SHAG CARPET!!!

skins 6x10: the weakest review ever, for the weakest series ever

2012-03-26T21:12:48Z

LOL WTF IS GOING ON?
hahaha

what is this?
i decided to watch all of skins this week as its something of an occasion. but having only seen maybe a total of 30minutes across the last 4 episodes (i've got the gist from online things), but i have no real idea wtf is going on? why is franky running away exactly? isn't this supposed to be a finale -- not FRANKY'S STUPID EMO DRAMA? lol @ matty and nick too... is this a comedy cos they're outrageous.

this is the dumbest shit already, lol.

ETA: GEORGIA KING YOU ARE TOO GOOD FOR THIS WHINY HIPSTER BULLSHIT

OMG FRANKY you little snotty shit. GEORGIA KING KICK HER SKINNY BITCH ASS.

finale, my ass.

lol snow. that's a first.

enough with the stupid franky post-dubstep/witchhouse-y theme music all the time btw. WE GET IT . SHE'S A POOR DAMAGED HIPSTER SOUL. aren't they all?

MAGIC TRUCK DRIVERS.

this is me liveblogging. it's so .... meh.

FRANKY you dumbass twat. no sympathy. fuck this shit. it's SO bad. this is alternately possibly the most boring finale i've ever seen. congrats skins.

ffs just get a tumblr and post your try-hard photos with some lame ass quotes in helvetica on them and call it a day, franks.

oh right. franky doesn't do that shit cos that happened in s5 and this is an alternate universe where s5 didn't happen at all.

i forgot.

my bad.

ETA2:

LIV. YOU ARE TOO GOOD FOR THIS CRAP TOO. leave, that's right, leave and never look back cos you're better than this. cos only you know the truth and will say it (and lol georgia lester i suspect you and i are on the same page. too bad you work for skins and actually had to pretend to like this series.)

OH whaddya know? it's Sister Mini. what happened to her and what's all this lame fanservice? i smell BE/Female Spawn's interference...
i actually pretty much hate mini and franky and nick and matty and alo. who else is there for me to hate?

oh hmm. RICH? where is rich? it's um... half way thru and he's not even been SEEN yet. wtf kind of finale is this?

at least this ice cream i have is delicious.

PHISH FOOD.

ETA3:
it's not series 6 unless a teenager is dancing in their underwear! cos that's all teenagers do! that's what makes them so young and edgy! ok then.

at least this time it's actually a boy.
thus you can tell it was not written by BE(or his clone) cos DBR isn't half-naked. RELIEF.

OK. LIV, TAKE RICH WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO. "yaaay... alo's here." mte.
GO TO CAMBRIDGE WITH HIM K LIV.

LMAO rich be crazy.

ETA4:

WHY ARE THEY WEARING MATCHING JUMPERS
this is so fuckin.... bullshit. that descriptive-ish noun is getting stale.
and errr... is that a special nail varnish cos aren't you NOT supposed to do that when preggers, espesh i dunno after almost miscarrying...

i feel there's a story about liv/alex i should care about

but i don't.

oh yes.

a nice completely unrealistic pool rave. this is what the hype was about? seems... tame.

ooh more dramatic music cos franky's freaking out. AGAIN! SHOCKING!!!!!

HAHA FRANKYS A WITCH!!
PLOT TWISTTTTT!!!!

grace. jess sula YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED THIS SERIES

unnecessary fanservice lesbian kiss. again.

joy.
so what franky's kissed all of the girls now, and half the boys. hmm. yeahhhhh. right.

wah wah wah shut up franky.
or should i say DBR cos this whole series hasn't been franky.

i wish she'd fallen out that window.

soz franky babes, emily fitch already did the crying suicide jump fake-out.
get some new material pls.

haha lol rich. i hear effy stonem's got an extra room in the madhouse for you.

georgia king. i love you. please come to me.

leave them all.

ps.
why isn't everyone dead yet? i wanted everyone to die except liv.
i wanted them all to be set on fire or something.

this is a rip-off.

ETA:
this is some massively cheesy bullshit. hello american teen dramas from the 90s. it's nice to see you haven't actually died. skins has reincarnated you.

"we had a pretty good time"
WUT RICH?! EXCEPT FOR YOUR GF DYING IN A MASSIVE CAR WRECK YOU MEAN

mini.... ugh. have your stupid hopeless farmbaby and piss off already.

well that was a nice convenient slapdash end for mini/liv that virtually came out of nowhere considering the whole series....

GEORGIAAAA KIIIINNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG you're so pretty, talented, and wonderful. why are you here? you don't fit in. you and franky are not related. don't try that one on.

oh franky no apology for being a selfish ungrateful jerk? hmm
nope? no? okay then. keep on keeping on.

awww sad, emotional female vocalists being sad and emotional to evoke emotion that is otherwise absent from the actual content.

i suppose i'm supposed to feel that way too?

nope! cheap tricks of tv editing.

this is too ridic.

congrats malo on your life of poverty and teenage parenthood in a barn.
look at your life look at your choices, you complete utter dumbshits.

i don't like how many times i've had to write "franky" in a blog about the FINALE.

LIV GET OUT NOW. imma blow this shit up myself if i have to.

FINAL ETA:
That was dumb as fuck.

WHY ARE THEY ALIVE? WHY ARE THEY NOT ALL ON FIRE?!
WHY WHY WHY

That's really the best you could have done, Skins? Shame on you cos that was stupid and not worthy.
OOOH HOMELAND. NOW THAT'S GOOD TV.

thank god it's over forever.
please no sequels. kthxbye

carpark of heartbreak lol

2012-03-25T23:16:41Z

this post has no other point.

(i knew where this one was long ago but i couldn't be bothered going all the way there til recently.
also is it bad i just watched this scene and legit laughed? what is wrong with me, lol? legit chuckled out loud. this is how much i don't care for naomily anymore i guess, haha. or perhaps skins itself. this scene just seems so hilariously over the top. like seriously. lmao espesh emily and her "it was fraaagile you ruuuu-eeened it!" (cos in my head "ruined" is always said the Stewie Griffin way) wah wah wah. i seriously cant. its hilarity! i just wanna giggle and bitch slap all of them for being such idiots and crying all the time lol. just LMAO. dumb children, blowing everything so out of proportion. grow up, whiny bitches.)

SKINS 6x05 - MINI

2012-02-23T17:20:21Z

I eventually broke and watched it cos my friend wanted to rant about it. So, alas, I apathetically switched it on 4oD...

Here's what I thought about it.

It sucked.

It was just one boring, predictable cliche after another, to the point that if I had been playing some sort of drinking games cliche-bingo, I'd be unconscious, vomming all over myself by the end of the episode. Pure amateur hour for Jess Brittain, who wrote an episode that differs from typical, mediocre fanfic only by ONE factor: the fact Skins is an exercise in blatant nepotism and her episode actually made it onto TV because of that. Go back to school. Oh wait, that won't help cos they can't teach you creativity.

Such a yawn-worthy episode, well, when it wasn't completely schizophrenic or made me go so far beyond the mere suspension of disbelief necessity Skins normally employs.

The work do. Again, I'm fairly certain at least someone on the writing team would have been like, "Oh yeah, I've been to a launch party before." (UM DOESN'T SKINS ITSELF HAVE THEM?!) Hey, guess what: When I go to a club, there are these silly men at the door called bouncers. I know, crazy right? You know who else is usually at the door? People who take your ticket... cos events have tickets. Launch parties would have invitations, or like, a GUEST LIST. HEY WAIT, remember last year, like, I dunno, 5x01 when Mini had her bday party? And what was that? SHE HAD A BOUNCER AND GUEST LIST.

FOR HER ~BIRTHDAY PARTY~.

Yet her daddy's presumably successful advertising company doesn't? Seems legit. Totally can see how a bunch of scrubby looking teenagers just walked right in.

This is the sort of thing that is completely unacceptable, yet the sort of lack of care and attention that Skins has by the bucketful these days. Remember in S1, S2 and S3 when they had to queue, had to get past bouncers, try to either con their way onto guestlists with Karen or get Jal to waive them through? Yeah. What happened to that? The reason shit like this pisses me off so much is because it's part of a key plot point, and it's something that is SO easy to address.

Yeah yeah, they wanted an excuse to use the cellar under Colston Hall, which is all well and good but if you're gonna go that way, you have to look at the little things. Like the fact that there is effectively no way in Hell that the kids would have been able to crash a professional launch event in an established venue, that there's also no way that coat check would be unattended like that. Not to mention a dress code would have been established and said party organisers woulda chucked those kids out ASAP if they were dressed like that. And they wouldn't have been served by teh staff either. staff are trained.

TRUST ME.

I've worked events like that before. Like fucking hell a bunch of suits would just leave their jackets and such in some random room, especially with valuables like wraps of coke in them. Like hell the organisers of the event wouldn't know this. It's such utter bullshit and completely shows Jess Brittain's complete lack of worldly experience and writing talent. Sorry.

Again, I come back to that bit in 'Elf' about the last pages of the book being missing and the suits saying how it doesn't matter cos kids are stupid, they only look at the pictures anyway. This, I can see clearly, is Skins' manifesto this year. Cos, I'm completely certain there is a large percentage of the viewing audience that totally doesn't see all the glaring inconsistencies, problems and plain idiocy of the writing and plot. Lucky them, tbh. But hey Skins, THIS is why you're never going to win an BAFTA ever again. Hasn't anything in the last 3 years taught you anything?

I guess not.

So, I chose there to pick out one specific piece of this hot mess of an episode. If you turn off your brain, I'm sure it's a great episode. But if you even think about it even a little bit, or if you were actually invested in any of the characters as they were built last series (and in the book) this episode is a pile of shit. Mini's ED? Meh. It's gone. Cool beans, guys. Way to go. Mini didn't know who her dad was? Oh yes she does and she speaks to him! Awesome. Way to keep on message. OH! And they've known Grace for YEARS? Excellent example of continuity. This all coming from the same chick that wrote BOTH THIS EPISODE AND THE NOVEL WHERE ALL OF MINI'S BACKSTORY WAS ESTABLISHED.

Well fucking done, you idiot.

Also that bit with Rich's return was so bloody stupid I can't even comment. The Skins teachers have always been way over the top, but never so completely ridiculous. Have they? That would have NEVER EVER happened. And really, reality check: No one gives a shit if your girlfriend dies. I had a kid die in an accident at my school one year, who had BROTHERS still attending and a girlfriend. No one made a big fucking deal about that. You know how a big deal is made? Like this one girl's sister committed suicide, so that year for Charity Week, she led a huge fashion show event and all the proceeds went to research and help organisations that deal with depression in teenagers. THAT'S how it happens in reality. Not once did she have teacher's fussing over her and putting on that kind of ridiculous display in class. She took a leave of absence, and all her teachers were aware of it, and when she came back, it wasn't a huge fucking deal -- and everyone admired her strength yes, but moreso cos she focussed her grief into such a massively successful charity event. It's just so ridiculous how big a deal they're making of this at this college. Shit like that does not happen. Or maybe me and everyone I know just went to cold, uncaring schools.

What the hell's Rich doing walking into class late anyway? That was stupid just by itself. He could have just waited til the next class. It's not like anyone's gonna care if he misses one more class.

>> Are you a female 16-22 years of age?
>> Do you enjoy casual sex?

>> Well, does Skins have news for you!
>> WATCH THE FUCK OUT COS YOU WILL GET PREGNANT AND DIE.
>> (Or get raped.)

Hey, Skins, you did realise that when they said that in 'Mean Girls' it was ~mocking this notion? It was hyperbole. Oh, missed that memo? Ooh. Tough break.

I'm not even going to talk about Franky, cos seriously, what the FUCK was that?!

I also really appreciated the message that since no one loves you, you should have a baby cos it will love you. It has to. And also, cos people say you can't love anything, you should try to prove them wrong by having a baby! THAT'LL SHOW EM. I hope she's still so determined when her baby has FAS and comes out mentally retarded. I thought it was a really lovely thing to send out to lonely teen girls everywhere.

I feel like if you like Malo, you'd enjoy this episode. Otherwise, meh. Mini was downright despicable with her mother. I understand that people often say hurtful things to each other, and when we're young this is 100x worse (I've said some equally nasty things to people I love when throwing those typical teen tantrums)... but Mini just... Above and beyond, my dear. I was just like, "I hope her mother kicks her whiny, bitchy, ungrateful, stupid ass out." I would. Fuck that. Yeah, her mum was a bit much at times, but other than the baby oil thing, I really didn't think she was THAT bad. And, erm, where was the mum's "I already know, Mini," bit that would have happened.

Cos uh. Mini's mum is Mini a few years down the road. She'd have known all the signs, and there's no way in hell that when Mini was out, that woman wouldn't have gone through her drawers and found the drawer full of used pregnancy tests (again, wtf.). Not to mention the puking loudly every morning... Just saying. Even if she didn't suspect pregnancy, she would have been wondering. I just hope that if she has a baby it turns out as miserable and bratty as her.

I also did not appreciate the Michelle vibes I was getting from this at the beginning. Michelle is a totally different character with MASSIVELY different issues, different flaws, different backstory, different motivations. But it was like, Michelle 2.0, except way bitchier, here. Like Jess B couldn't figure out how to write it, so she just copied Michelle for a bit. But it doesn't work with Mini's character to shove her into the mould of a previous character. (Hasn't BE learnt his lesson about this YET? I suppose not...). But I mean, I can't deny that it seemed very Michelle-esque and I did not like it at all. So Michelle and Mini both have mums that are a bit flighty and promiscuous. So that means they both have to react the same? I don't get it. Mini's a different character. Why why why.

Ugh.

In short, Mini's stupid. This episode was stupid. And boring. And predictable. And... just no. Cliched to the extreme, right down to the painfully dull and expected ending of the dad making a false promise, then Mini going over to see that his flat is empty, the disconnected phone line and ripping up the cheque, the tearful reconciliation with teh step-dad. I can't even count the number of times I've seen that on TV/in films. TOO MANY. It's pathetically bad writing, imo.

There was one good thing about it tho: Freya Mavor. Thank god DBR didn't get an episode like this. She got all the flashy, action-oriented shit to do cos they had to distracted the masses from her shitty acting by flashing things at us. But Freya Mavor can handle this sort of character-driven story-telling.

Too bad it was such a piss-poor story. Freya deserves more to work with and she got absolutely nothing of substance here. (Tho I will say she's coming off dumb as a bag of bricks in interviews lately for some weird reason.) Freya has the ~chops to really chew this sort of work, and she emoted wonderfully and really sold MINI. I just didn't care for the character or the story. Which is a damn shame, imo. Put her in something deserving of her talent and she'd really blow everyone away, I think. I'd really like to see her actually do something legitimate cos she's so fucking expressive that it seems like Skins only skims the surface, and I honestly think any of the other girls in that role would have made this a much, MUCH more insufferable episode.

I really can't be bothered to pick apart the episode itself, tho. Sorry. All you get is the generally overview of criticism. It was hard enough to pay attention to it the first go around. I'm not sitting through it again just to disdainfully comment all of it. You all have brains. So you can do it yourself. It's not that difficult. The holes were gaping and the whole thing was just a cliched mess. Pull it together, Skins.

Ha ha ha. Who am I kidding? It's not going to get any better than this bullshit.
All I can say is that on it's own, in a vacuum far removed from the rest of the series (both S6 and S5!), it could be considered halfway decent stereotypical teen programming, if completely cliched and predictable. But it's not. And Skins is not supposed to be ~typical. My patience has worn so thin I can see its bones. And my distaste for Skins and this episode itself stem from a culmination of all these problems: The lack of attention to detail, the lack of continuity, the lack of integration of the GROUP as a whole, the unrealistic subplots, the total dissolution of all the characters into some weird half-assed Gossip Girl versions of their former selves. All of this once in a while is easy to dismiss. I quite happily would wave off any of these incidents in Gen1 -- cos they WEREN'T regular occurrences. But when they happen weekly, and not just one or two, but the entire arsenal of flaws, it's harder and harder not to hold it against the show. Something is very, very wrong with Skins itself, the entire enterprise. And unfortunately I'm not swayed enough by any of the characters, actors or ships in order to ignore the fatal flaws clearly evident in it these days.

It's officially halfway through the series and nothing is getting better, though it may be stagnating in the shit -- which I suppose is good, at least it's not getting magnificently worse. (Oh wait, wasn't Franky's gongshow of an episode last week? Yes. Okay. Hmm). I feel this is very much a repeat of S4 and MTV!Skins. If it hasn't sorted itself out by now (and addressed the massive failures of the premiere episode), it's not going to. I know my Skins history. I've seen the patterns and I don't suspect this series is salvageable at all. Now it's akin to watching a ship slowly sink.

And waving from shore, cos fucked if I'm going down with that.

Anyway,
I give it at C-. I'm feeling generous. Even if I sound like an utter asshole throughout this whole thing. That's just the way I feel these days towards this gongshow. Sorry. I once hated those fans who constantly went on about how great "old Skins" was. Now, I'm one of them. Eugh. Doesn't make it any better tho.
The end.

SKINS 6x03 & 6x04 --The final descent

2012-02-19T17:31:45Z

I'll preface this by saying that this will possibly be the last one of these I do. I can barely be bothered to watch an episode of this terrible programme, let alone spend an hour+ talking about it afterwards here.

And hope I felt from Alex's episode was completely nullified in Franky's, thus, yeah. The definition of insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results. If I go insane, I don't want it to be from a TV programme.

So in honour of this momentous occasion, I'll play with the (OLD) X-factor judges. Cos I miss them and I miss Skins and why not?

CAVEAT: I have only seen these episodes once. I can't be arsed to rewatch so really, I'm going from memory here. And honestly, I wasn't even paying that great attention to begin with. Any mistakes with little details here and there? Too bad. Deal with it.

OKAY.

LIV'S EPISODE. Oh wait, I mean Alex's. Who the fuck is Alex and why should I care about him?

Truth is: I don't know and I don't care. I care about Liv, so only in conjunction with her do I care about Alex.

So we start off, wait, I don't remember how it starts. It's with gran yeah? Who knows. But, okay, his gran is ill and he has a shitty relationship with his father. HOW NOVEL! I have never seen this done on Skins before! Oh wait, doesn't like EVERY male on this show have a conflict with his asshole, domineering/neglectful father? Oh no, my mistake: Just Nick and Matty. Alo and Rich have the only other type of father Skins can think of: the bumbling, useless, lovable schmuck. I dare you to find me a father on Skins that is not one of these two stereotypes.

I get that technically the parents are told through the perspective of the kids, but really? I'm pretty sure teenagers are able to understand other kinds of people than just these two types. Also, it's clearly impossible to ever have a good parent, I guess? (I will make an exception for Franky's dads who appear to be the only parents in the entire history of Skins that are actual good parents.)

Anyway, who cares? Me complaining yet again isn't going to change a thing. It hasn't in the past and it won't know. Why? Well, one I'm not on the writing team so likely this criticism will never even be seen by anyone, also it's already filmed anyway, and finally cos I'm just a lowly fan and as such are completely devoid of brains, skill, basic comprehension or even a valid opinion whatsoever. At least that's the vibe I get from Neil Duncan, BE, and Co. (ND REALLY gets on my tits. Like, an incredible amount. He's just such a douche.) I'm just not ~deep enough to ~get the brilliance of S6. *shrug* Oh well then. I'll cry myself to sleep about it.

Oh, actually. No. No, I won't.

So Alex has a daddy that doesn't care, a mum that's nowhere to be seen, a gran with a mental disorder, and he lives his life in the stupidest fucking way possible: DICE-LIVING -- the way of life decision-making for cowards and morons. Don't even get me started on dice-living. Don't.

So, in order to make friends, Alex stares creepily at Liv who for some reason is dumping vodka into her coffee at lunchtime, smack in the middle of the canteen. Yes. Right. Seems legit.

I get that she's coping with grief, and considering she's the only one (other than Rich) thus far that seems to even care that Grace is dead (or cared about her when she was alive as well), it's understandable she'd be doing ~something edgy to represent this.

Then Alex punches Alo cos the dice told him to.

Yes.

I can't.

What happens after this? I don't even remember. I think Liv befriends him, is it? Cos yes, I'd totally buddy up to the random new dude that punched my friend in the head. Liv does not make good friend decisions ever. Okay, I'm going to have to cheat and go to 4oD cos I legitimately can't remember the order of things.

I just know at this point the first go around, I wasn't actually too upset by the episode. I thought it was dumb, but kind of like retarded-puppy dumb. Sort of adorable in a way and it wasn't so completely over the top that I was like "WTF is this shit?" It felt a lot like old Skins here. In fact, I'd say despite the shitty a-plot, it had the vibe of an old Skins episode. Not one of the really good ones, but like 1x02, 1x09, 2x02, 3x03 or 3x10. Like pretty unrealistic still and sort of hammy, but not terrible. And when those become criteria for a GOOD Skins episode, you know the series is fucked. Anyway... Back to the episode itself.

Ah yes, here is my number one problem with this episode.

In the typical Skins-style, let's stereotype and poorly portray mental illness! For FUCK SAKE SKINS. You know what this fucking programme needs more than better writers? A PSYCHOLOGIST ON THE STAFF. Seriously, their hackneyed version of mental disorders is not only totally insulting but so beyond inaccurate it's fucking disgusting. It started with Cassie and only continued to get worse and worse til it culminated in the abomination that was Effy's psychosis. It tapered off in S5 and has unfortunately reared its ugly head again here in S6. Shocking, considering who's at the helm: the master of melodrama himself. Now this isn't so insulting and dangerous as Cassie or Effy's issues, but it really fucking irks me how they're making dementia and Alzheimer's out to be some quirky, easy to handle situation. Not even a problem, as such.

Has no one on this staff ever had a friend or relative who's suffered from this? I find that incredibly hard to believe. But then again, considering the rest of the series and how eerily similar it reads to bad fanfic, this lack of insight about dementia is not really that surprising. Unfortunately. Alzheimer's or dementia is not fun and games. That terribly sad bit with his gran being found in the closet is typical. Except it gets much worse. There's no way on earth a teenage boy could take care of her, unless he dropped out of college and spent 24 hrs a day with her. And that means dressing her, feeding her, bathing her, taking her to the toilet eventually. That is why nursing homes exist -- because most normal people don't have the capacity (and especially the expertise and patience) to devote their entire life to someone else, no matter how much they love them.

Not to mention that as Alzheimer's progresses, Gran wouldn't be a lovely, silly old lady. She would get nasty. That's just what happens. And the problems she would get herself into are not just getting locked in a closet for a few hours... And I would guess the father realises this -- except he's written to be a complete chody dickhole so we're not supposed to listen to what he has to say, right? But really Alex and his dad represent the two EXTREMES. The regular person is somewhere in between.

Wow, that was serious.

And a serious problem Skins has on the whole. It presents mental illness as either inconsequential and glamourous/hilarious, or alternately a massive huge deal that is way over the top. Well done, Skins. You truly are the epitome of realism like you like to say you are, aren'tcha?

Now what's next? Ah, the random happy hour bar scene. Alex is fucking weird with his constant insertion of himself into all things Grace. But whatever, he's obvs desperate for friends and curious, so I'll let it slide. I don't think his motivations are illicit so yeah. He's trying to connect with this group of kids and that's the one thing they seem all to be hung up on. I woulda suggested maybe finding a different clique to befriend. You have a whole college worth of teenagers. But meh. I'm guessing part of this is Alex unconsciously perhaps trying to work out grief and what it's like to lose someone, cos I'm pretty sure he knows that no matter what, he's going to lose his grandma. So it's his way of exploring and preparing himself for it. And I think he also thinks he can help. Why he thinks this? I dunno. Perhaps he's like every teenager ever and thinks he knows everything.

But hey, I think that may be giving the writing a little too much credit.

Also, how much do I hate Franky's face? Look at her there, being all sad and mopey, like she actually cares. Whatever, bitch.

But la piece de resistance of this scene? Mini's dancing. What the fuck is wrong with dis bitch? And why has she lost the ability to dance. She's almost as bad as DBR. I'm not even going to comment on the fact that people are dirty dancing in a bar in the middle of the afternoon... Cos we all already know how stupid that is. We also can all see the copious number of drinks these kids have in front of my and my excuse is that Grace clearly left them money in her will. Yeah? Cos every teenager I know can deffo afford £40 worth of drink everyday after college. What do you mean that doesn't seem right? Of course it is! Skins is so ~real and all teenagers can afford to drink like that all the time! Pssh. Where do you live? You just must not be ~cool and ~edgy and ~hedonistic enough if you think it's ridiculous for a group of lower/middle-class 17 yr old kids from single parent families to constantly have a healthy flow of cash for Moroccan holidays, constant drugs and a steady stream of alcohol every single day. Loser.

This is the kind of thing that I feel was not an issue in Gen1. Why? Cos they weren't constantly down at the pub or raves or parties. They did school. They had non-drink related/induced/supported dramas. They hung out, maybe shared a spliff on the Green. Occasionally had a night out and had a relatively realistic number of drinks. (House parties are different, but aren't they always? Plus, it's not like everyday they hustlin', yanno?) When they went wild, they went wild. But it wasn't like it was seen as a constant thing they did. Then came along Gen2, and even in S3, it was getting a little hilarious, but not unreasonable. Until S4. And ever since then there's been this influx in the substance use that goes beyond all reason.

But I digress... my whole point was LOOK AT MINI. LMAO.

I feel like perhaps they didn't actually give Freya any music to dance to whilst filming. And it shows. Poor dear. And I'm not even going to comment on the fact she's pratically wearing underwear as shorts cos since seeing that chick outside Wills in teeny hotpants in -7 temperatures, I... just don't know. It seems to be a thing.

I did like Liv rolling her eyes at Franky. Yuss. You go Liv.

Okay. And then we come to the second most ridiculous part of the episode where a 17 year old kid outsmarts and outcheats a Chinese gang. Yes, you read that right. Some little squirt somehow manages to cheat the mob.

Let me tell you something about mobs. They aren't stupid. They aren't careless. They won't give up. You fuck with organised crime, you will pay. People like the moronic Johnny White and Mad Twatter were not real gangsters. They were punks. Simple-minded thugs. Any of the Asian mafias are not. This Alex kid is a certified idiot.

Also, "kung fu", really? If you're going to use racist stereotypes, why on earth would you want to be good at kung fu. If you are assuming that because they are Asian, they must excel at martial arts, wouldn't you want something that YOU excel at that THEY do not? Like, I dunno, having a gun maybe? Cos otherwise, hand to hand combat likely isn't going to do much for ya. OH LIGHTEN UP ESKIMO JO. IT WAS JUST A SILLY JOKE.

Oh right. I forgot to laugh.

WHAT THE FUCK IS LIV DOING GETTING INTO THE FRONT OF A TAXI? Who does that? You know tho, you know what amused me most about this episode?

Lidl.

LOL. I'm like, haha, Bedminster. Lidl. And then got that Afrikan Boy song stuck in my head... It really did amuse me beyond what is normal. ONE DAY I WENT TO LIDL, WENT TO SHOPLIFT IN LIDL.

Okay, then I guess, since I've seen the episode, I can make sense of this gran/lost at sea scene. He's planning it. Perhaps they're planning it together. Which yeah, seems all right to plan yoru grandmother's death with her as she's suffering from dementia. Yep. But the first time, none of this shit made sense.

Okay... Then we go to college. Are at college for 5 minutes. Decide to bunk off and go break into a guy's flat instead and clean it. Riiiight.

When I skip school, my first thought is to go do chores for strangers. And then go home for a bit to get into a row with Dad over crazy grandma. Then... go back to college?

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS TIMELINE. And it's not even the afternoon yet?! I am convinced that whatever Bristol this programme is set in is like at the North Pole and filmed/set when the sun never sets. You know. Like in Norway and shit when the sun never sets. Cos the Bristol I'm in is cloudy mostly and the sun starts to go down at like half 5, lol.

Now, I really like the Liv/Mini scenes. Not cos I "ship" them or whatever but cos I think they're one of the very few remaining pieces of this show that are still achingly real. I think it a good portrayal of the anger, resentment and everything that comes along with losing a friend that you shared so deeply. And Mini and Liv's friendship has always been my absolute fav out of the whole gen cos it always struck so close to relationships I've known and witnessed. It's about the only thing Skins still does right. And when Mini watches Alex and Liv's fight and then sort of backs Liv up, before turning on her once again, it's... just it shows the conflict between wanting your best friend and caring about her, but hating her at the same time, resenting her cos she reminds you of the one you lost. You know? I've explained it terribly but really, this relationship is Skins highest moment this series.

Another highlight? At the memorial that makes no sense, right after Liv goes "Oh, Christ." there's that extra in the yellow top. Her expression when the music starts -- CLASSIC. Like, "Are you fucking serious?" HAHAH. I love that extra. I want to be friends with her. I want her to be on Skins forever and be one of the main kids.

As for the memorial itself: I'm glad apparently Liv has shitloads of dosh cos that keyboard is fucking expensive. But you know how it goes this series: HAVE ALL THE FEELINGS!! BREAK ALL THE THINGS!!

Side note: Liv really needs to stop shopping at Oxfam. Her wardrobe... really? REALLY?!

So then Alex gets a boat and convinces these random people who don't even like him to have a party on it? I'm not clear on how he got the boat? Stolen? Hmmmmm... Nice one, indeed. Seems totally plausible. And JJ's not even on it so who is it that has any navigational prowess? Somehow Alex knows how to steer a large boat like that? *sigh*

Then we get to the Liv/Mini bit which was once again stellar. But as quickly as the quality comes back, right then again into idiocy. Mini crying for Alo was stupid. I get it is to appeal to the Malo stans, to convince us that Mini in fact does have feelings for Alo so that by the end of the series we can be like "OMG TRU WUV MENT 2 B 4EVA from the beginning!!" Whatever. It seemed out of place. But of course, Mini has been reduced to being entirely dependent on men and a typical damsel in distress... Lovely.

Oh but first, also note, DBR's awkward, ugly dancing! It's just so, so terrible. They're all pretty terrible but she is the worst. It's like watching a legless robot monkey. Or something. It makes me cringe with how embarrassing that must be. And I say that as someone who probably looks very much the same unless I'm on enough class As not to be self-conscious any longer.

So then we find out that it's Alex's gran. And they dump her body "at sea"... which if you can still see the horizon that clearly, I hate to break it to ya, but you're not nearly far out enough not to have that shit be swept in again in a few weeks, espesh as they obviously made a point of it not even being down properly (like with cinder blocks for weight). So congrats, the coppers are gonna find the bloated dead corpse of your gran in a bit and be on the hunt for whoever did it. And I'm pretty sure it's REALLY illegal to do anyway -- so "in the grand scheme of things", Alex, it DOES fucking matter cos I really don't think your dad is just gonna be like "Oh my mum disappeared. Coolio. Moving on then." NO.

Just sayin'.

YOU CANNOT JUST DUMP BODIES IN THE SEA. If she killed herself, you call your dad! And it's sorted. Not telling him does not change ANYTHING. He's going to find out that she's gone, and when he notices she's literally GONE, shit's gonna hit the fan. I really don't understand how dumping her in the ocean changes anything at all. Or why it happened. What was the purpose of that whole section of the plot at all?

I just...

Can't do it.

But of course, this being Skins, nothing about this whole thing will ever be mentioned again. Cos that's just ~REAL STORIES, REAL LIFE~. Again, back to this whole thing... No one ever thought Skins was ~reality (okay, actually, I'm wrong. There is a very large contingent of 14-yr-old morons who think it's real life and want to live like it) but the exaggerated bits weren't so obvious and when they were really overdone (Mad Twatter for example) you could tell that they were supposed to be ridiculous. But here, they just present all this like it's totally plausible and this is how life is. There's no self-awareness any longer. But that's a rant for another time.

Like at the end of Franky's episode...

Which I know I said I'd do. But I'm tired now so I'll edit this later. I have a lot less to say cos I just hated it so much.

ETA:

And here we go.

FRANKY 6x04?

I hated it. Like flat-out worst episode of Skins ever. Maybe. I think Freddie's 4x05 was pretty terrible too. So, I guess maybe it's a tie. Then JJ's S4 was pretty bad too and I know I've said it was the worst episode of S4 before, but as pathetically stupid as it was, I really don't think it was as bad as this episode, simply cos it wasn't AS unrealistically ludicrous and it was actually in character, generally.

So, I can sum up 6x04 very easily:

Seriously.

It was such stupid bullshit I don't even know where to begin. There's literally no point in complaining about the lack of continuity or characterisation. There's no point in bitching about how we still got absolutely no explanation about why Franky did a complete 180 between 5x08 and 6x01. So, I guess at this point, pretty much mid-point through the series, we are just supposed to shut up and accept how massively different the characters were in 6x01. DEAL WITH IT, FANS.

Or as the powers that be like to think, THEY"RE JUST SO MISUNDERSTOOD, YEAH? OH BOO HOO. THE FANS ARE JUST TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND HOW AMAZING THE WRITING IS THIS SERIES!

This may be the best gifset ever made, tbh. Check it out on tumblr: the website that is full of absolute morons, buzzkills and masses and masses of 2 second clips of moving pictures. (Hey, guess what, it's not just Franky's ep that bothers me these days, lol). Honestly tho, tumblr gives me no hope for humanity or common sense if that represents the majority. At least in the Skins fandom... But I digress.

Where was I? Oh yes, Franky's episode.

What fucking happened to DBR? She's such a crappy actor 80% of the time. Just nothing she does seems organic and genuine. She LOOKS, she SOUNDS like she's ACTING. And I mean, it's not like all of gen1 or gen2 were fantastic actors; some were, some struggled with this... je ne sais quoi. But I feel that any of their weaknesses as actors were hidden by the fact that they genuinely seemed to embody their characters. So when Larissa would slip in S1 and sound kind of clunky delivering a line, it still worked cos that's just JAL -- kind of repressed and stilted herself. When April seemed a bit over the top whiny, that was perfect cos that works with MICHELLE. When Bailey mumbled a line with no expression whatsoever, that was okay cos that's SID. The actors in G1 (and to some extent G2) appeared to be specifically chosen because they reflected the characters themselves. Exaggeration was needed, but if they slipped, it was fine cos they were similar enough to the characters. (Altho, I suppose Nick and Larissa aren't at all. Even remotely.) Whatever. You get what I'm saying generally, right?

But DBR... it's weird cos I thought she was great in The Golden Compass. But she's NOT Franky anymore. I feel like the problem could be that this series, she's playing closer to herself -- which is why it doesn't feel like Franky. She's just not the same calibre as Nick Hoult. She can't pull it off. Doesn't help that the character is written so poorly as well, but it's ... I dunno. Enough about DBR. I'm not her biggest fan and we'll leave it at that.

So this episode. What happened?

1. Franky is sad so she does lots of drugs alone in her room and dances to bad hipster music and then hallucinates her dead friend and/or sees her dead friend's ghost. This is tragic cos Franky's such a sensitive soul. We should feel for her troubles cos it's not like she was the catalyst for it all in the first place or anything...

2. She acts like a normal teenager to her dads. That's fine.

3. She sits in a mock exam, makes a shitty cartoon whilst the haunting strains of yet more hipster music waft forebodingly around her.* Then as the music swells dramatically, Franky starts having an acid flashback and hallucinating Grace's voice taunting her, falls face first into an anxiety attack and flees the exam. (Having had a legit panic attack in an exam before, errm, yeah. No. Thanks, but no thanks, Skins.)

4. Because she's clearly going mental, she decides to pull out a matchbook that she just happens to carry everywhere with her like some trinket of remembrance of the creeptacular douchebag she met in Morocco that lead ultimately to her having a big dead friend who now haunts her. Incidentally, this matchbook contains a cryptic message that no human being would actually put there. Normal people leave their number. Or an email address. Or a last name so at least you can creep them (and all their friends) on Facebook. No, of course I've never done anything of the sort. This tool leaves a stupid, desperate message on a pack of matches that we're just supposed to assume lead to his hideout. The Rileys I know doesn't look like this tho. Also, it's incredibly lucky that Luke just happens to be there randomly when she pops by unannounced. And is a giant cocktease again. Shocking.

5. There's more dramatic glitchy hipster music. What is this? 2010? 8-bit Witch house is so last year. She comes home. Has a row with her dads. It's fine. I can't complain.

6. Yet more music starts that sounds exactly like all the other music so far this episode and she rings Mini for no discernible reason at all; because this show is retarded, retarded-Mini answers mid-coitus cos that's what every teenager does, right? There's lots of panting and moaning. WHO REALLY DOES THIS THO?! I have been in this situation many a-time and NEVER do I think, well, gee, I'm really enjoying this intercourse so maybe I'll answer my phone when I have call display and just have a quick chit-chat with my grrlfrands, teehee.

No. Now, because Luke is drug overlord apparently, he stalks Franky even tho he only knows her first name and has spent about a grand total of 20 minutes with her, ever.*

7. They sit on a hill and DBR smokes unbelievably bad as she spews guilt-laden crap about Grace and Luke pretends that he had a conversation with her, then proceeds to put the moves on old Franks by saying creepy, sexualised shit. Then, cos he's drug master there's business to take care of. This consists of going to the Concorde (just don't.) and running inside, then running back out whilst a giant punch-up happens for no actual reason against a bunch of lads that are well harder than Luke's prissy boy Wills mob. Franky puts in a CD... (Yeah.) that acts as the soundtrack and pumps out the same shitty witch house crap that this whole episode is still trying to sell as gratuitous, completely disgusting and unnecessary violence (a la 4x07) spills out everywhere, much like diarrhea. Because Franky is just amazing, she hops out of the car and punches some dude in the face. She shakes her hand a bit so that the director of this horrible episode has us believe it's realistic, even though likely her knuckles would be broken. If she could even hit hard enough. Which, I suppose, considering her bird-like frame, is incredibly doubtful. Anyway, it all makes her happy and horny so she makes out with Luke in the middle of the brawl then we get a nice old close up of DBR's massive cleavage. It's always lovely when you just parade DBR around in underwear and suddenly she has millions of fans. And it's even better when her own stans go mental for it too, even though they've spent the last 4 episodes complain about how she doesn't have any story/decent characterisation. Here's a novel theory: Franky doesn't need character development cos she has breast development. Everyone just laps this shit up and I feel I'm the only one in fandom that finds this whole thing plainly insulting. And creepy.

8. I'm skipping forward cos this is taking too long. Matty calls, sounds like a whiny desperate little bitch. How much are they paying Seb for these voice overs? Not enough. Boy got the fucking shaft. Luke calls the lads at the pub "small time pricks" which is exactly what he technically is as well since he's just a runty little boy playing grown-up.

9. We're 15 min in and other than like 2 seconds when magically ALL her friends were in the mocks with her, has ANYONE in the main cast even been in this episode other than DBR?

10. Oh. Here they come.

11. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"I am a bad actress and I'm trying waaaay too hard."

That's what's wrong, Mini. That was so amazingly bad acting on DBR's part that I can't even handle it. It's a lot like Rachel Thevenard's acting when she has to play bitch in MTV!Skins and does it sooooo badly. And I love Rachel. Do not like DBR. Sexual tension? LMAO. Please. I have more sexual tension with a loaf of bread than those two had. I will say however, for the people bitching about Mini backing down so easily? I think at least THAT did actually make sense. Girls like Mini aren't used to being challenged. They're all talk so it does make sense that not only is Franky fighting back, but she's also completely confusing Mini.

12. Franky thinks she's hot shit cos she got plowed by a sociopath and so mirrors that ~power by acting like a complete bitch to all her friends. Okay. Also not quite sure why Matty thinks Franky's still his girlfriend. Didn't she just last episode tell him never to come back? Isn't that sorta like breaking up, completely? Just sayin'.

13. String theory is on the exam cos actually it's a test for her Physics Masters degree. Surprise! Franky's actually a secret genius (like Pandora!). DBR once again delivers some stunningly bad dialogue with just about as good expression. Then the students in the exam act unrealistically and cheer? Especially Freddie's ghost in the background. Hmm. When in real-people land, students would be so shocked they would just stare and start muttering to each other.

13. Shots, snooker, coke, sex. Joe Cole sounds like Jack O'Connell occasionally. Franky likes it rough. Daddy Fitzgerald doesn't like that Macaulay Culkin circa 1995 is making out with his little girl.

14. Franky doesn't know what the word "ultimatum" means. Then she runs away from the damage she's done and all her stans cheer cos it's so tragic and dramatic. But when Matty does the same, they shout for his head on a pike.

Makes sense.

15. More Grace ~visions. OMG IT'S SO DEEP. IT'S A MANIFESTATION OF FRANKY'S GUILT. Yeah. Got it the first time, thanks. Note to Neil Duncan: Yes. It's still a hallucination. You need a dictionary, you giant twat.

16. I have to sit through very poorly targeted adverts on 4oD. Things I don't believe Skins fans care about: train travel, dental care and Paul Rudd films. Then again, I don't think there are adverts for consequence-free drug abuse, bad fanfic and how to fake a mental illness to be cool -- which appear to be the only things Skins fans care about.

17. Franky has a pity party for herself and sounds exactly like every pathetic loser on tumblr that posts those horrible hipster photos with words on them. At the twinkling sounds of internal self-flagellation, Nick materalises, balls out, and wants to join too. It's his ~thang. Hasn't anyone told him pity parties have a guest-list of one? Anyway, so then Nick says out of completely nowhere that now he's suddenly in love with Franky. Cos, like every romance this series, there does not to be any basis for it whatsoever. We just need to accept it, right? Series 5 actually did not happen. I'm convinced.

18. Oh. Psycho Support. You'd think they would have fixed that placard by now. It's been like 3 years... The haunting strains of a Florence remix drift through the air and all the teen girls go mental trying to find out who remixed it and how they can download it for free and then say they loved it before they heard it on Skins cos OMG.

19. And then Skins graces us with it's revolting portrayal of therapy and therapists. I am literally OFFENDED by the fact they CONTINUE to promote psychological support and therapy as completely fucking batty and awful. Pingu is there and I want one but they are like £30 on amazon for that specific one. Either way, she has a "BREAKTHROUGH" and trashes the office and it's awesome cos that's ~progress. Sigh.

20. Kyle Lynd chooses Kuedo for the rough sex, which despite the dialogue ("OH YEAH FUCK ME!!!") does not look that exciting AT ALL. More like Franky's sitting on her phone whilst it vibrates cos she was bored. Which once again pisses the ever-loving fuck out of me. Kuedo's too good for this shit.

21. It should be "Eye of the Tiger" that comes one with this 80's montage of street fighter training. This is incredibly cheesy.

22. Despite what I ~think DBR mumbled at the beginning, Franky has completely turned into Luke's crackbitch. Seriously. Look at her. A stuck-up crack bitch. Even worse. Ugh. Gross. Then there's another fight. Presumably with the lads from before looking for another kicking. Franky apparently is a trained fighter now and can wallop guys twice her weight after 5 minutes of sissy punches with her boyfriend. Seems legit. Franky then goes completely out of character and laughs like a psycho as she watches Nick get the shit kicked out of him after he did a wonderful job of stalking her.

23. Then Franky has rough sex again. But this time apparently wants to be ~loved instead and Luke doesn't care. Cos Luke has clearly never cared and somehow this is unexpected. Whatever. I'm not even talking about this scene cos it was fucking stupid and I think I have unpopular opinions about it, but then again, I can't even decide what my opinions even are cos I simply don't care enough to dwell. Consequently, she lies on the sofa and feels sorry for herself some more as more indie pop plays gently to try to incite the audience to give a shit about this little twatface and all the dumbassery she's brought to herself this episode.

(This is a sarcastic gif if you can't tell.)

24. After a stealthy escape, she apologies to the swing set and tells it her problems. It doesn't say anything back. Then she calls out for her hallucinatory BFF to visit her. But since screaming at Pingu and throwing furniture around an office, then beating the shit out of random boys and generally exploding herself everywhere because it's perfectly acceptable to use needless violence against other people cos you feel bad, she's guilt-induced-hallucination free! Too bad all that didn't get rid of her penetrating selfishness that she hides behind being so ~fragile and blameless. Hey Franky, Emily Fitch called. She wants her schtick back.

LOL. Yeah, I said it.

25. Her dad doesn't care that his daughter is bleeding from her head, but tells a lovely, heart-warming tale of her adoption and hope. Luke shows up to play abusive boyfriend stereotype #1. (He's supposed to be clever and that's how he behaves? I'm not saying he's NOT abusive cos he clearly is a massive, controlling, scary asshole but this scene particularly was just such a cookie-cutter cliche. Quelle surprise, I suppose. Subtlety? What's that? Like a new kind of dubstep?)

26. Nick once again recites his nonsensical love whilst Sean Teale looks terrifyingly identical to my cousin, which has effectively removed any happy-pants thoughts about Nick.

27. The episode ends and I hate it. The whole thing was complete and utter wanktastic bullshit. I hate Skins. I hate everything about this programme now.

* NOTE 1: I FUCKING HATE THIS SCENE FOR THE SIMPLE FACT of... HOW DARE THEY USE ZOLA JESUS!!! ZOLA JESUS IS FAR TOO GOOD FOR THIS SHITTY PROGRAMME. Zola Jesus is MINE, not Skins'. And now there's gonna be a whole wacker load of 15 year old twats going "OMG ZOLA JESUS". Fuck off, Skins. Leave my good indie music alone. I used this track on a fanmix AGES ago and you're ruining it. Fucking cunt, Kyle Lynd.

*NOTE 2: And can we please talk about this HUGE COINCIDENCE that of all the places in England for this prepubescent drug-dealing kingpin to live, he just so happens to be from Bristol. HOW MANY DRUG GANGS ARE THERE HERE? There's like 3 every series? They're all inept. And I guess Skins doesn't want to show the real Bristol -- cos yes, the gangs (perhaps they have motorcycles?) and organised crime (*cough* no names mentioned but I'm sure you've heard of them wherever you're from as well) let little cunty shits like Luke be bigtime players. YEAH. FUCKING. RIGHT. (Oh wait! Mini did mention this group once, in --you guessed it-- series 5! But things like realism don't matter cos that was S5, this is S6 -- it's here to appease the hoarde of mindless teenage zombies.) Guess what? This was obviously written by someone who has absolutely zero idea about drug culture. I mean NONE. NADA. ZUT. It's pathetic, really. Truly, truly PATHETIC. Someone, once again, has never seen Layer Cake. Or, fuck, WEEKENDER for that matter. And certainly has no first hand experience in even any remote area of drug culture. I KNOW more than whoever wrote this crap, and I'm prolly 10 years younger than whoever wrote this cowshit. Cos it's LAUGHABLE how bad this is.

And even better, it's such a small world that he's the SAME guy from Morocco. Uh huh.

SO OVERALL: 6x03: B-, 6x04: F.

And in my normal way, here are some brilliant posts from tumblr related to the episode:
http://seeyouinanotherlifebrother.tumblr.com/post/17573045428/skins
http://sleepylauren.tumblr.com/post/17654823220
http://dietjusticeblog.tumblr.com/post/17653663110/so-sick-of-tv-programs-perpetuating-the-cliched
http://deus-e-x-machina.tumblr.com/post/17651907190/i-never-knew-i-could-hate-a-character-more-than-i-hated
http://golf-chang.tumblr.com/post/17757161959
http://stephwinchester.tumblr.com/post/17773767008/im-about-to-say-something-that-youd-never-thought
http://yearinyearout-.tumblr.com/post/17608837717/skins-is-so-unbelievably-shit-now
http://smile-girl-smile.tumblr.com/post/17610672458/i-hate-frankies-dancing-on-skins
http://reclaimer.tumblr.com/post/17603264565/i-dont-like-the-way-skins-portray-therapy
http://suburban-waste.tumblr.com/post/17572084039/lol-so-nick-just-thinks-he-loves-franky-huh
http://elisemaartje.tumblr.com/post/17572626144
http://scheib-mary.tumblr.com/post/17573143855/i-really-liked-franky-until-this-episode-what
http://samyulle.tumblr.com/post/17573994957/im-just-sitting-here-rubbing-the-temples-in-my
http://that-soulless-guy.tumblr.com/post/17573972033/im-starting-to-feel-like-skins-airs-every-week
http://inkternet.tumblr.com/post/17575490144/i-srsly-hope-no-one-thinks-britain-is-actually
http://gracevblood.tumblr.com/post/17575571258/lol-i-just-compared-6x04-to-5x01-and-i-want-to

and this one is really the creme de la creme:
http://eve-barlow.tumblr.com/post/17626395918/skins-wtf

Seriously. 98% of it is exactly my thoughts, just said with much better talent and coherence than I could ever hope for.

"Approximately three and a bit series after Skins essentially OD’d on itself, I’m still watching it. I recall the early brilliance of a programme that launched the career of Dev Patel and the face of Nicholas Hoult, presented teen drama in a way that wasn’t patronising and once concluded a series with the Adrian Mole-esque Sid singing his own version of Cat Stevens’ Wild World as his entire universe crashed around him. It was a “cool” show, not vacuously “cool” but properly “cool”. It had something to say about young people. It was bold in the way it portrayed kids. It definitely wasn’t as bold as shows like Queer As Folk but it had a similar modus operandi in that it sought to glorify exciting, taboo behaviour that could be happening in your neighbourhood, albeit in a slightly (very) exaggerated way. It was properly “cool”. IT HAD DANNY DYER IN IT FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. Yes, I recall that early brilliance and I pray that co-creators Bryan Elsley and Jamie Brittain will also recall it. But as Monday night’s episode of shambolic, over-the-top, ASBO porn proves, they won’t.

Once Skins became aware of how properly “cool” it was, it started to get vacuously “cool” by proceeding to eat itself"

"The soundtrack has become so pleased with itself over the “Generations”; if I had a pound for every time I’ve heard an early promo CD in the office or soundcloud on Pitchfork and accurately predicted that “This is a Song That Will Be Used On Skins” I’d be watching Skins on Sky Plus on a 3D television feeding Persian cats bags of premium cocaine."

"Where Skins was once rooted in plausible stories that were embellished upon with drugs, sex and lewd behaviour, it’s now rooted in drugs, sex and lewd behaviour without any foundation of basic, tangible reality."

"It’s the Lady Gaga of TV: a show that’s covered all its ground so has resorted to topping itself each season with ever-escalating attempts at the “shock” factor. Unlike Gaga, it “shocks” for the sake of shocking, making no other point than “Hey, shock time!”, and thereby not shocking anyone at all. It has failed miserably to keep us interested. This fourth instalment of series 6 was as attention-seeking and crazed as an episode of Jeremy Kyle featuring schizophrenic, gak-dependent martians from Space. And frankly, that sounds more insightful than anything Skins could possibly have left to say."

SKINS 6x02 - Sid 2.0. Oh, wait, Rich, I guess

2012-01-31T20:21:38Z

Why do I do this to myself? I'm the first person to say to everyone else: "If you don't like it, stop fuckin watching then! Whatever you do, just stop fucking whining about it." See, my issue is more... like... I have done that multiple times. Just given up on shows I've had it with (Without A Trace, Grey's, The OC, House, Shameless, pretty much everything on American TV except American Dad lol, to name a few.) It's not like I can't. But for some reason, I won't when it comes to Skins. I think partly cos I've invested so much energy into it already. It seems silly not to persevere just a bit longer.

Even when I don't think I've thoroughly enjoyed a series since S3. (I did quite like S5; in fact, I thought it was brilliant -- just not quite as emotionally captivating for whatever reason. I didn't go rabid over the characters like I had done for the first 2 gens. Which is odd considering that I believe it may be the most cohesive, real and well-written series Skins has ever done. Aside from S2, obvs.)

I think partly it's due to the fact I keep hoping beyond sense that Skins will bounce back to its former glory. But now, Skins should be known as "Skins". Like, and everyone needs to do those air quotes when talking about it. Cos it's just absolute parp. (S Club 7 shout out, huzzah!!) So, thus, all you lucky folk, get to hear my bitter ranting about the whole thing cos I still am refusing to accept this pile of shit is Skins proper, and that "Skins" is the way of the future.

HIYA FREDDIE'S DISAPPROVING HEADSHAKE. Let's make babies.

First off, a disclaimer: It seems that there's an erroneous idea floating around that people who didn't like this episode are saying so cos they're angry that Grace dies.

Oh, spoiler alert in case you live under a rock and have never heard of tumblr before.

Whilst I'm sure there are loads (actually I KNOW there are loads) of people who are flipping out and calling it "the worst episode ever!!!" and "omg i hate skins!!!" and " stupid episode!!" cos, in fact, they love Grace/Hardlet and are gutted Skins had the audacity to copy from itself, not once, but TWICE with this whole death thing... that's not my issue.

Grace was never my favourite character. In fact, she was my least favourite character at the end of last series. (Tho S6 she was not). So really, I couldn't care less if she dies or not. I'm not emotionally distraught over that. I'm not crying into my beer. I'm not threatening to kill myself. (Seriously, the idiocy of tumblr Skins fans never ceases). And in fact, I had no strong attachment to Rich/Grace either. They just did nothing for me.

Which is perhaps what allowed me to watch this episode with such an unemotional eye. (Or, as Jess Sula so kindly put it, I'm apparently "soulless". Cos I didn't cry and thought this episode was stupid... Yeah.) When you're not invested emotionally in the characters, you don't get sucked into the obvious ploys to tug on those heartstrings. I'm immune to their pathetic manipulation of these useless things humans call "feelings". Haha.

Also, I just kinda wanted the whole fucking thing to be over like last Wednesday. There are only so many adverts I can see for this episode before I get fucking sick of the whole thing.

So unlike the folks that other people are claiming are "confused" about the distinction between not liking an episode on its technical merits and not liking what happened in it, well, I say to you lot, "Fuck off. I disliked BOTH those things." But perhaps even moreso, the actual craft of the episode. As I said previously, I was pretty indifferent to Grace dying or Hardlet or anything that actually happened plotwise.

This is not a very humourous review. Mostly cos I am not feeling like making sarcastic, bitchy jabs at things. I just... want to calmly pick up all TVs/computers everywhere, and toss them out all the windows in the world so we never have to see this again. Or just pick up E4 and toss it out to space. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Who let this happen?

Where do I start?

This episode picks up where 6x01 left off with Rich being a new character on The Fades and sensing Grace's doom in the previous episode. It's blossomed into a brand new power! He sees dead people. And hears them. And has whole conversations with them on the phone. And has sex with them. Ooh! A twist! How postively sinful! Until the end, when there's a big reveal that reveals nothing anyone didn't already know! SO EXCITING!

Okay, sadly accurate jokes aside, I know what I need to ask. How was anyone surprised by the end? I just don't get it. Normally, I'll be honest, I get quite wrapped up in things and don't tend to see most stuff as predictable. I'm usually not accessing that part of my critical reasoning processes whilst watching TV. But this was just like... ANVIL. ANVIL. ANVIL. Also, things were just nonsensical when I wasn't being bludgeoned with them.

Just a flip back to last episode, something I wanted to mention but couldn't fit in cos of LJ's word-limit (lol, yes I reached it last time around)... Blood is so inconsistently written. There is NO way in hell he would have let Grace run off to Morocco in the first place. None. And by this episode, it's clear that Blood still hates Rich and all Grace's friends. (unlike others in fandom, I was not under the impression that in 4x08 Blood was "accepting" of Grace's life. To me, it seemed more like he was chucking her out -- which obvs didn't happen but eh.) But then I suppose I need not complain about inconsistency in writing cos, lol, we all saw last week's episode.

Let's not go there again.

Now the massive problem I had with 6x02 was that it was painfully derivative. As in, I'VE SEEN THIS ALL BEFORE SOMEWHERE. (And I'm not just talking the end.) That somewhere was in Skins.

In series 1.

And his name was Sid Jenkins.

I can't quite be sure if was just Alex Arnold's inflection and way of mumbling his whiny-ass dialogue, the hair-do, or in fact, his entire personality. Rich, as a character, ... yeah. No. I'd be sad if I was a Rich fan cos they turned him into Sid 2.0 imo. All he did the entire episode was run around moping, throwing tantrums, whining about his life and how everything is affecting HIM and demanding other people do shit for him. Even the bro-hug with Alo was a pathetic recreation of the fantastic Alice Practice Tony/Sid scene in 2x03. He was an irritating runt. Just like Sid. I honestly can't even watch clips from this episode (or anything past it cos all I see is SID. It's not really all that shocking if you know that Sid was based on Jamie's experience, as was Rich. (Tho I felt you could see different sides to him. Rich S5 and Sid were not the same character at all.) Then BE swoops in, undoes that difference and makes Rich into a replica of Sid (with some Freddie thrown in for good measure.))

And shockingly, I agreed with his mum. It is JUST young love. Teenagers are dumb. Rich is no exception. And yeah, I remember being that age too and it seemed SO TRUE AND REAL AND OMG... but then you grow up and realise, lol, nope. It wasn't... cos you find the real thing.

But let's talk about this tacked on family scene that served no purpose than to paint another adult female as a complete idiot. They're either overwrought and emotional, making them incompetent parents/women -- or overbearing bitchmonsters from Hell. Classy as always, Skins. And of course, the fathers are sympathetic, loving folk who just don't have the balls to stand up to their terrifying wives.

Anyone else seeing this trend? Young girls are just meant to get naked and love cock, older women are just incompetent/flighty emotional wrecks (often ruining/neglecting their marriages/families on the search for more cock) or borderline emotional abusers. Just me? Okay then... I'll leave the misogyny aside for now. The more I pay attention to the subversive things hiding in Skins, the more I grow upset.

But let's just say I'm reading too much into that, and move on to the outrageous conversation. OKAY. WHEN IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING PLACE? Are they even in college any longer? Cos, um end of last week, they were. Now suddenly Rich's mum wants to drag him away for a holiday. Doesn't he have school?

Wait a minute, don't ANY of these losers go to school? Cos there was no school here. "Oh, eskimo jo, it was the weekend!" Yeah, whatever. I'd be more inclined to believe that if we ever actually see them in classes. Ever. Like I've been saying, it's S4 -- The Redux.

Except I think actually even S4 were in college more in the first 2 episodes than these morons have been. No wonder they're all so dumb.

So now that the obligatory parental scene is out of the way, we can ignore for the rest of the episode that Rich has any parents at all. It is especially important considering the fact Rich has concerned parents, but we must ignore that cos otherwise this story doesn't make sense. We're just supposed to accept that his mum randomly goes away in a taxi for no reason, crying and waving like she's being dragged away in the back of a paddywagon, and his dumb ole dad the sweetheart just... doesn't care that his kid who he was previously so concerned about is nowhere to be seen for days on end. Seems legit.

That's a sarcastic slow clap, jsyk.

It's like they put in the parent scene just so they can say, "Hey, it's not like S4 cos look they have parents!" Yeah, so? The Fitches were around too. They're like Blood -- he's a parent too. To me tho, this scene was just superfluous. Yeah, we get it. They don't want their son to continue to be such a belligerent, ASBO creeper and stalk his comatose girlfriend and break into hospitals. Seems like a normal thing for parents to want to prevent their kids from doing, tbh. Oh but wait! Where have I heard this before?!

OH THAT'S RIGHT. Shakespeare did something similar... wait, what was it? I swear there haven't already been enough heavy-handed hints... OH. LOL. ROMEO & JULIET. The star-crossed lovers that their families didn't want together. Ahhh, get it? Oh, Skins, you so clever ripping off Shakespeare like fucking always. Except it's getting less and less subtle.

All this deja vu shouldn't be surprising tho. We've got to keep in mind the showrunner this series is the same man who claimed MTV!Skins was ~original. Yeeeahhhh... That guy. He must totally understand originality. Oh wait, anything that goes wrong, he blames on "young people" on his writing team. Damn those youths!!! How dare they undermine your obvious magnificent creative credibility, BE!

But back to the episode and not BE's failings as a showrunner (or more aptly, his prowess as a Skins-ruiner).

So, I've said what I thought of Rich. He was a twatty little douche. The only time I felt he was justified was when he found Alo and Mini so lovingly fucking like the OTP they are. (Does disgustingly rich and disdainful sarcasm come off in this medium?) Cos I would have vommed all over their faces, so I admire his self-restraint in that situation. A tantrum really was the mature choice. Wah wah wah, my girlfriend is broken! wah wah wah, Alo go get her! wah wah wah it's all about me me MEEEE! fuck her friends and my best friend and everyone else! i just want my stuff back when i say so!!! adults are mean!!! wah wah wah i know best cos i'm her BOYFRIEND!! wah wah wah.

How terrifying typical of a teenage boy tho.

That one's legit.

Except for the fact it makes me hate Rich. Cos I hated Sid the first time we went through this. I hated Freddie even more the second time we went thru this, and so I hate Rich too. Douchetardy little ignorant shits. Also, I agree, Rich, the absolute best way to convince your girlfriend's father that you're a good boyfriend is to break into his house and smash it to bits. Really clever plan. Cos then if the father agrees, he'll come back and have so much fun spending millions of hours renovating when he has a deathly ill daughter to take care of! But it takes his mind of it, yeah? Bet it works all the time.

(LC is all my feelings to the whole episode, tbh.)

So, I'm not even going to say anymore about that whole ~thing about the squatting and the dumbass free party and the shitatacular ~band. (Again, what was the fucking point?). I'm also going to say one thing about Rich watching the videos --- now was that supposed to be a callback to him watching Grace doing ballet the first time and tearing up, or was that just another lazy copy of something someone else more talented than you wrote? I'm not clear. Cos whilst I can see it being heralded as some kind of mirror of that 5x02 scene, to me it just felt like, deja vu. Again. And not in a "oh wow, what a neat parallel" sort of thing. More like, "Oh, they couldn't think of anything else and this was brilliant the first time so let's do it again." sort of thing.

This all makes me terribly sad cos Rich was one of my fav characters and he's just been reduced to some Sid/Freddie combo. It's incredibly boring, imo.

And Liv... Now one of the few highlights of the episode. In fact, I liked the dialogue. I liked the purpose of it, and I liked its intention. However, unlike everyone else ever, I didn't love Laya's delivery. I thought it was surprising lacklustre considering Laya's just about the only one left in this cast who has a shot at being decent and keeping her character from a torturous reconstruction. There was just something off in the diner. It literally made me cringe, which is awful cos Laya is my fav out of the whole cast and Liv is my fav character by a long shot. Yet.... yeah. I don't know what happened there. By the time they made it outside, it was improving but I was really saddened by the indoor scene, just cos in essence, I thought it was one of the best exchanges of the episode. In theory, it works. In reality, it just fell flat. But, as a friend said, no one can be on 100% of the time and I'm sure it was glitch for Laya.

Tho this whole episode must have been another glitch for both Freya and DBR. Is Freya purposely acting terribly for some reason? Or is it just Mini's postively atrocious dialogue/storyline? She was almost wooden and completely flavourless here. And DBR... don't even get me started. I never considered her the strongest actor out of the whole bunch, but she... no.

(If you can't tell, I'm reusing gifs both cos I'm lazy and they're appropriate enough.)

Also, THIS GROUP OF KIDS ARE THE WORST FUCKING FRIENDS EVER. I am sorry, they are complete shit. YOUR FRIEND (in some cases BEST friend) is DYING IN A COMA/BEING WHISKED AWAY FOREVER and the only person who seems to legit care is her boyfriend -- and Liv once she finally found out. Could Mini be any more unlikable? I don't think it's possible. Seriously. Her only thought is COCK. Not BEST FRIEND DYING. BEST FRIEND MOVING TO OTHER COUNTRY. Just Alo and his monster dick and magical sex powers. WAY TO GO. They started with Mini being quite nasty but layered, to a vulnerable, likeable girl to COMPLETELY DESTESTABLE. And Franky, don't even get me started there. She seemed entirely nonplussed about the whole thing. Bitch, you better check yourself. At least Alo and Nick had a reason not to care quite so much. It's not like they were supposedly best friends with Grace (you'd still think they'd care just a LITTLE bit tho). I dunno... Grace has the worst "friends" ever.

Oh and poor Alo... Imagine! Someone is using you for sex but you have all these warm fuzzy ~feelings for her. Funny that. Now you know what it's like to be treated like a purely sexual object with no humaness. You know, like those heaps of women you objectified on a normal basis and all those women (like Mini and her mother and Liv) that you show absolutely no respect to when it comes to your boner/sex. I'm crying for him, I really am.

Or not. You reap what you sow. You should know that, farmboy. First lesson of agriculture there.

Just shut the fuck up. This whole Malo thing makes my stomach turn it's so terribly done. I hope he takes her to the farm and then a cow blows them both up. Sweet revenge. It's my dream.

And who is Mini? It's two episodes in and I still don't understand Mini's magical cock-lust (other than she's a fantasy of male writers). I'm losing faith that next episode will do anything more than just put more dicks in her without explaining this change in behaviour whatsoever. Who is Franky for that matter? Oh wait, I don't care. Honestly, if she disappeared I wouldn't even notice. I wish she had gone off with Party Monster.

Now let me clarify. I do not specifically have a problem with a girl enjoying sex. That's never been my issue with Mini S6. My issues is that past series, she was clearly uncomfortable with herself and had a series of unpleasant first sexual experiences (which is the norm actually). My issue with Mini as it stands right now is WHY she's suddenly completely cured of her issues from the past series -- not specifically about the sex, but more about her BODY. My other major problem is the fact that Mini's whole character is SOLELY revolving around getting off with Alo. Like, honestly, that's about the extent of her development this series. She doesn't care about her friends, she doesn't care about her.. anything, except her hungry and aching vagina and/or mouth. Now she's getting off with randos all over the place to get her fill. Okay, the first time you start to have enjoyable sex, you're like a fucking rabbit. I get this. My problem remains that a)it's with Alo who is clearly just a Mary Sue of what BE wished he could have been (his sudden change from disrespectful chronic masturbator to KING OF SEX just makes me cringe all over), and b) WHY. What happened to Mini over the 2 months we didn't see her that made her literally JUMP Alo for no reason whatsoever? And now, apparently A TEENAGE BOY can't satisfy her enough. Yes, a teenage boy who can get a erection like every 15 minutes. Cos they can.

So really, it boils down to the idea that Mini's only purpose these days is to ride Alo. That does not sit well with me. She was a layered, interesting character and now she's reverted to nothing more than a glorified tube sock. THAT'S my problem. Everything about her has disappeared and been replaced with a Mini who doesn't give a shit about her friends and just wants penis and to satisfy boys. (Going down on Alo for no reason, then Rider's comment -- which granted you can choose to take at face value as something he legit expects cos that's how MIni rolls now, or just as him shooting off his mouth. IMO, both are equally plausible.)

Speaking of disappearing, Nick? Anyone see Nick? Oh, yeah, he didn't get a single line. He just got to be in that dancing scene with Franky's vagina pressing against his neck. Makes sense considering how loaded things were left with him last week. Yeah, just ignore it... come back to it in like 4 episodes, no big. RIDER had more lines than Nick. And hahahah, oh Rider. This shtick is grating now. (And Rider being Mini's ride? What? When? Who? Why? How? Riiiight, Mini loves sucking dick now so she'll gobble anyone) Rider is officially no longer amusing. He is literally a one-trick pony and that trick is being irritating. There's no point in asking where Matty is. Who cares. I think I did for like 2 minutes. I'm bored now.

NOW

THE BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN THE WHOLE EPISODE:

YOU KNOW WHEN MINI WAS COMPLETELY OUT OF IT AND PRETENDING TO PLAY DJ AND THEN SMUSHING FACE WITH THAT RANDO AND THEN ALO GETS ALL MOPEY AND THE LIV IS LIKE "FUCK YOU ALL" AND GOES TO PULL MINI FROM THAT DUDE...

I fully expected Mini to whirl around and lay one on Liv.

Too much to ask, I suppose. That would have made the episode, lol. I actually can't believe it DIDN'T happen cos it seemed like the logical thing to happen.

WHY DIDN'T THAT HAPPEN?!!?!?!

Fuck Minky, fuck Malo, it's... MIV....BITCHES.

Anyway... the elephant in the room: Grace.
Now here's something I'm not even clear about. Was I watching The Ghost Whisperer or House? Ghost!Grace or Hallucinatory!Grace? Answers! Give me them! (Both those programmes I referenced are terrible so it's not a compliment. Okay, House used to be awesome... once upon a time. Sounds familiar.) This episode was just so poorly done that I can't decide.

Either way, it's stupid. Cos this wasn't even mindfucky shit like 2x06 where the entire thing was an unconscious thing... allegory. metaphor. Not going into that here. This wasn't even interestingly handled like Cassie in 1x02 and 1x09 -- and her imaginary friends and texts. This was literally some weird demon!Grace dropping anvils like massive shits. I honestly cannot understand how you can watch the episode and not go, "Wow, something's really off," the moment Grace & Rich connect. Grace was so OOC the entire time there's no way that she was real.

But then again, perhaps last week's episode was an elaborate set-up! They totally warped all the characters into unrecognisable dickwads so that we woudln't be sure if this week Grace is just a victim of similarly inconsistent and sloppy writing. Oh, wow. But fuck you. Cos that's obvs not the case. I'm fairly certain, they wanted us to be aware that something was off about Grace from the get go.

But if you're like me, you had an issue trying to decide whether it is just crappy writing... Until the evidence just started completely piling up. That was NOT Grace speaking. How could that fool anyone? Ghost!Grace is a turd. (Yeah, yeah, I get the deeper "come get me" purpose. Dont' care.)

My issue however, and correct me if I'm wrong cos I only watched this once, after Rich has no signal on his phone -- Alo does mysteriously. Huh? Why? Nvm. I don't care. Doesn't matter.

So we have Rich breaking into her hospital room (which let's not even talk about how ridiculous this is again), then trying to fuck her comatose body.

Really.

Seriously.

That's what Skins is now?

I'm sorry. Did no one else think the things Grace was saying were absolutely fucking weird? Who wakes up from a coma and is presumably terribly injured, and says "I'm horny!"? Yes. Teen boys horny fantasies, that's who. That was just so absoultely ridiculous that I knew right there that this wasn't real. The phone convos confirmed it. And then the party scene totally solidfied it. Cos 2 days ago, Grace was covered in bruises lying in a hospital bed... then she shows up, at a party, looking the picture of good health and all she wants to do is have sex.

Oh yeah. Seems totally real.
I was wavering between it just being terrible characterisation and her being make-believe up to that point. But then when Rich found "her" in the bedroom complete with sexy romantic candles everywhere, I knew it was in his head. Cos get it, "NOTHING WORKS WITHOUT HER!" Including his brain.

FFS. At least with Effy we didn't see her hallucinations. (Cassie and Tony we did, but those were handled differently.)

Congrats with fucking Grace's sheets, Rich. You and Alo should join forces to spunk all over everything in Bristol. Just stay away from me. Now, tbh, I'm hoping it's hallucinations and not a ghost. Both are terrible, but ghost is worse imo. Mostly cos ghosts are rubbish, but at least visions and delusions are documented states of perception. Not that Rich suffering severe psychosis cos he misses his girlfriend is much better than ghosts tho... I give up.

Okay, so even if you got past the weird ass romantic sex scene that was totally unnecessarily long, the next day -- seriously, I need to know did ANYONE in this fandom actually believe he was receiving a call from Grace? Like, his mobile was in PIECES. and lying on a bouquet of white roses. (i think their were roses. i can't really remember but white meaning: innocence, silence, heavenly).

immediately i was like, "LOL!!! that's it!" if the intense focus of the camera on this mysterious foreboding bouquet and the insane call through a completely destroyed phone wasn't enough, you deserve to be gobsmacked by the end reveal.

I will say, Chris Addison finally brought it at the end. I've hated him the entire time (just cos I thought it was such an overdone caricature) and just Addison's mannerisms bother me. He was the only saving grace. I mean Alex did all right. It wasn't his acting I have issue with. It was the stupid dialogue. Especially this exchange:

Rich: I just spoke to her. I speak to her all the time.
Blood: Me too. What else is there to do?

NO RICH. YOU'RE NOT TELLING THE WHOLE TRUTH. Speaking to a dead loved one is one thing. I think most people have done this. Cook did it in 4x08. It was fine. I think Karen did too. But having them SPEAK BACK -- and then HAVING SEX WITH THEM --- is a whole notha level of batshit cray cray. It totally ruined what could have been an incredibly poignant moment. Because I do believe Blood meant it in the normal way of grieving a loved one. But Rich and Skins with their fucking moronic style of over-dramatising everything ever nastified it for me. I think Rich and Blood are on two totally different pages. But even so, I think this scene, removed from the episode as a whole, would be incredibly powerful and moving. But for me, the entire lead up to it was just so bloody obvious that I just couldn't get into it. I'm like, yawn. I know where this is going cos I've seen it a billion times before.

Now onto the speculation. What has Skins been whacking us over the head with? Shakespeare, and more specifically? Romeo and Juliet.

I honestly don't care how it goes cos I don't see how any possible direction is good. But I wouldn't put it past them that Blood is just an incredible actor and fooled Rich in order to stop him from going near his daughter and the whole thing is an elaborate hoax.

Like, you know, Romeo and Juliet. We all know how it goes right? Star-crossed lovers, kept apart by their families, Juliet fakes her death, Romeo thinks it's real, he kills himself, then she's not dead! Surprise! so then she sees he was a dumbass so she kills herself. And voila, that's how S6 ends. Suicides are so romantic and edgy! Glorify ALL the mental illness! Glorify ALL the things ever! Oh and also, everyone else dies too. Like in Shakespeare. That's a change from normal 2nd-half Skins gens. Normally just one person dies -- how about EVERYONE DIES THIS TIME?!

The glee I have at the prospect is overwhelming.

Then they can have a special post-Skins Unseen where they're all angels and it's totally "realistic" and an "honest reflection of real teenagers" (in heaven) and it'll be so "edgy" and full of "youthful hedonism" and "the most original thing on TV"!!

And then there's demon spawn all over. And lots of young girls being naked and loving cock in their asses. Oh and crazy mothers and loving fathers. And drugs everywhere for everyone all the time with no consequences (they're already dead anyway). And everything that has every been in any American teen soap since 1996. Cos seriously, that's where I feel "Skins" is going now.

Totally realistic. The fact Jess Sula is in coming episodes does not bode well for either Rich's sanity or the claim that Skins isn't completely shite and turning into like, Supernatural or something. So it's either, Ghost!Grace, Hallucination!Grace, or NotDead!Grace. All of those options are fucking stupid. Way to go, "Skins".

(It's sarcastic again.)

ETA: Oh, according to some dude who is a Skins PTB, Skins doesn't do hallucinations or fantasy sequences.

HAVE YOU WATCHED GEN1 SKINS, ASSHOLE?
I am sorry. It was made INCREDIBLY clear that in 1x02 Cassie imagined those texts. Sid CLEARLY goes through her phone and tells her to her face that what she saw did not exist. Okay, so maybe it wasn't a ~proper hallucination as in a psychotic break, more of an overactive imagination, but SHE WAS SEEING SHIT THAT DID NOT EXIST. (And arguably the taxi driver and her "friend" could be debated on their actual existence as presented. But that's something else. Much more along the lines of 2x06 which again WAS NOT REAL. At least not in a completely tangible sense. Shit happened but that episode is... yeah. It's an entirely different creature and narrative mode, than any other episode. So I agree that it wasn't a "hallucination" or "fantasy" or "dream sequence" but it wasn't real either. BE said once that Skins will never do "dream episodes" or "flashbacks". Now, we're supposed to believe that Rich's episode was not a dream, fantasy, hallucination, flashback, or anything else. It was real. Except it OBVIOUSLY wasn't. Sometimes I just want to hear these idiots define what it is they're talking about. Cos really, I suspect they think they're being oh so clever with this "tee hee! it wasn't a fantasy/dream/vision/etc!" and getting us to be like "OMG WHAT WAS IT THEN?!" When really, it totally was, just they don't define it as such. (Also, when Effy's having her breakdown in the park -- i've seen it argued that we DO see the monsters coming over the hill, and then Freddie scares them off. But tbh, if I was out for a stroll in the park on a lovely afternoon and some scrubby gross teenage boy came running and screaming at me, I might turn around and go the other way too.) OH. And um. Half of the Unseens ARE dreams/nightmares. And even titled as such. So fuck you, Skins PTB. You do so do dreams and hallucinations. Just fuck right off with your weird-ass definitions and attempt to be edgy, clever, unique and surreal and accept that you're just like every other show.

Simply, there's no excuse then for Rich to be seeing/hearing Grace when she's dead, unless she's not dead (In which case, Daddy Blood needs an Oscar cos that was incredibly convincing lying). Which then makes the episode actually make even LESS sense and become even more fucking stupid and cliche than it already was. Cos actually if she's alive and all that shit was happening, it is just completely --- outrageous really and makes no sense. And not in a cool surrealist, David Lynch-ish 'wtf?!' kind of way. Just in a 'this was just terrible writing' kind of way.

Episode gets a D-. I really want to say F. Fuck it, I'm done being nice. F it is. FAIL.

SKINS SERIES 6: Everyone {6x01} - D

2012-01-17T20:01:03Z

Hello hello and welcome! It's been a while since I've done one of these and to be perfectly honest, it seems rather daunting at the moment. I'm quite ranted out. (Thank you email buddy and real life buddy. The two of you took the brunt of this :) You know who you are, braintwins.) But I'll attempt to put it together here just... well, cos why not? It's not like I have anything better to do.

Oh wait. I certainly have very very much more important things to do. But, whatevs. Once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator. ONWARDS!

GUESS WHAT! X-Factor is balls so I've found some new folks to help me out with all this. A round of applause for Jenna Marbles, Kingsley, the cast of The Hills and Parks and Rec. Huzzah! I will miss you terribly Dannii & Co. Maybe I'll ask you to play a bit now and then. I just can't give you up.

So Skins, what just happened?

Jenna is speaking to me. Cos, yes, it's sadly true.

I think first, go watch that disgusting excuse for a mini-episode. And excuse me, what the fuck is a mini-episode anyway? OH WAIT. It's a webisode. HEY WAIT, what other Skins did those? OH IT WAS MTV!SKINS! I see where this is going already... God forbid you call it an Unseen. Cos really, aren't they the same thing. No? Oh that's right, Unseens were actual quality once upon a time and were absolutely integral for full understanding of the characters and stories. Webisodes, however, are just shitty filler.

Except in the case of MTV!Skins, half the time the lame webisodes were better acted, better produced and better written than the actual episodes. If that isn't a big red flag, I dunno what is. But rest assured, here in Series 6 Land, you need not worry about the webisodes outshining the episodes -- cos they're both equally crappy.

The only bonus of the webisode is that Liv actually has a point in being there. That's nice, seeing as she's my fav character and all.

If you haven't seen it, never fear. Here's a recap: Alo is gross and needs to get laid. Wow. Shocking. So Mini invites him over to hers where, in typical Bryan Elsely teen boy fashion, starts rubbing one out on her bed, to a photo of her mum. Liv and Mini catch him and it's oh so hilarious and cheeky! Yes. That is EXACTLY my reaction if I walked into my room to catch my guy friend jerking it to a photo of my mum. So deciding that Alo is just so adorkable and desperate, Mini and Liv decide to overact themselves into a goth club, complete with Alo looking like a total tool.

Please don't even make me talk about the stereotypes here. You know I want to, you know I want to bitch endlessly, but I must save my energy for the actual episode. So, ofc, Alo fails miserably and ends up doing what would normally get a dude beaten to a pulp and plays air guitar very, very badly on stage at this virtually empty club. This is somehow impressive. Turns out goth chick has a dude. It's all very clichéd and then Alo goes to see a prozzie to lose his virginity, a la JJ in 3x02, but can't do it, a la JJ in 3x02, cos she was his babysitter (unlike JJ so at least that's remotely original). It ends with Mini and Liv comforting Alo about finding the right person eventually. Blah blah blah. Liv is actually awesome here. I ship Liv/Alo more than Mini/Alo tbh. Then silly Alo gets another boner and pokes it into Liv's butt as they're chatting.

OH ALO! YOU CHEEKY PERV! You're just so cute!

Now, ignoring the latter half of that webisode, can we just PLEASE note the similarities between Alo and MTV's Stanley? Okay, yes, Sid did this too. But it wasn't nearly as bad. He did it at home. In his room. Both Alo and Stan seem to have a serious disorder -- their boners are SO raging that they simply MUST whip it out EVERYWHERE and have a go. Oh. This isn't disturbing at all. Cos we all know how much teenage girls love seeing their friends masturbate all over their belongings. It's so sexy, innit? Personally when I was in high school, I just sat around dripping wet, waiting for some lanky, gross boy to pull it out and spunk all over my linens/teddy bear/mother's photograph. BE, you need help. Seriously. I don't know what you think teen girls like, but that is not it.

If you are a teen girl and think it's sexy for some random boy you don't even really like (that way) to spunk all over your stuff -- you obviously don't have brothers. Or have spent a lot of time around boys at all. (Or you have a kink, but that's beside the point.) Having dried, stinky semen on everything you hold dear is not pleasant. Rolling over on crust in the middle of night, having to scratch spunk off your nightstand, of a photo of your mum, having to avoid sitting on the toilet seat cos it's sticky...Just no. This is not sexy. It's disrespectful imo. It shows a lack of willpower, a lack of decency and a complete ignorance to the rules of social living. Cos guess what, when you're 40 years old and go around jerking off in your boss's chair or on your date's duvet, IT'S NOT SO CUTE ANYMORE. It's borderline sexual deviancy. It is NOT an endearing, harmless character quirk.

Now, I will say masturbation can be sexy -- when it's someone you're WITH, or it's in porn. It's NOT sexy when it's your friend fucking your bedsheets. Mainly, I'm trying to saying, there's a time and place for everything. And having a guy jerk off for you, because of you, whatever, can be completely fine, welcomed even. Just not ALL the time and whenever the fuck he feels like it. I am distrubed (like Twilight-levels of disturbed) at this perception that boys are just wanking machines, completely unable to control themselves at all times. yes, teen dudes get hard-ons a lot. But, I know this may seem shocking, the vast majority keep it in their pants and wait til an appropriate time. "Excuse me, I need the loo!" "I've gotta go!" etc etc. I can't say I've ever invited a friend over and walked into my room to see them spanking it all over my room.

Call me a prude, if you must. But I would not giggle at their silliness. Not at 17. Not if it was from a guy who I was not interested in.

Wow, that was quite a digression. I'm just sick of BE thinking that writing this kind of thing is either a) edgy, or, b) humorous. Do you even understand humour anymore? I just really could not separate Alo from Stanley. That is a very bad thing indeed. I feel like so far, Series 6 is just a stand-in for the aborted MTV!Skins. Same stupid fucking themes, same characters, same dude behind the scenes...

"OH GOD ESKIMO JO, STOP TALKING ABOUT MTV!SKINS."

No.

You'll see why I keep coming back to this later. It all knots itself together nicely in the end. But I'm sure the most insightful of you have already come to a similar conclusion.

Okay, moving on, to the episode itself. So, that mini-episode was the set-up for 6x01. Get it? Mini and Alo? Force-fed down our throats? Yes. Let's continue.

Oh, 6x01...

That is simply the gist of my feelings too.

And not in a good way either. It wasn't like... I dunno, a good episode of Skins where lots of mega drama happens but it's all so good and awesome and whatever. It was more like, "Hello. What is this? Who am I watching? Remind me, is this Skins? I can't tell."

Help me out here, Skins fans. Was there a series of Skins that I missed? You know, one that had character development? Cos I think I missed the memo.

My complaints can be broken down into a series of discrete categories:

- Franky.
- Malo.
- Liv
- Rich/Grace
- Tittays
- Drugs
- Morocco
- Budget
- Shitty, stereotypical American teen drama

Let's break it down and start with the easiest:

LIV
Liv. You are my darling. Laya, tbh, you are pretty much the only reason I'm watching. For the majority of the episode, Liv was relegated to secondary character status, and you know what? That is good, cos it means they couldn't really fuck her up like the rest of these poor excuses for characters. She generally stayed kick-ass. Except -- WHAT THE FUCK was that hug? With Franky... I feel that the reason it seemed so poorly acted was cos it was, quite frankly, stupid. I don't care that a month or two has passed between 5x08 and 6x01. Just no. Not real. Liv and Franky would not be that affectionate with each other. It seemed TOO friendly. I don't mind them being friends, but the degree it was taken too seemed forced. DNW. Don't fuck up my baby girl, writers.

Okay and before I move on, I feel a disclaimer is in order.

#1 -*- I stopped liking Franky as a character around 5x04. I simply did not care for her past that point. She irritated me. And by the end, she downright pissed me off. But I could overlook it cos I thought the rest of the cast was still strong.

#2 -*- Shockingly, I never truly cared for Minky. I saw it, pondered it, didn't dislike it, but I wondered if it was more of a misunderstood affection thing (on Mini's part) and by 5x08 I did NOT want it. I didn't loathe it, but I certainly didn't ship it either. I was generally indifferent. If it happened, and happened organically and made sense, then fine. If it never did, so what. I don't care.

#3 -*- Also, I never cared for Malo either. Generally the same as Minky above. Indifferent. It never struck me as something I cared to see. It was sweet in 5x06, but as friends. WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST BE FRIENDS?!

So, as I entered 6x01, I really did not give a shit who was fucking who. Again, all I wanted from this series was friendships. I couldn't care less about who's fucking who. Just shut up with that noise. Not every teenager is fucking all their friends. Ugh. But it seems like these incestuous Skins groups... well, that's all they do is share gonorrhoea back and forth. (I'm not saying it doesn't happen. Let's just say, I dated a boy in high school that 2 of my friends also did (one before, one after). [Note: It was a terrible idea.] But to have it constantly be a thing amongst EVERYONE in the group is ridiculous.) Plain and simple, Mini can fuck or not fuck whoever she wants and it doesn't make a difference to me. I'm not emotionally invested in either.

In fact, ALL I did want was realistic and consistent character development. Is that a weird thing to ask? I feel like perhaps it is cos Skins, with BE on the throne, seems to not consider this important. Like, at all.

SIDE NOTE: Does hemp have nuts? I'm really confused. I'm eating a "HempHog" rn and it says "Hemp nut filling". Since when did hemp have nuts? Ngl, I have a particular affinity for hemp. But it's such a strange taste. (Have you ever had hemp beer? OMG. It's nasty.) Oh well, back on track.

Hmm where to take this train next?

Ah, let's talk about Franky.

I hate Franky. Sorry. I do.

She is such an insufferable prick.

Obviously, I have residual dislike from S5 but it was just taken to a new level in 6x01. Partly cos, while it was nice of Skins to completely reinvent their characters, too bad they did it so cloyingly. If you're going to toss out everything from a previous series, at least make the magical new characters likable. Is that too much to ask? They made Franky WORSE. If I have to sit through an entire series of this stupid bitch that has no explanation about why she's like that, I ... I miss 5x01 Franky, I miss her integrity and genuine niceness.

I especially like how realistic it is for someone like Franky to emerge from her cocoon with the help of the Magical Penis, and become a beautiful headfuck-thing butterfly. Yes. It's TOTALLY possible. Because in BE's world, girls just need a big cock up their vaginas and all is well with the world. They won't be able to resist! ALL girls, regardless of their sexuality or history, just want a little dick to be happy. And getting said dick is either heart-warming, irresistible, or healing -- or a combo. (Emily, Tea, Franky.) IS IT JUST ME WHO SEES A VERY SCARY PATTERN IN THIS WRITING?!

I have such an AMAZINGLY hard time reconciling this mindset with the same man who wrote 1x07. It's like some scary monster took over his brain. Like a brain slug attached itself and implanted BE with all these horribly offensive male-fantasy ideals which he just spews out OVER and OVER again without shame.

I've read the fanwank arguments re: Franky's changes. "Blah blah blah, she's had all summer!" Yes. Cos serious issues like she had in S5 are completely resolved within a span of 2 months when it's been building for 17 years. All girls need to do is lose their viginities and they're all better. This is akin to a doctor telling a young woman that in order to cure her endometriosis, she should just get pregnant. Just FUCKING GET SOME COCK IN YOU, YOUNG LADY. FFS. What's taking you so long?

I just... there's very little I can really say about Franky in 6x01 that hasn't been said already. I direct you to HERE.

Sure, we didn't see what happened all summer. "You don't know what she went thru!!!" True. Cos guess why? They blew their budget on fucking Morocco and so we don't get Unseens. Yes, we all know that we'll get some explanation about Franky in later episodes but I still feel that there was a SERIOUS disconnect between 5x08 and 6x01. There always is, but there's also always been stuff to fill in the gap. (G1 had a series of Unseens, G2 had the novel.) We got nothing this time. No actual explanation. So instead, we are thrown back in with a fucking, unrealistic bitch of a character that has very, very few similarities to the previously established one.

I liked how they kept some form of her intimacy issues. But, seriously, that's not enough. Don't patronise us. And regardless of how much background they give to these massive Jekyll-Hyde changes in Franky, it can't remove the huge gaping hole between S5 and S6. It will forever be a void that is only explained retroactively. I'm not going to speak anymore about this lack of continuity cos we've prolly all heard it already. I think the only way to salvage this is to show that actually, it was a lie. Franky and Matty's grande tour de Afrique was actually a sexless, frustrating journey. Franky didn't fuck Matty until "it got boring". And that's why they were at each other's throats. Not cos the sex got boring (I AM SORRY. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? BE, THESE KIDS ARE NOT YOU. They are not middle-aged. Sex doesn't "get boring" 1 month into a teenage romance. It gets stale 3 years into a marriage.)... bu cos there were much more subversive issues at play and their little roadtrip wasn't sunshine and puppies.

I can't even comment on Franky's Golden Vagina that every boy ever wants to get with. Just... So amazingly stupid. Fuck this shit, seriously. Dakota was obviously watching too many G2 episodes over the break cos she has literally copied Kaya's Effy Dance. Oh, yeah, there's nooooo way Franky's being set up for an Effy meltdown... No wayyyy....

Quite frankly, I found the end offensive. I very rarely find Skins downright offensive. The fact that back in Bristol, Franky is suddenly dressing all androgynous again because she's depressed is fucking balls. Cos, you know, genderqueer folk can't be happy. Dressing that way is only because you're depressed, frigid, or going through a phase. The kick to the legitimacy of being queer that Skins threw in there was in poor, poor taste, imo.

Granted, you can argue, well, that is Normal Franky, and Africa-Franky was just her stepping outside herself, trying something new, experimenting cos she was in a different locale. THAT was just a phase. That's dumb tho. Issues just don't vanish cos you have sunshine and dick. Or, "teenagers experiment!" Yes, true. But I was under the impression that Franky has been that way for a while so to suddenly change it up completely and ignore everything that was her beforehand just cos she ~fell in ~love is ludicrous. Whatever, if it's explained, that's cool. All I'm asking for is a bit of insight into WHY instead of speculation. If it's not explained, I wouldn't be surprised tho...

Speaking of... let's talk Mini. OH HI, NEW!MINI! It's very nice to see your tits out and about. Hey, noooooo. I think I must have completely imagined 5x03. You don't have body issues! How silly. I must have just been projecting. There was simply no evidence of such a thing last series. Oh, oh... huh? That moment when you insecurely held your tummy in the mirror? No? Didn't happen? Or that time when you tried to cover your tummy again when getting naked with Nick, your boyfriend?

Oh, my bad. I totally made all that up cos clearly you have no issues whatsoever with flaunting your half-naked body around now.

Mini's sexuality aside, it's nice to see that everything else about her has been ignored as well and she's reverted back to 5x01 Mini, sans any character depth. Now speaking of this, let's briefly touch on TITTAYS. It got its own category cos of how much it bothers me.

Now, yes, Skins is no stranger to showing off half-naked young girls. Michelle got her kit off more times than I can count (Okay, yes, I can count to 3). So did Naomi. Emily. Effy. Liv. But here's my issue... it has become slightly gratuitous to me. Sure, it happened in S1-3, but it never seemed ~pointless. S4 started bordering on some sort of line, what with Ems jaunting around half-naked, ass hanging out. But generally speaking it was manageable. I always thought Naomi lying naked on the bed was a bit weird, but you could make an argument for some sort of metaphor there. Which I'm sure BE delivered with glee and aplomb.

Then MTV!Skins came along.

The promos themselves were blatant sexual objectification of minors. You seriously can't argue with this. 70% of the time, Michelle and Daisy had their dresses/tops hanging off, breasts spilling out of their very visible bras. You'd have to be blind not to notice. But you know what? UK!Michelle barely owned anything that didn't do the same. And plus, they were promos meant to raise hype. So, no harm, no foul. Let it slide. Then came the episodes. I know I commented on this in my reviews cos it struck me as uncomfortable then as well. The preoccupation with Camille's tits. Rachel's. The fact there seemed to be no excuse too weak to get them with cleavage pouring out of their tops. It became disgusting.

I stopped thinking it was harmless and it became worrisome near the end.

Fast forward to 6x01. Not only is Mini --the girl with an eating disorder and body image issues-- suddenly completely cured of that and flaunting her half-naked torso everywhere, but so are all the other girls. A Moroccan holiday is a GREAT excuse to have the girls parading around in next to nothing for gawkers to admire. And let's be honest, one of the main things I read about Dakota is how great her rack is. Skins PTB: "Let's get your tits out, girl! We need RATINGS!!" You certainly couldn't have this in Bristol.

I know what I must sound like right now. I must sound downright ornery and elderly, sitting on my porch in a rocking chair throwing sticks at all the neighbourhood youth. And honestly, it probably wouldn't have even been a blip on my radar if I hadn't been previously sensitized to it in MTV!Skins, and if Mini hadn't been a party to it. And it wasn't just like it was a quiet issue. Alo draws attention to Mini's breasts. And then two seconds later, Liv is ripping her shirt off for no comprehensible reason. Please, seriously. Someone explain it to me. My immediate thought was that she was tripping. She was, right? The only time I see people do that shit is if they're hallucinating. And there wasn't anything actually on her. It was so random tho. Lay of the hash, Liv. You're gonna give yourself schizophrenia. (Shut up, it's technically possible to trigger it this way. Not common. And you can't just get it out of nowhere. It has to have some pre-existing basis. But this is a controversial issue so let's move on.)

Seemed like a really contrived way to a) get Liv's tits bouncing around, b)give Mini an excuse to grope, and c)allow Nick to take the bike. Ugh.

That's how I knew, 5 minutes into 6x01, that it was written by the same man who did MTV!Skins. And god, could that opening have been more grating? The song itself is good. The sound editing was awful. It sounded like a fucking lot of noise. And shut the fuck up. Who seriously goes riding around screaming constantly? WOOOO!! WOOOOOOO!!! No one. The shit stops 2 minutes into the ride. People don't go around screaming on motorbikes in dusty climates for an hour. Sorry. It was so terribly contrived and stereotyped. Like, really.

Anyway... what else to say? Rich/Grace.
Yawn.

That's all. I honestly don't give a fuck. Sure, they're cute but they don't do anything for me. I actually fast-forwarded some of their scenes cos I was bored. As a result, I didn't care about the end. It made zero impact on me. Except, hello Dobbie. I want to chew on your weird hair.

That actress seriously creeps my shit out. IT'S DOBBIE. She's not a NURSE. She works in IT! Silly, Dobby. Go back to Croydon. Also, again with the ludicrously contrived bullshit re: the hospital. Whatever, Skins. Unless Grace has a police guard, hospitals don't have the resources to assign watchdogs to random ICU rooms. Nurses are notoriously overworked and busy. There's no way Rich wouldn't have been able to sneak in. And in a way other than through the fucking ceiling. And guess what THEY DON'T LOCK the doors! Why you ask? Cos, funny fact, if there is an emergency and staff need to rush in, they don't have time to fiddle with keys and unlock doors.

Which is all too bad cos I thought Jess was rather good. One of the better actors, tbh. Rich pisses me off tho. Again with a complete 180 of character. I hated that line from Grace "don't go changing" or whatever. Bitch, have you seen him? He's got his Bieber hairdo and a pink vest top. He's the definition of someone he used to hate. And fucks sake, it was such bullshit there. "there's no heavy metal beachwear". HEY RICH. ARE YOU MENTALLY RETARDED? They're called T-SHIRTS and you already own them. There is no rule that in Morocco, you must wear tank tops only. It's not that fucking unbearable. You can wear t-shirts.

(Let's not even talk about how Skins portrayed Morocco. That's not the sort of thing I recall, or have read about, but having never been there I can't really talk, I suppose. It's kinda like how they make Bristol look fucking amazing... and it's not.)

I call it now: Coma Baby.

If Veronica Mars can do it and think it's a decent idea, I'm sure Skins can rip that off too. They're already working their way through ripping off every other shitty American teen drama/film.

There was once a time that I watched Skins and said, "Yeah, this is a bit unrealistic, but wow, it's also REALLY real. I can relate to a scary degree." Now, I sit and watch and say, "Hmm. Am I just really old now or is this actually how teenagers live?" Cos last I checked, S4 was a massive pile of utter OTT bullshit. But it seems like S6 is speeding down a similar road...

Cos let's just touch on a few things quickly.

DRUGS.
Oh, Skins. How I've missed your completely inaccurate portrayals of drug use. You would think after 6 years, they would have found SOMEONE on staff with some experience in this area. Oh wait, that's right, BE thinks he understands kids and thus has all the answers. Teen advisory boards are just for show, right?

First things first: congrats on learning a new drug: ketamine. Too bad you're about 20 years late and wtf. That's seriously what Matty was trafficking? REALLY? Seems... odd. Ket is awesome, but seriously, you can get prescriptions for it in Morocco. Hell, I worked in a vet's office here and the stuff was everywhere. Under lock and key, but still. I just don't understand the point in trafficking k thru Morocco. In a country with prisons/police as corrupt as that, it seems like really unnecessary risk with very small reward, cos what? You sell it in a neighbouring country that likely has the same regulations on it so it's really no bonus?

Is it just me, or did Josie say it really odd? Is that how you Brits pronounce "Ket-Ah-Meen"? Cos, wow, you're doing it wrong. I can't even remember how Josie said it but it was fucking weird. It's ket-ah-meen/ket-ah-min. Not whatever she said.

All that aside, yes, Morocco is known for serious amounts of weed. But ... it's usually sold as hashish, not dried plants. Kif is common, even if it is illegal, but I dunno. I thought that was fucking stupid of Skins. Oh look at this giant bag of weed! It's far more likely it would have been hash. Nit-picks. Not really all that important cos really it's just a different form and it's not like kif is the only form available there. If you've got kif, you've got plants. Anyway.

But here's the kicker: HOW STUPID ARE THESE KIDS? Oh hey look, a massive bag of weed! Let's smoke it! I guess Santa left it for us! Of course, if I was in a strange country in a run-down villa, the first thing I would think when I found a huge quantity of drugs was "Let's use it!" It would never occur to me that, I dunno, there's some drug deal shit going on. Of course not. Cos, you know why? On Skins, the kids ALWAYS (save Sid/Chris in S1) get drugs as easily as they get water. Bags of it, just handed to them for free. So why would this situation be any different, yeah?

Except, OMG, it IS different, cos an unrealistically young, Maculaly Culkin look-a-like is actually a ~dangerous drug trafficker and uses Rider's pad as a holding pen and then blackmails Matty into transporting it for him or else, dun dun dunnnn, he'll fuck Franky!!! Like FUCK RIGHT OFF SKINS. No. Kids that age aren't trafficking kingpins. I feel like this is turning into a fantasy novel or something. Like that South Park episode when there were no adults and kids did everything. Cos guess what? You don't just shift a few ounces of weed and suddenly you're an international drug smuggler. If it was honestly that easy, I'd have dropped out of uni and changed careers.

Has BE ever seen Layer Cake, at least?

Guess not.

*sigh*

It's all such utter bullshit.

And honestly, Matty may have been a tool, but he was smart to run (about the only moderately smart thing he did the whole episode). You're never getting out of Moroccan prison, buddy. It's actually amazing that Liv and Grace were free to go. Cos the police woulda tried to finger SOMEONE for those drugs. Matty's dumb tho. He shoulda taken a bag of dope. It's currency, man.

Hmm, that wasn't quick at all.

I don't really want to get into the stuff about the random ass choice to pick Morocco for a holiday. Who's brilliant stoke of genius was this... instead of, I don't know, one of the actual common vacation destinations for British youth. (Note: The Inbetweeners did this whole thing better.)

Does anyone else remember when there was a group of friends who lived in Bristol, and it was one of their birthdays and they all wanted to go on a camping trip? Remember that? And, like, there was a lot of fuss about getting a car and driving there? And it was a big deal to organise it? Or maybe I'm imagining that... Maybe I'm confusing it with that other time, with another group of friends who wanted to go camping and that was an issue organising a ride there as well? And those places were either in Wales or outside Bristol. Or even that other time when a 3rd group of friends had an adventure just trying to get to a church in Somerset? All that stuff like normal teenagers face when they want to go on holiday???

Am I just imagining all this?

Now, not only are this group kids from working-class (with some middle-class) families suddenly on a magnificent holiday in Africa (which btw, you need to take malaria meds before you leave. It's not just a place you can jet off to on a whim... unless you want to risk a parasitic infection depending where you're going and what you're doing... and... i mean i've had friends who have done just this, but that's neither here nor there. they didn't have the greatest time, let me say. it's cheap there, sure -- mostly, but at a cost.) but they are also completely devoid of any parents whatsoever.

OH SERIES FOUR, I almost didn't recognise you! You're a bit sunnier, but it's good to see you haven't changed much.

Even in the fucking terrible G2 novel, EFFY STONEM had parental supervision on holiday. EFFY STONEM. Not to mention teh Fitch twins as well. To me, this situation is like taking off to some random dive in Mexico with no parents when I was 17.

In other words, fucking impossible.

Yes, it's more common for kids in SoCal to jaunt down to TJ for a bit of fun -- but again, that's a moderately short bus ride. That's like when I took off to NYC. Or, if the Skins kids, took off to... London. Dublin. Berlin. Greece I suppose even. BE should not be taking his cues from The OC or Gossip Girl. Just like Americans think Skins is this completely accurate portrayal of everyday life in England (seriously, a lot of them do. Dumbasses.), I cringe to think that Skins writers may believe that American teen dramas are accurate portrayals of American youth. Cos, no. I'm pretty sure that was the whole point behind MTV!Skins, yeah? To tear down the glitzy façade of American teen programming? Ring any bells, BE? Then why on earth are you picking up pieces from said unrealistic American teen soaps and replicating them in UK!Skins? Honestly.

It's just such a massive heap of stupid that I just don't understand where Skins went wrong. Like, when exactly did they completely lose the plot? What happened to even a modicum of realism here?

Oh well, enough on that. It angers me too much.

What's left?
Nick. Shut up. Just shut the fuck up with your whiny ass. Oh boo hoo, poor Nick is so misunderstood and blah blah blah. Whatever. I got it last series. I loved it last series. Like, fucking grow up, Nick. Life sucks, we get it. Your spiral into substance dependency was chronicled last series, but again, perhaps I just imagined his whole speech in 5x08.

WOW. FRANKY AND NICK ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER.

Ah, yes. Now we come to Malo. Tbh, I'm pretty ranted out. But I do have thoughts on this.

Let's just stick with the basics for now:

- I was not against Malo coming into this episode. I was curious, even hopeful. Yet, miraculously, I hated it. I now do not like it. I do not want it on my screen, I do not want it on my tumblr dash. I just do not want to look at Alo's face. Period.
- Alo. Ugh.
- Mini, who are you?
- Shoving something down my throat is usually a sure-fire to make me HATE it.
- I officially don't want Mini with either Alo or Franky. Since we apparently can't have nice things, (like FRIENDSHIPS) let's just toss everything out and, hmm, Liv/Mini. Yes. That's what I want now. Cos, why not? Who cares what the characters are actually like. Make enough boner jokes and people will think it's ~MTB and froth at the mouth over it like rapid badgers.

OTP. Look at Mini. True wuv. Also, cos due to Freya's awesome acting (and I'm saying that genuinely), that little waking up, looking at Liv bit. Yeah, I'm taking that out of context completely. I fully expect that they'll drop Mini's whole ~confusion from S5 completely in S6, but it's moments like that from Freya that make it worth it. And really, why not? It's not like I trust them to actually focus on the real gems of this gen, which are the lovely friendships like Liv/Mini had/have. They're making everything about shagging, so why not lump these two in there as well.

So yeah, abandon all ships! I'm gonna play pirate and takeover a new one!

Um. Anyway...

Back to Malo. If I had been a fan of Malo before this episode, I would have been upset by this. Not only cos it seems so fake cos the characters are strange and OOC. But seriously, you're all rejoicing about this? Do you all remember what happens to 2nd series relationships? They either break-up cos they're shit or someone dies. Sketch/Anwar. Sid/Michelle. Chris/Jal. Freddie/Effy.

Have fun, Malo stans.

Cos it's obviously set-up to be so endgame... Random hookups on holiday tend to totally work out this way. --_--

Now, the thing I'm pissed off about is not Malo itself. As I said, I was pretty okay with the idea of it. But my one stipulation was that whatever happens, happens organically and is developed well.

Neither of those things are true here. It was not organic and it was not well-developed. All of a sudden, Mini wants some ginger peen and voila! Sex-God Alo emerges. I mean, come the fuck ON. First things first, all the comments that "OMG MALO HAD SUCH AWESOME DEVELOPMENT AND CHEMISTRY. THEY WERE TOTALLY EYE FUCKING IN THE CAR!"

I think we must have differing ideas of what constitutes "good development". To me, I like things to exist prior to the episode they happen in. I don't ask for blatant foreshadowing. But take Chris/Jal for example, there was a relationship that was rooted in deep friendship all the way back to 1x04, perhaps even earlier. For Chris and Jal to evolve into a romance never felt forced, it never came out of nowhere. Same can be said for Freffy, as much as it pains me. There was an exorbitant amount of build-up. Even Sid/Michelle. You know who didn't? Sketch/Anwar. So, look at the company you're keeping there. You know who else was just thrown together? Katie/Freddie. Katie/Thomas. JJ/Lara. Effy/Cook. Look how well those turned out. (I mean, Malo fans can hope that the parallels in origin between Malo and Ceffy work in their favour and Malo becomes far more fleshed out... but I personally am not holding my breath for a Ceffy rehash -- cos that took 2 series. Not one. And it was ... well, it was Cook and Effy. Simples.)

Here's my thing:

Alo's whole ~shtick was irritating. It comes back to that stupid mini-episode. Like, his behaviour was NOT endearing to me. Of course, Mini's flattered. I'm not sure when staring at a girls' tits and wanking over her mum became a courtship ritual but I'm sure as fuck glad I'm not a teenager anymore. Cos, gross. Now, getting guys hard is fun. It is flattering. Validating. Satisfying. It's a bit of power trip even. And I think most straight girls welcome the sight of a raging hard-on made just for them; they like turning their guys on just and much as guys like turning their girls on. But when it's not asked for? Um, not so much. If some douchey guy at my high school came up to me with a boner, I'd be like fuck off. It's the equivalent of those creepy men on subways that "accidentally" jab their dicks into you in rush hour crowds. I'm not sure why men think women want to see and feel their cocks all the time and we will ALWAYS be in awe of it. Uhhh, NO. "Look at me, I'm such a virile male specimen! I want to put this in youuuu!!!" *shudder* Not every girl is just drooling for random dick every hour of every day. Not every girl wants to have boys oogle her at every opportunity... and then rub one out on their bed. Why does Mini actually find any of that attractive enough to completely do away with her own pre-established insecurities and bang him?

Maybe she didn't find it attractive. Maybe she just wanted some play, some attention, holiday fun. Fair play to her. In which case, as a Malo shipper, I'd be gutted. But the alternate of her suddenly finding him irresistible rings just as hollowly. Cos aside from one sweet scene in 5x06, everything else I see being used as "evidence" of their amazing development is just a bunch of wank. Seriously, I can pick apart episodes too and assign meaning to every glance in the way I want to interpret it. I'm sure you could take ANY pairing and apply this method and come up with all sorts of evidence that points to them being totally into each other. And to me, taking that 5x06 scene and making it romantic is a huge disservice to the characters at that point.

We all know Alo likes hot girls, but I really enjoyed that scene cos it showed Mini pulling down her persona for a moment and just being KIND for the sake of it. Not cos she has a secret crush on Alo or any shit like that. And Alo recognising that hot girls aren't just bitches who won't do him, but people too, not just porn fodder.

But shippers will see what they want. I should know... Heh.

The one thing I disagree with Malo detractors about is Alo's "disrespectful" attitude towards Mini, in that "fucked yoru brains out" scene. Like how crass and arrogant he was, and how OOC that was. To me, Alo has never been particularly respectful of women. 5x02's convo between him and Rich was clear. He sees them as a place to shove his dick into, and that's all he's interested in. And, you know, that's fine cos a lot of boys are like that at that age, especially if all they do is watch pornography. Cos, really, women serve no purpose in that vast majority of male-oriented porn than to be moaning semen receptacles. Like fleshy tube socks. I'm no Freudian, but his relationship with his mother (the only real female figure in his life) doesn't help matters. He's disdainful and petulant.

I didn't see his attitude post BJ/fucking as particularly out of character. And really, his disrespect was always on display with his oogling of Mini anyway.

But that doesn't mean I didn't feel sleazeworthy vibes from it anyway. I didn't like that Alo, tbh. It doesn't suit him. Made me cringe and I honestly can't look at gifs of that scene without cringing again.

I feel, perhaps unfairly, that people who are particularly ecstatic about this, are Alo lovers, or perhaps dorky and awkward themselves, so they see Mini wanting to get with Alo and they feel better about themselves. Cos they love Mini too. (I truly believe that your shipping preferences are a reflection on how you relate to characters themselves. I feel like this is an obvious observation but it seems that we ignore the influence of our own projections when rationalizing our shipping preferences. Whatever, who cares.) I just know that if I have to see one more fucking Skins episode with the awkward, social retard getting with the hot, popular girl, I'm going to smash something. It has effectively been PLAYED OUT. Put it away now. Cos, you know what reality is? It's NOT getting THAT girl. You're a gross, weird-looking, chronic masturbator --- no, you are not getting the girl. Sorry. That girl doesn't want you, regardless of how much Skins would insist that spunking all over her bed and showing off your porn knowledge are aphrodisiacs. Cliques exist and they SUCK but that's how it is. (Ever seen "Just Friends"? For a silly rom-com, it's actually sort of TRUE. Go watch it.) Just wait til you graduate and the world will open up a bit.

I am aware that these are not nice things to say but someone has to call shenanigans on this bullshit. It happens in practically every teen show ever. Every silly teen movie too. But in reality, it really isn't that common. At least in my high school years, and in everyone else I've talked to. That's kinda why school/life is so shitty. You're stuck in some mould that everyone else has placed you in, and most people aren't willing to look deeper. The only thing I can assume with Mini/Alo is that Mini has some insight about the type of guy Alo is and she chose him for whatever that reason was. Nothing's clear yet so I really don't want to speculate. Otherwise, it makes no sense and is complete rubbish. Back to my actual recap tho...

Also, I can totally see someone like Alo being stupid like that about his realistically mediocre if not downright crappy sexual performance. He prolly got off a few times, and so, obvs that means he fucked her brains out, right? Boys have a funny view about sex, espesh when they're teens. They all want to think they're sex gods. And so very, very few of them actually are.

But this is where this whole story starts to bother me. Firstly NO VIRGIN WHO SPENDS ALL HIS TIME IN FRONT OF A COMPUTER SCREEN IS AMAZING AT SEX. NO. His ideals of sex would be warped for one thing. Secondly, I would say the majority of boys, especially younger ones, are shitty at sex their first times. It's not some miracle. Here, I'm going to shatter a few illusions for you virgins: Quite often, the first time you have sex with someone, it's not amazing. It can be downright awkward cos you simply don't know each other like that yet. Some guys, after a lot of experience, can nail it first time around. Same as girls. And sometimes the emotional connection and combined experience can result is a wicked first time (with each other, not as virgins). Alcohol is also a great lubricant to ease awkwardness. But generally speaking, there's no chance in hell that sober Alo would be giving sober Mini mind-blowing sex his first go around. Hey, remember in MTV!Skins when disgusting Stanley shot off in Michelle's hand before they could even get anywhere? Yeah. That's real life. Sure, Mini went down on him with barely any preamble and likely tapped that well dry for about 10 minutes, til as a 17 yr old boy, he's ready to go again. It may take slightly longer when they actually have sex, but not by much.

It's just so absolutely infuriating to me to suggest that Alo is some sex master off the bat. It is SO typical of male writing. Have you read any sex fic written by men? Yeah, it's pretty much EXACTLY what happened in this episode.

Hot girl comes to loser boy for no real reason. Doesn't matter anyway, really. Girls' thoughts and motivations are of no importance in sexual relationships.
Hot girl goes eagerly down on him.
He has a huge cock. She loves it.
He is an instant studly sex god, in every way. oral, genital, etc.
She just can't get enough of his sex and practically begs him yet still resists to appear not a desperate whore.

Seriously? Go type in "free sex stories" or something in google. You'll see loads of crap written by dudes and they all sound like cheap pornos. Thanks, BE. That's exactly what I wanted. When I watch Skins, I'm looking for middle-aged male wish fulfilment. OH WAIT, no I'm not. I'm looking for only slightly-exaggerated teen life. This was NOT. What is up with these nerdy dudes being instant sexual masters? Sid, anyone? When Michelle was like "No one's made me cum before" well, I can believe that. There are a surprising number of teen girls who don't get orgasms from their boyfriends. Hell, there are a significant percentage of women of all ages. But the fact that Sid was this amazing lay? LOL. Please. I CAN however fanwank this myself cos the emotional connection between Michelle and Sid likely played a role -- she was a lot more ~herself when she was around Sid. He wasn't threatening, or judgemental. She had no need to perform for him like she no doubt had to for Tony -- and the big kicker: she was incredibly emotional and lonely when it happened. (And when that rush wore off in 3 days, teh sex became crappy again.) Part of this you could stretch to Mini/Alo's situation as well... but they simply do not have the backstory and history of Michelle and Sid. And, really, Mini is certainly not Michelle.

And let's... well... you know that toilet scene. So Mini's just standing in the middle of a path getting head? I don't have enough HEADSHAKE gifs in the world for this. Have any of you girls ever received that standing up and not able to lean or hold onto anything? Yeah, you know where I'm going with this. Good luck with your rocking orgasm...

And can I just say, there is NO way in hell Alo would be any good at that having never done it before. True, teen girls probably are easier to please than an older girl with some experience, but still. I could suspend disbelief for Naomi/Emily cos really, Emily's a girl and would have a much better idea and also there was a serious emotional connection already present which is a huge benefit to the enjoyment. If any Malo fans come to me and say, but Malo have a similar connection to Naomily, I will punch you in your stupid face. You cannot seriously believe that.

So, I guess this is all a really roundabout way of saying that I don't mind Mini and Alo hooking up, technically. I do however mind how it's been done here. It's so beyond the scope of realism and continuity. I'm not saying I would have liked a full series of hints, but something MORE than that terrible webisode would have been preferable. I can't say I support Mini/Alo now.

It makes me sad. Cos they could have been done SO MUCH better. But as it stands, it was terrible. I actually somewhat hate it, as it is. I'm not saying there's not room to fix it... but this is Skins. And the same dude who gave us S4 and MTV!Skins. I've had enormous amounts of patience in the past, and it's never panned out. So, really, I won't be holding my breath that they'll salvage Malo and explain Mini's mindset going into the whole thing.

I'm just not sure that I believe Mini would have chosen Alo for this. Usually holiday quickies are with people you never have to see again when you go home. That's the point. Not to start a stressful ~secret ~relationship.

I'm not saying all hook-ups have to be ~meaningful. Sometimes it's relaxing and fun just to fool around on holiday. But stans are taking it way to seriously as a ship if that is all it is. To me, it's either a bit of holiday fluff or it's a legit romance. It can't be both. And if you want Malo to be legit, then I would be concerned with the set-up as it stands because it has no solid basis. But if you don't really care about longevity or exceptional storytelling, then have fun with the holiday fluff theory. But telling me that this little shag-arrangement is OTP-level romance is really pushing it. If that's what you wanted for Malo, I would be disappointed if I were you... and you'd better hope to god that someone swoops in and fixes that pile of shit that you were given in 6x01 cos it was not a good omen. It's not impossible for a fling to develop into something more, often they do, at least for one half of the pair. But I would be crossing my fingers that Skins writers recognise that they have to actually show that development, not just throw flashy naked things in our faces and makes lots of loud emo sounds to distract us from the fact that they really have no substance to the story.

And seriously, if those Mini/Alo spoilers I read today are true... For fuck sake. (Grain of salt aside... cos it could just be someone talking bollocks to work everyone into a frenzy). I'm done. I won't even watch the rest of the series cos honestly? It's fucking ridiculous. If I wanted fucking moronic soap operas, I would watch them. That shit IS NOT SKINS. Or, at least, it wasn't the Skins I fell in love with, and it's time to break up if that's the case. If you honestly think that is a great storyline for Skins, well. Have fun with it. At least you'll be happy. Btw, thanks for ruining Skins for the rest of us. That sort of idiotic storyline... It's worse than a bat-wielding, obsessive, psychiatrist lunatic. Instead, it's straight out of a really horrible Gossip Girl episode or something. Or Teen Mom. The horror! Mostly cos those characters sound completely different to everyone we got to know in S5. The whole point of Skins was to reflect what is important to young people, and to present in a way that didn't take every little moment and exaggerate it to oblivion. It can't be point-for-point realistic, but it was never so extreme (except S4) that it was unrecognisable. I never sat and compared Skins, The OC, Gossip Girl, Desperate Housewives or whatever and noted all the similarities in outrageous stories. No. Cos Skins was genuine in its approach. These spoilers? Holy fuck no. That's what I see on TV if I turn on Days of Our Lives in the mid-afternoon. It would make Degrassi look like a legit documentary.

It actually makes me feel a little ill. And terribly betrayed by Skins. Sure, they don't owe me anything... but I didn't invest all this time and love into something only to have it turn into THAT.

*sigh*

Anyway. Enough. This is insanely long, isn't it? Eek.

One more thing: that really over-dramatic car crash? Puhlease. There is no way in hell Matty would be RUNNING away from that wreck with nothing but a lovely cinematic forehead wound. Bitch would AT LEAST have a concussion. The truck was FLATTENED on top. Crushed. Yet Matty magically gets out, is virtually uninjured and sprints off. Yeah, okay. And then Liv is pretty much okay as well, a split lip and again with the stereotypical forehead wound.

Oh yeahhh. You can total a car like that, have it roll over and smash down, and you'll all be hunky dory. A few scrapes a bruises but nothing serious. Damn lucky considering the roof CRUMPLED in on itself. The whole chase/crash scene was really... hollow. I found it didn't move me at all. Like, I just half-paid attention cos really, I've seen this whole episode a million times before in a million different TV shows and films. No emotional relevance whatsoever. And then everyone's just a wee bit banged up.

Oh, except the one person who's in a devastating coma. Sucks to be you, Grace. Welcome to typical TVland. (And wasn't it just wonderful how psychic Rich is? What the fuck is this shit?! Touched by an Angel?)

Overall, it was a terrible episode. IMO. Josie was lovely. It was so amazing having her back. Doug, I love you. Liv, you've got my heart too. But everything else? Uh uh. Everything was so... stupid. Just so painfully stupid and all the characters were annoying. Except Liv. (And occasionally Matty cos for once I could actually understand his staring and I legit felt bad for the dude cos bitchmonster Franky is a huge cow.) I felt as if it was so badly done that it was actually insulting to my intelligence and taste, as if I would actually find this enjoyable. Like this is what I want? NO way. JB, you were smart to get out when you did, tbh. Unless he's secretly ghost-writing now...

But to me, this episode just felt like MTV!Skins. BE had his own thing, and then when that got aborted cos it was so poorly done (No, it wasn't AMERICA'S fault that they couldn't handle your edgy, avant-garde TV. It was just BAD.) he high-tailed it back home and tookover his son's baby. He kidnapped Gen3 and decided to just slap on everything he had been trying to do in the US. That's why the characters are so strange -- S5 didn't exist. S5 and MTV!Skins were actually the SAME! Ahhhh! I just picture BE like one of those crazy women who looses a child and then runs to the mall and kidnaps someone else's and just sits around trying to force it into being the child she lost.

Am I alone in this? Yes? Oh well. I would say here I mean no disrespect to BE. But that would be a lie. He disrespected Gen3 to such an enormous degree, and then fled Twitter before he had to even face the critics -- like a child who shoves his fingers in his ears and refuses to hear anything. If I don't hear it, it's not true! Riiiight. This is a man that I once admired. He wrote such amazing things and provided us with great, real, powerful stories that were easily relatable. Something happened along the way. With Skins' success came branding, and that in itself removed the authenticity of the initial vision. When he jetted off to America to start over, it left Skins in the hands of the original brains, JB. The one who really did imagine Tony, Sid and Michelle way back when Skins was going to be a novel, not a TV programme. The one that wasn't blinded by business and ratings and just wanted to get back to telling REAL stories with complex dynamics: friends, lovers, parents, enemies. And out of that came a ratings nightmare, but one of the most genuine series of Skins. All the dumbasses that had picked up Skins cos of the melodramatic atrocity that was S4 were suddenly screaming "BORING!!! NEEDS MOAR EFFY!!" everywhere. But a lot of the fans, who hadn't grown up and moved on naturally, who have watched Skins develop slowly, weren't so dismissive. It may have lacked some of the emotional wallop of G2, or even G1, but it was well-made, well-imagined, and felt like more Skins was originally meant to. Then the MTV flop. Daddy comes home and snatches it all back: "We must have ratings! Money! Advert revenue! We must make brainless things! Kids like that! We must get girls naked all the time and make all jokes about penises and farts! Also kids like drama so melodrama it is! Doesn't matter if nothing makes sense as long as there's loads of drugs and sex! It'll be so EXCITING! GENIUS!!!" And guess what, all those people complaining about how boring S5 was and how great S4 was are suddenly happy again. Congrats, BE. You did it. But you sold your soul. Wait, not your soul, Skins' soul.

You see my point? Seriously. It hurts my head. And my heart.

Remember in Elf when they're talking about the picture book that was missing the ending, and the executive said that it didn't matter cos kids are stupid? Feels familiar.

This was not the Skins I said goodbye to at the end 5x08. This is some weird alternate reality version. Do not like. But, hey, it's only the first episode. We have NINE more to go. That's plenty of time to fix it. After all, 4x01 was pure shit too, and they came back with 4x02/3/&4. Then it all went to shit again, but I'm sure we'll get at least 2 episodes this series that are better than this crappy offering. Hopefully this was purposely set up to be jarring and horrible.

I genuinely thought that S6 would potentially be so good that G3 would dethrone G1 as my fav Gen. It was on the fast-track. Not a great start if that's the case... It's such a shame that Laya and Freya (even Jess) are wasted on this stupid shit. They deserve so much more. Especially Laya.

So, final verdict: D.
Sorry, series 6. C'mon. You can bounce back. Maybe.

Other fun posts I've seen:
http://thaneventhesun.tumblr.com/post/15983940471/welp-it-was-nice-of-skins-to-give-us-a-whole-new
http://sweetnessofbeing.tumblr.com/post/16000359964/oh-okayyyy
http://dothegoblin.tumblr.com/post/15983178703/the-good-news-is-that-the-characters-are-now
http://ladyserendipity.tumblr.com/post/16015182935/okay-seriously-wtf-skins-writers
http://bitchface.tumblr.com/post/15958109833/skins-season-6-i-never-thought-the-day-would-come

SKINS CANADA: series 1, episode 9? - old paedo bitch

2011-03-16T03:48:31Z

SHAG CARPET

If this episode was from 23:50 - 25:20 = A+.
Because it was not = F.

dunno why this cut doesn't work. you'll have to click on the title above to see what's under the cut for some reason.

Cadie/Michelle OTP.
Everyone else GTFO.

Also,
Michelle/Ecstasy OTP.
Cadie/Michelle/E OT3.

"Heart-breaking?"
Dear Bryan Elsley, I made this for you. This is our grande ~~love~~story.

*The beginning of this was legit me & my love for Mr. Elsley. so true 2 lyfe tbh -- including me being older than everyone else & MORE excited*

Buddy: Who the heck are you?
Gimbel's Santa: What are you talkin' about? I'm Bryan Elsley.
Buddy: No, you're not.
Gimbel's Santa: Now what can I get you for Skins USA?
Buddy: Don't tell him what you want; he's a liar.
Gimbel's Santa: Let the kid talk.
Buddy: You disgust me! How can you live with yourself?
Gimbel's Santa: Just cool it, Zippy.
Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies.
Gimbel's Santa: Look, I'm not kiddin'.
Buddy: You're a fake.
Gimbel's Santa: I'm a fake?
Buddy: Yes!
Gimbel's Santa: How'd you like to be dead, huh? Ho, ho, just kidding.
Buddy: You stink.
Gimbel's Santa: I think you're gonna have a good season, all right.
Buddy: You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Bryan Elsley.

This is my life. ;) TROLOLOLOLOL.

HIGHLIGHTS:

"SHAG CARPET"

SPIRIT ANIMAL

BEST ROLL EVER

ETC ETC

ALSO
CADIE, GIVE ME YOUR PONCHO/DRESS.

The rest of this episode?
NOTHING IS BEAUTIFUL & EVERYTHING HURTS.

Just everything was horribly wrong with this.
Trying to justify child molestation?
Playing the whole legal aspect/interrogation as a spoof?
Chris blackmailing his teacher?
Tina is a paedo, how she doesn't seem to grasp this?

CLASS ACT, SKINS. CLASS ACT.
IT'S ALL A FUCKING JOKE, ISN'T IT? That angered me legitimately tbh. That whole shtick... I forgot how hilarious raping children is. ("Oh but he wasn't raped! He wanted to do it! He seduced her!" These things are technically true as we were shown them. However, she is still legally an adult and he is still legally a child. She should know better. If it was DAVE having sex with Chris, or Michelle, would you feel the same then? Double-standards don't make things okay and more adorable and romantic. Not in my world anyway.) I feel icky too cos yes, Chris ~may be 17. But I was 15 when I went into Gr 11. JUST SAYING. Dunno what time of yr this shit even is, but he could be 15. He could be 16. Or it could be 2nd term and he could be 16 or he could be 17. Not that it makes any difference legally (does it? I dunno US law much). A 16-yr-old boy isn't even as mature as a 16-yr-old girl supposedly, let alone a 23-yr-old girl, regardless of her age-issues.

It was gross.
It WAS inappropriate of Tina. It wasn't heart-breaking. She deserves what she gets. Chris is terrifying. He's not endearing. Simulating sex GROSSSSSS. I didn't need to see that at all, esp not more than once. All the kids are dumbasses. Daisy's gross. Abbud is gross. Stan is... I don't even know. All that fire alarm stuff was ridic. The pot in the school parking lot was ridic. The child molestation was GROSS. And it was exactly that. Adult having sex with underage person. WRONG. "But I love her." STILL WRONG. Not Romeo & Juliet. JUST WRONG. Peter Pan syndrome is not an excuse for touching up children/being seduced by them (Michael Jackson can attest to that.) -- cos honestly, if you're seduced by a young boy, you must have something wrong with you. Normal adults are not turned on to the point of having sex by 16-yr-olds. ... Right?

And plus, Chris is creepy. Not charming. Not endearing. Nothing like UK Chris. (Should I be glad or sad about this? It makes me sad cos I hate this Chris and loved UK Chris, but glad cos at least this doesn't sully his good name.)

As for the Dave shit... Yes. That was terrifying as well. But see, here's a trick about story-writing: If you have an unlikable protagonist doing something shady (like, I dunno, boning minors), you need to make another character even MORE unlikable and pit them against your protagonist in order to garner SYMPATHY for your protagonist, who otherwise would be seen as horrible -- but relatively now, comes off as ~not so bad~. And thus, creepy stalker Dave is born. Things that are wrong with this method? Everything. You shouldn't have protagonists like that. It's lazy and sloppy if you can't evoke sympathy/understanding for them any other way. (Think Tony vs Josh S1. Kinda the same deal, except Tony DID have underlying good things about him and he was charming.)

If this is MTV!Skins' idea of "breaking off from the original" - YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. I could like get into way loads of detail about this whole ep. But it's just fail. Not edgy. Just a waste of an episode.

I do love out-of-control, spiralling into a hot mess Michelle, ngl. Tho, she had way more than just one e, LOL. (Trust me... unless possibly it's damn pure molly) Bitch was fucking flying. I thought it was the best scene for actual like ... realism? Am I saying that? In Skins USA? In THIS episode? The touching of the hair and face and the dancing. Nostalgia, I love you. Well done. And Cadie = Amazing. I want her around to cockblock assholes for me as well. NIPS&CADES=BFFS 4EVA. And other than James, I thought everyone including Camille and Ron did decently in those 30 seconds. I also didn't mind Rachel in her "shut up everyone" scene. It's the first time she's actually played that kind of scene decently. Good for her. (I won't say anything about her other one in the cafe tho. Nothing nice, don't talk, etc.) She needs a better stylist tho. WHY DO THEY INSIST ON DRESSING MICHELLE LIKE THIS? IDGI. Was Tea even in this? No? Me likey.

OMG EPIPHANY.

FIRE EVERYONE ...

EXCEPT CADIE & MICHELLE.

MAKE SERIES 2 ONLY ABOUT THEM

AND THEIR ADVENTURES.

SKINS USA PROBLEM SOLVED.

YOU ARE WELCOME, BRYAN ELSLEY.

Pay me royalties, btw.

I should be the teen advisory board. Why don't they listen to us? Like people who legit know about partying and what they want to see on TV and aren't insane? *a la James Fitch*: Why why why!! Also, I love shag carpets too. Not even lying tho. I wanted one but i'm not allowed one cos we used to have one and it gets really dirty, apparently. But when I lived with my bf this summer and he let me decorate his flat, I bought one. I spent hours walking on it in bare feet, and touching it. I really do love shag carpets. You can ask him how excited I was when I bought it. Oooh boi. MICHELLE REINHART+E+SHAG CARPET=SPIRIT ANIMAL 4 LYFE, GPOY, WIFEY, FLAWLESS, ETC.

I'm going to make a fanmix purely for hot mess Michelle (and Cadie) and their ecstasy love. Only good thing about this whole series tbh. ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN WE AIN'T SLEPT IN WEEKS. (my old anthem yo). Seriously, when I'm done all this coursework that is piling on my head like a fucking massive poo, I'll give it a go. Or maybe I'll procrastinate more... especially since I don't have Tumblr to accomplish that task any longer.

And you know, just for the sake of it, let's relieve MTV!Skins crowning achievement:

SHAG CARPET

Yes. It is necessary.
Unfortunately, however, not even the best scene of MTV!Skins entire run can pull this episode back from failure. It was just too awful overall. Shame.

Best episode review I've ever written tbh. LOOLOLOL. Needs more carpet. Also, isn't it kind of funny that Michelle grabs her own hair, then the carpet and gets really excited about it... and her hair looks almost identical to the carpet. I thought it was funny anyway.

SKINS CANADA: series 1, episode 1

2011-01-18T22:18:36Z

See what I did there. It's because it's true.

Now, it's gonna take a few weeks to get back in the swing of this. I'm not going to take the X-Factor judges out for a walk yet. I'll save that for when I have stronger opinions, and more time. (Time management is killing me a bit right now, tbh.) We're gonna do this the old fashioned way.

I think I'll start this off with a few overall things I feel I need to address.

1. Don't get on my tits about this. Do not call me a "hater". FFS, I'll backhand you harder than US Michelle ever could. There is a distinct difference between critiquing and criticising something, and hating on it. For me, the latter is based purely on ill/misinformed, knee-jerk kind of reactions to things you've not bothered to understand, and have not even attempted to look at positively. It may be a surprise to many, but someone can say, "I didn't like it" and, OMG, NOT be hating. There are these things called opinions, and everyone has them. If they've taken the time to give something a chance, and then it turns out that even despite that, they still didn't like it, that's not "hating".

All the fans that are humping MTV!Skins legs these days need to chill as much as the haters, cos they're just acting like haters of a different kind themselves, imo. Except instead of hating on a TV show, they're hating on other people. Remember way back when 99% of fandom was shitting on this remake and you all started going "OMG! It's just an opinion! Respect our opinions!!!" Guess what? You have to do the same now. There will be people who didn't see it like you did. There will be people who disagree. There will be people who say things you don't like to hear about your precious show. Respect THEIR opinions the same way you went around telling everyone else to do with yours when they were in the minority. And, you know what, I too was one of these fans who pleaded with people to just relax, stop hating and not tell others off for simply having a different opinion.

And, yeah, I still stand by that. I don't mind reading criticisms of the show. I don't mind people not liking it. Shit happens. I especially don't have a problem when people have actual, you know, REASONS for not liking it. IMO, this is not "hating". This is criticism.

Sure, there are still haters out there that will just spout shit out their asses/mouths for the sake of it, or cos they're legit stupid, or cos they're lazy, or any host of reasons people choose to hate. But not everyone with a negative opinion is a hater.

Just had to get that off my chest.

2. I understand this was a pilot. I understand that by and large pilots are generally pretty bad. (Though I don't really understand why...) I have very, very rarely thoroughly enjoyed a pilot of any dramatic TV show. I could prolly count them on one hand. (Grey's, Shameless, The OC, This is Wonderland.... Hmmm... The X-Files? Doesn't matter anyway.) Also, I did not like the UK pilot much either. I never considered the first 3 episodes of S1 to be very strong tbh. It takes a while for a show to hit its stride. I get all that, and what you will see here DOES take all this into consideration. Despite my #1 in this list, this will not be a giant ball of negativity post. Not at all. I rate it a solid C, it wasn't terrible, it wasn't excellent. And I'm merely going to outline WHY I feel this way. There is room for improvement and I'm hopeful that we'll see it.

3. Hmm. I swear I had a 3rd thing. But I don't remember now.

OH WAIT. I will say, on initial viewing I got tipsy, as per the drinking game of "Watch Jersey Shore and drink everytime you see an advert or pop-up for Skins then drink everytime something happens on Skins that is the same as the UK version." It was a good night and made the episode VERY enjoyable. It's the sober rewatch I'll be basing this on tho.

ON WITH THE SHOW!!!

I'm not going to go scene by scene at this time. I just don't have time. I've got class soon and maybe that's a blessing cos I'm forced to be brief. So: the GOOD, the BAD, the WEIRD, and the INTERESTING.

Let's start with the GOOD THINGS. The PROS if you will.

1. TORONTO. Of course I liked this. This obviously Canadian programme, lol. I'm lame like that. I love recognising locations.

2. Eura. She's a hot mess, and apparently the only smart kid in the whole group cos she, like, wears a coat in winter time. It's impossible to judge her much considering she didn't speak.

3. THE MUSIC. I was a little doubtful about it cos, well, I hate Sleigh Bells and Skins seems rather obsessed with them. And let's not talk about how horrible FXFeldman's Jonsi review was (and what lack of musical understanding that portrayed). I didn't think that would bode well for what we would hear. I've found his tumblr blogs about music hit or miss. However... Animal Collective? excellent choice. And from then on, ALL the music choices were pretty spot on. A nice mix, tho imo, it sounded a little fanmix-ish. If that's even a thing. There were some stand out tracks, and the presence of Segal was just brilliant. And the Jokers track/scene was TIGHT (but then again i'm a sucker for electro bangers, so major bias lol). I would go so far as to give the music alone an A-. Not an A or A+, but very good regardless. I was impressed, and let's hope they keep it up. My only issue is that it's a little try hard. While the songs are good, you don't need to be SUCH indie snots and purposely choose obscure shit no one has heard of for EVERY track. A lot of those were unfamiliar to even me, and I feel like I'm moderately well-versed. I can't imagine the general target audience knows ANY of it tho (except AC). I feel like UK!Skins did an excellent job of balancing rare and obscure music with slightly more accessible tracks.

4. Speaking of music, Tony's singing goes into the GOOD category, believe it or not. I thought that whole scene was HILARIOUS. I have a feeling tho it wasn't meant to be quite as amusing as I found it. Literally, during my drunk viewing, I was laughing so hard I cried. No word of a lie. I still giggle when it happens. Don't ask me why. It is just beyond entertaining to me.

5. The drug dealer. FINALLY a dealer on Skins that actually LOOKS like one. And acts like one. I thought the Mad Twatter was one of the STUPIDEST characters/plots ever in Skins and I'm SO glad they ditched him for this guy. This one is BELIEVABLE imo. He's exactly the kind of creep I could find to sell me crack at the Coffee Time near my house. (Just as a note: Don't ask me where this drug-packed Coffee Time is. Truth is, there was a bust and now they don't do business there. The smack-dealing hooker has also left the area.) And also note I said "could" not "would". I don't buy crack. I'm just given it for free, lol. But I digress, this dude was creepy and realistic imo. Except for the fact he works out of an Oakville suburb. Meh.

6. Michelle being taller than Tony most of the time. I like it. Shut up. It's cute.

7. Tony's spider duvet. I see a lot of shit talk about how it's not as cool. It IS cool, losers. You just don't understand spider symbolism. It's more meta, imo than UK!Tony. I posted at least 3 times now educating people about the spider. Let's just say spiders: -weaver of fate, creator, trickster. If you don't know how Tony is any of those things, well. I dunno. I'm not going to explain it right now.

8. Michelle's wardrobe. I like how she's a classier Effy S3. SERIOUSLY. See what she wore to that party (hoodie aside)? In this vein, Rachel Thevenard's face was very pleasing to me. She's jail bait tho and it was completely unfair to show us that feeling herself up bit lol. It just makes me feel pervy and dirty. I suppose tho, that's kind of the point. But this is a whole other issue I'll get to in the INTERESTING section of my rant.

9. Cadie. Everything about Cadie. Britne is not only one of the more talented of the cast (I may go so far as to say she IS the best actor out of the lot), but she's beautiful and the character of Cadie is perfect. Okay, maybe not PERFECT. But she's very, very good. She is everything I liked about Cassie, and everything I hated about Cassie isn't there! She's dark and hilarious and ... UGH. I can't even explain it properly. Britne's delivery of Cadie's lines, just YES. her expressions YES. It's lost that breathy Cassieness, and replaced it with this sort of... I don't even know. I wouldn't say menace, but it's a coldness and like, actual flair. She's fucking brilliant. Two moments that stand out in this regard are after the SUV goes into the water and when she pops up behind Stanley outside the party with just that "Hi." BRILLIANT. I find her character so full of potential.

10. So let's talk acting for a moment: Best actors imo. Britne, Daniel and Camille. Most every line was delivered well with enough range of tone and facial emotiveness. I thought Camille pulled off a good Daisy/Jal. (I was surprised they had her going to the party). I think Dan was good the majority of the time and seemed to play off Britne better than the weaker actors (but that's how it goes, right?).

11. "TOO URBAN, TOO URBAN!" Nuff said.

12. Daisy and Tea being HBICs during the fight/party. Michelle was pretty decent too. Her scream at Tony while flipping the chick over the sofa was ace.

13. Michelle yanking on Cadie's hair. OMG LOL.

THE BAD.

1. *sigh* The acting of everyone else. I get it, they're newbies. They're not going to be spectacular. But there was a serious lack of charisma, imo. I think it's possible to be a mediocre actor and still have charisma tho. I felt like the dialogue didn't help matters (I mean, what fucking teenagers were THEY consulting with that speak like that?). I feel like the weakest actors were Rachel, Sofia and Ron. AND THE ADULTS. tbh, the terrible acting from the adults overshadowed weak acting by the young ones. God it was atrocious. And they have NO excuse being adults, and assuming this isn't their first gig ever. The adults were horrible over-acting, and the kids weren't acting enough. It was almost, no it WAS cringe-worthy at times. I feel like they're trying too hard to be something they're not. It's so disingenuous. And as a result of not either being comfortable or invested, they come off flat and uninspired.

But, I'm allowing leeway for the kids here cos I'm sure they'll improve. That's the silver lining. They need to stop trying to force it. I found Rachel's take on Michelle... *sigh* You all know Michelle is my fav so she's obvs going to be held to a higher/different standard than the rest of the cast but I felt Rachel wasn't really sure what to do with the role. She goes for it, I'll give her that, but never quite pulls off the "fiery" aspect of Michelle that I thought they were trying to keep (I understand this is US Michelle not UK, but the general characters are supposed to be vaguely similar). She really reminded me more of Marissa Cooper, in some way. She had this obvious vulnerability and sweetness that I don't think came across so blatantly in UK!Michelle, but I think that façade that UK!Michelle had overtop of what I would argue is equal vulnerability and sweetness is what made her a character with depth, and made her really interesting to me. I feel like new Michelle is more superficial in that way. Like we're being given this soft side right off the bat for some reason. (Okay, IKIK, a lot of people hated UK!Michelle cos she was a "bitch" -- which she wasn't, btw and I guess they didn't want to fall into that trap again. But really, I don't really dig these sort of gentle, fragile girls. But I have more to say about the character of Michelle in the INTERESTING section. This is supposed to be about the acting). I think it's just that she needs more OOMPF. She's very soft-spoken, but I have seen her pull out the big guns (like at the end of her character trailer) so she CAN do it; it's just a matter of how long we have to wait for it to come out on-screen. She's beautiful, and she has a lot of great facial expressions. It's just she needs to match up her dialogue delivery with that. I'm sure she will. In fact, I know she will. Positive thinking! And I'm sure Sofia improves too, based even on what we've seen.

This is what gives me hope. Rachel played this scene WELL. She exchanged UK!Michelle's flippant, confident incredulity for reluctance, suspicion and bemused disbelief. If that distinction makes sense. It was subtle yet effective. If she plays Michelle like this, I don't really see a need to soften the character to make her "more likable" cos this kind of execution would portray the character well... just imo. SO, i think that proves that Rachel's got IT, that spark, the fire necessary for Michelle, but just has to work on not softening/deadening the delivery of her (sometimes terrible) dialogue.

Just omg. I didn't much care for Angie, but Tina is going to drive me up the fucking wall. She's an "adult". She SHOULD be a better actor. There's no excuse. Fuck, they could have hired me (I can pull off "adult") and I could have done it. Ok, maybe not, cos crying on camera is not my thang. (Not like certain British redheads...)

I found both James and Jesse tolerable. I don't think they were GREAT, but I don't think they were awful either. I thought James really sold it a few times, keeping in mind he's not supposed to be UK!Tony. And honestly, I find James so much more attractive than Nick. NGL.

2. Cultural translation issues.
a) Who the fuck has mailboxes in the downtown core?
b) Things I've never heard ever: "spliffed up", "skins" or "reckon". Maybe I'm too old, but we say things like "baked", "high", "fucked", "faded", "blazed", "papers", "wraps", and "think".
c) No one here listens to drum and bass. Sorry. That's like saying we're going to listen to garage or funky-house. These things are such niches over here. The general populace doesn't listen to 'em. Especially not young rich kids. Trust me. They listen to the shittiest tunes ever, and it always boggles my mind when they tell me they like something decent. (Also, there was no DnB at that party. The Segal track was the KIND of music I'd expect to hear. However, if it's not on MTV or something, a lot my friends wouldn't know it). Tabitha's little invitation to Tony was bunk.
d) Why aren't they wearing jackets? It's winter. While it seemed like UK Skins only took place in the summer/fall (cos that's when it's filmed), here in North America, when it's snowing, you generally wear a coat. The only time I don't is when I'm really really smashed and don't feel like I need it.
e) A lot of the slang tbh. The sexual euphemisms were both hilarious and terrible. I can't decide which. I did enjoy "So clitoral". I may just adopt that. This whole "golly gee" and "doo doo" thing they had going on was really weird. And bad.
f) The dancing. I was actually at house party last weekend and music was blasting and no one was dancing except me (yelling for more Ke$ha!!!) and some Mexicans, and I had a convo with them about how they hate that no one dances at house parties in Canada/US. They didn't understand it. I mean dancing does happen, but it's never like that. I never understood that about TV teens. (In this sense, I feel like the reverse trailer was far more accurate in a portrayal of a house party here).

3. The flow. It felt choppy. Maybe cos they cut out bits and put in different ones. I'm not sure. Something was just off about that. This isn't to say I didn't enjoy the original scenes -- thinking primarily of the chris/tea/daisy/abbud ones, but it was a little off-balance I thought.

So, see? Only 3 bad, and 13 good. There are things that bothered me overall about the ~tone and ~feel of the show itself, but they're hard to put into words at the moment. When I feel more focused, I may attempt it. Oh wait, I have another banal complaint.

4. The extras looked 50-years-old. I'm sorry. I get that you need a certain number of ACTRA extras and these "professional background performers" are older but for fucks sake, do they HAVE to look 30? just give me a call, i'll do it for free and i don't look like a 30 year old. so bonus.

5. The titles suck. I like the visuals, yes. I loathe the song. By which I mean, I don't mind the song by itself. I hate it as a theme. Seeing it along with the visuals did not improve my opinion. On that note, everytime I hear it, I feel like saying "STARSCREEEAAAMMMM!" just to remind myself how awesome it could have been. Fuck this Lina Magic shit.

6. MTV bleeping shit. It's too bad someone didn't rip the TMN version instead. Apparently it's uncensored so our downloads wouldn't have the bleeps.

THE WEIRD:

1. I think one of the chicks in the party scene was a friend of my sister's in high-school. But I can't really ask her "Hey is that your weird-looking friend from school?"

2. Referring to the name of the show. As I said earlier, no one I've ever met that isn't influenced by British TV refer to rollies as skins. Usually it's Zigs, papers, wraps. But none of those would make a good TV show name. I think however, they should have just left it with papers instead. Let kids think what they want about the meaning of the name of the programme, you know?

3. The locations. I know I said I liked them, but I also find them weird. And I feel sorry for the cast that had to go into that disgusting lake Ontario water. You see in the background of that scene? THAT IS A NATURAL GAS PLANT. And right near it is an abandoned coal/natural gas plant. (and by plant i mean it generates electricity from those things, not makes them.) also nearby? the waste water treatment plant. All in all, those kids are swimming in a CESSPOOL. ugh. tho, it's prolly just as bad as Bristol Harbour... I also like the rich kid house that looked like Casa Loma. i assume it's some Bridal Path/Post Rd/Oakville deal. Looked like Casa Loma to me tho lol.

4. OMG that convo Tony had with her on the phone. MAGIC RABBIT. I think it's just a LITTLE weird that 16 year olds are using vibrators, mutually. Isn't it? I guess Michelle can't claim Tony never made her cum this time around... altho I suppose it's not ~really him. Thought it was funny if a little weird. I love James in that scene.

5. I didn't feel like Stanley was all that interested in losing his viginity. He just never seemed to be excited about it, not like Sid was at any rate. He's just kind of a cool guy... A little weird for me. Don't mind it, it's different and I like different.

THE INTERESTING:
1. Michelle. Of course I'm never going to stop talking about her. I felt she was interesting because of the change in direction/change of portrayal of her. I feel like other reviewers have it totally wrong when they say she's the least changed character from the UK version. I found her really different.

I found her sad.

It made me sad for her. After she tosses her hoodie to Stan and starts that jail bait sexy tit-touching dance, I didn't feel like she was ANYTHING like UK michelle. It was sad to watch. Like kind of desperate? Something UK Michelle never was imo, at least not on the surface. UK!Michelle had a lot more outward confidence (even if she's completely insecure on the inside). Like this Michelle was just SO objectified it hurts. (Ironically I feel like fandom itself has done this to Michelle/Rachel. In fact, I feel like Skins itself does that to Rachel. Does her bra need to be showing ALL the time for people to like her? Makes me sad also cos I feel like she's much more than just tits and a pretty face. She's a sweetheart). Anyway, back to Michelle... This whole ... GUH. It hurts my heart. (Not in a OMG I HATE IT kinda of way. Just in an empathetic way.)

I get it Michelle's ~sexy. But sometimes I feel like Skins is pushing her more like they're her pimp than anything else. I think there's a difference between that and just flaunting what someone has. Maybe I'm just being sensitive cos of my hurty heart but this IN YOUR FACE SEX APPEAL thing is just not for me. Michelle's inherently gorgeous, she doesn't need to be used like a sex toy. That's all I'm saying. I understand that's part of the whole dynamic with Tony, and it's pretty much the basis of the character herself, but she feels to me like a sad soul too. Her and Cadie both. Like she has no self-perceived worth beyond being sexy, which is BANG ON to UK!Michelle, but I never really felt the same kind of hopelessness with UK!Michelle. I think hopelessness isn't the right word but I'm rushing here. UK Michelle kind of just oozed sex appeal without trying too hard, imo. (The character herself was different but just the way her energy came across on-screen i'm talking about here.) Rachel's sad eyes when she's doing her walk/dancing for Tony... *sigh* I just want to hug her... and hook her up with someone else. Not Tea. Not Tony. Not Stan. I dunno even what I'm saying lol. I'm getting all muddled up with my logic and ~feelings... I have such a gooey soft spot for Michelle in all her incarnations.

It's both compelling and sad, and I think I'm going to like Michelle, regardless of how different/similar she is to April Pearson's Michelle.... as long as Skins itself tones down on the pimp-daddy overtones and just lets Rachel's beauty come out a little more naturally.

I want to say more on this but I really gotta cut it short.

OVERALL::::

It was entertaining. Was it excellently crafted television? No. Was it the worst thing ever seen? NO. It was entertaining. I enjoyed watching it. It was decent. Was it as good as Skins UK? It was no worse than the UK pilot, imo. It just had different strengths and different weaknesses. Not bad, just different. (Altho I will say I feel the acting in the UK one overall was quite a bit better, and that's not just a "looking thru rose-coloured glasses into the sentimental past" kinda thing.) Not hating, just stating.

Am I head over heels in love with it? No. I'm just going with it. I know it'll get better, so I think it has potential to be really good. But, you know what? Even if that doesn't happen it'll still be fun times. And really, Skins is just good entertainment, right? If it's entertaining then it's done its job.

Still got my happy-hat on. :)

Great friends at Christmas means it doesn’t have to be crap.

2010-12-24T23:42:59Z

♫ Families come in all shapes and sizes. Merry Christmas, everyone! ♫

BP Oil Spill

2010-05-01T19:28:28Z

This oil spill business is making me really anxious and upset. Like, legitimately terrified.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FHjoS9VmJI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77pBcf0o444
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIya1RY9sFw

Every time I see an oil-covered bird I ~~want to~~ cry.

Save our Seabirds
What you can do

http://www.takepart.com/news/tag/gulf-coast-oil-spill
http://www.takepart.com/news/tag/bp-oil-spill-hotline
http://www.oilspillvolunteers.com/
http://www.nwf.org/Home/Wildlife/Wildlife-Conservation/Threats-to-Wildlife/Oil-Spill.aspx
http://www.tristatebird.org/
http://www.audubonaction.org/site/PageServer?pagename=aa_HowtoHelp
http://www.mobilebaynep.com/
http://www.ibrrc.org/index.html

Help @NWF save wildlife in the Gulf --> Text WILDLIFE to 20222 to donate $10. http://www.nwf.org/oilspill. Pls RT!

HOT DOCS 2010

2010-04-27T15:20:16Z

so, HotDocs is starting up soon, and cos you all know how weird I am about documentaries, I'd figure I'd mention the ones I'm most excited for.

1. Dreamland (Iceland)

2. The Rainbow Warriors of Waiheke Island (Netherlands)

3. The Devil Operation (Canada/Peru)

AND there's another that doesn't have a trailer: I’m Dangerous with Love.

So, those are the 4 I'm planning on going to see. Any takers? ;)

skins 4x08 --- "everyone" ... supposedly, but not really.

2010-03-19T21:24:13Z

When Kathryn Prescott sniffing her fingers to see if she used them night prior is the most realistic thing about an entire Skins series, you know something is rotten in the state of Denmark. (SEE WHAT I DID THERE? I quoted Hamlet. Again.) HEAVEN WILL DIRECT IT... Back to heaven; RIP Skins.

I'm going to rely on some real judges to help me out here. But fair warning: This could get rather long (like Freddie's greasy locks) and ranty, and as immature as Emily Fitch.

So here we go, one last time.

<
I honestly have no clue where to start, or if I even want to cos at this point, it seems pretty fruitless to complain and criticise. After all, it's all said and done. No amount of whinging on and on will change the absolute tragedy of Skins series 4. And no, not a Hamlet-like tragedy. (JB *wishes*) More like... a travesty. Better word choice there.

I suppose I should preface this whole thing by saying, I was apprehensive about this entire series before it even began. Maybe I'm biased. Especially as soon as we heard the dreaded "only 8 episodes" bit. For the entirety of the series, I have sat round on Friday afternoon going "What the shit is going on?" and wallowing in the ineptitude of the Skins writing "team". (Wait, there's no I in team? OH. Coulda fooled me, Skins writers.) And generally trying to fanwank away all the glaring inconsistencies, plot-holes and massive gaping chasms of faulty research. Please, can I say (and I swear this will be the last time, obviously)? I knew this series was doomed the moment Sophia took MDMA (the worst way possible, btw) and jumped off a balcony. People just don't do that. The second they chose to call it MDMA instead of a more realistic drug for that kind of behaviour, I felt the faith slipping. And then when they decided to ignore the ease of a Google search in favour of creating make-believe crimes in order to create drama for Naomi and Cook, I just lost it completely. (As those of you on my f-list well know, haha).

What happened to Skins being "real"? We all know it's not ~realistic, but it was at least moderately believable at one point. This series was quite possibly worse than the entire run of The O.C. and that's saying something.

Wow, that was not where I wanted to take this. Anyway, back onto EPISODE 8. My preface was supposed to mention that I made an error possibly in my choice of entertainment prior to the finale last night. I decided to watch Harry Brown. That was likely not a good idea. Simply because, other than the fact I cried for pretty much the entire second half of the film, (for very complex and complicated reasons I won't go into here since I'm talking ~~dangerous~~ Skins, not films) it was much rawer, and everything Skins tries to be and isn't. (And btw, it's better than Gran Torino, jsyk.) Then I had only an hour to kill between the end of the film and Skins. Mmm. 7-11.

Speaking of food, I am super hungry & a pretty magnificent grouchy bitch, so I'm going to try not to be a total cunt, but no promises. At least, not til my pizza finishes in the oven.

I honestly have no idea where to begin, and that's why I keep rambling about inconsequential things. OK. Bad news first?

Sure.

Things I hated...

AH FML. Burnt my hand inside my stupid complicated German oven.

Breathe...

Now, I've never thought Skins wrote particularly good finales (bar parts of S2). This was pretty much on par with what I expected from a finale in terms of resolution. However, when you have 8 episodes in which to tell 9 different stories, and then a total of 48 minutes to wrap the entire thing together, you don't waste time with things like extended, awkward "dance" scenes with Lily Loveless, tearful goodbye scenes with evil psychiatrists who were only introduced last ep, or, you know, Thomas. He is completely useless, both as a character and an actor. I would gauge that only approximately 10% of the viewing audience even gave a shit about him.

While we're on the subject of filler, Pandora/Thomas? Really? I kinda thought that ship sailed a long time ago, what with Thomas being a massive tool and Pandora being mainly non-existent. Did I give a shit about that? Nope. And I actually really like Panda, but that whole thing was plain stupid.

Why can't a boy and girl on Skins just be friends? Why is that such a foreign concept this series? Oh right, Congo cock.

First up...
Don't even get me started on the pure shit they gave Katie this episode. And why the fuck she dresses the way she does. My eccentric great aunt has the same outfit, Katiekins. She enjoys polo mints and brandy for breakfast. And has 3 cats. Katie was possibly the most real of the characters this series, if only cos she wasn't given this overwhelmingly melodramatic breakdown to cope with. (Everyone else got one.) And yet, she gets about 1 minute of screentime and most of it consisted of a)some weird, awkward thing with Thomas and b)farting in her sleep. Great. (Speaking of which, so Katie's living at Naomi's too, and sharing a room with Cook? No, seriously. When she's talking to Thomas, you see her clothes hanging on a rack. Unless, Emily's decided to punish Naomi with excessive animal print, and have one of those "Which twin is which" headfucks with her.)

But...
WHY IS PANDA @ NAOMI'S?

This was never explained. Not that it's particularly important. It just doesn't make any sense either. Convenient, yeah?

You know, let's just go character by character...

Pandora: So... she's secretly a genius?

...

ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?

She secretly took exams? She secretly got a make-believe history scholarship to HARVARD? She's actually entirely fluent in French after just learning the word "incroyable" last series? How can you even get into a french A-level without some background in the language?

Where is my Panda-pops I loved before?

Keep in mind, this is the same girl who, when Effy first met her, was drinking ink out of her pen and then almost hung herself in the park. And apparently had no idea how to paint a picture and needed Effy & Sid to do it for her. Oh, and she's the same chick who downed an entire baggy of make-believe superdrugs cos she thought that's how to do it. And needs a sign on her own bathroom to remind herself what it is.

Pandora honey, there aren't enough Playmobil sets in the world to get you through four years of a History BA at Harvard. Honestly, if she had to learn by throwing sheep around a library, I'm not sure Harvard would offer her a place, let alone a scholarship (that doesn't actually exist. Way to go, fact-checkers. AGAIN.)

Which, let's just touch on Thomas again who magically, without any rhyme or reason gets another made-up athletics scholarship to Harvard, despite being expelled from school and not actually getting any A-levels at all. He's just that fast. Like a dog, right. (Can I just mention that when someone is compared to a dog it's usually not in a good way? Like, usually visions of humping people's legs and multiple penises come to mind. Not running fast. Cheetah, maybe. Dog? Not so much. But maybe that's just a cultural thing I don't understand.) Plus, dogs aren't ~that fast. Meh. Especially those stupid frou-frou ones.

I think perhaps the Skins writers have confused Harvard University with the McDonalds at the community college down the street. You can't just walk in the door and sign-up.

Or maybe, it's actually a university called Arvard and we are just assuming it's Harvard cos they have accents. Yes? Perhaps? ;P

And Tommo doesn't want to run for whitey, eh? Well, perhaps Harvard isn't the place for him then. JUST SAYING. If you want pompous, white assholes to bring your down and break your spirit, that's the place. (I hate university, can you tell?)

Freddie: Oh. He's a ghost now and talks to his loved ones... Okay.

Karen: Is 12. I don't understand what they were trying to do here. Not only did they make her look loads younger, she was also talking like she was 16. That bit outside Naomi's with Thomas when she was going on about her interests. As someone who is older than the Skins kids as well, it didn't make sense. Britney? Posh & Becks? Heavy petting? Seriously. How old is she again?

Effy: Who? Oh, you mean Angela from My So-Called Life? Hey, Effy, the 90s called. They want their terrible fashion back. Also, where is Effy? What is going on with Effy? Why is Effy even in this episode? What the fuck did Kaya do to piss off Bryan Elsley so much? Cos really, she's spent 4 years on the show and THAT'S what she gets? It's hard even to comment on Effy cos she was barely in it.

All I know is that her story made me the saddest cos look at it... Her boyfriend's just been brutally murdered by her doctor who it is implied sexually assaulted her in some way after she tried to kill herself, her best friend is leaving to go to "Harvard", her ex-boyfriend is either dead from avenging her boyfriend or on the run from the po-po for eternity for committing murder, her dad & bro have pissed away to nowhere land, her lezzie pals (Naomi who is the only one who actually bothered to visit Effy the first time) are setting sail to India to get sand up their vaginas, literally, so.. what? She's left with an autistic kid who's now raising a baby for the rather fly-by-night girlfriend he has and... Katie. The chick that she bashed over the head with a rock and left for dead in the woods, and has somehow put all that behind her.

DO WE SEE HOW ~THIS IS THE REAL TRAGEDY? Cos, holy hell. Effy, poor girl.

(While Katie would be enough for me, and is probably the best person for Effy (cos they're obviously in love or something. Why exactly was Katie sleeping over in the mentalhouse?) Effy has lost her "support" net. Not that the bunch of drunken, insane enablers she had for friends are the best support system anyway, but still.)

Emily: I don't even want to talk about Emily, tbh. She managed to piss me off every single time she was on screen. Just like she has since Katie's episode. CRY MOAR KATHRYN PRESCOTT. (I actually yelled this at the TV. My friend laughed politely.) That is literally all she and Lily Loveless have been given this whole series. It's boring, trite, and stupid. I've ranted about the portrayal (or lack thereof) of the so-called "relationship" at length in the past. I am just so fucking sick of seeing Emily cry like she's such a bloody victim all the time.

What really annoyed me far more than anything else she's done this series (and trust me, I really can't stand most of it), was that look she gives Naomi as she walks in the door to Fred's shed. Like Naomi needs to prove herself. Not the other way around. But, I don't really get the whole thing. Um. Naomi broke up with her cos Emily was lying for weeks (if not months) about what she's been up to, and dating and sleeping with Mandy (okay, just ~sleeping... naked, supposedly) and yet somehow it's STILL Naomi's fault?

Newsflash: It's both your faults. You stupid twats. The fact Emily didn't apologise at any point the entire time really rubbed me the wrong way. To me, that said, "Sure, if your girlfriend cheats on you once, it's perfectly acceptable to punish them to the point of borderline abuse for a year. It's their fault anyway." And I realise people can say "Well, Emily's apology was her saying "I love you"/kissing Naomi. It didn't need to be explicitly said." But it did. For once. I didn't feel the love from Emily really. I don't feel like she grew as a character at all, all series. She started out fine, then turned into this scorned, spoilt brat for the rest of it. "Oh boo hoo, my girlfriend doesn't want to go to Goa! Let's go pick up giants at the pub and bring them back, get them naked, wonder if you drunkenly shagged them, and then lie about it all! Oh, but wait, she's giving me tix to Goa so now that I get what *I* want, I guess it's okay!"

Not to mention the way she was using Mandy wasn't cool either.

I just... Don't even want to talk about it anymore.

Naomi: Something was off about her. I don't know if it was a result of the editing, pacing, lack of development or what but what kind of drugs is Naomi on at 9 AM? I want some. Last week had her wondering how "okay" she and Emily were (which I already discussed the weirdness of such a statement). This week she's prancing around, obviously either intoxicated or brain-damaged from previous intoxication, putting Emily to bed with another chick, making her breakfast, kissing her, making somewhat mean sounding sexual innuendos, before getting lashed @ 11:30 AM and listening to shit 80s music, before providing possibly the most awkward grinding I've ever seen... and some of my middle school dances were fairly well-lit.

When did Naomi become so stupid? I understand wilful blindness. Ignorance is bliss and all that. But she could not have really thought Mandy was straight, right? That's why she kept pushing? ...But then why was she so fucking surprised when it was confirmed? Like... *shakes head* The vibe I got was that Naomi knew the whole time but she was repressing it or not saying anything, in order to test Emily. (EMILY FAIL.) Which, while fairly passive-aggressive, is not particularly unfair. It proved to me that Emily is just as guilty of the things she holds against Naomi. And that means they BOTH are in the wrong. Still. After 7 episodes, nothing is any different. The only new info we got was a bit of background on Naomi's massive childhood love affair with Emily (which I won't go into cos I thought it was actually understandable, and can fit with S3 actually... but horribly written.) & subsequent justification for promiscuity. But anyone who uses "slave to the way I feel" automatically loses cred with me. Soz, Naoms.

But... *sigh* I was disappointed that Gina never appeared. And errr, Naomi accepted Goldsmiths? I dunno. That seems... odd. Not just because WHY THE FUCK IS NAOMI GOING TO A PREDOMINANTLY ART-FOCUSSED SCHOOL? YEAH THE SAME ONE THAT IS ATTACHED COMPLETELY TO THE MEMORY OF THAT SUICIDAL CHICK THAT OFFED HERSELF AFTER GETTING IT ON WITH AND STALKING NAOMI? YEAH THAT WHOLE THING THAT PARTLY CAUSED HER BFF COOK TO LAND IN PRISON AND MORESO THE LAST 12 MONTHS TO BE LIVING HELL?

(Yeah, yeah, good sociology dept too. Whatever. Leave me to indignantly scoff in peace, pls. And I'm fairly certain that will straight As she could have got into a school with a better sociology program. Like, one that isn't tied to such terrible memories. js.)

Cook:

Hmm. I feel bad for Cook simply cos they took in him in one direction at the end of his episode, and undid ALL that growth throughout the rest of the series. Escaping from jail was the first step backwards. And then everything after (save his speech to Freddie about manning up). And so, it ends with him either merking someone, or dying. :(

Despite saying how much I enjoyed Harry Brown, I do not believe in vigilante justice. I don't think Cook was heroic. I don't think murdering the doctor is okay. Sorry. An eye for an eye leaves us all blind. Everyone who is creaming themselves over what a great guy Cook is need to look a little harder, imo. Without getting into this incredibly complex issue of "justice" (especially since across cultures, yes, even within various English-speaking ones), I don't think vengeance is an acceptable justification for murder. That's all I'm going to say about it. I took a law course in this exact subject and could talk for HOURS about it. So, just... No. I'm not going to talk about it anymore.

This is it:

Just... yeah.

"Vengeance is a lazy form of grief."

I dunno. I felt they did his character a huge injustice. After everything that's been built, fucking burn it to the ground. Though, that's pretty much my general view this whole series. "Yeah, let's do that. Let's build something, and then we'll tear it down! Fuck it, come on. Say it."

Jal. ILU.
Watch it here.
(PS. Chris=Naomi, Jal=Emily --- except Chris/Jal dealt with the issues 100x better. Seriously. Think about it. Naomi/Emily's storyline is so much less "impressive" when you consider this. The parallels are great. But Chris/Jal is how normal people, non-insane bitches who are in love deal with cheating. Naomi/Emily is just... how people deal with it in MelodramaticCrazytown. This was one of the things I mentioned a long time ago in relation to how uncreative Series 4 has been when compared to S1/2.)

Skins built something. It wasn't perfect, but people loved it for a reason. Then they said, fuck it, we have no idea what to do with this, so let's fuck it up so magnificently that we'll make it completely indistinguishable from the thing people loved in the first place. And we're left really with a series that's main focus was vengeance. Not love, not life, not even justice or consequences. Just revenge and darkness.

(And I can't help but think it was purposeful sabotage. They created a Frankenstein monster in a sense. This massively popular and ridiculously loved show, with a cast that exceeded beyond anyone's expectations and drew mobs of fans, literally. But they're faced with a new gen and series next year, and to prevent us from hating/dreading it off the bat, they destroyed what we loved so that our expectations are so low, our opinions can only go up next series. Too bad half these fans won't be watching any longer.)

But back to Cook, as much as I enjoyed his half-nakedness, it just couldn't make up for the backslide in his character development. Like, there wasn't any movement. The speech at the end? Similar to his ramble in JJ's ep last series. And the whole idea of nothingness? I dunno, I got Misfits vibes from it. Nathan's speech was better. I still enjoyed Cook's though. NGL. If only for the very last line. (The rest reeked a little of the same hubris Cook had in S3 ep2, imo, which just means he never did learn or develop much at all; and that saddens me).

And honest truth? I didn't mind the cliffhanger. Not at all. I expected as much. I just thought I would care a little more. Everyone's flipping out about lack of resolution but again, expected. It's not the cliffhanger that annoyed me. It was everything else about the episode. From it's ridiculously incoherent pacing, lack of cohesive character growth, random contrived plot devices and overused cliches, unconvincing acting & writing, and general messiness.

And, I have decided that if I ever want to commit a bunch of crimes and get away with it, I should just move to Bristol. They appear to have the most moronic police force since, I dunno, Mr Plod in Noddy books.

So. I also haven't really enjoyed the music. I thought the track chosen for the end montage was TERRIBLE. There hasn't been a single track this entire series that I've been like "WOW, what a fantastic choice! I love it!" (I thought there were FAR more in previous series). The only one they played that I was actually like "Nice" was the Panda Su track with Karen.

But the thing that really irked me and became crystal clear this episode?

The lack of friendship. Skins was supposed to be about a group of friends learning, suffering, growing up together. From the get go of S3, Gen2 has never really connected to each other the same way as Gen1. They have their own little cliques within the larger group, with a little connection to another clique here and there, and no relationships beyond the romantic are ever really explored in great detail other than those that were pre-existing. The fact that Emily and Thomas had never even been to Freddie's shed before? And we're supposed to believe that these were all tight buds? Nah. Not buying it. They've always felt like a group of people who have hung out together cos they don't have anyone else, not for any genuine connection. Any such connections were never explored to the degree where I could believe they really were a whole group of close friends; like not in the same sense I felt in Gen1, where you knew (with perhaps the exception of Anwar cos he wasn't really developed; and Cassie S2 cos she went off the deep end and burned her bridges pretty effectively) if one of them was upset, they ~could turn to any of the other people in their group. And don't even get me started on the lack of Katie & Emily in the finale. (*That* was a direction/editing issue. There was far more they could have done during Naomi's speech. SO much more. It doesn't have to be verbal. Dropped the ball on that one. Big time.)

I think had the pacing not been quite so WHAM! BAM! this episode would have had much improved cohesiveness, and thus emotional sustainability. But as it stands, it was just one random, disconnected event after another, and nothing really happened at all for half an hour. It was a little jarring, especially Naomi's story. WHAM! She's happy/stupid, BAM! she's drunk, WHAM! she's mad, BAM! she's in outer space, WHAM! she's naked, BAM! she's sad, WHAM! she's confessing her undying love, BAM! it's over. Like...... what? Headspin much. There was no real build-up, especially to the final Naomily scene. *sigh* It came out of nowhere. She just walks in the door and immediately starts on about her ~feelings. WHAT?

I expected better. Like, you all know me, I'm not a hater. I am (was) so in love with Naomi/Emily it's ridiculous but there's still something not quite right about it all for me. I was unsatisfied, I think. Disappointed, mostly in the fact that nothing really changed or moved forward for the entire series when I really think about it. Things happened, mostly for no reason, and nothing really changed in the end.

So, JB and BE and Co. can try to justify their decisions all they want but this series did NOT have the magic of the previous ones. Plain and simple. Giving Naomi/Emily a happy ending doesn't make up for 8 episodes of crap. Sorry. You can't bribe me like that. So, continue on, JB.

I don't care.

Apparently love is revenge; life is hedonistic vengeance. That's all I know now.

FAKE SERIES

DIDN'T EXIST.

But anyway, this is an epically long post and if anyone's actually made it this far, I sincerely congratulate you. The scary thing is that I'm not done. I don't have much else to say in terms of things I didn't like, but I feel that I need to talk about the things I did like. But this post is far too long as it stands. So, there will be a part two which likely will incorporate both what I enjoyed about the episode (cos there were moments, unlike JJ's episode), and the series in general. I think it all can fit in one post, tbh.

So, until then... PEACE OUT, BITCHES. xx

aye aye... matey.

2010-03-10T04:39:24Z

♥
You guys...

I have a feeling this is my favourite thing in the world.
And you will see a lot of it.
♥

I don't even have a tag appropriate for this. That is how cool it is.

my top 11 party scenes (yes, 11)

2010-02-24T02:08:23Z

A Proper Picspam, for once.
sort of multifandom, actually

This is a first for me and is simply the result of not actually wanting to work on my lab, and being bedroom-bound since I have a gross, bloody hacking cough. Lovely, ain't it? But fuck it, enjoy your vicarious living! And I provided some lovely choons for you to listen to while it loads. ;)

Now, these are not necessarily the best, most cinematographic or fun party scenes in my TV shows. They are the ones I particularly like for their realism and attention to detail. I'm sure people don't agree, and really, what you find "realistic" depends completely on your own experiences. You may also notice my lack of variety. I honestly don't watch many programmes, and I have completely ignored some that I do watch (*ahem* Gossip Girl cos I think their parties are bullshit and fake. Not that I've really watched it past mid-series 2.) Meh. Also, the pics themselves often have the wrong episode number. I don't care. I can't be bothered to fix that, heh. So, without further ado, let the party commence!

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11. SKINS: "GET IN THE QUEUE" [Cook/Effy] ; s03e10

I love Effy's dancing alone in the dark. It's lovely and brings back memories.

(Side Note: The straight-edge dude here is Jay's 'Football Friend' in the Inbetweeners. Hee.)

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10. THE O.C.: "Drunk!LINDSAY" [Lindsay, Marissa] ; s02e09

I never cared for Lindsay. At all. Except for this scene where Marissa takes it upon herself to get the alcohol-virgin hammered. Which results in painfully real drunken confessions and awkwardness. Not to mention Lindsay being stupid, and then passing out, leaving Ryan to bitch at Marissa who begins a lovely dalliance with Alex. ;)

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9. HOUSE: "CAMERON LOVES METH" [Cameron/Chase] ; s02e07

After possibly getting HIV, the obvious result is to steal meth from a patient, invite your gullible co-worker over and proceed to have intoxicated sex with him, almost against his wishes. Heh, almost. This isn't really a "party" per ce. But there's a wicked Goldfrapp track playing in the background and Cameron is fucked out of her skull, so I say it counts. Cos afterall, "Who doesn't have sex with a drugged-up colleague when they have the chance?" ~House.

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8. SKINS: "PUMP THAT PUSSY" [Cook/Effy] ; s03e10

The two most seasoned veterans of the Gen2 party scene are back again on my list. The track is sick and the editing fantastic. And the fight, lack of care to being chucked out of a club, not to mention the sweat and general WTFery going on. Very reminiscent of a solid night out, if you can even remember it after.

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7. THE O.C.: "Authentic Mexican Culture" [Marissa] ; s01e07

It's sorta painful watching the acting by Mischa Barton at the beginning of this, but what the hell. This is one here simply for the pure debauchery that is end of summer partying in Tijuana. This is my fav ep of the first season, and pretty much the only episode I like from it. Marissa overdosing on painkillers was gold, and pretty riveting to watch, tbh. The dirt, the sleaziness, the grime, the heat. It was all there. And it showed that taking lots of drugs actually does do bad things to you. (I'm looking at you, Skins.) Leave it to Mischa Barton to excel at playing a monged-out brat.

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6. SHAMELESS: "PARTY! HEH... SCATTER!" [Carl/Maxine, Chesney] ; s06e16

I know I said these were based on both pretty and realism, and this one slips up a little in the "reality" department, but I'm going to claim North American ignorance of the European football culture. I don't know how easy it is to crash a footballers gig, but meh. Maybe it really is easy enough. But regardless, there's booze, coke, and tabloids. Sounds about right to me. I mean, Shameless has a plethora of options for partying & general reality of substance abuse (Have you seen Frank?!) but I chose this one simply cos it showed the kids out having a good time instead of Frank knocking one back in the local.

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5. SKINS: "ALICE PRACTICE" [Sid, Tony] ; s02e03

Fuck me. There may have been no real dialogue but this is one of Skins' best scenes with a massive thanks to Crystal Castles for the choon. Everyone's had one of these nights: where you're out surrounded by people having a massively awesome time, and you are feeling like fucking shit. All you need is a friend.

And I don't even like Sid.

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4. THE INBETWEENERS: "THIS IS A MAN'S DRINK" [Simon, etc] ; s01e02

The Inbetweeners is RIPE with horridly familiar and awkward teenage social situations, but this one has the added bonus of being hilarious. The boys bunk off, dress-up to buy booze, and proceed to get drunk in the middle of the day for no particular reason while talking about caravans and hurling insults at each other, and Neil's gay dad. Then following Simon he makes one drunken fuck-up after another which all culminates in asking Carly to finger herself for him and then vomiting all over her little brother's head. It's classic. Honestly. It's so painfully normal for kids just learning the joys (& drawbacks) of alcohol.

"They say it's the things you don't do in life that you regret. Well that's clearly not true. I regret hitting that girl with a frisbee. I regret hurling insults at Neil's dad... and I'm pretty certain Simon regrets almost everything he did that day."

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3. SKINS: "AND I'D SAY 'WITCH HAZEL? WHAT ARE YOU 90? GIVE ME SOME FUCKING PAINKILLERS.'" [Tony, Cassie, etc] ; s02e06

"Hey Cass, are we going somewhere?"
"Oh yes."

Yes, we are. And it is "fucking fantastic" with MASSIVE original track by Daniel Kaluuya. There's something about this scene that really makes me smile. Not only does it actually work realistically time-wise (Instead of, I dunno, some chick taking MDMA & throwing herself off a balcony literally 2 minutes later. Then have it all blamed on the drugs. WHATEVER, SKINS. Just whatever.), the atmosphere is... right. The reactions are right. And I have never seen such a graphic and dead-on representation on television of peaking on E than how Tony does it here. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. I think there's a lot in the first generation of Skins that has been lost in the second. There's a slightly under-stated authenticity to the experiences that are definitely lacking in the 2nd Gen, as they seem to be aiming for "edginess", "drama" and "shock value" over actual realism and credibility. Seriously, don't even get me started on all the issues in Gen2's party scenes. But this scene solidifies for me the lengths Skins would go to back in the day to keep it real.

[A special shout-out to MC Toby Welch. I'd put this scene on the list too, but it's already got so much Skins already.]

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2. MISFITS: "I'M OFF ME TITS" [Kelly] ; s01e04

Another banging track.

[Side note: Just to point out, Lee (Kelly's boyfriend) is Jal's almost-brother.)

I had a really difficult time deciding between this scene and #1 just because it's so... familiar (to use that word again). This is what partying is like half the time. It's not all fun and games and smiles and love. Sometimes you get fucked to the point where you need air, and then pass out and need to virtually be carried home. Now, before anyone starts judging me, heh, everyone's been here. I have been on the "helping" side of this equation more often than not. I've had friends puke on my shoes, want to kiss me with sick breath, need coats, scream at themselves, and had to literally drag them home from clubs. Hell, I've broken into a car once or twice. (Before you go calling the police, it was the car of a dude I was with and he didn't have his keys but he needed something out of it. Both times actually I knew who's car it was.) But really, my point is that Kelly's overwhelmed reaction is so well-done, her fucked-up-ness, hell, they even got the JAW-CLENCHING down. Attention to detail. Majorly. Every part of Kelly's travels are so dead on that it makes me think I'm watching home videos. All in all, I think Misfits handles its party scenes FAR better than this gen of Skins. Misfits doesn't have to try hard. It just is.

But all that said...

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1. SKINS: "YOU LOVE HER COZ SHE'S DEAD" [Emily/Cook] ; s03e07

If this had been based purely on realism, then Misfits would have clinched it. However, it's not solely that. I fucking LOVED this scene. I would say, it is unequivocally my #1 favourite scene in all of Skins. I can't exactly say why for sure, but I think it's a combination of the music, the dancing, the colours, & the sheer joy and familiarity of Emily's behaviour, and Cook's too. It is a fucking top night when you are that sweaty and that happy and just fucking rocking out to the music. And really, the wonderful memories this evokes are just... lovely. When I go out, this is norm. It's the only way I can honestly call it a successful night out. There is possibly no better feeling... (I said "possibly"). I know a lot of ladies are repulsed or even offended by Cook's blatant gropage of an obviously thoroughly intoxicated Emily, but, whatever. That honest doesn't bother me in the slightest. It's just what happens in clubs. And, at the risk of sounding like some anti-feminist, I thought it was pretty hot. And I think it helps that I've been here, and yeah, usually it's pretty gross for boys to just come up and molest you, but sometimes --- get ready to hate me --- it can be fun. For a little while, at least. [And then that's why you have friends and twin sister's to come along and pull you away when it gets too much]. I also didn't think Cook meant anything bad by any of it. But that isn't really why I like this scene anyway.

I love the dancing, the dazed expression on Emily's face as she attempts to take it all in, the freedom. I don't think I've seen any character on Skins quite as uninhibited as Emily during this scene. It's uplifting in a sense, to me anyway. And I like seeing Emily like this, cos, tbh, she is not my favourite character (I'd say there are about 4 ahead of her in the queue, from Gen2 alone). So, it's a pretty big deal for me to be so in love with a scene featuring her.

There is just so much fucking energy.

I think that's why it's #1.

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So, there you have it. Maybe if I watched less cartoons and more teen dramas, this wouldn't be as Skins-centric but what are ya gonna do? I wanted to also do the 5 worst party scenes but I got lazy. (In summary: the opening scene of Skins 4x01 (despite Segal's BANGER), pretty much all of Cook's S3 ep, and every episode of Gossip Girl.) I feel like I'm missing a whole programme altogther. Hrmm. And no, I won't count reality TV shows like The Hills or Peak Season, even tho they have some fun scenes too. WHAT AM I MISSING? Oh well. Hope you enjoyed it.

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Skins Locations ;)

2010-02-20T05:58:08Z

I'm fucking bored of learning about V-type ATPases. (If you don't know, you don't need to know.) Fuck midterms, is what I say. Instead of doing important, life things, I'm doing this.

Just cos I'm so pleased with my memory sometimes. I've posted occasionally about different filming locations in Bristol (and these are only exciting to me because I seem to have an almost photographic memory of my entire 4 days spent there.)

Emily's faux-suicide carpark of lesbian indiscretions.

Long story short: It looked mighty familiar. I walked by it. At least twice. Do not ask why. I really couldn't tell you, but damn, I recognised that Harvey Nichols tower. And to be very honest, I really couldn't be bothered to take a significant amount of pics or anything in Bristol. It wasn't a pilgrimage or anything. yeah, surprise.

So here's the tower I'm talking about. Pretty distinctive. (Not the church. The big white thing.)

Now, it's a little difficult unless you've been to Bristol recently to explain how this proves anything. But trust me. You can see it from where Emily's standing on the roof. (But you won't see it on Google maps cos their Bristol photos are so damn old. The place I stayed doesn't even exist there. According to them, I slept in the middle of a road.)

Here:

Right. Yeah. Google it.

Naomi's house on the darkside of town.

But then, really, what part of Bristol isn't the badside? Heh. I KID. I'm sure some of the suburbs are lovely. At least further south of here was. And tbh, I didn't think this was bad.

"The Windmill really is a breath of fresh air in an area of Bristol so scummy that cars break down in the centre just to not go there." (The Windmill isn't the same pub across the street from Naomi, but it's close enough.)

NAOMI LIVES HERE.
~ Bedminster

I'll be honest, I originally thought Totterdown for whatever reason. But then... I took a bus right by here so... Yeah. Not difficult to find if you know landmarks.

Katie's dock of despair and drama.

I'm particularly pleased with my skills remembering this place. Not that it's very difficult considering the landmarks across the river are pretty distinctive... And the hours I spent in this park for no particular reason are innumerable. Also, the park where some locals thought I would sell them weed. WHY DOES EVERYONE ON THE PLANET THINK I AM A DRUG DEALER?

(yes. there were two people fucking or something down there.)

~ Castle Park Ferry Landing.

Yeah, you can't actually SEE it from my pics. Cos I didn't bother going down to the water. But here:
trust me. It is. SEE?.

The hill where JJ molested a choking victim.

This one is plainly obvious.

~ Brandon Hill, @ Cabot Tower.

That same hill of highs & lows, thanks to Cassie & Katie.

As is this.

~ Brandon Hill.

Cook's fountain of fun & fornication.

Well, it wasn't on the show actually. Cook just wrote about it in his pre-Series 4 blog...thing.
So if you want some Cook spunk, go for a dip.

Splish Splash!
~ right down fucking town. The same place where a homeless dude was playing the piano, and some lady said I was fit and offered me a job at a gym. And they say finding employment is difficult! (Heh, yes, I'm very aware it was likely a scam. Hence the reason I am not still in Bristol working at said gym. Or in prison.)

Also, Cook mentions the "big clubs". You can see it if you scroll down the map a bit.

Yeah. Not helpful on a fucking Monday. Thanks tho.

Subway of green-blue filters and fast movement.

Not the same one as in Cook's ep, but it appears to be the same one as the S4 credits (from the other direction than they ran). But then again, all fucking tunnels look the same to me.

Somewhere...
~ ...Near the bus terminal. There's like 4 different subways right there.

Freddie's ep???

Yes. Squint and you can see the Skins trailers. But unfortunately for me, there was no one there except a security dude. And to be honest, I didn't go to Bristol to wait around for hours and hours in Castle Park like a crazy person for a glimpse of random Skins actors. So I left. Plus, the drug thing was weird... And the fact people seemed to know me/think I was someone else [Also happened in London, hmm. VIP treatment everywhere --not drug dealer treatment, thankfully]. And the strange stroller, brand new, near where I was sitting. In a box, just hidden there. Dunno who's it was... Prolly for hauling my supposed drugs.

They will film at the church. I'm telling you. It's gonna be in Freddie's episode. At least, somewhere in the park.

Could be on this side of the park too. Near the bunnies! And the playground that was full of chavs! Hahaha.

My granny used to give them to me for treats when I was little. Before Naomi was freakin' born. Alright.

Incidentally, this was in the hotel in Bristol. Oh, I mean, according to Google maps, the middle of a roadway. Either way, they are rare here now, so I was super excited in Ireland and then England when they are everywhere. And far cheaper than the speciality import shops here in TO. Tho, honestly, it wasn't as exciting as buying giant bottles of Heineken for £3 @ 12 AM in Tesco. Sorry, this isn't a holiday recap. Moving on...

I also did all the usual. You know, Park Street, college green, entire harbour, etc etc. Oh, the park where Jal & Chris kissed, the area where Jal & Chris did the rolling paper promise thingie, etc. I mean, that's not all that exciting. It just what you come across while walking everywhere in pink. Except south. We took a bus there. Saw a 10-year-old Kaya lookalike tho. Heh.

Yeah, I'll fix the pic sizes, maybe add some caps later. When I'm not bored anymore. Or when I'm more bored. I can't decide.

Speaking of Skins filming: They're currently filming here in TO until the 22nd (possibly extended, but the sheet I got only says up til then), filming the pilot for the US version. The other day they were @ Harbord & Bathurst, likely at Central Tech.

A Serious Post

2010-01-17T06:27:38Z

I'm going to take this evening in (with the never-ending migraine) to post something serious. As you (maybe) know, I'm now, as of this moment, *ahem* an Environmental Biology undergrad (Ask me again in 3 months what I am). I just spent the last 2 hours watching a documentary about the Great Lakes, one of three I bought for my family for Christmas. Just thought it would be a good opportunity to enlighten people/make people cry/cause hopelessness all-round. Cos that's just what I do...

So, this was it:

Waterlife: A Great Lakes Documentary

I seriously recommend these to everyone. Everyone.

The other one I bought (and watched already as well):

End of the Line

The one I bought for my sister:

The 11th Hour

Which is funny cos she bought me one too:

The Cove

Burning the Future: Coal In America

So that was the recent films we got. Others I recommend:

Mysteries of the Great Lakes. (Saw this in IMAX. Wow.)

Sharkwater

Saving Luna

Blue Gold: World Water Wars

Coal Country

HOME

Crude

At The Edge of Everything

Whale Wars (The series)

Not a trailer, but related to the first film:

And for something a little different:

A live performance of the song "Ipperwash" by Little Hawk.

And finally something less depressing:
Something I love to do...

Unsalted: Great Lakes Experience

And somethings I enjoy...

Glastonbury
(Highlights being Faithless and Melanie Safka)

1989: The Summer of Rave (We need this now.)

Well, I still have a headache. *sigh*

For sometimes when we have reached the end
With the velvet hill in the small of my backs
And our hands are clutching the sand
Will our blood become a part of the river
All of the rivers are givers to the ocean
According to plan, according to man
There's a chance peace will come in your life, please buy one.
~Melanie Safka, 'Peace Will Come'

the many days of sharing (then some days of not sharing) then sharing again meme.

2009-10-02T20:54:31Z

Oops. Again.

seven days of sharing: has turned into like 10. or something.

one: a song
two: a picture
three: a book/ebook/fanfic
four: a site
five: a youtube clip

six: a quote

Keisha: Ugh. It's always some day or other at this school! Today it's sex education day. Yesterday was Monday. Let's take the day off, man!
Natella: You always want to take the day off Keisha. You're trapped in a vicious circle. Not interested in school cos you can't read, can't read cos you're not interested in school.
Keisha: I can't read, Natella, cos I have Attention Deficit Syndrome.
Latrina: What's that?
Keisha: What's what? Oh! Teacher's coming! Don't let her see the baby. Distract her!
Natella: Mrs. Jackson, have you don't something with your hair?
Mrs. Jackson: Uh no.
Latrina: Well perhaps you should. It's a disgrace.
Mrs. Jackson: Riight. This is Tamsin, everybody. In their wisdom, her parents have decided to broaden her social awareness and leave public school and mix with poorer, more violent children.
~ Bromwell High; info.
Keisha & I are like soulmates, lol.

seven: whatever tickles your fancy
Whatever tickles my fancy? WELL. Then it will be a load of things!

1. Katy Brand - I'm gonna weird you out tonight
I'm gonna weird you out tonight
I'm gonna write my new album with a kite
I'll eat cheese, ham and an aluminum bun
Put a keyboard in a blender just to have some fun

2. Little Boots: A Different Kind of Youtube Star
Pitchfork: You're all over the internet, on YouTube, MySpace, and on your blog. And I see you've started a Twitter now. I'm sort of frightened by Twitter.

Little Boots: What a strange thing, right? I don't really want to know what everybody had for breakfast and it quite worries me that people want to know what I had for breakfast. With all the other stuff-- my blog, YouTube, and everything else-- I've always done it myself. I'm totally into it. But the Twitter was something that my management made me do. It's stupid; I don't get it. I got annoyed, I was like, "Oh god, with all the other stuff that I do, you want a bloody Twitter as well?" I've just been putting ridiculous things on there.

3. Kanye West 'Auto tune'
"Not only was this record produced by ME, I also rap, sing and play every instrument MYSELF. The sleeve was designed by ME, and I PERSONALLY burnt every CD and I put them in the boxes with MY OWN hands!

I am directing this video with with cameras that I designed and built MYSELF. The TV you watchin' this on was invented by ME, and all the programs on all the other channels were written and produced and directed by ME."

4. fitness club fiasco!!! :D <3

5. Bench. I like benches. I like to stand on benches and pretend I've just taken a dozen sleeping pills & chased those with vodka. Cos then people will know what love feels like.

Well, that's enough fancy tickling for the day.

Because the last thing I need is an excuse to post everyday.

2009-09-25T00:26:38Z

seven days of sharing:

one: a song

Asking me to decide which song to post is about the most time-consuming thing I could be asked to do (That sentence was weird, but you get my point). So, to simplify, I went to iTunes and I'm posting my most played track on there.

"The 7 July 2005 London bombings, also known as 7/7, were a series of coordinated suicide attacks on London's public transport system during the morning rush hour. The bombings were carried out by four English Muslim men motivated by Britain's involvement in the Iraq War.

At 08:50, three bombs exploded within fifty seconds of each other on three London Underground trains, a fourth exploding an hour later at 09:47 on a double-decker bus in Tavistock Square. The explosions were caused by home-made organic peroxide-based devices, packed into rucksacks and almost certainly detonated by the bombers themselves. Fifty-six people were killed, including the bombers, and 700 were injured."

♫ Drag me by my ankles, to the bottom of the ocean
There I'll stay forever, until you come back from England
I stayed up forever, tried to call your number
But you were lost forever, in the early days of winter
Dirty little town on the Thames is calling you away ♫

here: LONDON BOMBS

two: a picture
three: a book/ebook/fanfic
four: a site
five: a youtube clip
six: a quote
seven: whatever tickles your fancy

i never had a dream come true....

2008-12-13T23:51:38Z

for some reason, christmas never fails to make me miss S Club 7.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHY.
perhaps it's the winter coats and snow in the video?
or maybe the fact one christmas i went to lick's really late at night to meet some friends and this song came on.
or maybe the fact that OMG lise and i were OBSESSED with Perfect Christmas, in a purely hilarious way. mostly because when we listened to the karaoke version, it sounded eerily similar to "Too Much", lmao. to the point that they were actually interchangable.

*sigh*

the good ole days of highschool craziness.

So if I had a wish come true
I'd spend the perfect Christmas with you

SPICE GIRLS!!! SPICE GIRLS!!! SPICE GIRLS!!!

2008-02-05T06:30:19Z

.

...

Hi.

Life = Complete.

That is all.

...

.

You may now continue all your lame non-Spice Girls-related lives. In other news, I need one of those black Spice Girls concert t-shirts. They were all sold out by the time I got there. I need one. Now. Please? Anyone know where to get one. (They're not on their site.)

Feb 4, 2008
Toronto, Canada

goodbye, little friend!

2007-08-03T14:35:03Z

R.I.P. GIR!!! Legal Action! aka Squishy Fishy
February 2006 - August 2007

We had fun didn't we, Hilter Fish? He passed away peacefully in his sleep August 3rd, 2007 after a short time on this earth where he used up about $500 of my hard-earned dollars. But it's a small price to pay for a constant companion (He can't run away!) and to save him from a torturous death at the hands of a drunken Huntington boy at formal. We had some good times, and he overcame some obstacles that others responded to with "Just flush him!". He got over ICK! He got over that tumour. He got through last hot, hot summer. We did it! You did it.

He was not well for the past 3 days but he is now resting comfortably in the big ocean in the sky.

Bon Voyage, Squishy!

Etiquette

2007-03-03T06:01:34Z

Things not to do at a Guster show:

1. Fart. (Then do the not-at-all-subtle glance around, then the "I'm uncomfortable" shuffle).
2. Bring a backpack.
3. Be a cheapskate and stuff your coat into said backpack so you can save the whole $1.75 it costs at coat check.
4. Wear a wool sweater and stand in the pit. Then scratch as the heat and your sweat make the shirt itchy.
5. Put your beer on the floor. You will lose it.
6. Make out. Just, no.
7. Bring your (tall) dad (who will stand in front of short girls like me).
8. Be a cheapskate and bring your backpack and bring your dad (who is wearing a wool sweater) to make out with and then fart while spilling beer on the floor.
(This one didn't happen. But it would still suck if it did.)

The End. Simple.
And Peter, Paul & Mary was very excellent tonight. If only more people listened to them nowadays.

A Better Place

2006-12-29T18:35:34Z

My heart has joined the Thousand, for my friend stopped running today.
Cheerios
Dec 2003 - Dec 2006

It's okay. He bruxed up until his last day. The last week was a struggle but now he is in a happier, healthier place. I just wish him the best of luck in his next life. Maybe we'll meet again...

Peace, little buddy.

huh?

2006-12-03T08:04:38Z

I'm not drunk. WTF is up with me these days?

9 drinks. No buzz.

Rip off.

So....

2006-03-19T06:38:23Z

Um, for all of you expecting a terribly interesting drunken post, sorry to disappoint. It's a long story but in short, I was kicked out of the club after like 4 minutes. Yeah. So. Um. I'll write it up tomorrow, but that's the short version. Heh.