How are you, Livejournal?
It's been so long.

The good (?) news is that I'm still alive and still a mess.

I'm at http://facebook.com/emily.stallings
and http://quite-emily.com

I'm pretty happy with my flist, but feel free to add me. I don't add everyone back and hardly ever add anyone right away, so please don't take it personally.

Edit Jan. 16th, 2009: Comments are now open on this entry. Please leave your name, age, and any other information you want to in a comment if you want me to consider adding your journal.

Sometimes I wanna look at people and go, "Really? Really? You really think you know so much/have such a hard time/can act that way?"

I realize that's a pretty common feeling, but, I swear, one of these days I am going to lose it and my mouth is going to get me in so much trouble.

I'm going to be doing a "day in the life" photography thing today, I think. Let's see if I can keep it up all day. ;P

I need my life to be happy again immediately. I will do anything.

Your faithful and fucked up servant,
Emily

I'm doing okay. I'm so lonely without my mom. She was, honestly, my best friend, and a good chunk of my time was spent on the phone with her, texting her, and hanging out with her. I have no one to call when work is slow. I have no one to come visit me there. I have no one who knows me like she did.

Honestly, sometimes I just want to lay down and die. I know I have to be strong, that'd she want me to be, but sometimes I wish I was in the ground with her.

But most of the time I'm okay. I'm just now starting to go out and see my friends. I went to a show a couple weeks ago, and that was nice, but I just wanted to go home after awhile, so I did. I haven't seen really anyone since the funeral, and I have a shitload of e-mails and messages I haven't responded to, but I don't feel like doing everything right now.

Anyway.

My mother died yesterday.

She had a massive heart attack early Monday morning, and due to the extensive brain damage she suffered as a result of blood flow not reaching her brain for about 10 minutes, she wasn't able to survive without a ventilator. We let her go yesterday afternoon.

I totally crapped out on the 20 days thing, so I'm going to try to pick up where I left off. Work has been frickin' insane. At least I'm making money...


day 20: a hobby of yours.
I love embroidering, cross stitching, and sewing. I don't do it nearly as much as I'd like to, but I'm planning on buckling down and working on some pieces within the next few months.

day 17: an art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)



day 18: something random.
Das alles stand auf ihr und war die Welt
und stand auf ihr mit allem, Angst und Gnade,
wie Bäume stehen, wachsend und gerade,
ganz Bild und bildlos wie die Bundeslade
und feierlich, wie auf ein Volk gestellt.

Und sie ertrug es; trug bis obenhin
das Fliegende, Entfliehende, Entfernte,
das Ungeheuere, noch Unerlernte
gelassen wie die Wasserträgerin
den vollen Krug. Bis mitten unterm Spiel,
verwandelnd und auf andres vorbereitend,
der erste weiße Schleier, leise gleitend,
über das aufgetane Antlitz fiel

fast undurchsichtig und sich nie mehr hebend
und irgendwie auf alle Fragen ihr
nur eine Antwort vage wiedergebend:
In dir, du Kindgewesene, in dir.

-- Rainer Maria Rilke


day 19: a talent of yours.
Self-sabotaging.

Without fail, every single time, for the last 8 years.