Here be dumbassery

A character I wank too

distorted_r — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 08:46:52 GMT

This is Ceph. He is pharna's OC pirate that steals shit and is in denial about his homosexuality.

HELP CEPH COME OUT OF THE CLOSEST AND BE HIMSELF. POST HERE AND SUPPORT THE CAUSE NOW

Information about Ceph:

-pretty boy
-Cursed by a tentacle monster that made its home inside his, well look for yourself
-Major Daddy issues
-lesbian sister
-pirate who steals
-Can't get laid because women tell him he's gay. Hmm
-he's full-blooded demon, which is apparently frowned upoun
-He has a tail that he hides
-Mommy's boy

Update: pharna is thinking about killing poor Ceph off because he's too much trouble to deal with.

distorted_r — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 18:41:23 GMT

the lurk before friending meme

Skies of Arcadia Icons

distorted_r — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:11:40 GMT

archica posted an entry about the game and I ended up making a few icons, which turned into more and more. Meaning, this will probably be edited lots. Old game nostalgia... (as for the pictures i used, they were found all over the web when I was young and the fandom wasn't on its last foot. so forgive me whoever originally hosted them.)

Per usual: I don't give a fuck about editing or crediting but do so if you want. lol

1 2 3 4

5 6 7 8

9 10 11 12

For those who can't see them through photobucket:

Torture meme: Squall and Rinoa....

distorted_r — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 08:57:02 GMT

Title: "The Affair"

Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII, after ending.

Pairing: RinoaxSquall (yes, in that order)

Word Count: 2811

Why the fuck am I doing this? It was yinake ’s request in my torture me meme: Write a Squall/Rinoa drabble. :DDDDD I do not think she was expecting this at all though. I feel SICK. But, ya know what, it was going to be terrible anyway, so I figured why not make it as terrible as humanly possible, so I did.

Warnings: Smut. Like graphic smut. Even scarier, a first time graphic smut writer. BE SCARED.

It had all begun in the Balamb Garden’s lunch hall, Squall sitting alone stoically looking over paper-work and picking at his meal here and there. After becoming commander, it was paperwork, phone calls, Rinoa nagging, more paper work, and, of course, more of Rinoa’s fucking complaining.

‘To be fair, she is trapped here in Garden for the rest of her life. Some days, I can see the light fading from her eyes.’

Squall thought, silently remembering the first attempt on Rinoa’s life, then the second, and then the eventual decision that the only way to keep Rinoa’s life and the power trapped inside her in-tact was to put the potent sorceress under constant SEED protection, just like his sister Ellone had once been for so many years.

At first, Rinoa was her normal cheeky self, saying “as long as I have you, Squally, I don’t need anything else.” Not surprisingly, in a few months, Rinoa was whining about how she couldn’t shop herself, and ordering her fashions by mail brought her little delight.

Next went the evaporation of her social life. Her friends and the forest owls visited Garden a few times a month at the beginning, much to Rinoa’s glee, but gradually they stopped coming altogether. Even her father called in rather then make the trip to see his one and only daughter.

As the two years went by, Rinoa started experiencing bouts of severe depression, begging to be put to rest in the sorceress memorial. Yes, things had gotten rocky, to say the least. Squall sometimes feared his girlfriend was slowly losing her mind. He knew if she didn’t have him to lean on, complain to, she would fall apart.

Deflecting the gunblade master’s thoughts, Zu and her lover sat at the table diagonal to him. He simply nodded appropriately, to ensure he wasn’t being rude, a quality Cid insisted was unfit for a SEED commander, and went back to his work, but within ten minutes he found their conversations impossible to ignore.

It probably wasn’t something he was meant to hear, since they were talking quietly, and the two women probably assumed Squall was far too busy and indifferent to give a Chocobo’s shit about their social lives. Usually, that would have been accurate.

However, the old saying “When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me,” held strong. As soon as Xu mentioned a device called a “strap on” and how it was doing wonders for their sex life, Squall tuned in. He became highly curious, but said nothing. Sex with Rinoa had gotten routine, boring, and pretty much just a chore, like taking out the trash, so he made an oath to look into this strap-on thing the two young SEED instructors were so giddy about.

That night in his office, Squall Leonhart did just that. He had a fairly good idea of what it was based on what it was called. As he looked upon the different models, he sat there stunned, as if he were brain damaged, but then he began to imagine what it might feel like inside him, and how it could even give Rinoa a thrill. She certainly loved yelling at her “beloved” boyfriend until her voice gave out. Getting a chance to let her “squally-poo” be her bitch for the night sounded right up her alley. He did consider it odd to desire such a thing, so he researched, and found that it wasn’t too uncommon for couples to use them. In the end he whispered “whatever” and clicked the buy button on “Esthar’s ultimate pleasure <3 strap-on vibrator.”

A few days later, it arrived in his private mailbox, and he prepared for a night with Rinoa after the last of his expel and suspension paperwork were filled out.

Luckily, Almasy wasn’t on the list. Squall had bent over backwards to get that idiot another chance, despite his age and past dumbfuck choices. So far, it was paying off, but the brunette youth still had a sinking feeling the blond would pull some asinine prank and end up in his office, embarrassing the both of them.

After a few hours, he called up Rinoa and told her he had something special planned tonight.

“What is it? What is it?! Wha—” Rinoa squealed over the telephone like a little five year old.

“You’ll just have wait and see for yourself. I’ll be there soon. Bye,” Squall cut her off and hung up.

The phone continued to ring as he prepared to call it a night. He ignored the endless ringing, figuring Rinoa was just being her childish self. Once he signed the last of his documents and put them in out-goming to Cid, Squall left for their room.

Once he arrived, she ran over to him instantly, wearing a long silky blue robe tied around her skinny waste. She clutched the package he was carrying before he had time to stop her. The sorceress ran over to the bed, sat cross legged and tore it open franticly.

“Rin, I was planning on opening it together so I could expla—“

“What in the name of Hyne! Squall, this is one of those strap on thingies that dikes use! Are you having problems with your winky willy? You shouldn’t with me around. I mean LOOK at me.”

Squall squeezed his temple in frustration, all too familiar with Rinoa’s idiocy. Good thing Zu wasn’t here to hear the word “dike” escape Rinoa’s lips, otherwise hair would be ripped out.

“My ‘penis’ works just fine, Rinoa. It’s not for me to wear…it’s for you to wear and use on me.”

“EWWWWW, I’d have to like stick that up your butt?!” Rinoa screeched, causing Angelo to bark furiously where he was confined in the bathroom. This was not the reaction Squall was hoping for. He sighed.

“It’s not that uncommon. I researched it. Let’s just try and see how it goes.”

Rinoa’s face scrunched up in disgust as she spoke, “No way, that’s totally queer, Squall!”

Angelo’s howling got even louder and the two bickered. Eventually, Rinoa proclaimed she needed a walk to get some fresh air.

“Whatever, but take that damn dog with you,” he replied thoroughly irritated and worried about who Rinoa might blabber off to during her “walk.” There was nothing he could do about it now though, because she was already out the door, Angelo following and growling back at Squall.

“Fucking mutt.”

The commander muttered insults at both of his roommates as he hit the nightstand in aggravation. All the shit he puts up being with her, and this is how she repays him; by freaking out over every little thing. The woman was just far too naïve and sheltered for her own damn good.

Half an hour passed and Squall was getting ready to go to sleep without her, until he heard the sound of keys and the door opening.

‘Just great…she’s back already’

To his astonishment, she looked very apologetic, a rare occurrence indeed. She walked over to Squall’s bedside. “Squall, I’m sorry for how I acted…I really am. I’m just so angry about everything these days and being stuck in this place. I end up taking it out on you, I know.”

A tear rolled down her cheek, but she quickly whisked it away while Squall pondered what to say next.

“It’s alright. Let’s just forget it ever happened and go to bed,” he stated bluntly.

“No! I want to try it! I had some time to think it over and now it sounds fun,” she chuckled. This was the kind of rapid personality change Squall was really starting to worry about, though there was really no denying Rinoa after she makes up her mind.

“Fine, I’ll get undressed. You put it on.”

“Ok!” She grabbed the device and started to fumble with the belts.

Within in minutes Squall had disposed of all his clothing, placing it neatly on the night stand. Rinoa, however, was still struggling to get the strap on property. He watched her, amused.

“Well, don’t just look, you meanie! Get over here and help me, mr belt expert!”

Squall showed just a hint of a smile and went her direction. Carefully, he tightened the sex toy on just right, and Rinoa was ready to go; only she really wasn’t. The young woman examined the device thoroughly, even going as far as pushing the vibrate button to watch the phallic end shake. Then she looked up at Squall questioningly.

‘Wait, how am I supposed to get off with this thing on? This isn’t fair, Squally-poo! I’m not going to do it,” she whined, sticking her tongue out at her beautifully sculptured partner.

Squall scratched his head for a second until he figured out what would satisfy her enough to cooperate.

“I’ll eat you out afterwards until you come all you want, now will put some of this on?”

Squall squirted a little in his hand and then tossed the tube of lubricant to Rinoa, who was smiling like it was Christmas morning and Santa had came and made her a normal girl again at the mere thought of Squall’s talented tongue licking and sucking around her clit.

Squall rubbed a generous amount of lube around his opening and waited for Rinoa to do what she was told. No such luck.

‘RIN, snap out of it!”

“O-oh right, tee hee.

She quickly saturated the vibrator portion and joined Squall on the bed. Squall was arranging some pillows to lie down on in order lift his buttocks slightly to give Rinoa better access.

“S-so how should I do this Squally?” She asked meekly.

“Just slowly ease it in, and then push the button.”

Squall wasn’t overly concerned. The width and length were probably below average. He was careful not to purchase something gigantic.

Rinoa took it by the hand and guided to the opening of Squall’s anus. Apprehensively, she gradually pushed forward. Squall bit his hand, careful not to make a sound or else Rinoa would lose her will to continue.

Shaped like a real penis, the tip was the most difficult and painful to direct in, but once it was past that tight ring the rest slipped in rapidly, shocking Rinoa half to death. Squall finally whimpered at the suddenness.

“SQUALL, oh my, are you okay?! Does it hurt a lot? Should I take it back out?”

She was about to before Squall spoke up, “I-I’m fine, just give me a second to adjust.’

Rinoa remained silent as Squall breathed in and out rhythmically to relax his body.

“Alright, turn it on vibrate.”

Again, Rinoa did as she was told, too baffled to really think of anything else to say. For Squall, it was an odd sensation. Yes, it hurt, like a burning pain, but it was dulling as time passed, and the vibrations were causing his penis to harden at the same time.

“So should I just stay like this?” Rinoa finally inquired, getting a bit impatient.

“No, you can start moving in and out, and try different angles if you can.”

“Okie dokie.”

Rinoa made her first thrust as Squall grunted, not really feeling any pleasure yet. He still signaled her to continue, because they had already gotten this far.

‘I might as well have her carry on. The pain is nothing I can’t handle,’ Squall thought, remembering how Seifer under the influence of that whore of a sorceress electrocuted him for hours. ‘This was a joke compared to that.’

The dark haired woman started becoming more creative with her thrusts. As it turned out, seeing Squall below her grunting was a major turn on. She was finally having fun and letting lose.

Abruptly, Squall let out a loud moan.

“There! Keep doing that.”

She followed his instructions and maintained that angle and speed. Squall just kept moaning incoherently, as if he were trying to get a word out.. As he got closer to climax, he started to pump his cock.

Within a minute the pillows and sheet below were soiled with Squall’s semen. Rinoa didn’t notice, having far too much fun thrusting. Before long, Squall’s prostate was so sensitive to the touch that her intrusions became painful.

“Enough, enough, I already came!”

She paused her antics, lifting a finger to her lip and smirking evilly, “ Aww, just a little bit longer Squall, pretty pppppllllleeeaaassee, with sugar on—“

“NO.”

Squall dashed forward disconnecting them finally. Laying flat on his back, he closed his eyes and started to unwind and recuperate from that intense orgasm.

Rinoa didn’t notice he was falling asleep on her; she was too busy undoing the belts. When her single neuron fired, she was able to throw the toy to the ground and focus back on Squall, who was now asleep.

Rinoa stomped her foot in anger, picked the strap-on back up and threw it at Squall. It hit the target: Squalls head. He jolted up instantly, trying to reason what just happened, and then he saw the object in question.

“Rinoa, what the hell?!”

“You promised to go down on me after, remember? Get to it. Fair is fair!”

“Whatever, you enjoyed pounding me into the mattress, I think that’s enough. Good night.”

Rinoa Heartily would not take that for an answer. She picked up one of the dirty pillows and smacked Squall in the face, splashing some minimal amounts of cum on his cheek.

Squall finally gave in and motioned her to lie down. She ecstatically complied, jumping on the bed. Squall removed her underwear with ease. If there was one thing good about oral with Rinoa, it was she was always clean, trimmed, and the odor was minimal

He teased her labia minors for awhile and once her clitoris budged out just the slightest he instantaneously besieged it with his tongue aiming to get this over with as soon as possible. Rinoa moaned and stretched out parts of her body as she came closer and closer to losing it and she did. Her hearing dulled, bright spots of light scattered across her vision, and nothing else in the world mattered at that moment.

Squall took the opportunity to clean himself up in the bathroom and brush his teeth. When he came out of the shower, Rinoa was dead asleep with a silly grin plastered on her face. When all was said and done, the night went well. He hadn’t seen her really enjoy sex in months.

Squall went into deep thought about the past, until his cell phone rang. He grabbed it and ran to the bathroom shutting the door, careful not to awaken RInioa.

‘Who in the hell would be calling at this hour?!’

Squall read the name on the screen. It was “Sir Knight Asshole.”

‘Damn, it’s Seifer. I guess I have to answer. I know him too well. He’ll just call and call and call. Shit.’

Squall pushed answer and blurted, “Seifer, what in the hell do you want? It’s 1 am in the morning!”

“Weeellll, I heard from a little birdie…okay actually a friend of a friend of that little birdie that you like it reallllll kinky,” the boisterous voice taunted from the other end.

Squall gritted his death, cursing Rinoa with every fiber of his being. Just how many people did she tell!?

“Who told YOU?!”

“Oh don’t worry so much, puberty boy, it was no one who would tell the whole Garden, but hell, I think I just might! Hahaha!”

Squall glared even fiercer.

“If you do, I swear on my sister’s life that I’ll have you expelled and thrown off Balamb bare-naked, asshole!

“Whoa, whoa calm down. I was just kidding! I’m a good boy now, remember? Minus when I dumped those ten buckets of rotten hot dogs in Chicken Wuss’ super secret room.”

“Seifer what do you want…”

“It depends. Is Rinoa asleep?”

“Yes…why?”

“Because you need to sneak over to my dorm while she’s out.”

“WHY?”

“So I can show you a “real” gundblade. Heh.”

“Fuck you Seifer! It’s not like that, you perverted jackass.”

“Ha, I know one when I see one Squally, and I’ve seen this one for years. Come over.”

“Hell no, and don’t call me again!”

“Suit yourself, Commander stick-up-his-ass. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

Before Squall could counter, Seifer hung up laughing.

After that call, Squall paced around the bathroom for an hour until he threw out any dignity he had left, got dressed, and left toward a familiar dorm room number.

And that’s how Squall Leonhart started an affair that would blow up years later to the point of Rinoa having a mental break down and disappearing forever, leaving only a single note behind.

Its contents: “We will meet again Squall. Someday….maybe even in another time. Ha…ha..hahahaHAHAHAHA!!

It probably needs some major, major grammar editing, but I’m far too tired tonight to do it. Ugh, enjoy my HOURS of suffering.

EDIT: I think I made it mostly right.

GAHHHH Not again!

distorted_r — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 00:49:04 GMT

WHY DO THEY THINK ASSHOLES LUBRICATE THEMSELVES?

Yeah, you are probably going to have to suffer these pointless posts until I finish this cracktastic game.

lol wtf magical anuses

distorted_r — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 08:22:00 GMT

So I'm playing absolute Obedience, basically a yaoi porn game where you rape like 12 people. Anyways this screen is a gem to behold. Who translated this shit? Someone without an anus? Someone without a brain?

...So much for wanking off to this game...yet it is far too stupidly funny not finish.

Wow, I'm a horrible person. lol

distorted_r — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 04:06:45 GMT

Title: Last to Fall
Fandom: Wild Arms 3
Genre: Dark comedy? Pure angst? idk
Pairings: Uhh,JetxVirginia, kinda in a demented form.
Warnings: Character death. loads of fucking depression and character bastardization.
Summary: Guyz i fixded teh games endign!!11

Majestic, lavender eyes scrutinized the feminine form rustling underneath the covers of their dinky little bed, property of the scummiest hotel in all of Filgaia: located in Little Twister, city of outlaws.

For any other man, her hands wandering his body, teasing all his secret spots, and promising wild sex, would have more then made up for the shitty hotel—indeed even the circumstances, but he was hardly just “any man.”

The smell of liquor that seemed to leak out of her very pores these days was almost enough to make him hurl over the side of the bed. Of little consequence it would have been, since vomit well suited the grimy floors.

Out of the blue, he felt a sharp pain assault one of his toes.

“Cut that shit out!” the youthful man screeched, realizing the woman, ten years his senior, had regressed to trying to bite his god damned toes off.

She merely giggled in response and sat up just enough to reach her arm over to the dresser, her goal being a bottle of cheap whisky. He tensed as the sheets fell from her head, revealing familiar chocolate tinted locks that had lost nearly the entirety of their former luster. Her eyes, once full of wonder and unparalleled optimism, were devoid of any meaningful emotion. It had been as such for over a year.

To think, that, at one time, her presence was a comfort, and their love making, full of passion.

Thoroughly disgusted, he squeezed out from underneath her, careful to avoid brushing against the bullet graze on the left side of her abdomen, evidence of their leader’s ever consistent “dead or alive” status—no, of all their statuses.

She fell back onto the cool pillows, attributed to her lover’s lower body temperature, and lazily, took a swig. She observed him put on the same old jeans and the same old black shirt, noting how he didn’t bother to button it up. More of an afterthought really, she asked, “Where are you going?”

“Out,” was all the response he could bring himself to grace her with before shutting the bedroom door and heading down the hallway toward the lobby staircase. He passed his male companions’ room along the way; taking notice the door was slightly ajar. He caught a glimpse of the scholarly man slaving away over the desk, paying no mind to anything else except the notebook in front of him. This was no great surprise either.

The silver-haired man groaned as he continued on his way. Sitting on the edge of the stairs, the pathetic sight of the big, stupid oaf stung his eyes. Actually, “oaf” was too kind of a term for the thing in front of him now; primate was more accurate for a man who never showers, nor utters a word while sober.

“Well, ah be damned! It’s the ageless, blank-shooting, little smartass! What are you doing out of your room already? Did you come too soon and piss her off?” He laughed, oblivious to the well-known fact that a joke isn’t even slightly funny anymore after the tenth time.

“Fuck off, Gallows,” the boy retorted, quickly descending the stairs. Saying anything more wasn’t even worth the effort. He knew it—just like everything else—from experience.

Finally liberated from the stuffy inn, Jet Enduro leaned against one of the many posts, looking up toward the sky, and recalled how it had all gone so wrong.

The first two years on the run weren’t very trying. Quite the opposite, they were full of thrill, adventure, and a welcome change from the weight of the world on their shoulders. Gallows, Virginia, and Clive were all able to visit their families, not for long periods, but often enough.

Year two in particular, was eventful for Jet. It was the year he and Virginia became a couple. Then, he had mocked her dreams of clearing their names, getting married, settling down on the Maxwell ranch, and making a family. Now… he would give anything just to hear her speak of such dreams again.

Mid-year three, cracks in the foundation started to form. The price on their heads increased and so did the number and skill of the bounty-hunters after them. Returning home became an impossibility, for at best, hunters could lay in wait, and at worst, the identities of their family members could become known and used as an advantage to their capture.

Year four, Virginia’s long-honored strategy of emptying their cartridges and running was shattered to pieces, when Gallows, left with little choice, pulled the trigger, ending the life of one of their pursers. Soon after, another zero rested among the others on their famous wanted poster, and just as greenery slowly started to return to the sands of Filgaia, the hunt for the heroes who unknowingly risked all to make it a reality became the global past-time.

Year five, Gallows fell into depression upon news that the wise-woman of Basker, and the only voice given any attention attesting to their innocence, breathed her last breathe. Unable to cope with his regrets, Jet’s best friend took to the bottle and became a shadow of his former self. Gallows was the first to fall. The weight of Virginia's role of leader crushed her smile and hardened her soul.

By year six, Jet’s seemingly immortal exterior was ever evident. Virginia had come to overtake him by an inch and the smallest of wrinkles formed underneath her eyes. Clive started jotting down numerous scientific explanations for the phenomena, which Jet ignored and Virginia fumed over.

During year seven, Clive finally broke down in tears one night over the passing of his daughter’s childhood. Gallows was too drunk to offer support, and Virginia was far too pissed to care due to the elder man’s newest theory that Jet was also sterile on top of everything else. Jet was just too…Jet…to truly console anyone, especially someone who no longer regarded him as a fellow human being.

Near the end of year eight, Clive went mad, for lack of a better word, only focusing on his asinine theories every waking moment they weren’t fighting or running. The first wave hugged Jolly Rogars’s shores while Virginia sought refuge for the first time, inside of a tavern.

Year nine, the last glint of hope faded from her eyes; Virginia Maxwell tore apart her father’s picture in a drunken rage screaming at him, asking why everyone else had been granted a future, but not them, the very ones who had struggled so hard to make it possible. Jet couldn’t bear to leave his comrades, no matter how unrecognizable they had become.

Year ten: just as Jet finished recalling the events of the years gone past, a single ARM’s-shot filled the air, originating from the second floor. Jet knew the sound of her weapon like none other. He collapsed in utter disbelief, the last to fall, and yet, the only one to remain intact.

...I got high and filled my own fucking request again. MosesxJay..>.>

distorted_r — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 05:50:11 GMT

Title: Meaning
Fandom: Tales of ~~whateveryonehates~~Legenida
Pairing: JayxMoses. More friendship then romantic, believe that shit or not.
Words: 2,295
Summary: Hurt/comfort angsty bullshit shittery.
Warnings: Mentions of past non-con. Hur hur Solon. Fucked up character portrayals. And just general what the fucking fuck. Shit writing. This was kink meme worthy, so that's what to expect.
Other: I mentioned I was high right? I just wanted you all to KNOW this so I have an excuse to point at later.

Stars, moon, and sun twirled above the bandit's head. A peculiar toy yet perhaps better thought out and made then one might initially believe. Eerily, it mirrored Jay's attire, (which oddly enough was never out-grown) in content, almost in lieu of a childhood never granted, but always longed for.

"In your room….alone. It's a about damn time, wouldn't ya say so, 'JJ'?" Moses cocked his head, further fiddling with the decoration that hangs from the wall, not really allocating a great deal of concern to Jay's growing irritation.

He expected as much, and far worse when the wise-cracking strategist learns of the scheme he cooked up just for them to have some quality time together, excluding the Oresoen, his fellow bandits, Senel, Norma, or anyone else who seemed to be ever present nowadays. Goodness knows they needed it; currently, their relationship was in a stalemate.

"Shut up. They were supposed to be back by n—" Jay paused and grimaced at the sight of his companion falling back flat on his ass.

If time was all they needed to become closer, then Moses had been an ever patient man. Two years and thirty one days, specifically, since Grune's departure.

"Whoa, dizzzzzy. Haha! I want one of these."

Jay, astoundingly, had been the one to make the first move, that night with just a simple, but sensual kiss on his comrade's lips, after everyone else had gone to grieve on their own and in their own ways. Jay's way found itself in Moses's arms sobbing; the two of them knowing full-well no word of it would ever leave that tent, and if it did, as Jay had so nicely put it, "Speak of this to anyone, stupid bandit, and you will mysteriously lose your remaining eye."

"Stop being an imbecile for one measly second! Or would even that be too difficult for your pea sized brain to handle?"

The kiss, Moses, in a rare moment of mental clarity, chalked up merely to Jay's sorrow, but the next morning the former assassin claimed otherwise. That he was sick of being alone. That he still wasn't sure quite how or why, but he wanted something beyond friendship. And Moses had vowed to do everything in his power to make it work between them.

Moses remained on the floor watching as Jay hurried over and tended to his….wind chime, mobile, or whatever the hell else he guessed it might be.

"Where…collecting info…shouldn't have... half this long", Moses could make out of Jay's whispered mutterings. It was as good of time as any to be on the receiving end of Jay's anger, not that he wasn't used to the outbursts by now.

Things had started out all right. Hunting, exploring, fishing, trips to their homes: Moses's campsite and Jay's village respectively, which were followed by light kissing, soft touches, and of course, teasing insults aimed at the 'wild' man's intelligence.

Sure, Jay's veiled affection for him had been and still was an on-going concern for Moses, but he hoped eventually Jay would become more expressive of his feelings. He just needed to be patient, he told himself. It wasn't until he tried to take it a tad further that more pressing troubles started to rise beneath the surface, troubles that weren't going to be simply solved with waiting alone.

Nothing major started the downpour. To be precise, it was just an attempt at removing Jay's shirt, but that was all it took for Jay to begin pushing him away, both physically and emotionally. Questions only achieved complete and utter emotional lock-downs. However, at the end of the day, Jay would always have short apologies and mind-boggling explanations for his behavior. In short, the younger man had no desire to terminate their relationship, yet beyond his control, something stopped him from obtaining the intimacy he knew it needed to flourish and Moses needed to feel appreciated.

"They won't be back until ta'morrow. At least that's what we agreed on. It's just me and you until then, buddy."

Moses wasn't as stupid as he looked, or it didn't take a high IQ necessarily to determine the clear emotions behind a very emotionally repressed young man. Fear, shame, pain..and only one logical source the bandit could think of: Solon. Yes, he had briefly pondered, during Shirley's abduction incident, the range of the abuse that fucker inflicted upon Jay, but he had yet to see or hear of any evidence to support his overactive imagination and preferred not to assume the worst. But all that changed; Jay's unsettling reactions were the proof.

"You..what..!" Jay quietly spoke. Not even a question, instead a statement radiating with suspicion and barely suppressed flustration.

"I asked em' to give us some time alone, because I needed to talk with ya about things, things that I know you have been avoiding telling me about, Jay."

After the incident, Moses discovered the only way to salvage their 'romance' without explosive confrontation was to ignore what had happened, and so he did, on the surface. He tried many roundabout approaches, starting with giving Jay ample time and space, hoping for the slight possibility he would come to terms with his past on his own, or even slighter still: that Jay would seek him out so that he could help him directly.

He later encouraged Jay to take the lead with anything physical in nature, but that did little good either. It just reminded him that Moses knew. For Jay, his "dumb-as-a-rock" partner knowing, perhaps, was more painful then the memories themselves. He could see the awareness in Moses's eyes, or to be exact, eye, and all he wanted to do was bolt toward the opposite direction.

Lastly, Moses tried appealing to Jay without words, just pure comfort and support bearing with it no ulterior motives, for by that time, more then a year had come to pass and all Moses really wanted was Jay's happiness and ease of mind. A relationship beyond close friendship was an after thought, and one the bandit knew would take time and a heck of a lot of effort, from the both of them.

The only course of action left to Moses was backing the stubborn man into a corner. Continuing to ignore what he knew to be true or plain giving up was only going to destroy Jay from the inside out. Even going to the extreme of walking away altogether, pretending they had never tried to make this work, Moses doubted would bring Jay any relief. Abandonment was sure to be like a knife in the back, no matter how pure its intentions.

"That's nonsense! They wouldn't have listened to you—"

"They sure did when I told em it was about Solon and what I think he did to ya, and how it's still messin' with yur head."

Jay's face paled, though it was unnoticeable with his skin tone. He had a sinking feeling he recognized where this was leading, and been fearing Moses would keep trying to get him to talk, but he never once thought the lunatic would go to this kind of extreme.

"What are y-you talking about, idiot?! This is by far the dumbest prank you've ever pulled. I'm leaving. Now."

Moses grabbed Jay's hand and spoke quickly, before the dagger wielder had a chance to outright retaliate, "The Oresoren told me the first two months after you were found you wouldn't let em' touch you, not even to keep tending to your wounds, and when they did finally gain your trust, they heard you having reoccurring nightma—"

"S-stop! Just stop.." Jay's arm turned to jelly, too petrified to move.

Moses continued, "So they started sleeping beside you to keep them at bay," Moses walked over to the bed, guiding Jay along wordlessly, and dragged his hand across the linen, coming up with a pinch full of fur between his fingers. Jay watched helplessly as reality dawned on him. The Oresoren, the only people Jay gave complete dependence on, had sold him out, had instead trusted Moses with the facts of his personal life. Powerlessness, descended on Jay like hail, "But even still, they said you sometimes weep his name in your sleep."

"I said stop! M-moses, please just—whatever you're thinking, you've got it wrong! I don't understand these emotions—this whole love thing— I just wasn't ready to get that close to you. That's all it is. Give me some time. I just need….more time to sort things out and then.."

Jay reached out for the edge of the bandit's shorts, desperate and willing to try almost anything to deter the ginger-haired man's attention away from the topic. Deep down, though, he anticipated it wouldn't work. If Moses was the scum kind of man to accept that at a time like this, he would have never sought him out in the first place those years back.

Moses secured the analyst's migrating hands in his own and looked him dead the eyes before speaking, "Jay, this ain't about me getting you in the damn sack, alright. Get worrin' about that out of your dang head! This…this is about Solon and you know—damnit, why do you refuse to just talk about it? As dumb as ya claim I am, I figured it out a while ago. I've been trin'—

"You understand nothing, y-you nit-witted…brainless…fucking bast—" Jay's voice broke into pitiable wheezing. It was preferable when openly bawling was his only alternative. Jay eventually bowed his head in defeat and fell silent, his hands trembling, still held by Moses.

Despite the many rehearses in his head about how he would ask or what he would say to Jay if he ever succeeded in getting past his barriers, Moses found himself mute. He wished he could be like Grune, repairing everything with just a silly, reassuring smile, but no one would ever be like Grune. Jay finally broke the silence, his voice low and chilling.

"Moses..I was once foolish enough to ask him about love. It was the first and last emotion I ever asked him about. What it was. What it felt like. He replied, 'would you like me to show you?' I hadn't yet acquired the wisdom or the past-experience necessary to see the sick, twisted amusement behind his expression, so I replied yes," Moses stood listening in terror, "Before I knew what was going on, I was naked, bent over his desk screaming in anguish. After he was done, he sat me down on the chair, and like you would a rag-doll, he grabbed me by my hair and whispered into my ear, 'That is love. Did you enjoy it, you worthless maggot? If not, I suggest you purge yourself of emotion, or else, heh, well I think you get the idea, don't you?' Then he made me clean up the mess, and it wouldn't be the only 'mess' but it was by far the worst one…I hope that is significant enough 'talking about it' for you," Jay finished, his tone acidic.

Jay didn't notice Moses was crying until he worked up the courage to look back up. He didn't know how to react to that. All he could express was anger, even if that was so very far from what he really felt.

"Q-quit that!"

"Jay, t-that's not what it—"

"Yes, I know. I figured that out more then 'a while ago.' I'm not stupid like you are!" Jay yelled and smacked Moses's hands away. Jay didn't want to look at him anymore. It was too excruciating seeing what he thought was a more fitting response showing up on the face of someone this shit didn't even happen to. He turned around and let loose on the very thing Moses had been so fascinated with before, ripping it from the wall and tearing it apart. For pushing him to this point, it was either that thing or the bandit's face. Sobs came to accompany his fury; however, it was unlikely he was consciously aware of them.

Time ultimately lost all meaning as Jay raged on, far from stopping with the tarnished decoration. Moses watched carefully to ensure his companion didn't injure himself too badly, but did not interfere. He may have not been a very 'smart' man, but instinct told him letting Jay feel pissed and be pissed was the right decision, even though every cell in his body urged to grab him, to hold him, and tell him how sorry he was, how he was going to make things better, or something equally cliché. There would be time for that later. For now, Jay just needed to feel.

Jay felt until his body gave way to exhaustion, descending toward the floor, but it never reached because Moses had caught Jay, lifted him up bridal style, and carried him over to the bed, the only non-living thing left in the room spared mutilation.

At last, Jay allowed himself the comfort of Moses's shoulder. As he rhythmically ran his hands through Jay's sweat-ridden hair and over his back, the bandit briefly considered taking the smartass' advice in the future and actually dressing properly, just in case of rare occasions like this, but then again, there was nothing gross about Jay, not even his sticky mucus. Besides, just because Jay was smart didn't mean he was always right.

Hours later, as they sat silently against the wall looking upon the disaster, Jay, without warning, brought his hand to the other man's face, pealing away gunk from the corner of Moses's eye and letting his fingers trail over tracks left by tears. Moses lifted an eyebrow questionably.

"This is what it means, right?"

"What are ya talkin' about, Jay?" And still Moses usually wasn't all that smart.

"Love," Jay replied simply.

Moses grinned like a silly fool and swung his arm around Jay's shoulder, "Yup. That's what it means."

Pimping this shit

distorted_r — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 06:05:20 GMT

SMALL FANDOMS FRIENDING MEME

distorted_r — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 00:45:37 GMT

RECOMMEND STUFF
MEME

Have at it. I'm always looking for more shit to pile up for later. lol

Another gaming poll

distorted_r — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 07:39:59 GMT

I was thinking after finishing my second playthrough of Star Ocean:SE(expect a lot of bitching soon btw) I'd try getting into a decently long gaming series. These are the ones I've just been collecting over the years, yet haven't even touched. Thanks!

View Poll: Which series should I give a try?

Ugh, I should be studying for my stupid entrance exam, but eh I can do both.

Star Ocean 4 Icon post: Of the offensive variety

distorted_r — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 03:21:23 GMT

I haven't made shitastic icons since I got Photoshop back

WARNING, DO NOT GO FURTHER IF YOU HATE SHOCK IMAGES/ SCREWED UP HUMOR

hotel dusk mini review

distorted_r — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 05:13:06 GMT

I finished Hotel Dusk last night. Pretty good game.
Random comments:

*KylexLouis for the win. Bradley’s cool but god Louis and Kyle are so fucking gay for each other. Like dude. Bradley is my second choice.
*Jeff would be my third. Omg, whiny punk sex with Jeff and Kyle would be so hot. Jeff is hot just on his own. Damn that fucked up grin he has is to die for.
*Mila with anyone is just plain nasty if you know her spoilers. Just ew.
* And finally I kind of sort of ship…Helen with Kyle too. Yeah, shut the fuck up. She’s the coolest women in the game.

Simple, mini review with just +s and –s.

Positives:
+Unique use of the DS. It’s held like you would a notebook, which I haven’t seen done before and it really works great for the interrogation like conversations you have with characters and showing two different points of view at once; like when you’re on the phone with someone and you can see both ends. It wouldn’t fit or look good with the usual up and down DS screen setup. When you’re walking around the hotel you can see both a 3-D image of where you’re going on the left screen and a typical area map on the right. I found that be really cool.
+Very unique art style. Most of the time the characters appear black and white, kind of like a comic and they all have different expressions and unique designs. All the drawn backgrounds look great. The 3-D graphics, on the other hand, are quite average, but good enough.
+Dialogue is excellently written, especially the different accents some of the characters have. “Your books sell like fried crap at a fair.” Yes, that’s a quote and it is one of many great ones because everyone in this game is pretty wacky and rude. I didn’t notice any errors and what is said really sounds like what normal people with these character’s backgrounds would say.
+Speaking of dialogue, the main character, Kyle Hyde, is awesome. He’s an asshole ex-cop out to find his exloverpartner and he’s irritated/on his man period 100% of the time. Even when he’s being nice, he’s still mean. But, considering no one in the hotel is particularly nice and proper and that Kyle was a screwed over NEW YORK cop, it wouldn’t make sense if he was any other way. Anyways, a lot of the time these sorts of games have a young weakling main characters that either parrots or gets pushed around. In this game YOU ARE in charge and YOU ARE PUSHING PEOPLE AROUND. What a concept.
+The main story is, for the most part good. It doesn’t start picking up until the last few chapters though, but when it does, it is a few hours of pure bliss and it kept me in the dark on a few things until the end. You just got to remember this game is about a mystery that surrounds a group of people, not a world-wide problem. XD
+Pretty much all the characters are likable and entertaining. The only one I found very typical and boring was Mila. That girl is a walking cliché found in more games then I can count, but it is not like she is annoying or anything. All the rest of them have distinct personalities, problems, and pasts that keep the plot going and each one of them is connected in some way shape or form to the main plot.
+No bullshit endings you can’t get first time through. I count this as a plus because this is not the kind of game you’d really replay again. There is hardly any replay extras.
+The game takes place during a one night stay at a hotel. I thought that was a cool touch. Kind of feels like a race against time, only it’s not really. Kyle is probably just a cheap asshole who wouldn’t spend 30 more bucks for another night. Lol The time segments are pretty weird though. You’ll be going “wha? Only twenty minutes has passed?”

Negatives:
-Plot pace can be rather irritating to a degree. This is how the game flows: Strong introductionàsolve X character’s mysteryàtake a quiz for the chapteràsolve Y character’s mysteryàtake another quizàrepeat like three more timesàstrong ending. This bothered me a little. For some of the chapters I just took longer to finish because the character it focused on didn’t interest me as much. Thankfully, chapters are about an hour or maybe and hour and a half each, so it’s not the end of the world if someone just bores you to tears. You just got to get through it.
-Puzzles are pretty bland and unrealistic. I mean, who’d code letters into pictures around a hotel when they don’t want anyone else besides themselves knowing that code? And who would put the biggest secret in the game coded into a letter when the only two that are ever supposed to know already know? See what I mean? Some of the puzzles are poorly implemented. It would be different if the character in question wanted his/her secret to be discovered by someone smart and special but he/she CLEARLY DOES NOT because someone’s life depends on it. Aside from those idiotic examples, the other puzzles are pretty lame and easy and the tools you use look like paper cut outs from one of those old assed crappy power point programs or something. This isn’t really a brain teaser puzzle game. Lol Not that I care because I didn’t play it for that anyway.
-The 3-D hotel viewer on the left screen has some issues. Characters don’t appear in 3-D. Instead, their black and white art is appears in the middle of a full on 3-D environment and it strange and ugly looking. Again, who gives a shit though?
-This game is very linear. You can say some different things but these wrong comments will either start the conversation over or result in a game over so you basically get one choice and one choice only 95% of the time.
-Average music-Ending is fairly open ended (hopefully for a god damned sequel

..Now on to Star Ocean: the Second Evolution

Final Fantasy V part 1 summary in paint!

distorted_r — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:23:25 GMT

Faris, Lenna, King Tycoon ghost, gualf, and bartz.

I thought I should do something special for making it this far. I do not apologize.

Wild ARMS 2 Mini Review

distorted_r — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 04:03:31 GMT

Wild ARMS 2 Mini Review

Story

The game starts with three different character scenarios. There’s Brad, a convict and ex-war hero trying to escape, Lilka, a sorceress who has a sister complex, and Ashley, the games’ hero. After you get introduced to these three, you play as Ashley who gets put into an elite fighting force, caught up in a demon summoning, and then gets whored out by another organization with no pay. Life sucks for Ashley, I guess.

I thought it was pretty horrible, to be honest. Maybe not quite as bad as Wild ARMS 4, but its close. The story is average compared to other games out at the time of its original release; it’s terrible when compared games in the series. The first disc is simply about a group called ARMS getting banned together by some pretty-boy you just know is hiding something. Then they fight a terrorist group called Odessa the entire first half of the game. This means its boss fight after boss fight with tiny cut-scenes in-between to bring some back story. All and all its nothing but fodder to get all your party members, because they take forever to all join…and then give just enough reason for each major character to be involved so you can’t say “Well, he/she was just there, but had nothing to do with the plot.” Note: Just because they are given a reason, doesn’t necessary mean it’s a good or believable one. Ha.

The second Disc gives you the impression that things are finally going to get interesting, but that doesn’t last long. The awesome begins as fast as it ends when the true threat is revealed. Things get pretty screwy about a quarter of the way into the second disc. No, it’s not hard to understand, the twist is just incredibly idiotic. At least the first disc was coherent, and although slow, the build up was steady. There’s one other twist concerning the main character that is in the backdrop most of the game, however; it didn’t get quite enough attention as it should have, all considering. It’s real background and development is found in an optional book in one of the town’s libraries. Yeah..sad..I know, when it was supposed to be important, and frankly, it was the best thing the plot had going for it.

Oh, I forgot to mention, EVERY twist in the game you’ll see coming unless you are medicated on some good ass junk. The game makes no effort to keep anything a surprise.

What a waste. Wild ARMS always mixes the Wild West, science fiction, and fantasy to conjure up a unique story. This was one of the failures, sadly.

Plot: 3/10

Characters

Somewhat of a mixed bag, but definitely better then the plot. The main character, Ashley isn’t a Squall or a Cloud, so I suppose that’s a plus for many people. He’s generally a down-to-earth guy who wants to go on adventures and become a hero, while the entire game and his annoying girlfriend keep going “NOOOO u must not risk ur life all teh time. Wahhh!! I wants a baby!” No, seriously, that’s one of the main themes in the game: heroes are just sacrifices! Oh, you’ll hear so much you’ll want to vomit~ Besides the non-whiney personality, nothing sticks out about Ashley. He’s about as deep as cereal bowl.

The rest of the playable characters are likable enough. Chances are they won’t annoy you, but at the same time they are not very interesting. Each character that joins your party has one issue they need to overcome, and they spend the entire game figuring it out, which only means they get a few dungeons with cut scenes couple with horrible self-monologues and then everything is all flowers and rainbows afterwards. The issues are pretty simple, really. Brad wants to know how to be normal, instead of an ex-hero. Lilka wants to be her own person. Ashley has girlfriend who wants to get married and have lots of babies RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Oh, yeah, her name is Marnia and she’s totally fucking annoying to Rinoa standards. Enjoy. The other 3 are kinda spoilerly simply because I can sum up who they are, what they want, and their purpose in the game in one sentence. I wouldn’t want to ruin that for you.

The characters bring out one of the game’s major flaws that retards the plot even further: the dialogue. It’s pretty shitty. First of all, the translation isn’t very good in terms of sentence structure, in my opinion. The other issue with it is that it’s extremely redundant and cheesey. Every major plot point or character issue is repeated to you over and over and over again. Heroes shouldn’t be sacrifices! Heroes shouldn’t be sacrifices! Heroes shouldn’t be sacrifices! Heroes shouldn’t be sacrifices! Magic can do anything! Magic can do anything! Magic can do anything! All the nations must unite! Unity! All the nations must unite! Unity! All the nations must unite! Unity! All the nations must unite! Unity! I think I made my point, huh?

To summarize, most of the characters have good personalities, but they are not developed well; they are extremely one dimensional. Each of them only talks and focuses on one tiny little thing throughout the game and the rest of the time they just parrot out what someone else just said before them.

Characters: 5/10

Gameplay

+Loved the battle system and tool system. It’s basically Wild ARMS 3 without the improvements. I liked Wild ARMS 3’s game play. Oh, and nah, I’m not going to bothe going over the details since this is a mini review anyway, but it is a very, very unique, strategy turn-based system.

+Puzzles are fun and dungeons are generally short and sweet.

+Town NPC dialogue changes after most major events, which is nice if you like that sort of thing.

+Fucking awesome challenging optional bosses. They are not the kind where you have to level up a fuck ton. You just have to have the right strategy and that’s not always easy to figure out.

+This game does not make you level at all if you are smart. An item called a lucky card doubles money and experience when you use one in a battle and they are very easy to find. If you use one for each boss battle you’ll NEVER have to fight an optional encounter. And I mean never. You’ll be around lvl 50 at the end with just bosses alone. Cool, huh? Only it’s ruined by the skill system below. Shame. I guess awesome for a speed run though.

Negatives:

-The skill system can fuck you over big time if you don’t be careful early on. You see, there’s this skill that ups you HP more every level up. What does this matter? Three of your 6 characters do not join for awhile. One is in the middle of the first disc, another is at the end of the first, and the last is in the middle of your second disc. The problem is you can’t get the benefits of this skill on those characters until you get them in your party, and guess what? When they new characters join their level match that of Ashley’s. So if you over

level, even a little, they get fucked out of potentially thousands of extra hit points. The real problem is this game isn’t one of those RPGs where you can get away with using the same party. Because, like I said above, boss battles are very strategic, you’ll be needing almost all of them at some point, and if they don’t have those extra hit points they will get killed in one round by all of the game’s optional bosses and some of required ones, forcing you to either, level up like crazy to get them half decent, or abusing one of the game’s guardians to cheap-ass your way through everything(not recommended because it is time consuming.)

The whole thing is just very irritating, when it could have been prevented if the new characters joined at a low level instead of matching your current. Since there’s only three like that it wouldn’t have been hard to get them up to speed anyway.

-Dungeons are not shown on the game map. It’s annoying because there are tons of em, and you need to go back to half of them if you want to do sidequesting.

-Getting some character skills are time consuming. One is a blue mage, so you need to seek out certain monsters. That’s always fun. With Tim, you need to kill a certain amount of monsters with guardians equipped. Its easy until later in the game when the amount keeps on raising. The other is based on luck and percentage.

Gameplay: 8/10

Graphics:

Pretty good. The sprites are a little too blurry because they did a 3-D thing with them. Kinda looks like Xenogears. The battle graphics are full blown 3-D and are somewhere between that of Final Fantasy VII and Wild ARMS 3. The anime openings are beautiful, but shame there isn’t more anime cut-scenes.

Graphics: 7/10

Music

Generally, nice to hear and fitting to each area. Its not as good and Wild ARMS 1’s though. Still, there were a few tunes I wouldn’t find hearing again and the opening themes are awesome. Still not amazing enough to go out and buy the soundtrack.

Music: 7/10

What I have I done? Wild ARMS 3..failings

distorted_r — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 06:23:29 GMT

Title: Making Lemonade?
Fandom: Wild ARMS 3
Pairing: JetxVirginia
Summary: Virginia Maxwell tries to back up the wrong tree.
Rating: PG-13?

You know I'm bored when I try to fill out one of my own lame ass kink props while trying get all of Tim and Kanon's skills. Oh, I can't write worth a shit, but there is some hope in me that someone will look at this. get the overall idea, and rewrite it into something awesome and worth reading. Because I've only wanted to read about Jet failing at sex since I've played the game.

.................................................................

“W-hat the hell ar—“

“Come on, Jet! You can’t tell me you haven’t at least thought about doing this before.”

Blood rushed to Jet’s face and he went with his first instinct; he shoved her away with all the strength he could muster and bolted back to take a defensive stand, that is until he saw Virginia clutching her chest, flat on her ass. He couldn’t recall the last time he saw her looking so pissed off. Well, he could, but he’d rather forget.

“Jet! H-how dare you hit a woman!” she screamed, completely taken aback. No, she wasn’t injured over a shove, but she couldn’t believe the gull that bastard had. To reject her when she knew he was secretly attracted to her, and now, after all this time she was finally giving in to the urge, and he was over there acting like she was some kind of wild animal on the attack.

“I-I didn’t ‘hit’ you! Besides, who gave you permission to come over here and start macking on me anyway? Go bother Gallows, or better yet, I think I see a nice bush you can do your thing behind. Now leave me alone.”

“Oh that does it!”

Virginia bolted in an instant and smacked Jet square in the face, hard enough for him to lose his barring and nearly fall.

Then they both stood there, each ashamed and staring daggers at the ground. Jet was the first to speak.

“Uh, sorry..I uh shouldn’t have shoved you and uh..”

He knew he overacted first and he knew that if there ever was a day he would win an argument with her, today wouldn’t be it. She turned her head to face him still glaring, as if to say “and?”

“And about Gallows..I wouldn’t wish that dumbass on anyone, even you.”

“Even ME? What’s wrong with me, huh?!”

“Nothing’s wrong with y--.”

“I’ve seen you looking at me. I’ve seen how you always have my back. I see how you silently worry about me when I get injured!”

“N-no I d-d—“

“Oh, please! I still might not be the most world-wise, but, damnit, I’m not blind, Jet! Why do you always hide it? Why is it that you always back away when I try to get closer? Man up! We are not ten year olds in a play ground for Filgaia’s sake—”

Jet’s expression went blank. As far as he was concerned, they might as well be. After all, he had all of what? 12 years of experience and not one of those had included the birds and the bees. Hell, any kind of potential relationship had always ended as soon as Jet opened his filthy “punk” mouth. Back then he would never have trusted anyone enough to get that close. What if they robbed him during the night and took off? Yes, the trusting thing definitely wasn’t in Jet’s nature.

“O-Oh….Oh!…my..sorry, I’m such an idiot! I didn’t even think about it that way,” she spluttered. The situation finally becoming just as awkward for her as it was for him. She felt like some kind of pervert now and then the pity set in….

“H-hey, don’t you look at me like that! It’s not like I’m some damn ignorant little kid! I know just as much as you do about “that,” okay!. I-I’ve just never..ya know…done it…ugh! Just, let’s just forget this, damnit…..Besides, think about it. Why would you want to do that with ‘something’ like me anyway? I mean, let’s get real here, blabbermouth, I’m not even human..”

Virginia ever so briefly considered mouthing off at him about the name calling, but she knew by now his crap was nothing more then insecurity trying to detour her from the more important issue: Jet actually, seriously believed that crock he was spewing. She thought he got over all that nonsense, but she was wrong. His origin was the culprit. If that was all that was holding him back, then she’d be damned to let it.

“Who cares exactly how you were born or what you are. It doesn’t matter to me. You’re not any different then the rest of us. Name one thing that us ‘humans’ have that you don’t. Go on. Try!”

“…………” he honestly couldn’t think of anything. The only major difference was that he could recall a green Filgaia lost to everyone else.

“That’s what I thought. We’ve been through this before. You were never a ‘thing’ or a ‘tool” Jet…not to us and definitely not to me. So stop thinking you’re so special, because your not, and if there’s ever any reason why I wouldn’t want you, it’s because you’re a jerk 99% of the time, and no other reason!”

“…..Like you’re a real catch yourself, moron. You’re always getting yourself into trouble and you never stop talking. It’s always blah blah blah with—“

Jet’s banter was suddenly silenced softly by her fingers against his lips, instead of the usual check slap.

“Be quiet..I’d like to enjoy this if you don’t mind.”

Before he had time to spit out more complaints, her lips mashed with his for a brief time until she moved back, bewildered.

“I’ve been told this only works if you participate by kissing back.”

Jet was embarrassed and irritated at the same time. This wasn’t brain science, and yet he froze up and looked stupid in front of her. What doubled the embarrassment was that he was pretty sure Virginia was about as naïve as they come. He just couldn’t imagine her having done this before, so why was she so confident, damnit?

Fine! Whatever! I’ll just go along with it then, little miss smartass!

Jet put his hands on her face and brought his lips to hers. He didn’t waste any time teasing her mouth open. The whole thing was sloppy, pathetic, and awkward, but they both went with it. Jet felt his heart race, excitement finally taking over, and that’s when he grabbed and squeezed…it. And that’s exactly when Virginia pushed him away, looking horrified in her own unique little way.

“W-what now?”

“You just grabbed my breast!”

“Well, duh. ‘I’ve been told’ that’s one of the things you do.”

“Oh for gods…you are not supposed to grab parts of me like you would your ARM, Jet! Were you trying to make lemonade out of them or what?”

“What? No! I was just…I don’t know what I was doing.”

Star Ocean: The Last Hope Review

distorted_r — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 01:24:01 GMT

Spoiler free and very ranty. I was also extremely mean, almost as mean as I was to Gravitation. I kind of feel bad now. And I'm hypocrit because I loved this shit out of this game, yet I had to be honest.

Star Ocean: The Last Hope Review

Quotes:
"Their job is to travel to the planet Aeos and determine if it’s a safe replacement for Earth. Of course, it’s perfectly perfect and they begin immigration immediately. I was just joking on that last part. Of course something goes wrong, but you’ll have suffer through it like I did to find out what."

"Their problems include, “I keep my emotions behind a mask because people keep dying,” “I have mental disorders,” “I hate my body!” “UGHH!! Why is he better the MEEEEE,” “I have this irrational belief that I am cursed,” “I’m mentally retarded and it’s a struggle.., “Hmm, which is more important, my job or my family?!” “REVENGE. I MUST HAVE IT,”and my personal favorite “ I’M HUNGRY BITCHES.” I wish I was exaggerating here, but I’m not. "

Story and Characters

Story

The United States and what looks like China or North Korea (come on, its sooo North Korea. They just won’t show it!) blow the shit out of each other over an accidental missile launch. Other countries soon join the dick fight, and yay nuclear warfare rapes Earth and all the Hetalia characters die horribly(sorry….I could not help it.) Years later, the small percent of the population without 2 heads and 15 fingers build a colony on the moon and prepare for space exploration to find another habitual planet to dickfight on. That’s where young, inexperienced, Edge Maverick and his love interests, Reimi and Crowe(haha, sorry), come in. Their job is to travel to the planet Aeos and determine if it’s a safe replacement for Earth. Of course, it’s perfectly perfect and they begin immigration immediately. I was just joking on that last part. Of course something goes wrong, but you’ll have suffer through it like I did to find out what.

Well, I’ll be frank here; Star Ocean: TLH has a weak plot, very weak. Here’s what they did. They blended Star Ocean: Till the End of Time with Star Ocean: First Departure and called it a brand new game. Yup, they basically took major plot elements from both of those games and reused them.

It’s cheap, but it wouldn’t have been so bad at all if SO1 and SO3 had amazing plots to borrow from, but they were average themselves. Oh, I forgot! SO4 is also 25% ripped from Star Trek. Ha, but what isn’t? That’s the good 25%, by the way. The plot flow is simple. You’ve got one major plot line that leads up to the final boss. Each new planet you travel to nets you basically a one-scene reminder, as if to say “durrr, something bigger is happening here. Really, we are going somewhere with this….eventually.”

The rest 80% of the time? You land on a planet. One or several minor problems present themselves to you before you can move on to something relevant, and finally at the end of this 5-whatever hour stretch of gameplay, something applicable happens. These minor events serve as nothing more than excuse to add game time and introduce more characters. To keep you from losing interest outright, crap tons of fanservice is mixed in, so even though “rescue the girl,” “find a cure to the mysterious village illness,” “run this errand for the king!” are not at all unique required RPG quests, you want to do them to see the name “Jerand” or “Farrence,” or see a cat in bondage gear or the planet Roak in 3D to show up and make you squeal, because omg there’s sorta-kinda cameos and Easter eggs. And that, my friends, is what they used instead of a new plot, despite the fact that futuristic JRPGs are a dime a dozen, giving this series lots of virgin ground to exploit and one up on everything else. There’s really no excuse other than “damn, we are lazy!” or “the real plot would never have fit onto three discs!”

I speak as a minority here, but the game actually starts out strong and interesting. WWIII. Not bad. Find a new planet to inhabit? Makes sense. Ohhh, Vulcans and humans getting along without wank. Fantastic! Only it goes downhill right after that, when you reach your second planet. Then it goes on with the trend I mentioned above until the last disc of the game, where they finally decide to stop dicking around and tie the game up with about an hour worth of cut-scenes. Gee, could have spread that out a little, IMO. Anyway, the villain is stereotypical, or at least the concept is. They do add one little twist for the end of the game, but if you don’t see it coming from the limited number of party slots, then, well, you are slow or not paying attention. The twist itself is nice, but unfortunately its enjoyment rides completely on your feelings for one character in the game. If don’t care for him/her then, well, you are not going to enjoy even that.

Plot holes have free run in this game. In fact, that’s what the handy dandy Dictionary is for. So when you are going “how in the hell did that happen?” you can look at the database and find some experimental scientific theory, probably copied from a textbook, to say that It could happen..somehow. Thanks, Star Ocean! Tthat makes me feel so much better. Not. There are also several loose ends. There’s even a big old sub-plot half way through the game just to create a reason for Edge to “grow as a person” and by grow as a person, I mean wank his way through a huge chunk of the game. There’s hardly any consistency to hold events together.

Oh, and how could I forget the romance? UGHHH. Expect horrid from Edge and Reimi. Much horror. On the other hand, we’ve got one romance that just breaks all the rules and turns out so fucked up-ly cute that by the time the game was over, I loved it despite one character being 6 and the other 18. Not kidding. You don’t see that every day. And the lighting in the scene that concludes this relationship can be seen as extremely disturbing. This might gross you out but at least it will entertain you. Hey, it helps the little brat is uber powerful and the other character is sort of fail. Yeah, point is: it one relationship in the game that isn’t total cliché.

The only other thing, and I mean the only other thing, I can say good about its overall plot is the ending of the game. It’s fairly long, emotional, and ties directly in Star Ocean: The First Departure quite nicely. It’s all the filling in-between the beginning and the ending that brings it down. To sum up, a twelve year old kid could have come up with a plot more creative then what we have here. Fortunately, the characters manage to hold it together just enough where you will probably at least enjoy parts of it.

Story: 5/10

Characters

The characters are the plots saving grace, which is strange, because they all have 2 major flaws. One, they are all terribly stereotypical and two: they have the development depth of Lymle’s cup size(she’s flat-chested). Heh, well 1 is 90% of all RPGs so we can pretty much ignore that by now, huh? 2, isn’t as easily forgiven. In the game, each character has one personal problem they must overcome and overcoming that is their “development.” This can be done right to a degree if their struggles are interesting and they have a decently sized side quest each to flesh them out, but SO4 has neither. Their problems include, “I keep my emotions behind a mask because people keep dying,” “I have mental disorders,” “I hate my body!” “UGHH!! Why is he better the MEEEEE,” “I have this irrational belief that I am cursed,” “I’m mentally retarded and it’s a struggle.., “Hmm, which is more important, my job or my family?!” “REVENGE. I MUST HAVE IT,”and my personal favorite “ I’M HUNGRY BITCHES.” I wish I was exaggerating here, but I’m not.

As for the whole stereotypical note, that really does apply for all but possibly three characters. Edge really is just a carbon copy hero, with his goody-goody-ideals and self-blame. Oh, and let’s not forget that big heart of gold full endless understanding. The self-hating part aside, Edge does have a sweet side and extremely human reactions during Private Actions. During Private Actions, Edge is mostly a normal 20 year old boy, playing innocent and getting caught up in all kinds of messes. The good part of his personality really shines and he manages to be a caring friend without it feeling forced and all the interactions he has with the party are natural and funny. In-game cut-scenes, Edge is a preachy, whiney annoying little shit though. Congrats, Star Ocean, you did it again!

Reimi, the game’s heroine is also just another carbon copy. She’s loyal and in love with Edge to a fault and for a time quite spunky. She is, however, a strong-willed female character otherwise. There’s a few times in the game where’ll she surprised me by making actual sensible decisions despite Edge problems, but it’s followed by vomit worthy drama-lama dialogue that it evens out the good and the bad.

The rest of the cast have their ups and downs. You’ve got all the anime essentials : a little loli girl character, a cat girl, a winged, angel-like girl, a big boobie girl, Mr. logical, and an Albel clone. You don’t really get to know much about them during the required game scenes, but if you do most of the Private Actions, you get to see the fun, quirky side of them all, and occasionally you’ll get a serious PA every now and then too. Mostly private actions foster relationships between party members instead of developing the cast individually. They alone are indeed brilliant and make the game worth playing for. The private actions are also highly important for the game’s ending. Doing them is supposed to make you care about certain characters, however stereotypical they may be, and I think they do succeed where it counts, and it counts because how you feel about a certain character will either make or break the game’s plot for you. Fortunately, this particular character has the most interesting background and development, so it works in the game’s favor.

Ah, what else…yes their dialogue. Main game, its one typical puke-worthy “we must save the world and do good deeds!” sugar coated sermon after sugar coated sermon. Many of the characters also have stupid speech trends like saying “kay?” after every sentence, question or not. OCD habit? We’ll never know. Another is “meow” after every other sentence, which is weird and distracting more than anything else. And then there’s “boy” “Mr. Edge” “Oh my goodness!” Need I go on? In PAs, the dialogue is clever and quirky, making me think that someone else wrote them. There’s also a gag character named Welch who controls item creation and references anime cliché all the time and constantly makes fun of each character. On one hand, it’s funny. One the other hand, in order to make fun of them so flawlessly, it means that they know how damn flawed they are. Kinda, depressing, if you ask me, but Welch’s trolling is win, so it’s a plus overall.

To sum up, if most characters didn’t blatantly suck so much, Private Actions would have been boring and worthless. Yay, for that irony.

Characters: 7/10

Story and Characters Score: 6/10

Battle System and Gameplay

Battle system

Oh, how I hate explaining a battle system before I can start a rant. *sigh* Star Ocean: TLH has an addictive real-time battle system. Like all real-time systems you have normal attacks and special attacks and spells. You also can dash(or jump as one character) and blindside enemies. Blind-siding is the major change in the Star Ocean battle system. Basically, when an enemy targets you, you can hold down a button and let go at the right time to sneak behind to do some major damage. It adds a bit of strategy to some bosses with weak points, but mostly it is used to buff up your bonus gauge. Yes, it’s back but slightly different. As you do things like kill multiple enemies in one hit, you get a tile on your bonus gauge with can increase EXP or refill MP and HP after battle, among other things. It’s useful for leveling up and getting skill points faster. The last major addition to the system are chain combos using the rush gauge. When you get ass-kicked enough, you can go into rush mode where you and another character can join end and spam special attacks.

The battle system is pretty simple to get the hang of and flows very nicely. One of the things I enjoyed the most was that many of the characters have unique fighting styles, with the exception of the three mages. By that, I mean some are much faster, have different attack combos, have a greater attack reach, different short-raged and long raged attacks, etc. For instance Reimi is a long-ranged attacker with no mary-sue spells (yes, she never uses magic. AMAZING. Fucking Edge gets a healing spell but not her. Lol forever), and Faize is combination of short raged attacker and a mage. Most real time RPGs don’t really put much effort into making different characters unique to control. SO:TLH improves this by making the transition from attacking and spell targeting easier to control. Controlling a mage was a bitch in SO3, but I could easily make the transition there. That leads up to the battle systems one major flaw..it’s a bit easy. Most of the time you can button mash your way through everything. The only time strategy even matters are with bosses with weak points. However, the game does offer different difficulty levels so the point is really mute.

Another downside, is that characters you don’t use in battle do not gain levels or skill points, which means you either stick with the same party or spend extra time keeping everyone up to date. On the plus side, leveling doesn’t take very long and these characters still obtain enough experience form opening treasure, harvesting, and ring usage to keep them from completely rotting away. There are also party skill points you can use on their skills separate from individual skill points.

Battle system score: 8/10 (-2 for repetition)

Gameplay

Oh boy, its rant time! Let’s start with battle trophies shall we? Gone are the days of SO3’s gaming skill challenge trophies and fun rewards. In their place are the “how many hundreds of hours are you willing to waste spamming deep freeze?” trophies and the boring reward of getting more battle quotes. Most, I’d say around 70% of SO:TLH’s battle trophies have nothing to do with your skill level. They have everything to do with the game clock. You see, it doesn’t take skill to kill 999 insect enemies or get a certain amount a specific type of enemy item drops or using the same character for 3000 battles. No, that’s just pushing LT or RT button until everything dies for hours. This wouldn’t be near as bad if it wasn’t for the fact that in order to get each character’s trophies you must be in control of that character when you accomplish your goal. Yes, that means if Faize kills 999 insect enemies, but you did not control him while he did it, you do not get that trophy until you control him and kill 999 more. Awesome, huh? If each character earned them regardless if you were in control then that would be different. It’s also just stupid that each character has his/her own set of trophies to begin with. It takes all the strategy out of it. In SO3, you had to figure out yourself which character was best suited to obtain certain trophies and it made you make use of everyone. Now it does that by wasting 400+ hours of your time, and for what? Well, you get more battle quotes, CP and unlock of the respective character’s level cap. Of all those rewards, only the level caps are remotely useful, but it takes 50 percent of the trophies to get those and that still means a lot of hours invested. Battle quotes are cool in their own right, but let’s face it, they are not worth it unless you are a fan of the character. Costumes were a much better reward by far, and they were a fun extra, not SOMETHING REQUIRED completing the optional dungeons. Yes, I suppose it is possible to beat the mega bosses with the level cap in place, but I bet you don’t want to.

The next most annoying gameplay aspect is the monster database. The goal is to fill each monsters data to 100% so you can use monster gems to transform them into an accessory and if you can manage to do them all, you get an achievement. Here’s the issue: You need to beat a lot of these monsters a 100 times to get 100%. Yep. Best of all, there’s shit tons of them. Only bosses and most arena monsters have a higher percentage gain per defeat. I haven’t asked how many hours it takes to complete but I bet it’s another few hundred. Have fun. As for the accessories themselves? Useless, expect for bosses and other special cases, so aside from the achievement, it’s stupid.

Ah, let’s pick on the quests. Quests in this game are divided into two types: unique ones you get from townspeople with issues and shop order quests. The NPC quests are quite nice and occasionally add to the game, but the shop orders are just there to drive you nuts and clock more hours in. They can range from item creation to getting certain item drops. The experience and SP awards are worth it most of the time IMO, unless the materials given away are more useful then the reward, but damn there is a lot of them and all of them are almost the same. They are just too time-consuming and repetitive. Guess what, doing them all is another achievement. Surprise, surprise.

Now for item creation. For once I’m not going to hate on it because it isn’t nearly as complicated as it was in SO3. For the most part, if you do a decent amount of the quests and defeat most of your monster encounters, you’ll end up with most of materials you need for the bad assed stuff. If you want to create everything for another achievement, that’s up to you, but if you don’t, item creation is not annoying and it is very useful. The only bad thing about this is harvesting and mining points. These are in areas scattered around and you get a lot of your base materials from them. Sadly, in order to reset them you need to make your way back to your ship. That’s a lot of traveling to do. Near the end of the game you catch a break with transfer symbols that require less running around but then you have to switch discs constantly, so nothing changes.

Alright, I think that’s all the bitch-worthy things. The good points are that SO:TLH has more planets to explore. No, it’s not as many as they hyped it out to be. There are 5. Two are under-developed. One is a jungle basically and one is actually futuristic. The last is a spoiler but it doesn’t really fit into any of those categories. Ok, so nothing much has changed. You are still stuck on underdeveloped shitholes for most of the game, but at least it’s not just one underdeveloped shithole the entire game and you have your ship to go back to. One last thing, chests and other points of interest are marked on the in game map. This is wonderful. Oh, Lymle, for that you are awesome.

Speaking of the Calnus, your ship, you can customize it a small degree with vending machines and such, but the real action happens in the bedroom. You, as the captain have the awesome authority to assign rooming arrangements and shove love potions in them to have your party members date rape each other(well, that’s not shown but come on, what else would you call it.) It’s really just a clever way to foster affection points if you screw up PAs or one of your party members is an asshat. Still, it’s amusing getting to sleep with everyone on board. And, yes the game makes fun of this in PAs.

The final major good thing is the new affection point system. By new, I mean you don’t have to choose between characters and play the game five times to see all the different combinations and endings. The characters you get this time around are set, which is nice because at least this way you don’t have 2-4 characters getting all the spot-light all the time and the rest being just add-ons. PA triggering is quite different this time and far less annoying. Most of the PAs take place on the Calnus on route to a new planet. This leaves less room for error in building up your relationships but it also saves you the trouble of going back and forth to towns to trigger PAs after every event like you had to in the first three SO games. Besides, it makes sense they would take place in your base of operations. I the only thing I miss about the old affection system are the couple endings. If get close enough to each character you will get their ending, which shows what becomes of them, but you Edge doesn’t get to canonly be with anyone like in SO2 and SO3.

One minor cool perk in the ability to skip cutscenes. Not only can you skip them, but when you do a summary of the events pop up. I’ve read most of them and they do a good job. It’s very useful if you die in a boss battle or are simply replaying the game.

The arena and bunny races are back. The arena is pretty challenging and quite fun, but you can easily ignore it if you want too. Two new dungeons are become available after beating the game with harder bosses. Sadly, they are not cameo bosses. There is also no new game +, which basically SUCKS. This is a 100 hour game if you plan on doing a lot, and a 500+ hour game if you plan on doing EVERYTHING. Yeah, carrying over you items, skills, etc. would have been very useful. For people wanting just a ending they missed, I guess it wouldn’t be that bad, but for a perfect saver? It’s a nightmare.

Let’s see…shops are typical and so is wandering around areas. You do get certain rings that interact with treasure and parts of the environment. You can pickpocket again, but it pisses everyone else off and thus you can’t have much fun with it. Oh, Edge can dash, which is A LIFE SAVER. Uhh, Dungeons and areas are generally well designed and not too annoying to navigate. Don’t expect many great puzzles though. You get this ugly bunny to ride one which you’ll probably hardly use.

Yeah, over all it’s a very mixed bag.

Gameplay: 6/10

Battle System and Gameplay: 7/10

Graphics

I can’t be the best judge here because I did not play this in high definition and believe me it showed a little. Considering Star Ocean goes for an anime style rather than a realistic style, it’s not fair to judge based on that because style is subjective. Honestly, I like anime style characters in my RPG. If they start looking too realistic, where every little freckle on their skin is visible they become, well, ugly. At any rate, all the characters are designed well enough. The environments differ quite a bit and fit the culture they are set in. I never once was able to walk into a wall or see hair magically stick into clothing. Spells and attacks are all unique and pretty. I was very satisfied visually.

There are however a few things that could have been touched up, like the plants. Yeah, they are stiff and fake looking. The backgrounds on rocks and grass are reused. Monster designs are reused with only color changes. Futuristic environments were far too damn SHINY. Omg, my eyes sometimes! So, the environments could have used some more work, but the MC and NPCs all look pretty damn good.

Graphics: 8/10

Sound

Music

Average, bland, boring, etc, etc. At least they didn’t add horrible rap music for some boss battles this time. I do miss having a vocal ending theme. Star Ocean usually has great themes, but this time it didn’t have one. At no time did I hear something that caught my attention. At no time was I annoyed by it either.

Music: 5/10

Voice Acting

Well, some of it is good and some of it is horrible. Sarah, Lymle and Welch’s pitches are almost fucking ear drum shattering. Welch’s VA at least acts out emotion well, but it is so loud and high-pitched. Jesus Fucking Christ. Sarah is a female “I AM SAM.” Anyone see that movie. Well, if you did, there you go. Edge just sound plain fucking obnoxious most of the time. Come to think of it, I only considered Meracle, Faize, Eleyna, and Arumat “good.” The others were tolerable. No one was “great.” This is why the battle trophy awards are so fucking idiotic.

Voice acting: 5/10

Sound: 5/10

Final thoughts: If you enjoy a nice battle system and a light hearted, simple story, this game is worth playing. If you are a fan of the Star Ocean series in general, this game is worth playing. Hell, if you love anime to death, you’ll probably get a kick out of this game. But, if you are a seasoned RPG gamer looking for something ground breaking or a sci-fi fan wanting a serious space drama, you’ll detest it.

OVERAL RATING: 6.5/10

Excess rants and shit about the game ending and junk.

-Ok, god damnit, Edge wasn’t saved by the light of hope. Faize fell first and mentally called his Sol. The fucking thing is controlled by his mind. Once he got into it, he picked up Edge and then dropped him off at the Calnus. Faize’s Sol is SHOWN DROPPING HIM OF. You think an imbecile like Edge could fly that thing? No way. Why did he say Faize was dead? GEEE, because maybe Faize asked him to! The dude almost destroyed the universe. I wouldn’t want to be found alive either. And besides, it was a great guilt trip device for the under-developed planet act. How is this so hard to figure out?

-Faize, honey, you need some mental help. I wonder if the year before coming back to Lymle he had an operation for his anger issues. Or is he just always going to periodically go fucking psycho. Sounds like a interesting fanfiction though.

-DAMN, I wanted to see Bacchus’ real body so bad. Why didn’t they show it?!

-Lymle is clearly older in her ending. I don’t think her legs doubled in length because she changed dresses. Why is she aging rapidly? Because her mental block has crumbled. You think this is retarded or impossible, do you? Well, obviously you must think Rubedo’s age problem in Xenosaga is stupid too, because it’s basically the same thing, just different reasons. We must also remember that Lumarians are shorter than humans. What you see at the end is probably a 15 year-old Lymle. Mentally, it is hard to say. She did live for 15 years so it is possible that she is mentally 15, but chances are she just started maturing mentally at the end of the game. There’s some progress though because the way she deals with those little kids is more adult-ish then it used to be with her friend in Woodly village.

-EDGE YOU ARE AN IDIOT. Okay, you do know the Earth you destroyed was in an alternate universe, right? Of course, he did because he said it. Meracle was found in this alternate universe, therefore; Meracle’s home planet isn’t the Roak of your universe. It is the Roak of the other universe. Duh. She can never get home. Why does everyone think she can? It’s fine if Meracle doesn’t get it because she’s pretty idiotic, but we’ve got someone like Bacchus who is a scientist who still doesn’t understand this simple fact.

-So are we to assume Sarah flew up, up and away until she burned in the planet’s atmosphere? “Oh, my, I can’t breath! And I’m on fire!” LOL COOL. It explains why Erys isn’t her descendent doesn’t it?

- I wonder how long exactly Arumat has left. What a jackass. They failed making him even half as cool as Albel. At least Albel didn’t have a death wish. I mean that shit is just emo.

-Eleyna and CROWE. LOLOLOL Oh, what fitting ending for him. Slavery. Perfect. I guess this explains why Roddick has human ears and a love for swords, huh? Kind of interesting actually because this means all the Star Ocean male heroes are some part human. For the record, I didn’t dislike Crowe.

My pairings:

EdgexFaize: Uhhh, ENDING, anyone? You can’t get anymore gay then that. It’s a rather angsty ship though.

FaizexLymle: As the game went on, I realized just how unique Lymle and Faize were and how rare that kind of romance is shown. In the end, it was pretty damn near perfect and sweet. You can see Lymle break at the end when she cries for Faize. That’s the moment when she starts aging again, obviously. Lymle is also pretty damn powerful when you think about it. Let’s face it, people, no matter how old that girl is, she could beat the living shit out of Faize any time she pleases. She has nothing to be concerned about it because the control is all hers. I love Faize, but he’s as dominant as a mouse, even when he’s evil.

ArumatxCrowe: DUHHHHHH. Also rough hot sex. Yesss

MeraclexArumat: I don’t know. I just do.

Characters I liked:

Faize, Eleyna, Meracle and Lymle. Fuck everyone else.

distorted_r — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 08:13:29 GMT

View Poll: Which game should I play to complete a series?

Gravitation ranting.....

distorted_r — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 23:27:55 GMT

"So if I had to recommend this series to anyone, which I wouldn’t, but this is a hypothetical situation here, I’d tell them to read the first two volumes of the manga..online..illegally, because it isn’t worth buying. Then watch the anime. Or, just buy the vocal soundtrack and never touch anything else related to the series."

When I first got into slash, I heard all kinds of good things about Gravitation. Like how it was the best BL anime out there and how perfect Shuichi and Eiri are together. Still, it took me awhile to buy the anime, but when I did I had high hopes. I watched the first 4 episodes…and I was pretty much confused and a bit disappointed. Then several people told me to read the manga first before touching the anime again, because “the manga is so much better!11” so I did that. I bought all the manga and I read all 12 volumes. The first five were okay and they definitely cleared up what was going on in the anime, since the anime’s beginning is slightly strange if you know nothing about the series. However, once the manga started going into the New York arc, that’s when I realized Gravitation is a complete fucking joke. Certainly, the manga had its problems before the New York arc, but it still had some perks. Afterwards, it turned into a total disgrace to anime, BL, yaoi, manga, and well anything really. This brings me to the list of crap:

-I hated the unclear happenings the night Eiri killed Yuki Kitazawa. First of all, we don’t know if Yuki was raped or not. The anime clearly shows that he wasn’t, but it also doesn’t show Shuichi’s rape (which really canonly happens), so I’m guessing they didn’t show anything for censoring reasons. The manga is the only real concrete thing to go on, and from that it’s only obvious that Kitazawa didn’t. The other two men possibly did. Now, one of the Remixes supports this, but nothing in the remixes are considered canon(THANK GOD). A few of Eiri’s quotes also appear to support that he was indeed raped by at least one of the two men before getting the gun. I’m talking about the scene where Yuki cries and says something like “now you’re just like me” after Shuichi’s run-in with Taki. Now, normally I wouldn’t give a shit, but these details are important to really figure out just how messed up Eiri really is and why. So, I’d have liked to know. Rape or not, being betrayed like that by someone he trusted and loved is more than enough to screw him up pretty badly, but I guess I just want more details.

Another thing that bothers me is Yuki Kitazawa himself and why he did what he did. Ok, obviously he was drunk, and in the manga, I just figured that was the reason. But in the anime it seems like it’s not as black as white as that. Eiri’s shows up at Kitazawa’s house unannounced, during Yuki’s drunken time. Because he’s wasted he starts acting out on his desires, when he normally would never do something like that. All the other scenes with show him as nice and professional. Of course, deep down he’s still sick and has a thing for Eiri. All I’m saying is that under normal circumstances, he would have never tried to rape Eiri, based on all the other information about the guy. Another thing that’s pretty obvious to me is that Kitazawa saw Yuki as a nuisance. He was probably just tutoring him for drinking money, and alcoholics tend to hate, ya know, working or anything that doesn’t have to do with getting wasted. It matters because that’s why I think he didn’t give a shit about what those guys were going to do. My guess? He was going to take that ten dollars, buy another bottle of wine and pass out somewhere and get taken to jail at the end of the day.

What I’m getting at is in the anime Yuki is molesting Eiri when two guys just come in. They PUSH Kitazawa aside and for a brief second, he’s got a “what the hell” look on his face. Here’s my theory: Kitazawa was making a drug deal or something of that nature. Well, being an alcoholic by night, he’s of course drunk, but that’s just standard procedure. Eiri comes over unannounced and things go bad. He starts messing around with Eiri a little, and in the middle of that his dealers/friends just barge in and push him aside. At this point, I just think Kitazawa didn’t want to get his ass kicked/ screw up whatever deal they were going to make by pissing these guys off denying them their fun with Eiri, and so he goes along with the ten dollar joke(come on it had to be a fucking joke). Plus, he secretly resents Eiri in the first place, so that makes it easier for him just to let it happen. He’s shown walking off after getting the money. He doesn’t care. It still makes him just as much of a sick pathetic fuck, but at least that makes sense to me. I would have thought differently if Eiri’s arrival was planned, but apparently it wasn’t. I also think if those guys wouldn’t have shown up, Kitazawa would have pushed Eiri around a little more and if Eiri still rejected him, he’d have thrown him out the door extremely pissed off. Well, then Tohma would have done some major murdering anyway. lol

Pictures of Kitazawa's micro-expressions of surprise:

This kind of explains why Eiri thinks Yuki didn’t deserve to die. The other two guys, he doesn’t seem to regret killing at all. “Why didn’t you tell me you hated me? Then you wouldn’t have had to die!” What I think Eiri was getting at is if he had known Yuki saw him as an annoying fucking brat then he would have never shown up at his house in the middle of the night without calling or something first. Or he would have never trusted him to begin with.

Or it’s just the standard victim blaming him/herself. I just think the entire event deserved more explanation and Yuki Kitazawa deserved more development. I mean, Eiri’s past is clearly the most important plot point of the series and it is just so vague. The manga is even more vague, so I’m glad the anime gave a tiny window to see what Kitazawa was like and why Eiri adored him so much.

-The characters have no stability and are impossible to pin down. Shiuchi is just plain crazy. Whenever he starts thinking about something serious, something stupid pops up in his head right before he finishes his thought, and he then runs around like a jackass. All we really know for sure about Shiuchi is that he LUVS Yuki and he can sing. Great! Hiro is supposed to be Shuichi’s loyal friend, but sometimes he acts like it and sometimes he doesn’t. He’ll go inform Yuki about Shiuchi’s attack and give useful advice at times, but the next moment he’ll be “GRRR I’m quitting the band!11” only to come back because Eiri bribes his fiancé to date him if he’ll stay. NOW THAT’S FRIENDSHIP. It’s not even that clear why he has these personality swings. Eiri is all over the place. Murakami uses “multiple personality disorder” to explain why Eiri will act nice one second, act mean another second, act really, really mean another second, and threaten to throw a woman off a building the next. Ok, first of all, Eiri’s mystical problems don’t fit that disorder. Eiri is more along the lines of post traumatic stress disorder, or if you want to really stretch it, manic depressive. Ok, he probably is manic depressive. God damnit, Murakami, WOULD IT KILL YOU TO OPEN A BOOK AND RESEARCH SOMETHING BEFORE YOU SHOVE IT IN YOUR MANGA? I guess it would. And I guess your fans are too damn stupid/BL starved to give a flying shit. You could draw entire arc about Eiri and Shuichi playing with rainbow colored lions at a zoo and they’d still buy your horse shit……er anyway…Ryuichi is either mentally challenged 100% of the time in the anime or faking being a retard 50% of the time in the manga. Either way, you have someone who is just goofing off. The only thing that changes in the manga is that we know that he does, in fact, have a brain in there somewhere and he is in fact urging Shuichi on for a purpose. What that purpose is exactly, I’m not sure. I guess it’s pretty hard to find someone as stupid as you are in the world who can also sing, so it’s worth playing around with him until you go back to the states to…uh to be an actor. :/ Either way, I think kidnapping Yuki was way out of character, and we never to get to see Ryu’s “real” personality, if one even exists. Claude is just batshit insane. In the New York arc he switches sides and does lots of crazy shit that makes no sense. If you pretend the New York arc didn’t happen, then he’s relatively stable and devoted to Bad Luck, but there’s still no depth with him. Yoshiki is the transvestite brother of Yuki Kitazawa who loves going around imitating Yuki to scare the shit out of Eiri. And for some reason he/she wants to help out by uhhh reacting Eiri’s attempted rape! Wonderful. Such great story telling. It brings a tear to my eye. Also RAPE IS FUNNY GUYS. Rage is fucking stupid and crazy. Enough said there.

The only t characters who are even remotely stable are Tohma, Mika, Taki, and Suguru. Tohma just wants what’s best for Eiri because he feels guilty for the past. He’ll use anyone and everything in his power to do so. At first he thinks Shuichi will help Eiri, so he does what he can to make sure they work out. Then, Eiri gets sick and he realizes that Shuichi might be doing more harm than good, so he does what he can to break them up. It’s irritating, but at least it makes some kind of sense. Taki will do anything to reach the top. Anything. It’s too damn simple to fuck up. Mika just wants Eiri to be happy. Again, too simple to fuck up. Plus, those two just happen to be minor characters. Saguru wants to surpass his brother and he’s using Bad Luck to do that, but he’s stressed because he is surrounded by retards. I’m thinking he’s the only real sane one in the series.

Basically, Murakamiuses her characters as plot devices with no regard for keeping them “in-character.” It ruins everything. She obviously never bothered to research psychology to figure out just how her characters might realistically react to their situations, and that’s just pathetic. I will never understand why this series did so well besides the fact that it’s the only real BL series to see the light of day outside of Japan. Lucky break, because this shit is shit.

-The Gravitation anime is better than the manga. I don’t care what anyone says; it is. Why? Because it cuts out the entire New York arc, 6 or so volumes of complete fucking nonsense in the manga. That means no Rage. That means no meeting Kitazawa’s transvestite brother. That means no bird costume. That means no giant flying panda. All of that was just filler in the manga and I was glad it was taken out. It added nothing to the plot whatsoever. To break it down:

-Cuts out New York and anything else unnecessary.

-MUSIC. It’s about the only thing really amazing about Gravitation.

-There is slightly less stupidity present at serious moments. When I say slightly, I mean slightly.

-Everyone’s hair color and style stays the same. Hey, it annoyed me in the manga how everyone would look different each volume and sometimes even each track.

-The Japanese VAing is okay. The English is terrible. Absolutely TERRIBLE.

So if I had to recommend this series to anyone, which I wouldn’t, but this is a hypothetical situation here, I’d tell them to read the first two volumes of the manga..online..illegally, because it isn’t worth buying. Then watch the anime. Or, just buy the vocal soundtrack and never touch anything else related to the series.

-The remixes are fucking scary. I know I haven’t said one good thing about Murakami, so I will: She draws pretty good porn, and she has some serious guts to show us all how completely disturbed she is. Lol Ok, for those who don’t know, one of the remixes shows a pre-teen Eiri(he looks 7 though) sucking Yuki Kitazawa’s cock, among other things, and while this is happening the text goes on about him going all the way when he gets older and how it’s a “promise left unfulfilled.” Another one has Tohma and Tatsuha reenacting the two thugs raping Eiri. They cum all over him, take turns, and apparently Eiri is completely drugged the fuck up. The kicker? Shuichi is watching viva a camera in the room. I have no issue with any of this because it’s not canon or anything but it does go to show what goes on in this woman’s mind. ROFL.

I’m really just disappointed though. How often does the creator of a manga draw the dojin for it? Almost never right? So I was hoping for some sweet romantic porn between Eiri and Shuichi, because the manga never could get that explicit. But, of course, everything has to be totally fucked up to epic proportions, so instead I get Shuichi crying and drooling all over himself looking like’s getting raped. And that’s the most normal one.

-Gravitation can never take anything seriously. Well, take Shuichi’s gang rape, for instance. In no way does he act realistic, even for a second. He doesn’t go to the hospital. He has no lasting emotional trauma. Nothing. The next day he dresses up in a school girl outfit for Yuki and it makes no sense whatsoever. I’ve tried to make sense of this. I have. Shuichi didn’t go to the hospital because that would draw unwanted attention. Okay..fine. It doesn’t bother him that he was gang raped because he is just f-ing nuts or one of those few people in the world who can walk away from something like that with no lasting scars.(btw, he cried because of Eiri…not because of what happened TO HIM. : /) Uhhh, fine, whatever. Shuichi dresses up as a girl to avoid news reporters. Right…whatever. He keeps it on around Eiri because being a girl would make Eiri love him and stay with him, and of course, everything is about Yuki loving him. Alright, NO. It makes no sense. It’s not a realistic reaction. It’s thrown in there to be funny I guess, which isn’t right because how is rape funny, especially when it is in a romance anime/manga? Before the rape scene, I thought the manga just had humorous parts in it for entertainment and when the time came it would take things seriously. The thing is, the manga/anime never takes anything seriously, not even the “serious” parts. Nothing can be romantic or touching because Shuichi is dressed in some ridiculous dog suit, banana suit, school girl outfit, etc, etc and making stupid comments no matter what the situation. He even does this when Yuki tells him about his past. It ruins absolutely every scene that is supposed to be important, and I don’t understand why Murakami did that. I don’t understand why she couldn’t have just used the stupidity in everything except important/emotional scenes. It result is an underdeveloped plot and characters with no depth. I’m left trying to understand how this series even has a fandom when it is impossible to relate to any of the characters because they are so damn out there.

</div>Hey guys, guess who my favorite Gravitation character is? Come on, think. Yeah, fucked up right, almost fandom secrets worthy, right? Well, it just goes to show how much watching and reading this shit as fucked me up mentally, when I like the most disgusting character in the series just because I can have some INTELLIGNET(and I mean that so, so loosely) thoughts about his actions. Great. Thanks Gravitation for helping me reach new lows. Yeah, fuck you.

omfg I wrote something lolol

distorted_r — Mon, 18 May 2009 07:59:57 GMT

Title: Reunion, chapter 1.
Fandom: Suikoden IV
Pairing: LazloxSnowe
Summary: Lazlo finally takes Snowe up on that dinner offer mentioned in Suikoden Tactics. Spoilers: They'll get together. >.>;
Rating: PG to eventual T and maybe beyond.

Look surprised. It is that LazloxSnowe thing I've been dying to see written.(AND MAYBE SOMEONE AWESOME WILL SEE THIS AND WRITE A BETTER ONE) Hey, I can dream.

Click herez to laugh at first fanfic fail

I've never in my life written anything aside from essays for school. lol I call this temporay insanity.

Last Exile Icons(all Dio...)

distorted_r — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 19:33:42 GMT

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YnM Hisoka lj icons

distorted_r — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 08:38:09 GMT

-No credit needed
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Wild ARMS icons and a few Star Ocean 2

distorted_r — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 02:15:26 GMT

Happy Halloween everyone!. I'm hiding in my house waiting for it to be over. lolz

Some are old and halfed ass...Oh well.

-no credit needed
-don't care if you edit them in anyway

Wild ARMS:

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Star Ocean 2

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Tales of Legendia Icons

distorted_r — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 03:55:54 GMT

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YnM icons

distorted_r — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 05:44:26 GMT

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