July Flame

The words come out in the darkness of the car, with no other ears than my own to rest upon. Though in my mind they start with the intentions of my brother hearing them, I soon realize I am saying it to myself, as if willing myself to accept them.

"I better get used to this. This is my life after all. I doubt I will ever have any one to come home to. At least, not as far as a partner in marriage ever again."

As the words hang in the air, I realize I both accept them as true, yet fear they will never be challenged.

"The fear of my trust being broken again disallows me to ever hope otherwise."

I sit in the driveway, in the dark of the night, the song on my cd nearing the end. I do not want the silence yet, so I stare at the reflection of my headlights on the garage door. Only after the song is over do I finally turn off my car. The sudden sound of the crickets in the night air rushes to my ears as I open my car door.

Walking into the empty house, the silence finally arrives. It allows the lyrics of the song to protrude into my thoughts. It is as if they are there to call my bluff;a bluff that I was trying to hide from myself. The only thing I really think, my heart holding only one real desire.

All I want is someone I can ask, and for them to ask in return, "Can I call you mine?"