I turn 42 today. I’m the guy who calculates how much of his life is likely over when every birthday arrives. Even if I’m generous, the odds are that my time on this earth is probably halfway behind me. Yes, I’m a barrel of fun. I guess the upside in that kind of thinking is that it makes me take stock of what I should do with the time I have left.

I constantly fight with feeling like I'm not doing enough for the gospel. I don’t know if it’s a legitimate fear or if the enemy uses it to bring me down.

Any time I hear an inspiring story about what someone else is doing for God, it makes me feel inadequate. Instead of thinking "Wow! God is really doing great things!" I think: "Wow, Dave, you're wasting a lot of time!"

I honestly don’t believe my desire to do more is coming from a legalistic place. I don’t think it comes from thinking I can earn something I know has been given to me as a gift. I genuinely want to use the time and skills I've been given to do good work for the Lord. I feel like God has given me so much, and I want to steward it in a way that honors him.

A couple of weeks ago our Sunday school class had a guest speaker whose stories brought this struggle of mine back into my consciousness. The speaker was a guy named Moses Lo, who is the CEO of a Southeast Asian payment processing company similar to Stripe. He's earned a large global platform that has landed him in rooms with some of the most influential people in technology, finance, and government across the world.

Lo talked about all the different ways he's using his business and connections to spread Christianity in Southeast Asia. He’s ensuring missions are funded in places where Christianity is banned by using his company’s technology to hide what the money is actually being used for. He’s working with people to smuggle Bibles into countries where being a Christian will get you thrown in jail. He said multiple times that he wants to "abuse his platform" for the gospel.

I hear stories like Lo's and quickly find myself being discouraged instead of encouraged. Here's a guy clearly living out Jesus' words: "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded" (Luke 12:48). Lo has been given and earned a lot of worldly influence and he's leveraging all of it for the kingdom. But instead of just celebrating what God is doing through him, I can find myself spiraling into self-condemnation.

I think about the parable of the talents in Matthew 25. The servants who doubled their master's money were commended, but the one who buried his talent was condemned as "wicked and lazy." What was that servant’s excuse? He was afraid. I wonder if my struggle is similar. Am I burying my talents out of fear? Or am I so afraid of being the one-talent servant that I can't see what faithfulness looks like in my own life.

Maybe the real issue isn't whether I'm doing enough. Maybe it's that I'm measuring my faithfulness against someone else's calling instead of asking what God actually wants from me, in my circumstances, with my specific gifts and limitations.

But how do I discern the difference between godly ambition and destructive comparison? How do I pursue the good works God prepared for me without falling into the trap of thinking I need to be doing more to make my time on earth matter?

I understand that the answer is likely simpler than I'm making it. Being faithful isn't about the scale of impact or the impressiveness of the platform. It's about being content with the place in this world God has placed me and showing up consistently by being present for my family, doing good work in my job, serving faithfully in my church, and loving my neighbors.

Does God want me to do more than I’m doing? Maybe.

But I need to remember that God measures success differently than the world does, and that my worth is in Christ alone. There’s nothing wrong with being an ordinary person who’s faithful in ordinary circumstances.