TG: is that waht you want

no i don't mean let you go in a 'if you love something, set it free' sting kinda way

2011-09-18T17:20:23Z

titsmercy - Jaida+Dani's Steelhands review

(Selected twitter updates while I was reading to put this in perspective- )

Nice to hear Balfour misses his dead and tortured friends since Rook didn't mention it.

I ship jock!gay and sassy!gay. does anyone have names in these books? Where and who is the surprise gueststar? don't tell me!!

I'll give Jaida+Dani's book this. 200 pages in and i genuinely am interested in the mystery. see im not all bad.

joyous reunion where luvander and balfour hug their buddy, i swear i didnt cry!!! #MY BOOKS!!!!

TITSMERCY

oh just use the greylace estate to house these dragons. Cool, so when Caius brings back somebody to fuck there are DRAGONS. EVERYWHERE

thats my plot for book 5

Believe it or not, this review is less negative than previous years. The pacing issues from the first two books that were resolved in Dragonsoul appear to be gone for good. Naturally Jaida+Dani will always have issues with pacing when it comes to switching between 4 different 1st person perspectives, but now it is nowhere near the problems from the first two books. I firmly believe having a solid, overarching mystery helped keep the pace of this book on track. Also not watching people fucking roadtrip seems to help too. Seriously, let's never roadtrip again, it kills the books!! (unless it's a Caius/Al roadtrip to Yana's.)

To recap my review of Dragonsoul, there were two major issues I had that separate this review from the last. Firstly- Rook and Thom had a second installment on their POVs but very little character growth was accomplished, or any reveals for their motivations. Secondly was the issue of female characters who simply fall in love and are fueled only by male forces. Both these are non issues in Steelhands! First of all while Adamo and Balfour are returning characters, we've never had a book from their POV, so this is the first chance we have at seeing their inner thoughts, hopes and motivations. And those aren't all that detailed but you know what. Fine. I'm not even gonna bitch about that anymore because we've had worse examples of why is anyone doing ANYTHING (madoka, mamoru, all villains EVER). The second issue involving girl characters has actually been fixed. FIXED!! I am just as surprised as the rest of you. Laure has reason for her behavior and character quirks that align with her backstory, friendships and GASP motivations. Antionette returns and she has a fierce personality that, while not too different from Josette's, isn't wasted on "and then she banged some dude". I got no problem with ladies slinging around their vaginas however they please. But let's remember we want POV dudes other than the snorefest of Roy and Hal to fall blissfully in love too. (Rook and Thom don't count.. they are brothers.. and clearly not happy).

Let's break this down into character summaries because that's easy and I want to get going on the boozin I normally do.

Adamo is back and this time with his own POV! To be honest I liked Adamo a bit more as a secondary character than a staring role, but he is certainly not the most boring POV we've ever dealt with (coughcoughhal!kouje!coughcough). Adamo makes a note several times he probably shouldn't have stuck around the city for all these shenanigans which by the fifth time sounds likd he is just Too Old For This Shit. Which is a nice touch when you note all the other Dragon frat boys are pretty pumped to be back in the fray. Adamo is a level head amongst them, so it was interesting to hear the situation from his POV. I also find Adamo's friendship with Royston about 300x more interesting that ANYTHING ROYSTON EVER DOES. Also Adamo's suspicion against Hal and the revelation that Royston is a huge fuckup when it comes to banging young guys was both hilarious and fascinating. Fast Times at Adamo High weren't all that interesting to me, mostly bc we didn't have a comparison to many other lectures. Adamo is a different kind of teacher huh? Well, I guess I'll take your word for it cause you don't give us any contemporaries of his.

Balfour's character has taken an interesting turn in oh my GOD stop whining you little punk. Somehow both he and Thom have become unlikeable saps between Havemercy and now, but I give them both the benefit of the doubt as surely they had a spine ONCE UPON A TIME RIGHT? I mean Thom was plenty sassy until Rook handjobbed it out of him. But back to Steelballs (which really ought to have been the dragons name). In fact, I'm not entirely sure where a nickname like that came from since he's a bit of a pushover. Balfour had his hands ripped off at the end of Book 1, so now we deal with him adjusting to their "alien" and "foreign" appendages. Jaida+Dani drinking game, if you sipped for when they used the phrase "piece by piece" in Dragonsoul, those two hand descriptors will help you get plenty wasted this time around. All and all, I was hoping he'd use his new hands to strangle himself, or employ one of the dragoncorps to jerk him off since the boy needed SOMETHING pulled, jesus.

Laure is a girl!! a girl!! shocking I know, but after Dragonsoul we are ready for a NEW type of lady oh hell its the same thing all over again. Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking for a frail and delicate female character for once. Actually I am. I know I complained about Jaida+Dani excluding girls from their first couple books, but adding the same characters rehashed who share more basic defining traits than a uterus is also disappointing. Laure at least has grown from he outline of her character in previous books by having reasons for being who she is. Her dad wanted a boy. That's it? Look people, don't reach for the moon here, I'm still waiting to hear ANYTHING about Madoka's motivations. Laure is a cutie though, super interested in military, fussy against the gender expectations of her, dumb enough to wear slacks under dresses. After hearing about her before this book was written, I had been hoping for something a little more interesting, but maybe Adamo's way of sucking all the fun out of the room sapped some her her character's proposed energy. Hey, she kicked down a door. That puts her up pretty high in the ass-kicking abilities of this book (the top ass-kicker is Rook while the bottom of the scale is Caius tossed over Al's shoulder).

Toverre and his crush on EVERYBOY is adorable okay, nobody can deny it, even though within his first POV I realized he's probably ripped off of this guy. Jackie that's unfair, not all gay kids are the same. You're right, but then why do Jaida+Dani keep writing them so? Because there's no homohomo romance in this book, some readers might feel a little cheated (read; me), but don't worry! If less than traditional relationships are up your alley, we have the relationship between Toverre and Laure to pacify you. Except it is traditional. Laure is the man, Tov is the woman. Royston is the man, Hal is the woman. Caius is the woman, Al is the man. Rook is a bro, Thom is a chick DO YOU SEE WHERE I AM GOING WITH THIS? halcyonjazz brought up this point with me, and it's painfully true. Why are you afraid to put two men together, Jaida+Dani? Why does one have to be effeminate? Why can't two dudes who act like dudes fuck each other? Why can't Laure (a lady who acts like a dude) be engaged to a boy who acts like a dude? I can't fault them completely, because Malahide is gender ambiguous at best whereas Kalim is a man's man. But you've got transnanigans to compete with there, and I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Jaida+Dani couldn't adequate portray that either. It's not a very long limb.

But back to Tov! Of course I loved him, he's like Caius without the confidence. Wait, why are all the homos in this series such... stereotypical homosexuals? See above. but he and Laure's dynamic kept the book floating when Balfour's whining and Adamo's brickwalling got tedious. Also I loved him and Gaeth, such as the way Tov's heart soared when he spelled city as "sitty". Oh jesus, you are a lost cause.

As a bonus, this is how i see the whole Laure/Adamo relationship with Toverre's opinion;

This is exactly why she broke the engagement.

In conclusion, I didn't hate it, I don't love it, but I can't recommend it to a friend. None of the books can completely stand alone, and this is easily the one that needs the reader to have busted their ass through the last three books. And considering the last three aren't all that enjoyable, Steelhands is a book that overcomes Jaida+Dani's original flaws to reveal a whole set of new ones. That's sort of the point of growing though. I just hope there's more books that follow.

Jaida+Dani write hyper-infused characters in their fantasy world whose intrigue often takes a backseat to snappy dialogue and fun camp. But nobody's reading these books expecting for the next literary masterpiece, and I've seen enough successful series with wild and active fandoms crap out because the author can't handle the enthusiasm of fans. If these chicks keep writing books, I'll keep buying them and offering my honest opinion. If this is where they end.. well, I can't say I didn't enjoy myself.

As usual, I'm open to debate any the above points, its me and arisato and halcyonjazz are alone here. If you don't like what i had to say, the total money I've spent on these books is near to $100- so stuff it. Or make them cheaper.

keep on building the lies that make up for all that you lack

2011-06-17T02:36:39Z

THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WANTED

dead daves start piling up and dead daves are the enemy remember

2011-05-25T00:12:11Z

i feel like i'm in the movie momento but i don't have a pen; a dave strider fst
LISTEN ONLINE

DJ HADOKEN WITH RIA - chocobo hyper beat party mix

SLEIGH BELLS- kids

do I need a vacation?
just need to get away for a while.
wait- did I forget my sunglasses?

no
got 'em

EDIT- straight heat

HOMESTUCK - upward movement (dave owns)

UFFIE FT PHARRELL- add suv

you probably wanna know what planet we're on
can't help if i see everything in neon

DANIEL MAY- women's wear

RATATAT - everest

THE XXS- vcr

i think we're superstars
you say you think we are the best thing
but you
you just know

HOMESTUCK- time on my side

JANELLE MONRAE - many moons

(The silver bullet's in your hand and the war's heating up)
And when the truth goes BANG the shouts splatter out
(Revolutionize your lives and find a way out)
And when you're growing down instead of growing up
Tell me are you bold enough to reach for love?

dalton: EVERYTHING WAS BEAUTIFUL AND NOTHING HONKED

2011-04-26T03:25:22Z

So I went to Sakuracon this weekend. The last time I went to a convention was like, 2001, so I was a little out of practice doing this shit. Seriously, back then I remember we went to watch new shows because no one had high speed internet and it was a way to expose yourself to new shows before you PURCHASED THE VHS FANSUB TAPES. yeah. the good old expensive days.

The plus side to attending cons now is I can drink (and I did) as I scouted out all the homestuck cosplayers. The downside is I'm 10 years too old to flirt with said cosplayers. perving on all the children commences... now--

Met wakamoto!! she was a sweetheart the whole time, i had a blast.

NOT DRUNK ENOUGH/TOO DRUNK FOR THIS

First Homestuck cosplayers.. median age- 14.
Whoa I just noticed BOY!VRISKA

Hot Touko cosplayer. Everytime I saw her I fawned like a big pervert.
When she walked away Lins would say "We're going to jail".

Vriska and.. Jesus. AND A BUCKET UGH GUYS CMON THERE ARE KIDS HERE

Rose cosplayer I have some advice for you
It starts with fix your posture
and ends with you'd have been lucky to have drunk!Jackie as a friend.

SPEAKING OF KIDS
HOW OLD IS THIS VRISKA
THERE IS SWEARING IN THIS COMIC

hey its judgmental kanaya
This mustve been when I started looking really wasteyface

thank god the Doc Scratch left before I had a chance to be scared
Can you spot the fat Eridan
he blows my mind

these three were my favorite.
One of them knocked over my drink and apologized sweetly
The Dave cosplayer offered to replace it
I asked "Are you even old enough to buy alcohol??"
cue their little kid freakout
Favorites forever.

fat Karkats as far as the eye can see
man troll cosplay is really ugly irl

I IMMEDIATELY TAKE THAT BACK

me: where did you buy adult sized footie pajamas?
him: I spent all month making them
#dalton's future husband

I don't remembering this happening in the comic
but they probbaly know better than me.
Rose, I notice you took my advice on your posture.

I didn't freak out at this shit until I sobered up
I saw this photo and SCREAMED
ace cosplay bros

Then I stalked the Aradia cosplayer to her booth
and she gave me stickers
how the fuck did I get up here

katmaxwell and llamrei
katy you are making ursula look hot as hell

NOTHING MAKES SENSE
BABY KARKAT
INTENTIONALLY LOOKING CRABBY
I DONT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING

if you put enough pressure on coal it turns to pearls

2011-01-29T23:13:20Z

i hope i can forgive me for having the nerve to exist; a hunger games fst
LISTEN ONLINE

ZOE KEATING - walking song

TOM TWYKER, JOHNNY KLIMEK, REINHOLD HEIL - true

WINTERSLEEP - nerves normal. breath normal

there were floods
there was violence
words to god
there was something

BODIES OF WATER - i guess i'll forget the sound, i guess, i guess

there is a noise that is taking their place in the hollow of my inner ear.
it is far more than the sum of its parts, a white noise as warm as the sun

E.S POSTHUMUS - vanyana

PUSCIFER - the humbling river

angel, angel what have I done?
i've faced the quakes the wind, the fire
i've conquered country, crown, and throne-
why can't I cross this river?

MEDIAEVAL BAEBES - how death comes

when my eyes get misty
and my ears are full of hissing
and my nose gets cold
and my tongue folds
and my face goes slack
and my lips turn black
and my mouth grins

STAMATHS SPANOUDAKHS- mnimes

MEHDI - heaven's caravan reprise

SPIRIT OF THE WEST - bone of contention

you pull your wire,
they stack the pyre,
we light the fire.

VASHTI BUNYA - migrating bird

may you find your rest in a safe nest

and i've looked over and i've seen the promised land.

2011-01-17T23:35:07Z

I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight- that we as a people will get to the promised land. I'm not worried about anything, I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord. -- Martin Luther King, Jr.'s final speech in Memphis, TN.

where i was always a winner and i was barely alone.

2011-01-14T07:27:41Z

title: it takes the truth to fool me
series: avatar; the last airbender
summary: post series fic I've been working on since.. the show ended?? Right now it is at 25 pages and nowhere near completion. but I can't post 40+ pages at once so.. here's the first 13 pages. yeah. 13.

ACTUAL SUMMARY- Azula, stripped of her powers and sanity at the end of the Great War, is forced to live with Uncle at his Ba Sing Seh teashop.

Bending a human being isn't a fix-anything trick, Aang explains. He can't just bend the water out of Katara, or bend it into Sokka (Sokka heaves a sigh of relief). Changing Ozai could have ended the wrong way. They were lucky he wound up harmless-- it might not completely work with someone like Azula. After her capture, Aang only took out some of her fire bending abilities before his strength left him, and the girl's force began to bleed into him.

Zuko scowls but understands. “Then we'll keep her locked up until you can.”

Seated at the war table, the Avatar's feet don't touch the floor. While Aang hasn't forgotten the crack of her lightning in the Avatar state, he can still feel Ozai’s energy within him.

“I don't know if I ever can,” he mumbles.

Since life-long imprisonment is the only other option for Azula, Mai suggests one of the cells where she had banished her friends. That ends up being impossible because even the Boiling Rock can't hold Azula. When Zuko tries to argue this, Mai accuses him of compassion, but he can't remember feeling that for his sister in a long time. Instead they send her to an asylum in a dark corner of the Fire Nation and work on forgetting her.

But the night they bring Ursa back from Whale Tail Island, she spends it on the other side of her daughter's padded cell. The next day, she starts asking to let Azula out.

“Speaking for Sokka,” Toph drawls, wriggling her feet onto the piles of maps. “I'm gonna just say that like- strategically? This is kinda a step backwards.”

“We don't have a choice.” Zuko scrubs a hand over his face.

“We agreed your father couldn't go free even without his fire bending,” Katara presses. “It doesn't make any sense that Azula gets off the hook when she's still dangerous- worse than dangerous!” There's a beat of silence before she sets a soft hand on the Avatar’s arm. “I'm sorry, Aang. We tried it your way, but now we might have to-”

“That's not an option.” He shakes his head. Katara's face flushes with mutiny, and she pulls back. The Fire Lord sighs, casting an imploring look around the table.

"I don't know why Mother thinks so, but if she says I can't keep Azula locked up forever then I don't really have a choice, okay?” The group shifts uncomfortably in their seats.

“I thought you said she was crazy.” Sokka eases into the conversation beside his own incensed sister.

“She is,” Zuko insists, as if there had ever been any doubt. “But my mother says in the asylum she won't get better.”

“Oookay. Question-” Sokka hesitantly raises his hand. “Do we want Azula to get better?”

“Even if she does, it's not like she'll show Mother any gratitude,” the Fire Lord grumbles.

“You don't think she'd hurt her own mother?” Katara recoils from the question, disgusted. Zuko is the only one who catches Toph rolling her eyes.

“Probably,” he replies grimly. “But that's why I have a plan.”

Appa’s not a means of conveyance for a war criminal, so they transport her by carriage. Given half a chance even a powerless Azula would manipulate an escape, so Zuko has to make the trip with her. It’s a safety precaution that’s all, his mind nags of Mai's accusation. Killing Azula won’t solve anything.

( “Says you,” Mai scoffs. He shudders. )

It isn't like he wants to be in a metal cage alongside of his maniacal sister, thundering through the desert. Tension between him and the subdued girl raises to the point that Zuko feels like a child again, anxious to run as far from Azula as possible.

He wishes Mother had come along.

“I know where we are,” Azula says minutes after the carriage enters the city. The siblings rode in steely silence for hours, interrupted only by the rattling of Azula's chains. Zuko glances after her taunt, catching the girl’s lofty expression through her unkempt hair.

“Yeah?”

“Of course I recognize it.” She smiles opulently beneath the blindfold. “I captured this city.” As the carriage doors snap open, Zuko squints against the light.

“You stole it,” their uncle corrects and extends his hand.

“Please be careful, Uncle,” Zuko begs.

The guards test a series of deadbolts installed into Azula's new bedroom door. Anything she could use as a weapon is removed from her reach, down to the last nail in the floorboards. Zuko's mind strays throughout the familiar compartments, listening to the wooden creak from his time of peaceful civility. This place won't hold Azula for a moment.

“I have looked after you at your worse," Iroh shrugs. "Your little sister will be a piece of cake.”

( That night, through the heavy locks-

“I was seconds away from becoming the Fire Lord,” she screams.

“Yes.” Uncle takes a sip of his latest brew. “I remember that feeling.” )

“Your crazy sister burnt down Ba Sing Seh yet?” Toph broaches the taboo topic easily when she passes the royal escort in the hall. While Zuko initially would have expected nothing less than the entire Earth Kingdom up in flames, Azula's freedom proves disturbingly boring for the first month. For every three letters Zuko forwards to the Earth Kingdom, Iroh sends a postcard. Azula sleeps a lot mostly, he mentions blithely. Tell Ursa to come try our Oolong!

“I would like to visit her,” Mother confesses over dinner, handing the latest vague card back to Zuko. The Fire Lord pushes food across his plate, impossibly jealous for his sister's insanity that dominates their mother's attention.

The next week Iroh sends a note that reads Azula starts work at the shop with me tomorrow! When a horrified Zuko passes the letter between his friends, he and Aang are the only two people who look worried.

“It’s not funny!” Zuko shouts over the din. “Stop laughing!”

“I can't breathe,” Sokka wheezes, leaning on his giggling sister for support.

Iroh sits thinking in the late summer sun, Zuko’s hysterical response in his lap. He doubts there’s a reason in the world to convince his nephew to allow Azula to work, but it hasn’t stopped him from trying. So far he has her serene sense of balance, Mei Lien having to take maternity leave a month early and that the princess could use some improvements to her social skills. They aren't lies, because Azula is quite coordinated. But without a purpose, the mind decays. Iroh remembers how the tip of a battle formation used to call to him like the North Star. Azula equally thought of her lofty position as the guiding point to all she did. Now, however, the look in her eyes between tantrums is one Iroh saw enough of the mirror after Lu Ten died, and he has no intention of allowing it in his home anymore.

She likes to keep busy, Iroh eventually explains. Don't worry Nephew! No one can replace your tea serving abilities.

(“He's totally going senile,” Mai glowers at the letter while Zuko tries to arrange emergency travel plans.)

On the first day at her new job, Azula slams a fist through a window and bleeds all over the stove. On the second day- perhaps disillusioned by her loss of power- she doesn't leave her room. On the third day she rips the apron into a thousand pieces. On the fourth day she doesn't get out of bed. On the fifth day she stands straight as a willow and pours boiling tea on a woman.

“Azula, a twenty percent tip is generous,” he reminds her.

“She's lucky,” Azula shrugs. “If she had tried that after my powers had returned, I'd have burnt the skin from her bones.”

“Is that what you think?” Uncle peers over the empty cups at her, long and quizzical. “I wonder if my brother in prison has your optimism.”

It takes half a week to get her out of her room again. Lost abilities; that's a sensitive topic, Iroh notes to himself, leaving a meal outside her door.

The sixth time Azula ventures into employment, she tries to take one of the tea patrons hostage. The shop rakes in four times the usual tips based on her 'performance'. One customer represents the king’s favorite acting troupe- but Uncle says his niece is too proper a lady for that profession. She kicks through a window the seventh day. Iroh begrudgingly admits this isn’t terrible news as she’s less likely to try and run away with glass in her foot.

“Hold still,” he asks, serenely applying alcohol as she knees him in the beard.

“Why doesn’t anyone recognize me?” she demands when her racist tirades once again fail to elicit a response from the crowds.

“Azula, you are the first Fire Nation warrior to fully subjugate Ba Sing Seh,” Iroh smiles knowingly at the beam that elicits from her. “You’re a much larger than life figure than a simple tea shop girl.”

“Obviously,” she scoffs, making a dive for silverware before Uncle deftly hides them within his sleeve. “But how stupid are these commoners? I’ve told them I was the Fire Lord Azula-”

“- and I’ve told them about the round-the-clock care you received before coming here.” He shrugs and the girl’s attitude simmers to a low boil at being thought of as just some crazy relation. “Princess, I wish you wouldn’t think of this place as a prison or as a way to inflict revenge on these people.”

“Oh, and what should I see this as?” she snarls.

“A job opportunity of course!” I deserved that, he chuckles as the shop’s entire collection of dishware is flung at his skull.

After a serious escape attempt ends in her being dragged home by the Terra Team, Azula devises a new strategy. Having her enemies cart her kicking and screaming through the city she once captured was shameful enough-- even if Azula was the only person who understood the significance. Resolute, she concedes to avoid another escape until her fire bending reappears. This doesn’t imply she has any intention of starting a sick civilian life with Uncle Fatso in the Earth Kingdom either, however. It’s only that the asylum was full of sugary doctors and whining patients who cried when you knocked their teeth down their throat. By comparison this is a great deal more entertaining prison, and Azula had prior experience and happy memories of misleading idiot earth benders.

The Jasmine Dragon is in the upper district of Ba Sing Seh, which has affords Iroh a prestigious set of clientele. Several high ranking officials Azula recalls from her occupation of the city often stop by, but none seem to recognize them- or care if they do. She uses the seeming invisibility of a servant to pass through the tables, circling between conversations of the powerful members of the Earth Kingdom. In the meantime, she makes an effort to slosh hot tea on anyone who’s face she particularly dislikes, or trip people as they pass. No one has yet to take up any actions against her, but she gives their earth bending hospitality only a few more weeks. More importantly, Azula can’t guarantee her the façade much longer than that either.

At the end of a particularly successful day (three men and two women tripped- one was even holding a baby!), Azula is intercepted on her way upstairs by Uncle and an unknown woman. She seems particularly regal, though Earth Kingdom women tend to wear the same amount of makeup as Fire Nation whores, so she holds off on making any assumptions.

“There you are, Azula! Lady Yin, this is my niece.” The look on the crone’s face tells Azula she’s heard some variation of the pitiful background story Uncle devised for her. She carefully overturns a few cups of the more expensive tea while Uncle and the old woman dog her tracks back.

“You should not be rude,” her uncle warns, trying to beckon the girl back by testing her patience. “After all, this woman has brought a present for you.” Azula lingers in the stairwell, debating if it was more worthwhile to slam a door in their faces or imply drop this proposed gift to the floor. She wanders back to her uncle skeptically.

“She’s not wearing the apron,” the old woman clicks her tongue disapprovingly. “She’ll ruin her clothing.”

“I’m to blame for indulging her,” Iroh laughs, helping Lady Yin pass over the present to his niece. “And she’s a bit of a tom boy.” He happily presses the crooked plant in a cheap pot in Azula’s hands. The trunk of the miniature tree is twisted and coiled as though its in pain. She’s not entirely sure if the object will sprout legs under the dirt and run after them, so Azula abstains- for the moment- from dropping it.

“A plant,” she glowers between the branches. “What do I care about this?”

“Oh, but you should!” the woman titters. “Careful maintenance of a bonsai tree is thought to be very soothing for a restless spirit.”

“My spirit isn’t the problem,” Azula bristles. “I think the only person with a problem are the idiots in this town foolish enough to allow me such generosity. My return to power will be on your backs, making my way further by climbing over the charred remains of a certainly king’s royal palac--”

“She has such an elaborate imagination!” Uncle laughs thinly, leading Azula around Lady Yin as easily as he would herd a cat. “You know during our time abroad she saw a show by the Ember Island Players and- such a memory!”

“She certainly has the flair for the dramatic, I have heard that,” the woman beams-- something Azula finds worse than her pity. “But Iroh, if you don’t close shop soon, we will be late for our show.” With an embarrassed chuckle, Uncle hastily leaders Azula up the steps and back into their private compartments. His niece, having caught onto who this insipid old woman and her crooked plant life is to him, happily launches herself upon the topic.

“You’re going on a date?” Azula shoots a menacing look over her shoulder, pushing back against his desperate attempts to move her down the hallway. “Did I embarrass you terribly around your new girlfriend? Do you really think at your age you can start a new life with some Earth Kingdom nobody?”

“We enjoy one another’s company very much, yes,” he clears his throat, responding only halfheartedly to her tirade. Iroh tugs her along, refusing to let the girl linger in the front room, the kitchen, pressing urgently towards the only place in the apartment that locks from the outside.

“She’s too old to have children, don’t you think?” Azula adds, feet sliding against the smooth floors until she’s past the threshold into her cell again. She makes an effort to get this out quickly, already knowing how their conversation will end. “If you ask me, what with your only offspring dead and Zuko no longer interested in your advice, I think you should give up trying to have a family-” As predicted, the door slams centimeters from her face. Her expression drifts into a low, comfortable smile as the locks snap into place on the other side of the barricade.

Iroh sighs, smiling grimly at the ease with which Azula can still hurt good people.

“No, Azula. You are my family.”

Once, preoccupied with the appearance of several higher ranked Earth Kingdom officials, Iroh asked his niece to “Please boil water for our guests.” After Azula realized she would have to use a spark-rocks to start a fire, they nearly had to replace the entire kitchen appliance.

“When I have my abilities back,” she shrieks. “I will burn this miserable shop, this disgusting hovel, everything you care about to the ground.”

“Now, Azula,” Iroh murmurs, working to catch the girl’s wrists to keep her from hurting herself further. “That’s no way to show gratitude to your elders.”

How are things going? Zuko’s latest letter asks in that same anxious handwriting with which he signs imperial decrees. Iroh’s back aches as he bends over to pick up the remains of the kitchen-set, to scrub blood from the countertops while listening to Azula howl behind locked doors and imagine an answer to that question.

(“‘When are you coming to visit, Nephew?’” Ursa reads aloud, her voice bright. “Oh, I think he misses you,” she teases, winding an arm with her son’s.)

An evening after closing hours, Uncle returns to the apartment with fresh vegetables and a unknown figure. Azula regards the young stranger leisurely- he's Earth Kingdom and slouching and she doesn't have the time to give him a second thought.

“Azula, I'd like you to meet Junren.”

“Hello,” he smiles apprehensively. Azula scoffs. Iroh appears unfazed.

“I was thinking the two of you could become better acquainted.”

“Why?” she snaps. Uncle always has some sort of ulterior motive, and giving him the slightest bit of leeway opens one to his surprise antics.

“Well…” Iroh pretends to possess some hesitation in admitting this, though Azula can tell from his grin he's enjoying every second of the charade. “He's your age, Azula, and Junren your mother did mention you don't have a girlfriend-” Azula’s head snaps up, on her feet in an instant.

“No!” Both teenagers shout (though Junren weakly manages to add a "please" when she glowers at him). Iroh commends himself for choosing a boy with the reflexes to dodge the princess’s punches. He has to applaud his own ability as well to convince the teens that a trip to fetch more tea leaves from the back room would go faster if they went together. They really look very cute together- when Azula isn’t scowling like that and the boy stops shaking. He considers letting Junren take her for a walk to the main square, but regrets that Azula still can’t be trusted on her own.

Junren is quick- Uncle barely spots him as he darts out the door, white as a sheet. Azula saunters into the room like a polar leopard that’s spooked its prey- still hungry but innately pleased with himself.

“Not your type?” Uncle calls over his shoulder. She rounds on him, having no patience for the old man’s insolence.

“Are you out of your mind?” she snarls. “First of all, as if a Fire Nation Princess would want anything to do with an Earth bending commoner! Secondly, he is hardly even a bender at all; He is taking remedial classes at the university- what sort of man doesn't utilize his birthright from the moment he's on this earth? Especially an earth he can mold with his own hands! I didn't waste a moment with my abilities.”

“No, you did not.”

“And finally! He's nothing more than a child! He's shorter than me and exudes not only a complete lack of potential, but absolutely no confidence behind even the most mundane of decisions!”

When Azula slams the door behind her, Iroh underlines the following passage in his notes-

Needs to be taller.

During a lunchtime rush, Azula stumbles on the rug and slops white hot Longjing over her left hand. She snatches the salve from Uncle and commands him to return to his work. As the blister hisses red and aches, Azula recalls the last time she was burned.

She wraps her hand in cloth and avoids thinking about Zuko.

Ty Lee gets some vacation time in the fall and inexplicably decides to spend it with Azula.

“I don't think so,” Azula laughs in her face and Iroh wastes two cups of tea trying to get the idiot to stop crying. Eventually the sound of it gets on the princess's nerves, and she shoves him aside to deal with the circus freak herself. Ty Lee, for all the falls to the head she’s taken, has enough sense to stop sniffling when she’s alone with Azula. With a rough sigh, Azula shoves the kettle across the table. Ty Lee quickly takes the hint and pours them each other cup.

“I didn't know you liked tea, Azula,” she chirps, voice still a little watery.

“I don’t.” The silence is long enough they follow Iroh’s entire conversation with Lady Yin (“Are they-” Azula nods grimly and Ty Lee makes a few grossed out noises.) When she almost chokes on her tea giggling at the pet names, Azula resists the urge to clap Ty Lee on the back. Ty Lee must have seen the tensing of her arm and because she takes the opportunity to be serious.

“I'm sorry for everything.” She reaches for Azula’s hands. The princess can almost feel her old friend’s windpipes crushing under her grip. But when she opens her eyes, she’s alone in the shop with cold tea and an unharmed Kyoshi warrior.

“I don't care,” Azula waves the outstretched hands aside. “So if you’ve come here expecting me to redeem your treacherous inclinations, it‘s not happening.” Ty Lee scowls like she used to when Mai made fun of her lipstick.

“I came,” she counters coldly, “Because I sorta hoped you weren’t so grumpy anymore!”

“What do I have to be happy about?” Azula yawns.

“Aren't you at least happy to be out of prison?”

“Are you?” the princess counters, edging a clay cup off the table. Ty Lee flinches at the crash.

“Sometimes,” she concedes at last, hands twisted in her lap. “Not if I have to see you like this.” Azula casts her a look that she doesn't want pity while Ty Lee hastily explains, “But Azula, its just-- I mean your aura-”

“What?” She leans forward on an elbow, her smirk extending far past the table. “Let me guess, the Avatar's taken that now too. But don’t worry, I’ll let you examine it when I take my revenge out of you.” Locks clattering behind Azula’s departure, Uncle brings a wad of tissues to the table. Ty Lee clutches him close, smearing makeup in his beard.

“Her aura is beautiful,” she sniffles. “Tell her for me.”

“Your friend is very happy for you,” Iroh explains, looking up from a set of dirty dishes. Azula continues carving lines into the wall with a butter knife and her uncle continues, “I am very happy for you too.” Azula yawns.

“What is everybody so happy about anyway?” She flings the knife narrowly close to Uncle’s back. “I haven't accomplished anything in this place.”

“I don't have to lock you in your room anymore, do I?”

That night, Azula finds her door is deadlocked like old times.

“I know you very well, princess,” Iroh calls through the barrier as he goes for a late night bathroom run. “You do so well when you're not trying to get the jump on innocent people.”

“‘Innocent’?” she screams, smashing her fists against the door.

One of Uncle's friends knows their true identities and, despite Azula's suspicions, has promised to keep it a secret. That doesn't prevent him from such arrogance, however, like smiling knowingly across the table to Iroh's niece.

“Are you enjoying life as a civilian?” he asks genially. Azula strikes him so hard she could've sworn steam rose from the mark. At dinner she and Uncle sit in an unusual silence, her flurry of thoughts a palpable barrier to Iroh's insistent conversation. When she gets up, Uncle calls,

“Whatever you're considering, I believe you should think it over again.”

After the sun sets, she presses her hands to the floor and concentrates on lighting the timber, on burning the entire block to ashes. My abilities are here, she hisses desperately. I'm not a civilian. Just one spark. But instead of smoke, she wakes up to the smell of Uncle cooking breakfast. The groves in the hardwood floor leave little imprints against her face when she sits up. Iroh's face twitches into a smile despite her anguished expression, the helpless gestures behind her actions.

“You'll catch a cold, Azula,” he chides, carrying the soup to the table. “Sleeping on the floor like this.”

In the winter, Zuko has a meeting with the Earth King to discuss the current state of his reparations, and in his free time agrees to stay with Iroh. Uncle has to admit the Fire Lord will be forced to sleep on the couch for this visit- Azula has his old room.

"Though you're more than welcome to share a bed with me, Nephew! Like old times." Brother and sister wear identical looks of disgust.

Iroh makes a great show of noting that the siblings haven’t seen each other since Zuko left the princess in his care. While Zuko had made several threats to storm into Ba Sing Seh and salvage the disaster zone Azula normally leaves in her wake, he had been unable to find time away. The situation at home is not good, Uncle admits when Azula overhears talk of the Fire Nation nationalists.

“But I don’t think we should talk business with your brother when he gets here,” Uncle advises when Azula asks a few too many questions.

“Because it’s not my business?” Her fingers tighten into familiar fire bending seals.

“Well, I don’t think it would be much of a vacation for him if we did.”

When the day of the visit arrives, Zuko drops off his things at the apartment before he heads to the deliberations. Azula doesn't go downstairs to greet him, or to see the fine Fire Nation construction of his imperial luggage and royal robes up close. From her room (window still barred with wood- flammable wood) she glares out at the landscape of the town, trying to pinpoint where on the wall her drill broke through. She gets so angry her eyesight goes blurry and Uncle has to hurry and buy several new plates when she's through with her first tantrum of the day. It’s been such a long time since he needed to repair dishware over her bad attitude that they raised the price of clay.

“Now, now,” he chides. “You don't want me to lock you in your room for Zuko's visit.”

“Oh, I think Zuzu would prefer it,” she grumbles and tries to kick the stool out from under the old man.

By the time Zuko returns in the evening, exhausted from the proceedings, his sister has worked herself into an indelible fervor.

“I hope you're hungry,” Uncle smiles despite the seething girl over his shoulder. “Azula here has worked up quite the appetite waiting for you.” It’s only midway through the first course before the princess makes her demands.

“No,” Zuko counters over their noodles.

“I don’t see what good I'm doing here,” Azula snaps. “I'm not asking to be reinstated as Fire Lord-”

“You were never Fire Lord,“ Zuko hurriedly hides a smirk behind his soup spoon. Just as fast, Uncle grabs a vase from Azula before she cracks her brother’s skull with it.

“You have me in a city of enemies!” she snarls. “At least in the asylum I wasn't on foreign ground.”

“These people are not your enemies,” Iroh cuts in smoothly, trying to set a calming hand on her arm. “Remember? You get along so well with them.” He shoots an anxious look to his nephew. “She is not usually like this.”

“Yes she is,” Zuko rebuffs what Azula realizes is Uncle's attempt to paint her in a better light. She can't understand why he would do this, and it dumbfounds her enough that her brother is allowed to continue. “Bringing you back to the Fire Nation is putting you in a city of enemies- my enemies.” He sighs, directing a further explanation to Iroh, “As long as she’s here, the King says they can keep some of the worst nationalists out. With the updated watch list, the likelihood of some rogue lunatic getting to Azula is-” Her laughter cuts him off.

“So is this for my safety, Brother?” she sneers, shoving her food aside to draw a reluctant Zuko closer. “I highly doubt any of the nationalists assume you'd be hurt by my death.”

“They may not want to kill you, Azula, but these are bad people.” Iroh says warningly.

“Like you,” Zuko mutters, pushing aside his own bowl of food.

“What,” she breezes. “I'm a bad person because I don't worship you like the Avatar and his commoner friends?”

“You're a bad person because of what you've done to this country!” Zuko snaps, any earlier patience he had thinning by the second. “I can't believe I have to waste all this time cleaning yours and dad's mess and then you ask me to let you go!” His sister's face darkens considerably.

“‘Mess’?” she echoes with a laugh. “Father made our country better than all the others combined.”

“Why do we have to be better, huh?” Zuko demands, rising. “Why can't we all work together? Why is that so terrible?”

“Because we are better,” Azula replies nonchalantly and takes a sip of her tea. The more Zuko explodes, the calmer she feels. After months of being the only one screaming, it was refreshing to see someone else let loose. “Well, I am. Not you. I'll be happy to demonstrate that to you when I get my powers back." She flexes her fingers and Zuko snaps.

“You're not getting your fire bending back!” he cries, coming around the table only to have Azula slap Zuko's hands away. “The Avatar took it away for good!” Face pink with jealousy, he rails on, “This is your life from now on; living with Uncle, serving tea! No responsibilities, no subjects, no stupid royal duties, so why can't you just be happy?”

“How could I be happy without my power?” she hisses, eyes flickering throughout the room that suddenly seems impossibly small. “That’s pathetic.”

“You’re pathetic,” he counters obstinately. “All you are about is whether or not you’re stronger or better than everyone else. No wonder you hate living with these people- they’ve got lives! They know who they are, and you’re just some crybaby who’s nobody without your fire bending!” Zuko has more than enough ammunition to continue, but stops short when it's clear his sister isn't listening. The color sinks from her face as she shoves back at the Fire Lord. Azula sweeps the remainder of their dinner to the floor, and scrambles away to give herself air, the room shaking with the force of the door she slams behind her. Azula collapses in her room, fingers pressed to the kindling wood of their home, again trying to create a firestorm at the end of her nerves. Even at her angriest, she mourns, there's not even a spark.

Outside the apartment, Zuko declines Uncle's original offer. He'll stay at the palace tonight instead, making his way there through the back alleys- which isn't safe, Uncle scolds.

“I’ll be fine,” Zuko tries for a little wry humor, adding, “I mean, I still have my fire bending.” Uncle's expression remains stony, so much so Zuko would feel guilty if the person he offended had been anyone other than Azula.

“I am trying to help your sister become a better person,” Iroh reminds him. “When you are cruel to her, she falls back on her bad habits.”

“Azula doesn't have good habits,” Zuko fumes, tugging his hood over his head. “Look, Mother's plan failed. We should just take her back to the asylum before she hurts someone.”

“I do not think that's wise, Zuko,” Iroh says firmly, but the boy leaves before he can argue the matter further.

Closing the door behind him, her uncle spots Azula at the top of the stairs, expression unreadable. He sighs, slowly beginning the ascent to meet the shaking girl.

“Don't you worry, princess. Your brother is just upset because he has been working too hard,” Iroh begins, tugging at his beard. “If you ask me, I think you've made a lot of progress since you first came here. And I know your Mother feels-”

“I don't feel so good,” Azula mumbles and slouches against the railing. Iroh lurches ahead to catch her before she falls.

In her dream she drowns in one of the courtyard ponds while her mother watches, Father’s hands pushing down on her shoulders.

She wakes up screaming, water on her face. Uncle holds the damp cloth to her burning forehead, trying to look wise and sympathetic all at once. She nearly snaps his fingers in her desperate grip and faints.

(“Azula’s sick,” Katara reads the letter aloud to the meeting that convenes in Zuko's absence.

“Good?” Sokka manages at last, tugging at his White Lotus collar.)

Even after Azula crushes the Avatar’s skull beneath her fingers, he still reaches forward, and the proof of her power and birthright slips away from her in an instant, leaving her a nobody.

“What did you do to me?” she hisses in a flicker of lucidity.

“This is a metamorphosis,” Uncle eases water towards her sputtering mouth. “It looks like your brother’s words had quite the impact on you.” His face looks as though he’s making light of the situation, but it serves to only make Azula’s uneasy stomach drops further.

“I’m not going to change into someone he likes,” she mumbles and rolls on her side away from him. Gingerly rising to his feet, Uncle takes her obduracy as a cue to leave.

“No,” he confesses, leaving one light burning. “But I think you may change into someone you like.”

Ty Lee hits her pressure points and laughs cheerfully when Azula falls. She lies begging between them while Mai slides hot knives under her skin.

“It's too hot,” she whimpers, tossing in her sleep.

“I'm here, my darling,” Mother murmurs, pushing the hair off Azula’s brow.

The door slams in another room and Azula's eyes snap open. She shifts under the pile of blankets, eyes squinting through the darkness only to realize she's alone.

(AUTHOR NOTE; no this isn't the end, lj just won't let me post more than 13 pages at a time. Consider this uh end of part 1? )

TIGER VS SHARK! THE LAST BATTLE IN THIS GRUDGE MATCH

2010-12-27T23:55:11Z

So the last time I caught up with Naruto I was trapped in a cabin in the middle of nowhere with three dogs and soul crushing boredom, so being home for the holidays reminded me to check in on our favorite ninjas again. Luckily not once did Kakashi again narrowly avoid a leadership position, and nobody cried except for maybe me just once.

So we get some Kisame backstory because that was something no one gave a fuck about. Oh Kisame killed his companions, what did you think we expected him to be compassionate? HES A FUCKING LANDSHARK. I did enjoy though seeing some Gai, some emotional moments, he died as he lived << a ninja to the last << i will remember you for the rest of my life << WATCH OUT!! ANOTHER SHARK!!!!

seriously i just put my head down and laughed ITS A FUCKING SHARK!!!

All right, so then we're back to the zombie plot back or whatever, nobody cares because ~*~DEIDARA IS BACK~*~* But who is calling him Deidara-nii........ who the fuck is this bitch..... Is that me? No apparently it is the oldman kage's granddaughter. I'm not sure who told Kishimoto he needed MORE characters (probably Kubotite), but this doesn't make me more interested in the series!! If anything- MORE ninja make me sleepy

Not sure what's happening, everyone wore frog-suits for this flashback, naruto conduction and ecological study, I'm not drunk enough for any of this

All right let me get this whole zombie thing straight-- Kabuto reanimated some former kage, the former beasts' hosts who died and all the defeated Akatsuki members. And also...... other various ninja WHOA HOLD ON A FUCKIN SECOND!! these other ppl are like ASUMA, Kimimaro, Zabuza, HAKU!?, Kimimaro, old lady sand, NEJI'S DAD?? WHAT THE FUCK. I was with you for the zombie thing when it meant more Deidara backstory but seriously. NEJI'S DAD? you brought back NEJI'S DAD?? Why not that coughing guy from the chuunin exam? Or YASHAMARU. seriously you brought all these fuckers back and not a single uchiha? #weak

Gaara's speech moves all the ninja << your new headbands look gay

WHAT THE FUCK SAI'S BROTHER IS BACK?! No, I was hoping... his brother was like, Suigetsu. what the fuck man. Sai's brother isn't Suigetsu and Tobi isn't Obito? What's the fucking point. Although now I understand Deidara came back not just to make more art riffs with Sasori (tho thats appreciated), but also to compare art with Sai! Artist vs artist. Although it was a short battle because Sai's words of love and Kankuro's words of.. being an asshole let Sasori and Sai's brother rest in peace. Their strong emotions affected everyone................except Deidara who just doesn't give a fuck. Seriously, did Kankuro just TALK Sasori out of kicking their ass?? I like Kankuro and all but Sasori would've wiped the floor with him while arguing that Superflat is lame.

How zabuza lost his street cred:

KAKASHI: You're wrong Haku. Zabuza didn't view you as a tool.
[ FLASHBACK TO FACE-TOUCHING ]
HAKU: aww zabuza
ZABUZA: KAKASHI SHUT THE FUCK UP

Look, I'm not gonna lie- I'm excited to get all these fuckers back. Neji's gonna fight his dad, Shikamaru's gonna fight Asuma ( :( ), Kimimaro is gonna fight Gaara who will get saved by Lee (it's continuity, bitch). I MEAN! ALL OF IT. I'm very excited for zombie fight times. Maybe I'm just excited to see anyone at this point that isn't a new person I'm apparently supposed to give a fuck about.

And then at the very end we see SUIGETSU LIVES and Juugo. Also the both don't know what happened to Sasuke or Karin? Dude wasn't that TWO years ago, these guys are worse informed with the latest goingson in the ninja world than I am. And I can't recognize anyone now that we're all wearing the same headbands.

The last entry was my 500th post.

why do you force me to make your life miserable?

2010-09-19T03:14:40Z

piece by piece- Jaida+Dani's Dragon Soul review

(Selected twitter updates while I was reading to put this in perspective- )

Braving the distance and heading to borders 3 towns over for jaida+danis new dragon book. Thom better suck SOMEONES dick in this one

I am 50 pages in and this gay dragon book has introduced 2 girls and 0 homos. Did Jaida+Dani get a ghost writer?

You know at this point im surprised /I/ dont have a piece of those dragons since so far EVERY MINOR CHARACTERS IS HAULING SOME AROUND

wow jaida+dani have written about ladies and they won't waste any time to show you they are SASS-SAY *snap* *snap*

Okay the climax of this book is happening and we still have about 50 pages left IF WE COULD KEEP THIS MOMENTUM I MIGHT SEE PROGRESS

Cait and I are in the process of making Unanswered questions in the Jaida+Dani books similar to Unanswered Lost questions video... It might exceed to youtube 10 min limit.

For all my critiques, here's something nice- The pacing of the third book is MUCH better than the previous two. Havemercy was choppy and you had to slouch through the Roy/Hal parts, and Shadow Magic was motherfucking brutal to the point I fell asleep at some parts (also NOTHING WAS ACCOMPLISHED. EVER.)-- but Dragon Soul moves well. There are some slow points at times, but that can be said about any book. It seems like after two years these chicks learned how to write a book instead of a fanfiction.net entry.

Characters are where I have the most problems, so we might as well move onto them.

Rook and Thom are back except you're not going to recognize them cause there's a shitton more whining in this book than they ever did before. I have no idea when this is supposed to take place (during Book 2? After?), but clearly in the time between Havemercy and Dragon Soul these characters became almost entirely unlikeable. Thom, who had at least some semblance of balls in the first book has lost them in favor of acquiescing to Rook's bad behavior. Bad behavior that's amplified only by Rook's miserable grieving of his destroyed "girl" Havemercy (uh and 3/4 of your friends?? I mean Adamo aside anybody you ever liked died bloody and tortured in Ke-Han but no don't mention it.) In their separate pov's, both men talk about how TOUGH their lives are because of their respective brother. Thom has to SUFFER through Rook's outbursts and VALIANTLY shoulders all "John's" digs and insults while feeling HELPLESS and USELESS. Rook at the same time is so BURDENED by dragging around his KID brother and knows things would be so much BETTER if he didn't have to BABYSIT him.

This is annoying, but a literary goldmine for drama! Seriously, the whole time I'm reading both guy's self-serving monologues about "sacrifice", I thought- Surely this will end in a big blowout where brothers realize the only thing they have in common is being brothers!! Why hang around someone you hate (then they make up and kiss) Well don't get too excited because this never happens. Thom snaps and attacks Rook briefly for insulting him late in the book... but then... they just shrug it off... and keep doing the same... fucking stuff. Their pov's are still like OH HE'S SO TROUBLESOME I DONT KNOW WHY I HANG AROUND HIM MAYBE BECAUSE HE'S ~*~JOHN~*~/~*~HILARY~*~!! I hate to nitpick (I don't) but I can tell you exactly why these two self-absorbed losers hang out with each other-

he didn't think that changed anything

I understand that families don't always get along, and it's much more realistic to show simmering tensions that last for years before a huge family related drama... but.. you know these books have talking mecha dragons right? I think we left realism behind a long time ago. You don't even need to do the kissing but let's make this shit interesting okay.

MADOKA is next!! Dude guys I don't know. There are things about her that I liked and I feel bad saying this but there is some Mary Sueing happening here. I think it's largely unintentional but out of context this doesn't sound good; she's sassy, she's super strong (for no explained reason), she's really street smart, characters fall in love with her for no reason despite other obstacles. Like what is the DEAL with Badger? How'd he get to be a high ranking soldier so young? What is his actual name? Why does he like Madoka all of a sudden when Malahide shows up? Is it just because Malahide is so perceptive only she can see it? and going back to the girl in question- what does Madoka even look like? Because literally EVERY other main character in the three books has been described in tons of detail by others, but not Madoka. Sure, she's Ke-Han but does that really tell me anything? Also like.. how big is she? She keeps saying she's big and people call her a sow which can be chocked up to having low self-esteem. But then she says at one point she's bigger than some soldiers. whoa like. Wait so are we talking like, Rook sized? Al sized?? I'm fine with fullfigured ladies but I'm gonna need a better picture here. On top of not really knowing what she looks like, did we ever get any idea why the compass reacted to her or why she's so strong again pain motherfucking Malahide says she couldn't stand? You know what, let's just move onto that HBIC--

Malahide is wonderful, I have very few complaints on her. I will of course be referring to her as a HER because being a woman is the gender Malahide has accepted and calling her anything less would actually be super offensive to a lot of people INCLUDING me personally. what up. She's great, she's a freak, bitch is fucking with the provost and stealing shit and lying to the esar and making desert guys all hot and sweaty for her. I'm not sure what else I can say other than I would like her and Kalim to run into Caius and Al asap please. Book 5, thanks. My only problem with her is that both she and Madoka only get involved in the plot because of dudes. The asshole magician and the Esar sent both ladies on their quest. Both ladies have super special abiities- the compass and Malahide's Talent- but they were given to them by largely malevolent male forcuses dominating themselves over them. So really as cool as Malahide is, without her Talent and the Esar's orders she'd be as useless as Thom.

Since I mentioned Kalim and Badger earlier I might as well go into this. I criticized Jaida+Dani during Shadow Magic for only having lady characters who die or fall in love (Antoinette and Josette). When I started Dragon Soul I was surprised to see LADIES' POV and they were STRONG AND SASSY and oh fuck then they fell in love. That's nothing too bad though, I mean lots of characters fall in love. Except none of the MALE characters have done so since Roy and Hal. Rook, Thom, Al and Caius don't have a OUNCE of romance in any of their plots- why does it need to be in Madoka and Malahide's? As like an aside even, their plots function totally fine without it. I will give you we're like at 4 people not falling in love versus 4 who do, but I think we need a girl who is strong and sassy and alive and not used in any romance before I think Jaida+Dani made progress here. (fyi; Yana doesn't fall in love but I don't even know if she speaks English so whatever)

In conclusion, the pacing is much better, the action is spread out appropriately. However characters are only surface layer which comes off as lazy writing to me. Even on a second book we don't see anything deeper in Rook and Thom's personalities. First timer Madoka is sassy and that's really all there is (Why cant we mention her family?? Why does she have a connection with Havemercy? WHY DOESNT ANYONE CARE). Malahide is more fleshed out as Mamoru was in Shadow Magic, showing several sides albeit most is through sudden romance and forced exposition (ie; let me tell you my life story on the last two pages of my final pov).

Much like Caius and Al we're still left with what could be awesome characters that never really get off the ground. Every Jaida+Dani book so far seems to have characters who are superficial sketches of what a dynamic cast would be. Snappy dialogue actually doesn't help this- it detracts from it. I understand your character's voice, when are we going to address their backstory, their feelings, their motivations? How many books do I have to read before I feel I even know any of these people? Cause right now I'd like a full meal and all you're giving me is snacks.

In conclusion, this book cost $27- which means I've spent almost $60 on Jaida+Dani's foray into literature- So I think I'll make whatever observations I want. If you'd like to discuss any of these points or correct me on a mistake, I'd actually enjoy talking to anyone about these books seriously its just me and arisato here

Sorry to break from the 50 days meme but reviews are my only unlocked posts. I will catch up on the topics in tomorrow's post!

THIS ISNT FUCKING BAT SENSITIVITY TRAINING

2010-07-18T05:44:09Z

okay apparently everyone already reads this damn thing but I thought it deserved a pimp post.

HANNA IS NOT A BOY'S NAME

a webcomic i like and i dont usually do this so shut up

Okay I don't how to sum up this story line but how about it's great and I don't really read webcomics or like horror genre stuff. It's pretty tame on the horror, sugar coated monsters and vampires who turn into really cute bats. But somehow it makes the stuff all the more fucked up when its drawn in a cute way.

Hanna is Not a Boy's Name is basically the story of a fuck-up paranormal investigator named Hanna as told by his stoic zombie partner. He doesn't know his name yet so we sort of intersperse the series with whatever Hanna feels like calling him at the moment(ex; Izanagi, Columbus, Galileo, Ringo). Hanna's got about 101 mysteries though, so reading this from a guy with amnesia's POV makes the storytelling way interesting. esp when he's deadpan about situations when like actual horror is happening. There are more characters that join the cast as the story progresses, but we;re only about 2 and half chapters in and I'm ready for a long haul or sugary sweet Hanna zombie bromance with a side of WHAT THE FUCK IS EVERYONE'S SECRET

Veser is my favorite because he has little shark teeth but I can't post any panels cause they are prob spoilers.

Oh did I mention the art is fucking amazing? The art is amazing.

Probably because I was raised on Sandra Dee comics but I keep expecting it to get gay. I know it won't. That's stupid. where did all those icons of this panel come from what homo made those

ugh i want one of these bats. maybe just a stuffed one to keep Appa company.

don't worry they're not really in a band.

Anyway, please go read it. The first chapter has strange short panels and its not in its stride yet, but the second chapter is my favorite out of anything. Also I made icons. sigh

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you're only young but you're gonna die

2010-03-07T02:03:02Z

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SUPERNATURAL review seasons 1-5, gif and alcohol heavy

jdhgk so Supernatural is about two bros whose mom was killed by a demon when they were kids. Their dad is a terrible parent and is like ROAD TRIP lets fight demons as a family. This won't have repercussions on your adult life at all. Somehow they also went to school between fighting demons and solving crimes? The show makes you believe its because their dad worked on one case for a long time, which makes him seem like a really shitty hunter when Dean and Sam finish a job in 1 hour with time for commercials. Anyway, now that they're adults, their crappy dad goes missing so the bros have to work together to find him even though he ruined their lives.

I am the only person NOT enamored with papa winchester so when they find him he couldn't die fast enough for me. Oh yeah this will have spoilers.

okay he's kinda cute when he's young MORE ON THAT LATER

Season 2 has the bros hanging out, killing demons while Sam and a bunch of other ppl start getting psychic powers. The show apparently already had 5 seasons written when it began, which i believe as much as George Lucas wrote all 6 star wars scripts in the 70s but whatevs I just out-geeked myself. But Season 2 is where that plot starts GETTING SHIT DONE- which includes killing fucking everyone AND Sam. don't worry! he'll be back after Dean's sad soliloquy. NOW there is a new mission bc they can't find their dead, rotten dad anymore-- Dean sold his soul to bring Sam back from the dead, and has t report to Hell in one year to pay for it. How can we stop it!! Surely the next season will be full of inventive plot lines and interesting new characters who aren't british cat thieves or Jesse McCartney's girlfriend and definitely not a recurring villain in Gordon who nobody even liked-- FUCK!!!!

Season 3 was quite possibly the worst thing I've ever seen. It was like being stabbed with a demon killing knife for 15 episodes... minus 1 (GHOST! GHOSTFACERS)

anyway then Dean went to hell.

OH NVMD HE'S BACK FROM HELL IN THE SEASON 4 PREMIERE (i wish I could say it happened in the scene form the above gif, but it was maybe a little less fun than that.) glad we fucking wasted a season trying to stop what was clearly inevitable and has no effect on subsequent arcs. and now that Dean's alive again there's not so much demons as Angels and finally my catholic school background is useful for entertainment purposes. Turns out demons are trying to bring Lucifer back to earth, so the bros gotta stop it.

theres lots of twists and turns this season, least of all being Castiel is fucking gay and you may hate his batman voice and crooked face when he first shows up but you'll grow attached too-- but in the end Lucifer is released. glad we fucking wasted a season trying to stop what was clearly inevitable.

now we're on season 5, which is basically full of the only reason im watching- the bros are destined to kill each other. Horsemen and Angels are out full force (and none of the 4 cardinal ones are interesting..... well uh maybe gabriel)

There's been lots of uh ridiculous filler eps with body swapping and time travel and tv lands and oh there's an alternate future one too fun times!!! But serious, we really need to get on killing the devil and stopping the apocalypse. Any day now. altho bypassing the plot for hijinks fits in well to my life's lets get fucking smashed plot- main characters; me and boxed wine.

What else.

i want to be a bunch of people in this show (not either of the bros thanks) but someone I'm afraid I'll always just be Chuck.

Bobby is by far my favorite character. since Castiel is so enamored with the bros now he can't even see straight, its nice to have a character who will still chew them all out for being uh idiots. REALLY I JUST LOVE EVERYTHING HE DOES, his complete unimpressed face with the boys. I may have wept pathetically when he talked about killing himself okay. hopes for the next episode; Bobby kills zombies/ Bobby walks/ Bobby runs (towards danger! never away)/ Bobby backstory. fjhkdf Just don't kill him okay. I cannot deal.

in conclusion

ASCH ISNT ALLOWED TO GO ON ANY ADVENTURES WITHOUT US

2010-02-03T21:27:07Z

Okay, I don't know what was happening in the beginning cause I was totally drunk, but I don't think being sober would've helped this series any.I might have been able to understand it if it wasn't for CONSTANT WORLD INNOVATIONS being dumped on me. every fucking episode its like

oh a new town!
oh some new technology!
oh some new aspect of our shitty world environment!

I don't have the energy for this!! Even Code Geass was like "look theres some gundams, leloch has mind control. we can work with what we've got for 26 episodes". Telling me something new every episode doesn't make me like your show more. It makes me want to get drunker.

Also at least Code Geass kept the secret identities to a minimum. This damn show- there is a fucking SECRET about everyone. every fucking episode

SECRETLY NOT A PRINCESS
SECRETLY A LORD
SECRETLY EVIL
SECRETLY KNOWS MAGIC
SECRET SIBLINGS
SECRET HOME TOWN
SECRET HIDDEN AGENDA
SECRET GOODNESS (doesnt matter, we kill all bad guys)

and whats the most fucked up part is theres never

SECRET LOVERS

there is no romance!! not even a fucking hand hold!! WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA FUCK?! code geass had romance okay. Not romance I liked, but it was there!

I started to enjoy the secret identities halfway through, though. It makes a great drinking game. Also you chug when the split screen reactions to that secret identity include Jade's ":| i knew that" face. WE GET IT KOYASU. YOU KNOW EVERYTHING GOD

Then that brings us to the whole "Let's kill the bad guys" plot device they kept implementing. Like, to be totally honest..... were the God Generals bad guys? I mean, Arietta was a fucking feral girl, I don't think she knows what grief even is, maybe we should counsel her on OH NOPE, GONNA KILL HER.

Or what the fuck, how about DIST? Pretty sure the only reason he was doing this shit was because of Jade's genius idea to replicate their teacher. In fact- HE TOLD DIST TO WORK ON FOMICRY or whatever it is. And then!!! He kills him!! I'm pretty sure that could've been talked out, and by "pretty sure" I mean Necromancer Jade is a fucking cold hard killer. Christ, how are you gonna explain this to Peony??

ALSO Sync attempts to kill himself, and then discusses how he thinks he's a worthless replica....... AND WE KILL HIM ANYWAY?? LOOK ANISE HAS SOME SERIOUS ISSUES WITH NOT FUCKING KILLING MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE. she and Jade can hang out forever, lots in common. monsters

And finally, we try and not kill Largo. LARGO. WHY?? CAUSE HE'S NATALIA'S DAD-- WE JUST SPENT 5 EPISODES CONVINCING PPL BLOOD DOESN'T MATTER, LETS KILL THIS MOTHERFUCKER! Jade isn't even there to enjoy it.

Final note, Luke is seven years old and everyone still holds him to inflated statues of ethics and behavior and he is SEVEN YEARS OLD. and the show could've used more pokemon

I don't understand the ending, but judging from all the secret identities, I'm gonna guess that wasn't Asche OR Luke. It was me. My secret identity is I liked this show all along.

NEXT EPISODE: I was lying, my secret episode now is i fucking hated this. also! Guy knows magic!

I want to be rescued by Bill Clinton.

2009-08-08T20:20:36Z

i can't stand to watch the tv; a persona 4 fst

THE MOUNTAIN GOATS - this year

i am gonna make it through this year if it kills me

THE A-SIDES - sidewalk chalk

let me tell you
how great it is to be here
hello, hello, hello, hello, hello

HEADLIGHTS - tv

i cannot stand to watch the tv
the liars and killers keep starin me
and the boys
and the girls
you can tell they're free
they grow up to destroy everything they see

METRIC - gimme sympathy (acoustic ver)

oh seriously-
you're gonna make mistakes you're young

VAMPIRE WEEKEND - campus

in the afternoon youre out on the stone and grass
and im sleeping on the balcony after class

MATES OF STATE - the re-arranger

your finding your problems here
is the threat at home
of regret at home

THE D'URBERVILLES - spin the bottle

we're running high
we're running low
no you know i know you know i know

THE IVY LEAGUE - modern world

the time of our lives
i would like to forget
the constant reminders
the constant regret

THE RED PAINTINGS - the streets fell into my window

youre the innocent
we're the underpaid

THE NEW PORNOGRAPHERS - go places

come head off full circle
our path blocked, but sure we'll-
make records, then set them
make copies, win races
stay with me, go places
once more for the ages

i feel like my stomach is full of drunk bees.

2009-07-29T00:58:51Z

we are going to have such high times, him and i - a shadow magic review

(Selected twitter updates while I was reading to put this in perspective- )

These bros have a door bt their room. Like i dont know what this means

Oooh somebody learned about SCAP at Barnard.. gross

I CAN'T EVEN CONCENTRATE ON JAIDA AND DANI'S CAMPY DRAGON BOOK WHICH BTW /CONTAINS NO DRAGONS/

clearly the one girl in this book is sleeping w this general. Their girl characters either die or fuck someone. how progressive, jaida+dani.

Caius' outings w to Alcibiades are a couple cooing remarks from a compensation date. Al will either kill him or buy him a mink stole.

I'm gonna start this off by saying I have serious problems with the book that, while I had a fun time reading it, left me feeling the same dissatisfaction from Havemercy. I guess I shouldn't expect the series to be vastly improved- it has been only about 9 months.

fjhskd So this was a much more of a direct sequel than I expected, and maybe I would have benefited from a reread of Havemercy, but lemme break it down for you; In the last book's about 5 pages of climatic action, the fraternity brothers defeat Ke-Han. In Shadow Magic an assortment of diplomatic charges are sent to the Ke-Han to negotiate peace, although it appears two of them (or at least the two whose pov were are party to) have no idea what is expected of them there. No idea about settling land disputes, reparations, length of occupation.. But don't worry! The exceptionally vague diplomatic talks that could certainly be very interesting or help set a richer backdrop for the international conflict, are never directly mentioned. There's always a play to see or a scandal to uncover and isn't it a good idea you chose to kidnap the diplomats since you never had any issues to discuss, emperor!

I enjoyed watching Al and Caius interact, mostly because I was under the mistaken idea they were gonna kiss. Maybe next book. Regardless, theirs and Josette's (Who i pronounced "Yo-sette unwittingly) dynamic was cute whenever the situation with the prince and his cardboard manservant got boring. I'm still not sure why the esar sent Caius "the Mind-taker" Gaylace, but it was fun while it lasted.

I still don't understand the complete lack of construction behind why the prince was banished. (The prince, of course, named Mamoru HO HO HO JUST A LITTLE INJOKE FOR US JAPANESE MAJORS) Apparently his bro wanted him killed for speaking Volcan with the diplomats. Right, because the whole idea of these peace talks isn't to- you know- talk to one another. I get it, though, you want to establish the Emperor is crazy. However, maybe Jaida+Dani could've brainstormed a little longer on this, made Mamoru (hahha) commit a bigger foul? Because right now it just reads to me like when I was a kid, banishing my fairy princess Barbie from her Dreamhouse kingdom. Why? Because she was TOO PRETTY! quick lets get onto the more fun parts of the book!!

Did I say fun? I meant the tedious On The Road bits where we establish two things
1) commoners in mock shogun Japan are extremely well aware and interested in court preceedings
2) despite a huge war having just been lost, none of the countryside seems to have been affected (just that one broken magician tower in the city. makes you wonder what Rook and co were attacking every night)

Barring the above inconsistencies and issues I have with the plot, the book should be able to survive on character development alone. But I also have to disagree that Jaida and Dani are writing character driven stories in an action driven genre. These characters, while entertaining, are not deep or engaging. Caius is fun and camp, but nowhere in the almost 400 pgs do we see more than a line in passing that he might have deeper character traits, or explanations why he's so ridiculous. Alcibiades is loveable but equally flat, Kouje isn't even likeable whilst being one-dimensional. Mamoru, while not my favorite character, has more of a range of character traits than anybody else- but he jumps between them like a bouncing ball. And it's never even explained why do the people love him more than his brother; Just because h was banished? Because he's hot? If the characters are truly the thing "driving" Jaida and Dani's novels, it's no wonder why the book never gets anywhere.

I didn't like this book. Would I have liked it more if somebody dicked Caius? Probably, but my claims above still stand! You can cry about it if you want, but I paid $25 for the thing and I like to read, problems or not. The rest shouldn't matter.

SERIOUSLY WHERE IS THE KINK MEME i would like to see some caius/al..... and caius/ke-han army

read or you're gay

2009-05-19T00:54:34Z

- axis powers hetalia icons [57] (all 4chan)
- credit: derogatory

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Created with angelamaria's Icon Table Generator @ Bauble

- credit: derogatory

ugh hetalia fic, sorry dudes and ladies

2009-04-29T03:44:39Z

Title: THE POLISH LEGIONS
Author: derogatory
Rating: PG-13
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Poland, France (Guest appearances by Lithuania, Russia, and Austria)
Warnings: France.. Also Napoleon so there's some fighting.
Summary: Following the partitions of Poland, the former Commonwealth finds an ally in France's new hero Napoleon.
-

Crowded over the body, the three Black Eagles reached a compromise for joint custody of their Polish prisoner.

oh you're overwhelmed? thats fair cause this is leaving me underwhemled.

2008-12-26T22:40:19Z

FRIENDS-LIST CUT

If you think you should be back on here (OR HERE AT ALL? .. THERE IS QUITE THE DEFICIT BETWEEN FRIENDS/FRIENDS-OF wow-wee), speak your peace. I don't do being filtered fjhsd

I didn't write any of you your fic, but in my defense, terrorcandy only wrote one (and it was ballin!!)

those of us who weren't raised by grand theft auto usually applaud after we've been shown something

2008-12-18T22:14:07Z

1776 (thereabouts)

a rag tag group searches for immortality on a boat.

1930

i guess time has passed.

a building is burning down

FIRO: i better investigate!
DALLAS and co are beating up an old guy

FIRO: i better investigate!
ENNIS loses the button to her coat

Elsewhere, ISAAC&MIRIA are getting beat up by punks.

ENNIS takes the punks (DALLAS and co) to SZILARD's secret club for old people

It is time for FIRO's mafia coronation

OUTSIDE

Somehow, while crashing the mafia party, ISAAC gets shot

EVERYONE is having a great time, when the villian SZILARD appears!

SZILARD is run over by ISAAC&MIRIA

Drunk driving aside, there is a strange new development--

1931

a train called the flying pussyfoot is departing from chicago to new york city

LATER!! on the train

LATER!! also on the train

then the train gets robbed!

RAIL TRACER is killing a whole bunch of people on the train

later!! on the cute train

RAIL TRACER/CONDUCTOR begins torturing CSEZLAW

LADD engages CHANE and RAIL TRACER for a fight on the ROOF of the TRAIN.

~~MUKURO~~

CSEZLAW is saved by ISAAC&MIRIA

Somehow EVERYONE arrives safely in NYC

later!! Outside the station

1932

THEN THE OVA HAPPENED

Enter a NEW CHARACTER being crazy in a warehouse

For SOME REASON, GRAHAM sends the ransom not for the wrong person to the retarded thieves

On the town, RACHEL runs into CSEZLAW.

At lunch!

At the warehouse!

JACUZZI thinks about coming back later, when VINO appears!

GRAHAM and VINO fight for like, three minutes.

Meanwhile...

LUCK: surprise i am a monster. tho tbh, my voce is koyasu so you shouldn't be that surprised
Did I say "Meanwhile"? I meant "The End".

2001

ISAAC&MIRIA: let's rob the shit out of the future

I think I liked it

I am not your shield, I am a contender.

2008-12-14T07:08:03Z

so i had to catch up with Ouran and I guess things have happened?? Hikaru loves Haruhi but she rejected him and now Tamaki has "realized his feelings" and apparently that kebai girl is like a main character?

also now Tamaki has a girlfriend?! I know this is just culminating towards a happy shoujo romance, but I'm not having it!!!

I miss la_foule.

derogatory @ 2008-12-08T16:13:00

2008-12-08T21:14:06Z

THE "GODDAMNIT WHY WON'T YOU LET ME LOVE ON YOU?? IS THIS A MODESTY THING? ARE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ME EXPRESSING MY AFFECTIONS IN HYPERTEXT, IS THAT IT!? BECAUSE ALL I WANT TO DO IS PERV ON YOU ANONYMOUSLY BUT YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO MAKE IT SO GODDAMN DIFFICULT!!! I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK!?!?" MEME

what was the amount of your life you wasted on naruto again?

2008-11-02T23:12:05Z

All right, so this can only end in one of three ways;

I mean.... he can't die... He still hasn't see Sasuke.. Why am I still reading this!?

walk with your own two legs nunally!! oh shit shes not walking

2008-09-29T03:04:33Z

re; re; Code Geass Finale- IE, when are people going to stop fighting with words and start fighting with Gundams?

So basically Lelouch is talking to Nunally, who did not die from a nuclear explosion. I know, I know, she (as well as Guilford) both walked away pretty much unscathed from Freya's nuclear blast. Which is weird, cause you'd think out of all countries Japan would know what happens to folk when they get nuked, but hey. Why fight a good thing. Nunally can also see now, which is ALSO weird since now Guilford cannot.

Meanwhile, Suzaku fights Kallen for a really long time and it's mostly talk-city. Then he blows up. Gino catches Kallen when she almost dies too. It's sweet cause he wants to be her boyfriend so bad. Well, you know, now that Suzaku is dead..

Orangekun is beating the shit out of Anya, so much so that he has to JUMP OUT OF HIS MOBILE SUIT TO DO IT. If you asked me what else happened in this scene, I could not tell you. He jumped out of his gundam with a sword. It was awesome.

Back to the siblings, Nunally dares Lelouch to Geass her and he totally does. Cause NOT using the Geass on her would be in line with everything he's done until this point! When she wakes up she tries to mow a retreating Lelouch down with her wheelchair and falls down some stairs. I am not making this up. Lelouch is sad, but on the inside.

Kaguya and the Black Knights are gloating to CC about how their triple crossing Lelouch is awesome cause he'll never beat Schneizel. Then Lelouch broadcasts to the world that he beat his older bro and you are all so fucking dead. Kannon is crouched somewhere over North America, looking adorable. My eyes go right to him in every scene, I'm sorry, Lelouch who?

NOW ITS TIME FOR THE GRAND PARADE. To celebrate Lelouch's victory, he's running a bunch of tanks through the city with all the political prisoners on display. cry tiny Tianzi and Kaguya holding boards. OH ALSO KANNON!! Someone should let him out, because you can't see his eartails in that position. Everyone in the crowd really hates Lelouch, naturally. Hopefully Rivalz will run out in front of the procession. (helen: rivalz is tank boy? me: he has to do SOMETHING!!)

BUT WAIT!!! WHO'S THAT ON THE HORIZON is it tamaki!? no, it's just Zero, who is actually Suzaku in disguise. I mean, he fucking does a spinkick, okay.. Turns out Lelouch figures if he dies everyone will stop fighting cause he is the most hated person of all. And he wants his BFF to do it. So Suzaku, in Zero's disguise, hops up onto the main float and stabs Lelouch in the tummy.

Lelouch falls down into Nunally's lap. Oh, did I not mention he had her and Schneizel chained up like fucking circus animals? In bondage clothes no less. Well, after that stellar treatment Nunally flips out and screams and cries and wails that Lelouch can't die, she loves him and can't live without him. Everybody riots happily and chants ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO and I'm okay a little sad because Nunally's really upset. Suzaku's probabaly sad too. CC has better stuff to do.

NOW THE FUTURE! see uniquely through the montage with the end credits
OUGI GETS TO BE PRIME MINISTER? no. fuck that. Todou can be prime minister. Or minister of defense. Minister of whoop ass. What the hell, Ougi's hot but shit, I'm not voting for his ass. He's unkillable, and after Charles vi Brittania, I don't like that quality in a leader.

Oh, glad to see Tamaki took up Rivalz's job as the bartender in like a 1930's bar, what the hell is wrong with area 11.

WHERE THE FUCK WAS XING KE. HE WAS NOT IN THE WEDDING PHOTO. IM FLIPPING OUT. WHERE WAS HE?! Maybe he was at home taking care of the tiny chinese children from his tiny child bride. But she was in the photo. Shit. TODOU was in the photo.

Orange-kun is farming oranges. Oh. We were serious? I thought we were just kidding...

CC moves to Scotland. What a colossal waste of my time.

no, the dream team is donna and clive owen ("what.......")

2008-09-23T22:54:09Z

HOW AM I THE ONLY PERSON FLIPPING OUT ABOUT ANDO WITH POWERS. ANDO. WITH POWERS. dibs on Ando in neotopia (fyi, i dibbed [dub?] sylar like a bajillion years ago there too, hands off)

Look, if I was Hiro, I would not be all suspecting Ando of being evil and shit. I'd be buying Ando ice cream and being REALLY nice so he doesn't turn on me. Also, Hiro doesn't know people can be given powers, so why DIDN'T he just assume that was an impostor!Ando. Do you think Ando is hiding powers from you, cause I can tell you right now- he's not that smart.

Okay, so. I'm confused. I was under the impression Hiro COULD stop time. In which case speedy bardot has like no leg to stand on. Also, I could not care less about this chick. Her tits are small and my attention span is short. MAYBE SHE CAN KISS ANDO what. somebody's got to.

OH, Sylar was only a level 2? And these dudes are level 5? I think you didn't have established levels in season 1, cause you're really gonna have a tough time convincing me Magneto 2.0 is more badass than Sylar.

Molly is either in India, or hanging out with Monica and Micah. Ah alliterations.

scream. Nathan is like jesus jesus jesus, wait nm, linderman is my new god(!?)

I'm really glad when Mohinder's superpowers with superlibido kicked in, Matt wasn't around. But no, Matt's hanging out with human Rafiki. He's gonna show Matt future rock paintings and be like "That is in de past!" fjhgjkf Matt looks at his reflection in a pool of water......... YOUR FATHER LIVES IN YOU.

um. so. am I crazy or is "jesse" still Milo with a bald cap and a mustache? That or Colin Farrel. OH MY GOD. YEAH PETER. JUST GET IN THE CAR WITH THOSE MURDERERS. YEP. NO, DON'T BE LIKE "IT'S COOL, I'LL CATCH A RIDE" OR LIKE, PHONE SOMEBODY ELSE FOR HELP. NAH. JUST HOP ON IN! WATCH OUT FOR THE CHARRED REMAINS. ps that guy with fucking fire powers. its the same as Claire's mom except blue flames, which, as we all know from Avatar signifies insanity. I'm super glad none of the new villains are hot, that's a great addition tot he cast; uggos.

Oh, great idea Angela Petrelli. Elle's too much of a loose cannon to have on the staff, so just release her to the general public? I don't care how cute she is, she's at LEAST a level 2 imprisonment worthy!! I know she wasn't in your dream team lineup of the big baddies, but better safe than sorry, right mom?

That was too much going on.

@partypoopers WHATEVER THEN FORGET MY AWESOME JACK HARKNESS/CHUCK BASS FIC I WAS ALREADY WRITING

2008-09-13T17:10:07Z

(Selected twitter updates while I was reading to put this in perspective- )

Jaidas book is mad gay, guys

@gilderoy One just said "i sure love fucking women", so he will be kissing dudes within the next 100 pages

@gilderoy He has braided hair....

@snape cry i bet. The only difference between this book and fanfiction.net is the increased prose

STOP MOONING OVER EACH OTHER AND JUST FUCK what is wrong with Jaida

FUCK THEY ARE GOING TO A BALL ilu jaida

What am I even supposed to start with? I can't believe that there was no fucking in this book. I am just a simple girl with simple wants and needs in a book about robotic talking dragons. Like fjhs what.... I spend enough time gaying up legit media, this book should be as gay as it gets. I work like a damn dog everyday, making shit gay fjh LOOK YOU DON'T GO TO A BAKERY AND BUY A READYMADE CAKE SO YOU CAN GO HOME AND BAKE IT fjh still mad.

If you don't know, the book is divided between the perspectives of the four main characters, all dudes. No ladies to speak of, unless you count Balfour as one (i do). AND For all you skeptics, the four main dudes are four original guys, okay. They are not really marauder esq. You're just got like, naive country boy, embittered middle aged dude, simon tam-esq student guy, raucous jackass bully guy-- omg they are the marauders FUCK

Royston and Hal's 'oh no we mustn't-ing' got on my nerves fast. Like OH LOST IN THE RAIN OH YOU CAN'T GET IN TROUBLE OH IM A DIRTY OLD MAN and shit. then they get to the city and Roy's like "oh, let's not rush things." RUSH THINGS? YOUVE KNOWN HIM 6 MONTHS. THINGS COULD NOT GET ANY SLOWER THAN THEY ARE GOING RIGHT NOW fkjhkf at least when he's dying he's like what the shitttttt i should have HIT. THAT. Bang him like a screen door in a dragon atta oh good heavens how long have you been standing there hal??

Rook and Thom...... ROADTRIP. I hope us being bros doesn't get in the way of our relationship, bro. I CAN'T BELIEVE I MADE CHIRA DRAW INCEST. UNCLEAN. UNCLEAN. someone asked if two related people fuck in the woods and no one sees, is it still incest. I don't know, is that what the sequel about?? It would just FIGURE the dudes I want to kiss end up being secret family. Like if I wanted to see brother flirting with each other, I'd just watch anime.

DRAGONS CORPS or whatever the shit they're called. In my head they were Alpha Tau OmegaBlasters and if you knew anything about fraternities and their histories that would be a clue about secret bros........ nope, just me, okay. Was it really necessary for us to be introduced to like FOURTEEN FUCKING CHARACTERS with this thing?? Let me paint this picture for you;

me: am i going to need to remember the 14 dudes
jaida+dani: yes
me: no
jaida+dani: look, Thom made a mnemonic device to remember the names! we canonly acknowledge remembering 14 is hard!
me: YET YOU STILL DO IT are all 14 at least integral to the plot
jaida+dani:
me: !!!!!!!!
jaida+dani: 4.........maybe 5 are.......

And wouldn't you know it, that's just how many survive. Like, I love killing dudes as much as the next sociopath, but like. THE GIGGLER?? AND ACE!! AND RAPHAEL (helen and I walk about screaming in high pitched voices "My books! MY BOOKS!") Every once and a while I remember another one of the frat boys that died an get really fussy. the giggler, guys. What the fuck was his name anyway YOU KNOW I LOVE HIM, i can never stop laughing. IF I mix up any of the names, deal with it. Also I ship Adamo/Royston.........

On the serious side of a review, I felt like there was entirely too much exposition for how anticlimactic the resolution was. Like, wow, we can solve this problem the same way you solved a children's story? You know, that 'kill the spellcaster' shtick is effective when it's a short story. After 300 pages, I start to expect a more sophisticated employment of plot and original ideas. But nope, just solve the problem with something the Dragon Corps can help us with, even with their crazy dragons. (I did like the crazy dragons the the boys' and their too thick pride to complain about it even when it was a shared thing.) And I see, the problem was solve din a simple way, so it takes someone with the intellect of a city person, but the innocence and clear head of a country person OH THANK GOODNESS THAT'S YOU HAL. Luckily we can still have that action sequence. Much like with Jonathan Strange & Mr Norell you have to space out the climax to appropriately reflect how fucking long of a buildup you just wrote. so like.. 300 pages of buildup, 20 pages of actually solving the issue? Not even close to being satisfying. And a fucking truce? Negotiated by Mary Margrave? Are you for serious, what did he blow the Ke-han general? fjksdf The sequel better include more ass kicking. dragon divebombing, no thanks. Let's have you blow up more than a table, Roy. GOD OR CAIUS CAN MELT SOMEBODYS BRAIN. UNDERUSED BUT SPECTACULAR MINOR CHARACTER wait nm. I'm getting word that he's Draco Malfoy.

Did I like it? Do I like anything? If you need me I'll be at the kink meme. No I havent written anything kjhfsd okay, I havent even read it yet.

Now I have to write a paper on the Turkey/Cyprus conflict in reference to the Georgia/Russia conflict and all I can think about is how I shouldn't have ditched that Turkish boyfriend so early fjhs

and on an unrelated note, hey losers-- neotopia.

i want to go back to the episode where the gumdrop princess shot a bazooka

2008-09-03T05:12:15Z

lelouch: IM THE EMPEROR NOW
everyone: GEASSED
lelouch: that was easy, why didn't i do that 40 episodes ago?

Okay, first off, I love how last ep Schinezer was like "Oh, I'll be emperor now" and we all thought 'don't you have 87 more siblings to run that by? And Pop?' but apparently you can just decree it in Britannia and that's totally acceptable political protocol.

Let me break this episode down from the beginning; Lelouch, who is looking fine as hell in his cravat, is stuck in the eternal library of gibberish with his dad. Suzaku still thinks it's appropriate to fight with swords (this Japan had no Meiji Restoration? thesis in progress) and is dicking around the ruins with pink haired girl. CC is there too, and remarks that she and Suzaku are a lot alike. Not only in them being the two people whose dick Lelouch wants to suck, but also in that they want to die but are unable to. Sad. Suzaku is immortal? thesis in progress.

Meanwhile pink haired girl goes into the spirit world and is actually Marianne- ie, Lelouch and Nunally's mom- who never actually died but was just pretending all this time. Lelouch is about as pissed as the viewers are, especially when she admits to planting Nunally as a witness and giving her daughter those fucked up injuries for funsies. Or was that to protect her.... Neither Emperor or Mom seem to care too much and go on and on about creating a world where nobody lies.

Pros of a World Where Nobody Lies:

Code Geass

Cons of a World Where Nobody Lies:

Yet Lelouch decides to be contrary and GEASS THE GODS INTO REJECTING THIS PLAN. his mom and dad evaporate into data and Suzaku is like sure, this is fine, having apparently forgot again he's not supposed to be Lelouch's friend. CC is sitting on the ground pretending nothing is happening, which I sure as hell wished I could have done.

Next we cut to a month later where Lelouch appears in front of all his unimportant siblings and Geass them into accepting him as the new emperor. This is all in light of him admitting killing Pop Pop Brittania on live tv. Most teenage girls ignore this all for the moe factor of Suzaku defending Lelouch as his knight. OH DID I SAY SUZAKU? I MEANT SPINZAKU. Rivalz watches from the Student Council and thinks UH YOU'RE A PRINCE LULU?? A PRINCE COULD HAVE GOT US SUPER SWEET PROPS FOR THE CAT PARTY.

And all the while Cornelia and Schinezer are trying to figure out why they weren't invited to this meeting, while making chess metaphors for the impending power struggle.

I'm sorry? Did I miss something? Maybe the part where this wasn't completely ridiculous. Is this part of some great plan, because I feel like someone just got tired of drawing the emperor's powdered wig and beard and were like OKAY DEUX EX MACHINA.........HE CAN GEASS THE GODS. CAUSE BOTH HIS EYES ARE RED. so are mine okay, from crying in frustration.

If they make Tamaki go mad with grief like Nina did, I will flip out. "ZERO IS MY BEST BUDDY!!!!" I love this series' Tamaki so fucking hard okay. pussy party at tamaki's house.

In conclusion, this show is the biggest waste of my time since tactics. Luckily I had a bottle of champagne (for my date with Zero!!) Do you want to fight about it because I hate everything.

[ w/terrorcandy as mister iisack]
ISAAC MENDEZ: lkdfj god wouldn't that be the perfect way for the show to end
ISAAC MENDEZ: since you have all these people being like CODE GEASS IS A DEEP SHOW
ISAAC MENDEZ: DIFFERENT FROM EVERYTHING ELSE
ISAAC MENDEZ: IT WILL END WITH ONE OF THEM DEAD
ISAAC MENDEZ: THEY CAN NEVER BE FRIENDS
ISAAC MENDEZ: and then the ending is like
ISAAC MENDEZ: suzaku and lelouch cuddles
GABRIEL GRAY: jhfjkdsf
GABRIEL GRAY: under the sakura
GABRIEL GRAY: "japan is at peace, my friend........"
ISAAC MENDEZ: klsdfjk WHAT AN EXCELLENT ENDING
ISAAC MENDEZ: the sunrise team gives each other hi-fives
ISAAC MENDEZ: and goes to winter comiket

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