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D.C. man forgets to thank Guardsman for his service while being detained
Witnesses say the disrespect rivaled Pearl Harbor, 9/11, and kneeling during the anthem
 • Bad Lawyer
Putin meets with high-level asset in Alaska
U.S. intel community describes situation as “super-weird, even for Alaska”
 • W.E. Linde and Task Force Football Bat
Adm. McRaven hasn’t made his bed in years, sources say
Sources say unmade bed had more loose ends than the Afghanistan withdrawal
 • Duffel Blog
Pete Hegseth thrown onto court at WNBA game
Police officer removes SECDEF using towel and rubber gloves
 • Bernard Buttersquash
Trump gets Greenland in blockbuster three-way trade with Spain
Trade deadline shocker shakes up NATO division standings
 • Grumpy
Fort Hood promises to keep murdering soldiers, despite name change
Rebrand includes new signage, commemorative coins, and same culture of unanswered questions and haunted latrines.
 • Duffel Blog
Marine Commandant realizes this is just how it’s going to be now
Commandant confirms it’s not temporary dysfunction—it’s the mission.
 • Red Friday
Naval Academy summer program teaches kids how to be racist, tie knots
Program blends soft skills, hard prejudice, and light tobacco use.
 • Duffel Blog
Pentagon renames Fort Huachuca to Fort Hawk Tua
The Fort’s marketing office is working with the Defense Logistics Agency to develop a new hawk mascot in Oakleys.
 • Adrian DeRyder
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Army

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National Guard mobilized to pick fruit
Governor hails “historic partnership” between citrus industry and underpaid weekend warriors
 • Red Friday
Fort Hood promises to keep murdering soldiers, despite name change
Rebrand includes new signage, commemorative coins, and same culture of unanswered questions and haunted latrines.
 • Duffel Blog
Pentagon renames Fort Huachuca to Fort Hawk Tua
The Fort’s marketing office is working with the Defense Logistics Agency to develop a new hawk mascot in Oakleys.
 • Adrian DeRyder
Freshly-acquitted Diddy gives your weekend safety brief
Gold diggers, Bieber, and malt liquor: Diddy’s safety brief hits different
 • Adrian DeRyder
8 tattoos you can get under new Hegseth policy
Good news: Tattoos of Pete Hegseth depicted “in the Greek Style” are now allowed.
 • Blondes Over Baghdad
US accidentally re-invades Iraq
Troops surprised to find old combat outposts still smell like Axe body spray
 • Duffel Blog
Army birthday parade sparks rediscovery of Von Steuben’s pimp-step parade doctrine
Lost doctrine finally answers the age-old question: What if marching was fabulous?
 • Adrian DeRyder
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