Dragon's Lair

LJ Blocked

2018-06-26T14:05:00Z

It seems like my brilliant government has now blocked LJ. Latest local news said they just blocked terrorist sites/contents, but then again they've been blocking LGBTQ/pornographic contents (and tbh I think they define fandom in general as being LGBTQ and/or pornographic contents). What I do know is I can open it just fine with VPN, but not without.

I know I'm rarely here nowadays (I just mostly lurk in some communities for a minute), but just in case anybody is wondering, that's what's going on. If anyone is still here and for some reason wants to know what I'm up to nowadays or talk to me or something, I have tumblr here.

Also my health has been sucking lately. I was so sick yesterday, I could barely stand and eat without shaking, and just now I have pretty bad case of vertigo. I still have headache tbh. Nothing big. I just need to whine a bit because my mom doesn't take me seriously though I've been seriously hardly functional lately.

It's Happening

2017-07-12T05:31:43Z

Photobucket is basically keeping the pictures I uploaded there hostage until I subscribe to them (for $500 a year? Really?). I guess their canvass sale didn't go well (because really? Really?). I thought about deleting this blog because most pictures I have on Photobucket are for this dead blog. But, since some of my old fics are only posted here, I decided against it. So, if at some point you encounter images hidden by photobucket on this blog, that's why and let's just all move on.

[Fanmix] Loyalty, Honor, and a Willing Heart

2016-10-31T12:15:30Z

Idk why it took me so long to make anything for these dwarves, but here's something.

Thorin - Knights Of Cydonia - Muse

Come ride with me
Through the veins of history
I'll show you how god
Falls asleep on the job

And how can we win
When fools can be kings
Don't waste your time
Or time will waste you

Fili - Babel – Mumford and Sons

'Cause I know that time has numbered my days
And I'll go along with everything you say
But I'll ride home laughing, look at me now
The walls of my town, they come crumbling down

…

Press my nose up, to the glass around your heart
I should've known I was weaker from the start,
You'll build your walls and I will play my bloody part
To tear, tear them down,
Well I'm gonna tear, tear them down

Kili - The Geese of Beverly Road - The National

Hey love, we'll get away with it
We'll run like we're awesome, totally genius
Hey love, we'll get away with it
We'll run like we're awesome

We're the heirs to the glimmering world

Balin - Old Man Song – KT Tunstall

Oh we are fighters in our prime
And as I look to your corner from mine
They say the chasm is black and so terribly wide
But I believe that's a trick of the eye

And there are mountains in your eyes
I suppose it should be no surprise
The war that you wage against smiling at your age
Is the only thing you said unwise

Dwalin - Warrior – Disturbed

I can't be told to compromise this
They'll never doubt the body lying at my feet
A most formidable reminder
They will speak my name for eternity
I have no need of any guidance
I am a weapon powerful beyond belief
Seen through the warrior’s eyes
I never need to question how to defeat you

Oin - Spit It Out - IAMX

And if you're hurting
I will replace the noise with silence instead
Flushing out your head

If you like it violent
We can play rough and tumble
Fall into bed
And I won't breathe so you can recover

Gloin - Dirty Blue Jeans – Jeremy Warmsley

All my friends are in debt
I was the only one with any money left
I left my house at midnight
I let the pale moon light my face
Rusty as a teaspoon and twice as useless

Dori - Poses – Rufus Wainwright

The yellow walls are lined with portraits
And I've got my new red fetching leather jacket
All these poses such beautiful poses
Makes any boy feel like picking up roses

There's never been such grave a matter
As comparing our new brand name black sunglasses
All these poses such beautiful poses
Makes any boy feel as pretty as princes

Nori - The Fallen – Franz Ferdinand

Some say you're trouble, boy
Just because you like to destroy
All the things that bring the idiots joy
Well, what's wrong with a little destruction?

And the Kunst won't talk to you
Because you kissed St Rollox Adieu
Because you robbed a supermarket or two
Well, who gives a damn about the prophets of Tesco?

Ori - Eden – Sara Bareilles

Let me paint a picture for you then I'll have to teach you to see it
Illustrate the remnants of the life I used to live here in Eden
Rolled a lucky pair of dice, ended up paradise
Landed on a snake's eyes, took a bite and ended up bleeding

Bifur - Talk - Coldplay

Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?
Well, I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me

Bofur - Liquid Lunch – Caro Emerald

Baby, pass the aspirin, something’s gotta work
I know I did it to myself but man oh man it hurts
That second last Martini, the one that went down real smooth
Set me on the bender with nothing left to lose

…

I think I’ve got the symptoms and none of them will leave
They think that it’s a party to laugh at all my grief
It must’ve been a doozy, I had two hundred dreams
At least I found my pillow ‘cause I can’t find my keys

Bombur - Pork And Beans – The Weezer

Imma do the things that I wanna do
I ain't got a thing to prove to you
I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans
Excuse my manners if I make a scene

8tracks || download

Long Vacation (that wasn't Long Enough!)

2016-03-20T14:50:51Z

WIthout furtherado, here are pics from my vacation with tacuma811 and paranoid_fridge!

First stop! Yogyakarta Palace, or keraton as we call them. Not many pictures because it's like what I have at home anyway :P

This is apparently where the Sultan lives. I guess he was out that day because he didn't come out to greet us XD

It was continued by unsuccessful attempt to drown me in the hotel pool. No picture obviously because they have to remove the evidence. Second day.

Mount Doom! That's the path for the lava when it erupts and it's huge.

Mini museum of the massive eruption a few years back. There's apparently a bigger one but anyway. It's called Museum Sisa Hartaku which literally means "what remains of my possessions". Lots of gruesome pictures and melted objects, as well as skeletons of cows. There's also a clock that stopped at the exact moment the mountain erupted. Fascinating but scary.

More Merapi. It's on top of a bunker where two people died while hiding from the eruption. We're allowed to enter the bunker, but no thanks. Lovely view, sad story.

Next! Borobudur! What is there to tell? It's a massive Buddhist ancient temple built by a Hindu king for his Buddhist wife. So if someone proposes to you, ask him to build a massive structure for you first.

Some statues and reliefs. There's supposed to be some stories there but I can't remember what. According to my mom, the lowest level is supposed to show evil and the top level shows enlightenment.

The top level. I couldn't find a spot without people :(

Nice view from the top. This king was good with location.

That night we went to Prambanan. This one's a Hindu temple. According to legend, it's built by a prince to win a princess. The princess wanted him to build 1000 statues in one day and it should be done before sunrise. Unfortunately, he managed to do that and the princess freaked out. So before he managed to finish the last statue, she tricked him into thinking that the sun had risen. He found out and understandably got angry, so he cursed her to turn into a statue. She's supposed to be the statue in the biggest temple. According to local myth, if you go there with your bf/gf, you will break up. No word of married couple, though :P

Anyway, Ramayana ballet!

I can't remember who these guys were supposed to be. Sita's suitors?

Rama, Sita, and the Golden Deer. Are we doing that Ramayana!AU, guys? Idk how to work that into my otp but it's an amusing idea XDD

Rama and Marica taking riding a man to a whole different level.

Hanoman: Calm down girls, Hanoman is here!

Girls: *screams internally*

Baddie dies! Actually no. In this version, he's immortal and was trapped between two mountains, Merapi and Merbabu. Merapi's eruptions are supposed to be him getting angry. I would be angry enough to erupt a mountain if I don't WiFi for millenniums.

Next day, we're off to Komodo!

First day didn't look so promising. Dark clouds (and I got a tiny bit seasick tbh). But the sky was brilliantly clear that night and there are more stars that I remember ever seeing in my life. Also those mysterious green lights in the water. Does kraken glow in the dark?

Our temporary home. Nice, huh?

The next day, after a difficult climb, we see the famous three-color beaches. From bottom left to right: Black beach, Pink beack, and White beach in Padar Island.

Pink and Black beaches. The pink one actually looks pink when you look really closely. From the distance it looks white.

White beach where we spent the night (on the boat, of course).

This is one of the hills at dawn.

And the same hill at 7-8, after the hike. How about that for before-after pictures?

Snorkeling at Pink beach! That blond hair seems familiar. I wonder who it was :P

Guess where we were! We came at around their nap time, I guess.

Oh, dear this one. There's actually a blind komodo next to it but it's under a house so you can't see it. When paranoidfridge and I tried to take picture with this one, that blind one kept moving 0__0 I need those pictures because I want to title them The Looks of Fear.

View from Frigate Hill. We saw a baby komodo there, too, wisely running away from its cannibalistic relatives.

Those two there were hissing at each other. I wanted to see a komodo fight but the smaller one backed away. So, no komodo wrestling for us that day.

This may be the biggest one. Our guide said there's one about 3 meters long. Photogenic bastard.

Waiting for sunrise in... somewhere. I had lost track of our location.

Fisherman boat.

The big red ball of the sky has finally risen!

RISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's our guide, wondering what he had done wrong in his life to deserve dealing with us XDD

And then we went to look for Manta Rays. Saw some but no picture (those bastards are fast). There was also a turtle. There's more snorkeling in Robinson Crusoe island. Sadly no picture. After that one, though, my left eye got irritated. Contact lens and seawater don't mix. So I sat the next snorkeling session out :(

But here's the very lovely view on Kanawa Island! We saw someone complain about being bitter by a fish. So here's a lesson for you: DO NOT FEED THE FISHIES. I REPEAT. DO NOT FEED THE FISHIES. Unless you want to turn snorkeling into Jaws reenactment. There's an island with very pretty corals and fishes but, yeah, bitey fishies.

From the dock when we're about to return to civilization. You can stay in small cottages there btw. No WiFi, though :P

Hotel pool because it's lovely. It's connected to the beach and, best of all, has WiFi!

Obligatory poolside picture featuring legs.

Anyway. Next day we went to Bali. I can't really remember what we did on that first day. Eating mostly, I guess. On the second day some people committed cultural appropriation. Me and mom tried to go somewhere but there was a ceremony because it's days away from Hindu holiday so we're stuck in traffic and decided to went home. Actual mother-daughter adventuring happened on the last day.

First stop: Taman Ujung Water Palace. Here's the entrance. It needs pruning but anyway.

I LOVE THIS PLACE. Seriously, I just love it. This particular building is pretty Western but still lovely. It's relatively new, built in 1901 by a king, destroyed several times by earthquake and fires but here it is now!

I'm pretty proud of myself for this shot. We arrived early before anyone got there so I could kneel in peace. That's my mom there.

The bridge. I think that's a dragon.

Gazebo. We'll get there in a minute.

I'm not entirely sure what the ruins are. But it's interesting.

The other bridge. There were swans on the left side if you'd squint.

This reminds me to some illustration I can't remember. Hmmm.

View from the gazebo. We were facing the sun, so I couldn't get any good shot.

Later, this Indiana Jones investigated the ruins to find valuable artifact or kidnapped prince.

Instead, she found a garden.

Nice from from there, though. The horizon? It's the sea. We're seriously meters away from a beach. While on the other side.

Unknown mountains. There's no name in the map so I hereby name it Unknown Mountain.

Relief of Wisnu riding Garuda (Hindu version of Phoenix, basically. Just minus the fire)

This garden was built with Middle Earth in mind. There's barely any railing!

More of this lovely building. Someone please get married there and invite me!

This is the other building. It's more simple and traditional but so damn hard to take picture of because there are so many trees around the pool!

More of the mysterious ruins.

Look at this beautiful thing! What's that, you don't think it's beautiful? Well, neither do I, but mom wants me to take a picture of it just because. So I had to slither around on my back to get a shot of it.

Candi Dasa Beach. Nothing interesting. Moving on.

Fountain in Gua Lawah Temple. Gua = Cave. Lawah/Lawa = Bat. You will see why in a moment.

Doors. Here are some close ups.

Bat statue. Not sure if it's gold. I will just assume it is XD

I love the doors!

Some structures (mini temples?)

And here's the titular cave. Why is it called Gua Lawah? Well.

BECAUSE FUCKING BATS. Holy shit, the smell of it!

Apparently we take our bat caves seriously. Batman should move here!

Getting away from the horrible smell of guano. I don't know how anyone can pray there. Anyway, this one building is pretty, though.

Our next destination was Kertha Gosa but there was a ceremony nearby so we had to go round and round to look for a way to get close to it. Here's a random statue where the ceremony was held.

I think Kertha Gosa used to be a palace. This part was a pavilion and it's got awesome paintings.

Ceiling painting in the pavilion. It's the story of Sutasoma who I really need to google. He seems very popular in Bali because I keep finding paintings of his story.

Sword swallowing? Psh. How about human swallowing?

Pictures at the bottom are Balinese calendar and above it (below Sutasoma paintings) are paintings of daily life in ancient Bali. Ok, I was tired, hot, and my neck hurt from looking at these paintings, so don't judge the out of focus pictures, ok?

The awesome thing about going here was we met two painters and had a bit of discussion about the differences between Balinese and Javanese cultures and myths. Obviously, they're very similar (even our letters are basically the same!) with slight variations, sometimes just in pronunciation. There's also apparently a ceremony which is split between Balinese whose ancestors came from Java and Balinese who actually came from Bali. These painters' ancestors were from Java. Anyway, that above is Balinese zodiac. So, I asked what mine is (same system, different names). My birthday was Setu Legi in Javanese or Setu Manis in Balinese. So what's my zodiac?

Flying demon head. Of fucking course.

The painters asked whether I get angry easily, to which my mom immediately agreed. Apparently in any version of local zodiacs, I'm a difficult person to deal with.

But anyway, the colored inks are interesting. Red ink is made of some kind of stone, blue from some sort of cactus flower which has now gone extinct so they're using Chinese product, green from some kind of plant, and white (yellow) from bones. They use a special glue to stick the ink to papers/cloths.

More ceiling painting from another building in Kertha Gosa.

We're not sure but we think it's the story of Bima, probably when he and his brothers and mom went to Dandaka Forest in their exile where he later met his wife (who he promptly abandoned once she gave birth to a son but let's not discuss it here. It's a damn long story). We're just tourists, though, so don't listen to us.

Final destination! Butterfly park! Not much to say here, so here are pics of butterflies:

lol my mom thought the second one looked sickly. I'm pretty sure it's meant to look that way.

The only story worth telling is of this poor guy here. It took these Atlas butterflies (or Baron butterflies as they call it here) two months to turn from catterpillar into a butterfly and once they're butterflies, they only had 5 days to live because they have no mouth so they will die of starvation. There's a moral lesson there somewhere. Not having a mouth is a terrible fate?

And finally, we went to Surabaya to see the solar eclipse!

It's not actually red. I used old photo films to filter the glare. The result is pretty dramatic.

So. That's my vacation. Who's coming here next? XP

Weddings!

2015-09-22T05:19:03Z

Because I've been busy going to weddings the past two weeks, here are the pics!

Traditional male outfit (not the groom). The women didn't wear traditional dress (theirs were kinda modern) so I didn't take any picture.

Yep. He carried a weapon. Keris! Not sure whether this was functional or not but there you go.

Soldier. Not sure why he's there. People add random things to their weddings nowadays. Yes. He carried a sword. A real one.

Couple + groom's parents. Fathers of groom and bride have fabrics wrapped around their waists to show that they're the couple's fathers.

Not sure what they're called but they're the essentials for traditional wedding (called Panggih). Bride and groom throw some kind of leaves at each other, bride washes groom's feet, they break egg (seen in the center of the plate), and they're married!

The bride. Check out the headdress!

Back view of the headdress. Jasmine everywhere! Also note the groom's Keris decorated with jasmine.

Random antique decorations at the wedding.

Second wedding is my bff's wedding.

Some say we're like twins. Except that I'm the prettier, slimmer, and taller one. LoL jk. Anyway this is a slightly different tradition. Her makeup and headdress are simpler.

Back view. There's an option to cover the whole thing with jasmine but she only wanted a little bit. She called it Kamen Rider style!

Live traditional music performance! Usually expensive because you gotta rent the instruments as well but she got discount because they're her cousin's friends or something.

The bride's father. Note the lack of cloth wrapped around his waist compared with the first wedding. In this tradition, the fathers wear gold pocketwatches but because those are crazy expensive, they're just wearing golden trinkets (you can see the chain there).

This is the look during the reception. Groom was wearing traditional clothes. Bride's headdress was a lot more complex with more flowers. The girls are called patah and they're there to be manual fans :P

Due to complexity of work (as well as working for 2 days) and because traditionally makeup artists are wedding organizers who tell people what to do for the wedding ritual or whatever, they're expensive as hell. In this case, she usually charges +US$1100.

If I ever get married, I will elope because hell no I don't wanna deal with those.

Update on Chrome Situation

2015-09-05T23:24:05Z

It still sucks.In fact, it got worse because now every time I open chrome and open a new tab there, it will automatically try to download an f.txt file. I've done my usual malware and junkware scan but this one proves to be stubborn. Any advice?

And about Chrome not being cooperative, could it be the flash (which I've been told there's nothing to do about)? Or something else? tacuma811 said she had this problem for months and it disappeared after she upgraded to Windows 10 but I don't want to upgrade. I also noticed that after every Windows Explorer crash, Chrome started working properly again. I can't figure out what triggers these crashes. Sometimes it happens when I try to open a program but other times it just sort of happens for no clear reason. Never mind this, it doesn't always work. Sometimes the error stays. Anyway, now chrome mostly displays blank pages though if I let it sit long enough it'll auto refresh and show codes again or it'll make chrome crash. Error notifications are now rare.

Also I tried to use Safari the other day. It worked well until I closed the window and couldn't reopen it. I've clicked the icon, restart, do anything I can think of to open the program, but it wouldn't budge. Any suggestion for alternative to Chrome?

So, basically, help? I don't want to send my laptop away to be repaired because I have all my work docs and fics there.

Help Me, Computer Wizards!

2015-09-03T11:48:01Z

Yesterday my chrome stopped working. Facebook, twitter, a game site I often visit, yahoo mail, gmail, google, and youtube wouldn't open. Strangely, Ao3 and buzzfeed were doing ok, and so did Firefox (with the exception of mail yahoo). I tried everything I could think of: cleaning registry, clearing up cache, clearing up flash, reinstalling, restarting laptop, restaring connection, scanning for spybot, turning off anti virus, and human sacrifice. I also googled the solution but it seemed to me most of them are for web developers (if it's not, I understand absolutely nothing about what people said). Chrome crashed a few times. It randomly started working again but if I closed the window, it would act up again.

When I tried again this morning the problem seemed to have been resolved. I could use chrome just fine, closing the window didn't cause chrome apocalypse. I turned off my laptop for a couple of hours to nap and when I came back, chrome went mad again. This happened at roughly the same time as yesterday 5.30 pm local time (+7 GMT)

Here are some pic selection (click for bigger pics):

When I tried to open a gaming site, it just showed many lines of ffffffe. Yesterday ERR_CONTENT_DECODING_FAILED also appeared and today it was ERR_INVALID_CHUNKED_ENCODING. Chrome is currently working again but I don't dare to close the window. Any suggestion? DIagnosis? Help! I'm a noob and I actually need to work with internet!

Gossip? Rant? Something in between

2015-04-07T00:19:45Z

I heard news from Hobbitcon that the drama queen I tried to avoid was behaving well during dinner with my friends. One of them claimed she's changed her ways and the fight was probably because of language problem, but I'm not convinced. I can excuse rudeness as language problem. I probably sound really rude sometimes because I misunderstand how to use some words. BUT selfishness and childishness have nothing to do with language. I mean, seriously, how could language explain her throwing a tantrum whenever people didn't pay attention to her immediately? Or guilt tripping people for not giving her birthday presents? Or her obsession with a fight she clearly had no intention of ending? It certainly didn't help to convince me when 2 weeks before this she's being impossible when asked about Hobbitcon. Nope. I think it's just a public persona because she can't hide behind computer and phone screens anymore. Besides, I've seen this 'improvement' before. It's gone days after she got our attention back.

Yeah, I have trust issues, am a skeptic bitch, resent and remember, etc. etc. but I'm done with drama queens.

Blessing in Disguise

2015-03-27T03:27:45Z

I've been moaning and whining about not being allowed to go to Hobbitcon though I totally have enough money to go, but apparently it's a blessing in disguise because the person who tried to guilt trip me for not getting her any birthday present will also be there. I just got the news this morning from two other friends who had to deal with her. They're invited to dinner with someone on tumblr and agreed. It's only after that that they realized the drama queen will also go to the dinner. One of my friends tried to talk to the drama queen but she was being rude (the friend also asked about Hobbitcon a few days ago and only got symbols/emoticons as a reply, so she didn't ask more). Now my friends are worried that the dinner will end up as a bitch fest and they'e trying to get out of it.

So, I guess not being able to go to Hobbitcon isn't such a bad thing, after all. I don't have to deal with crazy!

PS: I wish I don't have to call her crazy but she's hard to talk to (as in, there's some kind of disconnect between people and her, and not just because of language barrier), rude, and is sometimes really weird, like insisting that she's now her twin brother and should be called Ian (don't ask). I'm not sure whether she's trying too hard to be cute and quirky or is genuinely unhinged.

Theory? Discussion? Something about those dead Durins that broke my heart

2015-03-05T05:50:04Z

This probably should go to tumblr but making long posts there broke my eyes and flash ~~and I'm a bit scared of having opinions there~~. Anyway, I saw something today about Thorin being a private citizen and Fili and Kili not being raised as princes ("We grew up on tales of the Mountain...") and how that affected the quest (only 13 dwarves instead of an entire army) and the boys' characterizations (people not taking them seriously). I have a different opinion about that.

Disclaimer: I haven't read Silmarillion (it's not published here and I'm still saving money for other things) and the appendices. So this is mostly from what I've read in the hobbit and things I heard on tumblr. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

I've always wondered why Thorin only brought 12 dwarves with him instead of an entire arrmy. He had seen the damage Smaug had done. The dragon had demolished AN ENTIRE KINGDOM. Thorin should know better than to think that 13 dwarves is enough to do the job. There's optimism but that was stupidity. Now, the private citizen idea could explain why there were only 13 dwarves. People weren't interested in the quest and Thorin didn't have any power to force them. But. I think Thorin wasn't just a private citizen.

We don't see it in the films but there was Thorin's Hall. I can't imagine a private citizen, no matter how rich, just claim a mountain as his home. So Thorin must have pretty strong influence and power to be able to do that. Also he must have the resources to carve the mountain to make a suitable home. I doubt that he could afford to pay workers to do all of that. I'm thinking that people volunteered to build it for him and his family because they're royalty. Also we have seen and read about Thorin's father and grandfather leading the battle of Azalnubizar so I don't think that they're treated as commoners.

So why just 13 dwarfs? I think there are several things to consider here. First, there's no mention of the company's occupations in the book. For all we know, they could all be Thorin's best warriors. The toymaker, miner, cook, etc. were something PJ added to make distinctions between the dwarves but they're not actually in the book. I think Thorin selected those 12 because, with the exception of Fili and Kili, they're experienced and skillful warriors. Second, there's Gandalf. In the book, the dwarves begged him to stay. I think it's clear that they thought of him as a very important part of the journey. I think in AUJ Kili voiced the dwarves' thought in the book (whether deliberately or not on the screenwriters' side, I'm not sure). They're confident about the quest because they had a wizard with them. Meanwhile, Gandalf in the book apparently never planned to go with them all the way to the Lonely Mountain but neglected to mention this. So, Thorin, thinking that they had a powerful wizard to help them kill a dragon, just brought 12 of his best warriors. It's not a stupid move, he just had blind faith in Gandalf and was simply fooled (or maybe he ignored it when Gandalf told him this). I think this works with Thorin's characterization in the book which was far less heroic and cool than Armitage's portrayal.

So how did this affect the Durins? Well, first of all, Thorin was considered a king still, but a king in exile. He still had his status because these things don't just go away. Middle Earth doesn't strike me as something like our world. I can't imagine an uprising where people demand democracy to replace old royal families (although it would be interesting to see the Durin's facing the equivalent of French Revolution!). The Durins started out poor after leaving Erebor, but they're still very well respected in their community. Maybe other races weren't aware of this, but among their own people they're still considered kings and princes. Once they established Ered Luin, they finally had things to prove their status. It's no longer just words or understanding among dwarves, but something to distinguish them that even other races could see clearly.

Fili and Kili were raised as princes. But, they're still princes in exile. The power that Erebor once had had declined with Smaug's attack and them moving to Ered Luin probably had some political, economic and social impacts as well. Their political position in Middle Earth wasn't as strong as before. They're still respected for their history, but things had changed. Fili, though he's the heir and was more responsible than Kili, probably had different roles than when Thorin was in Erebor. Thorin had been groomed to be a king of this great kingdom with huge territory, a mountain full of gold, great influence in Middle Earth, etc. Fili had been raised with just a fraction of that. He still had his duties and expectations but I think it's not as much as what Thorin had had. He's probably raised to realize the dream of restoring their family's former glory but didn't grew up in that glory (and privileges and obligations) himself. Kili had even less expectations than that and was thus more relaxed in life. Their carefree attitude wasn't due to living as private citizens, but due to living in less power and wealth as Thorin and Dis had had. In my opinion, the line "We grew up on tales of the Mountain..." doesn't mean that they're raised as private citizens. I think it means that they're raised only hearing about the glory of Erebor but never experiencing it themselves. It's more than just the Lonely Mountain that they're talking about, but also the affluence and political power that they didn't have in Ered Luin but everyone kept telling them about.

For illustration, there used to be one huge empire in Indonesia. When we're occupied by the Dutch, this empire was split into 4 smaller kingdoms. Two of these kingdoms were located in my hometown while the other two are in a nearby province. They had palaces, rituals, parades, servants, and everything. However, the kingdoms in my hometown have no political power. They're just cultural symbols and tourist attractions, though they still have some loyal followers who work for them for very small pay at just around $1 per week (or is it month? I can't remember). The wage isn't an issue. They do that out of loyalty to the kings. Meanwhile, the other two kingdoms in another province have some political influence. The kings were governors and vice governors of that province, at least until a couple of years ago when they decided that people should vote to elect their governors and vice governors, and that decision was met with huge protest from their people. Their people love them and their decisions and policies are/were taken seriously in their region. They're seen as great and just leaders in the province they lead.

I think that's pretty much the story of the Durins. They started out as a huge dwarf nation/empire then were forced to leave Erebor. They started out like the kingdoms in my hometown, respected but had no political power whatsoever except among their loyal followers. But once they had Ered Luin, they're like the kingdom in the other province, they were royalties again, except that their power was only a fraction of what they once had (in Indonesia, from an empire ruling an entire country to two kingdoms ruling a small province).

So, what I'm trying to say is that Thorin, Fili and Kili were royalties and were viewed, raised and treated as such. They similarly dreamed of regaining their former glory, but while Thorin knew exactly what they should regain, Fili and Kili only heard stories about it. They probably thought that what they had in Ered Luin was already very good because that's all they ever knew in their lives, but Thorin knew they could be more. They HAD been more. The quest wasn't a desperate bid to realize that dream and the company wasn't selected randomly or as a last resort thing. It's planned quite well (or at least that might be the case in the book. I think in this case the book could explain the mystery of the small company better than the films). Unfortunately they made the mistake of relying too much on Gandalf and paid that dearly with their lives.

demonessryu @ 2015-02-20T21:59:00

2015-02-20T14:59:49Z

Top Gear fanmix to celebrate the new season and to procrastinate. It's a joke btw. Song selection isn't serious.

Top Gear: I’m in Love with My Car - Queen // This Boy - Franz Ferdinand

Jeremy Clarkson: Our Velocity - Maximo Park // Loser - Beck

James May: Get What It’s About - Jon Brion // Stuck - Caro Emerald

Richard Hammond: A Dustland Fairytale - The Killers // Mouthwash - Kate Nash

The Stig: Secret - The Pierces // Don’t Let the Truth Get in the Way (of a Good Story) - Gaelic Storm

Download here

I’m in Love with My Car - Queen

The machine of a dream, such a clean machine
With the pistons a pumpin’, and the hubcaps all gleam
When I’m holding your wheel
All I hear is your gear
When my hand’s on your grease gun
Oh it’s like a disease son
I’m in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile
Get a grip on my boy racer rollbar
Such a thrill when your radials squeal

This Boy - Franz Ferdinand

I want a car
I want a car (yeah)
I want a car
I want a car (aha)
I want a car
I want a car (yeah)
I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want

Our Velocity - Maximo Park

Beneath the concrete there’s a sound
A muffled cry below the ground
There is a poison in the air
A mix of chemicals and fear
My words are just hunches
I’m not sure what they mean
You’re asking for commitment when I’m somewhere in between

Never, never try to gauge temperature when you tend to travel at such speed
It’s our velocity

Loser - Beck

In the time of chimpanzees
I was a monkey
Butane in my veins
So I’m out to cut the junkie
With the plastic eyeballs,
Spray-paint the vegetables
Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose
Kill the headlights
And put it in neutral
Stock car flaming’ with a loser
And the cruise control

Get What It’s About - Jon Brion

I may be slower than some folks
But I always make my way
I move forward with my hopes
And I sometimes save the day

Stuck - Caro Emerald

Instead I’m on the Avenue where nobody goes
With fields of green that wilted like a last summer rose
Some people call it paradise, but I call it pain
Baby take me anywhere, but not here again

Why am I sitting in the middle of nowhere
Standing here with nothing to do
Wondering if I really love you, oh oh
I guess that I do

A Dustland Fairytale - The Killers

The Dustland Fairytale beginning
With just another white trash county kiss in ‘61.
Long brown hair, and foolish eyes.
He’d look just like you’d want him to
Some kind of slick chrome American prince.

Mouthwash - Kate Nash

And I use mouthwash
Sometimes I floss
I got a family
And I drink cups of tea

Secret - The Pierces

Got a secret
Can you keep it?
Swear this one you’ll save
Better lock it in your pocket
Taking this one to the grave
If I show you then I know you won’t tell what I said
'Cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead

Don’t Let the Truth Get in the Way (of a Good Story) - Gaelic Storm

Don’t let the truth get in the way of a good story
No harm, no foul, no crime
Don’t let the truth get in the way of a good story
It’ll get them every time

Not Rant, Just... Baffled

2015-02-12T05:35:51Z

Posting here because the person in question is on tumblr and I just need to, uh, share my bewilderment.

Background: There's this person in Hobbit fandom, same ship as me (let's not name her because the ship is tiny) who is an attention seeker. It was fine at the beginning when I first got to know her but then she got into a fight with some popular people in the fandom and things went downhill from there. She claimed that these people and their followers harass her, so me and some other people support her. But then this fight was all she talked about, even when there's nothing going on, she complained about these people. For example, when BotFA came out and the rest of us were excited about the red carpet, she tried to drag us down because she's thinking about her enemies and was upset about it (we didn't care but she kept trying all night). After a while, me and many others got tired. Last Christmas she said she's sad but because it's Christmas, we couldn't reply quickly enough for her taste because we're busy. She sulked and left our whatsapp group then sent message to me to not look for her. When no one came looking for her (ha!), she asked to return to the group. A few days later, she claimed to be harassed again and wanted to delete her blog. I told her to do that if she thought it's for the best. Unsurprisingly she changed her mind. I gave her a few suggestions to solve her problems but she refused them all so I left her to her own devices after telling her that people are tired of having to support her 24/7 for a problem she didn't want to solve.

I'm actually not angry at her. I just don't have much patience left for her because it's becoming more and more apparent that she's using her fight to gain sympathy and popularity. When that fails, she tries to make people feel bad for not supporting her.

Anyway. Yesterday she sent me a pic of her birthday cake. I just replied with 'cake!' because what else should I say. Then last night, she sort of accused me of forgetting her birthday. I said I did remember and in fact sent her birthday greeting on facebook. She apologized and offered to make me something for my birthday because she didn't win anything this year. I asked her what she meant by that. She said she meant she didn't get any gift this year.

SHE'S TRYING TO GUILT TRIP ME FOR NOT GIVING HER ANY BIRTHDAY PRESENT

I'm just... WTF. Did she really just do that? It's not working but I'm sort of amazed that someone, and an adult at that, actually did that. Anyway I didn't reply and pretended to sleep (I actually was sleeping because I didn't know how to reply and I was so tired from only have 3-4 hours of sleep for the past few days). She said good night, then a few minutes later (she really doesn't understand the concept of people not being available to entertain her) she said her bf wants to add me on whatsapp and just WTF is going on. He already added me on skype so he could ask me to take care of her but I don't use skype much because it keeps delaying messages. Now he wants to add me on whatsapp for what I suspect is the same reason?

I'm trying to find a way to say no. I'm tired of dealing with her. It's one thing to give support when someone is in trouble, but it's another thing to be expected to give support when someone is in trouble and has no intention of solving it.

Tinhatting RPF

2015-02-01T12:19:55Z

Yesterday I read something on the internet which mentioned RichLee (Richard Armitage/Lee Pace) tinhatters. I thought that it's way too harsh to call these people tinhatters. While I'm not into that myself (RPF is weird to me, though I'm not opposed to reading just for porn), I thought it's just a bunch of overexcited fans who project their fantasies on random people. Hobbit fandom and Armitage Army are generally very tame and nice, so I found it hard to believe that there are people like that there. But then I read the comments and, well.

Some people claimed that they're totally together because they spend a lot of time together and supposedly give each other lovey dovey eyes, which is ok. I personally don't see it that way but shipping is like that. I see Thorin and Kili together, others see Bagginshield and FiliKili, so *shrugs*. But then, when some people pointed out that Richard and Lee stay away from each other in events and refuse to answer questions about each other, these fans said that it totally prove that they're together because why else would two people keep a certain distance from each other and not talk much about each other unless they're really together?? Uh, idk. Maybe they don't confirm because they're not together? Just a thought.

This is really like an argument with conspiracy theorist, isn't it? These fans have made up their mind about something, regardless of whether it has evidence or not. There's no point in arguing with them because they basically reply to every point you make against them with "it's totally real and you're an idiot for not believing it!", which isn't a good counterargument at all - it's essentially a child stomping her foot to get what she wants. I guess it's not really incorrect to call these fans tinhatters, after all.

I'm not saying that RichLee is real or not real. I obviously don't know for sure, though my opinion is leaning toward no. But it's just an opinion. I just want to say that, really these fans *shakes head*.

Hobbit art

2015-01-25T08:09:59Z

Hobbit/Tolkien art (sort of)

Lonely Mountain aka. I tried to draw something but it didn’t work out well so I hid it by drawing something else! Image of Lonely Mountain was found on google.

And... hobbit hole. Yeah, it's terrible, let's move on.

Seriously if someone knows how to properly (and consistently) draw a human, transfer your knowledge to me. Though maybe part of my problem is I can't draw adn write straight. The papers/books/whatever are always at 45 degrees. I can't tell whether something is straight and of equal length or not :(

BotFA Talk

2014-12-19T04:56:45Z

No one reads LJ anymore but I'll cut it just in case

My knee-jerk reaction was "THAT'S IT??". Because wtf those are some of the most undramatic deaths ever.

But after some time and some discussion with friends, I understand that PJ is attempting to portray realistic deaths during war-not everyone dies in a blaze of glory-and I can respect that.

BUT

Two things: First, it's a fantasy film. I never expect things to be realistic. And coupled with Legolas's gravity defying stunts, the deaths just seem ridiculous. Second, and to me this is the biggest offense, no one seems to care about the dead. Fine, I understand that they couldn't immediately mourn for the dead seeing as there are armies coming their way, but not even afterward? We have Tauriel mourning for Kili (briefly) then Thorin and Bilbo and then a quick look of the company finding Thorin and that's it (Also, I'm not a fan of Fili and even I feel terrible for him because no one remembered him). We don't get to see their individual reactions to the deaths, how it impacts the Iron Hill dwarfs, politics, etc. (And can I just say that I am most disappointed by the fact that Thorin forgot his nephew. I wish he had mentioned them during his dying speech). Worst of all, we don't see the effects of war. You can't go from trying to be realistic with undramatic deaths during war then promptly ignores the aftermath of said war. I want to see relief, mourning, frustration, healing, etc. Instead, we see Bilbo immediately (or so it seems in the film) go home. Seriously, it looks like they forgot that there had been a war at all!

IMO PJ should've chosen between dramatic deaths, realistic or otherwise, and realistic and gritty portrayal of war instead of this half-hearted attempt. It's quite unsatisfying.

Also death-related: Smaug's death within the first 5-10 minutes of the film. We spent an entire movie last year with Smaug as the big bad final boss and in this film he just dropped dead. WTF.

I really wish PJ had made the film longer, spent more time with the characters. I look forward to the EE version. I heard there's a funeral scene they cut and I need to watch it! Also, Richard Armitage is amazing as the mad king and Martin Freeman's acting when crying over Thorin just hit me right in the feels, man. Dain is awesome (and should totally get it on with Thranduil) and, man, I love Galadriel although she briefly reminded me to that girl in the Ring *shudders*. For a moment I was like, wait, who watch the cursed video in Middle Earth? They have VCR?

So, overall, not a perfect film; Return of the King remains superior. But, if you don't think about it too much, compare it with other films or reality, it's very enjoyable.

demonessryu @ 2014-10-30T11:32:00

2014-10-30T04:32:57Z

I guess my dad's death has affected me more than I care to admit. I'm getting more and more irritable and my anxiety level often spikes randomly and I get more bouts of depression than ever before. Last year, I got like this maybe once every few months but now it's a near constant state.

I guess you can say the cause is quite shallow; I'm worried about my financial stability. Not that things are bad here or any worse than before. It's business as usual. But I'm constantly fearing that I won't earn enough and won't survive and what will happen when my mom passes away, too? I do my best at work but I'm afraid it's not enough. I want to make extra money but idk how. I thought about taking writing commissions but I doubt people will care because why pay for fanfic when you can get it for free, right?

*sighs* I don't know. Today I feel like I just want to give up on everything.

About Fili

2014-10-14T11:33:48Z

Keeping this hidden on LJ because voicing non-positive fandom opinion on tumblr is like social suicide and also because there's someone on my dash who lashed out at someone because of this. Ok, here it goes.

I don't care much about Fili. I don't hate him but I don't like him, either. Why? Because both PJ and Tolkien don't tell us much about him. I don't need to explain Tolkien, he doesn't describe the company aside from Thorin and Balin, but PJ is only slightly better in this case. Fili doesn't get much screen time and character development and that is the undisputable truth. It's like 'oh look, he's the heir so he's prepared for responsibilities now let's get back to Thorin's angsting'. I don't know enough about him to like him or hate him and that is the saddest thing that could happen to a character, esp. one who should be as important as he. Honestly, and this is just my opinion here, when I see people praising Fili on my dash, I feel that it's mostly headcannon. There's nothing wrong with headcannon but it's a subjective thing. It's not actually in the films so you shouldn't expect others to share your headcannon automatically. I agree that he's underappreciated but it's hard to find any explicit reason to appreciate him because the author and filmmaker don't seem to be interested in exploring his character and making me like him.

So, yeah. I've been thinking about this for a long while but kept it to myself because that aforementioned person on tumblr who shall remain nameless often goes 'how dare you not like Fili!!'. I don't feel like going into an argument of how I'm entitled to like/dislike/don't care about any character *eyerolls*

(and don't even get me started on Frerin and Dis. They could be Sauron's evil twins for all we know. They're 99% fanon.)

Blue Autumn

2014-10-06T13:05:59Z

I had some kind of a day off so I decided to paint!

That's the result of an accident with Prussian Blue watercolor. I was looking for dark brown and randomly grabbed the darkest shade. Turned out it's this color so I had to find something blue. It's... ok?

This is the art I was going for when I mistakenly picked up the blue watercolor. Everyone's talking about Halloween right now so I have to do this! I gotta say it looks better in person, though. the red leaves are more vivid in color in reality but idk how to adjust the image to show that.

Ha! Another victim of accidental blue! Anyway this ends up being surprisingly nice. I didn't sketch beforehand and the size of the petals was all over the map. I had to paint over the wrong lines a few times to cover it but it ends up pretty good.

And since I still had some of that blue, I decided to try my hand on night drawing. Originally there's no leaf on that tree and you can see clouds and moon behind it. You kinda have to squint to see that now.

Malang

2014-09-28T15:19:11Z

Last week I went to another city to attend a relative's wedding. The wedding was kinda meh, but some places in the region are awesome. Here are some pics.

Let's get the scary out of the way.

That's me and mom behind me. And, uh... yeah.

Moving on.

In Malang (that's the city name), we went to a hotel/restaurant called Tugu. We didn't stay there though (because it's effing expensive!!). There's also another hotel right beside it called Splendid or something which still has colonial design like iron beds and stuff (and supposedly haunted). Rich people, go there and report to me!

Entry to the restaurant. That's traditional Javanese door called Gebyok, but obviously the alcohol isn't traditional :P

This is written in old Indonesian spelling with the accent of Chinese people who live in Semarang. Yes, it's that specific and confusing. Rough translation:

Amazing news!
Ladies and gentlemen, please try this "Babah Koffie"
produced by this "onderneming" (not sure what it is. Is it Dutch? A name?)
It will definitely make your heart happy.
Our coffee specializes in making people forget themselves (literal translation is 'drive people crazy')
Sorrowful heart will disappear like leaves blown away by mountain wind.

Jars

Ancient cash register and barrel of wine (but without dwarves, sadly)

Alcohol

No idea what these are. A bit sad there's no Arab influence in that restaurant except for that.

The restaurant also sells gold jewelries!

Dining area. I just wanna show those white things above? They're fans. You can't actually feel anything (I sat right under it. Nope. Not even a breeze) but at least they move the air.

Our coat of arms, ancient statues (hopefully fake), pictures of our first president (and his wife, I assume)

Now for the Chinese influence

This woman was Oei Hui Lan. She was the daughter of the richest man in South East Asia (and Indonesia). There's a book written about her life but I haven't read it.

These are potehi puppets, Chinese puppets.

I would love to get married in front of that background. I love red!

Now for Hindu influence

Mini place of worship (for Vishnu? Not sure tbh)

Vishnu riding Garuda.

Then food!!! There's still a lot to explore but food was there so

Mine! Mie goreng bang samin (trans: Bang Samin's fried noodle) + dawet (the drink)

Rawon. The rice was wrapped by banana leaf.

Huzarensla (is it the correct spelling, tacuma811?)

Mie kocok (trans: shaken ~~not stirred~~ noodles)

Here's the cafe/snack store nearby (part of the restaurant/hotel)

Bier = beer? Tacuma, enlighten me? :D

Snack. These are rice cakes filled with ground green beans. We call it bulusan. Bulus means turtle because it kinda looks like a turtle.

After the wedding, we went to Tiban mosque. Tiban means uh.... accidentally falls onto something. Accidental being the keyword. If it's deliberate there's another word for it.

Anyway. This mosque was constructed because the head of this religious school had dreams about building mosques. So he instructed his students to build one based on the dreams he had. The thing was, the dreams were random and didn't go along with each other (as you will see). So they build random sections on the mosque and leave once the instruction from the dreams are finished so the mosque is forever work in progress (esp. because original guy who got the dream is now dead). I didn't take many pics of it because I honestly don't like it much. It's too all over the place (there are a swimming pool and living room complete with TV and a set of swings indoor and stores. IDGI) and most likely didn't pay attention to health and safety regulations. But anyway

Front office or something (which is actually on the side so... idk). Feat my aunt there on the right. Looking at these pics is like playing Where's Waldo except in my case it's Where's Autie(s)

Entry (???). The sign says "MOSQUE, AQUARIUM, PHOTO STUDIO" because those are 3 things which should exist in the same place on the same floor. (also feat. another aunt)

Here's where I should tell you that it may look nice in pics, but if you're there you'll notice it's not as nice. The mosque isn't made of marble or something like that. This building is entirely cement/concrete molded into certain shapes then painted (which in long term will definitely require high maintenance cost. I don't get these people)

Garden/resting area.... maybe

????

And yes. Terrible planning means some parts are really dark because there's no natural light that enters the rooms. My father would've hated this place.

I actually like that one. It's right outside the huge mosque but no one knows the purpose. Seats for men and women are separated. No clue what it's for.

Tower. Hindu influence there.

Uhh... Hindu + Chinese influence??

Podium for preaching (feat. another aunt). There's a pole right in front of it. Like, front and center. How are people suppose to see anyone on that podium?

Moral of the story: Just because you like several individual pretty things, doesn't mean you should put them together because the result could be disastrous.

And then we went to Batu, a nearby town, where my uncle has a house. We went picking grapefruits in the morning!

It's dry season so they do that to fertilize the trees (or something). And that's the owner of the plantation. She has 200 trees in all.

My mom and aunt picking grapefruits!

The result of our ~~robbery~~ grapefruit picking.

It's a nice area. Very quiet and cold (bathtime was hell. No need for ice bucket challenge. I just have to take a bath there >.<)

Fresh cool air. I miss that. I don't miss the uphill walk to the grapefruit plantation, though. I work out nearly everyday but damn that tortured my lungs.

Avocado tree in front of a random house. My mom + aunt just pretended to pick them.

This pic is also known as "Reaching out for your dream (avocado)."

And that's that. Here's a pic I took on the train home.

EDIT: Oh, and the bride's house. It's called forest home and was (is?) a painting studio.

Singapore!

2014-09-12T11:08:49Z

I actually have a bunch of docs to do but I want to procrastinate! So, here are pics from my mini vacay!

We start in Indonesia, obviously. So, here are some pics I took on the train to Jakarta.

And then Jakarta. Joy.

Very happy I don't live there tbh. Anyway, the day after I arrived in Jakarta, me and cousin went to Singapore. Here's pic of us chilling in the airport. I was sleepy because it's, like, 7 a.m. and I left at 4.30 a.m.

I'm in black (big surprise there). A few hours later... Singapore! The airport is pretty and huge!!

After putting our stuff in the hostel, we had lunch (not important) then went to Sultan Mosque.

I like the windows!

Then this office building. I can't remember the name but it's across Raffles Hospital! XDD It's got a nice garden with status of random important figures. Random because some are political figures, others are musicians, yet others are philosophers, etc.

Then! We go to Chinatown! First stop is the temple. I love it!

Look at those vivid colors! And the statues! I wish I could learn more about the culture. We just took pics there.

Obligatory dragon statue because I'm demonessryu. Is this a god? I saw someone pray to it.

Temple from the outside. I think it's the side door.

Couldn't get far enough to take proper pic of it because there was an event right outside. After that we went shopping. I don't think you're interested. I just bought stuff with the name 'Singapore' on them XDD

After that we went to Garden by the Bay (which is built on sand imported from Indonesia. Can we claim it as ours? XP). Say hello to magic!AU inspiration!

View from the bridge

Honestly, I find it a great place. I don't usually care much about gardens but it's nice. Sadly we only had 2 hours there because the wind picked up and we're worried the laser show we're supposed to watch would be cancelled.

So we went to watch it and while waiting, I took pics of the city. I love city light.

See those boats? When I saw them I was like 'get away! I want to watch the damn laser show!' but then I found out those ships controlled the sound system and image projection. lol

Anyway laser show. Sea water is sprayed up to create a screen to project images on. It's kinda awesome.

The show ended right when it started raining. We had dinner then went back to the hostel. The next day we went to Church of Lady Lourdes.

Me and cousin in front of the church.

Then obligatory merlion visit.

Cities aren't so impressive during the day, as you can surmise from my expression below.

More city pic.

Marina Bay Sands hotel + what I've been told is a museum (the building that looks like a flower or whatever it's supposed to be).

Boats. We didn't ride it tho.

And then Sentosa Island. There's universal Studio there but the entry ticket is $74 aka. fuck no I need to fucking eat and I have better use of that much money thank you. So, we just took pics outside. Behold the random floating head!

Performance in front of Korean Town (also in Sentosa Island though from what I've seen the Korean Town is just a place for Korean restaurants)

The... mall? There's also a casino there if anyone's interested XDD

Things I wanted to buy but couldn't because money T___T.

I will love you forever if you get me these, esp. the alcoholic chocolate. Also, fun fact, white shirts cost more than black ones, even those with identical prints. Idek.

Mini laser/water show in Sentosa Island. Idk how to describe the second pic. Ummm... timing the water flow so it forms images?

After that dinner in (the food court of one of the malls in) Clarke Quay. Food court is blah, so more city light pics! This time, featuring boats!

The four cranes at the back? It's a game and one of the girls in the tour wanted to try it. From what I know, 4 people are strapped into chairs then thrown up to the air. I would try it but I just ate minutes ago.

Final day! Chocolate shopping which isn't that exciting then we saw some Indian temples. I love temples!

This one is for minor deities and day to day ceremonies. The roof is awesome.

They're also preparing for some kind of Hindu new year.

The the temple for major deities. There was a wedding there (which I wanted to see!) so I couldn't go near.

And in case anyone wants to see the hostel room...

My bunk is top right. You can see a bit of my black jacket. Also it's right in front of the air con so I was freezing.

And so we're back to Indonesia. Here are some pics I took from the bus on the way back home from Jakarta.

And *sighs*

But anyway it was quite fun! I'd rather have less shopping and more exploring the culture (although some members of the group may disagree) but it was a great experience.

First of many stamps? *fingers crossed*

ASDFGHJKL PHONE

2014-09-10T06:07:01Z

I'm back frm my vacation which is yay. I'll post the pics when I finish work someday. For now I'm here to rant.

I wanted to buy a new phone because the old one couldn't receive calls. I know nothing about phones and frankly don't care much for the fancy features. If I can text, use whatsapp, receive and make calls, and take pics, I'm good. Nevertheless, since I don't get it, I told my cousin in another city to choose one for me. I sent money to my aunt. She planned to visit last Monday and was going to bring the phone.

So my cousin got a phone for me (Xperia M2. Don't ask me anything about it. I have no idea at all) last Friday. Good, right? Well, no. AUnt couldn't come on Monday after all and recheduled to Wednesday. Then when I confirmed again she said she's not going to come after all. I told her to mail it or something. At first she's ok with it, then yesterday the motorcycle that's supposed to take her to the post office break down (no public transport? Really?), then today she said it's too risky to send it because when my cousin sent phones like that he lost them. So now I'm supposed to wait until the 19th to get the damn phone while the old one can barely be used.

asdfghjkl

Vacation!

2014-08-27T12:53:37Z

Tomorrow I'll go to Jakarta then from Friday to Sunday I'll be in Singapore. First trip out of the country! Woohoo!

Anyway packing rant. Mom is freaking out over what to bring, what I shouldn't forget, etc. and I'm getting more and more irritable. I can do that myself thanks very much. But she has to check everything and then blames me for not caring. Well, one person freaking out is more than enough! So now I'm getting headache because she's being extra panicky and I have 2 docs to finish tonight.

*sighs*

On the other hand, vacation!

Also on other news it's a bit embarrassing but I'm a bit jealous of the alleged romance between Richard Armitage and Lee Pace. I know, I know. It's just a stupid celeb crush and it's not like I have a chance with Armitage in a million lifetimes. Still. I'm a bit brokenhearted to know that even that imaginary door is (slammed) closed (probably). I may need a boy/girlfriend to get me back to reality... *sighs*

Purple thingies

2014-07-25T07:48:59Z

1 more doc and my work will be done for the month ~~but I'm still piss poor~~. To procrastinate, here are some... thingies.

I.... I don't know. It could be better? I just want to use up my purple watercolor. Original is here.

Ummm, this was doing well until I ran out of white. I said eff this and tried to go on but... yeah.

No excuse. I had leftover watercolor in my palette so I used it up with this.

And after many many many years of not drawing people, I caved in and try to draw Kili and Thorin. I think the Kili one is abit more successful but Armitage nose is hard to copy. Yes, I know, I'll stick to scenery.

It's Different

2014-06-25T17:44:24Z

When I say I'm depressed, I don't mean 'emo' or sad or sulking because things don't go the way I want.

When I say I'm depressed I mean my hands are shaking and can't be controlled, I lose appetite and can go for days without eating, I can't concentrate longer than a couple of minutes before my thoughts evaporate, I can't be around things and people because everything is overwhelming and I lose a grip of myself then, I can't sense any emotion because everything is muted, I feel numb and empty, I can respond to things but I won't feel anything, I can't express myself well (or even at all) because I can't tell what I'm thinking or feeling beyond short bursts of something weak before I'm left hollow again.

Then I'll want to cut myself because pain is real. Because it's a shock to my system and it gets everything to work again. I won't feel anything at first but when it finally registers and endorphins kicks in, everything begins to clear up. Pain is my restart button. It's a terrible terrible thing but I am desperate to feel like a normal human again. To be a normal human again. I want to function. I want to feel. I'd take pain and sadness any day over nothing, which is what I feel.

*sighs* I'm just... it's different, ok. I'm not sad because of anything. Some bad things trigger this, but it's not sadness. I'm not upset or annoyed, either. I'm just nothing, and it's the worst.

Sorry. I just want to rant because I was seriously at a low point in my life and some people took it lightly.

Sims Family Tree Experiment

2014-06-09T04:54:18Z

As usual with the sims, I got bored then decided to impregnate sims and create weird family trees. Here's my latest experiment.

Ok, the setting: 2 divorced women move in together. 1 woman has an adopted son, the other has a daughter from an affair. Long story short, the kids get together and then get married.

Lucky couple getting married. Lady in red is the bride's mother.

Brunette in white long-sleeved dress is the groom's mom. The couple officially married. Yay!

But if you know me, you know I won't end things just like this.

Newly-married couple: Are you fucking kidding me???!!!!

The moms get married. Don't you think the kids look happy to see that?

Now, usually, sims recognize step parents and step children as family. But this time...

Wife, friend, mom, complete stranger. Which creates situation such as this.

Groom: So have I told you that my mom-in-law-slash-step-mom is totally hot?

Naturally, I wanted to see where I could take that attraction but I only managed to make them woohoo once in a changing room. I thought it's a glitch so I took them home and made them relax in bed. BUT THERE WAS NO OPTION FOR THEM. No woohoo, no cuddling, certainly no try for baby. I think the game is so confused about their relationship that it decides it doesn't want to know what kind of relationship they'll have with a baby from that affair XDD

Now I kinda want to make a household like that again (2 parent-child pairings). No marriage, just getting each other pregnant (minus the incest). I wanna know what kind of relationship they will have with each other!