This is why I don't write crack!fic. This will never die.
Title: AIM Confidential, Part 2
Author: Claire Starling
Fandom: Heroes
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Crack. Fic. And swearing. And innuendo.
Disclaimer: I own me. That's it.
Pairing: Okay.... there are a lot in this one. Sylaire. Peter/Nathan. Suggested Peter/Nathan/Claire. Sylar/Maya. Maya/Mohinder... if you squint.
Summary: So... what if Claire and Sylar were friends and talked to each other on AOL Instant Messanger?
Part 1
A/N: To avoid confusion: Claire lives with Peter in NY while she goes to college because Noah didn't want her to go unsupervised and doesn't trust Angela Petrelli (for obvious reasons)
A/N 2: Feedback is the sweet, sweet crack that inspires these fics. If you have any ideas/requests for this series, let me know, I'm open to it!
AIM Confidential
shortbutsweet has signed on.
mmm_brains: You're two minutes and 26 seconds late
mmm_brains: 27
shortbutsweet: No, I'm not, the clock here says that it's 4:10.
mmm_brains: The clock is wrong.
shortbutsweet: Peter just set it yesterday.
mmm_brains: Peter is an idiot
mmm_brains: And he has stupid hair.
mmm_brains: And his mouth does this funny triangle thing when he talks.
mmm_brains: Not attractive at all.
shortbutsweet: You're just mad at me because of what I said the other day.
mmm_brains: About running into your uncle naked? No, not at all.
shortbutsweet: For a psychopathic serial killer, you are so transparent.
shortbutsweet: We share an apartment, it's sort of a hazard. He was coming out of the shower, I was going into it.
mmm_brains: Oh? Was Nathan coming out of the shower too?
shortbutsweet: What?
shortbutsweet: SHUT UP!
shortbutsweet: That is sooo gross. I just pictured my father naked.
mmm_brains: And yet seeing your uncle naked didn't bother you in the slightest...
shortbutsweet: Well, now that you mention it, they're both kinda hot...
shortbutsweet: Totally drool worthy
mmm_brains: Oh god, it's true. The Petrelli family is just one circus of incest, isn't it?
mmm_brains: This is great. Like I didn't have enough problems as it is.
mmm_brains: Do you know how hard it is to get brains out of my coat?
mmm_brains: And now I may land up on Jerry Springer because my girlfriend is caught up in a threesome of Italian love!
shortbutsweet: God, I was just kidding.
shortbutsweet: One taste of your own medicine and you become a freakazoid.
shortbutsweet: Did you just call me your girlfriend?
mmm_brains: No.
shortbutsweet: Yes, you did. It's not like the conversation disappeared or something, the proof is just a scroll away.
mmm_brains: So what? It was just a slip of the tongue.
mmm_brains: Fingers.
mmm_brains: Whatever.
shortbutsweet: So... you're saying that you don't want to be my boyfriend?
mmm_brains: No.
mmm_brains: I mean, only if you want me to.
mmm_brains: want to that is.
shortbutsweet: awwwww
shortbutsweet: You are so sweet.
mmm_brains: What? No.
shortbutsweet: Yes, you are.
mmm_brains: No. I kill people and eat their brains. I am not sweet. I'm bad. I'm evil.
shortbutsweet: Yeah, you're the big bad man who bought me a puppy on my birthday.
mmm_brains: An evil puppy. Ever hear of Cujo?
shortbutsweet: No, because I don't have a psychopathic boyfriend who wouldn't talk to me until I read at least four Stephen King novels.
mmm_brains: It was for your own good!
shortbutsweet: I can never look at clowns the same way again!
mmm_brains: Wait, did you just call me your boyfriend?
shortbutsweet: Well, yeah. You called me your girlfriend, seemed to make sense.
mmm_brains: So are we... um... dating?
shortbutsweet: Oh my god.
mmm_brains: What?
shortbutsweet: Oh my god.
mmm_brains: What?
shortbutsweet: Oh. my. god.
mmm_brains: WHAT?!
shortbutsweet: you've never had a gf before!
mmm_brains: Of course I have.
shortbutsweet: You can't see me, but my eyebrows are touching my hairline.
mmm_brains: Okay. I've never dated. But nobody looked at me as Gabriel and no one really interested me as Sylar.
mmm_brains: Although I have kissed a girl.
shortbutsweet: WHAT?!?!?!!?!?!?!
mmm_brains: Yeah. She was completely in love with me.
shortbutsweet: Who was this? When was this? Why didn't you tell me?
mmm_brains: I told you, remember? Maya was all goo goo over me and I needed her power while I was all powerless.
shortbutsweet: Impotent.
mmm_brains: Shut up.
mmm_brains: Anyway, since she was just about humping my leg, I figured I'd play along.
mmm_brains: It probably would have been better for me if she hadn't drooled so much.
shortbutsweet: So you only kissed?
mmm_brains: Um... I was kind of half naked and she wasn't exactly what I would call virtuous...
shortbutsweet: YOU HAD SEX WITH HER?
mmm_brains: ...
mmm_brains: I was thinking of you the whole time!
shortbutsweet: Isn't she staying with Mohinder?
mmm_brains: Yeah. Why?
shortbutsweet: No reason.
mmm_brains: Claire?
shortbutsweet: Cleaning Mohinder's floor. And possibly his walls. And ceiling.
mmm_brains: Oh shit.
mmm_brains: Don't rip off her clothes!
mmm_brains: Or let her rip off your clothes...
mmm_brains: Or roll around in vanilla ice cream...
mmm_brains: I hope Mohinder's apartment has surveillance tapes.
Post-note: I realize that Alejandro was dead in the bedroom... but let's just say that Sylar pushed him under the bed or something.
Additional Post Notes: Yes, I realize I'm crazy.
Title: AIM Confidential, Part 2
Author: Claire Starling
Fandom: Heroes
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Crack. Fic. And swearing. And innuendo.
Disclaimer: I own me. That's it.
Pairing: Okay.... there are a lot in this one. Sylaire. Peter/Nathan. Suggested Peter/Nathan/Claire. Sylar/Maya. Maya/Mohinder... if you squint.
Summary: So... what if Claire and Sylar were friends and talked to each other on AOL Instant Messanger?
Part 1
A/N: To avoid confusion: Claire lives with Peter in NY while she goes to college because Noah didn't want her to go unsupervised and doesn't trust Angela Petrelli (for obvious reasons)
A/N 2: Feedback is the sweet, sweet crack that inspires these fics. If you have any ideas/requests for this series, let me know, I'm open to it!
shortbutsweet has signed on.
mmm_brains: You're two minutes and 26 seconds late
mmm_brains: 27
shortbutsweet: No, I'm not, the clock here says that it's 4:10.
mmm_brains: The clock is wrong.
shortbutsweet: Peter just set it yesterday.
mmm_brains: Peter is an idiot
mmm_brains: And he has stupid hair.
mmm_brains: And his mouth does this funny triangle thing when he talks.
mmm_brains: Not attractive at all.
shortbutsweet: You're just mad at me because of what I said the other day.
mmm_brains: About running into your uncle naked? No, not at all.
shortbutsweet: For a psychopathic serial killer, you are so transparent.
shortbutsweet: We share an apartment, it's sort of a hazard. He was coming out of the shower, I was going into it.
mmm_brains: Oh? Was Nathan coming out of the shower too?
shortbutsweet: What?
shortbutsweet: SHUT UP!
shortbutsweet: That is sooo gross. I just pictured my father naked.
mmm_brains: And yet seeing your uncle naked didn't bother you in the slightest...
shortbutsweet: Well, now that you mention it, they're both kinda hot...
shortbutsweet: Totally drool worthy
mmm_brains: Oh god, it's true. The Petrelli family is just one circus of incest, isn't it?
mmm_brains: This is great. Like I didn't have enough problems as it is.
mmm_brains: Do you know how hard it is to get brains out of my coat?
mmm_brains: And now I may land up on Jerry Springer because my girlfriend is caught up in a threesome of Italian love!
shortbutsweet: God, I was just kidding.
shortbutsweet: One taste of your own medicine and you become a freakazoid.
shortbutsweet: Did you just call me your girlfriend?
mmm_brains: No.
shortbutsweet: Yes, you did. It's not like the conversation disappeared or something, the proof is just a scroll away.
mmm_brains: So what? It was just a slip of the tongue.
mmm_brains: Fingers.
mmm_brains: Whatever.
shortbutsweet: So... you're saying that you don't want to be my boyfriend?
mmm_brains: No.
mmm_brains: I mean, only if you want me to.
mmm_brains: want to that is.
shortbutsweet: awwwww
shortbutsweet: You are so sweet.
mmm_brains: What? No.
shortbutsweet: Yes, you are.
mmm_brains: No. I kill people and eat their brains. I am not sweet. I'm bad. I'm evil.
shortbutsweet: Yeah, you're the big bad man who bought me a puppy on my birthday.
mmm_brains: An evil puppy. Ever hear of Cujo?
shortbutsweet: No, because I don't have a psychopathic boyfriend who wouldn't talk to me until I read at least four Stephen King novels.
mmm_brains: It was for your own good!
shortbutsweet: I can never look at clowns the same way again!
mmm_brains: Wait, did you just call me your boyfriend?
shortbutsweet: Well, yeah. You called me your girlfriend, seemed to make sense.
mmm_brains: So are we... um... dating?
shortbutsweet: Oh my god.
mmm_brains: What?
shortbutsweet: Oh my god.
mmm_brains: What?
shortbutsweet: Oh. my. god.
mmm_brains: WHAT?!
shortbutsweet: you've never had a gf before!
mmm_brains: Of course I have.
shortbutsweet: You can't see me, but my eyebrows are touching my hairline.
mmm_brains: Okay. I've never dated. But nobody looked at me as Gabriel and no one really interested me as Sylar.
mmm_brains: Although I have kissed a girl.
shortbutsweet: WHAT?!?!?!!?!?!?!
mmm_brains: Yeah. She was completely in love with me.
shortbutsweet: Who was this? When was this? Why didn't you tell me?
mmm_brains: I told you, remember? Maya was all goo goo over me and I needed her power while I was all powerless.
shortbutsweet: Impotent.
mmm_brains: Shut up.
mmm_brains: Anyway, since she was just about humping my leg, I figured I'd play along.
mmm_brains: It probably would have been better for me if she hadn't drooled so much.
shortbutsweet: So you only kissed?
mmm_brains: Um... I was kind of half naked and she wasn't exactly what I would call virtuous...
shortbutsweet: YOU HAD SEX WITH HER?
mmm_brains: ...
mmm_brains: I was thinking of you the whole time!
shortbutsweet: Isn't she staying with Mohinder?
mmm_brains: Yeah. Why?
shortbutsweet: No reason.
mmm_brains: Claire?
shortbutsweet: Cleaning Mohinder's floor. And possibly his walls. And ceiling.
mmm_brains: Oh shit.
mmm_brains: Don't rip off her clothes!
mmm_brains: Or let her rip off your clothes...
mmm_brains: Or roll around in vanilla ice cream...
mmm_brains: I hope Mohinder's apartment has surveillance tapes.
Post-note: I realize that Alejandro was dead in the bedroom... but let's just say that Sylar pushed him under the bed or something.
Additional Post Notes: Yes, I realize I'm crazy.