Other People's thoughts
On not making snap judgements based on Someone Else's Code:
It seemed like a good idea at the time
Some of you, who've been around for years, may know that I used to be the person who was always online. I shunned "the night life", I didn't drink, and since those seemed to be the only available "outside" entertainment, there was nothing for me to go out to. I was happily devouring TV shows and their associated fan byproducts.
Lately (by which I mean the past couple of months, at most), I found a lot more things to do. I'm finally starting to discover all those London things to do, certainly more than in Bucharest. I joined a couple of Meetup groups, a couple of mailing lists, and there is of course the FinneFandom, and suddenly there are Things To Go To that don't necessarily rely on alcohol and/or the existence of people willing to go out with me.
And then I don't find any time to do "me" things, or keep up with chores, or try to sort out some of the health problems that I can do things about.
On one hand, I feel like I am "finally" Doing Something. I am finally Participating. Living. Proving I am a worthy person by Doing Things.
On the other hand, I feel like butter spread over too much bread, with no mathoms to give.
And then The Internet dropped this link into my lap:
Am I falling into the "busy trap"?
It's not entirely random, of course: I found that link by link-hopping from a blog that has loads of articles relevant to me. One of them was a review of a strange human endeavour: Forty Days of Dating. (I find it strange not because it's dating, although that is a bizarre and incomprehensible book of glyphs to me too, but because the two people who were dating went about it as an "experiment". Two (good) friends dating each other.)
The reviewer (who is an awesome woman with lots of things to say, you might enjoy reading her blog too) found it heartwarming. The informed realist that I am found it sad-making (as relevant to me personally).
"I am the kind of person that likes to figure things out, and I like things settled."
I empathise so much with this. It's painful, how every single interaction requires me to accept that I don't know. I don't know what will follow. I don't know what the other person really thinks about me. I don't know how they perceived the interaction that just occurred. I don't know if they're interested, if I should allow myself to be vulnerable, if if if.
I really don't deal well with uncertainty, and while it's reasonably tolerable for potential friendships, it's nerve- and mind-wrecking for potential relationships.
And, if the woman's feelings on this matter are to be ~typical of women, while the guy's reflect the male ~typology, I am doomed. If the majority of guys thrive on the ~mystery and abhor any "pressure" and commitment.
If you prefer Dreamwidth, you can reply or read the
comment(s) there.
A bit of empathy can give you a lot of insight into not only the code that was written, but also into the problem the code was trying to solve. If you start from the assumption that the author had no idea what they were doing, or was a malicious asshole, or that their opinions were just wrong, you essentially force yourself to start from scratch, and may miss out on crucial information that informed that decision you’re now questioning.
It seemed like a good idea at the time
Some of you, who've been around for years, may know that I used to be the person who was always online. I shunned "the night life", I didn't drink, and since those seemed to be the only available "outside" entertainment, there was nothing for me to go out to. I was happily devouring TV shows and their associated fan byproducts.
Lately (by which I mean the past couple of months, at most), I found a lot more things to do. I'm finally starting to discover all those London things to do, certainly more than in Bucharest. I joined a couple of Meetup groups, a couple of mailing lists, and there is of course the FinneFandom, and suddenly there are Things To Go To that don't necessarily rely on alcohol and/or the existence of people willing to go out with me.
And then I don't find any time to do "me" things, or keep up with chores, or try to sort out some of the health problems that I can do things about.
On one hand, I feel like I am "finally" Doing Something. I am finally Participating. Living. Proving I am a worthy person by Doing Things.
On the other hand, I feel like butter spread over too much bread, with no mathoms to give.
And then The Internet dropped this link into my lap:
Am I falling into the "busy trap"?
Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.
It's not entirely random, of course: I found that link by link-hopping from a blog that has loads of articles relevant to me. One of them was a review of a strange human endeavour: Forty Days of Dating. (I find it strange not because it's dating, although that is a bizarre and incomprehensible book of glyphs to me too, but because the two people who were dating went about it as an "experiment". Two (good) friends dating each other.)
The reviewer (who is an awesome woman with lots of things to say, you might enjoy reading her blog too) found it heartwarming. The informed realist that I am found it sad-making (as relevant to me personally).
"I am the kind of person that likes to figure things out, and I like things settled."
I empathise so much with this. It's painful, how every single interaction requires me to accept that I don't know. I don't know what will follow. I don't know what the other person really thinks about me. I don't know how they perceived the interaction that just occurred. I don't know if they're interested, if I should allow myself to be vulnerable, if if if.
I really don't deal well with uncertainty, and while it's reasonably tolerable for potential friendships, it's nerve- and mind-wrecking for potential relationships.
And, if the woman's feelings on this matter are to be ~typical of women, while the guy's reflect the male ~typology, I am doomed. If the majority of guys thrive on the ~mystery and abhor any "pressure" and commitment.
If you prefer Dreamwidth, you can reply or read the