hide and seek in ancient forests

HWE?!

2011-03-10T22:58:01Z

Reading Blood Alone, which is turning out way more action-packed and badass than the summary made it sound.

This entry is just because I realized a few chapters ago that this reminds me of nothing so much as a Darker than BLACK vampire AU.

I don't feel like flipping through Shikkoku no Hana to find a page with Hei and Misaki together, so have a fanart instead.

And now, Kuroe and Misaki:

Please note that "hei" and "kuro" are both words for black.

All right, now, quick: which manga series is this from?

How about this one:

If you guessed Blood Alone for both of them, you'd be right.

Kurose Kuroe is an author by day and a private investigator for hire by night. Minato Misaki is a newly turned loli vampire trying to stay on the straight and narrow.

Kuroe comes off as kind of a mild-mannered bookworm at first, which isn't entirely incorrect, but as the manga progresses you start to realize that you actually have no idea who this guy is.

His mission in life is to find his missing sister, who he has vaguely incestuous feelings towards, who may not be only what she seems either.

Minato Misaki herself is actually more of a combination of Kirihara Misaki and Yin, a good-hearted and determined girl with a crush on a guy a fair bit older than her. She doesn't have all that much trouble expressing her emotions, but she tends to be quite insecure about them and thus holds them somewhat close to her chest.

Interspersed among the seemingly ordinary characters are people with special powers, most of which were gained by forming a contract with ~~the Gate~~ a vampire.

My favourite character is actually one I relate to Amber: Higure, a vampire who looks about Misaki's age but is actually much older. He carries himself with the same wise-beyond-his-years charisma that Amber had, and seems to be developing a little fondness for Kuroe. He's both very nice and very scary at the same time, and there are few things I love more than that combo.

I'm only on Chapter 15, so I haven't decided how I feel about this story yet, but I really like what I've read so far. If I continue to like it, there may be silly crossover fic at some point in the future. XD

burnt umber, right foot! (oh god bless you)

2008-08-03T00:58:22Z

So it was indigos_angel's birthday yesterday.

She came over around nine, I gave her presents and almost made her cry (she would have except for her mascara, VICTORY ♥).

First we went downtown to Davie St., which was blocked off and full of people because it's Pride Week. I've never seen so many rainbows in my life holy crap. We got to watch gay Twister and the queen who was doing the announcing was very enamoured of one of the (very flexible) players and it was hilarious. She'd named all the colours awesome things (wasabi green, hot pink, burnt umber, etc.) and kept moaning over this guy's ass every time he moved. XD

We stopped in at a Chinese restaurant and Elle had bad pan-fried noodles and yummy flower tea (with the actual dissolving flower-thing, it was really cool to watch). The waiter was adorable, when he heard it was her birthday he gave her extra candy with the bill.

Memorable quote for the evening:

Me: Okay, hello, it's your birthday. Did you really think I'd let you pay for dinner?
Elle: *mock swoon* You're the best boyfriend I've ever had!
Waiter: *choke*

Then, on the way back to the car, we discovered a Japanese corner store of sorts and spent fifteen minutes filling our arms with every flavour of pocky imaginable (I also bought the Spirited Away DVD in Japanese squeeee). It also had a Japanese video rental with dramas and movies that I totally want to see, so I think I'll be going back there after every Japanese class from now on. *FLAIL*

Then we went down to Richmond to the casino and hung out there for a while. We listened to the in-house band, watched THE WORST DANCER IN THE WORLD (seriously, he had this I'm so hot, oh baby you know you want me expression on his face while he flailed and gyrated and oozed on girls who really didn't seem to mind lolwtf, I loved him) for about half an hour while Elle played with my hair and made the sexy Asian guards think we were lesbians, then wandered around the slots for a little while and got sleazily hit on by a very creepy guy with a table full of creepy guys waiting for him to bring back girlflesh (totally shut him down XD), ate some pretty shitty sushi, then headed home with Natasha Bedingfield on the stereo.

It was great. And I only wanted to die of cramps part of the time. :D

I LOVE YOU, ELLEFACE ♥

in which Eia is a blistering idiot

2008-08-01T20:02:34Z

Okay, so I went to the doctor re: weird lump.

...

It's my cervix. I was unaware that it could move, and for some reason it decided to take a jaunt a good four inches south of where it usually hangs out. Thus, weird lump that never used to be there.

God I feel dumb.

I'm glad I went, though, because the other symptoms concerned her (the doctor), so she wants me to come back when I stop bleeding red Niagara out my crotch. That should be in... oh, a week or so. I hate my periods.

There is so. much. pain. Walking to the clinic was torture. Sitting is torture. Standing is torture. I've already taken my limit of Advil for now and can't take any more for the next few hours. *cries in a ball on her bed*

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate my periods?

In non-gross news: D.Gray-man 167. I cried. If Hoshino's serious about this and it's actually what it looks like, I'm going to cry some more. T___________T

bleargh

2008-07-31T01:23:08Z

Point-form update because I feel like butts, as a_hollow_year so eloquently put it.

1.) Visit with family was lovely. Went shopping, saw Dark Knight with brother, had my hair played with, ate cake, got hugs. A+.

2.) Came back three hours late on the bus because the first one was full, carrying a whole crapload of stuff I didn't have when I went (a suitcase full of moving-out supplies I forgot to bring when I moved out, a shirt from Omi, a funky earring-holder thingie from Mom, a bottle of peppermint schnapps, a journal-thingie and a notepad Mom bought me, and uh, I'm sure I'm missing stuff I'm so spoiled omg). Totally got a taxi when I arrived in Vancouver because all told the stuff I was carrying weighed a good eighty pounds and I didn't relish the thought of climbing all the stairs to the Skytrain with it.

3.) Living room was destroyed by the Evil Raccoon-tachi when I got home, rawr.

4.) Woke up this morning to random dead earthworms in my sock. Socks were not outside. Room is not that much of a mess. It's a mystery. A very gross, cold, slimy, unexpected and way too fucking early in the morning Mystery.

5.) Caught up on the Fullmetal Alchemist manga at work. Have already squeed my head off about it to aiffe, but in summary: AWESOMEGRAVY, and Greedling, Kimbley, and Ed all need to come within molesting range stat.

6.) I finally figured out what the disgusting smell that always hangs around the streets near where I work is: there's a brewery across Burrard St. It smells like cornflakes, apple juice, and pee, and I hate it.

7.) My uterus, with its usual genius timing, just went into bleeding seizures because I have dates with friends this weekend. No points. :|

8.) It's raining.

Have to go home now. I hope you guys are having a marginally less miserable day. ♥

but you yourself are nothing so divine

2008-07-26T18:42:17Z

Am at home in Osoyoos now, visiting the family.

Recap of the last couple of days:

1.) Thursday: after work, I went to dinner with my Japanese class at Happa Izakaya on Robson. We got a special private room upstairs, woo. Hayashi-sensei paid for a... many-course meal, so I got to try a bunch of new things (raw beef in red sesame sauce is surprisingly delicious). At around eleven, I got up to leave and realized that I'd accidentally brought a few locker keys from work with me.

Shit.

The buses from downtown to Kitsilano only run every half hour that late at night. I was supposed to be at the bus station by midnight to catch my Greyhound home. I hate math, but even I could tell I'd be cutting it really close.

I ran back across the bridge (and met attractive-tall-law-student's gorgeous Japanese girlfriend on it, *sob*), dropped the keys off, came back downtown, took the Skytrain to Main, ran the rest of the way to the Station, and got there with maybe ten minutes to spare before my bus left.

Anyway, I made it, and got bumped off to a less-packed overflow bus (which had a buggered gearbox which ground for ten seconds every time the driver shifted gears so I couldn't sleep, ugh).

2.) Friday: Bus arrived in Penticton at twenty after six. Mom was there to pick me up, but had locked herself out of the van lololol so we had to wait for a towtruck to come at seven. She was late for work. I went to bed, then bummed around for the rest of the day when I got up. My brother hacked into my computer with his PS3 and we played the Avatar finale on Mom's new giant flatscreen TV. *flail*

3.) Today: Emily's birthday party is in an hour or so, so I'll be heading down to the beach and there will be cake yay. :D

I'm so relaaaaaaxed. Osoyoos is quiet and warm and smells nice. I don't want to go back to Vancouver.

"How about 'the king of the guys who... didn't win?'

2008-07-22T19:26:45Z

My four days off were blissful. I went out to dinner with my roommates and discussed filthy topics to the server's great interest, chilled out on the beach with them for a while, got blisters walking home in my sexy new wedge heels of doom, and then played Final Fantasy VIII again for pretty much the rest of the weekend (when I wasn't watching the Avatar finale and FLAILING MY FOOL HEAD OFF OMG IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AHGDKJSFAKL).

I forgot how much I love that game. VII and IX may be 'better' technically, but I never cared nearly as much about their characters and stories and worlds as I do VIII's. Whenever my muses decide to come back from their extended hiatus, I'm so going to write fic (Martine/Quistis, Irvine/Quistis, and Ultemicia/Seifer are pinging me hardest right now, as well as fic about the memory loss effect from using guardian forces... holy crap the potential there is staggering).

Before that, however, meme.

One true pairing ship:
Canon ship:
If this happens, I'll stab my eyes out with a spork ship:
You are one sick bastard ship:
I dabble a little ship:
It's like a car crash ship:
Tickles my fancy but not sold just yet ship:
Makes no canon sense but why the hell not ship:
Everyone else loves it but I just don't feel it ship:
When all is said and done... ship:

Pick a fandom and go. You all know I have like 4718938201 fandoms so here's my AnimeList and here's my MangaList. I might not remember everything from all of those though so I reserve the right to wimp out. ^____^

MY HEART

2008-07-20T09:09:30Z

Just finished watching the Avatar finale.

I am destroyed.

Coherency later.

...Maybe.

Question.

2008-07-19T04:33:45Z

Hey, where do you guys buy your individual mp3s online? I either share with friends or buy the physical CD, so I... really have no idea what the good sites are.

My little sister got an mp3 player for her birthday and needs to know.

Any recommendations? ♥

tasukete kudasai~~

2008-07-17T21:39:52Z

Okay, I need help for a minute for a class assignment.

How do I say 'raccoon herder' in Japanese?

You know what I think?

2008-07-16T00:34:45Z

I think members of the Sexy Top Five (tenants at work) need to come check for packages WITHOUT THEIR SHIRTS more often. I am never against sexy half-naked men hanging out in my office. Ever.

God I love my job.

Introducing...!

2008-07-15T17:59:59Z

Dear flist,

Y'all should go over and say hi to katie_logie, who is one of my awesome face-owning roommates I've mentioned on occasion. She likes zombie comics, old pictures, modern music, and is otherwise pretty kickass.

Go forth! :D

♥

total meltdown of eia's... brain: commence!

2008-07-14T06:08:21Z

So uh. On episode 4x18 of my Buffy rewatch and Giles is dressed all in black and playing the guitar and singing Behind Blue Eyes in a coffee shop and Willow just confessed that she used to crush on him and called him sexy and gaiojdzxkl;vhoiuaorjdskjj god I love it when this show agrees with me.

*DESTROYED*

Couldn't find the actual clip but here's the audio with lame actor slideshow.

And I haven't even gotten to Restless yet, let alone Once More With Feeling. My joy knows no bounds. ♥♥♥♥♥

healer, heal thyself

2008-07-13T19:22:42Z

This? Is so true it hurts. Thanks to cagedwriter86 for making me aware of its existence.

Link to the quiz-thing itself.

My current profile, according to it:

You are trying desperately to prove yourself. You are going at it hammer and tongs in order to get your own way. You oppose any sort of restriction or opposition to your own point of view in the belief that this could prove you how self-determined you are.

You may not be feeling so good at this time. Everything seems to be getting on top of you. What you need is a rest from all of the the present trials and tribulations in peaceful surroundings and with someone - male or female, it doesn't really matter - who can really understand you and who appreciates your needs.

You feel tired - worn out and listless. The last thing that you want to do is to be in an open conflict with those around you that are forever tormenting you. What to do? That's the rub. You are feeling that you are being choked - unable to breathe.

Recent disappointment has led you to become truly introverted. You are becoming suspicious of everybody and consequently you now feel that you are unable to trust anybody. Unfortunately it would appear that you are curbing your natural enthusiasm and imaginative nature - perhaps this is because you are fearful that you may become over enthused and find that you could possibly be carried away by wishful thinking. You are keeping your distance to see whether attitudes towards you are sincere - but this watchfulness could easily develop into suspicion and distrust.

Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro's and con's with critical discrimination. The situation has now progressed to one where you are apt to disagree yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you. As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Think about it - and let go.

fhufhasjk;khfkjdksa ouch.

My dad called me last night and begged me (again) to check out screenwriting as a possible career path. I felt an instant surge of nausea in my gut at the idea and coldly shut him down, knowing even as I did it that I was being unreasonable and hurting him when he was only trying to help me find my way. I felt really shitty both about treating him badly and about not wanting to consider the career path he thought I'd enjoy and be good at. So I made myself look into it even though I didn't want to, and the nausea gradually faded. I still don't think it's for me, but I got through that.

That same thing happened with a dear friend of mine a week or two ago. She suggested that I was coasting through life right now and that I needed to get up and get going. She was wrong about the coasting part-- I do have plans, they're just going to take quite some time to put into motion and I'm already doing everything I need to in regards to them-- but instead of explaining myself reasonably first, I got annoyed, shut her down, and then explained myself (badly).

I couldn't figure out why, when I was so clear on what I needed to do, the more people told me to find my path the more awful I felt.

Well, I think I've at least partially figured it out.

It hurts me when people tell me to find my path because it makes me feel like they don't trust me to find it without them flogging me. Everyone seems to think I'm destined for greatness right away, but I'm not. I might get there, but I still have years of learning and experience to go through before I'll have the qualifications I need to do this right. Being a child prodigy is all well and good, it'd get me lots of attention and fame and whatnot, but thinking in terms of who I'm serving-- trying to do it now would be selfish. It'd be fun for me, everybody lauding me and oohing and ahhing over how awesome I am, but because I'm not ready yet, that's all it would be. I wouldn't really be doing much good to anyone but myself.

What's the hurry? Why do I have to push myself every minute of every day just to get where I'm heading an exhausted and jaded wreck? Why can't I take the time to enjoy my quiet, simple life as I build up to my life's work? Why does my road have to be paved with blood, sweat, and tears to be valuable or valid?

Fuck that. Seriously. I'm so sick of people believing they have to suffer to do good in the world, because if it's easy and enjoyable it can't really be worth anything. It just isn't true. I know plenty of people who love their jobs and do great good at the same time. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

The other thing that's bugging me is this: for most twenty-two-year-old girls, becoming Operations Manager of a business and making two to three thousand dollars a month on salary (hasn't happened yet, but it's a done deal come January) would be a pretty nice accomplishment. But for me, all I get is a half-hearted congratulations and a warning not to get 'tied down' to this job.

Well, why shouldn't I let myself get 'tied down?' I love this job. I really do. And bonus, it pays all my bills (and then some!), even right now on my lowly part-time worker wage. When I get my promotion I'll be practically rolling in money. It gives me tons of free time to do whatever I like on the internet, which I've been using thus far to study Japanese (which I'll need for my eventual path).

This job is a gift from the universe, not a threat.

Everybody's different. Some people love to be challenged. They rise to it, they conquer it, they feel awesome. Others prefer to be encouraged and praised and supported that way. I work best with a little of both. The fact is, I can either take pressure from outside or from inside. Not both. If I'm pushing myself to do something, other people pushing me to do it too just makes it too much and I end up having to give up and run. Also, too much praise makes my head swell until I realize that I'm not as wonderful as all that and the come down makes me feel like shit.

That's why I haven't told anyone what my plan for my future is. I don't want interference. I don't need support. I want to do it, so I will. If I need help bringing it to fruition, I'll ask for it. Some of you may remember when I made the post about my spirit animal (the Panther), and how I need to stop talking about my intentions because it weakens them. I'm holding to that. I'm not being secretive or reclusive or trying to make people curious. I'm just doing what needs to be done.

Right now? I can't breathe whether I'm sleeping or awake. Even in my dreams I feel hunted by expectations, both those others have of me (which, to be fair, they've been very low-key and non-invasive about for the most part) and those I have of myself for other people (which are neither low-key nor non-invasive at all).

Have any of you ever heard the saying to whom much is given, much is expected? This saying haunts me. I've been given a lot, and I do plan to turn it around into serving the world when I'm ready to, but I can't escape the feeling that I'm not doing it fast enough or the way that everyone wants me to do it. I feel like I should be sacrificing myself day-in and day-out because I've been so blessed. But really, what's the point of being blessed if I'm exhausted, miserable, and hate the world I'm grudgingly trying to better? I'd be useless and burned out long before I accomplished anything of real value.

About my introvertedness, now-- the colourgenics quiz is only almost right there. It's not that I don't trust people or don't want to commit to things. I'm just very choosy about who and what I commit to and nothing's really been drawing me lately.

I've been reaching out a lot more romantically in the past little while (as you may have noticed with the almost-date-that-canceled-twice and my crushes in Japanese class and making out with my downstairs neighbour). It's been a disappointment to me so far, however, because even though I'm reaching out, I'm not really finding anyone I actually like and want to date for sure. I'm attracted to people sometimes, but not really very strongly, and I can't help but think that I'm only doing it out of the belief that I should be doing it. I feel like if I don't reach out this way, people will believe I'm hiding from the world or that I'm too afraid of being hurt or something. (I am afraid of being hurt, of course, but if I actually met someone I wanted enough to have a relationship with, I'd deal.)

This has led to not wanting to be around people at all. Period. I pushed myself to reach out in a direction I didn't need to go yet, and the rebound of that has me craving solitude so badly it's an actual physical ache. I used to fall asleep every night imagining my pillow as a human companion, a lover who would hold me and protect me as I drifted off. Now I can only sleep if I imagine myself so alone that I can't even sense another human presence anywhere around me, in a place so deserted it would take days for anyone to reach me.

See, I'm open to making connections with people, but not just with any people. There are people I want to know and be known by, and a whole lot of people I don't, and the former are really hard to come by. I'm very introverted right now, it's true, but that's not because I'm afraid to connect. It's because I can't seem to find anyone I actually want to connect with. I'd rather be alone than force myself to associate with people I don't even want to be around. Being alone is wonderful and peaceful for me. I'm at my happiest when I'm by myself. Forcing myself into relationship with people I don't like being around stresses me out, makes me miserable, and drastically reduces the amount of energy I'm willing to give away to others since I need most of it for myself just to deal with said people. It's counterproductive and I'm pretty much done feeling guilty for not wanting to be bestest buddies with everyone who wants to be bestest buddies with me. It just doesn't work.

I feel defensive when I'm accused of hiding from the world when I'm actually not. I do hide from the world sometimes-- when I need time to rest and recuperate-- but a lot of the time when I'm accused of it I'm actually not. I'm just biding my time waiting for someone worth talking to or something worth doing. When this is misunderstood, I get pissy and closed off, thereby convincing whoever's doing the accusing that they're right. I just didn't know how to explain it until now and felt frustrated and helpless because of it.

I just want everyone to back off and realize that unlike a lot of people, I actually pay attention to myself. When I react to something, I take note, and I think about why I reacted that way. People who are unaware of themselves do sometimes need someone outside of them to point out what they're doing and make them aware of it, but I don't. So seriously, everyone needs to back off and let me deal with my issues without the confusion of outside perspective. If it's something I can't puzzle out myself, I'll ask for help. I've put myself in counseling before, I've asked questions of my friends, and I'll do it again whenever I need to. But when I don't need help, don't force it on me. I'll just end up resenting the person as an intrusive, unwelcome do-gooder who doesn't know me as well as I know myself.

I know myself very well. I'm constantly learning new things, of course, I don't know everything, but I need the people I love to trust that I know myself best and let me decide what I need.

*****

Okay, so the basic summary of all of this is:

1.) I know where I'm going and what I need to do career-wise, so I need to ask the people who are pushing me to 'do something with my life' to back off and respect my ability to make good life decisions.
2.) I also need to explain to the same people that just because I'm not connecting with a lot of people doesn't mean I'm afraid to, only that I'm not meeting many people I want to connect with.
3.) I need to respect my need for solitude instead of feeling guilty about it, or it won't be restful and I'll just end up needing more of it.
4.) I have a very deep need to be trusted (easily as deep as my need to be loved).

What I need to do on the four days I have off next weekend:

1.) Go the endowment lands and lose myself in nature for a while.
2.) Do breathing meditation.
3.) Speak to no one.
4.) Write letters to the people I love explaining what I need from them. Possibly send them, possibly not, but either way clarity within myself is needed.
5.) After hours on Thursday before I leave work, go to the top floor where no one can hear me and sing for a while (to clear my lungs).
6.) Do some yoga (to loosen up all the joints and muscles that have become painfully tense from defending myself).
7.) Clean my rooms.
8.) Take a bath with epsom salts to draw out some toxins.
9.) Sleep.

God. I feel about three inches taller and twenty pounds lighter.

nothing says thank you like a dollar in the waistband

2008-07-12T04:52:14Z

I bought shrimp-flavoured Pounce treats for Zahyrah and I think they made her high. She just fell down the stairs. O____o

In other news, I'm on season four of rewatching Buffy tVS and my crush on Giles just grows with every episode. ♥

die, pain, die.

2008-07-09T04:32:53Z

So I hedged about going to Japanese class since I felt shitty. I even flipped a coin (which told me to go home) then finally decided to just suck it up and go. I went. I was there for all of five minutes. Then I realized that I was dying and needed to go home so I got the homework and left.

Waste of an hour.

Now I'm at home, exhausted, and wishing the 18th wasn't so far away (that's when I next get more than one day off in row).

I did come home to a hundred dollar cheque in the mail, though, which was awesome. I love it when the government gives me money for not driving a car.

Took a quiz.

Harry Potter Character Combatibility Test
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Albus Dumbledore

You are Albus Dumbledore. Calm, perceptive, forgiving, and wise beyond your years.

Albus Dumbledore

97%

Neville Longbottom

94%

Remus Lupin

91%

Harry Potter

78%

Luna Lovegood

78%

Severus Snape

63%

Bellatrix Lestrange

53%

Oliver Wood

44%

Sirius Black

41%

Hermione Granger

38%

Lord Voldemort

31%

Ron Weasley

28%

Percy Weasley

28%

Draco Malfoy

22%

Score. I also love it when internet quizzes tell me I'm awesome.

...

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Icon meme! :D

2008-07-07T20:31:29Z

Informally tagged by ronsard, for whom I would clearly do anything. ♥

Oldest icons:

Wow, I've changed my icons a lot since I got here. Pretty much every time I found a new fandom. The two kitty ones I made myself from pictures on imreallysad.com, and I use them so often I can't bring myself to delete them. ^__^;; And then there's good old angsty Sasuke. Oh Sasuke. You and your angst.

Newest icons:

Two KHR, one Bleach. I love the image of Mukuro and Hibari sitting on a telephone wire, they're just crazy enough to find that romantic. Then we have Byakuya being pretty in pink (those are actually the icon's keywords), and fanart!Mukuro being sexy. ♥

Saddest icons:

Nobody can come close to Fye when it comes to angst. He has his own scale. Of angst. Haji and Lavi only come a distant, distant second.

Happiest icons:

Orihime (Bleach), Honey (Ouran HSHC), and Diva (Blood+). I have happier icons, but I've either used them elsewhere already (the XD kitty in the first section) or I'm going to use them in other sections. I don't want to repeat any. ~___^

Angriest icons:

I think it's a testament to how rarely I get really angry that all my 'angry' icons are hilarious.

Cutest icons:

All cute for different reasons. Junsu of DBSK with his trademark angelic smile (♥♥♥), the Mokonas of CLAMP getting their disco on, and Kanda being chibi eeeeeee. ♥

Sexiest icons:

Yamapi and random girl from a photoshoot (guh), Mukuro (KHR) because I like men with long dark hair in good black suits, and Kanda because I like men with long dark hair and swords.

Funniest icons:

Man that was difficult. I have tons of funny icons, but those are the ones that make me giggle every time I use them.

Most frightening icons:

Okay so I'm a bit low on creepy. I just have Belphegor (KHR) to hold the fort while Naraku (Inuyasha) is ridiculous and Honey (Ouran HSHC) is... himself.

Favourite 'ship icons:

Honourable mention which only three people here will get:

Oh hey, they're all slash. I swear I do ship het. All the time. It's just that all the really awesome icon-makers... don't. >__> Anyway, we have Axel/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts II), Dino/Hibari (KH), and Jade/Peony (Tales of the Abyss). And the last one which is ronsard/yountilla/empath_eia, in which I am the uke and Mai tops everyone and lucky lucky Alex gets to be in the middle. ♥

Icons you use the most (besides your default):

Jade/Peony again because my flist seems to need a lot of comforting. Hanatarou (Bleach) because the internet seems to confuse me a lot. And Lavi (D.Gray-man) because I fall in love with stuff at first sight all the time.

Icons you should use more often:

Kayashima (Hanakimi) with his empathic vibes, Ryouhei (KHR) being sexy, and Fye telling people to write more porn. Pretty self-explanatory, yes?

Favourites overall:

My default, because it's gorgeous and I can't get over it and never want to. Neji (Naruto) making a dramatic landing, because I love the colours and the crop and the everything about this icon. And finally, Hibari (KHR) with his biting fetish, no explanation necessary. Next line: Bianchi (KHR), Katara (Avatar), and Komui (D.Gray-man). Last line: Kanda (D.Gray-man), Shirota Yuu (D-Boys, until recently), and Kikyou (Inuyasha). Also I love all my other icons, okay, I don't keep them long if I don't love them.

Best icons to use in an internet argument:

Gamma (Zombie Powder), Suzaku (Code Geass), and L (Death Note). Not that I get into many internet arguments, but these are pretty effective. :D

How many icons do you have total? 115

How many can you have? 115

If you could buy space for more, would you? My first impulse is to yell HELL YES, but sanity would probably take over before money actually exchanged hands. I hope.

Do your icons make a statement about you? That I have very diverse tastes and am probably not emo.

What fandom do you have the most icons out of? Right now? Katekyo Hitman Reborn, with twenty. There are some brilliant icon-makers for that fandom.

The second most? D.Gray-man with seventeen. It's my primary fandom but I don't find awesome icons for it quite as easily as I do for KHR.

What ship do you have the most icons out of? The only ship I have more than one icon of is Jade/Peony, with a whopping two.

How do you categorize your icons? First by fandom, then by character, then by whatever text is on the icon (or a random word association if it's textless). For example, the icon on this post is categorized as KHR! // Tsuna // born for this. Simply, easy, organized, effective, but with a touch of randomness. I like it. ^____^

Are your icons mostly made by other users? Mostly, yes. I only have a handful of self-made icons, but I do use them quite often.

I TAG EVERYONE.

And now, I'm going outside to bask in the sun and try to recover from food poisoning in time to work tomorrow. I actually called in sick yesterday. I never do that. It's good that I did, though, otherwise I'd've redecorated some poor customer in vomit chic.

Oh sunshine, ilusm. ♥

Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah blah blitty blah, I'm so stuffy, give me a scone.

2008-07-05T21:16:41Z

Rewatching Buffy the Vampire Slayer because it's dead slow at work and even opening WordPad with the intention to write is making my hives itch.

I still have a truly prodigious fancrush on Giles.

Tell me I'm not alone in this.

Edit: Also, what are your thoughts on yuri? Because every time Buffy saves Cordelia's life my first thought is wonder if there's fanwork for them. Also Willow and Cordelia in a literal closet for hours together in 2x03. Hello? Please tell me there is stuff out there for the femmeslash ships. *__*

Badassification.

2008-07-05T17:38:45Z

Went shopping yesterday with Katie and Jess. It was awesome. I now have clothing! :D

I spent rather a lot of money, but I got a lot of stuff for it-- stuff I actually needed for the most part-- and I can afford it now with this job so yay.

From Le Chateau:

-jeans. Size 12 still, sigh. H&M seemed convinced I was a size 16 so none of their stuff fit me, wtf. I may still be a bit on the chubby side but I am not size sixteen. Anyway, jeans are soft dark blue with a beautiful flare at the bottom and form-fitting top. *__*

From H&M:

-skirt, black, knee-length, casual and lacy and wide-bottomed.
-stockings: black half-length (waist to knee), grey full-length, and grey-and-black striped full-length, so I can wear my skirt without chafing the inside of my thighs right off.
-tank top, green and cream stripes.

From Aldo:

-black dress wedge-heels, strappy and leather and gjkafdjla. I have been looking for this exact kind of shoe for probably six years now, ever since Crystal moved to her mom's and took hers with her. And they were seventy percent off fhaksdjfalkfjg. *____*

From Fairweather:

-two t-shirts with funky printed designs, one grey-and-black and one black-white-and-purple. Sparkly accents. Form-fitting, thin material, cap sleeves, long fit.
-two long tank tops, one black and one dark fuschia.
-one baggier shirt with short cap sleeves and a wide scoop neckline. Has a broad band of elastic at the bottom so it sits on my hips while the fabric in between billows. Looks tres awesome on me. Black and off-white.
-one hybrid shirt that's like a tank top with longer sleeves attached separately so there's a big gap of arm between the strap and the sleeve. Black, with a picture of a girl on it in cream and iridescent red. If it were a person I would take it home and make it french toast in the morning. *______*</div>

So basically, my wardrobe is now badassified. (May do some pictures later.) I feel much better-- I have plenty of self-confidence, so walking around in old shirts and torn jeans wasn't really hurting my self-esteem, but it sure is easier to stand with confidence when I'm wearing stuff I know looks good on me. ^____^

When we got home finally, I bought delivery pizza for all of us, then we sprawled out on the couch together and watched Some Like it Hot, which was awesome. That's an old black-and-white Marilyn Monroe movie, by the way, which involves cross-dressing, gay fanservice, insanely revealing dresses, and people getting shot in the chest multiple times with semi-automatic machine guns, and a car chase that puts everything I've seen in recent cinema to total shame. Nobody can ever tell me that entertainment used to be tamer 'back in the day' ever again. XD

And now I'm back at work. And I forgot my lunch. At least I look hot. -_____-

...

2008-07-04T05:58:47Z

I have hives. On my foot.

...

D:

Anyway, I did end up making myself go to Japanese class. I'm glad I did. My class is awesome. Hayashi-sensei (male) is tiny and adorable and has the best sense of humour ever. We played a card game of sorts that went basically like this:

A: So, what did you do yesterday, B?
B: *draws a card from his deck* I... bought a head of lettuce. And a stamp. Yes, just one.
A: That's, uh, awesome. What did you do today?
B: *draws another card* Studied in a coffee shop, then went home and listened to the radio in the dark.
A: Lovely. So how about tomorrow you... *draws card from his deck* ...buy a diamond instead? Just for the hell of it?
B: SURE OKAY

Those are actual cards. I bought a head of lettuce. Just. Hayashi-sensei, I ♥ you.

My classmates are also cool. The two guys I sat next to are both anime buffs, and one of them is actually part of a shoujo-manga translation group. We had a discussion about XXXHolic vs Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle. He makes kinky stuff out of leather for money. I think we may be best of friends. The other one is studying to be a lawyer and is kind of attractive. *__*

I managed not to puke on anyone. SUCCESS.

But now I'm so tired and sick and hot (why is it so humid without actually raining, ugh) that I have hives. On my foot. Which itch like holy hell. :|

Tomorrow I'm off. Jess and Katie and I are going downtown to a mall and shopping for clothes. Holy crap. I haven't been clothes shopping in so long. But I have no hole-less pants left, so I really have to go even though I don't want to spend the money. >__>

D:

2008-07-03T17:32:11Z

Okay, my morning was perfectly fine without the unexpected bag of maggots bursting in (and over) my hand.

Thanks, universe. Thanks for that.

Japanese intermediate class starts tonight. I am in incredible amounts of pain. I'd really make a lousy first impression by skipping the first class but there is really honestly almost nothing I less want to do tonight than ride a steamy bus full of people downtown carrying a heavy backpack, sit in class for two hours, then ride a steamy bus home. I'll probably end up puking all over my fellow sweaty passengers.

I need about a dozen Advil and a week of sleep. Will probably settle for two of the former and a day of the latter and suck it up.

God I feel awful.

In much less revolting news: I'm an aunt again! Samantha, my other stepsister, has now had her baby as well; a boy named Eli. :D ♥

Quincy bus-driver hates me.

2008-07-02T17:15:47Z

Okay, anybody else having a bizarre day? Because I am.

My alarm went off at 7:00am. I got up (right away), walked upstairs, and it was magically 7:20. Which meant, since I had to go out of my way to buy my bus pass, that I was going to be late (okay, at least not as early as I usually am). I went to Safeway, bought my pass, and caught the next 22-line that came by.

Please note: this is the bus I've been taking every morning for months, and one evening per week since I started Japanese class. I know the route by heart. I know where it's supposed to stop, and certainly which roads it's supposed to follow.

I get near my stop and hit the PLEASE STOP button. The Next Stop light comes on at the front of the bus, exactly as it should, and makes a loud pinging noise as usual. Also, there are a good dozen people at the stop waiting to get on.

The bus drives merrily on by.

This may not seem so bad. I mean, I can just get off at the next stop and walk back, right?

Wrong.

My stop is the last stop before the giant long bridge to downtown. So I had to ride the bus all the way downtown, get off, cross the street, and get on the next 22 going back across the bridge.

And then it gets even weirder.

The bus I got on re-crosses the bridge. All good so far. It reaches the intersection where it has to decide whether to go down Burrard or Cornwall. The 22-line's route goes down Cornwall. I know this. If it didn't I wouldn't have gotten home after any of my Japanese classes, because Burrard =/= way home.

It turned left and headed off down Burrard.

Me: $&!*@()#*@(*$%$ WTF NO

The first stop I could get off at was six blocks from work. Grateful that this time I was at least in the right neighbourhood, I gave up and just walked it.

Funnily enough, I was only five minutes late to work because I'm usually just that insanely early. >__>

But seriously. First skipping a MAJOR STOP when someone's indicated that they need to get off, then taking the WRONG ROAD ENTIRELY?

O____o

Edit: Why hello there, bleeding agony. Just what I needed to make this day perfect. ♥

My childhood, it's broken.

2008-07-01T05:19:13Z

So I went down on a little trip down memory lane tonight, which eventually led me to looking up some people on Facebook.

My teenage crush, Derek, who I was in love with for years, is married. And has a child.

There are no words to describe the weird feeling I have right now. He's smiling in his profile picture and holding his tiny daughter and I just.

You see, I don't think I ever really stop loving people once I start. I accept that our relationship will never be what I wish for, sometimes, and I let them go, but I never take back the part of myself I've given them. I was just a teenager, silly and narrow-sighted, and it was years ago, but I really did care for him and I care for him now. I'm so happy that he's smiling, and at the same time a little heartbroken that his smile has nothing to do with me.

I guess that means that's good news for whichever guy I turn that long attention span to next... but it still hurts.

bandwagon ho!

2008-07-01T02:47:08Z

My Last.fm page.

Right now I'm most of the way through a straight listen-through of everything I have, so half the time my page will have nothing but one artist on it. But when I get back to shuffling it up it should get more interesting. ~___^

I HAVE TOMORROW OFF OMFG HALLELUJAH

Today was the last day of my fourteen day breakless stretch. It was long, hot, busy and generally sucked. But now I get to relax with a glass of wine, grapes, chocolate, and incense, and write my last two flashfics (which are now late because I suck).

Flashfics I finished on time:

no rest for heroes - Bleach, Ichigo/Ishida, mostly gen.
Dusk - Naruto, NaruSasu, twenty-years-later!fic, lame.
Gramarye - Avatar: tLA, Zutara, disgraceful pile of truly awful fluff.

Everything I've written this month has pretty much sucked, except for one or two of the drabbles I did right at the beginning. Hopefully July is more conducive to creativity. :|

Random note: uploaded a bunch of KHR icons. There is so much sexy in this fandom, I cannot deal. ♥

jguaihkjfdshiura

2008-06-30T16:22:34Z

Okay, KHR fandom, you win. I love you. Let's get married.

DEPRESSED

2008-06-30T02:11:08Z

Just a little.

I don't remember if I posted about this really really attractive guy I saw on the bus a month or two ago. He looked rather like fanon!Draco Malfoy, blond and grey-eyed and suave and ahyigorejfklasa. I was instantly smitten.

I saw him again on the bus today. That should have been awesome, except that I'd just gotten off of work where I'd run lots of stairs and moved freight in the sweltering heat, which means sweat and dirt. My hair was a disaster, greasy at the top and frizzy at the bottom, my face was dripping sweat in the heat and close quarters of the bus, I had dust and crap all over my jeans and cardigan, and I have honestly almost never felt so unattractive in my entire life.

So of course I had to stand like six inches from him and stick my sweaty armpit in his face thanks to the bus being packed to the rafters.

Thanks, universe, I appreciated that. :|

Next time I see him on the bus I hope it's on my way to or from Japanese class, not after work. I tend to look much more fabulous when I'm going downtown.

*sigh*

Edit: And then Sara's sexy friend Jason showed up to grab something of hers from storage. She called me and told me he was coming earlier today, but naturally I completely forgot so when he showed up I was in my bathrobe with my hair a dripping mess and my living room a disaster. Then I went and injured myself like a dumbass helping him extract the thing he was looking for.

At least this time I smelled good. T_________T