Daunt Perplexity

Fic: Never Leave the Past Behind

dauntperplexity — Sat, 11 Aug 2012 07:03:20 GMT

Title: Never Leave the Past Behind
Author: dauntperplexity
Rating: R
Genre: AR, hurt/comfort
Characters and/or Pairing: Caleb, Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: none
Warnings: Torture, possible implied non-con, child abuse
Word Count: ~9000
Summary: This was the closest thing Dean was every going to have to a relationship. He talked to Castiel at least once a week, and saw him much less than that. But he was okay with that. They were both broken. And they fit.
Author’s Note: So, this definitely was difficult to write. Especially with my computer out of commission for a month. I just wanted to get this posted before the amnesty period for the challenge was over. I read it over a couple of times, but for the most part, it is unbeta’d. I will go over it again to clean it up. I hope you enjoy.
Author’s Note #2: The art was done by tiggeratl1. I will link it as soon as possible. :)

When Bobby told Dean that there was a hunt in Illinois, the hunter was happy to take it. John, on the other hand, was reluctant to let his son go on a hunt alone. Dean argued that since he was old enough to legally drink, he was old enough to hunt on his own. John argued that since he was old enough to legally drink, he might show up to a hunt drunk.

Dean knew better than to drink on the job. He was ready to agree with his dad to find someone to hunt with, but Bobby and Caleb argued on the side of the young hunter. John agreed if Caleb went along to oversee.

Dean agreed since he and Caleb had this agreement that Caleb would just spend all of his time at the bar and wait for Dean to need his help.

The two of them drove out as soon as they could. As much as Dean wanted someone else to do the research part of the hunt for him, he wanted this to be his first actual solo hunt. After three days of reading up on locations and other happenings in the town, he found a place to look. He also found out that what he was hunting were demons.

Dean drove to the location while Caleb waited at the bar close, yet far, enough just in case Dean needed him. Dean guaranteed Caleb he could handle it. He pulled up to a house that was isolated from all of the other houses in the area.

All of the lights were off except for one room on the second floor. He made his way into the house after he salted all of the windows and doors.

He walked into the house and heard more than one voice. Dean contemplated leaving and getting Caleb to come back, but what he heard one of the men say made him stay.

“He’s beautiful, isn’t he,” one man hissed.

“He bled a lot more than he usual,” another replied.

“He’s not moving, is he?”

“Emmanuel,” the first man said in a sing-song voice. “Wake up, please.”

“That is a lot of blood.”

“We might have gone a little overboard today.” He paused for a moment. “Or a lot. I don’t think he’s breathing. Emmanuel. Your father wants you to wake up."

Dean had enough. He stormed into the room, his shotgun ready. He shot the two closest demons in the chest. He saw the last demon standing over the bed where a boy was tied to it.

"And you are?" the demon asked.

Dean quickly reloaded the shotgun and pointed it at the demon's chest. "Step away from him."

"If you know what's good for you, boy, you will leave us to what we were doing."

"Can't do that." He shot the man in the chest. As soon as the man was far enough from the boy, he pulled the exorcism out of his pocket and began reading from it. He had to stop when one of the men stood up again and tried to jump at him. He reloaded his gun as he kept reading.

One by one, the demons started screaming and leaving their meatsuits. Finally, the screaming stopped, and all of the bodies had hit the floor. Dean went to each body, searching for a pulse he knew he wasn't going to find. He wondered how long the bodies had been dead.

He shook his head. He got the bad guys. He could consider his first solo hunt a success.

He didn't feel that way the moment he looked at the bed and saw the bloodied mess on it.

The demons had tied up the naked boy in some messed up form of a crucifixion. His arms were tied to the bedposts. His feet were tied together, then tied to the foot of the bed. His back was bloodied and carved up. Dean could have sworn that the design looked like wings.

Dean thought the same thing the demons were talking about when he walked in. The boy wasn't moving. He didn't even look like he was breathing. "Shit,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry, dude.”

He felt sick. The boy looked to be about Sam’s age. Maybe even a little younger, but he couldn’t be sure. Especially when it looked like this boy wasn’t treated well. Dean swallowed down whatever feelings threatening to come up. He didn’t even know this boy, but he felt like crying at the torture he was forced to endure at the hands of demons.

Instead of pulling out his knife and cutting the ropes that bound the boy to the bed, he took the time to untie the knots by hand. Once there was nothing tying the boy down, Dean flipped him over. As soon as he did, he regretted it. The boy’s front was covered in bruises and he was so thin Dean could see his ribs. “Shit,” he whispered.

Dean was about to lay the boy down when he let out a sound that was something between a whimper and a sigh. Dean’s eyes widened as he jumped off the bed. “Holy shit,” he said. The boy was still alive.

“N-no…” the boy whispered. The boy shivered, probably from blood loss. “No more,” he whimpered.

Dean immediately rushed to the boy’s side. “Hey, hey, you’re safe.” He kept enough space between them, not wanting to crowd him.

The boy looked like he was about to say something, but he ended up coughing instead.

Dean closed the distance between them and put a hand on the small of the boy’s back. “Sh…” he whispered. “Just breathe. In and out. You’re okay.” He rubbed his hand back and forth, trying to avoid the cuts on his back. He winced when he felt the bumps of old scars under his palm.

Dean found himself getting angry at the demons for causing this boy so much pain. It had to have been going on for years by the looks of the scars. He was pissed at himself for just exorcising them and not killing them.

After what felt like hours, even though it was probably only a couple of minutes, the boy calmed down. His eyes closed again, and Dean’s hand immediately went to the boy’s neck, searching for a pulse. He was relieved when he found one. The boy was probably sleeping.

Dean was surprised the boy had the strength to even wake up. He checked the boy's pulse one more time, then he climbed off of the bed. He dragged the bodies out of the room. Dean was not about to let the boy wake up and see his torturers dead on the ground. He had been through enough.

Dean was about to take the bodies downstairs and dispose of them the hunter way when he looked back at the boy. He shook his head and stayed in the room. He didn't know why--it was probably the protective streak in him--but he didn't want to be too far when the boy woke up.

Dean knew what he had to do. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number to the nearest hunter to him. "Caleb?” he whispered when the other hunter answered the phone.

"Dean? What’s wrong?" Caleb immediately asked.

"I need a clean up crew."

Caleb scoffed at the request. "No way, man. You learn this as a solo hunter. You make a mess, you clean it up."

"Caleb. Please." Dean wasn't the type of person to beg, but he felt that he needed to for this boy's sake. "I need a clean up crew."

"Dean. You gotta talk to me, man."

"It’s just…" Dean ran a hand down his face, glancing at the sleeping boy. "There’s a boy here. And he’s hurt. And I can’t leave him." Dean knew Caleb would understand what he meant by boy. He'd automatically make the connection to the youngest Winchester. All the hunters in their web knew how much Dean cared about his younger brother and they knew that sometimes Dean became too invested when kids were involved.

"Okay. Okay. I’ll be right there."

"Thanks, Caleb," he said, grateful to the hunter. "And uh… bring your kit too, please?"

"Is it bad?"

"I… I don’t know." He had his own kit in the back of his car, but it had nowhere near the amount of supplies he'd need for the boy. "Hurry? Please?" he whispered, then hung up.

Dean went back to the bed and sat on the edge of it. He wanted to do so much more for the boy, but he looked peaceful enough in his sleep. He sighed and ran a hand down his face. This wasn't okay. He didn't want to find something like this on his first solo hunt.

Dean wasn't sure how long it was later, but the boy stirred on the bed. Dean didn't move or say anything, even though he was sure that he should have probably stopped the boy from moving with all of the injuries on him.

The boy slowly opened his eyes. His bright blue eyes locked onto Dean's green ones. "Hello," he whispered with a raspy voice. It probably sounded that way because of all the screaming the demons did while they were hurting him. He tried to push himself up into a sitting position.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Dean said. "Don't move, dude."

"I'm okay," he repeated. He really wasn't as he collapsed back onto the bed. He shivered on the mattress, watching Dean. "Are you one of them?" he asked, looking like he was preparing himself for pain.

Dean shook his head. "No way," he replied, offended. "I..." He brought a hand up to scratch the back of his head. He had no clue where to start on the reveal of what happened. "They can't hurt you again."

Dean knew the boy had no reason to believe him, so he was quite surprised when he nodded. "Thank you," the boy whispered.

And there it was; the reason why Dean called his hunt successful. The gratitude made it worth it. "You're welcome, kid," he said. Then he shook his head. He couldn't keep calling the boy dude and kid. "Hey. What's your name?" he found himself asking. He knew it probably wasn't the best idea because he knew there was a greater chance that he'd become attached. Some part of Dean knew that was already too late.

"My... my father calls..." He let out a shaky breath and shook his head. "Called me Emmanuel."

That was a weird way of putting it. "Is that your real name?" he asked.

The boy shook his head against his pillow. “No,” he whispered. “It’s not.”

“You want to tell it to me?” He kept his tone soft, gentle. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he replied. He looked at his watch, wondering what was taking Caleb so long.

“My mother named me Castiel,” he answered. “Castiel James Novak.” He scooted closer to the larger man. He wasn’t even sure if he could keep him safe, but Castiel was craving comfort.

“Castiel, huh?” he said, testing the name. He reached up and brushed Castiel’s hair out of his face. “That’s a cool name. Mine is way too damn plain. I’m Dean,” he introduced. “Dean Winchester.” He winced when he realized that he gave the boy his real name. That wasn't exactly hunter protocol.

“Nice to meet you,” he replied.

“Same,” Dean replied. He kept his hand in Castiel’s hair. “So, Castiel. I think you might need a hospital.”

"No!" Castiel replied. He tried to push himself off his bed. "I'm okay. I'm okay."

Dean's eyes widened. He put a hand on Castiel's shoulder to push him back onto the bed. "Castiel," Dean said quickly. "Cas. Stop." He had no idea where the nickname came from, but Castiel's full name had way too many syllables. "No hospital, okay?" he whispered. "I hate them, too. I'll patch you up." He was glad Caleb was bringing his kit too. He would be able to take care of all the wounds with what he had in the back of his car.

Castiel looked up at Dean and smiled softly at him. "Thank you. Dean. Thank you," he whispered.

"No problem, Cas." He reached up and put a hand on the back of Castiel's neck. He squeezed it lightly. "So, why don't you just get some sleep? I'll be here cleaning up."

"You won't leave?" he whispered.

"I won't leave." It felt like a promise he would die before not keeping. He began massaging Castiel's neck to relax him. "So, why don't you sleep? When you wake up, this place will be cleaned up, your back should be patched up, and--"

"And you'll be gone," Castiel added. He could tell Dean wasn't one to stay in one place for very long.

"I said I'd stay, Cas."

"Yes, you did," Castiel replied. "But for how long?"

"Until you're better," Dean replied before he could stop himself.

"That might take a long time," he whispered.

"I'm staying until I know you're okay," he replied. Dean's attention was focused solely on Castiel that he didn't hear someone enter the room. That would have been really bad if it was another demon.

"Dean?"

Dean turned around, putting a hand on Castiel's shoulder to show that the newcomer was a friend. "Caleb, hey." He looked at the older hunter. He stood up and grabbed the first aid kit out of his hands. "Thanks." He saw Caleb also holding the kit that was stashed in the back of the Impala. "You're the best, Caleb."

Caleb nodded. "I'll start burning the bodies," he said. He looked around Dean and to the bed. "He's awake."

"Yeah." He was still surprised at that.

"Okay. Well, do everything you can. When I'm done, I'll set up fix up whatever you couldn't. Then we'll be out of here."

"No," Dean replied quickly. "I can't leave just yet."

"Dean." Caleb could see that Dean was already attached to the boy.

"I promised him I'd stay, Caleb." He stared into the hunter's eyes. "I don't break my promises. You know that."

Caleb sighed, running his hand down his face. He cared about Dean as if he were his younger brother. "Fine. I won't call this in as a finished hunt. Not yet. But do not get attached," he warned. "That is not a part of the job."

"Fine. Whatever." He looked over his shoulder and saw Castiel falling asleep. "If you need my help, you'll know where to find me," he said.

Caleb left with just a nod.

Dean sat down on the edge of Castiel's bed. He couldn't help but admire how peaceful Castiel looked in his sleep, even though his body was in so much pain. He brushed Castiel's hair out of his eyes and smiled when Castiel leaned into the touch. He left his hand in Castisel's hair for a few minutes before he started pulling out what he'd need to patch up Castiel's back.

In cleaning up Castiel’s body, Dean saw a few weird wounds on it. First were the wounds on his wrists and feet, then the tiny scars on his forehead, and last was the cut on his side. But they weren’t bleeding. Dean had heard about this before, but he didn’t believe it was possible. He thought about asking the boy about it, but stopped himself. Dean had no right. He went back to patching the wounds that actually looked like they hurt.

--------------
One more week was the longest that Dean allowed himself to stay at Castiel's house. Any longer than that and his dad would have driven down to finish the hunt for him.

In that one week, he went against Caleb's warning and became attached to Castiel. It was difficult not to. Not after cleaning up the two story house that he now had to himself. Not after cooking him three meals a day so he wasn't just skin and bones. Not after sitting in Castiel's bed every night--with a new mattress and clean sheets--listening to him talk about his life.

Castiel told him that his mom died when he was six years old. A few months later, the stigmata first appeared. It was then his dad started acting different. He started calling him Emmanuel. He took Castiel out of school. Then the demons started showing up. And the torture began. They left as soon as the wounds faded, but always showed up when they came back.

Castiel didn't know any better, and Dean hated that Castiel had to suffer for so long.

Dean found it impossible not to form a connection with the boy who was a year older than Sam, even though he looked like he was fifteen.

The connection was so deep that Dean found himself calling the boy at least once a week. They had an appointment every Thursday, 9:00 PM Castiel's time. The phone calls differed in time, ranging from ten minutes to four hours.

As much as he could, Dean tried to make it back to Illinois. It usually happened around six weeks. Sometimes less. Never more. As horrible as it sounded, Dean was all Castiel had.

--------------
Dean’s alarm went off while he was sitting at the bar with Caleb and two women trying to get them to come back to their place. Dean gave the same signal to Caleb that he always did whenever they were on a hunt together and the alarm went off.

Caleb rolled his eyes at Dean. He climbed off of his stool and walked to Dean. "Dean, come on. These girls are crazy hot," he said, trying to convince Dean to put off the call for a few minutes.

Dean shook his head. He had stood up dozens of girls before. He wouldn't do it to Castiel. "Well, if I'm gone, then you have a chance."

Caleb sighed. After three years, he had yet to convince Dean to choose hot girls over Castiel. Any other day, but Thursday, the girls would win. Of course, unless Castiel randomly called, or Dean did his random checks. "Whatever, man. Well, tell Cas that I say good luck on that testing crap and congrats on graduating." He winked at Dean, knowing how deeply he cared for the other boy, then pushed him toward the door.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Dean said. He started dialing Castiel's number before he even left the bar.

Dean went outside and walked toward his car. He wasn't about to leave Caleb, especially not knowing how long this conversation was going to last. He climbed into his baby and pressed send. He waited for Castiel to answer.

Four rings in and Castiel finally picked up. "Hey, Cas," he said when he didn't hear Cas immediately say anything.

"Dean?" Castiel replied with a yawn.

"Yeah, Dean. Who else?" Castiel sounded different. He sounded too tired. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Dean," he replied through a yawn. "Just studying."

Dean ran a hand down his face. Whenever Castiel studied, he always neglected some other things; like food, and showering, and sleeping. "What do you have coming up?"

Castiel then answered by telling Dean about what he had coming up the next few weeks until graduation. Dean smiled, taking in every detail Castiel was giving him. He noticed only a few differences from the week before.

When Dean asked what Castiel had eaten the day before, Castiel's reply caused him to roll his eyes. He made the decision to go see him. It had been a few weeks since he'd seen Castiel and he was due for a visit.

After twenty more minutes of conversation, which Dean mostly talked about the hunt he was on, Dean hung up. Dean sat back in his seat and thought for a second. He was ready to drive off and be with Cas, but he had a hunt to think about.

He ran his hands down his face and groaned. He didn't know what to do. He tossed his phone into the passenger's seat and climbed out of the car. He walked back into the bar and saw Caleb where he left him. He walked up to his friend and put a hand on his shoulder. "I have to go," he said under his breath.

"What's the matter?" Caleb asked. He turned around and slid off the stool.

Dean sent a charming smile in the girl's direction before he walked off, leading Caleb away. "I think something's wrong with Cas."

Caleb nodded. "I can finish the hunt here." He wouldn't keep Dean from his friend. "Do you need me to come with?"

"I'm not sure yet," he replied. He'd have to see if Castiel's wounds were coming back. He would need help dealing with the demons if they came. It was ridiculous that they still tried even though demons knew that Castiel was under his protection.

"Dean." Caleb needed to be sure that Dean was thinking straight. Sometimes Dean's thoughts became clouded when he worried too fiercely about people he cared for.

Dean shook his head to stop Caleb from giving him a lecture. "Finish the hunt here, Caleb," he said. "Then I'll tell you where to meet up with me. If anything changes, I'll let you know." He looked over Caleb's shoulder and saw the girls smiling at them. He clapped a hand on the older hunter's shoulders. "They're waiting for you," he said with a laugh.

"Call me when you get there," he said. "And tell Cas I say hi." With that, Caleb went back to the women back at the bar.

Dean laughed and shook his head. He headed to his car and started the drive to Illinois.

Eight hours later, Dean pulled up into Castiel’s driveway. He frowned when he saw that Castiel’s light was still on. That meant he was awake. He looked at his watch and saw that it was almost four in the morning. He pulled out his keys and flipped to the one that opened Castiel’s front door and stepped in. “Cas?” he asked as soon as he closed the door behind him.

Dean put his duffel down as he walked around the house to make sure the wards were still in place and the house was still protected. When he saw everything in its place, he walked upstairs. “Cas?” he repeated. He slowly opened the door to Castiel’s room.

He sighed when he saw Castiel sleeping in the middle of his bed, surrounded by his textbooks. This was always like him. He walked to the bed and made sure to mark all of the pages Castiel was on and closed the books. He set them neatly on the desk in the corner of the room.

Once everything was put away, he stripped down to his boxers and shirt and climbed into bed. He spooned behind the smaller man. He wrapped his arm around Castiel's waist and pulled him against his chest. He placed a soft kiss on Castiel's shoulder. A few minutes later, Dean was fast asleep.

--------------
Dean woke up before the sun started shining through the window. He looked down and saw that Castiel was still sleeping peacefully on his chest. He reached up and combed his hair.

He lay like that until Castiel stirred on his chest. Then, he stopped.

Castiel groaned as he woke himself up from sleep. He had been tired the entire week as he finished up the final touches on his thesis. He frowned when he felt someone under that didn't feel like his books or his bed. He poked at it, and it felt familiar. He opened his eyes to find a familiar person in bed with him. "Dean?” Castiel whispered.

“Hey, Cas,” he replied. He let out a long yawn.

“You didn’t have to come all the way over here.” He did appreciate it, though. He tucked himself further into Dean’s side.

“Of course, I did. You’re pushing yourself too hard, again,” he replied.

“Finals are coming up.”

“Yeah, in like three weeks.” They laid in bed for a few minutes without saying anything. Dean was the first to speak up. “What do you want for breakfast? I’m cooking.” He leaned over and kissed Castiel on the forehead.

Castiel smiled at the kiss. To him, Dean didn’t seem like the affectionate type, but he still did simple things like that with Castiel appreciated. “Not yet,” he replied.

Dean laughed. “Of course not, Cas, but what do you want to eat whenever you do get hungry?”

Castiel thought for a moment. He usually ate the same things over and over again. He always ate well whenever Dean came over, but that was only because Dean thought he didn’t eat enough. “I still don’t know how to make pancakes.”

“Then I’ll make some pancakes.” He enjoyed being able to take care of Castiel this way. It was simple. Cooking, helping clean up his house, making sure he slept enough at night. Dean didn’t feel like it was a lot, but Castiel appreciated it. Every second. Especially since Dean was only allowed to stay two days at a time.

This was the closest thing Dean was every going to have to a relationship. He talked to Castiel at least once a week, and saw him much less than that. But he was okay with that. They were both broken. And they fit.

After a couple of minutes, Dean climbed out of bed, pulling Castiel along with him. “Let’s go. I’m starving.” He really wasn’t, but he was planning on making sure Castiel gained a few pounds and ate well before he left. Dean made sure to make a few extra meals and stash them in the fridge for Castiel to eat later in the week.

He pulled Castiel out of the room before he could grab a book to read.

--------------
Dean and Castiel spent their days the way they always did. They ate, they lounged around watching movies, and they filled each other in on what had happened in their lives in the few weeks that they had been apart.

The evening of the second day was always Dean’s favorite part. After he cooked and made sure Castiel ate enough, they’d go outside and lie in the field behind Castiel’s house. They’d stay out there until either Dean felt that it was too cold for Castiel to be outside, or until Castiel fell asleep.

Dean held Castiel tucked into his side as he stared up at the stars. He slid his hand under Castiel’s shirt when he felt him shiver. He rested his hand on the small of Castiel’s back. “You okay?” he whispered, kissing Castiel’s forehead.

Castiel wanted to lie because he knew it would have been easier for the both of them if he did, but he didn’t. “I don’t want you to leave,” he mumbled. He clutched at Dean’s waist, hugging him tightly.

“Cas,” he sighed. They had this conversation every time they were together. It would happen, without fail. And every time they had this conversation, it became that much harder for him to leave.

"Please," he whispered. His voice seemed to still echo in the open space of Castiel's backyard.

Dean felt his eyes watering. Castiel rarely asked him for anything, except this. "Cas," he repeated. That's all he could say at the moment. "What do you want me to do?" he whispered. If Castiel asked him to stay, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to deny him that request.

"I don't know," he replied. He shook his head and buried his face in Dean's neck. He reached over and clenched the front of his shirt. "I don't know," he repeated, much softer.

Dean wrapped his arm tighter around Castiel. He kissed him on his forehead again. “This sucks,” he whispered. Dean was a hunter. He was constantly on the move, yet somehow he still made some time for Castiel.

Castiel appreciated it too. He often asked Dean about going with him on hunts, but Dean was too protective and didn’t want him anywhere near the hunting life. Castiel even agreed to do the research portion for Dean.

While Dean liked the idea of that, he didn’t like the idea of dragging Castiel from town to town, or having Castiel see him beat up after hunts. Dean was desperate to protect his innocence, like he tried to do with Sam.

“It does,” Castiel replied. “But for right now, it works.” Sadly.

“Cas. I want you to have a normal life.”

“My life hasn’t been normal since I was six years old, Dean.”

Dean huffed. That was the wrong thing to say. “You know what I mean, Cas.”

“I do.” He sighed and snuggled closer into the larger man. “In a year or two. If I can’t do normal, I’m coming with you.”

“Cas...”

“Please, Dean. At least give me that.”

“Okay. Okay.” Dean never could argue with Castiel. And two years did sound like long enough for Castiel to figure out what he wanted. “But it’s two to three years.”

Castiel nodded on Dean’s shoulder. “Two to three.”

They stayed outside for a few more hours before Dean felt Castiel’s skin become too cold for him to keep warm with just his body heat. He picked up the smaller man in a bridal carry and took him back inside. He carried him all the way up to Castiel’s room.

Dean kissed Castiel on his temple as he kept his hand on the small of the other boy's back when he set him on his feet. "Why don't you go change and we'll get some sleep," he whispered.

Castiel nodded, unable to deny Dean. He grabbed his pajamas and went to the bathroom to change. Dean had seen him naked when they first met, but he was still embarrassed of the scars left on his body. As he changed, he looked down at his wrist and saw it. The wound was forming. He began shaking. It was happening again.

Castiel could have easily used the situation to make Dean stay, but he wasn't selfish. He wouldn't take Dean away from hunting. He swallowed as he put on his long sleeved shirt. It would cover the wounds. The ones on his forehead and would be the last to show, so Dean would be long gone by then.

Castiel changed out of his jeans then walked back into his room. He smiled softly at Dean as he climbed into bed. On these days, Castiel slept as close to the edge of the bed as possible. It was because he didn't want to wake up when Dean slid out from under him to leave. It was always easier to just sleep through it.

Dean hated it. He hated being so far away from Castiel. This always happened. And whenever Castiel fell asleep, he always scooted forward to sleep pressed up against Castiel's back. He always slipped away without without waking the other boy up. "I'm sorry, Cas," he whispered, still far away from the other boy.

Castiel shook his head, not accepting the apology. "You don't have to say that, Dean. This is your job. Your life. You were doing this way before you met me," he whispered. He let out a shaky breath and pulled the covers up to his chin. His shaking was less noticeable that way. "Good night, Dean. I'll see you at my graduation, right?"

"Of course, Cas," he replied. Like hell he'd miss that. "Good night."

Three hours later, Castiel woke up with Dean's hand on his hip. Dean was still there. He grabbed Dean's wallet on the nightstand, and the ticket he had for Dean. He put it in behind his bills then went back to sleep.

Six hours later, when Castiel woke up to use the bathroom, Dean was gone. He felt a small sense of relief. That means Dean didn't see his injuries. He closed his eyes and fell back asleep. He had a class at eight in the morning.

-------------
Over the next few weeks, Dean and Castiel had to keep their conversations to a minimum. Dean was on hunt after hunt and Castiel had to worry about finals. They were able to keep their once a week appointments, but that was usually where most of their conversations took place.

The week of Castiel's graduation came and Dean had convinced Caleb to do all of his hunts for the next two weeks. It wasn't much convincing on Dean's part. Caleb cared about Castiel. Not the same way that Dean did, but enough that he knew what the two of them meant to each other. Caleb had seen how Dean was a lot less reckless because of Castiel, and that was a good thing as a hunter. He'd need to thank the boy eventually. He gave Dean a small box as a gift for Castiel. With a punch of the arm, he sent Dean off.

Dean nodded and drove off toward Castiel's house. He pulled out his cell phone wanting to talk to Castiel on the drive there. He knew Castiel would have the time since he was out of school. He put the phone on speaker and put it on his lap after he turned down the music.

He waited for Castiel to pick up the phone.

When the phone rang enough to go to voicemail, Dean frowned. That wouldn't have happened unless Castiel was sleeping. He set the phone next to him and waited for the inevitable call back that would happen in the next ten minutes.

When Castiel didn't call back in his within his window, Dean called him again. That never happened before. Again, the phone went to voicemail and now Dean was worried. He stepped on the gas and sped to Castiel's house, waiting for the call to tell him that Castiel was all right.

The call never came.

Dean became worried. He called Castiel every thirty minutes. "Cas, you better be at a graduation practice or something. There better be a damn good reason why you aren't answering my calls."

He hung up the phone and flung it across the car. He kept speeding toward Castiel's house. He arrived there almost an hour before schedule. Castiel's car was in the driveway. He ran out of his car and to the front door.

"Cas!" Dean yelled, almost resorting to kicking down the door instead of using the key. Neither was necessary as the front door was already open. "Cas!"

The house was tossed. He began to panic. He ran around the house for a clue to where Castiel could have been. He began to think the worst.

He was about to call his dad, or Caleb, or someone for backup. Right as he was about to dial his dad's number, his phone rang in his hand. Castiel's name flashed on the screen. He answered it and held the phone to his ear. "Cas, where are you?" he asked. He just needed to hear Castiel's voice and everything would be okay.

After two minutes of silence, Dean looked at his phone to see if Cas hung up. The timer was still going. "Cas? Come on, tell me where you are."

"That would be a little difficult since I'm trying to keep our location secret."

Dean's blood ran ice cold. That wasn't Castiel. "You son of a bitch," he growled. "Where. Is. Cas."

"Oh, Dean. Dean. Dean. Dean," the man on the other line said in a sing-song voice. "Why would I tell you where he is when my entire reason for taking him is to keep him away from you?"

"Keep him away from me? Cas is my friend,” Dean said. He had to keep his breathing even. He was ready to kill someone. Or something.

"Oh, Dean. You know that you and little Castiel are so much more than friends." The man laughed. "It's so much more exciting to come after him now, especially knowing that the Great Dean Winchester cares about him."

"You want me, come get me. But you let Cas go." Dean ran his hand down his face. Castiel wasn't at the house and Dean was wasting time just standing there listening to this douchebag. "Where are you?" he growled again.

The man on the other line laugh. "Come find me, Dean. We'll be waiting." He hung up before Dean could say anything else.

The first person Dean wanted to call was his dad. He was the best hunter he knew, and if
anyone could track the demons that took Castiel, it would be him.

Dean didn't even move to dial the number. He couldn't ask his dad for help. Not about
Castiel. Because his dad didn't know who Castiel was. John just believed that Castiel was
this girl Cassie that he'd met in Ohio a few months back. Dean wasn't going to correct him.

But if John found out that Dean was sneaking off to meet Castiel, then John would never
let Dean go off on his own again. Dean would not let that happen.

Instead, he called Caleb.

Caleb answered after three rings. "Dean?" He was surprised. He was on a hunt states away when Dean left.

"Demons have Cas. I don't know where they took him," he replied.

"I'm coming," Caleb said without hesitation. "You better wait for me and don't to
anything stupid."

"Well, you better get the fuck over here," he whispered. He was close to going crazy.
He needed someone to help him focus. Usually it was Sam, but he was gone. He couldn't
turn to his dad. Not for this. And Castiel was the one who was taken. He ran a hand down
his face. "Caleb," he said, swallowing hard.

"I'll be there soon, Dean," Caleb said, trying to calm the young hunter down. "He'll be
fine. They aren't stupid enough to mess with someone you care about."

"They obviously are, Caleb." He let out a shaky breath. "Get your ass over here. Please."
With that, he hung up the phone before Caleb could hear his voice cracking.

--------------
Dean was at his wits end by the time Caleb arrived. “Please tell me you have something,” he said when he stepped out of Castiel’s house and to Caleb’s truck.

Caleb hating seeing the younger hunter panic so much. He knew he’d have to pull rank to make sure Dean didn’t fall apart. Caleb grabbed his bag and headed toward the house Dean just left. “Dean. Get your ass in there. You need to focus.”

Dean nodded. He was glad that Caleb was there. He was ready to kill someone. “Okay.” He ran a hand down his face. “Okay.” He followed Caleb into the house. “But seriously. I need to find him.”

“We’re gonna find him, Dean,” he said, pulling the younger hunter in. “So. I called Bobby. He said there’s been some demonic activity in Indiana. Not too far from here. You want to head out?”

Dean swallowed hard. He couldn’t trust himself to make any big decisions right now. “Whatever you think is best, Caleb. I can’t... I can’t right now.”

Caleb grabbed Dean by the front of his shirt and pushed him up against the door. “Dean. Listen to me. You’re a good hunter. I know you’re scared for Cas, but you need to keep it together.” He stared at the boy, trying to sound and look like John.

Dean nodded slowly. “Okay,” he replied. He pushed Caleb away then ran a hand down his face. “Thanks, Caleb.” He needed that. He looked around the room. He already had his things packed up, ready to leave if he needed to. “Let’s go to Indiana.”

“Let’s go,” Dean was already in the Impala. “I’m taking lead.” There was no questioning it. It would give Dean time to focus if he just followed.

They arrived in the town Bobby led them to hours later. Right when they pulled up to the motel, Bobby called them. Caleb answered it.

Dean waited impatiently off to the side while Caleb talked to the elder hunter. “Well?” he asked when Caleb hung up and started walking toward him.

“Bobby told me that a bunch of hunters were tracking some demons to this state. Something is happening here, Dean. I don’t know if we’re walking into a trap.”

“I don’t give a damn, Caleb. If those are the same demons who have Cas, then they’re fucking using him as bait.” He needed to calm down again. He felt his anger rising. “They’re hurting him. I know they are. I can’t leave him to that.”

Caleb knew Dean was going to say that. “Okay,” he said. “Bobby said some hunters tracked the demons to an abandoned elementary school a few miles from here. More hunters are on their way, but they don’t know about Cas. If you want, we can just get Cas out of there and leave them to the cleanup.”

“No,” he growled. He needed to send a message. People didn’t mess with him. People didn’t touch Castiel. And the fact that demons knew to use Castiel to get to him wasn’t okay.

“Fine,” Caleb replied. He knew that would change depending on the condition they found Castiel in. “Lets go.” He stepped over to the Impala. He knew that Dean wouldn’t want to drive if Castiel was hurt.

Dean got into the car without a word and drove. He really hoped this was where they were keeping Castiel, because if it wasn’t, he had no idea where else to look.

They arrived at the school a few minutes later. Yeah, Dean sped, but he didn’t care. Cops would be the last thing stopping him from getting Castiel back. He stepped out of the car and grabbed his shotgun. “Let’s go,” he growled.

Caleb grabbed his own gun, taking point. He knew that Dean would want to just run in, but he needed a plan. He stepped into the school, clearing each room as they advanced down the hallway.

They eventually made it to the auditorium. A feeling in both of them knew that was where they were going to find the demons. They just weren’t sure what else they were going to find behind those doors.

Caleb looked over at Dean. He could see the anger radiating off of him. “Ready?”

Dean’s only response was to kick in the door. He pointed the shotgun and was greeted with a handful of demons. By the way they were all smirking at him, he knew that this was who he was looking for. “Where is he?” he growled.

“Finally,” the demon in the middle said. “We thought you weren’t smart enough to figure out where we were.”

Dean shot off a round at the demon’s chest. He watched the demon stumble, but regain himself. “Where is he!” he yelled.

“Dean!” Caleb yelled at the younger hunter. He put a hand on Dean’s shotgun, trying to lower it. “What the hell are you doing?”

Dean pushed Caleb off and was ready to shoot the demon again. “They have Cas.” He glared at the demons in front of him.

“We do,” the demon who was shot said. He laughed as he ran his hand down his chest, covering it in blood. “But Dean. We need to talk.”

“Where. Is. Cas.” He wanted to shoot the demon again. “If you want me to talk, then we’ll talk. But I want Cas out of here.”

“But we’re talking about Cas. And you. And how destiny is a fickle thing.”

“Destiny?” Dean didn’t believe in that crap. He believed in making his own way. “How is Cas supposed to be a part of my destiny?”

“Oh. How much you have yet to learn.”

“Yeah, well I always hated school.”

“Well, you better pay attention right now. Lives are at stake. Yours. Your brother’s. Your dad’s.” The demon looked over at Caleb. “That guy. All because of your little Castiel.”

“What are you talking about?” This demon had to be talking a lot of crap. There was no way that his relationship with Castiel would cause him and all the people he cared about to die.

He shook the thoughts out of his head. He couldn’t think about that. He couldn’t get distracted. Saving Castiel was the mission.

“Castiel is going to get you and your brother killed. We’ve seen the future, Winchester. We see how his presence in your life just causes you heartbreak after heartbreak.” The demon stepped toward the hunters. “If you let us keep him. Your lives will be a bit simpler.”

“Not worth it,” Dean replied. He wouldn’t leave Castiel to those demons. His life was already some shit. Whatever part Castiel played it in, it couldn’t have been bad. “Now, where is he.” He pointed his gun at a demon to the left and shot him in the chest. He opened his gun and reloaded.

The demon put his hand up to stop him. He looked to the other demons around him. “Go get him.” He looked at Caleb and smirk. “You should go get the first aid kit. Your blue-eyed boy is going to need it.” He watched the other demons leave. He turned back to Dean and smiled. “He was so brave, Dean. Didn’t even scream once.”

Dean growled. His hands clenched into fists. “You son of a bitch,” he hissed. The only thing keeping him from shooting again was the fact that he was proud of Castiel. He was a lot stronger than a lot of people gave him credit for.

He wanted to shoot the demon in the face just for the hell of it. But he needed to calm down. If Castiel saw him like this, he’d worry about Dean instead of himself.

“Dean,” Caleb whispered. He could see that Dean was close to throttling the demon. He’d step in and stop Dean, but he wouldn’t mind if Dean did.

“Go get the kit,” he growled.

“Dean.”

“Get. The damn. Kit.”

Caleb nodded. Dean used the same tone that John would use when they worked together on hunts. No room for argument. He grabbed his gun and walked back to the car.

Dean put his gun down and waited. He was nervous about what the demons could have done to his friend. The wait felt like hours.

Minutes later, the demons stepped back into the gym, dragging a body behind him. Dean’s blood ran cold. There was a lot of blood trailing behind the body. He was going to kill all of those demons.

After he made sure Castiel was okay.

He stepped forward. “Cas?” he whispered, trying to find his voice.

“He’s okay,” the demon said with a smirk. “Just a few nails in the wrists and feet here. A knife in the side there. Crown of barbed wire was a nice touch. We were only making the wounds he already had real.” He stepped toward Dean and leaned forward. “And that was after the beating.”

Dean brought the shotgun up and shot the demon in the throat. He was pissed. “Step the fuck out of the way,” he growled at the other demons.

They were much smarter than he thought since they stepped out of the way without an argument.

Dean walked over to Castiel and dropped to his knees. He looked bad. “Cas?” he whispered, reaching a shaky hand out. “You’re okay.” He was terrified to touch Castiel not wanting to cause him any more pain.

Castiel’s eyes struggled to open. “Dean?” he whispered. He reached out and took Dean’s hand in his own. “Y-you... you need to go,” he whispered.

“Not without you.”

“The demons. They said--”

“I don’t give a shit what they said, Cas.” He slid his hands under Castiel’s back and knees and picked him up.

He began walking out of the gym knowing the demons weren’t going to attack him. He knew they had their orders. They just needed to give him a message. He got it. Well, at least some of it. He was sure that they told Castiel whatever else he needed to know.

He walked down the hallway and saw Caleb walking back in with his kit. “We’re going,” he said.

Caleb looked at Dean and Castiel. “He looks bad, Dean.”

“No hospital,” they both said.

Caleb rolled his eyes. “No shit.” He reached into Dean’s pocket and took out the key to the Impala. Under usual circumstances, Dean would not have allowed him to drive, but this was completely different.

Dean climbed into the backseat of the Impala, cradling Castiel close to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Castiel shook his head on Dean’s collar bone. “Dean... the demons said I’d--”

“Demons lie, Cas.”

Castiel’s eyes began to well up with tears. He reached up and gripped Dean’s shirt as tightly as he could with the injuries to his wrist. “I don’t want to be the reason you die.”

“Cas, shut up.”

“You have to let me go.” He tightened his grip on the shirt.

“Fuck that, Cas,” Dean whispered, his throat tight.

“Dean... I’m not worth your family.”

He felt his heart pounding against his ribcage. How was he supposed to argue with that. If the demons were telling the truth, then Sam and his dad and Caleb were going to die because of his connection to Cas. “Demons lie, Cas.” He had to convince himself of that. “I’m not leaving you. I’m not letting you go.” He didn’t care if Caleb was there to witness this chick flick moment. He needed Castiel to know that what he was saying was true.

Castiel let out a sob, burying his face in Dean’s chest. “What do we do?” he mumbled.

“The same thing we always do, Cas. We survive.” He kissed the top of Castiel’s head. “And I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

Screw the two to three years.

Six weeks down...

dauntperplexity — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 01:18:38 GMT

I feel like I've been neglecting my lj for some time. I have my reasons. It's because I was writing my dystopia fic, A Moment of Weakness, and when I was done, so was my brain. Even comments to fill you guys in on my life were beyond me.

It's a freaking gorgeous day today. It's unbelievable how warm it is in Oregon, but I'm just nervous that it will mean a lot of cold for the next few days. Here's to hoping not.

About my life, it's been six weeks into my Spring semester, and so far, I'm surviving. I've been doing more reading than I anticipated, but somehow, I'm okay with that. In the year where I sat around doing nothing, I don't think I even read one of the dozens of books that are piled in my room. Maybe this will get me into the swing of reading.

But the more I read, the more I want to write. And I shouldn't want to be writing so much. I thought I was going to take a break from writing Dean/Cas fiction, but my mind just keeps wanting to write more and more about them. It's actually really ridiculous. I have all these AUs that I want to write, and I have stories for my Vegas!Verse that I need to post, and I have a follow-up to my Human!Cas AU story that I posted in October. I swear they will all see the light of day.

I think they'll be a post (along with my masterpost that I'm working on) which catalogues all of the fics that I have in progress so at least it's out there. At least that way people could get on my case to finish a certain story.

That being said, maybe getting a beta for my fics will help the process. I think I'm too critical of my own work which is why it takes forever and a day for me to post something.

But seriously, in no order, these are the three fics that I will have up within the next month (I hope).

1) Follow-up to my Human!Cas AU, Return. I already have it typed out, I just need to read over it once or twice.

2) A follow-up to my Superhero AU, Unraveling. I know what I want this story to be about, I just have to sit down and write it.

3) A Vegas!Verse story. I want to skip a few scenes in the verse, but I'm trying to figure out if it's too important. I have most of the story done, I just have to make a decision on the order in which it happens in the verse and if it works without the other fics.

There are dozens more stories floating around my head, but it's hard to keep track of them especially when I'm reading Paradise Lost and Romeo and Juliet and poems on top of poems. I swear I'll sort them all out eventually.

So yeah, that's my life. I know this just looks like a bunch of madness, and I'm sorry.

This is the randomness that is DauntPerplexity.

A Moment of Weakness (Epilogue)

dauntperplexity — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 05:45:36 GMT

Lucifer flew to the Garden. He needed to speak with his Father, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to locate Him without help. He sat under the largest tree and waited. His wings tensed when he heard someone approach a moment later. He looked up and smiled. “Joshua,” he greeted with a smile, making his way to his feet. “How is my favorite landscaper?”

Joshua smiled. “I’m doing well,” he replied in his smokey voice. “It’s been some time, Lucifer.”

“It has.”

“Your Father is waiting for you.”

“I don’t know how to find Him.”

Joshua snapped his fingers and a doorway appeared in front of them. He stepped forward and opened the door. It swung open slowly. “He’s in there,” he said.

“You aren’t coming?”

“I already know what you two are going to talk about.”

Lucifer walked to the door. “Should I be afraid?”

“You aren’t afraid of anything.”

Lucifer smiled as Joshua smiled at him. “That’s true. Well, it was nice to see you, Joshua.”

“The feeling is mutual, Morningstar.”

Lucifer froze in the doorway. “It’s been an eternity since someone’s called me that.”

“You’re more suited to the side of good than you think you are, Lucifer. Remember that.” Joshua closed the door behind Lucifer as he stepped through.

--------------

The setting was different from the last time he was in Heaven. Now, they were in a bookstore. Lucifer found his Father sitting on a small stage in the children’s section. “Father?” he asked as he approached.

His Father looked up. He didn’t look surprised to see Lucifer standing before Him. “You didn’t want to stay on Earth any longer?”

“I’m not needed,” he lied. Of course he was needed, but he knew his brothers would be able to handle a few things without him. He’d be back on Earth eventually to give them the next clue. Or tell them the answer to his riddle if they hadn’t figured it out the allotted time he gave them.

“They could always use your help.”

“I helped them as much as I could before I left.”

“I’m surprised you even told them that much,” his Father replied with a smirk.

Lucifer smiled back. “They wouldn’t have been able to figure it out without me. But I didn’t just hand it to them. I think that Castiel is smart enough to eventually figure it out.”

He could not ignore how Lucifer’s tone changed at the mention of his youngest brother. “He will be.”

Lucifer nodded. There was no mistaking the fondness in his Father’s tone. He was jealous for a moment when he remembered how his Father used to talk about him that way. “I understand why he’s the one.”

“Do you, now?”

Lucifer nodded. “Yes.”

“Well, let’s not talk about that now. I’m hungry. Will you be joining me?”

“I suppose,” Lucifer replied. He wasn’t needed anywhere else. And he was not in a rush to go back down to Hell.

“Good. There is a place in Montana that apparently serves very good sandwiches.”

Lucifer shook his head. “I have no wishes to return to that state so soon after spending so much time there.”

“We’ll have someone bring it to us.”

Lucifer huffed. He didn’t know what his Father was talking about, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. He watched his Father lean back on the stage with a children’s book in his hand. He saw angels on the pages.

He didn’t know how long he stood in silence, but felt awkward standing there with his Father and nothing happening between them. “Does your youngest know what will happen to him the moment he sees your face?”

“No.” He turned a page in the book in His lap.

“Does anyone besides me know?”

“Does it matter?”

“Not to me,” Lucifer said. “But you don’t know how everyone else will react.”

He closed the book then stood up. He stayed on the stage so he was at eye-level with His son. “They will adapt.”

“Like they always do?” Lucifer replied, incredulous. History had shown that angels were not good with change.

“They will adapt.”

Lucifer wanted to know what his Father knew, but he kept his mouth shut. There was probably already a plan in action. Lucifer just had to wait and see what part he had in it.

“Once they find out who he is, they’ll come after him again,” Lucifer said. And they would be more determined and persistent than before.

“I know.”

“You can only bring him back so many times, Father.” He didn’t know if there was a limited number of times that the youngest angel could come back to life.

He grabbed Lucifer’s arms and squeezed them. “That’s why you’ll be there to protect him when he needs it.”

Lucifer bowed his head, unable to accept his Father’s words. “You have a lot of faith in me, Father.” His Father smiled.

“God is allowed to have faith in things too.”

[Chapter 16] [Masterpost]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 16)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:38:21 GMT

Dean woke up and saw that the bed was empty beside him. He was ready to jump out of bed and search the house, but he stopped when he saw the silhouette of someone sitting at the foot of the bed. “Cas?” he whispered, his voice still rough from sleep.

Castiel spun around to look at Dean. “I didn’t realize you were awake. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Nah,” Dean replied. He threw the covers off of him and swung his legs off the bed. He stood up and stretched. He picked up his discarded boxers and slipped back into them. He looked over at Castiel and saw that he was still naked. Then he looked at what he held in his hand. “You haven’t done it yet?”

“Done what?”

Dean’s eyes went to Castiel’s grace and the angel’s eyes followed. “I figured you’d have your wings back by the time I woke up.”

Castiel closed his hands around the vial. He shook his head. “No, not yet.”

“What are you waiting for?” The demons and angels that hurt him were gone. Castiel got his closure. Dean was scared that there was someone or something they missed.

“Any reason I don’t deserve this,” Castiel whispered, not wanting Dean to hear his admission.

Dean ran his hand down his face. He sat down next to Castiel. “Cas, come on. I thought we were done with this.”

“We are,” Castiel answered. “I just…” His voice trailed off because he didn’t know what he wanted to say to finish that sentence.

“What? Is there any other human thing I can help you with?”

“No, I’m okay,” Castiel said with a smile remembering everything that happened last night.

“Cas,” Dean pressed. He wasn’t too worried since Castiel was smiling.

“I’m fine, Dean.”

“Really.” Dean put a hand on the one that held Castiel’s grace and squeezed it.

Castiel put his hand on Dean’s and mirrored the action. “Yes.”

“Okay.” Dean slipped his hand out from between Castiel’s. He stood up and scratched the back of his head. “Well, I feel like I should leave you alone so you can re-grace yourself.”

“No,” Castiel said rather quickly, jumping to his feet. He grabbed Dean’s arm. “Stay. Please.”

“Cas, I can’t exactly do anything to help you,” Dean replied.

“I just want you here.” Castiel sighed. “I won’t let anything happened to you.”

“Well, that’s good,” Dean said. He did not want to be hurt while Castiel became an angel again. “So, how are you doing this?”

Castiel shrugged. “I just have to break the vial. Right? That’s what Anna did.” He felt his grace warm up in his hand. It probably knew that it would soon be back in its vessel. “Dean?”

“Yeah, Cas?”

“I… I don’t know how to ask…”

Dean stepped forward and wrapped his hand around Castiel’s. He tilted his head to the side and pressed his lips to Castiel’s, hoping that was what Castiel was going to ask for. He reached up with his free hand and placed it on the back of Castiel’s neck to deepen the kiss.

He squeezed Castiel’s hand, telling him that it was okay to break the vial. When he felt Castiel’s hand close tightly under his, he knew that it was about to get really bright.

The glass cracked and Dean knew to screw his eyes shut.

Their kiss heated up, and Dean contemplated pulling away before his entire body burned. He felt like he was in a sauna. He kept kissing Castiel because he found himself unable to separate from Castiel. The temperature continued to climb and he knew that if this continued, he had no other choice but to push Castiel away.

Finally, the temperature died down, and Dean found his lips still pressed to Castiel’s. He could not believe that he wasn’t covered in burns, but he knew Castiel had something to do with that. Once the room dimmed, Dean opened his eyes and ended the kiss.

He stared at Castiel’s who was breathing hard. His eyes were wide, and Dean noticed how much bluer they were since his grace was returned. He panicked when Castiel swayed then fell forward into his chest.

“Whoa, hot stuff,” Dean said as he held Castiel in his arms. His body was warmer than a human body should be. “Cas?” He looked down and saw that Castiel’s eyes were closed. “Damnit.”

He took a quick once over and saw that there were no new injuries on Castiel’s body. His gaze went down Castiel’s back and he could have sworn that he saw something like a mirage moving near his shoulder blades. He reached out, trying to run his fingers through it. He pulled his hand back when he felt Castiel tremble in his arms. He wondered if he had just touched Castiel’s wings.

Dean bent down and slid his arm under Castiel’s knees. He stood up and carried the other man to the bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress after he put Castiel down, hoping that he wouldn’t be unconscious for very long.

A few minutes later, Castiel stirred on the bed. His eyes shot open and immediately went to Dean. “What?”

“You okay?” Dean asked.

“I didn’t expect that to happen.”

“I don’t suppose this whole you passing out thing will be over and done with now that you’ve got your grace back?” Dean smiled as Castiel stared at him and tilted his head. Of course, it was too much to ask. “So, how does it feel to be an angel again?”

“I never realized how heavy my wings were.” He squinted his eyes when he realized something. His hand went to this throat and he rubbed it. “Does my voice always sound like this?”

Dean laughed. “Yeah. That hasn’t changed.” He grabbed Castiel’s hands and pulled him into a sitting position. He looked over Castiel’s body and noticed that he was mostly healed except for the sigil scars, but more importantly the love bites and bruises from the night before. “Cas?” Dean asked, tracing a finger on the bruises he left on Castiel’s hip.

Castiel looked down to watch Dean draw circles on the darkened spot. “It’ll heal eventually. It doesn’t hurt.”

Dean stopped moving. “Were you hurting? From last night, I mean.” Dean blushed. It wasn’t like him to talk about things that intimate that directly.

“No,” Castiel said with a shake of his head.

“Cas,” Dean said. If he hurt Castiel, he wanted to know. He didn’t like the idea of possibly hurting the other man, especially since what they did wasn’t supposed to cause him pain.

Castiel shook his head. “It was… enjoyable,” he replied when he found the right word to say.

Dean smiled. “Only you would make sex sound so clinical.”

Castiel smiled back. “But I did enjoy it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean replied. Castiel knew how to stroke his ego.

“I’m sure we’ll be able to continue this even though I have my grace back, if you like.”

Dean smiled and nodded. He had fun last night. He would not object to doing it again. “Why don’t you go take a shower? Don’t just mojo yourself clean. Appreciate these finer things in life. I’ll go see if everyone’s back.”

“All right.” Castiel slid out of bed, not caring that he was naked, and walked to the bathroom.

Dean couldn’t help but smirk. It was quite the situation he found himself in. When he heard the sound of the water turning on he threw on a shirt and jeans, then he left.

As Dean headed down the stairs, he could hear voices in the living room. Everyone was back. Considering the Leviathans were still causing chaos on the Earth, the mood in the cabin was much lighter. Dean desperately wanted Castiel’s survival to be a turning point. They needed some strikes in the win column.

He got to the first floor and could hear Michael and Lucifer talking in the guest room. He sat down on the couch and turned his body to watch them. He had the perfect view. He hoped the conversation wasn’t supposed to be private because he was sure they knew he was watching them. He didn’t care. If they didn’t want him there, they had the power to send him to Cambodia until they were done with their conversation.

“This doesn’t change anything between us,” Lucifer said. He crossed his arms over his chest.

“I know,” Michael said, sad.

“Michael.”

“It was nice to be on the same side for once.” He could barely remember a time where the two of them weren’t fighting.

“Father said for me to help Castiel. It would have been difficult to accomplish that if I was working against you.”

“But he means nothing to you.” Michael said that, but he didn’t believe it. He could see how Lucifer cared about Castiel. Maybe in the beginning it was just because of their Father’s orders, but now Lucifer had a connection with the youngest angel.

Lucifer knew what his brother was thinking. He shook his head. What he felt about Castiel didn’t matter. “He means something to Father. I still love Him, even though He cast me out.”

“At least you have your priorities.” Michael was glad for that. He didn’t know if they would have succeeded in helping Castiel without Lucifer’s assistance. “But thank you for your help.”

It was getting too chick-flicky for Dean’s liking. He did not want to see an emotional reunion between the two archangels. He saw Sam sitting at the kitchen table with Gabriel and Balthazar and walked over to them. “How was Missouri’s?” Dean asked as he took a seat across from his brother. For the first time in a long time, they sat at the kitchen table.

“I have bruises from her hugging me so hard.”

Dean smiled. Missouri was one to give bear hugs to people. Especially people she hadn’t seen in years. “You guys talk?”

“Yeah.”

“About?” Dean hoped that Missouri was able to help Sam to deal with his wall being torn down.

“Stuff.” Sam replied. He knew that his brother was trying to keep the attention off of him for as long as possible. Too bad for Sam, he already had some things to say. “She did say she was glad that you two finally pulled your heads out of your asses.”

“What?” Dean said loudly. He was glad he wasn’t holding anything or eating anything because it would not have helped him keep his composure. He would have made a mess with his reaction.

“Dean, it’s okay.”

Dean shook his head. He couldn’t even come up with anything to argue or dispute what Sam said. His brain had chosen that exact moment to stop working. “Shut up,” he finally said. “We’re not having a moment like this before I get some food in me.”

Sam smiled. As easy as it would have been to torment his brother, he contained himself. It wasn’t fun to mess with him when there wasn’t a challenge. “Okay.”

“So, it’s over,” Dean said.

“Depends on what you mean by over,” Sam replied. “The Leviathans are still running loose.”

Castiel flew into the kitchen dressed in his usual suit and trench coat. Dean would not mention how glad he was to see Castiel back to his angelic form; grace, trench coat, suit, and all.

Lucifer clapped his hands once and everyone turned their attention to him. “Well, that’s my cue to leave.”

Dean looked up and saw Lucifer and Michael enter the kitchen. “Wait, you’re just high-tailing it out of here?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Why?” Gabriel asked.

“I did what I needed to do. Father said to help the little angel over there, and I did.”

“So now what, you’re going to help the Leviathans?” Balthazar asked.

“No, of course not,” Lucifer said, almost sounding offended that his brother would even assume that. He thought that he made his stance on the Leviathans clear. “I would never lower myself to work those savages. I have some integrity.”

“So you say,” Dean replied.

“Then why can’t you help us?” Michael asked.

All Lucifer could do was shrug. He walked over to Castiel and stood in front of the angel. He stared at him for a moment or two. He was pleased to see Castiel not back away fro him. He reached over Castiel’s shoulder and traced his finger over something invisible. Castiel shivered under his touch. “You’re special,” Lucifer whispered. “And more peculiar than ever. I can see why Father loves you so much. Amazing, since you have yet to see His face.”

Castiel stepped back and out of Lucifer’s reach. He shivered once more. “Lucifer, do you know what the Leviathans want?” He knew that the Leviathans didn’t want to just create chaos on the Earth. There had to be more to their plan.

“They want Heaven,” he said, his answer simple and nonchalant.

“What?” Michael and Gabriel said at the same time.

“They want. Heaven,” Lucifer said more slowly, keeping his gaze on Castiel. “They want to show Father how they feel about Him keeping them in Purgatory all this time. They know that Father isn’t in Heaven, so they want to cause enough trouble that He returns. When He does, they’ll be waiting.”

“We have to warn Father,” Castiel replied. The Leviathans could be stronger than the last time their Father fought them. He might not be strong enough to handle them this time.

“Maybe,” Michael said. He needed to soothe his brother’s anxiety even though he was worried too. “But the plan might not be possible with Belial dead and Satan locked away.”

“Do not give them the chance to use their plan B,” Lucifer said.

“Plan B?” Dean said. They had a hard enough time dealing with Belial and Satan. He did not want to have to worry about more evil angels that could come after Castiel.

“It may not be as strong and attractive as plan A, but it will get the job done.”

“So, stopping them could be easier said than done,” Sam said. They still had no way of stopping the Leviathans, so they weren’t sure if they’d be able to stop their back-up plan.

Lucifer shrugged. He turned to face his brothers. “By the way, brothers. You won’t be able to defeat Father’s beasts. He created them before He made us. He made us weaker than them because he was afraid. You cannot beat all of them.”

“Do you know how to?”

“You should hope he doesn’t summon the other princes,” Lucifer continued as if Dean hadn’t said anything. “Especially Belphegor.”

“Why?”

“She’s the only other one who isn’t an angel. That vain and slothy princess,” he said with a smirk as he thought about her. “She is the only one that you don’t know how to kill.”

“Lucifer,” Michael sighed. There was nothing positive or helpful about what was coming from his brother’s mouth.

“Good luck, brothers.”

“Lucifer, wait,” Castiel said before the archangel could disappear.

“Yes?”

“Can we come to you? If we need help?”

Lucifer looked around his youngest brother to the other angels in the room. He could see that they all had the same question in their eyes. He looked back to Castiel. “You can.”

“Why me?”

“Father said for me to help you. Only you. And as much as you don’t want to see it, we’re more alike than you think. We are quite the rebellious pair.”

Castiel blushed. He did not think that having any similarities to Lucifer was a good thing. “I… thank you,” he said, unsure of the proper response to that.

Lucifer looked at Castiel and couldn’t help but smile. In the last few weeks, he had come to admire the young angel. He decided to leave him with a parting gift. He leaned forward as if he were going to whisper in his ear. “Remember how you killed Eve,” he said loudly enough that everyone heard. “The only time angels are stronger than the beasts are when they’re dead.”

Lucifer sauntered over to Dean and stood toe to toe with him. He crossed his arms over his chest and stood as tall as he could. “You better keep him safe, Dean.” That was as close to a threat as he’d give the human. He would never hurt Dean, but he needed Dean to know that Castiel was important. Even if they didn’t know to what extent yet. “Now, I say farewell. For now,” he finished with a wink. With a flutter of heavy wings, he was gone.

“What do you think all of that meant?” Sam asked.

“It means that something happened between Castiel and Dean last night. And now there is something more going on between them.”

“Not that, Gabriel. The only time angels are stronger than the beasts are when they’re dead,” Michael repeated. “I don’t understand.”

“All you angels have an allergy to straight answers. Why the hell do you guys have to make things so difficult?” Dean asked.

Michael brought a hand up to the bridge of his nose and rubbed. He was more frustrated than Dean. “Lucifer likes riddles. And puzzles. This way, he’s entertained.”

Dean wanted to be pissed, but he couldn’t summon up the frustration. He figured that Michael was frustrated enough for all of them. They had a clue on how to defeat the Leviathans. As obscure as the clue was, it was something. He looked to Castiel who had a pensive look on his face. “Any ideas?”

“Not at the moment,” he replied. “I’m still getting used to having my full grace in an injury free body. It’s difficult to focus on so many things after being human for so long.” Castiel quivered when his grace pulsed throughout his body. He let out a shaky breath. “I’m fine, Dean,” he said before Dean could ask him how he was doing. “We need to focus on the clue Lucifer just gave us.”

“Do you have a starting point?” Sam asked.

“We can check the Divine Scrolls in our library,” Michael said.

“That sounds like a good place to start,” Gabriel agreed.

“Then after that?” Sam asked.

“We find ourselves a Leviathan and test our theories out,” Balthazar said.

Dean could go along with that plan. “Do we have any theories? Any at all?”

“No,” Balthazar replied. “But we have weapons that you humans didn’t have access to. Something may work.”

Dean smiled. He knew he thought it a lot over the past few weeks, but it was good to be on the same side as the angels. It gave him hope. “Okay, then. Get to that. Me and Sam will brainstorm ideas about what the hell Lucifer was talking about.”

The angels agreed with that plan. Castiel stood in front of Dean, looking into his eyes. “I will let you know of our findings.”

“Thanks,” Dean said, blushing. Every moment with Castiel felt a lot more intimate because of what happened the night before.

“How is it possible that there is still this much sexual tension between you two after what happened last night?”

“Gabriel!” Michael yelled.

“Oh my—”

“Dean!” Castiel yelled to keep Dean from blaspheming.

“You need to tell your brother to shut the hell up.”

“We’re leaving,” Castiel said, speaking to the angels but not taking his eyes off of Dean.

Dean grabbed Castiel’s arm before he could fly off. He made sure he kept Castiel’s gaze. “Let us know when you got something. All right? And be careful.” He had to fight to lean in and give Castiel a parting kiss.

Castiel nodded. He put a hand on Dean’s and squeezed it. “Of course.” He let go of Dean’s hand then disappeared.

The other angel’s followed in his stead, but not without sending their smiles and smirks Dean’s way.

Dean shook his head, not caring that they knew. They didn’t know everything, and they would have found out that something was going on between them eventually. He turned to look at his brother only to be greeted with the same look on Sam’s face. Except his expression was multiplied by ten. “No,” Dean said. He needed to get as far away as possible from the impending conversation. He couldn’t get far with his brother’s hand on his chest.

“So, you and Cas?” Sam dropped his hand and crossed his arms over his chest.

“What about us?”

“Dean, if you guys are together, that’s awesome.”

Dean knew he could only avoid Sam’s questions for so long. “I don’t know what we are.”

“Dean,” Sam said. He suspected Dean wasn’t telling him everything.

“Seriously,” Dean said. He didn’t know if there was a word for what they were. Well, there probably was a word, but like he would know.

“Why don’t you just be with him and be happy?” Sam said with a sigh. His brother frustrated him to no end when it came to his own happiness.

Dean glared at his brother. He put a hand up to stop his brother from saying anything. After a few moments of silence to build up the tension, he finally spoke. “Are you dying?”

“What?” Sam asked. “No.”

“Am I dying?”

“Dean, what the hell is wrong with you?”

“The last time you told me something like this—”

“No,” Sam said quickly. “No one is dying.”

“Then why are—”

Sam pushed his brother in the arm. He knew his brother was just coming up with excuses now. “Dean, Cas stabbed himself so you wouldn’t have to choose between me and him knowing that you would never choose anyone over me.”

“Sam. I can’t,” Dean said. “Not with him. Not right now.”

“Why not?” Sam wanted Dean to give him a legitimate reason why they couldn’t be together. Until he could, Sam would tell him why they would work. “It’s not like he can’t show up wherever we are. It’s not like he can’t take care of himself. Jeez, Dean. Just let yourself be happy for once. He is what you want, but won’t let yourself have.”

“I’m not…” Dean said. He hated how well his brother knew him.

“Dean, I’ve seen you stare down the scariest things on this planet without blinking, yet the idea happiness scares you shitless.”

Dean stood there, dumbfounded. He couldn’t think of anything to say to dispute his brother. “So, then what? After we kill the Leviathans, me and Cas ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after?” A smile broke out across Sam’s face and Dean wondered what he said. His eyes widened when he realized it. “Fuck.”

Sam laughed. “I never said anything like that. I just said to be with him. You’re the one taking the fantasy that far.”

“Yeah. Fuck,” Dean said. He dragged his hand down his face.

“You want a normal life, Dean, but our life isn’t normal.”

Dean felt his chest tighten. He could not handle all of this sentimental crap. “Sam.”

“What? He fits our definition of normal. Cas can handle our life. He’s supposed to be here with us.” Sam stared at his brother and waited for a response. When he didn’t get one, he continued to speak. “I know you agree.”

Dean swallowed hard then scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, I guess,” he mumbled.

“Okay,” Sam said with a smile. He got his brother to sort of admit how he felt. He counted it as a victory. It was enough of a chick-flick moment for the day. Now they needed to get to work. “So, how is a dead angel supposed to be stronger than a Leviathan?”

Dean was glad for the subject change and had to smile. “I’ll call Bobby.” Well, after he made something to eat.

[Chapter 15] [Masterpost] [Epilogue]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 15)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:36:21 GMT

Gabriel was a dick.

That was the first thing Dean thought when he landed in Montana. Or when he landed on top of Castiel, on the bed, in the master bedroom.

“Dean,” Castiel whispered as Dean’s elbows and knees dug into his chest and thighs. He was uncomfortable.

“Shit,” Dean said, trying to scramble off the bed. The first few attempts only made things worse. He ended up kneeing Castiel in the groin and flattening his nose with his palm. Dean settled for rolling off of Castiel and toward the nearest edge of the bed.

Dean jumped off the bed and stood in the open floor space. He had no idea what Gabriel expected them to do since they had the house to themselves. Well, actually, he knew what Gabriel expected, but Dean didn’t think there was a possibility of that happening.

That was until he felt himself pushed up against the nearest wall with Castiel’s hands on his cheeks and lips pressed to his.

Dean was surprised for half a split second before he reacted. He reached up and grabbed Castiel’s shirt and pulled him close so their bodies were touching from forehead to toe. He let Castiel take control of the kiss, following the angel’s, or human’s at that point, lead.

Dean felt Castiel through his jeans and pulled back to groan, and to catch his breath. He banged his head against the back of the wall behind him. He could not believe this was happening. He looked at Castiel who had his eyes wide and was fighting to get his breathing under control.

“I’m sorry.” When he saw Dean staring at him, his eyes dropped to the floor. “Was that not all right?”

“That was fine.” Dean took Castiel’s chin in hand and tilted his face up. He needed to see Castiel’s face. “Better than fine,” he reassured.

“All right.”

Dean grabbed Castiel’s shirt and crashed their lips together again. He needed the kiss. Even if it was just to make sure that Castiel was still alive. Feeling the other man’s lips pressed to his was convincing him.

Then he remembered what Castiel had done. He pushed Castiel away and glared at him. “Don’t you ever make that choice for me again.” He wasn’t mad. He just needed Castiel to think he was.

“I won’t promise that,” Castiel replied.

Dean knew that Castiel wouldn’t. But he needed to say that out loud so the next time something like this happened Dean would have a legitimate reason for being angry with him. But he couldn’t be angry right now. Right now, he was just relieved. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

He lifted up his shirt and showed Dean that there was no wound anymore. “I’m healed.” He knew that Dean still couldn’t process that he was standing before him alive and unharmed. “I may be bruised from you landing on me.”

Dean grabbed Castiel’s shirt and pulled it back down. He could not believe that Castiel had survived getting stabbed by an angel sword. “So, you want to explain to me the whole human thing?” He tried putting it together earlier, but his thoughts were racing then. He was calmer now.

“When I sent you here, I sent my grace with you.”

“Why?”

“It felt like the smartest thing to do at the time,” Castiel replied with a shrug. “I knew you’d protect it.”

“So, you were Belial this entire time as a human? How reckless can you be?” Dean asked. He threw a hand up to keep Castiel from talking. He couldn’t control the outburst, but as quick as it came, he was calming back down. “Okay. I’m cool,” he said, letting out a deep breath to relax. “Continue.”

“So when Belial stabbed me—”

“You stabbed yourself,” Dean interrupted.

Castiel rolled his eyes. “When I was stabbed, I was human. So the sigils had no effect on me. I was just injured from a stab wound. My grace wasn’t injured because you had it.”

“So, you knew something like this was going to happen,” Dean said.

“I had an inkling,” Castiel spoke slowly. He needed to choose his words correctly.

“And you still stabbed yourself?”

“I wasn’t planning on dying, Dean,” Castiel sighed. “I knew Michael or Gabriel would have been able to heal me.”

“And what if you stabbed yourself in the wrong place?”

“Dean, stop,” Castiel said. He knew it would take a lot of arguing and persuasion on his part for him to calm Dean down, but he needed to make his point. He couldn’t blame Dean for worrying, even though he didn’t want him to. He knew that no matter what he said, he would. “Just accept that I’m back, and I’m fine. Belial is dead, and I’m fine.”

“Good,” Dean sighed, grateful. He wanted to stay positive that they were able to fix one thing in the world, but Dean was cautious. He didn’t want to be so happy that when the next bad thing came flying their way they’d be caught off guard.

He looked up at Castiel and saw how much more at ease he was. He felt good that he could help the angel achieve that.

“Thank you,” Castiel said. “For what you’ve done.”

Dean shook his head. He didn’t deserve Castiel’s gratitude. “It’s not a big deal, Cas. It sort of pales in comparison to everything you’ve done for me.” Dean let out a shaky breath. He knew he would have to do a lot more to make it up to the angel. He would have said that to Castiel, but he knew that was one conversation that would be brought up many more times later. “Cas?” He decided that it was a good time to change the subject.

“Yes, Dean?”

Now that Castiel had given him an opening, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to go through with the conversation. He had trouble easing into it because he wasn’t good at being subtle. He was sure Castiel wouldn’t care for it either. He settled for being straightforward. He knew that would be a language Castiel would understand. “Missouri said that you love me.”

Castiel’s eyes widened and he felt all the color drain from his face. Never in all of his time as a human had he wished he had his wings back more than that moment. He wanted to run away, but he knew that Dean would be able to catch him. “I… I never told her.”

“I never tell her a lot of crap. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t know it.”

“Does that bother you?” Castiel asked. If it did, he wasn’t sure what he’d be able to do about it. He kept the option open of erasing this conversation from Dean’s memory once he had his powers back.

“No,” Dean answered.

“Not about Missouri. About me... loving you.”

“The answer’s still the same,” he said. He didn’t want Castiel to freak out. Dean was actually surprised that he wasn’t uneasy about it. A few years ago, hell, even months ago, he would have freaked out. But there was some comfort in knowing that Castiel was doing these things because he loved him and not out of orders or obligation. He wanted to shake the angel for being stupid enough to fall in love with him, but he wasn’t going to chastise the angel for feeling.

What scared him was that he was sure he’d start to feel the same way about Castiel.

“Dean?” Castiel said.

Dean blinked a couple of times. He didn’t know how long he had let his thoughts wander, but he knew it had to be for some time if Castiel had to bring him back. “You should sit down.” Dean grabbed Castiel’s wrist and led him to the bed.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ll be right back,” Dean replied as he headed to the door.

“Dean.”

“I’ll be right back,” he repeated.

“Dean,” Castiel repeated. He hoped he didn’t scare Dean away. He got ready to stand back up.

Dean glared at the angel, forcing him to stay seated. “Cas, don’t move.” Then Dean thought about how the situation must have looked. Castiel had just given him as close to a declaration of love as he would ever give, and Dean was leaving him. “I’ll seriously be back in one minute.”

Castiel sighed and conceded. He knew that it would just be a waste of energy if he continued to argue. “Okay.”

“And don’t time me,” Dean said. Then he left Castiel alone in his room.

He left the room, trudged downstairs, and made his way to the last car that he put the trench coat in. He popped open the trunk. He saw a piece of tanned fabric and pulled at it until the trench coat was free. It had more wrinkles since the last time he looked at it.

He patted down the sides, unable to remember which pocket he put Castiel’s grace into. When he felt something in one of the pockets, he held it up to his face and could see the grace shining through the fabric. He reached into the pocket and took out the vial.

As soon as he touched it, he saw how the vial filled a little more. “Huh,” he said, believing Castiel’s story about him holding the remains of his grace. Once the vial was completely filled, he stuck it back into the pocket he pulled it from. He rolled the trench coat into a ball then slammed the trunk shut.

He headed back upstairs. He knew his minute was probably up.

He got back to his room and saw Castiel where he left him. He had to laugh. “You’ve been sitting this entire time?” He stepped into the room with Castiel’s coat hidden behind him.

“You told me not to move.”

Dean smiled. It disappeared just as quickly as it came when he realized what he was about to do. He brought his arm around and held the coat out in front of him. “Here.”

Castiel stared at the tanned bundle in Dean’s hand. He instantly knew what it was. “You kept my coat?” With a shaky hand, Castiel reached out and grabbed it.

Dean nodded once. “It felt wrong to just leave it in the reservoir.”

“Thank you,” he whispered. He shook it out and let it unfurl. “I remember the Leviathans pulling me out of the water and I wasn’t wearing it. Thank you,” he repeated. He held it out in front of him and stared at it, cataloguing all of the stains on it. “It’s sullied.”

“I didn’t wash it.”

Castiel lowered the coat to look at Dean, then he tilted his head. “Why not?”

Dean couldn’t tell him that if he washed it, it wouldn’t smell like him anymore. That would be a little too much. “I just couldn’t.” While Castiel stared at the front of his coat, Dean reached into a pocket and pulled out the vial. When he looked at it, it looked brighter than when he first put it away. It was hard to believe that everything that made Castiel an angel fit into such a little thing.

Castiel folded up his coat and saw Dean standing across from him, staring at something in his hand. “My grace,” he whispered. “You had it this entire time?” His tone wasn’t accusing.

Dean took it that way. “I wanted to give it back to you sooner, but—”

“I wouldn’t have accepted it,” Castiel said, softly. He needed to stop Dean’s apology and guilt before it started.

“That’s what your brothers said.” Dean stared at Castiel as he stared at his grace. “Here,” he said, holding the vial out to Castiel.

Castiel folded up the trench coat and tossed it onto the bed. With a shaky hand he took his grace from Dean. “Thank you.”

Dean watched as Castiel held it up in front of his face, inspecting it more closely. He stood in awe as the grace reacted when Castiel exhaled on the vial. Dean felt like he was intruding on something. “I’ll let you re-angelify yourself. Call me back when you’re done.”

“Dean, wait.”

Dean looked into Castiel’s eyes and saw that he didn’t want to be alone. “Or I can just close my eyes.”

“I don’t want it.”

“What do you mean you don’t want it?” Dean shouted. He wondered where the anger came from.

Castiel’s eyes widened at Dean yelling at him. He had no idea why Dean was so upset. Replaying the words in his head, he realized his mistake. “Not yet,” he added.

Dean sighed and calmed back down. He needed to teach Castiel how to choose his words better. “Why not?”

“I…” Castiel’s gaze fell to the floor, unable to look at Dean. “I want to enjoy being a human a little longer,” he whispered. He almost didn’t want Dean to hear what he said.

But Dean did. His eyes squinted at Castiel’s request. “Cas, the world is sort of falling apart right now.”

“We aren’t going to find a solution to the Leviathan problem tonight. I can guarantee that.” He knew that everyone wanted a short respite before they went back to search for a way to defeat the Leviathans. He felt they all needed it.

Dean nodded in agreement. He needed a couple of hours to process everything. By tomorrow, he’d hopefully be ready to set his attention back on the Leviathans. “Okay, so what human things did you want to enjoy?” he asked.

“I…” His cheeks warmed up and felt the heat spreading throughout his body. He looked up at Dean with wide eyes. He knew what he wanted, he just didn’t know how to ask for it. He hoped Dean would understand so he wouldn’t actually have to say it out loud.

Dean’s eyes widened back. Castiel couldn’t have been asking him to help him get his cherry popped. “I can order you a hooker.”

“Dean,” Castiel sighed. He was glad that Dean understood what he wanted, but he was disappointed that Dean didn’t realize who he wanted it to happen with. “I don’t… unless you don’t want—”

“No,” Dean said, shaking his head. He knew what Castiel was asking as soon as the words left his mouth, but he was hoping that he read it wrong. When he wasn’t, he became nervous. “It’s just… would it be appropriate?”

“I want it. You want it. Hopefully.”

Dean was ready to say that he wasn’t sure. That was a lie. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted it. He wasn’t sure if he could admit it. He wasn’t going to let Castiel know how much everything in him wanted them to be together. “Cas, you’re just saying that because you went through more than anyone should have to go through these last few weeks.”

“Dean, all I’ve felt these last few months was pain. I would like to feel some pleasure.”

“Cas,” Dean sighed. “You can’t.”

“Do you want to wait until I’m an angel again?”

“No,” Dean replied. “If you want your first time to be as a human, then your first time will be as a human. I’d feel less blasphemous too.” It’s weird enough for him to help Castiel lose his virginity, but if Castiel were an angel, he’d constantly walk around with the fear of God in him. He did not need that anxiety on top of everything else. “How… how far do you want to go?” He winced at his words. He could not believe that he was asking questions prior to them doing whatever they were going to do. He felt like this was the part before a porno where the directors interviewed the participants before they got down to the actual sex.

“However far you’re willing. I don’t really know how to go about this.”

“Damnit, Cas.” Of course Castiel would leave all the decision making to him. “No pressure on my part.” He began to come up with a game plan. He thought of ways to go about this so he didn’t hurt Castiel.

Castiel stared into Dean’s eyes. He tilted his head as he tried to read the expression on his face. “Dean,” he said when he figured it out.

Dean shook his head to pull him out of his daze. He saw that Castiel still had the ability to read his mind even without his grace. He could not believe he was so transparent. “Thinking, Cas.”

“Dean, you don’t have to treat me like glass.”

Dean’s thought immediately went X-rated. He imagined Castiel on the bed, writhing and moaning. He shivered at the thought of Castiel gasping his name. “Cas, don’t tell me that,” he whispered. He could feel his cheeks burn up at the prospect of pinning Castiel to the bed while he did whatever he wanted to him.

“Why?”

“Because at this moment, right now, we’re both not thinking straight.”

“I am,” Castiel sighed. “Dean, I almost died.” Not really, but Castiel was not above stretching the truth to get what he wanted from Dean.

“Exactly. We shouldn’t do this now. Come down from the near-death high.”

Castiel sighed. The more they kept putting it off, the more he was convinced that Dean didn’t want to go through with it. “Dean, we can find me a hooker.”

“No,” Dean said too quickly. “I mean about the hooker.” He could not believe this was getting him so flustered. “Okay. I… we’ll do this. Together. I can’t believe I’m deflowering an angel,” he mumbled as he ran a hand down his face. But the idea did excite him.

“I’m not an angel right now, Dean,” Castiel corrected. “I want to experience what you do.”

“Do you have any… preferences?” There were no words to describe how embarrassing this was.

“I want to see you.”

“Cas, that isn’t the most comfortable position for your first time.” That was assuming Castiel wanted to bottom.

“I want to see you,” Castiel repeated. He hadn’t had much time to think about the mechanics of sex and who or what went where, but he knew that he trusted Dean enough that he wanted to do it to this way. “Dean, I swear, I’m not going to break. Whatever you want.”

“This isn’t about me, Cas.” Of all moments Castiel had to put Dean first, this was not one of them. “This is supposed to be for you.”

“But you need to want it too.” He knew Dean cared about him, but he wanted this to mean something to both of them.

“Fuck,” Dean sighed. “I do, okay. I just…” He couldn’t even think of any excuses to dissuade Castiel to wait. He wanted Castiel. He had no idea why he was trying so hard to not.

“Okay, then I want you to stop treating me like I’m going to break when you touch me. I can handle it.”

Dean looked at Castiel and smirked. “I don’t know, Cas,” he said, scratching the back of his head. He thought about all of his previous encounters that he had with other sexual partners, and since Castiel was a virgin, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle everything they were about to do.

“I’ll never know until you do something.”

“You sure?”

Castiel nodded. “Make it memorable.”

Dean groaned. “You bastard,” he whispered.

Castiel’s eyes widened, scared that he said something wrong. “What did I do?”

“Stop saying things that make me want to jump your bones.”

Castiel squinted his eyes and tilted his head. “But if I stop, wouldn’t that be counterproductive to what I want?”

“No, no big words.” That was not how foreplay worked, if this was considered their foreplay.

“Dean, please tell me you want this.”

“I do, Cas, I do. I want this. I don’t think I could take it if you did this with someone else.” Dean reached up and cupped Castiel’s cheek. He brought their lips together for a soft kiss before Dean rested their foreheads together. He grabbed the hem of Castiel’s shirt. “You’re wearing too much clothes for this.”

“So are you,” Castiel replied.

“We’ll fix that,” Dean said, pulling Castiel’s shirt up and over his head. He tossed off to the side. He reached up and kissed Castiel again, walking forward. He kept walking until the back of Castiel’s legs hit the edge of the bed. He broke the kiss and pushed Castiel onto the bed.

Castiel scooted up the mattress and rested his head on the pillow. He watched Dean crawl into bed and settle between his legs.

“Dean, clothes?” Castiel asked. He remembered watching that movie with the pizzaman and babysitter. There wasn’t much clothes involved.

“We’ll lose the clothes when we need the clothes to be lost.”

Castiel reached up and pulled Dean’s lips to his. He kissed until they needed to breathe. He waited for Dean to pull away, since he was lying on the bed and had nowhere to escape. “No more talking.”

Dean could go along with that.

[Chapter 14] [Masterpost] [Chapter 16]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 14)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:34:19 GMT

As soon as Dean told the angels exactly where Castiel was, they flew. The angels tried to talk Dean out of coming with them, but they stopped when they saw how tormented and guilty he felt. Dean needed to see this through as much as they did.

The five of them landed on the sidewalk in front of the house Dean called home for four years. Dean stared at the front yard and saw how unkempt it was. The house had to have been empty for months. “This could be a trap,” Dean said as he scanned each window looking for a silhouette.

“But for whom?” Michael asked. He felt a feeling of foreboding.

Dean looked at the archangel. “It doesn’t matter.” Whether it was a trap for the angels or for Dean, Belial was still using Castiel to get to them.

“No, it doesn’t,” Michael agreed.

“We should head inside,” Balthazar said.

“Is there anything keeping you guys out?”

“No,” Lucifer answered. “Belial wants us here.”

“So, this trap is for you guys?”

“I think this is a trap for all of us,” Michael said.

“That being said, we should head inside,” Balthazar repeated. He was anxious. He wanted to get Castiel to safety as soon as possible and then they could deal with Belial.

“What’s the plan?” Gabriel asked. He didn’t want to go in there without one.

“Find Cas, kill Belial, go home,” Dean replied. It didn’t need to be complicated.

“Good plan,” Balthazar said.

“Michael and Balthazar take the top floor. Gabriel, take the basement. I’ll take the human and check the first floor. Everyone meet on the first floor if you can’t find anything.”

The three angels nodded and disappeared.

“Why aren’t we in there?” Dean said when he found himself standing next to Lucifer still outside of his childhood home.

“Castiel is in the living room.”

“Why aren’t we in there?” Dean repeated, this time more urgent.

“It’s too easy,” Lucifer replied. “Belial’s planned something.”

“And you didn’t think it was important to tell that to your brothers?” He may not have liked the angels, but he didn’t want them walking into a trap and dying.

“Belial won’t kill them,” Lucifer said as if he had read Dean’s mind. “I’m trying to figure out how he’s going to raise the stakes.” He stared into the house. “We should go inside.” He put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and they flew into the living room.

“Cas?” Dean said as soon as his eyes fell upon Castiel.

The living room was empty except for Castiel and the chair that he was bound to. Dean took a step forward. He winced when he heard the sounds of the floorboard creaking. He looked around when he heard wings flapping around him. Michael, Gabriel, and Balthazar had made it to the first floor.

“Castiel,” Michael said, moving to untie his brother. He could feel that something wasn’t right with him.

Then a familiar smell wafted to Dean’s nostrils. “No!” he yelled, trying to warn him, but it was too late.

Michael, Gabriel, and Balthazar watched as the Rings of Fire closed around them.

Dean froze, unsure of what to do. He wasn’t sure how to stop what was happening. He was ready to step toward one of the angels, but he felt himself pulled through space. An angel was moving him. He felt the way he was supposed to; cold and like he was free-falling.

When he landed, Dean looked around and saw that he wasn’t in the house anymore. He stood on the other side of the front door with Lucifer’s grip on his arm. “What are you doing?” he said, trying to yank his arm out of Lucifer’s hold. He was angry, but at least he was glad he wasn’t sent back to Montana.

“I needed to make sure all the fires were lit before we go back in there.”

“Are… are they trapped?”

“Yes,” Lucifer replied. He furrowed his brow as he thought about what just happened. There was something devious in the house. Something felt weird ad wrong about Castiel. He couldn’t quite place it. Lucifer could tell that Castiel was injured, but he hoped the injuries weren’t too severe. “I had to get out of there before I became trapped too.”

“So, why did you take me with you?” The rings wouldn’t have done anything to him.

“Because keeping you safe is important to Castiel. I’m here to help Castiel.”

“Well, Cas is in there.”

“If Belial caught me in that ring, we’d all be dead.”

“Well, you aren’t now,” Dean hissed. He tried to stay angry with Lucifer, but Dean knew that it was a good thing that the archangel wasn’t trapped. They still had a chance. “So, we need to get back in there and save everyone.”

“Fine,” Lucifer said. He grabbed the front of Dean’s shirt and pulled him close. “Do not get in the way. The second I think you’re going to be detrimental to this mission, I’m sending you back to Montana.”

“Whatever,” Dean said, pushing Lucifer away. He stepped back and kicked the front door open.

He looked at Michael, Gabriel, and Balthazar trapped in separate circles, along with a few empty lit rings around the living room. At the edge of the room, Dean saw Castiel still tied to a chair, with a man standing over him. Dean had to stop himself from running to Castiel’s side.

“Nice of you to join us, Lucifer,” Belial greeted. He rested his hand on Castiel’s shoulder and smiled. He scanned the room. He looked at the eldest archangel. “Michael.”

“Belial, let us out,” Michael commanded.

Belial grinned. “Michael, still with that stick up your ass.”

“Belial, still with your multiple personalities,” Balthazar countered.

Belial held his arms out to Michael and walked toward him. “Don’t I get a hug?” he said with a pout.

“Why don’t you step into this circle and we can have some good old family time,” Gabriel said.

Belial walked back to Castiel. “It’s nice to see you too, Gabriel,” he replied. He clapped his hands a couple of times. “This is a better reunion than I had hoped for. I have Michael and Gabriel. Balthazar. Lucifer. Little Castiel here.” He snapped his fingers and the bonds that held Castiel to the chair fell to the ground. He grabbed Castiel by his throat and lifted him up. His other hand wrapped around Castiel’s waist, holding him close to his body. He inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of the youngest angel. “I even have a Winchester.”

When Belial walked toward them, Dean saw some blood on Castiel’s clothes. “Cas,” he said.

“I’m all right,” he replied, his voice a little rougher than usual. Belial had only hit him a few times, no permanent damage. He kept his eyes on Dean. “Lucifer, send Dean away.” He did not want Dean to get hurt.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Dean growled before Lucifer could even think about putting to fingers to his forehead.

“He needs to be here, Castiel,” Lucifer replied. “But remember what I said, Dean.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Belial grinned as he watched the exchange between everyone not trapped in a ring. He leaned over Castiel’s shoulder and licked the outside of his ear. “I can sense your bond with him, Castiel,” he said in a sing-song voice. “It’s disgusting how much of you he has.”

“Why does it bother you so much?” Dean asked. He had to let out a breath through his nose. He could not stand to watch Belial touch Castiel knowing he couldn’t do anything to stop him.

“Because you are a disgusting creature,” he said, looking into Dean’s eyes. He kept his eyes on him as he bent his head down and sank his teeth into Castiel’s shoulder. He tightened his hold as Castiel tried to squirm away. “Calm down, Castiel,” Belial whispered, placing a kiss on the bite mark. “There are no demons right now. Except for the ones in your head.”

Dean shook where he stood. He knew he wouldn’t be able to take much more of this. “And yet,” he started, wanting to forget the last few statements Belial said to Castiel. “You still need a permission slip to walk on Earth.”

Belial looked up and glared at the human. “I could destroy you with a snap of my fingers.”

“You won’t be able to,” Dean said, glad that Lucifer wasn’t trapped. He would not have been that ballsy if he were on his own.

“Belial, let Castiel go,” Lucifer said. “He has nothing to do with this anymore.”

Belial’s eyes shot up and bore into Lucifer. “The Leviathans may still need him.”

“Well, they can’t have him.”

“Try and stop me, Lucifer.”

“I don’t have to try, Belial.” He knew he was stronger than Belial, but there was too much at risk right now. Belial still hadn’t shown his hand, so he had to be careful. “Let him go, and you get to live.”

Belial laughed. “That’s a lie.”

“It sounded appealing, didn’t it?”

“I know I’m dead as soon as I lose my leverage. So, we’re going to have some fun.”

“Belial,” Michael said, turning the fallen angel’s attention to him. He waited for Belial to turn to him before he continued to speak. “You have our attention. We’re more valuable to you than Castiel.”

“Oh, don’t downplay our youngest’s importance. I mean, it was him who let the Leviathans free. He started all of this. Damn, his intentions were so pure. Where did it go so wrong?” He wrapped his arms tighter around Castiel.

“Belial,” Michael and Lucifer yelled.

“Okay,” Belial sighed. He could only take so much of his brothers yelling at and scolding him. Besides, it was about time to get the game started. He loosened his hold on the youngest angel. “I’ll let him go. Only if Dean wants me to let him go.”

“Of course I do,” Dean yelled.

“But here’s the catch.” He snapped his fingers and another person appeared in the room, landing in the chair that Castiel was sitting in.

“Sam,” Dean yelled when he realized who it was. He tried to go to him, but Lucifer grabbed him to stop him. “Let me go.”

“I also have Sam. And only one of them goes free.”

“What?” Dean and Sam said at the same time.

“Make the choice, Dean,” Belial said.

Dean stared at his brother who looked confused as to how he got where he was. “I choose myself,” he answered automatically. He would rather sacrifice himself than have to give up either of them.

“Dean, don’t,” Castiel said.

“Of course you do, Dean,” Belial said. He expected the hunter to react that way. “But that isn’t one of your options.”

“Make it one,” Dean growled.

“The rules have already been made, Dean.”

“You can’t ask me to make a choice like that.” He wanted to say Sam. He was supposed to say Sam. It was automatic. But when he looked at Castiel in Belial’s grasp, bleeding, he couldn’t make the words fall from his lips. The choice wasn’t as easy as it should have been.

“Dean, I am,” Belial said with a smile. “How about a little incentive? You make a choice, regardless of who it is, and the Leviathans leave you alone.”

“Bullshit,” he hissed. He knew Belial could not promise him that.

“I bring the Leviathan one of these bodies, the Leviathans won’t actively pursue you anymore. They will just defend themselves if you come after them.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Then I don’t have anything at stake.” They wouldn’t stop trying to find ways to kill the Leviathan. And he was sure the Leviathans would still come after them thinking they were a threat.

“Then how about this. You tell me which one I get to keep, or I take both of them.”

“Damnit,” Dean hissed. He wished he didn’t see that coming.

“Come on, Dean. It’s always been about saving Sammy, right?”

“Fuck you,” Dean yelled. He thought about the things he wanted to do to make Belial suffer if he had the chance.

“I can hear you threatening me in your thoughts, Dean.” The fallen angel smirked. “Come on, righteous man. Show me what you did to start the apocalypse.”

“Don’t tempt him, Belial,” Lucifer warned. He saw what Dean did to Satan. He knew how much further Dean would go to avenge Castiel.

“This doesn’t concern you, Lucifer.”

“It does, actually. Because you are holding my vessel.” Lucifer said. He looked to Castiel in Belial’s arms. “And my brother.”

Belial ignored Lucifer and shook his head. “Show me what Alastair taught you,” he said to Dean.

“Why don’t you climb onto a rack or into one of your little Rings of Fire and I can show you everything I learned from him.”

Belial’s smirk grew into a smile. “That almost sent a shiver down my spine.” He almost wanted to give Dean a chance to show what he was taught in Hell. “I’ll give you a couple of minutes to make your decision. It must be a difficult one. I can see how much you love both of them.”

Dean found himself pushed into a chair that wasn’t behind him a second ago. He fought to keep his arms from being tied behind his back, but it was no good. “The fuck,” he growled, trying to get out of his bonds.

“Sit, youngest.” He eased Castiel into a new chair that Belial brought into the room. “You look tired.” He snapped his fingers and Castiel was bound to the chair again. Then he looked to the former ruler of Hell. “You, Lucifer, look like you have a lot to say to me.”

“I do.”

“Well, where to begin?”

Lucifer knew exactly where he wanted to start. “So, Belial.”

“Yes?”

“Why have you thrown your lot in with the beasts?”

Belial shrugged. “Why not?”

“They’re below us,” Lucifer answered. All this time, he thought that Belial had shared the same views as he did when it came to the Leviathans. He wanted to know when and why the opinion changed.

“But they don’t need permission.”

“What?”

“They can take over the things of this planet without having to ask. Unlike us. We’re still bound to the laws of our Father even though we have nothing to do with Him anymore.”

Lucifer could hear the disgust Belial felt. “There is a balance that Father felt needed to be kept in the world.”

“And the Leviathans are tipping the scales,” Belial said with a smile big enough to nearly cut his face in half. “You’re playing for the wrong side, Lucifer. The losing side. There is not order in Heaven anymore. Father’s been missing for eons and you know it’s true because if He were around, this would not have been allowed to happen.”

Lucifer shook his head. He could not believe his brother was so stupid. He would let Belial continue to think that their Father was missing. There was no reason for him to know the truth of why and how he was brought back.

“Tell me something, Belial,” Michael said.

“What?”

The eldest archangel turned to look at Castiel sitting quietly on the chair. “If the mission is just to wreak havoc on this plane, why torture the youngest?”

“Leviathan told us to.”

“No, Leviathan told you to watch him,” Lucifer corrected. He saw the memories. He knew the truth. “That means, you leave him in a ring of fire, and that’s it. Why torture him?”

“We got bored,” Belial said with a shrug.

“So, in your boredom, you let demons touch his grace?” Balthazar yelled. Everyone knew that if he weren’t trapped in the ring then Belial would have been sporting some kind of injury, at least.

“I didn’t let them do anything,” he said defensively. He turned to the angel who would understand the most. “You know how demons are, Lucifer. They like having fun.”

“You could have stopped them,” Gabriel said.

“They were bored too. I made sure they didn’t do any permanent damage to our youngest.”

The angels and Dean were seething. The damage was not only physical. They knew everything Castiel had gone through over the past few months.

“Belial, you idiot,” Lucifer spat. “What makes you think the demons won’t use that technique against us?”

“They won’t,” Belial said, adamant and sure.

“You don’t know that.”

“The only demons that knew how much blood was needed are dead. We are safe.”

“How could you do that to your own kind?” Lucifer asked. What Belial allowed to happen to Castiel was despicable. He would never wish that on any angel.

“They are completely different from us, Lucifer. You know that.”

“Castiel wasn’t a part of our war.”

“But his wings weren’t singed like ours, Light Bringer. That means he wasn’t on our side.” He looked down at Castiel sitting obediently on the chair. He put a hand on Castiel’s shoulder and squeezed, using a bit of his angelic strength. It earned him a groan, which was more of a response than he expected. He didn’t want to hurt Castiel, he just wanted to see everyone’s reactions. “You seem attached.”

Lucifer’s poker face was put back on. He was disappointed that his façade slipped for that moment. “Father cares about him.” He couldn’t risk showing how much he may or may not have cared about Castiel.

“Father?” Belial said. “Our Father? Who discarded us from Heaven? You’re still listening to Him?” Belial could not believe it. Lucifer, out of all angels, should have been most upset with Him.

“Yes, I am.”

“You’re growing soft, Lucifer. Teaming up with big brother.” Belial sent a glare to Michael that he would not have been brave enough to send if the archangel weren’t trapped.

“Seemed like the better option than teaming up with the beasts. You may as well be working for dirt.”

“Do you see the chaos they’re creating on this planet? What’s beautiful is that these pathetic inhabitants don’t even realize what is going on.”

“None of it is your doing,” Lucifer growled. Belial did not deserve the pride he held for the planet falling apart. “How long do you think before they come after you? They were strong enough to take out an angel.” His eyes went to Castiel who sat silently on the chair. “Do you actually think you’re stronger than them?”

“I know I’m stronger than Castiel. He was weak and that’s the only reason why the Leviathans were able to take him. Castiel wasn’t prepared. I am.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Hurtful, Lucifer. But look at the statistics. Who has been locked up in the cage this past year?” He pointed to Lucifer. “Who has been on Earth while it’s been falling to pieces?” Belial pointed to himself and smiled.

“With chaos,” Lucifer argued. “At least when I tried to end the world, I made it an art form.”

“I understand what you’re trying to say, Lucifer,” Belial replied. “But we focused our art on something else. I mean, what we did to Castiel. Everything. It was beautiful.”

Lucifer shook his head. “Not the same thing.”

Belial ignored Lucifer. “It was amazing, though. After everything we did to him, our angel still had hope.”

Dean took a break from trying to get out of his bonds. All the while his wrists were being torn up as he tried to pull his hands free, he did not stop listening to the conversation. “You couldn’t break him,” he said, proud of Castiel.

“But we were so close. I mean, he was tortured so badly that now, I can’t even sense his grace in him.”

Dean shook his head, he was glad that Belial didn’t know about the angels removing most of Castiel’s grace and tucking the rest of it away. “Close isn’t good enough.” He learned that in Hell. It was either the person or soul or whatever completely broke, or the torturer failed.

“Quiet one, this one.” He ran his hand gently down the side of Castiel’s face. “Never wanting anyone to know how much pain he was actually in. But I can guarantee you that a few more days with us, he would have been renouncing our Father’s name.”

“I would never—” Castiel tried to continue to speak, but his lips were stuck together.

“Sh… Youngest. The older siblings are taking.” Belial’s eyes scanned across the room to Dean who was squirming in his chair. “Dean, I could destroy you with the snap of a finger. You aren’t as sneaky as you think.”

“Fuck,” Dean swore. He wasn’t even close to getting out of the chair. But at least the attention was off Castiel for a minute.

“Have you made your decision?”

Dean hadn’t even thought about it. He was more concerned with trying to get out of the chair than having to choose who lived and who died. He looked to the only angel on their side that wasn’t trapped in a Ring of Fire. “Lucifer, do something, please.”

“I can’t do anything without risking your brother or mine.” Lucifer hated how trapped he was even though he wasn’t surrounded by fire.

“How about if I phrase the question differently?” Belial said. He burned the ropes off of Castiel pulled him up from his seat. He held him flush against his chest with a hand on Castiel’s neck. Belial pulled out one of his feathers and waited for it to transform into a sword. He held the tip of it just under Castiel’s collarbone. He didn’t want the death to be quick. “Who can you live without, Dean?”

That made the choice much harder for Dean. He couldn’t live without either of them. He looked at Lucifer and saw that he was going to kill Belial regardless of the choice he made. “Tell me what to do,” he said to his brother and Castiel. Dean didn’t want any of the pressure of making this decision.

“Dean, it’s all right,” Castiel said.

“No,” Dean replied. Because it wasn’t. Especially since he knew what Castiel was telling him to choose.

“You’ll make the right decision,” Castiel said.

“The faith you have in him is astounding,” Belial said. He knew what the choice would be in the end. He pressed the tip of the sword deeper into Castiel’s chest. He spun the sword and it acted like a screw burrowing itself slowly into Castiel’s skin. “Do you really think he’d make the right decision?”

“He already made the right decision when he chose himself,” Castiel argued.

“Quiet,” Belial yelled, pushing the sword in just a fraction of a centimeter. “As righteous as that was, it’s not one of the choices.”

“Dean,” Castiel said, staring into his eyes. “Choose.”

Dean blinked. A single tear rolled down his cheek. He shook his head. He wouldn’t choose between them. He would not choose who he could not live without.

“Dean,” Belial sang. “Time is running out.” He pushed the sword deeper into Castiel. He already knew Dean’s choice. He wanted to get a head start.

“Dean,” Castiel said. “It’s all right.”

“Fuck,” Dean whispered with a crack in his voice. “Cas, this isn’t how it’s supposed to go.”

Castiel nodded slowly. “I know, Dean.”

“You two are breaking my heart,” Belial said. He stopped moving the knife and relaxed his grip. He’d give them their moment to say goodbye.

Castiel looked into Dean’s eyes and saw the pain and frustration in them. He wanted nothing more than to take it away. This wasn’t supposed to be a difficult decision. Dean was supposed to choose his brother. Castiel sent a smile Dean’s way to reassure him that everything would turn out the way it was supposed to.

Time passed slowly around him. He could hear the wings of every angel flapping. He could hear Dean and Sam’s heartbeats racing. He could see the angels trying to figure out what to do to save him. He could feel Belial’s heart beating against his spine.

He looked down at the sword and saw how weak Belial’s grip was on it.

It was his chance.

Both of his hands shot up and wrapped around Belial’s and the handle of the sword. Without a second thought, Castiel pulled the sword into the body. He felt every inch of the sword cut into him, but he fought through the shock and the pain and continued to pull the sword into him.

At least until he felt the sword pierce through Belial’s chest.

“Cas!”

“Castiel!”

“Youngest!”

“Cas!”

“Cassy!”

“Belial.”

While everyone yelled, Lucifer flew. He flew behind Belial and grabbed the back of his head by his hair. His other hand went to Castiel’s shoulder and he pushed the youngest angel forward, separating he angels. He used his powers to ease Castiel to his knees.

“Lucifer,” Belial gasped, his hand going to the wound on his chest. “Help me,” he whispered as blood and grace seeped through his fingertips.

“No,” Lucifer said, tightening his grip on Belial’s hair.

“Lucifer,” Belial pleaded. “Please.”

“You never raise a hand to someone who wasn’t a part of our war. You had no reason to go after Castiel.”

“So because of that, you’ll let me die?” Belial asked.

“No,” Lucifer said. He let go of Belial’s hair. “Because of that, I’m going to be the one to kill you.” Lucifer reached up and a pulled a feather from his wings. As soon as it into a sword, he thrust it into the base of Belial’s skull.

He held onto Belial as the grace exploded from him. Once Belial died, he threw him to the side of the room as if he weighed nothing. Ashes fell around Belial, forming the outline of his wings.

He lowered his hand and Dean was freed from the ropes and the angels were freed from the rings.

“Cas!” Dean yelled when he saw the threat was gone and he was finally free. He looked at Sam who was being untied by Gabriel. Sam glared at him with eyes that threatened to murder him if he took a step toward him instead of Castiel.

“I’m fine,” he said. “Go!” he yelled when Dean didn’t move.

“Cas,” Dean said, then he slid to the floor where Castiel was still holding himself up by his arm. When the arm gave out, Dean stuck his hand out and caught Castiel’s head to keep it from hitting the floor. He eased him down, and put a hand on his shoulder while the other went to put pressure on the wound around the sword. He looked into Castiel’s eyes. “You stupid, idiotic bastard,” Dean hissed.

“I… I thought I did something right,” Castiel whispered through the pain. He tried to take his mind off of it by concentrating on his breathing. “Why are you calling me names?”

“Damnit, Cas, you didn’t have to do that,” Dean replied in the same volume.

“I would never have you make a choice between me and your brother, Dean,” Castiel replied.

“Youngest, that was quite foolish of you.”

“I’d kick your ass right now if you weren’t bleeding all over the floor,” Dean hissed. Tears sat on the brim of his eyes, ready to fall with a blink. He didn’t care if everyone would see.

Castiel reluctantly broke eye-contact with Dean and looked at his eldest brother. “Michael. Why is Dean angry with me?”

Dean’s hands tightened on Castiel’s shoulder and chest. He had to add pressure to keep himself from shaking. “Cas, I swear, if you explode, I’ll never forgive you.”

“He thinks you’re dying, youngest.”

Castiel nodded when he understood the reasoning behind Dean’s panic. He looked back at Dean, wanting to calm him down. “Dean,” he started. He didn’t want him to think he was in any danger when he wasn’t.

“Cas, shut up,” Dean snapped. “If you die… you can’t. Not after I… you just came back. Cas, you can’t.” He pushed his hand deeper into Castiel’s chest. “Cas, come on. If you need a soul or something to patch that up—”

“No,” Castiel said loudly. The answer shook his entire body. He coughed up some blood.

Dean’s eyes widened. He knew that coughing up blood was never a good sign. “Cas, now is not the time to be stubborn. If you need it, I’m giving it to you.”

Castiel shook his head as best he could while lying on the floor. He had nothing to be able to touch as soul. And even if he had enough of his grace, he would never use Dean’s soul to heal himself. Castiel shook as a wave of pain rolled through him. “Dean. I—”

“Cas, I swear. If I see light coming out of you and you die, I’ll kill you myself.”

“That makes no sense,” Castiel replied. He looked up to his oldest brother. “Michael, can you heal my wound now?”

“Yes,” Michael replied. He reached down and pulled the sword out of Castiel’s chest.

“What are you doing?” Dean yelled. Blood ran out of the wound quicker now that the sword was removed. He tried to keep pressure on it.

Michael gently eased Dean out of the way. He couldn’t bear look at his true vessel and see the anguish in his eyes. “Close your eyes.” He put a hand on the wound and the other on Castiel’s forehead.

Dean closed his eyes even though he was sure Michael was speaking to Castiel. He felt the heat that came whenever an angel’s grace was exposed. He was terrified that the grace was coming from Castiel.

A scream that rang so loudly it threatened to shatter Dean’s eardrums was followed by a pulse wave so strong it sent him onto his back. He wanted to open his eyes and see what was going on, but he did not want his eyes to get burned out.

Then, in an instant, it all died down, and the air returned to the room. Dean opened his eyes and saw Sam tucked into a corner. Balthazar, Gabriel, and Lucifer stood as still as statues with their eyes on Castiel and Michael.

Dean stood up and dusted himself off. He slowly made his way back to Castiel’s side. He looked down and felt like he was about to throw up. He stared at Castiel lying unmoving on the floor. He didn’t want to look anywhere but the body, because if he saw an outline of wings on the floor, he would have broke down. He wanted to scream at Michael. He was supposed to help Castiel, but Castiel looked dead. He couldn’t take it. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t care that tears were flowing freely down his face.

After what felt like an eternity, Castiel gasped and grabbed Michael’s hand on his chest.

“Cas?” Dean asked.

“Castiel,” Michael gasped at the same time.

Dean made his way back to Castiel’s side. “You okay?” He was getting tired of Castiel scaring him and coming back to life that way.

“Yes,” Castiel replied. He sat up with a groan. He let go of Michael’s hand. When Michael retracted his hand, he looked down at where he had stabbed himself. “It’s been awhile since I’ve been healed by a brother.”

“How are you okay?” Dean asked.

“I was healed.”

“I get that. But you’re an angel. You were stabbed with a sword. You should be dead.”

“I’m not an angel.”

Dean’s eyes widened enough that they should’ve fallen out of his skull. “What do you mean you’re not an angel?” he yelled. He looked to the other angels to fill him in.

Castiel grabbed Dean’s chin and turned it so their eyes met. For a moment, he stared into Dean’s eyes, not saying anything. He waited for Dean to be ready to accept whatever Castiel was about to tell him. “I don’t have my grace. When Belial stabbed me, I was human.”

“You don’t have most of your grace.”

“I gave the remainder of my grace to you when I sent you to Bobby’s.” His hand dropped down to Dean’s left shoulder. He put his hand over the handprint, feeling his grace humming under his fingertips.

Dean shook his head and made his way to his feet. He couldn’t process all the information coming at him. He was still stuck on the fact that Castiel was somehow still alive. “So, I’m spilling my soul out to you, and the entire time you’re fine?”

Castiel got up and stood toe to toe with Dean. “I tried to tell you. But you are irrational and unreasonable when you’re scared.”

Dean grabbed the front of Castiel’s shirt and shook him. “You didn’t get to fake your death so I start rambling.”

Castiel pushed Dean’s hands off of his shirt. “If you had let me explain, I would have told you I—”

“Oh, will you two just say you love each other and kiss already?” Balthazar said above their arguing. “After all this, you still can’t accept your feelings for each other and just be happy together.”

“I think they enjoy the sexual tension,” Gabriel said.

Dean and Castiel looked at everyone else in the room at the same time. They had forgotten that they weren’t alone. “You can all shut your mouths.” Dean grabbed Castiel’s wrist and pulled him in for a hug. “You have to stop dying,” he whispered in his ear.

Castiel couldn’t ignore for me that was left off at the end. “It’s not like I go in to something planning to die,” he whispered back.

“Multiple deaths and returns. That’s quite Winchester of you,” Balthazar said.

For the second time in a few minutes, Dean and Castiel forgot there were other people in the room with them. They finally separated.

Dean’s eyes wandered around the room. He needed to look anywhere but Castiel’s face. His gaze when to Belial’s discarded body in the corner of the room. “So, Belial’s dead?”

Castiel’s eyes followed Dean’s. He walked slowly over to Belial’s body and knelt in front of him. He stared into Belial’s eyes that had stayed open through his death. He reached over and gently shut them with his fingers.

He leaned over and placed a kiss on Belial’s vessel’s forehead. “Rest, brother,” Castiel whispered. He said a short prayer in Enochian.

He stood up and walked to be with everyone else in the room. They all had their eyes on him. He was nervous that he did something wrong.

“You look better,” Dean said, needing to break the tension in the room. It was difficult to ignore how much more at peace Castiel looked. Even without his grace, there was something ethereal about him.

“I feel safe,” Castiel replied.

Dean nodded once. “Good.”

The room fell quiet. The gravity of what Castiel had said took some time to settle in everyone. They were actually able to help Castiel heal. They saved him from dying. And they got through it in one piece.

That was a rarity.

“Gabriel, send those two back to Montana,” Sam said, breaking the short silence.

Dean tore his gaze away from Castiel and glared at his brother. “Where are you going?” Dean had no idea where that came from. Sam better not had expected him and Castiel to start research while they were off somewhere else.

“I haven’t seen Missouri in years.”

Dean nodded in agreement. When he left Missouri’s all those weeks ago, she told him to tell Sam to call. She would appreciate seeing him. “Yeah, I think she’ll be glad to see you.” Then his thoughts went back to the first thing Sam said. “So, while you’re there, what are we supposed to do in Montana?”

Sam sent a look to his brother that told him he did not want to answer that question out loud. “We’ll meet up tomorrow to debrief,” he said. He turned to Gabriel and nodded to him.

Before Dean and Castiel could say anything, Gabriel was in front of them. He was smiling his smile that meant he was up to something. “Have fun,” he said, then reached up and touched both of them on their foreheads.

[Chapter 13] [Masterpost] [Chapter 15]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 13)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:30:38 GMT

The next day, the two of them got out of bed, packed their bags, and went to meet Garth for breakfast at a diner. The two of them didn’t say much and let Garth tell them of his heroics in getting the hostages to the hospital. Dean thought that if Garth were as good a hunter as he was a storyteller, he’d be unstoppable.

An hour later, the three of them were full and Dean and Castiel needed to head back to Montana. It was nice to get their minds off of Belial and the Leviathans for a few days, but they needed to get back to finding ways to defeat them.

Dean paid for their meal and followed Castiel outside. He walked shoulder to shoulder with Castiel to the car. As they got closer, Dean saw someone sitting on the hood of it. “Hey, jackass, get off the car!” Dean yelled. It wasn’t the Impala, but it was still his responsibility. They only had so many cars to use.

“Dean,” Castiel scolded. He did not want Dean yelling at and getting into fights with strangers.

The stranger jumped off of the hood of the car as Dean and Castiel approached. He was handsome. He was a few inches taller than Dean and built like a lineman. He had a square jaw and shoulder length brown hair. He smirked as they approached. “I can’t believe my brothers were foolish enough to leave you alone,” he said looking directly at Castiel. “Especially without your grace to protect you.”

Dean pushed Castiel to stand behind him. He knew that something was bad about to happen. “Excuse me?” he asked.

“Dean Winchester,” the stranger said, turning his head to face Dean. “Pleasure to finally cross paths with you.” He held his hand out as a greeting.

“Do I know you?” Dean said, staring at the hand.

“Belial,” Castiel whispered.

Dean spun around to look at Castiel. He looked the same way he did with the Satan incident. “Belial?”

Belial smiled now that they were all acquainted. “Nice to see you up and moving, Castiel.”

Dean turned back around to see the angel. There was a laundry list of things he wanted to do to him, but he knew he couldn’t. Not on his own. And not when he was still bruised from falling down the stairs. “What do you want?”

“I like you, Dean. No bullshit. You get straight to the point.”

“Yeah, so can you do that already?”

“I want Castiel,” Belial said. “But if you want to come along too, that’s fine with me.”

“What do you want him for?”

“Well, I don’t personally need him, but the Leviathans asked us to keep him for a reason.” He held his hand out to Castiel. “So, come along, angel. You’ve already been gone too long.”

Dean slapped Belial’s hand away. “You’re fucking crazy if you think Cas is just going to come with you.”

Castiel stepped around Dean. He was terrified, but that didn’t stop him from walking toward his torturer. “You can take me. Let Dean get into his car and drive away.”

“And you’ll come peacefully?”

“Yes.”

“No!” Dean yelled. He could not believe Castiel suggested something like that. “No deal.” They weren’t splitting up. He wasn’t going to let Castiel go back to the man who tortured him for months.

“Dean.”

Dean grabbed Castiel and spun him around. They stood facing each other, both breathing hard. “I’m not losing you again.” He squeezed Castiel’s shoulders tightly with his shaky hands.

“Dean,” Castiel said, thinking about brushing Dean’s hands off of him. He didn’t. He didn’t want to break contact with him. “I have to keep you safe.”

“You don’t have to do a damn thing,” Dean said. He was pleading. He tried to come up with a plan to get them both out of there. He looked at the car.

“I know what you’re thinking, Dean. We can’t run away from him.”

“We can call your brothers.”

Castiel shook his head. Belial was too confident. “I think Belial has something prepared for if they come along.”

“Cas,” he whispered, realizing how dire the situation actually was. He was running out of options. “No.” He wouldn’t let Castiel go.

Castiel exhaled deeply and closed his eyes for a moment. He quickly came up with a plan. He looked into Dean’s eyes and stared into them like he would never again. “I’m sorry, Dean,” he whispered. He brought his hand up to Dean’s forehead.

Dean had no time to react when he felt himself pushed through space. This trip felt different. Usually, whenever the angels transported him somewhere, he felt cold. He didn’t understand why this time he felt his body heat up as he traveled. He would have thought more about what it meant, but he was too angry with Castiel to think about anything except ways to kill the youngest angel the next time he saw him.

--------------

Dean stumbled when he landed. He reached for the nearest surface to keep him on his feet. He looked around and saw that he was back in Montana. He found himself in the living room of the cabin surrounded by his brother, Gabriel, Michael, and Balthazar. “Fuck!”

“Dean, what are you doing here?” Michael said. He grabbed Dean’s arm and helped him stand up. “I thought you were in Washington.” He looked around, trying to figure out how Dean appeared out of thin air. Then he realized something was missing. “Dean, where’s Castiel?” He became worried when he didn’t see his brother anywhere.

Dean pulled his arm out of Michael’s hold. “Belial found us,” he growled, his voice angry and shaking.

“What?” Balthazar, Gabriel, and Sam said.

“Dean, where is Castiel?” Michael asked, saying his words slow and low.

“The bastard sent me here.”

“Who? Belial?” Sam asked.

“No,” Dean growled. “Cas. I’m going to kill him.” There was no weight to those words. He just needed Castiel to be all right.

“Not if I kill him first,” Michael said.

Dean was surprised that Michael was talking about killing an angel. “I don’t think we’re talking about the same angel.”

“Castiel?”

Dean would have smiled if he weren’t so worried. “Yeah.” He was furious that Castiel sent him away. He didn’t even think it was possible without how much grace the angels said he had left.

“Can you guys sense him?” Sam asked. He was trying to give his brother some hope.

A glaze fell over the angels’ eyes for a moment as they stared at nothing. “No,” Michael said after the life returned to their eyes.

“Lucy,” Gabriel said.

“Yes?” Lucifer said, showing up a blink later.

“Belial has Castiel.”

“What?”

His tone may have been calm, but everyone could see the anger brewing in his eyes. It should not have been possible for something like that to happen under his nose.

“Lucifer,” Michael said.

Lucifer glared at Dean who was supposed to be with his brother. “How did this happen?” he asked. He walked over to Dean and put two fingers to the human’s temple. He saw the events that occurred in a flash. He pulled away from Dean, seething. “Why didn’t he call us for help?”

Dean wished he knew. All he knew was that Castiel would always look out for his well-being before his own but he wasn’t going to say that to the angels. “I… we have to go back to Washington.”

“Dean, they aren’t going to be there,” Sam said.

“Well, that’s where we need to start looking.” He knew he wasn’t making any sense, but if he kept quiet, his mind would go to Castiel being tortured by Belial again. He needed to think about anything else but that.

“Dean,” Sam yelled, grabbing his brother’s upper arms. He made sure to not grab the handprint. “Breathe.”

“The bastard has Cas, Sammy,” Dean whispered. He had to keep himself under control. If he lost it, he wasn’t sure if he would scream or cry. “He went with Belial so I’d be safe. He was more scared for me than he was for himself. You know what happened the last time Belial had him.”

“Dean, you can’t think like that,” Sam said. He shook his brother when he saw heavy thoughts forming in his eyes. “Dean.”

“What?” he said, pulling away from his brother. “Tell me something,” Dean pleaded. “Anything to make this okay.”

“I…”

“See, you can’t. And that’s okay.”

“We’ll find him. Belial won’t have him long enough for something to happen to him.”

“I can’t do this again, Sam.”

“I’ll call, Bobby.” Sam stared at his brother who looked like he was ready to break down. He grabbed his brother’s shirt and shook him. “Dean, do something. Don’t just stand there. Go.”

It was the kick in the ass Dean needed. He shook himself out of his thoughts and headed toward the stairs. He knew he wasn’t able to find anything in a book or perform a spell to find Castiel, so he settled for getting his weapons together for when Belial showed his face.

Dean went upstairs, not able to be around the angels while they to find ways to find their brother. Dean felt like he was to blame. He should have fought harder to stay with Castiel. But he was more pissed that he didn’t expect Castiel to use his grace and send him to safety. Castiel had been without it for so long that Dean forgot that he still had a bit of it left.

He got into the room and slammed the door behind him. He saw red. He wanted to hit something.

“Damnit, Cas.”

Then his cell phone rang. He reached into his pocket to answer it, even though he didn’t want to talk to anyone. Pulling his hand out of his pocket was a struggle and only agitated him more.

Finally, the phone came free. “What?” Dean yelled into the phone without looking at who was calling him.

“Dean, it’s Missouri.”

Dean let out a sigh and calmed down. Or at least he tried. “Missouri, hi. I can’t really talk right now. I’m giving the phone to Sam.”

“Boy, I called you.”

“Missouri, I can’t right now.” He knew that was all he needed to say because if anyone knew what was going through his head without him having to say it, it was Missouri. She would understand why he was acting this way.

“I know where your angel is, Dean.”

“Where is he?”

“Dean, you have to promise me—”

“Missouri, just tell me.” He didn’t need a lecture on his morals and ethics. Not when Belial had Castiel.

“Dean, he does not want you to turn into a monster just to find him.”

“Fine,” Dean said quickly. He needed an answer. “I won’t.”

“Boy, I know you’re not being sincere.”

Dean sighed, forcing himself to calm down. He knew Missouri wouldn’t tell him unless he meant the words that were coming from his mouth. “Missouri, I need to find him,” he whispered. His voice, along with his entire body shook. “I can promise that I will do everything I can to save him. I don’t know how far I have to go, but I’m going to save him.”

Silence fell between the two of them. Dean was afraid that he said the wrong thing and she wasn’t going to tell him what he needed to know.

“He’s in Lawrence.”

Dean let out a sigh. He could feel his heart slamming against his ribs. “Where?” He didn’t want to waste his time searching through the entire town. He wanted to get Castiel back as soon as possible.

“Where else?”

Those two words told Dean exactly where he needed to be. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Dean.” She hung up the phone before Dean could ask her any more questions.

Dean shoved the phone back in his pocket then ran back downstairs. The angels were flying around gathering supplies to try a spell. Sam was on the phone with someone, talking as much with his hands as he was with his mouth.

“I know where Cas is,” Dean said loudly enough for everyone to hear.

All at once, everyone in the house stopped moving.

“How do you know?” Gabriel asked.

“Someone told me,” Dean replied.

“It could be a lie,” Balthazar said.

“It’s not.”

Sam hung up the phone and set it down on the nearest surface. “Dean, how do you know?” he repeated. He did not want his brother going off on a rescue mission without a credible source.

“Missouri told me,” Dean replied.

“Okay,” Sam said. That was enough for him. “Let’s go.” He grabbed his gun off one of the tables in the living room.

“You should stay,” Dean said.

“Why?”

“Make sure we have supplies if Cas comes back hurt.” That was partially the truth. He didn’t want to have to worry about both Castiel and his brother. The further away from the danger Sam was, the safer he’d be.

Sam knew what his brother was doing. “Yeah, I can do that.” He wouldn’t be any help to them. He would only be something that Belial could use against Dean, if it came down to it.

“Thank, Sammy.”

“Dean, don’t do anything stupid.”

“Can’t promise that.”

“I figured. But at least be careful.”

Dean nodded. He took his brother’s gun out of his hands and put the safety on before he shoved it into his waistband. He didn’t plan on bringing anything else. The only weapons that would work were angel swords, and he’d be with four angels who could wield them better than he could.

He looked to Michael, Lucifer, Gabriel, and Balthazar who stared at him like they were waiting for orders. “Let’s go,” Dean said. “He’s in Lawrence.”

[Chapter 12] [Masterpost] [Chapter 14]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 12)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:29:10 GMT

Crowley checked in every few days with tidbits of information. Most of the news he brought was about the Leviathans and not Belial.

Dean knew that they needed just one breakthrough and they’d be able to take Belial down. But it was hard for Dean to be patient with the constant news of monsters and hunts that may or may not have had to do with the Leviathans.

He took on Bobby’s job of filtering calls from one hunter to the next when help on hunts was needed. He went through at least a dozen calls a day. With each day, he gained a greater appreciation for everything that Bobby did in the hunting world.

Dean walked back into the living room with his cell phone still in hand. “That was Garth.”

“Garth?” Sam repeated. “Like scrawny kid, Garth?” His memory of the hunter was sort of a blur, considering the circumstances involving their meeting.

“Yeah.”

“Well, what did he want?”

“There’s a hunt. A witch in Washington.”

“Are you going?” Everyone was wondering if Dean would take another hunt. They would have understood if he declined. Belial and the Leviathans were their top priority. Going off to fight a witch for a few days almost sounded ridiculous.

“I don’t know.”

“Go, Dean,” Bobby said. “He’ll probably get himself killed if you aren’t there to watch him.”

Dean sighed and shook his head. It was most likely true. “Sam, you coming with?”

“I can’t, Dean. I’m working on something with Balthazar and Michael. I think we’re close to finding out how to defeat the Leviathans.”

Dean couldn’t tell if his brother was lying or not. The excuse sounded legitimate enough, and Balthazar and Michael gave no indication that it wasn’t true. Besides, Sam was the nerdy one. Dean would gladly let him do more research if it meant he didn’t have to. “Bobby?”

“Busy,” the elder hunter answered quickly.

“With what?” Dean asked, suspicious.

“I need to make sure Jody’s protected when it hits the fan.”

“And you need to do that now?”

“Just take Cas,” Gabriel said, impatient.

Dean bit his lip. He was going to ask Castiel next. He almost asked Castiel before he asked Bobby. He didn’t want to think too much about what that meant. He knew that if he thought about it, he’d freak out. “You up for it, Cas?” he asked. He could feel his cheeks burning.

“I think so.”

“I don’t need a think so, Cas. I need a yes.”

Castiel thought about it for a moment before he said, “Yes.”

“You healed enough to be my back-up?”

“I’ve been healed enough for some time now, Dean. You just enjoy coddling me.”

Everyone else in the house didn’t even try to hide their laughter. The teasing didn’t bother Dean as much as it should have. They didn’t know about what happened between them. They had no idea about the kiss, and neither of them was going to tell anyone else about it, so Dean let them make assumptions about what was going on.

Besides, Castiel didn’t seem to care, so he didn’t either. “Yeah. Okay. Get your crap and we’ll head out in fifteen.”

They were on the road in twenty.

This car ride went along much more smoothly than the one to Kansas. Castiel stayed awake the entire time asking Dean questions as they passed mile markers and landmarks. Whenever Dean couldn’t answer honestly, he made something up.

By the fourth lie, Castiel had caught on, but that didn’t stop him from continuing to ask questions to keep a conversation going.

An ease that passed over them as they traveled. An ease Dean hadn’t felt in years. But there he was, driving, smiling, and talking, with the man he considered his best friend.

He couldn’t help but think that this was the way it was supposed to be.

A couple of hours later, Dean pulled into the parking lot of the motel Garth said he was staying at. Garth stood outside, leaning against his car, eating a bag of Doritos. Dean was in awe of how unhunter-like Garth was.

He and Castiel got out of the car and crossed the parking lot. “Garth,” Dean said.

“Dean, nice to see you again,” he said with an orange smile.

“Yeah,” Dean replied. “Same here.”

Garth leaned to look at the person standing behind Dean. “So, who is the new guy?”

“A friend.” Dean winced. He didn’t know why it was so weird for him to call Castiel that. “Cas, this is Garth. Garth, this is Cas.”

“Nice to meet you.” Castiel stepped around Dean and held his hand out to the stranger.

Garth wiped his hand down the front of his shirt to get rid of the artificial cheese. He reached out and shook Castiel’s hand. “Any friend of Dean’s is a friend of mine.

Dean couldn’t help but think that even though the two people next to him were completely different, they would get along. He didn’t know how he knew, but Garth and Castiel would work well together. He hoped his feeling was right instead of the alternative of them hating each other and wanting to kill each other during the hunt. He would have to wait and see. “Well, now that we all know each other, why don’t you fill us in on that witch?”

“Can we grab something to eat first?” He crumpled up the empty bag of Doritos and shoved it into one of his jacket pockets. “There’s supposed to be this really good omelet place here. I can give you guys the basics while we eat.”

At the mention of food, Dean’s stomach growled. “You hungry?” he asked Castiel.

“I would not mind something to eat.”

“Show us the way.”

--------------

The three of them headed out to where Garth figured the witch’s location was. The hunter had gathered good intel, but his dates and ability to count were off. Instead of the next kidnappings and killings taking place in two days, it was set to happen that night. So, they gathered their weapons and found themselves at a house in the suburbs a little before midnight.

Dean could only hope they didn’t get arrested for looking like a group of people who were up to no good. And if they did get arrested, it would have been after they got rid of the witch.

They snuck up to the house that was supposed to be the central location of all the kidnappings and body dumps. They looked into the window and saw three people tied up and shoved into the corner of the living room. The witch was nowhere to be seen.

“Okay,” Dean whispered, forming a plan. “You two go in and untie those people and get them to safety. I’ll—”

“No,” Castiel said before Dean could finish his plan.

“Cas, we don’t have time to fight about this.”

“We aren’t fighting. You’re making the situation hostile.”

“Cas, those people—”

“We will free them, but you will not go after the witch until we are there to provide back-up. Is that understood?”

Dean knew that he was in trouble when Castiel abandoned contractions when he spoke. As intimidated as he was by the angel, he could not ignore the warmth pooling in his belly. This was the Castiel he missed. The strong, sure, and unshakable angel. “Fine,” he agreed. He hoped Castiel caught his sarcasm.

“Guys, not that this argument isn’t entertaining, but the witch is probably in the house, and might be a little difficult to get to the people we’re trying to save if she’s in the same room with them.” Garth shrugged as he offered his suggestion.

“He has a point,” Dean agreed. He looked at Castiel who wouldn’t budge. He actually did not he expect him to go along with his first plan. He knew he had to think of something quick to get Castiel back on his side. “New plan. The three of us go in there. You two untie them and I’ll play lookout.”

“Dean,” Castiel sighed, knowing there was a part of the plan that Dean wasn’t telling them.

Dean ignored Castiel. That way, there wasn’t a chance he was lying to the angel. He knew how devious it was, but at the moment, he didn’t care. “We have to move.” He headed toward the back door knowing that action would keep Castiel from arguing. He pulled out his lock pick kit and unlocked the door. The three of them made it into the house without trouble.

Dean pulled out his gun and pointed it to both corners of the living room. He put a finger to his lips to signal the kidnappees to be quiet when they made eye contact with him. He waved Castiel and Garth in from behind them. They rushed to the people and quickly worked to untie the bonds.

Dean stood in the middle of the living room, changing his aim from the stairway then to the kitchen, then to the hallway. “Cas, hurry up,” Dean whispered.

“The knots are as stubborn as you are,” Castiel growled. He did not like being rushed.

“Just cut the ropes.” He pulled out the demon-killing knife from his waistband and tossed it to Castiel.

Castiel caught the knife and began to saw the ropes that bound the feet of the woman in front of him. He froze when he heard the sound of something drop upstairs. “Dean, don’t,” Castiel hissed. He knew exactly what Dean was thinking of doing. “We’re almost done here.”

“I got it, Cas.” He wasn’t going to run upstairs and kill the witch, even though he wanted to. He was going to wait for the kidnappees to be out of the house before he killed her. But he did want them to hurry. He would have rather been the ones to catch the witch off guard instead of the other way around.

“All right, people,” Garth said when the last person was untied. “Let’s get you all somewhere safe.”

“Go with them,” Dean said to Castiel when he didn’t move. All his order earned him was a glare so piercing that was almost hurt. “I’ll be right behind you,” he said, keeping the gun pointed at the stairs.

Castiel didn’t believe him, but he knew he had to help get the people out of the house. Although Garth was a hunter, Castiel felt like Garth wouldn’t be able to accomplish the task without him.

Castiel walked up to one of the captives and she grabbed onto his shirt and was not going to relinquish her hold any time soon. He looked back and Dean to make sure that he was behind him. Then he headed toward the back door.

Dean walked backwards, keeping the gun pointed out toward where he knew the witch was.

Once he saw Castiel step out of the house, Dean shut the door, locked it, and headed to the stairs. He knew he had to be quick because Castiel would kick in the door and run in after him regardless of how much noise it made. This way he knew he had time to get to the witch and keep Castiel out of danger.

He slowly made his eyes up the stairs, pointing the gun toward the second floor. He got to the second floor and pressed himself against the wall to stay out of sight.

It was easy to find which room the witch was in because that was the only one lit. Dean made his way to it and saw the door cracked open. He found it lucky that the witch’s back was to him. He didn’t want to think about too much because he knew that luck wouldn’t last.

He stepped into the room, then loaded the gun, knowing that it would alert the witch of his presence. As soon as he did that, the witch spun around and growled at him. “Who are you?” she screamed.

“No one important,” Dean replied. He moved his gun down to point at the witch’s heart.

“Hunter,” she hissed.

“Okay, maybe a little important,” Dean said with a shrug. “By the way, it wasn’t very smart of you to keep your sacrifices unguarded.”

The witch’s eyes widened. She couldn’t sense anyone else in the house besides the hunter. Her plan was ruined. She screamed and swiped her arm. Dean flew backward and out of the room, dropping his gun in the process. She straddled his waist and punched Dean in the face enough times for his teeth to turn pink. “It wasn’t very smart of you to come alone.”

Dean rolled both of them over right before she could punch him again. When he had her pinned, he reached into his waistband for the demon-killing knife, but couldn’t find it. His eyes widened when he remembered that he gave it to Castiel. “Shit,” he whispered.

The witch saw that Dean’s plan wasn’t going accordingly, so she took the opportunity to roll both of them over again, but this time, push Dean down the stairs. She was able to separate herself before Dean pulled her down the stairs with him.

Dean should have known the witch was going to use the stairs to her advantage. He realized his mistake in not doing so when he rolled the wrong way. He rolled down the stairs, protecting his head and neck from landing in the wrong position.

He groaned when he landed on the first floor. His vision was blurry, his ribs hurt, and he was pretty sure his head was bleeding. His vision cleared up just in time to see the witch’s heeled boot go to his neck. His hands went up to fight it off, but the witch was stronger than he was. Black dots danced around his vision as he found it hard to breathe.

He coughed a few times, spilling blood on her leather boots.

The witch gasped in disbelief of what the hunter did to her shoes. She wiped her boot off on Dean’s pants. She kicked him in the temple and Dean was out.

Dean came to with a hand squeezing his shoulder and the world vibrating around him. He didn’t think to fight back if the person was a threat. He just wanted the shaking to stop, but he needed a moment before he could get his voice to work. He opened his eyes and was greeted with bright blue eyes trying to stare into his soul. “Too close,” Dean said.

Castiel sat back on his heels. He let out a sigh of relief. “Dean, are you all right?”

He looked up and tried to look around Castiel and saw himself still at the bottom of the stairs. He saw Castiel covered in blood. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“The witch hit you. Then she threw you down the stairs,” Castiel answered, ignoring the second question completely.

“And what did you do?”

“I stabbed her.” He held his hands out and stared at the blood drying on them. He opened and closed them a few times before he dropped them down to his sides.

Dean groaned and grunted as pushed himself up to a sitting position with Castiel’s help. “Really?” Castiel let go of Dean. He could swear he saw Castiel’s cheeks turn pink.

Castiel’s eyes dropped down to the floor between them. He stared at the gun and knife that he gathered after he killed the witch. “I was able to catch her off guard.”

Dean smiled. That was definitely one of Castiel’s strong suits. He was always stunning people that way. He clapped a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “People need to stop underestimating you.”

Castiel brought his hand across his chest and laid it on Dean’s. “I would rather they not. It makes it easier for me to surprise everyone.”

“Yeah, you’d lose a tactical advantage, wouldn’t you?”

Castiel nodded. He grabbed onto Dean’s arm. “Can you stand?”

“I need a second.”

“You may need more than a second.”

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. Of course Castiel would take everything too literal. “Cas, I—”

“Dean! Castiel!” Garth yelled running into the house. He smiled when he saw the other hunters in one piece. “You guys are okay.”

“Where were you?” Dean asked. He looked Garth over and saw that the hunter was unscathed.

“I thought I saw something running around outside.”

“And?” Dean and Castiel said at the same time. They would not be able to handle another witch. Not with Dean injured.

“It was a dog. Or a cat. Maybe a bird,” Garth replied.

Dean and Castiel sighed. They were in the clear for now. “How are the kidnappees?” Dean asked.

“Freaking out. I think it’d be best to take them to the hospital.”

“That’s probably for the best,” Castiel replied.

“Are they in my car or yours?”

“Mine,” Garth answered. His station wagon had more space than the car Dean and Castiel drove over with.

“Okay, do you need us, or can you drive them there on your own?”

“I think I can handle playing chauffer,” Garth smiled. “What are you two going to do?”

“I think Dean’s injuries need my attention.”

“Okay,” Garth said. He looked at Dean who was still sitting on the floor. He did not look like he was in any condition to drive. “Do you know how to drive, Castiel?”

“I’m driving,” Dean answered.

Castiel tucked the demon-killing knife and Dean’s gun into his waistband. “No, you aren’t. You’re injured.”

“And you don’t know how to drive,” Dean countered. He let out a deep breath and braced his hands to push himself up. He groaned when his head started spinning. He felt Castiel’s hands on his arm pulling him up. Once he was standing, and not swaying, he looked at Castiel. “I’m okay to drive. The motel is ten minutes away, not ten hours.”

“All right,” Castiel conceded. He handed the keys over to Dean. He figured if Dean was well enough to argue, then he was well enough to drive the distance to the motel.

Garth led the way back to the cars, followed by Dean. Castiel walked a few feet behind. He was the person best suited to take care of a threat if one came up. He would have rather walked next to Dean and helped him to the car, but Dean was too stubborn to accept help for something like that.

Dean and Castiel got into the car and waited for Garth to start his. Once they got on the road, Dean followed Garth as closely as he could for as long as he could before they needed to head in different directions.

It took them a little less than ten minutes to get back to the motel. Castiel got out of the car first and walked to the driver’s side door. He didn’t help Dean out of the car, knowing how much it would frustrate him, but he kept a watchful eye on him as he stepped out.

He did take Dean’s bag from him so Dean could concentrate on walking and only walking.

Once they got into the motel room, Dean went straight to the bathroom. He needed a quick shower. Usually, after hunts, he’d stand under the hot spray for as long as he could to let the tension in his muscles melt away, but Castiel needed the hot water more to wash away the blood.

Dean finished his shower within ten minutes and as soon as the bathroom was free, Castiel took his place in it. He saw that his duffel bag was opened and the First Aid Kit was sitting on top of his clothes. While Castiel showered, Dean slipped into a shirt and boxers.

When Castiel came out of the bathroom, Dean sat on the edge of the bed. Dean would have rather just went to sleep, but he knew Castiel wanted to deal with the cuts and bruises the witch gave him.

Dean watched as Castiel moved mechanically around the room. He sat and let Castiel get the supplies from the First Aid Kit without saying anything. He watched as Castiel intently opened the kit and rifled through the contents. He reached for a few things when it looked like Castiel was taking too long.

What he got was a slap on the hand.

Castiel shut the kit and pushed it out of Dean’s reach.

Dean had no choice but to sit and let Castiel tend to him. He sat quietly, like a good patient, while Castiel wrapped and covered his injuries.

Castiel didn’t say anything as he did his best to tend to Dean’s wounds. When he was done and all the extra supplies was put away, he walked back over to the injured man. “I’m sorry, Dean,” Castiel said, rubbing his thumb over the bandaid he put on Dean’s eyebrow.

“Don’t apologize for what the witch did.” Like Castiel had said many times before, it was nothing he had control over so he didn’t need to apologize.

Castiel furrowed his brow. “I wasn’t apologizing about that,” he said, pulling his hand away. “That was your fault.”

Dean’s eyes widened enough that they threatened to fall out of his head. He grabbed Castiel’s hand. “Excuse me?”

“You didn’t wait for Garth and me. What is the point of bringing me along as backup if you don’t want me to back you up?”

Dean couldn’t argue that. Especially since he told Castiel he’d wait for them to come back before he confronted the witch. “Okay. So why are you apologizing?”

“I’m sorry that I can’t heal you. I don’t think my brothers feel I deserve my grace yet.”

Dean bit his lip. He felt guilty. He was the one in charge of keeping Castiel’s grace. If he had just given his grace back, this anxiety wouldn’t exist. “Don’t worry about it, Cas,” he said, trying to calm Castiel’s guilt. “I’d dealt with worse before you popped into my life.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with it now that I’m in your life. I’m an angel. I should be able to heal you.”

“Well, you’re helping right now.” He pointed to the bandages on his arms and face. “Just not in the way you’re used to.”

“I suppose.” Castiel sat down next to Dean on the bed. “Are there other injuries that you need me to tend to?”

“I think I’m good, Cas.” He had a few muscle aches, but it wasn’t anything that a few painkillers before bed wouldn’t be able to fix. Then a thought hit him. “I didn’t even ask if you were hurt at all.” He reached for Castiel, which earned his hand another slap.

“The witch didn’t touch me,” Castiel replied. There was no need for Dean to check on him. He’d waste his energy and find nothing.

Dean was impressed. The witch was crafty, and if Castiel was telling the truth and the witch didn’t lay a hand on him, it said something about Castiel. “It must be that little bit of grace you still have.”

“I’m not sure if that has anything to do with it.”

“Maybe it did, maybe it didn’t,” Dean replied. Then he yawned.

“You should get some sleep,” Castiel said when Dean’s yawn ended.

“You too.” Another yawn occurred, and his eyes watered.

“Of course,” Castiel said. He stood up so Dean could pull back the covers.

He grabbed Dean’s duffel bag and searched through it. He pulled out a bottle of pills. He poured out two then returned the rest to his bag. He walked back to the beds and grabbed Dean’s hand. He put the pills in it, and was about to get some water, but Dean swallowed them without it.

He was about to get into the empty bed when Dean grabbed his wrist. Castiel’s eyes followed Dean’s to the empty side of the bed. He smiled and walked around to climb in.

Dean reached over and shut off the light when Castiel was settled next to him. They both maneuvered to get into the most comfortable position. They settled with Dean lying on his back with Castiel tucked into his side. Dean had to smile at how long it took them to get into that position since they’d been sleeping like that for weeks.

He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

[Chapter 11] [Masterpost] [Chapter 13]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 11)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:27:31 GMT

Over the next few days, Crowley stopped by to give them any news they could. It wasn’t anything useful in regards to Belial, but knowing what the Leviathans were up to was always good information. It made it easier to stay out of their way until after they dealt with Belial.

Everyone noticed that whenever Crowley would appear, Castiel made himself scarce. But he would never disappear without sending Dean a look that he was all right.

Most days, everyone had a book in their hands trying to find ways to locate Belial. So far, they had found nothing helpful. Dean reached for his cup and found that he had finished his water.

Castiel saw that Dean’s glass was empty and stood up to get them both a refill.

Dean had turned the page on the book he was reading when he felt something heavy in the living room.

“There is an unbelievable amount of feathers in this house.”

As soon as Dean heart the voice, he stood, grabbed his gun from the coffee table, took the safety off, and pointed it at the source. “Meg, what are you doing here?”

“So angry, Dean.”

Dean looked around and saw that Sam, Bobby, and Jody also had guns pointed at the newcomer. The angels had also dropped the books they were reading. “There are half a dozen people in this room that can kill you in the blink of an eye. So, before you say your goodbyes why are you here?”

“Dean, I felt…” Castiel’s voice trailed off when he saw the extra person in the room. He swallowed hard. “What are you doing here?”

Dean walked over to Castiel and blocked him from Meg. He looked at Castiel’s face and saw he looked like he was ready to throw up. “Cas?”

“Clarence, I’ve missed you.”

“The sentiment is not mutual.”

“We need to talk,” she said, keeping eye contact with Castiel even though she knew he wanted nothing more than to look away.

“What could we possibly talk about?”

“You aren’t talking to him alone,” Michael and Dean said.

“They won’t allow me out of their sight.” Castiel was grateful for that. He would not be able to stay in a room alone with a demon for very long.

“At least tell them to lower their weapons,” Meg said, crossing her arms over her chest. If they were going to talk, she didn’t want someone to get an itchy trigger finger and accidentally shoot her.

“Half of them don’t have weapons to lower,” Castiel said. He looked at everyone and saw that they would readily get rid of the demon if Castiel felt threatened. He put a hand up. “It’s all right,” he said. He felt that if Meg was foolish enough to stay in the cabin knowing that everyone had the ability to kill her, he would give the demon a moment of his time. No matter how sick it made him feel.

Reluctantly the humans put down their weapons. The angels relaxed, showing that they wouldn’t kill her just yet.

“State your business,” Michael replied.

“Do we not get to catch up, Clarence?” Meg asked with a smile. She knew how uncomfortable her presence made the angel. “It’s been awhile.” She brought hand up to mouth and rubbed her fingers along her lips.

“Why are you here?” Castiel asked. He stepped around Dean to stand next to him. He knew he couldn’t carry a conversation with the demon from behind Dean.

“It should have been me to touch your grace, Clarence.”

Dean pulled the demon knife out of his waistband and was more than ready and willing to kill Meg. He looked at Castiel and did not understand why he wasn’t angrier about what she said. “Meg, you better shut your mouth before this knife ends up in your chest.”

Meg smirked and looked to the Ruler of Hell. “Would you let them, Lucifer?” She felt protected knowing that Lucifer was in the same room as her.

“Yes.”

“What?” Meg said, shocked.

“Demons have no right to attempt to touch an angel’s grace. Especially Castiel’s.”

Dean was surprised and confused at how deep Lucifer’s loyalties ran in regards to Castiel. He put the knife down knowing that if Meg tried something, she’d be dead before Dean could even think about stabbing her.

He did enjoy the look Lucifer’s response put on Meg’s face. “So, Meg, before someone in this room kills you, tell us something useful.”

“Just know that Belial is on to your little mission. He knows you’re looking for him. You won’t find him unless he wants you to find him.”

“We have our ways,” Gabriel said.

“He knows that,” Meg replied. She shrugged. What Gabriel said didn’t affect her. “He’s stayed hidden from you this long.”

Lucifer sauntered up to the demon. “Since you have such a connection to him, Meg, you give him this message.” He traced a finger along the side of her face.

“What message?” she said as her body shivered.

Lucifer pulled his hand away when he saw how the demon reacted. “Tell him we’ll find him. And soon. Because that is what our Father wants.” He smiled his sadistic smile.

“God wants you to get some revenge for little Clarence, here?” She looked around Lucifer to make eye contact with Castiel again.

Since her attention was on Castiel, she didn’t see Lucifer’s hand shoot up and clench her throat. She gasped for a breath as Lucifer’s hand tightened.

“Lucifer!” Michael shouted. He didn’t want his brother to kill one of the only sources they had to Belial.

Lucifer slowly released his hold on Meg. He stepped back, giving the demon the chance to leave. When she stayed put, he spoke. “Pass along the message, and you live.”

Meg nodded, with a hand massaging her throat. She swallowed hard and winced at how much her throat hurt. “By the way, he wants you to know to keep that one close.”

“That one?” Michael asked.

“Clarence,” she replied.

“They’re coming after him again?” Dean asked.

She looked at Dean and glared. “You knew they would,” she spat. “Like they’d let him out of their grasp so easily.”

“Do you know why they want him so badly?” Gabriel asked.

“No, I don’t,” Meg said. “And I’m not lying. There are things that aren’t privileged information to lowly demons like me. That being said, I did my part. I’ll pass along the message if I happen to come across Belial.” She smirked at Castiel. “See you around, Clarence.” She disappeared from the room with a snap of her fingers.

As soon as Meg was gone, Dean looked at Castiel. “Cas?” he whispered when he saw the panic in his eyes.

Castiel shook his head, pulling him out of the daze he had put himself in when Meg first showed up. “I hate the smell of sulfur. And the smell of their blood makes my skin itch.” He stared at the spot that Meg had disappeared from and rubbed his forearm.

Dean put a hand on Castiel’s shoulder and squeezed it. He felt the tension in it, but he didn’t let go. “Yeah. Sorry you had to get caught off guard like that.”

“You should not apologize for something you had no control over.” He put his hand on Dean’s and squeezed.

Jody walked over to Castiel and took his hands in her own. “Hey, Castiel. Why don’t you and I go outside and breathe some fresh air?”

“I would like that, Jody.” He let Jody pull him toward the front door.

Everyone watched the two of them step out of the cabin. As soon as the front door shut, Bobby glared at everyone. “No more demons are allowed in this house, whether we’re getting help from them or not,” Bobby said.

“Bobby,” Michael said.

“The next demon I see in this house gets trapped then either exorcised or stabbed in the chest. If you need to talk to them, it happens outside.”

Dean smirked. He agreed with Bobby. He didn’t want demons in the house, especially if they made Castiel react the way he did. He stood up and made his way to the front door. He needed some fresh air too.

[Chapter 10] [Masterpost] [Chapter 12]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 10)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:25:54 GMT

Sometimes Dean hated conversing with Castiel. Especially when Castiel would just sit or stand there and say nothing while Dean vomited words.

This time, Castiel sat on the bed in the master bedroom as Dean paced back and forth in the open floor. He explained the entire situation, all the while feeling like he was speaking too fast. The more he talked about it, the more agitated he became, and the faster he spoke.

By the end of it, Dean’s chest was heaving as if he had run a marathon. He looked to Castiel who sat at the edge of the bed, staring at him. He wanted to walk over to Castiel and shake him to goad some sort of reaction from him.

Seconds, or minutes, passed and Castiel stood up. He put a hand to Dean’s cheek and sighed. He told him how he understood the need to work with Crowley and it wouldn’t upset him. Especially since he saw how torn he was about doing it. He then told him that he didn’t want to be there when they summoned him.

He wasn’t able to be in the same vicinity as the demon. Not yet.

So when the time came for Dean to summon the demon, Sam, Bobby, and Jody took Castiel into town for food and other mindless, time-consuming activities. Balthazar tagged along to protect them if a threat came long.

Dean set up everything they’d need to summon Crowley while Gabriel drew a trap on the floor. It was simple, but if the trap didn’t work, they had three archangels to keep the demon where they needed him.

Gabriel read the summoning spell while Dean mixed some leaves and bones together. Then he threw a match into the bowl.

As soon as the smoke died down, Dean groaned. He did not want to do this. But there Crowley was, standing in the middle of a trap and rolling his eyes as soon as they made eye contact.

“Fantastic,” he said. He turned to look at the other people in the room with them. “Even more fantastic.”

Gabriel smiled. “It’s good to see you.”

Crowley smirked. But as quickly as it appeared, it vanished. “I’m sorry, I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”

Michael sighed and rolled his eyes. He didn’t have time for this. Especially from him. “You’re wasting our time, Ra—”

Crowley raised a hand to stop him from talking. “Excuse me, but if you angels are going to just talk in your angelic speak, you don’t need me here.”

Michael leaned closer to Gabriel, all the while keeping his eyes on Crowley. “What is he doing?”

Gabriel shrugged. He was just as lost as the oldest archangel. He knew that if Michael didn’t get it, then there was no way he would. “I don’t know.”

“Crowley,” Dean said, impatient. He could pick up on the angel’s irritation. They probably didn’t want to be around a demon longer than they had to.

“Nice to see you again, Dean.”

“Can’t say the same.” After Castiel ‘died,’ he made a promise to himself to never work with demons again. Especially Crowley. It was just unfortunate that their paths crossed again with Sam’s marriage. And now this.

Crowley was about to step toward Dean, but he looked down and saw the chalk outline around him. “So, how is it babysitting an angel? Can I hire you to watch over a few of my demons when you’re done?”

Dean charged forward. “You know what, Crowley, I should—”

“What?” Crowley said with a laugh.

Dean was about to say something, but he knew that Crowley was trying to rile him up. It almost worked. Instead, he turned to the angels. “I told you it was a bad idea working with him.”

“Hurtful, Dean. Don’t forget that I’ve helped you from time to time.”

“Yeah, and what did that cost me?”

“I don’t think I need to justify that question with an answer.”

Dean walked around the trap to where the angels stood. He put himself between them and Crowley. “Just get rid of him. He’s useless to us.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t heard what you guys need me for yet.”

Dean rolled his eyes and continued speaking as if Crowley hadn’t said anything. “He’s been avoiding the Leviathans, why would he know where he is?”

“Who? Dick?”

Dean turned around to face the demon. He knew he wouldn’t shut up until he was in the know. “No.”

Gabriel put a hand on Dean’s arm and pushed him off to the side. “Have you heard from Belial?”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. He did not expect that question from the archangel. “The angel? No. I’ve heard stories, but I haven’t had the pleasure of crossing paths with him.” He clapped his hands once before he crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ve also heard the rumors that Satan is on Earth.”

“Was,” Michael corrected.

“Was?” Crowley repeated, impressed and surprised. “Well, if Satan isn’t on Earth, Belial may start throwing a fit soon.”

“That’s what we suspected,” Michael said.

“You guys keep saying that, what does that mean?” Dean asked.

“It means whatever plans they had involving the reason why they had four Crowned Princes on Earth isn’t going according now that one is incapacitated. There’s a reason they raised the Crowned Princes and not the Seven Princes.” Crowley turned his body to face Lucifer who had been quietly standing in the corner since he had arrived. “Speaking of Crowned Princes, why are you playing house with big brother?”

“Father got to me first.”

“Really?” Crowley would have asked why he agreed so easily, but he knew. Everyone in all of creation knew that Lucifer still loved his Father, even after God had sent him into Hell. “He actually showed His face.”

“Surprising, isn’t it?”

“Has He told you how to defeat the Leviathans?”

“That isn’t our mission.”

“Then what is?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Michael said.

He tried to make contact with Michael or Gabriel, but their eyes wouldn’t meet his. Then he knew the answer. “Oh, you’re helping your little wayward angel.”

“Ra… Crowley,” Michael said. They were no closer to getting their answers with the demon veering off the subject.

“I feel like your Father is babying him a little much.”

“Crowley,” Gabriel said, sensing his brother’s annoyance.

“Not like Michael didn’t do it enough.”

“You’re getting off track.”

Crowley knew he couldn’t keep up his attitude any longer. They’d send him away if he didn’t give them answers. “No, I don’t know where Belial is. I don’t know how to summon him. I don’t really care.”

“Why not?”

“He hasn’t done anything to me. The only grudge I have against him is that he’s working with the Leviathans.” He had to wonder why the archangels cared so much. They had been tucked away in their little havens while the world was falling apart. “Can I ask why you’re looking for him?”

“It’s not important.”

“I’m just curious.”

“He let demons touch Castiel’s grace,” Dean said. He wouldn’t be able to say why he told Crowley, but the words fell from his lips faster than he could stop them. As soon as he said it, he regretted it. He had no right telling Castiel’s secret and trauma to another demon.

“Come again?”

“I know you heard me.” Dean really did not have to repeat those words every again, especially since he knew what it meant. He felt like Crowley just wanted him to say it again because he could hear the pain in his tone.

“That’s… I thought that Castiel was dead all this time?”

“The Leviathans had him. Gave him to Satan and Belial. Tortured him.”

“And how’s he doing now?”

Dean could swear that the look on Crowley’s face was one of concern. He figured it had to do with working together for a year. They had to have formed some sort of association with each other. “Better.”

“And he’s the one that’s looking for Belial,” Crowley said as if he were testing the statement.

“It doesn’t matter,” Michael said.

“No, it doesn’t,” Crowley replied, even though the response had given him the answer. Of course the little angel wouldn’t be out for revenge. “I don’t know how I can help you with this situation.”

“Keep an ear out,” Gabriel said.

“What do I get out of this?” Crowley knew better than to agree to something unless he got something out of it.

“You aren’t really in a place to bargain with us, Crowley,” Dean said.

Crowley shrugged. “You never know.”

“Whatever.”

“Do you understand what is going on?” Michael asked Gabriel as he watched the display between Crowley and Dean.

“Not really.”

“So, are you helping us our, or not?” Dean asked.

“What help could I possibly offer you?”

“Let us know if you hear anything.”

“So, I give you information, and I get nothing. That sounds inequitable.”

“You get to live.”

Crowley laughed. “It’s hilarious how you think you know how to kill me.”

“The hell does that mean?”

“It’s not hard to decipher, Dean.” He turned to face the angels. His demeanor changed from nonchalant to serious. He needed the angels to understand the oncoming message. “Be ready for Belial to poke his head out. If Satan isn’t here to keep him steady, he’ll slip up soon.”

“You know this for sure?”

“So do you.”

“Thank you,” Michael said.

“Anything for someone or something that could destroy me with a snap of his fingers.”

“Ra… Crowley.”

“Pleasure doing business with you all.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Dean said. He wasn’t irritated at Crowely. It was mostly because they were again working with a demon. The fact that the demon was Crowley made it a little worse.

Crowley smiled at the Dean, knowing what was going through the human’s head. “Do me a favor, will you, Dean?” He asked looking at the chalk outline on the floor.

“Just step out of it,” Gabriel said with a roll of his eyes. He still had no idea what was going on in front of him.

“If only it were that simple, Gabriel. Dean, here, has actually come up with a trap that was could trap a demon as strong as me.”

“I should leave you here.” Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “At least then I’d know you’re staying out of our way.”

“But you wouldn’t because you know I’m the one keeping the demons out of your way.”

“I won’t,” Dean huffed. As much as he hated it, it was a lot easier to put his attention and focus on the Leviathans, and Castiel, when they didn’t have to worry about demons. “Don’t look so smug.” He stepped forward and broke the sigil with a swipe of his foot.

Crowley smiled and stepped out of the circle. “Well, it was a pleasure to be in the presence of angels that didn’t threaten to smite me down. But I must be going.” He walked to Michael and Gabriel, stopping in between them. Crowley whispered something to Michael and Dean was sure that the demon had spoken Enochian.

[Chapter 9] [Masterpost] [Chapter 11]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 9)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:24:07 GMT

Dean woke up feeling warm, confused, and comfortable. Warm because there was someone lying on him and covering half his body. Confused because he forgot where he was and had no idea who was on him. And comfortable because the second he remembered, he was content.

That was until he remembered what happened the night before. Seeing Satan. Torturing him. Kissing Castiel.

The last one didn’t bother him, but it led him to the bed he lay in. He was surprised he wasn’t freaking about the kiss at all. He kept himself from overanalyzing it. He told Castiel not to, and he didn’t want to be a hypocrite. Besides, it happened in the heat of the moment. If he needed to, he could blame his emotions.

He wondered if it had something to do with what he talked with Missouri about while Castiel slept on his lap. It seemed like it was so long ago.

He looked down and saw Castiel sleeping comfortably on his chest. As much as he wanted to just lie in bed and forget the world was going to shit around them, he couldn’t. He pulled Castiel to him and kissed him on the crown of his head. “I’ll be back,” he whispered. Then he slid out from under him.

He threw on a shirt and jeans before heading downstairs. He found everyone in the living room minus Lucifer and Satan.

“Dean,” Sam said.

“Hey,” he said, his voice still rough from sleep. “What’s up?”

“How’s Cas?”

“Sleeping. He was pissed that I was torturing, but he got over it. But besides that, I think he’s okay.” He looked at everyone and saw that everyone accepted the answer. “So, what’s for breakfast?”

“We got bacon and eggs,” Jody said.

“Awesome.” He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a plate. He was about to sit at the table but stopped. He, along with almost everyone in the house, had been avoiding using it to eat since the angels performed surgery on it. Even though the angels cleaned it up, he swore he could still see the blood on it.

He walked into he living room and sat down on the couch next to Gabriel.

“You look relaxed,” Gabriel said.

Dean couldn’t ignore the smirk on the archangel’s face. “Why wouldn’t I be? I just had a full night of sleep.”

“Uh huh,” Gabriel said.

Dean rolled his eyes and took a bite out of a strip of bacon. He knew better than to continue with the conversation Gabriel was leading him down. It would lead him nowhere good. It wouldn’t have surprised him if Gabriel had flown into the room to check on Castiel and saw them in bed together. “Where are Lucifer and Satan? Still in the basement?” He hoped someone would follow him with the subject change.

“No,” Michael replied. “We gave Satan to Joshua. He locked him in a cage in Hell.”

“What? Why? We could have used him,” Dean replied.

“He wasn’t going to talk.”

Dean spun around, almost dropping his food, at the new voice in the room. “And where were you?” he asked Lucifer.

“Trying to find a way to find Belial.”

“And how did that go?” Dean asked.

“You know how difficult it is to find an angel that knows how to stay hidden,” Lucifer said.

“So, your torture session got you nothing.”

“Not nothing, Dean,” Lucifer replied. “I was able to see the man who put my freedom in motion in action. I was impressed.”

“I wasn’t trying to put on a show,” Dean said through gritted teeth. He hated torturing, but Satan had crawled under his skin with what he said about Castiel. He had no idea how far he would have gone if Bobby hadn’t stopped him.

“I know,” Lucifer said. “But watching you carve into Satan hoping to get even the slightest bit of information… Your intentions were pure and righteous. It was so artistic.”

“Thanks,” Dean whispered, unsure of how he was supposed to take what Lucifer was saying. “But we’re back to square one.”

“At least you have one less Prince to worry about.”

“We weren’t actually worrying about him until you brought him up,” Bobby said.

“He hadn’t done anything,” Sam added. “He wasn’t even on our radar.”

“Well, trust us when we say that it’s better that he’s back in Hell,” Balthazar said. “He’s almost as strong as Lucifer.”

“He likes to think he is,” Lucifer corrected.

“But he is more unstable in the head,” Gabriel added.

“More unstable?” Lucifer asked.

“Lucky us,” Dean mumbled. They got rid of one crazy angel, but it didn’t help them at all. “But that still doesn’t get us closer to finding Belial. He didn’t mention a way to get rid of the Leviathans before you put him in his cage?”

“No,” Michael said. “His loyalty to Leviathan is too strong.”

“So, why were you able to find Satan and not Belial?” Sam asked.

“Because Satan is an idiot. And that’s the reason why he will always be my lieutenant and nothing more.”

Lucifer let out a deep sigh, and Dean couldn’t help but feel like the next words out of his mouth weren’t going to be anything good. “What?” he asked, afraid of the answer.

“Satan’s disappearance from the plane does put us at a disadvantage.”

“How?”

“Belial is on alert now.”

“What? Why?” Dean asked in rapid succession.

“His opposite isn’t on Earth anymore. He could feel it the moment we gave him to Joshua. So, he might show his face soon,” Michael said.

Dean never thought he’d put so much optimism in the word ‘might’. “That’s good, right?”

“Or he might go into deeper hiding,” Balthazar said.

Dean ignored that option.

“You guys have a connection with your opposites.”

“Yes,” Lucifer answered his true vessel.

“Does that mean you know where the Leviathan is?” Sam asked.

“I know where all of them are.”

“And when were you going to share that information with us?” Dean asked, pissed.

“When it became relevant. Leviathan has nothing to do with helping Castiel.”

“Not yet.”

“They didn’t hurt him,” Lucifer stated. “They gave him over to Belial and Satan. They probably didn’t even know what the angels and demons were doing to Castiel.” As much as he didn’t want to defend those beasts, he had to give everyone his reasoning for leaving them alone.

“Well, if they gave them over to be watched, what will you do when they come after him again?” Dean asked. He needed to know whose side Lucifer was on.

“Well, something about bridges and crossing them.”

“Lucifer,” Michael replied. He wanted the answer as much as Dean did.

“If they were going to hurt Castiel, I would stop them, but they’ve kept their distance.”

“You know how to stop them?” Dean asked. He would have been angrier if he didn’t expect it. All the research in the world and Lucifer already knew how to get rid of the threat. But then again, he wondered what it would take. Maybe Lucifer’s way of getting rid of them was to just destroy the planet. Or maybe the way to defeat them took some methods that only Lucifer could perform. Or using things that only Lucifer had access to. He didn’t like having to put so much confidence in Lucifer.

“I have to be able to keep my opposite safe. But I have to also be able to show them their place.”

“Will you tell us how to kill them?” Sam asked.

“Maybe,” Lucifer said. “I’ll see how I feel about it at the end of all of this.”

“Would you let them hurt us?” Sam asked.

“If Castiel asked me to help you, I’d contemplate it.”

“Good to know,” Dean said. At least it gave him confirmation to not rely on the archangel too much when it came to the Leviathans. As skewed as Lucifer’s loyalty was, it was still loyalty.

“So, there’s no summoning spell for this?”

“You think we haven’t tried every summoning spell we have?”

“I think that you guys need to—Cas,” Dean said, when he saw Castiel coming down the stairs.

“Hey, Cas,” Sam and Gabriel greeted.

“Hello,” Castiel said, his voice still rough from sleep. “Where’s Sa—”

“He’s been taken care of,” Balthazar answered quickly. Everyone could sense the tension and anxiety Castiel still had.

“What does that mean?” He wasn’t sure if he was all right with them killing him.

“We gave him to Joshua,” Balthazar said.

“Joshua?” Castiel asked. He wondered why they would give Satan to him.

“He’s been put in charge of Heaven,” Michael answered the question in Castiel’s eyes.

“That’s probably for the best,” Castiel said for both statements. “Did you get any information from… him?” He hated that he wasn’t able to say the angel’s name.

“No. We weren’t able to.” The angels bowed their heads, feeling like they had let Castiel down.

“You hungry or something?” Dean asked, needing to break the tension and stop the self-loathing that polluted the living room.

Castiel shook his head. “Dean, I want to take a bath again.”

Dean could feel his cheeks burning up. He shook his head, as if it would erase the embarrassment from his face. “Yeah, okay.”

“You gave him a bath?” Gabriel asked.

Dean wanted to smack the mocking tone out of the archangel’s voice. He spun and glared at him. “I didn’t give him one. I just sat there while he sat in the tub. There’s a difference.”

“Of course there is,” Bobby replied.

“We just talked,” Dean sighed. He knew it was pointless to defend himself. He had just given everyone enough material to tease him for a long time. But that didn’t mean he had to stand there and listen to it. “Come on, Cas.” He walked over to Castiel and grabbed him by the arm. He led him back up the stairs.

Castiel allowed Dean to pull him to the master bedroom. He could tell that Dean was agitated. “Was what I said wrong?” he asked as soon as the door shut behind them.

“No, they’re just being dicks.”

“Are you sure?”

Dean spun around so quickly that he surprised Castiel. He grabbed him by the shoulders. “Cas, don’t worry about it.” He squeezed Castiel to make sure he understood. “Don’t apologize. Don’t feel bad. Don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about us. We’re good.”

“We’re good,” Castiel repeated. He followed Dean as he walked to the bathroom. He could tell that Dean thoughts were racing. “Dean?”

“You said you wanted to take a bath.”

“Oh.” He did. He didn’t press for Dean to tell him what he was thinking. Dean was always better at keeping things to himself than Castiel was. He knew no matter how much he pushed he wouldn’t be able to get Dean to talk like Dean was able to do to him.

Dean knelt down next to the tub, like the first time Castiel had taken a bath, and started the water. He could feel Castiel standing in the doorway. “Cas,” he said, resting his forehead against the side of the tub with one hand under the faucet.

“Yes, Dean?” Castiel asked, hopeful that Dean would open up to him.

Dean’s free hand gripped the side of the tub so strongly he was afraid he would break it. He couldn’t ask Castiel the question that had been bothering him for so long, but damn he wanted to. He could feel his entire body shaking. “Fuck,” he whispered.

“Dean,” he said, taking a few tentative steps into the bathroom. He wanted to reach out and comfort Dean. He settled for leaning against the sink counter. “It’s okay.” Castiel gave Dean the opening he needed.

“Cas…” He quickly shut off the water. If they were going to talk right now, he didn’t want the water to be cold when Castiel got in. Luckily the tub wasn’t that filled. He spun around and leaned against the side of the tub. He looked up at Castiel. “What does it mean when a demon touches an angel’s grace?” Dean wanted to take the words back as soon as they left his lips.

Castiel shivered. He knew that he’d have to answer the question eventually. Dean wasn’t the type of person to drop things if he wanted to know. “Why do you want to know?”

“Because you were acting like…” He really didn’t want to say those words out loud. He could pretend that all of it was not real as long as he didn’t say it out loud.

“Like what, Dean?” He knew exactly how he was acting, but he didn’t know if it was something like what humans did to deal with a similar situation.

Dean let out a shaky breath and dragged a hand down his face. It was now or never. “Cas, did the demons rape you?”

“No,” Castiel said quickly. He shook his head and took a deep breath to calm down. He knew Dean wouldn’t believe him if he kept answering that quickly. He let out his breath. “No,” he said slower and calmer. “They didn’t.” That was one thing the angels didn’t let the demons do to him. Every time they tried, Castiel would be covered with demon ashes and smoke.

“I’m sorry. That was a stupid thing to assume.”

“No. It wasn’t.” Castiel sank down to the floor. “I was violated. Just not in that way.”

“What happened to you?” Dean watched Castiel swallow hard to prepare himself to speak.

“Demons shouldn’t be able to touch an angel’s grace.” He looked up to the ceiling as if it would give him some guidance. “It’s too bright and pure for a demon to handle. Millions of demons have died trying.”

“Why?” Dean asked. “If it’s as impossible as you’re making it sound, why would they keep trying?”

Castiel shrugged. He would never attempt to try and understand the motivations of demons. “I don’t know. They probably thought they could utilize the power of an angel’s grace.”

“So, if demons aren’t supposed to be able to touch your grace, what happened to you when they did?”

“The torture didn’t do anything. I could handle the knives and the burns and the whips. But once they started feeding me demon blood and showering me with Unholy Water, my grace retreated. I… It couldn’t take it. My grace weakened, trying to figure out what was happening to me and what needed healing. All of that, along with the sulfur was so disorienting. I spent most days in a haze.”

Castiel closed his eyes and shook his head. His thoughts were trying to bring him back to those months where he was trapped. “After months of being filled and covered with all of it, my grace had no more defenses. Abbadon cut open my chest and cracked open my ribs.”

“Cas.”

Castiel laid his hand over his stomach with his thumb rubbing against the bottom of his sternum. He looked down and watched as his thumb swished back and forth. “The central location of an angel’s grace is under the apex of a human heart. It’s everywhere in the body, but it mostly resides there. It flows wherever it’s needed.”

“Like white blood cells.”

There wasn’t an easy way to explain how grace worked, but he tried. “To an extent,” Castiel sighed. “Abaddon was able to reach into my chest and hold my grace in his hand. My grace was ready to rebel. I felt sick. And my defenses just crumbled.” Castiel felt nauseous and drowsy as he remembered what he had gone through the first time Abbadon touched his grace. He took in a few deep breaths to calm his stomach. He opened his eyes and stared at Dean who looked ready to make a move if something happened. He smiled. He was relieved to have Dean there. “To have to suffer through that for all that time. It felt like I was in there for years. It was only a few months.”

“Cas.” Dean wished he had more to say than that.

“A demon touching an angel’s grace is tantamount to—”

“I got it, Cas,” Dean whispered. He didn’t need Castiel to say it. “If I knew that you were still alive—”

“I know, Dean. I know.” There was no reason for him to feel guilty about something he had no control over. “It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry you had to suffer through that.”

“I don’t know why you’re apologizing, Dean.”

“Well, you know me,” Dean sighed. “I—”

“I know, Dean,” Castiel replied. He swallowed then let out a breath. He brought a hand up to his chest. “My grace… whatever my brothers let me keep, it doesn’t feel right. It hasn’t for some time.”

“Do you think it will ever again?”

Castiel shrugged. “I don’t know. I hope so.”

“Me too.” Then Dean felt as if the moment had become too intimate. He stood up and turned the water back on. He adjusted the temperature to compensate for the water cooling off while they talked. After a couple of minutes, Dean shut the water off. “So, um… Tub. Don’t stay in the water too long.” He walked passed Castiel to leave the bathroom.

“You aren’t staying?”

“Not today, Cas. I have to finish working on something downstairs.” He hoped that his excuse didn’t sound too flimsy.

“Okay.”

“You need anything, just yell.”

“I don’t think anything will happen that would require me yelling for you.”

Dean nodded and left Castiel as he began to strip.

He walked downstairs and saw everyone in basically the same place they were when he’d left them. He picked up the first book that he found and sat down.

“How’s Cas?” Gabriel asked.

“You know, it would have been easier to just ask him when he was down here.”

“He won’t talk to us,” Michael replied.

“And he lies,” Balthazar added.

“He’s bad at it,” Dean countered.

“But he still does.”

“And so do I.” Dean sighed. He knew it was getting them nowhere with him avoiding the question. He couldn’t blame the angels for caring about their brother. He knew they felt guilty for everything that had happened to him over the last four years. “He’s taking a bath. I know that doesn’t answer your question, but deal with it.”

The angels accepted Dean’s answer. They couldn’t sense any distress from Castiel, so they had no reason to worry. “So, what are your intentions toward my brother, Dean?” Gabriel asked.

Dean felt his heart pound in his chest. He wondered what the angels knew. It couldn’t have been much because if Gabriel knew, he would be giving him a lot more crap than he was at the moment. “You can shut your face,” he said, defenses up faster than he was prepared to throw them.

“You’re taking away my brother’s innocence,” Gabriel said.

“Shut up.”

Lucifer laughed. It was intriguing to see how much the human cared about his youngest brother. “I wonder sometimes, how little Castiel would have turned out if I helped raise him,” he asked.

“You think he would have fallen with you?” Michael asked.

“It’s a possibility.” Lucifer began to think of all the ways he could have convinced Castiel to join him. He smiled at the challenge.

“That’s ridiculous,” Balthazar said with a laugh. The thought of Castiel taking Lucifer’s side instead of their Father’s was the most absurd thing he’d ever heard. Even though Castiel had never seen their Father’s face, he was loyal.

“Why?” Lucifer asked. The angels who stayed in Heaven obviously knew something he didn’t.

“Father created him so close to creating humanity, that it has basically been ingrained in him to choose them,” he answered.

Lucifer crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow. “And yet you all still turned your backs on him knowing that.”

Michael’s eyes widened, shocked. What Lucifer said had shaken him to his core. “You… you would have too,” he whispered.

Lucifer smiled at his ability to affect his brother. “But I would have gone against everything that had to do with humanity. I would have gone against him only because he would have been fighting on your side.”

“So, why did you save him?” Dean asked.

“What?” Lucifer spun to look at Dean.

“Why did you save Cas?” He shut the book in his lap. He hadn’t turned a page since he opened it. “And don’t give me that crap about how you had your orders because you’re known for going against them.” He stood up and walked towards the angels.

Lucifer was impressed with Dean. Every day he spent with the human he would see things that showed how much he was Michael’s true vessel. “Because I don’t know him,” he answered simply.

“What do you mean you don’t know him?”

Lucifer pointed to a chair to tell Dean that it was going to be a long story. He watched as Dean glared at the chair, or maybe it was the table. He followed the human as he walked back into the living room and sat back down on the couch. “How much do you know about your little angel?”

“He’s not my—”

“He’s the youngest of us,” Lucifer interrupted. He didn’t have time for Dean’s denial. “Of all of us.”

“He’s the baby of the family?” Dean asked. Then he thought about how much it would suck to be the youngest angel out of millions. Or was it billions? He knew how much Sam hated every time he played the older brother card, and he was just one. To have millions? He felt sorry for Castiel.

“Correct. He was the only angel created after I fell. I’d never met him. Until I held him captive. And then when I killed him.” Lucifer turned to Sam and smiled. “Remember that, Sam?”

Sam grimaced at the memory. “I’d rather forget.”

“It wasn’t permanent. He came back. Father’s a fan of his. That is enough reason for me to help him. Not many angels get a second chance.”

“Every angel here has,” Bobby countered.

Lucifer looked around at all of his brothers in the room. The elder hunter had a point. “Okay. Percentage wise, it’s very small. But rarely does one get a third chance. And by rarely, I mean never.” Lucifer had to wonder why Castiel was so special in their Father’s eyes.

“Okay. Tell me about Cas,” Dean said.

“What do you mean?”

“What was he like before I messed him up? I know he was a soldier. A freaking obedient soldier. What else?” Dean watched the angels pass looks to each other. He was about to say something, paranoid that they were passing secrets to each other telepathically. He wanted the whole story, but the looks they were giving each other told him he was going to get the abridged version.

Michael was the first to speak up. “Since Father created Castiel after the war, he never had to think about it. He heard stories, but that’s all they were to him. He used those stories to learn battlefield strategies. He knew the angels who fell by name and that was all. He was probably the angel who was the most untroubled.”

“Then why is he so uptight?”

“He took after us. We were never good at hiding our anxieties,” Michael replied. “Those who still followed our Father all raised him at some point in our lives. All of us.”

Dean couldn’t tell if Michael was joking or not. “But you…” He couldn’t believe that all of the angels had raised Castiel, but they all turned on him when it came down to it. He stared at Michael and could not believe that the angel who raised Castiel was the same angel who wanted to destroy the Earth. They couldn’t have been any more different. Then it made sense what Castiel had said about not knowing Gabriel if the archangel left after the war.

“I was the oldest. He was our youngest. After we had lost so many of our brothers to the fall, I became so protective of him. I never wanted him to come to Earth, but he was always drawn to it.

“I know that Castiel once told you that he was just the fastest angel and that is why he was the one who raised you from Perdition. That isn’t the entire truth.”

“What are you talking about?” He still could not remember anything about his rescue from Hell. For the angels to tell him something like that, he couldn’t help but be concerned.

Michael looked to his brothers for assistance in telling this part of the story.

Balthazar stepped forward, taking the reins from his brother for a bit. “Long ago, before our Father disappeared, He gave the order that when this happened, that Castiel needed to be the one to raise the righteous man. The moment he rescued you, we knew something changed in him.”

Dean felt a swell of emotion in him. He felt guilty that Castiel wasn’t as angelic as he used to be because of meeting him. The guilt soon faded and Dean was pissed because no matter what they did and no matter the choices they made, Castiel was supposed to go through all of this pain. “So, God’s been dicking around in Cas’s destiny too?”

“Dean,” Sam said needing to calm his brother down.

“He knew that Cas was going to go through all this. Falling. Dying. Doesn’t that bother you?”

“It should, shouldn’t it,” Michael said. He noticed how much it was actually bothering Dean.

“Hell yeah, it should!”

“Why?”

“Because, he’s your brother. And you are supposed to watch over him. Take care of him. Not let him walk into something that could destroy him.”

“And you think I wasn’t? That we weren’t?” Michael retorted.

Dean hated how Michael could say those things with a calm voice. “Yeah, I do.”

“I helped him fulfill his destiny.”

He shook his head, hating how much stock angels put in destiny. “But you knew all the crap his destiny was going to put him through.”

“You cannot change destiny, Dean.”

That was a bullshit excuse if Dean had ever heard one. “I did.” They couldn’t tell him that it wasn’t possible if he’d screwed his destiny over. “You can’t tell me your Father wanted Cas to suffer like this?” Their Father could not have been cruel enough to let His son’s grace be touched by a demon.

“What makes you think our Father didn’t want Castiel to go through this trial either?” Gabriel asked.

“Your Father is a dick. The apple definitely doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“Dean,” Sam said. He knew his brother was upset, but there had to be better ways of expressing it than chastising the people who were helping them.

“You aren’t supposed to sit back and just watch while your little brother gets dragged through the mud. You’re supposed to protect him. Make sure nothing happens to him.”

“It was our Father’s orders, Dean.”

Dean had difficulty finding a response for that. He knew what it was like to follow every order your father gave. But he also knew what it meant to be an older brother. He knew he would never be able to hurt Sam no matter what his orders were. “It doesn’t mean they were right.”

“It’s not easy to defy God, Dean,” Michael replied.

“And what will you do when God decides to fuck Cas over again?”

“He wouldn’t do that,” Michael said.

“If He does?” Dean pressed. He wanted to see how far the angels would go to follow their Father’s orders.

“He wouldn’t do that,” Michael repeated, more adamant.

Dean stared into the archangel’s eyes. He could see the struggle in his eyes. He could see that Michael never wanted to have to make that choice again. “You better hope he doesn’t,” Dean replied. Because if God decided to dick around in Castiel’s destiny again, he wouldn’t hesitate to put a knife through every angel’s heart and find a way to give God a piece of his mind.

Michael swallowed hard, actually taking Dean’s threat into account. “He won’t,” he whispered. He hoped.

Dean needed a drink. He didn’t care how early it was in the morning. He had too many heavy conversations in the last hour and he felt like he deserved it. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer. He took a long gulp from it, swallowing down a third of the bottle.

When he walked back into the living room, he saw Castiel at the bottom of the stairs. It seemed he hadn’t lost his ability to move from place to place without alerting him.

“What have I missed?” Castiel asked. He stared directly at Dean through his damp hair that clung to his face.

Dean was ready to tell Castiel everything, but it felt like an elephant was sitting on his chest. He thought about everything that Castiel had gone through over the last few years. He thought about how Castiel’s destiny was just as screwed as his own. He thought about how their destinies were tied together.

The thoughts were overwhelming and he couldn’t find his way through most of them.

It hurt to be in the same room as Castiel. “Fill him in,” he whispered to Sam. “I need to go outside and think.” Or stop thinking. He took another drink of his beer and walked out the front door.

As soon as the front door closed behind him, he heard the sound of flapping around him. He rolled his eyes.

“Dean.”

“What do you want?” Dean asked. He had gone outside to be alone. Of all the angels he didn’t want bothering him, Lucifer was at the top of the list.

“You don’t trust me,” Lucifer said.

“Not at all,” he replied. But he had to push aside his own feelings to help Castiel. He never thought that he’d be working alongside Lucifer. Even though Lucifer was there to help them on God’s orders, and he did help them find Satan, Dean couldn’t help but feel weird putting so much trust in the devil.

“Because of what I did to your brother.”

“That,” Dean hissed. “And because you tried to destroy the entire planet.”

“I’m just misunderstood, Dean.”

“No therapist in all of creation would be able to understand you.”

Lucifer could not dispute that. “I’m not as cruel as everyone thinks I am, Dean,” he said. “People forget that I’m still an angel.”

Dean scoffed. “I don’t think anyone’s actually forgotten. The fact that you’re an angel makes the fact that you do all of this crap more terrifying.” He finished his beer.

Lucifer snapped his fingers and Dean’s bottle refilled. “Would you believe me if I told you that I never laid a hand on your brother?”

Dean stared at the full bottle in his hand. He shrugged. It was a creative way for an angel to use his powers. “Not at all.” He saw the aftermath of Sam’s Hell. There was no way that would have happened without Lucifer doing some messed up crap. Dean didn’t want to think about it. He took another sip of his beer to help him to forget.

“Well, I didn’t.”

Dean still didn’t believe the angel even though he was known for being brutally honest. “Then why is his brain a million piece jigsaw puzzle?”

“My tortures are intricate, Dean,” Lucifer said with a smile. “I know that whips and chains and hooks wouldn’t do anything to both of you.”

“So what did this one involve?”

“I let him in on my inner workings.”

“You what?”

“I never had to touch him. Only make him see what I’ve done in my existence. The pain. The torture. I let him go through everything I’ve gone through.”

“Why?”

“You’re brother is so pure, even with demon blood pumping through his veins. Imagine what it must have felt like for him to hold a knife while you were on a rack.”

“That’s all sorts of messed up.” And a little ingenious. But he would never tell that to Lucifer.

“Dean, you of all people know that the best torture is the kind where you don’t even have to touch your victim. Imagination breaks the laws of physical restriction,” Lucifer said. “I would never physically harm your brother. I still need him, Dean. He’s my vessel.”

Dean’s eyes widened at the prospect of being used as a vessel again. “I thought that crap is over between you and Michael.”

“It is,” Lucifer replied. Since speaking with his Father, he knew that he Apocalypse would never happen. But it didn’t mean he couldn’t use it to scare the human a little. “But if it so happens that there needs to be an Apocalypse some time down the road, your brother’s bloodline is needed.”

“That won’t happen,” Dean said. He’d protect his family from having to deal with that.

“You never know.”

“It won’t happen,” Dean replied.

Lucifer was about to carry on that conversation, but he stopped himself because of an incoming interruption. “Castiel wants to speak to you.” He disappeared before Dean could ask him any more questions.

Castiel walked out of the front door a few seconds later. He stood next to Dean and mirrored his position as he leaned against the railing on the porch. “How was your conversation with Lucifer?” he asked.

“Not important,” Dean said. “He said some stuff, I said some stuff. Learned a few things about him.” He looked over to Castiel as he nodded. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Nothing,” Castiel replied. “I just wanted to stand with you after your talk with Lucifer. I wasn’t sure how you would react after speaking with him.”

Dean smirked. It felt nice that Castiel was still looking after him. There was so much that was normal and comfortable about it. “You should have brought some beers.”

“I can go get them.”

Dean shook his head. Alcohol wasn’t necessary. He was content enough to not need it since Castiel was with him. “Nah. We’re good.” He looked over at Castiel and saw him staring out into the scenery. His eyes followed it and said nothing as he watched the sun set.

--------------

Hours after Dean had his conversation with Lucifer, Dean still thought about it. He had no idea if Lucifer was telling him the truth or not, and he wasn’t sure which reality was worse. It wasn’t like he was going to ask Sam what he remembered about Hell.

One thing was for sure though. Since Lucifer had shown up to help Castiel, Sam’s hallucinations had stopped.

Dean would take the victory, as messed up as it was. Real Lucifer should not have been the better option to hallucination Lucifer.

Dean continued to read through the book in his hand until his eyes hurt. He had no clue what he was supposed to be looking for. He was sure that Sam along with Michael or one of the other angels already read through it and found nothing. And Dean read the same information in another book two days ago.

Two more minutes of reading and Dean swore on anything that the words on the page had morphed into another language. He closed the book and pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes. If he had to read another sentence about how Belial was an angel of fifty Legions, he’d scream at the top of his lungs.

Everyone else in the cabin felt the same frustration as Dean. They wouldn’t be able to help Castiel until they got over that stumbling block.

“What are you thinking about, Bobby?”

Dean blinked his eyes a couple of times to get the blur out of them. Once his vision was clear, he turned to his brother and the elder hunter. He saw the thoughtful look on Bobby’s face that his brother had seen.

“You’re not gonna like it,” Bobby said.

“We’re running out of options,” Dean said. “Anything will be useful.”

Bobby sighed. Plan Z was never very good, but most people went along with it, unhappy. “Look, if you angels can’t find him, maybe you need to look on the other side of the spectrum for some help.”

“What do you mean?” Balthazar asked.

“Demons.”

“Do you have anyone in mind?” Michael asked.

“No,” Dean answered. He reminded himself to thank Jody for taking Castiel grocery shopping. He didn’t want to think of how Castiel would have reacted to this conversation.

“Dean,” Bobby and Sam said.

“No. No demons. Especially not him,” he said threw gritted teeth. He knew they wouldn’t call any demon. Even the thought of having to work with him was making him mad.

“Dean,” Sam repeated.

“We can’t.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m done being a hypocrite. Every time we work with demons, there’s this huge fallout and then I get pissed, and I’m done with that.”

“Dean, we’re running out of options.” Sam needed his brother to see that even though he hated working with demons, they weren’t getting anywhere, and weren’t going to get anywhere without outside help.

“Are there really no other options? Like taking us back in time and stopping Castiel from doing this?”

“That would take—”

“Yeah, I got that,” Dean said, interrupting Michael. “Too much power. Destiny. And all that crap. I was just throwing it out there.” He didn’t think it was a reasonable solution, he just didn’t want working with a demon to be their only choice. “It couldn’t hurt to keep it as like plan double Z or something.”

“But if this could give us answers, wouldn’t you want that? No matter the method?” Michael asked.

Damn angels and their utilitarianism. Dean didn’t know how to answer that without sounding like a jackass “I don’t want to work with Crowley. Not after all the shit that happened last year.”

“Dean, what if it’s the only way?” Sam asked.

“Then we’ll find another one.”

“Dean.”

Dean knew he had lost the argument. He was outnumbered and he couldn’t provide another realistic option. “Damnit.” Dean had to choose between his pride and hypocrisy. He hated both of those choices.

“Dean,” Sam said. He could see the turmoil in his brother’s eyes.

Dean shook his head. He couldn’t talk to Sam. Not right now. He wouldn’t understand. “I need to talk to Cas.”

[Chapter 8] [Masterpost] [Chapter 10]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 8)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:22:44 GMT

The hunt lasted for two more days. A few of the vampires had run away after the first night. The ones that stayed died because of their pride.

For those two days, Dean tried not to let what Missouri said on the first night get to him. He was unsuccessful because every free moment he had, he thought about it. And it made him nervous. He knew that Missouri could tell how awkward he was acting and he knew she was proud because she had caused it. He hoped that Castiel didn’t notice anything different.

By the time Dean and Castiel left, Missouri had tried everything to get the two of them to figure their feelings out. If it were any other two people, it would have worked, but Dean was too stubborn and Castiel was too dense.

She sent them on their way with a glare and a smirk. Sometimes it was nice to have psychic powers.

They were more than halfway back to Montana when Dean’s cell phone rang. Since Castiel didn’t want Dean to crash the car reaching into the back seat for his phone, Castiel grabbed it. Castiel answered it when he saw that it was Sam calling. He put the call on speakerphone.

“Sam, what’s up?” Dean asked.

“Where are you guys?

“We went for a drive. Hunt in Kansas.” He thought that Bobby would have filled him in on his whereabouts.

“Are you going to be home any time soon?”

“Why?”

“You should get home as soon as possible.”

Dean snatched the phone out of Castiel’s hand and took it off speakerphone. “Sam? What’s going on?” Sam sounded worried, and if he needed Dean, he’d speed all the way back to Montana.

“Um…” Sam started. He tried to find a way to say what he needed to say without Dean crashing the car. “Satan’s here.”

“Come again?” Dean asked, not because he didn’t hear him, but because if Sam repeated himself, then it would make what he said a little more believable. “What?”

“Yeah,” Sam answered, knowing Dean heard him correctly. “I can’t really believe it myself, but I’m staring at him right now.”

“What is he doing?”

“Nothing,” Sam answered. “Lucifer isn’t letting him regain consciousness.”

“What are you waiting for?” Dean asked. He suspected that they had him because he had information about Belial. He wondered why they wouldn’t try to get the information out of him as soon as possible.

“I think Lucifer’s waiting for you.”

“What?”

“Dean, it’s okay if you want to keep Cas as far away from the house as possible for the next few hours. I’ll just let them know.”

“Why would—”

“The way the archangels are acting, I think he may have been one of the demons that tortured Cas.”

Dean was glad that he had taken the phone off of speakerphone. He did not want Castiel to have to hear that. But he couldn’t hide his reaction. “Shit.”

“Yeah,” Sam replied, sympathetic. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I’ll see what Cas wants to do.”

“Okay. There’s a hunt in North Dakota if you want it.”

Dean was thankful to have a brother who looked out for him while he was too busy looking out for other people. “I’ll let you know.” He hung up the phone and held it out to Castiel who took it. “Cas.”

Castiel held the phone in both of his hands and rested them on his lap. “Why does it matter what I want to do?”

“You heard that?” Dean winced at how stupid he sounded.

“I’m sitting right next to you. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

“It’s not eavesdropping if your opinion is needed,” Dean replied.

“So, are you going to tell me what the call was about?”

Dean pulled the car over. He gripped the steering wheel with both hands and rested his forehead on the top of it. He contemplated outright lying to Castiel, but he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t lie to Castiel, even if it was to protect him. “Satan is at the house.”

Castiel swallowed. “Oh,” he whispered. He did not expect those words to come out of Dean’s mouth.

Dean sat back in his seat and looked at Castiel. He hated how unreadable is expression was. Damn the angel and his poker face. “Cas, if you don’t want to go back there and you want to just wait until—”

“We should go back,” Castiel answered.

“Cas, we don’t have to.”

“He was there, Dean,” Castiel whispered. “Don’t you think it would be best if I confronted him?”

“Do you think you’d be able to?”

“I don’t know.”

“But you want to find out,” Dean finished.

“You would want to.”

Dean wanted to protect Castiel and keep him away from anything that could hurt him again, but Castiel had him trapped. If he were in Castiel’s position, he would want to know if he was able to face his captor and torturer.

He started the car again, stepped on the pedal, and increased his speed enough that he would get back to Bobby’s sooner, but not get arrested at the same time.

--------------

They stepped into the house and saw Sam in the living room. Jody was in the kitchen, flipping through a new book that Michael had brought them.

“You’re here,” Sam said, surprised to see both of them back so soon. He sent his brother a look to ask him why.

“Well, Cas wanted to come back,” Dean replied. He wanted everyone to know that it was Castiel’s decision, and not his own. “So, where is everyone else?”

“Downstairs in the basement,” Sam answered by pointing with a nod. “I think Lucifer is having too much fun keeping Satan unconscious.”

“Okay, question. Why is Satan here? I thought we were trying to find Belial.”

Sam shrugged then turned to Castiel. “I don’t know. Cas, any ideas?”

Castiel turned to look at the door that led to the basement. “We should go downstairs,” he replied without answering Sam’s question.

Dean wanted to know if there was another reason besides Satan being there when Castiel was tortured. He wanted to know the reasoning why the angels needed to bring Satan to the cabin. Then again Dean felt like Castiel, along with the hunters, was often let out of the loop when it came to the angels. But at the moment, his thoughts and questions didn’t matter. “You sure? You don’t have to do this.” He could feel the anxiety radiating off of Castiel.

“I’ll be fine, Dean.” Castiel led the way with Dean and Sam following a few feet behind him.

It was far enough that they could have a conversation without Castiel hearing. “You sure this was the best idea, Dean?” Sam whispered.

“He wanted to come back,” Dean replied. Even though he didn’t agree with Castiel, he knew the angel needed answers or, at the least, closure. “If it goes south, I’ll get him out of there, even if I have to carry him.”

They made it to the basement and saw the angels, along with Bobby, waiting. Balthazar was the first angel to come to them. “Cassy, what are you doing here?”

“I heard that Lucifer brought Satan here.”

“Well, you saw him.” He stood between Castiel and Satan, trying to block his view. “Now why don’t you go upstairs while we—”

Castiel sighed and walked passed his brother. “I’ll be fine, Balthazar.”

Dean tried to follow Castiel, but Balthazar put a hand on his chest to stop him. “How could you bring him back here?” Balthazar hissed through gritted teeth.

Dean sighed because he honestly didn’t know the answer himself. The more he continued to be scolded about his decision, the more he regretted coming back to see this. “I don’t know,” Dean replied. He was tired of defending himself.

“I wanted to come back,” Castiel said. “You are doing this for me. I felt it would be important that I was here.” He hoped his response was enough to get everyone off of Dean’s case.

“We would have handled this without you,” Balthazar said.

“Leave him alone,” Lucifer said. “If Castiel wants to be here and confront his captor, let him.”

“You knew he was coming back, didn’t you,” Bobby spoke up. “That’s why you kept stalling.”

“And it was fun.”

“You need to learn new things to do for fun,” Gabriel said.

“Well, this seems like this will be something new.” Lucifer watched as Castiel stared at Satan lying unconscious in the Holy Ring. He could see the tension in the youngest angel’s shoulders. He snapped his fingers and Castiel appeared right next to him.

Castiel looked around, confused. “Lucifer?”

Lucifer stared at the angel and saw the tears sitting on the brim of his eyes. He reached up and put a hand between Castiel’s shoulder blades. “He can’t hurt you anymore.”

“I know,” Castiel replied. He took in a few deep breaths to calm himself. He didn’t want to admit how safe he felt with Lucifer around, but he found himself relaxing.

When Lucifer felt Castiel’s change, he pushed the youngest angel to stand behind him. Then he looked at the other angels in the room. “Is everyone ready?”

“I don’t think it matters at this point,” Michael replied.

Lucifer shrugged. He was ready to get the show on the road. “Last chance to stop me,” he said, lifting up his hand. He looked around and saw no one protesting. He opened his fist then dropped his hand back down to his side.

Minutes later, the man trapped in the ring of fire or Key of Solomon stirred. He groaned as he opened his eyes. When he saw everyone standing outside of the trap, he scrambled to his feet. He spun in a circle then looked up. There was no way for him to get free. “Let me out of here.”

“Satan,” Lucifer greeted.

“Lucifer?” Satan replied, as if he didn’t believe the archangel was actually standing in front of him. “Lucifer.”

“You sound surprised to see me,” he said.

“I… I am.”

Lucifer crossed his arms over his chest. “By the way, thanks for the invite to this little shindig.”

“We were going to get you after we raised the other princes,” Satan replied.

“So, you lump me in with Mammon, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, and Belphegor?” Lucifer was offended. He was a Crowned Prince of Hell, and those other princes were nowhere near his power.

“As a precaution.”

Lucifer’s eyes darkened. “What kind of precaution?”

Satan took in a deep breath, held it, then let it out slowly. He knew whatever he was going to say would upset Lucifer. “Ever since the failed Apocalypse, everyone has been questioning if you’re actually as powerful as you say.”

“And because of that, you left me in my cage to rot?” Lucifer asked. His voice was louder, but he wasn’t yelling.

“It wasn’t my idea,” Satan said.

Satan’s denial made Lucifer angry. “Of course it was, Satan. I know how power hungry you are!” he yelled.

“I am your equal!”

“You are my lieutenant,” Lucifer growled. “You have no idea how to lead.”

Satan stalked as close to the edge of the fire as he could without burning himself. “I am closer to ending this planet than you ever were,” he growled back.

Lucifer dropped his arms and walked over to stand in front of Satan. He was inches away from the Holy Fire. “I’ll deal with your insubordination after I get the information I need,” he said through gritted teeth. He wanted to deal with Satan as soon as possible, but he didn’t find Satan for his own agenda.

“You may as well deal with it now.”

Michael moved to stand next to Satan. “Where is Belial?” he asked.

Satan’s eyes left Lucifer and moved to the eldest archangel. “I don’t know.”

Lucifer let out a short laugh. “You can lie to anyone else in all of creation, Satan, but you cannot lie to me.” With a twist of his wrist, he forced Satan to look at him. “So, I’ll ask you again. Where is Belial?”

Belial tried to fight out of Lucifer’s invisible hold, but he couldn’t get free. Even if he was out of the fire, he knew he wasn’t strong enough to go against his commander. “I don’t know,” Satan repeated. “I swear.”

“Belial is your opposite, Satan, I know you know where he is.” Lucifer closed his fist and twisted it. “Go ahead, Satan. Keep your thoughts clear.”

Belial fell to his knees with a yell. His hands went to his neck to fight off an invisible enemy. “I… haven’t seen him for weeks.”

Lucifer assumed that meant the last time they saw each other was when they were torturing Castiel. He unfurled his fist and Belial pitched forward onto his hands, gasping for breath. “Leave us,” Lucifer growled.

“Why?” Sam asked.

Lucifer turned around to smirk at his vessel. “Unless you want to see what a heart looks like when it’s still beating in a person’s chest, I suggest you step out for a couple of minutes. It won’t take long.”

“No,” Dean said. “How will we know that you and him won’t strike some kind of deal once we’re gone?”

“You’re smart to not trust me, Dean,” Lucifer said crossing his arms over his chest. “But I swear, I’m just getting information. All to help your angel.”

Dean crossed his arms over his chest, showing that he wasn’t going to move. “Then I’ll stay and watch.” He bit his lip when he realized Lucifer called Castiel his, but he didn’t bother to correct him. He told himself it was because he was more concerned about dealing with Satan.

“Really,” Lucifer said, surprised. He raised an eyebrow.

Dean focused on the task at hand. “It happened to me enough times when I was in Hell. Shit, held the knife enough times, myself.”

“Very well.” Lucifer looked over his shoulder and to Castiel. “Just know that Castiel doesn’t have the stomach to watch.”

Dean’s attention went straight to Castiel. He could not believe that he forgot that he was in the basement with them. “Cas, maybe you should—”

Castiel shook his head. “I’ll be fine.” He needed to watch. He hoped that it would give him some satisfaction to see one of the angels that let the demons touch his grace in pain. And if it wasn’t satisfying, maybe it would help him move past that pain in his life.

“No, why don’t we go upstairs?” Dean said, ready to drag Castiel out of the basement. He didn’t want Castiel didn’t have to go through this.

“We’ll keep an eye on them,” Gabriel said. He knew it would make Dean more likely to take Castiel upstairs.

“Castiel?” A smile broke out across Satan’s face. “The angel that Leviathan gave to us? You look different now that your body is nearly in one piece.”

“You don’t get to talk to him that way,” Dean growled. He tried to walk forward, but was stopped when Sam grabbed his arm.

“Dean, take Cas upstairs,” Sam said.

“Do you crave the taste of Abbadon’s blood? How about Nybbas? Vetis?”

“Shut up,” Balthazar said, putting himself between the fallen angel and Castiel.

Satan smiled. He knew he had found a way to get under Castiel’s skin. He looked around the angels and saw the fear and panic in Castiel’s wide eyes. “You look so beautiful when you cry, youngest.”

“Dean, get Cas out of here, now!” Gabriel yelled. He grabbed Dean’s arm and pushed him to Castiel.

Dean stood in front of Castiel. He needed Castiel to look at him and not at Satan. He snapped his fingers in front of Castiel’s face and caused him to nearly jump out of skin. “Cas, you with me.” When Castiel nodded, he let Castiel lead the way up the stairs. “Let’s go.”

“He’ll never love you now, Castiel. Not with how unclean and impure you are. He doesn’t need you anymore.”

Dean almost turned back around and jumped into the ring of fire, but he stopped when he saw the horror on Castiel’s face. “Come on, Cas,” Dean whispered. His revenge could wait. He grabbed Castiel’s arm and felt him tense in his hold. He pulled him up the stairs.

He didn’t stop when they got to the first floor of the house. He continued to pull Castiel along, going up the second flight of stairs. He didn’t stop walking until they ended up in his room. He maneuvered Castiel around and sat him down on the edge of the bed.

Castiel’s hands shook. “Satan,” he whispered. “I couldn’t…”

Dean knelt down in front of Castiel and took the shaking hands in his own. “Hey, Cas,” he said. “Look at me,” Dean said. He let go of Castiel’s hands and grabbed him by his arms. “Snap out of it,” he said, shaking Castiel.

The shake was enough to jolt Castiel out of his trance. “Dean?” he whispered. He reached out and put his hand on Dean’s arm, touching the handprint. He needed something to ground him in reality. “Satan. He…”

“Lied,” Dean said, finishing the statement for him. “He lied. Everything he said was a lie, Cas.” He needed to make Castiel believe it or all the progress they made was for nothing.

“But I wasn’t… I wasn’t strong enough.”

“You were,” Dean said. “You are strong enough. And I still need you. Now snap out of it. Come on, Cas. You’re getting better.” He watched as Castiel let out a shuddering breath. “You with me?”

Castiel nodded. He squeezed Dean’s shoulder one more time before he dropped his hand. “Dean, my stomach is unsettled,” he said.

“Yeah. Okay,” Dean said. He looked around for something for Castiel to throw up into. When he found nothing, he ran into the bathroom and grabbed the small trashcan next to the toilet. He held it out to Castiel.

“Thank you,” he whispered as he took the trashcan from Dean’s hands. He fell to his knees and proceeded to throw up everything he had eaten that day.

Dean knelt down behind Castiel and rubbed his back as he threw up. He cringed at the sound of it. It felt worse when he could feel Castiel’s body stiffen under his hand. “I’m sorry, Cas,” he whispered when it sounded like Castiel was close to done.

Castiel spit in the trashcan and shut his eyes. He didn’t want to look into it. He pushed it away and shook his head. “It’s all right, Dean,” he replied.

“No,” Dean said. Because it wasn’t. “I should have pulled you out of there sooner. I wasn’t thinking.” He was only thinking about himself. And his need for revenge.

“It’s all right, Dean,” Castiel repeated, more adamant the second time. He stood up and took the trashcan with him. He poured the contents down the toilet and rinsed the can in the tub. He washed his mouth before he went back into the bedroom. He found Dean sitting on the edge of the bed.

“You should lie down,” Dean replied.

Castiel really didn’t want to, but he indulged Dean. He knew that Dean felt bad for not dragging him out of the basement earlier. He would let Dean take care of him to ease his guilt. He climbed into bed and lay on his back to stare up at the ceiling. “I’m fine, Dean,” Castiel replied.

“I know, Cas.’

“So, you shouldn’t feel guilty.”

Dean tried not to feel bad, but no matter how hard he tried to fool himself, he knew that if Castiel went back to square one, it would be because of his selfishness. He turned his body so he could look at Castiel. “Cas,” he whispered.

Castiel slowly turned his head to look at Dean. “Yes, Dean?”

“What did they want?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“It would have been easier to persevere if I had something they wanted. They didn’t want anything. They didn’t want me to give you or Sam up. They didn’t want me to give them the secrets Heaven. They didn’t want to take me to Lucifer.”

“Well, what did they want?”

“To pass the time. To break an angel. They said they were testing out some techniques and hoping that it would work on more important and powerful angels.”

“Cas.”

“They would have taken what they needed no matter what I did; no matter how hard I fought. I just thought that I would have been stronger especially after everything I’ve been through.”

Dean sighed loudly and ran his hand down his face. He knew exactly what was going through Castiel’s head. He had thought the same thing before. He was glad that he could be there for Castiel and help him sort through those thoughts. “Cas, there’s nothing in the universe you could have done to prepare yourself. You aren’t supposed to have to prepare for something like this.”

“I know. I just thought it would make me feel better.”

“It would do the opposite, Cas.” Dean knew. He thought of every way to try to justify how or why he broke in Hell.

Castiel closed his eyes and swallowed. “I don’t like being… unprepared.”

“No one does, Cas.”

“I don’t like being this unsure,” Castiel whispered.

Dean crawled into the empty side of the bed. He could feel the bed vibrating because of Castiel’s anxiousness. He reached over and grabbed Castiel’s shirt. Then he manhandled Castiel to lie down on his shoulder. He was relieved when Castiel didn’t fight him. “You okay?” he asked as he wrapped his arm around Castiel and pulled him into his side.

“I need you to give me a few minutes and we can head back downstairs.”

“You’re not going back down there,” Dean said.

“Dean,” Castiel sighed.

“Lucifer will take care of it.”

“Just give me a few minutes,” Castiel whispered.

“Yeah, sure thing,” Dean replied.

He rubbed small circles into back. He could feel Castiel relaxing under his ministrations, so he continued. Neither of them said a word to each other. Dean waited for a few minutes like Castiel had said, and when he looked over, Castiel had fallen asleep.

--------------

Castiel had been sleeping for a little more than half an hour when there was a knock on his door. “Yeah?” he said loudly, hoping that it wasn’t going to wake up the sleeping man.

The door opened and Bobby and Jody stepped into the room. “Hey,” Jody said, smiling when she saw Castiel tucked into Dean’s side.

“Jody? Bobby? What’s up?” he asked, sitting up a little straighter.

“We just wanted to make sure Cas was all right,” Bobby said. “How’s he doing?”

“He freaked out for a little bit, but I think he’s good now.”

“Good,” Jody said. In the few weeks she’d known Castiel, she had grown fond of him.

“Can you guys do me a favor and watch him for a couple?” Dean climbed out of bed without disturbing Castiel.

“Yeah, sure thing,” Jody replied.

“Awesome,” Dean said, and headed for the door. When he felt a hand on his shoulder as soon as he stepped into the hallway, he prepared himself for an earful.

“Boy, what are you planning?” he asked.

“I just wanted to make sure that we get what we need from Satan.”

“And how are you going to do that?” Bobby asked even though he knew the answer.

Dean bit his lip. He knew he didn’t really need to answer him. “Let me know if something happens.” Dean walked away as he heard Bobby mumble something about him being an idjit and a lot of expletives. He would have smiled if he didn’t have a mission to complete.

He walked downstairs slowly, getting himself in the mindset to prepare him for what he was about to do. He let out a deep breath as he took the first step into the basement.

His nose was assaulted with the smell of copper. Lucifer had started without him. Some part of him hoped there was something left for him to work with.

Everyone still in the basement looked up and watched as Dean descended the stairs.

“How is Castiel?” Lucifer asked. He drew with his pointer finger in the air little that ended up on Satan’s skin.

“He’s sleeping.”

“Why aren’t you with him?” Balthazar asked.

“I wasn’t tired,” Dean replied. He stared into the ring of fire at Satan. He was pissed. He walked over to the table where Bobby had laid out all the weapons they gathered and picked up the demon killing knife and an angel sword. “Is he an angel or demon?”

“Dean, don’t,” Gabriel said.

Dean walked to the edge of the ring of fire and looked down at it. “I can’t tell if it’s the Key, or the fire that’s trapping him,” Dean said, ignoring Gabriel’s warning. He looked up at the Key of Solomon drawn on the ceiling.

“Dean, you should be with Castiel. We have this under control,” Michael said. He would rather have not had Dean act out his need for vengeance when he didn’t need to. The four of them were strong enough to take on Satan.

They may have, but Dean had things he needed to do. “If you don’t tell me, fine. I’ll find out soon enough.”

“Michael, stop him,” Gabriel said.

“Let him go,” Lucifer said with a smirk.

Dean should have been concerned since Lucifer was agreeing with him, but he didn’t care. All he could see was an angel in front of him that hurt Castiel. “Fix him,” Dean hissed. He turned around and faced Lucifer.

“Why?” Balthazar asked.

“I want a new canvas.”

“Dean,” Sam said. He knew he couldn’t do or say anything to stop his brother, but he didn’t like how dark Dean’s demeanor had become in a few minutes.

Dean turned around and looked at Satan and saw that his muscles and ribs were still showing. “Lucifer, fix him.” Dean smiled when he heard the archangel snap his fingers. He watched as the wounds on Satan’s body closed. “Nice,” he said when Satan’s body was in prime condition.

“Do you need anything else?” Lucifer asked.

“Just incapacitate him, and we’ll be good.” Dean watched as Satan screamed as he was forced to his knees.

“Dean.” Sam grabbed his brother’s arm and spun him around.

“I’ve got it under control, Sam.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You’ll know the second I don’t,” he said, yanking his arm out of his brother’s grasp. He stepped into the ring of fire. “You’re powerless,” he said, kneeling in front of the figure curled on the floor.

“Not completely.”

Dean smiled. “Yeah, you are. I have three archangels watching my back right now, so you won’t be able to pull anything. You might as well tell me what I want to know.”

“And make it easier for you?” Satan asked.

“I was taught by Alastair,” Dean said, holding the demon knife between them.

“And who do you think taught him?” Satan replied with a smirk. He reached up and ran his finger across the runes on the knife. “Do what you want, Dean. You won’t get any information out of me.”

Dean shrugged, and moved the knife away from Satan’s touch. “You never know. I could surprise you.”

Satan ignored what Dean said. “But I will tell you the sounds he made when Abbadon touched his grace for the first time.” He stared into Dean’s eyes, gauging his reactions. “How he was choking on his vessel’s blood. How he struggled to get away even though he wasn’t strong enough. How the light in those blue eyes of his dimmed just a little bit.”

“Shut up.” Dean whispered.

“I’m sure you figured it out, Dean. What it means for a demon being able to touch an angel’s grace? It’s quite degrading to an angel. And violating.”

Dean had enough of listening to what he let the demons do to Castiel. He grabbed the demon-killing knife and thrust it into Satan’s shoulder. He twisted it before pulling it out. “Huh,” he whispered. “So, you aren’t a demon.” He tossed the knife out of the circle. “At least we got that out of the way.” He grabbed the angel sword and smiled. “Let’s play,” Dean whispered.

“Let’s.”

“Dean,” Gabriel warned.

“Let him go, Gabriel,” Balthazar said.

“Cas won’t be happy when he finds out what he’s doing.”

Dean spun around and glared at the archangel. “Well, he’s not going to find out, is he?” he snarled.

The angels and Sam stepped back. All Dean needed was for his eyes to be black and they would have been easily convinced that a demon stood in front of them. “Dean,” Sam said.

Dean turned his attention to his brother. He let out a sigh. “If you don’t want to watch, Sam, leave.” He didn’t want his brother to see him tear a body apart.

“Dean!” Sam yelled.

“What?” he yelled back. He saw Sam not looking at him, but passed him. He spun around and saw Satan frozen in place. He looked like he was an inch away from attacking Dean.

“Don’t take your eyes off of him,” Lucifer replied. He had his hand up. He was the one holding Satan in place.

“I have you five watching my back. You wouldn’t let anything happen to me, would you, Mike?”

“Dean, that’s enough.”

“I don’t think so. Just getting started.”

“Damnit, Dean,” Sam shouted.

“Gabriel, Balthazar, make him leave so I don’t have to listen to him anymore.”

“He wouldn’t be complaining if you just stepped out of the circle,” Gabriel said.

“He has information about Belial.”

“That you’re not going to get,” Michael replied.

“I can try.” Then Dean spun around and stabbed Satan in his other shoulder with the angel sword. He smiled when his act surprised Satan and earned him a growl.

The torture continued for almost an hour. Lucifer had helped with providing sigils Dean could use to carve into the trapped angel. He also helped by keeping Satan bound. At the moment, he was laid out on the floor with Dean kneeling next to him. He carved some nonsense Enochian into Satan’s chest.

His attention was completely on the bleeding angel in front of him. He didn’t even notice when another person came into the basement.

“Dean, stop.”

Dean froze for a split second before he continued with what he was doing. “Leave me alone, Bobby,” he said as he kept carving sigils into Satan’s chest. He didn’t know what he was carving, but Lucifer showed him what to draw, so he did. It got a reaction out of Satan, and that’s all he wanted since he knew forty minutes ago he wasn’t going to get any answers out of him. Maybe the angels would be able to when he was done.

“Dean!” Bobby yelled.

“Busy,” Dean said. He was on a mission to carve the angel up. He needed to take his aggression out on someone who was in the room while Castiel was tortured all those months. All the other demons and angels were dead. He needed to take the opportunity while he had it. “Whatever it is can wait.”

“Cas needs you.”

“What?” Dean asked, stopping halfway through the last sigil.

“Cas needs you,” Bobby repeated.

Dean froze for a second. He replayed those three words and it was enough to knock himself back to reality. “Yeah,” Dean whispered. As if he was in a trance, he stood up and stepped over the flames to leave the circle. “Yeah, okay.” He dropped the angel sword as soon as he was free of the circle. He went straight to the stairs, not looking at anyone.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Bobby asked.

Dean had gone up the first few steps. He looked down at Bobby and glared at him. “You said Cas needed me.” He would have been pissed if Bobby lied to him just to get him to stop torturing.

“He doesn’t need to see you like this. Covered in demon blood.”

“He’s a fallen angel,” Dean hissed. Not that the designation mattered. All he knew was that someone or something hurt Castiel. And no one got away with hurting people he cared about.

“Boy, I don’t need you to be correcting—”

“Michael.”

Michael snapped his fingers and all the blood on Dean vanished. “Go to him, we’ll finish here.”

“Are we good?” Dean asked Bobby, even though he didn’t care if it was enough for Bobby. If Castiel needed him, he’d be upstairs.

“Yeah, I guess.” He sighed and followed Dean up the stairs.

Once they got to the first story, Bobby sped up his walk so he could head up the stairs before Dean. He had to talk to Dean before the hunter saw Castiel. They got to the door of Dean’s room and Bobby stood in the way.

“Bobby, move,” Dean said.

“Not yet,” Bobby said. He crossed his arms over his chest. He knew Dean would never hurt him, so he could have stood there all day.

“What the hell, Bobby?” Dean yelled. “Let me in the room.”

“No,” Bobby said.

“Bobby,” Dean said. He would beg Bobby to let him in the room if he needed.

The door opened and Jody walked out. She closed the door behind her. “Cas knows what you’re doing,” she said softly. She didn’t want Castiel to hear what they were talking about.

“You told him?” Dean asked.

“No, idjit,” Bobby said. “He knows you better than anyone in the universe.”

“Bobby.”

“He knows that you needed to get some revenge on the angel that hurt him.”

“Bobby, it happened,” Dean said. “I can’t take it back.”

Jody put a hand on Dean’s arm and squeezed it. “Don’t get him worked up, Dean.”

“I’ll try not to.”

Jody nodded while Bobby glared at Dean before they headed down the stairs. Dean knew a threat when it was sent in his direction. He would try his damnedest not to cause Castiel any more stress. He was sure that Castiel would only get worked up to calm Dean down.

Dean grabbed the doorknob and sighed. He waited before he opened the door. He needed to thank the other angels for Castiel not having his powers because he could only imagine what Castiel would have done to him once he stepped into the room.

He opened the door and saw Castiel sitting on the bed, leaning against the headrest. “Cas?” he whispered, not wanting to startle him. Castiel turned his head to face him, and Dean was scared. Castiel looked a lot calmer than he thought he would.

“You were torturing,” Castiel replied. He wasn’t angry or scolding Dean. He was just stating.

“He has information,” Dean replied. He knew he sounded defensive, but he had no idea why. Castiel sounded like he understood.

Castiel swung his legs off the bed and stood up. He walked into Dean’s personal space. “Then let Lucifer torture him. Not you.” Castiel sighed. “You saw the person you became when you started torturing again in the future Zachariah sent you to.” He didn’t want Dean to become that man as much as Dean didn’t want to become him.

“I became that person when I lost Sam,” Dean answered. “And I thought I was going to become that person when I lost Lisa and Ben last year.”

“But you haven’t lost anyone,” Castiel replied.

Dean wanted to step out of the room. Leave it to Castiel to make that kind of connection with what he said. It gave Dean an opening, and for a second he didn’t know what he was going to do with it. “I thought I did,” he whispered.

“Dean, you can’t start torturing every time you think you lost someone.”

“I think I can,” Dean challenged. He was allowed to do whatever he want if someone he cared about was taken away from him. Even if it wasn’t the best thing for him to do.

“Dean, you aren’t supposed to become that person.” He saw that future in Dean’s dreams when he watched over him.

“And you were supposed to be with me until the end,” Dean said, a little louder than he intended.

“I’m still here,” Castiel said with a sigh. He came back, so he didn’t know why Dean was talking about him that way.

“But you weren’t,” Dean whispered. “You weren’t, Cas, and it almost…”

“Me?” Castiel asked with his eyes wide. He stepped back, putting himself out of Dean’s reach. “You were torturing because of me?” He could not believe what he had just heard. It didn’t make sense.

“I…” Dean thought about lying. “Yeah.”

“I never asked you to.”

“You’ve never asked for anything,” Dean said.

“I don’t want anything.”

“I mean,” Dean continued as if Castiel hadn’t said anything. “Except for me to back you up, but I didn’t do that.”

“Dean,” Castiel replied. He didn’t want to talk about that anymore. And if they needed to, they’d save it for another time.

“Damnit, Cas,” he whispered choking back a sob. His eyes began to water. All of the grief that he was pushing down was bubbling to the surface. He wasn’t prepared to try and stop them. “I thought you were gone. Like really gone and this time you weren’t coming back.”

“But I did.”

“I didn’t know that. All this fucking time…” His voice trailed off as every feeling concerning the man standing in front of him bubbled to the surface. The anger. The hate. The concern. The worry. The forgiveness. The restlessness. The sympathy. The love.

“Dean?” He reached out and put a hand on Dean’s arm. He wished that he had his powers because he would have been able to read Dean’s mind, even though he knew how much Dean would have hated it.

As soon as his name left Castiel’s lips, he grabbed Castiel by the front of his shirt, spun them around and pushed him up against the wall. Then he closed his eyes and crashed their lips together. The kiss was rough, desperate, messy. He took in every detail from Castiel’s hands holding his own, unsure of what was going on to Castiel’s dry lips which reminded Dean to give him something to drink to fix that.

He pushed himself further into Castiel’s space than he ever allowed Castiel into his own. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears and his blood boiling and rushing through his body.

He kissed Castiel like it he would never kiss anyone again.

He thought about it. And it felt right. Then, just as quickly, he felt wrong. Because he wanted more, but he didn’t know if Castiel felt the same way.

He opened his eyes and pulled back. He saw Castiel’s eyes wide and staring at him. He watched as Castiel’s chest heaved in time with his own heavy breaths. He slowly opened his hands to let go of Castiel’s shirt and pulled them out of Castiel’s hold. “Shit,” he whispered, slapping a hand against the wall next to Castiel’s head. “Shit, shit, shit. Sorry, Cas,” Dean replied. He began to back-pedal.

“Dean,” Castiel said. His hand shot out and grabbed Dean’s arm before he got too far. “Why did you do that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Dean.” He knew Dean was lying. Dean Winchester didn’t do something that bold without a reason.

“I just… I needed to.”

Castiel brought a hand up to his face and rubbed his fingertips along his lips. “I see.”

“Damnit, Cas,” Dean huffed. The emotional Dean from a few minutes ago was fading. “Don’t make this weird and start overanalyzing it.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

Dean dragged his hands down his face and sighed. “Can… can we just…” his voice trailed off because there was so many ways he could finish the sentence. “I don’t know, go to sleep or something?”

“Sleep?” Castiel was surprised.

“Yeah.”

Castiel didn’t want to remind Dean that he had just woken up. It had to mean something that Dean didn’t want to just forget the kiss. And even if Dean asked him to forget, he didn’t think he’d be able to. “We can do that.”

“Good, I’m tuckered out.”

Dean immediately stripped off the outer layers of his clothes, leaving him in only a shirt and his boxers. He got into bed. He usually would have slept on the side closer to the door, but Castiel had basically claimed that half of the bed.

Castiel turned off the lights in the room before he climbed into bed. He rolled onto his side, facing his back to Dean. Usually, he slept facing the middle of the bed, but he felt it would be too intimate for Dean’s liking if he did; especially after what just happened. He let out a few deep breaths, finding it easy to fall back asleep even though he had just woke up.

As he was about to fade into his dreams, he felt an arm wrap around his waist and pull him back. He settled into the warmth of Dean’s body. He couldn’t stay awake much longer after that.

[Chapter 7] [Masterpost] [Chapter 9]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 7)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:21:10 GMT

Dean was about to push open the door and step into his room when he heard the sounds of wings flapping coming from inside. He stayed outside and even contemplated going back downstairs to give Castiel and his brother some privacy. But when he heard that it was just Gabriel and Balthazar, he stayed. If the conversation got too personal, he’d head back downstairs.

“How are you doing, Cassy?”

“I’m healing.”

“You know that’s not what we mean.”

“Well, what do you mean, Gabriel?”

“Cas, you went through a lot these last few months.”

“I know.”

“And then you went through this lone ranger phase.”

Castiel sighed. He did not want to be reminded of all of the mistakes he’d made. “I know, Balthazar.”

Dean could hear how tired and frustrated he was with his brothers constantly asking about his well-being. He knew how it felt to be constantly coddled over.

“So, how are you now?” Gabriel asked.

“I’m feeling better,” Castiel replied.

“Okay.” Gabriel said, but wasn’t content with the answer he got from Castiel.

And Castiel knew it too. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Gabriel,” he said with a sigh. He wished he had his grace so he could just fly away from the conversation.

“I don’t know, Cas. I just want to know that you’re doing okay. After everything with you and Dean—”

“I said I was. Dean’s been helping me.”

“Finally,” Balthazar said under his breath, but both Castiel and Dean heard him.

Dean had to restrain himself from bursting into the room and to defend himself. He didn’t want them to know he was listening in on their conversation, even though he had an inkling that Gabriel already knew. Why else would his name be brought up in their conversation?

“Balthazar, don’t,” Castiel warned when he saw his brother ready to attack Dean again. He had to defend Dean since he wasn’t there to do it himself. “He did what he could.”

“Only because he felt guilty that you became a chew toy for a couple of Hellhounds.”

“He’s human, Gabriel.”

“But you were his friend,” Balthazar countered.

“I still am,” Castiel whispered.

Dean was glad that Castiel said that, because if he didn’t, he would have charged into the room to say it himself.

“If he helped you the first time we brought you to him, you wouldn’t have being attacked by those Hellhounds.”

“I didn’t want his help then, Gabriel.” He sighed. “And even if he did help me, I still would have went after Vetis. The results would not have been that much different.”

“You’re going to defend him no matter what I say, aren’t you?” Gabriel groaned.

“I know him better than I know you, Gabriel,” Castiel whispered. Or at least he tried. It was hard to keep his words unheard with his deep voice.

Dean could have sworn he heard Gabriel’s heart shatter. Then Dean thought about what Castiel had just said. He was closer to Castiel than Gabriel was. He was terrified of magnitude of the revelation.

“Cas,” Gabriel replied.

“I’m sorry, Gabriel,” Castiel apologized sincerely. “That wasn’t supposed to be cruel. I was just stating facts. Maybe you held me when I was first created, but I don’t remember you.”

“That’s probably for the best,” Gabriel said with a sad laugh. “So, Dean’s really been helping you?”

“When he hasn’t been trying to find a way to defeat the Leviathans.”

“So, he’s been taking time off to help you?”

“He helps me when he’s free,” Castiel corrected. “I’m not the priority, Gabriel. The Leviathans are.”

“Keep thinking that, Cassy.”

“Balthazar.” He hated whenever his brothers would talk in riddles. The headaches they gave him were worse as a human than they were as an angel. “What—”

“We should get back to helping Mike,” Gabriel said, then he and Balthazar flew off, leaving Castiel alone.

Dean waited for a couple of minutes before he stepped into the room. He didn’t want Castiel to know he was just outside while he was speaking with his brothers. He pushed open the door and found Castiel sitting on the bed with a book in his lap. “I have to leave.” He winced with how blunt he sounded.

“Okay.” Castiel closed the book and looked up.

Dean was unnerved by how unreadable Castiel’s expression was. “There’s a hunt a few states over.”

“I see.”

“Bobby and Sam are dealing with something else, so I have to go.” Dean didn’t know why he kept divulging the details of his departure. Castiel wasn’t asking for anything, but Dean couldn’t help but tell Castiel everything.

“Okay,” Castiel replied.

“So, get dressed.” And the words left his mouth before he even realized what he was saying.

“What?” Castiel asked, surprised.

Dean smiled. It was the first emotion that Castiel had displayed since the conversation started. “You’re coming with me,” Dean replied. Once the idea was thrown out there, it appealed to him.

“Dean,” Castiel said.

“It will be nice for you go get out of the house.” Dean felt uncomfortable whenever he stayed in one place for too long if he knew there was something in the world that needed fixing. Even more, he hated staying indoors whenever he was injured or sick. He always felt better once he was able to get outside.

“I won’t be able to help on the hunt,” Castiel replied. His body was still recovering, and he couldn’t access his grace since his brothers had tucked it away. He didn’t want to burden Dean when he needed to concentrate on a hunt.

“Moral support counts, Cas,” Dean said. He hated driving by himself. Even if Castiel just slept in the passenger seat, at least it was company.

“Are you sure?”

“Do you not want me to come?”

“I… give me a few minutes to get ready?”

“I’ll give you ten.”

Dean pulled out an empty duffel bag and put it at the foot of the bed. Then he grabbed his bag that was permanently packed with the essentials he needed and headed downstairs. He was greeted by Gabriel standing at the bottom of the staircase. “Gabe.”

“I know you heard what me and Cas were talking about.”

Dean threw his bag over the banister and onto the couch. “I didn’t hear all of it.”

“You heard the most important parts.”

Dean sighed and trudged down the stairs. “Was I not supposed to?” he asked as he walked past the archangel.

“It depends on how you take the information.”

Dean turned around to look at Gabriel who had his eyebrows raised. “How am I supposed to take it?”

“He’s healing because you’re around. Don’t hurt him, Dean.” He wasn’t around to help or protect Castiel when he needed it, but he was going to be there now.

“I won’t.”

“You may not purposely.”

“I won’t,” Dean repeated, adamant and resolute. “He’s given enough for me. I will not hurt him.”

“Yeah, okay,” Gabriel said, incredulous.

The conversation ended when they heard Castiel coming down the stairs. He descended the stairs wearing one of Dean’s old shirts and jeans. He carried Dean’s spare duffel in hand.

“You ready?” Dean asked. He grabbed Castiel’s bag and searched through it to make sure he packed enough.

“I believe so,” Castiel said, taking the bag back from Dean. He knew Dean was going to keep a watchful eye on him, but he wanted it to wait at least until they got on the road.

“You sure you ready to be hunting, bro?”

“I don’t think Dean will allow me to accompany him on the actual hunt. I think I’m just keeping him company on the drive.”

“Just irritate the crap out of him and he’ll never ask you to do that again,” Gabriel suggested.

“Don’t do that,” Dean warned.

“I wouldn’t do that,” Castiel replied.

Gabriel laughed. “If you clowns need help—”

“We’ll call you,” Dean answered, but he didn’t think the case was bad enough that they’d need angelic assistance.

“No, you’ll call Michael.” With that Gabriel flew into the kitchen for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Dean shook his head. He had no idea how the other angels put up with Gabriel and his antics. “Let’s go,” he replied. He led the way to whatever car Bobby and Sam stuck him with.

--------------

The car ride to Kansas wasn’t unpleasant or awkward, but Dean felt like he might as well have been driving alone. He and Castiel didn’t talk. Much.

Castiel would ask what song was playing and Dean would answer and give his own opinion of the song. That was the most of their conversation. Castiel found that the rumbling of the car they were in, along with the sound of the wind blowing past them, was calming. A little over two hours into the trip, he leaned against the window and fell asleep.

Dean kept a constant watch over Castiel throughout the trip. As uncomfortable as the position looked, Castiel looked at peace. It was probably the most at ease he’d been for more than a year. He hoped that nothing would disturb it for some time.

Dean woke him after a couple of hours when he pulled over to refill the gas tank and to grab something to eat. Dean smiled at how Castiel mumbled something at him and went right back to sleep. Dean grabbed him a sandwich when he bought himself a burger.

They arrived at Missouri’s a little after nine in the morning. Dean parked in the driveway behind Missouri’s car. He grabbed his bag then stepped out. He waited for Castiel to do the same before he slammed the door shut.

He walked up the path to the front door. He knocked twice and Missouri answered the door quickly enough that Dean suspected she was waiting for them. “Hey,” he greeted with his most charming smile.

Missouri reached up and framed Dean’s face with her hands. “I was wondering when you’d show your handsome face again.”

“I’ve been busy,” Dean answered. Dying and Apocalypses tended to do that.

Missouri threw her arms around Dean and squeezed. She let go and stepped back. “I know,” she said. Then she slapped Dean in the arm. She smiled when Dean rubbed it, even though it probably didn’t hurt him at all. “But, as soon as you were alive and started hunting again, you should have told me.”

Dean sighed. He wasn’t the best at calling people and filling them in on his life. At least Missouri didn’t slap him in the face like Ellen did. He looked at Castiel who stood beside him. “Missouri Mosely, this is—”

“Hello, angel,” Missouri said, focusing on the man standing next to Dean.

“Castiel,” Dean finished.

“Hello, Miss Mosely.”

She stepped toward him and grabbed him by his forearms. She gave them a reassuring squeeze. “Please, call me Missouri.”

“Missouri,” Castiel repeated with a nod.

She stepped aside. “Come inside,” she said as she waved them in. “Let’s get you settled, Castiel. And I can fill you in on the vampire situation, Dean.”

It took them about forty-five minutes for Castiel to get a tour of Missouri’s house and Dean to receive all the information about the hunt. Once Dean got everything he needed, he stood up from the couch. “I should be heading out,” he said. The longer he stayed at Missouri’s the shorter amount of daylight he’d have to hunt the vampires.

“You should,” Missouri agreed.

“Will you be—”

“Go, Dean,” Castiel sighed. He didn’t want Dean worrying about him. He felt safe enough with Missouri.

Dean nodded then walked to the car in the driveway. He sent one more glance Castiel and Missouri’s way before stepping into the car. Dean started the car then drove off in the direction Missouri pointed him.

Castiel stood on the porch with Missouri and watched Dean drive away. He kept staring even after the car was out of sight.

Missouri reached over took Castiel’s chin in her hand. She turned his face so he’d stop looking down the road. “He’ll be fine, Castiel.”

“I’d feel better if he had back up. If I went with him.”

Missouri moved her hand down and rubbed Castiel’s arm. “You know he’d be worrying about you instead of the hunt. Even if you’d be able to take care of yourself.”

“I know.” He sighed and shook his head. He prayed that Dean would stay safe and be smart about the hunt since he was alone. “I know.”

She snaked her arm around Castiel’s and pulled her in the direction of the front door. “Come on,” she said, patting his hand. “Let’s make something to eat.” She was determined to add at least five pounds to the angel before Dean’s hunt was over. “And I want to try find out why you won’t let your brothers heal you.” She felt Castiel’s body tense and was grateful that he didn’t have his powers because she was sure he’d have flown away by then.

--------------

Dean came back an hour after the sun went down. He was covered in blood, but, luckily, unharmed. He stepped into Missouri’s place and saw Missouri and Castiel sitting in the living room, watching something on the TV and drinking tea. “You would be a tea drinker,” Dean replied.

“Nuh huh,” Missouri said before Dean was able to cross the threshold into the living room. “Shower first. I don’t need you getting vampire blood all over my upholstery.”

“It’s dried,” Dean argued.

“I don’t care.”

“Are you injured?” Castiel asked.

“Nah,” Dean replied. “Just a little dirty.”

“Dean. Shower. Now.”

Dean held up his hands in defeat. He wasn’t going to argue with Missouri in her own house. He grabbed his bag and went to the bathroom for a quick shower.

He threw on a shirt and basketball shorts and walked out of the bathroom. He found Missouri and Castiel still in the living room, but this time without teacups. “Hey,” he said.

Castiel stood up. “Dean. Are you hungry?”

“Not right now, Cas. Sit down, jeez.”

Castiel nodded and sat back down. “Were you able to kill all of the vampires?” he asked.

“Enough.” He plopped down next to Castiel. “I have a few more that I had to get to. But the sun was going down, so I decided to wait until tomorrow or something to get rid of the rest of them.”

“Do they have your scent?”

“No. They shouldn’t.”

“Dean,” Castiel said. He worried about Dean’s carelessness, but he knew Dean was not irresponsible enough to let the vampires trace him back to Missouri’s.

“They don’t have my scent, Cas. Stop worrying.”

“Boy, don’t tell people to stop worrying about you.” She glared at the hunter. She loved that she was still able to incite fear in Dean. “Now, why don’t we all go eat?”

Castiel stood up first so that he could help Missouri to her feet. She smiled at his manners. Castiel smiled and leaned into Missouri’s touch as she placed a hand on Castiel’s cheek to thank him.

Dean watched everything from his seated position. He wondered what the two of them talked about while he was away. It had to have been deep and revealing, because Castiel was a lot more at peace than when he left them. He knew it was a good idea to bring him along. He stood up and followed the two of them into the kitchen.

--------------

After dinner, the three of them ended up back in the living room. Dean was on his second beer while Castiel was on his third cup of chamomile tea. The three of them sat and talked. It was mostly Dean and Missouri talking, with Missouri wanting to know about what happened since the last time the boy was in Lawrence.

After about an hour and a half, Missouri turned her questioning to Castiel. Castiel told Missouri his story about how he met Dean up to coming back to life a second time at Stull Cemetery.

Dean almost wanted to leave because there was something intimate about the story. Even though he lived it, he couldn’t bear to listen to it in Castiel’s words. Castiel told the story way better than he ever could or would.

Dean tried to stand up to get another beer, but Missouri glared at him and he stayed glued to his seat. He didn’t know why Missouri did this. He knew she knew about all of this. She was psychic. He squinted his eyes, suspicious, because he knew that she was up to something.

Another hour and Castiel was done telling his story. Dean wished he was wearing a jacket or something to cover his arms because he got chills the way Castiel told it. Then the three of them fell silent and Dean felt uncomfortable. He felt like it was the best to turn on the TV to cut through the awkwardness.

Missouri saw that Dean was about to reach for the remote to deal with the silence, but she stopped him. “So, tell me what’s going on between you two?”

“What do you mean?” Castiel asked.

“There’s a bond between you two, that much is obvious.”

“It’s profound,” Castiel answered.

“Cas,” Dean sighed. Of course, Castiel would answer the question that way.

Missouri smiled at Castiel’s answer. “Whatever it is, there’s a strain in it.”

“I… made some poor decisions last year.”

“Who hasn’t? Tell me what happened.”

Castiel looked to Dean with sad eyes. When he couldn’t stand to do it anymore, his eyes dropped to his lap. “I…” His voice trailed off because he had no idea where to begin his explanation of all the wrong he’d done over the last two years.

Dean had enough with Castiel’s guilt. He knew that it was mostly his fault for laying it all on him. Castiel would never forgive himself if Dean didn’t understand his motivations. “You saved the world.”

Castiel looked back at Dean, eyes wide. “What?”

Dean set his beer bottle down. He knew he was about to have a very animated conversation and he could imagine the look on Missouri’s face if he spilled his beer on her couch. “You defeated Raphael. You stopped a civil war between the angels. You put the brakes on an attempt at the second apocalypse. You saved the world, Cas. Yeah, I hated how you did it, but this planet is still here because of what you did.”

“Dean.”

“What?” Dean’s heart pounded in his chest with the way Castiel said his name. The tone always led to some deep and emotional talk.

Castiel set his mug next to Dean’s beer bottle and stared at the floor. “If I had come to you, would you have helped me?”

“What kind of question is that?” Besides a stupid one.

“One I need the answer to.”

“Yes,” Dean answered automatically. Because what other answer was there? “I would have dropped everything to help you.”

“That isn’t what Sam wanted.”

“Screw what Sam wanted,” Dean said rather loudly, causing Castiel’s head to whip up and stare at him like a lost puppy. “Thinking he could make my decisions for me. He wasn’t even in Hell so it didn’t matter. If you needed m… my help, I would have been there.”

Castiel blinked slowly as he processed what Dean had just said. Then he smiled one of his small, subtle smiles. “That’s why I didn’t come to you.”

And damn the angel for always looking after him. He wanted to wipe the smile off his face and tell Castiel to get his priorities straight. He wanted Castiel to worry about someone other than him for once. But those weren’t the words that came out of his mouth. “One year, Cas,” he said softly. “I didn’t see you for one year.”

“Dean. Just because you didn’t see me for a year, doesn’t mean I didn’t see you.”

“A lot creepy, Cas,” he said with a laugh.

“Your brother asked me to watch over you.”

Dean thought about those implications. Castiel took on the angels so he didn’t have to deal with Michael and another Apocalypse. Castiel wanted him to have a normal life. That’s why he didn’t see him for a year. He wanted Dean to have a chance away from hunting and dealing with creatures and evil. “You did. You have been. Everything you’ve done.”

“And I’ll continue t—”

“You’re not supposed to choose me,” Dean interrupted. He shook his head because he knew what Castiel was going to say. “Me, Dean, the fuck up, over your family. You fought against your family because of me. You’re not supposed to choose that.”

Castiel placed a hand on Dean’s arm. “What makes you think that I didn’t choose my family in the end?” he whispered. Sure, he had thousands of brothers, but Sam, Bobby, and Dean were his family.

Dean felt his throat tighten at Castiel’s words. He’d never had anyone do so much for him without the obligation of being related by blood. But there had been moments when even his blood hadn’t been as loyal as Castiel had been. He brushed Castiel’s hand off of his arm. “When are you going to get it through your thick skull that I’m not worth it?” Dean whispered. He couldn’t help but to use the words Castiel used against him all those days ago.

“When are you going to get it through yours that you are?”

The two of them fell silent. The air in the room was electric. Dean noticed that he was breathing in time with Castiel. With every breath they took, the more relaxed they both became.

After that, the tension in the room dissipated. “Boys,” Missouri said.

Dean jumped forgetting someone else was in the room with them. “Yeah,” he whispered.

Missouri shook her head. She bit her lip to keep her smile to herself. “Nothing.”

The conversation changed to something lighter. Eventually it faded into the three of them just watching TV.

Dean was forced to sit through Missouri’s favorite procedural cop show dramas. The only way he survived was with a couple more beers in him.

Halfway through the second episode into the marathon, Dean stretched his arms and rested them on the back of the couch. He would never admit that he was drawn in by the episode on screen. When Castiel leaned back and accidentally hit Dean’s arm, he tensed up.

Before Castiel could move away, Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel’s shoulder and pulled him in. He figured it would be more comfortable for them both. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Missouri smiling at them. It was hard to ignore.

Two more episodes later, Castiel fell asleep, leaning further and further into Dean’s area of the couch. Dean didn’t do anything to stop him, though. Castiel ended up lying down on Dean’s lap.

At the beginning of the next episode, Castiel twitched, waking up. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he attempted to straighten out and maneuver the other way.

His sluggish movements resulted in Dean receiving a mouthful of hair and a hand too close to his crotch area. He collapsed back onto Dean’s thigh, which caused Dean to grunt.

“Dude, stop,” Dean said when Castiel tried to sit up again. “It’s okay. Just lie down.” He helped Castiel to lie back down so he didn’t have to deal with any non-hunt related injuries because of a clumsy angel.

“Thank you.”

“I hope you didn’t just swear at me.” He finished with the beer in his hand and set it on the end table on the other side of the couch.

“He was thanking you.”

“You understand Enochian?”

“I understand motivations. Which is why, as complicated as you think you are, you’re not that hard to read.”

“You are doing wonders for my ego.”

Missouri smiled. She knew all about Dean’s ego and what it would take to affect it at all. She knew the next thing she was about to say would get a reaction out of him. She grabbed the controller off of the coffee table and turned the volume on the TV down. “He loves you, you know.”

Dean froze. He was glad that he finished his beer because he would have spit it out if he was drinking or dropped the bottle on Castiel’s head. “Missouri,” he sighed. He knew that Castiel cared about him, but he never knew to what extent. Or maybe he did and he didn’t want to admit it.

“I mean it, Dean.” She picked up the television remote and shut off the TV. She stared at Dean. “I’ve never seen one being care about another being as much as he cares about you.”

“That’s…” his voice trailed off, trying to think of any way to spin this that didn’t involve him taking about feelings.

“Dean,” Missouri sighed. “Angels are beings of love. They are created from love. And while you think that they don’t feel a thing, you know that angel in your lap feels more strongly than most people do.”

Of course he knew that. Dean looked down at Castiel lying down on his lap. “I don’t deserve that.”

“Why the hell not? Because you’re broken? Because he’s an angel? Because he’s—”

“Missouri, I just can’t,” he said rather loudly. He looked down and saw Castiel stir. His hand went to rub Castiel’s arm and ease him back into his dreams. It was a couple of minutes before their conversation started back up again.

“Dean, he’s seen you at your worst. Your absolute worst, and he stayed. And when you tried to push him away, he loved you regardless.” She looked at Dean who could not believe her. She could see how much Dean was fighting against what she said. “You can have something good in your life, Dean.”

Dean swallowed hard, surprised that his throat was tightening like he was about to cry. “And how long before I break it?” he whispered.

“Just don’t do anything to break it. Simple as that.”

“Right, simple.” He ran a hand down his face and was surprised to find it damp. “The one thing in my life that would be.”

“Dean. Stop torturing yourself. I know you care about him too.”

“I let him down, Missouri. He was trying to save the world, and because I didn’t agree with the way he was doing it, I turned my back on him.”

“Dean.”

“Then when he was God, I just gave up. And then he died and I—”

“You fell apart when he was gone.” She watched as Dean tried to look anywhere in the room besides her face. “Dean, you don’t have to hide it. I can basically see the alcohol pumping through your veins.”

“He’s my best friend.”

“Of course he is.” Missouri nodded. He knew how much it meant to Dean to have a friend in Castiel. She needed him to see that they could be more if he just let himself be happy. “You know. All you had to do was ask him to stay.”

Dean shook his head. He refused to let the answer be that simple. “He wanted to go back to Heaven.”

“He didn’t know what he wanted, Dean,” Missouri replied.

“I couldn’t ask him to give up Heaven for me.”

“I know you wouldn’t do that, Dean,” Missouri said. “But I think he would have appreciated a choice.”

“Yeah, well,” Dean scoffed. “He would have made the wrong one.”

Missouri wanted to slap the boy for being so stubborn and demeaning about himself, but she knew that she wouldn’t be able to change Dean’s thought process in one day. She sighed. The two boys in front of her were so blind and unwilling to accept the roles they had in each other’s lives. She knew she needed to be the one to open their eyes. “If you wanted to know, he doesn’t think he deserves you either. He doesn’t feel like he deserves a lot of things.”

“What? Why?”

“You two are so similar, it’s almost embarrassing that you both haven’t figured it out yet.” She smiled with the knowledge that they eventually would. Though she wasn’t sure how long that would take. She watched as Dean rested his hand comfortingly and protectively on Castiel’s arm. “I’m tired.”

“Good night.”

“Keep him close, Dean.”

“I plan to.”

“And get some sleep. You have a few more vampires to kill tomorrow.”

“Yeah. In a few.”

Missouri walked over to him and put a hand on his cheek. “He’s going to be okay, Dean.”

“Is this a psychic thing?”

Missouri shook her head. She rubbed her thumb along Dean’s cheekbone and smiled. “No, it’s a Missouri thing. I know you.” She knew Dean Winchester’s heart and she knew that since he got Castiel back, he was never going to let anything happen to him. “Good night.” She leaned forward and pressed a kiss on his forehead. She reached forward and brushed a piece of stray hair out of Castiel’s face. “Good night, baby,” she whispered.

Then she headed upstairs, leaving the two men alone.

Dean sat in the living room with Castiel on his lap for about half an hour thinking about the conversation he had with Missouri. Castiel loved him. Even after how crappily he treated him, Castiel still loved him.

Dean couldn’t help but think something was definitely screwed up in the angel’s head. But that didn’t stop Dean from rubbing his hand up and down Castiel’s arm.

He needed to figure out what he felt for the angel.

He felt guilty for the way he treated Castiel last year. The angel didn’t deserve his attitude. He didn’t want to admit it, but he missed the angel. He was angry when he left without saying goodbye. When he came back, he couldn’t ignore the warmth he felt in the pit of his stomach after a year of not seeing him.

Then he felt betrayed when he found out he was working with Crowley. He was pissed enough to sic Death on him.

But when he died, the pain he felt was indescribable. He felt a mountain of guilt that he would never be able to tell Castiel that he was sorry. He went through all the denial and trying to push the feelings away, but he was sure that he would never be the same again.

Then came the moment when Castiel came back into his life. Again. He was still in denial because if Castiel was ripped away from him one more time, Dean wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it. One person could cause him only so much heartbreak.

When he was sure Castiel was here to stay, he took it upon himself to help Castiel any way he could. At least, after he pulled his head out of his ass and stopped trying to out stubborn the angel. He owed Castiel a lot more than that, but it was a decent place to start.

He wondered why he cared so much for this person who had been in his life for less than half a decade.

Did he feel the same way Castiel felt about him? Did he love him? He knew he cared for him. Like family. And only a few have ever had that honor. He told him once that they were like brothers, but Dean didn’t know if that was an accurate description of their relationship.

He didn’t know if there was a word he had to describe what they were to each other.

He leaned back and hit his head against the wall behind him. “What he hell is happening?” he whispered. He looked back down at Castiel and watched him as he let out a deep exhale over his thigh. Dean matched Castiel second deep breath with one of his own. Finally, Dean squeezed Castiel’s arm then gently shook him awake. “Cas, get up.”

Castiel whimpered and shook his head against Dean’s leg. He then mumbled something unintelligible and was on his way back to sleep.

Dean laughed. “Cas, wake up,” he said, continuing to shake Castiel awake.

A few more seconds and Castiel had enough. He slowly opened his eyes and saw that he was still lying down on Dean’s lap. “What’s going on?”

“You’ll be more comfortable in a bed than the couch,” Dean said.

Castiel sighed. “You’re probably right.”

“I know I’m right.” The couch was not big enough for someone to sleep comfortably.

Castiel nodded. “Let’s go.” He shut his eyes and let out a deep breath.

“It would be easier if you actually sat up.” Dean slid his hands under Castiel’s arm and tried as best as he could to sit the other man up. Once Castiel was sitting on his own, he stood up. He grabbed Castiel’s arm and hauled him to his feet. “Come on, sleepy,” he replied when Castiel lost his footing and almost tumbled back onto the couch. “Twenty more feet and you can go back to sleep.”

“Or, I could stay on the couch and you have the bed to yourself.” He really did not want to move. He just wanted to get back to sleep.

Dean pursed his lips and shrugged. It sounded inviting to have the bed to himself and not have to share with Castiel who sometimes elbowed him in the throws of a nightmare. “Just don’t hit me and we’ll be fine.”

Castiel yawned. “I don’t mean to.” He brought his hand up and rubbed his eye.

“Come on, dude,” Dean said. He grabbed the other man’s arm and pulled him to the bedroom. When they got to the room, Dean shut the door behind them while Castiel walked straight to the bed and flopped down on it. “Graceful.”

“I don’t have my grace,” Castiel mumbled into the comforter. He maneuvered around to lay his head on the pillow, and during that process, messing up the sheets of the bed.

“Damnit, Cas. At least take your shoes off.” He walked over to the bed and slapped Castiel’s feet off of them. He did not want Missouri blaming him for footprints on the sheets even if she knew that it wasn’t his fault.

“Tell Missouri my fault,” Castiel mumbled as he put his feet back on the bed.

Dean rolled his eyes. He grabbed one of Castiel’s ankles and yanked off the shoe. Then he grabbed the other and did the same. “Child,” he whispered.

“Thank you,” Castiel said.

Dean felt like he was babysitting. He noticed that Castiel had fallen back asleep and was still wearing his jeans. “Damnit,” he said.

He unbuttoned Castiel’s jeans and pulled them down his legs leaving the other man clad only in his shirt and boxers. Once Castiel was in something comfortable enough to sleep in, Dean climbed into the empty side of the bed.

He lay on his stomach and tucked his arms under his pillow. He stared at Castiel lying on the other side of the bed. He hoped that the peace on Castiel’s face wasn’t interrupted by nightmares. He needed a restful night.

He rolled over onto his side to face the wall. He couldn’t look at Castiel any longer.

He would have cursed Missouri for the chick-flick moment they had, but he was scared of what Missouri would say knowing that she would hear it.

[Chapter 6 Pt. 2] [Masterpost] [Chapter 8]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 6 Pt. 2)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:17:28 GMT

Castiel was cold, and soaked. The Leviathans had pulled him from the water and dragged him to shore. He didn’t know how long he was underwater. It could have been days. It could have been years. He tried to stand up, but his limbs were too heavy from the cold.

He worried that he was human.

One of the Leviathans stood in front of him and began to speak. He could not understand a word. When the Leviathan smiled, he felt the same fear he felt when he realized that the Leviathans had held on after Purgatory was closed off to him.

Then a man picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. The blood rushing to his head clouded his vision. He could not think.

He looked down his arm and saw black cloth instead of tan. He wondered where his trench coat was.

--------------

Castiel woke up in a room with no furniture, no windows, and one door. He would have tried to leave if he weren’t surrounded by a ring of fire.

He didn’t know how long he had been unconscious, but that didn’t matter as soon as he saw demons and angels walk in together.

He braced himself for the inevitable pain.

--------------

He knew better than to count the every time the whip landed on his skin. But he could never help but count out the first few lashes as the whipping began. He’d always stop at fifty, or sixty, or forty.

He always had an estimate by the change of the sounds of the whip hitting flesh, then muscle, than bone.

The sound of his heartbeat slowing down and his blood dripping to the floor was always louder than the crack of the whip.

He knew something was wrong when he found the sound calming.

--------------

Dean burned him today. He hung him by his wrists from the ceiling for Sam to use as a punching bag. Once Sam broke all of his ribs they just stood and listened as Castiel struggled to breathe.

Nybbas and Jezebeth let their meatsuits’ faces slip through for a few seconds.

Castiel tried to keep his body from shaking so much. Every movement shook his shattered ribs. “Nybbas. Jezebeth,” Castiel rasped out.

The demons looked at each other. Nybbas reached up and slapped Jezebeth in the back of the head. “You idiot, you look like you,” he said. “Turn back into Sam.”

“Well, you don’t look like Dean right now,” Jezebeth growled.

The two demons changed back into the Winchesters. They tried to use the faces of the vessels of Michael and Gabriel and Balthazar, but those didn’t affect Castiel at all. They didn’t fool him. As long as they couldn’t mimic his brothers’ grace, they could only hurt him physically.

Nybbas picked up the heated metal rod and pressed it against the angel’s hip.

Castiel’s body jerked when the metal seared his skin. He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. He had to force himself to breathe through his nose when Nybbas put a matching burn on his other hip.

Even though he knew it wasn’t really Dean, just seeing him, even though he was the source of his torture, brought him comfort.

--------------

Castiel lay in the center of the fire, shivering. There wasn’t enough blood in his body to keep him warm. His eyes followed the demons in the fire, trying to figure out their next move.

“Father definitely made us stronger before the fall, didn’t He?” a small female with long black hair and tanned skin said.

“Well, that’s how He works, Leliel,” a tall, blonde hair and hazel eyed man replied. “Something happens, He creates something weaker.”

“I suppose that’s true, Bernael,” Leliel replied. She strolled over to him and wrapped an arm around his waist.

The third man outside the circle had a disgusted look on his face at the other two angels’ show of affection. He was shorter than Bernael and the last man, but he was more muscular. He ran his hand through his shoulder length brown hair. “So, little brother,” he said with his raspy voice. “How much weaker than us are you?” He looked to the last angel in the room. “Any guesses, Belial?”

“He doesn’t have to answer us, Satan,” Belial said. “He’ll give us the answer eventually. Won’t you, Castiel?”

Castiel knew better than to respond to them. He knew that they couldn’t touch him from outside the circle, but Belial was a smart angel. He’d find ways to make it worse for Castiel without having to lay a hand on him.

Castiel kept his mouth shut as Bernael and Lelial passed an angel sword over the fire to the Vetis, Nybbas, and Jezebeth.

It was more difficult to stay quiet as the blade cut through his skin and grace.

--------------

Castiel looked back and forth between Belial and Abbadon. The demon held a knife to his wrist. “Belial, don’t let them do this.” He wasn’t pleading. He would never plead.

“I can’t do anything from outside the circle, Castiel,” Belial replied. He didn’t sound too heartbroken over it. “What would you give me to make them stop?”

Castiel thought for a second. What did he even have to give to Belial? He had nothing. But if he did, how much of it would he give the other angel. “I wouldn’t give you anything,” Castiel growled.

Belial charged up to the circle, getting as close as he could without burning himself. “You’ll give me everything before I’m done with you,” Belial hissed. He looked at the four demons in the circle. “Begin.”

The demons forced Castiel onto his back. Abbadon stood over him while Vetis held his ankles, Jezebeth knelt on his chest, and Nybbas pinned his wrists. Abbadon forced Castiel’s mouth open and dripped his blood into it.

As soon as the first drop touched his lips, Castiel felt his grace flare up within him.

--------------

“Father,” Castiel coughed. “I’m sorry.” Blood that wasn’t his own spilled from his lips. That was the more common occurrence these days.

“It’s ridiculous to pray to someone who doesn’t exist, Castiel,” Satan said. They decided to take a break from the torture today. It wasn’t fun when the little angel was unconscious the entire day before.

Castiel dug his fingers into the incision on his chest. His fingers coated with the mixture of demon blood, sulfur, and Unholy Water. He could feel it spreading through his body.

What’s worse was that he could feel his grace wanting to leave but having nowhere else to go.

--------------

Sometimes, Castiel would dream. He’d dream of Heaven, and of his brothers, and of Earth, and of Dean. He would dream of every decision he made over the last year. He would dream that everything turned out different.

His dreams were usually short and always interrupted by a shock of pain.

Today wasn’t any different. He opened his eyes and saw that he was above the ground. He looked around and saw that he was on a table. Then he saw that the ring of fire was gone. Belial, Bernael, and Leliel stood around him. This was something new.

“You look confused,” Leliel said.

“What do they mean?” He stared at the cuffs that Bernael held in his hand. The glowing etchings on them were in a language that Castiel didn’t know.

“You don’t recognize the carvings?” Bernael asked. “You may not since a lot of these were created before your existence.”

“Bernael, don’t.” He knew that if it was something created before his creation, it wasn’t good for him.

“Don’t worry, Castiel,” Belial said, lifting up one of Castiel’s hands. “It won’t make you human.” When Bernael clamped the cuff onto his wrist, Belial let go. He reached over and grabbed Castiel’s other hand and did the same. “Just… gives us more to play with.”

When they cut him open, it hurt Castiel a lot more than he remembered it should have.

--------------

Castiel closed his eyes and tried to imagine himself anywhere but the room he was in. He’d tried it many times before today, but today he needed it the most. He did not want to be there mentally as this happened to him. Especially when the demon was wearing Dean’s face.

He was glad that he had the sense to send Jimmy Novak to Heaven when he returned to it two years ago. He would not have let the man who let him use his body to fight a war endure this.

The unnamed demon had him bent over and tied to a table. He could hear the sound of the demon undressing behind him.

“What are you doing!” Belial yelled.

Castiel turned his head and saw the angel standing in the doorway. He wasn’t sure if he was delusional or not, but he could have sworn that Belial was angry with the demon.

“He’s so pretty, Belial.”

Castiel shivered as the demon ran his hand down his side.

“I can’t leave you cretins alone with him for five minutes,” Belial growled. He swiped his hand and the demon flew across the room. He flew to the other side of the room and held the demon against the wall by the neck. Once the demon hit the wall, he stopped using Dean’s face. “We break him, but not this way.”

“It’s so much quicker this way,” the demon said between breaths.

Belial let go of the demon and watched him crumple to the floor. He wiped his hand on his slacks. “It won’t break him.” He knew Castiel was stronger than that. He knew what he’d take to break this specific angel.

“You never know.” The demon stood up, his hand rubbing his throat.

“Do not even think about doing that to him.”

“Are you protecting him?” the demon spat.

“There are worse tortures than what you know. That might work for other angels, but not this one.”

“Then this won’t matter.” The demon tried to step around Belial and get back to Castiel.

Belial snapped his fingers and the demon turned to ash. He stepped forward and began to work on the ropes that tied Castiel to the table. He could have easily disintegrated the ropes with a snap of his fingers, but he took the time to actually take apart the ropes. Once Castiel was free, Belial grabbed him by his fractured wings and stood him up. He leaned forward, putting his lips as close to Castiel’s ear without touching it. “I will break you, Castiel. Not that way.”

Belial stepped away from Castiel. Without him to hold up the younger angel, Castiel collapsed to the floor. He pulled a lighter out of his pocket and relit the ring of fire.

--------------

Castiel could barely keep his eyes open. It was much harder today than any other day. He couldn’t remember ever being so tired. It probably had a combination to do with the blood loss, and the demon blood pumping through his veins, and the sulfur and unholy water in his stomach. He was falling apart faster than he thought he would.

“Enough,” Belial said.

“What? Why?” Lelial and Bernael asked. They stepped away from Castiel, taking their swords with them.

“Give him some moments of respite then it will hurt much worse when you start again.”

“Or…” Leliel returned to Castiel’s side and started to retrace over some of the sigils she’d already carved into his torso. “We could keep increasing his pain tolerance so we can try new things with him.” The idea excited her.

Belial flew to Lelial’s hand and lifted it away from Castiel. “Once you touch an angel’s grace, that’s the end. There is no greater pain. So leave him alone before you break him too soon.”

Lelial pouted. “But he looks so pretty when he is in pain.” She reached up and ran her fingers through his sweat-drenched hair.

“Bernael. Leliel. I swear. Do not damage him.”

Bernael set the sword down on the table next to the table Castiel was strapped down on. “It is disturbing the lack of faith you have in us, Belial.”

Belial punched Bernael hard enough that when he hit the wall, it broke. He then grabbed Lelial by her hair and dragged her over to Bernael as he climbed out of the wall. “You were brought here to take my orders. If you don’t listen to me, I will make one of you take the youngest’s place.”

“You wouldn’t do that, would you, Belial?” Leliel said, blinking her eyes flirtatiously as if it would work on the Crowned Prince.

“Would I?”

Bernael and Leliel disappeared from the room as soon as the threat was made. Castiel would never say it out loud, but he was thankful to Belial for the moment of rest.

--------------

Castiel opened his eyes and saw Satan and Belial standing in front of him. His arms were numb. The demons didn’t take him down after whipping him the night before. He could tell that the whips had gone deep enough to make it to the bone.

He wondered if he’d ever run out of blood to bleed.

Belial reached up and tipped Castiel’s chin up with just a finger. “You’ve been a nuisance since your creation, youngest. To think that you were supposed to be a replacement for what Michael lost.” He wiped the blood on his finger on Satan’s shirt.

“It’s funny, though, how he rebelled like Lucifer did.”

“Not quite like Lucifer,” Belial replied. They both rebelled and the comparisons stopped there.

Satan shrugged. “Rebellion nonetheless.” He dug his finger into one of the wounds in Castiel’s side.

Castiel gasped. “No,” he whispered.

Satan twisted his finger and scratched against the inside of the wound, ignoring Castiel’s request. “I wonder if he does any tricks,” Satan said, curious. “There had to be a reason for his creation besides becoming Michael’s replacement. I wonder why Father felt the need to create him instead of just create the humans.”

“Why do you care?” Belial asked, slapping Satan’s hand away from Castiel.

“I don’t,” Satan answered. “I’m just curious. Thinking out loud.”

“Well, don’t.” Belial snapped his fingers and the chains that held Castiel up disappeared. He was disappointed, but not surprised when Castiel didn’t make a sound. “Soon, Castiel,” he whispered. “Soon, you won’t be able to stop yourself from screaming.”

Castiel shivered on the floor. He knew they were close and it was only a matter of time before they broke him.

--------------

Castiel opened his eyes and found himself staring at the ceiling. When the blurred edges of his vision began to clear up, he saw that he was surrounded by both demons and angels.

“Good to have you back with us,” Satan replied.

“Remember to breath, Castiel. It probably won’t help, but it will help us know that you’re still alive,” Belial said standing over him. He ran a blood-covered hand through Castiel’s hair.

Castiel couldn’t keep his eyes open. He could feel the demon blood coursing through him. It made him hyper-aware of everything.

He could hear the demon blood coursing through Abbadon and Vetis. He could hear Satan and Belial’s grace ebbing and flowing through their vessel. The smell of blood, both human and demon, in the air was so strong that he could taste it. He felt more pain than he could imagine as Vetis cut a straight line down from his sternum to his belly button.

He pulled at his bonds and found that he didn’t have any strength to lift his arm further than an inch off the table.

He felt hands force open the wound, exposing muscles and organs inside of him. He bit his lip to keep him from making a sound. He couldn’t give them the satisfaction. “No,” he moaned as he heard and felt a few of his ribs crack open. He felt blood making it’s way up his throat.

“Are you ready, Castiel?” Belial asked. He waited a second for a response. “It doesn’t really matter if you are. This is happening regardless.” He ran his hand along Castiel’s side, coating his fingers with blood.

“Belial,” Castiel whispered. He coughed and blood spilled from his lips. He was scared he was going to choke on it.

Belial grabbed Castiel’s chin with his bloodied hand. He turned the youngest angel to face him, even though his eyes weren’t open. “Beg for me to stop this, Castiel. Plead.”

Castiel struggled to open his eyes. Once he did, he looked straight into Belial’s brown eyes. “I’ll die before I beg for anything from you.”

Belial grabbed Castiel’s neck and squeezed. “I’ll keep you alive long enough to hear you beg.” Then he let go. He looked over to Abbadon and nodded.

Castiel’s eyes slid back closed. He had heard stories about this horror. He knew what was about to happen, but he didn’t want to see it.

He heard the sound of sizzling when Abaddon’s fingertips pressed into the wound. The bonds and hands held him against the table tight enough that he couldn’t arch away from the oncoming pain.

When he felt Abaddon’s entire fist under his ribcage, he had to swallow his screams. The pain was so intense that tears fell from the corners of his eyes. He fought to regulate his breathing. He wondered if this was what it felt like every time he reached into a human to touch his or her soul.

He wasn’t sure if they actually got him to scream before he was unable to stay awake any longer.

--------------

A demon sticking its hand into his chest and squeezing his grace happened more often that Castiel thought it would. Once Abbadon was able to hold an angel’s grace in his hand, Vetis, Nybbas, and Jezebeth wanted to see if they were capable of doing it too.

They got nothing from being able to touch the angel’s grace but the feeling of being more powerful than an angel. They had time to find ways to be able to use the angel’s grace.

Castiel wasn’t sure he had as much time as the demons thought he did.

--------------

The fire was put out around him. The demons and angels had left him.

Castiel didn’t know how long he’d be left alone.

He crawled to the corner of the room furthest from the door. His wings were too damaged for him to be able to fly, but even if they weren’t, he didn’t have the strength.

When he reached his destination, he leaned against the wall, whimpering when his torn back touched the cold concrete. He let out a shaky breath, tilted his head to the skies, and closed his eyes. “Father, if you’re there. Please, keep Dean and his brother safe.” He swallowed hard, his throat burning. He coughed a few times and blood spilled from his lips. “I’m sorry,” he whispered to whoever was listening.

A minute later, he was staring into a familiar bright, green light.

--------------

Michael and Lucifer’s hands fell from Castiel’s temple at the same time. Their chests heaved as they tried to replenish the air their lungs seemed to have been deprived of the entire time they were in Castiel’s memory.

Castiel was right; Michael did not like what he saw. Michael looked at his youngest brother’s face and saw streaks of tears down his face. “Castiel.” He reached up and wiped them away with his thumbs.

Castiel shook his head out of his brother’s hands and swallowed. “I’m okay,” he lied. There was a pressure in his head. His hand went to his nose when he felt something dripping out of it. He looked at it and saw blood. “I should clean this up,” he said.

“Sit,” Michael said. “I’ll get it.”

“I’m fine, Michael,” Castiel said. He would have rolled his eyes but he was afraid it would make his headache worse. He stood up before his brothers could say anything else.

He made it halfway to the kitchen before everything darkened around him.

“Cas!” Dean yelled when he saw Castiel crumple to the ground. He rushed to the angel’s side.

“Lucifer, what did you do?” Gabriel yelled. Balthazar flew out of the room, unable to watch whatever was happening to his brother.

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit,” Dean said. He stared at Castiel on the floor as his entire body tensed. He wanted to do something, but he knew better than to touch someone having a seizure, if that was what Castiel was having. “Cas, come on, man. You’re scaring everyone.”

“Sam, blanket,” Bobby said.

Sam grabbed the blanket draped over the couch and threw it at Dean who caught it, folded it, and carefully put it under Castiel’s head. “Cas,” Dean whispered, somber. “You have to stop doing this, man.”

“Sam, time,” Bobby said.

“Forty-two.”

“Are we even sure this is a regular seizure?” Dean asked.

“We’re going to hope so,” Bobby said.

Dean agreed, because if it was a regular seizure, that meant it wasn’t going to last much longer. But he knew they were never that lucky. So he prepared to wait this episode out no matter how long it took.

“One minute,” Sam said, and whatever was happening to Castiel continued. It didn’t look like it was going to stop any time soon.

Dean looked up at Michael and Lucifer and glared. He was ready to grab an angel sword and stab both of them in the chest. “What the fuck did you guys do to him?” he yelled.

“Nothing,” Lucifer said. “His memories were there, we just looked through them.”

“There wasn’t a wall?” Sam asked. “One twenty-eight.”

“Of course not. So, we didn’t do this.”

“You fucking better have found something useful,” Dean said under his breath. If they didn’t, then they caused Castiel more pain for no reason.

“Maybe,” Lucifer said, then he disappeared.

Dean was going to say something about Lucifer leaving, but he couldn’t drudge up any more anger. He wanted Castiel to wake up. He may have been reaching for something, but the episode looked like it was close to ending. “It’s okay, Cas,” Dean said. “Just ride this out.” He watched as Bobby and Sam rolled Castiel onto his side.

“Two minutes,” Sam said.

Dean wanted it to end soon. He hated that he couldn’t do anything as Castiel’s skin turned blue right in front of him. “Cas!” he yelled when he couldn’t see Castiel’s chest moving. He wanted to roll Castiel onto his back and start CPR, but he knew that it sometimes happened. He just needed to wait a few more seconds. If he didn’t start breathing again, he’d do what he needed to do.

“Two forty-one,” Sam said.

Dean felt like it was so much longer than that. “Cas, cut this shit out now,” he demanded.

He didn’t know how much time passed, but he put his hand on Castiel’s shoulder and was ready to roll him over. It felt like Castiel hadn’t been breathing for minutes. He felt arms around him to stop him. He tried to fight it.

“Dean, no,” Sam said, tightening his hold on his brother.

“He isn’t breathing, Sam,” Dean argued.

“Give him a few more seconds.”

“No.”

“He’s breathing, Dean.”

“No, he’s not.” He struggled against his brother’s hold. He needed to get back to Castiel’s side.

As soon as those words left his mouth, Castiel’s jaw clenched. He took in a deep breath, then let it out slowly and shakily. Dean saw drool drip out of the corner of Castiel’s mouth. He hoped it meant that the episode was close to ending.

The second Castiel’s entire body relaxed, Dean took in a deep breath, not realizing that he wasn’t breathing during the episode. He could feel his heart ramming against his ribcage. He tried to calm down by taking slow and deep breaths. He didn’t want Castiel to see how panicked and worried he was when he woke up.

Now all they had to do was wait a couple of minutes, he hoped at the most, for Castiel to wake up.

“You can let me go,” Dean said when he felt Sam’s arms still around him. He knew Sam could feel how badly he was shaking.

“Sorry,” Sam said. He let go of his brother and put space between them.

“No,” Dean said. “Thanks for that.” He was glad his brother was there to stop him from doing something stupid. There was no telling what damage he would have done if Sam hadn’t stopped him from attempting to perform CPR.

“Yeah, no problem,” Sam said. He stood up and brushed himself off. He disappeared into the kitchen. A few seconds later, he returned with a beer in hand. He held it out to Dean. “Here,” he said.

Dean sat back to lean against the side of the couch. He stared up at the glass bottle. “You encouraging my drinking now?” He remembered Sam chastising him for his alcohol intake only a few weeks ago.

“You haven’t had a drink since Cas came back. At least, I haven’t seen you take a sip.”

“Me neither,” Bobby replied.

Dean couldn’t remember the last time he had a drink. He took the bottle from his brother’s hand and popped the cap off with the side of the end table. He took a long gulp from it. As much as he didn’t want to need alcohol in him, he needed help calming down.

He finished the beer in record time. He needed another one, but he couldn’t make himself move. He didn’t want to be far when Castiel woke up, whenever that was. He just hoped it was soon because he didn’t think his back would be okay with him sitting on the floor for too long.

He sighed and leaned back. He didn’t know how much time had passed when he saw Castiel stirring.

Castiel let out a shaky breath. “Please. I can’t.”

“Fuckers,” Dean mumbled. He was having another nightmare. Michael and Lucifer should have been the ones to help him through it.

“No,” Castiel moaned.

“Cas, hey,” he whispered, running his fingers through Castiel’s hair. “You’re in Montana.”

Castiel opened his eyes and stared at Dean who was sideways. “Dean?” he replied, tired.

“You’re safe. Those were just memories, nothing else.”

“Dean,” he repeated, this time in recognition. Quickly, he remembered where he was.

“You know where you are?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Castiel replied. He tried to move around so that Dean wasn’t sideways anymore, but he found he couldn’t. “How did I end up here?”

“You don’t remember?”

“What… what happened?” Castiel asked.

“Nothing.”

Castiel frowned. He would have been more upset, but he knew the answer was completely something Dean would say. “Then why am I on the floor?” He braced his arm to push himself up.

“Don’t get up yet.”

Slowly, his memory came back. “Did you find anything useful? Michael?” Castiel looked to Michael who was standing over Dean’s shoulder. The archangel shook his head. He was about to ask his eldest brother another question, but the archangel vanished before his eyes. He finally understood why Dean hated whenever he’d disappear in the middle of a conversation. He turned to the only angel in the room, hoping that he wouldn’t disappear too. “Gabriel, what happened? What did I do?” He tried to sit up again, and was glad that Dean was there to help him to a seated position.

“Nothing.”

Castiel let out a shaky breath. He would have shook his head, but he was afraid that he would have thrown up if he did. “I warned him.” He hated that he caused his brother so much grief.

“You know how Michael is when it comes to listening to his younger siblings.”

Castiel brought a hand up to the bridge of his nose and rubbed it. He wanted to reach through his skull and massage the ache he felt in his brain. “My head hurts. Feel dizzy. Sick.”

“You just had a seizure. Sort of,” Dean said.

“I see. Why is Michael acting this way? Did he say anything about what he saw?”

“I don’t know, Cas,” Gabriel said. He was torn between wanting and not wanting to know what Michael and Lucifer saw. He saw how Michael reacted. He wasn’t sure if he was strong enough. “The only people that do decided to high wing it out of here. Let me take you upstairs.”

“Okay.” He let Gabriel take his arm and help him to his feet. Once he was standing, he swayed for a second before he regained his equilibrium. “But we’re walking.”

“Walking? That’s so human.” He reached out to fly Castiel upstairs, but stopped himself when he saw Castiel’s eyes widen. He sighed and let Castiel have his way. “Okay, lead the way.”

Castiel nodded and headed toward the stairs not looking back to see if Gabriel was following him. Gabriel flew to his side when he stumbled and needed to grab onto the railing to keep himself standing. “Thank you,” he said as Gabriel held onto his arm.

The moment the door upstairs closed, Balthazar and Michael flew back into the house. “You…” Dean coughed a few times when he realized how hoarse his voice was. “You guys need to let me give Cas his grace back.”

“Why?” Micahel asked.

“He needs it.” He wouldn’t have gone through this if he had his grace back.

“He is not ready to get his grace back,” Balthazar replied.

“Then I don’t want to be the one in charge of it.”

“Why not?” Michael asked.

It was too much pressure. Dean could not watch Castiel go through any more pain. He was ready to give Castiel back his grace the second he collapsed. If these moments kept happening to Castiel, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to stop himself from handing the grace over the next time something occured. “There has to be someone more responsible than me.”

“It has to be you,” Michael said.

“If he asks me for it, I’m giving it back to him.” He would not be able to deny Castiel something that belonged to him.

“Dean,” Balthazar said. He couldn’t blame the human for what he was feeling. If he were the one in charge of Castiel’s grace, he would have given it back to him as soon as he asked for it when he regained consciousness all those days ago.

“I don’t want this responsibility of knowing that he’s hurt because he doesn’t have it back yet.”

“He doesn’t want it back,” Michael replied.

“What are you taking about?” Dean asked.

“Dean,” Michael started. He remembered some of the memories in his youngest’s head. There were moments when he felt everything Castiel felt. “He doesn’t think he deserves it yet.”

“But he’s getting better,” Dean replied.

“He is,” Michael agreed. He could not ignore how much better Castiel was from just spending time with Dean.

“Then why wouldn’t he want it back?”

“Making mistakes are hard,” Balthazar whispered. “Especially when it causes you to lose someone you care about.”

Dean knew Balthazar wasn’t talking entirely about him. It did nothing for the guilt he felt about everything. “But he didn’t,” he whispered.

“He probably doesn’t know that,” Michael replied.

Dean sighed. “He does. I’ve told him.” Not in so many words, but he thought that Castiel understood. Then again, he was talking about Castiel. He probably had to spell it out from him to make him understand.

“Dean,” Michael sighed. He knew that Dean was lying to himself to make himself feel better.

“Fine,” Dean said, knowing he was caught. “So, when do… I don’t…”

“You’ll know when to give him back his grace. It’s part of the connection you have with him.”

“Sure thing,” Dean replied, unsure of how to respond to that. People talking about the connection he had with Castiel always made him uncomfortable.

Balthazar saw how embarrassed Dean was, and as much as he wanted to sit and enjoy it a little longer, he didn’t want to torture the human. “We should see how Cassy’s doing,” he said.

“We should.”

Dean heard the sound of wings flapping. “I recommend walking up the stairs.”

“Walking?” Balthazar repeated, disgusted.

“Cas made Gabe walk.”

“Well, I’m not Gabe,” Balthazar said. He was about to fly off, but Michael put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “Fine,” he easily conceded. The two of them made their way up the stairs.

Dean stared from the bottom of the stairs as the angels disappeared upstairs. As soon as they got to the second floor, Dean walked into the kitchen. Bobby and Sam stared at him, trying to figure out what was going on in his head. He wouldn’t have been able to give them an answer. “I need a hunt.”

[Chapter 6 Pt. 1] [Masterpost] [Chapter 7]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 6 Pt. 1)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:16:03 GMT

Dean and Sam had gone to the store to buy some food and replenish all of the First Aid supplies they had used on Castiel. They left Castiel in the care of Bobby and Jody. Dean had helped Castiel back downstairs and sat him on the couch to watch some TV before he left on the supply run.

They returned to the house an hour later and found Bobby and Jody sitting on the porch. They informed Dean that Castiel had fallen asleep on the couch and not to wake him up.

Dean entered the house first, his arms full with bags of whatever they bought. His eyes went straight to the couch to see if Castiel was all right. He saw someone standing over and touching the sleeping angel. At first, he thought it was Balthazar because of the blonde hair. Then he saw that the mysterious man wasn’t wearing what Balthazar usually did.

When he realized who the man actually was, he dropped his bags and pulled his gun out of his waistband. He took a few steps toward the couch. He tried to be as quiet as he could, knowing that it wouldn’t actually matter. But it made him feel better to think he was being sneaky and to have a weapon in his hands. When he felt Sam behind him, he took the safety off his gun.

The man lifted his fingers off of Castiel’s forehead when he heard the sound of a gun loading behind him. He spun around and saw Dean and Sam standing behind him. Dean pointed the gun at him while Sam just stared.

“Get away from him, Lucifer!” Dean yelled. His gun followed Lucifer as he stepped around the coffee table and to the opposite side of the living room. “What the hell did you do to him?” He looked at Castiel, searching for any injury or indication that he was in pain.

“He was having a nightmare.”

“Right,” Dean spat. “One that you probably caused.”

“Sam, you know the nightmares that I could cause. Little Castiel here is too calm for one of my tortures.”

“Dean?” Sam asked, shaking himself out of the trance since Lucifer had spoken directly to him. “You’re pointing a gun at him?” He put his hand on his brother’s trying to get him to lower the gun. He stumbled when Dean was able to push him off balance with one hand. “Why are you pointing a gun at him?”

“Because he did something to Cas. Why aren’t you?” Dean asked. He put the safety back on his gun, wondering if everything was an illusion.

“Because he’s not real.”

“Except he is.”

The brothers looked at each other. They knew there was only one way to determine who was in the right state of mind. “Bobby!” they yelled at the same time. Bobby would be able to prove one of them right.

“Sh…” he whispered and put a finger to his lips. “Don’t wake the angel.” He looked down at Castiel sleeping on the couch and smirked. Sam pulled his gun out and pointed it at him. “Put the guns away,” Lucifer said, dropping his hands. “It’ll only be a waste of your ammo if you shoot me.”

“Yeah, well, it’d make me feel better to put a couple of rounds in you anyway,” Dean hissed. He took the safety off the gun again and pointed it straight at Lucifer’s heart. “What are you doing here?”

“How is Castiel?” Lucifer asked, ignoring Dean’s question.

“Why the hell do you care?”

“Because I want to know if my efforts to save him went to waste.”

Lucifer said it so nonchalantly that Dean dropped his gun a few inches. “You saved Cas?”

“I don’t know. Is he still alive?”

“Obviously,” Dean hissed.

“Then, yes, I saved him.”

Dean’s eyes darkened. He raised his gun and pointed it at Lucifer’s heart again. “I don’t believe you.”

Lucifer shrugged. “As well, you shouldn’t. You could ask my brothers. They’re approaching, which means I should leave.” With a nod, Lucifer left the room.

“Wait!” the brothers yelled, but they were too late. They looked at each other, then at the spot Lucifer stood just seconds ago. Five minutes of silence passed.

“That really just happened, right?” Dean asked. He still wasn’t sure.

“I think so,” Sam replied.

“What the hell is going on?” Dean asked. “Where’s Bobby?”

“Bobby!” Sam yelled.

This time, of course, Bobby appeared instantly. “What? Why are you guys yelling?”

Dean sighed and scratched the back of his head. “Doesn’t matter now.” He knew that talking about it would make them sound crazy.

“Was it important?”

“Yeah,” Dean replied. “Michael.”

At the mention of the archangel’s name, the three angels appeared in the living room. Bobby saw that he wasn’t going to be able to provide any information that the angels couldn’t, so he went back outside. Before Michael could ask if something happened to Castiel, Gabriel stepped forward. “You two look bothered,” he said.

“What?” Dean asked.

Michael’s eyes left Castiel sleeping on the couch and went to Dean. He took a few steps to close the distance between them. “Dean?” he asked, noticing how distracted his true vessel was.

Dean blinked and jumped when he realized how close Michael was to him. He put space between the two of them. “Did Lucifer save Cas?” he asked.

Michael froze. “Why would you ask that?”

“Because Lucifer was here asking about how Cas was.”

“Lucifer was here?” Gabriel asked. He didn’t believe it. He would know if Lucifer was back on Earth.

“I think so,” Dean whispered. “I saw him, and Sam saw him. But more importantly, I saw him.”

“What do you think that means?” Balthazar asked Michael.

“I don’t know,” Michael replied. “Why couldn’t I feel it?” If Lucifer was on Earth, he should have been able to feel a shift in the balance. He hadn’t felt a thing.

“Is that what Pale Horse was taking about?” Balthazar asked. It had to be the reason why Death was surprised to see only three of them.

“Maybe. But it would make sense.” Michael wasn’t saying that to anyone in particular. He was just thinking out loud.

“What?” Gabriel asked.

“Why I felt the trace of a fallen angel’s grace when he rescued Castiel.”

“Lucifer was there?” Sam asked.

“No,” Dean replied. He still could not believe that Lucifer was the one to rescue Castiel from the angels and Hellhounds. It didn’t make sense. Lucifer blew Castiel up. He could not have been the same angel to save Castiel.

“What do you mean?” Michael asked.

Dean figured it was a good time to tell Michael what Castiel told days ago. “Cas said their names were Bernie-el and Leila-el or something like that.”

An unpleasant feeling washed over Michael. “What?” he growled.

Dean raised his hands defensively. “I could totally be saying their names wrong,” he said quickly. He saw how Michael’s eyes lowered and darkened and he felt like he said something inappropriate. Or it could have been that he had kept that information from him.

“Bernael and Leliel?” Michael corrected.

“Um…” Dean whispered.

“Dean,” Michael pressed. “Did Castiel say their names were Bernael and Leliel?”

“I guess. I can’t remember. It sounds more angelic than what I was saying.”

“I…” Michael’s voice trailed off. “That can’t be right.”

“What?”

“I need to talk to Lucifer,” Michael replied.

“Can you sense him?” Gabriel asked.

“No,” Michael said, frustrated. He turned to face Dean and Sam. “Are you sure it was Lucifer?”

A flap of the wings and everyone turned to where the sound came from. “Yes, it was me.” He nodded once. “Sorry, I was close by and listening in.” He turned to his oldest brother. “Michael,” Lucifer greeted with a smile.

“Lucifer.”

“I’d say it’s been awhile, but it really hasn’t.”

“How did you get out of your cage?” Michael asked.

“The same way you did.”

“Why would Father do that?” Gabriel asked.

“The same reason He brought all of you back.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Balthazar said. “You have no stake in his life.” Lucifer didn’t know Castiel. Not like he did. And not like Michael did.

“Lucifer, don’t lie to me,” Michael growled. “I know there was a fallen near Castiel when he was attacked by the Hellhounds.”

“I’m not lying to you, Michael. Father brought me back.” He looked down to Castiel who was still lying on the couch. “I’m the one who saved him from being torn apart by the Hellhounds.”

“Why?”

“Because Father asked me to.”

“What can you do to help him that I can’t?”

“Hey!” Dean yelled, irritated. “Speak in a language that everyone in the room can understand.” For all he knew, the angels could have been conspiring against them.

Michael’s eyes darted from Lucifer to Dean. He read his vessel’s mind and could see why Dean was so frustrated. He turned back to face Lucifer. “Were you really the one who saved Castiel?”

“Guilty,” Lucifer replied with a shrug.

“Why?” Balthazar asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Lucifer.”

“Maybe Father thinks it’s about time I bond with our youngest. Maybe it’s time for me to teach him things I wasn’t able to teach him when he was younger.”

“What could you have taught him?” Balthazar asked.

“A lot.”

“Bull,” Gabriel and Dean said at the same time. The looked at each other for a second then looked away.

“Why are you here?” Michael asked.

“I don’t know why,” Lucifer sighed. He could have continued to be vague with his answers, but his brothers did not have any patience with him. “Father just said that I would have to help Castiel. He didn’t say how.”

“So, you saved him. What now?” Gabriel glared at Lucifer. He could feel his wings twitching at the sight of his brother. His grace hadn’t forgotten who killed him. “Father puts you back in your cage.”

“I don’t think it’s that simple.” If it was, he wouldn’t still be on Earth.

“What more could you do for him? What can you do that Gabriel and I can’t?” Michael asked. He needed to know what their Father was thinking in trying to make Lucifer work with them.

“Everything you are afraid to do to save him.”

“Afraid? What am I afraid of, Lucifer?”

Lucifer sauntered into his brother’s space. He stood toe to toe with his older brother. Then he smiled. “You are afraid to be me.”

Michael exhaled through his nose then stepped back. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Think about it, Michael. I get results. Which one of the two of us was able to get his vessel?”

“That has nothing to do with this,” Michael growled.

“But it’s proving my point.”

Michael was going to say something else to counter, but he calmed down. He and Lucifer already had this conversation many times in while they were trapped in the cage together. He knew that Lucifer just wanted to rehash it because now they had an audience.

Michael sighed, dejected. He knew what Lucifer was saying was true, though. There were things he wouldn’t be able to do to help Castiel. Not because of lack of ability, but because of lack of connections. But if they were working together to help Castiel, he’d be able to exploit those connections. “Lucifer, bring Belial to me.”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow to his brother. “Why?” It was a random thing for the eldest angel to want from him.

“Because he allowed demons to hurt Castiel.”

“What?” Lucifer shook his head not believing what he was hearing.

Dean and Sam couldn’t ignore how surprised he sounded. Dean wanted to say something, but there was too much tension in the room between the archangels. He’d add in his two cents later.

“Tell me where he is, Lucifer.”

Lucifer looked down at Castiel who was still sleeping peacefully on the couch. He snapped his fingers and the angel disappeared. “Don’t worry, Dean,” he said as soon as he saw the human’s eyes darken. “He’s upstairs. I didn’t want our discussion to wake him up.”

“Does that mean you’ll tell me where Belial is?” Michael asked.

“How do you even know Belial was involved?”

“Because Bernael and Leliel were, and if those two were working together, then, as always, Belial was involved.”

Lucifer sighed. History had won. There was nothing Bernael and Leliel didn’t do together without Belial’s orders. “I can’t help you.”

“Why not?”

“You think I would go against my own brothers?”

“We’re your brothers, Lucifer,” Gabriel argued.

“You stopped being my brothers when you went against me.”

“You stopped being our brother when you went against Father’s will,” Michael yelled back and he was glad that Lucifer thought to get Castiel away from their screaming match.

“Then why did you all turn your backs and abandon little Castiel?”

And Dean watched as Balthazar, Gabriel, and Michael recoil from Lucifer’s words as if he had punched them in the gut. Michael was the first to recover. “How dare you?” he asked, but his words meant nothing after everything he’d done to Castiel up until now.

“How dare I?” Lucifer challenged. “You’re the ones who turned your backs on him. Every single one of you. Torturing him because he wanted to help the humans save each other.”

“We thought he was rebelling,” Balthazar said, even though he didn’t consider himself one of those angels, he didn’t do anything to stop the torture.

“Yet he was the one who respected and cared for Father’s creation enough to do something as bold as open the doors of Purgatory to stop another Apocalypse.”

“You were ready to fight it right along with me,” Michael growled.

“I was bored!” Lucifer’s voice boomed loud enough that it shook the entire house for a few seconds. Lucifer waited for the shaking to stop before he spoke up again. “I was in that cage for so long, and I was finally let out. Why wouldn’t the first thing I do be mess with my brother?”

“Real mature, Lucy,” Gabriel said.

“You all forget. Before I was the devil, I was a little brother.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. You killed me!”

“You were trying to kill me!”

“Holy shit, shut up!” Dean finally yelled. The angels could have their little family reunion or feud thing after they helped Castiel. He didn’t really think his interruption through when he felt four pairs of angel eyes boring into him. He was afraid they’d smite him on the spot. But he needed to stop the fighting before they accidentally destroyed something. “This isn’t helping anyone,” Dean replied.

Michael wanted to carry on the argument, but he knew that Dean was right. The angels had all of eternity to settle their family problems. They needed to concentrate on Castiel. “Fine,” Michael sighed. “Lucifer, tell me where Belial is,” he repeated.

“I don’t know,” Lucifer replied. He opened his grace to sense the entire planet of the other angel’s presence. He found nothing. “I didn’t even know he was on this planet until you just told me.”

“So, three of the four of you are on this planet right now,” Gabriel said.

“Four what?” Sam asked.

The angels continued talking as if Sam hadn’t said anything. “I wouldn’t doubt if the fourth was here too.”

“Lucifer.”

“I don’t know if you realize this, Michael, but I’ve been locked in a cage for most of my recent existence.”

“You’re supposed to be helping me.”

“No, I’m supposed to be helping your youngest. Not you. And since he’s sleeping, I can’t do anything for him. So, goodbye.” He disappeared, taking a fraction of the tension in the room with him.

Michael let out a deep sigh and turned to head into the kitchen where half a dozen books and texts waited for him. If he couldn’t get any information out of Lucifer, at least he’d be able to help the Winchesters. He was stopped when Gabriel grabbed his arm.

“You know something,” Gabriel said.

“Not now, Gabriel.”

“No, right now.” He squeezed his brother’s arm to emphasize the point. He did not want to be kept out of the loop.

Balthazar moved to stand next to Gabriel. “Tell us what you know, Michael. We can’t help Cassy if you keep us in the dark.”

“You won’t like what I’m about to tell you.”

“Michael,” Gabriel said when he knew his eldest brother was stalling.

“The demons touched his grace.”

“What?” Balthazar yelled loud enough that sent a pulse through the entire house.

“Balthazar, calm down.”

“No,” he spat. “They… I can’t…” Balthazar disappeared a second later.

“Gabriel, go after him. Make sure he’s all right.”

“Would you object to me bringing all of them back so I can kill them again?”

“I don’t condone it. But I won’t stop you.”

“What are you going to do?” Gabriel asked.

“I’ll try to talk to Lucifer again.” He had a lot of questions to ask his brother. He hoped that since they had talked through most of the tension and frustration, they’d finally be able to have a decent conversation and find a way to be able to work with each other.

“Good luck.” And with a flutter of his wings, he vanished.

Michael followed soon after.

Dean and Sam looked at each other, suddenly exhausted. Their spats didn’t seem like much in comparison to theirs. “What the hell was that?” Dean asked.

“I can’t even begin to try and figure that out,” Sam replied.

“They’re like children.”

“Makes you appreciate Cas a lot more. He’s the normal one in family. Can you believe that one?” Sam asked.

Dean looked up at the ceiling toward his bedroom. “Yeah. I can,” he replied. He headed toward the stairs to make sure Lucifer actually put Castiel where he said.

--------------

“What was he talking about three of the four?” Sam asked when Dean had come down the stairs an hour after disappearing. He had been thinking about it a lot. Those words didn’t sit right with him.

“You think I know?” Dean replied. “Use your college skills to figure it out.”

“Where would I start?” Sam asked.

“No need,” Bobby said, stepping into the living room with a book in hand. He dropped it on the middle cushion between the brothers. “Read,” he said. When he had come back into the house after the angels left, he found Sam sitting alone on the couch with his pensive look on his face. Sam then proceeded to fill Bobby in on everything he missed.

Dean pushed the book to his brother. He could feel Sam glaring at him and when he looked up, he saw his brother bitch-facing in his direction. “What?”

Sam rolled his eyes. He took the book and set it in his lap. “The Four Crowned Princes of Hell?” he said when he read the title on the page. “That’s who we’re dealing with now?”

“We’ve been dealing with one of them for about half a year. The second, bothered us for more than a year more than two years ago.”

“Lucifer is a Prince?” Sam asked.

“Michael, you get your ass down here right now!” Dean yelled at the ceiling.

The three angels appeared a moment later. “Is something wrong with Castiel?” Michael asked. The question was becoming automatic.

“No,” Dean said. “But you dicks have a lot of explaining to do.”

“About?”

There were too many ways Dean could have answered that question. He wanted answers to all of them. Too bad Sam actually had priorities.

Sam asked. “Lucifer is a Crowned Prince of Hell?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Dean said. It sounded like important information.

“Titles don’t mean much when you give them to yourself,” Balthazar replied.

“Well, it’s important because apparently three of them are on this planet right now. And one of them is a fucking Leviathan.”

“It wasn’t important because Lucifer is helping Castiel,” Michael replied. “Lucifer isn’t working with them, so we didn’t have to worry about them as a collective.”

“So, now it’s just a coincidence that three of the four of them are on this planet?” Dean didn’t believe in coincidences.

“So, now that you know about Belial, what does that mean?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know,” Michael, Gabriel, and Balthazar said.

Dean sighed and slapped the empty cushion next to him. “You guys are useless.”

“The Leviathans are the only things you should worry about. The other Princes haven’t done anything to warrant our attention.”

“Until Cas,” Dean corrected.

“Until Castiel,” Michael answered. But that had nothing to do with them as a group, especially since Lucifer was apparently on their side.

“So, what now?” Sam asked.

“Now, we find Belial.”

“And you guys have no idea how to do that, do you?” Sam said.

The angels disappeared before they had to answer the question. If Dean had the ability to fly, he would have done the same thing.

--------------

A couple of hours later, Castiel came downstairs, confused since he remembered falling asleep on the couch. Dean lied and said something about Michael sending him upstairs thinking the couch wasn’t comfortable enough for him to sleep on. Castiel believed him. Or he didn’t have the energy to search for the truth about something that didn’t really cause too much strife.

The angels returned half an hour after Castiel woke up. Dean glared at them wondering when they would tell Castiel about what they learned a couple of hours ago. He wanted to know who was going to be the one to tell him about the new developments regarding the ruler of Hell.

When it became clear that the angels weren’t going to say anything, Dean took matters into his own hands. “Hey, Cas, what do you remember about your rescue?” He could feel the other angels glaring at him and he did his best to ignore them.

“Which one?”

Dean had to wince. He couldn’t imagine being in a situation where he’d have to be rescued so many times from so many dire situations. “The one from the Hellhounds.”

“I don’t remember much.” Castiel had tried his best to block that event from his memory. All the pain that came from it was because of his own foolishness.

“Anything, anything at all,” Dean pressed without making Castiel feel like he had to answer him.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” He didn’t want to let Dean down, but he there wasn’t anything he could say to answer him. It sounded like they already had the answer and they wanted to confirm it with him.

“It’s okay,” Balthazar said. “Don’t worry about that now.”

Dean groaned loudly. “Are you guys shitting me?”

“Excuse me?” Balthazar said, offended.

“Stop beating around the bush and just ask him.”

“Ask me what?” Castiel asked. He didn’t approve of them talking about him as if he wasn’t in the room.

There was an opportunity to be delicate, but Dean saw that Castiel hated being treated like a child. Besides, Castiel made more progress when they pushed him a little. “Cas, do you remembered who saved you?”

“Saved me?”

“You were badly injured, there was no way that you could have gotten away from those Hellhounds on your own,” Michael said. He had to agree with Dean. If they wanted the truth about Lucifer, they would need to hear about what happened with the Hellhounds from Castiel. “Someone had to help you, do you remember who?”

Castiel didn’t want to remember, but he saw that the answer meant something to his brother. He closed his eyes and tried to think back to that day. He tried to think off everything that happened that day: Vetis, the angels, the Hellhounds, the smells. Then a face came to the forefront of his memory. His eyes snapped open. It couldn’t have been who he thought he saw. “There… it was just… I was seeing things because of the blood loss.” He could feel his heart hammering in his chest. What he just saw couldn’t have been true.

“Cas, who did you see?” Dean asked even though he knew the answer. He could see it in Castiel’s eyes.

Castiel shook his head trying to shake the memory from his head. “It couldn’t have been. He…”

Dean reached out and squeezed Castiel’s arm. “Cas, who did you see?” he repeated, adamant, yet still reassuring. He wanted Castiel to know that he wasn’t crazy.

Castiel was about to answer when the sound of wings echoed through the room. Everyone turned to find which angel had left. Castiel didn’t expect an angel to arrive instead. “Lucifer,” he whispered. “You’re back.”

“Apparently,” Lucifer replied.

“It wasn’t a dream. You were there. I saw you. You saved me from the Hellhounds.”

“Yes, I did.”

“I… thank you, Lucifer.”

“Of course, youngest.” He looked up at Michael and smirked. He enjoyed seeing the look of anger on his brother’s face at him using that nickname.

“What are you doing here, Lucifer?” Gabriel asked.

“I wanted to see my brothers. Especially this one.” He tilted his head in Castiel’s direction. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“Well, you’ve seen us, and him, now you can leave,” Balthazar replied.

“Not yet.” Lucifer sauntered over to Castiel. Everyone in the room wanted to move to protect Castiel, but everyone stood frozen. He sat down on the coffee table in front of Castiel. He stared at the angel’s face. “So, youngest. What did they do to you?”

“Lucifer, stop,” Michael said. He did not want Castiel to have to relive those memories.

“I don’t expect him to answer, Michael.”

“Then you shouldn’t have asked him,” Dean growled. He moved to put some distance between him and Lucifer. As much as he wanted to stay close to Castiel, he couldn’t be so close to Lucifer without wanting to strangle him.

“Simmer down, Dean. It’s just a question.” Lucifer brought a hand up to touch Castiel’s temple, but he stopped an inch from touching skin. “May I?”

“Lucifer, what are you doing?” Michael warned.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Lucifer continued, not acknowledging his older brother. His voice was oddly gentle. “I just want to see. Will you let me?”

Castiel took in a breath and let it out shakily. He closed his eyes. “Does it matter?”

Lucifer dropped his hand, with a look of disproval on his face. “Castiel,” he said. He waited for Castiel to look at him. “I’m not going to do anything you won’t let me do.”

“What information do you think you’ll gain from my memories?”

“I’ll know when I see it.”

Castiel stared into Lucifer’s eyes for a moment to search for any deception. He found none. Lucifer saved his life. He had no reason to distrust him now. “All right,” he consented.

“No,” Michael yelled loud enough to make all of the lights in the house flicker.

“Michael,” Castiel sighed. He knew his brother was worried about his well-being, but he was well enough to make this decision. “It’s all right.” If it helped, he’d let Lucifer into his memories.

“No.” Michael said, shaking his head. He walked over to Lucifer and Castiel. He stared at his youngest brother and made his decision. He took a seat next to Lucifer on the coffee table. “I’m—”

Castiel was not surprised to hear his brother’s suggestion. “You won’t like what you’ll see.” He stared into this eldest brother’s eyes.

“I don’t care.”

Lucifer chuckled. “I think you mean you care too much. That’s why you’re doing this.” He scooted over so that Castiel was sitting between them.

“Are you ready?” Michael asked.

“I’m waiting for you.” Lucifer reached forward and put a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “Relax, Castiel,” he said. “Keep your mind open.”

“He knows what he’s doing,” Michael said. He brought up his left hand and Lucifer moved his hand from Castiel’s shoulder. They slowly raised their fingers to Castiel’s temples.

“I’m sorry, Michael,” Castiel whispered just before their fingers touched his head.

[Chapter 5] [Masterpost] [Chapter 6 Pt. 2]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 5)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:12:46 GMT

Dean woke up to find himself in Castiel’s room by himself. He looked around and found a pillow under his head and a blanket on him. He thought that was considerate of Castiel. Then he saw that the door was unlocked which meant that Castiel had actually stepped out of his room. He would’ve been glad, but his body protested sleeping on the floor all night and he was agitated Castiel didn’t wake him up before he left so he could take his turn on the bed.

When he finally got off the floor, he opened the door and stepped into the living room to find Bobby, Sam, and Michael in the kitchen. “Where’s Cas?” he asked after searching the living room and not seeing him.

“I thought he was in his room,” Michael replied. He looked surprised to see Dean exiting it.

“You lost Cas?” Sam asked. He was torn between being concerned and laughing.

“I didn’t lose him,” Dean growled. “Mike, can you sense him?”

“He’s still in the house. Upstairs?”

Dean knew exactly where he’d find Castiel. He ran up the stairs and pounded on his bedroom door when he found it locked. “Cas, open the door.”

“No,” Castiel yelled from inside the room.

“I thought we were passed locking people out of rooms, Cas.” They were making progress last night. Dean wanted to know why they had taken such a huge step back.

“Go away.”

And Dean had enough. He stepped back, took in a deep breath, and, as he exhaled, kicked the door in. He could have easily done it to Castiel’s room, but that was a breach of privacy. It was different when it was his room.

He stalked in the room, shutting the door behind him. It didn’t close all the way, but that wasn’t the priority. He’d fix it later, if anything. He stood in front of the door with his arms crossed over his chest. “Damnit, Cas, just talk to me.”

Castiel jumped off the bed and moved to stand in front of Dean. “You can’t keep me here,” he growled.

“You’re the one who keeps locking yourself in rooms,” he argued. “You can leave any time you want.

“Where would I go?”

“Wherever you can go without your powers. Though I’d rather not imagine what would happen if your brothers found out you left while you were still healing.”

“I’m fine,” Castiel growled, taking a step closer to Dean.

“Physically, barely. Mentally, we’re not going to talk about that.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“You’re acting like a child.”

“Resorting to the name-calling already?” He turned around to walk back to the bed. Being that close to Dean made him want to physically react, but he didn’t know what to do. He knew it wouldn’t have done much to punch Dean, and he knew he could never raise a hand against him.

Dean reached out and grabbed Castiel by his wrist. He spun Castiel around. He didn’t want to talk to the back of Castiel’s head. “I’m just calling them like I see them, Cas.” He squeezed Castiel’s wrist. “Why won’t you just accept that you need help and let me help you?”

Castiel wrenched his arm out of Dean’s hold. “Because you shouldn’t have to.”

“Why not?”

“I’m an angel of the Lord. I shouldn’t need help from a human.” Castiel’s voice shook. What he was saying was supposed to be hurtful on purpose, but he was having trouble forcing the words out. “Why would I need your help?” He began to back-pedal, to put some distance between him and Dean.

Dean easily saw through Castiel’s façade, even if the words stung. “I know what you’re trying to do.” Dean walked forward, matching Castiel’s steps until Castiel was backed into a wall. “No matter what you say, you aren’t pushing me away. It won’t be that easy.”

“It was much easier last year.”

Dean tried not to take offense that Castiel was hitting below the belt. He deserved it. But as cheap of a shot as it was, it still struck a chord in him. “Fuck you, Cas.”

He tried to push Dean away, the invasion of personal space too much, but Dean wouldn’t let him. He wanted to scream when Dean grabbed his wrists and pinned them to the wall behind him. “If I left, you wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore, Dean. You don’t want me here. I don’t want to be here. Letting me leave is a simple enough solution,” Castiel said, trying to get out of Dean’s hold.

“I never said I didn’t want you here.”

“You said you didn’t want to help me.”

“I never said that either,” Dean replied. He struggled to keep Castiel pinned to the wall.

Castiel relaxed when he realized he was going to be pinned to the wall until Dean deemed it the right time to set him free. “Just remember everything I’ve done. I let Sam out of the panic room. I couldn’t heal Bobby’s legs. I left Sam’s soul in Hell.” He listed his most severe mistakes hoping that Dean would see how futile it would be to help him. “I worked with a demon. I broke Sam’s wall. I let the Leviathans loose on this planet.”

“I already know all of this, Cas!” Dean yelled. He forced himself to breathe slowly. It was difficult for him to hear this, but he knew he needed to. This was supposed to be cathartic for him as much as it was for Castiel.

“I don’t deserve your help!”

Dean faltered and almost let go. It wasn’t that Castiel didn’t want his help, it was that he thought he didn’t think he was worthy of it.

He stared into the angel’s eyes. He was brought back to the first time he’d ever seen the angel. That night in the barn when Castiel first stepped into his bubble and read him better than anyone he’d ever known.

You don’t think you deserve to be saved.

He wondered if how Castiel looked now was the same expression he had on his face all those years ago.

The difference was while Dean sometimes still questioned if the angels made a mistake pulling him out of Hell, Castiel deserved to be saved from whatever Hell he was in. Dean knew it was his job to convince Castiel that it was true.

“Damnit, Cas!” Dean yelled. “I turned my back on you once, I’m not doing it ever again. I don’t care what you fucking say to me, it’s not going to stop me from helping you. You fucking bastard.” Dean let out a shaky breath. He had to calm down or he was going to punch Castiel in the face. And since Castiel was mostly human now, it would actually hurt him and that would add more guilt to Dean’s conscious if he broke Castiel’s nose or bruised his jaw. “Just let me fucking help you and if you want to tell me to fuck off after then I will.”

If Castiel wanted to, he could have said the words that he knew would have severed the ties between him and Dean forever. He knew everything. His weaknesses, his insecurities. He could have easily used it all against the human, but he didn’t. He promised himself he’d never hurt Dean. Instead he broke down. “Why?” he whispered. “Why do you want to help me?”

Dean bowed his head, not caring that his hair was most likely in Castiel’s face. “Because I didn’t before.”

“When are you going to get it through your thick skull that I’m not worth it?” Castiel asked, his voice shaking.

Dean shook his head. “When are you going to get it through yours that you are?”

Then the room fell silent for what felt like hours.

“Dean,” Castiel said, more forceful and focused than before, but not as strong as it could be.

Dean looked up at Castiel and glared. “What?” he hissed, thinking that Castiel was ready to start fighting again.

“Can you let me go? Please?” he whispered. He turned his head to look at Dean’s hands on his wrists pinning him to the wall. He felt trapped and he was beginning to panic now that all his adrenaline from fighting was draining from his body.

Dean’s eyes followed Castiel’s and he quickly let go. He took a few steps back, putting a comfortable amount of space between them. “Shit. Cas, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Without Dean’s hold on him, he sank to the floor.

“No, it’s not.” The last thing Dean wanted to do was trigger something and make Castiel think he was going to hurt him.

“Dean, it’s all right. I’ve been acting… impetuous. I’m so angry. And so tired. I don’t… I shouldn’t be.”

Dean walked over to his bed and sat at the foot of it. “Cas, it happens. You went through something traumatic.”

Castiel shook his head. “That doesn’t excuse my behavior.”

“Actually, it does.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Castiel argued. “I’m angry at the wrong people. You, Sam, Bobby, my brothers, you’re all trying to help me. I don’t understand why—”

“It’s hard to ask for help, Cas. I know this.” He stared at Castiel and saw how much he wanted to believe Dean, but just wasn’t ready to yet. He stood up and dusted himself off. “Get up.”

“What?” Castiel asked.

“Stand up.” Dean grabbed Castiel’s arm and helped him to his feet.

Castiel stumbled for a moment before he got his feet under him. “Where are we going?” he asked when he noticed Dean still hadn’t let go of him. He knew he was going to be led somewhere. He wasn’t led very far.

Dean held onto Castiel’s arm and pulled him to the bathroom door. He pushed it open with his free hand. “You’re going to take a bath.”

“Dean, I don’t need—”

“Yeah, well, we don’t need a lot of things. But a bath is one of the few things in the world that can make you feel better.” He let go of Castiel’s arm, hoping that he would stay with him. When Castiel didn’t move away, he smiled.

They both stepped into the bathroom.

Considering how rickety the house that they were holed up in was, the bathtub was one of the few nice things in it. That, and it was attached to the master bedroom that Dean had claimed when they first inhabited the house.

Castiel stared at the tub, wary of what Dean thought a bath would be able to do for him. “Dean, I—”

“Strip,” Dean said before Castiel could begin to talk his way out of it. It took Dean a second before he realized what he had just said. His heart dropped to his stomach. He quickly spun around and stared at Castiel who leaned against the sink. “Cas, sorry,” he apologized. He couldn’t believe he just told Castiel to take off his clothes after everything he’d been through. “I… I can leave while you.”

“It’s all right.” He started to unbutton his shirt.

Dean was shocked. Castiel was unreasonably calm about it. “Okay,” he said, slowly. He turned around and knelt down next to the tub. “Well, I’ll just… get the water running while you…”

Dean fiddled with the knobs on the tub, trying to find the perfect temperature. It took a couple of minutes before the tub was filled enough. Dean shut off the water and spun around. He saw a naked Castiel standing near the sink. He looked away and blushed.

“Dean?” Castiel asked.

“Okay, now get in and sit down.” Dean watched Castiel approach the water like a cat. Castiel looked nervous, but he stepped over the side of the tub and into the water. Dean grabbed Castiel’s arm and helped lower him down.

“Then what?”

“Relax.”

“And how is this supposed to help?” he asked with a head-tilt.

“Sh… no talking. Just sitting and relaxing. Ruminate.”

“Ruminate?”

“Shut up, Cas. Just…”

“Okay.”

Dean didn’t know what to do at that point. He wasn’t sure if it was best for him to leave Castiel alone, or stay with him. He walked over to the sink and leaned against it. He looked over and watched as Castiel drew circles in the water.

Castiel sank down in the tub until only his head and knees were above the water. “You don’t have to do this, you know.”

“I do.”

“To quell your guilt?”

“For starters.”

“Dean.” He looked over at Dean who was looking at him. “I’m—”

“You keep apologizing,” Dean interrupted, knowing he was going to do it one more time. Every time Castiel apologized, Dean felt more and more like an ass. Especially since Castiel would apologize about things that weren’t his fault. “And I haven’t done it once.”

“You don’t—”

“Stop,” Dean said with a wave of his hand. He sat down on the toilet seat and slapped his hand on his thigh. “Don’t make excuses for me.”

“I’m not.” But he knew he was.

“First, I’m going to apologize for being the biggest hypocrite in the world.”

“That is a big claim.”

It may have been, but Dean felt like it was the understatement of the century. “Cas, I’m sorry,” Dean said. And it felt like it was the first time he had ever said that to the angel. In the four years that he’d known him, he’d asked so much of the angel and he rarely thanked him or apologized when Castiel came out worse for the wear. This was the first apology of what would be a mountain of apologies. “I’m sorry that we fucking crucified you when we found out you were working with Crowley.”

“It’s understandable.” Castiel expected the reaction after what happened with Sam. That’s why he tried so hard to keep it a secret.

“No, it’s not. We’ve all done it. Multiple times. We even did it again when you were playing God. With Crowley.”

“Dean.”

“I should have helped you.”

“There was nothing that you could have done at that point.”

“Well, I didn’t even try. I went straight to summoning Death and having you killed.” Looking back, Dean could not believe he had done that. It was impulsive and petty. He didn’t want to think about what would have happened to him if Death had actually killed Castiel. “It’s just that I was so…”

“Hurt?”

“Yeah. Because it was you. The one person in my life who never lied to me. Who didn’t judge me. You were there when Sam wasn’t. And you were an angel. You were supposed to be better than working with a demon.” He thought that Castiel would have learned after the Ruby fiasco.

“It was the only way to keep you safe.”

“I know. That’s why I couldn’t stay mad at you. I understood. I wasn’t happy about it, but I got it.”

“I still need to redeem myself to you.”

“I know.” It wasn’t necessary because Dean forgave Castiel the second he returned the souls back to Purgatory, but he knew Castiel would need to do something so he could forgive himself. “So much for ruminating, huh,” he said with a short laugh.

“Am I taking a bath wrong?”

“No. Not at all. We needed this.”

“I agree.”

Then the two of them fell silent. As much as Dean hated silence, he found that he was not uncomfortable when it fell between him and Castiel. He was surprised that he found nothing about the situation he was in uncomfortable. He should have at least balked at sitting in the bathroom while Castiel sat in a bathtub.

After ten minutes of silence, Dean reached into the bathtub and grabbed Castiel’s hand. He pulled it above the water. “The water’s cold. And your fingers look like raisins,” he mumbled.

“Is that bad?” Castiel asked.

Dean let go of Castiel’s hand. He pulled the chain that was attached to the tub stopper. He turned the water on again, grabbed the removable showerhead, and handed it to Castiel. “No, it just means it’s time for you to rinse and get out. You need a towel. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Castiel said, staring at the water coming from the contraption in his hand. He brought it up and over his head and let the water spray. He sighed as the warm water trickled down his body.

Dean left the bathroom and grabbed a towel from the closet. He stepped back into the bathroom and saw Castiel standing in the tub and turning off the water. He wondered why he wasn’t bothered by the other man’s nakedness. It probably had to do with how many times he’d seen Castiel naked over the last few weeks. At least this time he wasn’t bleeding. “You should dry off,” he said, walking toward the tub. He threw the towel over Castiel’s shoulder. “I’ll find something for you to wear.”

Dean went back into the bedroom and grabbed a shirt, sweats, and a pair of boxers from the new pack he had bought. He set them on the bathroom sink and left. Then he sat down at the foot of the bed and waited.

A couple of minutes later, Castiel stepped out. “Thank you,” he said.

“No problem, Cas,” Dean replied.

Castiel took a seat next to Dean. “I can see you’re thinking about something,” he said.

Dean couldn’t ever hide his thoughts or emotions from Castiel. Not with how well the angel knew him. He thought about lying because he wasn’t sure if it was something Castiel wanted to talk about, but he couldn’t do it. “You still have the sigil scars on your chest.”

“I do,” Castiel replied as he slowly smoothed the front of his shirt.

“Can you not heal them?” He figured maybe it was one of those things that since it had to do with Enochian, it was permanent.

“I can. Not at the moment, but I could have many times before.”

“So, why didn’t you?” Dean asked.

“Dean, I know it’s difficult to look at them.” He couldn’t help but still feel exposed even though he was wearing a shirt. He felt like Dean could see through the fabric and stare right at the pale scars on his chest.

“Damn right it is,” Dean said, jumping to his feet. He stood right in front of Castiel. “Especially since I’m the one who carved it into you.”

“I told you I could have done it.”

Dean was brought back to the day at Van Nuys where. After much arguing, he made Castiel give him the boxer cutter and sit while he carved the sigil into his chest. But that wasn’t the point Dean was trying to make. He never liked looking at his ‘artwork’ as Alastair would call it. “Still haven’t answered my question, Cas,” he said, steering the conversation back to where they started.

Castiel looked to the floor at a point between Dean’s and his own feet. “It’s a reminder.”

“Of what?” Dean asked, even though he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

“Of how weak I can be,” Castiel replied. “It reminds me of the lowest I’ve been.” He let out a shaky breath as he remembered everything from that point in his existence. “I was falling. And I lost hope in everything. In my Father. In you.”

“Cas,” Dean whispered. He never expected Castiel to delve that deeply into his feelings. But that was what this moment was for. To get Castiel to talk. Dean just didn’t think it would be about that.

“I couldn’t watch you fail, Dean. Because if you did, I had nothing.”

“Cas, I’m sorry.” He didn’t realize how much faith Castiel had in him. It made it so much worse that he let Castiel down.

“You don’t have to apologize, even though I know you will.”

Dean sat back down on the bed. “I need to, Cas.” Because damn if he didn’t have a boatload of shit to apologize for. Today was just the start of the apologies to come.

“I know,” Castiel said. He smiled. “As much as we say we forgive each other, we’ll still be apologizing until our own guilt is resolved.”

“Do you think you’ll ever heal those scars?”

“When I’m strong enough.”

“Strong enough?” Dean raised his eyebrows, confused as to what the angel was talking about. “Cas, you’ll get your grace back when you’re healed.” Or whenever he felt like Castiel was ready to get his grace back.

Castiel shook his head. “I still have a lot to atone for.”

Dean wanted to shake Castiel. He never pegged the angel to be so overly critical of himself. Then again, it was the Winchester thing to do. “Not as much as you think.”

“I haven’t even asked how Sam is doing,” Castiel said, shaking his head. “How… is he?”

“Better,” Dean replied. “He’s still hallucinating about the cage. At first he was really touch and go. Still get a little angry when I think about it.”

“I should have healed him. I’m sorry, Dean. I know I should be apologizing to him too, and I will. I need to—”

“Cas, stop with the self-flagellation. It will only drive you insane at the end,” he replied. Dean knew. He made it into an art form. “Sam already forgave you a long time ago.”

“And you?”

“Yeah, me too. It’s hard to stay mad at you when Sammy isn’t.” Sam was better at the forgiving thing than he was, but Dean was getting better at it.

“I will make it up to him. Somehow.”

“I know you will, Cas.”

Dean waited for Castiel to say something more. When he didn’t, he figured their conversation was over and Castiel wanted to be left alone. He stood up and Castiel crawled on the bed to lie down. Dean was ready to take a step toward the door when Castiel spoke up.

“Dean?”

“Yeah, Cas?”

“Can you stay?”

“I… Yeah. I can stay.” Dean sat down on the floor. “If I fall asleep, when I wake up, you’ll still be in this room, right?”

Castiel smiled. “Yes.” He was done running away. These few hours talking to Dean were leavening.

“Good.”

“If you decide to sleep here, you don’t have to sleep on the floor, you know.”

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted people in your personal space.”

“What?”

“I wasn’t sure how you’d react to people touching you.”

“Why would that matter?”

“Cas, what the…” He didn’t want to say anything to trigger something in Castiel. He didn’t know if Castiel was one of those people who blocked out extremely traumatic events. “Never mind. I just thought—”

“You haven’t exactly been adhering to that rule yourself.”

“Hey, I tried. It counts.”

Castiel rolled onto his side to face where Dean sat. “It does. Goodnight, Dean,” Castiel said, even though the sun was still out.

“‘Night, Cas.” Dean watched Castiel’s eyes close and his breathing even out. He stayed seated for an hour, ready to chase away any nightmares.

When the hour was through, Dean walked downstairs to find Bobby and Jody cooking up something for dinner. He listened as they talked about the new information they gathered on possible ways to defeat the Leviathan.

The angels even showed up with some new information that Bobby said they couldn’t relay until after dinner was through. They each went upstairs to check on Castiel. Michael even mentioned how much more at ease Castiel seemed.

Dean shrugged and said that not much had changed. It wasn’t their business how he was helping Castiel. All that matter was that he was. He thought the angels would be happy and leave him alone.

At the end of the night, Dean found himself trudging up the stairs and to the master bedroom. In the few hours that he was downstairs, Castiel had rolled over onto his stomach, but still faced toward the door.

Dean was relieved to find no trace of a nightmare on Castiel’s face.

He closed the door behind him and stripped down to his boxers and shirt and crawled into bed. He didn’t know why he did it. The downstairs room was empty for him to use. But he needed to be close to Castiel. He was ready if something were to happen.

He could have easily slept on the floor with a pillow and blanket, but he knew the guilt Castiel would feel if he did that. Getting into bed with Castiel was the best option.

He tried not to think about how weird that sounded. He fell asleep, unsuccessful.

--------------

When Dean woke up, the first thing he did was check that Castiel was still in the room. The angel lay on his side, facing him.

He looked peaceful and unbothered by nightmares. It was probably the best sleep Castiel had in months. He got out of bed slowly, not wanting to wake Castiel up. He wasn’t as sneaky as he thought.

“Dean?”

“Hey, go back to sleep. Sorry I woke you.” Dean had to pause at how domestic that sounded.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ll just be downstairs. Unless you need me.”

“I think I’ll be okay.” He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

“Okay. Call if you need me?”

Castiel nodded his head. He waited for Dean to leave him alone. When he didn’t hear Dean move, he took it as a chance to speak. “I was looking for Leliel and Bernael.”

“What?” Dean asked. He was surprised that Castiel was talking about it now. He thought that it would have been a few days before Castiel was ready.

“They were fallen angels.”

Dean figured that out from the way their names ended. He also noted how Castiel spoke of them in the past tense. “Cas,” he whispered. He was glad that Castiel was finally talking, but if he wasn’t ready, he was willing to give him a chance to wait until he was ready. They had made a lot of progress in the last twenty-four hours, but if talking about it now was going to be too much, he’d wait.

“Please, Dean,” Castiel replied. “If I don’t talk about it now, I don’t think I ever will.”

Dean walked over to the bed and sat down. “Okay,” he said. He shifted around, getting comfortable. He knew it was going to be a long story. And he knew Castiel was going to need him at the end of it.

Castiel kept his eyes glued to the ceiling. He didn’t know where to start the story. He let out a deep breath when he found the place to begin. “The… Leviathan. After he took all the information he could from me, abandoned me as a vessel. He gave me to the angels to make sure I was close and available to use if they needed me later.

“I thought it was going to be just them. The angels. Bernael, Leliel, Belial. They kept me trapped in a ring of fire. I thought that would be it and the worst I’d have to deal with would be boredom.” Castiel paused. He inhaled deeply then let out a shaky breath. “Then they showed up.”

“Who?”

“The demons. They wanted to play. Said it was an opportunity to be able to torture an angel since the ones in Hell were untouchable. They said they were preparing for when angels were pulled into Hell. They wanted to use me to perfect techniques. Leliel and Bernael subdued me. Then it started. And it never stopped.

“So much pain.” Castiel had to stop for a second, his throat going dry. He swallowed. “And demon blood and Unholy Water. It made me so weak. And then Abbadon was able to touch my grace. Then Jezebeth, and Vetis, and Nybbas. Then I was able to feel everything. The burns, the cuts, the lashes. I thought I was going to die. I prayed to my Father to help me. And to keep you safe.”

Dean hated how Castiel’s admission made him feel. Even when Castiel was in the worst pain an angel could feel, his concern wasn’t only for his own safety. “Cas.”

“I should have been stronger,” Castiel whispered. “I’m an angel of the Lord and I was subdued by demons. I should have fought them. I should have held out. You did.”

“Cas, stop.” Dean reached over and put a hand on Castiel’s arm. He could feel the angel trembling in his grip. “If you keep blaming yourself, you aren’t going to get better.”

“I don’t even know if I’m dealing with this correctly.”

“There isn’t a handbook on how to deal with trauma. And if there were, I obviously haven’t read it.”

Castiel finally looked at Dean. “But you’ve survived.” He was proud. And sad. “There have been times when I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to.” Castiel swallowed slowly. His eyes began to water. “I didn’t feel any satisfaction when I killed them.” He blinked and tears fell from the corners of his eyes.

“Did you feel anything?”

“Pity. Remorse. I thought about how bad their existence must have been for them to do something so vile.”

“Cas.”

“I’m so tired, Dean,” Castiel said. He was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. It was becoming difficult for him to stay awake even though he had just woken up. His eyes lids began to droop.

“It’s okay, Cas.” Dean could see that Castiel was trying to stay awake. He ran his fingers through Castiel’s hair once. He used to do it all the time when Sam was just about to fall asleep when they were younger. He wanted to be able to do that for Castiel, but he stopped before things became too intimate. “Just go back to sleep.”

“Thank you,” he said with a sigh. He adjusted his position on the bed when Dean got up. He was glad that he was finally able to tell someone what he had gone through. He needed it. He didn’t realize how much better he’d feel after it. He almost regretted not doing it sooner. “And Dean?” Castiel asked before Dean could leave him alone.

“Yeah, Cas.”

Castiel opened his eyes for a second and saw Dean already at the door. He was happy when Dean walked back over to him. He didn’t think he was going to be loud enough for Dean to hear. “I think I understand why humans find baths so pleasant.”

Dean laughed. That was the last thing Dean expected Castiel to say to him, but it was comforting. It made him feel like he was doing something right. “Maybe you can take one later today if you want. One with less talking.”

“I think I would enjoy that,” Castiel replied.

“Yeah, sure thing. I’ll let you get back to sleep.” He waited for a response from Castiel, but when he looked back at the bed, he was already fast asleep.

Dean stayed in the room for a few minutes to make sure Castiel’s sleep stayed peaceful. Ten minutes passed before he left Castiel alone.

--------------

Dean walked downstairs and found Michael alone at the kitchen table with three books in front of him. He noticed how tired the archangel looked. He felt bad for him. He didn’t think it was possible for angels to ever feel exhaustion. “You look like you need a drink,” Dean said.

Michael looked up from the passage he was reading and raised his eyebrow. “My vessel doesn’t… sure,” he answered when he realized Dean was trying to be civil.

Dean grabbed two bottles of water out of the fridge. He opened them and handed one over to Michael. “Where are Balthazar and Gabe?” he asked, standing across from the archangel.

“They went back in time to speak with King David and then King Solomon.”

“Really?” Dean forgot how easy it was for archangels to go back in time. To have all that power and not have it hindered at all. He was glad they were on the same side for once.

Michael nodded. He took a sip of his water, not wanting Dean’s gratitude to seem wasted. “I heard Castiel was being quite testy yesterday.”

Dean smiled. Testy was the nicest way to put it. “I hope he wasn’t this bratty as a kid.”

“Quite the opposite, actually. He was… perfect.”

“Jealous?” Dean asked. He was trying to figure Michael’s tone and the reason for his hesitation.

“No, not at all,” Michael replied. “He…” His voice trailed off, not wanting to answer the question just yet. “Has he said anything?”

Dean sighed at the subject change. He should have known that he wasn’t going to get an answer. He figured since Castiel was allergic to straight answers, he had to learn it from someone. “He keeps mumbling a bunch of crap in Enochian and he keeps looking at me like I’m supposed to understand him.” Dean paused for a moment to figure out if telling Michael what Castiel had told him about his captivity would be the best. When he looked into Michael’s eyes and saw how sincere he was about helping Castiel, the answer was given to him.

“Dean?” Michael pressed when Dean had been quiet for a couple of minutes.

“He’s said a lot of things. Anything relevant to what you need to know, I don’t know.” Dean shrugged, sighed, and scratched the back of his neck. “He just spews randomly. Something about no light. How it was too quiet. How much he bled. And something about how Abbadon and Jezebel, or something, and some other names touched his grace. The pain he was in. How he prayed to your Father every night. He—”

“What did you say?” Michael politely interrupted.

“He prayed—”

“They… they touched his grace?” he whispered.

“Yeah, among the other things.” Dean didn’t know why Michael was so caught up on that detail. “Like they made him drink demon blood. And something about Unholy Water and sulfur.”

“Where is he?”

“He should be sleeping. I can—”

“I have to go somewhere. Don’t… don’t tell Balthazar or Gabriel what you just told me,” Michael said. He stood up and straightened the front of his clothes. He turned to leave the kitchen.

“Why not?” Dean asked, stopping the archangel in his tracks.

“Because I’m the oldest and I’m supposed to be watching my brothers, like you said. Let me do my job, Dean.”

Dean sighed, knowing the pressure of being an older sibling all too well. He took the few steps he needed to get to Michael’s side before he left. He grabbed him by the arm and pulled, forcing the angel to look at him. He almost jumped back when he saw the look in Michael’s eyes. He saw the vengeance brewing under the sadness. He wanted to know if he said something wrong. “Will… will Cas get hurt by this?”

“What?”

“I know that look. You’re thinking about doing something.” He squeezed Michael’s arm as if that was enough to stop an archangel. “If he gets hurt or put in danger by what you’re about to do, I won’t let you do it.”

“You think you can stop me?” He didn’t sound threatening, mostly intrigued.

“I can tell Gabriel and Balthazar.”

Michael freed himself from Dean’s grasp and took a step back. “They’ll understand what I did.”

“Then I’ll tell Castiel what I just told you. And I’ll tell him that you went off on some revenge kick.”

“No,” Michael said. He hissed at how he reacted. He knew that Dean found his weakness. He hoped Dean wouldn’t exploit it too often. “No,” he repeated, softer, calmer.

“No, what?” Dean asked, because he wanted to know exactly what question Michael was answering.

“No, he won’t get hurt. I would never put my brother in danger.”

Dean was surprised at the loyalty and protectiveness he was showing Castiel. He wasn’t sure if he could believe the angel who tried to use him as a meatsuit. He was still wary of the archangel, but when he looked into his eyes he could see how much he cared about his brother. “Okay.”

“Please don’t tell them where I’ve gone, Dean. I should be back in a few hours.”

“And that’s it?”

Michael sighed, impatient. He wanted to start his search for whoever hurt Castiel. “What more do you need, Dean?”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to find all those involved.”

Dean didn’t know why he asked. In Michael’s position, he would have done the same thing. Hell, he had many times over. “I don’t think they’re alive anymore.” There was no sense in Michael wasting his time over a nonexistent threat.

“How would you know that?”

“Cas talked about them in the past tense. I think he got them.”

“It can’t hurt to check,” Michael said.

“No, it can’t,” Dean replied. He knew what was going to Michael’s head. The archangel had to make sure there wasn’t anything that could hurt Castiel anymore, but there was also the hope for some revenge if they were still alive. He almost wanted to ask Michael if he could tag along, but he knew he needed to be in the house when Castiel woke up.

“I’ll return soon.”

“So, what do I tell Gabriel and Balthazar if they get back before you?”

“Whatever you want to tell them.”

“Michael.” He hated keeping secrets, and he would not be able to keep them from angels.

“I know I still don’t have your trust, Dean, but believe me when I say I’m on Castiel’s side. If I weren’t, my Father wouldn’t allow me to be here.”

It made enough sense. “I’ll give you a few hours.”

“I don’t plan on being gone for long.”

Michael disappeared before Dean could say anything else.

--------------

Michael showed up a little more than an hour and a half after Gabriel and Balthazar returned from their adventures in the past. They had asked Dean where Michael was and he just shrugged. During that time, Dean had kept himself busy and away from the angels. That way, they had no clue that he knew where Michael had gone.

“Where were you?” Balthazar asked the second Michael landed in the living room.

Dean watched the angels interact from a distance. He thought Michael was going to answer them, but the eldest angel looked to him. Dean sighed. “I didn’t tell them anything,” he answered with hands raised. He did not want to be brought into their argument they were bound to have.

“It doesn’t matter,” Michael replied, answering his brothers, but keeping his eyes on Dean.

Dean shivered. He hated it whenever Castiel did that. He hated it more when Michael did it.

“Don’t give us that, Michael,” Gabriel said.

“It was a simple question.” Balthazar was irritated. He knew that Michael was keeping something important from him, and he didn’t like it. They were supposed to be working together.

“There isn’t a simple answer,” Michael sighed. The new information that Dean had given him changed everything.

“I don’t like the way that sounds,” Balthazar said. It didn’t help when he saw the distress in his brother’s eyes. It was unnerving to see his brother so affected by something.

“You aren’t supposed to.”

Gabriel turned to Dean. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get answers out of Michael. The human seemed like the best and easier option. “Do you know why he’s acting this way?”

“No,” Dean replied.

“I’ll find out eventually,” Gabriel said, turning to his older brother.

“No, you won’t,” Michael answered.

It was Balthazar’s turn to glare at Dean. “You want to tell us why Michael is acting this way?”

Dean shrugged for two reasons. He didn’t want to tell them what he knew. And he didn’t know what Michael found. “I don’t know.”

“Dean,” Gabriel warned.

Dean sighed, tired and frustrated with the angels. “Look, considering how many times I’ve been in the middle of fights between you angels in the past few years, I actually don’t like doing it. Deal with it yourselves.” He could only hope the house would still be standing at the end of them dealing with it. He needed some fresh air.

“Dean,” Gabriel yelled after the human.

“Leave him, Gabriel,” Michael said.

“I’ll find out by the end of the day.”

“I doubt it,” Balthazar said, knowing that he was surrounded by the most stubborn creatures in all of creation.

[Chapter 4] [Masterpost] [Chapter 6 Pt. 1]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 4)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:09:05 GMT

For the first time in a long time, Dean dreamt of Hell. In the past, when he did, most of the time he was on the rack. Whenever the dream made him the torturer, it was always some nameless face and he never felt any remorse because they had to have done something bad to deserve Hell.

This time, his rack only had one person. And Dean could not understand why he was tearing him apart.

“Dean,” the man whispered, coughing up blood.

Dean stepped forward and ran his fingers through the man’s sweat-drenched hair. “It’s good to hear your vocal chords working again, Cas,” Dean said with a smile as the angel trembled under his fingertips. He grabbed his hair and pulled Castiel’s head back to expose his neck. Dean held the tip of his knife to Castiel’s Adam’s apple.

“Dean, I saved you from this fate. Please, you have to believe me.”

Dean rolled his eyes and let go of the angel’s hair. Without Dean to hold his head up, Castiel’s chin fell to his chest. “Now I remember why I cut your vocal chords in the first place. You talk too much, angel.”

Castiel’s body shook. “Dean, please, you have to believe me.”

Dean looked up at Castiel’s wrists that bound him to the platform behind him. “I believe what is in front of me. And what I see is an angel on my rack. You can’t do much saving from there.”

“Dean, please—” His pleas were cut off as Dean pulled out an angel sword and cut a line straight down the middle of his body.

“So quiet, angel. What happened?” Dean asked, nonchalant as he continued to drag the knife down Castiel’s torso.

The only reply Castiel could give him was his harsh breathing as he tried to take his mind off of the pain. He shut his eyes, trying to imagine he was anywhere else but the rack.

“Nuh uh, angel,” Dean said. “Don’t hide those beautiful blues from me.” Dean grabbed Castiel by the chin and forced him to look into his eyes. He tightened his grip when Castiel’s eyes shut tighter. “Come on, angel,” he coaxed.

Reluctantly, Castiel opened his eyes.

Dean smiled for two reasons. One, because he could see the pain the angel was feeling through them. And two, because the angel was following his orders. He never thought he’d get a being that strong to submit to him. “There we go,” he whispered with a smile on his face. He leaned forward and put his lips as close to Castiel’s ear without touching it. “My blue-eyed angel.”

“Dean, please.”

Dean reached up and grabbed the hair on the back of Castiel’s head. “Stop begging, angel.” He tried to stay frustrated, but he could see how scared the angel was. He bent forward and pressed his tongue into the wound he just made on Castiel’s chest. “Your blood is just as sweet as I imagined it would be.”

“Dean, this isn’t real.”

“If this isn’t real, why are you scared?”

“I saved you.”

Dean smiled a sadistic smile. He could indulge the angel’s whim for a second or two. They had all of eternity for their fun. “So, you pulled me from Hell when I was like this? You were too late.”

“Yes, but—”

“Then you should have left me down here!” Dean yelled. If Hell broke him, then he had no right to be back on Earth.

Castiel shook, pulling at his bonds. “I couldn’t,” he whispered.

“How could you let a monster on Earth, angel?”

“I didn’t.”

Dean let go of the angel and stepped back. He enjoyed taking the time to admire his artwork. This one was turning into one of his favorites. “Angels aren’t supposed to be able to lie.”

“I’m not. You’re not a monster, Dean.”

“I’m on my way.” He knew a few more years in the pit and his eyes would turn black.

“This isn’t real. This is a dream.”

“It seems real, angel. The blood. The heat. The pain.” He lifted up the sword covered in Enochian sigils. He twirled it in his palm once. Then again. “If this isn’t real, this shouldn’t hurt, should it?” He looked over Castiel’s shoulders and saw his wings bound with chains and ropes. He drove the sword straight into the largest muscle of the angel’s wings.

Castiel jerked, his entire body flaring up in pain. He had to close his eyes to concentrate and take in a few breaths. “Dean, stop,” he whispered when he felt some of the pain receding.

Dean twisted the sword, earning himself a whimper, then let go, leaving it embedded in the wing. He inhaled deeply. “The smell of you is intoxicating. I’ve never had anything like you on my rack before.” Dean stepped back and watched as Castiel fought against the pain flowing through his body. Dean reached up and traced his fingers around the stab wound. “This all seems real to me, angel,” he said as blood dripped onto his fingers.

“It’s not,” Castiel pleaded. “This is all in your mind.”

“If this is in my mind, and you saved me, why am I hurting you?” he asked, curious.

“I don’t know.”

“You’re the reason I’m like this.”

“I should have been faster.”

Dean shrugged. If the angel was going to take the blame, he wasn’t going to be the one to correct him. “It might have helped. But if this is a dream, what did you do to make me angry enough with you that I throw you on my rack?”

“Too many things to count.”

Dean never thought that he’d ever see such self-deprecation from an angel. He felt something warm in him, but he pushed the feeling down. “You mean a lot to me, angel. I hope you know that.” Dean’s eyes widened. He didn’t know why those words left his mouth.

“I did.”

“You do. So, tell me, angel. Why you?”

Castiel looked up to him, eyes wide and confused. “I don’t…”

“Why were you the one chosen to save me? I want to know.” He waited for a response. He watched as Castiel’s eyes drifted closed. Dean grabbed him by this chin. “Angel, hey, come on. I know the blood loss or grace loss or whatever is leaking out of you is getting to you, but you have to stick with me.” He could feel the angel going limp in his hand. He squeezed his chin. He didn’t want the game to end so soon. It wasn’t his intention to kill the angel. “Castiel!”

Castiel’s eyes shot open. “Yes?”

“You have to stick with me, okay?” He sounded strangely comforting.

Castiel nodded as much as he could with Dean’s hold on him. “Always.”

“What?” Dean asked, stepping back. He didn’t expect the angel to say something like that. He wondered how far the angel would let Dean push him.

“Dean, please. Let me go and we can both leave this place.”

“You’re on your own, angel.” No one helped him while he was in Hell, why should he have to be the one to help the angel when he should have been strong enough to get out on his own.

“I… I know,” he replied, sagging against his bonds.

Dean stared at Castiel. He never expected him to give in so easily. “So, who is going to save you?”

Castiel lifted his head up to look at his torturer. “It was supposed to be you.”

--------------

He woke to Sam shaking him by his ankle. He silently thanked his brother for that, not wanting to continue on with his dream. It bothered him. “What?” he groaned, making it up to his elbows.

“Your turn.” Ever since the angels brought Castiel there the second time, Jody, Bobby, Sam and Dean had been taking turns watching over him waiting for him to regain consciousness.

“Yeah, okay,” Dean replied, rubbing his eyes. Looking at his clock, he saw that he slept for less than three hours. His head plopped back onto the pillow. He had trouble falling asleep, and now, he was exhausted.

A selfish part of him hoped that Castiel wouldn’t regain consciousness any time soon so that he could take the chance to catch up on some sleep. Then he realized that he wanted Castiel awake more than he wanted to sleep.

“Dean,” Sam said. He took a moment to look his brother over. He looked horrible. He was ready to take his brother’s shift and give him a few more hours of sleep.

“I’m up,” Dean answered when he saw what his brother was thinking. He wasn’t going to get back to sleep any time soon. He didn’t want to see himself torturing Castiel again.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He grabbed his jeans that were laid out on the empty side of the bed. He slipped them on before sliding his feet into his boots. Then he followed his brother down the stairs.

He stepped into the room they put Castiel in and saw there was already a chair at Castiel’s bedside along with a cup of coffee and a sandwich. He made a note to thank Jody the next time he saw her. He was grateful that Jody had joined them at the cabin and she was able to take a shift, making their shifts shorter.

He sat down on the chair and reached for the sandwich. He ate through the food in less than ten minutes. When he realized how quickly he finished, he regretted not eating the food slower. This was going to be a long shift watching Castiel not move.

It took Dean one hour before he was working on autopilot with a book in one hand, a cup of some beverage in the other, and his attention constantly falling back to Castiel.

--------------

Dean felt a tap on his shoulder and was pulled out of his daze. He looked up and saw that it was Jody. “What’s up?” he mumbled.

“Shift change,” Jody replied. “I’m tapping you out.”

“What?” Dean asked. His brain was taking its time to get back to working condition. He hadn’t realized he had zoned out for so long.

“Go help Bobby and Sam with research. And get something to eat.”

“Yeah. Sure thing.” Dean stood up from his seat and stretched. “Thanks for breakfast.”

“You’re welcome. Now, scoot,” she said, trying to push Dean out the door.

He looked at Castiel who still hadn’t moved then walked out of the room.

He was glad to see a cup of coffee waiting for him along with an old book turned to a page with a sticky note on it. Nice to know that they weren’t wasting time or resources. He took a sip of his coffee then sat down and began reading.

Half an hour later, he was ready to refill his coffee when he heard Jody yelling from the other room.

“Dean!”

Dean, Bobby, and Sam looked at each other before they ran toward the guest room. They each brandished a weapon, ready for whatever they were going to find.

“What are you doing?” Jody hissed, standing up from the chair and putting herself between the angel and the hunters. “Put that away.”

Dean was the first to put his weapon away when he saw no threat in the room. “You don’t scream in a house full of hunters. What’s wrong?”

Jody stepped to the side to give them a full view of Castiel. Sam and Bobby immediately put down their weapons when they saw Castiel’s eyes open.

Castiel looked to the people standing near the entrance of the door. “Where am I?” he asked, his voice raspier than usual.

“You’re at Bobby’s,” Jody replied.

“I need to leave,” Castiel said, trying to sit up. He groaned when his entire body protested the movement.

Bobby rolled his eyes as he walked to Castiel’s bedside. “Lie down, wings. You’re hurt,” he pushed Castiel down with a hand on his chest. “You can’t be gallivanting off to wherever you think you’re needed.”

Castiel closed his eyes and ignored the elder hunter’s advice. He could leave if he wanted. He imagined a park in Hawaii. He waited to be transported there. When he opened his eyes, he saw he hadn’t moved locations at all. He turned his head to glare at the people in the room. “Why can’t I—”

“Your older brothers dimmed your mojo.”

Castiel’s eyes bulged and he looked like he was going to be sick. “Why would they do that?”

“Because you got attacked by Hellhounds.”

“I can’t be here.” Especially if he didn’t have his powers. “I need to leave. Michael? Gabriel?”

“They’re busy,” Bobby replied, although he was sure they’d show up if Castiel called them enough.

This time, Castiel sat up and no one stopped him. “Michael? Gabriel? Balthazar?” he tried to call out for any of them. He was ready to climb out of bed and draw sigils in his blood on the walls to summon one of them. Wings flapping interrupted him before his feet left the bed.

“What are you doing?” Balthazar sighed. He could see that Castiel was not ready to be on his feet.

“Why did you take away my grace?” Castiel yelled. His entire body shook. He needed his grace back. He felt ill without it.

“You’ll get it back when you learn to use it responsibly.”

“It’s not funny, Balthazar. I need it.” He was ready to beg to have his grace returned to him.

Balthazar crossed his arms over his chest. As much as he admired his brother, he wasn’t going to give him what he wanted. He was looking out for his well-being. “You need to fix whatever is wrong with you, first.”

“There isn’t anything wrong with me!” Castiel yelled.

Balthazar couldn’t look at Castiel so his eyes dropped to the floor. He could not watch his brother in such distress. “Of course not, Cassy. It’s just that you need to take some time off to heal. You’ve had a rough few months. You’ll get your grace in a few weeks.”

Castiel didn’t believe his brother. But he realized that no matter how much he begged he wasn’t getting his grace returned to him. “I… I need to be alone.”

“Cassy,” Balthazar pleaded. He could tell that Castiel was upset with him. He didn’t want his brother to close up.

Castiel put a hand up to stop his brother from speaking “I can’t fly away, so you don’t have to worry. I will call if I need you.”

Balthazar nodded though he was sure Castiel wouldn’t call, then disappeared. The humans all looked at each other and took after Balthazar’s lead. Sam, Bobby, and Jody walked out with Dean trailing behind.

Dean wanted to stay, but he knew Castiel needed some time to get use to not having his grace. He was going to say something, but Castiel closed the door and locked it. He’d give him some time alone. He wasn’t too worried about Castiel sneaking out the window because he was sure the angels were watching. And Castiel didn’t look like he could stay standing for very long.

He made himself comfortable on the couch. Now that Castiel was awake, all he had to do was wait until Castiel was ready to talk.

--------------

Six days later, Dean found out angels were not very patient creatures. It was nine o’clock in the morning and the angels reappeared in the living room again. They were equal parts flustered and frustrated.

“He keeps banishing us.” Michael huffed and began pacing the length of the couch.

“Maybe he doesn’t want to talk to you,” Bobby replied. He thought they would have learned that by the third time it happened. Over twenty times later, the angels still tried to get into the room only to be forced out with a flash of light.

“It won’t last. Just give him space,” Dean added.

“He needs our help,” Balthazar said.

“Well, then you guys need to find a way around that tricky little banishing act.”

“Why don’t you do something, huh?” Gabriel asked, turning his frustration with the situation on Dean. “All you’ve done these last few days is sit on that couch and laugh at us.”

“It’s funny. I thought that you out of all people would appreciate how funny the irony of the situation was.”

Balthazar flew over to Dean and pushed the book out of his lap. “Why won’t you help him?” he yelled. “After everything he’s done for you?”

Dean stood up to be at eye level with Balthazar. “I want to, but he doesn’t want help yet.”

“Well, when will he?” Michael sighed. The longer Castiel went avoiding them, the more he felt like he was letting their Father down. This had to be a test. Or a punishment.

“You can’t make him talk about something he wants to forget.” Dean, out of all people, knew that.

“That won’t help him.”

“I know that,” Dean replied. “But keeping up all those defenses is exhausting.” He knew Castiel wouldn’t be able to keep it up for long especially since he wasn’t use to being human.

Sam and Bobby looked at Dean. They were surprised that he had said that. It wasn’t like Dean to talk about personal experiences like that. “Dean,” Sam asked.

“We should have taken away all of his grace when we he was healed,” Balthazar said. “That way he’d be sleeping and we’d have the chance to figure out what was wrong so we could help him.”

Dean hated that Balthazar was talking about Castiel’s grace as if it were a bad thing. He was about to say something to defend Castiel, but someone knocked on something in the house. Everyone immediately looked at Castiel’s door.

Jody stood in front of the door with a tray in her hands. She knocked on the door once more. “Castiel? It’s Jody Mills. I have some food for you. And something to drink.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Jody was not going to back down. She knew how to deal with children, or older people who acted like children. “Castiel, you have to eat something. I swear, it’s just me. I’ll bring your food and then I can leave. I promise.”

The entire house froze for the next few moments. Everyone was anxious to see how the scene was going to play out.

Then, as if time was slowly catching up to the moment, the door unlocked.

Jody reached for the doorknob and opened the door just enough for her to slip through. As soon as she stepped into the room, the door closed behind her. Then the door was locked.

“How did she do that?” Michael asked. He could not believe that she was able to gain passage into the room when he could not.

Dean did not have an answer for the archangel, but he wished he did.

--------------

Almost six hours later, the room door reopened. Jody stepped out holding the tray with an empty bowl and cup in her hands. She slowly closed the door behind her.

Michael walked up to her and took the tray from her. “How is he?” he asked.

She looked over to Dean and saw that he was watching her. “He needs your help,” she said.

“He isn’t letting us help him,” Sam replied, not realizing that she was talking to just Dean and not everyone else.

Jody wasn’t going to correct his mistake. “Well, how many people have you saved and helped even though they didn’t want it? Or not realizing how much they needed it?”

“Jody,” Bobby said. He needed to explain to her that in this life, the only time someone asked for help was when things got really bad. Castiel wasn’t there yet.

“No,” Jody said knowing what Bobby was trying to do. She may not have been in the hunting world long, but it didn’t mean she didn’t know how to care for another person. “He looks like he hasn’t slept in days. He’s scared. I think it’s the nightmares. You’ve heard his screams. I can’t even imagine what he could be dreaming about.”

Everyone else in the house was unable to look at Jody. They all heard the screams over the past few days. Sounds echoed in the house and everyone heard when Castiel would cry out or plead. He unconsciously accessed the bit of grace that he had every time because there were nights where the entire house shook as he dreamed.

“You don’t want to know,” Dean said. He didn’t know specifically what happened to Castiel, but with the way he screamed, it had to be bad. His time with the Leviathans was probably his version of Hell. “It’s just not good.”

“Well, they did something to him.”

“What do you mean?”

“The way he’s acting.”

“Jody,” Bobby started. “We know that the Leviathans tortured him.” They wondered what Jody saw that they didn’t.

“But they gave him something.”

“How do you know this?” Michael replied.

“I’ve seen a lot of kids that come in and out of the sheriff’s department. Needing their next hit.”

“Wait,” Dean said. “You’re saying they drugged him?” That meant that all this time, he’d been going through withdrawal, which would have added to the pain he was going through. He tried to think of what they could have used to drug an angel. Was it something they came up with themselves, or was it just a combination of all human drugs? His mind went to the future that Zachariah sent him to. He hoped, above all, that Castiel wasn’t addicted to pills.

“Is he going through withdrawal?” Sam asked.

“Nausea, sweating, muscles aches, and anxiety,” Jody replied. “I don’t think he had anything in him to throw up, but that might change in a few days. That boy has gone through so much already,” she whispered. “I can’t stand seeing him suffering. What are you guys going to do?” She glared at Dean knowing that it was up to him.

Dean could feel all the eyes in the house trained on him. “I’m not going to make him talk to me about it. I don’t do that.” He wasn’t good at it.

“Then how do you expect to help him?” Balthazar asked.

“I don’t know,” Dean replied. “Maybe I’ll take him somewhere so he can shoot out his rage or something.”

“Shoot something?” Gabriel repeated. “That’s how you plan on fixing this?”

“It’s a plan. There are many.” There weren’t. “I have a few more days before Cas actually lets me get close enough to help him.” At least, he hoped it was only a few days. “So, until then, let Jody keep doing this and eventually he’ll let us in.”

Dean grabbed his gun and headed toward the front door. He needed to shoot something.

--------------

This went on for almost two weeks. Jody was the only person Castiel let into the room. She would bring him food and sit with him while he slept. She was even the one in charge of removing Castiel’s stitches when the time came.

Dean wasn’t jealous of all the time she was spending with Castiel. Anyone who said he was earned a glare and a threat.

On most nights, Dean would stay downstairs until he couldn’t stay awake any longer. He wanted to be there and ready if something happened. Usually, the only sounds he heard were of Castiel shuffling around the room.

Today was a little different.

Earlier, Jody said that Castiel didn’t sleep while she was in the room with him. That had been the third day in a row that Castiel hadn’t taken a nap. That could not be good. The nightmares must have been affecting him.

Dean was tired of research. He rubbed his eyes then yawned as he stood up. He made his way to Castiel’s room. It was quieter than it had been the last few nights. He put is hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly, hoping that Castiel had miraculously forgotten to lock the door.

Of course, Castiel didn’t. He pulled his lock picks out and worked on the door. A few seconds later, the door was unlocked. “Cas? I’m coming in,” Dean said as he turned the doorknob. “If you throw something at me, I’m going to strangle you.” Dean was surprised that he was able to open the door without trouble. Usually by this point, Castiel would have yelled at him to get out. It was peculiar. Dean pushed the door open and looked around the room. “Cas?”

He turned on the light and saw how messy Castiel had let the room get. The bed wasn’t made. Books were on the floor, probably unmoved since Castiel tried to throw it at whoever made it through the door. The walls were covered with sigils.

He found Castiel sitting in the furthest corner of the room with a banishing sigil at his side. He saw that Castiel had recently cut his forearm open. Dean shook his head, disappointed. “Damnit.” If that wound wasn’t infected Dean would be surprised.

He knelt down beside Castiel and prepared to pick him up. As soon as Dean touched him, Castiel twitched. Dean backed off, scared that he did something wrong in touching him. “Cas?” he whispered. He was sure the angel was still asleep.

“Dean?” Castiel pleaded, tossing his head side to side. “Dean, help. Dean? Please?”

“Cas? Hey, what’s going on?” he asked as if he were taking to a child.

Castiel swallowed hard. “Dean. Please.”

“Cas, open your eyes, dude. You’re safe.” Dean hesitated for a moment before he put a hand on Castiel’s shoulder and gently shook him. “Come on.”

Slowly, Castiel’s eyes opened. When he saw who was in front of him, his eyes widened. “Dean!” He tried to back away and began to panic when he found there was nowhere for him to go.

“Cas, calm down.” He let go of Castiel and sat back on his heels. He waited for Castiel to remember that he was out of whatever Hell he was in for months.

Castiel looked around the room, frantic and eyes wide. When he realized where he was, and who he was with, he calmed down. Or at least he tried to. He felt safer now that he was out of his nightmare. “How did you get in here?” His voice was soft.

“You know how I got in here, Cas,” Dean replied. He slid an arm under Castiel’s knees and the other behind his back. He picked Castiel up with a groan. He wasn’t as heavy as he thought he’d be, but he was still picking up another man.

“Leave me alone.”

“Nah.”

“Ass.”

Dean smiled, knowing exactly who taught Castiel to use language like that “You keep calling me names, maybe I should. But I’m not cruel. Your body will thank me in the morning.” He laid Castiel down on the bed. He took a seat on the edge of it. He grabbed the arm that Castiel had cut up and looked at it. “Cas, why won’t you let me in?”

Castiel looked up at Dean, his defenses still down. “The weight you carry on your shoulders is already heavy enough. It would be selfish of me to add more to it.”

Dean sighed. If Castiel were anything like him, then he would need a few seconds to get into the right mindset after waking. “Cas, you know I can’t understand you.”

“I know.” Castiel swallowed, trying to stop his throat from sounding as tired and rough as it did. “I feel like I’ve made your life more complicated than it needs to be.”

“Yeah,” Dean said with a laugh. “I agree.”

Castiel gently pulled his arm out of Dean’s grasp. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, Cas.” He didn’t mean for Castiel to take what he said seriously. “Me and Sammy? Our lives weren’t exactly Full House material. As complicated as you’ve made it, you… you’ve helped us out too, you know.”

“Only to overshadow all the good I’ve done with one deed.”

Dean shook his head. He grabbed the blanket that had somehow ended up on the other side of the room and threw it over Castiel. “Cas, one bad thing isn’t going to erase everything else you’ve done.”

“But it did.”

“Damnit, Cas,” he said quite loudly. He needed Castiel to see that he wasn’t the only one to blame because of what was going on between them. “I’m human. I’m impulsive. I’m brash. I say a whole bunch of shit before thinking. I make mistakes, and I’m allowed to say when I do. And turning my back on you the way I did, that was a mistake.”

Castiel’s eyes widened at Dean’s outpouring. He wondered if he was still dreaming because that was not something Dean Winchester usually did. “Dean?”

“We’re not gonna fix what happened between us in one day.”

“I know.”

“It’ll take time. And work. But if we’re going to have these constant pity talks every day, then I say we just forgive and forget.” Some part of Dean hoped Castiel felt the same way. He could not handle having deep moments like this, and he would definitely not be able to handle having them every day.

“You know we can’t do that.”

“Yeah. Too much to ask,” Dean sighed. Nothing was ever easy in his life. He had no idea why he expected this to be. “Besides, it’s better that we’re talking.”

“Talking is good, right?”

“Yeah. It is.” It was a good start for them.

Dean sat down on the edge of the bed. “You look better.” Dean mentally chastised himself. He really didn’t know how to carry on small talk between them.

Luckily, Castiel wasn’t that well versed in the art of small talk either. “I feel better.”

“Cas.”

Castiel’s eyes slowly shut. “I feel like I’ve been dreaming. Ever since I got out of that room. Nothing feels real.” He opened his eyes and looked at Dean. He saw Dean’s hand a couple of inches away from his. He wanted to reach for it, but stopped. “This is real, right?”

“What?”

“Because if this is something created by the demons, this is the most elaborate fantasy yet.” He was almost impressed.

“Cas, what happened to you?”

Castiel tried to roll over, wanting to get away from the conversation the only way he knew how. “Dean, I don’t—”

Dean grabbed Castiel’s shoulder and gently rolled him onto his back. “No, you need to tell me. Because the last time you didn’t, you almost got torn apart by some Hellhounds.” He stared into Castiel’s eyes, hoping that he would finally open up. “Please. I want to help you.”

“Not today, Dean. Please,” he begged.

“Fine.” Dean could never take those damn pleading eyes. Even when they were fighting, Dean had to fight against everything in him to say no. “Not today. But you’re telling me eventually.”

“Yes, of course,” Castiel agreed.

Dean could swear that he saw some of Castiel’s walls come down. “Cas, I mean it. You can’t fly away if you don’t want to talk about it. You’re stuck here.”

Castiel looked away from Dean, his chest hurting at the thought of being grounded. “I know.”

“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but we’re going to fix this. All of this.” Castiel nodded then turned onto his side to face his back to Dean. “Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?” he asked, but didn’t move to face the other man.

“I’m glad you’re back.” Dean listened as Castiel let out a sigh.

“Thank you.”

Dean knew the conversation was over. He stayed sitting on the edge of the bed until Castiel fell asleep. He waited until he watched Castiel’s breathing even out. Ten minutes after Dean was sure he was asleep and nightmare free, he stood up, and was ready to leave Castiel alone.

But first, he needed to clean up Castiel’s arm. If he was more angel than human, Dean didn’t want him to get sick because of an infection. He grabbed the first aid kit under the bed then cleaned and wrapped the cuts. He finished in less than ten minutes. He tucked Castiel’s arm under the blanket and put the kit back under the bed.

Dean felt better because of their talk. He wanted to step out and let the angel sleep. Then he thought about what would happen if he left the room. He suspected that Castiel would probably lock the door behind him and never let anyone else in. He couldn’t let that happen. He’d sleep in the room.

Dean stared at the bed and saw that there was enough space for him to lie down on it, but he thought about how Castiel would react to finding someone else in bed with him. Dean didn’t want to traumatize him.

He settled for sleeping on the floor. That way, he’d know when Castiel woke up and started walking around the room. He shrugged off his jacket and over shirt and rolled it up to use as a pillow. He set it on the floor then lay down. He fell asleep, glad that things were on their way to being mended between him and Castiel.

[Chapter 3] [Masterpost] [Chapter 5]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 3)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:07:27 GMT

Dean didn’t realize how much he hated when Castiel didn’t answer his prayers until his prayers went unanswered for weeks. He couldn’t help but feel like the clingy girlfriend who needed to know where her boyfriend was every second of every day. He pushed the comparison from his thoughts.

He made a note to call one Castiel one more time at the next break he took.

When they stopped off at a diner in Idaho, Dean called for Castiel while Sam went to order their food. It irritated him when his call went unanswered again.

Dean ate half his burger and all his fries before they got back on the road. The fact that Castiel still hadn’t shown up agitated him enough to affect his appetite and driving.

An hour after they crossed into Montana, he heard his phone ringing. He tried to reach into the backseat to grab it, but his brother hit him to make him pay attention to road.

Sam reached back and grabbed Dean’s phone.

“Who is it?” Dean asked when he saw Sam stare at the phone screen while it continued to ring.

“It says it’s Cas.”

“What?” Castiel hadn’t used his cell phone in over two years. And Castiel should not have had that number. He snatched the phone from his brother’s hand and answered it. “Cas?”

“Dean, where are you?”

“Gabriel? I’m driving. Why?”

“You know what, never mind,” Gabriel said too quickly for Dean’s liking. “Meet us at Bobby’s.”

“Why?”

“Hold him together!” the archangel yelled into the phone.

“What?”

“Try to stop the bleeding,” he said, not hearing what Dean said into the phone.

“Who’s bleeding?” His answer was the sound of a phone dropping. He gripped the steering wheel tightly knowing exactly who Gabriel was talking about.

“Cas. Come on, bro. Keep talking to me, Cas.” Dean heard Gabriel mumbling in the background. “I don’t care how much it hurts. Balthazar, hold him. Michael, you have to start it now.” Gabriel picked the phone off the ground. “Dean, location.”

Dean didn’t remember spewing his location and ETA to Gabriel, but the next thing he knew, he was going ninety to Montana, not caring what traffic laws he was breaking.

He jumped out of the car before he even shut off the engine. He ran up the porch steps and barged into the house. “Bobby!” he yelled. “Cas!”

“What are you yelling about?”

“Is Cas here?”

“Why would he be?”

Dean scanned the house and saw that there was no sign of Castiel or the other angels. He ran his hand down his face. “Gabriel’s just fucking with me now,” he groaned.

He was pissed. He had sped all the way back to the cabin, the trip not doing anything good for the car. He wanted to punch someone. He was livid. And worse, he was worried. No matter the differences he had with the angels, they weren’t cruel enough to play a prank like that on him.

“You guys are supposed to be in Colorado,” Bobby said when Sam walked into the cabin.

“Call another hunter to deal with it,” Dean said.

Bobby stared at Dean, wondering what was so important in his cabin that they decided to go north instead of south. He kept himself from saying something when he saw how concerned Dean was. He knew it had something to do with Castiel. “Yeah, I can—”

“Help!” Gabriel yelled, appearing in the kitchen.

“What’s going on?” Bobby asked.

Gabriel walked over to the kitchen table and with a swipe of his hands, cleared it of all the books and papers on it. “Michael. Balthazar.”

The other two angels appeared, with Michael carrying a sliced up Castiel in his arms. “Cas?” Dean whispered.

“Set him on the table,” Gabriel said.

“Cas?” Dean repeated, frozen where he stood. He watched Castiel’s head loll off of Michael’s arm. Castiel looked dead. Michael and Balthazar gently set Castiel on the table and Castiel’s head rolled to face him.

“Bobby, we need Holy Water,” Michael said.

“Yeah, got it.” He ran to the sink and filled the biggest pot in the cabin with water.

“Sam, towels and blankets.”

“On it.”

“Dean. I need something to close these wounds,” Michael replied. He looked over at Dean and saw him just staring at Castiel. “Dean!” he yelled, and that was enough to get Dean moving toward the guest room.

“No,” Castiel coughed, blood spilling from his lips. “Don’t… don’t leave,” he whispered.

“Cassy, stop talking,” Balthazar said.

Dean stopped. Instead of walking to the guest room to get what they needed to sew Castiel up, Dean walked toward the kitchen table. He stood at the table and held Castiel’s hand in both of his. “Okay,” he said. “I won’t.”

“Dean, tell me where to get something for the wounds,” Michael pressed.

“Get the dental floss in the bathroom,” he said. “There’s a sewing kit in the guest room closet. The first aid kit should be in there too.” He kept his eyes on Castiel as a wings fluttered to signal the angels’ disappearance and reappearance. He didn’t even look up when Sam entered the kitchen with what seemed like every towel in the house or when Bobby finished the incantation to turn the pot of regular water Holy. “Cas?” he whispered, unsure if Castiel was able to hear him. Castiel looked up to answer him. “You’re gonna be fine, okay? You’re gonna be fine.”

“Sorry.”

“Cas, stop,” Dean said. He didn’t want Castiel to speak anymore, because every time he opened his mouth, blood spilled from it.

“I’m sorry.”

Dean could not believe Castiel was apologizing again. He didn’t want to accept an apology that Castiel had no business offering. But he knew that Castiel wanted his forgiveness, and he’d keep apologizing until Dean accepted it. “You can apologize to me later.”

“Okay.” Castiel’s head made a little motion that was as close to a nod as he could give.

“That means you have to stay alive,” Dean whispered. “Promise?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” He felt the other angels crowd around him. “Now stop talking and let your brothers fix you up.” He tried to let go and give the brothers more space to work, but he felt Castiel’s grip tighten slightly on his hand. For a moment, he wasn’t sure if it was from the pain, but when he looked into Castiel’s eyes, he knew. He was asking Dean to stay. “Yeah, yeah. I’m not going anywhere.”

Dean looked back when he felt something press against the back of his legs. He saw a chair Sam had pushed behind him and sat down.

“What can I do?” Sam asked after he set down the towels. He couldn’t stand around while everyone else was busy doing something.

“We’re going to need a lot of Holy Water.”

“Yeah. Okay.” He walked over to the sink and filled up another pot.

“Do… do you need me for anything?” Dean asked. He could feel all the eyes in the room on him.

“No,” Gabriel said. “You’re doing what you need to do.”

Dean nodded. He kept his eyes on Castiel’s face and watched every reaction to the pain he felt. It was better than the alternative of looking down at what the angels were trying to do to save his life. He looked down at Castiel’s body once and couldn’t do it again without feeling sick.

Not when the wounds looked similar, if not worse, to Jo’s. He remembered how that ended.

Castiel sucked in a breath when a wave of pain crashed into him. He closed his eyes and squeezed Dean’s hand until the pain stopped. He whimpered and a tear escaped from his eye.

“He’s in pain. Knock him out,” Dean said.

“We tried,” Michael said. “Vetis did something to him.”

“Damnit,” Dean replied. He knew if the angel’s healing powers were blocked, Castiel would be in a lot more pain before the night ended.

“He’s strong enough. He’ll be fine.”

Dean bit his lip to keep from chewing Michael out. He didn’t want to see Castiel in pain, but the brothers had tried. Keeping Castiel calm and alive was more important than fighting with the angels. “Yeah, you’ll be fine, Cas,” he said. Dean wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince Castiel or himself.

“We’re ready,” Michael said.

Dean finally stopped looking at Castiel’s face and looked up. He saw Michael standing on the opposite side of the table and holding a mixing bowl. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do now. He didn’t want to get in the way. “Do you—”

“You’re fine where you are,” Michael said. He pulled out a chair and set the bowl on it. He reached down and ran his hand through Castiel’s hair. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Castiel’s temple. “We’re starting, youngest.”

Castiel turned to look at his brother. He blinked slowly, finding himself tired. “You should have left me,” he whispered.

“You’re foolish if you think I would leave you.”

Castiel blinked once and a single tear fell from the corner of his eye. “I feel like I don’t know you anymore, Michael.”

“I’m here now.” Michael stepped back and blinked away the tears that were forming. As much as he wanted to reconnect with his brother, he knew he had to save him first. “Castiel, this is going to hurt.”

Castiel shook his head. He didn’t want to feel any more pain. “No, Michael. Please. I can’t…” He began to cry freely.

“You can, youngest. It has to be done.”

“Michael, I can’t,” he whispered.

“It’s all right, youngest,” Balthazar said, stepping next to Dean. “Dean is here.” He looked up and waited for Dean to look at him. “He won’t leave you.”

“Okay,” Gabriel said with a clap of his hands. “Those without angelic abilities should step out of the room for their safety.”

Bobby and Sam set down everything the angels needed and headed out of the kitchen. Sam bent down and grabbed the scattered books and papers off the floor, not wanting them to get damaged by whatever was about to happen. Sam looked back when he saw that Dean hadn’t moved from his position at Castiel’s side. “Dean.”

“I’m okay.”

“You can come back when it’s safe,” Michael said.

“Go,” Gabriel added.

Dean looked up and glared at the archangels. “I’ll be fine. Just do whatever you guys need to do.” They couldn’t make him promise to not leave Castiel and then force him to leave the kitchen in the span of a few minutes.

Michael sighed. He knew Dean would be stubborn about this, though he was glad that he was going to stay with Castiel. “You close your eyes when we say. And do not open your eyes until we tell you to.”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious, Dean,” Michael said.

Dean couldn’t help notice the way Michael said those words. It sounded so much like the way Castiel had said them to him once. “I know. I can tell. Just do it.” Dean felt the grip on his hand loosen and he looked down to see Castiel staring at him. “What?”

“Dean, go,” Castiel whispered. He wanted Dean to stay, but not if there was a risk he could be hurt.

“Nah,” Dean replied. He tightened his grip on Castiel’s hand. “I’m comfortable where I am.”

“Gabriel. Balthazar.” Michael was ready to begin.

Dean watched as Balthazar went to the end of the table where Castiel’s feet were while Gabriel went to the opposite end. And Dean didn’t say anything, but he was nervous and scared. He had no idea what was about to happen, but the intensity and tension that was in the kitchen told him it wasn’t anything good.

When Balthazar put his hands on Castiel’s ankles and Gabriel put his hands on Castiel’s shoulders, Dean’s suspicions were proven true.

“You’ll be fine, Cas,” Gabriel whispered. He tried to diffuse the tension in the room. It didn’t work. “Just a little Holy Water, and you’ll be right as rain.”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed. “Though I’d rather we get this over with.”

“All right,” Michael replied. He picked up the bowl with the Holy Water and whispered a few words over them that Dean knew he wouldn’t ever be able to understand.

Michael sent one look in Dean’s direction that Dean didn’t notice since the human’s eyes were glued to the youngest angel. Then he began to pour the water over the wounds that covered Castiel’s body.

As soon as the first drop hit the wound, Castiel’s entire body jerked. He bit his lip to keep himself from crying out. He held back from squeezing Dean’s hand.

When Dean saw what Castiel was doing, he reached up and ran his fingers through the angel’s hair. He leaned forward and brought his lips to Castiel’s ear. “Cas, don’t keep it in. It’s okay,” he whispered, knowing that he was doing it to keep himself from hurting Dean.

“No,” Castiel whimpered as the water washed over the wounds.

“It’s okay, Cas,” Dean repeated. “You won’t hurt me.”

Castiel bit down on his lip harder, drawing blood and painting his teeth pink. Michael poured more Holy Water onto him and he tried to roll out of his brothers’ hold. He wanted to get away from the water.

“Hold him down,” Michael yelled.

Dean’s eyes widened. It was the first time he’d ever seen Michael something other than cool and composed. When Michael poured out the last of what was in the bowl, Dean thought that it was over. He was almost relieved. It wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be.

Then the kitchen was filled with the sounds of something sizzling and the smells of burnt flesh and rotten eggs.

Dean looked down Castiel’s body and saw black tar oozing out of the cuts and onto the kitchen table. The wounds on Castiel had reopened. Dean didn’t think Castiel had enough blood to be bleeding as much as he did.

He saw Michael holding up another bowl and tip it.

When the water hit Castiel, he couldn’t keep himself from screaming. He screwed his eyes shut. He wanted to be anywhere but where he was at the moment. He lost himself and squeezed the bones of Dean’s hand together with strength he didn’t know he had left.

Dean bit his cheek to keep himself from groaning when he heard the bones in his hand crack. He tried to shield his ears, but he found he couldn’t without letting go of Castiel’s hand. He knew that his eardrums were about to shatter from the sounds of Castiel’s real voice. He felt a hand on the back of his head, and he felt the pain in his ears fade. The hand stayed there until the screaming stopped.

Dean grunted when he felt Castiel still crushing his hand. He quickly got over the pain when he realized that it was nothing compared to what Castiel was feeling. “It’s okay, Cas,” Dean whispered. He didn’t know if Castiel heard him or not, but he needed to make sure Castiel knew he wasn’t going anywhere. “Just let it out, Cas.”

Michael poured the rest of the water in the bowl.

Castiel gasped as he arched his back. Then his mouth and eyes flew opened.

“Dean, shut your eyes!” Michael yelled as he dropped the metal bowl.

Dean watched as Michael’s hands went to cover Castiel’s eyes and mouth. He saw a blue light coming from Castiel. Then Dean buried his face in the crook of his elbow. He felt his body warm and he knew that Castiel’s grace was trying to escape.

“Castiel, don’t you dare,” Michael yelled. “I know it hurts, but just let us finish and you’ll be fine.”

Dean felt Castiel fight to get his brothers to release him. Dean tightened his grip as much as he could on Castiel’s hand. “Cas,” Dean pleaded because he was scared. He didn’t want to hear and feel Castiel in pain anymore, but he didn’t want to see the angel give up.

“Gabriel, finish,” Michael replied.

Dean listened to the shuffling of feet and wasn’t prepared for the next bowl of water. It got his hair and back wet. More of it spilled onto his lap as it dripped off the edges of the table.

With the next bowl of water, Castiel stopped struggling. Dean didn’t want to think about what that meant. He wanted to look up and make sure Castiel was okay, but he remembered what Michael said. He couldn’t. Even though he was sure the angels wouldn’t let his eyes burn out, he didn’t want them to waste their powers on him when they had to focus on Castiel.

All he could was sit down with his head on the kitchen table as he listened to Gabriel chant something in Enochian over Castiel’s harsh pants through Michael’s hand.

Three more bowls of Holy Water were poured over Castiel before Dean was told he could open his eyes again. He lifted his head and blinked a couple of times to get his eyes to readjust.

He looked down at Castiel’s body and saw that only blood was flowing from the wounds. His eyes trailed up the body to Castiel’s face in time to see Michael lift his hands.

Castiel’s eyes and mouth were closed.

“Cas?” Dean whispered, unsure if he was going to get a response, because honestly, Castiel looked dead. “Cas, you still there?” He waited for what seemed like hours for a response. Then Castiel licked his lips, and that was all the confirmation he needed.

“I…”

“Don’t speak, dude,” he said. He didn’t want Castiel to waste energy Dean knew he didn’t have. “Just relax,” he said, trying to talk through a tightened throat. He swallowed before he spoke again. “Just needed to make sure you’re still with us.” His cheeks felt damp and not from the Holy Water, but he didn’t care. His emotions had just been through the ringer and he wasn’t ready to come down yet.

“Yes,” Castiel croaked out.

Dean looked up at Michael who was healing his burned hands. “Please tell me it’s all uphill from here,” he asked.

“That was the worst of it.” Michael opened and closed his hands, making sure Castiel’s grace didn’t do too much damage.

“Good,” Dean sighed.

“Bobby? Sam?” Michael called out.

Dean heard the two of them come down from the second story. They made their way to the other side of the table from Dean and stared at him. They didn’t mention his haggard appearance and for that Dean was thankful.

“What were you guys doing to him?” Bobby asked. His voice was gruff, angry, and protective of the injured angel. “It sounded like you idjits were killing him.”

“We were saving him,” Michael replied.

“So, he’s still alive?” He looked down at the angel. He looked horrible. Bobby honestly thought Castiel looked dead.

“Yes.”

“So, why do you need us?” Sam asked.

“We need guidance on how to stitch up a wound,” Michael replied.

Sam and Bobby looked at each other, then to the archangel. “We can do it,” Sam answered.

“We can’t ask you to do that.”

“You didn’t,” Bobby stated.

“We offered,” Sam added.

“Sam,” Gabriel said, stepping forward. The angels wanted to be the ones to help their brother.

“It’ll take more time if we have to talk you through it.”

“Sam, you sure?” Dean asked.

“He’s family, Dean,” Sam replied. He walked over to the kitchen counter and picked up the supplies Michael gathered.

Bobby looked at Castiel’s face and saw the angel staring at the ceiling. “Dean is he going into shock?”

Dean’s free hand went to the pulse point on Castiel’s neck. The pulse was strong, but he knew that it could change in an instant. He put the back of his hand to Castiel’s cheek and although it felt clammy, it wasn’t as bad as he expected it to be. He looked down at Castiel and saw his eyes following him. Dean took it as a good sign because it meant that he was alert. “No. He’s good.”

“You let us know,” Bobby replied.

“Yeah.”

“We need to get him out of those pants, though,” Bobby said. “Get him into something dry. And warm him up.”

Without prompting, the angels got to work. Balthazar and Gabriel grabbed some of the towels and carefully wiped Castiel dry. Michael disappeared and reappeared with an old pair of Dean’s sweats in hand. Once they dried the table, Michael snapped his fingers and changed the pants Castiel was wearing.

“Cas, you okay?” Sam asked as he placed a blanket over the lower half of Castiel’s body.

“Tired,” Castiel whispered.

“Understandable,” Sam said with a smile. “Just let us sew you up, then you can sleep as long as you want, okay?”

“Thank you.”

When the angels stepped back, the humans stepped forward and began sewing up the wounds.

Dean’s hand never left Castiel’s. Dean knew the moments Castiel was in pain whenever the grip on his hand increased just slightly. Dean could tell he was exhausted when he saw that Castiel didn’t even have the energy to whimper or sigh whenever he felt pain.

He reached up and rubbed Castiel’s forehead with his thumb when he saw his eyes shut. He didn’t know what else he could do to comfort him. Before he realized what he was doing, he started telling the story of the first time he ever got stitches.

“I was six,” he began. “We were at school and a girl had some balloons tied to her backpack because it was her birthday. Her dad got her a turtle balloon because turtles were her favorite animal.”

Castiel turned his head and opened his eyes to look at him, and Dean stopped his story for a moment. When Castiel squeezed his hand, he knew it was all right for him to continue. “So, school was over and we were waiting outside for our parents. But you know, since we were boys, we’d play tag and all that. Then I saw her crying. And I walked over to her and asked her what was wrong because it was her birthday, and you’re not supposed to cry on your birthday.

“She pointed up and I had no idea what she was looking at. Then one of her stupid balloons hit me in the face. And I hit it away, but then I saw that the turtle was missing. So I looked up at the tree again and I could see the bottom of the balloon.

“I started to climb. Thinking about it now, the tree probably wasn’t that big, but when I was six, it was huge. So I got to it, wrapped the string around my hand, and climbed back down.

“I was on the lowest branch and it was safe enough that I could have just jumped down and been okay. But I slipped, and my arm got caught on one of the branches. And then I fell. And I had no idea what happened. But I gave the girl back her balloon and she hugged me. When she pulled away, I saw that I got blood all over her dress. She didn’t care. Neither did I. But dad saw me fall out of the tree.”

“And he was pissed,” Sam replied. He didn’t remember what happened being only two years old. He only heard the story a couple of times. But he could imagine how angry his dad was after spending two years trying to protect his sons from monsters and what gets Dean sent to the hospital is a tree.

“Twenty-two stitches from my elbow to my wrist,” Dean answered with a smile on his face. He pointed to where the scar would have been if Castiel hadn’t healed his body. “Right here.”

“Sorry,” Castiel whispered. He hadn’t even thought about the meaning of the scars when he healed Dean’s body after rescuing him from Hell.

“It’s okay, Cas,” Dean replied. He shook his head then continued on with his story. “So, all the boys in class were jealous because the stitches looked cool and all the girls wanted to touch it. But they freaked out when they did. I was the talk of the class.

“But the best part was on Valentine’s Day, everyone usually gave each other these cards with like a candy bar or something. The girl gave me this huge box of chocolate and they were in the shape of turtles. It was awesome.”

Dean looked down and saw a small smile on Castiel’s face. He smiled back when he saw how relaxed Castiel was. The next story he told him was about the first fight he ever got into. He was sure that Castiel knew the story, along with every story he could possibly tell, but it didn’t stop him.

Three hours and a dozen stories later, Sam and Bobby finished stitching Castiel up. It was perfect timing because Castiel was having trouble staying awake for the last half hour of it. Bobby, Sam, and the angels left Castiel and Dean alone in the kitchen.

Castiel’s eyes were closed, but Dean wasn’t sure if he was sleeping or not. When he tried to pull his hand out of Castiel’s he felt a squeeze and stopped moving. “Cas, who did this to you?” he whispered. He knew it wouldn’t have mattered if the angels wanted to hear their conversation, but he wanted this to be private.

Castiel licked his lips and swallowed. “Demon,” he rasped out.

“Cas, you’re stronger than a demon.” Over the last few weeks, Dean had seen the damage Castiel could do. The only demon he’d ever seen give him trouble was Alastair. “Was there someone else? Something else?” Castiel bit his lip and Dean took the action to mean yes. He saw Castiel struggle to open his eyes. “Hey, keep your eyes closed. You don’t need to see me to answer.”

“Fallen,” he whispered.

“Cas?” Dean asked, not really sure what Castiel was trying to say. Did he fall? Did a fallen attack him? There were too many ways he could interpret the word.

“…Nael,” he whispered. His lips kept moving, but no words came out. He couldn’t stay awake any longer.

“Cas?” Dean’s breath caught in his throat when Castiel’s body relaxed. He had to look at Castiel’s chest to make sure he was still breathing. The slight rise and fall was enough for Dean to feel like it was okay to breathe himself. “Yeah,” Dean whispered. He ran his free hand through Castiel’s sweat drenched hair like he used to do for Sam when he went into a fitful sleep. “It’s okay, bud. Just close your eyes and sleep.”

“Dean?” Sam asked, reentering the kitchen.

“Yeah,” Dean whispered. He put a hand to Castiel’s neck and felt for his pulse again. It was still strong. He leaned over and heard Castiel taking as even breaths as he could. Those were both good signs. “He’s sleeping.”

“Good,” Bobby said, appearing with a thicker blanket. He threw it over Castiel. “He needs it.”

He pulled his hand out of Castiel’s and hissed when he felt the bones shift in ways it wasn’t supposed to. He lifted it up and saw how badly it was damaged. “He broke my hand.” Michael appeared in front of him and grabbed his wrist. Dean felt a pulse of warmth and the pain was gone. His hand was as good as new. “Thanks.” He looked back at Castiel one last time before he walked into the living room.

“You,” Balthazar yelled. He locked his eyes on Dean and charged toward him. He grabbed Dean by the front of his shirt and pushed him up into the nearest wall, holding him up with his forearm. “This is all your fault,” he growled.

“What?” Dean yelled. Yes, he did feel guilty and like he was to blame for this, but he didn’t think the angels knew about what happened between him and Castiel the last time he saw the angel.

Balthazar pushed his arm more forcefully into Dean’s chest. He didn’t care if he broke any bones. “You were supposed to watch him.”

“Balthazar, let him go,” Gabriel said.

Balthazar released his hold on Dean. He watched as Dean crashed to his knees, rubbing his chest. He smirked when he knew there would be a bruise there in a couple of hours. “You—”

“When did that become my responsibility?” Dean yelled back. He stood up and stalked toward Balthazar, knowing it wasn’t the best thing to do. The angel was stronger than him, but he wasn’t going to just let Balthazar get away with ambushing him like that.

“We gave him to you.”

“No,” Dean yelled. “No, you dropped him off and spoke your little angelic speak keeping everyone, except you dicks, out of the loop. How was I supposed to know what was wrong with Cas?”

“We thought he would’ve told you,” Gabriel said.

Dean whipped his head around and glared at him. “Yeah, well, he didn’t,” he hissed.

“Obviously.”

“Don’t start with me,” Dean yelled at Gabriel. He was pissed at the angels for putting so much pressure on him to help their brother. It was hard enough to do it without them acting like it was the end of the world if he didn’t. “You guys are the ones who are supposed to be helping him, but you guys couldn’t even keep tabs on him. If you guys had kept a better eye on him—”

“This is not our fault,” Gabriel said.

“It’s not mine either.” Dean took in a deep breath, but not to calm him down. He had a lot more to say to the angels. “If God is back, tell Him to get His ass down here and fix all of this. Cas. The Leviathans—”

“This isn’t His mess to clean up,” Michael, Gabriel, and Balthazar said.

“So, Cas is just supposed to fix everything by himself?” Dean asked. Of course, he’d be there to help Castiel, but there was only so much he could do as a human.

“He’s not by himself,” Balthazar yelled.

“You sure about that, because all I see is an injured Cas who—”

“Enough!” Michael yelled. “None of this is helping.”

Dean was ready to go after the angels again, but he stopped himself. That was twice he’d seen Michael lose his cool in a day, he didn’t want the third time to be in his direction. “Okay,” Dean said, conceding. As easy as it was to stay angry, in the end, nothing would have been solved and everyone would have ended up exhausted.

“Truce,” Balthazar said.

There was no handshake between the two of them. Their word was enough. They could put their anger aside long enough to make sure Castiel was all right.

The air in the room was stagnant as if everyone was afraid to move. They were all trying to say something that wouldn’t get anyone pissed off. “Okay, so someone want to tell me what happened to him?” Bobby finally asked.

“Hellhounds,” Gabriel answered. “A pack of them.”

“What was he doing near hellhounds?” Sam asked. They didn’t seem important enough for Castiel to go after them.

Gabriel looked to his brothers, wondering if either of them was going to answer. They left the responsibility to him. “He killed Vetis.”

“Who?”

“A demon.”

“Is he just a regular demon?” Bobby asked. He wanted to know if he was a lower level, or something like Azazel or Alastair. He thought it was the later if he or she was able to do that kind of damage to an angel.

“No,” Balthazar replied. “He was one of the demons who tortured Cassy.”

At the mention of the words ‘demon’ and ‘tortured’, Dean was ready to yell at the angels again. He was pissed because it meant that the angels knew that demons were involved while he was left to figure it out. Instead of starting another scream-fest, he let out a sigh. It would have been pointless for him to get angry about it now.

Dean took the information as validation of what Castiel told him before he fell asleep. “Cas killed him?” Dean asked. He knew the answer. He also knew that if Castiel didn’t kill him, then one of the other angels would have. Something inside wanted the demon to be alive so he could show him what happened when he messed with someone he considered family.

“Yeah,” Balthazar said. “I don’t know why Vetis gave him trouble, though. Cassy should have destroyed him with a snap of his finger.”

“Could there have been something else helping him?” Sam asked.

Dean remembered what Castiel said before he passed out. He was ready to answer, but kept his mouth shut. He wanted to know what the angels knew.

Michael shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know,” he replied. “Something didn’t feel right about where we rescued him from. There could have been something, but we were so preoccupied with Castiel that we could have easily missed it.”

“We should go back and check,” Gabriel said.

“You guys should wait until Cas is better before you guys leave,” Bobby said before the angels could fly off. The three hunters could have easily taken care of Castiel, but Bobby needed to remind the angels that they were back on Earth to make sure their brother was all right.

Michael nodded. “Of course.” He wasn’t planning on leaving the house until Castiel was settled. He knew his brothers felt the same way.

Since everyone had calmed down, they all made their way back into the kitchen. If Castiel had heard the little spat between Dean and Balthazar, he didn’t show it. He was in the same position Dean left him in.

“Should we move him?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know if it’s safe to move him yet,” Gabriel answered. “And we don’t really know if his body can handle angel transport.”

“He’s not regaining consciousness any time soon,” Bobby answered. Not after all the blood loss and his ability to stay awake and alert through what everyone had to do to save his life.

“He doesn’t look good,” Dean said, looking down at Castiel.

“Dean,” Sam scoffed. He could not believe what his brother was saying stuff about Castiel’s appearance. He thought his brother had more tact than that.

“I mean, he looks pale. Too pale.” Now that all the blood and other fluids were cleaned off of him, he took the time to look at every injury that littered Castiel’s body. It looked unnatural for Castiel’s body to be so bruised and bloodied.

What was worse was he saw the scars of a certain sigil he carved into him years ago. He wondered if Castiel wasn’t able to or would never be able to heal those scars.

Sam’s eyes followed Dean’s and it took him a second before he realized what his brother’s eyes were glued to. “Dean,” he repeated, this time softer and more comforting. He wanted to find a way to tell his brother that this was not his fault. He could feel the blame seeping through his pores.

“He lost a lot of blood,” Gabriel said, not realizing what was happening between the two brothers.

Dean looked up to Bobby who immediately knew what he was thinking. “I’ll get the kit,” Bobby said and walked out of the kitchen.

“What are you going to do?” Michael asked. He watched as Dean sat down in the chair he was planted in for the last few hours and rolled up the sleeve of his shirt.

“He needs blood,” Sam answered.

“He doesn’t—”

“He may not, but his vessel does,” Sam said.

“And Dean’s a match?”

“O neg,” Dean answered. “Universal donor.” He wondered if this moment was luck or coincidence.

“Of course you are,” Gabriel replied.

“Sam, go buy me cookies,” Dean replied, ignoring Gabriel’s quip.

“Yeah. Sure thing.”

Bobby came back to the kitchen and Sam stepped out to buy Dean some cookies. The angels watched as Dean tied the tourniquet around his own arm and Bobby cleaned the inside of his elbow.

It didn’t take long after the needle was inserted before the bag started to fill with blood. When Dean had given enough, Bobby took the needle out and started working to get the blood into Castiel.

Dean bandaged himself up and walked to the living room. He lay out on the couch and hoped Sam would return soon with some cookies. He sighed and closed his eyes. He was tired, but he knew he wasn’t about to fall asleep. He opened his eyes when he felt someone in his bubble. It was Balthazar. He groaned, not wanting to get into another argument with him.

“Watch him this time,” the angel said.

“It wasn’t my fault,” Dean replied. But he knew that as many times as he said it something inside knew some, if not most, of it was his fault.

“He was under your watch.”

“Well, what makes you think he isn’t just going to fly out of here just like he did last time?”

“Because he can’t,” Gabriel replied.

“Care to share?”

Gabriel looked to Michael who had stood next to him. “The hounds reinjured his wings.”

“What?” Dean asked. He didn’t think it was possible. But more importantly, he knew that the angels were keeping something from him.

The angels could tell that they were caught, but they weren’t going to tell Dean the truth. Not yet. “If you don’t want to be the one to help him, just tell us and we’ll take him to the healers in Heaven,” Balthazar replied.

“No,” Dean said, adamant. “You think you dicks can take better care of him?”

“They’re our brothers.”

“Your brothers are the ones who did this to him.”

“Now they have their orders and they won’t hurt him,” Michael replied. Joshua had most likely told them what their orders were from their Father. They would be on Castiel’s side.

Dean recoiled. He knew that he and the angels weren’t on the same page. The angels in front of him were talking about the angels in Heaven that turned their backs on Castiel while he was talking about whatever fallen angel Castiel mentioned to him before he fell asleep. He kept what he knew secret. “Whatever, I still don’t trust them.”

“So, you’ll keep an eye on him,” Michael stated.

“Yeah. I’ll watch him. But you guys have to help us find a way to get rid of these Leviathans.” He could not focus his energy on those bastards if he wanted to give his full attention to Castiel.

“Of course,” Michael replied.

The angels looked like they were about to fly away, but Michael motioned over to Balthazar and they remained grounded. Balthazar rolled his eyes, irritated. “By the way, hold onto this.” He pulled something out of his coat pocket and tossed it to Dean.

Dean caught it, knowing that it wouldn’t have been a good thing if whatever he caught broke. When he opened his hand, he almost dropped the vial. “Holy shit. Is this his grace?”

“Quite observant of you, Dean,” Balthazar snapped.

“When did you take this from him?” He was there the entire time in the kitchen. He would have noticed the angels removing Castiel’s grace from his body. He remembered seeing it try to leave his vessel.

“Before we came here,” Balthazar answered.

“It took a lot longer to do it than we expected,” Gabriel added. “It’s why we were delayed.”

“Why would you take it? It could help him heal.” He needed to make sense of why the angels removed Castiel’s grace when all this time it could have been helping him.

“It won’t do anything for him. If it could, it would have already.”

“But why take it?”

“It was already working against him,” Michael answered.

“And we didn’t take all of it. Without it, there is no way that his vessel would survive,” Balthazar added. “There was no sense in letting it get infected by the hellhound bite. We took just enough that he can’t fly off and get into something like this again.”

“So, he still has some of his grace in him?” Dean wasn’t sure Castiel would be able to handle regaining consciousness as a human.

“Yes,” Michael answered. “But he can’t access it.”

“Well, he can,” Gabriel corrected.

“What’s the ‘but’?”

“Extreme circumstances.”

“Okay,” Dean said slowly, wondering what they felt would be considered ‘extreme circumstances’. He could hear the angel’s wings flapping anxiously behind them. “And where the hell are you guys going?” he asked. It wasn’t like them to just abandon Castiel while he was still healing. He hadn’t even regained consciousness yet.

“To find a way for you guys to fight the Leviathans.”

It was probably for the best. They didn’t exactly have time to waste. “And if Cas needs you?”

“We’ll know,” Michael said. Then the number of people in the house was cut in half.

Dean got up from the couch, finding it a little difficult to find his legs after giving blood. He hoped Sam would return with cookies soon.

He looked at the grace in his hand. He had to keep it safe, and away from Castiel. He had to put it somewhere Castiel wouldn’t find it and re-angelify himself before he was ready. Or before they had a chance to talk.

Dean could only thing of one place to put it. He headed toward the front door.

“Where are you going?” Bobby asked.

He put Castiel’s grace in his pocket. He knew exactly where he was going to stash it, but the location was off getting him cookies. Dean sighed. “Nowhere,” he replied. He walked back to the couch and sat down.

Ten minutes later, Sam walked in and threw a bag of chocolate chip cookies at him. Dean opened the bag and ate one of the cookies as fast as he could. He stared at Sam who rolled his eyes as he handed a jug of milk to him. Dean took two gulps before he set it down on the living room table. He grabbed his bag of cookies and went outside.

Dean went straight to the car they decided to use that week and popped the trunk. He dug through his weapons until he found what he was looking for in the back corner. He pulled it out of the car. He shook out the trench coat.

In the first few months after Castiel’s ‘death’ he kept the coat in the trunk, hoping to forget about it. Then after Bobby’s near-death experience, when it became too much, he pulled Castiel’s trench coat out of the trunk and got into the driver’s seat of the car. If he was going to deal with the people he cared about dying, he was going to deal with it all at once.

He didn’t know how long he stared at the coat, but it was long enough for him to memorize every blood and Leviathan ink stain on it. It was long enough for him to turn out all the pockets, hoping to find something Castiel felt about strongly enough to keep.

The pockets were empty.

And that was when the tears fell. He cried into the coat for Castiel and for Bobby and for everything falling apart around him.

He cried long enough that when he was done, his body hurt. He wiped the tears from his face, rolled up the coat, and stuffed it so far back into the truck that there was no way for him to accidentally see it.

Then, slowly everything came back together.

He knew it was ridiculous to think, but he wondered if there was something special about the coat. And because of that, he knew that it would be the safest place to keep Castiel’s grace.

He slammed the trunk closed and laid the trench coat on it. He ran his hand down it. As soon as Castiel got his grace back, Dean knew that the stains would be gone.

He pulled the grace out of his pocket and looked at it. It was blue, like Anna’s was, but brighter. Like the color of Castiel’s eyes, not that he looked that deeply into them. But it was unavoidable with all of the staring contests that Castiel had with him.

He pulled himself out of those thoughts and stuck the vial in one of the pockets. He refolded it, careful of the new item in it. He patted it down once before he opened the trunk again. He stuck it somewhere in the trunk where he didn’t have to worry about the weapons hitting it because of the way he drove.

He sent one more glance to the coat before he gently shut the trunk. He went back inside the house, cookies in hand, and prepared himself to watch a lot of TV until Castiel regained consciousness.

--------------

Five hours, and three-fourths of a bag of cookies later, Dean was bored. There was only so much Dr. Sexy a person could watch before he or she realized that there was no way their hospital should have been functioning as well as it did with all of the constant drama.

Dean stood up and went to the kitchen to make himself a sandwich. He couldn’t ignore the unconscious man who lay on kitchen table, in the same position he was when he had passed out. He walked over to Castiel to check his pulse and if he was feverish. When he saw that nothing had changed since the last time he checked three hours ago, he went to the fridge.

He grabbed all the ingredients he needed to make a sandwich and a beer. Once he put the sandwich together, he pulled out a knife and used it to pop the cap off of his beer. When he got ready to cut the sandwich in half a chill went down his spine.

As soon as Dean realized there was an extra person in the room and who the person was, he put himself between the newcomer and Castiel. It was a far cry from what happened the last time the three of them were in a room together. He had no idea what he could do to stop Death from taking anyone, but he’d try. “Michael! Gabriel!” he yelled. They appeared a second later, ready for whatever threat was in the room with them.

“Michael.” Death nodded at the oldest archangel. “Gabriel and Balthazar. Nice to see you in the land of the living.”

“Pale horse.” Michael greeted him with a nod. “Why are you here?” He wasn’t suspicious, only curious.

“Just wanted to see why you were all here.”

“Father wants us to help Castiel,” Balthazar answered.

“Are you here for business?” Gabriel asked. If Death was there to take someone, Gabriel wondered who it would be.

“No, not at all. This is a pleasure visit.”

“Pleasure?”

He snapped his fingers and a brown bag appeared in his hand. “I was hungry.” He reached in and took out a sandwich that was half eaten. He took a bite. He waited to swallow it down before he spoke. “I figured since I was in this state, I could come see my favorite angel.”

“Oh, Pale Horse, I’m flattered,” Gabriel joked, but everyone knew exactly who Death was talking about.

Death got rid of the paper bag in his hand. He walked over to the kitchen table and brushed his fingers through Castiel’s hair. “I wonder if I’ll ever have this angel,” he replied.

“Why?” Dean asked. He was nervous watching Death touch Castiel. He held himself back from wanting to cut Death’s hand off with the knife in his hand. He reluctantly set it down.

“He’s slipped through my fingertips so many times. I want to know how. And why.” He pulled his hand out of Castiel’s hair. He turned to look at the three conscious angels instead of the one unconscious one. “So, it’s just the three of you.”

“Yes. Why?”

“I thought…” his voice trailed off. He took a bite out of his sandwich. If they didn’t know, he wasn’t going to be the one to tell them.

“Thought what?” Gabriel asked.

“No, nothing important. You will find out soon enough.”

“I don’t like the way that sounds,” Gabriel replied.

“Take it as you wish. How is the young angel, anyway?”

“He’ll survive,” Dean answered.

“I have no doubt about that.”

“So, you aren’t here to take him.”

“Of course not. Like I said, this isn’t a business venture. Why take him when I’d only be able to cradle him for only a few moments before your Father brings him back? Why waste my energy?”

“Your energy is boundless,” Michael replied.

“True,” Death replied. “But it’s the principle of it.” Death took a seat at the kitchen table, not caring that an unconscious body was on it. “So, tell me. Do you know how to defeat the beasts running amok on this planet?”

“We haven’t found anything,” Gabriel replied. “You care to help us?” He knew Death was one of the few creatures who would have been able to help them find a way to defeat the Leviathans.

“Not really.” He took another bite of the burger. He snapped his fingers and a bag of chips and a soda appeared. He took a sip to help the burger down.

“Pale horse,” Michael replied. He was not above begging for a solution. Or at least a clue to where to start searching.

Death shook his head. He needed them to figure it out themselves. “I warned your Father about these beasts. I suggested He put them down, but you know your Father. He loves everything He creates. Even if it destroys. The worst hoarder in all of existence, if you ask me. He would rather His creations destroy each other.”

“If you knew how to defeat them, would you help us?” Dean asked.

“I’m supposed to be impartial, Dean. You know that.”

“Impartial. Right,” Dean scoffed.

Death stood up and glared at Dean. “Dean, you know that I like you, but don’t push it.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Death looked down at Castiel again. He gently grabbed the angel’s chin to turn his head to face him. “He’s troubled.”

“Obviously.”

“It will be interesting to see how he recovers.”

“Does that mean you’ll be stopping by often?” Michael asked. He only wanted to know because if Death showed up again, they wouldn’t be surprised and worried about who was going to be taken.

“Who knows? I do quite enjoy this,” he said as he held up his sandwich and took another bite of it. He reached into the bag and grabbed a potato chip. “It surprised me. I want to see what else it has to offer.”

Dean could not help but think Death wasn’t talking about the sandwich. “That is a lot of pressure to put on a sandwich.”

“It can handle it,” Death replied. He wiped his hand on Dean’s shirt. He reached over the table and placed his hand on Castiel’s forehead. He frowned when he could sense how the angel’s thoughts raced. When he lifted his hand, Castiel vanished from the table.

“Cas?” Dean yelled. “Where is he?”

“Oh, Dean. Imagine what would have happened if you showed this concern for him just a few months sooner?” Death replied. “Instead of asking me to kill him.”

Dean wanted to say something back, but he couldn’t find anything smart to say. Not when Death was right. If had only reached out sooner, than maybe he could have prevented all of this from happening. Anger seemed like the best response for Dean. “You know what—”

Michael grabbed Dean’s arm to stop him from attacking the horseman. “Dean, calm down, he’s in the guest bedroom.”

“I needed more space to eat,” Death replied.

Dean yanked his arm out of Michael’s grip. He took a few steps back to separate himself from everyone gathered around the table. “So, you can’t do anything to help us?” he asked Death.

“Not right now,” he replied.

“Then when?” He didn’t wait for Death’s answer because he knew he wouldn’t get one. “Never mind. Doesn’t matter. You’ll just do whatever you want while we’re here cleaning up all this shit.”

Dean stormed out of the kitchen leaving everyone confused. He wanted to go upstairs to his room, but instead, he went to the guest bedroom. He opened the door slowly and saw Castiel sleeping on top of the covers.

When he stepped into the room, he looked around and saw an extra blanket laid out on one of the chairs that had made its way out of the kitchen. He grabbed it and shook it out to unfold it. Then he laid it over Castiel.

He stared at him for a minute before he turned around and left the room. He then headed upstairs, but not without hearing the murmurs of everyone still in the kitchen. He really hoped that Death wasn’t going to be there when he came back downstairs. Whenever that was.

[Chapter 2] [Masterpost] [Chapter 4]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 2)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:02:14 GMT

Over the next few days, Castiel healed. Every time he’d leave the room, his steps were more even, his face was less bruised, and he sported less bandages. Like he said, he was healed within a few days. With his suit, minus the trench coat still in the truck of whatever car they were driving in that week, he almost looked normal.

But Dean could see a few differences in Castiel. He was guarded. He didn’t like people getting too close to him. He saw every time Castiel zoned one every time they talked about the Leviathans. The angel looked lost.

Dean wanted to talk to him, but there was never any time when they were left alone with each other. He wanted to talk before Castiel flew off to wherever he needed to go for his secret mission. Castiel and the angels left the cabin before he had the chance to speak with any of them.

Worse, Dean wasn’t sure how he was supposed to act now that Castiel was actually back. He wasn’t sure if he could call him for help on research, or hunts, or Leviathan information. He knew the last one was definitely off the plate. Asking him about the Leviathans would be like Sam asking him about Hell. He’d share when he was ready. Or it would become something that no one ever talked about.

Michael, Gabriel, and Balthazar made themselves scarce as soon as Castiel was up and flying. Dean didn’t mind. The weeks he spent in the cabin with them were enough angel time to last a lifetime. The angels promised to help them find a way to defeat the Leviathans, but the also made it known that Castiel was their first priority.

They flew around the world gathering books they thought would be useful to them. The only time they saw the angels was when they dropped the books off and every once in a while when the book was in a dead language and needed to be translated.

Bobby had decided that it was time to switch roles with the brothers and sent them back out on hunts. Dean silently cheered. He didn’t want to read any more. They took a hunt in Indiana involving werewolves and vampires.

The car ride was tense for Dean, but not because of anything that had to do with the hunt. It had to do with Sam. He knew his brother was ready to badger him and make him talk about his feelings. Dean had to prepare himself for whenever that time came because in a car, he could not avoid it.

Four and a half hours into the car ride, the question came.

“So, are you okay?”

Dean had to sigh at how predictable his brother was. “I’m fine,” he replied, those two words being the automatic answer for as long as he could remember. He wondered if it would ever be true.

“Dean, Cas is back.”

“I know that, Sam. Thanks.” If he was sarcastic enough, maybe Sam would leave it alone.

Sam shook his head. He knew that his brother didn’t want to talk about Castiel’s return, but he could see how much if was affecting him. “Dean, don’t act like his death didn’t affect you.”

“He came back. He always comes back.” How he acted the last couple of months didn’t matter now.

“But you weren’t sure.”

“Sam, leave it alone,” Dean warned. He knew if they kept talking about it, he wouldn’t be able to keep down everything he’d suppressed since he watched Castiel walk to his ‘death’. He figured it was best to answer his brother as vaguely as possible. “Yeah, I was sad when I thought he died. But he’s back, so I’m glad I didn’t shed a tear over it.”

“Okay,” Sam said, taking the hint. He got what he wanted and he could press his brother later.

“Good.” Dean changed the music from Metallica to Kansas. He was ready to sing along with the song, but he stopped when he heard Sam laughing. “What?” He was scared that Sam had finally lost it.

Sam needed to lighten the mood. “You were going to cry about Cas?” he said. He was a good listener. He caught things that his brother would say even when he didn’t realize it.

Dean was glad that they were on a straightaway and no other cars were on the back road. He leaned over and slugged his brother in the arm. “Bitch.” When he saw Sam winding up to hit him back, he grabbed the steering wheel. “Don’t punch the driver.”

Sam bitch-faced at Dean using that to get out of being hit. “Jerk.”

They arrived in Indiana more than four hours later. They stayed in an abandoned house, and lucky for them, it wasn’t as run down as the others they had been staying at recently. They caught a few hours of sleep before they suited up and went to the local authorities.

Two days later, they found the werewolves and vampires. They were kidnapping people, turning them, and forcing their newly turned to fight. The rescue was messy, and violent, and not in their favor, number-wise.

When the both of them were thrown into the fighting cage with a hungry vampire and werewolf, they were terrified. And when they didn’t have their weapons, they knew they were beyond screwed. They would not be able to take on a werewolf and vampire in hand-to-hand combat.

Dean could not believe he was about to die again. And by being eaten by a werewolf? At least, he hoped it was the werewolf. He had bad memories and a bad taste in his mouth when it came to vampires.

Dean and Sam backed as far away from the monsters as they could. Then the monsters lunged at them. Dean and Sam did the only things they could do. They threw their arms up to block their faces.

Dean peeked through his arms and saw the monsters suspended in the air. Dean put his arms down and saw Castiel standing behind the vampire and werewolf. He nodded at the brothers before he threw the monsters to the opposite side of the cage. “Cas,” Dean said, relieved.

“Close your eyes.”

Dean and Sam threw their arms over their eyes and turned around. They felt the warmth of Castiel releasing his grace. When the light died down, they dropped their arms and looked at Castiel. Dean jogged over to Castiel who stood in the middle of the cage. He wanted to talk to him before he disappeared. “Thanks, Cas,” he said. He reached up and put a hand on Dean’s shoulder, but quickly withdrew it when Castiel tensed. “Cas?”

Castiel turned around to look at the brothers. “Dean, if you need m… help, please don’t hesitate to call me next time.”

“Cas.” He really needed to talk to him.

“Dean,” Castiel said. He knew that Dean wanted to speak with him about the last few months, but he wasn’t ready.

“Yeah, sure thing.” He knew hen to push and when to back off. This was one of the times he needed to slowly back away, but he needed Castiel to know that he would be there when he was ready.

“Stay safe.” And he left them alone.

Dean stared at the spot where Castiel was for a couple of minutes. Until Sam pushed him. “What?”

“You two okay?” He watched the scene play out between Castiel and Dean. He was use to being ignored while the two of them talked. This was different. Something was not right with Castiel.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?”

“You don’t see anything weird about what just happened?” Sam asked.

“No. Why?” Dean asked.

Sam shook his head. If his brother was too dense to notice, he didn’t want to be the one to point it out. “We should get out of here. It’s starting to smell.”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed, but he wasn’t going to let go of what his brother said. The two of them left the cage and gathered their supplies from the abandoned restaurant to head back to Bobby’s.

They were only there for two days before they were on their next hunt. They were glad they weren’t holed up in the house anymore and having to read the same information over and over again. They were fine with leaving the research to the angels.

The next hunt was a wendigo in Virginia.

Dean and Sam didn’t need Castiel’s help during that hunt, or the next three, but when they were having trouble with a coven of witches, Castiel showed up. Dean didn’t realize how anxious he was about it until Castiel appeared. Castiel even brought them back to the house they stayed at since they were snatched from it.

Sam looked at Castiel and saw that he wasn’t rushing to leave. “I’m going to shower,” he said, knowing that Dean and Castiel needed to talk. He didn’t know the next time they’d get the chance. He made his way out of the living room as fast as he could without running.

“You flying away?” Dean asked when he heard the bathroom door close.

“I’m not needed anywhere at the moment,” Castiel replied.

“Not even for your super secret mission?” Dean asked.

“Are you upset with me, Dean?” He sounded nervous, like it could be a real possibility.

Dean could hear the unease and fear in Castiel’s voice. “No, I’m not,” he said, diffusing the situation. It was enough to get Castiel to nod. He noticed the tension that was still in Castiel’s shoulders. “I just want to talk.”

“We are talking,” Castiel replied.

“I know, Cas,” Dean sighed. He sat down on the dusty couch. “Finally.”

“What… what would you like to talk about?”

“What happened to you,” Dean said. He saw Castiel look like he wanted to fly out of the room as quickly as possible. “Don’t,” he warned. He was surprised when Castiel actually stayed.

“There isn’t anything to talk about, Dean.”

“Cas, you were held captive and tortured by the Leviathans.”

Castiel opened his mouth to correct the story, but he bit his lip to stop himself. There was no reason for him to burden Dean with that information. “Dean, I’ve been tortured before. This isn’t anything new.”

Dean had to take a moment to process how nonchalant Castiel was about it. He remembered the last time Castiel was tortured, or brainwashed, which lead him to meeting Jimmy Novak. He remembered what happened to their relationship as a result of it. At least this time Castiel wasn’t as cold or distant. “Yeah, well, I’ve gone through this before too. I know how to deal.”

“Do you?”

“Of course I do,” Dean scoffed, offended. He dealt with it, and he did it well. That’s what he told himself. He was ready for Castiel to call him on his bullshit.

Castiel sighed and shook his head. “Dean, I know how you dealt.” He was there for most of it. The nightmares, the anger, the breaking down.

“Yeah, well, you were there to help me,” Dean said. And he felt like a jerk. He couldn’t remember ever thanking Castiel for it. “I figured it’s about freaking time I return the favor.”

“Thank you, but your help is unnecessary.”

“Cas.”

“Dean. It’s in the past,” Castiel started. “I’ve dealt with it. Now can we please not talk about it anymore?”

“No,” Dean said, raising his voice. “We have to actually talk about it to not talk about it anymore.”

“Why?” Castiel shouted. “Why do you want me to relive it?” His eyes widened and he took a few steps back. He could not believe his outburst.

“Cas, talk to me,” Dean said.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” And with that Castiel was done. “If you need me, please call.”

Castiel flew off before Dean could convince him to stay. “Got it,” he replied to no one.

He ran into the shower as soon as Sam was done. He didn’t want Sam to ask about what happened between him and Castiel. When he was done cleaning up, he saw that Sam was already asleep.

Dean climbed into bed even though he knew he wasn’t going to fall asleep any time soon. He lay in bed hoping that they’d get another hunt soon. He did not want to think about Castiel and he knew that a hunt would be the only thing to take his mind off him.

They didn’t check back into Bobby’s cabin before they were off to their next hunt.

Castiel showed up at every hunt after that. If not to help them, to make sure they were all right. But he always acted strangely. Like apologizing if he took too long to show up. Or feeling embarrassed every time Dean or Sam would thank them. Or blaming himself when he wasn’t able to save someone.

It was very unangelic, and it only got worse.

--------------

Dean noticed a difference in Castiel’s demeanors when he’d help them hunts. When it came to witches, vampires, ghosts, demigods, and those types of hunts, Castiel was quick in ending the hunt. He’d send them to the great beyond with a snap of the finger or a flash of his grace. During those hunts, he was his normal, BAMF-y self.

But when they dealt with demons, he was vicious. It was almost as if they had done something to him personally. The kills were never quick. Dean and Sam would let him deal with the demons that way, afraid that if they interrupted him he’d turn his rage on them.

For most hunts, Castiel would stay for a couple of minutes to check if they were okay, but when demons were involved, Castiel disappeared as soon as he was sure the demons were dead. Before Castiel would disappear, Dean would notice how pale and distressed the angel looked. He always disappeared before Dean could ask what was wrong.

Sam asked him if he knew what was going on with Castiel, but Dean could only shrug and shake his head. He didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but every time he saw the angel, an idea formed of what could have happened. He didn’t want to think it was true, but the more he saw how Castiel reacted, the more he thought his assumption was true.

Two and a half months later, Dean had two reasons to find himself concerned enough to know he needed to talk to Castiel as soon as possible. First was because of the way Castiel acted every time he joined them on a hunt or saved them from almost getting killed. His eyes were darker, like there were too many emotions brewing beneath the surface and he didn’t know what to do with them. Second, because the angels would show up every once in a while wondering if he’d seen Castiel.

Dean knew something was suspicious if the angels weren’t able to keep track of him.

He gathered more evidence when Castiel saved them after he and his brother were cornered by half a dozen demons. He and Sam had no clue how to get out of the predicament. He had dropped the demon-killing knife and Sam had been thrown into a wall and knocked unconscious.

Castiel showed up a second before Dean was about to call for him. He pulled the demon choking Dean off of him and threw him into the far wall of the room. “Close your eyes,” Castiel growled.

Dean was scared. He’d never seen Castiel look so angry and feral. He immediately rolled over, shut his eyes, and tucked his face into the corner where the wall met the floor.

The room warmed up, and Dean heard screaming. It wasn’t the regular demon-leaving-a-meatsuit scream. It was one of pain. He knew that Castiel was hurting them. He wanted to take a look, but he didn’t want to go blind, even if Castiel could just heal him after.

“Cas!” he screamed, or at least tried to, over the demons’ screams. He had no idea if Castiel could hear him.

Then the screaming stopped. And the room cooled down.

Dean waited a couple of seconds before he felt it was safe enough to roll over. He was terrified of what he’d see. He rolled over and saw Castiel standing in the middle of the room, breathing hard. Every demon body was on the floor, dead.

Dean stood up, trying to keep his movements slow. Castiel was staring at one of the demons on the floor, and Dean didn’t want to surprise him. He took a few steps forward and Castiel still hadn’t acknowledged him. He saw how unsteady Castiel looked on his feet. “Cas?” he asked. He wanted to reach out and hold him still.

Castiel’s head shot up. He inwardly chastised himself for not being aware of his surroundings. It could have easily been another demon sneaking up on him. “Sam… Sam is all right,” he replied. He wiped the hand he used to pull the demon off of him against his suit jacket.

“Thanks,” Dean replied. He looked to the floor where Sam landed when the demon threw him and saw he hadn’t woken up yet. He was relieved to see his eyes weren’t bleeding.

“I should—”

“Cas, what happened to you?” Dean didn’t know where the question came from and why he felt the need to ask it at that moment.

Castiel’s eyes widened. He felt trapped. “No… nothing happened,” he replied.

“Then why are you so angry?”

“Leave it alone, Dean. Please,” Castiel replied, looking into Dean’s eyes. He didn’t want to talk about it. He could deal with it himself. He inhaled deeply, but when he caught a whiff of everything, he felt nauseated.

“No, Cas,” Dean said moving at a faster pace to be at Castiel’s side. It was more to help Castiel through being sick than to force him to talk. “Cas, what you did to the demons…”

Castiel looked around the room. He saw himself back in the hotel basement. He felt trapped. He shook his head. He needed to get out of those memories. “The demons. They…”

“They what?” Dean asked. He was terrified of how Castiel was going to finish the sentence. The only reply that Dean received was a flutter of wings and he was alone. “Fuck!” he yelled. Then he waited for Sam to wake up.

--------------

Sam regained consciousness a couple of minutes after Castiel left. He looked around and saw the meatsuits on the ground looking like they had been run over with a tractor. “What happened?” he asked. He knew there was no way Dean could have done that himself.

“Cas happened.”

Sam got up, shaky from getting hit in the head again. Considering how many times he’d been hit in the head recently, he hoped he didn’t suffer any permanent brain damage. He looked at the demons again. “Dean, this isn’t like Cas.”

“What do you mean?” Dean asked, following his brother’s eyeline.

“Dean, Cas usually just exorcises the demons. This. This… isn’t him,” he said, pointing to the nearest demon. He was covered in deep cuts and covered in blood.

Dean couldn’t look at the demons for very long. He knew what Sam said was right. Castiel didn’t torture. He wasn’t cruel. “I don’t know, Sam.”

“Something’s wrong with him.”

“I know.”

“So what do we do?”

“Fuck if I know,” Dean said. He wished he did. He looked at the demons littering the floor again. Everything about the scene around him screamed at him to help Castiel and soon. But he couldn’t deal with Castiel right now. He couldn’t even think about him. They had a job to finish first. “We should… clean this place up.”

“Yeah,” Sam said. “We can do that.”

--------------

Cleaning the house up involved carrying the bodies outside, and dumping them into a hole they dug. Then they set the bodies on fire. They couldn’t have anything leading back to them. They even considered burning the house down, but that would have been a little over the top.

When they got back to the house they were staying at, Dean jumped into the shower first because somehow he was a lot dirtier than his brother.

Dean threw on some clothes and went outside for some fresh air. He sat down on the trunk of the car they were using and sighed. He leaned back, putting his hands behind the head and looked up at the stars. The shower had worked to clear a few of the thoughts in his head. Now, he just really wanted to see Castiel. If only to see that he was all right.

When the angel showed up a second later, Dean was left to wonder if he had asked for that out loud. He sat up and saw Castiel standing a few feet in front of him.

“Dean,” he greeted with a nod.

“Are you ready to talk?” Dean asked.

Castiel let out a deep breath. His shoulders sagged. “Maybe.”

Dean perked up. He knew it was a step in the right direction that Castiel came back even when he knew what Dean wanted. “Okay. So talk,” he said.

“Dean. I don’t know…” Castiel replied. He slid his shaky hands into the pockets of his suit jacket so that Dean wouldn’t be able to see them shaking.

Dean could not ignore how much smaller Castiel looked without his trench coat. He looked so vulnerable. Dean thought about reaching into the trunk underneath him and giving the angel back something that was like a second skin to him. He decided against it knowing it’d be a distraction that they didn’t need.

Dean slid off the car trunk. He knew that Castiel was a second away from closing off. “Cas, just tell me. Please.” And Dean can’t help but feel like the biggest jerk-douchebag-asshole in the entire world. He was the king of keeping his feelings and problems bottled in. He had no right to make Castiel talk about his traumas. But he knew the damage that it could do. He knew that’s why was pushing so hard. He didn’t want Castiel to deal with it the way he did. He wanted Castiel to heal. “You said demons. What demons? What did they do?”

“Dean?” he whispered. He remembered the hotel. He remembered the demons. He closed his eyes, wanting to get those thoughts to leave him. “I’m… It… I can’t. I can’t, Dean.”

“No, Cas,” Dean said grabbing Castiel’s wrist to keep him from flying away. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway. If Castiel wanted to leave, Dean knew there wasn’t much he’d be able to do to stop the angel.

He could feel Castiel shaking.

“Dean, I can’t. Please don’t make me talk about it.” He tried to pull his hand out of Dean’s grasp without using his powers. He only felt the grip tighten. “Dean, let go.”

Dean released Castiel’s hand. He could see he was scaring Castiel by how wide his eyes had become. The last thing he wanted was for Castiel to think he was going to hurt him. “Cas.”

“Dean, I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t. I shouldn’t have to.”

Dean was finally fed up with Castiel avoiding talking to him. It angered him more than he thought it should have. “You know what, Cas, if you don’t want our help, we’re going to stop offering it.” The words left his mouth before he could stop that. He didn’t mean it, and he hoped that Castiel knew that.

He didn’t. The angel nodded, unable to say anything. Then he was gone.

“Cas?” Dean yelled. “Cas! Come back.” He stayed outside for almost two hours yelling, but Castiel never returned. Dean knew he had no one else to blame but himself.

He went back into the house, his voice nearly gone, and slept. At least he tried to.

--------------

A few hours later, Dean woke up to the sound of Sam talking to someone. He opened his eyes and saw Sam on the phone. From what he was talking about, he guessed he was talking to Bobby.

He got out of bed, washed his face with some cold water, and got ready to travel to their next hunt. He went through the motions, hoping that Sam wouldn’t notice something was bugging him, but it was difficult for him to hide everything. His body hurt from getting tossed around by demons. His throat felt like sandpaper and gravel were doing the salsa from yelling for Castiel. And he felt like shit because of what he said to Castiel last night. He hoped the last part was a sick dream, but he knew that it wasn’t.

He stood still for too long, and Sam noticed.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Dean tried to lie. Then he shook his head. New leaf. They weren’t going to lie to each other anymore. “No. I’m not.”

“What happened?” He was ready to check Dean for injuries from the night before. Sam was disappointed that he didn’t check for injuries the night before.

“Cas came by last night,” Dean mumbled, hoping that Sam couldn’t catch it.

“And?”

Dean knew that Sam was always a better listener. “And I made a huge fucking mistake.”

“Dean,” Sam said in a warning tone. “What did you do?” He knew he wasn’t going to like the answer.

Dean spent the next twenty minutes trying to tell the story without making him sound like such a dick. Sam was able to fill in the blanks, and even then, Dean still felt like a dick.

At the end of the story, Sam had to stand on the opposite side of the living room because he knew that if he was within reach of his brother, he was going to strangle him. “What the hell were you thinking?” Sam yelled. He looked around and made sure there wasn’t anything within reach that he could throw.

Dean dragged his hands down his face. “I don’t know, Sam.” Because now, a couple of hours later, he still didn’t know what compelled him to say those words to someone who needed his help. “I was pissed. He wasn’t talking to me. I want to freaking help him.”

“I should hit you right now.”

Dean sighed. “Go ahead. I deserve it.” He wanted it. It would help him feel a little better.

“You yelled at him? You told him we wouldn’t help him anymore? How you could say that? Why would you say that?” Sam was furious. He had never seen his brother turn his back on anyone before. Not when they were so close to breaking down. He thought that would be the last thing he would ever say. Especially since the person was Castiel. And especially after everything they’ve gone through together.

“I was pissed,” Dean repeated. And it made him hate himself just a little more.

“Then you should have hit him, like you usually do when someone pisses you off.”

“I would’ve broken my hand.”

“Then Cas would have healed it, then you guys would have talked.”

“Or not,” Dean replied. Because no matter how nice the situation sounded, it would not have ended that way. Castiel would have still flown off. But maybe he would have come back when he called.

“Damnit, Dean. Something is wrong with Cas, and you just told him that we weren’t going to help him figure it out.”

It had to be Sam to find a way to make Dean feel even worse than he already did. Last year, Castiel didn’t come to them for help, and set off this chain of reactions that brought them to this place. This time, Castiel came to him for help again, and Dean couldn’t be patient enough to hear what’s going on. “Just… just give it a few days,” Dean said. “We’ll both cool down, and then it’ll all be okay.” He was lying to himself. He knew it would be a miracle if Castiel came back after what he said.

“That’s bullshit and you know it, Dean.” Sam sighed and walked across the living room to stand in front of his brother. “Look, Dean. I don’t know what happened to Cas while he was with with the Leviathans. I know that it had to involve demons, but that’s it. All I know is it messed him up. Bad. Not just physically, because Cas isn’t Cas right now.”

“I know that,” Dean said. He walked past his brother. “I see it, Sam. The way he reacts to certain things. What he says sometimes. In his eyes. I know he’s not all right.” He said the last sentence in a whisper, like he didn’t want to admit it.

“Dean, we have to talk about what happened to Cas,” Sam said.

“No, we don’t. We don’t even know what happened, so we can’t talk about it.” If he was going to talk about what happened to Castiel, he’d talk about it with the angel first.

“But you suspect something.”

He did. He suspected a lot. “So? Do you know how messed up it is to think that is what happened to Cas?”

“Dean, not talking about it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. I didn’t want to bring it up, but—”

“Sam, shut up.” He had his suspicions. He didn’t need Sam to say it out loud.

“Dean, I think Cas was—”

“I know, Sam. I think so too.”

“What?”

“He didn’t tell me. But I’ve seen someone act this way before. I mean, not exactly the same, but…”

“So, you think he was—” He stopped talking when Dean put his hand up.

“He’s acting like it, isn’t he? I don’t want to assume that, but…”

“I know, Dean,” Sam said.

“I can’t think about that right now.” It was messed up that they couldn’t even say the word out loud.

“Yeah. But what do we do?”

“I don’t know, Sam,” Dean replied. “He doesn’t want our help.”

“Yeah, but how many times has he helped us without us asking for it?”

“I don’t know what to do,” Dean said. He wanted to help Castiel, he really did, but he didn’t know what to do without making the situation worse. It was too easy for him to let his emotions get in the way. And it was too easy for Castiel to think the anger and frustration were directed at him. If Dean was going to help Castiel, he knew he needed a plan first.

“We have to do something, Dean. We can’t let him deal with this by himself. The last time we didn’t help him, he almost got himself killed. He has no one right now. Sure, Michael and Gabriel and Balthazar are supposed to be watching him, but even they can’t keep track of him. We’re supposed to be helping him.”

“I tried.”

“For like a day.”

“He doesn’t want our help.”

“But he needs it. If you can’t be the one to give it to him, then you don’t deserve him as a friend.”

Those words were enough to knock some sense and more guilt into Dean. Because he didn’t deserve Castiel as a friend. After all this, Castiel deserved much better. But Castiel wanted him, and if that’s what Castiel wanted, he’d be there. “I’ll… I’ll talk to him,” Dean said.

“Soon,” Sam added, knowing that Dean would put off the confrontation as long as possible.

“Yeah. Soon.”

Sam smiled, satisfied. He grabbed his bag and left the cabin.

Dean felt like he lost in a conversation that should not have had winners or losers.

[Chapter 1] [Masterpost] [Chapter 3]

A Moment of Weakness (Chapter 1)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 21:54:37 GMT

Dean was ready to carve his eyes out with a spoon. He felt like he had been staring at the laptop screen for days, and it may have been true. He slammed the screen down when he found himself reading the same sentence for the tenth time. He lifted up his beer bottle, disappointed to find it empty.

“You okay?” Sam asked.

“No, Dean replied. “No, I’m not.” They had been locked in the cabin for over a week trying to plan their next moves. As much as they wanted to keep going on the regular hunts, they knew that they couldn’t continue doing that while the Leviathans ran rampant. They had to prioritize. That left them to doing research on how to kill the Leviathans while Bobby organized and went on hunts with whatever spare hunter he could find.

They hadn’t made any progress in the days they were there and it was taking a toll on both of them. “You—”

“No, we’re not going to talk about it,” he said. He did not like how much talking Sam expected him to do while everything was going to shit. He didn’t want to talk about Bobby’s miraculous recovery from his near death experience. He didn’t want to talk about if Crowley was involved or not even though everything in him screamed that he was. He didn’t want to talk about the Leviathans.

Dean stood up and walked into the kitchen. He needed another drink.

“You aren’t drinking anymore.”

“Why not?” Dean snapped. He knew it was probably the best idea if he didn’t, but the alcohol was helping him deal.

“Because it’s eleven in the morning.”

“New record,” Dean replied, continuing to the kitchen. He grabbed a beer and popped it open with the edge of the counter. “Have you found anything?”

“What do you think?” Sam replied, throwing the pile of papers he was reading on the couch.

“This is ridiculous. How are we supposed to fight monsters that God had to tuck away in their own little jail cell?” The situation became bleaker with each passing day they didn’t finding any useful information.

“I don’t know, Dean.” His brother’s despair was contagious.

Dean took a sip of his beer and set it down on the kitchen table. “We’re running around with our thumbs up our asses. Yeah, we got one break with the borax thing, but now that the Leviathans know we know about it, how often do you think we’ll be able to use it?”

“I don’t know, Dean,” Sam repeated, irritated. He couldn’t take his brother ranting at him anymore. “But we…” His voice trailed off when he heard a sound he’d never thought he’d hear again. He looked up and stared at the stranger in the living room. “Dad?” Sam asked.

“That’s not dad,” Dean said. The man in front of them could have been their dad if he was shorter and scrawnier and alive, but he wasn’t their father.

“I’m not your father,” Michael replied. He raised his hands up to show the brothers that he wasn’t a threat to them.

“Then who the hell are you?” Dean asked. He pulled his gun out of his waistband and pointed it at the stranger in the living room. When he didn’t get an answer soon enough, he took the safety off the gun.

“Michael.”

“Michael,” Sam said. “Like the same Michael who is supposed to be locked away in the cage right now?” He slowly pulled his gun out and pointed it at Michael too.

“Well, I’m not at the moment.”

“Obviously. Okay,” Dean said, cautious. “So, what are you doing here?”

“Someone needs your help.”

“Well, we’re busy,” Dean said. They couldn’t exactly take a break from finding a way to kill the Leviathans to help someone who wanted to destroy the world a year ago. Especially since that someone wanted to use his body to do so.

Michael sighed, knowing that the brothers would be difficult in having to deal with him. He knew that he needed to earn their trust, though he didn’t have time for that. He’d earn it later. “Gabriel. Balthazar.”

The two angels appeared in the living room with Balthazar carrying an unconscious Castiel in his arms. “Hello, boys,” Gabriel said.

“Cas?” Dean whispered. He could not believe the scene he was looking at. “Is that Cas?” He ignored everyone else in the room. Castiel was more important than the two angels that were supposed to be dead and an angel who was supposed to be in a cage in Hell standing in the living room. He felt like he was going to be sick.

“Yeah,” Gabriel said.

“What the hell happened to him?” Dean said, putting his gun down and stepping forward. He could see the injuries that coved Castiel’s body. He stopped when his brother grabbed his arm. He spun around to glare at him.

“I need a place to set him down,” Balthazar said. It wasn’t that the body he held was heavy; he was an angel. Castiel didn’t look comfortable in his arms.

“Is… is he in danger?” Dean asked.

“No,” Balthazar replied. “I need to put him somewhere.”

“Bed, second room on the…” Dean stopped talking when Balthazar vanished from the room. He would never get used to them leaving without warning. He turned back to Michael and Gabriel. He didn’t want to think about how battered Castiel looked even if it was the only image in his thoughts at the moment. He needed to take his mind off of Castiel for a second. He had a lot of questions that needed answers. First he needed to get information out of the archangels. “How do we know you guys aren’t the ones who did this to him?”

“Think about what you’re asking, Dean,” Gabriel said. “Really think about it.”

“I’m thinking that you guys are punishing him for stopping your Apocalypse.”

“You know that I didn’t want the Apocalypse to happen, Dean,” Gabriel yelled.

“Yeah, but what about the stoic man next to you? He was all gung-ho to use me and destroy the planet.”

“I thought those were my orders,” Michael replied.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah?” he challenged. “And what are your orders now?” If their new orders involved hurting them or Castiel, Dean was ready to trap those angels in Holy Oil and stab them in their throats.

Michael looked to the floor. “To help Castiel.” He shook his head and looked at Dean, hoping to make eye contact. He needed to make sure Dean understood. “Our orders are to help Castiel.”

Goosebumps formed on Dean’s arm as he listened to the conviction in which Michael spoke. “So why bring him here?”

“Because it’s what he wanted. He said you needed him. He said you’d been calling for him.”

“Why would I—”

“Michael!” Balthazar yelled from the other room. “Cassy, calm down.”

Before Dean could say anything, Michael and Gabriel disappeared from the living room. Dean and Sam looked at each other before they ran to where Balthazar put Castiel. They were blocked from getting into the room by a wall of angels. “Move,” Dean said, pushing past Michael and Gabriel. The archangels stepped over, but Dean didn’t move further into the room.

Dean stared at a naked Castiel who stood on the other side of the bed, as far away as possible from everyone in the room. His eyes were wide and unfocused, like a wild animal. “I… I killed you,” he said to Balthazar. He brought his hand to his chest and saw that he was bleeding again. He reopened his wounds.

“You did a really bad job at it,” Balthazar said.

“How?”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it now, Cassy. Just get in bed and sleep. When you wake up, we’ll explain everything.”

Castiel shook his head. He couldn’t sleep. Not yet. Not when he was free. He had too much to do. “Is Dean all right? Michael said he’d bring me to Dean.” It was the last thing he remembered before he was put to sleep.

“He’s fine,” Michael replied.

Castiel looked over at his eldest brother. “I… I need to talk to him.”

“What could you possibly talk to him about right at this second?”

“Balthazar, please,” Castiel said.

“You can talk to him when you’re feeling better,” Gabriel said.

Castiel looked to the new voice in the room. “Gabriel? You’re alive too?” His mind had to be playing tricks on him. It had to be another one of Nybbas’s illusions.

Gabriel nodded. “Yeah, bro,” he replied. He stepped forward to stand next to Balthazar. “So, why don’t you crawl into bed so we can talk about it when you’re thinking straight.”

“Nybbas. Jezebeth. Please, stop.” Castiel let out a shaky breath. He brought a hand up and massaged his temple. “This is too much. How have they imitated your grace?”

“Castiel, listen to me, you’re safe,” Michael said, stepping toward Castiel tentatively. He didn’t want to scare his brother any more than he already was. He was almost thankful that Castiel’s wings were injured so he couldn’t fly away. “Father brought us back to help you.”

“Father is gone.”

“He’s not, Castiel,” Michael pleaded. “You have to believe me.”

“I can’t anymore, Michael. I do, and it always ends the same way. Just more pain,” Castiel replied. “I can’t anymore.”

“Castiel!” Michael yelled, shaking the entire room. “You listen to me. We got you out. You asked us to bring you to Dean, and we did. Look.”

On cue, Sam pushed his brother forward. Dean stumbled for a couple of steps before he regained his balance. “The hell, Sam?” Dean growled. His anger quickly receded when he looked at Castiel. It didn’t make sense to him how Castiel was still on his feet with the injuries that he had.

“Dean?” Castiel said, surprised, relieved, and scared. He held his hand out and an angel sword appeared out of thin air. Castiel slowly limped his way to Dean.

“Cas?” Dean asked. He was scared, but he could not move away from the oncoming danger. He held his breath when Castiel stopped a couple of feet in front of him.

Castiel held his sword out with a shaky hand. He flipped it around so the blade faced him instead of Dean. “Don’t worry. Manifestation or not, I would never hurt you.”

Dean reached out and grabbed the handle of the angel sword. Once Dean had it firmly in his grip, Castiel let go. “Cas?” he whispered. He had no idea what Castiel wanted him to do with it.

Castiel stepped forward and put his hands around Dean’s hand. He looked up and into Dean’s eyes; eyes that he’d looked into so many times before. He would convince himself that this moment was real. He desperately needed it to be real. “Make the pain stop, Dean,” he whispered. “Please.” He slowly walked to Dean.

“Cas. I don’t know what I can do.” He watched as Castiel kept moving toward him, ignoring the blade between them. “Cas, what are you doing?” He tried to pull his hand out of Castiel’s but the grip was too strong.

Castiel opened his mouth, preparing to answer, but before he could, he collapsed with the sound of a snap. Dean looked around and saw Gabriel with his hand up. The archangel did this.

“You could’ve caught him,” Gabriel said.

“You could’ve warned me you were going to knock him out,” Dean countered.

“Stop it, both of you,” Michael said, putting himself between the two of them. He had been with Gabriel for an hour at the most and he was already tired of his antics. “There were other ways to go about this, Gabriel.”

“You heard what he was saying, Michael,” Gabriel argued. “You know what he was asking Dean to do.”

“He’s not in his right mind, Gabriel. For all he knows, this could be another vision. He…” His voice trailed off when Sam walked through the archangels and knelt down next to Castiel.

He pulled a blanket off of the bed and threw it over the sleeping angel. Then he gently picked him up. He put him back on the bed. “You guys can’t heal him?” Sam asked.

“We tried and made it worse,” Michael replied.

“I’ll grab some stuff so we can patch him up.” Sam spun around to look at Dean who was still standing in the same position he had been since he pushed him, staring at the figure on the bed. Sam walked over to his brother. He needed to snap him out of the trance he was in. “Dean?” he asked, putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder and shaking him. He needed his brother’s help to fix Castiel’s wounds.

Dean shook his head and blinked a coupled of times. He looked up at his brother and almost jumped back to see him so close to him. “Keep this away from him,” Dean said, grabbing Sam’s hand and putting the angel sword in it. He ran a hand down his face then turned and left the room.

“Where are you going?” Sam asked.

“Out. I’ll be back in a couple.”

“Of what?” Sam asked. “Dean?” He followed him, but was unable to catch up to him. Dean slammed the front door in his face. “Dean!” he yelled after he yanked it open.

“You still think bringing him here was the best for him?” Gabriel asked, watching Sam chase after his brother.

Michael looked at Castiel then at the door Dean just walked out of. “Yes. I do.”

--------------

Hours later, Sam finished turning Castiel into a mummy and Dean still hadn’t returned to the cabin. Sam took his time cleaning up the mess in the guest room. He did not want to talk to the angels without anyone around. He was glad that they gave him his space as he sewed and cleaned and bandaged the injured man.

He put away the medical supplies, making a note of what he’d have to get more of the next time they went to the store. When that was packed away, he grabbed all of the blood-covered washcloths and tossed them into the nearest bathroom. He’d bleach them later.

He stepped into the living room and saw the three angels reading over the papers and articles and books he and Dean had left lying around. “It’s amazing the information humans have,” Michael mumbled. “In the entire existence of the world, humans only take up a handful of moments, if that. Yet you have so much information about things before you.” He was in awe.

“Is Cas still an angel?” he asked, setting the medical kit down under the coffee table that Gabriel rested his feet.

“He still has his grace,” Gabriel said, putting down the paper he was reading. He remembered seeing it try to escape his vessel when Michael tried to heal him. “It’s pained, but he still has it.”

“Okay,” Sam said with a sigh. The information relieved him. He wanted to ask more questions about the angel, but he knew his brother would be the one to do so once he returned. “So, God tells you to come down and help Cas, and you just do it?”

“Yeah,” Gabriel replied.

“Where was He?”

“That is a good question,” Gabriel said with a clap of his hands. But it was a question he did not want to answer. “Balthazar?”

Balthazar shook his head when everyone in the room looked at him. “Don’t look at me,” he said. “Today was the first day I’ve seen our Patriarch’s face. If anyone knew where Father’s been hiding, it would be Michael.”

“I don’t know,” Michael replied. “I’d never seen that location before today.”

Sam was ready to press for a deeper answer, but he heard how dejected the oldest Archangel sounded. He felt sorry for the archangel. He knew all of the bull Michael had gone through because he thought he was doing the right thing. “Okay. Next question. Which one of our relatives are you wearing?” he asked. He could see some familial resemblance between his dad and the man Michael was using. He had never met anyone from their dad’s side of the family, so the man in front of him could have been anyone. It could have been his uncle.

“His name is Harold Atkins. He’s your dad’s second cousin. They share the same grandfather.”

“So, why did he say yes?”

“He has nothing anymore. He lost his job, and his wife took his three children away because he wasn’t able to provide for them. He sees them maybe three times a month. He was also addicted to gambling.” Michael stood up from his seat, closing the book he was already more than halfway through reading. “He was turning his life around. Wanted to dedicate his life to God.”

“No better way to do that then become a vessel for an angel,” Sam said, his tone painted with sarcasm.

“He said yes, Sam,” Michael replied, the sarcasm and irritation not lost on him. “I don’t take anyone against their will.”

“Not anymore.” It was hard to forget that this calm and serene angel was the same one who wanted to use his brother to fight an Apocalypse.

“I would have never taken your brother unless he said yes.”

“You were just so keen on breaking him that in the end it’s what he would do.”

“But he didn’t.” Something inside of him knew that Dean never would.

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “Because Dean—” He was cut off by the sound of the front door swinging open and slamming against the wall. “Dean?” He stared at his brother who looked worse for the wear than when he left. “You’ve been drinking,” he stated, smelling the alcohol when Dean walked past him.

Dean turned and glared at him. “And what?” Of all things he wanted to get a lecture from his brother about, he thought his drinking would be one of the last things on the list.

“Were you driving like this?”

Dean did not want to answer the question because he knew Sam already knew the answer. He grew tired of the conversation and turned his anger on the archangel. “What the hell happened to him?” he yelled. He looked into the bedroom and saw Castiel still lying on the bed. “Tell me what happened to him.” His entire body was shaking as he spoke.

“Are you able to take care of him?” Michael asked, calm. It wouldn’t do anyone good if he became angry and frustrated with the situation.

Michael’s demeanor only made Dean angrier. Maybe the alcohol was a bad idea. “You can’t just drop him on Bobby’s doorstep, looking like he’s been through a blender, without telling us what happened.”

“You left before we could tell you anything,” Balthazar replied.

“Well, I’m back,” Dean replied. “And I want some answers.”

“He asked us to bring him here.”

“Then do something and heal him.” He yelled, but he was begging too. If this was real, and Castiel was back, he didn’t want to have to look at him while he looked so broken.

“We can’t,” Balthazar said, irritated. Surely, Dean had to think they tried it already.

“Or won’t.”

“We already tried,” Michael said, still so calm.

“Where the fuck has he been?” Dean asked.

“The Leviathans had him,” Gabriel answered.

Dean felt his heart drop to his stomach. He blinked slowly. “So, he wasn’t dead.”

“No.”

“They had him this entire time?” And that was enough to break Dean down. Sam rushed to his side and helped him over to the couch. He rested his elbows on his knees then buried his face in his hands. “He died,” Dean whispered.

“So have five out of the six people in this house right now,” Gabriel replied.

He looked up at Gabriel, glaring. “The Leviathans said he died.” That’s why he hadn’t even thought about looking for him. He just accepted Castiel was dead. How messed up was that?

“They lied,” Gabriel said each word as if it were its own sentence. “Seriously, Dean. Haven’t you learned anything?”

“They had him this whole time?” He couldn’t imagine the Leviathans holding Castiel all this time and him not having a clue. They didn’t even think to look for him. And while he and his brother were dealing with everything else, Castiel was being tortured.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you know what they did to him?” Dean could have figured out most of it from just looking at Castiel’s body. He recognized burn patterns, the size of the stab wounds, the shapes of bruises. He was all too familiar with it. He hadn’t had the chance to check Castiel over himself, but he wanted to know if the angels knew something he didn’t.

“I don’t know,” Michael repeated. He hadn’t had a chance to check Castiel’s mental state, but from what he’d seen so far, it wasn’t good. He could have easily read Castiel’s mind, but he was not going to invade his brother’s privacy that way.

“Well, will he be okay?” He asked because he knew there’d be a direct correlation between Castiel’s well-being and his own.

“Dean, I don’t know.”

“Then what the fuck do you know?” Dean yelled.

“Dean, calm down,” Sam said.

“Don’t…” Dean made a fist and pressed it to his lips to keep him from saying something he’d regret later. He swallowed hard, trying to keep down all the grieving that was threatening to surface. The alcohol in his system was not helping. “Why did you bring him here?” he asked, his voice shaky.

“He wanted to see you,” Balthazar said.

“Then you should have brought him here after you healed him.”

“We can’t heal him. And besides, he didn’t want that,” Michael replied. “The first thing he wanted to do when he found him was see you.”

Dean did not want to hear about Castiel asking for him after being tortured. “You’re his brothers,” he said, jumping to his feet. “You’re supposed to be looking out for him.”

“Well, we don’t have the luxury of having the relationship that you have with your brother,” Balthazar said. “And we like to do things rationally instead of trying to sell our souls every time the other dies.”

By then, Dean had calmed down and sobered up. He looked back into his room, wondering if all of his yelling woke Castiel up. He was glad that Castiel hadn’t moved. Then he realized how morbid the thought was. Just looking at Castiel was enough to pacify him. He knew he had enough pent up aggression to be angry and frustrated for days, but now he just felt tired. “So, you’re going to hole up here until Cas wakes up?”

“Yeah,” Gabriel said.

“Then what?” Sam asked.

“We won’t know until Cassy wakes up.”

Dean sighed. He didn’t want to be in close quarters with the angels. He still didn’t trust them. But he knew that they had to take care of their brother. “Well, you guys might as well be useful and help us find a way to get rid of those Leviathan bastards.”

“Yeah, we’ve got nothing,” Sam added, picking up a couple of books.

“We can do that,” Michael replied when Sam put the books in front of him. He held one of them out and Balthazar grabbed it. He took one and flipped to the first page.

--------------

Three days later, Bobby returned to the cabin. Even though Bobby was informed of the newcomers, he was still surprised to see the angels sitting in the living room, reading, and looking strangely human.

After Bobby put away his weapons, he went into Castiel’s room. He stayed in there for a couple of minutes to check over Sam’s wrapping and for signs of infection, even though he knew Sam did a good job. He needed the excuse to stay in the room a little longer.

When he left the room, his eyes were red, but no one mentioned it. He was glad to see the angel. It wasn’t the same reaction as when Castiel sent the souls back to Purgatory and survived, but he was guarded. He didn’t want the relief and happiness to be ripped away from him again. Castiel was one of his boys, and he did not know if he could take it if he lost him again. “So, how is he?” he asked Dean.

Dean could only shrug. He hadn’t been in the room since Castiel gave him his sword and asked him to kill him. At least, that’s what he assumed he was asking him to do.

Since then, only the angels and Sam had been in the room. They were never in there long. Sam would go in to check and change the bandages when they were soaked with blood. The angels would go in the room to send Castiel into a deeper sleep when he sounded like he was waking up in pain.

Dean wondered if Castiel had nightmares. Then he thought about how horrible it must be to have nightmares only to be sent further into them instead of having to deal with real life pain. He didn’t know which option would have been better.

“He’s healing,” Sam answered.

Bobby didn’t have any more questions about Castiel since Sam briefed him on the situation a few days ago. “So, have you found anything new about the Leviathans?”

“Nothing,” Sam replied. “The books just keep repeating the same things. A few details here and there are changed, but nothing relevant.”

“And what about you guys?” Bobby asked, turning to the angels. “You don’t have anything to add?”

“No,” Michael replied. “They were put away before we were created. And all we’ve heard were stories. We don’t know how to defeat them.”

“Well, that’s just great,” Dean said.

“Dean,” Sam said.

“Why is this our problem anymore?” Dean knew he sounded irritable. He was. He was glad that Castiel was back, even he wasn’t willing to accept it just yet. He, like Bobby, was cautious. And he was tired. And frustrated. And he didn’t want to have to deal with any of it anymore.

“Because those things are killing people,” Sam replied.

Dean let out a deep sigh that seemed to deflate his entire body. “I know, I know,” he said. It sounded apologetic enough. “I’m just…”

“You should go see him, Dean,” Michael said.

“This has nothing to do with him,” Dean said convincingly enough. They were talking about the Leviathans. There was no reason for them to bring Castiel into it.

“Dean, pull your head out of your ass and go sit with him,” Sam yelled. He was tired of his brother’s bullshit. “You haven’t been within ten feet of that room since they brought him here.” He knew he was aiming below the belt in revealing something that only he was aware of, but he knew what was best for his brother. And he knew Bobby would support him after learning how stubborn Dean was acting.

“What?” Bobby asked. He could not believe what he had heard. “Boy.”

It was all Bobby needed to say and Dean got off the couch. “Fine,” he hissed. He walked into the room and slammed the room door shut behind him.

He flinched when he realized it could have been loud enough to wake him up. He looked at the bed and realized that Castiel wasn’t waking up any time soon.

He looked around the room for a chair or something to sit on, but found none. Rooms in the cabin were mostly used for sleeping. If someone needed to sit, there were enough couches and chairs in the living room and kitchen. He settled for sitting on the bed. He was content with sitting in the room if it meant he didn’t have to deal with everyone outside ganging up on him. It happened way too much the last few days and he knew that it’d only continue since he wasn’t going to fight back. He deserved all the crap they were throwing at him.

After a couple of minutes, he finally looked at Castiel. For the first time since Castiel was brought to the cabin, Dean was able to catalogue what happened to him. Most of the injuries were covered in bandages and wrappings, but Dean remembered what was under them. He tried not to look before Castiel passed out, but there was so much blood that his eyes kept going to Castiel’s body. He never thought Castiel was capable of bleeding so much. That image stuck with him.

He pulled the blanket down to Castiel’s waist. He lifted up one of Castiel’s hands, and saw the wrist bandaged up. He could tell he was restrained. And he struggled and fought. He set the hand back down on the bed. He saw how tightly Sam wrapped his chest and knew Castiel had a few broken ribs, which meant there would be bruises on the surface. He noticed the drops of blood seeping through the bandages in a straight line down the middle of his chest. He didn’t want to know how deep that wound went.

He wondered if Castiel actually felt the pain the Leviathans put him through.

He leaned forward and took Castiel’s chin in his hand. He moved his face from side to the other. The swelling around his eyes was going down. The bruising on his jaw and neck was also fading. The cuts on Castiel’s lips were slowly healing too. He had an urge to put some chapstick on him because the state his lips were in made him look dehydrated.

He stood up and pulled the blanket all the way off. He was thankful that someone had the mind to give him a pair of boxers so he wasn’t lying in bed naked. He saw that Sam had wrapped both of Castiel’s ankles. He remembered how Castiel struggled to walk over to him those days ago. Hopefully they were just sprained and nothing was broken.

He grabbed the edge of the blanket and pulled it back up Castiel’s body. He got the blanket up to his waist when a hand on his arm stopped him. He immediately let the blanket drop and looked up to Castiel’s face.

Dean saw Castiel’s eyes open, but there were glazed and unfocused. “Cas?”

“Dean,” he said with a smile. He blinked a few times to clear his vision. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“You okay, Cas?” Dean knew Castiel wasn’t in the right state of mind from the way he was acting.

“I’ll be fine until you do something.”

“What are you talking about?” Dean asked. What did Castiel think he was going to do to him?

“Using his face is becoming tiresome, Jezebeth,” Castiel said.

“Cas, I don’t know who you think I am, but I’m real. I’m Dean.”

“You’ve said that so many times.” Maybe one day, when they’ve actually broken him, he’d believe it.

Dean didn’t know what he could do to make Castiel believe him. He had no idea how to convince the angel that he was real. “Cas, you’re safe,” Dean replied. He was shaking. The bastards that were torturing Castiel had the gall to use his face while they did it. If things weren’t personal before, they definitely were now.

“Until your next torture.”

“Damnit, Cas,” Dean said, sitting on the edge of the bed. He reached over and grabbed Castiel’s right hand. He brought to his left shoulder; the shoulder where his handprint was. “It’s me,” Dean said. “There are no demons that know about this. Only you, me, Sam, Bobby, and maybe a few angels. But you know your own handprint, Cas.”

Castiel’s hand shook against Dean’s arm. He tried to pull his hand away from Dean’s arm, but the grip on his wrist was too tight. Finally Dean let him go, but Castiel kept his hand on the shoulder. He rubbed his hand against the raised skin. “Dean?” he said in the same exact tone that he said it the last time he was conscious.

“I’m getting tired of your questioning if I’m me, Cas.”

Castiel swallowed hard and stared at the ceiling. The placed the hand that Dean held over his heart. “Dean, why didn’t you save me?”

Dean froze in his seat. He wanted to jump off the bed put a lot of space between the two of them, but he couldn’t move. “I… I don’t know,” he replied. Because honestly, how the hell was he supposed to answer a question like that. “Cas.” He thought he was dead. If he had known Castiel was still alive, he would’ve found a way to help him.

Castiel reached forward and put a hand on Dean’s. He squeezed it. “It’s okay,” he said with a smirk. “I don’t think I deserved it either.”

“Cas.” Dean was about to say something else, but Castiel turned on his side and started coughing. “Cas?”

“Nybbas. Abbadon, stop,” Castiel gasped.

“Cas?” Dean shouted. He grabbed him by his shoulder, trying to help him through the fit. He didn’t know what else he could do as Castiel curled into himself and started to throw up blood. “Hey, Cas, you have to breathe.” He looked up when he heard the sound of wings flapping in the room.

Balthazar pulled him off the bed while Michael and Gabriel tried to treat Castiel. “Why didn’t you tell us he was awake?” Balthazar hissed.

“Well, you know now,” Dean growled. He walked out of the room, sending one more look to the bed as Michael and Gabriel tried to calm Castiel down before he slammed the door behind him.

--------------

Dean didn’t go back into the room again no matter how many dirty looks he got from everyone. He couldn’t. Not with the fear of triggering another bloody vomit attack. He convinced himself that being in the same room as Castiel was detrimental to his healing. Once Castiel was back to his angelic self, then he’d go and see him.

A week and a day after they first brought Castiel to the cabin, Castiel walked out of the room with the help of Gabriel. He looked out into the living room, nervous that all eyes were on him.

“Hello, everyone,” Castiel whispered after Gabriel leaned over and whispered something to him. Castiel nodded. Whatever Gabriel had said to him calmed him.

“Hey, Cas,” Sam said. He stood up from the kitchen table, the article he was reading forgotten. He walked over to Castiel. “It’s good to see you up and walking,” he said.

“Thank you,” Castiel replied. His gaze dropped to the floor, unable to look at Sam after all the pain he caused him. “And thank you for ministrations that you have provided for me. Gabriel told me that you were the one who did this.” He ran his hands over the bandages on his chest.

“Yeah. They said that they couldn’t heal you, so I figured you probably needed some human treatments.”

“Thank you. It helped.”

Sam nodded. He grabbed one of Castiel’s arms, ignoring how he tensed under his hold, and helped him over to the couch. The same couch that Dean sat on. Dean was lucky Sam wasn’t a dick and had the thoughtfulness to put a cushion between them.

Dean looked over and saw how exhausted Castiel was from the short walk from the bedroom to the couch. He wanted to tear Gabriel a new one for letting Castiel out of bed before his body was ready. The archangels had only let Castiel regain consciousness three days ago. It was too soon for Castiel to be walking around. He decided against starting an argument with the angels. He’d wait to see how the next few minutes played out and if he still felt the same way, he’d wait until Castiel was back in his room sleeping to let the angels know what he was thinking.

Dean watched Castiel who kept his eyes they entire time. “You still think I’m an illusion?” he asked.

Castiel shook his head. “Gabriel has assured me that everyone in here is real.”

“Good,” Dean replied.

Then he got up from the couch and everyone was afraid that Dean was going to go out to the bar and drink like he did every time he didn’t want to deal with something. He surprised everyone by going to the kitchen.

Sam and Bobby watched him to make sure he didn’t reach for a beer.

Dean reentered with two bottles of water. He sat back on the couch. He opened one of the bottles and held it out to Castiel. “Drink,” he said. “You... your vessel looks dehydrated.”

Castiel’s gaze went from the water bottle to Dean, then to Michael. He had no idea what was going on, but then he saw that Dean was doing something nice for him. He reached for the bottle and accepted it with a shaky hand. It shook violently enough that some of the water sloshed out and onto his hand. He held the bottle for a moment, taking a few breaths to calm himself down. He was about to take a sip, when he looked up at the mention of his name.

He saw Dean standing over him. “Yes?” he answered, knowing that Dean was the one who called him.

Dean put his hand on Castiel’s and put a straw in the bottle. “Before you spill it all over yourself,” he said. Then he sat back down on the couch.

Castiel brought the straw to his lips and drank down half the bottle in one go. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he actually was. He set the bottle down on the coffee table in front of him. “I should be back to my normal state within a week.”

“Don’t rush it, Cas,” Bobby said. “Take all the time you need.”

“Thank you, Bobby,” Castiel said and smiled. “But I think it would be best if you were able to resume what you were doing without needing to tend to me.”

“Cas, it’s okay,” Sam replied. He knew the guilt that Castiel was feeling, but he had forgiven him for everything months ago. Castiel stopped the Apocalyspe. Sure, he let the Leviathans out, but at least they didn’t have to deal with them on top of angels trying to destroy the world. Looking after him while he healed was the least they could do.

Castiel looked at Dean. “I know,” he replied. “But you have things to do, and so do I.”

“What do you have to do?” Dean asked. He looked at Castiel, not surprised to find the angel staring at him. He held the angel’s gaze. He wanted answers.

“It’s none of your concern,” Castiel replied.

“Cas,” Dean warned. He didn’t want secrets between them. The last secret Castiel kept from him put them in the situation they were in. He was shocked when Castiel broke eye contact first. He could have sworn he saw Castiel’s eyes darken before he looked away. “Cas,” he pressed.

“Michael, I think I’m tired,” Castiel said, ignoring Dean.

The tension in the room increased. Everyone knew what the action meant. Michael walked over to Castiel and put a hand on his shoulder. The two angels disappeared into the room. Gabriel flicked his wrist and shut the room door.

Dean looked at the people left in the room. None of them met his gaze. He suspected he’d be alone in trying to figure out what was wrong with Castiel.

But he couldn’t deal with it now, so he picked up a book that Gabriel had stolen from a library in Egypt and flipped through it. Dean needed to work on a problem that he could actually solve.

[Prologue] [Masterpost] [Chapter 2]

A Moment of Weakness (Prologue)

dauntperplexity — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 21:48:32 GMT

One moment of weakness does not define one’s character.
-Dr. Donald “Ducky” Mallard; NCIS (8x9 – Enemies Domestic)

He had been in the darkness for too long. Wherever he was now, the light was so bright that even though his eyes were closed, they hurt. Something was not right. He squinted his eyes shut, letting them adjust to the light through the lids. He resisted the urge to open them when he heard the sound of water near him.

Finally, after who knows how long, he opened his eyes. He saw the Sun shining through the coconut trees that surrounded him. He sat up, and found himself on a beach. He made his way to his feet and brushed the nature off of his body. “What is going on?” he mumbled to himself.

He reached out, wondering if whatever was in front of him was an illusion. When the scene didn’t fall back, or a hole wasn’t punched through it, he stepped forward. He kept moving forward until he could bury his toes in the sand. He felt the water roll in up to his knees.

He looked down into the water and saw his reflection. He was in the same visage that he died in. “I’m alive?” Gabriel asked. He looked up, feeling the warmth of the sun on his face. “How?”

“I was wondering the same thing about myself.”

Gabriel looked over his shoulder for the source of the voice. He saw his brother standing behind him. “Balthazar?”

“I haven’t seen your smug face in awhile,” Balthazar said. He walked forward to stand next to his brother. He was also in the vessel that he died in. “How have you been?”

“I was dead.”

Balthazar shrugged. “So was I.” He looked around and saw nothing but shoreline stretched out on either side of him. “Are we still dead?” he asked. He didn’t know if this was where angels went when they died.

“I don’t know.” Gabriel tried to think of another place to fly to. He stayed put. “I don’t think so,” he replied.

“So what happened?”

“Trying to figure it out,” Gabriel replied.

Balthazar sighed as he waited for Gabriel to think of the reasons why they were brought back from the dead. And more importantly, who brought them back. He looked out into the ocean. “This is nice,” he said. He walked further into the water. He couldn’t remember ever feeling that much at peace.

“It better be,” said a voice behind them. “I created it.”

The two angels turned around at the same time. They saw who the owner of the voice was and immediately dropped their gazes and fell down to their knees. “Father,” they whispered.

“Get up. You’re getting your clothes wet,” their Father replied.

The two of them stood up, their bottom halves drenched with seawater. They kept their eyes to the sand. “Father, where have you been?” Gabriel asked.

“Keeping your eyes downcast is hurting my feelings.”

The two angels looked up. Balthazar gasped. It was his first time ever seeing their Father’s face. He wanted to lower his gaze again. He didn’t feel like he was worthy of looking upon his Father’s face considering his last acts while he was alive. But he stopped himself from breaking eye contact. He didn’t want to upset Him. “Why now?” he asked. He wanted to know how bad everything was that he and Gabriel were brought back to life and their Father actually revealed Himself.

“I’ll explain everything soon.” He was waiting for something.

He looked out into the ocean. The angels did the same thing, wondering if they were supposed to be searching for something. Then after some time, something broke out of the water. Their Father snapped his fingers and the source of the splash appeared in front of them.

“Michael?” Gabriel and Balthazar said.

Michael looked at his brothers and instantly recognized their graces. “Gabriel? Balthazar?” he whispered, incredulous. He looked down at his body and saw that he was wearing the youngest Winchester brothers’ body. “Why am I not in Lucifer’s cage?”

“Michael.”

Michael dropped down to one knee without turning to see the owner of the voice. He already knew. “Father.”

Gabriel and Balthazar each grabbed an arm and hauled him up. “We already did that,” Gabriel said. He spun his older brother around to face their Father. “Okay, unless we’re waiting for some other angel to spring out of the ocean, why are we here?”

“Your brother needs your help.”

“Which one?” Gabriel asked, but something in him already knew the answer. It had to be their same brother who had been getting into the most trouble these last few years.

“Castiel.”

All of the angels tensed, but for different reasons. “Cassy?” Balthazar asked, shaking out of his shock before his archangel brothers. “What happened?”

“He’s being held captive.”

Balthazar frowned. “If Castiel has been held captive all this time, who has been in charge of Heaven?” He knew how easily the other angels would fall to pieces without someone to guide them in the right directions.

“Joshua.”

“Joshua?” Michael asked. “He’s in charge of the angels?” Michael could not believe the keeper of the garden was in charge of Heaven. Joshua was more of a babysitter than a leader. He wasn’t even an archangel.

“It makes sense,” Gabriel replied after giving it some thought. Joshua knew enough about all of the angels. And if their Father put him in charge, it meant that it was a good choice.

Now that the question was answered, Michael thought about what their Father had said about their brother. He was the reason why they were gathered on the beach. “For how long?” he asked, bringing the conversation back to Castiel. He was concerned.

“Does it matter?” Time meant nothing to Him.

“Do you know what’s being done to him?” Balthazar asked. If they were on a rescue mission, he wanted to know the state their brother was going to be in once they found him. He had to prepare himself for the worst.

“I can’t tell.”

The brothers weren’t sure if their Father meant He wasn’t able to see what was happening to Castiel or He didn’t want to tell them. Either way, the answer wasn’t what they wanted to hear. “Why does Castiel need our help?” Michael asked. The last he knew of his brother was he was with the Winchester. He was working to stop the Apocalypse and save the Earth. They had to have succeeded if Michael was in the cage with Lucifer after all this time. He wanted to know what he had done to need their Father’s intervention.

“The Leviathans are running loose on Earth.”

“The Leviathans?” the oldest archangel asked. “I thought they were locked away in Purgatory. You locked them away.”

Balthazar put everything together. “Cassy let them out,” he said before their Father could answer.

“Why would he do something so stupid?” Michael was angry and disappointed. He thought he had taught his brother better than that.

“He had his reasons.”

“Like what? What reason could he possibly have for unleashing beasts that You locked away?” He didn’t want to sound like he was challenging his Father, but he was frustrated with Castiel. Every angel knew the story of the Leviathans and every angel knew better than to let them out of Purgatory.

“Michael,” Gabriel scolded.

“He was trying to save the Earth while Raphael was trying to destroy it.”

“But at what cost?”

“You’ll find out when you help him.”

“And why should I help him?” Balthazar scoffed. “He killed me.” His hand went to where the angel sword had pierced him through his chest.

“Can you blame him?” their Father asked. “After everything that happened to him?”

“What happened?” Gabriel asked. It had to be something devastating for Castiel to even contemplate letting Leviathan on the Earth to destroy it.

“He lost Dean,” Balthazar answered, sad. As much as he hated Dean, he knew what the human meant to his brother. He knew that Castiel would fall apart without Dean to keep him rational.

“Will you help him?”

Balthazar sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “What are the consequences if we don’t?”

“Are you actually contemplating it?” Gabriel asked.

“No,” Balthazar said with a groan. “Of course not.” He could not turn his back on his brother again. Especially knowing that the one time he did, all of this happened. He couldn’t help but feel guilty.

“So, we save him from the Leviathans, and that’s it?” Gabriel asked. He knew the mission couldn’t be that easy. Their Father didn’t need all three of them for that. Michael would have been enough.

“You help him.”

“How?”

“Whatever decisions he makes, you follow them.”

“Father,” Michael said, stepping forward causing the water to splash around him. He could not contemplate taking orders from a younger angel. “You can’t expect—”

“I do.”

The angels had nothing more to say. This was the first order they’d have to take from their Father in many millennia. “Where is he?” Gabriel sighed, knowing that they were all agreeing to help save their brother.

“They are keeping him somewhere. I will send you all there when we’re through speaking.” He raised His hand, preparing to snap.

“Father, wait,” Michael said. “Is… how bad is he?” He knew how dangerous the Leviathan was. He heard the stories of their destruction and terror. He was probably strong enough to take them on, but he was an Archangel. Castiel was not.

Their Father sighed. “He needs his brothers.”

Michael could tell that their Father was keeping the worst from them. He did not want to imagine what horrors his brother was going through. “Well, we’re here,” he replied. He looked down into the water and saw the face of Adam Milligan staring back at him. “But Father, this vessel. I think that Adam deserves to go to Heaven and be with his mother.”

“I agree. You will find a vessel waiting for you when you get to Earth.”

“Thank you,” Michael replied with a bow. He looked to Balthazar and Gabriel. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yup,” Gabriel answered.

“Let’s see the trouble that Cassy got himself in now,” Balthazar added. He let out his wings and his brothers did the same.

Their Father raised His hand again, then snapped. His sons disappeared from the beach. He sighed as He looked down the shoreline. He let out a short laugh at the sight of someone approaching. “You’ve made it.”

“Father.”

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” He replied.

“I wish could tell you how long, but I stopped counting either around the time of the dinosaurs, or the Exodus.”

His Father shrugged. “Understandable.”

“So, why did you bring me here?”

“You are needed.”

He looked over and saw his Father staring at the sky. “So why didn’t you let me go with them?” he asked knowing what his mission would entail.

“Because you aren’t needed now. You’ll know when you are.”

“So, I’m supposed to wait.”

“Yes,” his Father said, simply. “Enjoy the weather.”

He watched as his Father walked back onto the shore. He continued walking, disappearing past the tree line. He sighed and sat in the sand. He brought his knees up to his chest and watched the Sun he knew wouldn’t ever set.

--------------

Their Father gave them no warning for what they found in the basement of the abandoned hotel. But then again, nothing He could have said to them would have prepared them for the state they found Castiel in.

The moment they found him, they could taste the copper in the air. The air that their vessels had to breathe tasted stale and recycled. They felt dirty down to their grace. But all of that was ignored when they felt how distressed their brother’s grace was.

They found him in the darkest corner of the last room they searched. He was pushed back, as far and deep into the corner as he could go, with his knees brought up and tucked to his chest. Castiel shook where he sat. Michael didn’t know if it was because he was scared or because he was cold since he wasn’t wearing any clothes.

Michael dropped the weapons coated in demon blood that he held. He cringed when the clang of the metal caused the man in the corner to flinch. “Castiel?” he whispered.

After the failed Apocalypse, looking at Castiel, all he could see was the angel he raised. His grace ached and he found himself frozen in his spot.

“Go to him, Michael,” Balthazar said. He could sense the guilt his brother felt.

Michael took a step forward, looking around the room for any traps. When he saw none, he rushed forward to his brother’s side. “Castiel?” he whispered, reaching out, but not touching the frightened angel when he received no reaction. He waited for a moment, wanting to give Castiel some time to process that he was being rescued. “Castiel,” he repeated.

“No,” he whispered. He shook his head. “Not again, please. I… I can’t.”

“Look at me, brother,” he said in a soothing tone. It was the same tone he used to help Castiel rest and calm as a fledgling. The response he received was Castiel tucking his face into the crook of his elbow. “Youngest, it’s me, Michael.”

“You’ve already tried this, Nybbas,” Castiel replied. He kept his face hidden.

Michael sighed. He knew what he would have to do to shake Castiel out of his stupor, but he didn’t want to scare him. “Youngest, look at me!” he yelled, his voice shaking the building.

Castiel’s shoulders tensed, but as if on an impulse, he looked up; the obedient soldier still in him. His eyes widened as much as they could through the swelling and bleeding on his face. “Michael?” he whispered, his voice reaching out because he physically could not. “Are you real?”

“Yes.”

“You said that last time. You were lying. I can’t believe anything anymore,” he said with a whimper.

“Castiel, we killed Abbadon. And Nybbas. And Jezebeth.” The three demons stood outside the door of the room when they landed. The angels listened to what they were going to do to Castiel without supervision. It didn’t take long for the three angels to dispose of them.

“Liar,” Castiel whimpered.

Michael wanted to put a hand on his Castiel’s shoulder to prove to him that he was real. He knew that if he could touch Castiel, then he would know, but he knew that he couldn’t. Not yet. His brother was still too scared and untrusting. “You’re safe now.”

“I don’t feel safe.”

“Let us take you from this place, youngest.” Michael stepped forward, toward his brother, but Castiel tried to sink deeper into the corner of the room with every inch he moved closer. When he saw his brother’s reaction, he stopped moving. “Castiel.”

His entire body trembled with fear of being hurt. “Don’t. Please.” He didn’t want anyone touching him because every time someone did, it was always followed by pain. He could barely stand for someone else to be in the same room as him.

Michael surged forward, unwilling to let Castiel back further away from him. He grabbed his youngest brother’s wrists and shook him once. “Youngest, listen to me. No one can hurt you anymore. I promise.”

Castiel let out a shaky breath. Once contact was made, he knew that it wasn’t another one of Nybbas’s visions. “Michael,” he said with a sigh. He took a moment to just stare at the archangel.

“Yes,” he replied. The Archangel was torn between letting go of Castiel’s wrists and squeezing them tighter. “Look at me, youngest. I know you recognize my grace.”

Castiel nodded. Tears sat on the brim of his eyes and threatened to fall with a blink, but Castiel continued to stare. “Don’t let them hurt me,” he whispered. His legs unfolded and straightened.

He let go of Castiel’s wrists and brushed his sweat-drenched hair out of his face. “Never again, youngest.” He had to bite his lip to keep him from saying anything about the injuries that covered Castiel’s body. He was covered with cuts, burns, stab wounds, and bruises. There were so many that he kept his eyes locked on Castiel’s and nowhere else.

Castiel let out a deep sigh and fell forward onto the archangel’s chest. He grabbed onto the shirt Michael’s vessel was wearing and cried into it. “I’m so tired, Michael.” If this was real, and he was convincing himself that it was, then he had no more strength to keep up his defenses.

Michael wrapped his arms around his brother’s shivering body and held him close. He ran his hands up and down his brother’s back. “Then rest, Castiel. Let me take you back to Heaven.” Michael was relieved. They had accomplished what their Father wanted them to do. They saved Castiel.

Castiel lifted his head off of his brother’s chest. “No,” he said quickly. “I can’t.”

“Castiel,” Michael sighed. He wanted to help his brother, but he didn’t know how he was going to do that with all of the anxiety that Castiel carried. “Where do you feel safe?”

“Dean,” he whispered. His body shook harder. “Needs me. He’s been calling for me.”

Michael let go of his brother and pushed him away gently. “You are in no condition to help him.”

Castiel looked up, his eyes hesitantly meeting his eldest brother’s. “Michael, I have to go to him,” he pleaded.

“Youngest.” He felt that Castiel being near the human would more likely do harm than good.

“Please,” Castiel whispered.

Michael shook his head and sighed. “Okay,” he conceded. He never could deny Castiel. Especially now since their Father said to do everything their youngest had said. “Now rest.” Before Castiel could protest, Michael put two fingers to Castiel’s forehead and put him into a deep sleep. He held onto Castiel as he slumped against his chest.

“Was that really necessary?” Balthazar asked. He and Gabriel finally moved to Michael and Castiel’s sides.

“At least he’s not in pain anymore.”

“Are you really taking him to those boneheads?” Gabriel asked. He didn’t like the idea of Castiel being near the Winchesters as weak as he was. The three of them could do a better job taking care of their brother than Dean and Sam ever could.

“I don’t want to.”

“But…”

“But it doesn’t matter what I want, right now. You remember Father’s orders. He said we’re supposed to help him.”

“Taking him to Heaven would be helping him,” Balthazar countered.

“And what happens when he wakes up? He’ll want to go straight to Dean. He’ll fly down here before he’s strong enough.” It would be worse in the long run.

“You’re strong enough to dim his powers. You can even start the healing process right now.”

“Raphael was the healer,” Michael replied. All angels knew how to heal, but Raphael was the archangel known for the ability.

“Yeah, well, Raphael did more damage than healing to Cassy,” Balthazar spat. He wasn’t going to hide how much he disliked the other Archangel.

“Well, then deserved what he got,” Gabriel asked. “I hope it made him feel good to go after him.”

“The power tends to go to your head when you’re the strongest angel in Heaven.”

“But Castiel? He isn’t even a threat to us.”

“Apparently, the little angel who could, did,” Gabriel said. He looked down at Michael who cradled Castiel to his chest. It was hard for him to not remember the tiny ball of grace that Michael took care of before he left Heaven. “So, are you going to heal him?”

“Yes. I can heal him,” Michael said. He moved Castiel around to lay him flat on the dirty, cold floor.

Michael put a hand on Castiel’s chest and forehead. He closed his eyes and concentrated on healing all of the injuries that littered his brother’s body. He focused on the larger injuries first: the large, deep cut down the middle of his body that ran from Castiel’s collar bones to his belly button.

He pushed his grace into Castiel to heal him. He began working to knit the wounded flesh back together. Something felt wrong.

“Michael, stop,” Balthazar said.

Michael opened his eyes and saw Castiel’s eyes and mouth opened, with his grace leaking out of him. The archangel retracted his hands and stood up.

“What did you do?” Gabriel asked, his eyes wide, shocked. He didn’t know if he should move to try and stop it, but he didn’t know what he could do. He grabbed onto his older brother’s shirt and shook him once. “Michael, what did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary.”

Castiel arched his back and let out a scream that cracked every wall in the room, if not the building. His body collapsed back onto the ground and convulsed.

Balthazar stepped forward, wanting to keep him from doing more damage to his body, but Michael grabbed him to stop him. “No, Balthazar,” he said. “You can’t touch him.”

“But he’s in pain,” Balthazar said, but he knew he couldn’t do anything. He sighed, resigned. He pulled his arm out of Michael’s grasp.

All the three of them could do was wait until Castiel stopped convulsing. After what felt like hours, he stopped. Castiel turned on his side and curled in on himself, whimpering. He coughed, dry heaving and gasping, before his body collapsed.

“What just happened?” Gabriel asked.

“I tried to heal him. That’s it.”

“So, we can’t heal him,” Gabriel said. He had never seen another angel react that way to being healed. That threw a wrench in their plans. “Now what?”

Michael sighed, dejected. “We take him to Dean.”

“Was afraid you’d say that.”

Balthazar ignored his brothers and knelt down next to Castiel. He slid his hands under Castiel’s back and knees and cradled him to his chest. “Let’s go,” he said.

Michael stepped toward them and put two fingers to Castiel’s forehead to send him into a deeper unconsciousness. He didn’t want him to wake up until he was healed. “I will talk to them first. Listen for me,” he said, then disappeared from the room.

[Masterpost] [Chapter 1]

Happy New Year?

dauntperplexity — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 01:58:56 GMT

I haven't posted anything here since last year. Wow... I was on such a roll too with posting at least once a week. Or, at least I tried too. I hope I can get back to that.

I hope you all have had a pretty good year so far! It's been snowing in my location. Not enough to stick, but it's nice to watch the snow fall. I just hope it's okay to drive through tomorrow. We'll see.

But the reason for my lack of updates have been because I've been busy finishing my dc_dystopia fic. That being said, I finished my first draft last night. It's pretty massive at this point and I hope people enjoy it when it comes time for me to post it. It is the longest thing I've ever written.

So, time for a real life update. I went back to school last week. It was weird, because I'm older than most of the people in the class I'm taking even though I still look like I'm 16 years old according to a lot of people O_o

I've made some Resolutions and wrote them down on my bathroom mirror so they're always on my mind. One of them was to be more patient, but that went to isht the second day of the year. That led me to wanting to move out of my apartment when my lease is due. Or at least, not live with my current roommate. I spend so much time just being irritated with him that it'll be better for me to live on my own (or with someone I know I can live with). I've told a lot of people, but I haven't told my roommate yet. It's a couple of months until our lease is up, and maybe things will change, but I doubt it.

I think that by the end of this month I'll have a Masterlist of all my fic started. I want it all organized especially since I have a lot of sequels to my stories requested and planned out. I feel more inspired now. I'm enjoying writing, even when there's times I just want to stop.

This is the randomness that is DauntPerplexity.

Fic: Unraveling (Masterlist)

dauntperplexity — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 21:50:52 GMT

Title: Unraveling
Author: DauntPerplexity
Rating: PG 13
Genre: AU
Characters and/or Pairing: Dean/Cas preslash, a lot of characters
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Violence, kissing, blood
Word Count: 42,567
Summary: “I’m worried about you too. You’re flying all over the world fighting villains and nature and evil. Soon you’ll be popping up on the front page of the Star Gazette.”
Author’s Note: This fic was written for the Everlasting Birthday Challenge at deancastiel. Here is the prompt: To all the world, Cas Milton/Novak/Engel/Other Random Surname appears to be just an average guy. Average height, average build, brown hair, blue eyes, etc. He always dresses nicely for his job at the local newspaper, and he even has a pair of really unfashionable glasses. There is absolutely nothing spectacular about him at all.  
His colleague on the other hand, photographer Dean Winchester, is the object of many affections. He's handsome, smart, funny--everything Cas is not. Or so it would seem. When Dean takes on a new off-the-books assignment, photographing a masked vigilante whose been prowling the city (not to mention plaguing his thoughts night and day) everything that Cas has fought to hide may be put in serious jeopardy. That's right. I want some gay superhero fic

[Part 1]
[Part 2]
[Part 3]
[Part 4]
[Part 5]
[Part 6]
[Part 7]
[Part 8]
[Part 9]
[Part 10]
[Part 11]

Fic: Unraveling (Part 11)

dauntperplexity — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 21:45:42 GMT

[Masterlist] [Part 10]

Dean sat with Cas’s family at the dining table while Cas ate his dinner on the couch. Dean wanted to sit on the couch with him, but when he saw four plate settings at the table and Cas already with a plate in his hand, he was trapped.

He sat at the table, quiet. He listened to the conversations the Singer family had, only speaking when he was asked a question.

After dinner, he helped Jo clear the table and even offered to wash the dishes, but the Singer women kicked him out of the kitchen. Jo told him to sit with Cas and Bobby and just watch TV. He took it as a sign that they were warming up to him. He sat next to Cas on the couch, while Bobby lounged on the lazyboy.

A couple of hours later, Bobby, Ellen, and Jo retired to their bedrooms. Dean stayed to finish the movie that he and Cas had started. At the end of the movie, as the credits rolled, he saw the Cas had leaned over on the couch and fallen asleep.

Dean looked over and shook his head. He could not believe that Cas had fallen asleep without kicking Dean off of the couch. He stood up and turned off the television and DVD player. He then walked over to Cas and picked up his legs to put them where he was sitting.

When he looked up, he saw Jo standing in the hallway with her glasses, messy hair, and an afghan over her. Dean quickly stood up and started to fidget like he had been caught doing something wrong. “He fell asleep,” Dean spat out. “Does he usually need to sleep? Is that a dumb question?” He knew he was speaking way to fast. And he could tell that he was blushing.

Jo bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing and waking Cas up. “It’s not a dumb question. He doesn’t usually sleep. But if he’s really hurt, his body usually takes time to recover.” She walked over to the couch and looked at her brother asleep on it. “Let me get him a blanket,” she said.

She returned with a thick blanket and a pillow. She threw the blanket over him, pulling it up to his chin. She handed the pillow over to Dean and gestured for him to put it under his brother’s head.

Dean gently lifted up Cas’s head and slid the pillow under it. He stared at Cas for a second before he shook his head to stop him from being creepy. “I should—”

“So, now that you know that Cas and Dark Angel are the same person, do you…” her voice trailed off. She actually had no idea how to put into words what she was trying to say. At least, not without scaring Dean off.

“Do I what?”

Jo sighed. Dean was more dense than she thought. “You care about him,” she said.

“Of course I do,” Dean replied. “He’s… he’s my partner.” He had no idea why he hesitated to describe what Cas was to him.

“Yeah. Okay.”

“What does that mean?” Somehow, Dean knew that Jo knew something that she wasn’t telling him. He knew she was smart. Observant. And Dean was not as sneaky as he thought he was.

“Nothing,” Jo replied. Even though Dean didn’t say anything, she could read what he was thinking as clearly as if someone had written it on his forehead with a marker. “Goodnight, Dean,” she replied. She wrapped the afghan around her shoulders a little tighter then walked down the hallway into her room.

Dean waited for the sound of the door closing. He sent one last look at Cas, contemplating if he should stay or leave.

He walked over to the couch and fixed the part of the blanket that had somehow shifted in the two minutes since Jo had thrown it on Cas. He sat down on the coffee table and stared at the man. He resisted the urge he had to brush a hand through his messy hair and kiss him on the forehead.

He sighed and stood up. He walked over to the kitchen table and grabbed his leather jacket. He put it on and made his way to the front door.

He opened the front door slowly, not wanting to make a sound that could possibly wake Cas up. “Goodnight, Cas,” Dean replied. He turned off the kitchen light and left Cas’s apartment.

Fic: Unraveling (Part 10)

dauntperplexity — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 21:44:24 GMT

[Masterlist] [Part 9]

When Cas saw Dean’s face, he knew that he had heard his conversation with his sister. He took in a deep breath then let it out. He tried to think of the right words to say to start the conversation.

There was so much that he wanted to tell Dean. He figured that he’d start from the beginning.

“I was found by the Ellen and Bobby Singer one night in their junkyard. I was just a baby wrapped in a blanket with two parallel scars running down my back. They told me that from the moment they held me in their arms, I was their child. Blood or no blood. I was theirs.

“My parents knew that something wasn’t normal about me because as a child I never got sick, and every time I got scraped up, the injury would heal right before their eyes. And apparently whenever they were injured, I healed them. They had to use fake medical documents for me to be able to go to school.

“When I was six years old, I fell out of a tree. I hit my head and broke pretty much every bone on the right side of my body. Mom and dad were freaking out. They didn’t know if they could take me to a hospital or not because they weren’t sure if they’d have my blood type and they didn’t want to answer doctor’s questions and all that.

“They decided against it. They put me in bed and fixed me up the best that they could, and waited to see if I would eventually need a hospital. They didn’t sleep for two nights, watching and waiting to see if I’d heal. I woke up on the third day with most of the bones mended, and a headache.

“I was terrified because mom always warned me to never climb the tall trees because they were dangerous. I was scared that she was going to yell at me. But what she did instead scared me more. She just leaned over while she was holding Jo and kissed me on the forehead. She told me to never scare her like that again.

“That day forth, I promised to never worry my mom again. Then when I was eighteen, we were on a family road trip. At least, we were heading back home. It was night and we were pretty much alone on the highway. The truck driver of a semi fell asleep and slammed into us.”

“Cas,” Dean whispered. He found himself tearing up at the stories that Cas was telling him.

Cas heard Dean say his name, but he continued as if he didn’t. He needed to finish the story. “I was the first to regain consciousness. The car had flipped a couple of times and I was thrown from it. I made my way back to it and saw my family still unconscious. It was bad and I knew that if I didn’t get help soon, then they were going to die.

“I felt this itch in my back and then it sounded like a giant bird was behind me. I don’t know why I did it, but I put my hands on the roof of the car and imagined the hospital. The next thing I knew, I was at the emergency area. I don’t remember saying anything, just pointing. Then everything went dark.

“When I woke up, mom was sitting next to me, crying. Then I got it. She was scared that my secret could’ve been discovered. I may have looked human, but I wasn’t. And since I wasn’t, I could’ve been taken away from them. She has this fear of people running tests on me and she’d never see me again. I don’t really know how we got out of that predicament. I don’t know if I did something, or my angelic brothers helped me. But that secret…”

Cas stopped his story there. He didn’t know what else he could have added. He waited for Dean to say something, but he never did. He turned to face Dean. “Can we talk?” he asked, for the first time acknowledging him since they went out onto the porch.

“Sit first. You look like you’re about to pass out.” Dean grabbed Cas’s upper arm and helped him sit down on the bench that was behind them. Dean sat down next to him, putting as much space between them as he could, which wasn’t much considering how small it was.

Then they sat in silence. Neither of them wanted to start the conversation that they both knew they needed, but didn’t want to have.

After a few minutes, Cas spoke up. “Dean,” he whispered.

“I don’t want you to erase my memories,” Dean said quickly before Cas could even suggest it.

“Dean, I…”

“I’m not in danger knowing that you’re Dark Angel. It was just a fluke that those guys used me. Next time, I won’t announce who I am.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”

“Then what is it?”

Cas took in a deep breath, held it, then let it out slowly. “It’s a lot to ask you to keep this secret of mine.”

“You didn’t ask.”

Cas looked at Dean. “Which makes it much worse.” When Dean turned to meet his gaze, he looked down at his lap. “Dean, my sister couldn’t even visit me when I was in the hospital. We try to live normal lives—”

Dean reached up and put a hand on Cas’s arm. “But you’re not normal, Cas.” When he realized what he said, he pulled his hand like he had just touched a hot stove. “I didn’t mean it like that. You’re an angel.”

“I know you didn’t. But my family is normal, Dean. I know what they have to go through every day when they hear about me on the news. I wouldn’t want that to burden anyone else. I’m terrified of what would happen to them if my secret got out.”

“Cas.”

“I care about you too much to have you carry this.”

“But what if I want to?”

“You don’t know what you’re saying. My family knows how to keep this secret. They’ve kept it for years. It’s important to them.”

“This is important to me too,” Dean said. The guy that he had been working side by side with for more than three years was the same guy who risked his life everyday to protect the planet. It was the same guy he cared about. “I could learn,” he whispered.

“I don’t want you to have to learn, Dean. Keeping secrets, this secret, especially, is hard.”

“Why don’t you want me to know? Why are you so keen on me not knowing this secret?” His throat was tight. Cas rarely argued with him about anything. He thought that he’d earned Cas and Castiel’s trust over the last few weeks. He wanted to know what changed.

“Dean. You just can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because then you’d notice.”

“Notice?” Dean asked.

Cas bit his lip. He didn’t want to tell Dean, knowing that it would add more to Dean’s guilty conscious. “You never noticed when I’d leave the bullpen to go and save someone. When I came back nobody would notice that I was missing. And if they did, it wouldn’t be until much later and they didn’t really care that I was gone for so long. I could be gone for hours and no one would really care.”

“Cas, I…”

Cas reached a hand out and put it on Dean’s shoulder. He regretted telling Dean, but it was needed. Now he needed to stop the guilt. “It’s okay, Dean. The point was that you guys weren’t supposed to notice. But if you—”

“How could I not notice?” he yelled. He jumped up off the bench and put more space between him and Cas. “We’re partners. We’re friends. Aren’t we?”

“Dean.” He could see the anguish in Dean’s eyes. He tried to stand up so that he could explain without having to talk so loudly.

Dean put a hand up to stop Cas from standing, knowing exactly what Cas was trying to do. “No,” he yelled with enough to keep him seated. He wasn’t willing to accept Cas’s comfort. He took a deep breath, knowing that he’d have to calm down or he’d expose Cas’s secret to everyone on the apartment building. “I should have noticed that every time you weren’t in the bullpen, Dark Angel would show up. Three years. Three freaking years. What kind of reporter am I? Why didn’t I put it together?”

“Because I didn’t want you to. Because it worked that way. Please don’t beat yourself up over this, Dean.”

Dean stared at Cas, ready to continue the argument, but he realized that he couldn’t. He knew that he’d only continue yelling at Cas’s direction and that Cas didn’t need that right now. “Right. I guess I’m not putting much faith in you trusting me with this secret right now, am I? All this freaking out.” He plopped back down on the bench.

Cas noticed that there was more space between them than when they first sat down. “It’s understandable. It is a lot of information to take in.”

“Stop,” Dean whispered. “Stop being so nice.”

Cas smiled. “You’re asking the impossible.”

“You are right though, this is a lot of information.”

Cas put his hands on his thighs and rubbed them out of nervousness. “I always imagined that if I ended up telling someone my secret, it would come out gradually. Not in a big outpouring.”

“I don’t think you can avoid all of this coming out at once,” Dean replied.

“I guess not.” Something in Cas knew that it was true. In for a penny.

Dean scooted down the bench and got as close to Cas as he could without touching him. He wanted to grab Cas’s hand, but he felt that it would have been a little inappropriate. He’d have to learn to deal with the feelings he felt for Castiel before he knew that it was Cas. He settled for putting a hand on Cas’s forearm. He felt it was safe enough. “Cas, please don’t erase my memories. I mean, you can do it if you want to, but I don’t want you to.”

Cas stared at the hand on his arm. Time slowed. He needed to think about what to do next. He began weighing the pros and cons of Dean knowing, but he realized that making a list would take too long. All he had to do was look at Dean and see how determined he was to keep the secret. “Okay,” he whispered.

“Okay?” Dean repeated, pulling his hand away when he turned his entire body to face Cas. He hoped he didn’t look too happy.

“I won’t erase your memories. I trust you. And I know you’re responsible. But if you ever feel like it’s too much to keep this secret, tell me and I’ll—”

“You won’t have to. I promise.”

“I know,” Cas said, letting out a long sigh. He groaned when he felt a dull pain in his side. He brought a hand up to cover it.

“Why isn’t your wound healed?” Dean asked, staring down at Cas’s hand.

“There was something about the weapon that stabbed me. Something made just to hurt angels.”

“So you can’t heal it like you healed the bullet wound.”

“My healing abilities have been diminished. I can still feel most of my injuries from the fall.”

“Then why the hell did you come to work?” he said as angrily as he could without yelling at the other man. “You should’ve just stayed home.”

“I thought that Crowley would have fired me from missing so many days. I didn’t realize how long I was unconscious. And I didn’t know it was the first day back to work. I thought that you guys had been working while I was in the hospital. I could only be sick for so many days. And I couldn’t exactly list falling from the sky as an excuse for missing work.”

Dean’s anger disappeared quickly, and smiled. He knew that Cas was too dedicated to the job. He bit his lip and looked at Cas. For the first time, he actually saw the real Cas. Without all the tension walls put up because he had to keep a secret. He looked more at ease. “Hey, Cas,” Dean said softly. Cas looked up and Dean looked at him to meet his gaze. “What do you remember about that day?”

“Not much after catching you after you fell.”

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. “I was thrown,” Dean said defensively. Saying that he fell made it seem like it was his fault.

“Yes, you were,” Cas agreed with a smile. “But I remember having to land somewhere safe. An alley? Maybe? Then nothing. After that, I woke up and was in the hospital with your shirt in my hand.”

“So, you don’t remember anything between that?”

“Not really.” Cas shook his head then looked out up to the sky. “Jo filled me in on the explosion and the fall. I’m actually glad I don’t remember that.”

Dean found himself looking at the sky too. “Me too.” He couldn’t even imagine the thoughts that went through Cas’s head as everything happened that day.

“Maybe the memories will eventually come back,” Cas said.

Dean’s eyes widened, then quickly settled. He didn’t want Cas to remember what happened between the two of them in the alley. “You… you think so?” he asked. He looked at Cas, hoping that the angel couldn’t tell how nervous he was.

“I don’t know.” Cas tilted his head and looked into his eyes. “Do you want to fill in the blanks?” Something told him that only Dean would be able to fill certain holes in his memory.

Dean bit his bottom lip. Cas deserved the truth. Hell, he deserved a lot, but Dean wasn’t sure if he was ready to tell him everything that happened in the alley. He’d settle for telling him parts of the story. “You zapped us was an alley, and I had to pull out the—”

“Cas?”

Dean’s shoulders sagged. He was glad for the interruption. He really did not want to tell Cas about what happened between the two of them. “We’re out here,” Dean yelled.

“Where did you go?” Cas asked.

“I—”

“Where is he?” called a voice from just outside the apartment.

Dean looked at Cas whose eyes were so wide they looked like they would fall out of his head. He looked terrified. “Cas?”

Cas turned around stared at the door as another woman entered his apartment. He swallowed hard. “Mother?” he whispered.

“Lucas William Singer. What did I tell you about scaring me like that?”

Cas stared at his mother with wide eyes. It took him a few minutes to realize that his mom was actually standing in front of him and scolding him. Cas immediately felt like he was six years old all over again. “I’m sorry, mom.” He stood up with Dean’s help and walked into the living room.

Ellen lifted up Cas’s jacket and saw the bandages still covering the stab wound. “Joanna Beth, I told you to feed your brother.”

“I tried, mom, but you know how difficult he can be.”

Ellen pulled down the jacket and straightened it. She put her hands on her son’s cheeks and smiled. She looked into her son’s eyes like she was never going to do it again. “I know.” She pulled the taller man down and kissed him on the forehead. “Cas, go lie down. I’ll make you something to eat.”

Cas sighed and rolled his eyes, not enjoying that he was being treated and felt like he was a kid again. “I’ve been lying down all day.”

“I should go,” Dean said, finally speaking up. He felt like he was intruding on a family moment.

Ellen moved her son off to the side to see where the mysterious voice came from. She saw a man about Cas’s age standing in the doorway. “Who are you?” she asked, slipping into mama bear mode. She put herself between the stranger and her son.

“Dean Winchester.”

“The photographer.”

Dean dropped his hand, knowing that he wasn’t going to get a handshake from her. He could hear the venom in her voice. “Yeah.”

“I see,” she replied.

“Mom, stop,” Cas said stepping around her.

“What?”

“He knows.”

“How?”

“He’s a smart guy.”

“And what are you going to do about it?”

“I suggested that he erase his memories,” Jo said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I agree,” Ellen replied, copying her daughter’s actions.

“I thought about it.”

“But…” the two women in the Singer family said.

“He doesn’t want them erased.”

“I don’t care.”

“Mom,” Cas said. He tried not to sound like a kid about it, but he couldn’t help it. No matter how old he got, and how many lives he saved, he’d still be his mother’s son. “I trust him.”

“He’s the reason you were stabbed,” Jo countered.

“He wasn’t the reason,” Cas said as loudly as he could without yelling. He glared at his sister. “I’m done talking about this.”

“Until your dad comes in,” his mom answered.

“Where is he anyway?” Jo asked. “I thought he was right behind us.”

“He’s supposed to be bringing the bags up.”

“How long are you planning on staying here?” Cas asked. He was hoping the answer was a couple of days at the most. He knew that he was wishing for too much.

“Until you’re better.”

“I can take care of myself, mom.”

“I don’t care. My son almost died on national TV. I have a right to baby him.”

“You’re over—” Cas was interrupted by someone knocking on the door. He took a step toward it, but stopped when everyone in this apartment glared at him.

Jo opened the door wide enough for their father to step in. She helped him lug in the bags that their parents had brought. “Hey, dad,” she said.

“Hey, sweetie,” he said, leaning over and kissing her on the forehead. He put down the two bags he was carrying. “There is a 67 Chevy Impala outside. Which of your neighbor’s does it belong to?”

“That’s mine, sir,” Dean said with a raised hand. He had no idea why, but he felt like it was an appropriate action.

“Good car.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Stop calling me that.”

“Sorry.” He blushed. He couldn’t help but feel like he was meeting a girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Then he wondered why that was the first comparison that came to his head.

“Who are you again?”

Dean stuck his hand out toward Cas’s dad to greet him properly. “De—”

“He’s the one who has been taking pictures of Dark Angel.”

“Mother.”

“You?”

Cas saw Dean drop his hand back to his side. “Dad, don’t yell at him. Please. Dean didn’t do anything.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“He’s the reason that Cas was stabbed,” Jo said.

“He wasn’t holding the blade,” Bobby said, with a huff. He turned to stare at Dean. “Were you?”

“No,” Dean said, stepping back. He was offended that they could even suggest that. “Definitely not.”

Bobby turned his attention back to the women in his family without saying a word to Dean. “And Cas is old enough to know what he was doing. He made the decision to go after those men.”

“Thank you,” Cas said with a sigh. He was glad his dad was being the reasonable one.

“Stop talking,” Bobby said, interrupting his son from saying anything else. “Why aren’t you lying down?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “We aren’t talking about that right now, dad.”

“Right. Cas would’ve went after those men regardless of who they were holding hostage.” With those words, that part of the conversation was done. He turned to look at Dean again. “So you know my son’s secret.”

“Yes.”

“Can I trust you to keep it?”

Dean turned to look at Cas. He stared into Cas’s eyes and he knew there was only one answer to the question. “With my life.”

“Do you understand the gravity of having to keep a secret like this?”

“Yes.”

“And you do know that if you do anything to jeopardize my son—”

“I’ll buy the shovel for you to bury me with,” he said, finishing Bobby’s thought. Then he waited to see if that was the correct answer or not.

It felt like an hour before a smile broke across Bobby’s face. He clapped a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Good man. Then again, I expected it from the car you drive.” Bobby stuck out his hand.

Dean tried not to show how relieved he was when he put his hand in it and shook it. “Thanks.”

“Thank goodness,” Cas sighed when he realized Dean survived meeting his parents. He moved to stand next to Dean. “So, this discussion is over, right?”

“For now,” Jo replied.

Cas turned to his mother, knowing that she wasn’t going to let it go as easily as her husband did. “Mother?”

“For now,” she repeated.

“All right,” Cas said. He knew that it was the best answer he’d get from her.

“Cas, honey, where do we put our bags?”

“The room, down the hall, on the left.”

“Is that the guest room?” Bobby asked.

“No, that’s my room. You two will stay in there and I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No, you won’t,” the other three Singers replied.

Cas stepped back, scared. Sometimes, his family was scarier than the villains and dangers he faced on a daily basis. “You are all being unreasonable. The couch is comfortable enough.”

“Then Jo will sleep on it.”

“Yeah,” Jo replied.

“If you three are going to stay here and coddle me, at least let me make it comfortable for you. Besides I don’t need to sleep.”

“Doesn’t mean you won’t.” His mother was famous for saying threatening things without sounding threatening.

“Of course not, mom.”

Dean waited for one of the Singers to say something else. When only silence passed between them, he figured it was safe enough for him to speak up. “I really should go,” he said and took a step toward the door.

Cas’s hand shot out and he grabbed Dean’s before he was out of his reach. “Stay for dinner, please.”

His thoughts instantly went to the first time he met Castiel on the roof. He tried to stop himself from blushing. Dean put his hand on Cas’s and squeezed it. “Cas, it’s the first night your family has been here.” He would have thought that Cas would have wanted to spend some time with his family.

“They’ll be here for a few days, Dean. “

“Weeks,” Ellen corrected.

Cas continued to speak as if he didn’t hear his mother. The idea that his family would be staying with him in his apartment for weeks was not something he wanted to talk about. “And they tend to cook for an army.”

“Cas, next time,” he said, prying Cas’s hand from his.

“Please,” Cas pleaded, staring into Dean’s eyes. He squeezed Dean’s hand. He needed him to stay. He needed the back-up. And to make sure that Dean really was all right with everything he had learned. “The more food you eat, the less food they can force feed me.”

“But you are too thin,” he replied. His words sounded like he was leaving, but he could not deny Cas when he looked like that. Not when Cas was giving him the same pleading look from the alley.

“Dean.” He didn’t know why he was pressing so hard for Dean to stay. In his head, since they all knew his secret, they needed to get use to having each other’s company. That was logical enough.

“Fine.”

“Thank you,” Cas said. He was glad that Dean decided to stay. This meant that at least for one night, his parents wouldn’t lecture him about his superhero lifestyle.

“You’re welcome.” He walked over to Cas and gently grabbed his arm. “That being said, you should sit down before your entire family ties you to the couch.”

Cas looked at his family and he could swear that what Dean had said was on their minds. “Sitting sounds like a good idea.”

Dean helped Cas over to the couch. He sat Cas down on one end while he sat on the other.

[Part 11]