Thinking about pronouns…

You may (or may not) have noticed that, across my social media accounts, I’ve updated my preferred pronouns to “he/they”.

This means that I’m fine with being referred to using the masculine “he/him” pronouns — for example, “His name is Lewis. He is cool, and I really want to be like him” — as well as the gender-neutral “they/them” pronouns — for example, “Their name is Lewis. They are cool, and I really want to be like them.”

And thought it would be worth while to write a little about why I’ve made this change.

Gender as a social construct

A lot of people seem to misunderstand what’s meant by “gender is a social construct”, and so dismiss the idea. “Men and women are different”, they say, “so how can gender be a social construct?”

So let me try to explain what it means.

At some point, a consensus emerged in our society that men and women should wear certain types of clothing: men wear suits, trousers, shirts and ties; while women wear skirts, dresses, blouses. Women wear lipstick and mascara, and men do not. Blues and greens are masculine colours; while pinks and yellows are feminine.

But there’s no real reason for those differences. There’s nothing in the biology of male reproductive organs that means that I should need to certain types of clothes while avoiding others, or avoid certain types of cosmetics, or prefer certain colours.

Different cultures have imposed different gendered norms, and what is considered masculine or feminine changes over time: just over a century ago, pink was considered a masculine colour in many western cultures, and it was common for boys to wear dresses.

So the concept that gender is a social construct is an acknowledgement that humans have — somewhat arbitrarily — decided what is and is not acceptable for people with certain reproductive organs to wear or look like.

And that just seems a bit whacko to me.

So why change your preferred pronouns?

I’m comfortable wearing men’s clothes, and being referred to with masculine pronouns.

But I’ve realised that reason I’m comfortable with that is simply because it’s what I grew up with: I’m fine wearing men’s clothes because they are comfortable and practical; with being referred to by masculine pronouns, because that’s just how I’ve always been referred to.

I’m comfortable with (mostly) conforming to what society has decided is “for men” simply because it’s easy for me.

But at the same time, I’m of the opinion that the limitations imposed by what society has decided is “for men” are arbitrary, and don’t serve any useful purpose.

So I’ve spent a long time reflecting on that, and trying to square that circle.

I’m still happy being referred to as a man, and by “he/him” pronouns: it’s what I’m used to, and makes it easier for people who have known me for a while to refer to me in the way they’re used to.

But at the same time, I’ve come to the conclusion that people’s reproductive organs shouldn’t define who they are, and shouldn’t limit what’s considered acceptable for them to wear or look like. So, being referred to in a way that doesn’t carry the implications of those societal limitations feels right to me.

So… I’m fine with either.

I’m Lewis. I like making accessible things on the web. And I’m happy being referred to as “he” or “they”.