Live, Love, Learn

dooodlebug26 — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 23:24:59 GMT

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
- Dr. Seuss

dooodlebug26 — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 07:22:06 GMT

Everything eventually becomes a memory.
You are looking... but are you really
Seeing?

dooodlebug26 — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 14:28:17 GMT

I love life. I just fucking love it!!! And I want to thank every person I ever talked to in my life, shitty or not as they may have been. Cuz it all lead up to something perfect xD Thank you!!!

dooodlebug26 — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 20:27:37 GMT

Between the lines of fear and blame

Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

-The Fray

I thank the author of this song. It helped me decide what to do.

How to Save a Life

dooodlebug26 — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 03:41:54 GMT

dooodlebug26 — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 07:47:32 GMT

Ugh, who the fuck am I kidding. I've lost.

still bitter

dooodlebug26 — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 08:16:37 GMT

Surely, I'll admit I am far better than I have been in the so recent past, but there are times when sudden bursts of rage take me by surprise, provoked by something unbeknown to me. Why I keep feeling this bothersome prick in the back, I do not know, but what I do know is that I still refuse to look back to the past and bring it to the present. But there is one thing I wish for. If only I could posses some power, anything, which could either let me know what people really do think, or whether I could see what really happens, even if it must be in the past and not present. Or to be able to use magic to punish and hurt.. no, I couldn't. But still, I confess, it is something I would like very much to posess. However, it is impossible, and therefore I am forced to settle with my brooding and planning at the desk of my room. I have ideas, many of them I have kept with me for the longest while, but I am unsure of which card to pick first. It is a delicate matter, especially since I am, in part, the one who is likely to lose control along the way and finally shatter all that I might be able to accomplish. It is only July, and there is still much time at my hands.

On another note, I still have something else that I have not resolved. KK, check your post box for there is something important in it.

Apart from that, life here has been very dull, filled with nothing but the usual walks down deserted alleys and walking into bars for the occasianal ice cream. Thankfully there are not many more days until my return.

dooodlebug26 — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 03:43:39 GMT

Over and out. See you all in August.

Graduated

dooodlebug26 — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 23:18:49 GMT

So, I'm finally an allum of The Williams School, class of '07. I'm gonna remember this year most out of all my years there, both the good and the horribly bad. So many things have happened. I was faced with hard decisions which I had trouble figuring out, I needed to muster up the courage to face it all and move on my own track of life instead of letting myself mold my life around other things. I've taken responabilities on my own and I strongly think I am ready to be thrown out into the world and face anything.

Even if this year had a very rough start even to the point to where I nearly ended it all, I've come a long way and I'm happy with how I am now. I understand better that I cannot hold onto everything in life because people do change. I was wrong about thinking people were always going to be the same as they were, but now I can see that even I have changed.

Now that the door has closed behind me I let all that I have chosen to leave behind go by their own paths. Who knows, maybe paths may cross someday or they may not. Either way, life goes on.

blah spring break...

dooodlebug26 — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 15:31:01 GMT

video I made

dooodlebug26 — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 04:21:44 GMT

I just finished making and uploading another house video! ^_^ Watch it. Now. I'll be uber happy

F R I E N D S O N L Y

dooodlebug26 — Sat, 30 Dec 2006 17:37:58 GMT

From here on out, my journal will be strictly friendsonly save for the few icon posts or whatever that I plan to make later on sometime. Sorry thatI'm making this decision, but its something I felt was necessary...and also because I'm incredibly bored today and had absolutely nothing to do. So yay!

Rules:
If you want to be my friend you should comment in this post or else I will not accept the request.

Simple, ne?

dooodlebug26 — Thu, 11 May 2006 13:37:29 GMT

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you think homophobia is wrong.

continued

dooodlebug26 — Thu, 29 Sep 2005 17:19:46 GMT

... and to top everything off with a nice big red cherry... I can't go see Rent because I'm not allowed to be a Thspian.

fuck everything

dooodlebug26 — Thu, 29 Sep 2005 15:42:52 GMT

Sorry, if that is fairly harsh but I mean it. Not most people, but some really.. yea. I bet that if I left and went to Italy for the rest of my life nobody would care. Still, I have the illusion that I really do matter to some. But somewhow I can't help but think that I have been replaced recently. Its a very empty feeling. It's almost like I am just something to fill the extra boring minutes in between things. Nothing that is really worth to go out of your way to do anything with. I'm just here. The end. I guess that is what was bugging me all week. I... I just.. god, I don't know. I have spent all summer brooding over this and for a time I thought it was better. But i guess jealousy never really does go away, does it? Stupid fucking people... Another thing that causes me to hate people right now are my dictator parents. Then theres French which has just become a pain in the rear cus I can't remember it. Angebra.. I don't even want to go there. I kinduh wish there was no underage drinking law right now. I hate immature boys. Stupidity is intolerable in my opinion.

Ms. Bo's dance auditions were yesterday. I cannot do funk to save my life. The whole arm movement thingy and abnormal movements do not like my brain. I think I did well in 5x7 though. I wont be entirely disappointed if I don't get into the Funk piece. One good thing that happened recently was that I was the only person to get an A on Gleich's essay. I didn't expect that. Then again, I dont deserve it at all.

Ugh, I hate myself right about now.I wish I could go back to 9th grade. That was a nice year minus Ms. Belair's English class. Everything was fine. Why can't it be fine now? Everything is so complicated and I seem to get touchy over so many little things that it is bugging me.

I have to go prepare for a stupid debate tomorrow first period. Stupid school. I wish everything would go back to how it used to be. But I know it won't. Stuff can't travel back in time. I just really want to write about my past experience for english class. I was at my desk playing with my sticker book. There was a red apple sticker. Scratch and sniff. My mom was sitting in the big brown leather chair watching Louis Rukheizer's Wall Street Joruanal and my dad was doing magic tricks by making my small basket ball marble disappear by 'giving it to Jesus.' I miss that. And I miss having someone who looked up to me for everything. I guess I have just lost my touch with giving advice. I'm old. I'm worn out. I'm worthless. *sobs*

Silently the Fences abandon their defences....

dooodlebug26 — Fri, 03 Jun 2005 19:22:04 GMT

glissade483 (7:42:35 PM): spring is the time of hormones.

Too true. Gaahhh!!!!!!! Im annoyed that I can't roleplay now. The thing was at a really interesting part too.... GAAAHHHH!!!!! *throws a big hissy fit* Anyways, today was my rehearsal for my violin thingy and omg, performing in front of more than three people is so nerveracking. I have never actually performed for so many people before, and I was shaking like heck. And you know what happens then you have a shaky bow... every sound was vibrating. Blah. The second time I did it it was considerably better, but you could tell I was really nervous. God, I just hope I do well tomorrow.

I had corn for lunch today lol

At 8 I went to see this Broadway signing thing of a group called Voices who are allumni of Connecticut College. There was this one man who sung Music of the Night as the second song and I nearly jumped out of my chair as soon as I hears the first two chords of the song. lol Then they did a few things from Chess that I dont know... then they did something fron RENT!!! Chicago, Movin' Out, and at a finale Aida *gag* (srry I hate Aida) But the dude who sand music of the night was really funny at the beginning, he sang "Silently the fences abandon their defences..." Im sure he was signging the right words but he prolly just didnt sing it right. Then again, Evan's Hall does tend to distort some of the sounds. Bah, I'm annoyed that I can't find out what the next part in my RP thing is... argh... SO ANNOYED!

yay tickers!

dooodlebug26 — Thu, 26 May 2005 14:57:29 GMT

dooodlebug26 — Fri, 06 May 2005 15:49:21 GMT

Blah... more blah... and an infinite amount of blas may be inserted here.

I wish I was in JCS. That way I wouldnt start feeling so fudging depressed I wont be in the JCS thing

Auditions

dooodlebug26 — Fri, 06 May 2005 14:45:08 GMT

Well, Advanced Dance II auditions could have gone better. I was so off balance cus for the past two weeks all we've been doing in dance class is relaxation. Blah. I Personally think I could have done fifty times better, but the others who I auditioned with seemed to think I was really good. But since they were intermediate people, I kinduh doubt it was true.... Today I was exhausted too. I was so out of it that I even thought Katie was absent again even though I saw her twice. Oh, and today was also Gaston Lereoux's Birthday. If only I had known that it was posted, I would have gotten to be the first one to get it. Dane you Mike Pollito!!! lol All in all, it was a pretty uneventful and boring day. OH but one really cool thing happened during Bio class! We did this exercise on how viruses are transferred so quickly just by one infected cell. There were cups (one for each person), each filled with water except for one. That one had a special chemical that would be the indicator for the virus. We went around to five different people and swapped half of our fluids into each other's cups. At the end, Mrs. Kraemer went around and put this clear stuff that would turn the infected 'cells' pink. Everyone who I had swapped with had pink in it, and those who i swapped who swapped with others also were pink. So I was the one who had the virusy chemical in it. I thought that was cool

Randomness...

dooodlebug26 — Thu, 07 Apr 2005 18:24:53 GMT

Strange things that happened today at school:
1. At snack I pretended I was riding a horse by whacking two sticks against each other to sound like a horse trotting.
2. I went to the hill with katie and fed half a starburst and a wrapper the man down in the sewers.
3. In french we watched a music video with chibi-ish animation of a girl skipping down a road with bouncing houses, pigs tipping their hats, small goats, and the girl doing this cutsy-break dancing.
4. A long white limo was parked outside the school cafeteria.
5. I had a big mental breakdown during lunch.

voila. 'tis a portion of my random life yet again...

Happy Day!

dooodlebug26 — Fri, 25 Mar 2005 14:49:57 GMT

YAY! I just got my computer back!!! Now I've found out that when Best Buy says they'll be done in 48 hours, that really means the double of what theyre promising. Oh well, *hugs computer* i got it back and its all fixed and I love it. They said that it has over 70 processes running, it was overheating, and norton expired. So now that all the viruses are cleaned up and all that junk, its better! *happy* I also got the Sims 2! Its so cool! The only downfall of having that is that it leaves me with 13Megs. My computer got mad at me and had all these warning signs show up saying that I needed at least 200Megs of free space. I think I'll have to stop by best buy again and get a memory card thing. But the Sims 2 is soooo cool! I just made Erik, Christine, Raoul. heh yes I'm crazy. I have to go eat now. tootles!

I hate my computer...

dooodlebug26 — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 22:05:23 GMT

OMG THE RING TWO IS IN THEATRES!!! sorry I lived under a rock the past week... ive been really sick and all that junk with a fever of 102.4 and stomach issues. Im better now though, only i look like rudolph and my lips are chapped like I just spent a couple of days in the arctic or something. I'm glad I feel better though. However my mom is still mad about that past argument we had... and she says she isnt gonna let me go to thespian meetings anymore or so any thespian stuff - no that I got to do anything this year BECAUSE of them anyways... *sad sigh* I don't believe she will though... but my dad said he'd write a letter.. though I still think that theyre not gonna do it. Theyve threatened me and said they were gonna do it like this more than 100 times now, so im not worried. But still... And tonight I also got really pissed off. I tried to make my mom feel better by watching either Jhonny English or Monty Python with her on the PS2 but it asked for a frikin password which I didnt ask for!!! *is really pissed off/aggravated* So I went to get my laptop even though every time I use it it makes a motorcycle sound. When it was playing, the sound was so horroble that when someone was talking in the movie it would sound like it echoed. Then something that was 10 minutes long took 20 minutes cus it would go really slow and wouldnt stop skipping. bah humbug. I need to send this pile of metal to someone to get it fixed before the warranty blows out. Though it really stinks that I wont have my computer for who knows how long. Computer shrinks are annoying.... ya tell them to fix something, they fix it, then find another problem, and fix that, then find all these other problems that you didnt even know existed and they try to fix those as well... *sigh* what can i do though... my computer needs to be un-fried. I have to use an annoying ice pack to keep it overheating so much that it might make my desk melt. Thats so pathetic.....

on a lighter note though... when I gave up trying to get my computer to work, I ended up telling my mom the entire story of the Phantom of the Opera based on the novel by Susan Kay. I started around 10, then when i finally finished it was 12:15. X_x no wonder my voice was scratchy and nearly dead. It took a flippin two hours! She loved it though-and now also understands why I consider it to be my life as well. Im glad for that. BUT IT WONT FIX MY COMPUTER!!! *sob* I want to watch movies!!!

such a boring vacation!!!!

dooodlebug26 — Wed, 29 Dec 2004 22:28:09 GMT

*Sigh* I really have nothing to do this vacation. I really wanted to go to NYC but my mum and dad dont want to go in this cold. I really wish I could drive right now... I keep finding more and more cases that if I could drive, it would be soooo helpful. Oh well... I guess I'll just be going to Providence for a day.

I saw the Rocky Horror Picture Show today!!! It was absoloutly fantabulously crazy. And I love crazy things!! And the best dance in the world now is the.... TIME WARP! Its just a jump to the left... and then a step to the right!!!! Weeee!!! XD *cackles*

More icon lovin'

I can barely believe I figured out how to make motion icons!!!! *Does the Time Warp*

dooodlebug26 — Sun, 30 May 2004 18:06:53 GMT

If there is one person you can't stop thinking about,
post this same exact sentence in your journal.

hehe
(*)_*

Enough Tourture! Enough Pain! Enough Agony!

dooodlebug26 — Sun, 16 May 2004 12:31:04 GMT

My ears and head are serreously about to explode if I listen to A funny thing happened on the way to the forum again. I cant stand it. I hate the music now. If we are doing this musical next year I am going to scream. Cus i want to be in it next year. whatever it is. I dispised standing backstage the whole time... I need to be on the stage! not in back, wearing black, pretending I dont exist. urhg... I object to that musical. It is just plain unentertaining (even though it is supposedly a comedy).

And another thing, I listened to the whole Cd for the first time. Did I find ANYTHING funny in it? I dont recall laughing... or am I just deaf?

I say, BOYCOTT A FUNNY THING... etc etc!!!!!!!!!!!