Because she's a real phony

da_buffster @ 2010-06-23T00:28:00

2010-06-22T23:28:49Z

So I've been playing with a new online picture editor I was pointed to and... well, these are the results... What do people think? It's slightly spammy, as lots of them are quite similar and only really differ in fonts etc, but WE, I had fun :D

1. 2. 3. 4.
5. 6. 7. 8.
9. 10. 11. 12.
13. 14.

15. 16. 17. 18.
19. 20. 21.

22. 23. 24. 25.
26. 27. 28. 29.
30. 31. 32. 33.
34. 35. 36. 37.
38. 39. 40. 41.
42. 43. 44. 45.
46. 47. 48. 49.
50. 51.

Um, I got screencaps from screenmusings, disparue, leavemethewhite, and Summerskin. I used some David Bowie lyrics and some Ani DiFranco lyrics, and if you reeeally want to use them, please credit!

I'd love some feedback, so all comments are welcome :)

Writer's Block: Cinqo de Mayo

2010-05-05T09:50:54Z

I wasn't going to answer until I looked at some others and saw two questioning when England celebrated its independence, which is even more disheartening when I realise that both respondants appear to be English.

See, here's the thing. We don't celebrate independence, because you're all celebrating independence from us. If anything, we spend your independence days in the pub plotting how to get world domination again.

Short short reaction post.

2010-01-01T20:04:32Z

This is my reaction as copied from a Spooks forum. I can't be bothered to dissect any more, I'm just far too angry.

I have to say, I've never been more angry about an ending. Someone on [the Spooks forum] the other day said that the actors must never become bigger than the show... isn't that what just happened? The entire last ten minutes were a farewell to David Tennant and his tenure as the Doctor, they added NOTHING to the story or even to the characters.

I have been a huge David Tennant fan and I really enjoyed tonight's episode. It was a good romp, lots of fun, thoroughly confusing at the end, but...

I feel thoroughly ripped off. He deserved better.

da_buffster @ 2009-12-17T12:43:00

2009-12-17T12:44:06Z

FIRST: If you've been tagged, you must write your answers in your own LJ and replace any question that you dislike with a new, original question.
SECOND: Tag eight sexy people. Don't refuse to do it like a pansy. I tag (in no particular order): aboutlarnie, dappledlight, ebonybeach, limegirl, masqueradesfade, purpleface, willow_tigger, vin_petrol.

Where was the last place you slept other than your bed?
Um, I think I passed out at the table for five minutes once. Other than that, probably Pip's house, aaaages ago. I normally make it back to bed!

What is your favorite drink (alcoholic if you drink and whatever else if you don't)?
Moscow Mule :) Or cider, if I'm feeling cheap, which I normally am!

What kind of books do you read?
Ones that make me feel clever, or that my professors tell me to read...

What are you reading right now?
Arabian Nights!

If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?
Hmm, Sunday, probably...

When was the last time you were out of town?
Depends on what you mean. I currently left home for University, so that could count as going out of town, or Saturday when I go home could could. Between those two events, I've stayed firmly in one place :D

Name one odd item within five feet of you.
Winnie the pooh mug :D

What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction?
Spooooks :D

Were you an honor roll student in school?
... No.

What are you most excited for next year?
Dunno... getting Aegis going?

What LJ community do you check most often?
Elite_text, I guess. It's the only one I check at all.

Why is your favorite color your favorite?
I like it.

What does your last text message say?
Recieved: "How the 3 persons of the trinity are seperate but intimate and indwelling"
Sent: "Haha! Intimate :D"

What's your biggest procrastination method?
Facebook and reading fanfic.

Are there any bits of childhood that you miss?
No exams!

Spring, summer, autumn, or winter?
Summer and winter.

Say something to the person who tagged you.
WE DO NOT TALK ENOUGH OR RP ENOUGH OR ANYTHING AND THAT IS SAD BUT YOU ARE AN AWESOME PERSON AND I ADORES YOU! <-- what she said!

In other news, we had room inspections today, which are fucking ridiculous! They told me my surfaces were supposed to be kept tidy. I'm sorry, I'm in the middle of exams, and you don't think I should have folders or paper on my DESK? Also, what does it matter?! I get some of the stuff they said could cause actual damage, MAYBE, like my sink (don't ask), but why does it matter if the surfaces are tidy?! Grr.

da_buffster @ 2009-12-05T23:04:00

2009-12-05T23:04:45Z

11:32 @EditorJules Is it me, or does this happen a lot?! Am trying to distract myself :/ #
11:37 @EditorJules :O What is Taste of London?! I mean, I'm 8 hours away NOW, but we can change that... #
12:24 @EditorJules I take it you typo was because it IS in london? #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Funny quote for the day

2009-10-11T18:49:00Z

"Verbs have may fascinating characteristics"
- Understanding Grammar in Scotland Today, Chapter 4.4, by Corbett and Kay

da_buffster @ 2009-10-11T18:35:00

2009-10-11T17:39:03Z

Here's what just happened:

Textbook: "While both mass and count nouns can occur after the definite article, only count nouns can appear as headwords after an indefinite article"

Brain: "Huh. Isn't it wierd that when referring to the definite article, people almost always use the definite article, and when referring to the indefinite article, people almost always use an indefinite article?"

Body: *headdesk*

Rwanda - Day 19, July 28th

2009-09-20T14:23:19Z

Rwanda - Day 19

Today was the conference which was basically the entire point of the trip. My notes are really all I have to say about it, other than that Yannick gave a fairly inspiring speech.
The most exciting part of the day was the party, from which Audrey is still hungover. It was a fun party, but most interesting was the talk between James Smith and Audrey which I listened in on. Audrey was asking about support for the aid workers. She doesn't want to get married or have kids, but both Megan and James were saying she shouldn't think like that, as it's important to have someone to support you in your life, especially in this work.
So that was essentially most of the update, but I'll now try and summarise the notes from the conference!

Freddie

Youth make up 67% of Rwanda.
Genocide ideology is still taught in schools (and through parents),therefore it must be combatted through education.
"We can't turn the clock back, but we have the power to determine the future and make sure what happened never happens again" - Kagame.

Emmanuel, for Aegis Students Rwanda
The Aegis Trust was founded in 2000, and Aegis Students in Oxford, 2005. Aegis Students work through petitions, demonstrations, movie showings.
Aegis Students Rwanda were founded in 2007 and have since held marches and rallies.
Aegis Students are a part of the Aegis Trust.

Audrey

Education is a tool to question parents/adults, through thinking for ourselves.

Leaders must support organisations of education.

In the future, we must remember today

1. Genocide Ideology and Effects on Youth - from the National Commission Against Genocide.
Mission:

Elaborate strategies to fight genocide ideology.
Prevention through education + discussion.

The population must have an active role in fighting genocide.

We cannot tough ideology we can touch acts from ideology.

People found guilty of genocide ideology can be jailed for 10-25 years. Prevention is better than punishment.

Notes sent anonymously to students suggesting genocide ideology still strong in schools.

Vice mayor's children found calling people cockroaches.

Youth must have a critical mind.

AERG
"Genos" - the people
"cide" - killing

Education must come in three parts: From parents, peers and places of work.

Questions
1. What are strategies to fight ideology where perpetrators have fled?
- Should be similar to other countries.
- Rwanda cannot force country to set a law against genocide.
2. Supporting youth organisations.
- Commision wants to work with people like Aegis Trust.

Emmanuel

Between 1995 and 2008, 156 have been killed: 36 witnesses, 120 survivors. 79 men, 63 women, 14 children. This shows that ideology is still prominent.

2008 in Butare: People used electrogaz uniforms to get into a house and kill the household. The offenders were youth.

Most killings have occurred in the South and West - probably because of the French zone created in 1994.

Highest killings in March and April of 2006. 2002 was the start of the Gacaca trials.

Ministry of Youth

Youth is 14-35. Kagame was only 37 in 1994.

If we don't succeed, it's because we weren't willing to work for the country.

64% under 25s have no mother and father, 22% have no father and 4% no mother.

National Youth Service - youth should be trained and well-informed.

Dr. James Smith

Military intervention is secondary prevention - when a crisis is already underway.

Primary prevention - dealing with the root causes.

Genocide ideology is like bacteria, in that it can't be seen but it can be felt.

Genocide ideology: Denies history, where Aegis reteaches it.
It dehumanizes people, where Aegis rehumanise.
It excludes and divides, where Aegis create unity.
It also creates fear.

Individual responsibility: Children aren't responsible for their parent's crimes.

The head of the UN mission in Sudan in 2003 had visited Rwanda in 1994. He went on the radio because the UN wouldn't do anything, but he wouldnt' ahve felt so strongly if it hadn't been Rwanda.

It was the youth who brought change to South Africa.

White Rose Movement: This was a youth movement in Nazi Germany. The youth were executed, but it is not the symbol for Aegis Students. We also have an advantage in that we know where it leads.

Genocide is a big event made up of small events: How many acts of genocide make genocide?

Mr Yannick Tona, Future President of Rwanda

Do not put off taking action - individual responsibility. BUT, work together to achive this.

As youth, we are the future leaders. Do not wait until you are in a position of power.

The ideology is in the parents, not in the youth.

If people can come together to kill people, why can't we come together to help people?

As an individual, it's important to talk to everyone, spread the message.

Don't look to your background, look to your heart.

Discussion group - how youth can fight ideology?

Youth groups

Use of media, theatre, games.

Getting genocidal history in books, so that it can be retold and taught.

International conferences

Community projects not focused on genocide - people working together. Youth as leaders.

Churches role in teaching.

Teach about role of youth in genocide.

Visit memorials, orphans, widows etc.

Internationally: Create Aegis societies.
-Make links between students.

Group1

If youth have the power to commit genocide, they have the power to stop it.

Education
-> Confidence
-> Active clubs
-> Have a vision
-> Active follow up to vision
-> Developing critical thinking

Role of international youth:
-> Awareness of truth
-> To learn about what's going on now
-> Create links between students internationally, ie. online.
-> Develop Aegis Trust internationally

Developing active youth community, fight against poverty and ignorance.

Learn about difference -> Tolerance

Preserving memorials

Youth are the foundation of the future

Youth must testify

Group2

Preconception of differences
-> Education should look at genocides over time
-> Awareness
-> Critical thinking
-> Media
-> Better links between groups
Summary Who: Me and you
Where: Start from yourself
When: Now
What: Preventing genocide!

I realise that not all of this is comprehensible, but since it's been so long since the conference, it's harder to translate my notes into real thoughts! If you want something explaining, I'll give it a go :) This is now almost certainly the second to last post from my Rwanda diary.
In fact, it's the last post, but there were thoughts I had during the last few days which I ended up writing up for a talk I did, so I'll probably just transcribe that within the next few days. Hopefully I'll get around to it soon, but lectures start tomorrow! (Me = Excited!)

Rwanda - Day 18, July 27th

2009-09-19T15:32:27Z

This is me restarting my Rwanda diary - just for you Julia!

Rwanda - Day 18

Yesterday we dressed up in Mashananas and went to a Catholic Rwandan wedding. The Mashanana is traditional dress, which a lot of women wear to weddings, but we also dressed the boys up in them - in tiger print. It was absolutely hilarious, and we caused quite a stir as we turned up - Umuzungos in Mashananas. Mine was a bright green which I loved - everyone managed to pick colours which really suited them - except perhaps the boys. Mama Yves and Anne-Marie helped dress us, and seemed to find great amusement in the whole process! Mama Yves came with us, which was nice.
The ceremony itself was lovely, albeit difficult to understand (I know very little Kinyarwanda!). The minister did a whole bit on JOY, I'm told, which means Jesus, Others, You. If you take these things in this order, you'll have joy.
The reception was fun, if long. There was Intore dancing at intervals and the rest of it was really just spent praising the bride and groom. The bride is a product of the social programme - she was an orphan, I think, supported through school and then she went to work for Aegis. She doesn't anymore, but she's obviously important to them, as a success story.
Jeff also works for the social programme - we met him with Mama Matoni.
Mama Matoni's youngest was there, and spent a long time playing with us. She remembered us from the first time we met and once we'd taught her how to use a camera, proceeded to take 500 pictures on my camera.
This morning we went to Gisimba orphanage, where we'd been told we'd be volunteering, but we didn't really do anything of the sort.
Before the genocide, there were about 60 orphans, but now there's 190 something, even though they only have capacity for 120. Gisimba stayed open during the 100 days, and about 400 people were saved by staying there.
It's not a big place, there's a fairly large court with some buildings that look like portacabins around the edge. There are children of all ages everywhere, the older kids in groups talking and younger children running around.
The dining room has lion king characters on the wall, and the kitchen has stoves so big they've got fires under them.
I gave all the pens mum gave me to the orphanage. I gave one to a kid who was with us as he knew Yannick and Rachel. He rang off with it immediately, but later I got pictures of Yannick teaching him how to write his name.
There was a classroom with loads of kids in playing and drawing. In the cupboard there [were] books of all types - from religious books in English to Teletubbies in French.
We had a meeting with Andrew Mitchel, Shadow Foreign Minister for Development or something. My notes say more on what he actually said.
We then went to Yannick's house to meet his family, which was something of an experience. They're obviously not the poorest - they've got electricity and running water, and a TV, but the house is very basic. Yannick shares a room and double bed with his younger brother, who's ten.
Right now I'm sitting in a room which must be bigger than his living room and bedroom put together.
His mum has crutches and speaks only the most basic English, but spent a long time speaking French to Nogah.
His sister, a year younger than him, won't volunteer with Aegis because she's afraid that people would target her because of it.
We had a few sort of speeches at the end - Sam was saying thank you to Yannick for all he does for the Trust. There is a lot to say about Yannick, but I'll save it for the five hour wait in Nairobi.

Rwanda - Day 17, July 26th

2009-08-23T16:46:31Z

Rwanda - Day 17

This morning we went to go and see the site where the Belgian peacekeepers were killed. There's a small garden area with ten large stone blocks in, one for each dead man. There are lines cut into each one to indicate age, like counting the rings on a tree, and the initials are carved into the back, low down.

Inside, there's a shrine in the corner where they were found and on one wall, accompanied by the Rwandan and Belgian flags, there's a gold plaque with an engraved picture of each soldier and a small amount of information on each one, like whether he was married and how many children he had.

On a third wall, there's a blackboard, now protected by glass, with messages from the families. One message just says 'pour quoi?', over and over, while another has drawn two large skull and crossbones, with the names Dallaire and Bagasora next to them. There are messages there too, that I didn't understand.

The walls are full of holes, some as large as a grown man's fist and others barely pellets. There's a notable increase in them in the corner where the bodies were found.

In another two rooms, there's a display on genocide. It's much more general than other displays I've seen, including boards on what leads to and what prevents genocide. There's another board listing 10 genocides, including ones I've never heard of going back to the 1400s. It includes the ones still not talked about in Australia and the USA, to try and get rid of aboriginals.

It is definitely one of the better displays as, while it's not heartbreaking in its portrayal of the victims (I've seen displays trying to tell you something about each of the 1,000,000), it is brilliantly simple and I'd imagine fantastic for children.

It was a little weird to be thrown back into the world of genocide again. I still haven't worked out how to cope with it any better.

Rwanda - Day 16, July 25th

2009-08-21T12:14:17Z

Rwanda - Day 16

We had a meeting with the Minister for Culture and Sport, who is also responsible for memorials and therefore closely linked with Aegis, however the notes more than explain what happened.*

Yesterday we were due to leave for Akagera National Park at 8, but we didn't end up going until 11ish.

When we eventually got to Akagera, things were definitely much better. We saw some Impala (?) almost as soon as we arrived, as we were driving to the entrance. After we set up camp, Drogba (our driver) got a fire going, and because it gets dark so quickly here, we were all huddled around the fire talking. It was sort of perfect.

As we drove to the restaurant, I was staring out of the window and all of the shadows and bushes suddenly became animals, alert and frozen, staring at us. I could swear there were some dinosaurs in there too.

On a side note, I had two desserts instead of a main course. The pancakes were deliciously light, the chocolate mousse was a mistake, but one I'll never regret.

This morning we woke at 5 to start the safari at 6. Within minutes we had come across a zebra herd, which remain my favourite. They look much more like horses than I realised, slightly smaller and of course striped. The stripes look too good to be real, not a hair out of place and better certainly than anything a human could create.

Next came buffalo, which were not as interesting as the zebra, brown and more difficult to capture on camera.

We spotted a giraffe and calf through the trees and drove around to find them. They're beautiful creatures, not caring a jot about our presence, just carrying on as they were. There were two kinds, visible in the skin pattern. One is far more as everyone imagines; hexagonal shapes with whitish lines to separate them, while the other has white skin with brown spots. They're not impossibly tall either, just tall enough.

We also had to stop for some baboons, sitting uncaringly in the road. Their arses are far more disgusting in real life than in art - they just sort of hang out like they're about to do a shit. As the others cleared off the road, one came to sit right by the bus, cross-legged with its dick hanging out. They're surprisingly like children, the way they sit and drag themselves up again.

I think I saw a warthog.

We saw some of some hippos - only their eyes poking out of the water. They're incredibly dangerous creatures, killing more humans than lions. Still, they sat int he water and just watched us while we got out of the bus and took pictures.

Occasionally they'll make this awful noise, a sort of terrifying growl or roar mixed with an old man's grumble.

After that, we didn't really see a lot more, and we finished by 9.

*Notes not included. If desired, I can write them up in some sort of comprehensible way - let me know.

Rwanda - Day 16, July 25th

2009-08-21T12:11:50Z

Rwanda - Day 16

So the lack of formal update lately has been due to lack of interesting activity. We had a meeting with the Minister for Culture and Sport, who is also responsible for memorials and therefore closely linked with Aegis, however the notes more tahn explain what happened.*

We were then due to have a slot on one of the popular radio stations here, as the presenter works at the KMC, however for whatever reason, this didn't happen and we spent the afternoon doing fuck all on facebook.

Yesterday we were due to leave for Akagera National Park at 8, but we didn't end up going until 11ish. A few of us were sat in the house waiting for the others, and it was obvious people were really frustrated with how things were going. We've had some schedule changes lately that mean taht while we're still doing everything, our more relaxing activites got bunched together and it felt as though the trip was sort of petering out.

I do think things will get better soon - we're going to be very busy over the next few days, so things should pick up again.

When we eventually got to Akagera, things were definately much better. We saw some Impala (?) almost as soon as we arrived, as we were driving to the entrance. After we set up camp, Drogba (our driver) got a fire going, and because it gets dark so quickly here, we were all huddled around the fire talking. It was sort of perfect.

On a side note, I had two desserts instead of a main course. The pancakes were deliciously light, the chocolate mousse was a mistake, but one I'll never regret.

Next came buffalo, which were not as intersting as the zebra, brown and more difficult to capture on camera.

We also had to stop for some babboons, sitting uncaringly in the road. Their arses are far more disgusting in real life than in art - they just sort of hang out like they're about to do a shit. As the others cleared off the road, one came to sit right by the bus, cross-legged with its dick hanging out. They're surprisingly like children, the way they sit and drag themselves up again.

I think I saw a warthog.

Occasionally they'll make this awful noise, a sort of terrifying growl or roar mixed with an old man's grumble.

After that, we didn't really see a lot more, and we finished by 9.

*Notes not included. If desired, I can write them up in some sort of comprehensible way - let me know.

Rwanda - Day 13, July 22nd

2009-08-19T09:55:55Z

Yesterday's entry has been ignored, as it was really more like a personal diary entry than anything relating to the trip. The only real things that happened were that we came to Gisenyi - which is where all the action in today's entry happens! Gisenyi is on the border with the Congo and is basically a resort town - it would be more so if it didn't have such a reputation from being borders with the Congo!

Rwanda - Day 13

Spent another day at the beach, go on facebook, decided not to go to Uganda, drove up to the DRC border, spoke to mum.

That's pretty much all I can say for today.

The only real highlight was when Nogah, Joe, Tom and I went for a walk out of the town. We walked half way to the pokey out bit, and then climbed up a hill until we hit a village. There were a bunch of kids from the village following us, who were scrambling away while we puffed for breath. The view on the way down was spectacular though. We could see all the way to the Congo, back to where the others were and far, far out onto an immense expanse of water.

Yannick was particularly sweet too. He comes off all sweet* and as though he doesn't care about anything, but he was terrified we were all going to fall and kept grabbing onto my hand.

Audrey took a picture of the Congo border - with flash.

*This is the word I've written, but somehow I don't think it's what I meant.

Rwanda - Day 11, July 20th

2009-08-17T11:25:13Z

Rwanda - Day 11

Last night we did some Rwandan dancing, which was hilarious. First, they performed for us, but then they taught us some moves. The way they teach Rwandan dancing seems to be to just get us to copy another person individually - it's very informal. At the end, the girls kept patting me up and down, saying I had big hips and asking if I had a baby. It was so funny =)
They're a group of dancers that do focus on the genocide somewhat I think - uniting people through dance etc.
This morning we went to a meeting with the AERG coordinators, which was interesting, but I was quite tired during most of it. Last night, I fell asleep really early, still dressed.
AERG look at student survivors, helping them get through school and giving them a place to live during holidays. They're in partnership with the Aegis Trust to do the One Dollar campaign, to help build a hostel for 600 people.
There's one school they were talking about, I think called Notre Dame, which Sam also knew of, which has refused to commemorate the genocide and people say the head mistress has collaborated with the remnants of Interahamwe in the Congo.
This afternoon we went to visit Mama Matoni (sp?), who's a widow on the social programme. She's raising 8 children, 4 of which are her own, is HIV+ and has just found out she has a tumor, I don't think she knows if it's cancerous.
She was the most incredible woman. The programme got her a better house, although it's still very basic, and pays for schooling and transport for the children, but she supports herself by growing her own veg and running the tiniest village shop, with about a shelf full of vegetables.
She was incredibly happy, despite everything, hugging us, showing us a picture of her husband and making jokes. There were two other women from the UK there, Jules and Iris, who are fundraisers, as well as Geff, who runs the social programme and a woman I think called Yvonne, who was acting photographer.
They were all such amazing people, Mama Matoni in particular, I'd love to do some fundraising for the programme. Somehow, despite the pain she's obviously in, it was a happy experience.
The kids sang for us too, which was incredible. They sang Psalm 91, I think, which was in Kinyarwanda but Yannick tried to translate. Mama Matoni said it gave her hope, particularly when she was in hospital.
She then prayed for us - Yannick said she was praying that we would be safe, for God to protect us. Normally praying makes me feel very uncomfortable, but I think if it had giver her hope, I would've converted so I just closed my eyes and accepted it. I may very well ask someone to pray for her, which is the first time I've done that in a looong time.

Rwanda - Day 10, July 19th

2009-08-16T13:20:21Z

Rwanda - Day 10

Nogah, Tom, Joe and I went to church this morning with Yannick. It was held at the ETO, where they're renting a room while their church is being built across the road.

It's definitely odd to think that what was once a massacre site is now a place for worship. It's like a kick in the face to the killers, I think. They can't taint everything.

The service itself is much more like the youth services than I'd imagined - as you walk in there's a band playing and people seem much more free with their worship - there's dancing and people praying with their arms open. I recognised the first song, the one about what it cost to see his son upon the cross?

Their pastor is currently in Canada, then going on to the UK, so I'd love to see if he could be invited to Bishopthorpe. The guy leading the service not only welcomed newcomers, but we were also given a welcome letter and a form, then we had a chat with someone from the church at the end. The effort they put in seemed more than I've ever come across before.

The sermon was a little hard to follow, but I think the main message was that we have to mature in Jesus and also have him with us every day. There was one moment when the guy mentioned sacrifice, and I could suddenly see how easy it would have been to preach sacrificing the Tutsi.

It was an amazing service and I think people from York would've loved to see it.

One other thing is that because everyone had their own Bible, they took notes, some even had notepads. Apparently, this is because the normal pastor's sermons are more tailored that way, but it was brilliant. everyone had their own personal Bible. Yannick's was in French, so battered it had no cover.

AFter, we took Yannick's friend Nicolas back to his recording studio, as he's apparently the first recording artist in Rwanda. He's copying his CD for us.

Rwanda - Day 9, July 18th

2009-08-16T11:31:33Z

Rwanda - Day 9

This morning we visited a memorial near Butare, where the bodies are preserved and displayed rather than put in mass graves.

Murambi is a school turned museum, which never really became a school. It was due to be opened when the genocide started and the massacres happened. It will quite possibly never be a school.

At the back of the museum are rows of buildings with small, square rooms which I presume were meant to be classrooms. They're still full of children, but all of them are dead.

The smell gets you first, before you can even process what you're seeing. It's the smell of the preservatives, not decay as I first thought.

When I say the bodies come in all shapes and sizes, that's exactly what I mean. 800 bodies were flung into the smallest hole before they were excavated, so some of the bodies are flattened. They still have definition, it's still possible to see the shape of their ribs and arms and face, but they look completely deflated.

There was one body where the rib cage was misshaped, so it came to partially fold, like an arrow. What caused that?

Some of them still have eye sockets, piercing towards the centre of the room, where you stand. It's as if they died with their eyes open, pleading with their killer for mercy. Now, they're pleading with you not to be forgotten.

The bodies are white, as though they've been mummified. It wasn't until I saw people partially clothed that I realised that white, dusty paper was skin.

Some of them had hair, some of them wore t-shirts. Some were stripped naked, some were children, some were adults, some were babies. Some had crushed skulls, some had torn ankles, some were larger than large, some were thing. Some were just piles of bones.

What is most difficult is the way they never seem to end. There's perhaps three rows of rooms, but the trip around seems endless, with room after room and room with 4 tables of bodies in each. In one room, there's two tables of skulls, one of various bones, but then the fourth is bodies, as is the room after that. There's a large empty room fulls of clothes on shelves, and then more bodies.

The detail is quite terrifying. One body had only half an ear left.

We had a survivor talk at the beginning, mainly just describing what happened. They'd been told they would be safe in the school, by the government, the people who murdered them. When the French came, they hid the mass graves by building a basketball court on top. There are only 4 survivors of the school, and this man had no family left.

A woman walked 'round with us, and revealed her children and husband were preserved there. I couldn't look her in the eye then, although I tried. What could I offer her? How could I tell her that this meant something to me, that they weren't just bodies?

This afternoon we went to the last King's house, which was much more light hearted and fun. Yannick kept stealing single shoes, as you had to take them off in various places, so we stole his.

On the way back, he used me as a pillow (a word he has only recently learnt), sometimes he can be very childlike.

This evening, we went out. First to the Sun and Moon, which was based on an English pub and so un-Rwandan that it didn't even have Waragi.

Then we went to a bar underground, which was much seedier and much more fun. We met the Ambassador's son, Rob.

Rwanda - Day 8 July 17th

2009-08-13T17:11:59Z

Rwanda - Day 8

We came to Butare today, which is a much less developed place, but nice all the same. The hotel we're staying in is gorgeous, and we just ate a meal which was possibly uncooked, but tasted good all the same.

On the way down, we stopped at the mass grave were Yannick's brother, grandparents and friends are buried. We then drove on to the house he used to live in, which is in ruins now. He told us about his life before and what happened to him during the genocide.

He and his mum were hiding together, as the family separated, but at a roadblock he got separated from his mum. For about 3 weeks, this tiny, lost 4 year old boy wandered alone amidst the worst human tragedy imaginable; amidst killing and betrayal and loneliness and despair and confusion and evil.

The idea that he found his mum again after 3 weeks is fairly incomprehensible too. How does one little boy find his mum again in the middle of all that chaos?

Yannick got malaria while he was alone, and one of his strongest memories is of a woman treating him and then telling him to leave, because if they found her with a Tutsi, they'd kill her. That was when he found out who the Interahamwe were. He hadn't known.

It was less emotional that I thought it would be, hearing his testimony, as he told it in quite an emotionless way. Obviously his memories aren't quite as strong as older survivors, but still, the idea that I can't remember being 4, while he can't forget it stays with me.

Apparently, Yannick's sister, who he was reunited with I think in 1997 has only been back to their old home one, while his parents go back every year. They found the family's bodies in 2000 I think, which is when they first went back. Yannick had been scared, thinking he'd be hunted again.

We were surrounded by local children during the testimony, and as we took a group picture at the end, they were completely taken in by our cameras, so we spent a long time taking pictures of them.

Children here are incredible - they're not shy at all and so curious. They're not held back by politcal correctness like we are - to them we're new and exciting, they want to know more.

As we went past one house, this kid came out who wanted to follow everyone else who was following us - he was younger so he wasn't allowed. He looked so broken up about it.

A couple of people knew Yannick, from his house and from where his mum used to work. That was a little wierd - seeing the past and present, pre- and post- genocide, coming together like that.

We also went to the history museum in Butare, which is a fairly fancy place that mum would've loved and we were treated to an hour of tribal dancing. That was pretty cool, there are a lot of pictures.

Sometimes I look around when we're with locals and they're being so Western and so like us, like last night and I think, this is what it was like before. These were the kinds of people killed. That's terrifying.

Rwanda - Day 7 July 16th

2009-08-12T12:47:56Z

Rwanda - Day 7

This morning we had gorillas cancelled as they're over booked, but I'm vaguely thinking about trying to get on the uganda trip. We also had a testimony from a survivor. I'm not sure of her name, but she spoke in a soft, clear voice as she described how husbands were separated from wives, four out of her six children were killed in front of her and she denied being married to her husband in order to stay alive. Tears rolled down her face as she told us how the UN abandoned them with no warning and they begged and pleaded but they couldn't be understood. She stood in the very space where she hid for three days to no avail and told us her story.

Yannick was translating and for a lot of the time, he had his arm around her. At the end, he gave her a hug and said something in Kinyarwanda - it felt so private I wanted to turn away. The boy is 19, but so much more of a man than any of us.

What I found most difficult about it was that it didn't seem any different to the testimonies you hear on TV after these events. Somehow, while she didn't seem any different to those, I will never ever see those people in the same way. Sometimes, the people crying desperately and crazily seem so inhuman that it's hard to imagine they're like us, but that's exactly how I imagine she acted during the genocide. Yet today she stood before us, so strong. It made those people seem more real.

Yannick was talking about how much it took to stand before people, how much strength and trust, but I felt almost uncomfortable listening. She was giving us so much more than we can ever giver her.

That was at the ETO, where Shooting Dogs was filmed. We then drove up to the place were the people in the school were walked to be killed. It's not a short distance.

This is were the general mass graves from Kicukiru were, and the woman was still with us. Yannick suggested we give her something, so we all donated some money - Yannick gave it to her privately. He came up to us later and said she'd said she was extremely grateful, and she was happy because we were there to listen and to learn, that people must never forget what happened.

We had pictures in front of the memorial. After a group picture, we had pictures in pairs with her. She put her arms around us for the phot, and then I turned to say thank you. I met her eyes and she smiled. She honestly seemed grateful that we were there to listen, and that was so important to me.

Seeing her wander the mass graves was something else too.

This evening we had a meal with Rosette (Sam's girlfriend)'s parents. they were lovely, and her mother gave me a hug as I walked in, saying something in French about how small I was! Her family are incredibly lovely - before we ate they said we were all family to them. We actually really only spent time with Rosette and her brother, David.

Before we ate, they prayed in French. I think people at home would've loved to have been there just to see Christianity in another culture. It was very sstrong.

Tom also said something about the disconnect you can sometimes feel here, which I'll expand more on later, because I'm tired.

Today hasn't been as emotional as I thought it would be, but it was certainly an educational experience.

Rwanda - Day 6, July 15th

2009-08-11T16:30:15Z

Rwanda - Day 6

So last night went wrong (I fell asleep in my clothes), and I'm gonna have to write quite a bit to catch up. I don't want to forget anything (except possibly this morning).

Yesterday was our first day at the Kigali Memorial Centre. The gardens, which act as the actual memorial, are beautiful, although possibly less effective for those without direct experience. As you walk towards the centre, there's a pool surrounded by squares of green and purple flowers. In the centre of the pool, there's a tall stand, with a bowl of fire at the top. The fire is associated with mourning and death, while I think the water stands for life. Either side of the pool, there's statues of two elephants who stand for rememberance.

A way back from that there's a garden dedicated to the children of the genocide. Around the edge of this, there's fruit trees, because children are the fruit of life. Except when they're dead, of course.

There are various garden sections, including a garden representing the path of Rwanda's history. There's a stream running through three gardens, representing the passage of time. In the first garden, the pool is calm and there are elephants around the edge, looking in.

The stream from the pool then crashes into a pool in the next garden which is in a more jagged shape. The elephants around the edge are facing out, to show the disharmony.

This then goes on to the third garden, where there's a large block in the centre of the pool with stones in it, to show the coming together of Rwanda - the stones represent the areas.

One of the problems with the gardens is that while they're meaningful, they don't carry the same human emotion that many sites do. At the churches I realised that while I didn't feel what I expected to feel, I certainly felt something. I was incredibly mixed up, angry and sad and confused, which I didn't get in the memorial gardens.

Inside, however, is a different story. This is the more museumy, educational area and so uses case studies etc. I was fine most of the way, but they began to use edited versions of people's testimony's anonymously, just using chunks that related to that particular exhibit, whatever it was. At some point I realised I knew these stories from a book we'd been given and it was incredibly powerful to have a face and voice and a personality added to the story, via video.

There's a room towards the end which is full of photos. It's sort of a star shape, with little enclave type things at each point, and of the three walls of each enclave, there are pictures attached by pegs to metal wires lining the walls. There's line upon line of them. Where they didn't have pictures, there's pictures of school work, birth certificates. The pictures are just of people, smiling, relaxing, have fun, being young, with family, and they all died in 1994. At the front of the room, there's a video of the rest of people's testimony's, and I think that's when it really hit me. I was sitting on the bench, just watching and Sam came up, possibly to check if I was ok. I couldn't look at him. He pointed out who one of the people in the video was, someone who'd given a talk that morning. This morning I recognised one guy, Yves, I think. There's just such an incredible churning of emotions at these things, impossible to know where to end and where to begin. I feel like I need to sit down with someone and work out what I'm thinking, talk things through. I don't know who, though.

After that, we came back to the house and got fairly hammered on Waragi. *Edited for embarrasing details*

We were just in presentation's all day, on the work of Aegis Trust in Rwanda, and we saw a video on the heroes on the genocide, which is actually the perfect antidote to all of the darkness.

We watched Shooting Dogs this evening. It's fairly tough going - all the events are real, if edited, and it was made by survivors. While there's a certain distance emotionally, the nature of our trip is sort of eroding some of that distance.

Nogah, Tom, Joe and I went for a walk just now - it's dark outside. Yannick rang to check we were ok, but I cannot understand that guy on the phone!

There's singing outside my window now, as well as chirping. Sounds carry here, because of the openness of the space and the shape of the land. It makes me wonder how far the screams of people carried.

Rwanda - Day 5, July 14th

2009-08-10T10:42:04Z

Before we start this one I should point out that it's almost completely pointless - I got started on it and then passed out. The writing in my actual diary is almost illegible, so as a diary entry it's quite entertaining, but obviously that's lost when it's typed up! Basically, it's here for the sake of chronology.

Rwanda - Day 5

I should warn you that I'm drunk on Waragi to the point of not seeing things well, but I wanted to gt down today's activites. We went to the Kigali Memorial Centre and had a video on how it was founded etc, before going to meet THE BRITISH AMBASSADOR, which was cool in that he was a normal guy, but he also thought very hard before he said anything, so you knew it was the government's answer, not his.

Also: Tennis.

Rwanda - Day 4, July 13th

2009-08-09T14:00:41Z

Rwanda - Day 4

Sitting outside one of the churches where 10,000 people were killed. There's a banner outside that says, in Kinyarwanda, 'If you know me, and you knew yourself, this would never have happened'. Inside, there's a figure of Mary praying over piles and piles and piles of clothes. In one corner, a wooden cross has fallen onto the clothes and is just lying there, as if there's still some useless spirit there, trying in vain to protext people who are already dead.

The clothes are dusty and fading, but certain pieces seem to stand out. There's a large jumper that looks like a child's, bright pink to this day. In my head, that's a smiling, happy girl no older than 10. What happened to her? Towards the front of the church, on a pew, there's a hat, the kind I imagine an old man would wear as he tipped his hat to you. What happened to that jovial, wise old man? What had he lived through? Did he survive 1959 only to be killed by men with no respect for or concept of human life?

There are bullet holes in the ceiling, letting in light to an otherwise dark room. Were they finishing off srvivors of the grenades?

We were allowed to take pictures, but after a while I stopped, because I knew i should be pausing to take it all in.

Except I had no idea what to think, how to contemplate it all. What do they want me to think, or feel? I know the facts, the figures and the stories, but I have no idea what to do in terms of emotions because it is too big. So should i try harder? Or should I just accept that there's no way I wille ver fully appreciate what happened, or be able to conceptualise it?

There's a girl with a sort of shrine to her, below shelves of skulls. She refused to marry a Hutu and married a Tutsi instead. She was tortured in a horrible way, which involved cutting her unborn child out of her.

At the back of the church, there's some stairs that go below the ground to a very dark and enclosed space with shelves or skulls and bones lining the walls.

At the end of that visit, we gave some money and were asked to write in the book. I gave about RF2000, which is about £2, and didn't seem like nearly enough. I didn't want to write down how much I'd given, but I did. I didn't write a comment, because what can a tourist say to a survivor that can be of any comfort?

I was feeling fairly angry by this point. Partly because us being there seemed pointless and trivial and I had no idea what to say or think and partly because I don't like giving money to dead people (that's not all the donation is for, but it felt like it)

At a second church, there's a box of people's posessions which they took when they moved in, thinking they would be there for some time. Mostly this involves school books etc, all fragile, fading and completely unpreserved. People's bones are kept in bags, because there's no more room for them in the church. As you walk in, there are shelves again lined wtih people's bones and Yannick said the first shelf were children's bones, their skulls cracked and shattered from being thrown against the wall. That's hwo Yannick's brother was killed.

In the first church, Yannick started talking about one of the survivors from the church, who he knew. He hid under bodies. At the same chruch again, there's the grave of an Italian girl, shot in 1992 for helping people as they hid in the church.

Sometimes, I feel very much as though I'm not sure what I'm doing here and how I'm supposed to help.

EDIT: We've been asked to help with preserving the bodies. I think it's unlikely that we'll be able to do anything as a group while we're here, but Sam is going to talk to James Smith (big Aegis man) about what they use at the Kigali Memorial Centre, how expensive it is etc. There's also the problem of stepping on the toes of the Minister of Sport and Culture, who's in charge of the memorials, but in many places hasn't done a lot.
---
Spent the evening doing Congoleese dancing the home of Belgian woman and drawing with her daughter, who only speaks French and Dutch. Yannick and Nogah were talking to her in French and translating for me (Nogah was, at least), eventually everyone joined in and drew a picture for her, Nena. Can you imagine growing up in this country? How incredibly stunning.

The dancing was fun too. Sam (who had been drinking) and Yannick were getting really into it and dancing crazy - although Yannick kind of knew what he was doing, as he lived in the Congo for a bit.

It involves a bit of Salsa-like moves, but stamping rather than dancing lightly. There's even some hip wiggling and bum gravving, which makes me wonder how much it's based on warrior dancing and how much it's about seduction!

it was amazing fun and it was refreshing to experience some African culture without the thoughts of genocide. We've been out before, but mostly to bars. It was fun to hang out with people who lived here, even if they were mostly European aid workers and we didn't talk to them much! It was fun :)

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Rwanda - Day 3, July 12th

2009-08-08T14:41:36Z

Rwanda - Day 3

This morning's trip was to President [Habyarimana]'s house, which is something else entirely. The building itself is huge, and everything inside is grand and overdone. There are huge chandelier's hanging over stairwells and a lot of highly detailed carvings. Wierdly, there's a few carvings depicting tribal life and traditional African life, which seems ironic given how far removed he obviously was from the traditional life. It's quite Western in the way they're used as decoration - I imagine few Africans feel the need to have such art to remind them of their history.

It's also interesting to know the details of what happened April 6th 1994. The president's wife was sat in her room, where she recieves guests etc, which is within view of where the plane came down. Apparently she was just waiting and many say that she knew it was going to happen, but it seems odd that she would sit so close to where it was.

The presidant's son was in the swimming pool with a cousin, so he saw the plane come down and knew it was his father, as his was the only jet in Rwanda. He went rushing inside to get his camera, and the resulting pictures were the ones broadcast all over the world. The president's body, along with his doctor and the president of Burundi all landed in the garden of the house, but the plane came down just outside.

The wreckage of the plane is for the most part still there, in about 4 main parts. On one piece, it's still possible to read an instruction on a label, it's almost complete. One of the wings is sticking straight up into the air, a little worn and burnt but for the most part whole.

The amount f detail in the house is stunning - even the bricks are varnished to finish them.

---

That entry possible wasn't finished, but I was called to lunch and then we watched a documentary called Ghosts of Rwanda. It's incredibly absorbing in its imagery and its account of the international failure that ws the genocide. I've seen a lot of imagery now, not only from Rwanda, but the news in general. I think these were maybe the images they do not show. The only American to stay during the genocide was Carl Wilkins, an aid worker, and he kept a video diary. People lived normal lives during the genocide? It seems so unimaginable, but the sky didn't cloud over for the three months to provide permanent darkness and... the world went on. There were times when it was easier to leave the house and times when it was hard. But for some people, even people trying to help, there were safe havens and the paralysing feeling of terror that I always imagine can't have been permanent. It seems so bizarre that time moved forward and night turned to day, but it did and that's important to remember, because in some ways that makes it worse. Of course, for some, that state of terror was permanent, and they still survived.

They showed and image of piles of dead. I think I've seen similar images, but somehow this was worse. There were layers and layers of bodies.

There was a report from a BBC journalist who was one of the first to see the church were so many people died, including video footage. The final image was of the church as they left, with a huge statue of jesus on the cross hanging over the door. It seemed so ludicrous and empty, as though there was something there watching while these peole were massacered. I suppose that can translate into what the international community was like: an all powerful group watching, but not intervening. Beneath the cross there was the body of a man bent backwards over the steps, his anormally long arms splayed wide and his red shorts mucky and blackened.

The reporter was Catholic and said that he could have lost his faith then, but he prayed because he needed to believe in somethign.

The documentary ended with a red cross worker who'd stayed and said that his son was born from the genocide, because when he returned home he and his wife knew that they neede to bring a child into this world.

It's very difficult to write in here well, because so often I start writing something and then I go offon a tangent. The genocide was so huge and so complicated that it's difficult to describe everythign. Carl Wilkins once asked the President to save some Tutsi orphans and he did. There's video footage of a group of men hacking someone, but it's a long way off and difficult to say who, or to see. We've driven on that road.

I don't think anything I see here will move me entirely, but rather everything will affect me gradually. When I see someting on TV it seems like news footage and always seems unreal, but when I see museum pieces I can't quite place them in that context. At the moment I think it's about learnig more, because no one will ever know every story and every fact.

On last point about [Habyarimana] which I was going to mention was that he was a secret passage to the attic, for every day use, but also wehre he worshipped his two Gods, the traditional Rwandan Gods, despite being outwardly Catholic.

Also, he had a room, plain white with a table and two chairs and then some ornate lampshade to finish off,where he had meetings, but apparently if you were taken there it was 'not good'.

---

Drunk on Waragi, certainly merry. We had a long discussion over dinner about so many issues. There are sitll people disappearing and there are still genocidaire around. Genocide ideology is still being taught, even if slyly and subliminally. It sort of begs the question though, are there simply too many issues here for someone who hasn't lived through it to understand? Must we be satisfied with going in, knowing we don't understand and just hoping to learn as much as possible? For every question there's two answers.

You can't talk about Rwandans instead of Hutu/Tutsi while at the same time focusing on survivors. How do you control everyone without having a police state? Is it better that the international media doesn't know about the disappearances and sees it as a tourist destination?

I could go on.

Audrey also gave me a lecture on coffee - the first person I've come across who says 3 a day is too many, although others seem to agree. I've been on one a day, at most, since I got here, actually, but I'm going to do some yoga in the morninga nd see how that helps. I may be addicted, but I should show that I'm willing to try, I suppose.

This trip is varied, to say the least.

Rwanda - Day 2, July 11th

2009-08-07T10:16:17Z

Today (This morning) we had a tour of the city, but last night we went for drinks at a place called Papyrus. It's a nice place, with christmas lights all around the veranda type things, and what looked like a random collection of rooms that all open out on to the front. We also tried this stuff called Waragi before we went out, which is like gin, but impossible to taste with Sprite and apparently lethal - I only had one small one!

It was really amazing to drive around Kigali this morning; it's an incredibly varied place. There's a lot of work being done around Kigali, so there are a lot of beautiful, white houses springing up that only foreigners can afford, but just down the hill, there are hillsides full of shacks, barely more than corregated iron supported by 4 sticks1. The contrast is quite incredible.

There seems to be no difference in the people in each place though. Even in the more built-up areas of the city, women still carry great piles of things on their heads and people sit in groups on the curbs, just chatting.

The traffic is quite something too. There doesn't seem to be any rules, but there are traffic police everywhere checking licences and even some road signs. To get a licence is difficult apparently, as you have to pay for the test, but they award them on a sort of quota system, so once they've passed enough people that's it.

The roads look quite amazing, in their variety. They're dusty orange and in some places, Rwanda seems to be a dry, arid place, but in others there are the brightest colours of flowers lining the walls of houses. Even the buildings are quite bright in some places. There's a whole section where the buildings are little more than small dark square rooms, like the shacks but small businesses, but they're all painted bright green!

We stopped int he centre for vital supplies, such as Audrey's vegetarian Indian food and caffeine and the centre is completely different. It's very built-up, like many modern cities and, bizarrely, full of tourists. There's a big shopping centre we went to with a shop called 'Nakumat' or something, which I'm assured sells everything under the sun. There's also a coffee shop there that does the most amazing mocha for 1500 F. Apparently Rwanda has won awards for its coffee, so that's definately one to try.

Wierdly, I felt a lot better after my coffee, about things in general. On the ride into Kigali, the bus rocked and jerked in such a way that seemed to send everyone to sleep, but after the stop I was wide awake and for some reason felt a lot better about things in general. I'd definately be more ready to try a bigger shot of Waragi now!

1This is a slight exaggeration.

Rwanda

2009-08-06T16:08:40Z

For those who don't know, I spent the last three weeks in Rwanda, on an educational visit run by Aegis Students (look up the Aegis Trust - the Aegis Students site doesn't seem to be working).
I was requested by someone at my local church to keep a diary of what we did, so this is that. I'm going to be updating the entries day by day (hopefully!) and leaving the entries public - so they'll be seperate and probably confusing when read in chronological order along with other entries!
So yeah, that's what's happening.

Rwanda: Day 1

This is a fairly ridiculous title, but oh well.

We arrived this morning at about 10, after a 2 hour stop in Nairobi airport and a fairly bad sleep on the first plane. I slept most of the way from Nairobi to here instead, but even then all I've pretty much done since arriving is sleep.

The whoel thing kind of began to affect me while we were sat in Nairobi airport I think. I was looking around at people, all of whom were either coming to Rwanda or Burundi (I think) and all I could think was that everyone had a story. There was not one African person sat in that room heading to Rwanda who did not have a story.

That is... a difficult feeling to describe, I think. It certainly makes you feel uncomfortable.

Rwanda itself is beautiful. The view from our house is stunning. You can see all the way over to the other hills, and everything in between. It's a very green land, with all these pale little houses dotted in between the trees. It's everything you imagine from a perfect view.

The drive through Kigali is stunning too. It's uphill from the airport and the roads are quite dusty. It turns out all those films showing African roads are telling the truth. There are people dotted along everywhere and houses which you could see right into. Many houses are only half built and in one, a woman stood on the first floor looking out over the road. I couldn't tell if she was holding a baby or just a piece of cloth, but she looked incredibly lonely and it sort of made you wonder what she was thinking and if you even wanted to know.

We've been talking to the Rwandans who will be our guides1 during the trip and already we've been talking about what we know about Rwanda and a little bit about ourselves. I'm still struggling with the names of the Rwandan students, but one guy said he often felt ashamed during our trip. We're here to 'Discover Rwanda' and that means discovering both the good and the bad, and of course the bad is so very horrifying.

The others have gone to change money and get sim cards, but I stayed behind. I'd just woken up and I'm still feeling overwhelmed by the idea of a new culture I think. The others are all fairly seasoned travellors, even if just with families, while this was only my second time on a plane. I think I would rather observe than take part fro now, although this will probably come back and bite me on the arse some time soon.

1They weren't our guides in the end - we had Yannick living with us, but for the most part the others just popped up now and then when they could - they were busy a lot.

da_buffster @ 2009-06-29T23:01:00

2009-06-29T22:01:25Z

23:28 @aquirkofmatter I so know what you mean. #
23:29 @oxfordgirl They tend to wait for absolute confirmation, same with MJ's death. #
23:32 @naomeh Haha, how the hell did you see my post?! I bet you didn't see me! #

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