one more miracle

I'm thankful for Bucky Barnes

2015-11-27T05:54:01Z

I had a truly wonderful Thanksgiving. Drove with my dad and sis and uncle up to see our beloved cousins who all live in a tiny town an hour away. Our Thanksgivings are marvelously low key AND delicious, a wonderful combination IMO. Almost everyone is a wonderful cook and the food is simple yet scrumptious, while the company is even better. We stayed for hours drinking and chatting (and debating about ISIS and gun laws, though that wasn't terrible - we all come from the same place of compassion on all those issues, we just have somewhat different perspectives.) My amazing cousin Meg and I spent a while talking about books and audiobooks which was delightful. I convinced her she MUUUUUST read The Martian, as she enjoys 1) books and 2) science, so you know, SHE SHOULD READ THE MARTIAN. I can't wait for her reaction. She also showed us her new location for her incredible small business dyeing gorgeous yarn (Twisted Fiber Arts, look it up fiber people!). Unfortunately it wasn't a good reason for a new location - her last place was destroyed due to a fire in the restaurant next door, so it's been a rough restart. The new place is basically a huge metal shed.... that used to be a porn studio. YUP. But it's actually an awesome open space and they've really made it their own. She's so fuckin awesome. I hope to be half as awesome when I'm 40 something.

I ALSO SAW THE CAP 3 TRAILER AND I'M FREAKING OUT OKAY!!! FREAKING OUT!!!!!!I am coming down firmly in the OMG IT'S ALL ABOUT BUCKY I AM SO HAPPY camp, just so you know. Please don't harsh my squee. I know it's not an ideal situation - WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE CIVIL WAR AT ALL - but if it had to happen, this was the only outcome I was willing to accept, AND IT'S HAPPENING!!!! STEVE'S GONNA BURN DOWN THE WORLD FOR BUCKY!!!!! I CAN'T HANDLE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

ALSO BUCKY REMEMBERS TINY INTIMATE DETAILS ABOUT SKINNY!STEVE AND YOU GUYS WE HAVE COME SO FAR FROM "BUT I KNEW HIM" I AM GOING TO CURL INTO A FETAL POSITION AND CRY FOREVER BECAUSE BUCKY!!!!!!!!!! *sobs*

Ahem. So there's that. I hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving too! <3

Yay random fangirls!!

2015-11-20T02:39:25Z

So, wacky story: eating lunch at work yesterday, I glanced at my keys and noticed to my GREAT surprise that my car key had been bent dramatically! Like, the strong steel rod had been bent at least 30 degrees. ????!? I still have exactly zero idea how that happened. It is a mystery for the ages.

Needless to say, I couldn't drive my car, so I sent an email to the whole building (high school) asking a kind soul for a ride (I live half an hour away) that evening and the next morning so I could get my spare key. An older woman showed up at my classroom and said she could give me a ride as she lives out past me. I had never met her before (my building is HUGE) but I was so grateful and took her up on it. This lovely guardian angel was named Patty.

We were talking about teaching in the car, mostly, until I happened to glance in the back seat and see that Patty had a MARAUDER'S MAP IPAD CASE!!!! And a HOBBIT TOTE BAG!!!! I freaked out a little bit and we immediately launched into nerd code - you know, the conversation you can only have with a fellow Confirmed Nerd. :D We shared our biggest fandoms - she's old school, into Star Trek and Wars, LOTR, HP, etc. We bonded over both being the girl in middle school who read LOTR once a year (at least). We even have the shared experience of getting really deep into Wheel of Time but never actually finishing. It was magical! And she's just an absolutely lovely woman all around.

As the cherry on top, she also plays SOCCER every week in an indoor league! WHAT! At that point I was freaking out a little, because I'm PRETTY SURE she's me in 20 years. I even want to move to the same area she lives in, and she's been teaching at this same school for 19 years. Could that be my future?! I don't know, but she seems to be doing pretty fabulously, and I wouldn't hate it!

In any case, I LOVE everything about this - random nerd encounters, but especially making a new delightful friend at work. Yay!!

(Happy Epilogue: The welding shop at my school was able to fix my key for free! It's got a slight crack in the metal so now it's just my spare key, but I am SO grateful. I love my colleagues!!!!)

Fave characters!

2015-11-18T02:54:22Z

I have been remiss my friends!! I am so sorry. It's hard to get back into a habit. But I'm here! Hi!

I was making a post on Tumblr and struggling with their hideous text editor when I realized I HAVE A BETTER PLACE TO PUT IT! YAY! So have a MEME!

I saw a meme where people were listing ten favorite characters from ten fandoms and I AM DOING IT because 1) I like lists, 2) I like characters, and 3) I like procrastinating. WHEE.

Buffy – Faith Lehane

Battlestar Galactica – Kara “Starbuck” Thrace

Harry Potter – Hermione Granger (or Remus Lupin?? One for present, one for Marauder days!)

Supernatural - Dean Winchester

Stargate Atlantis – Rodney McKay

Avengers – Steve Rogers

Band of Brothers – Lewis Nixon

The Vampire Diaries – Caroline Forbes

Firefly – Simon Tam

Friday Night Lights – Lyla Garrity. Or Tami Taylor. Or Tim Riggins. Or everyone???

I notice that I have always fallen for secondary characters, dating back to my days in high school reading Anne McCaffrey and falling head over heels for the backup dudes like Afra, F’nor, and Sascha. (Yell at me if you recognize any of them!) I suppose Steve and Dean are the exceptions, but that’s my thing I guess. Maybe I like filling in the gaps left by the fact that they’re not the main focus of the story.

Mostly I want all the ladies on this list to hang out and exchange high fives and mutual expressions of support and admiration. <33333

The Martian FIC RECS!

2015-11-07T15:40:53Z

Hello my lovelies! I'm going to actually make a FIC REC, mostly because I CAN. A few in fact! How thrilling! In the past couple years, I haven't been reading much fic, one because I'm so damn busy, and two because I just haven't been in a fandom in the same way as I used to be. I dabble here and there but honestly my greatest joy still comes from reading old McShep classics. My obsession with them is occasionally alarming in its enduring intensity. Space jockey and his irascible scientist! <3333

Anyway, I got off topic. Let's talk about love in space of a different sort! I actually am most interested in gen Hermes crew fic for The Martian because I love everyone on this Hermes, but for now I'm just reading whatever is linked to me and not being picky because I LOVE EVERYONE ON THIS HERMES! So here's a couple recs.

Numqvan te tradam by otter - This is almost exactly what I needed, which is basically the Hermes crew mother-henning Mark with love and cuddles all the way back to Earth. It's from Beck's perspective and brings in Mark/Beck/Johanssen which I don't necessarily need, but it's sweet and adorable and warms my heart in the best way. :')

Interstitial by Lanna Michaels - A lovely three-part continuation of Mark's log both on the Hermes and then back on earth. Again some undertones of OT3, but mostly just Mark's lovely snarky self and his love for his whole crew-family. <333

ENJOY!

I do want to say though, I'm a bit annoyed by fandom immediately jumping on Mark/Chris. Yes Beth is getting included a lot, yay, and Chris and Beth are the only unmarried people on the Hermes, BUT you know what I want to read? Mark and Martinez snark! They're best friends, remember? And they're delightful! There is not NEARLY enough Martinez right now. Get on that fandom. I guess I'm just annoyed because the whole Mark/Chris thing has a large whiff of "attractive white dudes! make out!" Hrm.

Sorry, got crankypants. ENJOY ANYWAY!

(Oh my god I need new icons. If you know a currently active place I could find some let me know!!)

exsequar @ 2015-11-05T05:54:00

2015-11-05T10:54:05Z

Good morning friends! It's 5:42 AM. I will never get used to waking up at 5 AM. Classes start at 7:20 for my students. Unacceptable!!

I haven't been posting because my computer has been acting up and it's a struggle just to get my work done. :( And LJ is BLOCKED at work! What a travesty!

Yesterday, I did a flame test demo for my chem kids. It was SO COOL. Here's a video of two of the flames - I actually did six. The kids loved it. I loved the little glass bowls I found to do it in because the flames looked so cool in them.

I haven't been watching SPN this season but my friend tipped me off that there was an episode about BABY!!!! Written by Robbie Thompson!!! So of course I watched and it was AMAZING. I don't have time to yell about it right now BUT COME YELL AT ME! WINCHESTERS! IN THEIR BABY! HAVING ALL THE HEART TO HEARTS! I AM DEAD AND GONE! Basically if Robbie Thompson ran SPN I would still love it. Fuck Bob Singer (I've heard it's his fault that that-beloved-character-last-season died).

Now I have to go get ready for work, woe. At least it is almost Friday!!

Drive by post!

2015-10-28T00:29:21Z

I'm so exhausted that I can't even contemplate a real post, but a few things:

THE MARTIAN!!! No really, THE MARTIAN!!!!!! Today I did an activity with my Algebra 2 kids where their answers, once put in order, yielded "THE MARTIAN" and then I showed them the trailer and got nerdy at them. I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!! I read the book in two days, saw the movie the day it came out, started the audio book, saw the movie again, and am now listening to the audiobook on my commute every day. I just. MARK WATNEY. YOU BRILLIANT SARCASTIC LITTLE SHIT. And can we talk about how much I ADORE the Hermes crew? A D O R E. I liked them on the first read, but after seeing the movie it's like - all their adorable faces! SEBSTAN'S ADORABLE FACE AND HIS ADORABLE COZY SWEATERS!!!! And I'm in LOVE with Martinez. I literally want an entire movie about them going back to earth and hugging Mark way too much and Sebstan and Johanssen trying so hard to be secretive and everyone teasing each other and smiling all the time because they did the most INSANE AND WONDERFUL THING IN THE HISTORY OF SPACE TRAVEL!!!! Ahem. I have feelings.

Supergirl! You should watch it! I've only seen the beginning which was basically the same thing as the extended trailer but I love it! Melissa Benoist is so friggin cute! And for some reason I cry every time she goes to save her sister. SISTERS. YAY.

JANE THE VIRGIN! I had heard great things but hadn't gotten around to it. Started it randomly on Netflix and I'm in LOVE. IT'S SO DELIGHTFUL. Jane is just SUCH a dear, Gina is so great. Her family is super cute. And Raf is stunnnning and super precious too. Also Petra for some reason I find riveting even though she's so terrible? Something about the enormous bambi eyes and pillow lips. She's gorgeous *__* Michael is sweet sometimes but I generally find him a bit off putting. Anyway. THIS SHOW. YOU SHOULD WATCH IT. YES.

Fuck the Walking Dead. (I haven't watched the latest but I'm spoiled. Fuck everything.)

OK I'M DONE BYE.

TEEVEE!

2015-10-23T03:00:03Z

I won't complain about work today, because - it wasn't a good day. I mean, it was, in some parts. But whatever!

Instead let's talk fannish things!! Here is the list of shows I'm watching this season, or currently that aren't airing for some months. Tell me what you love! Let's flail!

Vampire Diaries

Walking Dead

The 100

Brooklyn 99

Haven

Nashville

The Voice

Castle (maybe, though I am very displeased with the season so far)

Agents of SHIELD

Agent Carter

Sense8

Orange is the New Black

Orphan Black

Uhhhh I think that's it? I'm probably forgetting something.

Not Supernatural (until I get weak because Dean Winchester, argh)

So yes! I'd love to know particularly if anyone 1) is still watching Vampire Diaries and is in love with Caroline like me, 2) watches Walking Dead and loves Carol and Daryl <333, or 3) watches The 100 which is like BSG with teenagers, it's incredible.

I need me some new icons...

Computer don't fail me now :(

2015-10-22T00:51:49Z

I didn't post last night because my computer was being so hideously slow that it was a herculean struggle just to get my work done. It was trying to do a backup to an external HD and apparently that was so laborious that it just froze - like 5 times. It was awful. I left it running overnight with no other programs open and it still failed to do the backup. No bueno. :( I hope this isn't a sign of a deeper problem.

Then today I stayed at work until 7 PM just doing... stuff. Planning, grading, organizing, planning. My workload never ends, and I can never stop because if I do my kids suffer. I'm worried about whether I can keep this up for any significant amount of years. Of course I'm still near the beginning so it will get better, but I'm such a perfectionist, I can't see myself ever putting in less than 70-80 hour weeks. Ugh. You know, in other countries teachers are given less students and more prep time during the day. Oh and they pay them decently. Doesn't that sound nice?! Fuck America.

Ahem! I'm currently self-medicating with amazing pizza and BROOKLYN 99!! What a good show. Terry loves ecologically responsible farming practices!! <3 And Holt and Jake are teaming up! AMAZING. I also deeply love Amy Santiago. What a gal. If you haven't seen this show, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR. Seriously. It's happy wrapped up in a bow.

I LOVE HAVING A LJ TO WRITE MY FEELS IN AGAIN. *rolls around* Come say hiiiii! Tell me what TV you're watching!

Grading grading grading...

2015-10-20T00:10:22Z

Wincon was a bit inconveniently timed for one reason - the card marking for my high school kids ended on Friday, and my grades need to be in tomorrow at 1! Whee. You may have seen me hunched over a pile of papers at Wincon panels - grading algebra 2 exams. Yeah my life is so exciting. I still listened and participated in the panels but got a whole lot of grading done, so yay! I just finished those up and now I get to enter the grades, as well as try to figure out if I've missed anything for any kids. Teaching is at least 50% preparing for the next day or doing paperwork, 50% actually teaching. Yet we only get paid (also lol, "paid") for the teaching hours. Go figure.

I think my kids did well though, much better than last year, so that's reward in itself. :)

To update my current life situation, I earned my masters in teaching in 2013, and now I'm in my second year of teaching in Michigan. I teach algebra 2 and chemistry, which is pretty challenging (I wish I was only teaching one!) but I enjoy both. I have amazing colleagues and a great administration and awesome kids, so I am very very lucky. I will be talking about it a lot I'm sure since my brain is teaching 24/7... sorry about that in advance.

Fandom-wise, I caught up with Nashville while I was grading. That show is like SOAP OPERA TO THE MAX these days. Seriously, what HAVEN'T these characters gone through?! All at once right now the storylines include a mother dying (after she gave part of her liver to her brother who was dying of cancer), daughters forgiving their imprisoned father, a spiraling drug addiction and estranged couple, a gay country star, and wow so much more I can't even summarize. It's a hot hot mess. But I keep watching. Everyone needs some trashy melodrama in their life right? Come yell at me if you happen to watch this mess too, haha.

HI LJ LOOK I POSTED TWO DAYS IN A ROW LOOK LOOK! :D

Guess who's back, back again...

2015-10-19T03:07:32Z

No I don't know why I started with an Eminem lyric. Whatever.

HELLO I'M BACK. (also I already wrote this post and accidentally closed the tab so we're off to a FANTASTIC start....) As per my Wincon promise to many people, I'm going to try my damndest to come back to LJ. I had such a MARVELOUS time being surrounded by fangirls, and I used to have that daily with LJ. My life is noticeable lower quality with that missing. I'm a teacher now and I work so fucking hard, so to have a community to come to while I'm working endless hours at home would be... just beyond wonderful.

I am currently frantically lesson planning after spending the whole weekend HAVING FUN, so I can't say much more right now. A Wincon report of sorts will be coming I hope. For now have this gorgeous photo of our fangirl lunch earlier today (and can I just say that inserting a picture is now an awesome experience - I'm excited to explore all of LJ's fancy new functions!). And if you met me at Wincon, LET'S BE FRIENDS!!!

I'm not dead!

2013-06-22T06:59:01Z

Not dead! I promise! Living quite a lot, really.

April 30, 2013 - Defended my doctoral dissertation successfully. I now have my PhD in Chemical Biology! :)

June 17, 2013 - Started a Masters of Arts in Educational Studies program at the University of Michigan, focusing on secondary education with certification in chemistry and math.

I spent most of the time between those two dates on vacation in California and roaming all over the west. It's been a wild and wacky year, no doubt about it. Now a week into my masters, I know the rest is certainly not going to be boring. I'm excited for the new challenges that await!

Anyone still out there? :)

My Chemical Nostalgia

2012-11-24T05:58:45Z

I love My Chemical Romance rather more than breathing.

This has always (well, for the past, er, 7 years?) been true, but it has come rushing back full force recently. Does anyone remember this? In which I spent weeks tracking down live performance videos, ripping the audio, and compiling a live album of some of their best performances? Well I did that, because I was crazy about them. I was also crazy about Winchesters, Panic! babies, Stargate Atlantis, you name it, and I still carry an abiding fondness for all those things, but the only thing that's lodged itself in my bones is those wacky boys from Jersey. When I listen to their music, I feel like I don't need any other music. Ever. I could listen to them forever and be content.

Why am I sharing this? I dunno. Mostly because it's been bursting out of my chest and there might still be one or two people around here that understand. This is where my love for MCR grew and expanded until it made me feel fit to burst.

The new songs are amazing. Boy Division just roars out of the gate. IF ALL MY ENEMIES THREW A PARTY WOULD YOU LIGHT THE CANDLES WOULD YOU DRINK THE WINE WHILE WATCHING TELEVISION. And so on! It's the most breathless, thrilling song. And tonight there were TWO MORE! Gun. is FANTASTIC. Ambulance is all Queen-y and also excellent. Ahh.

I have also been taken anew by Ray Toro's guitar. On my last road trip I listened past Gerard (very difficult to do) for all the intricacies of Ray's (and Frank's!) magic. That's the real secret sauce. None of this would exist without Gerard, but none of it would sound the same without those guitars. Hot damn.

I flew to another country to see these guys (Ireland to England, but still). I met Gerard Way on the street and I didn't lose my shit. I took my dad to see them in Detroit and he fucking loved it. I drive 12 hours from Michigan to Connecticut and spend half the time blasting these assholes. I love them, I breathe them.

My favorite tunes (well, besides all of them) in pretty much no particular order because it's like choosing between my children:

Thank You for the Venom
You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us in Prison
Save Yourself and I'll Hold Them Back
Helena
Headfirst For Halos
Give Em Hell, Kid
Heaven Help Us
Party Poison
Vampire Money
I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
Vampires Will Never Hurt You
....AND ALL THE REST OF THEM. You can see Black Parade is by far my least favorite - I feel like they overproduced a lot of their raw energy out of it. But I still love it more than most music out there so it's all good.

Anyway. I love them. I hope they make another fabulous album in between raising their fabulous babies and hit the road at least one more time so I can bask in their greatness.

(To) The End

exsequar @ 2012-11-13T01:42:00

2012-11-13T06:42:08Z

Hi LJ!

A quick wander through my memories in search of McShep fic (hey, I was feeling nostalgic) brought me on one of my old posts where I mused about SGA fanon vs. canon, first discovered Tom McRae, and reported that my study abroad to Dublin would be cheaper for my family than staying in the US. It flashed me back real hard, to a much simpler time, when I was younger, more innocent, more introverted, but also connected to a beautiful web of people through this... place. Livejournal. And LJ, I miss you. I know you're fading, have been for ages, but I will not let you go until they pry you out of my cold dead hands.

I don't just miss the community. I miss the record of my life. I miss that every moment of my feelings was recorded here. I've tried keeping private journals but it just isn't the same. Pretty much impossible to keep up the same way, really, for me anyway.

In any case, have a kamikaze update!

1) I'm not actually moving to San Francisco! This is just a side effect of a bigger life choice, which was originally to leave with my masters, but became taking a shorter PhD and pursuing a career in high school science teaching! It's scary, it's big, but it feels right. I say that now - ask me again when I've actually been in charge of a classroom. In any case, research is certainly NOT where I should be, and teaching fits my temperament in lots of ways. I luckily have my boss's full support, and will hopefully defend in April. APRIL. Holy shit, so soon. No idea if I'll even be living here next year. I have a blank slate for the very first time in my whole life (it's always been "which degree do I pursue next?"). Scary, oh so scary.

2) Boy. There is a boy! His name is Jeff, and he is wonderful. Closing in on four months, which officially makes this my longest relationship, and also my "realest". We met mid-July and were dating two weeks later. :) He's got a masters in statistics and is working at a local company. He's 23 and adorable and this is us:

Yes, we were Sheldon and Amy for Halloween. :)

3) Migraines. I've always been prone to headaches, but a little over a month ago I got one that lasted a week and was sharper than usual. A neurologist eventually told me I had a status migraine and after flinging triptans and two courses of steroids at it, it finally broke (after nearly a month with only intermittent relief). I'm now on a chronic preventative medication for the foreseeable future. I had a brain MRI and that was clean though so it's nothing terrifying. Just annoying. I'm glad I have a drug that seems to be working to stave them off. It was quite an ordeal for a while there though.

4) Television! I have been watching so much TV lately, and loving all of it. Right now I'm keeping up with fully 7 shows:

Castle

Haven

Nashville

Homeland

Vampire Diaries

Supernatural

Go On

I am loving all of them. I binged on Homeland season 1 right as season 2 started and now I am just riveted. I'm very impressed with how they've kept things tense and high stakes while constantly shifting the basic tenets of the show. Claire Danes and Damian Lewis are, of course, spectacular, but so is the whole cast. It was quite a jolt to go from Brody to Dick Winters when I watched Band of Brothers recently! Castle is also impressing me thoroughly, having undergone a large paradigm shift, at least for a procedural drama, and done so with grace and humor and humanity. Haven is much more tense and dark this season, but I am loving it too. Especially DUUUUUUUKE! Duke <3 Love of my life. Vampire Diaries is a bit hit or miss right now (also a fundamental change there!) but the Salvatores continue to be fucked up and wonderful, and Caroline is my queen. Nashville is a little soapy but I'm totally hooked - I'm a sucker for characters I know expressing themselves through music (cough, Glee) but in this case it's not lots of karaoke, it's beautiful original songs that are all country in the most traditional sense - melancholy and regretful and gorgeous. Hayden Panettiere can *sing*! Damn girl! Also Connie Britton is my spirit animal. <333 Go On is my nugget of off-kilter happiness every week in the absence of Community (and I love Matthew Perry. I just do). I'm a bit behind on Supernatural but that's making me clutch my heart on a regular basis so it's back to what the show does best - brotherly angst! Oh Winchesters. You will forever occupy a corner of my heart.

So THAT was Anne's Feelings About TV in a nutshell! My boyfriend isn't much of a TV head (he watches Breaking Bad and South Park and that's about it) so he occasionally tolerates a little babbling but doesn't understand any of it, which is fine. I do miss having conversations about these things though. :(

Ummm so yeah! Things! Happening! A mixed bag but overall I'm doing pretty well. I still don't feel anything approaching a real adult but I'm trying to make steps to get there so we shall see. To Be Continued, I guess, probably a long time in the future.

Talk to me! Who's still out there? Anybody? Bueller?

exsequar @ 2012-07-04T00:36:00

2012-07-04T04:36:53Z

SO.

I just found out that I'm moving to San Francisco!

I'M MOVING TO SAN FRANCISCO.

Whaaat? *flail* My boss took a job at UCSF and the lab is moving there. I am definitely going to go, and probably most of the lab is too. He just dropped the bomb on us out of the blue today, then took us all out for lunch (and beer) as a sort of - apology? Heh. Some people are taking it much worse than others. I personally am getting to a quite okay place with it, mostly because I'm already far along in my PhD and will only be in SF for 1.5 years, and I was planning on making a big move from Ann Arbor after grad school anyway, so this just accelerates the timeline.

Still, it's a pretty big shock. The worst part is that I'll be moving away from my dad, and it's been so wonderful being in the same city with him again. I never got a chance to tell him today and I'm kind of dreading it. But I think he'll be excited for me too, because it really is a special opportunity.

SO. FLIST. Whoever is still out there. Who knows anything about San Francisco or California? General advice on moving out there? Thoughts, warnings, anything? I know I haven't been around at all but I still consider you a great source of advice and comfort.

I'M MOVING TO SAN FRANCISCO HOLY SHIT!

The girl who caught fire

2012-03-20T07:01:53Z

I would like to talk about The Hunger Games.

It took me a week and a half to read the trilogy. It would have been a week, but my copy of Mockingjay (the third book) was stolen when I was a quarter of the way through it. Seriously! I got my friend's copy Saturday and finished a couple hours ago.

I expected to hate the ending, or at least feel dissatisfied. People spent all week making warning noises, cringing whenever the ending was mentioned, suggesting I have hard liquor at hand, looking at me almost pityingly. I assumed that it was done poorly, the ending botched and unsatisfying.

What I didn't expect was to love it.

I wasn't sure how to feel about the series until I finished it. I spent the whole thing waffling between the two parts of the story. On the one hand, it was an incredibly vivid portrait of oppression and rebellion and the innumerable consequences of war, both psychological and physical, cast through the lens of a nauseating manifestation of human-on-human cruelty: the Games. On the other hand, it was a slightly juvenile romantic triangle that at times felt clumsy and incomplete. I felt like the series couldn't quite decide what it wanted to be.

In the end, I knew. And the answer, unexpectedly, was what I didn't dare hope for. The ending was exactly as bleak and unforgiving as it needed to be to do any justice to the half of the book that sought to be a portrait of the very worst of humanity. There were no easy fixes. In the end, there was a peace of sorts, but Katniss and innumerable others had to give their everything to achieve it. In life, this is true - overcoming evil requires unimaginable sacrifice. It is only when the best of us stand up and take on that burden that anything good can survive to see the light of day.

I felt from early on, despite the teenie hysteria and "Team Peeta" and "Team Gale" nonsense flying about, that the question was never about them. It was always about Katniss and who she needed to be. It was about her coming to an understanding about herself and what was needed to complete her. I myself wavered back and forth with Katniss, at times craving Gale's strength and ferocity, at others Peeta's calming warmth, just as she did. She never intentionally "led them on" - and they both loved her truly and generously enough to see that. Gale's comment that "she'll pick who she needs to survive" was spot on, but not in the harsh way that Katniss interpreted it. It was said with love and a recognition that Katniss was deeply damaged, and it was not up to the men to decide what she needed - only she could choose the love that would keep her afloat after all she had been through. It's quite clear now that it was always Peeta, but I appreciate in retrospect how muddled and fumbling it all was, because Katniss's emotional journey was nothing but muddled, and needed to find its natural conclusion.

As for why I personally loved the ending, I have always favored the kind of storytelling that can rip out my insides and leave me gasping and bleeding and utterly raw. At the same time I need some kind of emotional closure or at least coherence to wrap my head around. I was terrified of several things: that either Peeta or Gale would sacrifice himself in a blaze of glory and Katniss would be left with the other, always wondering; that Katniss herself would die and the book would end abruptly with that; or that there would be some overly romantic resolution to the triangle that rose from the ashes of a successful rebellion. I thought it would be either ruthlessly, senselessly tragic or unbearably schmaltzy. Instead it walked the line gorgeously. It remained entirely about Katniss, her self-doubt and her fire. That sequence starting with Boggs getting blown up right through Prim's horrific death was an incredibly gripping, scathing climax. Sometimes final action sequences are too brief and unsatisfying; this one took an emotional and visceral rollercoaster that (intentionally) paralleled the drama of the arenas from the previous two books and left me breathless and STILL unsure where everything was going. The relentless march of death around Katniss, particularly Finnick's, kept the stakes exactly as high as they needed to be. The imaginative "pods" kept the horror at a shrill, appalling pitch. And Prim's death was exactly the numbing, unspeakable shock that needed to happen to lend everything the appropriate gravitas. Nothing, absolutely nothing was anything approaching easy. Katniss effectively lost her mother as well. Gale and Peeta survived, but somehow that only barely felt like a victory. In the end, the triangle resolved itself, settling into what Katniss needed, not taking center stage away from the true message of these books. And, for the most part, that is: people can and will inflict unspeakable evil on one another.

But the other message, the one that saves the story from crushing nihilism, is that from the darkness, a flower blooms. Peeta. The boy with the bread. Tortured, altered, suicidal. He finds his way back to the light. He is the flower in Katniss's darkness, as he was in the very beginning. Life - Katniss and Peeta's children, the grass in the Meadow - literally springs from the ashes. Katniss, who by all rights should be a mute shell, manages to find joy in holding her newborn children, in loving Peeta. And she is the one that gave the most, down to the deepest reaches of her soul. If there is hope for her, there is hope for all of us.

I thought the entire ending was genius. Katniss shooting Coin was a perfectly shocking yet logical ending. I personally didn't see it coming, but it also fell in perfectly with all that came before. And the death of Prim, while utterly brutal, was, as I said above, really the only way to hammer everything home. Prim was set up from page one as Katniss's compass, but she was also her blind spot. Her death (and, horribly and brilliantly, the revelations of Snow) cleared Katniss's eyes to finally see the whole truth and do what needed to be done.

There's no mistaking it. This is about as brutal of a series as I've ever read. It ranks right up there with A Song of Ice and Fire. The fact that this is a "young adult" series that has twelve year old girls screaming both boggles and irritates me to an extent, but if some of them absorb anything outside of the romance, then perhaps that is a good thing. It asks difficult questions and doesn't really pose any answers. It's violent, unrelenting, and told through the eyes of an extraordinary young woman who doesn't think of herself as anything special.

I'm really glad I jumped on this particular bandwagon. It wasn't anything like I expected, but what a hell of a ride. I'll be thinking about it for a long time to come.

I can't wait to see the movie. But every time I say that, and hear about the hysteria surrounding it, I get rather uncomfortable. It feels too much like the citizens of the Capitol getting all buzzed about their yearly Games. Of course we're not cheering real deaths, but this movie is going to be largely about a group of children killing each other. That is profoundly disturbing. My excitement is about meeting Katniss and all the rest, about seeing this terrifying dystopian future brought to life. I don't know how the last movie will remain PG-13/aimed at young adults, but I look forward to seeing what they can accomplish on the big screen with a story so huge, daunting, and important. And with such a kickass girl at the heart of it all.

Iiit's a ludicrously small world after all!

2012-03-03T06:29:27Z

Last night I went to a fundraiser held by the graduate school. It was a night at a club that's usually very skeevy and filled with under-clothed or creepy undergrads, but because it's "spring" break would be just grad students. This place is a bit of a local myth so I figured I had to experience it at least once. Plus the cover went to Habitat for Humanity, so win win! A lot of people from my program showed, including many of my faves, so I had a blast getting a bit too drunk and dancing myself silly. Matt is apparently a fantastic swing dancer - who knew?

Some time pretty late, I was sitting in a corner with my roomie, taking a break from dancing and thinking blearily about going home, when suddenly a guy sits down. He starts talking. I blink, lean towards him, and say, "Where are you from?" He replies, "Ireland!"

AHHHHH.

So of course we talked for ages and it turns out he went to Trinity *at the same time I did* and WE HAVE FRIENDS IN DUBLIN IN COMMON. Not many, and not close friends, but enough that it kind of blew my mind. What the hell are the odds?

It was so wonderful to reminisce about Dublin and Trinity with someone who knows and loves them too. He's getting his PhD in Economics here in the hopes of becoming a professor at Trinity. It was also wonderful hearing his delightful accent rolling out "grand" and "bollocks". Oh my gosh it was delightful. We even bonded over Father Ted! He was cute enough, a bit awkward looking but just very.... IRISH, so you know, I'm easy for that. I wouldn't say we were sparking exactly (unfortunately!) but it was just a wonderful conversation. I got his number but he hasn't replied to a couple texts I've sent, soooo I dunno.

BUT THEN TONIGHT. I went to my friend's house for his weekly potluck, which I go to all the time. It was mostly familiar faces but there was one guy I didn't recognize. Somehow it came up that his roommate was Irish, and I was like oh, where's he from, blah blah, I show interest in all Irish people. But later on, the guy mentioned something about economics and I was like, hang on. What's your roommate's name?

OH YEAH. IT WAS THE GUY I MET. WHAT?!?

So basically life is shoving this guy in my face. However it doesn't seem like he's interested? I don't care about that so much, I'd really just love to have coffee with him and hear his voice when there isn't pounding club music and I'm not half hammered. We'll see. But regardless, it was a wacky and wonderful chain of events.

exsequar @ 2012-02-27T22:27:00

2012-02-28T03:27:16Z

Firstly, thank you everso to the lovely xsnarkasaurus for the adorable dragon on my profile! ♥

I had a most wunderbar weekend on a ski trip with my friends! It was preceded by a nutso week. I shall talk about them! (With a couple visual aids!)

Last week my little sister was here! :D She was visiting colleges here in Michigan so she came out for winter break and stayed with my dad here in Ann Arbor. My sis is 17 and awesomesauce, and I love when she's around. ♥ Our daddy made us dinner last Saturday, and we all watched the movie Source Code, which is excellent, just by the way. It's directed (and written?) by Duncan Jones, the son of David Bowie, who also wrote/directed Moon, another excellent mindbinding sci-fi film. He's brilliant and quirky and I highly recommend both his films - can't wait to see what he comes up with next. ANYwhoodle, throughout the week I got to see her now and then, including going with her on her tour of the UMich campus, which was fun and actually quite informative to me! As a grad student I'm not exactly in touch with the life of the undergrads.

Unfortunately I didn't get to see her as much as I would have liked because my pressure in lab cranked up to 11. My experiments hadn't been working for a while, but they finally did on Monday, so I had five days to crank out a shitload of data in order to be able to present anything interesting to my lab this Monday (today), which is when I happened to be scheduled for group meeting. I also had a publication to write and give my boss a draft of, and a big review article I'm doing with my labmates that's been hanging over my head for months. So basically I was pulled in ten directions, plus packing/shopping for the ski trip, so it was a CRAZY week. Successful in the end though, so I guess that's all you can ask for.

Friday afternoon I finished my last experiment and an hour later was on the road with my friends Paul, Laura, and Alison. Laura drove so I could work a bit on my lab presentation in the car, which I actually did, fairly successfully. It was a somewhat harrowing drive because of course it happened to be the day of one of the two snowy weather events we've had this winter (I won't call it a storm, because it was fairly pathetic, but still made driving tricky). I took over from Laura about an hour away from the mountain because the road was terrible, the visibility poor, and the handling of a fully-loaded Civic not the greatest. Anyway, we got there safely and checked into our ADORABLE ski lodge. Our car had somehow gotten there first so Laura and I claimed the "moose bed" (it featured a quilt with meese and other such thematic illustrations). The house was meant for ten people - we crammed in twenty and proceeded to have a blast. We immediately filled the fridge with food and beer (life's essentials) and had a fun night of tasty home cooking (butternut squash soup!) and semi-drunken revelry.

Saturday, almost everyone went skiing or snowboarding, but Laura and I are not much of skiers, so we went down and watched for a while, then went snowshoeing for a couple hours! I've never been before. It took a little getting used to but was ultimately pretty easy and it was so much fun to tromp through all that beautiful snow, especially since we haven't had any this weekend. We then went back to the lodge, ate, napped, I did some work, and waited for everyone to come back for another night of tasty food and drunken revelry. I indulged in too much tequila and Jameson and beer and still woke up the next morning feeling fit as a fiddle? I don't even know. Thank goodness for being 24. I spent a while chatting with an awesome Danish guy named Soren who likes to play tuba, particularly southern jazz (?!). He was fascinating. We played Taboo and dice and Monty Python Fluxx! Fun was had!

Oh and the sunset, seen from our vantage point over the mountains, looked like this:

Laura and me rocking our animal hats

Snow! yay!

Sunday, we had a marathon cleaning/packing session and bundled out of the house by about 11 AM. Most people hit the slopes again, but Laura, Brian, Paul and I went and rented some cross-country skis. We started on the same path we had snowshoed, which was much harder on skis because it was so torn up and in some places you could see grass or even pavement (it was a golf course so there were paths everywhere)! I slowly got the hang of it, though it was a much weirder motion than I expected. I definitely fell on my ass (or side, or face) several times, but had a blast anyway. After about an hour of that, Laura and Brian wanted to head for the hot tub, but Paul wanted to continue, and I was having too much fun so I offered to join him. We set off in search of better trails, and after a false start up another snowshoeing path, finally found the ACTUAL cross-country skiing paths, which were fully groomed, with nice grooves for your skis to fit in. I hadn't realized that was possible - it made everything so much more smooth and fun! I still fell a few times, but also got a lot more gliding in. We did some more difficult and longer paths, and ended up going something like 5 km. There were some steeper hills (I didn't even fall on some of them!) and uphills to conquer. Paul is also one of my favorite people so we just had a delightful time out in the quiet woods, skiing along. :) It was some of the best, most exhilarating fun I've had in a while. We reluctantly made our way back, mostly cause we were starving and it was already later than we'd meant to set off for home. We found our car-mates, had a quick lunch, and hit the road, exhausted but happy!

Oh yeah, Paul is the coolest cat. And Laura in the back there, she's fallen but she CAN get up. With a bit of effort. :)

I got home and had to spend all night doing my group meeting for Monday - didn't finish til 3 AM - but in the end it was a pretty good presentation and the weekend was more than worth it. :)

This weekend was ALSO a fantastic weekend for my beloved football teams. Sadly I wasn't able to watch it live, but since I was off having so much fun that's okay. :) I got back from snowshoeing Saturday to find that Mainz had won 4-0!!! The noise I made when I saw that would have terrified dogs, haha. My beautiful Ádám scored for the first time since coming back from injury, AND it was against the same team he tore his ACL against more than a year ago! I'm so happy for him. Zidan scored his fourth goal in four games for us, bless his heart. My favorite teeny one, Nicolai, also nicked a goal, and EMCM finished poor Kaiserslautern off. It was our big derby too! Beyond pleased to see all my boys so happy. ♥♥

Also happy were my other boys in red and white, who won THEIR derby 5-2! That's right, Arsenal TROUNCED Sp*rs, and it was glorious. They went down 2-0, then came back to score 5 unanswered goals, including a truly glorious Robin van Perfect strike and FINALLY a Rosicky goal after which he looked so happy I got all teary. AND a Sagna header! AND a Walcott brace! Ahhhh! Take THAT, Gareth fucking Bale, with your stupid face and your stupid dives. The relief of the Arsenal boys was palpable, and the Emirates was just hopping (I managed to catch part of the second half on a skippy stream at the lodge). YAY!

Ádám and Mo are my darling derbysieger! <333

Lalala that's it for tonight!

Birds fly over the rainbow, why then oh why can't I?

2012-02-17T05:41:39Z

Time for a melancholy late night post.

This week has absolutely vanished. What am I doing with my time? I don't know. I've been fighting tooth and nail with this publication I'm trying to write for weeks (well, months) now. I had a period in January where I was super productive, then I skidded to a halt for various reasons and had a hard time getting over the activation barrier. I think I finally did it today though, just in time for my boss's return tomorrow. Phew.

Science is frustrating the shit out of me. Most days I hate it.

I got an email from my undergrad chemistry department's secretary. She wants a current photo of me to post on a bulletin board next to an essay I wrote for the department when I was a senior in college. The essay is titled "A Mile in Shoes that Don't Fit" and it's about how by doing research I realized that I... didn't want to do research.

A couple months later, I let other people change my mind. Now I'm at grad school.

So she wants my photo to put up my essay which might as well be titled "Anne is a Hypocrite." Excellent.

I wish I had listened to my instincts.

Tonight was a Very Bad No Good night. First I learned that Ryan J is leaving Empires. What the fuck. That means I likely saw his last show with them a couple weeks ago. I mean, I'm grateful to have had that, but RYAN!! :'((( I love Ryan so very much and the band won't be the same without him. I still remember my first Empires show in Baltimore, ages upon ages ago, when he cut his finger and showed us the blood, and shot nerf darts at Sean, and happily signed the print of Howl's cover that I had printed. He's such a joy to be around, always smiling, always kind and warm. And oh how he wails on those drums. I will miss him so very, very much. Bye Ryan J. :(

Then I learned of the very tragic suicide of a young man, a fellow football fan, whom I did not know but who was friends with friends of mine. I read his Twitter and his thoughtful, aching Tumblr posts. I couldn't help but notice how often the word death came up in the last couple weeks. I didn't know him but I saw a lovely, kind soul, a soul in so much pain, and I am inexpressibly sad that he could not find help. He was clearly loved and he will be missed. I am sorry that I never knew him. RIP James.

I rounded off this spectacular evening by watching the film Third Star, which stars Benedict Cumberbatch. He plays a young man dying of cancer who goes on one last trip with his friends. It is a lovely, tragic film, aching and fragmented and messy and it's about how sometimes you just don't have time to have a neat ending. So of course I ended that sobbing my eyeballs out.

Yeah. It's been a night. Off to bed with me.

Our breath rose in the cold

2012-02-06T06:13:36Z

Firstly: thank you to everyone for saying hi on my last post! Yay! hi! Glad to know there's still people around these here parts. :)

I had a most marvelous weekend! I went to Chicago for the first time in ages and there were Shenanigans.

I stayed with the lovely rhombal and musictoyourlips, who have the cutest little apartment now. I hadn't seen them in way too long! I arrived on Friday night and we lounged about chatting and looking at sexy footballers, as you do. Then we got (maybe) 3 hours sleep and woke up at some obscene hour of the morning prior to 6 AM in order to go to the pub and watch the Arsenal! The pub was much quieter than last time I went (which was the last day of the season and a massive, dramatic battle against relegation). We had coffee, coffee, and more coffee, watched a dash of West Ham vs Millwall (red card to West Ham's captain, shocker!), and then it was time for the Gunners! Arsenal were facing cellar dwellers but also bogey team Blackburn, so we were nervous, but in the end Arsenal romped to a thoroughly delightful 7-1 victory, including a ROBIN VAN PERFECT HAT TRICK and the Ox's first two league goals and a delicious Arteta goal and, as the cherry on the sundae, a Thierry Henry goal, served up on a platter by RVP. It was simply, utterly marvelous. And I didn't even miss any goals while I was in the bathroom or anything! Amazing! It's like they put on a show just for me. Thank you, boys. ♥ I was also keeping a close eye on Twitter because my other boys in red and white (Mainz) were playing co-league leaders Schalke, and I was very nervous. We SCORED and went into half-time 1 up, but Schalke came out much stronger and equalized. But we dug in our heels and held on for the draw, which gave us an important point and knocked Schalke off the top of the table! Woo! All in all, a delightful morning of football.

At this stage it was not even noon and I had already had more caffeine AND alcohol than is advisable (really just a large cider but pre-noon that is plenty). We went back to their apartment and crashed for much, much needed naps.

Then rhombal and I went to see EMPIRES and THE HUSH SOUND!!! Eeeee! This was the reason I chose this weekend to visit Chicago and oh it was so much fun! We drove to the Bottom Lounge (randomest venue ever) and had dinner with angel726 and two of her friends. We said hi to Sean van Vleet out in the bar, who remains the sweetest, and I (worryingly) identified Nick Scimeca from way across the room. Oh dear. We also spotted Ryan J (who has cut his hair - I must confess I miss the floppy) but he was hanging out with Scimeca, so I didn't get a Ryan J hug. :( We found THE WHOLE INTERNET, including candidlily and xsnarkasaurus, yay! Then we watched the first opening band, who were a bit cacophonous but had a couple nice songs, and were mostly entertaining because the singer reminded me of Gerard Way (sassiness, mostly) and, physically, Cesc Fabregas. What. We got a nice space up near the stage (dear fangirls who waited hours in the cold for this show: you are ridiculous) and then it was Empires time!!! I've seen them so many times but it's always a blast. SVV has become such a great and confident frontman. Spit the Dark and Damn Things Over remain my favorites live. The new music is sounding great too!

THEN IT WAS HUSHIES TIME! EEEE. I had only seen them twice before, way back in... I don't know, 2009? AGES. So this was an absolute treat! They seemed to be having a lot of FUN performing together again. Bob and Greta are kind of hilarious in how different they are - Bob's wicked and suggestive and irreverent, where Greta is wholesome and sweet and tries to crack dirty jokes but then takes them back immediately, and I want to give her a hug. Darren and Chris have both grown their hair long, to very different effect. Darren looks like Tomrad from behind, but I like it on him even better - I want to play with it. Chris..... looks like an effeminate Jesus. I don't even know. But they blew my face off! \o/ The setlist was lovely, voted on by the fans and balanced between the three albums. So much stuff off So Sudden! I was a bit sad they didn't play my two favorites (Dark Congregation and Hurricane) but a gorgeous rendition of The Artist more than made up for it. Molasses, Honey, Wine Red... so wonderful. I really do love them as a band, though I'd have to say Gold Motel edges them out a bit for me (which explains why Greta's songs are my favorite Hushies ones). It was a fun, breathless experience that brought me back to the heyday of my bandom love, when every show was an Occasion (now, every show is fun, but mostly seeing bands I've seen loads of times before). I have lovely pictures and videos but my memory card reader is not cooperating right now and I can't be arsed to go get the cable, so I'll have to share them later.

Sunday (today) was deliciously lazy - musictoyourlips made breakfast and we watched the first half of Chelsea-United (barf), then muted that in favor of Sherlock - Hound of Baskervilles and Reichenbach Fall, which rhombal hadn't seen yet! *rolls around* Love love love loooove.

Then I had to leave and it was sad. :( Tomorrow is Monday morning. I protest.

So this post doesn't end on a downer, I want to say that if you like Sherlock and have Tumblr, my Tumblr has become basically a shrine to Sherlock and all things Benedict Cumberbatch. \o/ I'm exsequar over there too. I will leave you with his perfection:

exsequar @ 2012-02-02T00:34:00

2012-02-02T05:34:55Z

I finally made a new flist filter! All the ones I had were hopelessly out of date, and trying to read unfiltered is a nightmare because of all the random communities I never bothered to unfriend, SO! I have found all the still active friends around and compiled you into a handy dandy flist that will help me get back in the groove of this here LJ nonsense. Yay! Hi!

In having a few comment chats I've already realized how much I've missed LJ. Twitter just isn't the same - conversations are more out in the open there, you have to filter yourself. Especially since some of my football friends started following my "personal" twitter. I can't just come out and flail about how John and Sherlock are TOTES IN LOVE ZOMG!!1!! LJ is still my safe haven and I love you baby and I'll never leave again. (Lies, but, I want to come back for now!)

It does sadden me all the stupid things the LJ company itself continues to do. But the remnants of my community are still here and I'm going to cling to it, dammit.

Say hi if you're even still following me! I have no idea if I'm just shouting into the darkness, now. It would be justified but I'd still just like to know. So! Hi!

The fiasco continues

2012-01-26T01:16:42Z

Originally posted by electricdruid at The fiasco continues

ACTA in a Nutshell –

What is ACTA? ACTA is the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement. A new intellectual property enforcement treaty being negotiated by the United States, the European Community, Switzerland, and Japan, with Australia, the Republic of Korea, New Zealand, Mexico, Jordan, Morocco, Singapore, the United Arab Emirates, and Canada recently announcing that they will join in as well.

Why should you care about ACTA? Initial reports indicate that the treaty will have a very broad scope and will involve new tools targeting “Internet distribution and information technology.”

What is the goal of ACTA? Reportedly the goal is to create new legal standards of intellectual property enforcement, as well as increased international cooperation, an example of which would be an increase in information sharing between signatory countries’ law enforcement agencies.

Essential ACTA Resources -

Read more about ACTA here: ACTA Fact Sheet
Read the authentic version of the ACTA text as of 15 April 2011, as finalized by participating countries here: ACTA Finalized Text
Follow the history of the treaty’s formation here: ACTA history
Read letters from U.S. Senator Ron Wyden wherein he challenges the constitutionality of ACTA: Letter 1 | Letter 2 | Read the Administration’s Response to Wyden’s First Letter here: Response
Watch a short informative video on ACTA: ACTA Video
Watch a lulzy video on ACTA: Lulzy Video

Say NO to ACTA. It is essential to spread awareness and get the word out on ACTA.

Via Tumblr

I was so alone

2012-01-19T05:40:59Z

I. LOVE. SHERLOCK.

Until a couple days ago, I would have been like "I really enjoy Sherlock! Benedict's face is the best face and I would like to engage John Watson in some cuddling. It makes me laugh! It's really smart (except when it's ruining Irene, derp)!"

BUT THEN THAT EPISODE HAPPENED AND I MAY BE A LITTLE BROKEN. Every time I remember that it happened my brain does this funny fireworks and stuttering thing and then I do a little hysterical giggle and let me just say it's a good thing it hasn't happened in front of anyone yet. THAT EPISODE. One of the best things I have ever seen on television. Wow. Wowwww.

Dear Martin Freeman, ALL OF THE BAFTAS. So much love and puppies, me.

I also love The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, Justified, and White Collar. Basically I am up to my ears in great TV every week for the next couple months and I'll drown in it a happy, happy woman. Damon, Caroline, Elena, Sam, Dean, Raylan, Tim, Neal, Peter, El, LET ME LOVE YOU <3333

Also we can talk about THAT episode of Supernatural in which I first yelled KRYCEK!!!! and then LOGAN ECHOLLS!!!!!!!! Throw in the suit porn and I am a happy, happy girly. It feels so good to love my shoooow again.

Does anyone have any good Sherlock or Vampire Diaries fic recs? I'd love you forever! <3

Ahoy, mateys! I have come ashore for a quick visit!

2011-12-21T03:52:51Z

I fail so much at LJ, you guys. Fail ever so much. :( I really really miss it, but I also feel like my life has progressed past that phase. I don't have time to lose myself in fic or the details of so many lives, as much as I'd want to. Even though I feel like I'm kind of a shitty grad student, I'm still a grad student, and that means busy. :(

Life updates since June... well, lots! I did a three month internship this summer which was... okay. Not exactly revelatory. I spent half of it writing a grant for my grad school work and trying not to puke because I'm SO BAD AT PLANNING SCIENCE, and the other half trying to figure out what I want to do instead because research is clearly not my destiny. I landed on science publishing, which basically entails working as an editor at a scientific journal, coordinating with authors and reviewers and generally shaping the journal's content and interactions with the world. I obviously need to finish my PhD so I'll do that and then look for editorial positions. I'm really excited about this new direction and hope it turns into a rewarding career.

I also went to Germanyyyyyy :D And also Dublin but that was a short visit, sadly. Still got to see some of my favorite friends though. But the majority of the trip was two weeks backpacking through Germany with my friend Sarah (who I met through the German football fandom!). We went to (in order) München (Munich), Chiemsee, Nürnberg (Nuremberg), Mainz, Karlsruhe, Köln (Cologne), Oldenburg, Hamburg, Fehmarn, and Berlin! The trip was whirlwind paced but I was so glad we got to see all the things we did. We attended four football matches, I met MY BELOVED LEWIS HOLTBY *points at icon and makes high pitched noises* after he scored 2 goals for the German U21s, we watched Germany beat Brazil, Mainz beat Leverkusen, and Bayern beat Wolfsburg. IT WAS AMAZING. We stayed with lots of friends of mine, new and old, some I've known forever but hadn't gotten to meet yet or only met once (*waves at novafairy, nebulein, and maleyka). My favorite city was Berlin (we only had A DAY! I want to spend a week there!) but they were all beautiful and unique. It was truly an amazing trip and only whetted my appetite for travel (and Europe) even further. And I cannot recommend backpack travel enough!! Sure I didn't have many clothes, but we did laundry twice and I only had ONE bag to deal with that I could just sling on my back, easy peasy. Such a freeing experience!

Josh and I fizzled out in September, a little while after I got back from Germany. It was a long time coming, sadly. We burned bright but only for a short while. I learned things about myself from that experience AND I had a hell of a lot of fun, so what more can you ask for? I haven't met a new guy yet, though there's a couple I've been talking to on OK Cupid who are intriguing.

I also moved apartments so now I live with one person instead of four (my current roomie was also one of the four, so no big adjustment there). We love our new apartment and I LOOOOOOVE my room. We're staying here for at least two years.

Fannishly, I have two new major TV loves: HAVEN and THE VAMPIRE DIARIES. To sum up: sdlkfjlsdkfjlsjfOT3OT3OT3!!!!! The triangles on these two shows BLOW ME AWAY. They have some similar dynamics but are at the same time drastically different and I love them *so much*. Some people choose Duke/Audrey or Nathan/Audrey or of course Duke/Nathan... I say why choose? They're ALL amazing and deserve to have each other. Furthermore, Audrey clearly loves both of them, and the *waves hands* nonsense between Duke and Nathan is so clearly ANYTHING BUT platonic, so really it's the only logical solution. Yup. And if you haven't heard of Haven, do yourself a favor! It's a surprisingly incredible SyFy show set in Maine but filmed in gorgeous Nova Scotia on FILM (not digital!). It's a bit like X-Files, with weird goings-on and a great male-female buddy cop dynamic, though they're both believers. There have been two (short) seasons so far and it got renewed for a third so you should catch up before season three starts in April!

And DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON VAMPIRE DIARIES. Lots of people told me they loved it but I was like pffff it's either marginally better Twilight or going to disappoint compared to Buffy. In fact, any comparisons to either vanished after the first few episodes. It starts in a place where it could become either, but really becomes its own thing. I've tried to articulate to myself how it's different from Buffy, and in the end I think the two are fundamentally different types of stories. Buffy is about the girl with a burden who has to fight evil with only love to support her, and it's about doing the right thing even when it's the most difficult. Vampire Diaries, on the other hand, is about loving so fiercely and blindly that almost anything is on the table if it's necessary to save that love. Elena and co. don't so much fight evil as do everything they can to protect their own, at nearly any cost. And the romantic part of Elena's love, at least, is focused on two incredibly dangerous dudes, no matter how defanged Stefan may seem. Um, in conclusion, I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS but TVD is really wonderful storytelling all on its own and I highly recommend it. If you've watched it, COME FLAIL WITH ME. CAROLINE. MATT. ALARIC. STEFANELENADAAAAAAMON. <3333 I tend to forget that shipping a OT3 with brothers in it might weird some people out, but uh, veteran of Supernatural fandom here, soooo... yeah that one wasn't such a leap for me. Whoops.

Speaking of Supernatural, I skipped season 6 but I'm really enjoying season 7! I'm afraid to say this because of the rotten tomatoes that will come my way, but it feels so much more like the show I know and love with Castiel gone (not just him but the whole angel nonsense). Dean and Sam are making me clutch my heart again! I have missed my boys everso. <3

SO! My dears! What on earth have you been up to? I'm gonna try to poke around my flist but clearly I have missed so much. (Again.) And if you really want to reconnect with me, I can now be found on Twitter pretty much all the time - I'm exsequar over there too! I'd love if you'd say hi! ♥

This is the bromance that has to end ;__;

2011-06-14T04:10:58Z

Just for the record, this is what has stolen me away for the past month:

Those are my beautiful Mainz boys, Lewis and André, who are talented and tiny and perfect and the hugest BFFs. *sighs and chinhands* (Lewis is the one that's allergic to clothes <333) Sadly they're BOTH leaving my team next year, and they're not even going to the same place, so that's a little bit heartbreaking. But I love them, and I love them for bringing such a perfect year to my team, and I will continue to love them wherever their paths may take them.

I just wanted to share their cute little bromance with you. You're welcome. :D

Life is mildly crazy right now. I went from being only in charge of my own self to being responsible for training two new students in the lab! *flails hands* The high schooler is doing great - I've had her a couple weeks and she's really caught on fast, she's a sharp cookie. She also just graduated so technically not a high schooler, but still never worked in a lab! I'm very impressed. The other one is weirdly more tough; even though he's an MD-PhD student who knows his shit, I'm teaching him something he's never done and I've only done two YEARS ago, so we're kind of the blind leading the blind, oops. Also my boss isn't around right now and it's tough to figure out exactly what he wants when he's not, you know, here. So that's an adventure. Luckily he's a good humored dude with a sharp tongue and we spend half our time cracking up, so I think we'll at least have fun while we're mucking about.

Josh came over last night (Sunday) even though he had had a long tiring weekend with his family - I told him he didn't have to and he told me not to be silly. :3 We just cuddled and watched Serenity (his first time!!!) and it was amazing. \o/ That movie still makes me gasp and cry, it is my favorite in the whole wide 'verse. He really enjoyed it too, I am happy to report. :D Even though I sent him home at a reasonable hour I didn't get much sleep and was basically a zombie today, oops, and since he's a princess who needs 8 hours of beauty sleep he probably was worse off. But you know what? 100% worth it. And I may or may not be seeing him again tomorrow. (Can't stay away, omg.)

As for the OTHER man in my life - my daddy, hee - we just made plans to go out for a daddy-daughter dinner on Thursday! \o/ I'm treating him for Father's Day of course, and since it's Restaurant Week I get to REALLY treat him, yay. I don't know if I ever mentioned it here but my dad moved here last fall to live with his brother (lost job, lost house... yet he's happier than he's been in a long time) and it's amazing to have him around all the time. I love my daddy ever so!

Err that's it! Just trying to get back into this regular posting nonsense. And also trying to get back into the rhythm of flist reading! It feels really good to dip my toes back into your lives again! I'm really looking forward to rejoining this community, as much as I can. ♥

Movies and teevees and boys, oh my!

2011-06-10T21:35:36Z

Look! I'm posting again already! :O Could this be a renaissance?!

Let's talk about some fun movies and teevee! Last night I went to see Thor with Josh because he's a big ol geek, and I had heard it's fun. It was fun! The visuals were awesome, Thor was charming and ridiculous, Natalie Portman was a kickass lady nerd - you don't see those very often! I loved when Thor kissed her hand and she was like fuck that! and kissed him, haha. I would so do that. I knew that everyone on the internet loved Loki and I had gotten the impression that he was funny and/or endearing, so I kind of spent the movie waiting for that and was a bit disappointed? I wish I hadn't had that mistaken impression because I think I would have really enjoyed his fucked up conflicty character, doing all the wrong things JUST TO BE LOVED! *hands* I did enjoy Tom Hiddleston's face, as I know many of you do too. :P Overall it was a delightful piece of fluff that I enjoyed quite a lot.

When I was looking up times for Thor, I saw that Kyle Chandler is in JJ Abrams' new movie, Super 8, so I checked out the trailer. It looks pretty cool and I thought I might see it. But then I saw EW's review which called it "loving, playful, and spectacularly well made" and I simply can't NOT see this film now. I mean. KYLE CHANDLER. Eric Taylor from Friday Night Lights! As a sheriff! With his gravelly voice and his sweet eyes on the BIG SCREEN. Obviously I am seeing this film ASAP.

As for The Tee-Vee, I have been keeping up with the fantaaaaastic Game of Thrones, but I am one episode behind so please don't spoil me for that one! I have read the books so it's an interesting experience watching such a tense drama when I already know most of the twists. It's still incredibly engaging and compelling so major kudos to the creators and writers for that. My favorite casting is by far Daenerys, she's otherworldly and young yet has this incredible steel thread running through her, she's breathtaking. I also love little Arya, and Jon Snow (KIIIIT <3), and I also like Catelyn a lot because I feel much more sympathetic to her than I do in the books. Tyrion is, of course, magnificent, and Jaime? Screen door, hurricane, etc. Yummm. Lena Headey is not at all how I envisioned Cersei, but she's doing a brilliant job. So yes! Thank you to HBO to bringing this massive series to life, it's such a delight. If you haven't read the books, I'd be very curious to hear what you think about the series! (You can point me to posts if you've posted about it, trying to catch up around here is tough!)

I am SO HAPPY White Collar is back. sdlfkjlsdf. I don't really have much else to say because it's not the most thinky of shows but NEAL AND PETER AND EL AND MOZZIE *grabbyhands* Also the internet has erupted with THE BEST CASTING SPOILER OF ALL TIME EVER, and I will die when episode 3x09 comes out. *______* I also watched Castle eagerly every week and I'm quite sad it's over for now. That was a super epic finale and I can't WAIT til it comes back. Bones... I still love Bones, but the finale made me roll my eyes and go "really?". Unfortunately. :( We can talk about that if you want but I'm sure it's been hashed over many times.

DOCTOR WHOOOOOO. Ahh it is delightful. Ten is still my favorite, but Eleven is delightful and whimsical and HIS LITTLE BOWTIE and yes. Melikey. I grow fonder of Amy every day and ROOOOORY. ♥ That was a pretty epic midseason finale, I must say. The other night, my friend (who has been watching the whole series from the beginning, he LOVES it) asked me to watch the season 4 finale with him, so of course I did and had my heart born and ripped to shreds again. SO AMAZING/HORRIBLE AT THE SAME TIME. *flails*

Man I have missed just flailing about in blog posts about this stuff! It feels good to be back. ♥

And to round this post off, I simply have to gush about Josh a little bit. Feel free to skip. ;) As I mentioned, Josh and I went to see Thor last night, our first movie together, awww. At one point I mentioned that I had seen both The Notebook and Boondock Saints in my freshman year of college, but I liked Boondock Saints much more. He looked at me seriously and said "Have I mentioned I love you?" Heeheehee. (For the record, no he hasn't, and that was a total joke. Don't want to alarm anyone, lol) Our fondness for movies with lots of guns and fast cars will mesh quite nicely, I feel. :D So he enjoyed the movie too (mostly he's really really looking forward to the Avengers, which - JOSS WHEDON. So am I!) and then we went home and had another lovely evening and for the first time, I think, I sent home a boy before I headed off to work in the morning. :D He requires much more sleep than I do and I, cough, kept him up rather late so he didn't get much sleep, and he apparently went home and took a nap before going to work, aww. Poor baby needs his beauty sleep.

On a serious-ish note, I have to say that when we were first going to meet, I didn't know if he would find me attractive at all because he is so incredibly in shape and serious about being in shape, and on his OK Cupid profile he had answered a question of preferred female body time as "thin" or something, so I was like... is he gonna think I'm a fat slob who never gets off her ass (mostly because lab keeps me too busy)? And obviously he finds me attractive enough (er, to the point where he can't keep his hands off me haha) but last night he said a couple things that made me smile - he said I'm the perfect size, and that I'm a "little thing" that he can lift with one arm. Now, it's not really true that I'm a little thing (150 lbs) but it IS true that he can lift me with one arm (dear god his biceps) and mostly I'm just chuffed that he doesn't like me DESPITE my not-quite-model-type body but rather because of it. Or something. Anyway, it was all very affirming and sweet and ummm I enjoy him greatly!

Okay that's enough babbling for now. I'm at the stage where I want to TELL THE WHOLE WORLD HOW I FEEL!!!!! and LJ is an excellent outlet for that, where no one's really obligated to listen but you still feel like you've gotten it out of your system. *g*