I don't have a title though.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Shinya and Atsushi are in highschool, trying to figure out their respective love-lives.
Pairing(s): Shinya/OC(s), Atsushi/OC(s), pre-Ducksushi
Disclaimer:
I don't own the characters, and I didn't make any money from this. ^^
x-posted
"Atsushi! Check this out, da ne!" Shinya held the magazine out proudly at arm's length, half-rolling onto his side to face his friend. "Isn't she hot, da ne?"
Atsushi gave him a small smile and shook his head, chuckling to himself. He hardly glanced at the magazine. "Why do you even read that stuff? It's fake. You know it's fake."
Shinya laughed. "Read? Who reads porn, da ne?" He rolled back onto his back and held the magazine above his head, slowly flipping through the pages.
"Look at. You know what I meant." Atsushi was sitting at his desk, dutifully working on his homework. He wished the fact that he would rather do that than look at porn was something he could be proud of, but he wasn't always sure.
"Well duh." Shinya tapped the page he was looking at, as if for emphasis. "It's hot, da ne."
Atsushi rolled his eyes, even though Shinya couldn't see them. "What would Shinohara-san say?"
"That's why she doesn't know, da ne," Shinya sighed. "Honestly, Atsushi, you're such a prude sometimes, da ne." Shinya draped the magazine over his face in seeming exasperation.
"I am not a prude," Atsushi insisted, scowling lightly at his paper. "I just don't like porn."
"You never tell me about who you like, or who you think is hot, either, da ne," Shinya continued. "Or anything." He sat up and pouted petulantly at Atsushi, his magazine dropping into his lap. "Do you even jack off or anything, da ne?"
"You've asked me that before," Atsushi said flatly, though his face was going slightly pink. "And my answer hasn't changed."
"But I don't believe you, da ne!" Shinya protested. He sounded genuinely distressed about it.
"I think you think about this way too much," Atsushi chuckled softly, and rather humorlessly. "I promise I'm telling the truth." He bent his head lower towards his desk, getting redder. "Just because I'm not obvious about it... or loud."
Shinya's ears reddened. "I'm not that loud, da ne," he protested. "But I mean, what do you think about, da ne?"
Atsushi twisted around in his chair, giving Shinya an arch look. "Two-variable algebra," he answered. "I'm not telling you!"
He'd said it because it was what he was working on, but it also happened to be his worst subject, and he wished he hadn't. Just the thought of someone getting off on math, of all things, effectively killed any urges he might have had that night.
Shinya pouted at him again, and Atsushi turned back to his work, his face screwed up in frustration.
The truth was, Atsushi's fantasies ran less towards large breasts and soft, feminine curves, and more towards lithe muscles and hard, masculine angles. He'd known it for years, and personally, it was not an issue. That didn't mean, however, that it was the kind of thing he told people about. Especially not Shinya. While it made sense that that was the sort of thing he should tell his best friend, it just didn't matter, really (it wasn't like he'd ever had a boyfriend, or anything), and it would only make things awkward between them. There was also the fact that he had had a crush on Shinya for most of the previous year, which complicated things. He had largely gotten over it now, but it wasn't something that he was keen on sharing. It hadn't hurt him any to keep quiet thus far, and so he saw no reason to change things.
Shinya shrugged, looking slightly miffed, and went back to his magazine. "Whatever."
Shinya seemed to think that Atsushi would come around with enough prodding, and thus this scene was revisited many times, whenever Shinya had some new magazine with some new girl in some new pose he liked. Sometimes he would bring p real girls, from their school, and demand Atsushi's opinion of them. The girls he picked were usually good-looking, to be sure, and Atsushi told him that, but more often than not they were girls that he couldn't imagine dating even if he were straight. He usually neglected to mention that part.
Within a week, Shinya had broken up with his girlfriend. He never said why, but Atsushi assumed it was due to fickleness on one or both of their parts. In any case, this behavior increased, as the time Shinya used to take to talk about Shinohara-san, he could now use to bug Atsushi about getting a girlfriend himself.
One day Shinya came back to the dorm with yet another dirty magazine (Atsushi had long since stopped asking where he got them) and flopped onto his bed to look through it. Atsushi gave him a cursory glance when he came in, and then returned to his book, wondering how long it would be before Shinya interrupted him. He didn't have long to wait.
"Ne, ne, 'Tsushi, look at this, da ne!" Shinya sat up, holding the floppy open page up towards Atsushi's bunk. Atsushi took it, glancing idly at the glossy photograph, expecting it to be another clearly redone model with 'bedroom eyes.' It wasn't. He gaped.
"That's... that's a guy," he spluttered. It wasn't a particularly attractive guy, either, but Atsushi's brain hardly registered that, being too busy trying to figure out why there was a guy in Shinya's magazine. And why he had shown it to him.
"What gave it away, da ne?" Shinya joked. Atsushi boggled, flipping through the rest of the magazine. It was full of men.
"So you bought this for a laugh, or something, right?" he tried.
"No, I bought it 'cause the guy on the cover was hot, da ne."
Atsushi flipped to the cover. Well, he actually had to agree there. He leaned over the edge of the bed and handed the magazine back to Shinya, still highly perplexed.
"But you... like girls," he said. Shinya suddenly scowled.
"I like guys too. You can like both, you know." He grabbed the magazine and tossed it back on his bed, still glaring evenly at Atsushi. Atsushi suddenly felt like he had said something very, very wrong.
"It's called bisexuality," Shinya continued. "And it doesn't mean I'm confused, or I have to make up my mind."
"I didn't mean..." Atsushi faltered. "I mean, no, it's cool. It's just... you'd never mentioned it." He sounded like he'd been refuting a previous argument, and Atsushi had to wonder with whom. Suddenly whatever it was had passed, and Shinya was back to normal, smiling at him again.
"Aha, I guess it never came up, da ne!" he laughed. "I mean, I like girls more, da ne.... They've got boobs and all and they're squishy and nice, and.... Well lots of guys are jerks, you know, da ne?" (While it was true that some guys were jerks, Atsushi refrained from pointing out that Shinya was rather a jerk himself to most guys.) "There's still some really hot ones though, da ne."
He was smiling, so Atsushi smiled back, wishing he had that same kind of devil-may-care attitude. Even now, after Shinya's revelation, he couldn't bring himself to make a confession of his own. He wanted to, he really did, but he couldn't find words that didn't make him sound stupid or immature or fake. He kept silent.
Shinya went back to his magazine and Atsushi went back to his book, still trying to process what had just happened. Eventually he abandoned the book as a lost cause and went to shower instead, trying not to think, as he was washing himself, about Shinya in the next room, looking at erotic pictures of naked men.
It bothered him all through class the next day, whether or not he should tell Shinya about his own sexual preferences. He had basically made up his mind that he would tell him; the question now was just how to go about it. Any way he thought about it, it was awkward. He kept thinking how he'd come out to his parents, but that was so completely, utterly different. For one thing, Ryou had been there then, holding his hand. They'd been in it together and they'd only been twelve and it was their parents and.... Each time Atsushi thought about how he would pose his declaration, one uncomfortable suspicion kept bothering him. He sounded like he was fishing for a date. Sometimes coincidences were just coincidences, but it wasn't always easy to tell.
After worrying about it all morning, Atsushi was dismayed to find Shinya absent when he returned to their dorm that afternoon, thus giving him more time to stall and to agonize. He'd just wanted to get it over with already, and say something, so he could at least stop worrying about that. He tried to call Shinya on his cell phone, but not two seconds after he finished dialing, he heard a tinny melody from the direction of Shinya's desk. He hung up and scowled at it. What a fat lot of good it did over there.
He resigned himself to wait, fidgety, anxious, his stomach starting to hurt. Stupid Shinya, not being around when he needed him.
Shinya finally returned to the room a bit before six, face flushed and smelling of sweat.
"Hey 'Tsushi," he said cheerfully, tossing his things on the ground by his desk and tugging his shirt off over his head.
Atsushi smiled and bit his lip, wishing it were fifteen minutes from now so that he would have done with it and could move on. He didn't want to bring it up immediately, since it wasn't urgent and he didn't want to make it seem as if it was.
"Playing soccer?" he said instead, casually.
"Basketball," Shinya answered. "We won, da ne!"
"Great," Atsushi grinned, trying to hide his awkwardness. Shinya grinned back, completely un-awkward even despite partial nudity, and headed into the bathroom. He retuned a few minutes later, a towel draped around his neck, and began to put some of his school things away.
"Hey..." Atsushi started, deciding that if he waited much longer, he would vomit out of anxiety. "You remember what we were talking about last night?"
Shinya paused, turning to look up at Atsushi thoughtfully, clearly trying to remember. "Flavored condoms?" he said at length. Atsushi suddenly found himself much less anxious than appalled.
"No!" he said vehemently, making a face. "Why the hell would I bring those things up again?"
Shinya shrugged. "What then?"
Atsushi sighed. "You know.... About how you like guys... and stuff."
Shinya's expression grew slightly wary. "What about it?"
"Well.... Me too," Atsushi exhaled. "I mean, I do... well, I'm gay."
Shinya blinked at him for a second, and then grinned. "So that's why you never liked my porn," he said, with the air of someone for whom everything has just clicked.
"Er, no, I actually don't like porn," Atsushi corrected. Shinya blinked again, and Atsushi chuckled, most of his anxiety suddenly ebbing away. "Don't think about it too much. You'll hurt yourself."