I don’t often speak in detail about our experiences as I’ve always wanted to protect those involved. But reading today about better graded Ofsted schools taking fewer SEN pupils stung, even though it’s been a long time since we were choosing schools.

So, because it has been a long time, I will share some specifics.

We chose a local secondary school. My child had friends going, it was easy to get to, and it was known as a “good” school. One of those “outstanding” schools.

Somewhere between choosing and school places being allocated, we had an EHCP.

While families at the primary school gate were chatting excitedly about where their child was going, I was lying to mine, saying they had a place because we still didn’t know. Because the SENCo at this school had said they would not take my child “unless the local authority grants the highest level of funding.”

This is the SENCo who reluctantly met me to explain policies and procedures, and how my child would need to adhere to them.

This is the SENCo who, when I pushed for a second meeting, said it would be about funding and when I asked what support would be offered, said Lego Club.

By this stage, after years of my child struggling and months of uncertainty, I was completely distraught. I broke down and left the room. I later found this had been written up as me being verbally abusive.

This is the SENCo who, even with funding agreed, offered no further adjustments.

My child started and ended their secondary school experience on the same day.

The next part will remain private. It was the most distressing time of our lives and something that took years to recover from.

But I later learned from other families at the same school, that we were not alone.

We now understand the issue was two things: wanting the money from EHCPs, and not wanting the children who might impact Ofsted.

Because imagine an inspector seeing black trainers instead of “shoes that raise a shine.” Or children without perfect attendance or grades.

This school made no adaptations. But it did request more funding.

So, I ask, how is this ethical?

Why are schools who repeatedly harm children and families not held accountable?

When families are on their knees, why are we not told that a place is not safe for our children?

Why are systems so focused on safeguarding and public money not protecting children from harm that will affect them for years?

Whatever comes next in the next policy/reform/white paper, I find it hard to engage.

Because nothing will change until the fundamentals are rebuilt.

We need kindness, understanding and inclusion to be the foundation not grades.

Until then, for the protection of myself and my child, I will keep looking elsewhere. Because this system hurt my child in ways that, even now, will never be okay.

Illustration from Can’t Not Won’t by Eliza Fricker