‘Directionless’

That’s the key word that sums up my creative path in 2025.

At the start of the year, I was pushing the momentum I’d gained from networking at New York Comic Con ‘24 to try pitching more and hopefully land some new paying gigs.

Then Trump got sworn in, the industry wobbled, layoffs sadly occurred, budgets got tightened, my pitches when up in smoke, and almost overnight I had no leads, no momentum, nothing.

So back to Kickstarter I went, tail between my legs, assured that I’d never be able to escape crowdfunding - and the massive expenses and workloads that come with it.

This really killed my enthusiasm for most of the year. Today, I have many comic ideas filed away from the last decade that are going un-pitched and unmade because the indecision about what I want, and what feels like the right move is now mentally crippling.

Over and over, a daily swirl of questions in my head:

• Do I pitch this idea first?

• If this series lands, how do I then find the thousands needed to make it?

• Or do I crowdfund it myself?

• Is it better to just focus on growing Killtopia instead of new ideas?

• Should I think about writing another video game history book instead?

• What about that paperback idea I’ve had brewing for years?

• Should I focus on trying to carve out a niche as a video game comic guy, given my background in gaming?

• My social engagement is low, should I focus on my output more?

• Have people become tired of me as a creator and my personal brand?

• What even is my personal brand any more?

• Maybe you’re just not that good of a writer and you never were?

• What is the point of me?

And so it goes, over and over, on and on, until the brain shuts down and instead of facing these questions, and the work, I just stay directionless and unable to move forward.

Plus, for the longest time, this funk I was in made me question every single word I wrote to an unfair degree. I’d beat myself up for every panel description, every line of dialogue - telling myself it had to be better, and that whatever I maybe once had as a writer was gone, and that I should stop.

All of this said, the last few months have seen an huge improvement - where I’ve been able to get back into writing and concepts - and finish up the final Phantoms issue at long last!

I don’t know why things have changed. All I know is that I’m still indecisive about the future. What I need to focus on, what I should write next and so on.

No one is as qualified to choose what I do next other than me. So I really do just need to sit down, take a breath and work it out in a rational manner.

I’m sure that many my fellow comic creatives have felt some or many of these issues before - and if so, please know that you’re not alone and nothing is wrong with you.

I’m hopeful 2026 will be a positive step in a new direction. I just need to commit to a point on the compass and follow it for once.

Let’s see what happens.