The memories drift back
as I gaze at your lines
A crowd of thoughts
sparked by the shape of you
Moments left behind
in the dust of time and
dim remembrance
A rainbow of hues
stack upon stack
Or flung in bright
disarray, like wildflowers
In a field of gentle
reminders, each one
Bumping into another,
vying for recognition, to be
Plucked from the motley
throng, rewarded at last by
A touch, an engulfing grasp,
a soaring flight
into sticky note heaven.
-KJ Roe
Here is my first, and probably only, political post for the season. I generally stay out of things because the divisiveness and mud-slinging that not only politicians, but people in general, engage in goes against my believe-the-best nature and grates on my soul.
But today, I saw a post from a person I know that has been weighing on me. The post said that how you vote today reveals the kind of person you are when no one is looking.
This saddens me. To me, this says, I know who you are. I’ve talked with you, hung out with you, worked with you, whatever – but none of that really matters. Because, actually, I’m going to judge you based on which rhetoric and advertising campaign you believe. Regardless of what I’ve experienced directly with you, regardless of what I’ve observed with my own eyes and felt with my own heart, it all boils down to what I believe *you* should believe about a convoluted and, at best, cloudy, at worst, dishonest and self-serving monster of a political system. That a *system* is more important than the person I know you to be. That, even if I’ve seen you volunteering at soup kitchens or offering food to the homeless, or if I’ve seen you giving time to help veterans, or coordinating activities for the elderly, it all really comes down to the ovals you fill out on a piece if cardstock.
Who a person votes for, or even whether they vote, should not be the deciding factor in how you look at someone. If you vote, do your research. Know, as well as you can, what you are supporting, and choose based on what you believe to be best. That’s the beauty of voting – you don’t *have * to believe and vote the same as your friends or your spouse or some random person in the next booth. And they don’t have to vote the same as you. Judging one another based on fluctuating lines of a theatrical political system increases the division between us all and fragments the beauty of our differences.
This world is Orwellian and beautiful at the same time, and we are all just people trying to make it through as best as we can. There is good and bad in each of us; hopefully we nurture the good, overcome the bad, and learn from our mistakes. Hopefully we do our best, are honest, and show kindness and consideration to those we meet. Every day.
Ovals on a paper don’t define you. You do, by your actions and how you treat people. Regardless of what day it is.
-KJ Roe
People say that
it’s better to be strong
to be independent
to know there are no
promises
and to rely on
yourself
because they’re going to
let you down
anyway.
They tell you to
build your own life
hold your head up high
and to always
be ready
to strike out on
your own.
And I will.
I will be strong
and hold my head up high
and build
my own life
But this is how
I’ll do it:
Reach out my hands
with the amber light
of friendship
Plant the seeds for
emerald new
adventures
I’ll stop and stare
at brilliant orange
sunsets
Feel the violet sorrow
of the heartbreaks
and know that
I’m alive
I’ll drink the
calming blue
of the sea
Ask the questions
of a thousand
stories
Release the laughter
bursting
in my chest
Sing the melodies
dancing
in my veins
I will open my heart
to the radiant
beauty
of this world
and build a life of
magnificent
fullness
in gratitude’s
vivid freedom
-KJ Roe
Daytimers don’t know
how the night
becomes a magical place
how the meadow shines
in its secret way
when the moon traces
her fingers on the snow
They’ve never stood
grinning up in delight
at scattered stars
gazing back from deepest skies,
nor watched the
world
become
a faery place
with silver leaves
and lucent boughs
and creatures stirring
in the shadows
They don’t long for
Luna’s sweet caress, nor
for Selene’s gentle breeze,
never fall yielding to
the allure of the gloaming’s
whispered mysteries
They don’t feel
the cool hand of eve
touch their cheeks
nor hear the songs of galaxies
drifting down in chimes
of star beams and moon shine
and Aurora’s dancing
luminosity
Daytimers don’t know
how the night
becomes a wondrous place
They don’t know
the adoration of
the beauty
of the night
-KJ Roe
Hey you.
Yes, you. The one hiding behind a façade of laughter and everything’s fine.
You, too exhausted to get out of bed.
You, crouched in anxious trepidation behind walls of independence and strength.
You, who are busy, busy, always moving, always going.
You.
You’re not alone.
Look around. There are others near you, fighting the same fight, scared to let it show. Others who are lonely, and frightened, and lost. Who feel the air suffocating them and the darkness of the unknown looming. People you see, probably even people you talk to, who wonder if anybody cares. Just like you.
I’ve been there.
Been so worn down I fell asleep standing up.
So scared, I couldn’t see a way out.
So wrapped up in murky despair that I had to consciously name reasons to be here. Some of them seemed ridiculous (chocolate? really?), but when you’re down, anything can be a lifeline.
Others are oh, so worthwhile. Family, or friends, or the way you feel when you hear a beautiful piece of music. The sunlight, the raindrops, the stars, the shapes in the clouds. The first time you mastered – anything: Catching the ball, turning a screwdriver, beating that game. Being held, or the touch of a hand. Simply making someone smile.
Whatever your lifeline is, grab ahold and don’t let go. When it seems to get dim, hold the light it brings right in front of you. Make that decision to keep it in your sight, even if you have to consciously force it to be there. When the voice in your head speaks darkness and negativity, fight it with words of brightness and positivity and self-affirmation. You are unique. You glow. You deserve the good that you long for. You are worth it.
You are a beautiful soul.
It’s okay.
You’re not alone.
Take my hand.
We’ll get through this together.
-KJ Roe
*If you or anyone you know is feeling alone, feeling that their light is fading, please reach out. Talk to a friend, talk to a counselor, talk to a pastor, or call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8755. Don’t give up. YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND THE WORLD NEEDS YOU.
*This first appeared here April 4, 2017.
Tiny worlds in rainbow hues
hide in depths of jewel-
toned leaves, in the
burning shades of frost-
seared fall, the damp
air a near-welcome
touch, the rustle of breeze-
tossed foliage interrupted
by the crunch of steps
on fallen brethren, the
scent of their released breath
a sweet prelude inhaled,
skins bursting as their
nectar fills eager mouth
slides down tongue
and chin and stained
kaleidoscope fingers
-KJ Roe
Blaze across the sky
orange blinding in its brilliance
Shout your closing remarks
in unmistakable vibrance
Let your departure be known
by your legacy of beauty
As the hues of your goodbye
blend softly into pinks
That glide blushing into
a waiting bed of violet
The gentle touch of
your whispered affections
Wraps close around a
drowsy earth’s shoulders
And you take your leave
with echoes of peace
-KJ Roe
I’m pleased to have my poem “Convention” out in the Summer 2018 issue of Alaska Women Speak. Many thanks to poetry editors Gabrielle Raffuse and Kersten Christianson.
Lying in my bed
Listening to loons calling
Their love songs
Across waters where
Moonbeams tap dance
A sparkling cadence
Of hushed affairs,
Windblown waves
Embracing one another
In tumultuous kisses
Hastily given under
Cover of night
Before slipping back
In an endless refrain
Of restless love.
– KJ Roe
“Hush” first appeared here on December 16, 2017.
She paused, raising her eyes to the crest of the hill above her. You’re almost there, she told herself as she reached for her water bottle and took a swig. You got this. Her legs had already traversed several stages on this hike – stretching, tired, sore, shaky, ready to collapse, and finally, stronger. She could almost feel the muscles tearing and healing and building as she went. It made her feel tough, as if she could handle anything. As though it didn’t matter if she was the last person on earth, or the only person on the mountain.
Her heart was another matter. It pounded in her chest like she’d just run a marathon while being chased by a bear. Too fast, too hard, but what worried her was the erratic unsteadiness of it. As far as a rhythm, she was pretty sure it was skittering between a bouncy reggae tune, a pounding rap, and the wild pulse of thrash metal. All fine for listening to; maybe not such a good thing for a heart rate.
She took a deep breath. Another one. In-two-three, out-two-three. Willed her body to calm, heart to slow. Practiced some learned-long-ago relaxation techniques. Tried not to think how ridiculous it was that this little hike was so difficult for her. The important thing was that she was doing it. She was facing the challenges she set for herself, overcoming all of the excuses and reasons for holding back.
She had spent too many years in the shadows. Too many days watching from the sidelines, being the cheerleader. She loved the encouraging, the guiding, the helping. She was good at it. But what she’d only partially grasped was that when you constantly encourage others to follow their dreams, eventually you get left behind.
But now.
This was her time. Her turn to explore. To grow, find her horizons. Most of all, to stop holding back.
She turned to look back at the trail she’d been following. The mountain dropped away before her, river cutting a valley through the hills. Trees danced in the breeze that cooled her skin. Snow blazed the tops of the range. A blue sky caressed the horizon, greens and grays and browns of the forest mixing in a grand palette of wild, untamable, glorious nature.
Where she had been was breathtaking.
Tears watered the landscape for a moment, and she grinned in exultation at the sheer magnificence of life and the world. Yes, the trail had been hard sometimes. Life had been hard. There were moments that she wondered what had possessed her to take it at all. But this – this majestic view of her journey so far was definitely worth it. It was more incredible than anything she could have imagined.
A prayer of thanks rose within her.
She took another deep breath, another swig of water, trying to hold the picture in her mind to look back on later. Holding onto the satisfaction of love feely given and obstacles overcome. So many memories to cherish.
She turned back up the trail. Her heart was steady now. She was ready.
There was further to go, and the view would be even better up ahead.
-KJ Roe
Dreams of Shadow and Light 