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ex_oh — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 05:33:29 GMT

I never wanted to tell a soul about how I really felt after 2011. But I guess since I can write how I feel and not get judged by it, I figured…what the hell.

I really wish I could have wrote this post on December 31st but I guess I was having too much fun and not even thinking about it.

2011 started with the most shitty experience ever. I would have never thought I would have lost my “soul mate” in 2011. In retrospect, I would have changed so much so I wouldn’t have gone through so much horrible things in 2011. But like everyone says, things happen for a reason.

My break up with my ex was the most traumatizing event that has ever happened to me. I literally thought I couldn’t make it. I felt as if someone tore my heart and stomped on it. I felt as if my heart fell to my stomach. I seriously thought I was going to die of depression because someone did tell me that it could happen. The first couple of months were the most painful and hurtful. Finding out things that I never knew and finding other things that I wish I never seen. Because of it, I made myself sick mentally and physically. Mentally: I couldn’t sleep, eat, constantly crying, and depressed. Physically: half of my face was paralyzed for a whole month. I didn’t think I was going to recover from bell’s palsy.

I kept asking myself, “God do you really hate me this much to put me through more pain and suffering?” I felt as if he was just playing with me and wanted to teach me a lesson. Which is understandable, but wasn’t the break up and heart ache enough? No. And for that, I thank you for giving me this…special plan you had for me.

You see, I was never a strong person. I constantly doubted myself in everything. My only support was from my ex. He was the only person who believed I had so much potential to do anything I wanted. Amazing really. But when it came to me, I didn’t think I was smart enough, strong enough, or pretty enough to do anything. I never really loved myself. I just excepted someone else to love me instead.

While I was going through that break up, I thought to myself, “I’m not going to make it. There’s no way I can recover from this. I’m not strong enough. What am I going to do?!”

Until one day I was diagnosed with bell’s palsy. I remember that night at ER crying on the table (as if I thought it was the end of the world lol) asking God why over and over. I remember run ing to my room crying even more and just wanting to end everything. I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted this stupid pain to go away.

However, I made it through. I made it through all those lonely nights. I made it through all those endless nights of crying myself to sleep. I made it through with my half paralyzed face.

I can finally say that made it through both of them. It was hard, yes. But I made it. I believe God gave me bell’s palsy because he wanted to prove to me that I am a strong girl no matter what life throws at me. If he didn’t think I was that strong, he wouldn’t have given me such a hard task. If I can overcome 2 of the most traumatizing events in my life, I can do anything. I’m ready for what he has in stored for me. Whatever is next, I’m ready!

So I seal 2011 with a kiss and throw it in the fire. I dont want to think about it anymore. I never want to put myself in that position again. I can do bad all by myself.

2012 is going to be one helluva year and I’m gonna make it the best year. So I know this is late but….HERES TO 2012!!!

Xoxo Desiree:*

oo Beauty Haul I have to share ;)

ex_oh — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 05:24:13 GMT

So I decided to make an entry on this thing! It's been sooo long since I've done one. I remember being so into lj back in the day haha Crazy shiit!

Anyway, I wanted to make an entry about a beauty stuff I got! I'm so excited about this too. I sold some GOW3 beta codes on ebay for 15 bucks each and I ended up with 150 bucks in my paypal account the next morning. Such a great feeling haha I instantly went to ebay and pick up some things. I haven't really went on a shopping online spree in a while since I've just been paying bills like crazy so I think I deserve this one :) Anyway, I bought 4 things from ebay but they're GREAT things and I would love to share with you all =)

My first item I got was NYX Bronze Smokey Look Kit. I got it around 10 dollars including shipping. Not bad if I say so myself. We don't have any stores around here that sell NYX products so I'm always hounding ebay for NYX products. I adoree NYX too! They're excellent quality and not only that, but they sell their things at a DECENT price and won't leave your wallet crying haha :D Anyway, I love these colors. I've always been a fan of bronze smokey look. This mini palette is great for going out or even every day wear in my opinion. The eyeshadows are a bit small but I still love 'em. I kinda wish they were a bit bigger because I will being seeing myself using this palette quite often. It also comes with two lip gloss. The pink one is my favorite one. I love the way it looks with a smokey look. Overall, I would HIGHLY recommend this mini palette to any smokey lovers out there! The price is great and the colors are fabulous! ;)

My second item that I received in the mail was my NYX Jumbo Pencils. The ones I bought were Dark Brown, Black Bean, and Bronze. I love using these Jumbo pencils for primers. Basically, I put my two faced insurance primer on and then put a Jumbo eyeliner on so the eyeshadow will just have that awesome pop to it. I also have two MUST HAVE Jumbo pencils in Milk and Yogurt. I'm thinking about investing in just about every color they have to offer. I mean...why not? They're cheap and I'm lovin' 'em :) They're also creamy and go on easy on the eyelids which I like too. Some pencils like these I've bought at the drug store are just too dry and won't even help the eyeshadow pop. NYX never seems to disappoint me. I'll always be a loyal customer to them!

My third item that I will be getting TOMORROW is my Urban Decay Naked Palette! Omg! I've been searching for this palette since last year. I went on Sephora.com and they never have any in stock! I even went to Urban Decay website and they didn't have any either. A few months ago, I searched for them on ebay but sellers were asking for at least 80 dollars or more. Which is ridiculous considering the fact that these palette's are only 45 dollars. I guess what spiked up the price was because everywhere you went, they were out of stock. So after that, I just decided to give Sephora.com a couple of months and then I'd check back. A couple of months later, I've been on youtube and just about every Guru has this palette and swears by it! So I had to get my hands on it. I went on ebay and found a DECENT price. I bought mine for 61 dollars including shipping. I should have waited for a while and bid but I'm too impatient for that lol. Anyway, this is coming to me tomorrow and I can't wait to experiment with it :D MUST HAVE FOR MAKE UP LOVERS!!!

My last item that I will be getting sometime next week is Organix Moroccan Argan Oil Renewing Treatment. I have been dying for a treatment for my hair for a while now. My skin is dry so my hair basically follows that route :( Deep conditiong is a must for flat iron junkies like myself. I was searching up and down for a good one but I found that this one gave a lot of good reviewers. My wal-mart does have this but they were never in stock :( I have tried out their Organix's line though. The Shampoo and Conditioner I used was called "Tea Tree Mint" or something like that. It smelled good but it didn't go well with my scalp because I just found out I have psoriasis on my SCALP! Right now, I'm treating it and slowly but surely, it's going away. Anyway, I can't wait to give my hair so much needed tender, loving and care soon :)

Anyway, will update later about my life. I just wanted to do an entry on these fabulous things I have and will be getting soon :)

ex - oh @ lvjrnl . com

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oo Beauty Haul I have to share ;)