Okay.

I shouldn't feel like it is my fault, because it's not, but last year when Beltran and Cammy collided, I kept thinking how terrible it would feel to be the one who hit the ball. And now I feel so sick to my stomach. The worst part is, is that there was absolutely nothing I could have done to control it. I just feel so anxious, can't sit still. I talked to Zim after the game, see if there's any update on Johnson, and Kearns. I can't shake it. I wish them all the best, send all my thoughts to them, the team. I'm so so so sorry this had to happen. :( :( :( :(

Gosh, y'all, I can't even find the words to talk about anything else. :\