» he's young and naive but the boy's a hero «

[ ic ; letter - someone you want to give a second chance to ]

2010-08-27T09:01:35Z

Dear Anna,

I know {...} being around us hasn't exactly been easy for you; it's not hard to notice how little time you've spent at the apartment ever since {...} you came back. And {...} I don't blame you, not really. I can't, especially not when you were right. And as much as I kinda hate being impaled through the chest with pipes, {...} I don't hold any of it against you. At least, not anymore. At lot has changed since then, especially with what we've gone through in the City. It's kind of hard to hold a grudge once you start thinking of someone as family.

I know you {...} probably don't want that kind of sentiment, especially coming from me, but {...} you've helped me a lot, Anna, whether you know it or not. Things are more than ten thousand kinds of complicated between us, what with you not-so-secretly wanting to kill me and with me not-so-secretly housing your brother, but this place tends to make those things seem like minor inconveniences, more often than not. I'm not saying to over look it, because these are the kinds of things you can't ever forget, no matter how much you want to.

I'm just saying {...} I forgive you. I think I did a long time ago. And although I know things can't ever really go back to the way they were before all of this, {...} I'm still glad to have you around, Anna. You are still a part of our crazy little family.

Sincerely,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - someone you judged by their first impression ]

2010-08-27T08:50:07Z

Dear Joanna,

Don't hit me for calling you that, alright? It's the first time and it's more than likely that it'll be the last time. Besides, I know you could kick my ass, even though you're like, eight feet shorter than me. I could tell from the first time we met you. Kinda got off to a rough start, didn't we? And after a first impression like that, it kinda amazes me that I ended up thinking of you as a little sister.

And I do, really. You're as much a part of my family as Cas or Bobby {...} or even Dean. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, Jo, and I wish {...} I had more time to do it. I wish we'd had more time back home. But such is life, right? You never were one to let those kinds of things keep you down, which all just goes back to that first impression. A fireball of a woman, unyielding as a mountain and with the bite of a lion. Right off the bat, I knew you were a strong girl and not someone to be messed with. Not that we don't mess with you plenty, but that's just how we show our love.

Leaving you in that store was the farthest thing from easy, Jo, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate being able to spend time with you here in the City. We got a chance to get closer to each other, something we never had back home {...} and now I have a chance to protect you, as much as I know you won't want it.

Things don't end pretty back home, but I promise you, your sacrifices weren't for nothing. And as long as we're still here, we'll keep on fighting side by side, 'cause I know you wouldn't have it any other way.

Love always,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - the one that broke your heart the hardest ]

2010-08-21T07:46:05Z

Ruby,

{.....} I don't even know why I'm writing this to you. I've spent so much of my time trying to forget everything about you. Every lie, every cheat, every word you ever said to me. I try to forget it all, because every time I think about it {...} I think about what I did and all the people that got hurt because of me. And that's the hardest part. Knowing that you were just manipulating me, but it's still my fault in the end.

I tried so hard to forget it, but when you came back to the City, everything came flooding back with it. The anger, the pain, the {...} insufferable amounts of guilt. {...} You broke me in ways I can't even begin to explain, Ruby. You made me think I could take this curse of mine and make something good of it. You made me believe that there was a way for me to escape the {...} monster I was supposed to become. You made me trust you {...} and I did.

I trusted you, Ruby. I believed in you. And in the end, it was all just a game, just {...} another person using me to get closer to him. I followed you blindly, even though Dean told me over and over that I was wrong. {...} I wish I had believed him. I wish I hadn't let you get close me. I wish I didn't turn my back on him to go with you. I wish I could forget.

But most of all, {...} I wish I didn't miss you. You are the embodiment of every sin I've ever committed, and that part of me died along with you in that church. Things will never go back to the way they were. Even if we cross paths in the City, find some way to start talking again, {...} you're still dead to me, Ruby. And I will never let you back into my heart. I can't. I won't.

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - someone that pesters your mind - good or bad ]

2010-08-21T07:26:47Z

Dear Rebecca,

I hope it's not too weird to be writing you a letter like this but you've helped me out a lot over the past month or so and I'm really grateful. We've talked many times about all sorts of thing but you're still kind of a mystery to me, which isn't a bad thing by any means. It just makes you {...} interesting. Every time I talk to you, I feel like I learn something new, like I see a different side of you but never really the whole picture.

The one thing I do know about you for sure is that you're strong in ways I don't really understand. I mean, for people like me and my brother who've seen the kinds of things we deal with on a daily basis, it makes sense. We need to have it to get by. Sometimes I just have to wonder, what did you see to make you the same way?

But then I remember what you told me and I realize it really doesn't matter what you saw or what you've been through. You aren't strong because of what happened to you. You're strong because you chose to be. You're a survivor, and you won't let anything knock you down or hold you back.

You're incredible, Rebecca, and whether I solve your mystery or not, I know who you are and I'm glad I got to meet you. And even if we might be dead back home, we're alive here. Let's make the most of our time survive this mess together.

Sincerely,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - the person you wish you could be ]

2010-08-19T08:41:36Z

Dear Euphemia,

We've said it a million times before but I think something like this is always worth mentioning again. You are, in many ways, like a little sister to me and I can't begin to tell you how lucky I am to be your friend. You are one of if not the sweetest person I know, and it's not because of some innocence or faith.

It's your genuie kind heart, the sort of thing you only ever read about in books. The sort of thing most people can only dream of having. The sort of thing I wish I had. I envy your good nature and admire your strength, Euphie. You have been through a lot, seen a lot of horrible things and even been a part of them, but you never let those things change who you are.

Throughout everything, you always stay Euphie and you have no idea how much I respect you for that. It's truly amazing because it's something I've never seen before. Someone that witnesses so much horror and difficulty but still believes in others and herself. It's something I've always strived for and something I've never achieved.

You really are a spectacle to behold, Euphie. And even though you may be a princess, sometimes you are more of a queen. I love you, little sister.

Sincerely,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - someone from your childhood ]

2010-08-19T08:26:10Z

Dear Pastor Jim,

It wasn't until awhile after your death that I came to really understand just how much you did for us way back when. I don't know how much Dad told you or how much you knew about the demon that killed Mom but {...} I'm really sorry you got caught up in our family mess. It was a lot bigger than any of us ever expected and we lost a lotbf good friends along the way, you among them.

I just wish I could've gotten the chance to thank you for more than just the juice boxes you gave me and Dean or for letting us watch TV past bedtime without telling Dad. That was a much simpler time and really wish things could've stayed that way.

I'm sorry for everything that happened, Pastor Jim. I will always be grateful for everything you did for us.

Sincerely,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; the person you miss the most ]

2010-08-15T17:13:22Z

Dear Jessica,

{...} I {...}

Dear Jessica,

Getting to see you last month was probably one of the greatest things to happen to me in these past couple of years {...} and at the same time, it's also probably one of the hardest. I miss you. So much. More than I can even dream of explaining. And the guilt, {...God...} sometimes it feels like I'm drowning in it.

I love you, Jess, so much, even now after all this time. You just so {...} beautiful and brilliant and just {...} perfect, even with all your imperfections and flaws. And if things hadn't happened the way they did, {...} I really would have married you. I would have happily spent the rest of my life with you.

{...} But I will never get the chance, and I can't spend the rest of my life holding on to a memory, especially now that the rest of my life isn't really that long. I'm not letting of or you or forgetting you and I will always, always love you, but {...} I'm moving on. I'm {...} finally letting someone else into my life the way I did with you, this time without all the lies and secrets and leaving her in the dark. I'm doing it right this time, so that even if I don't have much time left, {...} that time is well spent with someone that I love.

I love you, Jess. I miss you every day. And you will always be the one that got away. But I can't stay tethered to the past forever.

Yours truly,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - someone you’ve drifted away from ]

2010-08-15T09:13:02Z

Dear Rebecca,

As you probably know better than you really should, my road trip with my brother isn't exactly the safest thing in the world. If you thought that shapeshifter we fought off in St. Louis was scary, then it's a damn good thing you don't know about the things we fight off nowadays. Stuff of nightmares, y'know?

I'm sorry we haven't spoken at all since then, but it's honestly for the best. You saw it first hand. My life is not something you want to get involved in and keeping in touch over these past five years would've just taken the cake for crappy friendships. I couldn't protect you back then but at least I can protect you from {...} everything that you will never know about.

Thank you for the short time that we were friends, because it was that short time that I actually got to be normal. And even though I'm loving every second with my brother, the times we had back then were some of my favorites. I miss that so much {...} but it's not my world and it never will be. The only thing I can do is protect you from my world, and even though you will never hear from me again after this, I promise you that your world is much, much safer now that I'm gone.

Again, thanks for everything and make sure you keep Zach out of trouble. I guess this is farewell, little Becky.

Sincerely,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; someone you wish could forgive you ]

2010-08-14T08:56:06Z

Dear Pamela,

I know that when we were in Heaven, you said you were okay, but I just can't shake the guilt from this one. I mean, you said you didn't want to help us but we just kept pushing and asking more of you than we really had a right to {...} and you still helped us. And look where that got you. Even if you're enjoying your own private slice of Heaven, I just can't let go of that.

So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you lost your eyes, I'm sorry that we got you killed, but most of all {...} I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you. In that room the night you died, you told me that what I was doing was evil. Your dying words {...} and I still didn't listen to you. And I will never be able to forgive myself for that. You were right and I was so wrong, so very {...} very wrong. And I wish I would've listened, that I would have taken your advice. But all I can do is say I'm sorry.

You were great, Pam, and I wish things hadn't ended the way they did but at least knowing that you're happy up there, that you're enjoying your meadowlands, it makes all of this a little bit more bearable. I hope one day you can forgive me {...} and that someday I can forgive myself, too.

Sincerely,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain ]

2010-08-14T08:21:34Z

Azazel,

I only have one thing to say to you, and it's a solid "fuck you". Everything you ever did was to drive me to this point, to get me ready for Hell's special little Prom. You killed my mother, my father, my girlfriend, my friends; you gave me this {...} disease that pulses through my veins. You ruined everything for me and all so that Lucifer could rise again and take his petty revenge on mankind.

Well, congratulations. It all happened, exactly as you planned it. The only difference is that you don't win. Not you, or your family, or your "father". Because even if you only did it all to make me strong enough to take on Lucifer, it also made me strong enough to take him down. Every person you sacrificed, every life you ruined, {...} they'll all be avenged, given their rightful justice.

Because as soon as I get home, I'm dropping him right back into the Pit. And your little plan is gonna burn along with him. I hope you're still proud of your Boy King.

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - a deceased person you wish you could talk to ]

2010-08-14T08:07:49Z

Dear Ellen,

I honestly don't even know where to begin with this letter. I guess I should start with thank you. You took care of us like we were family after Dad passed and you helped us out in more ways than I can really count. Me and Dean, we're not {...} really used to that kind of support, to having someone we could actually depend on. At least, we weren't when we met you. You made it so much easier. Before long it was {...} kind of like what I imagine having a mom must be like.

Which is where I should say I'm sorry. What happened to you and Jo just {...} wasn't fair, at all. And at the same time, the way you died, it was such a tribute to your strength. No matter where you were or who you were with, you always had this give-em-hell attitude, and never let anything stand in your way. To the very end, you stuck with that conviction of yours and did what you had to be done.

There aren't words to tell you how much I respect you, Ellen. And how much it hurt to see you go. You were family, and I will never forget everything you gave for us.

Thank you,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to ]

2010-08-12T00:57:13Z

Dear Lilith,

I can't tell you how grateful I am for everything you've helped me with. I think you understand my situation better than I do, which is a real comfort because sometimes I just get so {...} lost. Knowing that you're there, and that you understand without {...} being afraid of me makes all of this just a little bit easier.

I know we haven't talked much lately and for that, I'm sorry, but you know how things can be in the City. I just wanted to let you know that, even if my time here lasts eternity or ends tomorrow, I appreciate your being there. If anyone brought me peace and comfort throughout all of this, it was you.

Thank you,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - someone you wish you could meet ]

2010-08-10T03:44:31Z

Dear God,

I guess people usually pray to talk to you but I've been praying for years and {...} I don't think you're listening anymore. Which is fine, I guess, because if you haven't done it in centuries, why would you start now, right? But I still wish I could talk to you, maybe get some answers. I mean, after everything we've been through, everything we've done, I still want to know.

Why us? What did we do to deserve

Dear God,

There are a million and a half things I wish I could say to You and another million and a half questions that need answering, but I know that I will never get the chance. And you know what? That's fine by me. Because knowing wouldn't change a thing. Knowing wouldn't make things easier, wouldn't lessen the weight on our shoulders. It'd all end the same, regardless of whether You answered to my prayers or not.

All that's really left to say is {...} screw destiny and screw fate and everything that You ever threw our way. Because we didn't need You or Your guidance to get through it all. In the end, it was our strength that got us through, and it was free will that saved humanity. It was the people that died fighting. Jo, Ellen, Cas, Bobby, {...} Dad. It wasn't some God-given miracle from Above; it was {...} me and my brother {...} and our sheer stubbornness that wouldn't let us give up.

So, yeah. I wish I could meet You, and I wish we could talk face to face, but not to seek enlightenment or redemption or anything like that. It would be just to tell You that we won. We won without You, or Your angels. Without Michael. Just us. We won this war.

You can send a "thank you" letter to Dean in the mail.

Sincerely,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - your favorite internet friend ]

2010-08-10T02:19:18Z

Dear Hanna,

We've joked a lot about surrogate families in the City and stuff like that but I was completely serious when I said we'd be your make-shift family. And more and more lately, I'm realizing that you already are. You're one of the greatest friends I've ever had, which I guess isn't saying much since before the City, I didn't really have any friends to begin with, but that just makes it better.

We're both trying to get used to this whole friendship thing which can lead to a lot of awkward conversations, but it's been so much fun, Hanna. The City's supposed to be like a prison but with you around, and Dean and Dawn and everyone else, it's {...} like home. Or what I imagine home would feel like.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you for being my friend, for teaching me what being a friend is like, and for bringing me brownies after I almost killed you. Okay, all joking aside, thank you, Hanna. Really.

Make sure you take good care of Little Sam. You never know when he might be the only Sam left. But until then, you aren't gonna be able to get rid of me, because we're family.

Sincerely,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - your ex-girlfriend ]

2010-08-07T08:38:36Z

Dear Madison,

There's so much that I wish I could say to you, and at the same time, there's really nothing I can say at all. I'm sorry? I wish things had ended differently? It's not enough. There's nothing I could ever say that would ever be enough.

Truth is, there's really nothing I can say {...} but thank you. It seems weird, I know. How can the person that killed you be thanking you? {...} But you gave me something really important and I think I'm stronger today because I met you. Because you gave me a chance to be human again. And because {...} you were stronger than I ever thought I could be.

You didn't let your "something terrible" hold you back. You didn't let the monster inside you rule your life. You were so unbelievably strong for such an innocent person, and you didn't deserve any of what came to you. Yet you still accepted it and did what had to be done. I fought harder for your life than you did. That's when I realized just how much stronger than me you were. How strong I can only hope I am now.

You were amazing, Maddy, and I'm so glad that I got to spend that time with you. You showed me I could still love, and you showed me I could still grow, and I hope to God that wherever you are, you're happy. You had a smile to break hearts.

Sincerely,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - a stranger ]

2010-08-06T20:17:56Z

To everyone that has looked evil in the eye and refused to stand down, to everyone that has been through hardship and refused to give up, and to everyone that is blissfully unaware,

There is still good in this world. There are still people fighting for you. There is still a power out there that will never let you down.

It's called humanity. It's called free will. And no matter where you are in the world, there will always be someone fighting so humanity can see another day.

It took me a long time to find it and even longer to accept it, but it's out there. I don't know if life started as a gift from God, but I do know that these days, it's a gift from them. The nameless heroes risking their necks for everyone else, even though no one will ever know about it. Because isn't that what a real hero is? Someone who saves lives and fights evil, without expecting all the fame and glory?

That's how I know there is good out there. In spite of all the evil, every bad thing that life throws our way, there is good. You may never see them and you may never even know, but they deserve all the praise in the world, 'cause they've probably saved your ass more than once. I know that they've saved mine.

Sincerely,

Just another nameless hero

[ ic ; letter - your dreams ]

2010-08-06T04:56:07Z

To my dreams,

I know.

-Sam

[ ic ; letter - your sibling ]

2010-08-04T12:29:11Z

Hey Dean,

I guess it'd be kind of pointless to tell you not to call me a bitch for this, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. I know you hate the chick flick moment thing and that the last thing you want is the farewell speech before I go tumbling down the rabbit hole, but I can't leave without letting you know this so just bear with me, okay?

There's {...} not a lot I can say to {...} let you know just how important you really are in my life. You're my jerk of a big brother and a constant pain in my ass, but {...} you're also the one thing that gets me through each day. You're the one thing that gets me up in the morning, the one thing that gives me the strength to keep moving, even though I know what's waiting for me back home is worse than anything anyone could ever imagine. I wouldn't be able to do any of this without you, Dean. Any of it.

You've saved my life in more ways than one and I know for a fact that I wouldn't be here, writing these letters, if it weren't for you. If we save the world back home, if we succeed in shoving that bastard back in his cage, I want you to know that it's all thanks to you. I can proudly say that I wouldn't be the man I am today if it weren't for you and everything you've done for me. (Which I guess also means I can blame you for the touchy-feely self help yoga crap, right?)

You gave me everything, Dean. And you deserve everything back. After everything's said and done, I know it won't be easy for you by any stretch of the imagination, but {...} I want you to keep living, Dean. I want you to have {...} what I couldn't have. Because you deserve it. Because if there is still a world tomorrow, it's because you fought to put it there. I know I can't make you promise me that you'll be happy; that's asking for too much. I just want you to promise that you'll keep living. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and never stop moving.

But as long as we're in the City, I'm still gonna be around to help you remember how to tie your shoes. As much as this place is a prison, it's the only place I have to just live with you. To be your brother for as long as possible. And for that, I am truly grateful.

I love you, Dean, and I always will, no matter what happens. Always.

Love,

Sammy Winchester

[ ic ; letter - your parents ]

2010-08-04T12:09:14Z

Dear Mom and Dad,

Ash told us that in Heaven, everyone has their own special corner, and that sometimes, people can share them. Soulmates. If there's anything I still believe after everything we've been through, it's that you two are together up there. Happy. Whole.

I know that I've done a lot of things that you guys {...} probably would've kicked my ass for (Don't worry, Dean's got you covered), but I think that it's all gonna be okay. I'm gonna set things right. Finish the job, just like you would've wanted me to.

Mom, {...} I just want you to know that {...} I don't blame you. And I never once have. It took awhile, but I finally figured out why you apologized to me, back in our old house, and I'm so sorry, Mom. You never should've had to. You did what you had to do, and I will never hold that against you. I just wish {...} that you could've been one of the ones that survived it. That you could've lived so that I could tell you in person, that knowing what happened didn't change a thing. I will always love you, Mom, no matter what happens to me from here on out.

Dad, I'm sorry that even after everything you did, {...} I still ended up becoming a monster. I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't have agreed with any of the decisions that we made but when did we ever agree on anything, right? {...} I might be a monster but I'm not evil. In fact, it's just the opposite. I became a monster to do good, and I'm gonna do good. I hope that, if you're watching us up there, you're proud of us, Dad. I really hope you are.

I miss you guys {...} so much sometimes that it's unbearable. And I don't think I'll ever be able to join you up there, but I hope that one day we can see each other again. Just so you can see the man your son grew up to be. I love you guys, and wherever you are, I hope that you're happy. Because you deserve it.

Love always,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - your crush ]

2010-08-02T12:28:50Z

Dear Dawn,

If you thought your birthday present was corny then you might not want to read this, but you never know when I'm gonna be pulled out of the City again so I wanna get this out in the open. But first, you have to know how {...} extremely difficult this all is for me and more than just a little complicated, but it's all 100% sincere. Just try to bear with me.

I know that things haven't been easy for you, having known me from a time I don't remember, but your friendship means the world to me and I'm glad that you don't completely hate me for forgetting. I think there's a lot that I wouldn't be able to deal with as well as I do if I hadn't met you and talked to you and bitched and complained to you. We're a lot alike in some ways that are almost eerie and that helps me connect to you on a level that I've never really been on before. You have no idea how hard it is for me to get close to anyone like that, especially after {...} everything.

I think I could love you, Dawn, and to be honest, that kind of scares me. I don't exactly have the best track record for successful relationships. I trust you and I care about you {...} a lot and maybe one day I'll actually be able to tell you in person. But if I were to leave here tomorrow and never come back, I'd regret never telling you just how much you mean to me.

Thank you for {...} everything, Dawn, and for giving me a chance to cherish someone in a way I never thought I would be able to again.

Ego diligos vos,

Sam Winchester

[ ic ; letter - your best friend ]

2010-08-02T11:43:32Z

Dear Cas,

I know you probably won't understand significance behind writing a letter like this or even what half of it really means, but some things are just a too little hard to say out loud and this is something that you deserve to know.

To put it simply, you're my best friend, Cas. I mean, maybe we're not as close as you and Dean are, but you're still someone really close to me and someone I trust. Which is something I can't say about a lot of people. Our first meeting was...pretty awkward (I guess I should apologize for that) and once we realized what the angels were really up to, I kind of resented you for bringing us into it. But you, you're not like your siblings and I mean that in the best of ways. You have a heart, you think for yourself, and you've given so much for us that I can't even begin to thank you enough. The least I can do is assure that your sacrifices will not go to waste. Not if I can do anything about it.

But hey, we've still got time. Here, in the City, we can still hang out and teach you more about living instead of just existing. And I am honestly grateful for it, 'cause even though you can be really clueless at times, you're a great guy and I'm really glad to have you as a friend.

So, without using more paper with stuff you'll probably be asking Dean to explain, I just want to say thank you for being my best friend, Castiel.

Sincerely,

Sam Winchester

[ ooc ; drabble ]

2010-07-25T15:10:08Z

"What the hell is that?"

Always the start to an interesting and often times aggravating conversation for Sam, especially when it comes to Dean. He's just gotten back to the motel after reading up on some lore at the nearby library, only to find Dean sitting at the table in the kitchen eating something most peculiar.

"What does it look like, genius?" he replies tactfully, the spoon he's eating with still in his mouth.

"It looks like you've gone back to grade school, Dean. I mean, really? Pudding?"

"Hey, don't knock the pudding. It's a classic snack."

Sam laughs sardonically, "Yeah, sure. For seven year olds. When'd you even buy it?"

"The other day," Dean mumbles as he scrapes the last remains of the chocolate gelatin out of the tiny plastic cup, "There's more in the fridge if you want some."

"No, I'm, I'm okay without. Some of us actually graduated high school."

"Hey!"

Sam just laughs as Dean protests, only to be interrupted by his phone ringing. "Hello? The, uh, Bullseye Motel. Riverside. Room 262. Why, what's--?" He doesn't get a chance to finish his question before there's a knock at the door behind him. When Castiel wants something, he doesn't wait for the questions. Sam opens the door and he's standing there, phone still at his ear.

"Hello, Sam. I need to speak with you and Dean. Where is he?" he asks as he walks past Sam, then looks down to where Dean has pulled out the pack and has started on his next cup. "What is that?"

"C'mon, seriously?" Dean growls a little, setting down the spoonful he was just about to devour. "It's pudding, Cas. Y'know, a little SwissMiss for your lunchbox?"

"I understand that it's a dairy-based gelatin dessert. Why are you eating it?"

"Because it tastes good! Jeez, you'd think I'm eating Soilent Green or something!" Dean wipes a hand over his face in annoyance.

"I, apologize if I've offended you, Dean. I was under the impression that pudding was a treat for children."

The glare Dean shoots the angel has him glancing back to Sam for assistance, but the giant just shakes his head with an amused little smile. Dean sighs, "Look, Cas, have you ever eaten pudding?"

A little abashed, "I...can't say that I have, no."

"Well, you're gonna try it now. Here." Dean pulls out another cup and spoon and places it on the table for Castiel to take.

"I don't understand the purpose of this exercise. Why would I eat that?"

"Because maybe it'll loosen up that stick in your ass."

"But I don't have a--"

"Just eat it," Dean groans. Again, the angel glances back to Sam who shakes his head with his lips pursed, which Cas takes as signal to just humor the man. He picks up the cup warily, overly cautious as he opens it and takes the first bite. After a few seconds of the brothers staring at him, waiting for some sort of a response, he tilts his head and looks down at the cup, "This is...oddly enjoyable."

Dean laughs triumphantly and pulls out a chair for him to sit down in, "Yeah-ah, at'ta boy, Cas." Cas promptly takes the seat and continues the consumption of his chocolate goodness in obvious contentment.

"Wow," Sam shakes his head, half in disbelief, before setting down the keys and taking off his jacket.

"Come on, Sammy. Lighten up. Look, even mister more-uptight-than-Martha-Stewart over here is enjoying himself. And I mean before the jailtime." He motions to Cas, who is to busy shoveling pudding into his mouth to agree with more than just a nod. Dean pulls out another cup and spoon, but Sam immediately denies it.

"I'm really okay. Thanks anyway," Sam says as he moves toward the beds. Dean stops him by pulling out his gun and aiming it directly for Sam's head.

"Sammy. Eat."

The younger brother raises his eyebrows, "Seriously, Dean?"

"Oh, I'm serious," he pulls back the safety, "Sit, Sasquatch." Sam rolls his eyes and pulls out the last chair, picking up the snack and sitting with dramatized exasperation, "I can't believe you really just threatened me into eating pudding. You do remember the Apocalypse we're supposed to be stopping, right?"

"'course I do. This might be our last chance to eat pudding before the world goes topside. You'll be thanking me later. Now, eat." Only after Sam has taken the first bite and blinks in surprise at how delicious it really is does Dean grin and put his gun down. He turns to his friend who is currently trying to lick out the remnants of the snack from the bottom of the cup, "You want another one there, Buster?"

Cas doesn't even make a face at the dog name or wipe the small chocolate line on his nose, only sets down the now empty plastic container and holds out his hand, "Yes, please." Dean laughs and happily passes one over before starting back up on his own.

And so Team Free Will takes a day off from Devil hunting and enjoys one of the finer things in life: a calm summer afternoon, indulging in a treat with friends and family. Who knew such a simple act would become such a memorable occasion, especially in light of what was to come? It was one of the few and one of the last times the trio ever spent their time together happily.

Gotta enjoy the little things.

[ ooc ; drabble ]

2010-07-23T22:31:15Z

All throughout Sam's infant and toddler years, Dean was the one that took care of him when he needed it. Even when John was there, which wasn't often, Dean was still Sam's parental figure. If Sam got sick, Dean was the one that nursed him back to health. If Sam got hurt, Dean was the one that cleaned and wrapped the wound.

If Sam had a nightmare, Dean was the one that would comfort him and croon him back to sleep.

He never really realized how much of his mother's habits stuck with him throughout the years. When Dean couldn't sleep, she'd lay next to him in the bed and rub his arm gently, telling him that she would never leave his side. 'It's okay, baby. Don't be afraid. Mommy's here.'

On the nights when the nightmares came, Dean would always be the first to know, not just because they shared a bed, but because he started to recognize the signs. It'd start with the shaking, which he used to mistake for Sam simply being cold, until he'd start curling up into the fetal position and covering his head. At that point, Sam'd start mumbling to himself until eventually he started screaming. John would wake up thinking something was in the room, then get angry when he realized it was just another of Sam's dreams.

But Dean understood Sam's dreams. It wasn't just him being afraid of the dark or having your average child's nighttime fears - he was recalling memories of Mary's death. Sam didn't know this; he'd just curl up next to Dean and cry, begging him not to let the fire get him. 'It's everywhere, Dean, it's so bright. Don't let it get me. I don't wanna burn up.' Dean knew, and he would hold Sam close and rub his arm until he fell back asleep. 'Don't worry, Sammy. Nothing's gonna get you. I'm right here.'

Soon enough, Dean figured out how to predict the nightmare was coming and without being told, without Sam even knowing, Dean'd wake up and help him find his solace.

Twenty years later, things are still the same. Sam's older, and very aware of what he's dreaming about, but nothing's really changed. The shaking, the cowering. The way he screams Jessica's name at the top of his lungs. Dean knows. But Sam is so closed off these now. There's no coming to him for guidance, no telling him what's going on. Not that he really needs to, Dean already knows, but still. He's taken care of the kid all his life, the least he could do is talk to him. Or let him give him shit.

It's been about a month since Jessica's death and Sam's been having the dreams for weeks, but Dean has't commented on them much. He's waiting for Sam to bring it up, or to say something, but all he gets is a snide remark before he moves on to another topic. It's...frustrating, to say the least.

One night, Dean wakes up to the shaking again. Usually he can't hear it from the other bed, but tonight it's especially loud. Hopefully that means Sam'll say something about it. Dean quickly turns on the bedside light and reaches under his bed to pull out a gun, which he promptly starts taking apart and cleaning. He wants to make it look like he's been up the whole time when Sam finally comes to.

Which he does, with a start. "Jessica!" he cries, sitting up abruptly and breathing heavily. The light's presence halfway blinds him and he squints a little as he turns to see Dean staring at him with raised eyebrows.

"Again, dude?" he teases, putting down the cloth and piecing the gun back together, "What, do you need me to come sleep with you again like when we were kids?"

Sam shakes his head and rolls his eyes, "Shut up, Dean." He lays back down and turns his back to him, which means no caring and sharing for the Winchester brothers tonight. Dean isn't sure whether to be upset or relieved. He keeps the teasing tone in his voice, but if Sam were to actually look at his face, he'd see just how concerned Dean really is.

"Need me to tuck you in? Kiss you on the forehead? Read you a bedtime story?"

"Goodnight, Dean." Grumpy pants.

He watches as Sam's breathing evens out and eventually eases back to sleep. Dean doesn't keep track of how much time passes, hours or maybe just a matter of minutes, looking back and forth between the gun he's putting back together and his sleeping baby brother. For a moment, he believes this is the end of it, that the nightmare has passed.

But then there's the slightest of shifts and it starts all over again.

Sam's shaking like he's naked in the Arctic circle, and he tucks his knees closer to his chest. Cowering. Afraid. And so very, very alone. Dean gets up and sits beside him, watching for only a second as the mumbled cries start spilling from Sam's lips. "No. No, no. I'm sorry, Jess, I'm so sorry. Please, no."

God, if there wasn't anything Dean would do to take this all away. But all he can do is rub Sam's arm gently, "It's okay, Sammy. I'm right here. It's okay."

And for the first time since he was a child, Sam sleeps soundly, undisturbed by the nighttime terrors that plague his dreams.

[ ooc ; drabble ]

2010-07-22T03:00:19Z

Four words. Four key words that, no matter what happens in the world, will always give Dean a reason to keep moving. The same four words that he's carried with him since before he could really remember. The same four words that have always kept him grounded.

Take care of Sammy.

Dean would never let anything hurt his baby brother - not the dog that always barks at him on the way home from the store; not the kids that pick on him for being quiet and secluded; not the monsters in the dark that'd love to eat him right up. It doesn't matter who or what it is, Dean will always protect Sam from it.

Sam might not be aware of that four word command that dictates most of Dean's life, but he is highly aware of how protective his brother is. It's part of the reason why he always has and always will look up to him like his own personal super hero. Nothing can take Dean down - not the dogs, the bullies, not even...

...a bear?

"Dean, look! It's just like you!" Dean looks up from the latest issue of Hot Rod to the TV. Sam's watching some Discovery Channel-esque show about bears, educational crap that Dean could really care less about it. At the moment, it's talking about mother bears and how ferocious they get when their cubs are in danger.

"What, are you trying to call me a chick?" Dean smirks a little, grabbing his younger brother and giving him a noogie while Sam laughs and tries to escape.

Once he's finally free, he sits up and grins, "No, jerk. It said that momma bears protect their cubs from everything, even tigers. Just like you do."

"Well, I dunno what tiger's gonna wanna eat you, you're too little." He grabs him again to give him another noogie, but stops after a few seconds to smile down at him, "But you're right about one thing: I'll protect you from everything, Sammy."

Smiling, and no longer struggling against his grasp on him, "Always?" Sam knows the answer, Dean's told him before and he trusts him, but he likes hearing him say it anyway.

Dean nods, "Always. But that doesn't mean I'm your mother bear, squirt." And the wrestling continues.

[ ooc ; drabble ]

2010-07-21T14:58:02Z

"Dean, do you think we'll ever get to do that?"

"Do what?"

"That," a six year old Sam says blankly, pointing to the TV screen in front of them. It's another boring day, just sitting around the motel, and they're watching some crappy outdated reruns. The screen shows a small family sitting around a campfire with marshmallows on sticks and laughing in a way that only ever really happens in crappy outdated TV shows, never real life. But Sam's too young to understand that, and he looks up at his older brother with hopeful eyes.

Dean wishes he could deliver better news, but realistically speaking, Hell will freeze over before the Winchester go camping.

"I dunno, Sammy," he tries to lay it on easy, "We're not exactly the Brady's."

"It looks fun, though. We could even make those, um. What're they called? Uh, s-s'mo--?"

"S'mores?" Dean finishes the word for him, brows furrowed, "You want to make s'mores?"

Sam perks up, happy that Dean knows what he's talking about. Of course he does, Dean knows everything, right? He probably even knows how to set up a tent and make a campfire, which in Sam's mind means that this whole scenario is totally plausible. He smiles excitedly, "Yeah, why not? Dad goes camping all the time, right? We could go with him, and--"

"Sam," Dean interrupts, shaking his head with a small frown, "I'm sorry, but I just don't think it's gonna happen. Dad's...busy, with work. You know that."

Dean knows the real reason why they couldn't go camping with John, but he's not about to tell Sam that.

The younger boy sinks back down with disappointment, his eyes dropping to the couch, "Oh. Right. Work." He turns to face the TV again, but his eyes are still aimed down at the floor. Life isn't some crappy outdated TV rerun, of course they can't do anything like that fake family in front of them. Sam is constantly reminded of that fact by things like this, things he wants to do but will never be able to. Already so jaded at the age of six.

Which just about breaks Dean's heart.

So he puts his hand on Sam's shoulder and tries his best to smile, "Look, how about this?" The younger brother turns to look at him, the same dejected expression on his face. Dean perseveres with his sympathetic smile, "We might not be able to go camping, but we can still make s'mores. Does that sound like fun?"

Sam's mood lifts, but only slightly. He's a little skeptical. "How can we make s'm-s'mores, without a campfire?" His struggling with the snack's name makes Dean smile sincerely. His innocent, baby brother is so cute. He'd do anything to protect that innocence, like indulge him in childish illusions of grandeur.

"It won't exactly be the same, but we can use the kitchen stove. It's either that, or nothing at all. It's up to you." Sam shakes his head vigorously and Dean laughs a little before continuing. "Alright. Now, we're gonna have to use some of this week's grocery money to buy the stuff we need, which means eating Skettios for dinner a couple days in a row. No complaining though, or the deal's off. Okay?"

He nods, then asks curiously, "You know how to make s'muh-s'muh," he grumbles a little in frustration, "them?"

Dean takes this as an opportunity to tease him, "I'm sorry, make what now?"

"You know what I mean, jerk!" Sam pouts, punching his brother in the arm.

Dean just laughs and ruffles Sam's hair, "'course I do, munchkin. I know everything." Which is totally not true, but he can at least wing it for Sammy's sake. As long as he kept smiling, nothing else really mattered.

So what if their lives aren't like some crappy outdated TV show? The melted chocolate and marshmallow drippings all over the oven make for much better memories than anything those fake laughs could ever dream of.