In my nothing, you meant everything to me..

0% interest

desperation — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 16:05:04 GMT

My grandma is doing fine. The operation went smoothly. She's now recovering in a nearby nursing home for a week or two. Keep her in your thoughts for me.

Won't you come home and stop this pain tonight?
Stop this pain tonight.

Why can't you control your mind to want the things you have? Why isn't it like a list you can control, where you just add and subtract things as you please.

I'd write something more profound, but I've seemed to have lost my head. Sorry.

trains derail

desperation — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 02:04:05 GMT

Happy easter. I spent most of the day sitting in my room watching bad movies online and stupid documentaries on TV. I had an emotional breakdown during the first part of the day, which led to me cleaning my room. I finally took down my Christmas tree. It was a big deal. It was the last thing that I have that really reminded me of Jimmy and I. I cried the whole time I was taking it down. But after that, I felt kind of refreshed.

Later on I was finishing up cleaning and my uncle called and told me my Grandma was in the hospital. She's having lung problems, and they keep finding more problems since she's been there. I'm going to see her Wednesday. Hopefully she'll pull through. I'd be a wreck if something happened to her.

If there is a god, or any type of higher power, I'm convinced that he's out to get me. I'm convinced that I'll never find peace. I'm convinced that I'll never be satisfied. I'm convinced that I don't stand a change.

Someone give me hope. Someone give me faith.

new leaf

desperation — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 19:09:11 GMT

I don't know why I'm starting another online blog. As if the other 200 I've started in the past 5 years weren't good enough. I guess anytime I go through a change in my life, I get sick of looking back on certain things. And the only obvious resolution to a problem that deep is starting a new online journal.

Today my life sucks because it's the second day of Spring Break and it's a blizzard outside. That makes me want to die inside. Vicky's 18th birthday is tomorrow and I don't know what to do for her.

I'm starting to seriously take prostitution into consideration. How bad could it possibly be?