All you are is all you got

emmling @ 2014-04-08T21:09:00

2014-04-08T12:09:16Z

i gotta stop putting in 11-12 hour shifts.

it's only tuesday

2014-01-07T14:04:41Z

how is it only tuesday? why is it taking so long to get to friday?

added two new kids to my class today, which puts us over the two-teacher limit, so now i've got another teaching partner for the remainder of the year.

one of the new kids is still really just a baby - he'll be repeating nursery again next year. he cried all morning until lunchtime, then happily ate his lunch and played with toys on the blue mat for about an hour before falling apart into tears again. the girl cried the whole day until she fell asleep for naptime.

my new partner (she just started with the company around halloween, but has a lot of experience in japanese preschools before this) was fine, though she apparently asked my area manager if crying kids need to be hugged a lot.... he explained that no, we don't want them to think that crying is a way to get picked up and held and pampered, so it's best to comfort them and try to distract them with a balloon or a toy or something, or sometimes just to let them try and self-comfort if that's what they need... and then my new partner went on to say that at her old school they yelled at the crying kids. O_o

walked from the school to the station with my area manager after work, because waiting for the bus in the cold (in the cold) isn't much fun. i asked about what we'd been told at the last head teacher meeting, if they'd made any decision yet about changing the position for next year (instead of having a japanese and native head teacher at each school, having just one head teacher and to compensate for the extra work load making it it a full-time administrative position instead of something you do on top of your regular class position), and he said they were supposed to have meetings about that today and tomorrow at head office.

i mentioned that at the christmas party, clive had told me that head office recognizes they put me into a situation that i hadn't exactly signed up for when i accepted the head teacher position for this year, and that they think i've "worked [my] fucking ass off" and that i have head office's support and that i'm doing a good job.

which was nice to hear, since i've been suffering from more than my usual lack of confidence (it's my charm point) this year. it probably doesn't help any that my japanese counterpart and our manager have been subtly implying the whole year that i'm not fit for the position. and once my manager just flat out said that she doesn't like my personality and i'm not perky and bubbly enough to be a head teacher. i resisted the urge to tell her to go fuck herself, so maybe there's some hope for me after all.

area manager said that head office has always approved of the work i do, and that basically clive's been sitting there waiting for years for me to grow enough confidence to take on the responsibility they want to give me.

i don't think i'll ever get used to the concept that people like me and they like what i do.

btw, 2013 kinda sucked.

2014-01-05T15:09:58Z

I kinda colored a good chunk of my hair pink and purple for the show today. Our seats were in the fifth row of stands, so why not?

Other than Imae-kun and Jo-chan, I think we got ~~fanservice~~ noticed by everyone we'd hoped for. Akito found us in the first song, and continued to find us and make eye contact and wave throughout the show. Junta didn't come by as often, but he gave us attention as well. Got love from Hama-chan. Yukito was in a "oh it's you guys lol" mood today, but still waved at us. Richard and Matori were happy to see us and waved. Bun looked right at us every time he came by, but being Bun he didn't do anything but stare. We got Nairu to notice my handwritten uchiwa at the end, and he stood there and grinned and stared long enough for me to flip it around so he could read the 来週 Happy Birthday! note on the other side.... and then he bowed to me.

I totally have Nairu Problems.

Also, Junta Problems after his solo today. Fucking damn that was hot.

I'm still not quite sure how I feel about the debut - I'm ecstatic for BAD (hell, we've been following them for TEN YEARS now, this is a BIG MOMENT in our fangirl careers), but I can't help but worry for Bun and Hama-chan. At least with Odasaku Bun (and Ryuta!) are safe through May, and Hama-chan's got the drama thingie, which is good work.... but yeah.

emmling @ 2013-04-06T00:49:00

2013-04-05T15:49:04Z

So, um, I'm head teacher. Did I mention that?

And if the first couple of weeks are any indication of how this year is going to go, given my typical way of dealing with massive amounts of stress, I will prolly hit 45kg by the end summer.

Add that to the list of things I should have mentioned at the (five hour) interview: I don't like answering the phone. I don't like making decisions. I don't like people. I pretty much have a stress-related eating disorder.

emmling @ 2013-03-13T23:30:00

2013-03-13T14:30:31Z

Said goodbye to the K3 class today. These are kids who I taught when they were in Nursery, and some of them I've known since they were born. And I had to hug each one and tell them that I won't be at Tomi next year when they come for After Class, because I'm being moved to the new school in Myrica Hills. Saying goodbye is hard.

emmling @ 2013-02-24T16:46:00

2013-02-24T07:47:04Z

OMG DAICHI

emmling @ 2013-01-01T18:29:00

2013-01-01T09:29:33Z

Happy New Year!

2012 was better than 2011, so hopefully this trend continues and this year is even better.

良いお年を!

emmling @ 2012-12-31T14:26:00

2012-12-31T05:26:55Z

So it's December 31st.

I have updated this thing, sort of, every other day this year. More or less. A few times I had to edit the date (when I was out late, when I was in a different time zone, when I was traveling all day), but yeah. I posted on odd-numbered days all year long.

Yeah, it's kind of a strange thing to pursue, but writing in patterns is fun. I'm not sure I'll keep it up through 2013, but it is nice to update more regularly.

The other.... accomplishment? of the last year was not eating at makudo.

Beyond that, not much.

emmling @ 2012-12-29T21:37:00

2012-12-30T12:37:32Z

this is possibly the cheatingest of my cheater entries, as its not an odd-numbered day on any calendar anywhere at this point, but oh well. i spent all day travelling and now im too tired to even set up my computer before i sleep.

but yeah, in osaka safe and sound. and cold, cause my apartment hasn't been heated for ten days.

emmling @ 2012-12-27T23:30:00

2012-12-28T07:31:03Z

Tomorrow's my last full day at home. I'm heading up to Seattle to (hopefully) buy some awesome boots and then have dinner with my friends... but I feel bad not spending it at home. I'd feel bad not seeing my friends, though. So it's great - I feel guilty no matter what I do.

Kit's gone at work all day, and then a lot of the evenings he's spent with Annika, so it feels like I haven't gotten to see him very much. Change is hard.

merry christmas!

2012-12-25T22:38:52Z

look what laura got me for birthday/christmas!

i also got a really nice sweater dress, a grey hat (that actually fits!), and some nice headphones from my parents, cds from annika and kit, and a scarf from my cousin anna. oh, and gingerbread-scented lotion and bodywash from my aunt lynn... but that side of the family opened presents on the 23rd, so it seems like a long time ago. also, my grandparents donated money to a charity in all of the grown-up kids/grandkids' names.

now we're watching arthur christmas before we go up to renton for christmas dinner.

emmling @ 2012-12-23T23:43:00

2012-12-24T07:43:56Z

dominoes is a cut-throat game.

especially how we play it.

emmling @ 2012-12-21T12:28:00

2012-12-21T20:44:30Z

We're heading up to Seattle soon, just to wander around mostly. We've all pretty much got our Christmas shopping done already.

I'm getting my system adjusted back to eating more than once a day since being back home. And rehydrating. It's hard getting enough food/drink when your daily budget is completely taken up by commuting to work.

emmling @ 2012-12-19T12:03:00

2012-12-19T20:05:06Z

tired, but back at my 実家 safe and sound. also, cold.

emmling @ 2012-12-17T17:56:00

2012-12-17T08:56:40Z

on my way to the company christmas party (hence keitai posting) so i can't write a whole lot, but just so everyone here (as well as everyone from work) can try and figure out what's going on, and what i should do, here's the story:

on saturday, before he got on the train (and after he initiated hugging me goodbye), i asked boy if we were dating or not.

どう思う？
わからない
俺もわからない

and then he went on to say that he isn't sure whats going to happen for him in the near future, so 今、彼女に作る気がない but he wants to keep doing things with me and spending time with me like we are now.

so....... yeah. i don't really know what to do.

emmling @ 2012-12-15T23:54:00

2012-12-15T14:54:26Z

いまいち

emmling @ 2012-12-13T22:02:00

2012-12-13T13:02:56Z

Damn, I can't quite wrap my head around having only two more days of work left before break. And then I'm flying out on the 19th to see family for Christmas.

Everything really does go faster once we get that Christmas Concert out of the way.

In Boy-related news, we're going to see The Hobbit (which he rather adorably called ホビットのやつ when mailing me) Saturday night when he's off work.

Also, thanks to Kerstin, Lydia and I get to see KanJu on the 18th! And we're right on the hanamichi!

So things are pretty busy right up until my flight. And somewhere in there I have to fit in packing and getting all my Christmas presents rounded up and into my bag, and track down my ipod charger cord, etc.

emmling @ 2012-12-11T23:03:00

2012-12-11T14:03:06Z

Among the other events of Saturday, my school had its Christmas Concert! My kids did way better than I expected - when we practiced all they did was roll around on the floor and not pay any attention to me, but for the actual day they managed to pull it together and everybody sang and danced properly and nobody really cried. I was impressed!

emmling @ 2012-12-09T23:59:00

2012-12-09T17:05:20Z

Welcome to this week's meeting of the Confused About Emmalee and Boy Club. Our current membership has expanded to include not just me and Boy, but EVERYBODY IN BOTH OF OUR SOCIAL CIRCLES.

At the Goodbye 2012 party last night, Boy came with two of his friends (one he's known since elementary school, who I met at Summer Sonic, and one from university) and both of them separately talked to me trying to figure out what's going on.

They were also being less than subtle with comments like JUST KOKUHAKU HER ALREADY AND SHIAWASE NI NARU. And IT'S THE GUY'S TURN AT THIS POINT TO TSUTAERU FEELINGS.

And a guy at the party (who looked SO MUCH like kamaitachi Yamauchi and who we'd never met before) asked Boy if I was his girlfriend... and when he said no, Not-Yamauchi was all WHY NOT SHE SHOULD BE! YOU SHOULD TSUKIAU.... so Boy laughed and replied that ok, now we are tsukiatteru.

While we were going between events, Boy's elementary school friend talked to me (while Boy was elsewhere for a few minutes) checking that (a) I like Boy, and (b) I don't have a boyfriend or anything, so (c) what is taking so long with you two; also (d) Boy is an　いいやつ and (e) please take care of him, but (f) I am kawaisou having to wait for him to do anything so (g) just go for it and kokuhaku him because (h) we are 仲いい enough.

Aya, my teaching partner from last year (who I've been updating with Boy news all year because she is possibly my favorite person ever that I have worked with) sent me this song after I told her the latest non-happenings. And to quote one of my other friends, "It feels like his friends and I are zookeepers from different zoos, trying to get two very shy creatures together. XD"

emmling @ 2012-12-07T23:57:00

2012-12-07T14:57:55Z

Glitch is ending. Yes, this was announced last month, but still. It's ending, and I'm sad. It's ending at 13:00 Monday Japan time, and tonight might be my last chance to play it. So I am somewhat melancholy tonight.

emmling @ 2012-12-05T23:33:00

2012-12-05T14:33:24Z

1. I haven't been able to get tumblr to load since Sunday-ish. Anybody else having problems?

2. I cannot wait for the Christmas Concert to be over.

emmling @ 2012-12-03T23:32:00

2012-12-03T14:32:29Z

Christmas Concert is coming up on Saturday, and today I started losing my voice during classtime. I made my partners finish teaching the class (they had to lead the Pre-Writing textbook and Good-bye Circle Time), and during the afternoon I didn't have to talk a whole lot so my voice recovered pretty well by the evening. But I still cancelled my Japanese lesson so I wouldn't have to talk as much. Hopefully I can make it through the week without any problems.

Christmas Concert Season is rough. (T_T)

emmling @ 2012-12-01T23:52:00

2012-12-01T15:55:27Z

IT IS COLD.

Today was our Christmas Concert prep day, and oooooooooh was I cold for almost all of it. It didn't help that I was running around the school barefoot, helping everyone paint their backdrops and leaving sky-blue footprints all over the place. At least we pretty much finished on time. I'm still helping K3 make some props, but it's not a big project. And I like making craft-type things.

This time next week the Christmas Concert will be over. I'm looking forward to it more than you know.

emmling @ 2012-11-29T23:26:00

2012-11-29T14:26:34Z

So last Thursday (I think) I got a letter from Head Office thanking me for my interest in being a Head Teacher last year and offering me an interview.

I'm honestly not sure if I really do want to be a Head Teacher or not - sometimes it seems like it would be fun, but I know it's a lot of extra work (for not equivalent extra pay), and you have to deal with all the problems that come up at your school. Plus they've been having the Head Teachers do extra business-y type presentations at the monthly meetings that sound like they involve outside research and... yeah. Despite the pressure Head Office has been putting on me the last couple of years to move into a more leadership position, I'm really not sure I have the right skills to handle it.

But I mailed Head Office today saying I'd go ahead with the interview anyway. Everyone around me seems to think I'd make it ok. And I know this is something they want me to try, so..... yeah.

ouch

2012-11-27T14:53:31Z

rent, bills, and thanksgiving are not a good combination.