drabble! all of your secrets, you don't need them [OT5]

It’s night while walking into a building and suddenly afternoon when exiting. There’s quiet moments where no one speaks and moments filled with endless talk and banter that would have anyone else reeling on the balls of their feet at how fast they speak, how loud they laugh and how quickly the subject changes. There are somber moments full of serious conversations and mindful warnings. But there are also hidden moments where they promise one another that everything will be alright, that if they win or not, they’ll still be alright. That they still have one another to share this with whether people begin to lose interest or not.

One day, everything makes sense and it’s as if all they’ve worked to accomplish for the few years before they were pushed into the spotlight, during the precious years of their youth and schooling that was replaced with dreams of show business, was truly worth it. They’re finally on the road to success. Then the next day, nothing is private and it feels like all the choices in life are no longer their own, living a life that could be perceived as a lie. So many secrets they want to keep hidden and so many secrets that aren't really theirs to begin with. Dual lives with dual personalities. Which one is real and which one isn’t?

The lights are too bright and there are too many people packed into the venue, it’s hot. There’s no light at all and the beat of they’re own heart in the shell of their ears frightens them in the lonely stillness, it’s cold. The drastic change between a cheering, sold out stadium and the hollow emptiness of an empty hotel room isn’t easy to get accustomed to. No matter how many times they’ve done it, performed on stage in front of person after person, it still feels like a part of them is left behind on stage. Maybe that's why they have parties, surround themselves with people who don't really know.

But in the end, they’re friends, brothers, coworkers and roommates. Sometimes they fight and other times they really fight. They love one another and simultaneously hate one another for the very same reasons, the little habits and nicknames that keep them both awkwardly comfortable and comfortably distant. They really do only have one another to depend on, to understand.

Time certainly mends certain wounds and misunderstandings while it also slowly unwinds the thread keeping them together, pulling them ever so gently apart. And after spending so much time together, how can one not start resenting another? Even if it’s over petty, stupid things. They’re humans, filled with far too much pride and too thick skulls. They don't want to be wrong and they don't want to feel guilty.

It’s been four years. They’re not quite sure how they differ from the year before or the three years before that because at the end of the day, they feel like the same person standing on their very first stage, knees knocking and nerves quaking. The young boy who had no idea what the future would bring nor what would be awaiting them in the years to come. Even now.

Everything's different and everything's also the same.

They lay back in the chairs they reside in and hope they can get at least a few more minutes of sleep, scrolling through their phones and texting the friends they feel like they haven't seen in years and someone mumbles to themselves about probably posting something on their site.