Opening
A year of the reflecting pool
Looking down from my apartment, I see my neighbor’s above ground pool. Frozen for the season. They have taken to leaving the cover off of it, perhaps because the precipitation weighs heavily on its fabric with each rain and snow fall. Today the water is cloudy, full of trapped air, dotting the surface with clear pockets that allow me to see to the bottom of the light blue.
My partner makes pools out of matchboxes. She sources small figurines, acrylic paint and adhesive and spends afternoons constructing a paragraph of the perfect day. Backstrokes gazing at the clouds of her ceiling, little figures frozen in stroke.
I think of July. A pool party on my neighbor’s terrace. I arrive early to parties, I always have. I don’t like missing things. A naive desire to experience everything that my eyes can see and to tell and listen to stories from everyone that will talk and sit to listen back. This year I wore a spaghetti strap tank for the first time. I have beautiful arms, I love them and have watched them slowly lose muscle for soft, pliable flesh. But I wasn’t showing them off. I don’t yet own any bras or one or two pieces. So, if I wanted to go for my first swim of the summer, I needed something to shroud my new nipples. I swim, I talk, I wade, I drink. I get out and let the air dry me as I have my annual set of very interesting conversations with strangers that I see at the grocery store, but whose names I have forgotten, and I can only assume that they have forgotten mine, since we don’t exchange glances or polite and silent hellos.
Life while knowing, peering into the hole carved in ice by the trapped air.
On Monday, January 12th, from 10am - 12pm EST, I will have my first Deep Exposure show on The Lot Radio. My first show of 2025 will mark my third year as a resident at The Lot. I started Deep Exposure with this residency. At the beginning of Deep Exposure, I split my intent with the show into two categories.
The cynical
Deep Exposure is a simple means of packaging the broad extent of my work and its attending interests into a commodified form that makes it easier to digest by curators, talent buyers, and journalists. This Deep Exposure is more form and repetition than content and concept.
The sincere
When I created Deep Exposure, I required an accountability measure that would accommodate my desire to read, write, experiment, and share with regularity. The audience for my work has always been diffuse. I have called several places home, I have moved between creative communities across time, I have related to others and myself in many different ways. I have lived several distinct lives. However, I must admit that it is naive to believe that anyone with interest in what I do would follow the whole story, ingest every word, and form a thought around each piece. What I could do, is point more confidently in the direction of my dreams, leave you with a brief note on the structure of my lines of inquiry, and allow you to choose whether or not you take my hand.
At this time, these categories feel more like descriptors of a total practice, rather than warring factions. This is because they exist beneath a much more important approach:
To move at my own pace, to remain open, to allow the thing to teach me, to have something to feed, to have something to nurture, that any amount of energy is enough, that sometimes it will take all that is in me to accomplish, that other times it will feel as spiritual fulfilling and banal as washing my hair or brushing my teeth.
It has been some time, since you may have heard from me, though to my surprise, some of you may be receiving a new newsletter from me for the first time. Welcome back and welcome. Thank you for your time and consideration. There are some significant works that I hope to make manifest in 2026 and some significant anniversaries that I will try my best to honor. These are my intentions for this new year and some reflections on the year past.
2026
To release my own vinyl record
To go to Japan
To celebrate my 40th birthday with as many people as possible
To learn how to nurture
More Places, Less People, Everywhere (in two parts)
Interview my friends that survived the Ghost Ship Fire about what life has been like for them over the last 10 years
To witness more and act upon what I learn
To get fit
More dresses
Being hot in a new way
More music, always more music
To open more parties
To throw the party of my dreams
To get my driver’s license and to drive around Massachusetts
To work less weekends
Be more transsexual
Be less phased by bullshit
More mastering
More recording
Teaching more studio lessons
More cinema
More Books
Less phone (like way way less)
Delete all socials
Finding my (new) name
Say No A Lot
Save more
Give more
Serve more
Let honesty be born of my self-assuredness and not my insecurity
More writing
More book work
More collaboration
Utilitarian ego death > Decadent ego death
2025
Seeing my mom
Hugging my mom
Starting the newsletter
In Place of Words I Can’t Recall
Hugging my brother on his wedding day
My brother’s husband trying his best to help me
Failing my driving test twice
Prioritizing my mental health
Finding a place for rage
Spending more time in The Berkshires
Reconnecting with Adee Roberson
Crying
Philly for my birthday
My Deep Exposure interviews
Esra Canogullari
Paul St. Hilaire Vocal on my birthday
Nine Inch Nails with Clay Wilson
Tomorrow Comes the Harvest live
Finally understanding Autechre and getting a free ticket to see them live
The Wah Wah Wino extended universe
Being more political IRL
Times Square Red, Times Square Blue by Samuel R. Delaney
My Life and My Life in the Nineties by Lyn Hejinian
Toni Morrison
George School 20th Anniversary Reunion with Coco
Coco moving back east
Cressa Perloff
Shane Butler
The Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture
Working at Ergot Records
Adrian Rew
Working at Control
Making music with Robert Aiki Aubrey Lowe
Seeing Robert perform
Closing System Activate
Opening Slow Motion
Sound on Sound at Intercomm
Voiceover work
Learning nuance
Listening
Deep Exposure at Earthly Delights (RIP)
Thanks for rocking with me. Hope to see you Monday on The Lot Radio. DJing more soon. I’m open to mastering projects and am offering One on One studio lessons. Inquire about rates. More words sooner than last time. Love and Light.
(G)