Good Guys vs Bad Guys

I really want to think of Iran as the good guys – I mean, those LEGO videos are top-notch. They’re totally selling Iran as not the bad guys in this war. 

Just think of how much good, how many races the Dems would win if the  DNC had the creativity, chutzpah, and talent to do something along the LEGO lines.

This is real life though, not some simplistic Hollywood movie with Jedi and the Rebel Alliance versus Darth Vader and the Galactic Empire. Iran is not the Rebel Alliance. The US is most def NOT the Jedi coming to the rescue of an oppressed and beleaguered people.

The judiciary, which announces near-daily executions and arrests of dissidents, and the hardline-dominated parliament were untouched during the war. State television and other media outlets remain directly controlled or influenced by the IRGC or factions like the hardline Front of Islamic Revolution Stability, or Paydari Front, and broadcast state messaging by any means possible, including through artificial intelligence-generated videos. (source) 

You just KNOW the orange shitbag has a wicked stiffy for those daily executions. He can’t understand why HE can’t order those up. 

And JDouche finally gains an ultra tiny bit of popularity – if we can call it that without laughing. 

“Witkoff and Kushner are seen in Tehran as very much aligned with Israel and Netanyahu,” said Alex Vatanka, head of the Iran program at the Middle East Institute. “Why negotiate with these two guys that don’t seem to be the most serious of figures Washington could have sent, and the fact that twice, right after meeting with them, they got bombed? Not only did Witkoff and Kushner not build trust at a time where trust is essential for the process to move forward, they achieved the opposite. (source) 

So, the socially banjaxed couch molester is seen as a preferred negotiator when the only other option is two lying-ass, money-grubbing, on-the-take, incompetent real estate developers. OUCH!

And the Pedophile in Chief keeps pushing his Epstein Memorial Ballroom. He wants taxpayers to pay for it. I’m old but I DO remember him announcing that his Soviet style my-dick’s-bigger-than-yours vanity project would be paid for by private donors – NOT us.

When Trump publicly announced the project on July 31, 2025, he said the ballroom would be funded entirely by private donations, including his own, and pegged the cost at $200 million. He has since doubled that estimate to $400 million and disclosed the names of 37 private donors backing the project.
   ~~~
A review of federal spending shows that several of the ballroom donors — including Microsoft, Palantir, and Amazon Web Services — receive billions in federal contracts. (source) 

Looks like the donors have already gotten their payoff. Where’d that money go? Trump’s got offshore accounts – bet on it.

In “A stopped clock is right twice a day” news, Prick Scott, the thieving senator from Florida actually said something I agree with (YES, I couldn’t be more stunned):

“I don’t know why you would do it” with taxpayer money “if it’s all funded," said Sen. Rick Scott, R-Fla., a Trump ally and spending hawk.

“We have $39 trillion in debt,” he added. “Maybe we ought to stop spending money.” (source) 

So, it’s Tuesday. The world could totally use a whole fleet of heroes. I could use a full body transplant (EVERYTHING aches today). Apart from the whole going-to-war-thing, I SO want to live in John Scalzi’s Old Man’s War universe where body transplants are a thing.

Ballroom Grift

And the man at the back
Said let’s fake an attack
And use it for a ballroom grift.
And the girl in the corner said, "Boy, I wanna warn ya
It'll turn into a ballroom grift"

My sincere apologies to Sweet.

It seems absurdly likely that the little shooting event at the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner was staged. I mean, Prez Pedo, VP Douchebag, Maga Mike, AND Secretary of State Lil’ Marco were all at the dinner together? That’s almost the whole presidential line of succession and security was so lax that a guy ran through security with a long gun? Who allows that? Really?!

The only person missing was President Pro Tempore of the Senate – Chuck Grassley. Just think, IF Cole Allen had been successful (and this hadn’t been a staged event to garner Pedo sympathy, favorable press and give him a perfect set up to shill for his gigantic, gaudy ballroom) our replacement prez would now be 12 years older than the current 80-year-old dementia ridden, diaper clad, rape-y, and otherwise felonious WH occupant.

 Senator Grassley is 92 years old. He was seven when the Nazis invaded Poland and Britain and France declared war on Germany. He was nine when Pearl Harbor was attacked. That same year the desecration of Tȟuŋkášila Šákpe (Lakota for Six Grandfathers – now known as Mount Rushmore) was completed. Chuck was 10 when the Bataan Death March went down. 11 when the Pentagon's construction was done. He was 17 when Orwell’s 1984 came out and, apparently, either never read it or absorbed absolutely nothing. He was 31 when JFK was assassinated. 32 when the Civil Rights Act was passed. He was 57 in 1989 when the Berlin Wall came down. That was almost 37 years ago. 

He’s seen a lot of history and yet, he’s still a Republican – the party of pedophiles, rapists, and racists. The party of Nixon, Bush, Shrub, and now the lying, orange spackled, pedophile rapist, racist, dimwitted conman. 

Why was Vance rescued first and then Trump? 

Why did some guests stay, continue eating, taking selfies? 

Why did others take the time to pack away bottles of champagne and wine instead of exiting the “dangerous situation” with all haste? 

Why did Trump immediately have a speech ready? 

Because this was all obviously another one of his phoney-baloney, ginned up assassination theater events. He ever-so-quickly turned the shooting, which happened outside the ballroom, into a shopping network/timeshare style sales pitch for his Epstein Ballroom.

Trump is the Asshole Who Cried Assassination one too many times. No one believes him anymore and no one cares. For that matter, I’ll betcha most of the world is just disappointed that this wasn’t a real attempt and it wasn’t successful. We're all tired of his testerical dramatics. Give him a binky, put him on a mocked up sound stage with pretty, paid actors, special effects, and a script with him running the world. Tell him it's all real. Just don't let him out. Fake up stock market reports, Fox news shows, and have his renfields occasionally drop by to flatter him. He'll never know.

I’ve got nothing more to say about Pedo’s latest failed attempt at theater. I saw a Threads post saying, “I’ve seen better staging on Broadway.” Well, of course. Broadway is full of actual pros. The Trump family will never be anything more than a zillionth rated Fort Myers, Florida Murder Mystery dinner theater.

 Like their father, they're all vile, duplicitous, morally rotted, shiftless clowns.

Today in God

It’s Sunday – the lord’s day, if you're christian. Christianity, in this age of big box, prosperity preaching, Prez Pedo worshipping, white evangelicals is just an horrifically obscene con, having absolutely nothing to do with their declared deity’s supposed teachings.

At its most harmless, the religion serves as a security blanket to give a wee bit of comfort. Do people in pain or folks suffering immense loss, honestly feel better when some rando offers them “thoughts and prayers?”

Me? I just want to slap the empathically shallow, clueless “christian” into next week. Their self-serving pieties come off as barely disguised ultra smug statements of *ick* – i.e. “thank god this is happening to you and not me!” 

Ya know, get the fuck away from me with that shit. Go wash some lepers' feet. Feed the hungry – donate to food pantries and NOT moldy old loaves of Wonder bread and expired, liquified bags of lettuce. Give away some money so an unhoused person can have a warm bed to sleep in. DO something. Don’t be a dick just because someone’s a little different from you.

I know, I know…not all Christians but certainly enough of them to, pretty much, ruin the brand.

Okay, okay, enough. Here are some memes, cartoons, and such.

Enjoy.

 

Wildlife

Unelected billionaire real estate rip-off artists Steve Witkoff and Jared Kushner are on their way to Pakistan ‘negotiate” an end to the war. It’s unclear whether Iran will even be there – I mean, why would they bother? Pedo changes his mind every other minute. Top of the hour he’s proclaiming that he alone has secured a glorious peace deal (including loads of unagreed upon horseshit) and then, at half past, when called out on said smelly horse piles, he bangs on about how he’ll rain down terror and destruction the likes Iran has never seen before and blah, blah, blah…again, ad infinitum.

His script is old and hackneyed. He needs fresh writers. Or to just go the fuck away. Yeah, I like that option best.

‘Diplomacy is not closed’ between Iran and US: Al Jazeera’s Almigdad Alruhaid reports from Tehran said that no talks are planned in Islamabad for now, though diplomatic efforts continue, with Araghchi touring regional capitals as Pakistan mediates. (source) 

Good news – one of those idiot, dickless wonder, millionaires who gets his rocks off by killing animals and hanging their heads on his wall has died a horrifying (for him) and painful death. He was trampled while on the hunt. The herd that mowed him down included five female elephants and a calf. Score one for the matriarchy.

The NOT dearly departed predator's sick hobby was gutless, primitive, and disgusting. It totally gives severe, small schwanzed, deep-seated insecurity that, I'd think, would necessitate intensive inpatient psychotherapy.

Ernie Dosio, a 75-year-old vineyard owner from California, was killed while hunting in Gabon’s Lope-Okanda rainforest, according to reports. Dosio had reportedly been stalking a yellow-backed duiker, a small forest antelope, when the group came across the elephants. (source) 

The question we all have is, are the elephants feet okay? I mean, they stepped in some seriously toxic shit. I hope they were able to wash it off quickly.

Bird of the day

The Secretarybird was Sex in the City WAY before that was a thing. This ultra chic bird looks like they could have been strutting down 5th Avenue in the mid ‘60s making everyone ooh and ahh. Okay, they probably don’t get to Manhattan too often – their scene is mostly Senegal and Somalia. Better weather there and shit. 

Like any New Yorker though, Secretarybirds have NO problems getting their steps in. They walk anywhere from 12 to 18 miles every damn day! Another New Yorker similarity, they enjoy a wide variety of fine dining options. These raptors are culinary adventurers.

…the Secretarybird will eat just about anything it can catch. It preys on small- to medium-sized mammals such as mice, hedgehogs and hares. It eats other birds and their eggs, too! It will catch amphibians and various invertebrates, including insects, scorpions, millipedes, and crabs. Secretarybirds also eat snakes, including several venomous species, such as puff adders and cobras, and other reptiles, such as lizards and small tortoises. (source) 

In ya win some, ya lose some news :

Benjamin Netanyahu has revealed that he received successful treatment for early-stage prostate cancer, without specifying when the treatment took place. (source) 

I’m only asking – why don’t these hateful, destructive, genocidal, old men fucking die? The Amazing Bob was only 74 when he clocked out and he was a spectacularly good human.

Another interesting bird – the guineafowl. They’re also walkers and get in about six miles a day. Yes, these birds are now my role models. Apparently they make good alarm systems for the home as, when disturbed, they make quite the big-ass loud fuss.

Also, they look like they were headmistresses of very strict Victorian era girls boarding schools. Intimidating yet stunning.

Alligator Wrestling with Taxes in Helsinki?

Goddamn, it’s Friday. Hallelujah! 

Don’t know ‘bout you but I’ll put off an onerous task like tax prep, folding and putting away my laundry, Marie Kondo-ing my closets for-fucking-EVAH. And then there’s dental procedures. The dental surgery I had just a couple weeks ago was the final of a trio had over this past year. I put this last one off for months. I had Jen reschedule it three different times. 

Jesus Novocaine Christ, I was dreading it. The hour or two in the chair as the surgeon wrestled my face like they were Florida alligator wrestlers and I was the poor reptile – i.e. NOT gently. OH, the pain I anticipated – the days upon weeks of only being able to drink broth and eat mashed food! Life would be misery!

How’d it turn out? The whole shebang took less than 15 minutes. I was dazed and fuzzy afterward but, amazingly, in zilcho pain AND there was very little blood. I was eating regular food a day later.

Did I feel like a big, chickenhearted, whiny, baby-ass, scaredy cat? Big time!

Similarly, I’ve put off doing my taxes for a few years. I've never owed – the government always owes me. So WHAT was my problem? All the damn paperwork. Collecting and collating all my receipts and shit for my deductions. Dotting every last "i" and crossing every single "t." In putting off something so, ultimately – when taken step by step, easy and uncomplicated, I made SO much more work for myself.

It’s done though. How’d it go? Obscenely smoothly. Embarrassingly so. 

I spent ridiculous amounts of emotional energy this winter with dread and anxiety as my roommates. What a fucking waste of headspace. 

The last thing weighing on me is my last round of MRIs which I’ll have tomorrow morning. I’ll review the results with Doc Plotkin on May 7th. I’m not really expecting any horror-show news. I read the the lab’s write up of my first two scans and it doesn’t look like there’s been much critical growth but what do I know? I’m not a neurologist.   

So then, MRIs tomorrow BUT at least I’ve the insanely overdue tax prep is off to the accounting wizards.

Ya know what having the tax weight off my bean does? It frees me up to dream and scheme. Fer instance – Jen’s nephew just got into grad school for geology. How wicked awesome is that?! Even better, he got into the University of Helsinki! 

Obviously my first thought was WE HAVE TO GO VISIT HIM THERE! We’ve never been to Finland and now I am ALL kinds of curious. I want to know everything about Finland!

Yeah wait…hold those damn horses:
Q:  How psyched is a 24-year-old kid gonna be about his aunt and her elderly, sweary, disabled, deaf, bestie coming to visit him at college?

A:  I’m sure he’d be 199 kinds of thrilled to have one of his fave aunties visit. Me? I’m not as much fun as I once was. Advanced age and NF2 will do that for ya. Still, Jen and Seamus could go out and hit the clubs (or whatev). I can sit at our hotel bar sipping my Lonkero or Ville Vallaton and then head up to our room to read and otherwise enjoy the view of Helsinki (i.e. NOT America).

I will have to research how to travel as a less than fully able human.  I know I’ll need to be in a wheelchair for airport navigation but once we’re in Finland, I want to be uprightly mobile.

If Seamus is down with us visiting, I’m figuring we’ll go next spring. This will give me a year to build up my leg strength and endurance. Riding my recumbent elliptical is good cardio but it’s not weight bearing. I need to walk and just stand for that.

Having this potential trip on the horizon is giving me extra incentive, more motivation to brave the windy outdoors and walk, walk, walk.

These Are NOT Bright Humans

I mean, DUH-HUH!!!

Kegseth abruptly fired Navy Secretary John Phelan. Awfully inconvenient timing, wouldn’t you say? I mean, we are in the middle of a war and that Gulf of Hormuz (or Gulf of Vermouth as the Drunk Administration calls it) is rather critical. Right?

The sources said Hegseth in effect blamed Phelan for not going aggressively enough against Senator Mark Kelly after appearing in a video in which the senator advised troops to ignore “illegal orders”. (source) 

So, Phelan got the ax because he, more or less, agreed that sailors have a duty to disobey unlawful orders. Unlawful orders defined as violating the Constitution or US or international laws like those of the Geneva Convention. Plastered Pete's ultra fragile manhood, naturally, felt threatened.

Phelan’s replacement? Acting Navy secretary Hung Cao. He has a typical Republican backstory in that there’s some obvious lies about his past. He claims to have been "completely" disabled after he was “blown up” in combat but he was never given a Purple Heart. Huh.

Eligibility for a Purple Heart applies to service members who suffered a wound: 1) As the direct or indirect result of enemy action, and 2) The wound required treatment by a medical officer at the time of the injury. (source) 

There’s also no record of him receiving the Navy’s Combat Action Ribbon.

The principal eligibility criterion is that the individual must have participated in a bona fide ground or surface combat fire-fight or action during which he/she was under enemy fire and his/her performance while under fire was satisfactory. (source)  

Gee, I’d think that if he’d really been “blown up,” as he’d claimed, he’d at least have a Combat Action Ribbon if not that and a Purple Heart. Still he claims to be completely disabled from being “shot at and blown up in Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia.”

Four retired Navy and Army officers who reviewed Cao’s service record said it was unusual for a sailor severely wounded in combat in Iraq or Afghanistan not to have received a Purple Heart or the Navy’s Combat Action Ribbon. (source) 

Stolen valor much, Hung Cao?

Prez Pedo and his crew of crack incompetents sure can pick winners, can’t they? I guess we can just be grateful that no allegations or convictions for rape and/or pedophilia have come out … so far.

According to Iran’s Ministry of Health 3,375 people have now been killed in Pedo and Bibi’s attacks on Iran. There are also 2,294 dead in Lebanon from Israel’s attacks. 

On the other side of the coin, 26 Israelis, 13 US soldiers, and 28 people in various Gulf states have been killed.

118 Iraqis are now dead thanks to Trump and Netanyahu’s war of choice. 

Most of them (the Iraqis) were members of the Popular Mobilisation Forces (PMF) paramilitary group, some units of which are aligned with Iran. (source) 

Right this second, that's a total of 5, 854 total dead humans. Dead for absolutely no good reason.

Israel, as of this morning, is blowing up residential neighborhoods in the southern Lebanese city of Bint Jbeil. So much for the  Lebanon-Israel peace talks, eh?

What makes these right wing fuckheads so insanely bloodthirsty? Were they not breastfed long enough? Did someone steal Bibi’s favorite binky? Did Pedo’s Klan belonging father, Fred, shit in his son’s Cheerios every morning? Did his illegal alien mother gas him with hairspray each morning, thus crippling his already barely functioning brain?

I’d really like to know!

Send in the Clowns

The US doesn’t have a government – we have a flaming clown car flying down Main Street at 100mph. It’s manned by a mob of drunk weasels in puke stained trench coats who are desperately trying to come up with their next great lie, their next lunatic cover story to explain away the mad king’s latest bloated ego and dementia fueled outburst.  

This is, of course, no surprise to you.

No wonder the clowns are all always either plastered like Pete the Secretary of War Crimes, blind drunk and out-for-the-count like FBI Director Krazy Kash  or driving the train like lil’ Marco the supposed Secretary of State whose job doesn’t seem to include diplomatic efforts with Iran. Hmmm, interesting that.

Bill Day

The latest substance abuser to fall? Andrew Hugg, the U.S. Army's Branch Chief for Chemical Nuclear Surety. Sounds like a serious gig. What’s it entail, basically?

His official Army duties include overseeing personnel reliability programs and leading insider-threat work for the transport of radioactive material, according to public-facing professional bios. These are the systems designed to ensure that individuals trusted with sensitive assets are beyond reproach in their discretion and emotional stability. 

Professional profiles previously associated with Hugg also listed a role as a member of the Senior Technical Staff at Oak Ridge National Laboratory, a position that sits at the heart of nuclear weapons and non-proliferation research. (source) 

Tom Toro

Andrew Hugg was apparently trying to get laid and, clearly believing sensitive national security tidbits are aphrodisiacs, started dropping government secrets like oysters, chocolate cover strawberries, and perfectly twisted joints. 

He told the woman he'd just met about plans to assassinate Iran’s latest supreme leader. He confirmed that children have been killed in US strikes, saying they were “collateral damage – they [kids] always die during war.”  He talked about US missile-launch detection systems and how the military handles launch messages. He said the military still uses nerve agents.

Stunningly and unironically, Andy says to the woman “the easiest way to get intelligence…send a pretty girl, talk to the guy…I have to resist your eyes.” Sheesh! I wonder if Randy Andy ever thinks with his brain instead of his dick. The woman was an undercover reporter and she was recording.

Dude was escorted out of the Pentagon. Frankly, I’m a little surprised. I would’ve thought Plastered Pete the rapey, war crimes, dry drunk secretary would have, like, totally understood and given him a pass. Stands to reason, given Pete's Signalgate past and all.

Interestingly, Andy’s sting was set up and reported by James O’Keefe. Remember him? O’Keefe is the far-right political provocateur who, in the past, hasn’t been above editing his videos to create false narratives. He’s all right-wing RAH-RAH-RAH + ego + theater. Ethics and reality be damned. Has this video been edited to make Andy appear worse than he already does? 

OMG [O'Keefe Media Group] said parts of the video were redacted because they contained what it described as intimate details about the U.S. nuclear arsenal, including discussion about missiles located underground. (source) 

As it is, it’s gonna be really hard for the old boy to talk his way out of this.

One of Those Days

There are some days that I need to take a break from the goddamn news and, waddyaknow, today seems to be an excellent day for that. Sure, I’ll still take a peek here and there  – mostly to see if I should go stand outside to wait for the nuclear blast and my vaporization.

Hmmm, what does one wear to a vaporization? I'll probably just go with my usual T-shirt and workout pants. Tie dye seems appropriate somehow. Luckily I've a goodly amount of that. Others may wish to go out in more formal attire – to each their own and shit.

I suppose we should have pre-nuke cocktails. I haven’t had a proper martini in years. Wonder if there’s time to pick up olives and vermouth before we’re all vaporized? 

We'll need snacks too. Can't go out without a nice taste in my mouth. What goes best with dry martinis and imminent physical disintegration? I'm thinking savory versus sweet. Maybe jalapeño poppers, samosas, and veggie tempura? Perhaps some guacamole just to round things out?

Tragically ironic, isn't it? How nuclear weapons represent both our species' mastery over the very foundations of nature, as well as our utter inability to master our most primitive instincts.
~ Tom B. Night, Mind Painter

Gambling rules don't work in nuclear war - everyone become loser.
~ Amit Ray, Nuclear Weapons Free World - Peace on the Earth

Total annihilation has a way of sharpening people's minds.
~ Yuval Noah Harari, 21 Lessons for the 21st Century

Can there be any question that the human is the least harmonious beast in the forest and the creature most toxic to the nest? 
~ Randy Thornhorn

I myself feel that our country, for whose Constitution I fought in a just war, might as well have been invaded by Martians and body snatchers. Sometimes I wish it had been. What has happened, though, is that it has been taken over by means of the sleaziest, low-comedy, Keystone Cops-style coup d'etat imaginable.
~ Kurt Vonnegut

Bill Bramhall

Wawawiwa Comics 

Mike Luckovich