Life is good!

Me

dlanor — Thu, 20 Dec 2012 00:46:59 GMT

Some time back all my family went to Facebook and I had to go also.

Thought I could keep this going, but it was not possible.

Life goes on.

Here is my recent Christmas picture

Merry Christmas who is still following me.
ron aka dlanor

the idaho guy

dlanor — Sun, 20 May 2012 03:01:40 GMT

Hate to say it but I went to Facebook, because my kids and just never seemed to get back here.

Life is good, I did miss all my lj friends

ron...

Spring where are Thou?

dlanor — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 20:07:51 GMT

Can't seem to find us this year. One day of nice and several days of rain, wind and even a bit of snow every week. My wife looked at last year in her diary and guess what boys and girls, The very same patter. Al Gore be damed, there is no Global Warming, despite what the politicians claim.

Never mess with old people!

dlanor — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 04:42:30 GMT

Old is just Old - Old is not Dumb!

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out-do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough. 'Why don't you put your money where your mouth is,' he said. 'I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that your won't be able to wheel back.'
'You're on, old man,' the braggart replied. 'Let's see you do it.'
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, 'All right, Dumb Ass, get in.'

Never mess with old people

An Old Dog

dlanor — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 05:21:55 GMT

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?'

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the panther, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
'Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

If you don't send this to five 'old' friends right away, there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

Of course, I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more 'youthfully challenged'.

You did notice the size of the print, didn't you?

Need a new clock, try this one.

dlanor — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 02:27:38 GMT

lovedbdb.com/nudemenClock/index2.html

Sunday afternoon

dlanor — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 19:14:36 GMT

The Northwest is under a huge rain cloud today, rained all night also. So we are watching some NFL playoff games, Chicago is taking it to Seattle badly. Expected that. May have to change to reading a book instead. Late game with Jets at New England, probably a run away also.

Wood stove is cranked up, dog is laying in front enjoying the extra heat.

All is well

Pictures of the twins

dlanor — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 22:10:07 GMT

Pictures of our best Christmas presents ever.

My wife holding

My daughter Kristen holding, she will be having her own in 6 months

Now I think they are pretty cute, what do you think?

Oh, and because I can't tell them apart, I do not know who is who. Sigh...

Names are Merideth and Alexandra.

Twins and Grandparents

dlanor — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 02:40:08 GMT

Mid week last our son asked if we could come over and watch the girls for a few hours between feedings. You bet

We arrive a few minutes after 6:00pm and they are about to go out for their first time without the girls. The world is well. grin...

Not really knowing the little ones, any noise by them was a chance on our part to pick one up and hold her. During the 2 hrs

we did much holding, the girls did make some strange noises, they were much quieter when being held, no surprise there.

Being a grandfather and having the chance to hold one of these tiny babies, it was a little piece of heaven.

Happy Grand Parents, much happier little girls, and of course happy parents who got a few minutes off from the daily routine.

The twins

dlanor — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 16:32:03 GMT

The twins are doing well as are the parents. Well maybe the parents are sleep deprived, but still coping.

We have been over to see them a few times and seeing those tiny little girls is a real treat.

This last time: the twins were asleep in a bed and twice in an hour or so one of the babies, who had been placed about 6 inches from the other somehow squirmed its way in order to be right next to her sister. Someone picked her up for a few minutes laid her back down and 30 minutes later she was again right up next to her sister. This child is wrapped in swaddling clothes, yet is able to move and she is only 3 weeks old.

I had never seen anything like it. Oh yeah! I can not tell them apart, and neither can their parents, yet they are fraternal.

Life is good until the end

My son has a blog with their birthday story.

New members in our family

dlanor — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 18:15:02 GMT

On Sunday evening my son and his wife delivered the twin girls we have been waiting for

and here they are: moments old

Alexandra Jaye Haberman

And with her dad feeding her

Meredith Althea Haberman

Another storm

dlanor — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 00:05:33 GMT

Two weeks ago we had a large storm drop snow and then very cold, the snow is still here. A few days later more snow and sitll cold.

This afternoon we are being hit with yet another storm and more snow.

What date does winter start where you are?

It appears to be a month early here with no letup in sight.

Glad for my wood pile, a stout snow shovel, a weak mind and hopefully a strong back.

Large and strong winter storm

dlanor — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 02:48:54 GMT

A large strong winter storm is about to hit the NW and barrel into the interior.

Lots of snow, strong winds and then a huge drop in temps.

I can hardly wait.

Senior health care solution

dlanor — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 17:14:54 GMT

Senior health care solution -

So you're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you - what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot 2 politicans and 2 illegal immigrants!

Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! New teeth - no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered. (And your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now).

And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.

Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?

Happy Halloween

dlanor — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 20:29:17 GMT

http://ak.imgag.com/imgag/product/preview/flash/bws8Shell.swf?ihost=http://ak.imgag.com/imgag&brandldrPath=/product/full/el/&cardNum=/product/full/ap/3125133/graphic1

A bad day

dlanor — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 15:30:45 GMT

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble making macho biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I cant stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bedwith the gardener and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you, you jack-ass, show up and drink the whole thing!

But enough about me, how's your day going?"

Dangerous new scam

dlanor — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 02:11:27 GMT

Here is a scam that I have recently discovered!

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and
in dark parking lots , etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men.
I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regulars at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart . This one caught me totally by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you.

Here's how the scam works :

Two nice-looking, college aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your shopping into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy tops. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No,' but instead ask for a ride to McDonalds. You agree and they climb into the vehicle.

On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen May 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 28th. Also June 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th & 23rd, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends
to be vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for
$1.00 at the Dollar Tree and bought them out in three of their stores. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot , to Costco, Etc.

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them
to be on the lookout for this scam.

(The best times to shop are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon. Here's how the scam works :

Two nice-looking, college aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your shopping into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy tops. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No,' but instead ask for a ride to McDonalds. You agree and they climb into the vehicle.

On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen May 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 28th. Also June 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th & 23rd, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends
to be vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for
$1.00 at the Dollar Tree and bought them out in three of their stores. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot , to Costco, Etc.

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them
to be on the lookout for this scam.

(The best times to shop are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.

Bring an extra wallet just in case).

dlanor — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 04:22:32 GMT

First football game of the year against Va Tech last evening and the little team that could DID

Boise State 33 VA Tech 30 Let the crazy media attention continue until we loose a game. I almost wish we had lost.

Be careful when you mow your grass!

dlanor — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 03:28:44 GMT

We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ.

Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences ... but Dad always had those piece of shit chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die .... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day.... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ....

I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4 - My left eye will not open.

5 - My right eye will not close.

6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

Monkeys

dlanor — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 22:23:47 GMT

Monkeys -- Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all the other monkeys with cold water. After a while another monkey makes the attempt with same result, all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon when another Monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put the cold water away. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the Stairs.
To his shock, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one.
The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.
Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs he is attacked.
Most of the monkeys that are beating him up have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey. After replacing all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.
Because as far as they know, that is the way it has always been done around here.
And that, my fellow monkeys, is how Congress operates.... We need to REPLACE all the original monkeys this November.

It is the little things

dlanor — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 03:47:06 GMT

Last evening we had a family picnic/birthday party for our 6 year old grandson. Lots of fun was had by the kids and the adults did a lot of talking.

Midway through my other grandson Marcus (2) wanted to walk up on a nearby bridge. His mother was busy as was his father. Mom suggested to him he ask his grandfather (me). So Marcus comes and asks me to go with him. I was delighted, so I told him to take my hand and off we go. We talk a bit but mostly just walk to the top of the bridge. He spent about 30 seconds on top, seeing what there was to see and we went back to the party. Now to most people this would have been a non event. For me it made my day. I was a happy grampa getting a one on one with a wonderful little two year old. Life is good, in tiny little bits.

dlanor — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 02:54:38 GMT

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps

How to sell

dlanor — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 15:58:48 GMT

HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said
proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and
I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I
explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn (you remember him don't cha?).

The teacher held her breath... Little Johnny walked to the front of the
classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he
said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough
tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip &
Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!"

Then I would say, "It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

"I used the governmental approach of giving you something shitty for free,
and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your mouth."

Home Secutity System Southern Style

dlanor — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 19:36:36 GMT

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,

Bertha, Duke,

Slim & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.

Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.

Better wait outside . . . Be right back!

Cooter

dlanor — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 20:50:06 GMT

Several weeks back we flew back to Minneapolis, MN to attend my nephew, Mike and Kelly's wedding. It was a great time etc. At the time he told me that their plan was to travel and camp out west for 6 weeks. I told him to stop by, he had free room and board. Mon afternoon they arrived in Boise, my wife had called my kids and we had dinner for all the cousins. Lots of laughs.

Yesterday the 4 of us went hiking along the Boise Greenbelt, a great path along the Boise River right in town that goes on for 25 miles.
Then we took the kids out to a movie last evening and dinner here again. They had a great time and piled in their too tiny car, loaded with stuff. Can you imagine how much stuff they had for 6 weeks of camping?

Mike and Kelly, handsome kids

They are off to the Oregon Coast for a week, then a week in the CA Desert at some Condo Resort. Personally I would prefer the Oregon Coast for the whole time