Itchy Feet

Archive of Our Own

deathpixie — Fri, 05 Feb 2016 20:12:07 GMT

So, I'm extremely late to the bandwagon, but I finally have an AO3 account. You can find me under Rossi, which I was pleased to find still available. There's only one fic there atm, but eventually I'll have all of my stuff up, safely stored in one place*.

*at least until this archive disappears like many before them.

Answer for question 4452.

deathpixie — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 21:14:58 GMT

The "Ballarat Cup". I didn't actually realise this was particular to our family until I reached university. A Ballarat Cup is a cup of tea (or other drinkable liquid in a cup or a glass), which is only three-quarters full. So, if someone offered you a drink of some kind, and didn't fill it to a reasonably accepted level, you'd accuse them of giving you a "Ballarat Cup".

The origins of this particular family saying are from a story my grandfather used to tell, of going to visit a certain aunt who lived in Ballarat and who was known for always being stingy with the teapot. After a while, the family got used to calling a short-poured glass/cup a Ballarat Cup, and the saying stuck. It wasn't until I used it to a uni friend in Melbourne that I realised it wasn't a common saying at all, but one restricted to my mother's side of the family.

The Signs as Dragons

deathpixie — Wed, 10 Jun 2015 00:59:16 GMT

I don't have a Tumblr of my own (yet), so I'm posting this here. Taken from this post.

Taurus: Pale yellow dragon. Herbivore, but will not hesitate to kill an evil human. They are the primary protector of women and children. Can be the size of a Golden Retriever, are useful in the household and are peaceful. Breathes a universal medicine that smells like lemons and loves people and shiny objects.

Sounds about right? ;)

Lessons Learned

deathpixie — Thu, 04 Jun 2015 16:56:22 GMT

Every time I take a break from X-Project, this happens. You'd think I'd realise that by now. But yeah. Dead email, except for the ELOD and Sam. Good to know I'm only worth talking to when I can do something for you.

Answer for question 4246.

deathpixie — Fri, 20 Feb 2015 21:57:18 GMT

I used to think I was a good judge of character, but unfortunately experience has proven otherwise. I still do put my faith in the goodness of people - I can't operate in this world otherwise - but I've taken some knocks, I have to admit.

The last time I was completely wrong, I have the small consolation in knowing I wasn't the only one fooled. A good friend turned out to have been deceiving and using me (as well as all of his other friends), for a period of years. It was a gut punch, knowing that my faith had been so badly placed, and that everything I'd done and said for this person was disregarded and, what is worse, they were probably laughing at my gullibility. It's been a long time trying to learn to trust my judgement again, but I have to keep reminding myself, there's plenty of good people out there.

deathpixie — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:32:59 GMT

No matter how tired or meh I am, I always take joy in the achievements/happy times of my friends. Well done, all of you, no matter how small that achievement or how silly the reason for the happiness might seem to you. Your happiness makes me smile.

Dexcon veterans

deathpixie — Fri, 11 Jul 2014 21:16:46 GMT

Anyone got a decent pic of me with the short hair? I need an electronic copy of same and all of my photographs are in a box. In my brother's shed. In Australia.

TIA!

Ugh

deathpixie — Fri, 09 May 2014 00:20:42 GMT

So, half-way through the timeline for the move, where my area of responsibility gets transferred to another ministry and I get left behind to be and office lackey and odd-job girl. I'm exhausted, since not only do I have my regular job to do, but I'm also collating, inventorying, packing and generating lists, all on my own. It's a great time, I can tell you. By late afternoon my brain shuts down and I lose all ability to nuance. I've been hopeless with responding to things, and even trying to think of something to do for my birthday this weekend was too hard - I went with baseball, because it's a fun afternoon out without too many social demands.

I'll be so glad when this is done. Except then I'll have nothing to do and no reason to be there. With a government cutting everything back down to the bone. Yay. And you all know how much I love being superfluous.

Any way. Leeway is good if I say something dumb. I barely know my own name atm. And I'm off to have a bath, where it doesn't matter what my name is.

Edit: Definitely going for that bath. Just got news that Dad's knee surgery didn't go as smoothly as it should have and he's still in recovery for another night after not getting enough oxygen while he was out. Going offline so I don't get my worry all over everyone.

Bombshell

deathpixie — Wed, 12 Feb 2014 21:27:17 GMT

So, work just announced that our prosecutions division - the area that I've been the legal assistant for for the past seven-ish years - is going to merge with the prosecutions division of the Ministry of Labour. The prosecutors will be relocating to the MoL office.

I won't be going with them.

They're keeping me here. Despite seven plus years of experience in doing the job, in spite of the effort I've put into making sure everything runs smoothly. Despite the fact I enjoy the job and put my heart into it. Despite the fact there's not actually enough work with the solicitors for three of us, if H's reading for half the day is anything to go by.

I guess you don't actually realise how much you love something and appreciate stability until it's gone. I've got relationships with all of my prosecutors - I call them my boys as shorthand - and I have to say goodbye to them, all at once. Come May, they'll be out of the office and in another building and I'll be facing an uncertain future as S.'s lackey, by the looks.

Thank god I'll hopefully be qualified as a paralegal by September, so I have options. This is so not how I wanted things to go. :(

Warning - Venting Ahead

deathpixie — Tue, 04 Feb 2014 17:24:57 GMT

I have to get this out before I explode, so it's back to ye olde Live Journal. Duck and cover, folks.

As part of my paralegal course and required qualifications, I need to do 120 hours of internship (unpaid) in the area. Back in March 2013, when I started school, I spoke to my manager here at work about the possibility of doing it in the office. I also spoke to my careers person at the school and gave them each other's contact number so they could start sorting things out. I knew, since I work for the government, there'd be red tape.

Today, after weeks of being on tenterhooks, I find out that the only way I was ever going to be able to intern at a government ministry was if HR approached the school and arranged a program. No established program, no internship.

Now, perhaps I'm being a bit unreasonable, but isn't that something my manager should have checked before all of this? If there was never a possibility of me doing it here, then I could have used that information months ago and worked things out! But no. Because my manager didn't do her due diligence (or give me the information to be able to do it myself, like a contact at HR), I'm looking at finding an internship at the last minute. And to top it off, I'll have to take all of my three weeks of vacation, plus a week unpaid, to be able to go and do the internship if I can't find one that'll let me do it weekends/after business hours.

Son of a bitch. I am so pissed off right now, I can't even begin to describe it. I've been royally screwed over by both work and the school, and I'm going to find people to complain to, you can guarantee it.

Additional:

Just got an email from the guy I'm supposed to be meeting. CC-ing completely the wrong Herzing email, to some guy called James Howard. And careers guy has no idea of any of the previous stuff. So much for information being passed on. Here's the last paragraph of my response:

Finally, I am very unhappy with how the internship arrangements have been handled. I met with M and provided her with my manager's contact details as far back as May, 2013, explaining the situation and what I hoped to do and Margaret said she would be in touch. Apparently, my manager did not receive any type of communication directly from M, and it wasn't until November 2013 that I received the standard email regarding the PD 150 course (that's the careers module) and my resume from her, with no recollection of our previous meeting. My manager, because she had no information, did not approach HR until November (I'm not happy with her either!) and now, despite my best efforts, everything is a last minute scramble which is causing me a lot of stress.

Bodies are weird

deathpixie — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 21:53:19 GMT

Acting on a hunch, I started taking my B12 supplements again, even though I'm not vegetarian any more. Imagine my surprise when I realised today that I'm not dead tired, starving despite eating and not in as crappy a mood as I've been in. In fact, I was quite hyper and cheerful earlier, something I remember from the first time I went on the supplement.

So, despite the fact I am eating meat again and it's been a good six years (possibly more) since I stopped with the vegetarianism, my body still has issues with B12, especially during stress.

Stupid body. But at least it helps with the depression and I don't need to change my meds again. That would have sucked. I'll have to try and squeeze more Vegemite into my daily diet again as well as the supplement (I have plenty, care of my darling daddy, but I need to make toast more regularly to put it on!).

The last part of the hill is the steepest...

deathpixie — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 17:31:11 GMT

So, I'm down to two months left of school (and then 4 weeks of fieldwork) and I'm starting to really struggle. My marks are fine - better than, mostly - but I'm really having trouble with the work/school balance, especially since during the hardest module (criminal law), work decided to go kablooey. We've got trials all over the place, and we're losing one of our prosecutors to a transfer - and as far as we know, he's not being replaced - and the dreaded Cash Store cash has raised its head, Hydra-like, so we're looking at another prosecutor only being half available. So, basically, from four lawyers to 2 and a half, and it's falling to me to make sure everything's covered and to all the necessary prep work for file transfers, on top of what I already have. And since the orders are coming from the Legal Director himself, they're top priority.

If only I could get everyone else needing my time to understand that. *wry*

Anyway, criminal law finished last night, barring the second assignment I have due on Tuesday evening and which I'll be writing like a mad thing this weekend. Luckily, it's been writing itself in my head already, so I have an idea of where to start.

My fieldwork placement is still majorly up in the air, which is distressing for She Who Organises - and none of it is fixable by me. I've done what I can - spoken to the LD and to the union rep, so there's no issues there - just need to wait for my manager to get back on vacation on Monday.

And now I have dictation, so off I go. I'll be so glad for the Family Day holiday on February 17!

Grr.

deathpixie — Wed, 20 Nov 2013 21:45:34 GMT

So after much back and forth, I finally arranged for the careers person at school, who I'm supposed to discuss my internship with, to call me at work. She emailed and said she'd call sometime today. Today being, actually today, you know, Wednesday. So I've been sticking close to my desk all day.

Guess what?

No call. No message, if I did actually miss the call. No email telling me why she hasn't been able to call.

Grrr, argh. I need to sort this out soon, and this is the person who is supposed to be giving me pointers on how to improve my career. You know what helps a person's career? BEING RELIABLE AND DOING WHAT YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO, OR LETTING THE PERSON KNOW IF YOU CAN'T!!!

I HATE being stood up like this. Come 5:00 p.m., I'm sending an email along the lines of "Uh, wtf?" Only polite.

It also doesn't help that I have a 30 minute powerpoint presentation today that I've been trying to polish, only to have all of the interruptions in the world. (Seriously, co-workers, learn how to do basic formatting. If you want to change the lines around boxes in Excel, it's easy.)

Activity Meme

deathpixie — Wed, 23 Oct 2013 13:45:27 GMT

No time to do NaNoWriMo (or nano_wrimo) this year, but I'd like to try and get back to posting regularly. So, a 30 days meme, grabbed from jeffreyab, to commence November 1.

Stayed tuned!

Day 1 - your current relationship
Day 2 - where you’d like to be in 10 years
day 3 - your views on drugs and alcohol.
day 4 - your views on religion.
day 5 - a time you thought about ending your own life.
day 6 - write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
day 7 - your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
day 8 - a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
day 9 - how you hope your future will be like.
day 10 - discuss your first love and first kiss.
day 11 - put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
day 12 - bullet your whole day.
day 13 - somewhere you’d like to move or visit.</s>
day 14 - your earliest memory.
day 15 - your favourite tumblrs.
day 16 - your views on mainstream music.
day 17 - your highs and lows of this past year.
day 18 - your beliefs.
day 19 - disrespecting your parents.
day 20 - how important you think education is.
day 21 - one of your favourite shows.
day 22 - how have you changed in the past 2 years?
day 23 - give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
day 24 - your favourite movie and what it’s about.
day 25 - someone who fascinates you and why.
day 26 - what kind of person attracts you.
day 27 - a problem that you have had.
day 28 - something that you miss.
day 29 - goals for the next 30 days.
day 30 - your highs and lows of this month

Half Way Point

deathpixie — Thu, 10 Oct 2013 17:00:15 GMT

So, I'm just over half-way through my paralegal course, and still going strong. Tired most of the time, but strong. *wry* We're ploughing through Small Claims Court (Civil, for the Aussies) and it's pretty much the same structure as I learned in the court job, just different terminology. Oh, and representing clients instead of swearing them in. But yeah, still chugging along.

I am finding I have very little free time. Classes have been finishing later than before, usually 9:30/10 pm, sometimes later, and then it takes me an hour to get home. So I usually only have about half an hour of downtime before I go to bed - I tend to toss and turn too much if I go straight to bed, planning my next day. It's kind of isolating, but to be honest, I'm too tired to even feel that lonely. I only see my roomies on the weekends or when they pop down. I kind of wish I had someone to fix me my evening snack and perhaps rub my shoulders, but I make do with microwaving leftovers (dexfarkin has been awesome about stocking my fridge with tupperware) and having cats walk all over me and snuggle into my lower back when I go to bed.

Oh, and the Law Society website has the sign ups for the qualification exam! I'll probably do my electronic version on Monday, which is Canadian Thanksgiving public holiday and which I'm planning as my "relax and recharge after various social things" day.

Signal Boost - Contrary to rumour...

deathpixie — Wed, 09 Oct 2013 17:03:12 GMT

...LJ is not blocking posts with gay content. The person who first complained is a well-known anti-LJ and anti-Russia troll type with a grudge. Please spread the word, since no doubt the panic mongers are already gathering...

Originally posted by copperbadge at post

HAHA, it took less than six hours for LJ to find that last post I made and make a statement. Thumbs up on their ability to quash bad PR, given when I was hacked it took 24 hours just to get a response from them.

You can read their comment here for more info, but essentially the report is bunk, at least according to LJ. I stand behind the other 99% of my post, which was less about how awful LJ is and more about how to keep your head, back up your data, and if desired move to a site where we don't automatically, because of their past behaviour, jump to the conclusion that they're evil. :D

Thanks to everyone who commented with info, too. More knowledge is always better than less, except when it leads to nuclear arms races and five different Hulks.

Brief Agents of SHIELD squee

deathpixie — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 15:22:51 GMT

I had school last night so I couldn't watch it live, but thankfully it got DVRed (twice, actually, which was kind of funny. I deleted the non HD one). The Residential Tenancies module has a tendency to run to almost the full four hours, so I got home around 10:30 p.m., kind of wiped. Cleaned the kitty litter, took out the recycling bin, then settled down to watch my moment of ~~nerdiness~~ awesome.

And awesome it was. :) :) :)

No spoilers, since I have friends who haven't had a chance to get to it yet, but man, Joss is back, in great form and I really like where this is going already. :)

Roll on menopause...

deathpixie — Thu, 22 Aug 2013 20:57:47 GMT

Some days I get so fed up with demands - other people's, my own, whatever - that all I want to do is run off for a month or so and just disappear on some island somewhere.

Then I remind myself that I couldn't handle my own company that long and go crazy with loneliness.

Bah.

I am okay, really. Just tired and, despite reassurances from the doctor that increasing my medication would take care of it, in the middle of the usual epic PMS mood swings. So, it's time to take my own advice and go get some Evening Primrose Oil to see if I can't operate like a normal human being instead of tipping between gloomy and depressed and cranky and psychotic for three days a month. At least I finally remembered to ask the doctor about potential interactions with the anti-depressants last time I saw her.

It's so frustrating, being such a hostage to your hormones. I mean, I can handle the cramps and the backache and the ick, but I hate feeling like a total crazy person with no ability to react rationally. No wonder men think women are emotional and high-strung - we bloody fulfill the stereotype once a month, even when we don't want to.

Bah. Again.

Taking a moment to be totally gloaty and boastful...

deathpixie — Tue, 16 Jul 2013 22:05:18 GMT

Just got the results back for the first six modules of my paralegal class. Straight As, and a GPA of 4.00.

I feel rather clever. *beams* Makes the long days and the reduced free time completely worth it.

A hard rain is going to fall

deathpixie — Tue, 09 Jul 2013 16:11:12 GMT

Or rather, it already did. Those watching the news last night might have got wind of a mega storm that hit Toronto yesterday, flooding various areas and cutting power. Luckily, Windermere Manor is fine (although we did lose power last night for a few hours), and while I had something of an epic trip, I did make it home safe and soggy after school last night.

More rain predicted today. It's like tropical Queensland here, seriously. Rainy and warm.

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1232201/thumbs/s-TORONTO-STORM-large.jpg?16

Mack's been at it again!

deathpixie — Wed, 29 May 2013 20:16:05 GMT

Originally posted by x_advertising at Mack's been at it again!

School

deathpixie — Wed, 22 May 2013 22:25:29 GMT

Results so far:

Legal Computer Applications - 100%

Introduction to the Legal System - 98%

Communication/Writing - 100%

Module 4 is Legal Research/Writing, and since I handed in my assignment on time, I'm pretty sure I'll get another 100% or so. Which means I'm on track for the Dean's List.

/bragging

Right in the feels

deathpixie — Thu, 09 May 2013 16:52:35 GMT

Like a lot of my friends, I'm a fan of a webcomic/blog called Hyperbole and a Half by a woman called Allie Brosh. She's been pretty quiet for a while now (about a year and a half, in fact) and today she posted the reason why in this post.

You ever have a moment when you read something and realise it's like reading the inside of your brain? Allie's experience with depression - and especially her suicidal feelings - were scarily close to mine. It hurts, reading it, but it also helps, since here is someone who is able to explain what I've never been able to.

I still feel guilty about being depressed. Because I know what a burden I was to my friends and I know how frustrating it was for them to watch me sink deeper and deeper into hopelessness. I know, because I've been in the reverse position myself, with my ex. You'd think it would have helped when it was my turn, but it really didn't, and now I'm reluctant to talk about the depression with most but a very few people. I feel like I've leeched all the understanding and compassion I deserve, when people were trying to fill the great black hole of nothing that was the depression at its worst:

And that's the most frustrating thing about depression. It isn't always something you can fight back against with hope. It isn't even something — it's nothing. And you can't combat nothing. You can't fill it up. You can't cover it. It's just there, pulling the meaning out of everything. That being the case, all the hopeful, proactive solutions start to sound completely insane in contrast to the scope of the problem.

I'm sorry I couldn't respond to help, that I couldn't talk out what was bothering me and feel better. I did talk stuff out - over and over - but all it did was make me feel worse because isn't talking meant to make you feel better, and all it did for me was highlight just how depressed and hopeless I was. And eventually, I got to the place Allie describes frighteningly well:

...I somehow managed to convince myself that everything was still under my control right up until I noticed myself wishing that nothing loved me so I wouldn't feel obligated to keep existing... there I was, casually wishing that I could stop existing in the same way you'd want to leave an empty room or mute an unbearably repetitive noise.

I never wanted to kill myself. I just wanted to be dead. I wanted to stop. Everything. I pushed everyone away so I could tell myself it would be all right to kill myself, because no-one cared any way. And ironically, it was the fact my parents were visiting that made me not do it. I didn't want to spoil their first trip overseas together.

Yeah. Depressed brains totally make no sense.

It took dexfarkin basically threatening to hate me forever if I did something stupid that got me to the doctor and the meds which, frankly, saved my life. They lifted the blanket long enough for some light to creep back in, and gave me perspective again.

These days, I'm mostly doing better. I have bad times, usually when I'm having PMS and it feels like everything is likely to make me feel like crap and that I can't do anything right. I have moments where I just wish I could stay in bed with the blankets pulled over my head and disappear forever - at the same time all I want is for someone to notice I'm not doing so well and take care of me and let me cuddle with them on the sofa. I have little to no interest in sex for about three years now. I over-compensate sometimes, trying to be the life of the group, to somehow make up for the fact I was such an enormous downer. That usually results in being an arse. *sighs* I have trouble getting enthusiastic for the things that used to excite me, much like Allie's metaphor of a child outgrowing their toys: school is the first thing in three years I've been excited about for an extended time, and I'm clinging to that while I have it. Things are getting better, step by step.

Normally I'd hide this behind a filter, mostly so I don't bore people. Not this time, tho'. Perhaps I'm just looking for attention. Who knows.

Help Wanted Again

deathpixie — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 21:07:44 GMT

I have another talk, this one without powerpoint and with a strict 3-4 minute time limit and with the requirement I do research/cite sources. So something a little less light-hearted and more social education-y, I think. Or at least something serious I can get animated about. Any way, I need a topic asap for the talk on Monday and I'm stuck. Those who know me and what I'm into, any suggestions?

Doing the victory dance...

deathpixie — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 03:04:47 GMT

Apologies for the multiple posting in various social network platforms, but I have people scattered all over the place. At least I'm going to the trouble of actually writing three different things? ;)

Any way, we started our third module - Communications in Law - tonight, which meant we finally got our results for Module 1 - Legal Computer Programs. That's the one where we did the Word and Powerpoint stuff, and the one where I did the talk on Deadly Australians for the Powerpoint evaluation. Any way, I got 100% for that module, even with the over-long Powerpoint talk.

So good start with the Dean's List aspirations. I'm feeling rather chuffed with myself, I have to admit. :)