Snapshots in Writing

faerykat — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 03:49:49 GMT

I am NOT okay. This is the first time in my life I have purposely gotten drunk because I was so upset. (And, fuck that, only the second time in my life I have ever gotten drunk.)

I don't know how to make this better. I don't want to be me anymore. I'm pretty sure I don't want to BE, at all. I want to go away.

I'm sorry.

Happy birthday, Mark. I forgot to call you yesterday. I'm sorry.

faerykat — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 23:08:19 GMT

Went to the dentist today. As I've said, I've been going to quite a few dentist appointments for the stupid broken tooth.

Today I went for something called a crown lengthening procedure. Basically, they cut flaps into my gums, then drilled into the bone underneath, removing bone to make space. Then they sewed me back up.

They numbed me up before the procedure, so I hardly felt a thing while I was there. But then the anesthetic wore off. Now I am in excruciating pain. I took ibuprofen and it's not doing anything for me, so now I'm just lying in bed feeling queasy from pain, instead of showing and doing all the things I need to do, like washing the dishes and cleaning my apartment because Rick is staying here tomorrow night.

And Isaiah, with his fucking job, is not home.

If anyone is around and bored, please come talk to me online? I really, really need distractions right now.

faerykat — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 01:37:50 GMT

I feel like my mind is coming apart at the seams. I think I'm slipping fast, and I can't afford to fall.

I really need a friend.

faerykat — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 23:47:16 GMT

Anyone around to talk tonight? Talking would feel nice.

(Pathetic?) Request

faerykat — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 01:31:21 GMT

I feel so thoroughly rejected these days that I don't remember what it feels like to honestly feel liked.

My situation at work is intolerable. I don't want to go into details here but the short version is that my co-workers--the ones in my classroom--don't like or respect me. Worse, they speak and act around me as though they think I don't know what I'm doing, and it's more than apparent that they don't have any trust in me at all when it comes to the students. Today I found out that they were planning a class field trip without even having mentioned it to me, let alone ask for my input.

It's not going to last, because Liz--the one who makes things the hardest for me--is being moved to another classroom, and someone else will be coming into my room from a different class. But Liz, as lead instructor and the one who has been with NYCA the longest, has been responsible for training Jin Hee, one of the new hires, who has also just started in my class (replacing the instructor who quit back in the first week of October). And Liz has made her opinions of me very clear to Jin Hee, and has made a point of showing her disdain for me, which won't quite help me with the fresh start I'm hoping to make when we come back in January.

I only have 3 days left before break. But for the last few weeks, every day has been terrible for me... and that's not even saying anything about how my students' behavior, which has been extremely challenging.

With minimal exception, I have neither support nor meaningful social interaction while I'm at work. And of course, I don't get to see much of Isaiah because of that show he's working for. So I'm lonely, and exhausted, and finding it more difficult every day to stay upbeat.

</div>So I'm asking: please reach out to me. I'm tired of feeling rejected. I don't want to call or send messages that don't get answered, even if it's just because no one is home. I don't want to ask people to make plans anymore only to have other people be too busy, or just uninterested in seeing me. Send me an e-mail, or an IM? Ask me to hang out, if you're in the area? I have James Taylor in my mind, now. "Don't let me be lonely tonight."

Sweeney Todd!

faerykat — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 00:23:22 GMT

It's finally going to open!

I definitely still really want to see it. Some time during break is my plan. Who wants to go with me?

(Okay, that wasn't the most exciting way to get your attention, but I'm exhausted beyond words. Can the amazingness of Sondheim + Tim Burton + Johnny Depp + Helena Bonham Carter + Alan Rickman be enough?)

Chores advice?

faerykat — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 01:31:09 GMT

For those of you, in particular (not that anyone else is excluded from responding!), who have lived with a significant other:

How do you get someone to do a chore when nothing is working? On certain chores, Isaiah and I take turns. Washing dishes is one of them. We both hate doing dishes and can be bad about letting them pile up, so eventually, one of us will suck it up and wash all of them. Then it becomes the next person's turn.

WARNING: this is about to get kind of gross.

Our anniversary was on November 12th. Isaiah made me a beautiful dinner, and promised that he would wash all the dishes, because it was my anniversary gift. It also happened to be his turn. Right? Okay. Only, he never washed them. And more dishes have been added to the sink. Occasionally, one or two dishes at a time get washed in order to be used, but the bulk of them have simply stayed there. It has been nearly a month. I said we both let dishes pile up, but I have never, ever let dishes sit for that long. If you're feeling completely repulsed right now, well, so am I.

And I've tried everything:
--Asking politely
--Reminding him that it was my anniversary gift and his turn
--Making jokes that actually involved humor
--Asking with frustration
--More reminders
--Making jokes that didn't really pretend to mask irritation
--Getting angry
--Guilt trips (but not severe ones)
--Getting polite again
--Reminding him that we're supposed to be a team and have to share household duties

Bear in mind also that, although Isaiah is very busy and works hard, he doesn't leave for work until 2 p.m. on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and stays home until 6 p.m. on Thursday and Friday. Up until this past week, he didn't have to leave at all on Thursday and Friday.

I have refused point-blank, and made it very clear to him that I was doing so, that I was not under any circumstances going to wash the dishes. I joked for a while that I was going to buy myself paper plates and plastic cutlery to use, which he will not be allowed to share. I am not going to teach him that he can avoid this until I'll do it for him; I will not become my mother. Trying to stay neat and/or organized is hard enough for me and I'm not very good about it yet. I'm not going to add taking care of someone else into the mix.

But I'm disgusted. And angry. Because, yes, he's loving and supportive and totally trustworthy as a partner. But as a roommate, he's proving himself unreliable and not living up to his promises.

Are you grossed out yet? So am I. I will be scrubbing the sink with bleach and buying new sponges. But I'm not going to wash those fucking dishes.

So what do I do?

Cookies!

faerykat — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 00:31:06 GMT

So, I need to bake cookies. Like, lots of cookies. I have a recipe now, and most of the ingredients, and NO USABLE OVEN (at least not in my apartment). I was going to bake at work this week, in our life skills center, but now we're changing a crap-load of things in the classroom and I'm just not going to have time.

Does anyone who lives here in NYC want to volunteer a kitchen for me to use?** I'm reeealllly good at making cookies. They're for work, but I'd make an extra batch for you.

*wheedle, tempt*

In other news, I love this the holiday/birthday time of year because it means SO MANY NEW BOOKS! I have 5 brand new ones waiting for me, plus 3 new DVDs and an amazingly shiny book about puberty for people with autism that I bought for myself.

Also, I woke up today feeling horrified at my own obliviousness.

So... cookies?

**EDIT: This weekend, I meant to specify.

Musings to search for an anchor? thaw? context?

faerykat — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 21:56:02 GMT

It has been a very long time since I've sat down to simply write a journal entry, to play with my thoughts or beautiful words, or any words at all. I have mostly felt, in some combination, cold, flat, sad, frustrated, lonely, in the past few months. I don't mean to imply that I have not had any good feelings in that time, but they don't seem to have been memorable. To be fair, much of what I have felt has not been memorable; certainly nothing to make me come running to the computer to commit things to text. I'm not sure, really, whether this has been due to a lack of feeling experiences, or just a lack of motivation to find the words. But in my experience, that motivation is usually a part of the way I experience things.

I don't know if this makes sense so far. My mind is a jumble of thoughts and words, and I don't think that I can unify them enough to write something cohesive. I won't know until I start typing whether I'll even want to try.Type your cut contents here.Where I go to Shabbat services, there is no sermon on Friday nights. Maybe the congregation is simply too large; maybe the sermons are saved for the Saturday morning services, which I don't attend. But one of the rabbis always speaks briefly before we go into L'Cha Dodi. This week, one of them spoke about possibility and choice, specifically the fact that on Shabbat, all possibilities exist simultaneously. Every decision each of us has made, both the choices we did make and those we did not, are all true. We live in our cities, work at our jobs, and love our partners, while at the same time we live somewhere else, have different jobs, and different partners. Only on Shabbat, the rabbi said, do we get to have everything. When sundown comes on Saturday evening, all of the choices we did not make fade into unreality again. And we, most of us, spend the rest of the week longing for the rest of the possibilities.

When I listened to him speaking, I was interested in an intellectual way, but didn't connect emotionally to the idea. Until he used the word "longing." It's strange how one word can travel so deeply into the mind. Thinking about the past few months of my life, I should have realized how appropriate a word it has been for my experience, but I was too caught up in the details to understand what it was. Ultimately, though, "longing" is about as accurate as any word could be. Throughout the rest of the service the feeling both intensified and was relieved. I have, and have always had, a deep, desperate longing to be part of something, to belong to a group. Hardly unique, that desire, but I have never truly known how to achieve it. I still don't, of course, but I have come to the realization that my sudden return to Judaism, my attendance at services and beginning attempts to relearn the history and traditions that I learned as a child, have all been about that need to belong.

I have mixed feelings about organized religion, and I don't think I really believe in G-d, but this is something that I want to be a part of. I was thinking about these things during the Amidah, when everyone prays or ponders silently, formally or informally. At this shul, after the Amidah the rabbis lead the congregation in a niggun, and everyone sings together. It's one of my favorite parts of the service, feeling the way we all come back together after being briefly enclosed in our own minds. This week we sang hallelujah, which is my favorite because the melody they use for it is so intense for me. In the middle of the singing, I found myself suddenly struck with fierce love and pride for the Jewish people. Jews are always saying that as a people we have kept ourselves together through so much adversity, and usually when I hear it I am thinking about the adversity: the pogroms, the Holocaust, the anti-semitism throughout the centuries. This time, when I thought it, I was thinking of the community, of the fact that there really is still a "Jewish People" in the world. The desire to belong is part of the collective unconscious and I don't know of anyone who does not feel it in some way. That night I realized that, whatever my feelings about the theology of Judaism, I cannot give up on, or ever again leave, something that is so attuned to that most universal of needs.

I have felt my need for belonging so intensely this year because my life has changed in so many ways. So much is new even still, and I am not yet adjusted. I have, I think, mentioned in passing my social difficulties at work. Last week was a difficult one in that sense. My relationship with my classroom staff, specifically my lead instructor, has since day one been strained, and despite what feels to be my best attempts (which may indeed not be enough), I have not succeeded in developing a positive working relationship with her. While I've always been aware that first-year teachers always find things difficult, I was thinking that within the small sample size of head teachers at NYCA, I was the only one having such trouble.

Last week, we had a head teacher meeting--we have them once a month--to discuss an instructor observation tool that we are expected to begin using. I raised my concerns about conducting observations on my lead instructor, which led to a long discussion about related topics. I also took the opportunity to ask the others about the relationships they have with their classroom staff, what they're like, and how to foster them. To my horror I started crying... and to my utter astonishment, two of the other head teachers joined me. It was an intense meeting and I don't think there's a good way for me to describe it, or even to recount what we talked about, but it was an eye-opener in several ways. My bosses, apparently, have had similar experiences with Liz to the ones I have had. Her manner and temperament have been difficult for them on occasion, as well. I was shocked, because I really thought that it was just a social issue between the two of us. In large part I suppose it still is, but I was both relieved and discomfited to realize that I have not just imagined the strain between us.

It is even more uncomfortable to learn that one's boss has such accurate insight into oneself. Jamie, our executive director, came by my classroom as I was packing up to go home after that meeting. I don't see much of Jamie because he's usually locked in his office doing paperwork, budgets, and so on. Beyond that, he is in the first of the two hallways that comprise NYCA, and my classroom is in the second. When he came into the classroom he said to me, "you know how sometimes people's best qualities are also their worst?" I asked him what he meant by that and he gave, as an example, his own gregariousness. Then he said, "Your best and worst quality is that you're a perfectionist. You have really high standards and expectations of yourself. And you beat yourself up if you can't meet them right away." I hadn't completely stopped crying yet, but I started laughing. It's hardly news to me, that I feel that way. After all, that has been the truth for my entire life. What was news to me was that it's so obvious, even to people I rarely see for more than a few minutes at a time. I'm not sure how to feel about the fact that my bosses see it so clearly; I think I'm supposed to hide it.

I've always been very open about my emotions; I'm a heart-on-the-sleeve sort of person and don't really know how to be otherwise. But in the recent past I have largely stopped talking about the thoughts behind what I've felt. I don't know if anyone really wants to hear it; I think I'm supposed to stay locked up and quiet. But I also think that that is a self-perpetuating state of being and that it might not be good for my mental health to do it.

I'm cutting myself off here in spite of the fact that this is not a logical place to stop writing, and I'm sure that I have not achieved any kind of catharsis. I still feel adrift, alone, and unclear. I simply don't know how to end, and I don't think I have the concentration to continue.
</div>

Cookies!

faerykat — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 22:27:13 GMT

So, I'm going to be baking cookies for people at work. There are more recipes on the internet than I could possibly imagine sorting through, so I figured I'd start by asking for suggestions here, since so many of my friends like to cook/bake/etc. I was planning to play around with oatmeal, chocolate chips, and some cinnamon, but since I haven't purchased any ingredients yet I'm totally open to other kinds of cookies, too.

Anyone have any favorite recipes?

Advice Time!

faerykat — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 02:06:14 GMT

Who has a laptop and/or knows about them?

I need to start researching a new one. I'm a PC person because I can't stand the Mac operating system. I don't do much with graphics or computer gaming. I have lots of mp3s. Laptops only, but I'm not looking for one that I'll like to carry around all the time. Mostly I want a portable desktop replacement. I spend lots of time on the computer at home and I tend to have it follow me around the apartment.

Help make suggestions! What's good? What's not scarily expensive?

I hate my body!

faerykat — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 11:21:15 GMT

Okay, last night I slept in broken chunks of no longer than an hour and a half at a time.

I fell asleep around midnight.
Woke up at 12:30.
Woke up next at 2:00.
Woke up at 3:00.
Woke up at 4:00 (4:03, to be precise).
Woke up at 5:30 (5:33 to be precise; apparently I have a thing with 3s).
Woke up at 6:05 with my alarm.

This is NOT FAIR. Seriously.

Weird...

faerykat — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 17:37:38 GMT

...Apparently my life sucks?

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	5.5
Mind:	5.2
Body:	4.8
Spirit:	5.4
Friends/Family:	3.3
Love:	7.7
Finance:	8.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

More on this later, perhaps...

faerykat — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 03:29:06 GMT

...but I'm bringing it up early.

Who's available to hang out some time between November 30th and January 20th?

Isaiah's going to be working as a stagehand on a show between those dates... he'll be busy every night except Mondays for that entire period, plus four shows on Saturdays and Sundays. He's going to miss my birthday and my only vacation time, between December 21st and January 1st. And I... don't really know what I'm going to do with myself. I'm going to be lonely, that's for damn sure, especially since my social life is practically non-existent in spite of how hard I'm trying, and I'm socially miserable at work (more on that another time). I don't want to spend my birthday alone, or the holidays. So here's a call, in advance... make plans with me?

I'm happy to have people comestay with me in NYC for a weekend, and could even go visit someone else for a weekend if anyone was interested. I just really, really don't want to leave this to the last minute and find that everyone's too busy and I'm just going to be alone.

Yoinked from harperjean

faerykat — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 22:55:07 GMT

...Though I've seen this before, in college, and have posted it.

Still true, though, even if the people are different.

If there is someone on your friends list you would like to take, strip naked, tie them to a bed post, lick them until they scream, then fuck them until both of you are senseless and unable to fuck anymore, then wait about five minutes and do it all over again, then post this exact sentence in YOUR journal!

Now guess who. ;)

Meme from homais

faerykat — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 01:19:58 GMT

So, Jon posted a meme in which he chooses 7 interests listed in a friend's profile, and said friend goes on to post with explanations of each interest. Here are mine, below. Feel free to comment here and I will be happy to talk about more interests from my profile, ask you about yours, or both.

Androgyny: There is something about androgyny that I find utterly appealing, for no reason I can easily name. When I listed that as an interest it referred mostly to sexual/appearance-related characteristics; I guess it still does. I can't deny that I find people who appear androgynous to be attractive, and that includes men who look feminine, women who look masculine, and people of any other gender who look... well, who look like they don't fit neatly into any particular category. Partly, I just think it's sexy. Partly, I think, it's my feelings of relating to those who don't seem to fit perfectly into any one group or category. I have always felt like an outsider in nearly every situation I've been in. I think, at this point, that's just part of my view of the world. But it makes me feel a connection. Beyond that, I just like it when people don't fit themselves into one or the other gender norms just because. Not that I have anything against anyone who happens to have mostly feminine/masculine characteristics, but I like balance. I like whenone person has both masculine and feminine traits. Also, I like contrasts, and it makes me happy to see people who seem to be contrasts.

Ayn rand: I had a teacher in high school who was obsessed with Objectivism or, more accurately, Natural Law philosophy. He gave us extensive lectures on Natural Law and spent the rest of each of the two years I was in his class having us apply the philosophy to everything we studied. It was a heavy-handed and highly biased way to teach the material (but he constantly encouraged us to think critically and to argue with him), but it was certainly influential. He also assigned one of Ayn Rand's novels, Anthem, to us and had us write papers. For some reason, Objectivism resonated with me, particularly in my second year with this teacher, which was 11th grade. One of my friends and I both read Rand's work endlessly. I've read all of the fiction she has published, including her play and a collection of short stories published post-humously, and some of her non-fiction essays as well. I still love The Fountainhead, in spite of all of her flaws. Like my high school teacher, I find Ayn Rand to be heavy-handed, extremist, and unrealistic. But even so, I appreciate her ideas, up to a point. Immersing myself in her work to the point of absorption, like I did, helped me to adopt an attitude of self-respect that I still have. Even though my self-confidence varies wildly, even though I'm frequently insecure and unhappy with myself, I never allow people to mistreat me. When I had my first painful break-up, the summer before my senior year of high school, I consoled myself by saying to myself, "I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't really want me. I'm better than that and I can and should have more." And I still believe all of that. And I developed it by being temporarily obsessed with Ayn Rand.
(Disclaimer: I never had the urge to move to Galt's Gulch, become a pirate, or start my own business.)

Queer culture: Round about 12th grade, I started to identify as bisexual. It was a big part of who I considered myself to be when I went off to Oberlin, and I got pretty involved in the LGBT community my freshman year, including being co-chair of Kinsey 1-5 for some time. These days, I don't really identify my sexuality as anything in particular. I'm mainly attracted to men and with one exception (*waves*), all of my relationships have been with men. But I am still attracted to women and I do still consider myself queer. Partly, it's a mindset. When I considered myself to be part of the queer community, it helped me adopt a really open mind about sexual preferences, practices, and identities. I still have that and I like it. I find the culture both fascinating and comforting and I really miss being a part of it. I'd like to find a way back in some time.

Rings: To be honest, I don't even remember listing this as an interest. I'm guessing it's from the brief period in my life when I found it entertaining to wear a ring on every finger. That was short-lived, and even if I wanted to still do that, I couldn't--far too much contact with children. Still, rings are pretty. Perhaps some day I'll wear some again.

HP fanfiction: Harry Potter fanfiction saved my sanity in college. I read the novels for the first time during freshman year winter term. A few days later, catling42 sent me a link to what is the now-infamous Draco Trilogy fanfiction series. I read it and it made me laugh, at a time when I was feeling lonely, isolated, and trapped. I got hooked, and was a regular reader of Harry Potter fanfiction pretty much up until I read the final book. It also helped me bond with some of my friends, primarily catling42 and ladypimpernel. Which made it even more awesome. I have never read fanfiction from any other fandom, and never will.

Cinnamon oil: It smells awesome. What other reason does one need? I used to wear cinnamon oil constantly in college, to the point where it became something of a signature. Certain people still refer to me as the one who always smells good. I still have a bottle of it, and wear it when I get the chance (which is to say, when I go places besides work, because smells might bother my students).

Touch: I can't live without touch, both being touched and touching other people. Hugs, massages, kisses, and cuddling are essential to me. Although not to the degree to which this is true for certain other people I know (*cough*xoder*cough*). Physical contact is an important form of communication, not to mention a healthy, nurturing thing. Way back when I was a freshman I used to write about "tactile poetry" and other such fanciful things related to touch. My forays into adulthood have left me neglecting such poetic turns of phrase, not to mention neglecting my poetry (all of which I regret, and hope to rectify some day soon), but my need for contact is as strong as ever.
(Also, my psych-geek brain is fascinated by the studies of baby animals who have moms to cuddle with, stuffed things to cuddle with, and/or nothing to cuddle with. Plus, it's a relevant topic in autism.) I like touch.

Thanks, Jon! I enjoyed doing this!

faerykat — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 18:20:13 GMT

So I've been skimming back through the archives of Questionable Content. Those of you who read it will be familiar with Faye and her various issues. I don't pretend to have anything in my past like what she does (no spoilers, I promise!), but I relate to her a lot in certain ways. What struck me just now was the way she vaccillates between aggressive overconfidence (particularly in regards to her sex appeal and general likeability) and crushing insecurity about the same this. This strip is the one that got me thinking.

I'm not sure what compels me to share this thought, but here I go anyway.

Dental Dramas: The Complete Chronicles, Part 1

faerykat — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 00:17:31 GMT

I've promised this run-down to a few people who are curious, so I figured I'd might as well post it here. Right now, my life it totally revolving around going to the dentist. I hate going to the dentist. I'm going to tell this story in pieces, for the sake of clarity and also because it will need to be continued a little bit at a time.

1) On May 15th, I cracked a tooth (a rear molar, specifically). I remember the date because it was the day before my Teachers College graduation. I panicked at the time but it didn't really hurt because the nerve wasn't exposed. At the time, I didn't have any dental insurance, so I figured I'd wait until after graduation and then try to figure something out. Of course, since I wasn't in any pain I kept putting that off until I figured I'd might as well wait until I started the job at NYCA, and got insurance.

2) I started the job at NYCA and did *not* get dental insurance.

3) I put off figuring something out until last week, when suddenly a bit more of the tooth crumbled, exposing the nerve. I still wasn't really in pain but it seemed like I would be soon if I didn't get it taken care of ASAP. So:

4) I took Friday off from work and went to the clinic at the Columbia dental school, which has emergency care for not too much money (see point #2, above). I arrived at about 8:45 in the morning. At 9:45 after filling out a bunch of papers and waiting a bunch, I got a very brief examination and was told that I probably needed a root canal. Dentist #1 sent me upstairs to Endodontics, where I was placed in a chair and informed by Endodontist #1 that he would give me an emergency pulpectomy.

Note A: A pulpectomy is a partial root canal, in which they remove just the top, exposed part of the root, which is where most of the pain is felt, followed by a temporary filling.

Note B: The miracle of novocaine is such that I felt NO pain at any time during the entire process. It was actually kind of amazing, and the dentist was super-cool and gave me the option (which I took) of having him explain everything he was doing.

Note C: If anyone is curious, feel free to ask for the anecdotes about how wonderful Isaiah was during the whole experience.

5) Endodontist #1 told me that I was going to need a crown, but in order to set that process in motion I would have to first get myself assigned to a
general dentist for a treatment plan. So I went back down to Registration to do so, and was granted an appointment for 1:00 that afternoon. I returned at 1:00 as expected.

6) At *2:00*, after a series of phone calls from Registration to Endodontics to get my file back, I was called in. I met with Dentist #1 and some other dentist for about 3 minutes, whereupon I was told that I should go back out to the waiting room until someone called me in to Radiology. Half an hour later, the finally called me in.

7) I sat for a series of 18 x-rays. Then I made an appointment with Dentist #2 to do an exam and treatment plan. Because the clinic doesn't have many evening hours, I had to make an appointment for Monday afternoon, requiring me to leave work early. Since I'm limited to this place that will give me discounted treatment (again, see point the second, above), I had to take it. Then, exhausted and practically hysterical at the thought of all the moeny and time off from work I'd have to take, I finally got to go home.

8) Monday afternoon: I returned to the clinic for my appointment with Dentist #2. During this appointment she did a procedure called a probe, in which a sharp metal thing with measurement marks is pushed into the gumline in order to measure how deep the space is, apparently an indicator of periodontal (gum) health. It's not so bad at first, but this measurement has to be taken in *six* place on *every* tooth in the mouth. She also looked at my x-rays, asked questions, looked at teeth, and called for consultations (remember, she's a student) with Attendings #1 and #2. Finally, she gave me a list of procedures I'm going to need done.

That's the end thus far, but here's the complete list of procedures from beginning to end, because I'm horrified and need to share it:
1) Emergency pulpectomy (done)
2) X-Rays (done)
3) Treatment plan (done)
4) Complete root canal (scheduled for November 8th)
5) Crown-lengthening procedure (they're going to remove a piece of my bone to make space)
6) Post-core construction (they're going to build a gold structure on which to build a crown)
7) Crown
8) Cleaning
9-?) Fillings for various cavities I apparently had no idea I had

Keep in mind the following equation: Each of these procedures requires a separate visit to the clinic + My appointments have to be during working hours + I'm only allowed a paltry *7* paid days off from work ALL YEAR + I'm paying for almost everything out of pocket = MAJOR STRESS.

Updates to come, as the saga continues.

faerykat — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 23:16:46 GMT

So, anyone free Wednesday evening to get dinner or something?

New phone! Yay!

faerykat — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 23:38:39 GMT

So, I have a new phone! Yay! I can call people again! It's weird and I'm still getting used to it, but I'm pretty sure I don't want my bloody carpet back. (If you got that reference, I will love you forever!)

However, the new phone has one *significant* disadvantage compared to the older one... namely, it has nobody's phone numbers in it!

Please give me any phone numbers you'd like for me to have. I'm screening comments so you can feel free to leave them here, but if you're not comfortable with that, e-mail me at jessakins@gmail.com. Or send them to me on Facebook.

Yay being within contact again!

faerykat — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 00:59:12 GMT

Someone please be free this Saturday or Sunday! Please...?

Edit, 6:15 a.m. -- This was mainly directed at people who live somewhere near me. So if you live out of state and are busy, don't feel bad! :-P

To add more specifics: Isaiah is going out of town to visit Amherst. I will be home with little to do (because I don't have to do homework anymore!) and I'm looking for someone to hang out with. That was probably obvious but I thought I'd clarify, just in case.

Silly things I believed as a kid

faerykat — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 00:00:52 GMT

Walking past a traffic light this afternoon, I suddenly remembered that when I was a kid, I had no concept of how such things worked. And it got me thinking about some of the utterly silly things I believed as a kid. I thought I'd list a few, and then see what you all could add to the list. :)

First, the traffic lights:
--I used to think that the traffic lights somehow knew when there was lots of traffic, and changed colors according. Eventually it occurred to me that that was completely ridiculous, at which point I became convinced that there were people who were hired to sit in observation booths near every single intersection, controlling the traffic lights with switches when they saw the patterns of traffic.

--On the subject of psychic driving-related electronics, I also believed that, somehow, the car just knew when the driver wanted to turn, and in which direction, and turned the signal on by itself. I remember asking my mother once how the car knew that, and she was so hysterical she almost missed her turn.

--When I was five or six years old, I declared to my mother that I wanted to be a toll booth operator when I grew up, because "people drive through all day and give you money."

--There were a few years, early on, when I was sure that ATMs actually transported money when you made deposits and withdrawals. A few years later, my mother opened a savings account for me. She attempted to explain to me a little bit about how banks function, whereupon I became totally outraged that the bank was stealing my money.

So. What silly things did you all believe about how the world worked?

faerykat — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 21:44:43 GMT

Well, damn. Apparently, I'm on my own all day tomorrow. Nothing like finding that out at the last minute, eh?

Anyone want to hang out for the day/a few hours/whatever?

Augusten Burroughs and John Robison!

faerykat — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 02:32:58 GMT

So, for those of you who wished you could attend the reading of Augusten Burroughs' brother's new book, Look Me In The Eye, the video of the event is available on on the Barnes and Noble website. It's about 45 minutes long and totally worth watching. The conversation that took places before John Robison read from his book was funny although I'm almost certain it was mostly scripted, but the actual reading was amazing, as is the book, which I recently finished reading. Also, if you keep watching 'til the end you'll get to see me on video, asking a question!

Here's the link (scroll below the video screen that appears on the page, and click on the video labelled John Elder Robison and A. Burroughs).

faerykat — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 00:59:29 GMT

So, the trailer for Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd has been released! Here's a link.

It opens on December 21st, which is a Friday. And the day before my birthday! And I MUST GO.

As we probably all know by now, this film has an amazing cast: Alan Rickman. Helena Bonham-Carter. Johnny Depp. Sacha Baren-Cohen. And possibly Anthony Stewart Head, although Isaiah uncovered something suggesting that he may not in fact have been part of the final cast.

So it's maybe going to be amazing. There is, of course, the huge problem that Johnny Depp, at least based on the trailer, can't sing for shit. But his spoken lines will be awesome. And Helena Bonham-Carter will be super-creepy. And Alan Rickman will be the best Judge Turpin ever. And I love, love, love Sweeney Todd. So I must see it.

Maybe I will make it a birthday event. And lots of people who live nearby can go with me. And then we will go get haircuts together. Or meat pies. ...Or maybe just drinks. ...Or new souls.

Who's with me?