the heart that i stole; i'm not giving back.

curtain call.

2015-09-26T15:55:53Z

title. That we would choose love
word count. 12 547
rating. NC-17; for language and sexual content
pairing. ken/hongbin
summary. hongbin is about to give in to the arranged marriage when he discovers that wonshik isn’t a total nightmare, only to find himself falling for his fiance’s best friend instead.

( & )

for now: it's goodbye.

2015-09-23T16:18:48Z

I'm not sure if you guys are still reading this, but here goes.

I've decided to close down verbalavalanche, and by conjunction this journal. Not permanently, I feel, in the case of this LJ. I may revisit, especially if I have the time and heart to start watching SPN again. Maybe write in it again? Who knows.

Anyway, I'll be posting one last fic on there (because I'm at fic #79 now and it'll bug me forever if I leave it at that), and then I'm done. If you're interested, you can still keep up with me at any of the places below:

twitter: @rustysilhouette
tumblr: leehungbin
(brand spanking new) writing blog: canbean

I hope I'll see you guys again! ♥

bodyswap!

2015-09-13T15:42:43Z

title. making the switch
word count. 1930
rating. PG-13; for language and sexual themes
pairing. ot6, mild jaehwan/hongbin
summary. they say be careful what you wish for. especially when an ancient mayan god is listening.

( & )

no words necessary:

2015-08-30T14:26:58Z

title. And you became my favorite drug
word count. 4726
rating. NC-17; for sexual content
pairing | warnings. hongbin/hyuk | underage, knotting
summary. Sanghyuk's always been prepared to be an alpha, just like his favorite hyung. Things almost always go his way; until his first heat happens.

( & )

utopia

2015-06-13T15:03:52Z

I'M ALIVE!

I went to Singapore two weeks ago to meet my babies, so if you're interested in me rambling on and on about how amazing they are, you can read it here.

Otherwise, tell me how you guys have been! I've missed you guys.

p/s. I still haven't watched any of the Supernatural episodes this (last, now?) season. Whoops.

candy-like kisses;

2014-10-06T15:40:39Z

title. so they call you sweet decadence
word count. 1130
rating. NC-17; for sexual content
pairing. ken/hongbin
summary. turning 21 means he's been living his dream for going on two years now, but Hongbin is sure everything is only just beginning.

( & )

will you come & stay;

2014-05-13T16:31:20Z

title. with stars on the boy's lips
word count. 5912
rating. NC-17; for language and sexual content.
pairing. ken/hongbin
summary. in which neither of them falls in love at first sight, and han sanghyuk (definitely maybe) knows things way before anyone else does.

( & )

must be;

2014-03-04T15:01:43Z

title. something
word count. 2152
rating. NC-17; for language and sexual content
pairing. ken/hongbin
summary. hongbin's agreed to crossdress for tv again. jaehwan suspects it's to kill him by way of sexual frustration.

( & )

mix & fics.

2014-03-01T13:32:51Z

listen » read » download (including pdf of eight ficlets)

[password: jayangdong]

all the details that matter

2014-01-04T18:14:20Z

title. mad about the boy
word count. 690
rating. PG-13; for language and sexual themes.
pairing | warning. ken/hongbin | stupid boys
a/n. to justine on occasion of her birthday (last week, because I fail). happy belated birthday~♥

( & )

it's in the name of the band:

2013-12-08T14:16:38Z

On Friday, December 6th, this group of boys I adore a whole lot received their first win on a music show. It's a huge deal, believe me, especially going up against the artist they did. I didn't even remember the last time I was so happy about something. I was sitting down, watching their scores being tallied, thinking that they've lost by a slight margin, but the numbers kept going up and the next thing I know I was jumping and screaming like a crazy person. I was shaking the whole time they made their victory speech, and I could barely register a thing, except trying to figure out who was crying and who wasn't and how much they deserve it.

Watching it back just brought tears to my eyes, because these boys work so, so very hard, without stopping or breaks for literally years, and the first thing they said when they won was how sorry they were for making us wait. ;______;

Such a precious person N (the leader) is, they headed to a fan meeting event right after the music show and after doing the greeting, holding that trophy, he said, "Everyone...[pause]congratulations."

I CAN'T WITH THESE BOYS.

The day was amazing. N once promised that he'll treat the fans to chicken when they win first place, and when they did, fans from around the world really did get chicken to eat to celebrate in their honor. It was the most wonderful thing ever. ♥

one for each of us and our sins:

2013-11-15T15:49:48Z

The amount of love I have for these people is immeasurable.

...and that's how it goes

2013-11-15T13:23:44Z

I strongly feel I should have this on my journal.

“For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that “unless you love yourself, no one else will love you.”…The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation”

— Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. — “The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog”

lalalalala therapy

2013-11-02T16:42:42Z

On October 20th I went to my first ever kpop concert. On top of seeing (gawking at, more like) those losers in my icon onstage, like, ten feet away, it was also my first meet-and-greet - a high-five and photo session that I'm pretty sure I'm going to remember for the rest of my life. But, still, I'm thinking it'll be good to write this down somewhere, just in case.

I totally dragged my kid brother along with me to this thing, but if you're in kpop (which he sort of is), you're in kpop, which means going to concerts and fan meetings even when you barely know the group. Hee! Either way, I played the boys' songs for him, showed him the numerous hilarious reality shows the boys were in, and he seemed to like them enough to be semi-excited for the concert. Kudos to me. ;)

We got there at 10:30, and the showcase was supposed to start at 1:00. There was a bunch of people there already, despite it being a fully numbered-seats concert. I grabbed my pre-booked tickets and merchandises from the organizer and then basically just waited around stewing in anxiety and excitement. I wrote a short message (since it was in English as my Korean isn't up to par yet, so the boys will get what I was saying >_>) and put it up on this message board they had at the entrance and then (this is important) picked up a fallen post-it note and stuck it back up on there as well. Then we waited around some more, walked around and bought a couple more t-shirts and grabbed a couple of the free banners the fansites were distributing.

So the boys have this ongoing journal-like show on their official youtube channel called VIXX TV and they were recording the fans chanting and cheering and stuff before the doors opened. The camera was heading to us so me and my brother bolted. :P Then we went in, and I discovered that I was seated pretty close to the stage. At this point, though, I was busy thinking about how I was going to give them my gift (word on tumblr was, that they'd provide a huge container where we'll get to drop our gifts to the boys, but there wasn't any at the venue), and I was also explicitly telling my brother when and what he needed to take pictures and videos of later.

None of the above matter, though, because they totally set out to kill us from the very beginning. They opened with this semi-pornographic introduction video before strutting in wearing suits and doing the song that I'm pretty sure is the sexiest/most awesome song released in 2013 and then following it up with another sexy song before doing the greeting and introduction in cute Malay *_____*

You know how people always say you look so much better in person? It's a cliche because it's true. IDK, though. I've met a few (local) celebrities before, and they look pretty much the same on screen and in real life, but these guys? DAYUUUUUUUMMMM. I seriously didn't think it was possible, but they literally (and I do mean literally) robbed me of my breath for, like, a minute. Ravi, in particular, surpassed my imagination. UNF. Yes, he looked better than this. *__________*

Malaysia was their first leg of the showcase, and it shows in how nervous they were (poor babies seemed so apologetic about it, too >_>), but the organizing was also lacking, so the whole showcase was a bit cluttered and rushed. I had a lot of fun, still, and most of it was thanks to this lovely dude.

He led all the talk time beautifully and although he's always been cheerful and friendly onscreen, I wasn't expecting him to be exactly the same in RL. But he really was. His reaction was super adorable, too, when he started asking questions in Korean and we managed to answer before the translator could translate for us. He joked around comfortably despite the language barrier and he made me feel very much at ease (especially since my favorite guy - who's usually chatty and hilarious - was being unusually quiet and mellow).

It was revealed then that the message board at the entrance was meant for a Q&A session, and because we weren't told by the organizer (they really do messed up a lot), a lot of the messages were just things like "THANK YOU FOR COMING! PLS COME AGAIN! WE LOVE YOU!" and stuff >_>. Ken (who's my favorite, btw) got to pick a message first and lo and behold, the message he picked was the one I stuck back onto the board. AND NOT MINE. FML, really, because he read it cutely (since it's in English) and then asked the girl to stand up and THANKED HER PERSONALLY T____T. And then, later on, Leo picked a message with a request for him and Ken to sing a duet and it was from the girl sitting next to me! AUGH SO CLOSE. So Ken asked the girl to stand up, too, and said, "This song is for you", and started serenading her!!! *pulls out hair* I totally pretended he was singing to me, though, because, well. WOULDN'T YOU?

Anyhoo. Fast forward to the high-five and photo session. We finally figured out that we were to drop our gifts with the staff right before going onstage to meet the boys. All I could think about at that point was thank god they were sitting down because if I had to look up into their eyes I might pass out from the neck pain and/or their attractiveness (although they were still incredibly tall sitting down lol). So I walked up (unsteadily because the staff was rushing me a lot and I was wearing my heeled boots), breath held, and...completely blanked out twice in the span of forty seconds. The maknae (youngest, for those of you not fluent in kpop speak) was first, and he originally has this strong gaze, and although I was ready to face him head on, I couldn't keep eye contact for more than 3 seconds askjdgdf. Also he's 18, and his hand was, like, twice my size good grief. And then there was Ken, and I said thank you (like I've practiced over and over in my mind) and he said thank you back and my brain shorted out thank you very much so I couldn't even remember anything about high-fiving N (the above pictured dude) except for the fact that his hand was extremely soft (which wasn't a surprise, since he owns, like 15 different lotions - and yes, in kpop fandom, we know all this stuff :||). And then. AND THEN. There was this jerk.

And, yes, as unbelievable as it may seem, he looks better in RL *___* but that's not what slayed me, not really. I've confirmed this with a few others who were there, and we all agreed that he was the one who really, really made sure to make eye contact with us. When you look like that and you stare into the depth of someone's soul...I can't even. I died a little. Or at least my brain did. And so I barely remembered touching the other two members hand askjdfjkghh. Although Ravi's was definitely...huge. Heh.

But seriously, though. Hongbin. Sigh. I get tingles even thinking about him looking into my eyes. I really think it's because a) he's a purebred, perfect sweetheart and b) he's a total fanboy himself ergo he understands what it feels like for us. Really, he's pretty much a prettier version of all of us. ♥_____♥

Then we were ushered (rushed, pushed, etc ugh) to stand behind the boys and had, like, 2 seconds before the flash went off. I was standing behind Leo and his shoulders were wiiiiide I was imagining resting my head on them sigh. Before I could, like, imagine further though we were rushed out and although it was so short I had to catch my breath as soon as I walked outside and I don't remember ever smiling that wide in my entire life. It was good.

Because I didn't have any breakfast or eat anything, really, up to that point, I was famished and due to the adrenaline draining from my entire body, I basically just flopped onto the car seat and chatted with my brother about what just happened as he drove us to the nearest Burger King. ♥

So I guess this is my life now. I have another concert coming in December, and I'm so very excited about that, so hopefully I'll have fun then, too.

What are you guys up to these days? :D

kickin' my heels alone

2013-10-16T15:50:29Z

title. slow dancing on a crowded street
word count. 6560
rating. NC-17; for language and sexual content
pairing | warning. ken/hongbin (vixx) | mpreg
summary. Jaehwan and Hongbin never expect their relationship to get any more complicated than hooking up as idols, until that tiny pink plus sign comes into their life.
a/n. i have no excuse this time. they're just too cute together.

( & )

the double x means something.

2013-09-21T18:30:17Z

This is VIXX.

My main boys are:

&

Sometimes, on stage, they're like

But most of the time, they're like this.

In their spare time, they like to laugh, be dorky together, eyesex on stage, go on midnight dates at a local convenience store, lie in bed together, take couple pictures, and gaze lovingly at each other.

Hongbin likes to pretend that Ken is gross, like this and this. In reality, he's often like this and this. His main job is to wipe Ken's sweat. He's quite good at doing it.

Hongbin once mentioned that he "falls easily for people who sing well", and Ken...well. Ken sounds like this generally, and often goes like this.

In conclusion, VIXX is hot

and I'm writing a Ken/Bin non-AU mpreg.

I mean. Uh, never mind. Here, watch this.

bites knuckles

2013-09-19T16:51:14Z

Gonna be watching these losers live next month.

What is my life.

hello again.

2013-09-15T17:09:51Z

Well. Fought the urge to renew my add-on icon package and had to get rid of tons of icons. Revamping my whole icon bank bit by bit. Expect a lot of unfamiliar people from here on out! :P

still alive, yadda yadda

2013-09-01T13:53:46Z

Apparently I'm writing my first mpreg.

And it's kpop.

:|||

Can you blame me, though?

How are you people doing these days?

current affairs:

2013-05-29T15:56:25Z

Backstory: I'm receiving a sort of excellency award for work tomorrow and one of the things I'll get is cash. This is a conversation I had with my BFF.

BFF: So what're you gonna do with the money?

Me: Haven't decided.

BFF: You're going to buy something Korean with it, aren't you?

Me: ...

BFF: Oh my God. You're going to buy an actual Korean boy, aren't you?

Me: ...

BFF: Tsk.

Me: (desperately wishing that is legal)

ION, if you haven't heard, these days I'm mostly on [twitter] or [tumblr] ^^"

right now, this is my life:

2013-04-27T16:28:03Z

title. in catching you off guard
word count. 1115
rating. NC-17; for language and sexual content. woobin/jongsuk.
summary. Driving his boyfriend crazy has suddenly become Jongsuk's favorite pastime.
a/n. bear with me, children. I finished something! \o/? this is all on you, tinybars. :|||

( & )

goodbye free time;

2013-04-19T16:27:28Z

So. My tumblr is officially set up. Follow me if you don't mind a bunch of Korean boys being attractive idiots on your dash.

[MOI]

And let me know where to find you guys! :)

base: touched.

2013-03-22T13:48:53Z

Just in case anybody's wondering, I am still alive.

Thank you so much for the PMs and birthday wishes. I had an awesome time in Germany thanks to butterflylaydee, and pictures are coming, once I've sorted through all the architecture shots my sister took. ¬___¬

I'm also still watching Show, I just haven't been feeling like making posts about it. :/

So, that's me. How've you guys been doing?

on turning twenty six;

2013-03-01T05:19:51Z

Half excited and half nervous about boarding the plane for my birthday vacation this year. Crossing fingers that the person sitting next to me is decent.

Anyhoo! It's Jensen Ross Ackles' birthday today, and my baby rock god Hongki's tomorrow, and mine the next day, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US ALL! ♥

For what it's worth, here's what I have on my birthday wishlist this year:

→ spending it with my close friends and/or family (coming true, in approximately 24 hours! ;))
→ to get my writing-fu back /o\
→ ALL THE CHEESECAKE
→ BABY
→ Also? Baby (SOON! ^^)
→ I used to have this awesome Supernatural charm bracelet and I lost it last year. I wish I can find something similar again on Etsy. :/
→ An acoustic version of this, seriously. *__*

& everything I ever wanted in words:

2013-02-14T14:55:53Z

There was a time when I had to watch Show at a very specific time, as per my OCD tendencies. Late enough into the night so I'll have the right ~mood, early enough so I'll have enough time to gather my thoughts and post a reaction.

Lately, I don't really care. So it was simply at a random time after dinner when I thought, "Meh, what the hell. I'll watch SPN now and get it over with."

And now I'm sitting here still gathering my thoughts and failing to come up with the words to describe how incredible of a feeling that episode just gave me.

If I'm being shallow, I'd say the main reason I'm still watching is Jensen - his faaaace and his acting and his rendition of Dean. But, really, I fell for this show because of SamandDean and it gives me great joy to find out that it's still capable of delivering that for me. The SamandDean-ness that I've never seen in any other show. This show still has it. \o/

It's a good episode overall anyway, IMO, the hunt was exciting with just the right amount of the main arc thrown in. But the fact that the boys finally, FINALLY talked about pretty much everything they've been needing to talk about for the past 7.5 seasons? Incredible. There were quite a number of stellar lines, too, e.g. "I wanna kill a hellhound. And not die. How about you?" It's been so long since a line from this show (especially Sam's) pleases me. And I don't even know why or how. I just know it's good.

To date, Dean's speech in AHBL I is still the highest point ever in this show for me. That last bit, though? Sam came pretty close. It's like hearing something that I've forgotten I wanted to hear since the very first episode. I imagine it's the same for Dean, even more than hearing John say he's proud of him in IMToD, even.

Well done, Andrew Dabb. Well fucking done. ♥