Evil Plotbunnies

So I'm in the shower and it hits me.

ragman_jack — Fri, 29 Jun 2012 21:23:30 GMT

Monsters vs Aliens.
'
What if Doctor Cockroach . . . is Howard Stark?

Think about it. Amazing inventions, genius and even in the flashback, Cockroach looks like Howard Stark.

And then, one day, say, during the events of the movie, the Monsters show up to help defend New York and Cockroach and Tony come face to face again . . .

The Invincible Iron . . . Woman?

ragman_jack — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 07:47:21 GMT

I posted this to my Tumblr and then figured, hey, what the hell, why not evil_plotbunnie?
----------------
In all Marvel/Sailor Moon fusions that I’ve seen, Ami takes the role of Spider-Man, the hero that has the most character traits in common with her. But really, there’s a couple of others whose shoes she could step into, most notably, Iron Man. Aside from the playboy side of Tony Stark, they really do have a great deal in common.

Genius, overwhelming sense of personal responsibility, the willingness to lay it all on the line and take the risks so no one else has too. Aside from the playboy characteristic and that could easily be a front for Ami, its very possible to imagine a world where a Teenaged or young adult Ami builds a set of armor for herself and puts up a front as a socialite
"Ice Queen" to divert attention from the fact that no one has ever seen her and the mysterious Iron Woman at the same time.

But even as Ami battles the terrorist organization known as A.I.M, there are other enigmas surrounding her. Such as the green haired woman with the two cats who seems to know more about her than she does. Or the man in the mask and tuxedo and his gang of sailor suited women who are tearing the city apart looking for something … or someone.

Above them all is the sense that Ami can’t shake, vauge dreams about an evil force, and rumors in the dark, whispers of a single name that drives fear and terror before it like a rampaging herd of cattle on stampede. The name is Beryl … and Ami may be the only thing in her way …

Something like that. Beryl would take the place of the Mandarin in this, obviously, but I haven't come up with why Ami would build or put on the suit in the first place.

Something that's been bouncing around in the old brainpan

ragman_jack — Tue, 31 May 2011 02:56:42 GMT

Jane Foster needed help. She'd finally found the perfect man, and he'd gone home . . . to another dimenson and the wormhole had been permanently shut. For Jane was in love with Thor, God of Thunder.

Jane, however, is not about to give up. She's convinced that there's another way to Asgard and if that means searching through every single old text and scroll about mythology then so be it. She takes out an ad and to her surprise, the ad is answered by a traveling biker, Johnny. Johnny doesn't seem like the scholarly type, which makes it all the more surprising when Jane's assistant, Darcy indentifies Johnny as Johnny Blaze, the hotshot stunt biker.

And then the murders start, an evil is stalking the desert and while Johnny didn't do it, he's here for the one who did. Johnny is the Ghost Rider, a human/demon hybrid who hunts down the ones who escape from the lands of the dead and sends them back.

Ghost Rider, as it turns out, can travel to Asgard, but when they arrive, the real trouble starts. For it is the time of the Odinsleep, and the Ghost Rider does not belong in the realm of the Gods. His very presence is upsetting the balance of power in the Nine Realms and attracting all the wrong kind of attention. But so long as Odin sleeps, not even Ghost Rider can return to Earth.

Now, Ghost Rider and Thor must work together to keep, Surt, Lord of the Fire Giants from conquering all of Asgard even as back on Earth, the God Loki, posessing the body of Jane's mentor, Erik, must contend with a man named Mordo, who has plans of his own, and a dark master with the means to topple the Aesir and burn the Nine Realms to ashes . . . and Loki is the only thing in his way.

Note: In the Ghost Rider movie, Johnny was shown to have amassed quite the collection of books and other things in order to be ready when Mephisto called in his marker. I figure he probably taught himself to read Classical Greek and old Norse in the process and did his own translations,.

Because anything that makes me giggle can't be good.

ragman_jack — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 11:04:50 GMT

Historical Fiction:

Teddy Roosevelt and Vladimir Putin team up to stop Stalin and Harry Truman from destroying the world. Because honestly, two of the greates badasses in political history working together can't be anything other then awesome. Samuel L. Jackson may also make an appearence. However, that much badassery may in fact, rip the universe a new one in the same way a collapsed star turns into a Black Hole.

How did they come back? Why are they trying to destroy the world? Not a clue, I've come up with several scenarios, each more fundamentally rediculous then the last.

Why TR, Stalin, and Truman are alive:
Meteors (Because meteors are assholes)
Cloning experiment
viral weapons
Time hiccup
Vampires
Aliens. (Why did they do it? Science? Precognition? Nah. They did it for the lulz.)
Alien vampires. Again, for the lulz.

Why Truman and Stalin want to destroy the world, or at least refuse to accept that their actions will end in fire:
Insanity brought on by ressurection method.
Unable to accept that they've traveled through time.
Evil clones
Mind control victims. (It didn't take on Teddy. The control device couldn't handle the awesome.)
They got drunk on alien beer.

Alternatively, replace Truman with Andrew Jackson.

And goddamnit, this would make a perfect NaNo novel . . .

The Fifth House

pandoras_closet — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 22:42:38 GMT

Saw this, and while excrement doesn't even begin to describe it, it got me thinking. What if there was a fifth house? But I really don't have the time to do it, so I'm putting this up for adoption. Or at least for your amusment.

Rose Weasley never quite fit in. True, she was loyal, brave, courageous, intelligent, but she had inherited her uncle's sense of mischeif, and trouble and chaos often dogged her footsteps. Still, she was expecting to be a Gryffindor. Like her parents. So imagine her surprise when her turn at the Hat came up and instead of Gryffindor, or even Hufflepuff, or Ravenclaw or (god forbid) Syltehrin, the Hat bellows out "Stormbringer!".

As it turns out, there is, or used to be, a fifth house as there was a fifth founder, an emissary from Merlin himself. Some sort of realative, supposedly. Unfortunutly, he left following a fall out with the other founders and the death of his female companion, the house stricken from the records, and his students were asorbed into the other houses, though they never quite fit in with their fellows. Eventually, Stormbringer House passed out of living memory, appeariing only in the earliest of early Hogwarts records. The Hat was instructed to choose students based on qaulities which only fit the other Four. But Rose, apparently, is too much like the Stormbringer to fit into any of the houses.

The dorm remains though, the house elves still keeping it clean and neat over the centuries, awaiting the day when it might be filled with the sound of children once more.

Options are discussed, ideas are tossed around. Hermione is unhappy, mostly because there was something she didn't know.

As the adults argue, Rose encounters the Stormbringer House Ghost. Her name is Dorthy, a young woman with blond hair dressed in clothes that are not from a thousand years ago and a cannister hanging on her belt marked "Nitro-9".

As it turns out, what killed Dorthy is returning, there is no way to contact the Stormbringer, and that leaves Rose, her cousin Albus, and Professor John Smith, the visiting Arithmantcy professor, to do something about it. Strange chap, Smith . . .

Think of it as a slight AU

pandoras_closet — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 01:27:13 GMT

I was watching Justice Leauge: New Frontier and this hit me. I am very, very, deeply sorry . . . maybe.

-------------------

Samantha Carter was pleased. More then pleased. Pete, her new boyfriend, was getting along with all of SG-1. In fact, he and Jack were bonding over fishing, though Pete was doing most of the talking. Now if she could only shake the nagging feeling that disaster was hanging over the entire bar, it would be perfect.

". . . damn thing must have been eleven pounds," Pete Shannahan said, spreading his hands wide. "Mouth like a drain pipe, I'm telling you." He was one of those men whose broad shoulders made him look shorter then he really was. Thick black hair capped off a rounded face with hard, flat eyes. Cop's eyes. He was about to say more, but his phone went off. He took one look at the display and rose. "It's the station. I'll be right back." He headed out.

"He's a character," Daniel said as Jack O'Neill drained a whiskey and coke. "Don't you think so, Jack?"

"Character, yeah." O'Neill said and flagged down their waitress to order another drink.

"I too, will return," Teal'c said, and rose.

--------------------

As soon as Pete was outside, he answered. "Shannahan."

"Pete, it's Murph. You're not gonna believe this, but we got Salazinski. He walked right into the station and surrendered. Get this, he says a big green man told him to turn himself in."

Pete grinned. He and Murph had been after Willy Salazinski for weeks. "Big green man, huh? That's new. Aren't they usually little green men?"

Murph laughed. "Who knows, huh? Anyways, he's your case, what do you want to do with him?"

Pete thought for a moment. "Let him stew overnight, I'll take a run at him in the morning. Eight sharp."

"No problem. I'll bring the coffee." Murph hung up.

Pete stuck his phone back in his pocket and turned to go back in, only to find himself face to chest with Sam's friend Murray. Pete was by no means a small guy, but Murray was huge. Dark skin, full lips and hooded eyes in a round face with a broad jaw. He was dressed simply, with a stocking cap on his head pulled down to his eyebrows.

"Pete Shannahan, I must ask you your intentions concerning Samantha Carter." Murray's deep voice seemed to rumble up out of his barrel chest and despite his relaxed posture, he gave the impression of barely restrained violence.

"Nothing bad, Murray," Pete replied, backing up slightly. "Nothing bad at all."

"I find that difficult to believe, given how many lies you have already told." Murray might as well have asked him the time for all his voice changed tone.

"Lies?"

"You do not display the same body language and you have different pheramones, but are not Gou'ald or Tok'ra." Pete blinked in recognition at the word Gou'ald and Murray stepped forward. "You have heard of the Gou'ald. I ask you again, Pete Shanahan. What are your intentions concerning Samantha Carter?"

"Do they know what you are?" Pete shot back and Murray raised an eyebrow. "No one on earth talks like you do, that stocking cap is out of season, and I've never seen anyone your size outside of the NBA or NFL."

"They know. More then that, I may not talk about."

Pete hesitated. "I came here some time back. Last of my kind. Sam reminds me of my wife is all. Back home, I was a cop. Saw no reason to change."

"And the Gou'ald?"

"A fairy tale told to children. Or so I'd thought." Pete replied. But Murray didn't so much as acknowledge the fact that he'd given a clue as to what really went on inside Cheyenne Mountain.

Murray considered this and then seemed to come to a decision. "I am Teal'c, former first Prime to Apophis."

"J'onn J'onzz. Nice to meet you."

"Indeed."

--------------------------

Basically, I got to thinking. What if The Martian Manhunter came to earth and there were no superheroes, no supervillians, none of that. What would a long-lived Martian shapeshifter do with himself? A cop seems the most likely. In at least one continuity, I seem to recall that J'onn had been the Martian equivalent to a cop before coming to earth. Probably the Justice League cartoon.

Crossovers that I should never write. Installment #466178123

pandoras_closet — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 15:56:12 GMT

But first, Jess Nevins does some speculating about Toy Story, and it is awesome.

In the criminal world, from Street thugs, to mobster, to pirates to the white collar predators who operate outside the law, there is a legend. A boogyman who stalks them, leaving behind the burning remains of their empires, and the sound of sirens ringing in their ears. He is the Phantom, an Immortal who walks through the world like a ghost and cannot be killed.

What they doesn't realize is that the Phantom is a legacy, an identidy that has been passed down from father to son along the Walker family line for nearly five hundred years, creating the illusion of an immortal being. When one dies, his son takes his place.

I love the Phantom as a concept. The quintenssential mystery man. But it started me thinking. 22 generations of Phantoms and presumably an infinite number to follow. What kind of people do they meet in that time? Who will they meet?

The Shadow obviously tops the list. I like to think of the Phantom as the Superman to the Shadow being Batman. Both war on crime, but with very different methods and yet, they're friends.

Batman too. Or even, Batman Beyond, which actually takes place around the time of Phantom 2040. Roughly.

Dexter Morgan is another one. I can see this going one of two ways. The Phantom either stops Dexter, or lets him be, recognizing that whatever else, Dexter is at least trying to prevent harm to innocent people.

There's Doc Savage of course, the undisputed king of the pulp novel and arguably their one true Superman, all comparisons to the Phantom aside.

Sailor Moon or pretty much any anime you can think of. I like Sailor Moon for the crack value, though.

Brisco County Jr. Would be hilarious. Especially if he ran into Jonah Hex. Hmmmmm, Actually, I like this one. *circles it*

Looking ahead, there's Star Trek, of course. Probably others I can't really recall right now. I'm up way too early for me, you see, for God knows why reasons, and this is my brain coming up with weird shit instead of craving sleep like it should be.

Other Phantom Crossover ideas that are strictly for the lulz:
Transformers
Doctor Who
Iron Man
Dr. Horrible . . . Oh, I really like that idea.
Metroid
Big Trouble in Little China
24
Harry Potter
The Mask
Honor Harrington
The Matrix
GIJOE
Darkman

and so on.

A crossover that I'm a little surprised no one has ever thought of.

pandoras_closet — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 04:22:57 GMT

Centuries ago, humans and an ancient race called Gummi Bears lived side by side. But the Gummis' advances in technology and science terrified the humans and they drove the Gummis out in a violent war. Betrayed, the Gummis vanished, little by little, until they were no more and only legends remained.

King Gregor of Dunwyn, however, has more important things to worry about. Like the party of visitors from the North. Vikings from the Island kingdom of Berk and their Dragon allies. The island has become crowded and the Vikings are looking to expand southward, or at least get some of the dragons to move out. But Gregor is wary and wants the Vikings to prove their peaceful intent. Only a marriage between Hiccup, son of the Chief, and Gregor's daughter Calla will earn the trust of both sides.

But Astrid, who doesn't want to see Hiccup married to someone who isn't her, disrupts the wedding plans, turning Dunwyn and Berk against each other. Well to be fair, it was mostly Ruffnut and Tuffnut's fault.

Buty, as both lands prepare for war, a new threat looms. The evil Duke Igthorn, sworn enemy of Dunwyn, has uncovered an ancient Gummi weapon and is moving it towards Dunwyn Castle, intent on conquering it for himself and from there, Berk. If he suceeds, he will be unstoppable.

Now, in order to stop Ignthorn and prevent a war, Calla and her friend Cavin the squire must reveal their most precious, deepest secret. Deep in the forests of Dunwyn, one tribe of Gummi Bears still lives . . . and they are our last hope.

ironychan — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 14:56:17 GMT

There is more of this living in my head... it's developed a pretty epic plot, actually. But that doesn't change the fact that a Pirates of the Carribean/Star Trek crossover is just silly.

Beckett was, frankly, puzzled.

Cutler Beckett did not like puzzles. The Lord had created the world as a place of rationality and order, and the King of England governed it as such. The introduction of puzzles required human malice or, often, human stupidity. The puzzling situation confronting him now looked like it might involve either, or a bit of both.

“What do you think, Mr. Mercer?” Beckett asked his first mate.

“Well, she's certainly not the Proteus, sir,” Mercer replied.

Beckett scowled. “I have eyes, Mr. Mercer,” he said dryly. The Proteus, lately reported in these waters, was a forty-year-old hulk of a pirate ship, kept afloat apparently only by the devil's mischief. The ship the Endeavour was now coming alongside, by contrast, was a brand-new, first-class ship-of-the-line with a hundred and four guns, flying the East India Trading Company flag. She looked like a product of the shipbuilding program King George had first ordered ten years ago, to combat the threat of pirates in the colonies, and to judge by her condition – listing to starboard, with her crew scurrying over her like ants – she'd been doing her duty. That much was all very well.

But Beckett had personally overseen the construction of many of those ships. Each had its own idiosyncrasies, its own detailing, and he would have thought he knew each and every one by sight – but he didn't recognize this one. Furthermore, the name painted across her stern was Enterprise, and as far as Beckett knew there was no ship of that name in the fleet. Yet she could hardly have come from anywhere else – and if she had, that boded ill indeed.

It was a puzzle indeed, and Beckett wanted it solved expediently. He finished his tea and handed the china cup to a servant. “Get a dinghy ready,” he ordered. “I think I'd like a word with the captain of the HMS Enterprise.”

They ran up signal flags to announce that they wished to board. It seemed to take the Enterprise an awfully long time to respond. Through his spyglass, Beckett watched as a thin negro talked to a tall, straight-backed man in the uniform of an officer. The officer pointed and issued an order, and the negro raised flags to indicate that Beckett was welcome. Finally.

He stepped onto the Enterprise's deck and was greeted at once by the tall officer. Like their ship, the crew appeared to have been through some difficulty recently; the man was dirty and bruised, but his wig and hat were on straight, and he stood tall with his hands behind his back. Beckett approved – officers ought to maintain their composure, as an example for lesser men.

“Are you the captain?” Beckett asked.

“No, sir,” the man replied calmly. “My name is Spock. I am what I believe you would call the first mate.”

“Where is the captain, then?” Beckett wanted to know.

“He is in his quarters, receiving medical treatment,” said Mr. Spock. He spoke in an even cadence and tone, the voice of somebody entirely in control of his emotions. It was the sort of voice Beckett usually liked to hear; Mr. Spock appeared to be a model of composure and respect. And yet, there was something worrying about him. Beyond his measured voice and bland expression, he had a decidedly odd face. His eyebrows were set at a strange angle, and the scab crusted on a scraped cheek was a dark blue-green in colour instead of brown.

“Take me to him,” Beckett ordered.

“Of course, sir,” said Spock. “Whom shall I say is calling upon him?”

“Lord Cutler Beckett, Chairman of the East India Trading Company.”

Beckett expected surprise, or at least recognition, but Spock's blank expression altered not at all. “Of course, my lord.” He moved one arm, and for a moment Beckett wondered if he were reaching for his sword. Then, however, he appeared to change his mind. “Follow me, Lord Beckett,” he said, and turned to head for the captain's cabin at the rear of the ship.

Now that he was actually on board, Beckett saw that the Enterprise was in considerable disarray. A few people appeared to be doing something useful, cleaning up or making repairs, but most simply looked lost. And they were a curiously mixed bag for a company ship, as well. The helmsman, leaning over the poop to shout down to somebody working on the rudder, was a Chinaman. The voice calling back up had a thick accent that definitely was not British. The negro was still there, pulling in the signal flags. And there appeared to be a great lot of young boys about, many of whom looked suspiciously like women in male clothing. Something was very much afoot here, and whatever it was, it was certainly not in accordance with Company orders.

Mr. Spock rapped on the door of the cabin. “Captain?” he called.

Muffled voices could be heard, but nobody answered.

Spock waited a moment, then turned to Beckett. “My lord,” he said. “Captain Kirk was...”

“I want to speak to Captain Kirk regardless of what condition he is in,” Beckett said firmly.

“Very well, my lord.” Spock opened the door of the cabin, and Beckett stepped inside.

“Captain Kirk,” Beckett began, “I would...”

“OW!” a voice interrupted

Beckett stopped. The cabin was quite dim compared to the sunlight outside, and his eyes were not yet adjusted. All he could make out as yet were the vague shapes of a group of men gathered around a desk, silhouetted against the windows.

“Damn it, Jim!” somebody else snapped. “I'm doing the best I can with what I've got! Now hold still, and let me do my job!”

“Is this some kind of misguided revenge?” asked the first voice, evidently that of Jim. “I mean... ow! Geeze, Bones, it's not as if...”

“I'd give you a painkiller if I had one,” Bones said. “You two got a hold on him?”

"Yes, Doctor," two voices chorused – one was unmistakably female.

“All right, then,” said the voice that must have belonged to the ship's doctor. “On three. One... two...”

“Captain Kirk,” said Spock loudly.

“Huh?” The man seated in the captain's chair, the one the doctor had called Jim, looked up, and Bones seized the moment of distraction to twist his dislocated shoulder back into position. Jim hollered in surprised pain and tried to jump to his feet; the two sailors holding on to him redoubled their grip and wrestled him back into his chair. There was an unpleasantly juicy popping sound, and then the doctor carefully let go.

Jim swayed a moment, then sagged back against his seat. “Thanks, Bones,” he breathed.

“Don't mention it,” the doctor grumbled.

Beckett cleared his throat and took a step forward. “Where is Captain Kirk?” he asked.

Nobody in the room looked very much like a captain to Beckett. On the right was the doctor, a thin, sour-faced man now standing back to survey his handiwork with a scowl. On the left were the two sailors who'd been holding on to Jim. They were clearly nobodies, dressed in shirts and trousers without even hats on – the woman had not even bothered to bind her breasts. And in the middle was Jim himself; a boyish blond in a gold brocade waistcoat. With the doctor and the sailors eliminated, he was the only remaining candidate. And sure enough he stood up and said, “I'm James T. Kirk. Who are you?”

“This is Lord Cutler Beckett,” said Spock, “chairman of the East India Trading Company, which he has implied makes him our employer.”

Kirk's stance shifted slightly. He straightened up and raised his head, guarded but at least nominally respectful. “Sorry, Mr. Beckett,” he said.

“Lord Beckett,” Spock corrected.

“Lord Beckett,” said Kirk. “We would have extended a more suitable welcome, but as you can see we've just been through a bit of a crisis...”

“I can indeed see,” Beckett affirmed. “What sort of a crisis?”

“Why, an attack by pirates, sir,” said Kirk.

It was probably fortunate that Beckett had not walked in expecting to have a high opinion of the Enterprise's captain. If he had, the past five minutes' acquaintance with the man would have been more than enough to sorely disappoint him. Not only could the man not direct his crew, he was a liar as well. Even a stupid pirate knew the difference between a merchant and a warship. “Oh, yes?” he said. “And who, pray tell, were the pirates brazen enough to attack a ship of a hundred and four guns in broad daylight?”

Kirk didn't even flinch. “The Proteus.”

“That rotting hulk?” Beckett was incensed. “Against your Enterprise?”

“She caught us by surprised, my lord,” said Spock.

“That's right,” Kirk agreed. “And we'd just been through a, uh, storm. The crew was exhausted and in no shape to fight. Once Mr. Spock and myself had a chance to collect ourselves, we escaped from their brig and re-took the Enterprise quickly, and now we...”

“Where is the Proteus?” asked Beckett. There was only one answer that could satisfy him – the pirate ship had better be at the bottom of the sea.

Kirk was getting impatient with Beckett's interruptions, but restrained himself; the only admirable trait Beckett had seen in him so far. “I'm sorry, sir. We don't know.”

“So not only were you taken and imprisoned by a group of desperate brigands in a ship that barely floats, you've let them escape as well!” If Beckett had for a moment believed him, he would have ordered the entire crew clapped in irons.

“I'm sorry,” Kirk repeated. “I was more worried about the welfare of my men.”

“Men cost nothing,” Beckett informed him. “Ships and cargoes, however, cost a great deal, and the duty of expensive ships like the Enterprise is to protect expensive merchant vessels and their expensive cargoes! Those who spare the lives of pirates are no better than pirates themselves!”

Kirk took a deep breath and opened his mouth, plainly intending to shout at Beckett. If he had done so, Beckett would have arrested him for insubordination. But both were stopped in their tracks by another calm interjection from Mr. Spock.

“We did not intend to let the Proteus go, my lord,” the first mate said. “On the contrary, we had a great interest in capturing her. However, as the Captain and I freed our crew, a fog closed in around us. It lifted a few minutes later, and we found the Proteus gone.”

“Rest assured, Lord Beckett,” said Kirk, speaking the name with just the tiniest hint of mockery, “as soon as we have the Enterprise up and running again, we will follow the Proteus to the ends of the... of the Earth, and tow her back to headquarters for you, with a big red bow on her!”

Beckett paused a moment before answering. The tale of the mysterious fog and the Proteus abruptly vanishing... that was a convenient little lie, indeed, but it was also a story Beckett had heard before, from other ships who'd tried to pursue the pirate vessel. And it was a story he'd ordered kept secret, because the last thing he needed was more mystique and legends frightening men who were supposed to be doing their duty. If the Enterprise had indeed met the Proteus, it might well be true.

So all he said was, “excellent. I shall be waiting with great anticipation.”

“You won't be disappointed, Lord Beckett,” said Kirk.

“Good day, Captain Kirk.”

“Good day, Lord Beckett.”

Beckett motioned for Mercer to follow him as he stalked towards the door. Mr. Spock was there to show him out, still calm and collected as ever. Beckett paused in the door. "Spock," he said. "is that Dutch?"

"Vulcan, my lord," was the immediate reply.

Beckett had never heard of Vulcan. “Your English is excellent,” he said, hoping to be given a clue as to where the place might be.

“Thank you, my lord,” said Mr. Spock. “While I was growing up, my Mother took pains that I should be fluent.”

“Your mother was an Englishwoman, then?”

“An American, my lord.”

It was plain that Beckett would get nothing out of him. He and Mercer left without another word.

-

With Beckett gone, Jim Kirk sank back into the chair and breathed out, then turned to look at his first officer.

“Spock?” he said.

“Yes, Captain?”

“What in blue blazes is happening to us?”

Spock shifted his weight slightly, which was the closest Jim had ever seen him come to betraying discomfort. “I do not know, Captain. The situation does not seem to follow any recognizable logic.”

“You can say that again,” grumbled Bones.

“I see no reason to repeat myself, Doctor,” Spock noted.

“Maybe I'm dreaming,” said Jim.

“If you are, I'm having the same dream,” Bones said.

“I can say with some certainty that I am not,” said Spock. “Vulcan dreams are quite different from human ones, and do not contain this sort of imagery.”

Vulcans probably dreamed in equations, Jim thought sourly. “All right,” he said with a sigh, “I'm calling a meeting. Get everybody in here... everybody important,” he added, recalling Spock's unfortunate tendency to take things literally. “I need command officers, scientists... anybody who thinks they might have a clue. And I've just realized we're actually going to have to go collect them, because if there's an intercom on this ship I don't even know what it looks like.”

“I would say that there is not,” said Spock. “We appear to be in a pre-electric era.”

"That means the intercom is called shouting," Bones added helpfully.

“Thank you, gentlemen,” said Jim. He glanced up to see Bones taking a deep swig from the silver flask he carried. "You're on duty, Bones."

Without speaking, Bones offered the flask to Jim. Without reply, Jim accepted it and took a long drink himself. Depressingly, the world did not make any more sense once he lowered it again.

"Right," he said. "Let's just get the smart people together, and see what we can figure out."

I keep hoping I'm wrong...

luthinuvielle — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 13:24:17 GMT

Hello, first time I'm posting on this com but I wanted this idea out of my head.

Just imagine..

Secretly, Voldemort has become the world only master. Most peopole don't know it but the governments and every military organization is corrupt and follow all of his (obviously) evil ideas.

Everyone? Well, not entirely... One small group of indomitable people still hold out against the Dark Lord.

It's name? Al Qaida. Hiding behind this name, the true heros are fighting. Harry Potter, Chuck Norris, Naruto,
R. daneel Olivaw and their chief, hiding behind his beard, Gandalf.

I have to say that the original idea was from my brother. But it had me cracking up so...

Hope my english is fine !

ironychan — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 13:42:58 GMT

I have always been faintly amused by the fact that Impossible Pictures re-used a lot of creature models from the Walking With... series in later projects like Prehistoric Park and Primeval. It's as if the whole set of shows all stem from the same universe. A universe in which, for reasons I cannot begin to imagine right now, the BBC has a time machine.

I kind of want to write fanfiction set in this universe. Characters would be drawn from Life on Mars/Ashes to Ashes, Primeval, any number of spy and historical dramas, and real-life BBC executives - one of whom goes around bitching that Nigel Marven is in no way responsible enough to be trusted with a car, let alone a flippin' time machine.

From the file marked "Crossovers of the Damned"

pandoras_closet — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:46:46 GMT

Alagor turned his eyes to Moody, frowning slightly. "You remind me of Skeksis. Bird men from Shattrath on Draenor. Always skulking around and no one pays attention. Until Skeksis put knife in back. Then person pays attention for the rest of their life." He burst into laughter and slapped Moody on the shoulder, sending the man staggering. "Ah, cheer up, my friend! You are teacher! Is no better job in world! Come, we drink together!"

Moody righted himself at glared at the Dranei. "Pass, thanks." With that, he stumped out of the lounge.

"Do excuse Alastor," Dumbledore said, "I'm afraid he has little in the way of a sense of humor. He's seen far too much."

"I see far too much too," Alagor replied. "But I laugh anyway. Dranei have saying; Is never to bad to tell joke. If it is, then you have problem.."

"And what do you do if you have a problem?" Snape asked.

Alagor shrugged. "Tell joke anyway. Is important to die with smile." He grinned.

Dumbledore chuckled. "And a sense of humor keeps one's spirits up as well."

"Exactly! I tell Tula to smile because smile is easier then frown. But she only frown at me. Is very fustrating."

As Dumbledore and Alagor moved off, Snape frowned into his goblet. Alagor might have framed his comment to Moody as a joke, but Snape knew a warning when he heard one. If Moody wasn't what he seemed then every single student at Hogwarts was in danger, and Severus Snape knew what he had to do.

ironychan — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 13:21:52 GMT

I had a dream last night that was a crossover between Stargate: SG1 and Avatar. SG1 went to Pandora to warn the Na'vi that the Go'auld were going to invade (hurrah for apostrophes). There was a bit where Sigourney Weaver's character warned them that if they got their avatars killed they wouldn't get replacements, because the things are too expensive to make - they ended up having to make an exception, however, for Colonel O'Neill, who ended up going through several of them.

What if?

pandoras_closet — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 05:30:32 GMT

So I just had a thought.

What if the world of the power rangers was just that, another world?

One that can be reached by a Stargate.

Now imagine SG-1, or the guys from Atlantis, or even SGU (which admittedly I know almost nothing about) came through.

Ideally, I'm thinking either MMPR era, Dino Thunder era, or RPM, but those are my favorite PR series, so who knows?

CSI . . . Sparta?

pandoras_closet — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 22:32:16 GMT

Well, Frank, it looks like the three hundred . . .

*puts on sunglasses*

just became three.

YEEEEEAAAAHHHHHH!

and from my friend alex:

Well it looks like *puts on sunglasses* THIS IS SPARTA *Kicks someone into the pit*

ironychan — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 12:53:03 GMT

A thought that occured to me very early this morning, in the ten minutes between me actually waking up and my alarm clock going off:

Khan Noonien Singh; big, disgruntled genius of Indian extraction, with a serious grudge against the people he blames for the death of his beloved wife. You know who he'd be in a nineteenth century steampunk world, don't you? Why, Captain Nemo, of course!

This is an AU I'm pretty sure the world doesn't need.

Why I shouldn't be allowed to watch cartoons

ladyiapetus — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 02:51:37 GMT

Ever wonder why Tony DiNozzo acts like such a kid sometimes?

Because before he was an NCIS agent, before he was a homicide detective, Anthony DiNozzo was an operative with the Kids Next Door. When he reached the age of 13 he pretended to be decomissioned but actually became an undercover operative working to undermine the Teens.

Yes, it's an NCIS/Codename: Kids Next Door crossover. Bonus points if Abby is also an undercover KND agent (because she so would be).

ironychan — Sat, 23 May 2009 05:22:50 GMT

Vulcans (DS9, Take me out to the Holosuite) versus Vampires (Twilight). Who wins the baseball game?

Yet another sign that I'm slowly going mad

pandoras_closet — Mon, 18 May 2009 05:57:47 GMT

I woke up this morning with this in my head, and it was too good (bad) not to write. Worse still, there may be sequels

The complex lay buried under the streets of Tokyo. It was old, ancient when history was first recorded and built by a race who had been old when life on Earth was but microbes in its seas.

It's interior was dark and quiet. The great reactor at its heart was barely active, putting out just enough power to maintain the stasis fields and standby systems.

One fine Tuesday, in the control room, panels began to light up as the central computer came online, stasis fields spinning down. This was no automated systems check, for the standby systems had detected an alarm. The central computer began to sift through information as it stabbed out fingers of data. Out in space, other computers, much like it, stirred and muttered sleepily back.

The central computer considered the data presented to it. There had been other alarms in the past, systems breaking down, or a meteor strike taking out some part of the great network it governed. But this was different. Had it been part of its programming, it might have panicked a bit, for this was what it had been put in place against. But instead, it simply consulted its protocols, and then called up the correct systems and selected the appropriate menu.

Life support systems now came online, more stasis fields powering down and in their berths, biomechanical life stirred and growled.

Finally, in central control, the wall parted, revealing a coldsleep capsule which hissed as it brought its occupant back to full wakefulness. Medical sensors scanned the occupant, updating their files as blood once more began to move through the flesh and brain activity came up. Satisfied, the capsule opened as clothing was removed from stasis and presented to him.

Artemis, High Mage of the Silver Imperium, gasped as he staggered out of the capsule, clutching at the robe and then fell to his knees, retching as coldsleep sickness hit him.

"I hate that," he muttered as he wiped his mouth. He did not stay there, High Mages did not achieve their rank by submitting to weakness of flesh and he stood, pulling on the proffered robe. and walking purposefully to the central console. It was a circular in shape, with a crystal orb on one side. However, Artemis faced away from it, towards the back of the room as a hologram flickered to life. It was a woman's face. She had a pointed chin, an aquiline nose, and full lips. Her eyes were of crystal blue and she wore her hair in two ponytails that dangled from either side of her head. It was a face of someone who got what they wanted, but yet, there was also a sense of gentleness and kindness.

Artemis bowed. "Serenity." he said reverently.

"Mage Artemis," she replied. "What is it?"

"Checking now." Turning to the console, he demanded information. "Ai yi yi yi," he groaned, hands on his head. "Serenity, it's Beryl. She's escaped!"

Serenity's eyes hardened. "So be it. Artemis, find and recruit the appropriate souls."

"Teenagers with attitudes, perhaps?" Artemis suggested. Serenity glared at him, but her lips twitched.

"Tempting," she replied after a moment, "but no. You know what we need."

Artemis nodded and began to manipulate controls.

----------------------------

Beryl smiled as she walked into her palace. Hers by right. Was she not smarter, better looking, older? But no, their idiot father had given the throne to Serenity. Even Beryl putting a knife to his throat hadn't swayed him. And then it had slipped. Oops. But still, Serenity had taken the throne.

Just thinking the name sent bile into Beryl's throat. Serenity. Oh how she loathed that blonde little idiot.

But now things had changed. Beryl was in charge and things were going to be different. She had a plan, oh yes. And better still, one of Serenity's pets. Geas' were wonderful things.

She turned to the catwoman with glowing red eyes. "Luna, my friend. I have a job for you."

---------------------------

On the surface, at the Osaka-P juice bar, Usagi Tsukino was thinking about punching Rei Hino in her pretty mouth. This was surprising to no one since Rei and Usagi had hated each other on sight as children and it had just gotten worse as they got older. They lived next door to each other, went to the same schools, and saw each other constantly. Worse still, they were cousins and their parents didn't seem to understand just how much the girls hated each other.

However, as much as punching Rei appealed to her, Usagi was not about to endure parental wrath. Instead, pointedly ignoring Rei, she sucked on the straw of her smoothie and thought longingly of High School, just a year away. Usagi would be going to Juuban High, and Rei to Montrose Academy. This was deliberate. Usagi had purposefully failed Montrose's entrance exam and her parents were not well-connected enough to get the school to bend its rules and take her anyway.

There was a re-test, but she intended to fail that too. Juuban was a perfectly good school. It was within walking distance of home, the uniforms were cute, and most importantly, it was Rei free.

Rei free. Yup, that was her new favorite phrase.

"You know, Usagi," Rei leaned over her and Usagi scowled. "All those Brain Freeze Smoothies can't be good for you. Maybe that's why you failed the entrance exam." Minako, Rei's ever present shadow, snickered.

Usagi briefly considered bashing in Rei's pert nose and then thought better of it. 'Parental Wrath', she reminded herself. 'Parental Wrath, parental wrath, parental wrath.'

Instead, she picked up her smoothie and nodded to Makoto, who was laconically sipping tea nearby. With a shrug, the taller girl got to her feet and they walked out.

Rei, however, wasn't going to be so put off and followed.

There was a short hallway with a ninety degree turn between the bar and the outer door. No one in the bar could see past the bend and as they turned the corner, Rei tried again.

"Or maybe it isn't the smoothies," Rei pondered. "Could be you're just a twit."

Usagi stopped and sternly reminded herself of parental wrath. None of the four girls noticed the pale, blue haired shadow entering the hall and stopping dead at the sight before her.

"No," Rei continued thoughtfully. "Twits get things done. You, on the other hand, stuff your face and read magna all day. Amazes me you're not a big round ball of fat with meatballs on her head."

That did it. Usagi dropped her drink and grabbed Rei's blouse as she brought her other hand back to punch Rei's teeth in, parental wrath be damned.

The world went white.

---------------------------

"This aint the Osaka-P," Makoto observed without a hint of surprise. But then, nothing ever seemed to rattle Makoto.

"Ahem."

The Quartet turned and regarded the man facing them. He was clad in black robes. His long white hair was braided and he had an almost catlike face.

"What the hell?" Rei demanded.

"I apologize for the abruptness of your summons, but there was no other choice. I am Artemis of the High Mages of the Silver Imperium and we are in need of your help."

"This is kidnapping!" If Makoto was laid back, Minako was just the opposite. "Kidnapping, and imprisonment! Assault!"

"SILENCE!"

They looked up at the hologram. "I am Queen Serenity of the Silver Imperium. You five--"

"There's four of us," Rei interrupted.

"Naw, there's five," Makoto drawled and pointed with her thumb.

Rei, Minako, and Usagi peered around Makoto and looked at the pale-faced, blue-haired girl with wide eyes who stood there, clutching a bag full of books to her chest like a shield.

"H-hello," she stammered.

"Who the hell are you?" Rei demanded.

"A-a-a-Ami M-mizuno," she gulped. "I-i-i-i-"

"Whatever," Rei said dismissively and looked at Artemis. "Send me back right now!"

"You mean, us," Usagi interrupted.

"No, I mean me."

"And me!" Minako put in.

"And Minako," Rei amended.

"Can't be without your yes man, huh?" Usagi snorted.

As the argument began to escalate, Makoto sauntered over to Artemis, who, along with Serenity, was staring at the scene in bafflement.

"They'll run out of voice sooner or later," she said and leaned on the console.

"You don't seem very alarmed," Artemis noted.

"Nothin's too important to get upset over," Makoto replied.

"End of the world?"

"Everything ends, man."

Serenity's lips twitched. "Quite so. However, I am of the belief that ending worlds should be prevented if at all possible. An evil sorceress named Beryl, imprisoned eons ago, has escaped. I am trapped in a time warp and cannot face her directly. I need your help. Act as my agents, stop Beryl before its too late. I will give you weapons and powers that will help you fight her."

"I-i'll do it." Ami was standing just behind Makoto. "I-i'll fight Beryl."

Makoto shrugged. "Sounds awesome."

"Will they stop soon?" Artemis asked, looking at Usagi, Minako and Rei. "We need all five of you."

Makoto shrugged. "Nah, seen 'em go for hours."

Artemis heaved a sigh. "Great."

--------------------------

Surprisingly, it was Ami who finally lost it, chucking a textbook at the trio and screaming at them until she realized what she was doing, had a panic attack, and had to hyperventilate into a paper bag.

"Always the quiet ones, man," Makoto observed and looked at Artemis. "Got any twos?"

"Are you out of your mind, Kino?" Rei screamed. "He kidnaps us and you're playing cards?"

Makoto shrugged. "I like cards."

"AHEM!" Everyone looked at Serenity. "Now, as Artemis was saying, we need your help. Earth is about to come under attack. I am imprisoned and Artemis cannot face them alone. We need all five of you. Makoto and Ami have already agreed."

"No way," Rei said.

"Nuh-huh," Minako agreed.

"Please," Serenity said. "I can give you weapons and powers to fight the invasion. If you do nothing, Earth will be conquered and destroyed."

Usagi's lips compressed into a thin line. "I'm in." She glared at Rei, "Unlike Hinos, we Tsukino's are always there to defend."

Rei's mouth opened and shut as a lifetime of upstaging her cousin warred with her fear. Fear lost. "And you always mess it up. I'll do it, just so I can see you fail."

"Me too!" Minako crowed and then leaned over Rei's shoulder. "What are we doing?"

"Excellent!" Serenity approved. "Artemis, fetch the morphing wands."

Artemis retrieved a case from a cabinet. Inside were six smaller boxes, each a different color. Artemis took the black one, which glowed when he touched it.

"Each case will react to the person whose nature matches the powers of the wand," Serenity told them.

There was some fumbling around until everyone got the correct box. Minako had yellow, Makoto was green and Ami was blue. Usagi's was white, and Rei was red.

"Good," Serenity nodded. "Take the wand out. The activation phrase varies for each of you. For example, Makoto's is 'Sailor Senshi Green, make-up'. Keep them on you at all times. The bracelet inside the box is a communicator. Use it to keep in touch with each other and with me. Now, I will send you back to the surface. Artemis will be your leader in battle. When the time comes, be ready, my Mighty Morphin Sailor Senshi." They nodded and Artemis teleported them back.

"My Queen, I . . ." he said when the girls were gone.

"I know, Artemis. But had I told them that the White Senshi was the leader, their reaction would have been . . . counterproductive."

"As always, my queen, I am awed by your wisdom." Artemis bowed.

"Just so," she agreed.

--------------------------------

Author's Note:

1) I woke up with this in my head.

2) I know Minako's color is orange, but whoever heard of an Orange Power Ranger?

3) . . . Actually, I'd like to see an Orange Power Ranger, come to think of it.

Cross fandom crack. CRACK, I TELLS YA!

pandoras_closet — Mon, 04 May 2009 00:15:13 GMT

I have those SD style action figures on my desk. I was looking at them and the following pairing popped into my head. I can't even begin to imagine how this would come about.

The spam is either meta-commentary or because I needed to stand them on something. You decide.

Taken with my camphone. I apologize for the picture qaulity

ironychan — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 14:20:09 GMT

One of a group of visiting American businessmen is murdered, and Conan Edogawa is drawn into the case! But there's no motive and dead ends abound. The only clue Conan can get his hands on is an apparent theft of evidence by the least-likely suspect imaginable - the dead businessman's colleague, an apparently dim but basically good-hearted man named Bruce Wayne.

Meanwhile, as Conan investigates, a mysterious nighttime figure in black appears to be investigating him...

Green Hornet/Kim Possible

pandoras_closet — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 07:31:00 GMT

There's a plotbunny bouncing around in my head of Kim Possible taking up the mantle of the Green Hornet. How? The Green Hornet was her grandfather on her mother's side and his adventures (she found his diary or something) were her inspiration for heroing. Ron and Shego play Kato with Wade fashioning the gadgets.

The why she would do this escape me, which is probably a good things since it keeps this from being written.

They are kind of made for crossing over.

pandoras_closet — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 02:42:32 GMT

In the original He-Man canon, He-Man (Prince Adam)'s mother was a human from Earth, and Evil-Lyn, Beastman, and TriKlops were her crew. Their ship crashed on Eternia, she married Randor and Adam was born. Since humans can only breed with other humans (Alternate Universes and Star Trek nonwithstanding), then the Eternians must be of Earth Stock.

So how did humans get to Eternia? Why, the Gou'ald of Stargate! Obviously, the Eternians booted everyone's favorite parasites off Eternia thousands of years ago, but the Gate remains.

So what if one day, SG-1 showed up, and oh yeah, O'Niell knew the Queen?

Will not, will not, WILL NOT!!!

ingriam — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 09:47:48 GMT

This is what comes of me watching Kamen Rider Dragon Knight and then reading Twilight rants; bad, wrong messed up ideas.

And I am telling you now, brain: I will not write a story where Bella Whatsherface from Twilight ends up becoming Kamen Rider Dragon Knight, then ends up fawning over Wing Knight and Torque the way she fawns over Edward. Just, no.

Vent her, Torque! VENT HER!

Well, there is a theme

pandoras_closet — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 07:57:20 GMT

The thought occurs to me that 80's heroine Jem and current tween idol Hannah Montanna probably would have a lot to talk about.

The thought further occurs to me that I should probably be locked away for the good of humankind's collective sanity.