that the man who had given him the task to assassinate the arl has abandoned him. While his regret is genuine, the train of thought that led there - his own situation - is self-centred and pragmatic as usual. He means well, but he just can't help that he's a little ruthless sometimes. He hides that part well enough, even - apparently - from himself. When asked about his involvement in the events in Redcliffe, he admits having poisoned the arl, but tries to excuse himself with having been told the arl was a threat to Ferelden, something that having lived in his household, he should have quickly discovered as a lie. It's an excuse for the fact that he didn't care if it would cost another's life to save his own, and not a very good one. It is one that he at least desperately wants to believe himself, though.
Admittedly, he is not very brave, occasionally outright refusing to go get himself in danger, and whining a lot - and then, on the other hand, there are situations in which he's capable of surprising acts of braveness and badass. When he confronts two Templar guards, the Templars' knight-commander, and the First Enchanter at once in order to protect Lily (and his own life), taking them all down in one strike with blood magic, that speaks for itself. He isn't completely devoid of courage, he just needs some encouragement to show it. Over the course of his story, he gradually learns to show it along with learning the way to redemption; if allowed to escape by the Warden, he is later encountered again, living under a fake name, protecting refugees who seem quite grateful for his presence and note that he's saved them three times over already. Sometimes, however, it's not so clear if he is actually being brave, or simply giving up - so for instance when he awaits judgement in his cell in Redcliffe, at which point he also accepts the death penalty without even an attempt to defend himself. While that would at first seem brave and honest to his decision to repent for his crimes, it took him being caught several times and being imprisoned with no way out, seeing everything in his own life destroyed, to get to this point. If let go by the Warden, he happily accepts that offer, too, and is later seen protecting refugees, as mentioned above, but also living under a fake name and wearing a mage's robes, while technically still being an apprentice - continuing with his lies.
Jowan is, in a nutshell, defined by failure: He can't be as good a mage as he wants to be, and he can't quite bring himself to being as good a person as he wants to be either. He is the epitome of quick, thoughtless decisions that take a toll later on. With his lack of responsibility and his selfishness, coupled with intense emotions and a bit of a quick temper, he is in the end as much a danger to himself as he is to others. Still, he means to be a good guy, and he tries pretty hard - he's just not always successful, and the way to learning to genuinely care enough to avoid hurting others beforehand, instead of only regretting it afterwards, is a very long and hard one for him. He will learn to shut up that devil on his shoulder, eventually - hopefully.
Beyond that, however, there is of course more that defines him as a person, and there are a couple of personality traits and characteristics that are actually a bit more flattering than the aforementioned. There is, for one, the determination with which he pursues his aims. As described in detail above, most of the time, this determination leads to unhappy outcomes for everybody involved; nonetheless, when he has made a decision, he usually goes through with it until the (very) bitter end. If given the chance to flee and live on, that is clearly visible in his protecting the refugees, even if he makes that possible by continuing his usual path of lying. The intention is to help - and that, he does, when he could at this point just as easily flee the country entirely. He's decided to repent for his crimes and mistakes, and he doesn't let any danger stop him from that, even quite calmly asking the Warden, when encountering him again with money on his head, to let him go, since he has work to do.
This calmness may seem surprising when seeing his usual nervousness and agitation, which may at times even seem paranoid. It's not a direct contradiction to that, however - when given the possibility to prepare for a certain outcome, he is able to accept that, and face it rather maturely. It is the same when his friend asks him about his future plans after the escape while they search for his phylactery: when asked what would happen if he was caught, he states that he basically expects to be executed, most likely on the spot, without showing much concern about that fact.
Compared to his borderline panic about having the Rite of Tranquillity performed on him that he goes through at the very same time, that change in mood may seem almost absurd, but there's an important difference between both those dangers: one is imminent, somewhat unexpected, and essentially needs a quick decision. It risks exposing everything he's tried to hide, and since he usually hides old, crumbling lies behind more, new lies for good measure, that would have meant bringing down a lot, destroying a construction of lies and secrets he had built up over years. Worse, it would have shown Lily that he wasn't exactly what he was pretending to be, and since he desperately wanted to be honest with her except for all the dirt in his past, it actually mattered to him. The threat of possibly being caught some day and then executed or made tranquil is much farther away, and therefore no concern of his just yet. He is the kind of person who is aware of the possible negative outcomes, but he just doesn't care until the threat is imminent - and therefore he is often able to accept risks and calmly notice dangers that lie in the future, without backing away from what he decided to do. Occasionally, as seen in his repentance, that even leads to a good outcome.
Another thing worth noting is his honest devotion to Lily. While the relationship between the two has the typical characteristics of an ill-fated teenage romance, with all the lies, misplaced and betrayed trust, rather dark secrets, and overt enthusiasm up to and including running away together to marry, there is no doubt that he is not just in love with her, but genuinely loves her. It doesn't stop him from lying to her and putting her at a risk he knew well beforehand, because his short-term solutions matter more to him than anyone else's safety - but his exclusive attention to her (shown in case a female main character confesses her feelings for him, in which case he reacts confused and almost irritated, dropping the subject and emphasising his love for Lily), his determination to give up blood magic and magic all together for her, his protectiveness towards her, and his grief about her being punished because of him all indicate that this is far more for him than just a fling. All their talk about their future plans may sound childish and typically thoughtlessly romantic, but they mean it - and while he does hide his past from her, he doesn't hesitate to reveal his identity as a blood mage when they and their future together are threatened. He also mentions briefly that part of his fear of becoming a Tranquil lies in knowing that Lily would have to see him like that, which he absolutely does not want to do to her, as he says.
Furthermore, something that partially speaks in his favour, partially is the reason for many of his problems, is his inability to accept rules. He is very open about his dislike for the Templars' supervision of the mages, for the First Enchanter's cooperation with the Chantry, and for the rules of the Circle. Perhaps a little antisocial deep down, along with his occasional callousness and difficulty to show empathy, he is a person who is unable to adhere to rules or see their importance. He understands them, of course, but is constantly shown blatantly ignoring them - his completely unnecessary dabbling in blood magic is just one indicator for that, albeit possibly the strongest, along with his poisoning of Arl Eamon. He seems to feel restrained by rules rather than accepting them to have a point to a certain degree, and occasionally gives the impression that he feels that rules exist for everybody but him. It is only towards the end of his story that he finally learns to accept the need to take responsibility for his actions, if at all - if the Warden forces him to be confronted with justice in Redcliffe.
Here, we have another thing that made seem a bit contradictory or at least strange: it's clear that Jowan dislikes the Circle immensely, mainly for the rules. However, it's not like he actually had a better life before coming there as a child. While it would have been understandable to harbour such a strong dislike towards it for a child that had been taken away from its family against its will, that wasn't the case for Jowan. When asking about his family during the mage origin story, the player can remark that he never actually talks about his family, to which he will reply that not only does he not care where they are, but also that he doesn't want to think about them. Remembering his parents surprisingly well considering he came to the Circle at the age of five or six years, he explains only briefly and very coldly that his mother - whom he just describes as someone who "could be cruel, especially if you got on her bad side, which was easy to do" - completely rejected him when he began showing signs of magical ability, referring to him as a "thing", a "demon child", and an "abomination in the sight of the Maker" that she didn't want in her house, and eventually, after many fights, convinced his father to leave him at the village chantry. He explains very clearly that his parents hated him - so the expected reaction upon arriving at the Circle would be to finally find a home that welcomed him. That isn't the case for him, however. He doesn't seem to have any gratefulness towards the Templars or the mages of the Circle, despite everything. The only person he seems to consider close to a family are the main character, his friend, whom he states to consider a sibling, and Lily, whom he plans to marry. Otherwise, he shows as little sympathy towards and interest in the Circle as towards his real parents.
Lastly, one particularly interesting thing about Jowan is that despite his own (repeated) statement that he is not a particularly strong mage, and his constant whining and nervousness, he seems to possess a rather strong self-confidence. Surprisingly for someone like him, he doesn't only seem to have no problems at all with shyness; he even managed to score with a girl from the Chantry, who had taken her vows and was otherwise quite religious and devoted. But even in regards to his abilities, while he doesn't show any kind of arrogance, he doesn't exactly hesitate to explain what he is capable of either; when asked if there was a risk that after his escape and without the Circle's supervision he could become an abomination, a mage so corrupted by power and magic that he turned into a monster himself, he states quite plainly that this was not going to happen, since he would stay away from magic from this point on, and furthermore considered himself strong enough to fight off any demons coming for him. While that may have been a hint at his already existing experience with demons - as blood magic was ultimately taught to humans by demons - he presents it as if it was a realistic estimation of his abilities: without pride, but also not hiding what he thinks he can do.
In the same way, it is interesting to note how he gives hints as to the Circle's real motivation to turn him tranquil during most of the introduction: when first expressing his concerns about the possibility of being made tranquil instead of going through the Harrowing, he explains to the player that the Rite of Tranquillity is usually the apprentice's choice, or forced on the apprentice if the Circle deems them too weak - or, as he adds after a break, too dangerous. There is little doubt as to which category he belongs to, in his own opinion. The very same thing is hinted at when he has a talk with the player about blood magic, pretending to consider it a danger, but smiling when he explains how blood mages can control the minds of others - and what would happen if one was to control a king, for instance. While it's small hints, and he doesn't exactly put it in words, he clearly doesn't think of himself as weak or defenceless. However, how much of that self-confidence actually comes from having studied blood magic and therefore having an advantage over most other people in the Circle, who are largely unfamiliar with this dangerous brand of magic, is unclear. In either way, despite his tendencies towards panic and nervousness and whining, he seems to be capable of judging his abilities realistically, and doesn't ever show hesitation when it comes to expressing his opinions. On the other hand, he's not above whining and begging for help, either, and actually admits quite often that he "can't do this on [his] own", pathetic as it may (and does) make him look, even using guilt-trips on his friends to make them help him out.
abilities:
Magic. In Dragon Age, magic is an innate ability that develops over time, which is why mages are, if discovered (and not yet killed by an angry village mob), taken in by the Circle at a young age and trained to work under the Chantry's control. So his abilities to do magic are innate, his spells are acquired through training. Aside from standard Circle training, he also "dabbled" in the illegal Blood Magic, which is taught to human mages by demons. It's noteworthy that while he is by his own admission not a very good mage, he's - as per display and comments from other characters - quite powerful as a blood mage, able to overcome the First Enchanter, the Templars' knight-commander, and two other Templar guards, all in one strike; a degree of power that even surprises the knight-commander. Blood Magic at the same time enables the mage to sacrifice his own or others' life energy to fuel his magic, and - at a later and more powerful stage which he hasn't reached yet - to find the sleeping minds of others, see their dreams, and control their minds through their blood. It's pretty scary at that point, really.
His spells in detail:
- Arcane Bolt
- Arcane Shield
- Rock Armour
- Flame Blast
- Stone Fist
- Winter's Grasp
- Lightning
- Mana Drain
- Mind Blast
- Weakness
And on the Blood Magic front (note this involves using his blood as a fuel for the spells):
- Blood Magic: The usual way to start this is to cut himself, then sacrificing life force in the form of blood to cast spells when depleted of mana energy. It basically just means that he's able to cast his normal spells even when out of magical energy, although since he's using his blood instead, it injures him every time. There are even stories in the game of Blood Mages who went on with this so long until they had completely sucked all energy out of their bodies, dying without even leaving a corpse behind. That's stories, though - the usual result if you overdo it is that you simply die. It's important to note that during this state, any healing spells or other measures will be spectacularly ineffective. This is a solely offensive strategy, and not really a good idea against large groups of enemies until later stages that enable mind control. Outside of battlefield situations, he can use either his own or a (willing or unwilling) sacrifice's blood to perform certain rituals, although some may cost more than others. For starters, sending another mage over into the Fade costs one adult person's full life energy. And is, as the name would suggest, fairly messy.
- Blood Sacrifice: Maybe one of the pointers as to why Blood Magic isn't exactly well-liked where he's from, this spell - or ritual - allows him to drain an ally's life energy to heal himself. Granted, the healing effect is about twice as strong as what energy the ally loses, but... needless to say, it's not exactly a very nice thing to do.
Apart from that, he's also good (although no expert) at mixing poisons and mixing herbs into medicine. Except that's with the ingredients he knows from home, so... it would take some serious experimenting before he could do that again here, if there even are herbs and ingredients like this here. He just knows the basics.
any plans for your character here? Summon a demon, get Cid possessed, have him kill and raise everybody on the caravan, bawww why bad shit keeps happening to him. Without the first three points. Nooo, actually? Since I'm taking him from a point briefly before he turns to redeem himself for his past deeds, pretty much in the middle of realising that his life needs a change, I want to see how that turns out if he's removed from his world, the people hunting him, his dungeon cell, everything he's done wrong, and... well, the guys who do or do not offer him a chance to change, but in any way confront him with his crimes. I don't know which way he'll go yet, if he's going to get more into this Blood Magic deal, or if he's going to try and turn his back on it (and with that on the whole messing everything up thing). It really all depends on the people he meets and the things that happen. But either way? It'll be interesting to see how it plays out.
possessions: Nothing. He's coming from directly out of a dungeon cell, so he doesn't have anything on him except for (bloody) clothes, i.e. blue apprentice robes. Well. And there's his magic. Buuut yes. He's going to try and get a knife soon as possible, though, so he can do his creepy demon magic again.
samples.
sample journal entry:
[voice]
[the situation: suddenly, zombies everywhere. and here is for you a very urgent psa.]
Walking dead? Again? But-
Listen, I didn't mean to do this! I'm sorry! I just wanted to- I thought- I was just curious! I thought this was going to do something, but- This was never meant to turn out like this, you have to believe me!
Maker's breath, I have to fix this-
[and here's a loud BAMM against a door.]
NO! Stay out, leave me alone!
Somebody, help me! Please, I need help! I can't end this on my own!
[ooc: ... yeah, spontaneous zombie apocalypse. IDK. NELLY SAID I COULD DO THIS.]