Dr Serena Warren

@ sixwordstories

2012-03-28T06:24:24Z

RP Log with learninghearts | Heartbreaking

2010-11-15T08:09:13Z

[Follows THIS]

When Aimee got out of surgery, she was met with no less than seventeen text messages from Serena first asking her to call, but then begging her to come around to their apartment as soon as she was able. Aimee's heart and stomach felt like they had leapt up in her throat, and she had shoved her things into her bag as quickly as she could and managed to get an early mark off Sable now that the patient was stable and would be handed over to the night staff. Of course, Aimee was terrified now that something had happened to Chris or Rick, but wouldn't Serena be at the hospital if that was the case? That was about the only thing that stopped her panicking completely, and she was the doorstep of Chris - and now Serena's - apartment as soon as she could.

It was Mrs Deleo who answered the door looking probably how Aimee expected her to be considering Rick was going through his second round of chemo, though for some reason, she seemed to look worse when she opened the door to Aimee. Very little was said, and Mrs Deleo just led Aimee inside to Chris and Serena's room. Aimee stood in the doorway, seeing that Chris was completely out of it, asleep curled up on his side while Serena lay next to him, her head propped up on her hand as she watched him. "I came as soon as I could," Aimee whispered, taking a small step closer so Serena could hear her. "Is something wrong with him? Has something happened to Chris? To Rick? If there is anything you need, I can go right now and get it," she said, pointing over her shoulder with her thumb.

"No, no," Serena murmured as she sat up and caught Aimee's hand. She held onto it before she leaned down to kiss Chris' temple and then slid off the bed so she could lead Aimee away from the bed slightly. She still kept her voice quiet as she spoke. "It's not Chris. It's not Rick either. Aimee, it's Dave. I didn't want to tell you over the phone, and I know you're going to kill me for dragging you here instead of just letting you stay at the hospital but there's nothing really you can do right now. He's out cold. Aims, I'm so sorry, but Dave has testicular cancer. He collapsed in MT1. He's stage four."

Aimee was frowning when Serena started talking, but as she continued, she ended up just staring at her friend blankly. She continued to stare for a long few lingering moments of silence. Chris wasn't even snoring, so there was nothing to break it. Just... flat silence. But soon Aimee gave a small, dry laugh and looked at Serena in disbelief. "What? I- no. Is this some kind of a joke? He's not- he's at work... he's..." She went back to staring at Serena, her eyes wider now as she waited for her friend to hit her with the punchline of a really sick joke,

Serena just shook her head. "It's not a joke, Aimee. I really wish I was, but I'm not. I couldn't believe it when Chris told me. I thought it was some fucked up cosmic joke, too. That Dave who survived cancer gets hit with another round. I think he's just had a lot of trouble facing it. He didn't even know for sure until recently. None of us knew. None of us had a clue. Not until he collapsed while Chris was finally trying to confront him."

Aimee looked over to Chris passed out on the bed, her face paler now than when she first arrived. "No, I... it can't... he would have told me," she insisted in a small voice, hugging her arms around herself when the room suddenly felt like it was freezing. "He's not sick. He hasn't been sick. He would have said... he... wouldn't he? He would have told me? I mean, we've been having problems and he hasn't been speaking to me because I think he thought I didn't get the whole sex--" She suddenly stopped abruptly and put her hand up over her mouth in realisation.

Serena watched her friend quietly before she moved in to wrap her arms around Aimee. Even if Chris woke up now he'd have to understand why Aimee was there. She rubbed her hand against Aimee's back soothingly. "I know, sweetie. I know. He didn't even say anything to his sister, or his parents. Like I said, no one knew. Well, Bella did, but for obvious reasons she couldn't say anything. He's just put on a really good act that he's functioning, and that he's okay. All he's been doing is working and sleeping."

Aimee gave a tiny shake of her head. Dave had cancer. Again. But from everything he had told her about it, she was supposed to believe he would survive it a second time. "He said... he said he didn't think he would survive it a second time. He said that!" she said helplessly, choking up. "He doesn't want me to know. I'm the last to know, he doesn't want anything to do with me. He's hardly spoken to me in weeks. He doesn't want me touching him. Why are you telling me this?! He doesn't want me to have anything to do with him!"

Serena pulled back so she could take Aimee's face in her hands to force her to look at him. "It's not about that. I think this is just him trying to protect everyone. If he thinks that he wouldn't survive a second round, then maybe he's just trying to stop everyone from hurting too? I don't know, Aims. I don't. But I can't really believe that he doesn't want to have anything to do with you. You also just have to remember that when he had cancer the first time, his girlfriend walked out on him because she couldn't handle it."

"And he just thinks I'm going to do the same? Oh great. That makes me feel even more awesome than I have been these last few weeks. Do you know the things I have been thinking? He disappeared after we tried to have sex again, I don't hear from him again. He ignores my calls, my texts. How am I supposed to know how to be there for him if he doesn't want me to be there? You're telling me he was sick, and he still didn't want me there." Aimee threw her hands up helplessly, the tears coming now. "I thought he was the one, but if this is how he is going to treat me anytime the going gets tough, I don't even know if I want to stick around. He'll have all you there to take care of him and love him, what does he need me for?"

"No, no. Aimee, I didn't mean to make it sound like that. Shit," Serena said as she tried to keep from saying all the insensitive things. No wonder she had trouble with patients when she couldn't always handle her friends. "But he's been hurt before, and sometimes without realising it we just try to withdraw so that it doesn't happen again. I know you wouldn't hurt him, Aims. I don't know what to say other than I'm not sure he really did intentionally cut you off. It's not Dave. Maybe we will be there, but we're no replacement for you. I think when he's awake you should go see him. You should be there."

Nothing could have prepared Aimee for any of this, and she had no idea how she was supposed to react to it all. But somewhere through the shock and confusion, the penny dropped as to exactly what Serena was telling her. What it meant, what the impact was. A small sob caught in her throat as she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth. "H-He has cancer! Cancer," she gasped tearfully and glanced over at Chris when he made a soft noise in his sleep and shifted under the covers. Aimee gave a small apologetic shake of her head for disturbing Chris and turned to walk out of the room so she wouldn't wake him up. "Why isn't Chris with him? What is going on? I don't know anything that is going on!" she cried, almost in a panic.

Serena stopped by Chris to brush her fingers through his hair and kiss his forehead before she followed Aimee out of the room completely and took her friend's hand to give it a squeeze. "He's probably also going to lose a testicle. You need to be ready for that. I don't know if he'll want a prosthetic one, or not... He's going to be feeling sensitive about his body for a while yet. He's going to get hit with chemo and radiation therapy as well as surgery as soon as Bella thinks he's stable enough. She's got him sharing a room with Rick tonight so he's not alone. His family's flying in now. As for Chris, he needed to come home. He needed sleep. He's still not one hundred percent yet, and believe it or not, the great Dr C asked me to bring him home. Bella's not letting anyone in to see Dave yet until his family gets in."

Aimee gave a nod, but she didn't even know what she was agreeing with at that point. It sort of felt like Serena's words were going in one ear and out the other, but at the same time, she was absorbing it somewhere. Just probably not the place to accept it rationally. She was trying to run the brief relationship with Dave over in her head. It hadn't been in the process all that long, but he was amazing. She had fallen so hard for him, so fast, and for awhile there, it had been perfect. Until sex started to become an issue, and Dave struggled with his performance. At first he was okay, relieved Aimee understood, and she never pushed anything. But then something must have taken a turn, it was just all a blur for her to try and remember. "I-I- hurt him. I think. I... it was a few weeks ago now, but he was at my place, and we were in bed. It was going fine until it just wasn't. I was touching him and we had a condom, but then he just... lost it when I touched him. I thought it was me. I didn't know he was in pain, it just seemed like he was totally turned off all of a sudden, and then he left. We haven't really spoken much since."

Serena just kept watching Aimee quietly, trying to anticipate when her friend might need a hug, or something else. "You weren't going to know unless he said something. If he never told you he was in pain, then of course you were just going to assume it was you. I think the pain he felt when you touched him though, might have been what sent him to Bella to get answers, only he was still pushing himself hard with work. It's possible he didn't want to talk to you either because he was ashamed of just not being able to tell you what was going on. I don't know. I think you just need to see him and talk to him."

"I should have known. I should have felt... felt something right? Would there be something to feel? I don't know Oncology. How did I not see something was wrong with him, Serena? If something was wrong with Chris, you would know. You would. He was off, but we hadn't been together that long. How was I to know he wasn't just being normal and all the stuff at the start was a smokescreen?" Aimee asked helplessly, trying to brush away the anxious tears. "Then instead of asking him if something was wrong, I took it personally and stupidly blamed myself, when he just needed help and I... S-Stage Four? Did you say Stage Four?"

Serena nodded. "Yeah, Stage Four. I'm in just as much shock as you, Aims, but I've had a little time to try and digest it, and I've got Chris to distract me. I don't know if you would have felt something then, but I'm assuming there would be a lump now. I just don't know, Aimee. I wish I had answers, but this is all I have. I just had to tell you what was going on because I don't think it's fair that you don't know."

Aimee felt a shiver set in all over her body. She looked at Serena with a mix of confusion she couldn't control. "What if he dies?" she asked in a whisper. "We never had a chance, and I-I love him. I couldn't even tell him that."

"Then you need to tell him," Serena told Aimee firmly. "You need to make sure he knows before that happens. I can talk to Bella, get her to let you in to see Dave when he's awake. You might just have to navigate his family in case they're there before you. You can't not tell him, Aimee."

"What if they hate me and don't want me anywhere near him? I've been a horrible girlfriend," Aimee sobbed. "Rick... Chris... how is Chris? Rick is having chemo. I've just been keeping my distance. I had no idea Dave would be pushing everyone away. I thought he was helping you guys with Chris and Rick."

Serena gave a shake of her head as she pulled Aimee in for another hug. "You haven't been horrible. You've been anything but. He was the one that pulled away, not you. You really aren't a horrible girlfriend, Aims. Like you said you never had a chance to find your feet together. Things were only just starting to build up. They won't hate you. Who could ever hate you? He's get everyone at arm's length. Especially Chris and Rick because he thought he was just getting in the way, that he was making things worse for Rick. And then whenever he tried to talk to Chris, shit just kept exploding. I think he just gave up. Chris is just tired, and learning that he still definitely has limits."

"I'm sorry I made it sound like Chris should be there and not here. I didn't know... I don't know anything. I just can't believe this. How is this happening?" Aimee shook her head, needing to lean up against the wall when the exhaustion started setting in. "He was so careful. He did everything right. I mean, painfully so. He ate well, he hardly touched alcohol, he was healthy. How does this happen? Did you see him? How was he?"

Serena pressed her lips together briefly. "I'm sorry, no. I didn't get a chance to see him. I just know that Dave collapsing is pretty serious. Chris was just a mess when I got to him. He'd only just managed to see Dave after weeks of them missing each other, and he was trying to confront him when Dave just hit the deck. This is just a seriously twisted life joke. Dave doesn't deserve this. Neither do you."

Aimee bit down on her lip and shook her head. "I don't know what to say to him. How do I find the right things to say? He might not even want me there. And I realise right now I'm just going over and over things, but I can't think straight. I feel sick. It feels like everything you are saying to me is just some sort of mash up of my worst fears. But he's back there, and he's in a room with Rick, and he's seriously sick. They both are. I don't know what to do."

Serena put her hand on Aimee's shoulder. "You go there and you tell him you love him. That's where you start, and that's what you say to him," she told Aimee softly. "It's okay that you're going back over things. Whatever you need to do."

Aimee nodded and just stood there helplessly, words coming to fail her. She gestured vaguely in the direction of the nearby bedroom. "You should go back to him. He's probably wondering where you are. I'll just... I'll..." She pointed behind her, swallowing heavily.

Serena looked into Chris' room. He'd shifted positions, but he was still asleep. There just weren't any snores. She started to realise he probably was going to surface soon. She looked back at Aimee and smiled a little. "Just call me. Any time for anything. You're my best friend, Aims. I'm always here for you, okay? I just need you to know that because I don't want to lose you."

Aimeed nodded numbly again. "Yeah... sure... of course. I'll see you," she said distractedly and didn't even really say goodbye. She just turned and walked out, even forgetting to say goodbye to Mrs Deleo. Despite Serena's words, Aimee had never felt so terrified and alone in her life. Somehow she needed to get to the hospital. But that was the easy part. Anything after that, she had no idea if she would manage it or not. She just had to at least try.

RP Log with geniuscowboy | More Bad News

2010-10-30T23:25:23Z

[Follows THIS]

There had been no question as to whether Chris would accompany Dave to to the ER. In fact, not even Proctor argued with that when he stated it. Dave was in a bad way, but at least when he passed out, he stopped throwing up. When the gurney arrived, Chris could only stand back and watch as Dave was transferred onto it, on his side in case he started to be sick again. All he could remember was Dave indicating that the pain wasn't just in his stomach and it hadn't just come on suddenly. It kept going over and over in Chris' mind, but he couldn't get it to lead anywhere. When Dave was rushed into the depths of the ER, Chris soon had his cell planted to his ear with his Mom to check how Rick was. He interrogated her even when Mrs Deleo promised him Rick was okay. Sleeping and bummed Bella got paged to leave his side, but so far, he was holding up.

It placated Chris just a little, but he didn't put his cell phone away. He kept a tight grip on it after literally barking orders at Kathy and Tuck to get Serena to call him as soon as she could. So far she hadn't, but he needed it more than ever. It had barely been five minutes after his Mom told him that Bella had been paged from Rick's side to when Chris watched, dumbfounded, as the oncologist pregnant with his niece or nephew came rushing into the ER with what looked to be two students in tow. There was a hushed and rapid consult at the nurses' station where Bella listened, looking worried and serious, before she had disappeared with the students to the examination bays. Chris had just shaken his head in slight disbelief, trying not to let the panic build up inside him. The ER was a big place, lots of patients. She wasn't here for Dave, surely?

Only, eventually Bella herself had come to approach both Chris and Proctor, who had been waiting on news of Dave. She had soberly revealed to them that Dave had requested she speak to them, and Chris could only listen numbly as she relayed the news to them about Dave's recurring cancer. She was admitting him for surgery ASAP. He was sedated at the moment for an endoscopy, and she would keep them posted. Chris had gone straight to the nearest bathroom and threw up in the sink from shock. But them he forced himself to stop, to calm down, and try to process everything that had just happened. Now he was standing back out in the ER corridor again, waiting until Dave was moved to the Oncology ward or to hear if anything else weird showed on the endoscopy. His phone was still clutched in his hand and he was staring blankly at the wall opposite. Footsteps running up the corridor caught his attention, though and he turned to see Serena hurrying in his direction. She looked like she was literally just out of the surgery, and must have come running at the first indication something was wrong. "Oh thank god," he mumbled, pushing off the wall so he could hug her as soon as she reached him.

Serena wrapped her arms around Chris as she tried to catch her breath. She was hot, and she was sweaty and she was trying to comprehend what had been going on in her absence, but all she knew was that something had happened to Dave and Chris needed her. She rubbed her hand against his back as she closed her eyes briefly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, it was just this stupid leg and it needed to be cut off and you can't really rush it, you know? I mean, I know it's taking off the leg, but you still have to make it neat, and Eva's a perfectionist. More than me, so that's saying something. But anyway, I'm here. Are you okay? What did I miss?"

"Kinda glad to hear you didn't just hack some poor dude's leg off to get an early mark," Chris joked, even if his voice was shaking as he clung to her. He closed his eyes and didn't let go, just standing there in the hug for as long as he could get away with it. "Dave's got cancer."

"What?!" Serena's eyes snapped open as she hugged Chris even tighter and clung to the back of his shirt. "What? Cancer... Oh my god... Does Aimee know? Is he okay? What happened? What kind of cancer? Shit. I can't believe it."

Chris had to pull back a little to push his fingers through his hair helplessly. "No... no... I don't know. I don't know about Aimee. I was over in MT1 waiting for you. I was being good and I really was waiting. But then Dave was there, and I got pissed off, so I confronted him. Then I sort of got mad when he tried to fob me off again, even if he did say something weird like he was tired of sitting around and waiting for me, that he felt like he needed to take a number to just talk to me. Which pissed me off, but only because I felt like a complete prick when he said that. I yelled at him, something prickish that I can't even really remember now. Something about nearly dying. And then he just... started to be sick. Badly. He doubled over in pain and then he was throwing up blood. But he did say when Proctor asked that it hadn't just come on and it wasn't just his stomach that hurt..." He just stood there looking helpless, floundering for a moment as he gestured silently off to the side from where Bella had appeared when she came. "Then I saw Bella. Mom said she got paged, but I... I... she came, and he... he has testicular cancer, but it's spread. It's Stage Four. It's gone to his stomach and she needs to operate ASAP. Why does this keep happening?" he finally asked, some shocked tears dripping down his cheeks.

Serena bit down on her lip as she started to brush away the tears and tried not to start shedding any of her own. Stage Four testicular cancer. It made Serena's stomach twist to think of Dave so sick with cancer. Again. "I don't know, baby. I don't... I can't believe it. You know that it's no one's fault, right? It's not yours, and it's not Dave's. It's fucked up cells in the body. You yelling at him didn't make him sick. Maybe it just triggered a stressful reaction, but you didn't make him explode anymore than he made you explode. Bad timing. That's all... Shit, I feel so sorry for him. I need to tell Aimee, though. She needs to know. How the hell's it gotten to Stage Four and no one knew? I didn't mean to hog you, by the way. I don't want to be That Girlfriend. The one that the best friend feels like he can't even be around."

Chris nodded and swallowed heavily. "He gave Bella permission to say. That's something. I just... I don't know anything else. Bella says he too ill for any heart-to-hearts yet. Maybe after the scope when gets taken back to the ward. She is figuring tomorrow for the surgery, but maybe the day after. She needs to make sure he hasn't got any infections or anything like that. All the standard. I-I don't even know how any of this happened!" he said tearfully, still managing a tight grip on his phone like some sort of lifeline. "I can't even remember him being around so much when I was sick, but I was unconscious for a lot of the time. I remember he was there with the bleed, and I was so fucking glad he was. But other than that I... did I make it seem like he could talk to me? I can't remember now. There was so much going on. What if he had symptoms and needed to talk to me? I might have realised something was wrong. I don't even know how long he's known, but he was still working. He had Stage Four cancer and he was still working."

Serena pressed her lips together as she kept an arm around Chris but guided him towards a row of seats so that he would be able to sit down. "Well, I... I know he was having problems getting it up. Aimee talked to me about them. I think Dave wanted to talk to you about them. He was having man issues, and wanted to talk to his best friend about it. Only you exploded and he just had to step back again. He was there when you were sick. He sat with you. He waited for you to wake up. I think he just realised that when you did wake up, I was there, your mom was there, and Rick was there. He didn't seem needed. Dave should have never felt like he needed to take a number. He's your best friend! He has every right to be there. And now he has cancer again, and he was probably working through it because he just didn't want to have to stop and confront it. Why would he? He's gotta be wondering why he has to fight it all over again."

Chris just shook his head, tears slowly spilling over that he couldn't stop. He was in shock about the news, and he felt an unwavering pile of guilt hearing Dave had felt pushed away when he had been so sick. "He must have at least known. By the time he was brought in and Bella came to see us, she had more information than she could have known in that short space of time. He had a diagnosis before today. And I can totally understand why he hasn't said anything. I mean, I freaked the fuck out the first time, didn't I? I've shot this all in the foot. My best mate didn't even feel he could come to me when his cancer came back. And now Rick is having chemo, and Bella's admitted him because he spiked a fever. All I feel like doing is throwing up. What do I do? I have no idea how to deal with any of this? If Dave dies... if he..." He put his hands over his face with a sob. "Oh god, Lisa."

Serena kissed Chris' temple as she gave his shoulders a reassuring squeeze. Her bottom lip trembled before she caught it with her teeth to try and curb the urge to cry. "You be there for him as best you can. You're still not well yourself, Chris, so you can't push yourself too far. But he just needs to know you're still his friend, and that you care about him. That's all that matters right now. He's not... I hope he won't die, but right now I think all that matters is driving home that you're still his best friend no matter what. I just can't believe he's been working so hard despite obviously knowing what was going on. It's insane. Shit, she doesn't know either?"

"That's why I'm here. I just need to see him and let him know I'm here. That I'm not angry or pissed off or... I don't know. I feel like someone should have seen the signs. What if there were signs and we all missed them. What does that say? That hey, he gets remission, so that's it? The world is perfect again? When maybe we should have all been watching him closely. Which probably would have pissed him off. He was freakishly healthy in college. He never got sick. He was always making sure the rest of us were okay. This just seems so fucking cruel. And I hurt him. I didn't know I was, but I did." Chris put his head in his hands and looked at his shoes. "I don't know what she knows. I don't know anything."

Serena started to rub his back as she failed to come up with the answers. She'd known about Dave's issues in bed, and the fact that he was tired. But everyone on Alpha was tired. Even she'd been exhausted since coming back. For a little while there, Dave had been covering for two gaps though. He'd hit the ground running and hadn't stopped. Serena didn't think that would have done him any favours. "It's... I don't know either, baby. I really don't. I want to say there were signs, but I don't think there were. We all missed it, and I think that says we had our minds on other things and not Dave. As much as that sucks for me to admit outloud... We all took it for granted that he was fine."

Chris was taking it all in, resting his fingers against his lips has he tried to think it all out. "What about Aimee? Has she said anything? Surely she had to have noticed something was wrong. I know how it is to just get on that working wheel that never seems to stop. You get focused and you just keep functioning, even if you're sick. I've been so wrapped up in myself that I couldn't have noticed. But he did, you know. He tried to talk to me. That day I busted my sutures, we were talking. If he just had a bit more time, he might have said something to me. Anything. I could have worked with anything. He's my best mate and he's already been through this. He doesn't deserved it. Why does my brother and best mate both have cancer? Why do I nearly die trying to help them? Why does my Mom get beaten up by my goddamn father? It's got to stop. I just feel so sick, like it'll never stop. I wouldn't even know what to do if he died."

"If Dave died?" Serena asked quietly as she sought clarification. She gave a slow shake of her head. "I don't think any of us would. It's hard to imagine life without Dave now, but I guess he wasn't feeling so much a part of it. Aimee just mentioned him not being able to come to the bed party. Then he just pushed her away. He wasn't even letting her sleep over, or going to her place. He just did a total tortoise job. She needs to know, she has to be able to understand that it wasn't her that drove him away. Didn't he break up with his girlfriend last time? If he doesn't think Aimee can hack it, he might break up with her this time."

"Either of them," Chris mumbled with a frown, his eyes stinging from the want of more tears to fall. He shook his head. "That's not Dave. It's not. Look how he was with Rick. He wanted to help, he was willing to talk about it all, he practically dragged him back to Miami for treatment because he knows how important it is. All this is... it's... something's wrong. Shock or denial, I don't know, but it's not Dave. He was so head over for Aimee. But to be fair, if my balls were in agony, I'd probably be pushing you away too. You feel an obligation, like sex is something you should be able to give to your girlfriend. When you can't, it's just hard. It's a dude thing. Of course she needs to know. I just don't have the strength to tell her. No... he didn't break up with his ex, she broke up when she couldn't face the prospect of him being sick. Maybe he just doesn't want to experience that again, even if he says he understood why she did it."

Serena ran her tongue over her lips as she took Chris' hand and gave it a squeeze. It wasn't like he'd been up for sex lately, but the idea of his balls being in that much pain, or Chris having testicular cancer was devastating. At least he could heal from the surgery, and when he was ready they'd be able to indulge. What if Dave wasn't ever going to be able to indulge. "Maybe he just can't face that happening with Aimee because he is so head over heels for her. Maybe if it all falls through with her, then he just won't be able to take another knock. I can tell her if you want. I don't mind. I won't know where to start, but I can do it. Shit, I don't understand why he has to go through this all again... It's awful. No one deserves this, least of all Dave."

Chris rubbed the back of his neck with his other hand, feeling all the tension start to build there and make his head hurt. "Or he's pushing her away so she doesn't need to deal with it. I don't know Aimee well enough to make any calls, but would she cope with having a lover with cancer, going through chemo? Last I heard, they hadn't had the committment or baby talk. Dave knew he had to bring it up, but I don't think he had. Is this just too heavy for a relationship in their stages? I wouldn't know, I'm hardly the relationship expert. Someone has to tell her. You should be the one. You're her best friend. Trust me, it's better she knows than doesn't. Not knowing sucks."

"What would you have done if we'd been facing something like this just after you fixed my clicker? We've known each other for longer, but we hadn't been in a relationship for long. I don't know what I would have done. I don't know if I would have known then just how much I didn't want to lose you. I knew that you meant a lot to me, and that I was starting to get the inkling..." Serena trailed off as she tried to put them in the other couple's shoes. "I know now that there's no way I'd abandon you. I wouldn't be able to walk out on you now. I think Aimee would have the stamina if she knew for sure that Dave was it."

"That is like asking me how I would have felt if my brother had died before we got him help. I don't know. How the hell am I supposed to know something like that? If it was you, I probably would have helped you, but I probably wouldn't have fallen in love with you. I know that sounds harsh and prickish, but it's the truth. I wouldn't have wanted to lay expectations on you or take advantage of you when you were sick. I would have made sure you had the support you needed, but there wouldn't have been relationship complications," Chris admitted tiredly. "But with Dave and Aimee, he was already a cancer survivor and he was totally honest with her about it. There was always a risk it could come back. Maybe that makes things different. She knew what she was getting into. Or maybe she knew but just didn't think it would happen. How can she know for sure he is?"

Serena shrugged. "I don't know, baby. I don't. It's different for each couple, for each person. I was just thinking out loud more than anything. This might even put pressure on them both to suddenly know what they're doing when they don't want to think about it yet. It's all just guess work on our part. This just sucks for them. It really does. Of course she knew what she was getting into with Dave and the fact he was a cancer survivor, but maybe they still both just wanted to know it wouldn't happen to them yet."

"I need to talk to him. I don't want to tell him what to do, he just shouldn't be alone for this. He needs another guy around him. He's losing a part of him that... he needs a mate. I'm that mate. I'll just... I don't know, go back and forth between him and Rick tonight. I don't care if it kills me. He was there for me, and I need to be there for him." Chris stared at the blank wall opposite them, wishing his mind was working better, but it just wasn't. It felt like it was full of cotton wool. "My god, he was so sick."

Serena looked across at the wall as well, hoping that it might feed her some answers to make Chris feel better. All she could really do was just hold his hand. After a moment though, her eyes went wide. "Why can't they stay in the same room?"

"Because Rick is going through chemo. Would you want to sit and watch that if you were facing it all over again?" Chris asked in exasperation.

"No, but I also wouldn't want to risk my best friend who is still recovering from surgery hurting themselves by trying to stretch himself between two different people." Serena rubbed at her lip with her fingertips and let out a soft sigh. "I know it wouldn't be ideal for Dave, but it would help everyone. Maybe even him by giving him a roomie that's not a complete stranger."

"He's getting his ball cut off tomorrow and his stomach sliced open. Would you like to lie awake all night listening to the chemo patient next to you vomiting uncontrollably. I want them both in private rooms if they're available. This isn't summer camp, Serena. Dave and Rick have hardly spoken to each other since Rick got here," Chris reminded her. God, he was confused. Having them in the same room would be so much easier for him, and he was exhausted right now, but he wanted to put Rick and Dave first. He just didn't know what the ideal situation was.

Serena nodded. "Sure, okay. I get it. It was just an idea. You know what I'm going to tell you though, right? And your Mom's gonna say the same thing. I'm sure Rick would understand if you just stayed with Dave for now. Your brother's in good hands. I can keep an eye on him for you if you want."

Chris just shook his head a little. "Don't even... you know I couldn't agree to that even if I was dragging both arms and legs behind me in exhaustion. I don't even have any answers here. How could anyone? This is..." He swallowed when he choked up and the words got caught in his throat. "Even Proctor was shocked. I've never seen him like that before."

Serena pulled Chris into a hug and kissed the top of his head. "No, no... No crying. Please. I won't be able to hold it in if you lose it. I can't stand watching you in pain. What if you at least get a wheelchair? Surely they'd let you use a hospital one. He was? What did he do?"

"My feet work fine. I just need to take it easy." Chris rubbed his head. "He looked like it was the last thing he expected to hear, despite it being Bella giving the news. As soon as I saw her rush into the ER, though, I just knew deep in my gut. I think Proctor felt the same as me... that maybe he should have seen it, or noticed Dave was sick. Or maybe he had noticed, but didn't put enough stock into it. I'm not entirely sure, but he was lost for words. He kept asking me if I was okay, but I think that was just because he wasn't, either."

"Wow, Proctor shaken to the core. That's something I never would have thought possible," Serena replied softly. "He just seems like he'd take anything in his stride. He was even the one holding the rest of us together when Tuck got stabbed. He's the one that had the heart attack and lived. You know? Maybe he's worried this could be the first team member he's lost. I mean, you go down the sinkhole and there was a good chance you weren't gonna come back up. Dave collapses, explodes blood and all of a sudden Proctor's finding out he has cancer? He's gotta be wondering what the deal is."

Chris nodded a little. "Yeah... and, I mean, he was weird that day, too. The sinkhole thing. He told me I was his friend. I was confused about it at first, then it made me feel like he didn't actually just think I was a reckless dickhead. He might be, but he is Proctor. He's Doc Perfect, and we work in trauma. We know shit happens, and often in unbelievably large piles. I think he's maybe worried he overworked Dave."

Serena shook her head. "No, no. He hasn't. I know Dave's been working hard but it's nothing Proctor did. Dave probably also threw himself into work as a distraction. It's not like he's made a lot of time for anything else, anyone else. If he was worried about Aimee, he wouldn't even be trying to scale back the hours to make time for her."

"No. Not buying that. He's still a trauma surgeon at heart. If he was needed, he would keep showing up to the long shifts, regardless," Chris murmured and wet his lips. "And if sex was causing him pain, it would make sense he would be just accepting the work so there didn't need to be awkward encounters between him and Aimee. I'm sure she would have understood, but how would it have been if they were just getting into the new relationship sex thing and he's all 'Sorry, can't. My nut hurts when you touch it'?"

Serena raised her eyebrows a little. "It might stop her blaming herself for the fact that he's disinterested in sex. No matter how much she says she understands, she's still going to be wondering if she's just not doing it for him, or if something changed, or if she did something wrong. It's a chick thing. Just like providing sex is a guy thing. It's a chick thing to get the guilts and to get worried about this stuff no matter what."

"Which I can understand, and probably exactly the reason Dave pulled away. Sure, it's a chick thing, but think about the dude thing on the flipside. We don't exactly always want to talk about things like sore nuts and not being able to have sex. Sometimes, it's easier to just pull away than deal with the guilts... because more often than not, we know exactly how the girl will react," Chris admitted with a shrug. "Plus, if he hasn't been feeling well, too. It's not like he has been completely inaccessible. He's been at work for hours on end."

Serena raised her hand briefly. "Okay, okay. I can understand that. No one's really at fault here. It just seems like more of a mess because Dave has cancer. It really did come out of the blue. Or seem to. Man, I just can't believe it. I still feel like I should have seen something because I do work with him everyday."

"Maybe you should have," Chris said quietly. "I don't know. It's not like I noticed my own brother was sick when he showed up in Miami. Even when Dave came, I picked something was weird with him, but I just thought he had turned into a health freak. Bella knew. Today isn't the day Dave got diagnosed... so how long has he known and tried to cope with this on his own? That day he came to see me in hospital after I'd hardly see him. He was acting weird. Really weird. And I still didn't do anything about it."

Serena sat there as she chewed on her nails, and stared down at her shoes. She was still trying to play back every encounter with Dave recently to see if there were any flashing neon signs that screamed 'CANCER'. "We're gonna drive ourselves crazy trying to think of the things we should have seen. I already am. It's done, we failed. Or maybe we didn't. Maybe Dave's just that good at masking the fact he's not fine. Really weird? What's 'really weird'?"

"We wouldn't have known if he wasn't well. You're with him at work where he spends most of his time behind a surgeons mask. Your spare time was spent visiting me in hospital, so you were hardly going to be present for meal breaks. The rest of us just haven't seen him. I saw him today, he didn't look fine, and I only even realised that when he started throwing up. It's a matter of not seeing what we don't want to." Chris closed his eyes tiredly and then rested his head in his hands again. "Distant, distracted, like he couldn't get away from me quick enough. I thought it was because I had done something to upset him."

Serena pulled her mouth to the side as she rest her hand on Chris' back lightly. "Maybe he was just scared about how he was supposed to tell you given how the last time went. We're never going to really know until we talk to him. Until you talk to him. It's all just guesswork. I do agree with you, though. None of us wanted to see Dave as sick, so we just didn't. Shit. I still can't believe we're sitting here. Do you need anything?"

"They're putting him under to scope him. I just have to wait. Bella promised me he was in good hands. I don't even know if he'll feel like talking when he wakes up. I know I didn't for days. I still can't remember a lot of what I said or did for awhile there. It's just all a mash in my head. I'll just sit there quietly if that's what it takes. I should probably call his folks, too. See if Lisa knows what is going on." Chris sighed, giving his head a slight shake as he looked at his feet. "What if we don't have anymore chances left? What if we've used them all up?"

"Chances for what?" Serena prompted quietly. "If Bella says they're good hands, then you know they're good hands. She doesn't mess around, and she wouldn't let anyone near her patients without being sure of their abilities. We'll both hit the phones. I'll call Aimee, you call Dave's parents. Are they going to want to come down here? Maybe we could pay for it, or organise it, or something."

Chris shook his head. "No need. Dave's family are quite well-off, and no doubt they will come. They'll come straight away. They live about five and a half hours drive away, but they'll probably fly. They'll be here in a couple of hours. Mom's close to Dave's parents, so they can catch up... even if you couldn't get worse circumstances. Dave has two other sisters beyond Lisa, too. I don't doubt at all that they'll all come. They were always so close... I was jealous of that, as much as I hated myself for it. I just mean chances in general. Dave survived it once, Rick dodged the bullet twice, me once. What if we're all out of chances? Bella said there are optimistic chances, but what does that even mean in Oncology talk?"

"That there's still a chance surgery will help?" Serena offered with a slight shrug. "No one would blame you for being jealous. You haven't had the closest relationship with Rick. It's only just starting to happen now, but you still both need time. Maybe we get two chances? You and Dave still have one each. I don't know. I'm hoping that there are a lot more chances to be had. Dave can't die. He just can't."

Chris shook his head with a sigh. "This is my second. I nearly broke my neck skiing in Aspen a few years back," he mumbled and felt a small shiver start to creep over him. There was a big portion of him that really wanted to be curled up in his bed right now. "He's been through so much with me. I can't lose him."

Serena kissed Chris' hair as she hugged him. She was starting to recognise the signs that meant he was exhausted and had pushed himself. Maybe he hadn't physically overexerted himself, but he had emotionally overdone it. "Maybe the three of you should share a room. I'm sure they could find a third bed. And I'm sure you're not going to lose him. At least I hope you won't. I really, really hope you won't."

Chris looked at Serena helplessly. "I'll wait and speak to him if I can, but I might need to go home for awhile. I'm not feeling so great. I can... come back in the morning, I guess. I feel like I need to lie down," he admitted. "I should be here, but I don't know if I can be. I don't want to end up a patient again. I-I'll wait til his family comes. Rick has Bella and Mom. I think I just really need to be in bed."

Serena nodded as she took his hand and gave it a squeeze. "I think you're making the right choice, baby. Even if you're torn. I'll take you home, okay? I'll grab my stuff and we'll go. Then I'll bring you back whenever you want. I have tomorrow off, so just tell me when you want to go and I'll get you to Dave and Rick."

Chris nodded with another helpless frown. It was a massive thing for him to have admitted to Serena that he wasn't coping and didn't have the strength to keep going right now. "Let me just wait to hear he was okay with the scope and they didn't..." He closed his eyes briefly. "Didn't find anything else. No matter how sick you are, you don't just throw up blood for no reason. And I need to see how Rick is doing."

Serena smirked lightly as she rubbed her thumb against the back of his hand. "We'll do the rounds before we go, I promise. For now we'll just sit here quietly. Well, after all the phone calls. I don't think Dave's family, or Aimee should have to wait to hear what's going on. Then again, maybe it's better to call them after we know what the scope was like."

Chris looked over Serena's face with a small smile, even if it was tired and didn't quite come to fruition. "You're amazing. I wouldn't have gotten through any of this without you. I know I haven't said that a whole heap, but I think it every day. I just wanted you to know that."

Serena smiled back at him. "You can show me your appreciation once you've got the energy. You don't need to tell me, and you don't need to thank me. This is what I'm here for. I love you, baby."

RP Log with geniuscowboy | Girlfriendzilla?

2010-10-20T20:43:47Z

When Chris woke up this time, he was extremely disoriented. Spending so much time in a hospital, to wake up now on a sofa with his face squished into a pillow and a blanket over him was weird. In fact, initially, he thought he was dreaming until he realised his torso was aching and he had pins and needles in his foot. He was still half asleep when he shifted to get his stomach into a different position to try and ease the ache, but he highly suspected it was because he had overdone things with the dramatic escape tactics he had pulled. But when he cracked his eyes open a little wondering where Rick's shoulder had gone to because he distinctly remembered that being his last pillow, he found himself looking at a pair of blue-covered legs. His sleepy, heavy-lidded eyes trailed up slowly and found that the legs were connected to... Girlfriendzilla.

Uh oh.

He wondered if it was too late to play dead or pretend he was a clone. She had probably already poked him to check he was breathing without him realising, but now the look on her face anything but relieved. Chris was relieved that she didn't seem to have any items or implements in her hands, or he may have found himself with them shoved in uncomfortable places. "Can you yell quietly? My everything hurts," he told her huskily, clearing his throat as he rested his forehead back down on the pillow so his eyes were level with her kneecaps again.

Serena really didn't know how to answer Chris' husky murmurs. She was angry, and she had been scared for him. Any other time she might have thought he was adorable with his face squished up against the sofa cushions, but not right now. She rest her elbows on her knees and just let her head sit in her hands for a long moment as she tried to make sure what she said did come out quietly. "Do you have any idea what kind of risk you took? I mean, really. Do you? You scared the absolute shit out of me, Chris, when I went to visit you and you weren't there." Tears pricked the backs of her eyes as a lump of emotion lodged in the back of her throat and she tried to swallow it down. "You didn't say a word to me. To me, Chris. Me... Do you know how that makes me feel? I would have just helped you if this is what you wanted, but instead you pull a disappearing act and I have no idea what's happened to you! You could have collapsed somewhere, you could have busted the wound open..."

When Chris shifted to sit up, it was slow and awkward as he held his stomach so it didn't hurt too much. When he finally got up, he just looked at her for a long few moments, words actually failing him. "You're seriously going to pull the guilt card on me? Seriously?" he finally asked. "You wanna talk about words, huh? Where were your words telling me that my own mom and brother were freaking out, hey? Where were they, Serena? Oh sure, let me guess. You were protecting me. Do you know how fucking sick I am of people keeping secrets from me to try and protect me? Yeah, I left. I got out of there as quickly as I friggen could and by the time I managed to get myself to stop panicking that Rick was going to be at home slashing his wrists with pieces of broken mirror, you were in surgery. I wasn't going to wait, Serena, and I wasn't going to let anyone stop me from coming home here to him. With everyone fucking lying to me all the time, do you really think I was going to take anyone's word when they told me he was fine? How do you think it made me feel when I waited for you to come and tell me what you had just heard, when all you did was come let me know you had to go back to work? So don't pull the goddamn guilt card on me, Serena. And don't even begin to tell me that you wouldn't have done exactly the same thing for Drew."

Serena looked at him with her head still in her hands and all the fight went out of her. How could it not? She gave a shake of her head as she started to feel the tears roll down her cheeks silently. "I'm sorry, you just really scared me, okay? And I wasn't lying to you... I can't help but protect you." Serena sat up a little straighter and reached out to take Chris' hand. "Do you have any idea how much it hurts when you hurt? How much I just want to do anything I can to stop you hurting, to keep you safe? Hearing that Rick was in pain, I knew you'd want to do something, but what were you going to do when you were supposed to be in hospital? I wish I'd told you, but I didn't and then I was in surgery and it all just went wrong. And you went missing! I'm not playing the guilt card, but just please don't ever disappear on me again. I wouldn't have stopped you from coming home. I just said that! I just needed time to actually talk to you without having to go back to work."

"I was going crazy in there! Do you know how hard it is to be a qualified surgeon like I am and having nursing assistants talk to me like I'm five years old? To have other surgeons come in and explain in fine detail about sutures and wound dressing and post-op diets? I know I was sick and I know I was in danger for awhile there, but that was just getting ridiculous when I am dating another fully qualified surgeon and half my mates are doctors or nurses! Why did I have to be stuck in there with their bullshit opinions when I'm fully capable of my own? Stuck in there when my brother is at home freaking the fuck out about facing a second round of chemo and trying to deal with losing his hair and the fact he is going to be a father? I didn't piss off to screw you over! I did it because as soon as I heard Rick was here and how bad he was coping, I just needed to get here and make sure he was okay." Chris shook his head as he pressed his lips together, fighting off the emotion and failing miserably. "He's not okay, and I'm not sorry for what I did. I didn't have time to talk, Serena. Rick was in a bad way. I didn't want to do anymore damn talking!"

She shifted from the coffee table to kneel on the floor so she could touch her hand to the side of Chris' face and then hug him as gently as she could. She had seen the pain and discomfort on his features when he'd tried sitting up and didn't want to make it worse for him. She just really wanted to touch him. She still needed to know for herself that he was alright. "I'm sorry, Chris. I'm sorry. I really would do the same thing for Drew. Is Rick any better now for having you home? Where is he?"

"No, he's not. I... don't know where he is. Around, I guess. I think I fell asleep when I was talking to him." Chris sighed and hugged her back, even if it sucked to have had the guilt trip dumped in his lap. He would have handled the yelling way better. The yelling would have eventually stopped, the guilt trip lasted a lot longer. "Look, I feel alright. Okay? I probably overdid it coming here, but I really don't care. I couldn't be there any longer. I had enough. If I get sick again, it's on my own head so at least I finally get to make some of my own decisions. I have no appetite, I hurt all over, and it feels like someone is stabbing me in the temple with a fork. But I still feel better out here. With my bed, and my toilet, and my shower, and my family."

Serena brushed her hand over his hair and studied his face quietly for a moment. "You need to eat, Chris. You can't just stop now. I know you don't have an appetite, but you need to put something in your system. Especially if I give you pain killers. Did they give you any meds when you discharged? Do you want me to help you get to your own bed so you're not stuck out here?" Serena wet her lips as she gave him a small smile. "At least we can both properly fit in your bed. What about your mom, is she here? Do you want me to look in on Rick?"

"No... god, no. I don't want to go to bed. I want to be out of bed. I'll eat soon, I will. I just don't feel so great right now. I'll eat when I know it's not going to make a return trip. Please, Serena, don't ride me, okay? Let me call the shots and make the choices. I'm not stupid, even if it looks like I am. Don't be like everyone else and forget I'm a doctor. Not you. I got Oxy and Vicodin if I need it, and right now, I can handle it. I don't want to get hooked on it, and I also don't want to get constipated." Chris scrunched his nose up a little and then gave her a hint of a smirk. "Oh look, the doctor remembers doctor things. Shock, horror! I don't know where Mom is, I don't know where Rick is. You can look in on him if you want, but he's probably just brooding. It's fine. It's probably what he needs."

Serena raised her hands defensively. "I wasn't riding you, I was just asking. I'm a doctor too. Too many doctors spoil the broth... Or whatever our version of that saying is. I just want to help... But I'm stopping now, okay? I have the doctor hat off and I'm totally the girlfriend now. And you don't look completely stupid. Maybe just a little bit," she teased with a grin. "Truth is, I'm glad you're home."

Chris looked at her wryly and let out a heavy sigh. After a moment, he started to rub his eyes slowly. "Four of us in this tiny apartment, me post perfed Aorta and post coma, and Rick post chemo. Mom thinking we don't need her. This is going to be a real hoot," he mumbled. "One bathroom. If Rick starts exploding with bodily fluids again, we might need to start peeing over the balcony. I have no idea how I got home, by the way. I vaguely remember the trip, but it's all a big blur. I do remember swearing a lot at the doctors when they tried to stop me going. Sable giving me the evil eyeball and Aimee giving me the wounded puppy look."

"She was just trying to help you out, and Sable is just being like every other doctor. We hate when our patients walk out when we're trying to look after them." She rubbed at her lip as she watched Chris before her gaze dropped to her feet and she leaned down to take her shoes off. "I could always go back to stay with Drew. I know I'm supposed to be living here now, but maybe for the moment it's better if I do just go back to my apartment. I don't want to be stepping on your mom's toes or anything."

"No. Fuck it. This is our normal. We've gotta deal with it. No more dancing around with secrets and trying to protect each other. No more worrying about stepping on toes. Family step on toes, plain and simple. We'll just have sore feet. Sore feet I can deal with," Chris resolved with determination, even if he was coming off sounding the prick in the process.

Serena gave him a mock salute. "Yes, sir. We really need to start work on getting that second toilet in, though. Only there's no point in construction work while Rick's going through the after effects of another chemo round. Is the apartment next door up for sale, or rent? We could always put your mom in there. Then at least the bathroom problem's solved.

"Oh yes, because perfect solutions like that don't just happen in soap operas and romantic comedies," Chris said, sniggering. "It's not up for sale. All these places are wait listed, anyway. It's prime land by the beach. I put my name on the three mil Penthouse list... I was number four hundred and thirty three."

"Three million?" Serena asked as her mouth fell open just a little bit. "Why the hell would you pay that much for a house?! This one is amazing! And hey, I'm just trying to come up with ideas. You're just lying there being a bitch."

Chris poked his tongue out her. "Because it isokay to have dreams, Accountantette. Sitting in this place living on home made hot dogs with one arm chair and my bed as furniture and nothing else because I paid Mom's mortgage and bailed Rick out three times, it got me through the hard early days of my residency when my patients were dying and I was being called on for stupid errors. When you're a dude, you can't get away with turning on the tears and puppy dogs eyes. You have to walk around with your balls continuously in your hands looking confident. Thinking I could one day work my way up to the top just... got me through. I'm lying here being realistic."

Serena pulled herself back up onto the coffee table. "Hey, I'm not that bad! It just still seems huge to me, that's all. The idea of ever having that much money... I know we make heaps, but it's just never really sunk in like that before. I'm sure you could get away with tears and puppy dog eyes if you really wanted to. Kathy would be right in there with the tissues and comforting gropes." She tilted her head as she winked at him. "Well, now I got your balls in hand so that's one less job."

"See, that would make me feel so much better if I could actually have sex right now," Chris said with a wry snort.

Serena took his hand and kissed the back of it as she gave him a soft smile. "It's been a while, but not so long that I think we'll forget how to. It'll just be something special when you're, ah, literally up for it again."

"I could be up for it right now, I'm just not allowed yet." Chris pulled the hem of his loose t-shirt up and leaned forward to examine is operation wound closely. It had healed quite well, and it was starting to look scabby and gross now. It would be a hell of a scar once it was completely healed. "I can't believe I've only got one kidney in there now. It doesn't really feel any different. I think it affected me more psychologically than anything else. It's weird. I never thought I would lose a body part."

Serena leaned forward to get a look at Chris' scar as well. She hadn't had much of a chance to inspect it when Chris was wrapped up in the bed. Not since he'd first wanted to see it. She had to admit the surgeons had done a nice job of closing, but she still couldn't forgive them for making his heart stop. "Do you need to talk to someone about it? There's no shame in needing a shrink for something like this. It really is a huge psychological deal."

"I don't need a shrink," Chris said with a snort and a shake of his head. "I'm not mental just because I escaped. It was a kidney, not a piece of my brain. Everything seems to be okay without it. I eventually managed to pee, and that's all that matters. It just feels kinda weird to know it's not in there anymore. It's not like I can see it. You saw my kidney more than I did. I've never seen it. It's weird to be recuperating, too. You don't feel quite yourself. Faceplanting the carpet when I got home was a good reminder I need to take it easy."

"You fainted?!" Serena was trying not to get worked up again, but it was a bit impossible when Chris threw in that little tidbit of information. She glanced around before she got up and went to get two bottles of water from the fridge, and one glass. She came back and shifted Chris' legs she could sit on the sofa and rest them on top of her lap. She set one bottle down before she cracked open the other and poured it into the glass which she gave to Chris. "It's more than weird to know what your boyfriend's kidney looks like. Not that I'm in a hurry to be on the table myself, but I feel like you need to see my insides in return."

"I've felt them, does that count?" Chris returned with a smirk and took some small sips of the cold water. He rested his head back on the sofa and nursed the glass on his chest, even if his shirt was still hitched up a little. "I just overdid it. I know I did, but it got me home, and that's all I care about. I thought I was okay, but then the next I'm just out. It's why I'm feeling a bit shitty now. I can't wait to get some fresh air and chill out. To drink out of a glass and not a horrible plastic cup is heaven in itself."

Serena bit her lip after taking a sip of water from the bottle she'd opened. "Maybe tomorrow we can just try and get you out onto a sun lounge? Just forgive me if I have to slather you in sunscreen and make sure you have sunglasses and all the rest of it... Or I'll just make your mom do it so I don't seem like so much of a freak girlfriend. And yes, feeling them counts," Serena added with a smirk of her own. She rubbed her fingers lightly over his legs through the blanket. "Just take it easy for today, huh?"

"I'm not even sure where Mom is. Probably trying to figure out where the hell she went wrong breeding two assholes like Rick and me. We didn't realise we were fucking up so badly," Chris murmured and sipped the water again. "I'm not sure I can do anything but. I had these idealist prospects that getting out of the hospital would miraculously make me feel fine, but that really didn't work. A lot of it still feels surreal, I guess because it happened so quickly. Rick in Miami, Rick in Miami with cancer, Rick gone, Rick back with cancer needing a kidney, giving a kidney, not giving a kidney, then giving it again, then on an op table giving it, then nearly dying, then being stuck in hospital with a tube up my dick, then Rick nearly being a father. My head still spins over it all."

"At least now things might calm a bit. Jesus, I hope they'll stay calm. I feel like I'm about to go grey from all of it, so I can only imagine how Dave, Aimee, your mom, and Rick might feel. Even Bella. I can't imagine the stress is helping her out, or the baby. I still can't believe she's pregnant. I can't believe I met your mom... And that hopefully she does like me even after I screamed at her." Serena set down the water bottle and laughed a little. "And I can't believe you fixing my clicker led to all this..."

"Hey, I'm stressed out too! I can't lean over far enough to see if I have any grey hairs sprouting down south. I tried in the shower in and nearly fell over. It takes me long enough to reach my butt to wash it. It's all in the process. I'm just too busy concentrating to be able to sing anymore. It's a real tragedy," Chris decided with a nod. "Dave, Aimee... I don't know. I'm not so sure Dave's so stressed out. I haven't seen Eva. I've seen Proctor more collectively than both of them put together. Then the whole Bella thing, Rick's all messed up about it."

Serena walked her fingers up the inside of his leg lightly before she hooked her fingers into his waistband. "Want me to take a peek now? And you know I'm always happy to give you a sponge bath when you want one. No sex, promise. Strictly a professional sponge bath. I can't believe you've seen Proctor more. Or that I saw Proctor and your mom in the hall together the other day have a pretty intense chat with some smiles and hair flicks. Eva's barely talking to me at work as it is... Dave keeps it professional. I don't know what's happened."

Chris was watching her hand on his waistband before he looked up sharply. "Are you seriously implying what I think you're implying. You better take that back. My Mom does not hair flick. She's my Mom, and Proctor's my boss, and that gives me indigestion just to even think about that, so stop it right now. I mean it. Stop it," he warned with a point and then his eyebrows shot up. "I'm getting a boner." He pulled the waistband of his pants out further and looked down into them.

"I'm implying that your mom's definitely hot and Proctor always had the English charm, so maybe it's just some subconscious stuff that doesn't mean anything, but there was total hair flicks and smiles. No touches, though. They're not up to that stage. I'm stopping, but hey, you still have a boner... Not that the two are related." Serena leaned forward to try and get a better look. "Well, well... hello stranger," she said to his crotch.

"Stop! Stop! Don't even go there! It's not even funny. Proctor wants Sable, end of story," Chris said, shooting her a warning look. He really didn't have the head to consider anything beyond that right now. "And she's just talking to him because Dave has stopped helping. She needs information. Am I allowed to have a boner? I can't remember anything on the discharge summary about that."

Serena had to laugh, but she kept it low, and quickly stopped when she caught his look again. She ran her tongue over her lips as she looked back down at the erection. "Does it hurt?"

Chris shook his head. "Uh-uh..." he replied and then shoved his hands down the front of his pants and cupped himself just to make sure. It wasn't like it was a raging boner or anything, but at least it was working. That was a start, and man, it felt really nice to have his hand on it. His head dropped back and he closed his eyes with a soft hum, his tongue coming to rest on his lower lip.

Serena's eyes flicked up to watch Chris' face, and she tried not to wriggle in her seat and disturb his legs when arousal started to kick in. She couldn't help it. She had no problems with her boyfriend touching himself in front of her. "Not hurting is good... very good," she said quietly. "Should I maybe leave you two alone, or take my top of for a little visual stimulation?"

"I'm scared to have an orgasm. This is good for the moment," Chris said, exhaling softly. It was true, though. He was scared. He couldn't exactly burst any wounds open now they were healed over, but he still felt pain internally when he overexerted himself. It would have looked like a hell of a sight if anyone walked in and found him with his hand down his pants and Serena shoving her bare boobs in his face, though. That would take some explaining.

Serena smiled as she just continued to watch him, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip for a moment. "Baby steps, right? At least there's some sign that everything below is working pretty much at operational speeds. You haven't suffered like Rick has, but he's had the chemo to kill that part of him. Think he'll ever recover it? I know Dave's been having trouble. Aimee's so supportive of it, but he's pulling away from her now too. I don't ever want that to happen to us... I want to be able to talk about things."

"Dave had something like four or five rounds of chemo. Maybe more. It was some really intense level. He also didn't react well to it, so it might take longer to recover that. I don't know what's going on with him. He won't answer my calls, he stopped coming to visit me. He came that one afternoon, but he didn't stay long and he was just acting strangely. I've done something to upset him. I have to have. What else would explain it? Plus? It's easier to say that, but when push comes to shove, it doesn't always work like that. I promised Mom I would call her if anything went wrong, or go to her if I needed anything when I moved to Miami, and look how that turned out," Chris said with a small shake of his head, losing his momentum with the topic of conversation and yanked his hand out of his pants again.

Serena clenched her jaw slightly as she watched him take out his hand, kicking herself mentally for the stupid change in topic. She reached out to take his hand, feeling the warmth radiating from it. She gently brushed her thumb over his skin. "I know, baby... But we all make mistakes. She's still your mom, and she still came when you needed her. I just don't know what you've done to upset Dave, though. It's not like you've had much of a chance to say anything. Unless he really hates working on Alpha Team so much he would stop talking to you."

Chris gave a slow shake of his head. "No... that's not Dave. That day he came to see me, it was just strange. He wasn't angry at me, or pissed off. It was like he couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. I tried to get him to stay, but he just left anyway. Do you think it's because he's having problems with Aimee? I just thought that would be something Dave would talk to me about. And he hasn't said a single thing about the whole... southerly problems thing, either. But he's a strong guy. That wouldn't just make him start acting weird, would it?"

Serena pressed her lips together briefly. "It depends on how long the problems have been plaguing him. He seems to have at least had them since Aimee. And from what I know she's the first person he's slept with since the cancer, right? Maybe he's just starting to feel the weight of it all, to get depressed that even if he's in remission it's still affecting him. I don't know. It's all guess work. Like I said, he's been keeping talk to just patients and cases with me. Hopefully he'll come visit you here once he gets word that you're out."

"Or not. I was an elevator ride away over there, and he stopped coming. I can't hold my breath. Every time I call him, I get his voicemail but he doesn't call back. I didn't even see Lisa towards the end there. I wasn't Oncology, so I had other nurses. She is the first. That much I know. His last girlfriend split after he was diagnosed when she couldn't face the thought of taking care of him. Seeing first hand how sick someone is with chemo, though... I don't think that's really something you can blame a girl for. Not entirely, even if it sounds like a pricky thing to do," Chris said quietly.

"It's a huge test. Bigger than the puke test. Being with someone who has cancer is emotionally and physically draining. At least we know Bella can handle it with Rick. There's no walking away there." Serena sighed quietly as she rest her head back against the sofa. "I still can't see how you've done anything that would make him stop talking to you. I just can't."

Chris nodded a little. "Except, she needs to take care of herself above all else. There's a chance she might lose the baby. I really don't understand any of this. None of it. It's like I woke up after the op and the world was spinning in a different direction. It took me days to find my bearings. Everyone asking me if I was okay, it was confronting when I didn't know if I was or not. Waking up from that coma was the weirdest thing I've ever experienced."

Serena looked at him. "I can't tell you how fucking relieved I was when you woke up. I really can't. I know it must have been strange, weird... But you came back, you came out of it. And for that I am just so grateful. I just don't think things are going to settle down just yet until everyone remembers their place. Maybe... Maybe it's just time for changes all around? Do you even remember anything? Voices, sounds? Dreams?"

"Maybe, but I can't tell if it is just my own brain or anything that actually happened. It's all hazy. You gotta remember I was in so much pain, too. I woke up with a tube down my throat. Those few days, I can't remember much of what anyone said to me, or what I said to them. The first real clear thing I remember is busting those sutures, so I really hope nothing important was said to me," Chris admitted sheepishly. "Sick and in pain is about the extent of what I really remember."

Serena pulled her mouth to the side before she smiled at him. "Well, I don't remember anything important said. Me just crying, and telling you how much I loved you. Only when you started bleeding, I do remember Dave trying to talk to you and then he just had to get you in surgery."

Chris closed his eyes and shook his head. "Fantastic. So, instead of getting blind drunk this time, I bleed out. That's why he's avoiding me. I suck as a best friend, obviously. I do remember him being there. I was glad he was there. It's why I made him my proxy. I just never really expected that to need to come into force in anyway."

Serena shook her head as well as she gave his hand a squeeze. "Baby, you would have bled out no matter what. It was nothing he did, nothing you did really. It wasn't a way for you to get out of the conversation. I think it's maybe just starting to look impossible to Dave that he'll ever be able to talk to you. Too many poor coincidences."

"I know, so it's probably too much effort for him to try. Plus, I know Dave. If he thinks everyone else is good taking care of me, he won't step on any toes. Maybe that was why Aimee was giving me the kicked puppy look? Has she said anything to you about anything? I didn't have a chance to ask her. She was with her whole team and she left first," Chris explain when he put his hand under his shirt to lightly scratch his wound.

"No, she hasn't. I haven't even spoken to her since before you checked yourself out. I only found out because I went to see you and you weren't there. We had coffee together this morning and she was just bummed because Dave was pushing her away. He hadn't stayed over, hasn't even asked her to stay over in a little while. I don't know what's going on," Serena admitted with a helpless shrug. "I wish I knew so I could tell you."

"And it's just because of the issues with sex, right? I mean, I haven't ever really experienced that before, but wouldn't you just... snuggle? Get more involved with the whole oral thing, maybe? I don't know!" Chris through up his hands helplessly. "In saying that, it would probably make me feel like a failure."

Serena rubbed his leg and nodded. "Sure, absolutely. And there had been snuggling, and there had been oral. But he's probably getting more and more frustrated that he can't really give her anything in return if she tries to get him excited. It would have to get wearing... Especially when you just assumed it was a temporary thing, and then it doesn't seem like it's going to stop. He's infertile as well, right? So he might even be getting angry that he can't give her a life he thinks he wants. I don't know. I really don't. This all making assumptions. We're not going to know until Dave finally starts talking without getting interrupted, or without things going wrong."

Chris nodded, frowing deeply. "Yeah, he can't have kids. I do know that. I'm pretty sure that's a given. The weird thing is, I don't even think he's talking to Lisa. They were always tight. He was always tight with his sisters. They grew up close, like you and Drew. It's got to be something that he's pulling away from his own sister, right? Do you think he's in trouble or something? But he still shows up to work and gets to that. I'll try and talk to him again. Maybe I can go over to MT1 and intercept him..."

Serena arched her eyebrow at him. "Are you serious? You don't have the energy for that. I know you want to be back on your feet, and you want to do all these things... And that talking to Dave is important, but you really can't be running to MT1 just to try and intercept him. You're not up for that yet. Even just getting home has knocked you off your feet. Literally."

"Well, I was serious, until you gave me the evil eyeball..." Chris told her, looking at her warily like she might bite him or something. "That was just a one off. I could just go, and sit, and wait for Dave to appear. I could sit! Sitting doesn't take any energy. See, sitting is fine."

Serena kept giving him a look as she bit back any urge to yell, or treat him like a patient. "There's still getting to MT1. That's the part you can't handle. I'm not so sure it was a once off, so you can't blame me for being concerned."

"Then bring Dave to me," Chris urged, bordering on begging. "Talk to him, maybe? Convince him to come. You convinced the Ortho to play cards or whatever, can't you convince my best mate to drop by and talk to me?"

Serena shifted to lean forward and kissed his hand and then his stomach next to the wound. "For you, I can do anything. I'm your own personal Wonder Woman."

RP Log with deleomom | Desperate Times

2010-10-10T09:44:15Z

[Follows THIS and THIS]

Serena really did have to see the amusing side of things. Where once she and Chris had indulged in long showers after being distracted a little too easily during the act of washing each other, she was now relegated to waiting outside his room while he took too long in the shower for other reasons. The nurse had been quite clear on the fact that she wasn't allowed in the room while Chris was bathing. Something to do with another patient and his wife getting into hanky panky and causing the guy to get a head wound from slipping over while getting over excited.

Serena wasn't looking to get Chris hurt. She could have quite easily perved from inside his room and keeping her hands to herself. She might have been back at work, but most of the time she wasn't working she was still hanging around Chris' room like a part of the furniture. Carla had taken Rick home which meant Chris was by himself, and the boredom was already sending him stir crazy. It was all she could do to get him to sit still in bed while they watched movies when Serena had the time.

She unclipped her pager just to check it hadn't gone off without her noticing and glanced up just as Mrs Deleo was coming down the corridor. Serena stood up and smiled, and held up her hand briefly. "Chris is in the shower, so you might just want to give him a couple minutes. Maybe another ten. He's not the speedy washer he used to be."

"Probably sitting in there plotting his escape to freedom down the drain pipe," Carla joked, but there was no humour behind her words. She looked and sounded exhausted, and she had a bandage wrapped around her hand from where she managed to slice her palm cleaning up the glass from the mirror in Chris' bathroom. She made an appointment for a tradesman to come and replace it, and while she really hadn't wanted to leave Rick alone, he actually requested it once she helped him. She didn't know what happened. He wouldn't tell her. All she knew was that her eldest son was in a bad way, and Carla just needed to try and figure out what the next move was supposed to be. "It's you I have come to see. You have been spending the most time with Chris, so you would have a better idea of his state of mind than I would. You also might be able to point me in the direction of Dave. I really need some help, and I'm not sure if Dave could help me. H-He's been there, you know?"

"Been...?" Serena trailed off for a moment as she looked from Carla's face to the bandage on her hand and sucked in a breath. "Rick? The cancer... Is he okay? What happened? Chris' state of mind is... terrible. I don't mean that in a bad way. Not really. He's just bored senseless and to be honest it's never really helpful if a patient is feeling forced to stay here, or forced to just sit around and do nothing. He's missing his brother, and I think he really would scale down the drain pipe if he could. He's just getting frustrated with his limited range. But I'm not his doctor, and as much as I would probably send him home to be in an environment he wants to be in, I can't. As for Dave, he was still in MT1. He had to finish up with a patient. First shift after his mysterious trip away."

Carla shook her head. "No. He isn't okay. I just don't exactly know what's wrong. He won't talk to me, he just shuts down. Not that I'm surprised. He never talked to me, why should he start now? Bella seems to be the only one he really connects with on any level. I'm worried he might try and push away Chris again too, and I know Chris just won't handle that in any way. Something got him so angry that caused him to smash the mirror in the bathroom. I have to talk to Chris about it, but I wouldn't even know what to say. Something is really not right. I just didn't know if Dave could give me some answers about how he felt after his treatment. How he coped. He just seems scarce, lately. Maybe it's bringing too many memories back for him too. I just have no idea what else to do."

Serena indicated the seat next to hers as she sat down again. Her features shifted into a frown as she tried to process the abrupt shift in Rick's behaviour. "I thought he was happy to go home? I know he was subdued, but I figured going home had to be better than staying here. Rick shouldn't be here any longer than he needs to be. I know he wanted to stay close to Chris, but he can't be that angry about it... Can he? Chris isn't going to like hearing that something's hurting Rick. It's probably going to make him even more determined to get out of here. I think Dave's just been feeling a little on the outs. Every time he tried to talk to Chris something bad happens, and when he tried talking to Rick, it probably seemed like Rick just didn't want to take it in. I don't think Rick's purposefully shutting you out."

"I know he's not. Something is wrong. That's why I am here. It's just more of a fact that if he is going to shut anyone out, I'm going to be the first on the list." Carla waved her hand distractedly. "It's okay. I would rather just know my kids were okay than worry about stupid things like why I can't seem to get them to talk to me. I just want to help them, to stop the hurt as much as I can, even if I know it's impossible to stop it completely. Dave is just... I don't know. I haven't spoken to him since I got here. I talked to his mother on the phone, and she had no suggestions about any of it either beyond the fact that she couldn't understand the boys' behaviours either. We all just want to help, but... I just don't know anymore. I don't think it's being home from hospital that is the problem. It's something lying a lot deeper."

Serena rubbed her fingers against her lips as she looked down at her shoes. She was trying to remember a moment before the operation when Rick freaked out. She knew from Chris there had been a few tears shed between the brothers, but no major freak outs. Chris had been the one to lose it, especially that day she'd got the call from Bella to come and get him. It was the day he'd finally decided to go ahead with the transplant. But all through it Rick had remained pretty calm. "Maybe... I don't know, maybe this is the anger part of the grief come through? Maybe he's finally starting to understand what's been happening? There hasn't been any symptoms coming back that you've noticed, has there? Sometimes a tumour can effect behaviour. Not that I'm saying for sure that's what this is, but if something's reached his brain..."

Carla shook her head. "No, Bella is adamant on that front. He's doing okay. He's been feeling fine, eating well, sleeping well. Maybe a bit restless at night, but I guess it's worry about Chris. It was always night time that Chris seemed to feel the worst. There has only been his hair, but he chose to shave that off. He seemed at peace with the choice, and again, Bella seemed to be helping him with that. This was just out of the blue. Maybe he is just angry. Except he was sobbing inconsolably after it. I thought I used to feel helpless before when it came to the boys but... that has nothing on this. This is... it's hell."

"I can only imagine," Serena murmured as she brought her gaze back up to look at Carla. "I know this is supposed to come from them, and I know you probably think you're not really needed here, but you are. And I really think you should consider staying a bit longer, if not permanently. Chris and Rick are good at seeming strong when they need to, but they have their breaking points. As much as I hate to say it, maybe Rick's just reached his?"

"They don't need me permanently. And you have been spending too much time with Dr Proctor. He has tried to convince me of much the same thing," Carla said tiredly, her voice coming out shaky with anxiety now when images of how she found Rick in the bathroom came flooding back to her. "They need each other right now. I just don't know how they can help each other if they're both hurting and they're both breaking. Nothing seems to be going right. Things just keep getting worse and worse."

Serena reached out to take Carla's uninjured hand and gave it a squeeze. "Well, he is my mentor. He teaches me only the best. And one thing I've learned is that you have to listen to him. He does actually know what he's talking about. Just like sometimes even I know what I'm talking about. And your boys need you. Maybe they're both hurting, and they're both breaking, but if they know they're still a family unit with you then maybe it'll give them hope, and they'll find the strength they need."

Carla frowned a little. "Of course we're still a family unit. That's just been... separated. It's how we function. Rick probably doesn't even know how to need me, not anymore. I should have been able to help him with this, but I couldn't. He needs Bella, or he needs Chris, or... anyone else. I've been there with him for days, and he hardly talks to me beyond small talk. I try, but just nothing seems to help."

Serena thought about Bella's pregnancy and wondered if that was the reason Rick was so blocked when it came to talking to his mom. It might be hard for him if he's keeping another secret. She wanted to be able to reassure Carla, but she couldn't do it without slipping. It wasn't her place to spill the beans over Rick and Bella. "Maybe he's just out of practice. It's been a while since he's needed you, and now he's just forgotten how. Doesn't mean he doesn't need you. Of course he does. You're his mom."

Carla sighed and looked down at her hands with a slight shake of her head. She was getting tired of hearing that, and getting tired of responding to it. She had heard it in monotonous regularity since she got to Miami, yet there was hardly proof in the pudding, was there? She knew the only reason Rick agreed to stay with her was because Chris was out of action. She was also finding it extremely hard hearing that Rick needed her. He had never needed it. It wasn't about to suddenly start now. "Yeah... of course," was her flat answer, though. "I'm sorry. I'm not meaning to saddle you with all this. You have your hands full with Chris. I'll just... I'll talk to him in a little while. I'll see how he is, what I should say."

Serena gave a small shake of her head and then started to rub her hand against Carla's back. The truth was all she wanted was to feel close to Chris' mom. She was his family, and Serena wanted to be a part of it. She wanted to be able to connect with the woman. "No, no. It's okay. I mean, this is why I'm here. It's what I want to be here for. If there's ever anything I can do, Carla, please... Just ask. Or just talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about, really. My mind is stupidly and irrationally stuck on the fact neither of them originally told me about something like my son having cancer. That I didn't even know Chris had found the love of his life. It's okay, Serena. I understand my boys. They're my boys. I know them. I know how the think. It just makes me feel like a failure as a mother," Carla admitted quietly, glancing behind her at Chris' room when she heard a noise, but it didn't seem to be anything. "And I know... I know. They wanted to protect me, didn't know how to tell me. I just..." She put her hand up and waved it when words just failed her on the subject. "If you and your brother hadn't contacted me, it would never have happened."

Serena let out a soft sigh as she leaned back in her seat. "I just thought you should know. Even Drew thought so. I feel bad for interfering, but I don't think it would have been better if you'd been ignorant. And Rick's not just staying with you because Chris isn't around. He knows that Chris isn't up to looking after himself and Rick. He does need you. He wants you there. He can't do it without you. I don't think either of them can. None of us are going to be able to replace you. You're not a failure, you're really not. I know I probably don't know all the ins and outs and I'm still trying to learn everything about your sons, but I know you're not a failure. They'd do anything for you. I just think after what happened with their father, they just keep thinking they need to protect you from anything bad. Even when it happens to them."

Carla leaned forward to rest her head in her hands. With both her boys seriously ill, she was feeling like her whole world was crushing in on her. Trying to pretend on the outside that she was just fine was hard. She didn't know what she would do if she lost them. She wouldn't be able to go on, she knew that much. She wouldn't want to. They were her whole world, even if they didn't realise it. They were the reason she learnt to keep getting up in the mornings, even after everything. "I still remember that night like it was yesterday. Chris came in at just the wrong time. Right time. He'll tell you he lost it that night, but he didn't. Not really. He was so strong for me. He did everything he could to make sure I was okay, even if it made him physically sick. But none of that ever meant I stopped being their Mom. It didn't mean I wanted to stop protecting them. I just... loved having boys so much. I had these daydreams of watching them grow up, fall in love, get married, have babies. That we would all be this close family like some sort of American sitcom where Thanksgiving was a foregone conclusion and I'd be surrounded by grandkids and my boys would have these amazing wives that loved them. And that despite having families of their own, they would still come and need me to take care of them, no matter what. To ask me for advice on stupid little things, and then laugh about it after the fact. But all that... it got ripped away. Rick was always distant. Always. He always wanted to be the pilot of his own life, call the shots. I think having a little brother around just cramped his style. Then I think when he realised he might be starting to be like their father, he just... started to run away. From all of us. From Chris. Chris never took it easy. He was always the submissive one. Hell, he would have lay down in the middle of the road and let Rick walk all over him if he thought it would be of some sort of help. He worshipped the ground Rick walked on, until he got old enough to realise how much it really hurt. Rick never saw that absolute adoration in Chris' eyes because he always seemed to have his back turned. Those handful of amazing brotherly moments between them got drowned out by the pain. They pushed each other away, pushed me away. The whole family just self-destructed. I've never figured out how to put it back together."

Serena couldn't stop the lump from growing in her throat, or the tears from rolling down her cheeks when the emotion just broke. Hearing about Chris' childhood just hurt. Hearing that Rick pulled away from the beginning hurt, too. Serena was still grateful her own family not suffering through quite as much pain. Her and Drew had always been close, even after he'd discovered his dick and girls. There might have been a slight age gap, but he was her big brother. She could go to him for anything. "He wants to be the big brother... All this, it's about Rick trying to be the big brother he should have been from the start. Chris wasn't going to do it. He'd taken one knock too many, and as much as he loved Rick he just couldn't. He couldn't risk his own chance at happiness." Serena wiped at her cheeks, and sighed. She hated secrets. She really did. All she wanted to do was tell Carla what had changed Chris' mind, but she couldn't. "But Rick wants to finally step up, and wants to stop running. I still can't believe what any of you have been through. I've been so lucky with my own family. Sometimes I feel guilty, but I just couldn't imagine my life without Drew, or without my parents. Even if there's quite a bit of distance between us now. They're still in Chicago. I'm also selfish enough to be trying to get Drew to move to Miami more permanently. I miss him..."

Carla nodded. "I know. I do. And I'm not saying you shouldn't be telling me this, because really, I need to hear it. But I do know them. Rick has never not wanted to be a big brother, he just never knew how to. Chris always seemed to have life down. He was this sweet little thing with big blue eyes who probably seemed to Rick like he had the whole world in his hands. It was something Rick probably felt like he couldn't live up to. But there were times Rick just tapped into that big brother mojo naturally, mostly when he wasn't overthinking it. When Chris needed him. Times when things were bad when they were really young, Rick would just stay in Chris' presence to make sure he was okay. And there was this time Chris fell into the lake off the pier. He tripped over, I think. It was a cold day, and he fell in. Rick jumped in, pulled him out, then yelled at him for being stupid... but I knew it was only because he was terrified Chris nearly drowned," she said with a hint of a fond smile. "He doesn't suck as much as a big brother as he thinks he does. Chris just selflessly dug his brother out of trouble all the time that Rick became reliant on it. Rick... got into the trouble because of their father. He started acting out when their father started drinking, and I think it was a sheer want to not be him that had him getting into more and more trouble when he got older. It was a vicious cycle. I'm proud of him now for wanting to make changes, I just wish it didn't take him getting cancer to do it."

"I think we all wish that, and no one more than Chris," Serena replied quietly. "He didn't want it to happen like this. The same way I know Rick never wanted to ask Chris to risk his life. Then to have his heart stop on the table..." Serena pressed her lips together as she shook her head and tears dripped down her cheeks in earnest. Even though she was back at work, and functioning, there were still moments where she caught herself thinking about that horrible second where she knew Chris' heart had stopped beating. "Rick just needs some confidence, and Chris just needs proof his big brother isn't going to run out on him again."

Carla drew in a deep breath and pushed her hair out of her face, regaining her composure again. "It's fine. They'll get there. They always do. I should let you get back to work, or get back to stopping Chris escape. I might just talk to Bella, see what she suggests. Maybe Rick needs to talk to a professional or something. They might be able to get him when he's back for chemo tomorrow. Kill two birds with one stone and all that."

Serena nodded before she leaned over to give Carla a brief hug. "I still mean it. You need anything, you just want to talk... Please find me, or call me, okay? I'm sure Rick would really appreciate the two birds, one stone. I don't think either of them are fans of hospitals."

Carla hugged Chris' girlfriend back, still feeling a little awkward in the gesture, considering she hardly knew the girl. She stood up, looking and feeling lost for a few moments. She really didn't feel any better than she had when she first arrived. If anything, she just felt more confused. That always happened whenever she tried to talk to anyone about her family of her past. "I'll see you later," she mumured and then just walked away in the general direction of Bella's office. The only thing was, she wasn't sure she even wanted to try and talk to Rick's doctor, either. Nothing she said anymore seemed to make any sense and she didn't want anyone else getting her to try and stay positive, as much as she knew they meant well.

RP Log with rhythmictherapy | Sibling Catch-Up

2010-09-24T09:19:56Z

[Set before THIS & THIS]

Serena was feeling better now that Chris was not only awake, but starting to eat. She also knew that he was safe sharing a room with his brother so she felt safe doing things like sharing lunch with her brother. At least this way Drew could be sure that she was eating properly. Serena took another bite out of the giant chicken burger he'd bought her as they sat at one of the outside cafeteria tables. The tell-tale takeout bag was sitting out and proud for all to see, but Serena didn't care.

She had found herself starving, and her brother still knew her well enough to know that she needed a junk fix. There was even a big box of fries all for her, onion rings, and a chocolate thickshake. She gave her brother an appreciative smile as she licked some sauce from her lips. "You really do know just how to take care of me, big brother."

Drew just watched her uncertainly, raising his eyebrows a little. "Way to go with the girlfriendly sympathy there. I suggest you don't go anywhere near him for at least two days, or he'll smell burger on you from all angles while he's up there being offered porridge and soup that looks like dishwater." He had nothing in front of him, really not feeling all that hungry after visiting a patient in rehab who managed to bleed all over himself and totally turn Drew's stomach. No wonder he wasn't the medical doctor of the family. It was one thing to see it on his sister's boyfriend, who was family, but strangers Drew just couldn't do.

Serena hadn't even taken in the fact that Drew wasn't eating right then and she frowned a little as she looked at the empty space in front of him. "You okay? And hey, I am all with the sympathy. I fed him jello and yoghurt. But I need something a little less liquidy in my stomach. I'll make sure I shower and eat mints. He's at least over food envy when it comes to his brother's meals. I wouldn't ever eat this in front of him. I'm only indulging in a little culinary cheating..."

"Yay, jello and yoghurt. I'm practically having an orgasm just thinking about it," Drew said sarcastically, waving his hands like he was holding invisible pom-poms. "I'm fine. I just hate medical shit. No offence. You know, those staff in that unit could really use some tact. There was this nurse that just walked in while I was sitting with your other half and blatantly asked if he felt any urges to go to the bathroom. I would have told her to go walk off the nearest cliff at a fast pace. I was there, his brother was there with the knocked up doctor. Please tell me you have more tact as a medical professional? I have my faith in you, sis. If I am ever in hospital, please never let me have an audience when it comes to discussing anything that is expected to come out of me in any capacity."

Serena frowned a little at his sarcasm and tried to work out if something else was getting to him other than jello and yoghurt. "Hey, have you talked to Lisa lately? Didn't you say you two were supposed to have a date when things quietened down? Or a drink? Or a drink and a date? She just... asked? I don't remember ever doing that. Most conversations tend to take place with just the patient. Or sometimes just the doctors because the patient's unconscious. I'd like to think I have more tact. I only lose my tact when it comes to The Talk. And trying to console the patients. Should I ask all your doctors and nurses if they're about to ask about bodily fluids before they enter your room?"

Drew waved his hand. "Would you quit trying to set me up? I can manage my own love life, you know. I don't know if it's a good idea. It feels a bit awkward with everything going on. There's C, and then there is her brother. It's just... stop pushing it, alright? Let things just take a natural course. She just outright asked, but she looked like she was a student or something. Chris wasn't unconcious, he just turned an interesting shade of red and chewed her out. He was very professional about it. I was impressed. No, just bring your boyfriend in to bitch them out for me."

Serena held her hands up defensively. "Okay, okay. I asked once, but hey, I'm done pushing. Consider it dropped. So Chris revealed his Dr C side for a moment, huh? I wish I'd seen it. It's been a while since he got his professionalism out. He has been working up some anger, so maybe it just gave him an outlet. He cried in front of me. I don't think I'm supposed to tell people, but you're my brother and I need to talk to someone about it."

"I don't know whether it was a fact he was actually embarrassed, or just projecting from worry that maybe things aren't..." Drew waved his hand a little, "functioning as they should be. It was hard to tell, but he wasn't a happy camper. When it coincided with them bringing him more porridge, it was like medical World War Three, but in saying that, the guy had a point on the whole thing. He was fine with the dinner, so why keep pissing him off bringing him crap breakfasts? Then, maybe he's just transitioning into the anger phase which was going to come. So, he cried. Which is a good thing, but you need to talk about it, so shoot. Did he upset you?"

Serena pulled her mouth to the side before she sighed. "He's sick of the tube, he's sick of being trapped. He hates porridge about on the same level as salmon. I told you about cooking him that, right? Such a mistake. I'm still embarrassed about it. No wonder he wanted to bitch out the poor girl. I'm just glad he did manage to eat dinner. I've been getting more and more worried that he won't eat. He's been through depression, right? Denial... Anger. Was there even bargaining? He's grieving for his kidney, isn't he? He didn't upset me. It was hard, but I knew he had to let it out. Of course he had to let it out. My heart's just breaking for him, and he keeps apologising for putting me through this."

"No, but please tell me he was at least sort of a gentleman and rolled with it? See, I don't know all that medical side of things, not in much detail, but if he doesn't eat, won't they start feeding him artificially? Won't it lead to more surgery to make sure his gut is working? This is the part I don't understand. If it is so important he eats, why not give the poor dude something he doesn't mind putting in his mouth? There's nothing worse than when you're feeling a bit shitty to be faced with eating something you're not keen on. The guy is dealing with the fact he has given up a kidney, his brother has cancer, he has a huge wound in his stomach, he nearly died on the operating table. Give the poor dude ice cream for every meal if he wants it." Drew snorted and shook his head. "But I'm an alternative therapist. Most doctors think I just talk out my ass anyway. It's about happiness too, though. Why feed the depression? It makes no sense. He's grieving for something. He knows nothing is going to be the same now. I've heard about the transplant thing, though. Psychologically, the person does have a sensation they are missing part of them."

Serena put down her burger again as she hid her face in her hands and shook her head. "Nope. Well, to start with he did but once he put the salmon in his mouth it was all over. See, I have a fear of lobsters, but he has a severe hatred of salmon. And I cooked it! I was supposed to be making him this awesome romantic dinner, and I picked the one stupid thing he hated. Still, at least he didn't break up with me over it, or anything. And we can kind of laugh about it now. I guess the doctors just assume that anything that's not solid is a good move. Plus it's a hospital. They're supposed to provide a balanced diet... Still, I'm about this far from going in there and demanding they give him ice cream all the time. He even seemed to prefer the yoghurt." She reached over across the table to hold his hand. "Hey, hey... Don't talk like that. I know you don't talk out of your ass. You're amazing. You do actually know what's better for people from a therapeutic sense. Doctors will still always be thinking about the body parts, and dieticians are only thinking about what might get his stomach pumping. Do you think he'll be okay?"

Drew laughed. "How were you supposed to know he hated it if he hadn't said? I'm sure he doesn't hold it against you. It's all part of the process of getting to know someone. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It would be boring if it was all perfect all the time. It would be like having sex in the one same boring position for the rest of your life." He thought on the situation for a moment and then pointed. "You know what everyone's biggest mistake is here? Not necessarily yours, just everyone else's? They are forgetting he is a doctor. He knows he isn't going to spontaneously combust if he doesn't eat the porridge. He's a surgeon, he knows what it takes to get a gut working after gut surgery. It's frustrating him being a patient, when really they should just be letting him deal with this side of things himself. Let the specialists hold the reigns on the transplant and the stabbed aorta and the blood loss, but with his own gut and his own food, give him a bit more damn control. Just because he's sick, doesn't mean he's useless. No wonder he's depressed. You have to admit, he's already perked up a bit sharing a room with his brother. It's the little things that will get him through this. Three months down the track, no one is going to be saying 'Hey, that porridge really saved his life'."

Serena lifted her head up as she started to laugh and shrugged. "I don't know! But I just felt so awful when I realised. I found some leftovers after that he could eat instead. And hey, there's nothing wrong with having sex in the not boring same position for the rest of your life, so maybe there's still something to be said for people dating to at least say straight up that they will never ever eat blah. And then you don't have to worry about accidentally cooking them blah and turning them off for life. That's all I'm saying." She tilted her head as she considered her brother quietly before gesturing at him with a fry. "You know what? You might actually be onto something there. I wonder just how much I can utilise my Alpha Team rep to make that happen. Or maybe I should ask Proctor to organise it. I mean, he is the head of the team. They'd have to listen to him. See? You're not just a pretty face."

"And now you're just wishing something like leftovers were a quick fix all over again. I know none of this is easy for you, sis. Far from it. He's been seriously ill, and he's having a rough time. You want to fix that for him, but you know you can't right now. It'll get better. He will get better. He needs time." Drew smiled at her and then it turned into a smirk. "Maybe he should have said straight up, but you don't think he was just totally distracted by you and the whole freshness of the relationship for him to stop and think, hey, better tell her I hate salmon? Of course he's not thinking about that. Without that, you would never have the salmon story to talk about, tell your kids. And of course I'm not just a pretty face. Your other half, you can tell when something is bothering him. He mocks it, pulls the piss. Like the nurse that tried to feed him. What a kick to the nads. Sure, he couldn't exactly get the food into him without help, but at least let him be able to stop and say that. He's a lad, we like a bit more control on the ego, you know?"

"I can't help it," Serena replied helplessly before she bit down on her fry. "I see him hurting and I just want nothing more than to be able to take the pain away. Why wouldn't I? Seeing him so frustrated, so stuck... He can't even feel sexy. And I know that's kind of stating the obvious but he's Dr C and he's all about sex. Well, not just sex, but you see my point don't you? This is the most vulnerable he could ever be, and he doesn't feel like there's even anything he can do to protect himself just a little bit. Maybe that's another reason for him to have been put in Rick's room. At least this way his big brother's there."

Drew nodded. "Yes, I see the point. And the reason he is feeling like that is because he doesn't feel like he has any control over his own care, which he really should. The only time he probably had hope of that was when Dave was his proxy, but Dave was only there because Chris was unconscious. But he had someone who cared about all aspects, not just the clinical. You're a doctor, Dave's a doctor, and isn't Aimee technically officially one of his doctors anyway? Get together, gang up on the bastards. Get the catheter out, let him put his own clothes on. I even heard his Mom trying to ask one of the nurses about that. She's worried Chris will feel worse knowing Rick's in his own clothes and he's still stuck in a hospital gown. There's nothing going on for him right now that feels normal."

Serena had opened her mouth to reply before she stopped and fell quiet for a moment. "He feels like he's already lost Dave. Apparently he was trying to tell Chris something when Chris lapsed with the bleed, and now Dave's just not trying again. I think Chris is just in a serious funk right now, and you know what? Ganging up on the doctors sounds like a really good idea right now. I want that catheter out of him more than anything. Just like I want him out and home. I just know it'll take a little more time. At least his mom's still here. I was worried she was literally going to disappear the moment he was awake."

It was Drew's turn to nearly say something and then he hesitated. "I might know what that is. I was talking to Aimee and she mentioned something in passing," he admitted. "Dave's apparently all good at being the cool collected dude, but he's having some issues himself. Just, I would think they would be things he's thinking Chris doesn't need to bother with right now. But yeah, definitely what you would think you sould confide in your BFF about. I don't think it's something Dave would freely talk to his sister about. No offense, sisters are awesome, but this is... a different level. So, get the cath out and sit with him until he pees. He might appreciate the moral support. You're about the only one he can get that from without needing to be embarrassed. Hey, Mrs D is cool. She just thinks she's not needed, that's all. We bonded over Bono," he explain with a smirk. "U2 for the win."

Serena leaned forward when her brother hesitated, ready to pry it out of him if she needed to but then she slumped. "Crap. Double, triple crap. Now Chris just thinks Dave will never talk to him, and I don't know how to make Dave talk to him. It's not like I can really guarantee that everything will be peachy keen and nothing will happen, is it? I thought the op would go fine, and Chris flatlined. He might not be getting embarrassed but I keep feeling like he might be feeling emasculated or something. What if he doesn't feel like he wears the pants anymore?" Serena's eyebrows went up. "Of course she's needed! Why wouldn't she be? Nice. Trust you to find a band to bond over."

"Dave's having... intimacy issues... for lack of any other subtle way to say it. From the chemo. Not just a whole not sure he can have kids things. Like, intimacy intimacy issues. So, it would explain why he wanted to talk to his best mate about it. It's not really something you want to bring up with anyone random, is it? I can't see Dave sitting and having a heart-to-heart with Proctor about it, even if the dude would have some cool phallus metaphors, no doubt." Drew looked at her in amusement. "Doesn't wear the pants? It's not that. That's not him. He doesn't need to feel masuline, he needs to feel less weak, like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hey, I'm all about the music, and she doesn't feel wanted because she hasn't been wanted. Up until now, C and the Big R haven't really needed her so much. They've all been off having their own lives, so she just let them at it."

"Oh. Ohhhhh!" Serena said as her eyes went a little wide. "But that doesn't matter. Aimee doesn't care about that. She told me about that stuff. She knows that kids might not be a thing in the future." She frowned a little as she looked at her brother and then down at her burger. "I thought they'd talked about it, but maybe they haven't. Maybe they've been dancing around it this whole time. But I was sure... Oh, crap. Dave needs to get in to see Chris. We've got to pull it off somehow." She gave him a shrug and a sheepish smile. "I didn't know how else to say it! I just want him to get that light. Well, she's needed. She should stick around. They'll all be better for it."

Drew shook his head and held up his hand. "It goes above and beyond a girlfriend understanding thing. It's a cock not working, and that's a huge damn thing for a dude. Trust me, it is. It's like the ultimate failure. And Dave might be all zen and chilled externally about being a cancer survivor, all happy he has his life and that, but I can guarantee that now he has Aimee and things are getting serious, this will be bothering him. It can't not be. Satisfying your chick and making love to her is the ultimate. Maybe he just needed to offload onto his best mate. And look, every time he tries that, something happens and it goes ass up. No wonder he's hesitant. Come on, it's easier said than done just saying she should be here, end of story. Don't forget that your other half and his brother didn't bother telling her her eldest had cancer."

Serena reached for her thickshake and started to suck on it as she watched her brother and contemplated what he was saying. She wasn't underestimating how important it was for a guy to be able to make love to his girl, but she also knew she wasn't underestimating the fact that Aimee did understand. Still, a boy and his ego were never to be trifled with. "Then we really do just need to make sure that Dave and Chris get a chance for some guy talk with no possible interruptions. Chris really should be safe this time from any sort of medical emergency. Well, bar a sudden urge to use the toilet. But even then, I guess Dave could help him with that. Or is that one step too far on the BFF mate chain? I know, I know... I haven't forgotten. She didn't even know about me. It's still something that needs to come from them."

"Nah, there is nothing that is a step too far on the BFF mate chain. Dave and Chris went to college together. They've probably seen each other piss and more. There would have been nursing through hangovers, depression over girls, more than puke tests. I'm telling you. The BFF chain is unbreakable. Unless one of you fuck the other's girlfriend or an ex-girlfriend. That's the no-go on the BFF code. Dave already agreed to call life-depending shots as C's proxy, he'll help him pee if he needs it. Which is just why this is kind of a sucky situation. Dave's worried he's a jinx, C is upset that Dave isn't talking to him. There needs to be intervention," Drew insisted knowingly. "And Rick will be going home soon, too. That's going to sting for Chris. He'll be in a room alone again. Of course it's something that needs to come from them. But look at the world through her eyes for a moment, and it really had to have stung. I guess it's something none of us would really understand without being parents."

"Which is what I've been saying. We have to get Dave in a room with Chris and make sure they actually talk. They can't lose their friendship. Not now. I mean, I know they might not stop being friends, but if Dave just feels like he can never talk to Chris properly then what's going to happen? The BFF code and chain and whatever might be strong, but will it really survive? Dave's not a jinx. Of course he's not a jinx, but now Chris is worried he's the jinx." Serena started to play with the edge of her burger wrapper as her appetite got zapped now she was worrying about Chris and Dave. She made a mental note to have a word with Aimee, see if maybe they couldn't lock the two BFFs in a room somewhere together. "They can't lose their mom. Not now."

"They're not going to lose their mom. Jesus, drama queen much? She's here, isn't she? They're still her kids, she still loves them endlessly and unconditionally. She's just hurting. She probably doesn't completely understand why they've been keeping their distance, probably wondering what she did wrong as a mom to have things come to this, but they aren't going to lose her," Drew insisted, pointing for emphasis. "As for Dave and C... you can lock them in a room all you like, but it still might not change anything. That's not going to automatically make Dave start talking about his dodgy willy. That takes building up to, confidence to actually bring it up in conversation. Just like when he had to tell Chris about his own cancer."

Serena rest her head in her hand as she looked at her brother. "So what do we do?"

"I dunno," Drew snorted. "You're the one dating him. You know him better than I do. I could talk to Dave. If you think it would help. I don't think it will do much good me talking to Chris. He doesn't need me giving him a lecture. Beyond singing a Queen duet with him, my sort of therapy isn't what he needs."

Serena raised her eyebrows. "You and Chris sang a duet together? Or you would sing a duet with him? You know he plays guitar, right? Maybe he does need your sort of therapy. Okay, I'll tackle Chris and you take Dave."

"More like I sung to him when he was in pain and asked me to distract him. So I asked him what he wanted me to sing, and he picked Queen. 'I Want It All'. Poignant. I got a feeling he picked it for a reason, but anyway, I still don't think I'm the one to help your other half. But sure, I'll have a chat to Dave. All he might need is just someone to bitch to. Sometimes, that's all it takes to help when things are going shitty." Drew shrugged, pulling his lips to the side in thought. "He's doing okay at work, right? Didn't you mention something about being given a hard time for not being Chris? Which you aren't going to know because you're not at work. Crap."

She shrugged as she felt suddenly very unhelpful. "I think he's still working hard. He'd have to be. There's no Dr C, no me and Eva's still looking to leave. She's probably waiting for one of us to come back off leave. Dave's gotta be feeling under pressure. Plus he did have the whole not being Dr C bullshit. Which is bullshit. He's still an awesome surgeon in his own right. He just needs to feel... appreciated."

Drew was frowning in thought now. "What if it's not the dodgy cock he has to talk to C about? Don't cancer people have to be really careful to take care of themself in their recovery, and you've gotta admit, he's spreading himself thin to help Chris. Taking his spot on the team, being his medical proxy..." He rubbed his fingers across his jaw, realising he needed a shave. "Then he has really just been stepping back to let others be there to take care of Chris. You, Rick... it's just, I don't know. I feel sorry for the guy."

Serena sucked on her bottom lip as she nodded slowly. "Me too. Of course I do. And now I just feel like the biggest selfish bitch for wanting as much time with Chris as I could get, but I would never purposefully step on Dave's toes. It's the last thing I want."

"The only problem there, is neither would Dave. He doesn't want to step on anyone's toes, so he's stepping right back. And I think he's doing it for Rick," Drew finally deduced, connected the dots.

It took a moment for Serena's brain to catch up before the dots connected for her as well. "Oh no... Shit. He's stepping back because he thinks Chris might not need him as much, might have been using him as some kinda pseudo big brother."

Drew nodded, pressing his lips together, but then shook his head. "No, no. I don't think Dave would have thought Chris was using him. They're too tight. He's just trying to step back to give Rick the room he needs to be Chris' big brother."

"But that doesn't mean he still can't talk to Chris about BFF stuff. Right? Brother code, and BFF code should have some kind of overlapping code where that's allowed," Serena argued.

"I dunno. Chris has been going through a lot. The whole breaching the brother gap has been high on the menu. Dave stepped up when he needed to, but I don't think he's going to get in the way of any of that. At least, that's how I would be thinking if it was my best mate. But seriously, he's been scarce since Chris was moved from the ICU. I've hardly seen him. But he was here every day when Chris was unconscious. I think he's just stepping back to let everyone else do what they need to," Drew said. "And I'm only a bystander looking in."

Serena nodded as she poked at her burger before she picked it up for another bite. Appetite or not, she needed to get back into the habit of eating again. No more meal skipping. "Maybe it's just everyone else's turn to step back to let Dave in. Also, for the record, I'm just really glad you are here to be a bystander. I couldn't imagine trying to get through any of this without my big brother."

"Maybe. But I still say that won't make Dave come to the party. I have no idea how I am going to convince him to, either. I mean, I only know the guy from what you guys introduced to me, and bits and pieces Chris has said in passing about their friendship. But I'll give it a shot. You still have to tackle Chris about it, though. Maybe even ask Rick's opinion. Keep him involved so he doesn't feel like we're trying to shaft him and make out he's failing Chris," Drew advised with a nod.

"I'll tackle both brothers while Rick's still here. Might as well make use of the fact they're still sharing a room." Serena pushed her fries towards Drew as she raised her eyebrows. "Are you still not going to eat anything? I'm a doctor, you know. Food helps your body keep going. Frying it just makes it taste better."

Drew gave a shrug. "Just don't discount the fact you might piss Chris off, if he is touchy lately. And no, I'm not hungry. I still have vivid images of blood dripping onto white sheets and it will keep me going most of the day."

Serena fell quiet, not really sure how she was actually supposed to broach the topic without pissing Chris off. Maybe not so much because he was touchy lately, but maybe just because she was about to overstep the girlfriend boundaries by interfering.

RP Log with geniuscowboy | No Sex

2010-09-18T11:35:51Z

[Follows THIS]

Chris was in Sulk 101 mode, and had been most of the morning. Though it wasn't technically a sulk, it was just more a slightly freaked out bewilderment with an aggravation at the whole being a patient thing. He really had fallen asleep in the ICU after a nurse took yet more blood from him for monitoring, and when he woke up, he was in a room with Rick sitting up in a parallel bed watching him. In fact, he had literally shrieked in surprise when he woke up, and it took a few minutes for him to get his bearings, along with a hasty explanation from Rick regarding what had happened. Chris still had the heart monitor on and oxygen in his nose, but all the other added ICU extras were gone. They were also beginning to coax him to eat so he could use the bathroom again, a sure sign he was back on the road to recovery. Of course, Chris had a stubborn streak and was hating what they were trying to offer him.

He was just sitting there chatting to Serena on his laptop when he looked up over the top of the screen and found her standing in the doorway. Rick wasn't in his bed. Bella had come a little earlier and talen him out to one of the balconies for some fresh fair, which left Chris alone to sulk again. He hadn't been sure where Serena was, except that Rick had mentioned she would be back soon. Now she was here and he broke into a smile. "Ahhhh, you're trying to fuck with my head even more, aren't you?" he joked, pointing at her with the hand that had the IV lines in it. He would be glad to get rid of them.

Serena started to laugh as she tucked her iPhone into her pocket and came over to ruffle Chris' hair and kiss his lips softly. She pulled back to smile at him. "It's such a beautiful head to fuck with. I can't resist the adorable confused frown you get. Are you sure you can't just eat a little of the porridge? It would be really nice if you did pee. I want to see you without the tube up your dick almost as much as you, you know."

Chris looked over at the still covered tray of his lunch that had been delivered a little while ago. "I had the juice," he protested, scrunching his nose up. "I'm scared if I throw up, I'll split my gut open again. I told that to this grandma nurse when she, get this, came to feed me. What the fuck? Anyway, she just made me feel like a wank, and told me I had nothing to worry about. That a lot of people don't tolerate the first solid meal they have after surgery. Hello! I'm the freaking surgeon here, I got that memo!" he said and then just to make himself feel better, flipped the food tray off. "Do I look like I need feeding?"

Serena smirked a little as she lifted up the lid of Chris' food tray to fish out the jello and a spoon. "I don't know, sometimes the feeding part can be hot. If you have the right person doing the feeding. No plane noises, or choo-choo trains..." She sat down next to Chris' bed and peeled off the top of the wobbly dessert. "What's it like being back in a room with your brother? Besides the spaghetti envy." Serena dipped her spoon into the jello before she slid the spoon into her mouth slowly and moaned low in her throat as she held Chris' gaze.

Chris pointed at her. "Stop that. It's not working. Even you can't make jello look sexy," he complained. "Who even eats yellow jello? What happened to red or green? It's... I don't know. I spent the first ten minutes thinking he was a pod person. Have you ever woken up in a place that was completely different to where you thought you were? I mean, different to being drunk. If you're drunk, you have the hangover to distract you. But this was like it was right back before the op, like I had dreamt the whole thing. Like one of those weird alternate reality movies. Then Dave came in wearing a pink shirt and actually looked good in it. I swear, I was dreaming. Rick said something about staying at Bella's. Do you know anything about that?"

"Dave was in a pink shirt? And what's wrong with yellow jello. It's pineapple flavoured. It's all tropical and delicious." Serena licked at her spoon suggestively just to tease Chris some more before she broke out into giggles. "I'm sorry, baby. I really am. It was just too much fun. And no, I can't say I have ever woken up like that. No wonder you sounded so disorientated. Bella thought she was helping the two of you out by arranging this, but I guess not. I think it's to do with the chemo and whether the two of you being sick at the same time will be manageable. He's not moving there, or anything."

Chris nodded. "Well, it wasn't cotton candy pink or anything, but it was still pink. Maybe Aimee got it for him. No, I mean, I'm glad she did, and you know how it goes. You gotta do bed moves when you can, and apparently I had been asleep for hours. It just felt like a quick nap to me. I don't know. Were you there when it happened?" He was still looking at the jello suspiciously, but at least it didn't look like bird vomit like the porridge did. "Oh... okay. I mean, if he wanted to move in with her, that's fine..." He might have been just covering, though. The truth was, he wasn't sure he was ready for Rick to stop staying with him yet. It felt like it all only just happened and they hadn't had enough time.

"I was hardly going to let them move you without me hovering and backseat doctoring. I'm done risking you, or your heart. I'm not having anything happen to you. You really were out like a light, so the move was easy. They didn't drop you on your head or anything." Serena ate another spoonful of jello before she scooped up a smaller bit and held it out to Chris. "For me? It's seriously just part of a back up plan. No moving in or out. He's still living with you. He's got to take care of you when I'm not there. But you saw what he was like after his first round. You're not going to be in a position to help him through it this time."

"Are you sure? It feels like they might have. Do you think they took half my brain in the op, too? I'm starting to feel like I should be drooling and talking in tongues. Good drugs, though. Can't complain about those," Chris joked with his trademark smirk. He hesitantly and reluctantly took the jello, but really wasn't impressed with the taste. It was probably more a fact he hadn't a whole lot in his mouth beyond pills and tubes lately, though. "He won't need to take care of me. I'll be fine. He's the one that needs taking care of." Denial was a fine thing.

Serena kissed Chris' forehead as he took the jello and scooped out a little more to offer to him again. She didn't care if he liked the taste or not, just that he was eating. "Take another bite, and you get another kiss. Eat the rest of it, and I might even show you my boob. How's that for bedside manner? They didn't take your brain. You're in one piece. Stop worrying. This is the part where you just let yourself heal. The worst of it's over. I hope." She arched her eyebrow at the denial. "Do I really need to remind you what you've just been through?"

"Okay, another bite and you don't show me your boob. I don't want a boner with a cath. I'm not that adventurous." Chris took the next spoonful, swallowing it before he licked his lips. "I feel weird. I don't know how to describe it. I guess they warned me about it. I would feel like I'm missing a piece of me, and I would get over it. I could deal with that, I was prepared for it. I guess just all the shit going wrong has compounded on it. No, you don't need to remind me at all, I have it all still fresh right at the forefront of my brain. But I'll be a quick healer. It's all good."

"No medical kinks, huh?" Serena teased before she kissed him again for taking a second bite. She watched him with concern as he continued to bury himself in denial, but Serena didn't have the heart to drag him out of it kicking and screaming just yet. She set down the jello as she took his hand and gave it a soft squeeze. That didn't mean she wouldn't just poke around the edges. "There's nothing wrong with not being able to handle looking after yourself, and looking after Rick. Right now you really do just need to take it easy."

Chris reached under the covers and pressed a hand against his hip. He hated all these weird aches and pains he seemed to feel that he had no control over. Eating crap food was crap, but if he got over that bit, he could get rid of that damn tube and maybe have a bit more mobility. He really hated being stuck in a bed. He hated nurses prodding him and looking at him, talking about his bodily functions for all the world to see. He knew it was hypocritical, but he couldn't help it. "I can handle it. It's just this post-op part that sucks. I promised Rick I'd take care of him, and I will. It was... just a hitch in the road. I'm being a pain in the ass. I know. I'm sorry. I don't like being on this side of the playing field."

Serena touched his shoulder. "I know you don't, and I don't exactly like it either. It's not like there's much I can do to help, or to speed things up for you. And it sucks. Are you still in a lot of pain despite the oh so fabulous drugs? Maybe there's something they're missing... Have you been checked over lately or they just obsessing over the porridge? You'll still be able to look after Rick. Sometimes it just means hanging out with someone. Being there for them."

Chris nodded, and when he exhaled, it was tight and strained. "Yeah, there's pain. But it's the sort of pain they can't just keep plying me with drugs for. The wound hurts just because it's a dirty great wound, then my stomach hurts inside because it's not functioning properly yet. I know I need to eat. Then it hurts lower because I haven't been to the bathroom in over a week, and the body's response to things not operating properly is pain. So they're all yay porridge to try and get all that working again. Then I get the dietician. 'You know, Dr Deleo, that the nutritional benefits of fibre and gastrointestional absorption far outweigh the momentary distaste in your mouth. Perhaps they can put some honey in it for you?' Pfft," he added and waved his hand, before tucking his fingers around her wrist so he could put her hand to his mouth and kiss it. He rested his head back on the pillow and pulled his lips to the side. "I dunno... maybe I just figure once his kid comes along and he gets in deeper with Bella, he won't give a shit about me again."

"Maybe you should put some honey on it, and I hate to say it, but the dietician is right. Maybe the stuff is gross, but it's better than having the pain in your lower abdomen, isn't it? That's at least something that's fixable. There could be a whole toilet party. No boobs, just... good times. Think of the relief, of the fact that it's a step closer to getting home where I can be the nagging nurse," Serena told him softly as she watched Chris kiss her hand. She changed his grip so she could take his hand and link their fingers. "That's not true, Chris. You're all he can talk about sometimes."

Chris looked at her in disbelief, and then just started laughing, holding his side so it didn't hurt so much. "Toilet party? Are you serious? I suddenly feel like I'm three years old again when Mom took us to McDonalds the first time I managed to..." He waved his hand. "You know, in the potty. Oh man. This is the last time I give anyone a kidney," he joked, looking down at their joined hands. "Yeah, but that's only now when things are up the shit. I just get nervous. I'm not blaming him or anything anymore. I've stopped thinking he's gonna bail. But guess a couple of hundred times bitten, the whole shyness kicks in. Isn't that how the metaphor goes?"

Serena laughed as well, and offered him a shrug. "Hey, whatever works. I'll resist the urge to talk to you in baby talk though, you're safe from that. Just figured the reward system might work, but the boobs are a no go so apparently my next choice is a toilet party. I'm sure Proctor would have fun coming to one." Serena bit on her lip to let the laughter die down. "Yeah, that's how it goes. Still doesn't mean there isn't an exception to the rule. There's still the law of odds, or something. Eventually you get a different outcome. He's ready to be your big brother."

"Thank you. That is a fact I will be forever eternally grateful to you for. I had this chick who baby-talked to me in bed once. Fuck, only the biggest turn off in the entire world. I ended up telling her I had sphyllisis and getting the hell out of there as quick as I could. And just for the record? When I pee or whatever, I am so not going to be making a public announcement of it," Chris said with a snort of amusement. He glanced over at Rick's empty bed. "Yeah... I can see that. I'm still sure he doesn't know how the hell to pull it off, though. It's not like I need an instruction manual... is it? Am I that hard to be a big brother to?"

Serena frowned a little before she just started to laugh again. "What? Are you serious? Oh my god... No. Just no. Just like I the guy I was seeing that made me call him 'daddy'. Or tried to. I punched him in the face, and kneed him in the balls. No fucking way to I play that particular game. It's just... wrong. So, so wrong." She smiled a little before she shook her head. "No, of course not. But you have to understand that just like you get the shyness coming out, Rick gets the guilt. He still thinks that maybe he fucked up too much to be the brother you need."

"I'm serious. It was friggen awful. Casual sex isn't always a good thing. I've had some terrible experiences. Daddy? Fuck, that is so wrong on so many levels. How old did he think you were?" Chris could see the bowl of porridge sitting there with the cover over it, and he wondered how horrible it looked now it was probably congealed. "Any sort of brother is better than none, though," he reasoned quietly.

"How old did he want me to be might be more the point," Serena said as she stuck her tongue out briefly and shuddered. She glanced at the tray as well and arched her eyebrow questioningly. "Are you game? He'll get that. He's just scared. Same as you. Now that you're sharing a room at least you get to start on the bonding. Then you'll both be at home together."

Chris let out a rough sigh with a slight shake of his head. "Not really. How am I supposed to be sure I won't throw up as soon as that hits my tongue?" he asked skeptically. "Bonding? Like fart jokes and sex war stories?"

Serena shrugged. "No idea. There's still some jello left. Or... ah, I think it's yoghurt. Maybe. Wow, they really hate you, don't they?" She laughed a little before she kissed Chris' cheek. "Sure, and just talking. Being there. Even brothers have puke tests."

"What sort of yoghurt is it? Ah, that taco is but a mere distant memory. If I had known this was going to happen, I would have requested an eight course meal of junk food," Chris said with a slight hint of a sulk in his tone again. "I think I've seen him puke a hell of a lot more than he's seen me. If I was ever sick when I was younger, I hid it from him. Didn't think he would care. Don't get me wrong here, I am realising that this whole failed brother thing has been a two way street. I just got tired of trying to reach out to him. Want to hear something terrible? I don't know how to ask him to help me. If he was sitting here right now and I started hurling my guts up, it would be you I asked to help me, just by default. I want to get better with my hang ups."

Serena took the cover off again, and picked up the yoghurt. She sniffed it as she peered at it, and pulled her mouth to the side. "I think it's berry. It seems pink..." She held it out for Chris to inspect. "If I had known this was going to happen, I would have gotten you tortilla chips, and defiled more than just Bella's office. You'll get better with the hang ups, Chris. You both will. It's a learning curve for the two of you. It just takes time."

Chris looked into the bowl and pressed his lips together. "Okay, I'll eat that," he finally agreed reluctantly. It wasn't that it looked appealing, it just looked less disgusting than the porridge. He had to eat something, or they would end up peg feeding him, or worse, naso-gastric. He would rather stab himself in the eye with a scalpel than let that happen. He had already lost more weight than he was comfortable with. "He shaved his head, didn't he?"

Serena picked up the spoon and for a moment she wasn't sure if she was supposed to feed Chris, or not. So she just offered him the spoon and waited to see if he was willing to take it or not. She let out a quiet sigh of relief at the fact that he was willing to eat something. "Yes, he did. Bella did it for him. Just before the room change. He didn't tell you?"

After twisting his wrist awkwardly to untangle the IV tubes there, Chris managed to take the spoon to have some of the yoghurt. It was a process, and maybe some penny dropped in his head now why the grandma nurse had been there offering to feed him. With the wires from the heart monitor, the oxygen tube, and all the IVs, he was in an awkward situation. And hated it. "I wasn't really with it so much when I got back. I think I actually even laughed at my own hand at one point. Like I said, the drugs are pretty cool. Then lunch came, and I gave him the silent treatment about the spaghetti. Then Bella said he needed fresh air, so we didn't get much of a chance to talk yet. I could just see there was no hair at the nape of his neck when she wheeled him out."

Serena gently took the spoon back off of Chris so she could help him out, the battle with all the wires not lost on her. She hated seeing Chris getting so frustrated, but there really wasn't anything she could do other than feed him the yoghurt. "Just don't be in a hurry to need the drugs again any time soon, okay? I couldn't bear it. And I know it's not all about me, but you wouldn't need it either. He can't help it if he's ready for spaghetti. Cut him a little slack, Chris. It's good he's thriving with your kidney. I'm sorry, baby. When he comes back I'll make myself scarce so you two can talk, okay? I only know because I was talking to Bella when the room moves were on."

"I'm cutting him slack!" Chris suddenly snapped at her and then sunk back against the pillow with a frown. "I'm sorry. I'm not purposefully being a pain in the ass. I'm just having a tough time of it, alright? I'm gonna get annoyed and pissed off. I can't keep apologising for that. I figured actually giving him a kidney was a good amount slack-cutting."

"It's okay," Serena murmured even if she was avoiding his gaze a little in the wake of the snapping. "I just shouldn't have mentioned slack-cutting. Giving him your kidney was amazing, Chris. It really was. And I never said anything about you needing to not be a pain in the ass, or to apologise for having a tough time. I wasn't going to expect anything else."

Chris fell quiet as he continued to eat more of the yoghurt. He couldn't actually really taste much of it. He had a metallic chemical taste in his mouth from various medication. It would probably take a few days to actually get his taste back properly. "I just want to go home. I need to talk to the doctors, whoever the hell is actually my doctor right now. I want to be discharged at the soonest possible point I can be. No hanging around. Rehab to be done at home. It's not like I'm lacking medical professionals around me. I want to feel normal. I don't like feeling so angry."

Serena raised her eyebrows a little as she caught his gaze. "Have you stopped to consider why you are so angry? It might be a good idea to just let the anger out. There's a reason why you're feeling it. It's not like anger is always a side effect of medication. So you don't actually have a leading doctor on your case right now? Does Dave even know who to talk to?"

"I'm angry for a lot of reasons. It's like this whole thing has brought it all out. I just don't have the energy to do anything about it. I do. Sable's my official doctor, Aimee has been consulting. Then there are the transplant docs, plus I had an ICU attending." Before Chris had a chance to stop it, he actually burst into tears. "Dave doesn't think he can talk to me anymore. Tuck told me."

Serena set the yoghurt and the spoon down as soon as Chris burst into tears and she moved her chair closer so she could try and get her arms around him as she kissed his forehead. "Oh, baby. Baby, I'm so sorry... I think for Dave's it's all just a case of bad timing. There's not been much of a chance for him to talk to you. I really need to stop hogging you so he can have some BFF time."

Chris tried to stop the tears as quickly as they came, but it was an action way harder to reverse than it was to start. He didn't want Bella and Rick to walk in and catch him sobbing like a kid again. Rick would just think something was wrong all over. "No... he's not going to try anymore. He keeps getting hurt. I can't even remember times that he might have actually been trying to tell me things. My brain is like mush. I know the cancer thing, and I apologised for that, but what else? My own best mate doesn't want to talk to me about his own shit."

Serena rubbed her hand gently against his arm and just held him. It was breaking her own heart to see Chris cry so hard, but she had also been secretly hoping that he would cry at some point. She'd been worried that he'd bottled it all up, but she also understood that he wouldn't want to cry in front of her. Guys didn't like being seen as weak, whereas she was just more concerned about her boyfriend's wellbeing. "Do you want me to just call him now? He has to talk to you. You're still his best friend, right?"

"No, don't call him. Do I look like I'm in any condition to listen now? I got pissed off at my brother's lunch. I'm not. I can't do anything. I'm just terrified of what he needs to talk to me about. What if he's sick again? He would tell me that, right?" Chris made a noise of frustration as he tried to wipe the tears away, but they just kept coming. This must be what pregnancy felt like. Thank god he was a male.

Serena looked down at Chris as she brushed the tears from his cheeks. "Have you maybe considered that he just wants to be able to talk to his best friend? That it's not actually about anything?"

"It's something. He has never said anything like this before, but I've hardly had much time for him, have I? But he just steps right in as my med proxy without even batting an eyelid. I wasn't there for him when he had cancer, yet he has always been there for me, through all my shit. I've screwed up, and I don't know how to fix it," Chris admitted helpessly. "Just one other thing to be angry at. When he comes here, he just keeps it to small talk. He cuts me off when I try to talk to him, but then, I think he was trying to talk to me when my stitches burst. I can't clearly remember, I just know he was there. I'm so glad he was there."

"So tell him that, Chris." Serena pulled back a little as she brushed her fingers through his hair and over his cheek, keeping up with the comforting touches as the crying started to ease. It really was something to see Dr C so upset, but it also showed just how serious this all was. "He would tell you if he was sick again, just like he'd tell you about any serious changes, but if it was when your stitches burst it's no wonder he's given up trying to talk to you. He probably figures there's never going to be a good moment, so why try? Maybe I'll just talk to Aimee instead. See if I can gage whether Dave will ever come back. And if she bought him a pink shirt. He cares about you, okay? He's not going to just disappear."

"It wasn't a girly pink," Chris added again in his friend's defence. Now he sounded like he had porridge stuck up his nose, and his eyes were all red and puffy. "I am never going to be sexy again. I'm not. Look at me. I'm less attractive than toe fungus. I've scared my best friend away, I gave my brother the silent treatment over spaghetti. I can't have sex. I can't have sex."

Serena bit back a grin as she looked at him and tried to keep her expression serious. "You'll be sexy again, baby. And you'll have sex again. You just need to start eating and you need to go to the toilet and they'll get the tube out and your body will heal. I'm not going anywhere, so as soon as you can have sex I'll be right here ready and willing. I don't love you any less even if you are all teary and clogged up."

"Kathy gave me grapes. When I was on NBM. You're right. She's thick," Chris had to throw in and then rested his head on the pillow with a sigh. He touched her arm again, looking down at his fingers brushing her skin as he was quiet in thought for a few moments. "I love you. I'm sorry everything has been so crappy."

Serena rolled her eyes at finding out Kathy had given him grapes. "I did try and warn you..." Her eyes closed briefly at the touch and she smiled softly before kissing his forehead. "Don't apologise, okay? We're fine. I'm fine. Well, I am now I know you'll be okay."

Chris's forehead creased a little, the expression on his face shifting. She had more optimism in his prognosis than he did, but maybe that was part of her job? He didn't have the emotional capacity to see through it all on his own. He looked over at Rick's bed again, wondering if it was the same for Rick, but he just really wasn't sure what was going on between him and Bella at all. "When I get out of here, I want to go to the beach," he told her, even if had nothing to do with what they were talking about. "Promise me we can go to the beach."

"I'll even wear a bikini top," Serena replied as she brushed her fingers over his facial hair. She wasn't so quick to forget the last thing that she'd promised Chris. She'd promised him he'd be okay in the operation when he'd asked, and she'd had to stand there and watch his heart stop beating. It took her a moment to find her voice again before she gave a nod. "I promise we'll go to the beach."

Chris nodded, satisfied. It gave him a bit of hope, even if it was just in passing. He figured he would know he was fine if he could feel the sand between his toes again. He gave the tray a small nudge. "I've had enough. Will you lie with me? We can watch some cheesy daytime TV and make fun of the hairstyles."

Serena made sure the tray was secure on the little table before she pushed it away so she could climb into bed with Chris, and stretch out next to him without tangling up any of his wires. She linked her fingers with his again as she rest her head on his shoulder. She would do anything with Chris if it made him feel better. No matter how much the doctor in her wanted to push him to keep trying to eat. And no matter how much she just wanted him home.

RP Log with geniuscowboy | Alone Time

2010-09-08T19:55:27Z

Chris only realised he must have passed out again when he was once again waking up disoriented. It wasn't as bad this time, though. The pain was still there, but it had eased, and things weren't quite as hazy as they had been. In fact, despite having a recollection of waking before and knowing Serena had been there along with Rick and his Mom, it was foggy at best. Chris had been injured in the past, but it was nothing like this. This was the first time he had experienced surgery and apparently it had all gone wrong. He might even be a surgeon, but being on the flipside here really sucked and he would have a whole new appreciation for his patients now... if he was ever allowed to go back to work.

He woke slowly, needing to take some time to actually work on getting his eyes open. They felt so heavy, like they just wouldn't have the capacity to stay open ever again. He was also highly aware that this wasn't his own bed. It was too narrow and too scratchy, the pillow to was too hard and he didn't have the luxury of sprawling out on his belly, which was generally the favoured way he slept. Serena had just adjusted to that. It only took a few nights sharing a bed with him for her to realise that no matter how many times she tried to shift him onto his side to comfortably spoon him, he would always end up back on his gut at some point during the night, so she found a way to just fit that. Wetting his lips slowly and swallowing, he finally managed to drag his eyes open at least part of the way and he found Serena sitting there at the bedside watching him. Smiling was a lot easier this time, even if it was groggy. He was more with it this time, not caught up in a confused, terrified panic of just coming out of a coma. He was actually feeling quite chilled, and realised it must be some awesome drugs they had him on. "Hey, babe..." he greeted her huskily and curled his hand over so he could touch her fingers. "Y'still here."

Serena had been curled up in the chair by Chris' bedside just watching him. She couldn't bring herself to leave him even if Carla and Rick probably needed a turn with him. She didn't know when she'd gotten so greedy but she supposed the thought of losing Chris just made her want to get as much time with him as possible. She tilted her head as she gave him a smile and tucked her fingers a bit more snugly around Chris'. "Hey you... Where else am I gonna be? Your mom's probably sick of sharing you with an outsider. How are you feeling? Still in pain?"

Chris gave a small laugh and looked up at the IV line. "S'all good, baby... Got the morph on tap, it seems. Can't beat that, huh?" he joked and rested his cheek against the corner of the pillow, taking another couple of moments to let his eyes close again. But he opened them again, and gave her fingers a weak squeeze in acknowledgement. "Pretty full on. Think I can sign this off as research points and get more cash from the training budget? First hand experience and all that..." He fell quiet for a moment, though, looking at her with less jest in his tired eyes now. "You been home at all?"

"A few hours the other day," Serena admitted quietly. "I was hoping you wouldn't ask. Drew's already been on my back, but I can't help it. I needed to be here. I had to make sure you'd wake up. I was so fucking scared." Serena's voice cracked and she rest her forehead on her knees briefly to try and gather herself before she burst into tears. Emotions always seemed to be more intense when you were tired. It was harder to fight them off and be rational. "Don't enjoy that morphine too much, huh? They might be wondering about the quality of your research."

Chris gave a snort of a laugh, realising he might be just a tiny bit high, but at least it meant he could think clearer than he had been. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he was actually high, so it was a novelty. Probably some college party years ago. "Just for the record, the defib burns hurt. There we are all thinking it's a small price to pay the whole heartbeating thing, but shit hey..." He lethargically pointed at his chest. "Hope you like scars, babe. Hey, don't cry... please, don't cry. Not even a bit. Just... tell me something funny."

Serena let out a choked laugh as she raised her free hand to brush her fingers against her eyes. "I love scars. So sexy... Um, funny? I can't even... I guess... um... Well, I yelled at your mom. I didn't realise it was her and I just totally went mental."

Chris gave his own strained laugh before he looked at her with a hint of disbelief. "That's only 'bout half funny, because I know she probably woulda bitched you out right back, and she has a scary Mom Voice." He was pulling a little at the front of his gown again, though with no panic or fright that he had when he initially woke up. "I want to see. I need to see what they did. Can you help me see? Why were you yelling at Mom? Fuck... I should have told her that day. I should have."

Serena sniffed as she smirked a little. "Well, yeah, she does. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. It was so awful. I couldn't believe it was your mom! She walked into me when I was on the way to see you again, and I just snapped. She didn't deserve it, but to find out it was your mom... Holy crap. I thought I was done for." Serena unfolded from her position and stood up to pull the covers back from Chris so the gown could get taken off. She brushed her fingers through his hair before she reached around the back of his neck to loosen the tie. "It's easy to think about what we should've done. Hindsight's perfect, remember?"

"It took her a lot to learn not to take shit..." Chris murmured. He wasn't able to do much to help Serena get the gown down. Moving too much hurt and he just didn't have the strength. It was making him realise just how weak he was, and how reliant he was going to have to be on people. That was never something he was a fan of. He wondered if he should apologise in advance for being a prick, because he was going to get frustrated and angry. He was going to struggle with this. It was never in his plan to be out of action for too long. How long was even a query he was scared to ask about. "I couldn't go. I couldn't. I convinced myself it should have been Rick, but... I can't handle seeing her cry. There's a reason I suck at dealing with upset family members of patients. But if she knew, she wouldn't have had to find out like this."

"I called her. Me and Drew. I just had to. I was talking to him while I was going crazy waiting to hear if you were okay, and we just used your phone to call her and get her here. She couldn't not know. She couldn't not be here." Serena's lip wobbled as she thought about what might have happened if Chris had died, or if something had gone wrong with Rick and their mom hadn't been there. She tugged down the gown and eased out Chris' arms as best she could without tangling the IV line, and hopefully without hurting him. "She's an amazing woman. I'm just in awe of her, and I hate your dad even more for being so mean to someone like that. And to you. I just can't even fathom it. I wanna just hurt him so much."

Chris made a soft sound like a helpless, tiny moan. "No... no... the lip thing. Please, don't cry, babe. I'll be fine. I assume I'll be anyway. I might not be so pleasant in getting to that point..." His face darkened a little. "He wasn't mean, he was a fucking evil cunt," he said bluntly and harshly, having absolutely no apologies for using the horrible language. The cool air of the ward hit his bare chest and he looked down to all the pads on his chest for the heart monitors, and beyond that, large dressing covering the operation incision. It was full on and more than confronting. Despite his begging her not to cry, he soon welled up himself just from the enormity of seeing it all on himself, his own body. "Jesus," he mumbled.

"Don't cry, baby," Serena murmured as she touched his face. "It's okay. You are okay. Scars, or not, you're okay. It just wasn't the okay I promised you it would be." She kissed him softly before sitting back to just let Chris take it in. The harsh language had made her wince, but she understood it. She was also grateful to have the parents she did. As much as she knew it would probably bring her parents to Miami she'd called Mom and Dad the night before to just tell them everything. Drew had been right there with her and held her while she fell apart and still tried to explain everything to them in Crying Girl Speak. Serena took a deep breath. "Hey, you forget I've already faced you sick. I know what to expect."

Chris didn't usually indulge in harsh language. It was something he forced himself to shake when he started at med school. Sure, he was still a guy and when he was hanging out, the f word came out like it did with most guys, but anything worse, he rarely touched. Except in reference to his father. He was aware now that with the presence of his mom in Miami that things of his past he hadn't spoken about to Serena were probably going to come to the forefront. He cleared his throat, trying to reign in his emotions. "I'm sorry I haven't spoken to you much about my family..." he told her quietly and started to slowly and awkwardly peel at the dressing. He needed to see how far they had gone in, it would give him an idea how serious the whole thing had been. "I don't speak about it much to anyone anymore, and I'm sorry if you've subsequently heard things that I didn't let you in on. I would have spoken about it eventually. I would have introduced you to my Mom in a more pleasant manner, too. I would never have chosen it to all happen like this. Not you."

Serena rest her fingers lightly on Chris' arm as she watched him peel away the dressing. "Don't apologise. I get it. It's not really someone, or something you want to talk about, is it? It's okay. I know you would have talked to me about it when you wanted to. Have I ever tried to push you into talking to it? Your mom spoke to me a little about it, and really I can't blame you for not wanting to talk about it anymore. And I know you would have introduced me to your mom differently if it was possible. At least it's done now, right? I've even left a snotty, blubbery mess on her shirt. I'll be okay. I still love you."

Chris gave his head a small shake. "Nope... not really. I never really know what to say. Having it all in my head is bad enough. I try not to project at work as much as I can, but hysterical women and drunk bastards just get right into pieces of me that are still quite raw underneath it all." It was times like this he really wished he wasn't hairy, but he was. It was just blond and not easily seen unless you got close. He also tended to wax his chest because he surfed and it hurt like a bitch getting the wetsuit on and off. The rubber ripped the hair out by the roots sometimes. But he hadn't stopped to think about the whole wax thing recently and he hissed, sucking in a small breath as he peeled the dressing away. "Fucking bitch of a bastard..." he cursed softly. "It's not right, no. I wanted to do it all right."

Serena gave his arm a soft squeeze. She was hardly going to take over for him. She knew just as well as he did what it was like to be waxed and to have it hurt. Serena was guilty of getting her legs waxed just because she didn't have time to shave when she was working. It was easier to squeeze in an appointment for torture than to try and shave her legs once a week. "It's gotta be hard to not let it get to you. There's always going to be something to tug at your sensitive spots. Just like me and the claustrophobia. But I know that's not because of an abusive father." Serena couldn't help but touch a bit of Chris' chest hair and smiled a little. "I feel like purring when I touch your hairy chest. You can still do it all right, baby. We still have plenty of firsts left."

"I'm sure if I had the capacity to get turned on right now, I would be doing it," Chris offered, gritting his teeth a little as he worked on the next corner of the large dressing. Bastards could have been a little more considerate with all the tape. He was probably going to get in the shit for taking it off anyway, but screw it. Better he yelled at a faceless doctor than a family member anyway. "I would even let you tug at my sensitive spots if they weren't hurting just as much as the rest of me." He had to actually stop and rest, breathless even just from the small exertion of trying to peel the dressing back. He closed his eyes momentarily and wet his lips. "I feel so shitty, it's not even funny. The only reason I hadn't told her about you was because I wanted to wait until it was out in the open and we had the green light." He went back to the dressing and got it off this time, even if it was still stuck on one corner down near his hip. He looked at the large incision and all the neat sutures. There were even some surgical staples on the lower part of his torso. It started neatly up near the side of his torso just above his hip, where the original nephrectomy incision would have been to remove the kidney, and veered more harshly upwards across his stomach to end above his bellybutton, obviously where they opened him further to making the aortic repairs. "Oh... hell."

"Just means we got plenty to make up for when you're sensitive spots are up to it. I'm hardly going to take advantage of you right now. I don't want to do more damage." Serena sucked in a breath of her own at seeing the scar. She hadn't actually witnessed what was under his dressing before now. She'd just had her imagination to feed her images of what it might look like. All she knew was that she was more than grateful that as big as the scar was it meant that Chris was still breathing, he was alive. Even the burn scars from the defibrillator meant his heart had started beating again. She slipped her hand around his and leaned forward to kiss Chris' shoulder before she rest her forehead against it. "I'm just glad you're okay. Even if you feel shitty... I just wish I could fix it all for you."

Looking at it actually made Chris feel nauseated. He had never been squeamish about medical things in his life, but it was a whole other ball game seeing it on yourself. No wonder he was in so much pain. Half his torso had been cut open, it was going to take more than the anticipated few days in hospital to recover from this. Potentially, there could even be lasting effects, but he didn't want to think about that right now. What he wanted to do was sit there, feel sorry for himself, and cry. Extremely out of character for him, but it was a lot to take in. He was quiet for a long few moments, just staring at the stitched up surgical wounds. "Ever just wanted to crawl into a hole and sit there for a very long time?" he mumbled and then turned his head away from looking at it. He glanced up at the monitors behind his head and he could see that his blood pressure was still low and it was the first time he realised he was actually on a slow release transfusion. His body had probably gone into a shock with the blood loss. He really did nearly check out, with all the fear he had of Rick being the one to do that. "I just wish I could go home."

Serena lifted her head up as she looked at Chris, and then down at the surgical wound again. She swallowed thickly before she started to try and get the dressing back into place. "Yeah, definitely. Maybe not as much as you right now, but I've had some close moments. Screaming at your mom was definitely one of them. I know want to go home, baby. I know. You'll be able to go home soon. Just not as soon as you wanted." Serena kissed his chest after smoothing the dressing down carefully and bit her lip. "I'm sorry about everything."

Chris knew that optimism was probably the best course right now. He could always tap into it with his patients, but this whole thing felt like it was screwing with his head. With the dressing back over the wound, he rested his hand lightly on it analysing how it actually felt rather than to just look at it. It was sore, and there was a sense a part of him was missing. That was something the transplant people had warned him of, though. There would be some psychological adjustments as well as physical. "Don't apologise. How is any of this your fault?" he asked her quietly.

"I told you it would be okay! It wasn't okay. It was so not okay. Your heart stopped." Serena's fingers toyed with the edge of Chris' bed sheet and she took a deep breath as she tried to stop her bottom lip from trembling again. "But Bella's optimistic about Rick's recovery. She's happy with how he's coping with the transplant. It seems to be taking. Plus he's off the catheter and feeling better. It's good. That part was okay... It worked. He's, um... He'll take over looking after you when I have to come back to work."

"I asked you to tell me," Chris clarified weakly. He cleared his throat softly. "He's losing his hair. I might not have noticed much when I woke up, but that was one of them. I dunno why I thought he wouldn't lose it. I guess part of me wanted to believe he wouldn't suffer the whole thing. Maybe if he didn't lose his hair, he wouldn't have cancer. I know that sounds stupid, but I'm drugged up to my eyeballs and I probably haven't thought rationally in weeks. How is he supposed to take care of me when he's ill himself? He should be thinking about him getting better, not me."

Serena nodded and took his hand again as she cupped it with both of hers. "I know, but I should have argued more. I should've known... You'll be okay. It'll get better, and you'll be home. And if you ever do that to me again, I'm gonna kick your ass so hard. And there'll be no sex for six months," she told him, her tone serious enough to make it unclear at first if she was joking or not. "You're having fun being drugged up to the eyeballs and using it as an excuse to say whatever you want. It's scary to see him up to the losing hair stage, but he is. I think taking care of you is what's going to help him get better. Trust me on that, okay?"

"I'll make a mental note to not stick scalpels into my vital organs any time in the near future," Chris replied with a tiny smirk. "Is it any fucking wonder surgeons don't like being operated on themselves? I was absolutely shitting myself. I'm surprised it wasn't literally. A major surgery knowing every single risk in the book? I need you to look and see I don't have any grey pubes, because I have never been more stressed in my life. I just didn't want to freak everyone out around me, even if I was still managing to do a good job flying off the deep end left and right. "Hey, don't joke about that. I might not be able to get it up yet. We need to wait and see. And that's no excuse. I have some seriously freakish shit going through my head right now. It's worse than pink elephants in tutus. I don't know what to say to him about the hair thing. I don't want to comment on it if he doesn't want to talk about it. It's not like I'm looking much better anyway."

Serena smiled a little as she tugged his gown down even more. "Well, since you're practically naked anyway there's no harm in looking. Besides, I need to check out your equipment again. It's been a while since I've seen it. Not since that little encounter in Bella's office. Good times, huh? Doctors are always terrible patients. We know all the risks, we know everything that could go wrong and how it could go wrong and what the effects of it all going wrong is. We're trained not to always be optimistic because there are too many things that could just--" she made a noise of an explosion, "--so it does suck. I'm definitely not denying it, but you went ahead and you got on that table anyway. You saved your brother, Chris. And if he's losing his hair... It's still better than losing his life."

"Is it even still there? I can't feel it. It's weird having no urges to pee," Chris realised, still trying to analyse the post-op sensations he wasn't used to. The general bodily functions seemed to be all screwed up, controlled by tubes or medications. No wonder his brain was all over the place. "Yeah, but... has anything been said about the cancer? Nothing has been said to me. Not that anyone is about to spout medical facts at me when I'm practically trying to strip in a blind panic. It's the weirdest feeling. I feel stoned, without the happy feeling."

Serena gave a nod as she gave his penis a gentle pat. She was more than aware the catheter was inserted and wasn't about to go messing with it. "Definitely still there, baby. And no grey hairs as far as I can see. Bella said there's been no signs of the tumours. He seems to be clear, but she hasn't wanted to declare him clean for obvious reasons. She'll keep going with the chemo to make sure it's gone. Do you want me to get the gown back on? Don't need you scaring the nurses, or giving them far too much to fantasise about. I don't have to share you anymore."

"Oh yeah. Hot stuff that. Cath tube in my penis and dirty great gash complete with staples in my gut. Mmhmm. That's what porn fantasies are made of. They'll be lining up to give me prostate exams, bet," Chris threw back. He was half joking by his tone, but the other half of him couldn't help feeling a little bitter. The first chance he had to think that sex was well off the menu. His idea of pleasure right now was wearing his own pyjamas. It was a sad, sad day for the infamous Dr C. "How has Rick been? I mean really. How has he been? Has he said? Has anyone said. Or are you just sugar-coating so I don't worry?"

"You're still hot to me," Serena told him quietly. "But sex is definitely off the menu right now. And at least this way I don't have to kill all the nurses on this floor. Are you gonna be okay? I'm not sugar-coating. I haven't really spoken to him, but Bella's been with him. So's your mom, obviously. I think it's been hard on him knowing that the operation was because of him, and that you were hurting because of him."

Chris let out a small sigh, a troubled frown on his face. "I don't feel so hot. This is probably the worst I've ever felt in my life, actually. I guess having your heart stop does that. It's screwed up. You never think you're going to be on the other side yourself, you know? It's all about the patient and pulling them back from the brink. You just never think you'll be there yourself. Finding out you have been... I dunno. Maybe I would feel more Proctor-esque and metaphorical about the near death experience if I actually didn't feel so crap." He put his hand up and gave his eyes a small rub. "Maybe it's Karma. He's been running away for so long, always landing on his feet, no matter how much the going got tough. I'm probably just jinxed."

Serena gave his hand a squeeze. "You're not jinxed, Chris. There's been good things happening. Hasn't there been good things happening? I'm a good thing... Us getting the green light is a good thing. I'm pretty sure your mom coming is a good thing even though she's been talking like she'll get in the way if she sticks around. I tried to ask her to stay at your place, but she insisted on a motel and only staying until you woke up. I just feel like maybe it's time you had your family around you, but I know it's probably just stupid optimism. Hopefully this was just the last bad thing to happen."

"That's our fault... my fault. Don't get me wrong. I keep in touch with her, but after everything with my father and the house, I had to distance myself from Wimico. It was just all bad memories, and the more time I let pass, the more easier it got to not go back so much. Work made it easy to stay busy and before I knew it, a lot of time had passed. Years, even. I can't even explain why I went back there before the surgery. It was like I was clutching at some sort of very distant past memory that might give me a reason to risk my life to save Rick's, but it didn't. When I got there, it just felt sad. The whole place. Sad, small and wet. It was raining. I was there all of twenty minutes before I got back int he car to come home again. Rick was never there for me when things got bad... when things hurt. That's why I came back terrified about actually putting my life on the line for him. Deep down I knew I should have, but for the first time in a long time, I wanted to not be left picking up the pieces." Chris gave a small, wry laugh as his eyes filled with tears again. "Best laid plans, huh? I know he didn't mean it this time, and it's not his fault in any way, but this right here? Story of my life."

"You know it's not you that will be picking up the pieces, right?" Serena brushed her fingers through his hair as she held his gaze and moved in a little closer. "You're not alone anymore. Even if your mom doesn't stick around, I'm here. I'll always be here. I'll help you pick up the pieces. I also really think that Rick's going to be here. He'll stick around. He has you, he has the baby. He's going to be a father... He's going to learn what it means to have responsibility. He'll be the big brother, and he'll be a father. Maybe you went back there because you also needed your mom but you didn't know how to ask. She really loves her boys. She loves you. She just wants to be a part of your life."

Chris rested his cheek against the pillow as he just let the slow, silent tears come. He didn't know why it felt like a depression was setting in, but it was just a lot to process. Better this than screaming hysterically at people. He took her other hand softly. "I'm glad you're here," he told her. "Ironic, all the times I have busted ass to get family members to patients when they need them, but my own family is so messed up, I can't even seem to pull it off. Not ironic, hypocritical. It's always easier to fix everyone else than it is yourself. Everything just feels like it hurts so damn much. Physically, mentally. I've been asleep for days, but I feel more exhausted than I would after a forty hour shift. Everyone around me looks exhausted and miserable too. I'm just... I'm tired, babe. I've had enough of the bullshit."

Serena kissed his temple softly. "Do you want me to get your mom? I can get Rick too, if you want. They'll be wanting their turn with you, too. And I really should get home and have a shower. Change my clothes... There was a desperate moment when I infiltrated MT1 to get a shower down in the changerooms. Getting past Tuck was interesting. I was sure he was super close to tossing me over his shoulder and carrying me outta there. Drew was distracted by Lisa at the time. I think maybe there's something there, but I'm not really sure. She's cute. And nice. You should close your eyes if you need to. Do whatever you need to."

Chris held up his hand. "No, don't. I can't handle the notion of your brother with Dave's sister. Dave is gonna tear him a new one. Just saying. Don't buy the caring sensitive guy routine. He is Brotherzilla when it comes to his sisters." He sighed weakly and touched the side of his torso when it started to really hurt again. "I should talk to Rick."

Serena looked down to find the buzzer on the bed control. "Do you need the nurse? Are you okay?" her voice rose a little in panic, but she managed not to jump out of her seat to try and examine him. It was just as hard for doctors to remember how to remain the impartial loved one and let someone else be in charge. "Okay, okay. No talk of Drew and Lisa. Want me to get Rick?"

"It just really, really hurts... Don't worry, it's okay. You saw it, it's impossible to be pain-free. It's just a lot to try and get used to. It's the first I've really been aware of it." Chris swallowed and wet his lips, letting his eyes close for a few moments. "Only if you're sick of me. I might need something from the nurse. I'm feeling a little sick. Where is Rick? I don't even know where I am."

Serena hit the buzzer without hesitating and went back to stroking her fingers through Chris' hair to try and soothe him. "I know, baby. I know. Just try and take it easy. You just really need your rest right now. And I'm not sick of you. How could I be sick of you? I'll stick around a little longer before I try and find him. I don't even know what time it is. He's in a different part of the ICU. You've been kept under isolation just in case. He's also going to be getting shipped back to Oncology soon."

Chris gave a small nod and hummed softly in confirmation. The frown was firmly set in his forehead now as the pain set in and he found the small button for the morphine pump to give himself another dose of it. "I might just try and get some sleep for a bit. But can you just tell him to come when he can? Or whenever he's allowed. I know he's probably on a level of how much he can move around. I don't really know what to say to him, but we gotta talk."

"Of course I can, baby. Just rest, okay? You're safe... I'm here." Serena kissed his cheek as she pulled his gown back up to cover him and also readjusted the bed covers. "I love you, Chris."

Chris opened his eyes a little again to give her a small smile. "Yeah, I love you too. I know you've been there the whole time. Don't think I haven't realised that."

Serena rubbed his hand as she got herself back into position in the chair with her knees tucked up against her chest. "And I'll keep being here. I told you I wasn't going anywhere. They really did have to drag me kicking and screaming from you."

Chris' eyes fell closed again when they got too heavy to sustain. The drugs were kicking in again and hopefully they knocked him out for awhile. "Still... go home, get some rest... even just for a lil while. M'not really goin' anywhere right now..." he added and it was all he could managed before he was out again.

RP Log with deleomom, geniuscowboy & 1twntyovreighty | Waiting

2010-09-07T05:14:35Z

[Follows THIS]

Dave had made the tough decision the evening prior to have the Propofol dosage stopped to give Chris a chance to wake up naturally. It hadn't been an easy one. Carla knew this. She had been there, not too far away, when she had seen Dave in serious talks with his boss and also with Rick's doctor. They then all seemed to take a united front in a decision with the other doctors. Dave looked ill, like the weight of the decision was as heavy as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. She could just see in his eyes that deciding on Chris' medical matters was probably one of the hardest things he was facing. When she had asked him how he was after it, and after the dosage had been stopped, he admitted to her had been vomiting all afternoon just trying to get his head around it. But it came to a point where he didn't want Chris to be kept in a coma any longer than he needed to. If he had strength to be awake to heal, it was better than messing with his brain to keep him in a chemical sleep.

But Chris had just continued to remain unconscious. He stayed like that all night, with no hint of waking. Apparently there were clinical indicators that showed he wasn't in a coma anymore, but he also wasn't conscious, and the more the minutes ticked by, the more and more Carla got worried and anxious. Now, the following morning, she found herself sitting in the ICU room with Rick and Serena. None of them wanted to be too far away in case Chris woke and the ICU staff had bent the rules to let three of them in there when it was only supposed to be two. Everyone else in vigil were waiting in waiting rooms or in the hall. But the young, unconscious trauma surgeon just kept making them wait. It felt like forever that Carla had been sitting staring at her son's face, watching for any signs he was going to regain consciousness, but nothing. He was still ventilated, but Dave gave Serena consent to remove the tube if he woke and started choking on it. She would know what to do in that sense, and Carla was relieved the girl had something to think about... something to do if it came to it. So far, she had been roadblocked in doing anything but hold his hand. Carla was standing over near the window now, views of the beach far, far in the distance. She put her hand over her mouth and let out a shaking breath, fighting the urge to start pacing. They had just hit sixteen hours since the medication was stopped, and Chris just still slept on. It had to be lingering between a good thing and a bad thing, now. What happened if just didn't wake up?

She looked over at her eldest son, sitting beside Serena. They were both sitting stiffly and awkwardly, Rick now with a bandana covering most of his hair. It suited him, and with his unshaven stubble, it made him look rough around the edges like he really was deep down. He and Chris looked more like brothers now than they ever did. No matter how ill they looked right now, they were still her beautiful boys. All she wanted was for them to be healthy again... and smiling.

Rick couldn't bring himself to look at Serena let alone break the awkward silence that seemed to have descended on them. He could talk to his mother, and his unconscious brother more easily that his brother's girlfriend. He and Serena had been developing a pretty good friendship but now this had happened and he was sure she was angry with him. She seemed to ball her hands into fists whenever she was around him. Even if she seemed to have been relieved to hear the kidney was working. After another long moment of silence Rick reached out to cover her hand with his and ignored the way she flinched in surprise at the gesture. She didn't pull away though, and that was a start. Rick turned to look at his mom and gave her a small smile. The bandana was still something he was getting used to but at least it did suit him. It was strange to look at himself in the mirror these days. Sometimes Rick didn't even recognise himself.

A shave just seemed too much trouble and he wondered if he was going to lose his facial hair and pubic hair as well. He hadn't even asked about that. It seemed strange that a cancer patient would have a beard and no hair on their head. He closed his eyes briefly when he needed to swallow back a lump at the thoughts and forced himself to look at Serena and found her blue eyes on him. "He'll wake up..." he whispered.

Serena just gave a nod and went back to looking at Chris. It was something she'd been telling herself over and over again but sixteen hours with no sign of waking up had her worrying. It even had her doctor brain kicking into overdrive as she tried to work out why he might not be waking up. What could be keeping him from opening his eyes. Whether or not he was in a lot of pain, but he hadn't moved. He didn't seem to even flinch if she squeezed his hand. She also just kept running over and over in her head what she'd do if he needed the tube removed. She needed something to think about other than the fact that the hours just seemed to keep dragging. There was a groan that broke through the sound of the heart-rate monitor and Serena wasn't sure she'd heard it at first. Then she saw one of Chris' facial muscles twitch and she leaned forward as she squeezed his hand and Rick's. "Chris? Baby..."

Chris didn't know what he felt first, all he knew was that what he was feeling was wrong. One, he couldn't move. It felt like he was trapped. When he tried, everything hurt. Everything hurt like it probably would if he was taking a swim in an acid bath. As if that wasn't bad enough, when he tried to suck in a breath of pain, everything in his throat constricted and he started to choke and panic. But without being able to move much, he couldn't do anything about it and the hint of a groan tried to become a terrified cry, but came out more like just whimper. His mind was aware that something was very, very wrong, but of very little else. Outwardly, to everyone witnessing it, they could see him trying to move and not succeeding so much. The only real sign he was coming to was when the machines started screeching and he was choking on the tube down his throat.

Carla had been on edge as soon as Serena seemed to notice something she missed. She stood there, frozen, watching worriedly. But then he was choking. Anyone could see he was choking, and the machines were going off. Tears filled her eyes again and spilled over. "Take it out! Take it out!" she cried in her own panic, even if she was keeping her distance, too scared to get close. She was just a science teacher. The only one with medical experience in their family was the one in desperate need of it.

Rick let go of Serena's hand the moment Chris started to choke. His fingers gripped the armrests of his wheelchair and he clenched his jaw tight to stop himself from yelling out like his mom. Serena would know what to do, she was a doctor and Rick watched as the young woman pulled herself together and was immediately on her feet and leaning over Chris. Rick was a pilot, not a doctor. He just got to wear a blue jumpsuit and fly the doctors around. He had never been trained. He wasn't sure he could ever actually do what his brother did. What Serena did. He was in awe of Chris - the Genius Cowboy. Dr C. He knew it was a lot more than sitting in an office writing scripts like their father had always believed. He also knew how fucking terrifying it could be waking up with a tube in your throat and no way to tell anyone that someone was wrong.

"It's okay, Chris. It's okay. I'm right here with you, baby. You're safe. Rick's here, your Mom's here... It's okay. You've got a tube down your throat, and I'm going to remove it. You needed it to help you breathe, so just calm down. You don't need to panic. I'll get it out. Just listen to me, Chris. Listen to my voice." Serena had no idea where she'd suddenly managed to pull the sound of authority from as it laced her tone. She just knew that right now it was Dr Warren that was needed. She gripped tube and kept talking to Chris as she worked on getting it out and trying to keep him from choking.

That was Serena. It was definitely Serena. Even if she hadn't said it, he would have known it as soon as she started talking. It wasn't easy for him to stay calm, though. Something was stuck in his throat, and a few scared tears escaped and slipped down the sides of his face. His gag reflex was kicking in though, but he did manage to focus on her voice. His brain was too foggy to really comprehend what she was saying to him, but Serena was here, and she was calm. He could be calm too. With another choking cough, he felt the thing pull out of his throat and he reflexively sucked in a sharp, hoarse breath, filling his lungs with a burst of air without any mechanical aids. Only, the abrupt movement in his torso shot a bolt of red, hot pain through him and a choked up cry of pain escaped him, even more tears coming in response. "Stop... make... it stop," he begged through another choked cough.

Carla shook her head sightly, having no clue what the hell to do. "Stop? What does he want stopped?" she got out through a small gasp of shock over the fact words were coming out of his mouth.

Rick reached back for his mom's hand and held it tightly. "Is he in pain?"

Serena looked down at Chris then glanced at the monitor to get an idea of his vitals. "It's okay, baby, it's okay. I'll make it stop. You just need to move carefully, okay? Don't forget you went through surgery..." She stopped herself before she mentioned anything about the extensive surgery he'd gone through on top of transplant surgery. Chris wasn't going to be ready to absorb any of that yet. It would be enough for him to just be awake and trying to orient himself. She left his side to go over to a trolley that she was really hoping had some meds in it. She had second thoughts though and came back to Chris' bed to push the buzzer for the nurse. Serena wasn't his doctor. She just took Chris' hand again and leaned down to kiss his forehead. "Someone will be here soon, baby. They'll get you something. I promise."

A couple of Chris' doctors, followed by some nurses in tow arrived and were hovering over him like something out of a TV show. Carla just watched helplessly. Chris hardly seemed to know his own name, let alone string clear answers together for them. They seemed to give him more injections and although the tube was gone from down his throat, he was put on oxygen through tubes in his nose while the nurses stood there and documented everything the doctors were saying. Then they seemed to just up and leave after telling Serena they would be back in fifteen minutes for monitoring. Carla wanted to run after them and smack them, but she didn't even know why. "That's all?" she was asking but then she saw Chris weakly reach to try and take Serena's hand as she stood beside him, but he only succeeded in hooking his fingers in hers.

A hangover was maybe slightly close to how Chris was feeling right then. A hangover after a night on five different kinds of Tequila, Vodka, and maybe eight six packs to chase it. He came to the conclusion he was in hospital, but the recollection of any operation had eluded him at first. He couldn't remember clear enough of anything. He could hardly remember his full name when they asked. But he could hear the slow beeps and he used those to focus on and try to pull his mind in a little. Serena was there. She had to have been there, he wasn't just dreaming that. No way. She would be there if something was wrong. That was her hand... he could see the bracelet. Tiffany. Something he had been so proud of himself for doing, even if it took him damn ages to pick what he wanted, knowing it had to be perfect. He was trying to take her hand, but his arms felt so weak and tired, like they had no muscles or bones in them. He only just managed to make a connection when flashes of information started to filter back into his brain. "Serena... Rick..." he asked. "Rick."

Serena took her seat again as she took Chris' hand in both of hers and kissed his fingers as the calmness started to give way to just sheer relief at seeing him awake, and hearing him talk. Tears pricked the backs of her eyes but she blinked them back as she just looked over Chris' face. She understood the flurry of activity. She'd been one of the doctors to just come in and do all these tests and then just leave again. Personally she was grateful to be getting fifteen minutes of peace without them. She smiled at her boyfriend and let out a shuddering breath. "He's here. He's right here next to me. So's your mom."

Rick leaned across to rest his hand next to Chris' side. "You look like shit, bro. Seriously. There is no way you're prettier than me. I definitely got all the looks," he teased even if he was getting choked up again. "I'm okay, buddy. Just glad you're awake."

Chris managed to focus on Rick after glancing around to try and figure out where everyone was. He didn't miss the mention of their mom, but that had to be a mistake. Rick hadn't told her anything, and Chris chickened out when he was in Wimico because he didn't want to see her cry again. He could feel Serena's hand around his... still feel it. This wasn't the first time she had held his hand like this. "Y'still here..." he mumbled to Serena. But as soon as he could see Rick sitting there, awake and alive, talking to him, joking, Chris just burst into tears of relief before there was any way he could stop it.

Carla was stood back a little, just watching. His eyes were open and he was talking. He was asking for his brother. That's all she cared about. As soon as she tears came, though, she put her hand on her chest and couldn't stop her own coming. Sheer relief just flooded through her, and it was something else tugging deep inside her. It was the fact her boys actually seemed to have a bond, for their first time in their lives, they were connected. It was something she never, ever thought she would live to see.

Serena's bottom lip trembled as she threatened to go out in sympathy but she managed to keep from crying as she sat forward to kiss Chris' forehead again and brush her fingers through his hair. "I told you I wouldn't go anywhere, baby. I'm always gonna be right here." She kissed his hand before she stood up and waved at Carla to try and get her to take her seat so she could be with her sons. Serena stayed standing next to Chris' bed with her fingers in his hair as she watched the Deleos. Even Rick was crying a little.

It was true, Rick had tears rolling down his cheeks but he was trying his best to ignore them. He flipped his brother off weakly as he snorted in amusement. "Only you could make me cry so goddamn much. Maybe you gave me the feminine kidney..." Rick slipped his arm around his mom's shoulders and gave her a squeeze now that she was sitting next to him. "Some reunion, huh?"

Serena was there, and so was Rick. He was alive. He didn't die. He was actually still there. Chris was processing all of that slowly. His brain just felt really groggy and exhausted. But when Rick put his arms around their mom, Chris finally managed to see that she really was there. It wasn't a mistake. The three most important people in his whole world were there... Dave was the exception, but Chris would figure that one out soon. He managed a slight laugh and a hint of a smirk. "... well, fuck... y'gonna tell... me I nearly... died or... somethin'..." But he scrunched his face up again when more pain made itself known, trying to brace himself through it without screaming the place down. The whole middle portion of his body was in agony.

With Chris' hand occupied by Serena's, Carla grabbed hold of Rick's instead and squeezed it with an almost painful grip as she watched her little boy suffer. He seemed to be okay, though. As okay as he could be. There was just the tiniest bit of that trademark smirk, too, which could say more than any words could. He just could have picked better words than those. She suddenly seemed at a total loss for words. She wanted to kiss them all, and then go track down Dave to kiss him, and then kiss his girlfriend too before she went up to the roof and screamed to all of Miami that her baby was okay. She just didn't want to be a dorky mom, though.

Serena used her other hand to give Carla's shoulder a squeeze, and gave her a smile before she watched Chris again, trying hard not to want to let the doctor inside her take over and start fussing. His doctors had it all in hand. Of course they did. He couldn't be getting better care. She bit down on her lip at Chris' words and all too quickly the image of him lying there flatlining entered her mind and she choked on a sob as she covered her mouth with her hand.

Rick looked up at Serena and then back at Chris as his mouth formed a thin line. Serena was never going to be able to tell Chris what happened. He wasn't sure if his mother would either. Rick had chickened out on telling Chris the truth before, but now he wasn't going to. "Listen, bro... The truth is you almost did. There was a lot of bleeding. Your heart stopped. They had to get you going again, fix you up. You've been in a coma."

Chris swallowed a little, but his throat was hurting and he was starting to feel oddly nauseated, like he wanted to be sick, but wasn't sure he actually had the energy to. He couldn't even manage to get his eyes open beyond a lethargic, heavy-lidded attempt. But he heard Rick's words well enough and another moment of panic spiked in him, especially when Serena started crying. He started to peel at the front of his gown, trying to get it away from him to he could get to the op site and see it with his own eyes. All he was doing was getting everything tangled up though and above him, the heart monitor's beeps started to increase in pace. He just needed to know that all they fucking took was a kidney.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Carla jumped in this time, shooting forward in the seat and grabbing for her son's overactive hands. "You stop right there, mister. Don't you dare go peeling anything off! Christopher James Deleo, you stop that right now!" The Mom Voice. Worked every time. Chris stilled, and despite the panicked tears dripping down his face again, he stopped the frantic clawing at his gown and looked up at her. She gave him a moment to process it before she started fixing his gown back into place. "I know you're a surgeon, sweetheart, but not this time."

Serena had to take a moment to get herself together again as she watched Mrs Deleo put on the Mom Voice and straighten up his gown. Her hand was still covering her mouth and she dropped it back down before she started to play with the bracelet around her wrist and looked down at Chris' ring still attached to her finger with medical tape. She couldn't give it back to him just yet, and she was hardly about to take it off. She watched Chris and his mom before she rest her hand on his shoulder to let Chris know she was still there. It was something to see the Deleos back together.

"It's okay, bro. You're all fixed up. Everyone's saying that you're gonna be okay. Apparently they just gotta know if you can pee on your own." Rick was hardly about to ask his brother if his dick felt up to the task. Chris still had a catheter in whereas Rick was finally free of his and he couldn't be happier. "The docs know what they're doing, and Dave's been making decisions just like you wanted. Even Proctor's been checking in on you."

Chris didn't know what was wrong with him. He just had this claustrophobic panic setting it. It probably was because he was so used to being on the other side of the fence. This was a lot for him to take in. The fact that his mom was even here was a lot to process, let alone the fact he was on the receiving end of the Mom Voice. That always got him. Mom Voice and mom crying did it every single time. "I-I don't get it," he said, choking up in confusion. There had been small pieces of information, but nothing made sense. Why would he just bleed on the table? "I don't feel so good."

Carla glanced over at Serena, figuring she would know what to do, or at least her presence would be able to calm him down. "There was an accident in the surgery. A... a perforation of the, um..." She tried to remember all that Dave had explained to her, but with very little sleep, it was just eluding her. And the way Chris was looking right now, it was hard to forget he was a doctor himself and would probably operate better with some medical facts to understand better and not feel so in the dark. "A-Abdominal Aorta? Is that it?"

Serena gave a nod. "Yes, that's it. She shifted to be a little more into Chris vision again and took his hand as she rubbed her thumb over the back of it. Thankfully the IV was inserted into his other hand. "One of the doctors nicked the valve when they were removing the kidney. It didn't start to bleed until they were about to stitch you back up. Your--you went into cardiac arrest and... and they had to drag me out of there. They did manage to get all the damage fixed, and the paddles got your heart going again. They're monitoring you closely to make sure there's no, ah... lasting damage. But you should be okay. You might just take a little while longer to recuperate. Dave had the Probofol stopped so that you had a chance to wake up on your own. You definitely had us waiting around... Took your sweet time, but I know you like to sleep in."

Rick rubbed his hand against his mom's back as he sat back in his chair a bit. It was hard to watch his brother try and take this all in, but he wasn't running. He was going to stick it out just like he promised. He thought again about the fact he needed to tell his mom that he had a baby on the way, but this really wasn't the time. "Gave us all a hell of a scare, bro."

A nurse appear again, pulling her obs trolley with her up to the bedside. She smiled politely, but didn't intrude on the family time. She did still have to keep a close eye on Chris, though. "He says he doesn't feel good. Can you get him something for that?" Carla asked her quietly. Chris didn't look well. He might be awake, but it was easy to be lulled into a false sense of security that that meant everything was 100% fine again. It wasn't. Chris was still seriously sick, and compared to how he usually looked, his appearance was terrible. The nurse promised to get the doctor to order something for it and Carla nodded gratefully.

Chris listened, using the energy he managed to have from somewhere to listen and process Serena's words. It wasn't lost on him how crappy they looked too. This wasn't just a minor complication. An injury to the AA by a scalpel was a fucking serious complication, and he was lucky to be alive. He was lucky his heart even had enough blood to get through the cardiac arrest. With stark realisation, he could see that his fears prior to the surgery hadn't been unfounded. He started to get emotional again and his face crumbled, causing him to put a hand up to cover it with a soft, "Oh god..." That was all before he stopped to remember he only had one kidney left, too. His other one was in Rick.

Serena leaned forward to give Chris the best hug she could given their positions and the fact the nurse was trying to do her job. She nuzzled in against his neck and just stayed there for a long while. He might have hospital smell all over him, but it wasn't like Serena was foreign to it. He was still Chris under it all. He had a long way to go before he was one hundred percent better but he was awake. And Serena was going to hang onto that.

Rick watched the scene before he patted Chris' leg and gave it a comforting squeeze. He had no idea what to do when everyone was crying. His own tears had stopped, but that didn't mean it hurt any less to watch his family in pain.

Carla bit down on her lip and cleared her throat softly. It was so hard for her to see a girl being so affectionate to Chris in a relationship Carla had known nothing about. Chris' eyes had fallen closed with Serena's closeness, like he was trying to draw on it for some strength. She gave Rick's hand a soft squeeze again. "Why don't we go and get you some water, sweetheart? Dr Watson specifically told me that you need to keep drinking... and so did just about every other person in a lab coat I have been in the presence of lately. We'll come back," she told her eldest son. She just knew that right now, Chris could probably use a little bit of time alone with Serena. In fact, maybe time alone with each of them would be the best tactic... after he got some more rest and his strength back a little.

RP Log with learninghearts | BFF Catch Up

2010-09-04T11:25:27Z

[Follows THIS, THIS and THIS]

Aimee paused in the hallway outside of Chris' hospital room in the ICU. She kept the file tucked under her arm and put a hand on her chest over her scrubs to try and brace herself. She let out a long, shaky breath and kept telling herself over and over that she could do it. She had to do it. Sable had interrogated her about holding up through a conflict of interest, but at the end of the day, it would be a good learning curve. The whole situation could only make her stronger, right? She made her way quietly into the room, finding Serena sitting there by herself next to Chris. She was sat forward with her elbows on the edge of his mattress and her hands cupped around one of his as she just watched his face. First glimpse at this sight and Aimee wanted to burst into tears.

She had heard all about it, of course. She hadn't spoken directly to Serena but she had Dave when she was able. She had been on a training day in Orlando when the transplant surgery was given the go-ahead and she wasn't back in time for the start of it. She only made it back to the hospital when news of the complications came and Sable paged her into work, which is where she had been ever since. Sable had been by later, but for now, Aimee had to assess Chris and report what she believed the best course of action would be. That was easier said than done when your comatose patient was your best friend's lover. She cleared her throat softly and came over to stand beside Serena. When her friend looked up Aimee pressed her lips together to try and keep a hold of her emotions. She splayed her hand over the top of the file in her arms. "I-- he-- the abdominal aorta... part of the cardiovascular system," she tried to explain, even if it sounded a little stupid explaining that to another fully qualified doctor. Nothing about this was easy.

Serena gave Aimee a tired smile and looked back at Chris' face as she rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand. She so badly just wanted him to wake up so she knew he was okay. Right now she had no idea. She just wanted to see his blue eyes and that smile of his that told her he was okay. She kissed his hand and reluctantly let go of his hand to push back and give Aimee some room to move if she wanted it. "It's okay... I get it. Hi, by the way. I've really missed you. You just have no idea. I wish you'd been here before... Their mom's here. Mrs Deleo and I totally screamed at her." Serena reached out to touch Aimee's arm and gave it a squeeze.

Aimee's eyes widened at the news and she carefully placed Chris' file on the bed beside him so she could lean over and give Serena a secure hug, rubbing her back. "Their mom? Are you serious? Hell, that even takes the cake over my nerves. Dave's sister is here, and I've been shitting myself all day about running into her. I mean, he told me so it wouldn't get sprung on me, but... their mom, seriously? Fucking hell. Why did you yell at her? What's she like? Is she gorgeous? I always imagined she would be gorgeous, even before I saw Rick. But look at those two guys. That's some top notch genes right there," she decided and then sat down in the spare seat beside Serena. She reached over and gave Chris' leg a soft rub through the covers. "It's okay. It can wait a little bit before I start poking and prodding him. He's on a pretty heavy dose of Propofol. He won't be waking up yet. Shit, S. He looks so... so... broken."

"I know," Serena replied quietly before she took Chris' hand again. She just wanted him to know he wasn't alone. That he would never be alone. "I just want him to be okay... I want to know his heart won't stop again and scare the shit out of me. Their mom. Me and Drew called her, but we didn't expect her to just show up. We had no idea if she would because she just hung up on us. I guess the maternal thing just kicked in and she knew she was needed here. She didn't even wait for the why. She's so beautiful... I couldn't help the yelling! I just snapped when she walked right into me. I didn't even realise it was her, you know? She was just suddenly there and I was yelling at her and then it clicked and it clicked for her... People have been telling her about me, and now I'm just wondering what the hell she must think. She probably thinks I'm a giant bitch. Yeah, I met Dave's sister. She was there when Chris decided on the transplant. She's very pretty, definitely Dave's sister. I don't think you need to be scared about her. She's nice."

Aimee was looking over Chris's face with a small frown on her features. It was him, of course it was him. He was just so pale and still. His chest was rising and falling with the ventilator, but other than that, it was just Chris hidden under medical equipment, tubes, and wires. "It's so wrong. He's... this is not the side of medicine he should be on. I can't even..." She shook her head. "How is Rick doing? Does he know his mom is here? How could a woman ever deal with knowing both her children are seriously ill? I can't even fathom it. Even some days, I can't even easily cope with the fact I know Dave was seriously ill. I catch myself watching him like a hawk, or getting teary when I think of what he went through. How does someone even cope with this? The last time you spoke to Chris, he was perfectly healthy, and now... I'm glad she's here. She should be here, no matter what the story with their family is. The past is the past, right? Hey, people can be amazing and adorable, but still turn into a viper when their beloved brother or sister is involved. How would you feel if you didn't like someone Drew dated?"

Serena just nodded, the tears welling up as she still struggled to come to grips with the fact that he had been talking, joking, and cuddling with her the night before the transplant. They'd even been making out and joking about sex with Rick in the room. It had been perfect, it had been optimistic even if they'd both had their fears. Now it just seemed so cruel to have those fears warranted. She had no idea what Chris was even going to think of it all once he was awake. "Rick's actually doing well. He seems to be thriving with the new kidney. And I'm glad. I'm so glad. It makes this... It makes it worth it, I guess. Right? He did the right thing..." Serena took Aimee's hand with her free one and gave it a squeeze. "The past is past until it comes to their dad. Yeah, but she has to know that you're not hurting Dave, right? I don't usually like who Drew dates," she admitted with a quiet laugh.

Aimee's forehead creased in thought. "I have heard you mention Chris had a bad relationship with his father before. I take it that it's worse than you realised? Dave spoke a little about it. He said that Chris' dad used to beat his mom. I mean, I'm only talking secondhand here. But that was how Chris ended up convincing her to get a divorce. Dave was there at college when Chris came back from his hometown one night after his dad put his mom in hospital. Chris was... really, really angry. It makes you wonder how it all factors in, really. It would explain why they didn't tell her anything, though. Maybe they just feel she's been hurt too much. It's not like anyone can profess to think straight when everything goes bad, is it? I don't know what his sister knows. He talks about his family a lot, he's been missing them badly, but now one of them is here in the flesh and blood, I just figure they're going to be protective of him. They still have reason to. Looks can be deceiving. He's not doing as well as he always makes out."

Serena gave a small gasp of shock as she listened to Aimee, her eyes snapping back to Chris' face. "He never told me... That must have been what Mrs Deleo was referring to when she said that something happened that ensured Chris would never forgive their dad. Jesus... That's intense. I think she's just genuinely shocked with how much has been going on since she last heard from them." She turned to look at Aimee. "What do you mean? Is Dave okay?"

"It must be. It was something to do with their father drinking them into so much debt, they nearly lost the family home. She must still be up in their home town on her own. I mean, if Rick and Chris don't see her much, and she's divorced, it must get really lonely for her. Then to hear out of the blue her kids are both in hospital? Both of them technically fighting for their lives?" Aimee brushed her hands up and down her arms as she got a shiver just from thinking about the intensity of it all. "It makes you wonder, though. How could anyone not love a son like Chris? He's a doctor, and he's smart, and kind. What parent wouldn't be proud of that? Yet the father doesn't seem to be." She shrugged her shoulder a little and cleared her throat. "He's okay, he's just not one hundred percent. The teething problems in MT1 aside, it's easy to forget he's a cancer survivor himself. He's still fighting the aftermath. He... he has some troubles sometimes. In bed. It's a chemo thing. I know it frustrates him. I think he's been wanting to talk to Chris about it but with Chris' world basically falling apart, he hasn't been able to."

"Their father's a prick," Serena decided as she pressed her lips together in anger. She didn't know the man, but she'd heard enough. There was no forgiving something like putting the mother in hospital, and using Chris as a scapegoat. If she ever came face to face with him, Serena was going to wind up tearing his balls off. Assuming he even had any. "He's done too much damage. Apparently he had a problem with Chris being more like Carla. What a jerk. Kids aren't going to be just like the father. They'll resemble the mother, too." Serena sighed softly before biting her lip as she considered Aimee for a moment. "How do you feel about the bed thing?"

Aimee scrunched her nose up. "Sure, but the guy was a drunk. A mental case, from the sounds of it. He could hardly have had rational thoughts. It must mean Rick was a little more like their father if he didn't cop the same flack that Chris did. I feel sorry for her. She must have felt so helpless all the time. But then, Battered Women's Syndrome... they tend to always blame themselves for everything. They start to believe all the horrible things the bastards tell them about being useless and stupid. It would have taken a lot of strength for her to come back from that. No wonder Chris just wants to protect her. But he did go to Wimico, right? I wonder why he didn't go and see her." She sighed and tucked her hair back behind her ears. "I'm okay with it. It's not like it's a completely lost cause. Far from it. When he's on form, he's... really, really on form. We have fun. It's nice. But I don't need sex all the time to be happy. He's like that because he's been ill. I don't blame him for it. He's okay about it, too. We give it a shot and if it doesn't work, we just cuddle, or he helps me out. I think there is just a lot we still need to talk about. Like the fact he probably can't have kids. He hasn't outright said that because it's not come up, but how sick he was and how much chemo he had, I would be surprised if he is still fertile."

Serena nodded as she listened, replaying the conversation she'd had with Carla over and over in her mind. "She's angry they never gave her a chance to be the one to save Rick. She keeps saying it should have been her, and not Chris. I didn't even really know what to say to that except that I doubted they would have wanted her to go through this. I think Chris just didn't want to face his mom. He probably realised all the thing he'd have to tell her. There would be no just stopping by for a coffee. If you wanted to protect your mom that badly, would you have the heart to not tell her everything when you were face to face?" Serena smiled a little. "Well, hey that's something. You two having a rhythm together even if his mojo's not quite at the party. It's silly, but I didn't even think about that when it came to Dave. Now I just wish it was different for him because he'd make a really great dad. You'd make a great mom. Does the fact he probably won't be sterile change the way you feel about him?"

"Yeah, I would. But to be totally honest, was this really Chris' thing to be telling her? It sounds to me more like something Rick should have grabbed his balls for. He's the one with the cancer. Why should Chris had been laden with telling her when he has already done so much? It doesn't seem fair that he has to pick up the pieces all the time. A drunk dad, seeing his mom getting beaten, all the crap with Rick... it's fucking amazing Chris still manages to laugh about life. Then there is this. Rick didn't even tell Chris he had cancer. He had to find out off Eva, then Rick landed him with a large medical bill and pissed off again, only to come back with his life on the line. Why should Chris have been the one to tell their mother? Maybe that is why he couldn't go see her. Maybe he just finally had enough." Aimee had to pause and let out a rough breath. She was channelling Dave. Dave got quite emotional when he spoke about what Chris had been through with his family, and Aimee listened while he offloaded, but the pieces were coming together a little more clearly now. "And as much as I hate to say it, and I mean this in the most metaphorical way possible, but maybe it's about time they all saw how vulnerable Chris was... that he needs them for once." She fell quiet for a moment as her mind switched back to Dave's struggles. "I can't deny that it was a bit of a blow to my ego when it first happened. I thought it was me, I didn't even consider it was the chemo until we discussed it. But I'm his first since he was sick, so he didn't know really either. I was well into it, all in the mood, but there was nothing getting that baby up. He just kept apologising over and over, and then we sat down and spoke about it. He said he had, um, tried on his own, but even then it wasn't always successful. I'm just glad it didn't happen on our first time, or I really would have taken it as a knock to my ego. The thing is, I don't even know if I want kids. I've never had much of an urge for them. We could always get a sperm donor if it came to it."

Serena fell quiet. She hadn't meant to imply that it was Chris' job to tell his mother about Rick's cancer. Only that he would have hardly been able to avoid the topic if he did see his mom. She could still hear his voice during the phone call when he'd called her on the way. Chris had been breaking, and she hadn't been there to help him. Not until he'd come home. He'd even said that Miami was home for him now. Not Lake Wimico. Chris had been thrust into working out how he'd felt about a lot of things lately, and Serena could only watch. "He didn't have to go and let his heart stop just because he'd had enough," Serena murmured. "But I know what you mean, and I think you're right. Chris had had enough and he wasn't even going to give up his kidney originally. Not until something had changed his mind. He wanted to not put me through something like... this. He wanted to still have a chance to be happy, to maybe settle down. To just be Chris for a while." Serena nodded a little. "It's hard not to take it as a knock to the ego when you don't know anything. But at least you could talk about it. That's pretty big. Not a lot of couples would have even gotten through a chat about it. I think it's bigger than a puke test."

"I can't blame him. I really can't. He has you now... I know you probably don't feel that's very much, but you have to trust me on that. I don't think he wanted to risk... to risk this, getting seriously hurt from the surgery and subsequently hurting you. I know, because I would feel the same way if it was Dave. We haven't been together long, but we're getting closer, and it really feels like he might be my One. I haven't felt like that about a guy before. I know I've had boyfriends, I've had assholes. This feels different. I think it's the same for Chris. He would have known how much this would have hurt you if something went wrong. You've never hurt him, but Rick has hurt him repeatedly. It would have been one huge, confusing and horrible decision. Maybe he just felt like it was his turn now, even if there was probably a shit load of guilt that came with that because he's a selfless person. I can see why he and Dave are so close." She laughed a little and gave her friend a nudge. "No puke test from my end, but poor Dave drew the short straw. Even when he was standing there feeling sick, he said something like, I know it's early days, but we're about to visit the puke test. I just laughed. I knew he had been speaking to you two then."

"He's my One. I know he is. Chris is... I can't imagine not being Us. Not anymore. It feels to strange to even consider not having him around. He has to pull through this, he has to be okay. I can take the pain if I know he's going to wake up. I'm hardly going to hold it against him. I know why he went through with it, I know this is who he is. He'd do anything for someone if he knew it really would help. This is going to give Rick an awesome chance at life. He's just got to take it by the horns and run with it, and not run away. I could never hurt Chris. I'd rather hurt myself. I just want to protect him." She cupped his hand with both of hers again as she smiled fondly as she looked at him. "Hey, we're not talking crap! The puke test is real. But sometimes you have your own tests."

Aimee smirked a little. "I think if he runs away again, he'll have an army of us hunting him down to tear his balls off and shove them under a passing truck. I know Dave will be waiting in the wings to get his bitch on. Chris will need a lot of help when he wakes up, he'll need taking care of while he heals. Hopefully Rick realises he has no choice but to step up to the plate now. Even if he doesn't have the big brother mojo, he'll have to Google it or something. Chris is going to need him." She laughed again and nodded. "He was just so cute when he said it, even if it was scary when he was ill. He had to have blood tests and everything. Everything needs to be checked. I guess the lack of a, uh, rise out of him was a test for us. It's the first time I've ever been a guy who couldn't get it up."

"Not to mention the motherly wrath. I don't think Mrs Deleo's going to let Rick get away with leaving her baby in the lurch. She says she'll just go back home because of her work and everything. And because she doesn't want to interfere with the support network Chris and Rick have here, but I still think she should be a part of it... Don't you?" Serena nodded as she grinned a little. "I can see him saying it, it really would be cute. It goes to show just how special Dave is. He gets to be a first, and it's not even something that dampens how you feel."

"Oh hell, of course I do. What is her job? Can't she get one down here? I mean, she can be around and the boys can have their mom without her interferring. Maybe out of all of us, she's the one who needs a fresh start. I wonder if Dave knows she's here. She would have to know him, right? Maybe I should be nervous about meeting her too. It just shows much of a support network we have. You can leave home and get your own life, but family... family is priceless. Drew came to town for you, and now he's all protective big brother. Even Dave's doctor... Bella, her brother has gotten a job as a flight medic here. How weird that he could end up working with Rick some day, huh? I like it, though. I don't have brothers or sisters, so I am living vicariously through you lot," Aimee decided in amusement.

Serena gave her head a brief shake as she tried to remember if Carla had said what she did. "Um, teacher, I think? She mentioned kids missing her. She might not even be thinking about a transfer if she just assumes that Lake Wimico should stay her home, or her kids don't need her. I don't think it should come from us. It needs to come from Rick, or Chris. Maybe Dave. I'm pretty sure she spoke to Dave. She'd have known him since Chris was at college." Serena sighed. "I really would be lost without my brother here. You're welcome to him anytime, you know that. I kinda love that everyone's starting to get drawn here."

"Yeah, but her boys are here. It shouldn't come from us, but at the same time, have the guys ever been in the same place at once before? It might not be something that would cross their mind to bring their family together again. I mean, my folks are around here in Miami. Always have been, and I never once felt like they were interferring on my life. In fact, I'm glad they're around. But we hardly live in each others pockets. It's just nice to know they're here if we need each other, to catch up for dinner regularly. Things like that." Aimee laughed and gave her head a shake. "As much as I love Drew, he can be a butt pain when he wants to be. He already told me he is going to give Dave an honourary big brother talk for me. I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"Oh jeez, I really feel for Dave now. The talk he gave Chris was bad enough and I was right there when it happened," Serena commented with a smile as her depression slowly lifted the more she talked to Aimee. It was nice to just have her best friend there even if she knew she was really here for a check-up on Chris. "Maybe Bella needs to mention it to Rick so he can tell their mom?"

Aimee was confused at this suggestion. "Bella? His doctor? About his mom? Does she even know the mom is here? You think he would listen to his doctor about personal things?" In saying that, Dave had mentioned Bella was amazing when it came to the whole package. She wasn't just there to remove tumours and write scripts for chemo. She was a top oncology fellow, even Aimee knew that. "I noticed Chris had Rick as his next of kin. That's a huge step right there."

Serena bit her lip when she realised Aimee might not have been in on the sort-of relationship thing and not just the pregnancy. "Um, yeah. Well, he's taken a bit of a shining to her. I think he'd listen. I would assume someone would have let her know the mom was around." Serena kissed the back of Chris' hand before she just went back to holding it and nodded. "I know... It was a huge leap of faith for him. I really do hope Rick gets his balls in hand whether they're functioning or not."

Aimee's eyebrows shot up. "Rick likes Bella? You mean, likes likes? Seriously? Oh man... that's... man." She blinked, trying to wrap her head around it. "Well, I guess I can see how it would happen. She's gorgeous and if she's been helping him and all. Does she know? Oh hell... yeah. Rick might end up in the same boat as Dave. I didn't even think about that. That's gotta be hard for a guy to deal with... pardon the pun."

Serena snorted with amusement at the unintentional pun. "I think it would be very difficult for a guy to deal with, definitely. Rick was really concerned about losing that ability. And yeah, Rick likes Bella... But you can't say anything to Sable! I think everyone is more than aware it's not advisable but it's still happening. She knows."

"I wouldn't! Hell, S, give me some credit. You're family, which makes Chris and Rick my family too by default. I'm not just going to go around spreading everyone's secrets around. Sable could hardly judge, anyway. She had the hots for Proctor." Aimee was still listening, intrigued, though. "She knows? Really? What does she think of that?"

Serena held her hand up as she gave Aimee an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry! I'm just trying to keep my head straight. I just think she's been very conscious about keeping thing professional. She nearly stepped down as his doctor. Only she was there for him when he needed her... Needed more than a doctor."

Aimee's mouth dropped open and then dropped her voice to a hushed whisper. "Are you saying they had sex?" she asked in shock. "It's not just a crush? They slept together? Oh my god. Does Chris know? Does Dave?"

Serena bit her lip as she gave a nod and her blue eyes became wide. "Yes... yes... yes... yes and yes."

Aimee squeaked in surprise and put her hand over her mouth. For a moment, she gaped at Serena and then turned to look at Chris. "Holy shit. How did he take it? Do you know how Dave took it? It's not like he would have just spilled secrets to me either. He's good like that, but my god. Are they dating? What's going on with it all?"

"Dave knows for a different reason," Serena murmured as she looked down. "Chris didn't take it well at all. He came here to tear into Bella. That's why he was here when he made the decision to say yes. He, ah... found out about something else. Which I don't even begin to know how to talk about, so please don't ask. I've already effed it up. They're not dating. I don't know what's going to happen."

Aimee gave a laugh. "What, are you going to tell me she's pregnant next?" She shook her head in amusement and then shrugged. "Sometimes we can't help who we fall for. I mean, fuck. Look at me. I just had to see Dave and I was practically wetting my pants over him. If she's as sweet as everyone says she is, who can blame him for liking her? Maybe they just got along. Sure, it's tricky with him being her patient, but it's cancer. She can't be the only oncologist in the whole world who has been in a position like this, right?"

Serena just sat their quietly as she started to chew her fingernail and avoid Aimee's gaze. "Yeah, sure. Ha, ha. Rick's adamant it's not projection and I think the fact that it's true is why Bella's careful about what she does. She doesn't want to lose her licence over it. Just like Chris and me had to be careful because he's in a position of responsibility when it comes to me."

Aimee watched Serena's reactions closely and gave a slight shake of her head. "She's not pregnant, right...?" she asked uncertainly.

Serena cleared her throat and met Aimee's gaze again. "It's why Chris couldn't not give Rick his kidney. Rick has a chance to be a father... Chris wants him to know his kid."

"Jesus fucking Christ," Aimee swore in shock, gaping at Serena with wide eyes. "And let me guess. Mom Deleo has no clue? Shit. Shit, what a mess. I mean, not entirely. It's still a baby, right? If it went the same way as Dave's experience, then Rick might have been left infertile, sure. But bloody hell... Bella must be absolutely beside herself. Is she keeping it?"

Serena gave a small nod. "Yeah, she is. At least as far as I know... I can't believe how complicated it got either. It's just... insane. I feel horrible knowing when she doesn't, but that's another thing that's Rick's place to talk to her about. Not ours."

Aimee pressed her fingers to her lips, trying to wrap her head around the whole thing. She looked at Chris with a tiny shake of her head. "Wow, she must have felt terrible when Chris bitched her out. Didn't they use protection? It just seems so random. In saying that, situations like this usually are. Chris gave Rick the kidney so he could live to know his baby. That's..." She shook her head again. She didn't even have enough words. "Oh my god. I wonder how Dave is handling all this. It has to be niggling at him."

"Yeah, they did. But it wasn't exactly foolproof. I can't really judge. Me and Chris slipped up one time, he had to write me a prescription for the morning after pill. I don't think Bella would have been thinking about it considering she'd been told she was infertile. She had cancer when she was a kid, this wasn't supposed to be possible." Serena gave Chris' hand a squeeze, wondering if he even realised how much he was being talked about. "Maybe it's Fate giving them both what they wanted without knowing they needed it. You should talk to him, spend some time with him."

"Me and Dave haven't slipped up... for obvious reasons," Aimee murmured, pulling her lips to the side a little. Considering everything, maybe the whole kid issue was going to need to come up. She didn't want Dave upset and feeling like he couldn't talk to her about it. "This is all a mess. I can hardly even wrap my head around it. So many emotions and worries. It shouldn't be like this. No one here deserves it."

Serena shook her head. "No, they don't. I don't even know what to do other than just stay by Chris' side because he's my main concern. And take Proctor up on a couple weeks leave once Chris is awake and I can just take care of him for a little while. Then maybe I'll hand him over to his brother. It's what's Rick always wanted - to play the big brother. Would you consider dropping condoms completely if Dave's... infertile? Me and Chris... we're going without. Just me on the pill. I didn't even get to ask if he wanted kids, but I think he wants to be an uncle."

Aimee scratched the back of her head. "I'm on the pill anyway. I was still on it from the last fucker. I've been on it since I was seventeen anyway. I'd go without if he wanted it. I know it sounds cliche, but I like it better without. It's not like you can feel it, but I like the feeling of a guy coming inside me. Plus, you don't have to stop to put a condom on. But it would be his choice. I'm only assuming he's infertile. We haven't had that talk yet, we only spoke about the impotence. He actually said it was like flogging a dead horse," she laughed, and shook her head fondly. "He's good with the vivid imagery. It must be hanging out with the genius cowboy so much. What are you going to do if Chris doesn't wake up in two weeks?"

Serena smiled in amusement. "Yeah, he really is, isn't he?" Her smile faltered though and before she even realised, it had disappeared completely. "Fall apart. I'm not ready to lose him now, and I won't be ready to lose him in two weeks."

Aimee was watching Chris again. "I just feel bad because I guess that's all boy talk, you know? It would be something you talk to your best mate about, but since Dave got to Miami, he hasn't really had much chance to connect with Chris. I'm not pointing fingers at all, I just feel bad for him. He might be in remission, but he was still thinking he was dying this time last year. He's still in the aftermath. I wasn't talking about losing him, I was talking about work. Two weeks isn't very much."

"Oh, sorry. I guess it's just... I'm still scared his heart's going to stop on me again. I might have to talk to Proctor. I should talk to Proctor..." Serena dragged her gaze away from Chris' face again and looked over at Aimee. "I guess we all need to make changes once we get through this. Dave should have his best friend."

Aimee cleared her throat. She wasn't sure Proctor had the resources to grant Serena extended leave when Chris was already out of action and Eva talking about leaving. It seemed the Alpha Team was in crisis, and she couldn't deny it... she was worried about the pressure on her own boyfriend, about his health. Really worried. "Yeah... I guess we will..." She stood up and picked up Chris' file. "I should start to look him over. Not that we can do anything more than has already been put in place, but we've been called in to take his case if something takes a turn for the worst. Sable wants to just be on stand-by in case the repairs to the AA don't hold. It's unlikely, though."

Serena let go of Chris' hand and brought her knees up under her chin as she just watched Aimee. She wasn't sure extended leave was going to be the answer either, but it was hard to keep her head on work when Chris was in the hospital. If he wasn't awake in two weeks she would just have to soldier on somehow. Maybe it was argument enough to try and get Mrs Deleo to transfer down here. She said it herself that she wouldn't leave until Chris was awake. "At least I know he's in good hands."

Aimee leaned over Chris after pulling on some gloves and eased her arm under his to lift him up a little to be able to get his gown pulled down around his chest so she could examine the op site. "I'm sorry if this hurts, sweetheart," she murmured to him quietly, already feeling bad about moving him. She started peeling the dressings away and wet her lips. "I don't know if I can claim genius cowboy hands, but I'll try my best," she promised her best friend, even if her tone was sombre.

RP Log with deleomom | Meet the Parent

2010-09-04T09:07:07Z

It had been one extremely long day and it was now after eleven pm at night. Bella had just spent the last hour and a half talking with Serena and Drew in her office, discussing various options and outcomes in regards to Chris and Rick. Rick had given consent for Bella to access copies of Chris' medical records so she could keep up on his case. Seeing Chris in the condition he had been and after the failed attempt to contact Mrs Deleo, Serena had been in a bad way, almost losing it from worry and lack of sleep. Bella ended up intercepting so she could just talk to Chris' girlfriend and help her at least a little. It seemed to help being able to talk about it and Serena offloaded a little. There was some inevitable guilt there, that she hadn't remained in the OR with him, among other things. But even by the time they finished chatting, Serena was still on edge. Drew had gone off to find some coffee when Serena refused to leave Chris' side just yet, so Bella agreed to keep her company until he returned.

Only, they were just stepping off the elevators at the Surgical ICU when Bella's pager went off. It was one of Rick's nurses. He wasn't feeling well, and Bella needed to assess him. She did have a slight hint of suspicion that it might be just a ruse to get her to his room, but at the same time, he was still too soon post-operatively to take any risks. With a soft squeeze to Serena's arm, she apologised and promised she would be back as soon as she could, leaving Serena standing alone in the corridor... the first time she had been alone since everything took a horrible turn.

Carla's head was aching. It was like it was one of the worst headaches she had ever experienced in her life. After her talk with Dave, the young surgeon eventually had to excuse himself, admitting everything was getting too much and he needed some air. Carla figured that was code for needing a bit of time alone with his girlfriend if he could track her down, and although she really was at a loss how she would cope sitting in Chris' hospital room with nothing to do but stare at his supine unmoving form, and listening to all those beeps, she knew she had to assure Dave she would be fine. She was far from fine, though, and the room got oppressive. The more she stared at the digital numbers ticking over on the screen and watched Chris' pale face that had no response, the more she felt like she was going to go crazy. She needed air herself, or maybe even to just go back to check on Rick. What else was she supposed to do other than just go back and forth between her two sons?

She was close to tears again as she hurried around the corner with her head down, just needing to get away from all those beeps before she cracked up. Only, all she succeeded in doing was banging straight into someone standing right in the middle of the corridor, and it was a miracle they both managed to remain on their feet.

Serena had a burst of pain that seemed to take over her whole body and combined with the lack of sleep, guilt, and worry eating her up she snapped. She nearly growled in response to being smacked into and couldn't help but automatically vent her frustration. "Can't you just watch where you're going?! Is the corridor really that goddamn small that you can't manage to walk anywhere else other than right into me?" She glared at the older woman, not even backing down when she noticed the other blonde was in tears. She was so blinded by her emotions that she didn't even notice any sort of resemblance to her boyfriend, or the fact that she had come out of Chris' room. Serena could only think about getting back to Chris. She'd left him alone in the OR, but she wasn't going to leave him alone for too long in the ICU.

Carla was so shocked at being yelled at out of the blue that for a moment, all she could do was just gape at the small blonde girl screaming at her. She couldn't be more than high school age, and although Carla was a high school teacher and saw all sorts, she couldn't believe the disrespect. "Excuse me for not realising that standing stupidly in the middle of a public walkway was a new past time," she snapped back, piercing the girl with a firm and chasting look. She was the mother of two fiery boys and a school teacher. She had the look down. "In a unit full of extremely ill people, I am astounded at your lack of consideration and understanding. But please, if you actually own this corridor, feel free to put up a big flashing sign declaring to the world that it belongs entirely to a spoilt little girl!" She brushed the tears away from her cheeks angrily, really not remembering the last time her temper had gotten the better of her like this, but she didn't back down once she realised she had just snapped right back.

"Hey, I am not a little girl! I am so sick of people assuming that I'm not capable of anything because I look young. I'm a trauma doctor. In fact, I'm on one the best trauma teams in this hospital, and maybe I am standing in the middle of the walkway but after the last couple days I've had I don't think I can really be blamed for that right now." Serena hugged her arms tightly around herself and silently cursed Bella for leaving her alone. She didn't want to be alone. She pictured Chris lying in his hospital bed and her bottom lip started to tremble, but she still clung to her anger since any emotion was better than the utter despair she felt at the idea of losing her boyfriend.

"Well I have one son with cancer and another who nearly died trying to save his life! Sometimes people could really do without being screamed at for--" Carla stopped abruptly when her brain caught up with her mouth. Tears were streaming down her face when they spilled over in full force again, and she only just absorbed what the girl had said. There was nothing else to do but just stare in shock as she tried to wipe the wetness from her cheeks with her fingertips. "Oh my god, it's you," she gasped through another small sob.

Serena's mouth had already fallen open as she listened to the woman, the dots finally connecting. Mrs Deleo looked like Rick, but she could see bits of Chris in her. And now Serena's cheeks warmed instantly from embarrassment. She'd just screamed at her maybe-possibly-at-some-point-in-the-future-mother-in-law. She'd gone to all the trouble to try and call her to get her here for her sons, and now she had just yelled at her for no reason than she needed to release some of the tension holding her body hostage. Serena clapped her hand over her mouth and let out a choked sob. Even more guilt washed over her and she seriously considered trying to hide under one of the chairs lining the walls. "Oh my god... I'm so sorry. I'm--I'm... Shit."

Carla felt torn in about a billion different directions. This was Chris' girlfriend? The one both Rick and Dave sung the praises of? For some reason, Carla was really struggling to see that. It was hard to just ignore the fact she had just abused Carla in the corridor only a few paces from where Chris was lying fighting for his life. Then she couldn't help be momentarily stuck on how young this Serena really did look. The blonde and blue-eyed appearance wasn't a surprise to Carla at all. Chris always liked blonde, where Rick had a tendency to lean towards brunettes. The chalk and cheese factor all over again. It took a lot for her not to give Serena another cold look and just walk away. There was no rule saying she had to approve of the woman just because everyone else did, but instead she just stepped forward and put her arms around the girl and gave her a soft hug.

Serena was confused at first, not sure how to take the hug. Surely Carla should have been chewing her out by now for being such a rude bitch? But then it just felt nice to get a mom hug. She was desperate for a hug from her own mom and it just made her lose it. The choked sob turned into heartbreaking ones and even if Carla meant for the hug to be soft, Serena just clung to her. Mrs Deleo smelt nice and she really wasn't what Serena had been expecting. Chris hardly spoke about her, so for some reason she had been worried his mom would be like the dad, but she wasn't at all. She was beautiful and she felt warm and motherly.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Carla told Serena quietly and rubbed her back. "I know how much it hurts..." she added, the words catching in her throat. She kept picturing Chris lying there so sick. Even just seeing that tube down his throat, it took all her effort not to tear it out because it looked so unnatural and uncomfortable. She wanted him to wake up so she could see his beautiful blue eyes. His eyes always said so much and she would know how he was to look at them. It still hurt that Chris hadn't told her that he was in a relationship, but he wasn't awake right now to call the shots. Rick had kept insisting that this girl was something pretty damn special to Chris, and for that, Carla couldn't deny anything on the face of it. She just still needed to know more. Chris had to have had reasons for hiding so much lately.

Serena tried to slow the sobbing down and on top of yelling at the poor woman, she'd now snotted all over her shirt. She was sure she couldn't make a worse impression on Mrs Deleo if she tried. She didn't even know the woman's first name. She pulled back to wipe at her cheeks and nose, careful to use her left before she offered her right in a handshake. "I'm Serena Warren. I really am sorry about yelling at you, it's just been impossible to sleep and I haven't been able to bring myself to leave the hospital. I just... I was in the OR when Chris--when he--" Serena tripped over the word 'crashed' and had to take a deep breath. "I can't stop seeing him lying there... I'm just glad you're here. I really thought they needed their mom."

By now, Carla's handbag had ended up quite stocked with tissues. One of the nurses had brought her more small packs of them after witnessing Carla with Rick and both of them crying. She was once again pulling a pack from her bag and handed them to Serena before taking some for herself. She wiped her eyes and then took Serena's hand weakly. She knew the whole firm handshake thing, but right now, she just didn't have the energy. "Carla Deleo. It's nice to meet you Serena. I seem to have heard a lot about you in the short time I have been in the Miami district. Unfortunately, I can't say the same about before because I only found out you existed a few hours ago. That's... a common occurence with my boys. With Rick, anyway. Chris, not so much. This is all a learning curve. I have no idea how I'm supposed to take any of it. I-I don't know what to think. In fact, I think I'm mostly incapable of anything but numb anxiety right now."

Serena wasn't exactly feeling strong with her handshake either, but it was the thought that counted. She took the tissues from Carla gratefully and pulled them open to get one out. "Nice to meet you too, Carla, even if I'm about ready to die of embarrassment. I wish I could just start this moment over again. I never meant for this to be a secret from you, and it probably won't make you feel better to hear that my folks aren't any more in the light than you are. Were. I want to apologise too for just calling you out of nowhere, but I had Chris' phone and I was talking to my brother while we were waiting to find out if Chris would survive the surgery and I thought... You needed to be here. Rick needed you, and Chris needed you. It's a lot to take in so the numb anxiety is understandable. I don't think I'll feel okay until Chris is awake."

"That I find hard to believe. Thank you for trying to placate me, but I know the reasons Chris hasn't told me would be very different to the reasons you haven't told your parents. Rick told me a little information that he could. They seem to forget sometimes that I know them better than I know myself a lot of the time. I gave birth to them, I know what the little expressions on their faces mean, I know when they're happy or sad or hurting. I know that when Chris gets anxious, he makes himself sick. I know when Rick feels helpless in a situation, he runs because that's easier than facing feeling like he can't help. I know that when my baby boy laughs, he gets this cheeky glint in his eyes, and I know when my first born is up to something, his nose scrunches up just a little when he smirks about it. Just somewhere along the way, we slipped and we grew apart. They stopped needing me as much as I needed them. They grew up," Carla said tearfully with a slight laugh as she wiped her eyes again. "I just never thought I would one day be on the end of a phone call like I was from you and your brother."

Serena offered her a watery smile before she used the tissue to try and dry her eyes. Listening to Carla speak made Serena realise she really did love her boys, and now she just wondered why Rick and Chris would keep her at a distance. If they were trying to protect her, it really was a backwards way of going about it. "A secret can just run away from you when it gets started. You get so used to not talking to anyone about it, that it's easy to forget that your parents are the only ones you can always talk to about anything." Serena tucked the tissues into the pocket of her jeans and reached out to touch Carla's arm gently. "I never wanted to be the one making a call like that one, trust me."

Carla's face crumbled again and she pressed the tissue against her eyes to try and catch the tears before they fell. "I don't care about secrets. I'm not upset with either of them, I just want them to be okay. I don't want my baby boy lying in a coma with no one able to even tell me if he has a chance of making it until morning. If one more person tells me he is doing better than he was in the surgery, I will hit them! I can deduce for myself that the fact he is not bleeding to death is 'better', but that does not mean he is going to be okay! He's cold and no one will give him more blankets. They keep saying he isn't feeling pain, but how do they know? How do they know he isn't, and just can't tell them about it? I can't take this. It should be me, not Chris. It should have been me!" she sobbed.

Serena watched Chris' mom fall apart before she moved in to give her a gentle hug. This was one thing she was never going to get used to as a doctor, but this wasn't just anyone's family. It was Chris'. Serena just kept her mouth shut for the moment before she came out with the useless, cliched drivel she usually saved for the family of patients. Chris also wasn't her patient, he was her lover. "The truth is us doctors don't ever like committing to certainties. It's kinda like walking under under a bridge on Friday the 13th. It's just one of those things that can guarantee anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. The surgeons were just starting to gloat about how great the transplant went right before Chris crashed. They're not going to say if he will survive until morning because anything really could happen. They fixed the damage, and he has been stable most of the night so the chances are pretty high that he'll be okay."

Carla nodded as she listened. She wasn't just going to keep offloading onto Serena when the girl was going through so much of her own. But it was still all choked up inside her and it felt hard to even remain upright. "I can't even hug him," she said through a rough gasp of breath. "I can't. They said I can't. Dave... he said I can hold his hand, but I can't hug him. There can't even be any assurances that Rick is going to survive the cancer. Cancer. My boy has cancer."

"I know... It's all I want to do to Chris as well. I'm amazed my hand hasn't welded to his, but then you still need to be able to get to hold it." There was a strange feeling washing over Serena when she realised she didn't just have Chris to herself any more. Of course Dave had been to visit, but there was no one like Carla around. His mom was less likely to leave his side unless it was to visit Rick. It was stupid, and Serena knew she was being selfish even as she had the thoughts. "The transplant gives Rick a really good chance at survival - which I know is probably something you've heard over and over again, but it's true. He needed the healthy organ to keep his body functioning as normal as possible. If he'd been on dialysis it would have taken a lot out of him when he was having the chemo. This way Rick can fight."

Carla was watching Serena intently, even if her eyes were still red and teary. She swallowed heavily and was dragging more tissues from the packet. "I think Rick has a crush on his doctor. Is that even normal? Maybe you should answer that. I'm not exactly up to speed on medical ethics. Apparently Chris shouldn't be falling for one of his residents either. I dream of the day that he'll give his heart to someone, but I just wish it didn't have to all be so hard. They've been through so, so much pain already. This should never have happened to them. I should have protected them."

Serena indicated some seats lining the corridor for Carla and her to sit on. "Well, projection is something that can happen, but, um, to be completely honest I'm not sure that Rick's projecting. I think he genuinely likes Bella. Maybe it's not a normal thing, but you can't always judge when a connection's going to be made. Like with me and Chris. It just... happened. Bella's very professional, though. She's a good doctor." Serena bit down on her lip before she had a chance to spill the pregnancy secret and tugged nervously on the sleeve of her cardigan. "They were too busy trying to protect you instead of thinking about how you could protect them."

Carla sat down and her feet felt like they started to tingle just from the sheer relief of being off them. She hunched forward and started to anxiously tear at the tissues a little, her hands shaking. "They've always been like that. Chris especially. Rick was more the ostrich of the family. Get the hell out of there as quick as he can to find some sand to bury his head into. Probably involving alcohol, women and getting in bar fights. Chris always wanted to try and get in the middle and rescue me, but he was never really able to. His father... he... I would say he didn't have a good relationship with him, but they really had no relationship at all. Not when his father was drunk. He seemed to use Chris as a scapegoat for blaming everything on. When he was sober and off the booze, they got along okay. Chris always tried to forge a relationship, just like with Rick, but he always ended up getting kicked in the teeth when his father fell off the wagon again. Chris was always more like me, see. Their father struggled to understand how a flesh and blood son of his could be so different to him..."

Serena sat down beside Carla, perched on the edge of her chair. She couldn't help it. She was restless even if she was tired. Not to mention the nerves she was feeling at even having a conversation with Carla Deleo. This was Chris' mom. She wanted to make a good impression but right now she wasn't even sure she could remember her own name half of the time. "He really doesn't like talking about his dad. I guess I can't really blame him from what I've heard. He's told me a little. He's still like that. He's the genius cowboy. He's legendary around here. He's a really amazing trauma surgeon. He's... He's something to watch. Him and Rick have worked really hard to get back on track, to get a relationship. I don't think it'll ever happen with his dad."

Carla bit down on her lower lip and swallowed heavily as she shook her head. "Chris won't ever have anything to do with his father. He... something happened and he swore he never would again. Since that day, he won't even talk about him unless it's brought up in conversation for some reason. He'll do that fancy sidestepping in a conversation he can be so good at. He's straight about most things in life, but that's not one of them. I think it's a lot of why he wanted to have some sort of something with Rick, because he never really had much of a father." She hesitated for a moment and then reached to take Serena's hand and gave it a soft squeeze with a tiny, faint smile. "I know he's amazing. Some days I'm in awe he even came out of me. I feel that way about both of them. Gorgeous boys. I'm very blessed. I just... I miss them so much."

"Maybe you could stay," Serena suggested as she looked from their joined hands to Carla's face. "They're going to need you. Chris asked me to move in with him, and Rick's staying with him. I can always just stay at my apartment with my brother if you wanted to be there with them. I think it's important you're there. You're their mom. It's time to stop missing them..."

Carla wet her lips and shook her head with a small smile. "No... no... I can see they're in good hands here. They have a large support network and I'm not going to intrude on that. Besides, I need to go back to work. I still need an income. School's not long gone back and my students need me. I'll stay in a hotel for a few days... I'll stay until Chris wakes up and I can see with my own eyes that he is okay. But no one needs their mom hanging around and cramping their style."

Serena shook her head again as she shifted to fish out Chris' set of keys from her jeans pocket. She held them out for Carla. "Stay at Chris'. Please. Don't pay for a hotel, that's just stupid. He wouldn't want you paying for one either, I'm sure of it. It's not like I'll be going back there much. I'll just catch sleep when I can."

Carla wasn't going to take the keys and insist on her original plan when a keychain dangling between the keys caught her eye. She took them off Serena and turned the bundle over in her palm to get a better look. It was a small perspex photoframe with a picture of Chris and Serena. One of those sort that were taken candidly in a photo booth. Chris was kissing her cheek and she was laughing happily, like he had taken her by surprise with it. With a tiny glance back up at Serena, Carla went back to looking at the picture of her youngest. He looked so happy... happy quite unlike she had ever seen before, and she realised she was maybe seeing for the first time ever, evidence that her son was finally in love. She had never been convinced before that it was something he had truly experienced. "You should get some sleep and rest," she advised quietly. "Or he'll be pissed off to wake up and find you looking like hell."

The keychain had been a big part of why Serena had been hanging onto her boyfriend's keys. She loved the photo, and it had been one of the first things that Chris had done when they'd gone public. Serena wasn't just wallet photo material, she was keychain material. It had made her giggle and comment on Chris' dorkiness but the truth was she loved it. She loved him. She reached up to rub her hand over her face and gave a nod. "Not that he'll be in much position to judge, you're right. Plus I did promise Drew... At least I know Chris will be in good hands with you here. I'm sorry about how the phone call went down, and what happened before. It really is nice to meet you, Mrs Deleo."

With a small smile, Carla handed her son's keys back to his girlfriend. "... it was nice to meet you too, despite the start," she murmured. She really didn't know what she was going to do next. Probably hang around the halls not too far from either boys' hospital room and drink a lot of coffee to keep herself going. She wasn't going to rest easy until she knew Rick's system had truly accepted that kidney, and until Chris woke up and she could speak to him. She let out a shaky breath and stood up. "I should... go make sure David went home. He said he would. Can't ever really shake being a mom at heart. Thank you for taking care of my baby. I'm sure he couldn't be in better hands, even if I know he'll always keep you on your toes."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Serena revealed as she stood up as well and gave Carla a brief hug. She glanced back towards Chris' room and pointed her thumb behind her. "I think I might just go and say goodbye to him... Just one last check up. Can't shake being a doctor at heart either. Just let me know if you change your mind about staying that the apartment, okay?" She gave Carla a small wave before she turned on her heels and made her way to her boyfriend's room. It was going to be hard to drag herself away from the hospital, but she knew her brother would be doing cartwheels to hear that she was going home to rest and sleep. Even if she would still be replaying the meeting with Mrs Deleo over and over as she internally kicked herself.

RP Log with rhythmictherapy | Bad News

2010-08-31T10:11:56Z

Drew's ass nearly fell out of him when Lisa had come running down the corridor of the Oncology ward again about two hours after their last talk and threw a pile of scrubs at him before dragging him to the elevator. She was breathless, and struggled to get everything out, but Drew managed to make out that Chris had apparently taken a bad turn for the worst in the surgery, and he even caught 'cardiac arrest' somewhere in her tearful rambling. It was easy to forget how connected she was with Serena's boyfriend, and Drew had to remember that she pretty much grew up with Chris, so this couldn't be easy for her either. Drew was actually left feeling quite torn as she dragged him into a large operating department and told him to get changed and how to wash his hands so he could be taken to where Serena was.

He actually baulked at first, fearing she was going to shove him into an OR. He really didn't want to be that near any medical procedures, let alone one with her sister's boyfriend with a gaping bloody wound in his gut. There was no way Drew would last more than two minutes before passing out cold on the floor. He definitely didn't get the medical mojo of the family in any way, shape, or form. And he did elaborate this fact to Lisa, in a panicked and almost shrill string of expletives. She thankfully explained that he was only going to an area in the surgical department, but not into an actual OR. Serena was in there, but it was still a sterile area, which was why he needed scrubs and to be scrubbed up. Now he was actually there, standing in the middle of some bare, sterile and clinical area with some uncomfortable looking seats with his arms wrapped tightly around his sister. They had been there for nearly two hours now and still no one had come with any further news until some dude who was apparently part of the transplant team came by to let them know the aorta had been repaired and now they were just trying to stabilise Chris, though with good news that Rick was out and just moved to Recovery.

Drew stepped back a little so he could see Serena's face, rubbing her upper arms to try and soothe her, even just a little. "That's good news, huh? Recovery is good, right?"

Serena just nodded slowly, her voice hoarse from crying. Her eyes were read too, with tears still streaming down her cheeks. She'd never felt so useless, never felt so helpless than the moment she watched Chris crash on the table. Everything in her body had twisted and it was a miracle she hadn't thrown up. It was a miracle she hadn't punched out the nurse or one of the surgeons either for trying to keep her from getting to that table and fixing Chris herself. Now she just realised why she preferred being the surgeon. The waiting part sucked, and it sucked majorly.

She didn't know anything unless she got told, didn't have any idea what was going on other than they were still working on stabilising Chris. She was grateful her brother was here though and she just went back to hugging him after a moment as she buried her face against his shoulder. "One down..."

Drew rubbed Serena's back and stared at the double doors behind her leading into the operating theatres. Somewhere beyond them, Chris was seriously sick and although Drew usually had a way with words, he had no idea what he was supposed to say to his sister to try and make her feel even a little bit better. There was nothing to say on that front. It wouldn't be enough. He couldn't even imagine what it would have been like for her to be in there watching something like her boyfriend hemorrhage and his heart stop beating. Even just seeing those defibrillator things on the TV was intense enough, but to know it was someone you loved was beyond Drew's brain power to consider. "This is going to be a stupid question, sis, but are you okay? I mean, are you better than you were? Do you think he'll be okay? Whatever it was, it was serious, right? I thought the whole thing was supposed to be pretty straightforward..."

"It was... It is... Then they just... I heard them. The surgeons. They said it was all good, all fine. Went perfectly." She shook her head as she rubbed her nose against her brother's sleeve, just like she had when she was younger. Serena was used to sharing her tears and snot with him. It didn't mean he had to like it, but at least her brother did know how to handle it. She gripped the back of his shirt tightly as her knuckles turned white and sniffed loudly. "That's like the world's biggest jinx in any job. As soon as the words leave your mouth it's just asking for trouble. I don't know what happened. He shouldn't have bled that much if they did everything right which means they must have just caught something with the scalpel which caused the bleed... I don't know if I'm okay. I hate not knowing. I hate not being in there. I promised him, Drew. I promised him I'd be there until the end. I told him he'd be okay! He asked me to say it, and I said it. I shouldn't have said it. Why did I have to tell him he'd be okay?"

Drew sighed and rubbed her back a little more firmly... maybe even almost with an air of desperation to it. "Because you wanted him to be... and you're head over for him. Puke tests and whatever else aside, he still seems invincible to you. I heard how you used to talk about him when you first started your residency there. He was like some sort of genius with a scalpel. That admiration is still in there somewhere, it's just more intense now. He is still going to be okay. He's a strong dude, he'll get there. So, there was a hitch. Isn't that what you trauma surgeons are all about? A hitch in life's plan? Expect the unexpected. It might just take a bit longer for him to get back on his feet now, but they got him back, right? I know you promised him you would be there, but it's better you aren't, sis. He wanted you there when he thought it was all going smoothly. I don't know the guy that well, but I am a guy, and I can bet that he wouldn't want you in there witnessing that when you can't do anything but watch."

Serena pressed her lips together as she listened to her brother, her eyes going unfocused as she tried to just forget the image of Chris flatlining on the operating table, but it was hard. She could still hear the heart rate monitor ringing in her ears. Chris could survive a sinkhole, but he nearly didn't survive this. She could only imagine how Rick would feel once he was awake, and once he knew. "I can't leave him..." Serena murmured, starting to voice her thoughts halfway through formulating them. "If it's going to take him longer to get back on his feet then I need to be there. I'll take care of him. Proctor told Chris he'd give me two weeks leave if I wanted it. I want it. I need it. Even if he recovers he'll need time. His heart stopped. As a trauma surgeon I can deal with it - if I'm the one with the scalpel. It's really not easy being on this side of things. Would he really not want me in there? Why is that such a boy thing?"

"You should take the time, but don't risk your job, S. That is the last thing he would want, and wouldn't be able to live with himself. He knows how hard you have worked to get where you are, because he's been in your shoes. Take the time your boss gave you, but maybe after that, if he's still recuperating, you might need to hand him over to someone else. It won't be easy for you, I know, but you can't watch him twenty-four-seven anyway. As long as he's in hospital, it looks like they have some pretty cool nurses around here to take care of him too. You still need to take care of yourself, too. None of this stopping eating and sleeping shit, alright? I'm serious, S. You gotta listen to me. I'm the big brother, I'm always right." Drew needed to see her face again and he pulled back once more to hold her gaze. He wiped her tears away with his fingers. "He's probably gonna be pretty sick when they let him out of those theatres, but you aren't alone, okay? You need to remember that. I'm here, I've already called mom and dad. Aimee's here, Dave's here, Dave's sister is here. We're all going to do what we can."

Serena's bottom lip stuck out a little bit as she gave a nod and held her brother's gaze. "You called Mom and Dad?" she asked after a beat. "Are they coming down? I didn't even think about Chris meeting them yet. I was so focused on you meeting him. I don't know what I would do without you here right now. You're the only thing keeping me sane and the fact that they're at least still working on Chris. If it was going wrong, we'd know. They wouldn't be in there for as long. I know I'd have to pass him off to someone else, that I need to eat and sleep. And I promise I will. I really will. I always listen to you, you know that."

"I called them before any of this happened. While I was waiting. They weren't going to come then, they figured it would be fine, even if they do really want to meet him. But we tell them this, they'll be on the next plane to Miami. I just know it. This isn't something they're just going to let you go through without them. They might not know him, but they know he's important to you. Mom was grilling me about Chris the other day, and I didn't even have the answers for them. You need to talk to them, sis. Tell them more. They think you're pissed off at them and that's why you've been keeping stuff from them. I tried to explain it was complicated, but you know our folks. They always want to know we're okay and doing the right thing." Drew fought the urge to rub his face tiredly. He couldn't help but think about Lisa... and Dave... and Rick. He knew he could protect his sister the best he could, but there were so many people who were going to hurt from this. "Who's going to tell Rick? You don't need to do that, do you?"

Serena bit her lip as she looked down briefly. "Is it wrong that I kinda do want my Mommy right now? I'll call them once I know what's happened with Chris. I don't want them to think I'm angry with them. That's so far off base. Once they know he's okay, they won't need to fly here, right? I'd fly there but I can't leave Chris. Maybe once he's better we can both go. He can meet them when he's not in a hospital bed. I don't think that's fair." This time it was Serena that rubbed Drew's arm and she gave it a squeeze. "No, no. I think Bella went back in with him so she might be the one to tell him."

"No, it's not wrong... but it does make me wonder where their mommy and daddy are?" Drew asked dipping his head to meet her eyes. Serena hadn't said much about Chris and Rick's folks, but he assumed there were some somewhere. There had been no mention of dead parents, and as hot as they were, Drew couldn't buy they were found in a cabbage patch or delivered by the Virgin Mary. "They're still going to fly in as soon as you tell them he's sick, S. You know they are, and maybe that's not a bad thing. They can help out a little. You're still their daughter, whether they know your boyfriend or not. Jesus Christ, I can't even imagine how he will take the news."

Serena was tempted to brush off Drew's question but her shoulders dropped and she let out a slow breath. "Divorced. The dad's something that neither brother want around. He's a drunk... He's who Rick could have become. He's never been supportive of Chris, or anything he does. The mom... Not even I know whether or not Chris and Rick actually have a close relationship with her. I know Chris wound up paying off her house debts because she got into trouble. I can't even imagine not being close to our folks."

Drew wet his lips with a frown. "So... neither of them told her? About any of this? Fuck me," he commented bluntly. "She did still give birth to them. I think she has a right to know if she could lose them. That's just... maybe it just slipped their mind? Didn't he go up to his home town? How much would it suck to just not have your mom and dad around?"

Serena gave a nod. "I asked him if he was going to go home. He didn't want to. He didn't want to go home. How much would that suck? I know it's all sunny here in Miami, but Chicago's still home. It's where we grew up. I'm always gonna miss the place. I don't even know if he's got her number somewhere. Maybe I should call her?"

"Do you have his phone?" Drew asked, already making a grab for Serena's bag. He knew she had Chris' cell phone in there. She had all his valuables, he had personally seen her shove them in there... sans that ring he wore, which she had put onto her own thumb with some surgical tape over it. She wanted to wear it into the surgery. He balked a little when the image of the ring jumped into his head. "You two aren't already secretly engaged, are you?" he suddenly asked, ready to tear her a new one if she said yes. "Didn't want to go home? Now I sort of just want to see this shit hole with my own eyes."

Serena's jaw dropped as she stared at her brother trying to work out if she'd heard correctly. "What?! No, no. Of course not. We're not secretly engaged! We've only just agreed to move in. There's been no talk about engagements, I promise!" Serena looked down at the ring on her finger covered in tape and held her hand up. "I just wanted to get him something in a blue box. Like he did for me, but I didn't like the bracelets, and pendants and whatever else. I wanted to get him the ring. I don't know if he just didn't want to go home or if it was because it's a shit hole."

"I had to ask! I don't know! He was attached to that ring and you filched it off him as soon as he was going in! I didn't know. You could have been in amongst all the secrecy and shit, but... if he asked, you would say yes, right? I just get this feeling. If it happens, you are so banned from keeping it a secret or I'll hunt you down and give you biggest wedgie ever. I just... I see how you two look at each other," Drew admitted to her, pulling his lips to the side.

Serena managed to stop staring at Drew but then her eyebrows rose a little in surprise. "What do looks have to do with anything? I mean, I'd say yes but I wouldn't keep it secret. There's no need to keep it secret. I'd do the whole nine yards with Chris. I'd even have his babies if he wanted them. Or I'd get a puppy, or a kitten, or even a pot belly pig if he wanted animals as well. I love him... I just want the chance to get all that and I don't want his goddman heart to just stop on me again because it scared the crap outta me! I was this close to peeing my pants," Serena said as she held her fingers together to show just how close she'd been. "And now I can't stop thinking about it, and I keep hearing him flatlining and I just want him to smile at me again."

"They're not just looks. They're Looks," Drew elaborated pointedly. "It's the whole real deal thing. Aimee... you said she and Dave are onto a good thing. Have you ever just taken notice of how they look at each other. When it's the real deal, the looks change. It's like, when you know they're there... and they're just them... everything else feels awesome. And I am glad you didn't pee your pants, sis, because that would have been uncomfortable. Truthfully, if it was me, I would have done a lot more than pee in my pants. It's gonna stay in your head. You'll keep seeing it, and hearing it. You'll keep going back over it, walking through the surgery in your head to try and figure out how the surgeons fucked up. And you'll find yourself telling yourself that if it was you and the Alpha team doing the surgery, you wouldn't have fucked up. You could be right there, but transplant is these dude's Trauma. It's their speciality. But everyone can fuck up. Chris just well drew the short straw. He's pretty tough though, from what you've told me. Any less of a man might not be bothered to pull through."

Serena gave a small nod. "Yeah, I've noticed. I've just never thought about me and Chris. Just figured we were still just rolling with it. Aimee and Dave had the Looks. We just had... each other. Do you want someone to have Looks with?" she asked him as she came over to her bag and fished out Chris' cell phone for Drew. "I don't even know if me and Alpha team would have done better. I know these guys are the transplant specialists. I just... I can't lose Chris. I just can't. I'm not done having the Looks yet. I haven't even had a chance to move in."

Drew started to scroll through the numbers in Chris' phone, looking for anything that might be mom related. "You might need to speed up that process. Once he gets discharged, he'll probably need and want you around when you aren't at work. Something like this, he won't be back on his feet in the projected couple of weeks. He'll need more time to recover. Hopefully he doesn't have any long-term problems, but you never know with all the body's internal shit, right? Just don't give up on him yet, S. He'll pull through if he knows you're waiting for him. Here. Not-so-cryptically listed under 'Mom'. No dad, though. It's only a landline, no cell. I wonder if she's hot. Dunno about the looks thing. I guess if I find anyone, I'll figure it out." He handed Serena the phone back to see if she would have the guts to call Mrs Deleo... if she was even still a Deleo.

"Please don't talk about Chris' mom like you want to do her. It's disturbing," she murmured as she scrunched up her nose. "I don't want to think about my brother and his mother. Ew... Do you think you can help me move into his place before he comes home? That way I can be all ready. And I want you to stay at my apartment, okay? I won't get rid of it. If you wanted to stick in Miami for a bit, I can always sign it over. You know, if you wanted it." She gave her brother a hopeful look. The idea of her brother staying around for a while made her happy. She looked down at the phone in her hand and sucked in a breath. She wasn't even sure what she would say, but she had to try. She hit the call button and held the phone to her ear.

"Hey, look at her offspring! I was just making an observation. She has to be hot, or at least semi-hot. Unless they look like their dad. But if he's a tosser, who would want them to? Maybe she looks like Charlize Theron?" Drew was an artistic sort, he never could help his imagination running away from him. He might come across a bit eccentric sometimes, but there were worse things in the world to be than that. "Who do you think they look like? I mean, you look like mom, and I look like dad with mom's colouring. Man, if you two ever have kids, you are going to need to keep them on leashes," he observed as he watched her waiting for an answer on the phone.

Serena tilted her head. "Okay, that would be hot... I don't know. I kinda think maybe Rick might look a little like their dad. He is more chiselled than Chris. He's got more angles to him. And the whole..." She pointed at her chin as she wiggled her finger and shrugged. She couldn't really put it into words. "You really think our kids would be--Oh, um, hello, Mrs Deleo? Ah... you don't know me but my name is Serena Warren. I'm a friend of your son's. Ah, Chris. He, um... And Rick... Um, I don't really know how to even start..."

Drew blinked, not really following what Serena was trying to explain. "They still look like brothers, though. Rick is just fucking huge," he stated with his own blunt description of the older brother. He watched Serena struggle for a moment. She was going to start crying. Drew could hear that edge in her voice. He had heard his baby sister cry enough over the years to know the signs. He always hated it too... he felt so helpless. He grabbed the phone off her and put it to his ear. "Mrs Deleo? Hey, I'm Drew. I'm potentially Chris' brother-in-law-to-be. I know this is weird, but you just need to hear me out for a minute. You need to come to Miami, yeah? Your boys, they're in hospital. You need-- she hung up!" he said in shock, blinking at the phone in surprise.

Serena was already crying now that she no longer had the phone to her ear and she reached out to grab her brother's hand before she frowned. "She what?"

"She just hung up!" Drew cried indignantly. "She was asking who I was, so I told her, but then she went quiet and after that, she just... hung the eff up. Oh shit. Maybe things are worse in their family than they've been letting on?"

Serena shifted her weight as she resisted the urge to take her hair out of its ponytail and cleared her throat as her blue eyes stayed fixed on her brother. "Maybe it was to do with the fact that you introduced yourself as Chris' potential brother-in-law-to-be? It might have spooked her to get news of that, plus the fact that both boys are in hospital. If things are so strained between them it might have been a lot to take in."

Drew pulled a face at his sister. "What was I supposed to say? I had to get her attention! Come on, what sort of mother is she that gets spooked over the news her kid has a girlfriend? If she's that fucked in the head, something is wrong and she shouldn't be here anyway. Hello! It is a lot to take in. She may as well get the whole story at once," he reasoned.

Serena wrapped her arms around her slender waist as she dropped her gaze to the phone still in Drew's hand. "Maybe she's literally dropped everything just to come as soon as possible?"

"Or we just fucked up royally..." Drew added quietly, looking at the phone in his hand.

"Crap. Crap, crap, crap, crap. Maybe it's just as well Chris isn't conscious for this." Serena turned around to start pacing, her fingers pressed against her lips as she tried to ignore the way her stomach had tightened even more at the idea that they'd managed to fuck up even more by trying to just let Mrs Deleo know what was going on. All she wanted was for Chris to have his family. She wasn't trying to push them away even more.

musesandlyrics | 8.7 Supernatural quote

2010-08-29T10:16:34Z

8.7. "I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot."
Supernatural

Co-written with geniuscowboy
[[Follows THIS, THIS and THIS]

Chris found himself getting drawn awake yet again after a long night of restless dozing and trying to watch DVDs on the small portable screen that only made him go cross-eyed when his brain wanted to keep wondering and not sticking on the plot. By the time he got admitted and found himself in the bed next to Rick, he had started to feel anxious and sick. Not that anyone could blame him, now that the enormity was setting in. He spent about an hour feeling like absolute crap before Bella gave him a shot to ease the nausea and Chris finally managed to get a bit of sleep. He got about two hours or so before he was awake again, then he had a small handful of visitors ranging from Proctor to Kathy to even Kleebus, which gave Chris a bit of a laugh.

Before even that, Chris had finally gotten his taco, but he hadn't been able to stomach it like he thought he could, so they ended up sharing it after Serena sweetly sat and picked all the more stodgy parts of it out for him so he was left with a light meal before he was put on nil-by-mouth. Chris would say he couldn’t believe how amazing she was being, but he could. He more than could. She was making the whole thing bearable for him, and he knew how lucky he was that they had hooked up those few months before. He couldn’t ever see it as a mistake, she had come to mean far too much for him for that, and he really was head over for her. The highlight of the afternoon - and he was lucky there even could be a highlight - was when they took Bella's office hostage when she was on her rounds for a quickie on her exam table. Chris absolutely refused to be put under for surgery without getting laid to tied him over. The only problem was, despite thinking the strange lock on the door was actually locked, it wasn't and they got caught right in the middle by poor Lisa, and the whole thing more than took all of them by surprise. Lisa escaped with a small shriek of shock and although it should have been enough to kill any dude's erection, Chris was determined to finish... and he did.

He only realised now that he wasn't alone when he went to put his hand up to see his watch and found Serena was sitting there holding it, watching him closely. "You're still here," he told her with a small smile and managed to get a look at his watch. "It's one am. I told you to go home and get some sleep," he added with a hint of scolding to his hushed tone so he didn't wake Rick up.

Serena just smirked at him as she leaned forward to kiss Chris' forehead. Her chair was as close to his bed as she could get it, and Serena was lucky she was slender. She could easily curl up in the chair and at least be comfortable enough to watch over her boyfriend. Sleep was an on and off thing, Serena just managing to get snatches of it every so often. "Well, I don't know if you know this about me but I don't always follow orders. I'm a genius cowgirl that does surgery in hyperbaric chambers, and manages to get alligators on operating tables."

"Get back to me when you perform amputations down sinkholes," Chris threw back with a small smirk. He looked over at Rick to make sure he was at least still breathing and then met Serena's gaze again. "I'm glad you're here," he admitted quietly... and soberly. One am meant he was only about four hours off before they came to start prepping him for surgery. Hooking him up to machines and shaving him in interesting places. He looked at the IV in the back of his hand and pressed his lips together wryly. "Not all that long now. You know what Proctor told me? He said he could find someone to fill your place for a couple of weeks, if you wanted to take some leave. He said he was glad we made each other happy. I'm not sure I should be relieved of that or terrified that he thinks something might go wrong. He's being cooperative."

Serena was smiling at his response as she gave his hand a soft squeeze. "Well, I wasn't going to go that far. I think facing my fear was enough for now. But let's not forget the internal decapitation either, or Uncle Angry going into arrest while in the OR with me. Still, we're not having a pissing contest, are we? I know you're the man in this relationship," she teased as she bit back laughter so she didn't wake Rick. She sobered up as he mentioned Proctor before her eyebrows went up in surprise. "Are you serious? He'd really let me take a couple of weeks? Maybe this is what he meant when he said we needed to consider priorities."

"Hm, I still win with the hole. Sorry. You haven't faced a lobster or a vampire, yet." Chris pointed down to his torso. "Can we add giving a vital organ to save someone's life to the pissing contest? He said he would. I don't think he's the lying sort. I don't think it's an ideal situation for him to be two team members down, but then, teams generally don't have two of their surgeons dating and one handing over a kidney, do they? If we were both in a car accident together and out of action, it would be the same scenario. He might be all about ideal situations but he's still a decent guy."

"Maybe I'll just talk to him about it before I decide whether to take it, or not. I don't want to dump Dave in it even more. I'll just make sure Proctor really can cover it first." Serena rubbed her thumb over Chris' finger where he'd been wearing the ring she'd got him for his birthday and chewed on her lip as she thought it over. Maybe taking two weeks off really would help. She wasn't expecting anything to go wrong, but it would still mean she was there to look after Chris if he needed it. It would also stop her from having to be concerned about her mind not being on the job. That way Proctor really couldn't call her professionalism into question. "Well, on the plus side this is the only time you'll ever have to give a kidney..."

"A live one anyway. I am still listed as a donor. But hey, they can have at it if I check out of this place before my time." Chris kept it light, even if the words still wanted to catch him in the throat. He was overtired and he was nervous and scared. It was just hard to keep up the joking momentum completely, even if he was still C at heart. "What a day, huh? Part of me is relieved they're knocking me out in the morning so I can actually have an uninterrupted sleep. "Babies, and kidneys, and Dave's sister, and tacos, and flowers that mean health, and trips home, and... sex." The trademark cheeky grin appeared on his lips, even if it was sleepy and worn out.

Serena nodded as she grinned back at him and reached up to gently ruffle his hair. "I think it's probably why I can't sleep. I don't think I'll be able to come down from it just yet. Not to mention the fact I need to make sure you get the rest. I know it's scary, and I know being knocked out seems awesome right now, but you still need to try and relax. I'll be right there for you when you wake up, I promise. No way I'm letting you get away from me this easy."

"I'm trying, I just can't. My heart feels like it's up in my throat and my head is aching. I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life. But hey, look. Puke Test Round Two, and we still survived it. We're gonna be experts soon," Chris said with a smirk and then brushed his hand over his arm with a small sigh. "It feels like everything is going to just be different now. Everything's changing."

Serena uncurled from her chair before she lifted up Chris' hand with the IV attached so that she didn't tangle any wires and climbed up onto his bed to lie down next to him. She slipped her arm around his waist and kissed his cheek softly. "No one can touch us as far as those tests are concerned. Do you think it's changing in a good way, or a bad way?"

Chris looked up at the ceiling, trying to pretend he wasn't feeling crappy, but he just was. Lack of sleep and fear just wasn't his friend. He really would be glad when it was all finally over. "I don't know. Maybe it's changing in ways I don't believe are really actually happening. Eva leaving, hearing that Dave nearly died, Rick here being all... like a brother, finding out I'm going to be an uncle, you. If feels like I'm going to wake up and find out it's just some weird dream."

Serena pulled her mouth to the side. "I hope not, because you're the one part I don't want to miss out on if you wake up. That means I'll wake up too, and that's it. No us. I think the craziness is worth it sometimes to find the good side. The diamonds in the rough, you know? The thing that'll sustain us through it all. I can't imagine you not being in my life. I mean, you were before, but I mean like this. You know? If it makes you feel any better, I'm scared too."

"It doesn't actually make me feel any better. It makes me feel worse, actually, but thanks for trying, babe," Chris said quietly with a faint smile. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on hers, closing his eyes. The room was mostly darkened except for the small reading light above his bed, which he had ended up leaving on when he kept waking up and nearly went ass over tit trying to get out of bed for the bathroom a few hours ago. Serena hadn't been there at that point, but now it seemed that she had just gone home briefly to change and shower before coming back. She had told him she would bring some of his things back, but he just assumed that would be when she returned in the morning. But he really was glad she was here right now. More than glad. "Rick says I'm not allowed to jerk off in the bed next to him, but he didn't say anything about making out with you," he added. He was joking, anything to help keep him sane.

Serena rubbed her hand against his side as she smiled to herself before letting out an amused snort. "My bad. But hey, at least I get to observe. I still don't know if that'll be better or worse, but I know that will at least make you feel better." Chris' things were waiting for him in the little closet that formed part of the furnishings in the private room, her brother's DVD player a late addition. She knew Drew was on standby if she needed him, and Serena made a mental note to show him how grateful she was. She hadn't missed the meaningful glances exchanged by Lisa and Drew either when the two Warrens were sitting outside Chris' room. "Mm, well, I think we can manage that. I mean, only if we keep things slow and gentle. Don't want to overexcite you."

"Why not? This might be my last chance in awhile to get overexcited," Chris pointed out with a smirk and slipped his hand up under her shirt to help himself anyway. He was too tired and too aware of Rick in the room to really roll too much with it, but it was a nice thought. The taco had been a nice thought too, but that turned out to be a bad mistake. He really wasn't going to relax until he woke up knowing it was all over and had gone well. Only time would tell how he got on in the wake of the operation, or how well Rick would cope. As it was, Rick would be on meds for the rest of his life to make sure the transplant remained healthy, but as far as Chris was concerned, that would be a small price to pay as opposed to the cancer killing his brother.

Serena was about to ask why it was going to be awhile, but then she realised how stupid that was. Of course it would be a while. Chris was about to have an organ out. He wasn't just going to start running around the block and leaping tall buildings in a single bound five minutes after it. She really did need to start thinking about whether she wanted to take the leave Proctor was apparently offering. Serena hummed with pleasure as a little shudder rolled through her body as Chris really did just help himself and she tilted her head back to catch his lips in a soft, lingering kiss. "I really am proud of you, baby."

Chris raised his head just a little to see Rick over Serena's shoulder, making sure he was still asleep. He didn't know if he would be able to get much more sleep tonight, so why shouldn't he have something to distract him? It wasn't like they were hurting anyone, or being slightly reckless like they had when they 'borrowed' Bella's office the afternoon before. "Proctor said much the same thing... so did Rick, come to think of it. Maybe I should be handing out body parts more often? I could get used to all this praise," he murmured and kissed her back slowly, brushing his hand over the skin beneath her shirt. "I'm starting to feel like I've won the Pulitzer Prize."

Serena brushed her fingers along his arm before she pushed them up into Chris' hair, unable to resist playing with it again. He was going to be lucky if his hair was ever going to stay neat. About the only time was during work. Before or after was her time. She knew his brother was next to them, and her brother was outside the room, but she couldn't help that she still wanted to steal more boyfriend time. "No, it's not that. I mean, yeah, of course it's pretty inspiring that you're giving up a body part for Rick, but I'm talking more about how you handled it all. I'm just so proud of you." Serena tugged at his hair gently. "The Pulitzer, huh?"

"Handled it? I didn't handle it. I've spent days... weeks... freaking out about everything. I threatened Bella. I took a spur of the moment trip back home which was about an eighteen hour round trip. I'm not really sure I handled it. It's a miracle I'm not lying here crazy. Sometimes, it definitely felt like I was headed in that direction. Part of me still doesn't even know what I'm doing, and part of me still wants to run away to proctect myself. Right now, getting the Pulitzer Price seems a lot easier than facing this," Chris admitted and pressed his lips together wryly. "But I still know it's the right thing."

"That's what I mean. I know you think you didn't handle it, but the fact that you let your emotions come through when you needed them to... And you knew you needed to take off for a bit, just like you knew you wanted to come home. And no matter what you think, you did good. You thought it all through, considered the angles. You didn't make a hasty decision." Serena kissed him again and pressed her lips against the corner of his mouth when it eased off. "And if you feel it's the right thing, it is the right thing."

Chris frowned a little and sighed, his head coming to rest against hers. "What are we going to do if something goes wrong? If I can't recover? Can't... work?" he asked her quietly. It had been one of the main things that had been passing through his mind. He really didn't know what he would do if he couldn't be a trauma surgeon. In fact, if felt like it would ruin it if he couldn't be.

Serena linked her fingers with Chris' as she held his hand to her chest and fell quiet for a moment. "I'm not going to leave you," she murmured as she closed her eyes briefly against a wave of tears that threatened to spill. "If you can't work, I'll... I'll take care of you. I can't just leave it like this... I can't leave us like this. We'll find a way."

"And there's a chance it might not even work. I mean, the initial surgery probably will, but there is a chance his body could still reject the new organ. It happens all the time. If that happens..." Chris let his own eyes closed. "I told myself I wasn't going to do this. I wasn't going to think about all this and just get in there and do it, but I can't not think about it. There's still a chance this could all be for nothing."

Serena nodded against his shoulder as she gripped his hand that little bit tighter. Of course it was hard not to think about the bad stuff. It was part of why Serena was so scared. She really didn't know what she would do if everything went wrong. She wasn't ready to lose Chris, she wasn't ready for him to lose a brother he only just had a chance to have a real relationship with. "We're just going to have to wait until it's over. You know better than anyone it's hard to predict how this is gonna play out. Are you going to regret it if the kidney doesn't take?"

"I don't know. Maybe... probably. How could I not? It would feel like all of this was for nothing. Maybe it would even feel like I failed. I just... I really don't know how I would feel. If someone had asked me six months ago how I would have felt if someone told me Rick had cancer, I probably would have just laughed at them in disbelief, and we all know how I eventually took that news. My head still keeps going to weird places. Even in the very least, I'm not looking forward to any of the post-op stuff. The body even has to learn how to pee differently. That probably isn't painful, but it just sounds painful by default," Chris said with a small sigh of frustration.

"You still won't be doing it alone. I'll help any way I can. I'll do whatever you need me to. I know it's scary... I know it's a lot to take in, and I know it's all just guesswork until it's over and done but we'll get through it. Even if I have to give your body a talking to myself so you start peeing in a way that doesn't hurt by default." Serena kissed the back of his hand before she opened her eyes to look at the darkened wall opposite. "Just don't regret this, okay? You're doing what you can to help Rick. He'll appreciate it no matter what."

Chris was quiet for a long time. "That's just easier said than done, babe. I don't want to regret it, but can't predict how I'm going to feel about any of it after it's done. Proctor thinks I'll feel relieved and... shit, what did he say? Relieved and with a renewed sense of hope. It was something like that. I'm not sure it automatically takes that route if it all fails. There is no renewed sense of hope if Rick ends up dying anyway. I'm doing this so he doesn't die."

Serena sighed softly as she pulled herself up a little higher and started to brush her fingers through his hair before she kissed his forehead. "I know, baby. I know. And I just really hope it is worth something, and he won't die. I really want this to go well. I want you to be okay."

Chris gave his hand a small wave. "Okay. Optimism gets switched off now. It's starting to make me nervous again," he warned and squeezed his fingers into the corners of his eyes. "I still can't believe he's going to be a father. She told me after all this, any other chance is pretty much shot. In saying that, apparently her chances were shot too, so I don't know what to believe anymore. To top it all off, someone told me Dave was waiting for me, but I haven't had the chance to speak to him and he wasn't there when I did. I want to see him before I go in."

"I'm sorry, I'll definitely switch it off now." Even if Serena really was hoping that Chris would be okay. She couldn't lie there and think about the worst because it was part of why she hadn't been able to sleep back at their apartment. She didn't want her last night with Chris to be away from him. Especially if it really would be their last night. "I can send him a message if you want. Make sure he's here. I don't think he'd want to miss you. How do you feel about being an uncle?"

Chris was tempted but he rested his tongue between his lips and shook his head. "No, it's late. He might be sleeping. He should be sleeping. Everyone should be. He's been having a crap time trying to find his feet in Alpha. I just want to try and speak to him before everything happens in the morning, even just for a few minutes." He turned his head to look over at Rick again, letting his gaze linger for a few moments before he softly cleared his throat. "A bit weird, but I guess it'd be pretty cool. I just can't imagine him as a dad. I'm trying, it just goes way over my head. I look at Bella and it's impossible to believe she's actually carrying Rick's kid."

Serena curled her fingers into Chris' hospital gown as she cuddled closer to him and tried to imagine him as an uncle, and Rick as a father. It was true that it was hard. Rick didn't exactly come across as a family man straight out, but that didn't mean he wasn't capable. Serena was only optimistic because she wanted so badly for Chris to experience family as it should be. She wanted to believe this would all end happily. "I've tried to help Dave as much as I can, but it has been hard. It just seems to have kept up the craziness even without you. But then, we are Alpha and this would be why. It just never stops. I know, right? It's crazy. She's gonna be mother to a Deleo."

Chris stretch a little restlessly, and looked up at the IV. "Nil by friggin mouth. I could kill for a drink right now. Or maybe a beer," he complained, and it was probably only just going to be the start of it. He sighed in frustration, trying not to let that cabin fever feeling set in already that came with a doctor being a patient in his own hospital. "Tell me I'm going to be okay..." he finally added quietly, once again showing to Serena how vulnerable he felt. He didn't show it to many people, but she seemed to be copping the lot lately.

Serena looked at Chris, her eyes searching his face quietly. It was the one thing they were never supposed to promise as surgeons. It wasn't even like Serena would be scrubbing in on this one as a surgeon either. She would just be an observer. She felt even less comfortable trying to promise Chris would be okay when she had no real assurance that he would be. Then again, Bella trusted the surgeons and Serena just wanted so much for Chris to be okay. She kissed him softly. "You'll be okay, baby."

Words: 4126

RP Log with geniuscowboy& tenderluvnlisa | Decision Time

2010-08-24T07:36:35Z

Chris was yet again a screwed up mess as he stormed out of Bella's office, and to the fuck with any of her staff who wanted to eyeball him and start rumours. His brother was goddamn dying from cancer and if he wanted to cry and and yell and make a scene, he was going to do it. Or had already done it, rather. When he left the beach, he had told himself he would be so cool about the whole thing and go in calm and collected, but the journey between the beach and the hospital, getting stuck in traffic in the cab, left him with too much time to stew and get worked up again. The baby thing had put a spanner in his works and it was a spanner that maybe deep down he wanted in the works. He had been so sure of his decision but maybe at the end of the day, he really couldn't just walk away and not help Rick. It had been part of his psyche forever, and now this was the ultimate help Rick needed. Did Chris really have the capacity to just walk away?

For now, he was going to do a damn good job mimicking it at least, and he was roughly trying to wipe his cheeks with the back of his hand as he tried to do a bolt from the oncology unit and probably the whole hospital. He had meant what he said when he gave Bella the ultimatum. He had his fill of all the damn bullshit, it was time to stop screwing around with everything and just deal with it all. If she didn't tell Rick, he would... and then he would have Rick transferred to the oncology unit in Orlando or Jacksonville. The past few months of secrets and concealing and dancing around with information and changes had taken it's toll and he finally - and inevitably - hit a brick wall with it all.

But he wasn't looking or concentrating when he veered around the corner to the elevators and he crashed roughly into someone rounding the corner from the opposite direction. They only narrowly missed knocking each other to the ground, but she had her stethoscope in her hand an in an effort not to fall over, had thrown her arm up and caught Chris firmly in the eye with the drum of it. "God-friggin-damnit! Can't anyone just give me a fucking brea--" He stopped abruptly when he realised who he had crashed into and the beginnings of his frustrated and still upset rant Round Two got cut off as he just looked like he wanted to dive out the nearest window all of a sudden.

Lisa had been trying her best to stay out of the way and just get back to work as she tried to forget Chris' outburst but it was hard. It was hard to unhear that your boss was having a patient's baby. Not only that, but the patient was the brother of your own brother's best friend. Lisa had gone from feeling like she'd just stumbled into a job at the best hospital around to feeling like she'd somehow wound up on the set of a soap opera. Now she bit back a curse as she slammed into another person and felt her stomach drop out as she realised it was Chris. She'd never had a problem with him apart from when she'd first met him and suffered at the hands of a Deleo-centred crush, but now she just really didn't want to have to try and talk to him while still trying to just act like she hadn't seen, or heard anything. She wasn't even sure if he'd known it was her in the office and she had been hoping to getaway with it.

As she saw the expression of his face though, she realised he had noticed it was her. "I'm so sorry, Chris. Are you okay? Are you bleeding?"

The eye was stinging and felt like it was watering enough to create a small tidal wave, but he took his hand away to look at his fingers, finding no blood there. "No... it's fine, don't worry about it. It's my fault, I wasn't watching where I was going." He was starting to wonder if he was ever going to be the cool and confident guy he had been just a few weeks ago, but it seemed to be getting more and more unlikely as the days passed. The morning started out good. He made his decision and then there was amazing sex just for the sake of it. If the news hadn't been dropped on him, he would probably still be at home in bed naked with Serena and a small sob almost escaped when he realised how much he wanted that to be, but that was shot in the ass now. "I- I didn't even realise you were in town, let alone working here. Dave didn't say. But then, I haven't had the chance to see him much these past few weeks..."

"He's been working his ass off. Getting three hours sleep. I haven't even seen him, and he's my brother. But then I did kind of just drop it on him. It was supposed to be a surprise." Lisa hooked her stethoscope around her neck to get it out of the way before she tried to get a look at Chris' face. She scrunched her nose up in concentration. "So, you know... surprise! Just what you always wanted. Dorky little Lisa back to follow you around like a bad smell."

"The life of Alpha," Chris commented and cleared his throat. "I dunno, doesn't following constitute actually coming at someone from behind and not in front?" he joked, but there wasn't much punch behind it and if he smirked, anyone would have blinked and missed it. "He knows you're here right? Because seriously, you ask me to keep any secrets, I'll tell you to go fuck yourself, in the nicest possible way."

Lisa arched an eyebrow. "I missed you too, Chris. It's so nice to see you again. Yes, he knows I'm here. I told him online. It's been hard enough to get him on the phone. I was just hoping he'd find it eventually. You don't have to keep any of my secrets. I don't even have any. Not like... Nothing. No secrets. I don't know about any secrets, I swear."

Chris tilted his head and pierce her with a gaze. "Oh, now I know you're just lying. I know you heard what I said when I went into the office." He knew there was a history there, and also that she mostly knew him as C, the cool and chilled guy with a wicked sense of humour. Now she was getting C's stressed and flat alter-ego. He was even there in crappy old trackpants, shoes without socks and probably still had something akin to fuck hair. Serena always played with his hair when they had sex, and he had come to be more than used to that. "That is information that could ruin Bella's career."

"Somehow I don't think you were there to exactly save her career," Lisa found falling out of her mouth before she could stop and process her words. She held her hands up in a show of surrender and sighed. "Look, I'm not going to say anything, okay? I like it here. I like Dr Watson. This is my first day, C. My first day. I don't want anything messing that up. As far as I'm concerned I didn't hear anything. It's between you, Dr Watson, and your brother. But you should know he's getting worse. The swelling in his groin has grown, and he'll have to go on dialysis very soon so he can have the next round of chemo." Lisa looked over him quietly, his appearance not bothering her. She'd probably looked worse while she was looking after Dave. "He was getting a fever overnight, it wasn't a UTI."

"Just my brother's life," Chris mumbled in return and was back to rubbing his stingy eye again. His first reaction was to wonder why the hell Bella hadn't told him these changes, until he remembered he hardly gave her chance to tell him anything being so in her face. Now he had reigned in his emotions a little, he felt like a giant dick for doing what he did. He looked at her with a small shake of his head in disbelief before he cupped his hands over his face, really trying not to start crying again. He had to talk to Serena, and he wanted a hug. At this point, he would even settle for one off Proctor he felt like such shit. Kidney transplant, or Rick was on dialysis and more chemo... and then the clock was ticking. Dialysis wouldn't keep him alive forever. "I feel sick," he added with a heavy exhalation.

Lisa hooked her arm under Chris' and steered him in the direction of the doctors' lounge. He was a doctor, right? He could still go in there. He needed to go in there. She was just hoping all the other doctors were busy so they could have the room to themselves. She wondered if she should offer to call his girlfriend but she glanced up as the elevators dinged and saw a petite blonde come out of them wearing what looked like boyfriend clothes. A man's t-shirt, man's unzipped hoodie and even a pair of men's sweatpants. Lisa watched and waited for the blonde to show some kind of recognition towards Chris and when she saw it, she nodded her head to indicate for her to meet them at the end of the hall.

Serena had let out a sigh of relief at seeing Chris being guided by a nurse, and one that seemed to understand that Serena was there for him. The brunette was looking vaguely familiar for a reason but she couldn't quite put her finger on why. All she knew was that she had never dressed so quickly after receiving a text message. Chris' clothes seemed destined to get a work out and Serena had borrowed them when putting her own on seemed too much like a chore. It was a habit she was falling into a lot these days. "Chris," she murmured when she followed her boyfriend and the nurse into the doctors' lounge. Thankfully it really was devoid of anyone else and she just wrapped her arms around him when the brunette stepped back.

Chris had been to caught up in trying to figure out kidney versus baby in his screwed brain to even realise Serena had arrived. But as soon as he realised, his breath left him in a rush. "Oh thank god," he said with a small sob and wrapped his arms tightly around her in the hug. He really didn't want to let go and he buried his face in her shoulder to just try and steal some sort of... something she had to help him deal with this. He pulled back a little and kissed her, only to break it off and start hugging her again. "I'm sorry about this morning, babe, I know I freaked out. I'm getting good at that lately, trust me." He did manage to somehow collect himself and pulled out of the embrace again, but he kept a tight grip on Serena's hand. "I should... this is Lisa. Bella's new nurse that I totally screwed up in front of too, but yeah, she's Dave's sister."

Lisa offered a smile as she gave Serena a small wave. Now she could see what Bella had been talking about. The two young doctors really did have a connection that it was impossible not to notice. And Serena was definitely pretty. She also obviously cared about Chris deeply. "That's me. Lisa Tyler, nurse and Dave's sister. I've heard a lot about you, Serena. All good I promise. It's nice to meet you."

Serena returned Lisa's smile. "Nice to meet you, too. I'm glad to see Dave's family finally join us in Miami. In fact, everyone's siblings seem to be coming to visit lately. One big family..." She turned her head to kiss Chris' cheek. "It's okay, baby. I get it. Bella let me know you were here. I'm sorry I just blurted it out so stupidly but I hate all these secrets." She looked between Lisa and Chris. "Is Bella okay?"

Chris gave a slight laugh. "Hey, you seriously have nothing on the serving I gave Bella. I fucked up," he told Serena, but he was glancing between the two girls. "I think I somehow misprojected my anger onto her and she copped it all. Luckily, she has the doctor mojo and took it all without question, but I... I... I threatened her. I told her she had to tell Rick or I wouldn't let her ever see him again." The guilt was evident in his tone and his shoulders slumped as he looked down at the floor. He really wasn't proud of what he did now it was all over and done with. He hadn't meant to take it all out on Bella, but her news had been a catalyst for screwing up his decision in his head just when he was sure, and he still wasn't sure what the hell he was supposed to do. "We should all get funny hats that say who we belong to," he added as an afterthought, the Dr C part of his brain still trying to claw its way through.

Lisa laughed softly as she reached out to give his shoulder a squeeze and then moved away to make them all a cup of tea. She wasn't about to comment about the threats. While she'd never had reason to threaten Dave's oncologist when he was sick, she did understand the misdirected anger. It could come out at any moment, aimed at anyone. She'd once yelled at a poor teenaged checkout operator and then promptly burst into tears on her. A family member suffering cancer always took its toll. "The hats are a good idea..."

Serena watched Lisa for a moment before she tugged on Chris' hand and forced him to sit down on one of the lounges. She rubbed her free hand against his arm and sighed. "Baby... She'll understand it's hard on you. She will. I'm just not sure you made the right move, but it's done now. Do you think she's really telling Rick?"

Chris wiped at his cheeks now that he had calmed down a little... for the moment. "I dunno. I guess she will. Don't worry, she gave back pretty much as good as she was getting. I just didn't like what she said to me, and it probably pissed me off even more to push me to make with the threats. Seriously think Rick would hate me forever if I tried to keep Bella from him in any capacity. I dunno how he will even take the news. I don't. As much of a bastard as I am when I say this, I cannot vouch for Rick's fatherly skills at all. But I just... I..." Okay, the tears were back and he choked up on the words. "She said, even if if he survives everything, his body'll take too much of a hit to be able to have kids anymore. If he doesn't get a kidney, he might die. Bella would be left up shit creek and the kid won't ever know its father." He looked over at Lisa, and then realised he had no clue if Dave was in the same sort of boat. They hadn't had a chance to talk about it in depth, but it seemed like a tragedy that someone like Dave wouldn't be able to have kids. "I'm sorry, Lis. This must suck for you. It's hell awkward, I know. You didn't need any of this shit on your first day."

Lisa managed to hold all three mugs as she brought them over and sat on the sofa across from Serena and Chris. "It's okay, C. I know it sucks for you and I really don't envy you. It was different with Dave. There wasn't any... ah, pregnancies. No secrets. Except from you, and I can't tell you how sorry I am for that. I wanted him to tell you, but I guess he just had his reasons. And you know what he's like. He gets so stubborn when he wants to be. This is maybe his one chance. Both of them get a chance... If Rick survives. Even if he doesn't, this is a piece of him that will survive and live on."

"Thank you," Serena said to Lisa as she leaned forward to pick up one of the mugs. She offered it to Chris with a small smile. "Here, baby. Drink it... Don't forget you're exhausted. All you've done is drive. You weren't even home for that long after we--after we stayed up. You need to take care of yourself as well as everyone else. As well as your brother. I know you thought you'd made the decision, but it's okay to take a little more time. I didn't mean to smash it all to pieces, but I thought you should have known. Lisa's right thought, this is a huge thing for both of them. A chance at something neither of them were supposed to have. Could have... Maybe you just need to wait and see how Rick will take it."

Chris held his hand up before he accepted the mug. "Just to make a point, there very much were secrets. I didn't see him damn well telling me he had cancer in a hurry. I can't help thinking what would have happened if he had died. I would have just got a phone call out of the blue, and I just..." He shook his head, feeling a chill creep over his skin at just the thought. "But I get it. I do. He said he had a real bad time of it, and I can't say how I would have reacted to it. Probably really badly if these past few weeks are anything to go by. I just can't friggin believe she's knocked up. Rick knocked a chick up. Do you know how many times I pulled the piss out of him for something like that. I always warned him he would do it, I would just have really preferred it wasn't like this and... and... I-I have to do it. I have to give him the kidney. I can't have a niece or nephew grow up without its dad. I couldn't live with myself if he died and I knew I could save him. I'll make him be a fucking good father if it kills me. I'll kill him with my bare hands if he doesn't finally step up."

Lisa just sat there and listened, hoping that now Chris had made this particular decision that he wouldn't regret it. It was becoming clearer that Chris must have originally decided against giving Rick his kidney. She let her own mug stay put for a moment as she folded her hands in her lap and leaned forward a little. "It's a big decision, Chris. There's still a lot of ramifications. You need to be sure, but I guess you don't really need a nurse giving Dr C the run down."

Serena felt the air rush out of her lungs as Chris said the words, and she squeezed his hand tightly. Truth was the operation was just as likely to go well as it was to turn bad. She wasn't ignorant to the fact that Chris had made his first decision somewhat because of what it meant for Serena. She looked at him, her eyes searching his face. "Whatever happens... You won't be alone. You'll never be alone, Chris. You and me all the way, remember? You jump, I jump."

Chris was suddenly highly nervous. He felt like he wanted to pee, throw up and cry all at once, which wouldn't be a pretty sight. Not the image he was hoping to project around two hot chicks at all. "Just stupid shit goes through your head, like whether you'll feel heavier on one side one organ down, even though I'm a damn surgeon and know crap like that his bullshit. I've never had an operation before, so I'm scared what the anesthetic will do. It can be fucked up shit when it wants to be. That's all the little things, without even stopping to let myself get drowned in the big things, but... that baby... it's life has to come before mine. I just know it has to. If something happens, hopefully I'll leave behind a really good looking niece or nephew..." The words caught in his throat again. It was hard enough for him to think he might not get to meet his own niece and nephew, to think that Rick might not meet his own kid was almost unfathomable for him.

"You're one of a kind, Chris. But I think this is the part that I leave you two to it. I won't breathe a word to Dr Watson yet. Not if you want to be the one to tell her, or talk to your brother first. I'm taking good care of him, I promise," Lisa assured Chris as she picked up her mug to take with her. She leaned down to kiss his cheek before winking at him. "It was good seeing you again, C. I'm just sorry it had to happen like this. Call if you need anything. And you know Dave's always going to be there for you."

Serena looked up at Lisa. "Thanks again for taking care of him. I really appreciate it, and it really was nice to meet you, Lisa. Now I can definitely see the family resemblance." She turned her attention back to Chris and ran her fingers through his hair, trying to tidy it up. "Surgery is a scary thing, there's no getting around it, but you'll be under the best care. You're at the best hospital. And you're doing the right thing for Rick and his baby. For his family... It's not going to be easy, and I won't tell you it'll be okay because I can't promise that, but whatever happens... You made the right decision."

Chris nodded and gave Lisa a tired smile. "Ditto on the needing anything. Don't let my appearance fool you, I can be quite helpful when I'm not in an emotional crisis," he joked. "I'll talk to Rick, but don't be thinking you need to make with the secrets with Dave. You can talk to him about this. I know he won't go spilling any secrets, unlike me." He gave her a small wave and watched her leave with a sigh, groaning a little as he buried his face in his hands. "Did I? I thought I already had made the right decision. I'm so tired, I just... want to be back home in bed with you. Everything just exploded in this horrible mess and I don't know if this is the right decision, but it feels like it's what I need to do."

"Which is what makes it the right decision," Serena told him softly. She rubbed her hand against his back and leaned forward to catch his gaze. "As much as I want to take you home, it's maybe to better to talk to Rick first before anything else. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here with you. Even if we have to push someone out of their hospital bed and claim it as ours while you get some sleep."

Chris sighed and started to rub his eyes slowly and lethargically. "I need to talk to him... I do. I need to at least admit to him that I was going to chicken out, but it wasn't anything to do with him. Not at the end of the day. I thought it might have been. I thought I might have been holding my kidney hostage to punish him and make him hurt how much he's made me hurt over the years, but it wasn't that. I was just angry with all that. It still hurts that I haven't had him around, and maybe I really won't believe he'll stick around after I give him a kidney, but it's probably something I need to see to believe. I wasn't going to do it because... I wanted us. You and me. I'm not ready to give that up yet."

Serena slipped her arms around him in a hug and held Chris tightly. "Neither am I. I'm really not, and it's why I wanted to ask you not to do this, but the truth is... It's not right. It's not right of me to ask you to choose me or your brother. I love you, and this is part of who you are. You save people, and now you can save your brother. I am in awe of how strong you are, Chris. Even if you don't feel like it. We'll find your brother, and you can talk to him. Just be honest with him, he'll get it."

"It's not even about Rick, or me, or anyone else now. Not anymore. It's about that kid, and to be honest, it deserves a chance at not having a screwed up childhood like we did. I'm not saying that Bella wouldn't manage it if she was on her own, but it has to be better if she's not on her own. And... Rick should have this chance to prove himself. Maybe he missed the boat with me, maybe it's always going to be hard with us, but this is different. I'll just... talk to him, and then I'll tell Bella she's got the green light. Only after I have a huge greasy taco, because I might not be able to eat much after they strip me of a kidney," Chris added as a sheepish after thought. "And I don't care what Proctor says, I want sex before I get put under, so we're going to have to find somewhere to deal with that too."

[nsfw] RP Log with geniuscowboy | Wake Up Call

2010-08-22T10:14:25Z

Overall, Chris' trip to Lake Wimico was an abysmal failure. An eighteen hour round trip, and he had been in his home town, stood on the edge of that lake all of twenty minutes before he got back into Rick's car and drove home. He still couldn't really explain why he did it, and it was hurting his head to even try now. He had probably cried more in the last twenty four hours than he had in his whole life. At least, that's what it felt like. All he knew was that as soon as he was home, it didn't feel like home again. Being in the place he had a few fond memories with Rick of wasn't giving him the answers he needed. All it did was make him miss Miami... and miss Serena.

The nine hour drive back to Miami was exhausting, but he was never more relieved than when he hit the freeway into the city and the sun was just coming up over the horizon and lighting the buildings. He had the music blasting again to keep him awake and he was onto his fourth Red Bull, but it wasn't doing anything. He was just thinking about his bed and about Serena. He was thinking about Rick too, but it just came with more piles of confusion and sadness. It was impossible to wade through it all. He unlocked the apartment door quietly, knowing Serena would be asleep. Taking a few moments, he just stood inside his door and took in the sight of his apartment. This was his home now, not that place that contained all the bad memories of his childhood. A quick stop to the bathroom first, because there was no way he was going to get to sleep with that much soda in his bladder, and then he kicked his shoes off in the living room and drew all the blinds closed, making the place dark like he would if he was about to hit the sack after a nightshift. He had been up all night, so it was enough like a nightshift for him.

Serena was asleep on her back in the bed, Chris' pillow tucked up beside her, and her cell phone within easy reach on the nightstand. Even just for a little while, Chris wanted to shove all the stuff with Rick to the back of his mind and not think about it. He needed time with Serena; there had been very little of it lately. He pulled his jeans, socks and boxers off, dumping them in a pile on the floor, but didn't even bother to stop and get rid of his t-shirt. He tugged the covers back, finding Serena also in one of his t-shirts and a little pair of pink panties that never failed to drive him wild. Still, they could drive him wild another time, and he crawled into the bed, kneeling over her and pulled the covers up over his back. He started to kiss her softly and slowly pulled her panties down over her hips and thighs as he settled beside her. When she started to wake up, he smiled tiredly at her. "Hey..." he greeted her in a whisper and started to kiss her a little more deeply, getting the panties down to her knees and completely off. She was still half asleep, but he needed to feel her, and to be with her. It's what he needed above all else. He knew he didn't need to wait for her go ahead, they just had a rhythm between them now, and he gently nudged her legs apart so he could settle between them. He could feel that the kiss must've been enough to arouse her, it was already turning him on, and even the thought she might have been dreaming about them together had his erection twitching eagerly. Catching her lower lip between his with a soft sigh, he entered her slowly, his hand cupping her hip to pull her up against him.

A part of Serena was expecting her phone alarm to go off by now, to break the nice, sleepy rhythm that she and Chris had. To interrupted the delicious feel of him against her even if he still seemed a little cold to touch after she'd been all cosy warm in bed. But that was okay, the more they touched each other, the more they moved together and Chris got lost inside him - the warmer he'd become. Serena let out a tiny moan as he pushed deep inside her, her eyes opening a little to meet his as she gave him a sleepy smile and cupped his face with her hands. "Welcome home," she murmured. Relief flooded through her as she realised no alarm would be going off and Chris really was home and making with the very nice wake up call. She pulled him into a kiss, her knee pinning his hip as she moved so he fit better between her legs. She had been dreaming about him, but it had been lake sex. For some reason she had thought that debauching his childhood lake was a good fantasy, but then they always did seem to have a thing for wet sex. But this kind of sex was nice too. She nuzzled in against his neck when she pulled him closer against her as her hand pulled up the back of his t-shirt so she could run her palm over his back.

It felt like a long time since they had sex, even if it was just a few days. She had been at work on all over the place shifts, and Chris had been hanging around the hospital like a bad smell for news on Rick. Even before that, things had been all over the place. Getting time together to just be had been hard, while Chris, on the other hand, had not been, finding it difficult to feel very sexy when he was trying to nurse his brother through his first round of chemo. But she didn't have to rush off to work now, and Rick was in good hands. There was still a tough decision looming over Chris, but he couldn't think about that right now. He wanted to lose himself in her for a little while, and forget the rest of the world existed. He had already turned his cell phone off and with a brief, fleeting thought, he broke the kiss just long enough to reach other and turn Serena's off too before pushing it to the back of the table. He found a smooth rhythm, rocking his hips against hers and letting out a rough and breathy sigh at how amazing she felt. So warm and soft, he just couldn't get enough. With another smile down at her, he started to kiss her again, one elbow braced on the mattress to give him leverage to take her deeply on every stroke. It freed his other hand and he tucked it underneath her to softly squeeze her ass, letting his fingers explore over the smooth curve of it. He wanted to try so much with her, and even though they had been far from shy in bed with each other, he still wanted more. He wanted the whole package.

Serena was still in a haze from being woken from her deep sleep, but she was becoming more and more aware of Chris and just Chris. She didn't even think about work, or her brother, or his brother. She was selfish enough to glad that they finally just had a little time to themselves and grateful that he could even want to be with her while everything was going on. It was times like these there was maybe a little regret that she was a trauma doc that had to work insane hours. She arched her back as a shudder of pleasure rolled through her and kissed and nipped lightly at his shoulder. Truth was she'd do anything with Chris, or for Chris. She was a lost cause when it came to Dr C and she couldn't even find the energy to be apologetic for it. She was happy. He made her happy. She met his lips in the kiss and another moan got lost in his mouth as their tongues slowly pulsed against each other, neither of them in a rush. Her fingers pushed up into his hair as she gave it a gentle tug while her other hand rubbed against his ass. "Chris..."

The sheets were a mess around them, and Chris remembered when they had talked about silk sheets after he admitted to her that he always wanted to have sex in them. It was one of many things they had talked about, getting to know each other beyond work and beyond him being her Chief Resident and mentor on the job. He knew once their relationship was common knowledge, it would be free-for-all and more than a shock, but it went so far beyond them just being Dr C and Dr Warren. He knew Proctor had told them to go away and think about it and think about his priorities, but the more Chris thought about it, the more he just knew this was right. This right here was what he wanted. He didn't need it on tap, he didn't need to be all over her while they were on the job, they could remain professional and independent of each other. But he wanted to know he could have this when they wanted and needed it, just a little piece of their own world together. Everything else would just roll with it. He probably hadn't gotten in this deep with a girl before. There had been dating and a couple of relationships, but this was different. This was serious, and he didn't want it to end just because everyone wanted to judge what they were doing. In comparison, this was probably average sex, no creative positions, no covert places, no interesting props. Just them, their messy sheets, even both still wearing t-shirts, and it really couldn't get much better than that. He lifted her leg to wrap about his hip, always loving the feeling of her completely wrapped around him, and he drove just a little bit deeper, resting his shoulder down beside hers so he nuzzle her cheek, kissing it softly and dipping his tongue out to tease small swirls over her skin before he found her lips in another tender kiss.

Serena couldn't help it when she started to smile against his lips, his facial hair always ticking her skin. She'd never minded the beard rash. With her fair skin it was always going to be inevitable, but she didn't want Chris to be clean-shaven. She liked his look, she liked the rough little tickle against her cheek and jaw. A ripple washed over her and she wasn't sure if she was going to start giggling or not, but the smile didn't vanish. Not until the kiss broke and their gazes met again, and Serena saw the look in Chris' eye. Things really were serious. They'd taken another step without her really realising it. There was no going back, no giving up and she would seriously harm anyone that tried to get between them now. For a moment she could picture a wedding day, and even them with a family but they weren't quite up to that particular step. Serena wanted a little while just to stop and enjoy the one they were on. The arousal was coiling tight in the pit of her stomach the more he moved inside her, and Serena was being pushed closer and closer to the edge as they continued. Her hair was splayed out over the pillow and she slipped her hand under his arm to hold onto him as she caught his mouth in another kiss, wanting to hold off until she was sure they'd go crashing over the edge together.

Chris just didn't want this to end. It seemed almost unfair that a guy didn't have much of a capacity to make sex last a lot longer. There always had to be the orgasm, and then a rest, and them another kick off. Not that there was anything wrong with that at all, except lately, he and Serena never got to the second kick off before pagers were going off or phone calls were coming in, or exhausted sleep was claiming them. It was just a lot of sensations all at once and although he was fighting to hold off just a little longer, he also had the urge to go a little harder and feel her coming undone beneath him. Keeping it slow could have had them going longer, but it had been too long since they last made love. He couldn't tell his dick to wait a little longer when it was more than ready to hit home base. The sheets were tangled around their legs and he had her t-shirt pushed right up so he could brush his fingers over her stomach and explore her breasts. They were perfect, and he always meant that when he said it to her. He would never get tired of them, touching them, feeling their soft curve under his lips when he kissed them. That was not the train of thought to find himself on when he was trying to hold off. Something tugged inside him and with a soft warning moan of her name, he exhaled roughly and buried his face in against her throat as the orgasm him and sent stars bursting in the edges of his vision.

Serena gripped at Chris' arm as she felt him come inside her, the sensation one that she was fast getting used to now that they'd agreed to forego condoms. She had no problem with it, never thought of it as messy. It was natural. She moaned his name against his ear as her own orgasm ripped through her and her inner muscles clamping down tightly around him as she pushed her foot against against the bed. She was capable of being a screamer when she wanted to be, but this wasn't about screaming. It was definitely about making love. She was panting now as she lay trapped under Chris and kissed at the side of his face as she smiled and let her eyes fall shut for a moment. "Mm..."

Chris relaxed down on top of her, resting his head on her shoulder as he wet his lips and tried to catch his breath. He tucked his arm possessively around her waist and kissed her collarbone. He could feel his t-shirt twisted around him, but he just didn't care. "S'nice..." he murmured. And it was. Really, really nice. He was glad he took a pee before coming to bed, though. It meant he didn't need to move anywhere fast. Something told him he should go back to the hospital to see Rick, but that was going to have to wait too. He was hiding here for awhile first. He slowly moved his hand up under her shirt, his thumb sweeping under the curve of her breast as he managed a cheeky smile against her shoulder. He had always had a habit of 'postplay', his attention span for sex meaning he was never quite done playing once the orgasm was over and Serena was used to it by now, often teasing him back with pinching his ass or playing with his balls to make him laugh.

She murmured her agreement again as she tried not to wriggle now that he was engaging in his trademark postplay. Her body was still sensitive to touch and she bit her lip to stop from moaning too loudly as she gave his own nipple a gentle twist and opened her eyes to smile at him. It really was nice, this one part of having a boyfriend she was particularly proud of. Not to mention a future benefit of living with Chris. She was happy to give him a distraction while he needed it. At least this way she felt like she could help. "Love you," she whispered.

Chris shifted his head so he could look up and meet her gaze. He gave her a lop-sided smile and wrapped his arm around her in another affectionate hug. "Love you, too," he told her and tucked his leg in between hers. He was pretty sure if he had the energy right now he would run out and kiss someone for the fact she had the day off. In fact, he lost track of the last time they had the day to themselves. He started to trace small circles around her bellybutton with his fingertip. "I can't do it," he finally whispered.

"I'm not surprised considering what we just--oh." Serena stopped immediately when she realised Chris wasn't talking about a second kick-off. She kissed the top of his head as she slid her arms around his shoulders and held him. "It's okay if you can't. I don't think any less of you. No one's going to think any less of you. Just means they'll be praying for another donor to come through."

Chris shook his head against her shoulder and gripped a handful of her shirt. "I just can't do it. Every way I try to think about it, I just hit a brick wall, and I can just see it all going wrong. I can't shake the horrible feeling that something is going to happen. Maybe I'm just scared, but it feels like more. I don't want to wake up and realise I can't ever work again or that I'm sick and my life is on the line. I can't put you through that. What if something happens on the table? I could crash, have a heart attack. I might not wake up. I just... I want to be happy. I've never been happy like this and I'm not ready to give that up. I want to help him, I want to save his life, but what if I lose mine?"

"Bella's pregnant." The words were out and hanging in the air before Serena could stop them. She'd been sitting on it for long enough, and if she couldn't tell Chris she really was going to explode. Not to mention the fact she hadn't even really allowed herself time to process it. How was she even supposed to start? The Oncologist was pregnant with Rick's baby. Rick, who might die if he didn't get a kidney. Rick, who might be waiting a long time if Chris didn't give him his. Serena didn't exactly want to sway him, but she also knew that Chris didn't have all the information. How could he when Bella didn't want to tell either Deleo?

Chris pulled back, getting tangled up in the sheets and fighting to get his way out of them. "What?!" he demaned with a frown and then hooked his fingers roughly into the edge of the sheet and tore it out from under his arm. "So, what the hell was Rick?! Just some sort of hormonal freaking stopover to satisfying her horny lust?! Fucking hell! She could have at least told him before she jumped into bed with him and used him like some giant vibrator! No wonder she's friggin hurling and crying all over the place! If she can't take care of him, she needs to get the hell fucking out!" He had no idea why all his anger felt the need to pour out aimed at Rick's oncologist, but Chris was ranting before he could stop himself. "I don't even know why you're telling me this! Why are you telling me this? It's not like I'm gonna send her a pink teddy bear and wish her all the best! She fucking used my brother! Do you think it will guilt him into not dying?" He abruptly stopped and put a hand over his mouth. He was never going to be able to say that without it catching in his throat.

Serena pulled herself up into a sitting position so she could grab Chris' hands and try and get him to still long enough for her to continue. "Hey, hey. Take a breath, okay? Do you think it was easy for me to even hear it? But it's not about Rick being a giant vibrator. It's about Rick being the baby's father... It's his. She's carrying Rick's baby." She raised her eyebrows as she waited to see if Chris was going to absorb the new information and pulled him back towards her so she could hug him. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I even know, but she told me when she just burst into tears and I said some really insensitive crap to her about Rick. I haven't known what to make of it. I still don't know. I took it calmly because what the hell else was I supposed to do?"

Chris' whole posture slumped and he was too numb to really react. He didn't pull away, but he didn't reciprocate the hug, either. In fact, he just stared wide-eyed at the wall behind her for a long few moments, not saying a word. A strange chill was creeping down his back and he felt a little like he was going to pass out. It wasn't too disimilar from how he felt that day he got woozy at work from lack of sleep, only this time it came with a prickle over his skin like goosebumps. But he did soon pull back and pushed her away a little, shaking his head. "No, that's impossible. There is no goddamn way it's his! Neither of them would be that stupid to start with. It's gotta be some other dude's and she's just trying to... trying to be a giant freaking bitch!" He waved his hands and went to move off the bed to try and find his pants. "I don't need this. This is bullshit!"

"Chris, where are you going?" Serena could have slapped herself for the timing. After carrying around her and Chris' secret for so long apparently she'd lost her stamina and would spill at the first quiet moment. The sleepy sex had been so nice, and then the cuddling, and now this. She let out a sigh as she hugged her arms around her knees and just watched Chris. "I don't think she's making it up for the record. She's really torn up about it, and adamant that you shouldn't know, and neither should Rick. If she was doing it to be a bitch, she'd just say something to both of you. Maybe they weren't stupid, but something must have happened."

Chris found his pants and stood there holding them when he turned around. "I don't know where I'm going!" he admitted, still rather resonant. He realised how stupid he sounded, though, and probably looked, standing there in nothing but a t-shirt holding his pants.... which were actually her pants, and really weren't going to do him any good anyway. He shook his head and held up his hand. "No, she can't be goddamn having his baby. She can't. Getting pregnant when you don't want it is the epitome of stupidity and I don't care how many free choice supporters want to bitch me out for that! Or non-free choice supporters. I don't know! They all give me a damn headache! Doesn't anyone know how to use a condom anymore? How does... this is not..." He shook his head and went back again to look for his pants.

Serena frowned as her concern increased, and eventually she moved off the bed when she saw his pants lying near the chair in their room and picked them up to hand them over to Chris. She was still in just his t-shirt, the garment barely covering her modesty as it finished at the top of her thighs. She cupped the side of his face in her hand before tugging gently at his blond hair. "Everyone knows how to use a condom, baby. But they're not foolproof. They can break, or the pill might not work if she's been sick. Accidents happen. It's not always complete stupidity. We made a mistake too, and we were just lucky you could prescribe me a pill. Bella might not have realised anything was wrong, and now she's... pregnant. I'm not excusing it, I'm not saying it's okay. I'm just telling you what happened. I don't know what they're supposed to do. If Bella has her way Rick will never know."

"They shouldn't have even slept together!" Chris exploded, throwing his hands up. "There, I bloody said it! I hate that they slept together! I want to... I don't even know! I don't know anything anymore!" There was an increasing panic rising in him. He knew he really didn't hate the fact they had slept together, so he didn't know where that had come from, but if Bella was pregnant with Rick's baby, suddenly everything felt skewed and off-centre, and it was leaving Chris feeling again like he was standing at the edge of a cliff about to jump with no harness. Rick was going to be father. An actual father, to a baby. Only, he could be dying. If he didn't get a kidney, he would die. The colour drained from Chris' face and he turned away to start tugging the pants on. "I need some air."

PHONE CALL with geniuscowboy | I Want It All

2010-08-22T03:55:28Z

Chris kept true to his word and changed the station in Rick's car to something more conducive to his ears. In fact, for a good portion of the drive, he had been singing along to all his favourite classics after ending up plugging his iPod in when the radio just turned out to be crap on any station. He needed to get a few things out of his system, and he needed fresh air and a change of scenery to do it. He had the windows down as he drove along the back streets towards Lake Wimico in Rick's classic and beloved car (in fact, one of the loans to Rick from Chris had been for a deposit on this very set of wheels), now only about an hour out from the place. The current song came to an end and he took the break in the music to pick up his extra large Slusho and take a large drink from it just as Queen's 'I Want It All' started to blast through the speakers and he put the drink back down to start tapping to the beat on the wheel. Of course when the chorus came, he turned the volumn up and started to sing along passionately. It was an ironic song to come on the radio, and very fitting to how he was feeling.

He nearly didn't hear his phone start ringing he was so engrossed in pretending to be Freddy Mercury, only blonde and way better teeth, obviously. He only realised it was ringing when the lit up screen caught his eye and he could see Serena's picture flashing to alert him to who it was. He flicked the button on his radio to turn it down and then grabbed up his phone to answer it. "Hey, babe," he answered, glancing into the rearview mirror to see it was okay to change lanes. There was a rest stop up ahead and he could really use a pee anyway, so he pulled into it so he didn't have to talk and drive.

"Hope you're using the hands free. Wouldn't want you getting into any trouble," Serena told him as she sat on their bed after making it home after her shift. Rick was still at the hospital and without Chris the place seemed really empty. She'd got a text to say he was leaving, and she really couldn't blame him. She'd maybe wanted to take him away herself, but she got the fact that he did want to be alone when it came to decision time. "I miss you already. How stupid is that?"

Chris smirked as he pulled the car into lot and shut if off. "Pretty stupid. I haven't been gone long. It's not like I'm going for weeks, and I'm still in the state." He opened the car door and took his drink with him when he got out, unable to completely stifle a sigh. She would miss him a whole lot more if he died from surgical complications, but it wasn't a thought he voiced to her.

"Guess maybe I take it for granted that I was seeing you all day, every day. It's easy to fall into a false sense of mucho quality time." Serena had already toed off her shoes and now stretched back as she cradled the phone against her shoulder and started to get out of her jeans. "I don't know if you know, but I know. I spoke to Bella. Or rather she spoke to me. And then I broke her and made her cry."

Chris went over to one of the picnic tables, and instead of sitting on the bench, he climbed up to sit on the table with his feet on the seat. No one else was stopped there, so he was on his own and besides the odd passing car on the road, it was quite peaceful. "I'll probably be home tonight. Early morning at the latest," he told her and sat his drink down beside him. "I wouldn't take that personally, babe. I think Rick broke her. She cried with him, too..." Now that he didn't have the music or driving to distract him, the heavy weight of the decision was back. "Can't say I can judge."

"You're crying?" Serena asked him softly as she pulled back the covers and slipped between them, lying on her side so she could hold the phone against her ear. "Or did you make Bella cry as well? I just feel awful..." Of course Serena also knew a lot of why Bella had been crying, but she couldn't tell Chris. She was silently cursing herself for agreeing to not saying a word, and Bella for telling her in the first place about the pregnancy. "I know it's not easy on any of us."

"Was..." Chris replied. He didn't know how long that would stay past tense. "Yeah, not easy on any of us. Except, most of you get to keep your perfect healthy kidneys in your body, where they belong, functioning healthily and doing... kidney things." He picked up his drink and took a sip. "I dunno what to do, babe. I have no idea."

Serena sucked in a breath, wishing that she could have at least given Chris a hug before he vanished. "I'm sorry, baby. I really am. I would never wish this choice on you. And I have to be honest because I'm pretty sure it's important... But a part of me doesn't want you to do it. I don't want you to die." Her voice cracked and she had to bite her lip down hard to try and stop a sob escaping. Ever since the talk with Bella, it was all she could think about. "But I know it's your choice. I know you'd save your brother if you could. And I'll be here for you no matter what decision you make."

Chris put the drink down so he could cover his eyes as he listened to her talk. "It's okay. Doesn't make you a bad person. I don't know if I want to do it. I'm scared, and I know that's hypocritical coming from a surgeon, but this isn't just surgery, it's transplantation and there is nothing certain about that. But if I don't, he might die, and the way she explained it as spreading, even the dialysis might not keep him alive for very long. He could get an infection and just..." The words caught in his throat again and he couldn't continued.

"Chris," Serena said quietly, any other words failing as she tried to hold it together. "This isn't really going to be something that has any good outcomes until it's done and we just wait and see. This sucks. It seriously fucking sucks and I wish cancer was a person who's balls I could break. I won't promise that Rick will be okay. I can't even promise that you will be. I don't know what you should do either, and it sucks. I wish I could help better."

"... I just feel like I want to throw up, or hit something. I was banking on that chemo working so he would be okay and this wasn't even an issue, but as soon as she told me there was something wrong and she wanted more tests, I just knew. I knew, and I have no fucking idea how to deal with that. I'm terrified something is going to go wrong. I'm terrified he's going to die, but I'm also absolutely freaking out that something might happen and I might not be able to keep working, or keep doing any of the things I love. But he's my brother, and he could die. He could... die," Chris said when he started to cry again. "But I don't know if I want to give him my kidney," he admitted through a sob.

"It doesn't make you a bad person if you don't. It might seem like it, but it doesn't," Serena said as she shifted to hug the pillow in place of being able to hug Chris. Hearing him cry and knowing he was several hours away just hurt. "And it's okay to be scared. This isn't some average, every day thing. Having said that, lots of people go through transplants and they're okay. It's not always bad... I just wish I knew what to tell you, baby. I really do, but I'm as clueless as you when it comes to thinking outside of the medical stuff. Is there anything that you can hit without too much damage to your hand? Maybe you should find a junkyard and blow something up."

Chris wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand, yet again finding himself trying to reign in his out of control emotions. "It's okay. It's just nice to hear your voice. Can't expect anyone else to have the answers when I have no clue myself," he replied tearfully and glanced around with a slight laugh. "Yeah, kinda in the middle of nowhere right now. Hitting a tree isn't going to make me feel any better. Fucking hell, what was I thinking coming up here?"

Serena sniffed as quietly as she could, pressing her face into the pillow that still smelt like Chris' cologne. "I don't know, what were you thinking? You must be up there for a reason... Something you thought the place could give you. At least you for the solitude part happening."

"I just wanted to go to the place where we used to go fishing. I dunno... I guess it's where I felt closest to him. I thought it would give me the answers. But I've not even hit Lake Wimico yet, and it already just feels strange. I haven't been back in years. I had no intentions of even stopping to see mom either, and now I feel guilty. I don't think she knows about Rick. I shouldn't have come, I really don't know what I was thinking," Chris mumbled and got up off the table to start pacing restlessly. For a little while in the car there, he had managed to push everything out of his mind and live in the moment with the music. Now it was just all back and he hated it.

"Why don't you see your mom? I know it wasn't part of the plan, but it might help just a little. Not that I even know how things are between you. She should know about Rick... Even if he hasn't told her for a reason. No more secrets. Maybe you had to see it to know how you feel about it? If Rick ever does get through this - if you both do, there's a chance to find new places for new memories. Better memories. Maybe this is about letting go of the past, or something. I don't know."

Chris shook his head. "I don't have the energy or the strength to tell her this. Why should I do his dirty work? Isn't fucking stealing my kidney enough right now?!" He really didn't mean to snap, and his mood was changing before he could even stop it, making him realise that maybe part of the reason he was balking about the transplant was because he was still so angry at Rick for not being there for him. It caused him to stop pacing and his shoulders slumped, so he rested his hand on his hip and just stood there for a few long moments staring at the ground. "I'm sorry, babe. I didn't mean to snap."

"It's okay... I'm sorry for mentioning it," Serena told him quietly. They fell into a silence again and Serena tried to put herself in Chris' shoes, but she just failed. She knew that if it was her and Drew in Chris and Rick's places things would be different. She plucked at the pillow case with her fingers and let her eyes fall closed for a moment. "Maybe you just really need to have it out with Rick. Just tell him everything... Tell him how you're feeling, why you're having doubts... Why you're angry."

"I'm not angry. Not really. I was angry in the past and it's still there, I guess, but it's... fear. I know he's my brother and he's been my brother my whole life, but it never really felt like it. He's never done anything for me. It's always me doing stuff for him. Hell, I have memories of feeling sick when I was a kid and he was pissing off out with his mates to get drunk when he was, like, sixteen. I never had anyone to go to who would bail me out if I fucked up, no one I could call up and just ask for help. Not until college anyway when I finally got away from Wimico. I've done everything for him. I've nearly been broke for him. I helped him when he got so drunk off his face and covered for him so mom wouldn't find out. Maybe I've just reached my quota," Chris said quietly.

"And no one would blame you for that one bit. So it's okay to have reached your quota. It's okay to not be able to step up and give him your kidney. It doesn't make you a bad person, or a bad brother." Serena ran her tongue over her lips and moved onto her back to stare up at the ceiling as she kept one arm around the Chris-pillow. "Maybe this is just the one thing you can't do without having seen him do something for you. And that's okay. It is. You're allowed to say no."

"Yes, it does," Chris said as he choked back another sob. "It does make me a bad brother. Everyone else would do it without having to think about it. It wouldn't be a question. Maybe I'm holding my kidney hostage to punish him? That makes me a bad person. Maybe I'm worried if he gets better, he'll fuck off again and I'll never see him!"

"Then tell him that," Serena urged Chris gently. "And to be fair, not everyone that would just do it automatically has had the same relationship with their brother as you have. I'd do it for Drew, but I'd still be pissing my panties. It's effectively a leap of medical faith no matter how much you love your brother."

Chris had that lost and confused feeling setting in again. He looked at his watch when he realised it was getting dark now and he scratched his head. "I'll think about it some more. I should keep on if I'm going to get there before it gets dark. Hopefully I remember my way around the place. I'll probably just stick around for the night and then head back tomorrow. Are you working tomorrow?"

"Day off," Serena breathed out with a relieved sigh. She'd still be here when Chris returned. "Just drive safe, okay? And if you feel an urge to still hit a tree then make sure you wrap something around your hand so you don't wind up being hurt too much. Take as much time as you need. I'll be here."

Chris nodded. "Okay," he mumured with a small sigh of his own. He picked up his drink and headed back to the car, leaning in to put it back in the drink holder. He still had to go to the bathroom before he hit the road again. "I'll see you soon, babe. I love you. Get some rest, alright?"

Serena smiled softly as she rolled back over to hug the Chris-pillow tightly. "I love you too, baby. See you soon."

RP Log with halfway2heaven | The Good and the Bad

2010-08-21T11:21:41Z

Bella didn't believe for a minute that Rick would talk to Chris immediately about the whole donor issue. He knew that would take some guts in the older Deleo brother to broach, but in the meantime, Bella found herself needing some sort of information on how Chris was feeling about the situation now, not how he had been feeling when he was tested as viable when Rick first returned to Miami. She also knew going straight to the source was impossible, because Rick had specifically and pointedly told her he wanted to speak to Chris about it himself, so it wasn't like Bella could just randomly ask Chris his feelings on it out of the blue again. Chris was far from stupid, he would get suspicious and Bella just didn't have the energy to try and put up any more facades than she was already attempting... and mostly failing miserably.

It was the morning after she had delivered Rick the bad knew that his kidney function was failing. Bella had checked in on his early that morning on her rounds while he had been sleeping so no conversation could be struck up between them, and now - after going home sick the day before - she was wishing she had just called in sick today. She was really struggling to cope and it was just early days. Maybe she would have a lot better chance at doing that if she wasn't over-stressed and carrying around the extra weight of her secret. She had a headache and although she wasn't throwing up at that point, the nausea was ever-presence and almost had her in tears again. There was nothing worse than feeling sick at work. She really couldn't completely explain why she soon found herself on the elevator to MT1. Hopefully Serena might be able to give her even a tiny insight into Chris' feelings so she at least knew what she was bracing herself for. If Chris was going to back out, things could get a lot more serious and tough for Rick very quickly. In fact, at this stage, she could give no guarantee that he would even survive on dialysis. Nothing that serious ever could give guarantees. Natural bodily functioning was always better than mechanical any day.

After being directed in Serena's direction by Dave, who obviously would know her secret from receiving a copy of the test results himself but merely gave her arm a squeeze and a reassuring smile without even bringing the subject up with her, Bella exited out onto the MT1 balcony and found the trauma resident there with a coffee in one hand and her cell phone in the other. "Got him on a tight leash, huh?" she joked, but as much as she wanted to smirk or smile, it just didn't come.

Serena pressed her lips together sheepishly. "For once, no. Well, kinda. I was trying to figure out how to order some girly stuff and get it delivered to Chris' without him wanting to open the packages, but then it was just making me think of him anyway and I just had to message him. I know he thinks I'm addicted and crazy and probably couldn't last a day without my phone, but hey... At least I still get to talk ot him. I can't help but miss him. Even if we were at work and couldn't always talk at least I knew he was still here. You know? Visual contact. It's important." She put her phone away after a moment and focused on Bella. As she took in her expression, Serena frowned. "Is everything okay?"

Bella pressed her lips together in amusement as she came over to the railing and leant on it, relieved her feet had something else to take her weight for a little while. "Well, he is a guy. You get packages sent, he's going to want to know what they are. They can't help themselves." She pointed behind her towards the main hospital. "He was crashed out in one of the seats outside Rick's room when I passed. God knows how he was managing to sleep in that position. It made me sore just looking at him. I hear he was there from around four this morning though. I guess trying to sleep at home just got the better of him. I just... um... has he said anything to you recently about how he feels about being Rick's kidney donor?"

Serena pointed a finger. "This is true. Just don't need him poking through my womanly potions. Even if he's never had a problem with my crap littering his place. He never even wanted me to tidy up the bathroom. And he's pretty good at putting the seat back down, but I've never been one of those chicks to just scream the house down if it's not. I mean, it's a toilet seat. Big deal. Takes about two seconds to flip back down. Also just means your ass gets a shock in the middle of the night when it meets cold ceramic if you forget to check..." Serena gave Bella a lopsided smile. "I really have been hanging around Chris for too long. I do random rambling now. Sorry. He's had a lot of trouble sleeping, but it's just hard to make him stop. I know he won't until he's sure Rick's out of the woods. But that's not about to happen is it?" Serena asked as her eyes narrowed slightly as soon as Bella mentioned Chris being Rick's kidney donor. "I think it's starting to catch up with him how massive it could be. Will be. He wanted to be able to think about it. He doesn't have the time, does he?"

Bella's hand clenched around the railing and she kept looking out over it, trying to brace herself. It just wasn't working. "He has all the time he needs. It's his call," she replied quietly. "Rick is the one who doesn't have the time." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, it felt like someone had kicked her in the gut. The enormity of everything was starting to set in and she had no idea how to handle it. She had gotten herself into the mess, and while it wasn't an ideal situation, learning you were pregnant when you you never thought it was possible had to be one of the most surreal things in the world to deal with. Surreal, perhaps, if the father of your baby wasn't flirting with a death sentence. She couldn't stop it. A sob caught in her throat and she put a hand up over her face to somehow try and stop it, but once the floodgates were open, there was no going back.

Serena froze, not sure if she'd broken Bella or not. She hadn't even touched the poor woman. She glanced around to see if anyone was watching before she stepped forward and cautiously patted Bella on the back before she gently hugged the oncologist. Serena had never had a problem with physical contact, but it wasn't like she knew Bella all that well. The woman was in tears though and Serena couldn't just let her sob without trying to hug her. "Hey, hey..." Serena could feel a lump catch in her own throat at hearing Rick was the one without time, but she was still confused about why Bella was breaking down unless it meant she really did care about the eldest Deleo brother. "Chris won't hesitate if he knows it's important. If he knows that's it's Rick's last chance..."

"You don't know that," Bella answered tearfully with a shake of her head. "You just don't. People react unpredictably in the face of cancer and a death sentence. Chris will be risking his own life here. He might be strong and he might be healthy, he might be a perfect match, but at the end of the day, he could be the one who doesn't make it through. You can't take someone's body part without there being extreme risks. No one - absolutely no one - would judge him if he said no, especially considering what little Rick has done for him over the years. But... but Chris could be Rick's only chance to live. They have one of the rarer blood types and Rick could be stuck on the transplant list a long time before anything even remotely close comes up. It's not the same this time. Chris can't just write a check to fix it."

Serena brushed her hand over Bella's back and nodded as she bit her lip. "Well, sure. And we're not pressing him. No one's asked him yet..." She pulled back a little as she tried to hunt for a tissue in the pocket of her white coat. "But, well, no offence, why's this hitting you so hard. You've had other patients with cancer obviously. And Rick's Rick. I know you two had a thing and there's been a little line crossing but is that all this is? Or is there something else... You can talk to me, you know. I'm sure we can find some way to describe the secrecy bubble."

Bella pulled away and shot Serena a teary glare. "What, I'm not allowed to be a little fucking upset that a guy I've slept with could die?!" she hissed, her professionalism slipping in favour of just about every other emotion pent up inside her. "You have the monopoly on caring, do you?! How would you have felt if you learnt Chris' life was on the damn line after just being with him a couple of times? A little line crossing? Why don't you tell me, Dr Warren? What did your 'little line crossing' turn into?"

Serena tucked her hands in her pockets as she stepped back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Of course I don't have the monopoly on caring. I just... Ignore me. Seriously. I'm sorry, Dr Watson. I really am. I mean, of course you'd care. I just get the feeling there's something more to it, you know? I wasn't sure if it was a conflict thing. Does Chris even know about Rick yet?"

Bella shook her head, hating herself. She just wanted to dig a hole and crawl into it. If she was this fucking transparent, she had no chance. "No, he doesn't. Rick asked me not to say anything to him until he talks to him himself." The tears were coming in full force. "I can't do this. I can't! I'm out. I'm handing Rick's care over to someone else. I can't take all these goddamn secrets! They aren't me, and I don't have the energy to do any of this anymore! You might have the strength to carry around so many secrets, but I don't!"

"Hey," Serena started as she held out her arms with her hands still in her pockets, "I never said I had the strength. I did it because I had to, and it's all out now. Well, except for Rick's secret, but if Rick wants to tell his brother himself then I can respect that. He couldn't even tell Chris he had cancer. He made Eva do it. I don't think you should take this personally when it's Rick obviously trying to do the right thing. It doesn't mean you can't talk to Chris about it. You just need to wait a little while until Rick talks to him. That doesn't mean you need to stop being his doctor either. It's just one secret. Two, I guess. The first being the sleeping together thing."

Bella lost her steam and it was all she could do not to slump against the railing and curl up on the floor in a ball. It was extremely tempting, to say the least. "I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant, and it's Rick's," she found herself saying and then she cleared her throat, looking seriously at Serena as she wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hands. "And you can't tell Chris. You can't tell Rick. I don't want anyone to know about this. The focus needs to stay on getting Rick a donor."

Serena just stood there in shock, staring at Bella for a long moment before she recovered her senses and gave a nod. "Sure, yeah. Of course. Secret's safe." She slowly took her hand out of her pocket and rest it on Bella's shoulder. "Are you okay? If you step down as Rick's doctor he's going to want to know why. I realise it's not going to be easy to carry on with that kind of a secret hanging over you, but he'll want to know. He really cares about you, Bella."

"It's got nothing to do with my feelings. I'm just exhausted. I can hardly think straight. It's almost like I haven't felt this drained since... since I was sick. I don't know if I have the stamina to be pulled into the middle of Chris and Rick's family issues, and I have been. I never intended to be pulled into Rick's world at all, and I shouldn't have. It wasn't a mistake, it was just reckless. I should have kept my distance. The whole thing is my fault, and I'll wear that. I will. This is not something that can come out right now. One thing." Bella held up her finger. "One thing they need to think about and that is giving Rick the best chance of survival. Skewed focus skews rational thinking. Chris needs to make an informed decision about whether he wants to be Rick's donor. If he doesn't, then we need to go a different route."

"But still 'we'," Serena repeated as she raised an eyebrow slightly. "Look, I won't argue with you about Rick needing to be the focus. And maybe you do need to keep quiet about this, but don't let it get to the point where the kid is nineteen before you do say something. Especially if Rick... If Rick..." She shook her head as she held up her hand. Even if she was a doctor, that didn't mean she took the fact that her almost-brother-in-law was going to die very well. "But if you do ever need anything, please just ask. Okay?"

"The ball's in his brother's court, not mine," Bella returned quietly and then cleared her throat. "I'll leave you to it. I'm sorry I bothered you on your shift. I just didn't know if you could indicate Chris' frame of mind in regard to this. If he's going to pull out, I'd rather be forewarned to put other options into place. Like I said, he's over in our unit if you need to see him. I hope your day isn't too hectic," she murmured, burying her hands into her pockets and pulling the coat around herself again.

Serena shook her head. "You don't need to rush away, it's fine. I'm just catching my breath while I can. And waiting on path. Big surprise there, right? You didn't bother me. Chris was starting to get a little worried about it when he had lunch with me and my brother. Drew asked him, we both did. He wasn't as confident as he was before. I think the enormity's just starting to hit him. I don't know if he'll pull out. I don't know what he'll do. I just know he'll do a lot for his brother."

Bella was still hugging herself. It was a habit hard to shake when she wanted to try and block the rest of the world out and hide. She couldn't help being worried about this whole thing. What would a pregnancy mean for her own health? Would it put her out of action whether she wanted it or not? "What about you? How do you feel about Chris laying his life and health on the line for a brother who has hardly done anything for him? Hardly seemed to even care? You could be the one left picking up the pieces."

"I feel like..." Serena stopped as she took a few moments to consider how she did feel. "I don't want Rick to run out on him. If he deserts Chris after taking a kidney, it'll kill Chris. Maybe he thinks he's taken enough blows to take another one, but he won't. I don't even know if there'll be pieces to pick up. Chris might just... dissolve. Having said that, I think Rick really wants to do the right thing by Chris right now and I don't think Chris is ready to let go of it. If he gives Rick his kidney, it'll be a huge step and it might give them the time they need to really sort their relationship out. It's huge, of course it's huge. It's Chris giving up an organ if he goes with it. The ramifications are massive, and I'm scared about it. I'd be stupid not to be. I'm scared for Chris, for Rick... I'm not ready to lose Chris just like he's not ready to lose his brother."

"Chris might die," Bella corrected quietly, watching Serena closely. "It's important everyone is aware of the facts. There is no guarantee Rick's body will even accept the kidney either. Chris could get sick, he might never recover the same. In saying that, it could also go without a hitch. But the whole picture needs to be looked at in a decision like this. As nice as all that sounds, I'm sorry, I just can't be rolling with a decision to surgically remove a body part in hopes it repairs a family relationship. I just can't. If that is all the decision is going to be based on, then it's wrong. It's for the wrong reasons. Chris has a lot to lose. Any complications, and he might not even be fit enough to do a job like being a trauma surgeon. Chris needs to do more than just talk to Rick before he makes a decision. In fact, he might even need to be well away from Rick in order to make it soundly."

"I'd take him away, but maybe he should be away from me too," Serena said quietly. The lump was back and it broke as she felt the tears roll down her cheeks. "I don't want him to die. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to him. I can't stop him if it's what he wants, and I feel like a stupid bitch if I even think about asking him not to. I don't know... I can't even... It's complicated whatever way you look at it."

Bella looked up at the sky and then closed her eyes. "Thank god someone finally gets it," she murmured. "I was starting to think you lot had screws loose, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. There is nothing worse as a doctor trying to give someone all the facets, good and bad, and only have them continously spew optimism at you. It's draining. Of course it's complicated, and there is no easy or good answer here. Rick has cancer, without a new kidney, he will die. It might not be tomorrow, or the next day, or even in a year, but it will eventually kill him. Cancer isn't just something chemo will miraculously fix. Sometimes it does, other times, it's merely a band-aid fix and needs to be taken with other tactics. As much as I hate to say it, because it feels like I'm rubbing his face in it, but if he hadn't done that experimental surgery and had chemo from the get-go, it wouldn't have spread as quickly as it did. Maybe for the first time in his life, he is actually seeing the enormity of his bad choices and this time, Chris can't just bail him out and fix it. Not without putting himself at risk."

Serena nodded as she leaned against the railing again, her hands gripping her coffee cup tightly. By now it had probably gone cold, but it was now more prop than anything else. "It's probably just a coping mechanism. A shitty one, but still a coping mechanism. It's hard to know how anyone is supposed to deal with this. Some people slip into straight out denial... some spew optimism. Rick had the denial in the first place. He couldn't even talk to his brother about it, and then he has that surgery that was meant to be a quick fix. It sucks. Chris is having trouble because he doesn't know how to relate to his brother, he doesn't know how to fix this. He can't fix this. I can't help him fix it. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do."

"I'm not saying it's not a coping mechanism, I'm just saying that I am trying to save his life and I need to make sure all of you are taking this the best way you can. Not just Rick. Welcome to the world of an oncologist. It's never just about the patient and the here and now. It's about the patient, and everyone the patient loves. It's about their life, what is left of it, it's about their death and about their future if I can give them one. It's about making sure the people important to the patient know everything they need to know, the good and the bad." Bella turned around and leant back against the railing. She fell quiet for a few moments, watching the passing MT1 parade beyond the glass windows. Dave walked by with Proctor, and although they were both in an intent conversation as they passed, Bella watched her patient, ironically realising that she was technically his patient too now. She took Serena's arm and turned around to point at Dave and Proctor. "That's where I want to get Rick back to. Just over a year ago, Dave's family was planning his funeral."

Serena caught a glimpse of Dave and Proctor just before they passed out of sight completely and gave a nod. She wanted Rick to be at that point too, but it seemed like a long time from now. She wasn't even sure he'd make it through next week. She had no idea what to think anymore. But she wanted to believe that it was possible for Rick to recover. "What do you want? In all honesty, as his doctor, as his... something... What would you really be wanting for him? Do you want Chris to be a donor? And for the record, I really don't envy you. I think you're a pretty amazing oncologist, and I'm just in awe."

"I want him to live, Serena. That's all I want for him," Bella murmured. "And Chris is his best chance of survival. It's not about what I want, though. It's not about what anyone wants, it's about what can happen and what can work, in the best case scenario. At the end of the day, we have one brother with two diseased and dying kidneys and one with two healthy ones. They have the same blood type and same tissue type. But Chris needs to think about his own life, about his own wants. If he think he can do this and still be comfortable within himself for doing it, then that's exactly the outcome we need. It's too late for regrets once he's on that table and they're putting his kidney into his brother. It's too late for regrets if he wakes up with less of a functioning life than he has now. It's too late for regrets if he crashes on the table and dies. That's all I'm saying here."

Serena took a deep breath and glanced back into MT1 as she ran her fingers through her blonde hair. "I think I need to ask Proctor for some time off. Chris won't be the one to take himself away. He'll refuse to leave Rick. Even if he struggles trying to come to a decision. I'll get him to the beach, take him somewhere secluded..." She looked at Bella. "I'd ask you to watch over Rick, but that really would be crossing the line. I'll talk to Dave and Aims. I don't want him to have regrets like that. It's not fair."

Bella nodded and put her hands in her pockets again. "I need to go to my doctor anyway, so I won't be around this afternoon. Plus, I have to make sure my brother is getting back on his feet. It's been a hell of a week all around. I'll have my pager and cell with me, but I think in the very least, Chris should take the next day or so to think it over. All assuming Rick can find the guts to broach the subject with him. If Rick won't ask him, it's not even a consideration anyway. We can't do it without either of their consent, obviously."

"Not if we want to keep our licences," Serena replied with a slight smirk. "I guess I need to find out if Chris knows yet before I try and make getaway plans. I still might mention something to Dave to sound him out about taking Rick duties for a little while. I still mean it about talking to me if you ever need to. I'm not always an insensitive cow. And thanks for everything."

Bella took her hand from her pocket and gave a small, dismissive wave. "No thank yous are needed. Just take care of your boyfriend, he needs it. I'll be fine. It's fine..." She gave Serena a small smile and then turned to go back into the hospital without another word. In the face of everything else, maybe she just needed to stick her head in the sand with this a little longer.

RP Log with geniuscowboy & rhythmictherapy | Awaited Meetings

2010-08-17T03:54:34Z

Trying to find a time for Chris to meet Serena's brother had proved to be almost impossible. When Serena wasn't on shift, and Chris didn't have his hands full with something for Rick, Drew seemed to have a client meeting. When Drew didn't have a client meeting, and Serena didn't have a shift, Chris needed to be with Rick during a rough patch. And indeed, when Chris didn't need to be with Rick, and Drew didn't have a client, Serena had to work. They had finally honed down that evening as matching all three schedules... at least, until Chris had met with Bella and things changed. That evening, Chris had to be at home to monitor Rick on the hour. There was no getting away from being more worried about his brother all of a sudden. Bella hadn't committed herself to anything, but Chris just knew there was something not right. Then there was Bella seeming to be ill and Chris not being allowed to say anything to Rick, and that was before he even stopped to think about Eva leaving. Things Chris hadn't even had a chance to tell Serena about. Plans were changed and with MT1 on the quiet side, Proctor let Serena take a longer lunch break, and Chris now found himself sitting at one of the picnic tables outside in the hospital grounds with a chicken and avocado wrap sitting on a disposable plate in front of him while they waited for Drew to arrive to have lunch together.

With a small scrunching of his nose and lips, Chris looked at Serena's lunch and then back at his. "Wasn't there something with... I dunno... grease? Chips? A burger?" He unpeeled the wrap and started to dig all the avocado off it, muttering something about looking like snot as he worked to pile it up on the side of his plate. He even had some sort of flavoured water to drink. No Coke, no Red Bull and he had a sneaking suspicion she was trying to subtlely ninja him off the energy drinks. At least it wasn't salmon. But still. You never knew with these trendy deli sandwiches, so he picked up a piece of chicken between his thumb and forefinger to make sure no wayward pink fish was hiding underneath it.

"I watched them make it," Serena said as she watched him in amusement. "There's absolutely no salmon. And I made them change gloves just in case there was a chance of contamination. It wouldn't kill you to eat something without grease. Especially considering you're not running around like a mad thing between traumas. You're looking after Rick, and that means you need to have all your vitamins and stuff. Protein. Good energy," she continued with her sweetest smile. She couldn't help if she wanted to try and make Chris eat something a little healthier than usual. "I'll make you a burger for dinner. You like my burgers, right?" She glanced over Chris' shoulder just in time to see her brother coming and waved at him. "Deep breath, baby. It's brother time."

Chris dropped the chicken back onto the wrap unceremoniously and looked up, finding a blond guy making his way across the courtyard with a satchel bag slung over his shoulder and an iPod in one hand. He looked between the guy and Serena a few times. It was kind of freaky how alike they looked. Chris could definitely see they were brother and sister. It was still hard for him to fathom that Serena even had a brother. For some reason, it just seemed like she was an only child, but that was only because he didn't know much about her in the early days. Strangely enough, everyone thought Chris was an only child too, before Rick rocked up on the scene. Eva had known he had an older brother, but she had never met Rick prior to that, either. Chris had only mentioned him once of twice in passing and never much wanted to elaborate on the issue. But now most people knew Rick... knew of him, at the very least, and all of a sudden Serena's big brother was on the scene too. At first glance, he was nothing like Chris expected and he rested his elbows on the table, squinting in the sunlight as he waited for the guy to get to the table.

Sometime over the weekend, Drew's patient had been admitted to the hospital with an increase in pain levels, but she had been adamant she still wanted his services. In fact, despite the pain, she had repeatedly told him how much more positive she felt since he had started his treatment plan with her and he was more than happy to continue with it if she was up to it. He grinned when he saw his sister at the table with her boyfriend and waved back as he approached. He pointed over his shoulder with his thumb. "I seriously just bumped into the most gorgeous doctor. Long curly brown hair, big brown eyes, hot body. Dr Watson," he whistled, impressed and then laughed as he gave Serena a hug. "Shame she looked at me like she wanted to strangle me with her stethoscope. She mustn't be into blonds."

Serena started to laugh with her brother as she hugged him back tightly. "Oh, she likes blondes. You're just from the wrong stock. Sorry, big brother." She kissed his cheek before letting him go so she could introduce him to her boyfriend. "Drew Warren, this is Chris Deleo. My exclusive, my one time yoga partner, and fixer of my clicker." She gave her brother another squeeze. "And this my big brother, my best friend, and fixer of my thought train when it gets derailed."

Chris couldn't help the fact that his hackles were up as soon as he heard that Drew had been perving on Bella. It was reactionary, and it was slightly predatory protectiveness for his brother that he wasn't particularly used to experiencing. It was probably a miracle he didn't growl or bite Serena's brother's hand. "Hey! That's my brother's- nothing." He stopped himself before he completely fucked up. "My brother's... nothing. Hi, I'm Chris," he added sheepishly and held his hand out, shooting Serena a look of apology. In his head, he had anticipated trying to be the cool boyfriend when he met her brother, not the idiot with verbal diarrhoea.

"Your brother's nothing...?" Drew asked, raising his eyebrows a little. He took Chris' hand and shook it firmly, with a general nod at Chris. "His brother's nothing," he repeated to Serena with a smirk. It was hard not to pull the piss. It was hard not to clamp down on the dude's hand to lock him into place while he gave him the once over, too, and the handshake did linger slightly longer than it should have as he quickly analysed the guy standing in front of him. Drew had seen him briefly that day in the hospital when the guy looked stressed out and distracted. He still had a little bit of an air of that about him even now, but at least they were finally meeting. Drew had been waiting patiently for this. He would have waited a lot longer, too. This was the guy who apparently made Serena fall head over and he planned on finding out all about the dude. "Drew. I've heard a lot about you. I might not bite, but I will smash your face into the nearest wall if you make my sister cry."

"Drew!" Serena couldn't help but exclaim as she slapped him in the chest. "We haven't even eaten yet, you could at least hold off with the threats until then. Jesus. I want you two to play nice. I know it's been a long time coming, but we'll all professionals with busy schedules." She gave both the boys a warning look as she put her hands on her hips. If she could deal with Uncle Angry, she could deal with her brother and boyfriend. Even if it did make her a little proud as a sister to know her brother would smash a guy's face into the wall for making her cry. Fucked up, but still proud. She waited another moment before she combed her fingers through Chris' hair as she took a seat next to him and then rubbed her fingertips against the base of his skull to make him relax. She hadn't missed the slip about Rick's nothing, but she also knew it wasn't really something Drew should know about.

It was true. It was something Drew shouldn't know, but Chris hadn't been firing on all cylinders for weeks now, and he found himself once again running off at the mouth. "I won't make her cry if you stop trying to hit on my brother's... thing!" As soon as it was out, though, he made a small squeak and slapped a hand over his mouth. He wasn't sure if calling Bella a thing or the fact he had just spilled the beans in a fit of protectiveness shocked him the most, and his hand went from his mouth to covering his eyes with a groan. "I'm dead. I'm dead meat," he resolved with a shrug.

Drew slowly took his seat across the table from them, his eyes widened a little as he remained quiet and started connecting the dots in his head. The brother was the thing's... thing? He wasn't sure if he should actually comment on anything, but he also couldn't just sit there in silence. That wasn't him. He had to say something. "No hitting on any doctors. Check," he said and met Serena's eyes with a shrug of his own. But still, his own mouth had gotten him into trouble enough over the years, too. "Your brother's dating his doctor? Seriously? And I thought you two were playing with fire."

"They're not dating," Serena felt the need to clarify. She tucked her fingers around Chris' hand and gave it a squeeze. "Drew's more into nurses anyway, so doctors were always going to be safe. They're not really... That's why Chris doesn't know what to call her. It's just that Rick really likes her." Serena bit her lip as she looked between the two men and tried to gage if this was actually going well, or not.

"I would do a doctor if she wanted me to! I would!" Drew had to argue, only he quickly held his hands up like a shield. "Only, not that doctor. Not touching that doctor at all," he added quickly and then reached over to pinch half of his sister's sandwich. "Look, dude. I'm not gonna say anything. I don't have anything to do with Doc Watson. That's the first I've ever seen her. She could have walked up and bit me on the toe and I wouldn't have known who the hell she was. I'm not gonna pee on your brother's territory, even if it's not certain territory. I'll stay over on my grass with this very nice chicken sandwich with... ew, who puts sprouts on a sandwich?"

Chris dropped his hands back down on the table and looked at Serena's brother in bewilderment. That was exactly the same thing he had pulled the piss out of Dave about all those weeks ago. He should probably love the guy just by default. Sprout kismet. It was a relief to not have a reason to want to tear the dude's head off, though. He really did not have the energy for that. "Sorry about the whole..." He waved his hand, not sure of an adequate way to say 'dickhead tendencies'. "It's been a long week. Just out of curiosity, did she look sick?"

Drew looked confused at the weird question. "Nah, dude. She looked fine to me. Had a bunch of students following her around and she had the doctor mojo thing going on. She didn't look sick at all."

"Bella's sick?" Serena asked in confusion. She'd been smiling over the two men finally finding some common ground. The sprout hate wasn't lost on her, she knew exactly how Chris felt about them. It also wouldn't do either of them any harm to eat some. Serena batted her lashes at her brother before smirking a little deviously. It would teach him for pinching her sandwich. She pushed a third plate that had been sitting there towards him with something more sprout free.

Chris shook his head as he surveyed the strange mess he had managed to make of his lunch. "She wasn't feeling well when I spoke to her earlier, but it must have just been nothing." He sat up a little and stretched out the muscles in his back that were still stiff from the yoga session. "She wants me to bring Rick in tomorrow for more tests and monitoring. He's got some weird swelling thing going on and hurting when he pees." He glanced at Drew. "Sorry, dude. But yeah, she's... I don't know what I'm supposed to think. It's why I had to pull out of anything tonight. I need to keep an eye on him, get him drinking as much as he can handle. He's already in a shitty mood, so it's going to be an interesting night."

It hadn't escaped Drew's memory that Chris had been trying to nurse his brother through cancer, and although medical things in the flesh had a tendency to make him squeamish, he really had no problems with the dude here trying to offload the worries about his brother. Drew probably would have been doing exactly the same thing in his shoes. "It's fine, man. Seriously, just go ahead. You've got a lot going on and I do appreciate you stopping for this, though. I just needed to know that my baby sis is in hands I can trust. I don't just let her away with any random dipshits, and trust me, she has tried it on with her fair share of those. Jeez, this one dude in college, total nutball. Granted, he's probably a millionaire genius like Bill Gates now or something, but that's beside the point."

Serena reached out under the table with her foot to kick her brother. "Hey! Way to make me sound romantically retarded. He wasn't that much of a nutball. I mean, okay, he had that thing he used to do with his nose, but still. There are genuinely bigger nutballs around." Serena rubbed her hand against Chris' back and took a bite of her sandwich. "You really can be rest assured Chris isn't one of those nutballs, okay? He's real. He's the best I could have ever hoped for. More than. I'm sorry to hear she's not feeling well, that really sucks. Rick's learning to deal with you taking care of him pretty well, I think."

"That was a big nose thing," Drew snorted cynically. "And that thing with hose braces that time? That was totally weird. I didn't even want to stay in the same room as him in case his nutball rubbed off on me. I have a reputation to uphold, you know. Someone had to keep the cool in the Warren name." He reached under the table and smacked her foot out of the way so she couldn't kick him again. He was watching Serena's other half closely, though. The guy's body language was saying a lot more than he was. He was geniunely scared about this development with his brother's condition. "Isn't swelling a sign of kidney failure? I mean, I'm no doctor, but I had a patient with renal cell carcinoma once. All she employed me for was to put a good mix tape together for her funeral so people wouldn't be depressed. I was stunned. I still am. It blows my mind how strong these cancer patients are."

Chris had lost his appetite. He had gone back to just staring at the disassembled sandwich in front of him and moving bits of it around the plate to put up a guise that he was doing something with it. "Yeah, that's one of the things she mentioned, even if she sugarcoated a little by saying one of the things she wanted 'to rule out'." For some reason, he reflexively went to scratch at the side of his torso around the place Rick's incision had been when he had his first kidney taken out. Chris' mind had jumped to a transplant and he was starting to get more and more worried about that prospect as the minutes ticked over. Did he really want to just give up a body part? "A mix tape? She employed you for a mix tape? Shit man, I'm in the wrong job."

Serena wasn't fooled with the guise, and while she flashed her brother a smirk as he pushed her foot out of the way, her gaze was soon back on Chris as she frowned with concern. It was still hard to know how much she could get away with pushing him in front of her brother. Chris didn't exactly open up easy, but he was still talking with Drew. That was a good sign. It had to be. The nervousness at having the two men meet was replaced by concern for her boyfriend's own big brother. Her gaze flicked down to where his hand was and she wasn't far off from thinking about the transplant option. "She also isn't the sort to bullshit you. She might have sugarcoated, but she didn't lie. Eat something, baby. Please. When did you last eat?"

"Uh... um..." Chris had to literally stop and try to figure out when he last ate. "Last night. Leftover hot dog from Wayne's World at lunch time. In my own defense, I did go to to eat that leftover pizza in the fridge for breakfast, but it had mould on it. I'm not talking a little bit, either. It was practically alive. If you looked close enough, it might have even been moving. I just didn't have time to stop, I had to get here to catch her. I just didn't expect things to go from Rick telling me he couldn't--" He stopped again. That probably wasn't something he should be talking about. "Anyway, I just didn't expect her to get all efficient doctor on me. I thought it would just be the chemo stuff." He did pick up a piece of lettuce, though, and stuffed it into his mouth.

Drew was quiet as Chris continued to bounce his concerns off Serena. They seemed to have that much working for them. He wasn't hiding shit from her and he was offloading. That was an important thing, but at the same time, he knew how much Serena wanted to help people and she had to be struggling with this when there was just no real way to completely help. "So, worst case scenario... well, almost worst case... he'd need a kidney transplant, right?"

Serena stuck her tongue out as she visibly shuddered. "I swear, men should just not be allowed to have fridges when they live alone. All it ever gets filled with is food that's left to reproduce asexually until it's a whole colony of furry little pizzas. You know that when I move in, there'll be actual groceries and some real food, right?" Serena smiled a little at him and kissed his temple when he managed to eat a bit of lettuce. Her attention when back to her brother and she nodded. "Yep, transplant. With both kidneys riddled with the cancer, he'll need a transplant to get a kidney back in there to help him function."

Drew went back to watching Chris, putting the pieces together. "You want to give him a kidney, dude," he guessed and then nodded, clearing his throat. "I'd do the same thing," he admitted quietly.

Chris looked up, his forehead creasing with a helpless frown. He looked between Serena and her brother, trying to put them in his and Rick's shoes to just get a clearer picture. Of course Drew would do it unconditionally. He and Serena had been close from day one, but that was lacking in Chris and Rick's relationship. Suddenly Chris felt like a huge selfish fucker for starting to have second thoughts about a decision he thought he had already made. "I guess..." he finally replied.

Chris had asked Serena on their little getaway when they'd both just needed some time to themselves, and time to talk, how she'd feel about him giving up a kidney for Rick. She hadn't really been able to answer the question, slipping into Stupid Doctor Speak, but now she had a clearer perspective. A lot of that had been to do with being able to talk to her brother about it all. She was still relieved to have Drew around right now, even if she spent most nights with Chris. It was just nice knowing he was in Miami, and not Chicago. "You're having second thoughts?" she asked softly.

"I-I don't know," Chris replied awkwardly, this time his appetite really zapped and he pushed the plate away. "I don't know what to think anymore. I guess I stopped thinking about it too much. Bella seemed too good, and maybe I fell into a delusion that once he started the chemo, it'd all be fine, but now suddenly she's talking about swelling and more tests and infections and kidney failure. I don't even know what I'm supposed to think anymore. It's not like it matters that much anyway, because Rick never knew and he would probably as soon as die than let me give him a kidney."

Drew sat forward. "Hey, dude. It's alright, you know? It's not an easy thing, and there is no right or wrong answer. It's a body part, one that we were given two of for a reason, but you guys are doctors, you know there is always bodily loop holes. You also don't need anyone telling you that you have time to think about it, because you'll get pissed off knowing the last thing your brother probably has is time. But dude, you're still a person. You're still a great bloke, but you're you. You weren't put here to be your brother's keeper. You need to think about you too. And I guarantee you, as a big brother myself, yeah, he's not going to take it without a fight. He's going to want to protect you, no matter what your past is. But it's okay to not be sure about something like this, because at the end of the day, isn't the biggest rule in surgery that it always comes with risks? See? I do listen to my little sister sometimes."

Serena gave her brother a proud smile as she took Chris' hand and linked their fingers. Now that they were out in the open she didn't have to worry about holding back. She didn't need to stop when it came to comforting him. She had been surprised to hear little gossip about them on the hospital grapevine, even when Eva was suddenly not around. "I knew it had to sink in sooner or later, big brother. And Drew's right. I wasn't trying to imply you had to give him your kidney, but it seemed like an option you were ready for before. And of course there's risks, there's loads of risks, and it's okay to take time to consider them. You don't even know that his kidneys are shutting down. Maybe he just overworked his groin."

"He didn't overwork anything, he couldn't get it up." Chris just put his hands over his face with a sigh. He had no control over his mouth, and maybe there was just part of his brain that needed to talk about this. He knew they weren't his issues to be spreading about, but it wasn't really spreading it around, right? It was Serena, and Serena's brother, who Chris had come to the conclusion he could trust by default. They weren't his issues, but he was the one trying to nurse Rick through this and understand it. It just seemed to get more and more confusing by the minute. "That's when she found the swelling."

"Um, okay, I could be wrong here, but wasn't your best mate the dude who survived cancer? Maybe I'm on the wrong track here, but the cancer doc is going to clamp down on the confidentiality because you lot are all doctors here. Your brother is still her patient, so he's going to be her priority. She'll want to give him any facts before anyone else. But maybe you should chat to the other dude? He'll at least know what could be going on here, right? He'll know the process and all the... I dunno, cancer speak?" Drew suggested with a small shrug. "What random swelling might mean, at the very least. Just to put your mind at ease a bit."

Serena gave a nod. "Absolutely, you should talk to Dave. It might help him, too. Just know he can talk to you about that part of his life. I know none of this is easy, Chris. I know it's gotta be hard trying to process it all, and we're always here when you need to chew over it some more and just have a couple of sounding boards. But Drew's right. Bella's your brother's doctor here, but at least Dave has perspective and you don't have to worry about treading on toes." She bit her lip for a moment and raised her eyebrows. "Also not about to pass comment about not getting it up, but... there was a second meet between them?"

Drew couldn't help it when he started to snigger. He tried to stifle it by putting his hand up to his mouth, but he was still a guy. "I am. I like the dude, what can I say? Cancer, and still manages to get a hot doctor in bed. I'm jealous. I'm so jealous, it's not even funny.

Chris shot Serena a look, but he eventually smirked in amusement at her brother. "I'm struggling to believe you two have the same blood right now," he replied. "Does Dave even have time to scratch himself? I spoke to him online. He's missing his family, but he was on his fourth shift. He wants to spend his days off sleeping. Then Eva went and freaking called in sick because she's-- shit, I really need to learn how to shut my mouth. Why don't they have a goddamn injection for verbal diarrhoea?"

Serena reached up to pinch his cheek as she grinned at him. "Because you're so cute when you ramble." She looked over at her brother and arched an eyebrow. "Whatever happened to that naughty nurse anyway? There's nothing wrong with nurses, you know. You don't always have to go for the doctors. And Dave's... struggling. But I think he just wants to prove himself so badly. I told you about that shit that was being said. I'm surprised Eva called in sick when she knows how hard it is being short staffed, but hey, maybe she really is sick. I don't know. Where is Dave's family?"

Drew scrunched his nose up. "She got transferred to Orlando. I'm in mourning, seriously. I'm grieving terribly."

Chris growled in annoyance, feeling like he wanted to smack anyone who gave his best mate a hard time. "He doesn't need to prove himself, he's an amazing surgeon. Proctor wouldn't have him there if he wasn't. He just feels behind the eight ball because he was sick. He thinks people are going to assume he's weak, and some do, you know. The bastards. Dave's from Jacksonville, a few hours drive from here. Maybe six, give or take. Drive from here directly up the coast and you'll eventually hit it. Then from Jacksonville, drive directly west for about five hours and you'll hit my shithole of a home town. Eva's..." He paused and turned to Serena with a frown. "She told me something last night after everything went down and I didn't take it well at all."

Serena rolled her eyes at her brother before sticking her tongue out. "Yeah, yeah. Real convincing, Drew. Maybe we should kidnap Dave's family and bring them down here, or something?" She blinked as she met Chris' gaze. "What did she say?" Serena had only felt guilty about her and Chris twice. The first time was in Proctor's office when he said he'd been expecting more from her regarding the secret keeping, and the second time was when Eva caught her and Chris and in the car park. She'd felt like her entire stomach was going to up end itself onto the gravel. She had only been imagining what Eva would have been saying.

"Road trip!" Drew cried with an enthusiastic nod. "I'm in. When are we going? I call ACDC on the stereo!"

"Do you have ADHD?" Chris found himself asking Serena's brother with a tired smirk. He rested his head on his hand with a sigh. "She- there was a job offer. I think she's going to move to Boston," he told Serena in a mumble. Eva hadn't told him not to tell anyone. It wasn't like there was a lot of time for her to, granted, but she didn't seem to be intent on keeping it a secret. Just that she hadn't wanted to hurt Chris in revealing it. "Just last night for her sealed the deal."

"It's never been proven," Serena responded with a smirk of her own as she nudged her brother under the table. She was looking back at Chris and her eyes had widened in shock. "Boston? Oh my god... Why hasn't she said anything? Why last night? Why us? I don't understand." She felt a surge of emotion well up inside her, and she clenched her hands into fists in her lap as she bit on her lip. "She should have said something... We should have said something."

"She probably didn't feel like she could tell me because I've had my head so far up my own ass lately! She told me that. Told me like she felt I had stopped talking to her that day I spoke to her at work, and I had. Maybe a part of her really didn't want to go, but now that all of a sudden it feels like the people closest to her here have been lying to her, what's the point of staying?!" Chris cried, his concerns since his fight with Eva the night before coming out in a large rush.

Serena frowned a little as she gave a shake of her head. "People fuck up. True friendship... She should be able to forgive us. But it takes time. Everything takes time. And now it just seems like we won't get that time. Maybe I should talk to her?" But even as she said it, Serena had no idea what she'd say. She looked to her brother for support, but Drew didn't even really know Eva. "We have to make it up to her..."

Drew raised his eyebrows. "What are you looking so scared for. She's your mentor, right? Maybe you should talk to her, lay all the cards on the table," he suggested, even if it might not actually be what she wanted to hear. In fact, Drew was pretty sure he was sticking his nose into business that wasn't his, but it wasn't like he was going to walk off and spread their secrets all over the place. Of course he wasn't. He was just a sounding board.

"She just said she wants to be happy to. I just feel like a giant fuck for not realising she wasn't," Chris finally admitted, getting to the root of why he had taken it so badly.

"She's even better at keeping secrets than we are," Serena murmured. "We weren't to know. It's not as if we asked, either. Neither of us. It's not just you. And I'm not scared, Drew. I'm just... nervous. She's my mentor but she's... It's just hard thinking about how to have this conversation. I don't even know what cards I'm supposed to lay out."

"You work with her every day? How can you not know. Just put your big girl panties on and jump in the deep end. No one is going to bite. The chick's leaving. At the end of the day, that's going to be the outcome. You can either let her leave with bad blood, or clear the air," Drew reasoned simply with a small shrug as he bit into his sandwich. He chewed and then swallowed, gesturing to Chris' plate with his own sandwich. "You should eat, dude. You don't wanna wind up looking like Justin Bieber."

Chris just shook his head. "Christ, why wouldn't this have happened at any other time? When am I going to get a damn breather?"

"I don't know, baby," Serena replied as she rubbed her hand against his thigh. "At least you're not alone. You have your brother... you have me. You even have my brother. And you'll have Eva. We just need to talk to her. I need to talk to her. I'm gonna get on my big girl panties and I'll just talk to her. I don't want it to end with bad blood."

Drew decided it was probably more than ample time to make himself scarce. "On that note, I'm gonna leave you two at it. I've got some stuff on this afternoon." He stood up and kissed the top of Serena's head before messing her hair up. "Thanks for the lunch, sis. Appreciate it. You take care of your other half, he needs it." Then he looked to Chris. "You fuck with her and you'll be wearing your balls as suspenders," he had to add before he grabbed his stuff up and left them alone with a wave.

"Suspenders..." Chris commented. "Now that's a new one."

RP Log with geniuscowboy | Long walks on the beach in the moonlight...

2010-08-08T08:58:47Z

It was a really hot Miami night, more so than usual. Chris had worried about Rick and his hot sweats he had been breaking out into, turning up his air conditioner to full force only to have Rick tell him to quit it and turn it down when he found himself shivering so much he couldn't get warm. Chris frustratingly accused him of being like a pregnant chick, leading to them both to break out into an uncontrollable wave of laughing that must have been really needed. It broke some of the tension, especially when Rick promised Chris could be there for the birth, before telling him to go take Serena out on a date. Of course, he promised Chris he would be fine on his own, but Chris didn't buy it. In fact, it took some awesome secret ninja tactics to actually arrange to have Bella come over again that evening. It was her second day off in a row, and while she was reluctant, she agreed to come over, despite the fact she was suffering from a headache herself. Chris didn't really expect her to agree so easily, and if she didn't, he was going to ask Dave to come keep Rick company while he had a bit of a timeout with Serena. But Bella agreed. She agreed, and Chris wasn't sure what to think about that. The date nearly didn't happen, though. Just as Chris was getting ready to leave, Rick started throwing up badly again. Bella had to actually shove him out the door, assuring him she had it in hand.

Chris eventually left, and he picked Serena up for a date in Rick's car. They had an early dinner at a nice steak house, followed by a movie, and now they were walking out onto the beach hand-in-hand when Chris suggested they go for a walk in the moonlight. They had been dating for awhile now, but this was something they hadn't done yet, but something he had always wanted to. He was relaxing, finally, after sending no less than seventeen text messages to Bella and Rick to make sure his brother was okay. He only relented when Bella promised to call ASAP if Rick wasn't okay. They had left their shoes in the car and once again, Chris felt the sand between his toes as he walked. They couldn't have asked for a better night.

Serena smiled to herself as they walked along, her gaze flicking to the Tiffany bracelet adorning her wrist and then to the ring that Chris was wearing. She had never been at the point in a relationship where swapping little blue boxes for birthdays had been on the horizon. Even with her ex there hadn't been any Tiffany. They'd dated a year, and Serena had constantly felt an urge to just keep him at a distance a little. Like she hadn't quite wanted him to know her all that well. With Chris she'd wanted to dive in deep within the first couple weeks. He'd fixed her clicker, and somehow that was like waving a red flag at a bull. She'd wanted Chris, and she'd wanted him completely.

She bumped her shoulder against him lightly before she started to laugh and pulled him towards the ocean so they could get their feet wet. She bent down to flick water up at him, her blue eyes challenging him a little in the moonlight. "How's it going in that head of yours, Dr C?"

"Ohhhh, it's like that, is it?" Chris laughed and turned abruptly to scoop her up into his arms. "I could drop you, you know. Right into the beautiful waves. I do have a keen taste for you wet." He breached the gap between them, brushing his lips against the corner of hers in a soft kiss before he tilted his head towards her. "I don't know. Do my brains look like they're seeping out of my ears. They sure felt like it this morning..." He paused, watching her face in the moonlight as the water lapped around his feet. "Do you want to know what I was dreaming about this morning?"

Serena giggled and squealed as he scooped her up, her fingers gripping onto Chris tightly in case he really was about to drop her. "I'm really starting to figure that out, but I think dropping me in the waves is a little extreme. Ask nice enough, and maybe we could try skinny dipping." She grinned at the kiss before she walked her fingers along the side of his face and tugged gently on his earlobe. "Hm, not seeing any signs of leakage, but that's not to say there might not be some serious damage to your ability to think logically." Serena stilled in his arms as she gave a small nod, her smile fading just a little. "Of course I do."

Chris had a secure hold on her, though it was hardly any effort to lift her. It wasn't like she was a huge thing, far from it, and he more than had the strength. "Skinny dipping, huh? Now there's a way to end a date," he told her with a cheeky grin. But he sighed and glanced out at the waves in the distance. "We were on the beach. Gorgeous day in Miami... one of the best I'd ever seen, and that's saying something. You and me, and a whole bunch of other people." He glanced back, shooting her a faint smile. "It was our wedding. Don't even know where that came from, but we were getting married, and it was great. You were shitting yourself though, but it was something about the dress and how many seats needed to be on one side to match the other. I guess it was that accountant in you. It was awesome, and it was just starting. Even in my dream, I felt happy. Until... until I realised Rick wasn't there. I couldn't see him at all. I wouldn't let anything start until he was, but he just wasn't there. That's when I woke up."

"I will always be one to vote for a big finish. Not that our dates aren't memorable enough." Serena relaxed in his arms when she realised he wasn't letting her go any time soon, and reached up to brush her fingers against his lips as her stomach fluttered at the idea of their wedding, and the fact that he'd been dreaming about it. And then Chris delivered the punch line and she let out a small gasp. "Oh no... Does that mean... Were you worried it meant he wasn't going to survive? Are you scared about that?"

Chris gave a small laugh but then sighed again. "I'm terrified," he admitted, only loud enough for her to hear over the water. "I guess it was just my mind playing tricks on me, but it was confronting. I woke up, threw up all over the bedroom floor and rushed to clean it up before Rick realised I was sick. I think I'm coping okay with it, but it seemed to get me when I'm asleep and the subconscious kicks in. It's weird. He's hardly ever been in my life physically, but I... I don't know how I could cope if he was gone out of it. I try not to think about it, but it's there, you know? He's there, having chemo in the Oncology centre. He's in my spare room on IV fluids because he's so dehydrated. And he's telling me to go out on a date and enjoy myself. Which I am. More than you could know. This is exactly what I needed."

Serena kissed him softly before she rest her head against his shoulder. "Before, even if he wasn't always there, you still knew he might come back. You still let yourself have tiny little slivers of hope that you would have that brotherly relationship you always craved. Now he has cancer and there's a chance that... he'll be gone for good. There's no coming back from death," she replied quietly. "It's understandable that you're terrified, Chris. And it's okay to admit to it. It's even harder to avoid thinking about it. Rick will probably be thinking about it just as much. I think he's realised that he wants to stick around. He wants to be there for good. He also just wants you to be okay. This is him trying to be the big brother. You're going to have to let him. Same as he needs to let you take care of him." She smiled a little as she rubbed her hand against his chest. "I'll always be here for whatever you need, Chris."

Chris drew in a long breath and walked backwards on the sand so they were far enough away from the water to not get wet and he sat down. She was sitting in his lap now and he rested his head against hers. "I don't know how to let him be a big brother. I know that sounds completely awful, and I know there is that whole time heals thing. For sure. I understand that, and I'm not pushing anything. It's not easy, but it's working. We're interacting more, joking like we usually do, but we always did that because there was nothing else to talk about. But the essence of the big brother thing?" He shook his head a little. "I don't know how to let him in like that. I'm trying, but I can feel myself pulling away because I'm just so used to going it alone. Or used to being the one digging him out of shit. I'm always trying not to lose it in front of him, to let him see me upset or waning. That's just hard to keep up. But there is this constant voice at the back of my head telling me I'm running out of time. That I might keep him away and wake up one day and he's... gone. Just like that dream."

Serena started to comb her fingers through Chris' hair and stayed quiet as she listened, the sound of the waves breaking in front of them the only other noise on the beach. "You might have to let yourself fall apart in front of him. Let him be the one to comfort you, to understand that you do need him." She wet her lips and sighed softly when she thought about Drew and the number of times he'd had to comfort his little sister. "I know you don't have the same relationship that I do with Drew, but that's one thing he's always been able to give me. And the talking. The advice... Maybe you just need to keep spending that time with Rick and seeing what happens. Just let things progress naturally while you can. This is... This isn't how it should be, you should get the time you need, and I know it's like you have this huge pressure on you right now, but all that matters is your brother. And the time you do have left."

Ironically, Chris was starting to understand now why Proctor told him to take the time off work he needed. He was more than thinking about his priorities. They were in the forefront of his mind all day, every day, and now even in his subconscious when he tried to sleep. It would have also been impossible for him to cope with caring for Rick and clocking onto the twelve hours plus shifts he was used to. It would have killed him. "What if I can't do it? What if can't ever let him be the big brother? Can't... let him take care of me? You know me. Look how much you had to fight for me to let you take care of me with even the flu. Even now? Now I come down to the beach when I feel myself losing it, so I'm alone when it happens and there's no one else around. Do you think I have some sort of screw loose? If I feel it happening with Rick, what do I do? I lash out, I go below the belt, because it keeps him at arms length. Then he can't hurt me again if I let him get close and he doesn't stick around. But I just don't know how to fall apart around him."

Serena moved in his arms so she was straddling him and could hug Chris better as she slipped her arms around her boyfriend. She rubbed her hand against his back and turned her head to press her lips against his neck before she pulled back enough to look at him. "Yeah, I remember how hard I worked. You even make me work hard still. I feel like I'm being a bitch whenever I have to nearly torture you to eat, or sleep, or just stop for five minutes. I'm not asking you to fall apart in front of me because I know that's not going to be easy, either. I'll take the talking. I promised I'd listen, and I will. But... You just need to let Rick in on this one, because it's going to be a test for both of you. This is the brother moment, not the girlfriend one. Instead of going to the beach, maybe just lie on the bed with him, or hug him, or... sit with him. I don't think you have a screw loose, I just think you're so used to not being able to trust anyone enough to open up that you just don't always know how to do it. Remember what you said to me? No hearts on sleeves. You just keep your heart so deep in your chest that this isn't easy for you. You're reacting the only way you know how because you've been burned by your own family that many times."

Chris listened closely, watching her face. When she stopped talking and a silence fell over them, he nodded and closed his eyes when they dampened and a couple of tears slipped down his cheeks. there was no move to hide them or push them away. Just hearing about his family like that, plain and simple how it had been for him, it hurt. They had always been his family, and he did everything he could to help them, he clutched onto it as hard as he could to try and maintain something, but one day it just got too much and he gave up trying when it never happened. He started self-preserving, living for the moment, telling himself he didn't need anyone, and now it was the only survival tactic he knew. He hadn't worn his heart on his sleeve in a very long time. He felt around for one of her hands and wrapped his fingers around it. "I need you too, though. You've gotta know that. I can't do this without you, and I don't want to."

Serena kissed at the tears, brushing them away with her lips as a lump grew in her own throat at seeing them. She hadn't meant to talk about his family so bluntly, but Serena just wanted to try and explain things as best as she understood them. She was listening, always listened. She brought his hand up to her lips and kissed back of it as she nodded. "Of course I do. But even if you didn't, I wasn't going to give you much of a choice. You're stuck with with me now, Deleo. I'm never letting you do anything alone."

Chris wrapped her in another hug, resting his head on her shoulder and letting the conversation ease for a few moments as he just held the embrace, listening to the waves crashing against the shore further up the beach. It was calmer here, not as noisy, but the fresh sea air was still there, the warm sand was underneath them and the almost-full moon in the clear sky above them. "It's strange. Just a few months ago, it was like I didn't have a care in the world. Not one. I just went through all the motions, work was my life. I left Lake Wimico and my family behind. Miami had something to offer me. It was a freedom I wanted and the work was what I thrived on. I could never have picked that I was about to learn my best mate and brother had cancer. I would never have believed anyone if they told me I would be in a relationship, asking a chick to move in. Rayner was still my boss, and I would have just waltzed into a fellowship when my residency finished. I spent my spare time surfing, playing sports, drinking at the crab shack, having one night stands. Now it all just feels like someone grabbed the rug under me and tugged it so hard I'm just falling with nothing to grab on to to stop it. Everything that was my comfort zone feels like it's gone, and I'm trying to find a new one. I just wish I had more of a clue what the hell was around the corner."

"Hate to break it to you, baby, but not all of us can guess what's around the corner. None of us would have seen what was coming. Think Tuck knew he was going to get stabbed? When change comes, it comes in when we least expect it and it does leave you spinning for a while. It's not always good change, either. I can't say I regret this... Us. I don't. I love you, Chris. With everything inside me. It just hurts knowing that it came along with all the things that have brought you pain. The timing sucked, but maybe it wasn't meant to be any other way." Serena started to brush her fingers through his hair again, her eyes damp with unshed tears. "I think... I think everything's that's happened is just meant to show you there's more to life than just cruising along. It's a seriously fucked up way of doing it, but still..."

"I'm a trauma surgeon. I knew that. I've always believed life's just random. But when it's all happening at once to you and everyone around you, you start wondering why the fuck me. Or wondering if you're a jinx. First Rayner goes mental, Eva misses out on the job she wanted, Tuck gets stabbed, Dave tells me he had cancer, Rick gets diagnosed with cancer and loses a kidney. When is it going to stop? Is it going to stop?" Chris could help but ask with a slight, confused laugh. "This. Us. All in the middle of it is one good thing to come of it all. It's helped me stay sane. But even then, we've had to hide it. We've had to wonder what it's going to mean if we don't hide it. We still don't know that. We seem to end every one of our dates with me spilling my guts to you, I'm sorry. I don't want you to remember our dates like that."

Serena gave a short laugh of disbelief. "Are you kidding? Why wouldn't I want to remember our dates for this, and not just the good parts? This is a good part... This is the part where we become closer and you let me into behind that guard around your heart a little bit more." Serena pushed his hair back from his face and kissed his forehead. "We're probably not going to know for a little while, but Tuck keeps giving me these looks and Proctor's kept things very professional. Eva's still just Eva until you talk to her. I didn't want to take that away from you. I'm just hoping that we're through the storm now, and we might get to the calm. Catch our breaths and just work on getting Rick better."

Chris shook his head a little. "I haven't had time to talk to Eva. I will, it's just been hard now that I'm not at work. It's a nice thought, but the storm has just begun. Rick has another eight weeks of this round of chemo, if nothing else changes between now and then. I keep trying to catch my breath, but I'll settle on just knowing I can breathe, because sometimes it feels like I can't. Tuck's like a big, masculine aunty. He wants to know everyone is okay, and fuck, did I tell you? He and Bella used to date."

Serena shook her head as her eyes went wide. "No, you didn't! Oh my god... What if he finds out about your brother being sweet on her? I can actually see them together, though. Wow... Go Tuck." She rubbed the tip of her nose against Chris' and squeezed his hand. "If you ever forget to breathe, you can be rest assured I'll give you CPR. I'll even get my own crash cart if I have to. I know this is hard, but you're not alone. Grab onto me..."

"Their schedules clashed, but they're still good friends. You think the cancer has Rick's life on the line. Uh-uh, not if he hurts Bella." Chris dropped back onto the sand so he was lying, pulling Serena with him so she was lying on top of him. He was a little breathless even just thinking about the enormity of everything all at once. She was his lifeline, to say the least. "You probably don't realise that I already am, and have been for weeks now..." he told her quietly and then started to kiss her deeply, pushing his foot against the sand to get leverage in the embrace.

Serena kissed him back passionately as she cupped his face in her hands and moaned softly in response. It wasn't much of a verbal one, but everything she wanted to say was going into the kiss instead. It eased off when they both needed to catch their breath, and Serena rubbed her thumb against Chris' cheek as she looked down at him. "I won't let you fall, I promise."

Chris rested his head back in the sand, looking up at her and feeling her hair tickle against his cheek the way she was leaning over him. It was amazing what being at the beach with the sound of the waves in the distance and Serena as company could do for him. No doubt about it, he had fallen head over heels for her before he even realised what was happening, and he just wanted more. "I want the whole package," he admitted to her softly and then gave a small nod. "I need to talk to Eva. ASAP. I don't want to hide anymore. Not here, not at work. Nowhere."

Serena flashed him an apologetic smile. "And you still need to meet Drew," she reminded him quietly. She wasn't trying to push the brother thing, but where it was important to Chris for Eva to know about them, it was just as important to Serena for Chris to meet her brother. This was the man she loved, and her brother hadn't even met him yet. "I would love the whole package. Especially since we are gonna move in together. Also solves your problem of a car. You'd get joint custody of my clicker."

Chris laughed softly, happy to just lie here in the sand with her for a bit longer. "I'm actually going to have to make on my free car parking space down stairs? Miss Three A isn't going to be happy I'm booting her out of it. She's had it for free for four years now." He rested his hands on her hips, giving her a soft squeeze. "I'm sorry I haven't had the time for your brother. I'm not putting it off, I'm sorry. You met mine, so it's only fair. I'm just not sure the way I've been is the impression I wanted to make on him. He'll be thinking you're dating a mental case."

Serena was more than comfortable on top of Chris, her fingers tracing over his features and brushing over his face lightly. "I guess so, yeah. We'll get her a gift basket, or something... Or just help her out with paying for a spot. I'm sure she'll understand. If not... We have vays of making her understand," Serena added in her poor Russian accent. "It's okay. I get it, even Drew gets it. He's a musical therapist so he's seen patients with chemo, and he's met the family members dealing with it. He won't think you're mental, I promise. I know the timing sucks, and if it could have been done before all this... But we don't have a time machine. Just when you think you have a moment... I'd really like you to meet him."

"I didn't even know your brother was a doctor. I seriously just assumed he was an accountant like your dad, and I have no idea why I assumed that. Probably because I thought you would have mentioned if he was a doctor, only because he's not an MD, it wasn't like you would just turf it into the conversation. Seriously, though. I'm shitting myself about meeting him. I can tell you guys are close, and he might hate me. I might be nothing like he expected you to be with." Chris couldn't help the uncertainty. This felt more important than even meeting the parents. Serena had met Rick, but at the same time, as horrible as it sounded, Rick's opinion wasn't going to bear on things with Serena simply because he hadn't been around enough to have that luxury. If he kept his word and stuck around more, inevitably Chris was going to let him into more aspects of his life. But if Rick hadn't approved of Serena, it was highly likely Chris would have just told him to go fuck himself. Luckily it didn't come to that and Rick and Serena got along well. But Serena and her brother had been close forever, so this was huge.

"Well, he has a PhD in Musical Arts. So he's a doctor of sorts, just not an MD. He travels a lot depending on who hires him. He's got his own practice, and he really is a gifted musician. He got all that side of things. I got all Dad's logical thinking, and not an ounce of anything musical except maybe passable singing, and I can definitely dance. He's not going to hate you. He's had earfuls about you, so he's at least a little prepared. The player thing had him worried, but I think he's realised how big it is for me and you to have gotten together. He's just annoyed that I didn't introduce you two yet. He's cool. You'll like him, I promise. He might still pull the big brother act, but it's mandatory..." Serena rest her head down against Chris' shoulder and moved her fingers down his neck and over his shoulder as she continued with the light touches. Truth was there was just a small part of her that had maybe delayed the introductions because she was terrified that her brother might decide after all that Chris wasn't worthy of his sister's affection. Still, it needed to happen if Chris and Serena were really going to get the whole package with this relationship. It was one of their last hurdles.

Chris' eyes fell closed briefly when he sighed. Some of the touches were tickly, but others just felt amazing, like she was keeping him aware at every single moment that she was there and keeping him grounded. "Just for the record, I wasn't as big a player as everyone thought I was. I was a bit, for stress relief more than anything. But not like the grapevine makes it out I was. Hell, I wouldn't have time for work if I was that bad. And the waitress with the shoe? I seriously was only minding my business that night, grabbing dinner on the way home from work. I wasn't out on the pull or anything like that." He opened his eyes with a laugh. "Hey, I somehow managed to pull the little brother act on Bella without even realising what I was doing. It must be some sort of inner mojo inbuilt that you don't even realise is there. It's probably impossible to count the amount of women Rick as been through. He was always worse than me. But this one, who actually seems to really care about him and he's got a thing for? I decide to pull the little brother asshole routine."

"I believe you," Serena said quietly as she let out a soft laugh. "It was just a little fun teasing you about it. Especially the shoe. It's now part of MT1 legend. You've down in the history books. And I'm really not as pissed about that as I sometimes seem. It was just... It was an insane day. But I think at the end of it, we both got something pretty damn special out of it. For that reason alone, I think the shoe thing is part out our history too." She shifted her gaze to his face and smiled. "It's instinct. I think you recognise that Bella is different to the others, so you were testing her. I just don't think either of you know what it means yet."

"I'm no boy scout, but I'm not Hugh Heffner, either. Despite popular opinion, I've always wanted this..." Chris brushed his hands down over her hip and then pulled her in for another soft kiss. "I wanted to find someone that felt right, that I could have fun with, and have a laugh. I just wasn't sure I ever would with my schedule and now you know that I have family issues. I mean, that's not something you can tell on first glance of someone. It's easy to make it seem like you don't have a care in the world if you cover it well enough. Ironically, it was Proctor I first eluded the issues to. That drunk driver that wasn't? I tried to get out of the case, but Proctor wouldn't let me. It came out eventually, and I apologised to the patient for judging him. It was around that point that woke me up to realise I wasn't hiding it as well as I thought I was, and it snowballed from there. I know I seem all down on Rick, but the catalyst of that is my father. He caused all the problems when he started drinking when I was really young. Rick just didn't know how to deal with that, so I guess he rebelled and started pissing off because he didn't want to be around dad either... even though he wanted dad to change and be a father to us. Rick was the one who followed in dad's footsteps. I was the black sheep. My father thinks I'm just sitting prettily in some clinic up here handing out prescriptions and reaping in the cash for it. So, it was my dad and Rick that both screwed me over. Probably why getting Proctor's approval was important on some level."

Serena wet her lips in the wake of the kiss and pressed another one to Chris' jaw as she linked their fingers again and hugged his hand to her chest. "And now? Do you feel like you have his approval even after that's happened? I can't blame you for needing a father figure. Who wouldn't after what you've been through? Who doesn't want that father that does approve, that encourages, that's proud of what you do. I'm lucky. I have that... Even if he's given me a warped way of looking at life. Rick's here now, he wants to make up for his mistakes. I think it says a lot that he really does still want to try after everything. He could have pissed off for good, and you might never have seen him again. There was something in him that wanted to be your brother, even if he did fuck it up. You're an amazing doctor, Chris. You're a talented surgeon, and you're a good man. You have every reason to be proud of yourself, and I kind of want to smack your dad around for being such a prick to his sons."

Chris shook his head. "No, no. I'm not looking for a father figure. I'm not. I gave up on that a long time ago. I just needed to know that not all males in an authoratitive role in my life were going to screw me over or assume I was a reckless and selfish asshole. I did have that with Rayner. He was fantastic. But seeing what happened to him brought me back down to reality with a thump, especially when Proctor stepped into his shoes. I wanted to impress him and prove myself to him, but it felt like I was up against a brick wall. Maybe part of me knew once he scored the job that he would be there for a long time and I... I want to be there for a long time, too. If that even makes sense. Then he kept putting my review off. Or at least, it felt like he was, when it was more just a time thing. It was prominent in my mind, he just didn't realise how much I needed to hear that I was doing a good job in his eyes. I didn't even realise it. I've only realised that over the last few days. Ironic, he tells me to go away and think about my priorities, and I actually listen to him. You know, out of all this, there is only one thing I really want? I just want Rick to not turn out like dad. For awhile there, I really thought he would. He was making all the right moves, just sans booze."

Serena nodded a little, her thumb rubbing against the back of Chris' hand. "It makes sense. Funny how Proctor does actually know what he's talking about sometimes, isn't it? And it's not always about the metaphors. He's just trying to help you. Same as he was trying to help me... In his own special way. So how are your priorities going? I think Rick will surprise you. I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone, but maybe it was the wake up call he really needed."

"I know. I just felt like I was functioning against him, not with him. I know he was only trying to help, but he didn't exactly give me much help along. Which wasn't the point anyway, I needed to see it for myself. I have needed this break, I think. Even if it's not much of a break. Hopefully Dave gets on okay with it, because I really don't know when I'll be able to get back. Not for a month or so, at the very least. Priorities are... I can maybe see that what I wanted before, I still really want now." Chris frowned a little, and traced his fingertips through the sand. "He's been so sick. I'm worried about him."

"Dave's still finding his feet. People are accusing him of stealing your spot... Bitches." Serena frowned a little at the gossip flying around MT1 right now. "I offered to do a nudie run to give them something else to talk about, but Dave didn't want you killing him. He'll be fine." Serena sat up a little to look at his face. "Worried the chemo won't work?"

Chris snorted and shook his head. "Are you serious? The dude does me a favour by stepping up when things are tough for me, and he gets treated like shit. They need to get their heads out of their asses and just let him do his job. He's a damn awesome surgeon. If there was a spot on Alpha, he could easily step into it, no question. He's wanted to be a surgeon longer than I have. Okay, he has a point there. I would kill anyone who looked at you naked." His hand stilled in the sand and he rested it on her thigh. "Yeah, I'm worried about that. I'm just worried in general, though. I mean, it could just be the first round, but he could be like this the whole time. I don't know if he'll keep up the strength. Bella seems to give him something, though. A distraction, maybe?"

"Or tender loving care..." Serena murmured as she held Chris' gaze. "Not like we don't all wish for a little TLC when we feel like shit. And sometimes it's nice having it come from a distraction. I think you give him a reason to fight, but maybe Bella's helping to give him the means. She seems to really understand what patients go through, and that's a pretty special quality. And yeah, I'm serious. I feel like slapping every one of those idiots. Okay, so no naked, but I'll come up with something."

"Yeah... maybe you're right there. Rick's had a lot of chicks, but probably none that have just... taken care of him. I haven't asked him how he felt about having her there, and I never intended for her to stay when I got her around with those fluids. I needed her to prescribe them to him, and that's all I wanted. But it was no effort for her. I think she's fighting an internal ethical battle, she's making all the choices herself. I didn't guilt her into staying with him or anything, and then she stayed all night. Came back this evening. He seems to want her there. There's something there, for sure. It made me wonder if she had someone close with cancer. She gets it, unconditionally." Chris pushed up slightly to steal another kiss, glad it was a warm night so they didn't need to rush through the time here on the beach together. "But god. He slept with his doctor," he added with a small, disbelieving laugh. "Only Rick. Seriously."

"The heart wants what the heart wants, regardless of whether it's on a sleeve or not," Serena said as she tugged on Chris' before responding with another kiss, letting this one linger. "I doubt she makes a habit of what's happened with Rick, which means he has to mean something else to her. He's got to be pushing some buttons inside her that she probably really is struggling to reconcile her ethics with. I just hope it doesn't explode the wrong way because I think she's good for him. And I think she's the best doctor he could get."

Chris slipped his hand up under her shirt so he could feel her soft warm skin under his fingers. He loved that sensation as much as the sand. "No, she doesn't. I feel that in my gut. You can see she's nervous about it, but she's not regretting it or she would be putting the distance between them. And think about it, she's seen him at his worst. Seriously, he's had some really bad periods where he's just... sick. So sick. It probably makes him feel like it won't ever stop. I've asked around, her rep is amazing. She's held in high regard. I think Rick is just hitting something inside her."

Serena nuzzled in against Chris' neck as she took a moment to just breathe in his scent mingled with the smells of the salt water, and the sand. Chris always managed to remind her of the beach, even at the hospital he smelled like he belonged with the waves. Now she knew why. "I guess you'll just have to wait and see what happens. Hopefully Rick's not stupid enough to push too far over the boundary - again - for her to decide he's not worth her licence."

"That right there is what I'm worried about. He's already got a thing for her. I see the way he looks at her. How is he going to cope if she puts the brakes on? He'll have to deal with losing her with a doctor as well. It just bothers me. But I don't want to come on heavy for her either. She's going more than out of her way to help him. It just all makes our situation feel not so hard, you know?" Chris murmured and then with a small sigh, pulled her into another kiss. She was too much to resist, and he wanted to make the most of their time together. Hell, making love to her right there and then was starting to feel extremely tempting.

Serena hummed with pleasure at the kiss, letting go of his hand to start working on the buttons of his shirt. Apparently her mind was travelling along a very similar track, the fact that they were in public not exactly bothering her. She and Chris had yet to indulge in public sex, and right now as far as she could tell they definitely had this part of the beach to themselves. "So talk to Rick instead. Maybe he needs to be the one to put the brakes on," she whispered when she pulled out of the kiss to catch her breath briefly before picking right back up where she left off as her hands pushed away his shirt from his body and she ran her palms over his torso.

"Yeah, maybe... or maybe not." Chris swore softly in the wake of his comment. He had just pushed through a really tough few days, but right now, he had set that aside for the moment and couldn't think about anything but Serena and her touches. Her hands on his body never failed to do it for him, and he could feel his jeans get tight when the beach sex went from a maybe to a probably in his head. He really wasn't foreign to this. It was Miami. Beach sex happened, and at this time of night, there weren't many people around anyway. Maybe a few dog walkers, but even then, not on this portion of the beach. He was already lost in the kiss and his hands went to her ass, squeezing it softly as he pulled her hips down against his to increase the friction. Part of him wondered if he should feel guilty for this, but part of him knew he also needed some escape from everything else so he didn't go crazy. He needed this, he needed her. He broke the kiss just briefly enough to breathe out, "I love you," to her, before he wanted her lips back to himself again.

[nsfw] RP Log with geniuscowboy | Of birthdays, questions, and cherries on top

2010-08-04T10:29:38Z

Chris was finding it hard to believe it was even his birthday. It didn't feel like it, and the only thing that swayed him was the fact presents, cards, and well-wishes kept showing up for him. More than he could fathom, actually. Besides amazing ones from Serena, Dave, Aimee and Eva, there were a lot of other random things from friends and staff at work. His apartment was suddenly overloaded with balloons, flowers and cards. Yet, it still didn't feel like his birthday, and it probably had something to do with the fact they were on the eve of Rick's first round of chemo. This time tomorrow, it would all be said and done and they would probably be starting to have a better idea how Rick would cope with it. But there was no sense stressing too much about that. Whatever will be, will be and all that. He had appreciated Dave talking to them and with complete honesty. Chris knew it had been hard for his best mate, reliving the painful memories to churn them out for Chris and Rick to understand, even just a tiny bit more. It did help Chris, too. It helped hearing it in plain black and white, even if it had hurt more than he realised to blatantly hear the horrible things Dave lived through.

But now it was the evening of his birthday. He had spent the day with Rick test-running the Playstation and Rock Band package from Eva. It crapped all over Chris' Playstation 2, and when Rick started waning on the energy after lunch, they chilled out and watched The Matrix, Terminator, and Beverly Hills Cop on Blu-Ray, all gifts from the dudes on the Bravo team at MT1. Rick passed out snoring about a third the way through Beverly Hills Cop, so Chris had woken him and told him to go to bed. By the time the movie was drawing to an end, Serena had arrived home from her shift and Chris sat his almost-spent cup of coffee aside to pull up off the sofa to give her a hug. It tight, and secure, and he seemed reluctant to break the embrace. "Hmm... I missed you," he murmured against her ear, letting his fingers run through her long hair down her back.

Serena hugged Chris back, not in a rush to escape the embrace when he so clearly needed it. She rubbed her hand against his back as she turned her face into his neck and kissed it. "Missed you too," she mumbled against his skin. "How's Rick? Happy birthday again. Are you okay? Need anything? How was your day?" She stopped with the questions before she even got close to reaching twenty, and just went back to hugging Chris.

Chris raised his eyebrows at the questions and pulled back a little so he could see her face. "I dunno completely how he is. He's been really tired this afternoon. He went to bed about five. Chances are he might get up again later, but he needs to just roll with how he's feeling. If he feels like he needs to sleep, he needs to sleep. There's some things I need to talk to you about... nothing bad, I promise. The day was fine, we just hung out and did dude things. You know, I've never done that with him? Not once. I guess that's why it made the day pretty cool, even if it was nothing really special. I need to get a wash, though. I was going to grab a shower, but how do you fancy a bath? I got this bubble bath the other day because the bottle was shaped like a leaf. Don't ask me why. I just had a metrosexual moment," he added with a smirk.

Serena flashed him a sheepish smile in response to the look. It wasn't like she could help the questions. It was strange not being able to see him during the day. Just as well Serena was a text addict otherwise she'd probably never get to talk to Chris while he was off. Even if she gave him the space he needed today with his brother. She shifted to cup his face in her hand and rubbed her thumb against his facial hair. "I'm glad you got to dude things. Not all birthdays are about big parties, and raves, and stuff. Sometimes it's about hanging out with your brother. A metrosexual moment? My god, do you need to lie down? Joking aside, I'd love nothing more than to have a bath with you. Is Rick really okay with me coming back here overnight?"

"Yeah, I totally needed a lie down, along with a scratch and a fart to stake my manly territory again. Didn't want people getting the wrong idea, you know?" Chris replied with a laugh. He realised his apartment looked like a bomb hit it with all the birthday mess and wrapping lying around, but it could wait to get cleared up. He took her hand and tugged her in the direction of the bathroom, which was luckily next to his bedroom and nowhere near the spare room up the hall where Rick was sleeping. The sound of the bath running wouldn't wake him up, though Chris suspected a tornado wouldn't even wake his brother up at that point. "Apparently a party was in the works, but the timing just wasn't right with Rick's appointment tomorrow and all. Maybe some other time. It would be as awkward as all fuck being in the same room as Proctor right now, anyway. I think there needs to be more dust settling. Yeah, he's fine with it. He keeps asking if you're okay with him being here."

Serena followed Chris, kicking off her shoes as they went. Maybe it did look a little like a bomb had hit it, and she'd just be adding to the mess, but at least there could be some celebration. "Guess it was just a weird twist of timing. I can't believe Rick's got his appointment tomorrow. I wish I had the day off to be there with you, but I don't. Proctor's already given me strict warnings about my professionalism. More than dust needs to be settled as far as he's concerned." She gave his hand a squeeze and kissed the back of his neck as they entered the bathroom. "Me? Of course I'm okay with him being here. He should be here. You just need to tell me the moment you need me out of the way, okay? I won't take offence."

"I know, but Rick's chemo trumps any parties. The sooner he gets that the better. Whatever happens, and according to Dave, literally anything could. We'll just know the lay of the land better when we know how Rick handles the chemo, how sick it'll make him. Then Bella will want to do more tests, no doubt..." Chris pulled his t-shirt up over his head and dropped it onto the floor, thinking about what Rick had told him in relation to the female doctor. "I didn't get a chance to ask you what happened with that meeting, I'm sorry. I was wrecked last night. But you're still there, so that's something. Not that I ever thought he would punish you for it." He turned around so he could face her again, looking over her face. "I'm not going to tell you to get out of the way... far from it."

Serena unbuttoned her jeans and pushed them down over her hips before she took off her top. She paused when Chris was facing her again, and leaned in to kiss his lips softly. "I won't go anywhere, I promise. I'm sure Drew won't mind getting the place to himself in case he decides to more than just sext that nurse. I still don't know who she is... It's frustrating. And the meeting was... I don't know. He's disappointed I didn't feel like I could approach him with something that would 'affect my ability to progress' or something. He also just said he's concerned about you, and since I seem to be the closest person to you right now, that I need to look after you." Serena reached back to unhook her bra and slid it off her shoulders. "How do you think he'll react to the chemo? Is it even worth trying to anticipate his reaction, or just prepare for the worst and anything else is a bonus?"

"Yeah... I think he was hurt by it. I don't know how we could have avoided it, though, because to be honest, if we said something in the early days and everyone tried to talk us out of it, I probably would have listened. That sounds fucked up, right? It's true, though. So, for that reason, I'm glad we rolled with it how we did. It gave us a chance to get a feel for it without any outside interferrence. I could see for myself what the lay of the land was. He just... well, he told me to take leave to think about my priorities. I just don't know really what he meant by that. He never just says anything. He talks in riddles, and... and British. My head just can't keep up with that right now. Either way, I'm off for Rick anyway, and I don't doubt I'll have plenty of time to think about my priorities. In fact, I've been thinking about them ever since I walked out of his office, and there's something I want to ask you," he resolved. "The chemo... I don't know. I'm going with the latter. If it turns out it makes him really sick, he's not going to be alone for any of it."

Serena nodded as she started to work on Chris' pants for him, pleased to see a hint of the Batman boxers she'd got him. "It's fucked up, but I get it. When you have no chance to get attached to something - why wouldn't you let someone talk you out of it? For all I know, I probably would have given up on us too. It would have just been a bit of sex, and then back to work. I'm glad we got this chance. I don't care if people think we're selfish... How can they really blame us? Priorities? At least I didn't get that from Proctor. Just him asking me if I was sure you weren't just with me because you need a shoulder to lean on right now." Serena pressed her lips together as she fought to hide her anger that still bubbled up when she thought about that comment from their boss. "You can ask me anything, you know that. I'm sure he'll be grateful that he's here, even if he's nervous of it now."

"Hey, I saw that look. You can't be angry at him. Sounds like he's been trying to get us to think, that's all. Maybe that's what he's supposed to do? Maybe in any other situation, we could be laying a whole lot on the line, we could be reckless and lack rational thinking. I just couldn't shake the feeling the whole priorities thing was some way of him trying to give me a message of some sort. I don't know, I need more time to think about it. He didn't just outright tell me I was being stupid or disloyal like he did before. He just told me to take the leave, to think, and look after Rick." Chris took her hands, halting her undressing him. He squeezed her fingers and let one hand go so he could brush his palm over her hip. "Now that things are out in the open, and maybe when the dust settles a bit, I want you to move in with me."

"I can't help it! He just rubbed me up the wrong way when he said something like that. It just... It made me angry. I get that he can't be all 'yay us', but he doesn't have to just piss all over it and tell me it must be because you're so desperate for comfort while you're going through hard times, and I just must be convenient." She breathed out slowly through her nose before she raised her eyebrows. "Okay, okay. I'm letting it go. Promise. I'm not angry with him. Just angry with that comment. I know he's just trying to help in his own Proctor way." Serena bit her lip as she looked up at Chris, her eyes widening. After a moment she started to smile widely and nodded. "Okay. Yes."

"I just don't think he was out of line asking questions like that, babe. We have lied to him for three months. He has every right to be suspicious and try to figure out where it came from. Truth is, I've been pretty screwed in the head, you've got to admit that. I know, weird that I'm jumping to his defense here, but I guess I'm just tired of all the tension. That's all. I don't want to be pissed off at Proctor when he's done nothing wrong. He probably just feels like he's fucked up as a boss on some level because we didn't go to him." Chris watched her uncertainly for a moment with a small laugh. "You don't have to say yes, you know."

Serena wet her lips and let out another sigh as she nodded. "I know, I know... And I hate that he feels like that. But what were we supposed to do? You were right about what would have happened if we had gone to him. We never would have got a chance. Maybe he'll understand that, same as he'll understand that this isn't just convenience. I know you've had it hard, and you haven't been able to think straight for very long - but Chris, that doesn't mean this is something that's false. What we have is real." Serena frowned. "Why wouldn't I?"

Chris tilted his head a little in thought. "Maybe that's what he meant about priorities? Maybe he thinks if we're not working together for awhile, and we stick it out, we're serious about it?" It certainly seemed to make sense to Chris. At the end of the day, Proctor didn't get angry, he didn't threaten Chris' job or his position. It wasn't like that. He just seemed bewildered. He held his hands up and then leant over to push his jeans off. "I don't know. You just seemed to hesitate a bit and I don't want you thinking you have to if you're not ready, that's all. Jesus, don't read anything into everything, please. I'm flying by the seat of my pants here. I've never asked a chick to move in with me before. Never."

"Do you think so?" Serena fell quiet as she considered Chris' interpretation. "Well, if that's his point then I can kind of understand that. And maybe agree with it." Serena pulled down her panties so that she was now naked and after stepping out of them she grabbed Chris and pulled him into a lingering kiss. "And I've never been asked, or agreed to move in with a guy. So we're even. I hesitated because it was the last thing I expected you to ask me. Not because I'm not ready. I want to live with you. I want to spend every night in bed with you. And it also means I get to spend more time with the hot tub."

Chris smirked and raised his eyebows. "Oh yeah? The truth comes out now. That's the only reason you're with me, isn't it? Priorities indeed," he teased and then moved to quickly put some of the new bubble bath into the water, glad it actually smelt quite nice. "Just one problem, though. I need to talk to Eva. She has to know before anything happens. Everyone else knows. I told Tuck. I don't know what I did, but he was all with the cool nurse listening thing, and he was asking me, so I just told him. Plus, we should probably see how Rick goes with the chemo. If he's going to be really sick, three people sharing one small bathroom could get tight."

Serena laughed as she rubbed her hand against his back. "Sure, I get that. You should talk to her. I'm actually glad now that people will now. Feels like a weight's been lifted. Tuck nearly caught me out when you sent those roses, but I recovered relatively quickly... Maybe not so smooth, but he seemed to believe me. I feel bad that we kept it from her, but I don't know how she would have taken it. Or will... But she should know." Serena wrapped her arms around Chris once he was finished putting in the bubble bath and hugged him. "If he's going to be really sick, I'll just stay out of the way. I'll come over when you need me to. Just remember to ask for help if you want it. We're all here for you and Rick."

"It's just a waiting game," Chris agreed with a sigh. "It's not easy, but at least I seem to be able to talk to him better now without jumping down his throat. Or mostly without jumping down his throat. Sometimes I just get frustrated, like I did when Dave was here the other day. You don't have to stay out of the way, we just might need to work things a bit differently. Dave and Aimee said they would help if we needed it, too. Oh, and we have a holiday away together," he told her, laughing, and shut the taps off. He held his hand out for her to take to step into the water.

"A holiday? What holiday?" Serena held Chris' hand tightly as she stepped into the tub, always scared that one day she'd wind up going ass up. This was one of the few moments of being a tight space that she never had issues with. But then the bath was hardly sealed off, and she could see the door clearly. She lowered herself slowly and leaned back against the tub. Serena sighed in relief and felt her whole body tingle with pleasure at the feel of the warm water envelope her. "You're not alone in looking after him, that's all you need to remember. I don't know if it'll be any easier once you know how he's reacted or not... I'll try and call you tomorrow when I'm on break, not just text."

Chris smirked. "I'll just stand here while you lie down, huh?" he teased, raising his eyebrows expectently at her. There wasn't any hiding the fact he was a little aroused, either. He couldn't help it, baths with sexy women just did it for him. He didn't take them often, but maybe he would have to get more into the habit. "His appointment's at ten, and we'll probably be there through the afternoon. The way Dave said, he started reacting to it the same day, others have told me it could be a day or two after. Some feel crappy as soon as it starts going through their system, but Dave told me it bombed him out. It's just hard to say. I'll be glad when I can get Rick home and just roll with it. I'll just try and get a good sleep tonight so I'm ready for it."

Serena blushed before she sat up again to hold out her hands for Chris, her gaze dipping below his waist as she noticed his arousal. She looked up at him again as her blue eyes darkened and her teeth caught her bottom lip briefly. "Then maybe we'll just have to make sure you're relaxed as you possibly can be. Otherwise if you still have those sleeping pills leftover from when I prescribed them, it might be worth thinking about taking one. You're no good to Rick if you don't have your energy. You look after him, but let me look after you." She kissed his palm and grinned. "And for the record, I could have given you a good show if you did decide to just stand there and watch."

Chris just laughed and shook his head as he took her hands and stepped into the bath. It was one of the selling features, beyond being near the beach and the balcony, that had him picking this place. It was a huge bath, plenty of room for two in the right positions. He just never ended up using it much. He sat down in the other end of the tub, feeling the hot water prickle over his own skin and make his cheeks go red. "Maybe eventually, babe. Right now, I just want to relax and enjoy the bath. It's been an okay day. I don't feel as uptight and like I'm going to cry or throw up all the time." He picked up a handful of bubbles in his palms and blew them at her with a grin.

Serena laughed at the bubbles before picking up some of her own and creating a moustache and beard on her face before she moved this end of the bath to sit between his legs and relax back against Chris. "I definitely prefer it when you don't feel as if you're going to cry, or throw up. Maybe Proctor did do you a favour by giving you your leave early. And this way you got one day with Rick to just be brothers." She picked up his hand and took it between both of hers. "Happy birthday, Dr C."

Chris relaxed down in the bath, this definitely being one of the positions that seemed to work. He linked his fingers in with hers, giving them a squeeze and not at all having any protests about the way her butt was resting against his groin in the warm water. "Hey, I prefer it too. I'm not used to feeling like that, it's been weird for me. I can usually chill, or find a way to chill, but it's like I couldn't find my footing no matter what I did. First hearing about Rick, and then Dave, and then everything else that came in the wake of it. Seriously, I should have grey hair." He rested his cheek against her head, exhaling heavily. "This is nice, and this bubble bath actually smells awesome."

"You should have grey hair, but you don't. Instead I think your beard just got longer. You might also be in need of a walking stick and some high pants to keep your old man stomach in place." Serena was was only teasing, and she wiped off her foamy facial hair as she smiled. "A lot's happened, no one can blame you for losing your footing. Especially not me. I'm just glad that I have managed to help you and not made it worse. I guess I more fixed your metaphorical clicker." Her other hand disappeared under the water and rest on his leg as she lifted out her foot and placed it on the side of the tub and gave her red painted toenails a wiggle. "You had a very fine metrosexual moment, baby. I'm proud."

Chris was laughing again, wrapping his arms tightly around her and giving her squeeze. "I can't help it if I'm one of those dudes that's actually quite freakishly hairy. You just can't see it because I'm fair, but I seriously should shave twice a day. I've always been like that. I was shaving at thirteen. Not very successfully, but I gave it a good and messy shot." He could feel the tension washing away in the water. "Why haven't we done this sooner? Seriously? Can't say I'm much of a bath dude, but this feels nice. Better than Kathy telling me I should try yoga or meditating."

Serena hummed happily as he embraced her and covered his arms with hers as she wriggled just a little against him. She couldn't deny she was more than loving this position either. "Hey, I have no complaints. It's not like you have to start waxing your back or anything. Or do you do that already, and I just don't know about it? I don't think we've done it sooner because we didn't feel like we had the time... We always felt like we had to rush things. But it's like our first date... It'll all happen eventually. And I just realised... I can't wait to see Kathy's face once she finds out your non-yoga ass is mine."

"Okay, confession time. I actually get my chest waxed, but before that sounds like a completely gay or tosser thing to admit to considering I don't seem the sort, it's for the surfing because the hairs hurts like all fuck when you pull off a damp wetsuit," Chris admitted. "And I have no idea why I haven't told you that. It's just something that slipped through the cracks. I used to get my legs done when I mountain biked a lot, too because if you ever stacked, it was less likely to cause infections in any cuts or grazes. So, how about we go tit-for-tat here? Time for you to confess something to me. Beyond the fact you want to kill Kathy, because that is seriously no secret," he added, smirking smugly. He couldn't deny he found her jealousy as hot as hell.

"I used to pad my bra. And before you go on about women not being happy with their breasts, it was more because I was a late bloomer. All the other girls seemed to suddenly get breasts overnight and I was thirteen and still looking like a wooden plank. I wanted this boy, Charles, when I was in middle school. So I stuffed tissues into my bra. but then I realised tissues didn't quite work, so I started using water balloons. Only at the dances, mind you. It was too weird going to school every day and sloshing." Serena tilted her head back to look at him as she started to laugh. "My brother found out and thought I was completely crazy. He also gave Charles a black eye for making me think I needed boobs to impress him. Like me just being me wasn't impressive enough."

Chris sniggered in amusement. "I think I like your brother already," he decided and then slipped his hands from hers to slide his palms up over her body, spreading the bubbles over her soft skin. His hands covered her breasts and his fingers brushed over the curve of them as he started to kiss her throat just below her ear. "I happen to love your breasts just the way they are. The only latex I want to worry about is that between your thighs when I'm buried deep inside you..." he purred softly and started to suck teasingly on her earlobe when his thumbed swirled over her nipple. "I have another confession... I want to make love to you without a condom."

"I still want you to meet him," Serena breathed out before it became a moan and she shuddered against him. She gripped the edge of the bath tightly as she pushed back against Chris and tilted her head to give him better access. She always seemed to instantly react to any touch he gave her, her whole body screaming for more like it had been months since the last time his hands had been on her body. Her tongue ran over her lips as she let out another quiet moan, and the water splashed a little as her hand dropped below it to grip at his leg. "I love my breasts too... I grew to appreciating them. More times I can go without a bra, and no back pain, or being unable to do shirt buttons up... Chris..." She sucked in a breath as her hand slid around to the underside of his thigh. "I want you to as well... So much."

"Ah huh..." Chris murmured in agreement, though he didn't really want to carry on a conversation about either of their brothers while he had his hands all over her soapy, naked body. That would be just too weird. He trailed his tongue around the edge of her ear, his breath tickling the skin. He let his legs drop open a little further at her touch and by now, he wasn't just a little aroused, he was one hundred percent horny and he rolled his hips, rocking his erection against her ass. He was still exploring her familiar breasts with his fingers, but he never got tired of touching her, feeling her. A hand slipped down over her flat stomach amongst all the scented bubbles and he looked over her shoulder at his hand slipping between her legs, his fingers sliding inside her, the tips brushing over her clit. He started fingering her in a slow, teasing rhythm and went back to sucking intently on her neck. "You're so sexy and hot when you come, you know that? I haven't been able to stop thinking about going down on you all day... your scent, your taste... can't get enough..." he breathed out with a soft, hungry moan.

Serena bit back another moan as her head fell back against Chris' shoulder. She was already wet, she could feel it even in the water. Her skin was prickling with heat the more she got aroused from her boyfriend's attentions and her fingers dug into his thigh as she started to move up and down slowly, pushing back against him more so his cock slid deliciously against her ass. Serena gave another shudder as she whimpered in response, her mind taking a little while longer than normal to formulate words. "Unless you're hiding a snorkel mask somewhere, not sure how you're going to be able to--Fuck!"

Chris didn't really care what part of him was connecting with what part of her. Just because that was what he had been fantasising about on and off throughout the day, didn't actually mean he wouldn't be satisfied with anything else. In fact, this was a pretty awesome alternative and they might have time for other things lately if Rick continued to remained passed out in the spare room. Hooking an arm over the edge of the tub so he could get them up into a slightly more sitting position. As lovely as the lying was, it would be hard to do anything more than just more touching, unless he wanted to broach the subject of anal sex and it wasn't really something they had touched up, so he wasn't going to ruin this moment by suggesting something new out of the blue. That wasn't everyone's cup of tea, anyway. But in the new position, she was sitting in his lap in a lethargic and soapy reverse cowgirl position. Perfect, in Chris' humble opinion. He turned her head towards him so they could pick up an intense and hungry kiss and while his fingers continued to stroke her and swirl intent circles over her clit, he was in the perfect position to push up and enter her from behind, even if he sloshed water over the edge of the bath onto the floor in the process.

Serena gripped the tub as well, her other hand moving up into Chris' hair as she started to move against his hips, trying not to send too much water over the edge. It was unavoidable though, but Serena really didn't have any complaints. She was more than willing to indulge in a backwards cowgirl. She moaned against his mouth, letting the kiss muffle the noises as they continued a slow rhythm. A little part of her felt like this was their personal birthday celebration even if Serena was still doing a little internal dance at the idea of moving in with Chris. Soon, this could be a regular thing for them. Or even a little watery fun in the hot tub. She was completely prepared for the sex to stop once Rick's chemo started, but it would nice if they still could steal their little moments together. "I love you..." she breathed out during a break in the kiss.

"I love you too," Chris breathed out, his lips pressing against the corner of her lips again in the wake of the intense kiss. He had found a rhythm with his fingers buried between her legs that matched the slow and purposeful thrusts as he took her from behind. Through a breathless moan, he cursed softly and let his head fall against her shoulder where he pressed another soft trail of kisses over her shoulder and back through the spattering of bubbles. He hadn't actually intended for this to lead to sex. A bubble bath had really just been what he had hoped for, especially when Rick went to bed and Chris knew he was okay for the moment. But this was nice, like getting a cherry on your sundae when you didn't expect one or finding the surprise in the bottom of the cereal packet. Just an added bonus and he would be lying if he didn't admit it was a nice way to end his birthday. It was better than a party. A party could maybe come later down the track, but right now, this was all he wanted.

For geniuscowboy

2010-08-03T04:34:49Z

Left on the bedside table for him to find in the morning with a note:

You aren't the only one that gets to give little blue boxes in this relationship.

Happy birthday, baby. xxx

PS. I'm wearing the other part.

RP Log with rhythmictherapy | Brotherly-Sisterly Bonding

2010-07-29T03:18:23Z

It had been a couple of days since Serena and Chris got away, and the decision to tell Proctor was still fresh on her mind. Only Serena wasn't about to make a move until Chris did. He had said he wanted to talk to Proctor, and Serena respected that. She wanted to get things right. She also just wanted to done and over with in the hopes that she could start to move on and leave behind the knot of nerves that had taken up residence in her stomach.

Her saving grace was the fact that Drew was now staying at her place, even if he had had a date or two with a nurse. She dropped on the sofa beside him after finishing her latest shift and curled up with her head on his shoulder as she just stared at the TV. She had no idea what he was watching, her eyes locked in a stare that meant her mind probably needed break. It just wasn't going to get one. She couldn't blame Chris for spending time with Rick, or even Eva. They were solid enough again to know that time apart wasn't going to dampen their feelings for each other, and Chris also understood that Serena wanted to spend time with her own brother while she could.

She found herself grinning and blinked herself back to the moment as she patted Drew's knee. "Only my brother could have supremely bad sunburn and peeling, and still manage to score with a cute nurse. Do I need to give her the sister talk yet?"

"Hey, last time you gave the sister talk, you made my date throw up," Drew reminded her, sniggering. "All over my car, and then didn't even offer to pay for the cleaning. I think I should ban you from all future sister talks. Especially considering I haven't even had the chance to give the brother talk to your other half yet. I haven't even met him," he added, throwing her a distinctly pointed look. Truth was, it had been the bad sunburn and peeling that gave Drew the opening with the nurse in the first place. Serena had been off playing surgeons with her team when Drew got discharged, but he had been struggling to try and get his pants on to leave. The nurse gave him a helping hand, which actually resulted in an accidental brushing of her fingers over his assets, and she pretty much had him hooked from that moment. Boner at first sight. It just helped even more that she was gorgeous with a sweet smile and a really nice bum in those scrubs. Drew just hadn't shared the finer details with his sister, being that the night she was away for her shag with Dr Genius, Drew had spent the night at her apartment getting well-laid. Better than he had been in some time.

Serena lifted her head to meet his gaze, her smile a little sheepish as she remembered that particular sister talk. "Well, he's been a little busy between work and Rick. It's not that I don't want you to meet him. Of course I do. And even more so now that we've... Well, we want to tell Proctor. We don't want to do the ninja thing anymore. We want open and proud." She tilted her head as she watched her brother for a moment. She still wasn't completely sure which nurse it was. She'd expected whichever one it was to be avoiding her, or acting weird but it was possible the nurse had been a loaner, and not an MT1 regular. "If it makes you feel better, I promise not to make this one puke."

Drew laughed and shrugged. "She has an iron stomach, I think. Seriously, this teenage kid was walking by us on the way out. Total projectile puke all over the place, right in front of us. Of course, I went out in sympathy because who the fuck wouldn't? But this chick didn't bat an eyelid. Take the puke out of the equation, and it was totally hot. I've decided I want to marry a nurse. You get the scrubs, and free healthcare all in one hot little package. I'm so there." He scratched at his nose a little now, knowing it was definitely peeling and had that uncomfortable itch about it that kept making him sneeze. Plus, he could see the dry skin and it kept making him go cross-eyed. "So, what happens if the dude takes it badly?"

Serena had to smile and ruffled her brother's hair affectionately. "Aw, my big brother's all grown up now. He's thinking about love and marriage. Guess that lifeguard didn't have anything special after all, huh? Us medical professionals are totally the keepers. If you ask her nicely enough she might even switch her scrubs for a different uniform when you're feeling sick and poorly." She rest her head back on the sofa and gave a small shrug. "I don't know. I really don't. Chris is in a lot more danger than me. I'm actually scared for him."

"A nurse's schedule is far more likely to be appropriate for my sex life," Drew couldn't help but throw back cheekily. "You're my hero, sis, but if I'm getting it on and reaching that gorgeous point right before an orgasm where the world feels like heaven, I don't want any pagers interrupting my moment." Drew relaxed back and rubbed his palm over his stomach. He couldn't deny the night with the nurse had left him feeling extremely chilled with a renewed love for Miami. "There's not a lot you can do about it, you know. It's a shit situation, sure, and maybe you should have been honest from the get go, but whatever is going to happen is going to happen. From what you've told me, anyway, surely his work and what the dude does with a scalpel is going to outweight the fact he shares your bed when you aren't at work, right?"

"When are you going to see her again? Have you even spoken to her since?" Serena just smirked at Drew's comment. "Might happen anyway if I'm actually home when you bring her over again. Just remember to have a sock hanging on the door so I know you have company. Well, there's already history of Proctor sending Chris home for protecting me. What if he just assumes Chris' loyalty to the team really is worth shit? Or that mine is? I hate having to try and anticipate how he might react. Chris did say that things have changed. Since finding out about his brother, and his best mate... He's worked out some things are more important than his job."

Drew nodded. "Yeah, we've spoken on the phone, sent a few texts. It's been fun. Fun is good. Way better than getting burnt to a crisp to the point it even hurts to take a wiz," he said, looking at his hands that had gone a bit freckly since the sunburn. The joys of coming from a fair family. "I dunno, though. Didn't the guy go down a sinkhole to save a patient's life? That sounds like some loyalty right there. No matter how scary this all is, his work still has to speak too. No bloke, no matter how English he is or likes treating his staff like naughty school kids, will just make a ruling like firing someone based on something like an adult consensual relationship when it's not affected your jobs. I mean, unless you're playing footsie under the op table instead of re-plugging someone's heart in, or having a good fuck on an exam table while you have four ambulances waiting, there's not a lot he can do. Sure, he can frown upon the guy's residency and recommend some sort of disciplinary action if he decides it has affected how you work, but I can't buy the dude is that much of a bastard."

Serena let out a low whistle. "Ooh, texting and phone calls! It must be lurrrrrrrrve!" She giggled as she nudged her brother gently in the ribs. She couldn't deny she was the tiniest bit happy that he had found someone to have some fun with. She was selfish enough to believe it might increase the likelihood of him sticking around if it became serious. She missed Drew. There really had been a piece of her missing without her brother around. "The sinkhole was against Proctor's wishes," she murmured after a moment. "But still, I know what you mean. He's been nothing short of an amazing surgeon. I'd be a freaking superstar if I was anywhere near Chris' level. We've been careful to keep it away from work. We're never having sex in a supply closet or anything like that."

"And you don't need to, either. Keep it real, S. Don't turn it into something dirty like needing to resort to sex at work. Not that there is anything wrong with that if people manage to make it work for themselves, but it sounds like you lot are on display a lot. People are watching what you are doing and there are consequences if you don't do it right. Keep your love life separate. If you can do that, the guy can only be reasonable. This isn't school. It's not student and teacher, and there's, what, barely a couple of years between you in age difference. The medical industry, workplace relationships happen. You work close, you work long enough. You can't help how you feel, and obviously you and Dr Feelgood spent time together away from work to get this thing off the ground." Drew pulled away from her a little at the nudge and smirked. "If it was love, you must have been head over for all the dudes you've had sexting obsessions with recently. Does that make you an iTart?"

"All the dudes? There's been like... three. And one only lasted a day. Chris is the only one that's stuck. And he's the only one I need to stick. He's not just sexting, he's real and he loves me. I'm important to him, and he's important to me. I'm also not to sure how he'd feel about me being known as an iTart..." She raised her eyebrows a little as she looked her brother. "When do you want to meet him? You could always ask your little nurse to dinner too and we'll have like a double date. Or is that weird?"

Drew sniggered and pointed. "Three is a bloody lot of dudes to be sexting with in a short period of time. I also don't want to talk about you sticking him. He said he loves you?! When did he say this? You did not tell me that! There was no love... okay, there may have been you loving him, but there was no him loving you, and I still haven't met him! I'm your brother, I can call you anything I like and get away with it. I'd like to see him take me on anyway." He held his hand up. "It's weird, considering I have never met your dude, and I have had one date and one shag, so no... no double date yet, thank you very much. I don't want to scare her off, and she works at your place. Don't you think that's just a little bit risky?"

Serena pointed her finger at Drew. "Good point. Clearly this iTart is a little iStupid. Okay, so no double dates. Maybe I could just ask Chris over for dinner anyway? Or he could bring Rick and you two can have like a big brother meet and greet. I think Rick might be getting sent home, and Chris wants him staying at his apartment. He's making sure his brother gets looked after. No chemo just yet. And yes, there was love! But he was falling asleep and I wasn't sure it was really true until he sent me flowers to the nurses' station in MT1." She pressed her lips together, and tried to contain her goofy love-struck grin that was threatening to blossom. "You need to meet him."

Drew raised his eyebrows. "You know that's going to be pretty intense, right? You and Chrissy Boy might not actually have much time together anymore if he's taking care of his brother. Have you stopped and thought about that? Especially if things with them are all tense and shit. Not to mention when the chemo does start, which would be soon, right?" He gave her arm a squeeze, understanding her excitement, but he could see this could be only the beginning of a very bumpy road.

Serena nodded as she reigned in her excitement and moved to tuck her knees against her chest. "Of course I do. And I know this is probably easier said than done, but I get it. Chris will be where he should be right now, and it's not like I thought I'd be able to hog him forever. I'll just take what I can get, and try and help him with his brother as well. I'll just get used to a pseudo long distance exclusive thing."

"So, you've met the brother, right? Any intense threats there I need to know about, because if the fucker wants to threaten my sister, I'll tell him where he can stick his kidney cancer. I'm completely sympathetic, but I'll also kick his ass if I need to. I'll kick Christer's ass too if he puts a foot wrong. Just saying," Drew resolved with a determined nod. "Do they even have parents on the scene? That's a lot for your dude to be taking on singlehandedly. If that was one of us, Mom and Dad wouldn't leave our sides. They would be like gigantic blow flies."

She gave another nod. "There was some mutual threatening. I think Rick knows I'll rip his balls off myself if he hurts his brother. I could never hurt Chris as much as Rick has done over the years. At least I hope not... This is their big chance to make it right. Aw, you're already giving him nicknames. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside." Her expression fell though at the mention of Chris' parents. After a moment she gave a shake of her head. "Their Dad's an alcoholic, and Chris barely talks about his mom. I've never asked where she is now. I just know they got a divorce finally."

Drew tilted his head with another small shrug. "Still, blood is thicker than water. It would be interesting to see how your other half coped if you and Rick ever butted heads. Who's side he would take. The bro could probably keep on hurting Chris for the rest of his life, and he would still be his brother and would still have his kid brother sticking at his side. I'm reserving judgment on him until I meet him," he added, with emphasis again. He scrunched his nose up and whistled. "So, I take it you won't have to worry too much about the whole meet your parents ordeal."

"Meet his parents? No. He will still have to meet ours... And you." Serena tugged on a lock of her brother's hair as she stuck out her tongue playfully. "Well, if we ever butt heads he probably would land on Rick's side unless he really did insult me. He growled at Rick when Rick made some comment about me being cute... There's history of girl stealage apparently. You didn't answer my offer of dinner with his brother."

"Hmm, yes, I think I got the memo that he has to meet me," Drew teased, it too much of a temptation to keep teasing her on this point. "I feel extremely discriminated against, you know. Cancer dude got to meet you because he's cancer dude. I'm just stupid heat stroke dude who looks like a leper, and what do I get? Okay, so I get a sexy nurse to play with, but that's beside the point. Yeah, see, I wouldn't be so confident on that fact. The way you're talking, sounds like the guy has your back. You could end up being the thing that makes him cut the brother ties. Is his brother up for dinner? Chemo soon, he might not want to spend his last days of freedom with weirdo strangers from Chicago."

"His brother loves one of us weirdo strangers from Chicago, so..." Serena pulled her mouth to the side as she shrugged to say the rest was pretty much history. "We'd just need to make sure the dinner fit in with Rick's diet. He might not like being kept on a strict regime but it'll help with his system. And a dinner might be the kind of distraction he needs this far out from chemo. What else is he going to do? He'll just sit around moping, and counting down the days."

Drew hummed in thought. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean he has a liking for all things Windy. Which sounds so bloody wrong in that context, and I knew that as soon as the words were out of my mouth, but hey, it's still home, right? Where are they from, anyway? Are they Miami locals? Your guy looks like a local, to say the least. To get a tan like that, I'd have to colour myself in with magic marker and try to pretend I'm awesome in the sun. And you're all tanned too. Sort of. As tanned as you're going to be. I'm so jealous. But at least I don't have tanlines. No, see, I think we would sit around moping and counting the days, but he might not. He might want to go and bungee jump or swim with sharks."

Serena just laughed at her brother's slip before blowing a raspberry against his arm and just making herself laugh even more. "I think they're Florida locals. Raised in some fishing village. I haven't actually seen much of the state outside Miami. Chris is a beach bum plain and simple. He loves the water, he loves surfing. Sometimes I think he's not quite right until he's had some contact with the beach. I'm not sure about Rick. Since he's all Mr Pilot Man, maybe he prefers the sky to the ocean? Hey, hey, don't knock our Chicago tans. Your nurse mustn't have any complaints if she's still sleeping with you while you're peeling."

"She's a nurse. Flakey body parts evidently don't bother her, and I'm not peeling where it counts," Drew added with a devious smirk and stuck his tongue out at her in return. "Some fishing village? Like all those you see in horror movies where the local beauty queen goes all psycho and stabs people, but no one suspects her? Coooooool. So, how was your dirty weekend away then? I Googled the place. What the fuck? Is he rolling in cash or something?"

"No, he's not. Rick's taken most of it. I think he just wanted somewhere special for us. It wasn't really that dirty, I mean, it was a little... Mostly we just talked. I nearly fucked up. I nearly lost him. I felt so stupid. Do you ever have that thing where you just keep talking, and you know what you're saying is so monumentally fucked up, but you just can't stop the words coming out? I had that. I just couldn't stop talking like I was trying to talk to a patient. There's a reason I hate talking to the families, and having to tell people they're dying. I just spout stupidity." Serena covered her face in shame. "Well, I don't know if was a fishing village, but they seem to both like fishing."

"What? His brother pinches his money? Dude, that's totally low. I mean, there's helping out, and there's that. Are you sure cancer dude has good intentions? Hmm, actually no. I think that's an infliction you have all to yourself, sis. But it was a tough thing, yeah? Makes sense you try and lock into some sort of comfortable easy way to cope with it. But ye-ah... talking to the boyfriend like he's a patient, not really in the realms of good. But he pointed it out to you, didn't he? He didn't just take it, so you could see what you were doing. Talking to people in regards to death and serious illness is tough, sure. You know that. And that's the hard part right there. This time, those 'people' is the dude you love. Even if for no one else, you need to find a way to help him with that because his brother could die. If he doesn't die, he could still be seriously sick before he gets better. You need to stop spouting stupidity, he needs to know he can offload to you if it comes to that or... he just won't. He'll stop, and a gap will appear between you that you might not be able to fix. Just make sure neither of them catch any lobsters."

Serena nodded slowly. "Well, not pinches. Borrows. He left Chris with the bill from the experimental surgery. Now you get why they're so... you know. Estranged. I want to be there for him. I want to be the one he offloads to, but it's just... It's... I've never been good at it. Can't you just give me one inside tip? Please? As a big brother help me out here. Just give me one thing I can do that doesn't make me an idiot. And yeah, he pointed it out. That's why I know I nearly lost him. I'm just glad we got past it. He was thinking about giving his brother his kidney too if it came to Rick needing dialysis."

"Oh hell, that's a tough call. Aren't all big brothers supposed to think their sisters are idiots by default? And I'm supposed to train you in how not to be one? That's like denying myself on of life's little pleasures." Drew heaved a heavy, feigned sigh of impatience. "Oh, alright then. Only because if you make a douche out of yourself, it impacts on the whole family. Remember who you're talking to. Remember he's the guy you liked enough to fall for, he's the guy you let touch you naked... which I have issues with, by the way, but I'll let it slide this once... and he's the guy, what was it, fixed your clicker? Now he's the guy worried about his brother dying and worried his mate might get sick again and die too. But he's still the same guy. The words coming out of his mouth aren't the big bad, they're honesty because he wants you to hear them. Don't look at them like a trial, really listen to what he's saying and don't try to save him. Just share your own thoughts and feelings. His kidney? Holy fuck! You saved that little snippet of info til last, didn't you? His kidney, S. That's a whole body part. What happens if his one left gets a sickness in it down the track?"

Serena looped her arm around Drew in a hug as she rest her head back down on his shoulder. "You really are the greatest big brother a sister could ask for, and I promise I won't ever tell anyone you gave me advice on how not to be an idiot. I just know I couldn't do this without you here. I need my big brother around. If you want any insider information on your nurse just give me the word. I'm your girl, D. Just ignore the naked issues when we're having dinner though, okay? I don't need you giving any embarrassing speeches about him not getting to see me naked." She nodded against his shoulder as she hugged him a little tighter. "Well, I had to lead up to it. He just blurted it out on me. But... It's just who Chris is. And I don't know. I don't know what to tell him because I know he'll do it if he really feels Rick needs it. I just wouldn't go anywhere. I wouldn't leave him because his kidney got infected. It would hurt, and it would suck, and it would be hard, but he's Chris. I'd look after him."

"Okay, but he did take you away to talk, right? You told me that. Maybe the kidney thing was just one of those things. It's not exactly something he's going to want to throw at you in the cafeteria at work, is it? I'll give him that, the guy seems to have the chivalry thing working. He wants to do things right. He had the thought and respect for you to take you somewhere alone so he could give you his full attention. Not many dudes would have that much forethought. There's probably no easy way to bring something like that up, blurting is sometimes just necessary. If dialysis comes into it and the guy's already lost one kidney, it could pretty much mean a transplant or he dies right? You're the medical one here. I'd give you my kidney, just not sure you'd want it some days," Drew couldn't help but laugh. "You told me to stick my licked ice cream that time. Lots more than a bit of brother spit running through a kidney. So, how do you feel about it all? I'm getting a lot of what he's feeling, but you have to have things going through your head too."

"I'd give you my kidney. I'd give Chris my kidney. That was what I was thinking when he told me. There's only two people in this world I'd do that for, and you guys are it. It was freaking me out when I realised I'd do the same for Chris, but I wasn't really sure why. I think... I think I just love him that much. I'd do anything for him. I'm just not sure how he's going to cope if his brother gets worse. He's barely holding on as it is, and it's hard watching him. I just want to be able to hug him, or hold his hand sometimes, but I can't because most times we're at work." She bit her lip as she looked up at Drew. "I think it's part of why I just want us to be open. That way it's not weird if I'm in a corner with Chris talking while we have a chance, or with him when Rick's in the hospital. I can't just stand by and watch him go through this."

Drew pulled his lips to the side. "Well, hey. Chris can give his brother his kidney, then if something fucks up, you can give Chris yours, and then if your good one goes up the shit, I can give you mine. It will be musical kidneys," he joked with a smirk, glad he could at least still see some humour in the subject. "Think we'd get a discount on the bulk deal? Generally, if someone is taking care of someone in that capacity, they need taking care of themselves. I see it a lot with my clients. It takes it's toll on the family members, and they need support too. He still needs to eat, and sleep properly, he needs to be able to still function for work. Maybe that's where your place is in all this, not just the helpless girlfriend? And say you were out in the open, all this shit with Doc Proc goes cool... you realise the whole hugging and hand-holding at work could still be off the menu right. You still need to be professional. The patients don't want to see their doctors all in PDAs all over the place. It will make them wonder if your minds are on them."

Serena threw her hand up as she huffed out a breath. "I'm not talking about PDAs all willy nilly! I just mean, in little quiet moments there might be a chance just to at least give his hand a squeeze, or a quick peck when we're alone in the doctors' lounge, or something. I don't know. I don't know what I mean! Maybe just a whispered word here and there. Like, some code that we know it stands for a hug. I didn't exactly think it through, okay? But I get what you mean, and I would never risk our professionalism." She sat there for a moment before a smile tugged at her lips. "There might be a bulk discount available. And a free set of steak knives."

"Pfft, those steak knives are overrated. I bought this chopping thing once, with all these cool attachments that washed your car and whatever they bullshit about to get you to buy it. But I got the steak knives and they were bollocks. They got chucked in my bottom drawer along with the rest of the chopping crap. You never get anything practical, do you? You don't hear them offering you a free month's supply of condoms or an orgasmatron or anything. It's always with the knives. Someone has a pointy thing complex, I swear," Drew decided. "How long have you been seeing him, anyway?"

Serena smirked as she shook her head. "So what exactly do you do if you need something chopped? Just stare at it until you manage to cut it with the power of your mind?" Serena frowned a little as she tried to work out the timeframe. "Um... few months? Definitely a few months... Maybe over? Crap, I don't know. It's been all with the ninja so it's not like I kept track."

Drew shrugged. "I use my normal boring Walmart knives. Had them ever since Mom bought them for me when I moved out. Damn, I still remember that shopping trip. She bought me everything from towels to toilet paper because she was worried I wouldn't be okay on my own. I'm surprised she didn't rig up a nanny cam in my flat to watch and make sure I was eating properly. Do you know it's your dude's birthday soon? Ahhh, see. I have inside knowledge. Actually, I heard Dr Zambrano talking to Nurse Tuck about a party."

Serena grinned. "I remember that, too. You were just lucky you weren't still at home to hear her go on and on about all the trouble you must be getting into and how you were probably going to burn the house down while boiling water." She blinked and shook her head before she started to nod, her blue eyes wide as they looked at her brother. "Yeah, I knew. Wait, party?"

"And Dad telling her to leave me alone because I was a man now," Drew laughed and rubbed a hand gently over his face at the memory. "It was even worse when you wanted to leave Chicago. Mom and her crying that her baby was going. Oh man. Yep, a surprise party. You didn't know about it? There was definitely surprise party covert ninja discussions. Something about a shoe cake? Do I even want to ask?"

"Calle Cubana," Serena murmured as her features fell a little. "Chris hooked up with a waitress but had to bail when the partner showed up. He literally picked up a patient from the street. A man with a knife wound..." Serena shuddered as she thought about the man. The one she thought was interested in her, but he was just playing her. The one that stabbed Tuck. He was also the reason why Chris had fixed her clicker and their hook-up had taken a turn. Maybe the shoe cake wasn't such a bad choice after all. "I had no idea. About the party, I mean."

Drew watched his sister's face closely, trying to figure out if she was bothered by this point or not. "Well, it was only the other day. Maybe they'll let you know when things aren't so busy. Plus, Chris is probably around all the time, and you've been making with the covert time with him at work when you can, maybe they haven't been able to get you alone? So, the shoe isn't a good? You don't want him to have a party? You want him all to yourself?"

Serena nodded briefly. "Yeah, I know. I guess I have been hard to pin down. Although Tuck was quizzing me about the roses when I got them. It's not like that's a gesture you can miss, right?" She rubbed her fingers against her forehead before shaking her head. "No, no. Of course he should have a party. It's his birthday. He's even got his big brother around to join in. I guess... The shoe. I mean, it's not really a good memory object. It did kind of eventually lead to him fixing my clicker, but everything that came before that was just... It was a bad day."

"Yeah, but come on. You have to admit that must've been extremely fucking funny. It sounds like something he'll never live down and why shouldn't you have something of the bad day to laugh at? Isn't Tuck the one who got stabbed? The shoe was his idea, so he can laugh about it. To be honest, it sounds like everyone could just use a really damn good laugh right now. It's not going to stop any of the bad crap going on, but no one is dead yet. Everyone is still here. A party could be fun," Drew coaxed and then smirked at her. "C'mon, S. I know you hang onto bad stuff way longer than you need to, so is it any wonder you keep slotting into trying to treat him like a patient?"

"Yeah, same day. I mean, I flirted with him! The knife guy... I thought he liked me. I was just so stupid and then Chris had lost his shoe and I just wanted to lose my shoe. But you're right. It was probably the brightest part of that day until Chris came to find me. It just makes me wonder what they have in mind. I might need to make myself more available to them so I can find out the details of the party." She pressed her lips together before shaking her head. "No, I guess it's not. This is me officially letting the bad stuff out. All gone."

Drew gave her a weird look. "You wanted to lose your shoe too? I don't even know what that comment is supposed to mean! Are you telling me you were shagging the dude when this shoe thing happened? Maybe they just figure you'll roll with whatever. It's not like they know you're anything beyond a work mate to him. I can't see it being a huge rave or anything. They know his brother is sick and he's got a lot on his plate." He looked at her uncertainly. "That wasn't really convincing, you know."

Serena shrugged, not about to even try and explain the comment when she was probably as clueless as Drew and it had come out of her mouth. She got to her feet and started to move her arms like she was conducting some sort of prayer ritual. She finished by clapping her hands and gesturing like she was throwing something to the wind. "Better?"

"Uh, no. Now I'm just wondering if you need a straight jacket," Drew joked and stretched his feet out in front of him. "So, what's gonna be the lay of the land, then, when his bro gets home? Sure you don't want me to go crash at a hotel? I don't mind. You two will have your space then."

Serena gave a shake of her head as she sat back down and laughed softly. "You never know, I could really work a straight jacket. I might bring it into fashion. I don't know what the lay of the land is gonna be. I think we'll just have to find out as it happens. Don't go crash at a hotel, okay? I don't think Chris is going to want to spend much time away from Rick anyway."

"No mutual covert ninja handjobs if you're in a straight jacket," Drew pointed out with a smirk. "It'll depend how the dude is. I've had cancer clients. Some are just awesome, they cope really well, others it hits like a hundred tonnes of bricks and they need help with a lot of things. I can't even imagine going through that, but it's everywhere. It's why no one should ever take their lives for granted. You don't know what's around the corner. Time together for them will be a good thing, right? They won't kill each other, will they?"

Serena sucked on her bottom lip. "No, I don't think they will. They're still brothers deep down..." She frowned. "I really hope they don't kill each other."

Drew shrugged. "Just going on what you've told me. That's all. Cancer doesn't miraculously change people. It just makes those people people with an illness. If they didn't get along before, I don't know if there'll be any quick fix."

Serena reached out to take Drew's hand. "I'm just thankful I got you, big brother. Cootie covered kidney and all."

just_muse_me | 31.9. John Lubbock quote

2010-07-24T10:29:53Z

31.9. "A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work."
(Quote by John Lubbock)

Co-written with geniuscowboy
[Simultaneous to THIS]

Serena couldn't believe Chris had bagged them a room at the Ritz-Carlton in Key Biscayne and if she hadn't been so intent on getting to Chris and hugging him like her life depended on it, she probably would have just stood there and gaped. Serena wasn't exactly used to these sorts of places. She had never seen luxury like it, and she was already making plans for a little room dancing in celebration - once she knew what Chris wanted to talk to her about. It had sounded serious, and after the way they'd left things the other night she knew this wasn't any kind of booty call.

She did just need to get the hug in, though. She thought she'd fucked up and just gone stomping all over Chris and his relationship with Rick by trying to make the small talk and just trying to comfort him with her stupid, pathetic words. She honestly wouldn't have been surprised if he hadn't wanted to see her, so the voicemail was a nice surprise. She pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth and just inhaled his scent as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. "Hi," she said, the word muffled against his skin.

It was thankfully one of those days in MT1 where things were pretty smooth running, and they actually finished their shift on time. He had to stop in on Rick, only to find that Rick had been in some pain throughout the day, so Bella had prescribed some stronger painkillers that had knocked him out. Chris nearly pulled out on the Key Biscayne plans on the spot, but Bella assured him she had Rick in good hands and she would call if there were any dramatic changes. In fact, she encouraged him to go and try and relax a little bit. Chris was skeptical he had the capacity to do that right now, but he did leave Rick a note to explain and promised he would visit when he got back the next day. He hoped Rick understood that he just needed a bit of a timeout.

The twenty minute drive to Key Biscayne had been in silence. Chris had kept his eyes on the road and the radio broke the silence between them. It wasn't necessarily awkward, he just didn't feel like even more smalltalk. It took too much effort to maintain and the pep talks about staying positive were hard to listen to. But now they were in the hotel room, and the sun was setting out over the ocean with a clear view from the balcony of the room. "Hi," he returned, even if it felt weird to be saying hello all over again. He pulled out of the embrace, clearing his throat softly. "We should sit out on the balcony. It's a nice night. We can get some room service if we're hungry?" He nodded his head in the direction of the sliding glass doors and then stepped out onto the balcony, stretching his arms up behind his head to try and release some of the tension.

Serena just nodded as she followed, their bags still sitting in the middle of the room. She didn't really feel like spending time unpacking, and it wasn't like they had much luggage to worry about anyway. She leaned against the balcony railing and looked out at the ocean in front of them. "It's so beautiful here. I can't believe it." Serena turned her head to glance at him over her shoulder. "How's Rick?"

Chris sat down on the edge of one of the cushy looking sunlounges. "I don't think he's doing all that great. Not so confident the prognosis is going to be the best, either. There's a lot of pain. It's probably better he's sleeping, anyway. Stops him watching the clock and waiting for any results. Bella's going to call if there are any changes." After a moment, he shifted back so he could lie back on the lounge and kicked his shoes off. He was dressed in some board shorts and a t-shirt. At least if he was going to try and relax, he could dress the part. He looked at the sun setting in the distance, a small frown on his face. "If he reaches dialysis, I'm going to give him one of my kidneys." He really didn't mean to just dump it on her like that. It would be a lot to swallow, or even just easily accept. Nothing like this ever came without risks, and as surgeons they knew the risks better than anyone.

Serena turned her back on the setting sun to look at Chris properly before she moved to sit on the sunlounge next to his. She stayed quiet for a long moment as she drew her knees up to her chest. "If you think it's best. I don't need to tell you the risks, but I know you wouldn't decide something like that without considering the pros and cons." Serena's brow stayed creased as she looked out to see, but her eyes weren't taking in the view anymore. She was turning Chris' revelation over in her mind. "The pain isn't exactly a good sign, and considering the worst case scenario now might help a little."

Chris blinked, wondering if maybe a comment about the weather had come out of his mouth by mistake. He had just told her he was giving his brother a vital body organ, and she makes more with the smalltalk? He just blinked again with a slight shake of his head and looked back out at the view. "I'll just call the funeral directors then, shall I? Tell them he wants mahogany with silk lining? How's that for worst case?"

Serena let out a slow breath and rest her head in her hands momentarily. She didn't know what was wrong with her. "This is the part I'm not good at. I can't believe I'm pulling this bullshit on you of all people. I'm sorry, Chris. I'm so sorry..." She had never been able to handle telling people bad news without coming out with useless small talk. And now she was doing it to the one person she loved. The one person she would lay her heart on the line for. She reached out to take Chris' hand and threaded her fingers between his as tears pricked the backs of her eyes. "You know I'll support anything you want to do, and giving Rick one of your organs is huge. You can't take it back. You won't even get a cheque for it. Are you really sure?"

Chris looked down at their joined hands as he started to get upset again. There was no blinking the tears back this time, though and he glanced back up at her. "No. I'm not sure. Why do you think I needed to talk to you about this? It's been driving me crazy. I haven't been able to think about anything else, and I'm still no closer to being any sure about any of it. And all this fucking secretive bullshit, it's screwing with my head! Everytime I turn around to try and look for someone to help me, there's no one there!"

Serena unfolded her legs as she moved across to sit perched on the edge of Chris' seat and wrapped her arms around him to pull his head down against her shoulder as she rubbed his arm. "Do you have any idea how crazy it makes me? I want to be able to talk to you about this, I want to be able to just give you a hug when it's needed and let you know I love you and that I am there for you. I hate not being able to just sit with you while your brother has the surgery, or to just hold you when you need it and not worry about who might see." She kissed the top of his head. "Do you have any idea if they need to take the other kidney?"

"No, not clinically. I just feel it in my gut. I don't know why. I think he did a lot of damage waiting. If he had just gone straight into it, he would have probably been into the second round of chemo by now. He probably would have lost the kidney, but it would have been out and healed, no post op infection to weaken him even more. I'm being optimistic, too. Spread to the other kidney could be the better option, but what if it's gone further? She's all with the aggressive treatment right now, she's not holding back. Doctor's don't do that unless they have reason to." Chris really didn't know why he picked such an expensive and luxury hotel for the night. Maybe he hoped they could really just escape reality for awhile, or he wanted a nice setting for the fucked up conversation.

Serena let her arm rest around Chris' middle as she just stayed in the embrace quietly. She really didn't have the answers. She'd never had to deal with a family member having cancer, let alone her brother. And now Chris had not only Rick, but Dave, too. She could only imagine what he was going through, and how he was feeling. The idea of being in his position was making her feel sick, but all she really wanted was to be here for him. "I think maybe you need to trust her just a little bit. Maybe she does have reason to, but maybe the treatment could also work if Dr Watson sticks to her guns. Rick was stupid for running away, he really was... Even dumber for getting that post-op infection, but just give it a little time. He's only just had the surgery. This is what sucks about cancer. It's all a waiting game, and all you can do is just... hope."

"Or she is just throwing everything at him and hopes that something works so she doesn't have to tell him that he gave himself a death sentence," Chris added quietly. Nothing worse than telling a patient that something they did wrong could potentially kill them. Chris had been in those shoes a few times during his career, and it was one of the hardest things to deal with. "He likes her. He thinks he's just covering it with flirting and jokes, but it's not just that. Trust him to pick the only chick off the menu and out of reach."

Serena arched her eyebrow slightly. "Kind of runs in the Deleo family, huh? Only we're a little less taboo. We're just being cautious. Look, maybe she is just throwing everything at him, but sometimes we're all guilty of that. Think about the days we don't have the answers, and nothing seems to be working. Not that I'm saying Rick will die! I don't think he will, even if I'm not about to break out into a cheer or anything. Maybe with you, and maybe because he does like the doctor it'll give him enough reason to fight. I don't think he's ready to let this be your last chance at brotherhood."

"I'm glad you can be so positive about cancer," Chris murmured. "Because I can't. Do you know what Dave told me? He told me he went through such hell with it, that he wanted to die. He actually wanted to die because it was so bad. Do you know what it's like to hear someone you love say that? It makes me stop and think that maybe I actually don't care if Proctor approves of us or not. I have my best friend who was nearly taken by this thing, and my brother who still might be. Maybe I just don't care if Proctor sacks me for something like having feelings for someone who has become important to me. Maybe that just means more than an MT1 paypacket."

"It's not being positive. What else do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that yes, Rick fucked up and there's a high chance he's going to die. If Dr Watson's treatments don't work, dialysis is the least of your worries. Even if you give him a kidney he might die. Is that better? Maybe I just shouldn't say anything because I really don't know what to say, and it hurts because half the time all I've got is words. Maybe you just need to stick to talking to Dave. At least he knows how it feels." Serena pulled back to look at Chris' face, her blue eyes searching his. "Are you saying you want to tell him?"

Chris pulled back with a small frown and folded his arms over his chest. "Not particularly after getting bitched out by you again, no," he muttered and looked out at the setting sun. "Maybe I'm just sick of hearing fucking positives all the time."

Serena turned away from him a little and rest her elbows on her knees as she tried to work out why she couldn't just let normal things pass her lips when it came to talking to Chris at a time like this. "I'll just keep my mouth shut. It's safer."

Chris looked back to her with a heavy sigh. "Okay, seriously. How are we going to last the distance if we can't even hold a serious conversation when things are hard? All I want is someone to be able to talk to this about without being placated and piled with positives or metaphors when I have nothing to be positive about. I'm trying to be honest with you here, it's hard. I'm not one of your patients, so stop treating me like one. Maybe I should just stick to talking to Dave. Maybe I should stick to a lot of things..." He shook his head a little. "There's a risk if I give him a kidney, I could end up sicker than him. Would you still feel so positive then? What about the fact that cancer can be genetic, huh? Because that's just two things of many I have been trying to think about all on my own for weeks now."

Serena turned back to Chris and cupped his face in her hands before she caught his lips in a soft kiss. It had been so hard without the contact with him lately. She realised just how much she'd come to rely on spending time with him between shifts at one of their apartments. When you have a secret relationship and your ninja time gets cut back it's hard not to stumble. He really wasn't one of her patients, and Serena kissed him to reset her brain. Something in it had to click so she stopped being such a pathetic bitch. "All I know is that if you do give him a kidney, I'd be there. I'm not going to abandon you just because you might get sick. I'm not going anywhere. And Proctor can just kiss my ass, and suck it up. If you wind up in surgery, I'm waiting. I'll be there for every step. You just need to work out if it's really a risk you want to take." Serena frowned a little. "There's risks no matter what. Rick's already gambled and he might be about to lose. Do you know if your dad's shown signs of cancer? Your mum? Grandparents? It's probably not just going to start with you and Rick. There would need to be history."

Chris massaged his forehead with his fingertips. "My mom's parents are dead. They both died when Rick and I were kids, so I don't remember much about them. My dad didn't speak to his parents, so I never knew them. Ironic, considering I haven't spoken to him in years, either. I couldn't tell you my family health history even if I wanted to. My father was a drunk, ended up with a fucked liver because of it but wouldn't listen to doctors about treatment. He could be dead for all I know. You can see where Rick gets it. My mom had a hysterectomy after I was born because I was a difficult birth, but it was nothing to do with cancer. Just one of those things. It's why no other kids came after me. Good thing, probably, considering our family track record. I've been so fucked in the head, I nearly asked you to give me a testicular and prostate exam... in the completely clinical sense. That's not even a pick up line. I'm so scared. I'm so scared, I feel like I can hardly breathe sometimes. And if it comes down to a risk versus my brother's life, well..." He shrugged a little. "There is no question."

Serena squished up next to him, resting her legs lightly over Chris' as she slid her arm around his shoulders again. "I'll do it if you want me to. I'll give you the exam. It's not paranoia when there's good reason to be scared. Your brother has cancer, it's natural. If it makes you feel even a little bit better you can give me a breast exam. Who's to say I won't be the one to wind up with cancer? It's a disease that is just increasing, and increasing. We work in a harsh, stressful environment. To be honest I'm almost surprised not more doctors wind up with cancer, but then there's still no complete proof what causes it. Sometimes it's lifestyle, diet... Sometimes it just seems random. Like with Dave. I don't understand how it happened to him. I'm not sure I even understand how it happened to Rick."

Chris gave a small laugh at this, ending with a smirk before he pressed his lips together. "You put your hands or fingers anywhere near my balls or butt and it's really unlikely it will end in a mere prostate exam," he predicted. "No one knows what causes any sort of cancer, there is just a lot of medical evidence to say what might. This is why I have been hating being a doctor lately. I get it all, and I don't want to get it all. I'd rather be in the dark than know all the risks and all the statistics and what could happen if this thing happens to this other body part et cetera. Rick's doctor was giving me the post op rundown and I was finishing her sentences. I'm surprised she didn't slap me. She tells me he has been having pain, and I tell her what's she's prescribed before the words can come out of her mouth. I'm looking at his lines and canulas and feeling tempted to go get the damn nurses and make them come back to do a better job of it. I'm reading his notes and I know all the doctor speak that basically means 'We have no idea what the fuck his prognosis is, but at least he's still breathing now, right?'."

"Definitely would be interesting foreplay. It's nice to know my hands would still have that effect on you. Maybe you need to get someone else to have a look. It's not like they wouldn't understand. Even Proctor might do it for you. It could be a good bonding exercise for you two." She shrugged a little. "Not that I'm trying to find positives again. Alright, so we have no idea about the genetic thing, and we're still grey on the rest of the causes... We're never going to be able to guess if you're going to get cancer, or not. It'll happen, or it won't. It might not even happen now, it could happen in ten years, twenty years. Let's just consider the kidneys. How do you really feel about that? Do you think you have a chance of coping with just one kidney? Would you honestly think it would help Rick if the operation, and the chemo might not?" Serena gave his leg a soft squeeze with her free hand. "I'm sure she knows it's only because you're worried about him. She'll get it. Just don't be surprised if she does slap you down."

"Okay, first? No." Chris said, throwing his hands up. "And second? Hell fucking no! Proctor is never, ever going to see my ass, let alone my balls. Just saying. I wasn't trying to think about causes or any of that bullshit. All I'm saying is that it scares me, alright? I'm not asking you to diagnose this. I'm not your patient, remember? Again. I don't want you to diagnose me, or give me statistics, or prognosis, or information on cancer. If I wanted that, I would have brought Doc Watson along for the night to keep me company. I told you I don't know how I feel about it. Please, please listen to what I'm saying, yeah? I just need to know you're listening to me and not hell-bent on trying to save me from any pain. You can't. You can't save me from that. It's painful no matter what. My brother is seriously ill, a brother who, his whole life, has caused me pain in one way or another. I'm just trying to sort through that in my head and find a way to cope with this without throwing up everytime I let myself stay on it long enough. Or I won't be healthy enough to help him whether I want to or not. I don't know the ins and outs of it, but I have an appointment with the Renal unit for an evaluation. The trick is getting it done without Rick finding out. He's going to be sorry he made me his medical proxy. I can use this path without needing his permission," he added with a small smirk. "I'll have a bunch of tests, blood, urine, EKG, CT, maybe even a colonoscopy. All those results along with my med history will give me the answer... then to see if I'm a viable match. I'm the best option as his brother."

Serena nodded and kept quiet as he spoke, even staying quiet for a long time afterwards. Medicine was what she knew. It was how she saw things now, she couldn't help it. Even Chris had to remember their first times together when Serena spent her time mapping out his vertebrae as they made out. She was a medicine geek, and now her personal life was suffering. She rest her head against his shoulder as she picked up his hand and explored the lines on his palm. "I'm scared... just so you know. The idea of you going into surgery scares me. The idea of you getting cancer scares me. But I'll do whatever you need me to. Like listen. I will get it right. When's the appointment? Can I come with you?"

Chris rested his head back against the lounge and looked over her face. "Is that even a good idea? I don't know anymore. I've lost track of everything. Dave knows, Aimee knows, and Rick knows. I don't think anyone else does. What if people start getting suspicious why you're with me for a routine evalutation?"

Serena sucked in a breath as she looked at him, the tears back. She struggled to keep them back this time and a few escaped down her cheeks. "I can't handle not just being able to be with you. This is bullshit. You're my boyfriend and you're going through hell. I should be able to be with you."

Chris wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder with another rough sigh. He was quiet for what felt like a really long time, just drawing as much from the embrace as he could. They had the privacy here, and were well away from anyone who could see them and spill the beans, but he could still feel in his gut that he was on edge, and it was a sensation he was coming to really hate. That wait during Rick's surgery alone had been horrible. He hadn't even been able to call on Dave, who was still recuperating from the flu, and it was vital he recuperated so he didn't stay ill and weaken himself again. "What do we do?" he asked in not much more than a whisper.

Serena fisted his shirt in her hand as she stayed in the embrace, trembling a little as the quiet sobs wracked her frame. She didn't like being a bystander. That was the thing that was really getting to her. It was why she found herself falling back into the doctor role. "I think we have to tell them," she replied not much louder than Chris. "Everyone... I can't let you go through this alone. I just can't. Even if I sit there and just have duct tape over my mouth, I want to be with you."

The situation seemed resolute to Chris all of a sudden, but that didn't mean it was going to be easy. In fact, as soon as she said the words, he knew he agreed, but he also started to feel a nervous nausea niggle in his gut about facing Proctor with the truth. What it would mean, what it could lead to. Even the thought of telling Eva had him nervous. He knew once she found out how long this had been going on under her nose, she was going to be hurt and probably angry at both of them for the lies. "Let's just hope it doesn't land me disciplinary action. Getting sent home could be the least of my worries. In fact, considering my past few weeks, getting sent home feels like a honeymoon in comparison."

Serena wanted to believe that Chris wouldn't get disciplinary action for dating her, but it was true that they just had no idea how Proctor would react. Even then they had no idea if the Alpha Team really could carry on working so well together if Eva and Proctor both chose to see the secret relationship as a betrayal of trust. But they'd have to understand, wouldn't they? They'd have to get that Chris and Serena weren't doing it because they didn't trust their colleagues. She kept her lips pressed together as she let out a frustrated sigh. "We're not going to know what it'll do until we just do it. Like ripping off a band-aid. Maybe we should have done it a while ago, but I don't know... Right now the people that we thought needed to know know. Our brothers, Dave, and Aimee. Even if the last too were accidental. But it's been a relief to have at least someone know. It could get me in just as much trouble as you."

Chris shook his head and held up his hand. "No... no, it's not like ripping a band-aid off when it's my career, alright? It's a lot, lot worse than ripping a band-aid off. You told your brother? I haven't even met him. Fuck..." he mumbled and scratched his fingers through his hair with a frustrated sigh. "No, Serena, look. It's not going to get you in trouble. The only way you will get into trouble if you do something unethical in the work place and it hinders patients. It's different for me because I'm in the superior position. It could be seen that I was taking advantage of you. And? He's going to think I covered for you with that pnuemo because we were sleeping together. He's going to wonder what else I've covered for you. I just need to sit down with him and talk to him. We've been getting along better, but I'm just going to be outright honest with him and tell him he's the reason I didn't want to say anything. Because I had no idea how he was going to react to anything. I still don't know if I can trust him, and that's the plain and simple truth."

"You don't want me to go with you?" Serena asked him quietly. "It's like removing a major organ... I won't be able to deal with it if I get you fired. I just won't. It's the one thing I've never wanted to have happen. I don't want to be something you wind up hating because I ruined your career. I'm not worth that, Chris. I'm not..."

Chris pulled back a little and looked at her, dumbfounded. In fact, his mouth dropped open a little. He really didn't get some of the things that came out of her mouth sometimes. "You're not? Then why the fuck are we even here? Why am I here?"

Serena blinked as she shrunk back. She really, really just wanted to ground to open up and swallow her. "You said you wouldn't be in this if it meant giving up your career... Didn't you? Not that you'd be giving it up, you'd get it stripped away. I just don't want to be a regret, that's all. I don't want you to wind up losing your job and then you look at me, and just don't like me anymore." Serena rubbed her fingers against her forehead as she struggled to get her thoughts out of her mouth without it sounding like shit again. "You mean the world to me, Chris. You really do. And you're not a second prize to me. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"You don't think maybe just a little bit has changed since I said that?" Chris asked her and then rubbed his eyes a little before looking out at the views of the ocean. "Sometimes I feel like I need to talk in circles with you. What did I just say earlier? That maybe hearing my brother and best mate had cancer had changed things. Serena, I don't have the energy to talk in circles. Either we're in this or we're not, and if we're not, you better tell me now so I can walk away and find another foundation to walk on and deal with this."

"A lot's changed since then, and I guess I'm scared. I lose my footing just as easily as anyone else. I'm not always sure of things. I'm sorry about the circles thing, I really am." Serena pulled out of the embrace and got up to walk over to the balcony so she could look back over the ocean. The tears were back and this time she didn't stop them. "We're in this. Of course we're in this. I love you, remember?"

Chris stayed where he was and reached behind him to drop the back of the sunlounge down to completely horizontal. It felt nice to be horizontal. At least this was more comfortable than those hospital chairs. It felt like ages since he had been in his own bed. He even kicked his shoes off and loosened his pants to get a bit more comfortable. "You lose your footing a lot more easier than most," he had to point out quietly. "Just so you know, I'm not going to have confidence in this... us... if you don't."

"This year's been all about firsts for me..." Serena wiped at her cheeks as she sniffed quietly. "First time I've really hit the ground running as a trauma surgeon, first time I've found myself so crazy about someone, and the first time I've had to work so hard to hide it." She pushed off the railing and came back over to sit on the other sunlounge. "I have confidence in us. I really do. I guess what's really scaring me right now is that you talk about giving your kidney to Rick, and the truth is I'd do the same for you if I was ever a match."

Chris let his eyes rest for a few moments before he opened them again and looked up at her with a faint smile. He reached over for her hand and sighed softly. "I'm sorry I'm making this so hard for you. I feel like I'm drowning some days and I don't... well, let's just say I didn't want to feel like that in my life again. I've been here before, but for different reasons. This is all those feelings, only like they're amplified in surround sound. And to answer your earlier question when you went all insecure on me again, it's not that I don't want you to come with me when I speak to Proctor. I do, in fact, I think we should talk to him together. But I also think I should talk to him first. I'm in the worst position here. He is going to think I should be the more experienced one to make sounder decisions, and if he's going to fire me, I'd rather it be without an audience."

Serena moved down onto the ground next to his chair and held onto his hand as she kissed the back of it, and then rest her head against his stomach. "I'm probably stubborn and stupid enough to still not leave you alone no matter how hard you make it on me. I'm the perfectionist, remember? I'm always going to be hard on myself. You can't make it any worse for me than I can for myself. You just need to know you're not alone, okay? I won't let you drown." Serena looked up at him. "If he fires you, can I at least kick him in the shins?"

Chris smirked and brushed his fingers through her long hair. "Well, at least if you do, he'll have enough trauma surgeons around to fix him. Here's hoping with all his life metaphors and second chance on the world, he'll understand why we've been doing it..." He closed his eyes again. "In the meantime, I just want to forget about the rest of the world, even for an hour. It's nice here."

Serena smiled finally as she closed her eyes at the feel of his fingers in her hair. "Mm, fingers crossed... I think we should make this a regular getaway. I don't even mind paying for the room next time. And any second now I'm going to get up and get room service. I'm starved." She turned her head as she inched up Chris shirt and kissed the strip of skin just about his waistline. "There is no rest of the world... Just us."

Chris nodded, letting his eyes stay closed and feeling just a hint of relaxation start within him. "This is where I learnt to surf," he revealed. "Just over there somewhere." He waved his hand in the general direction of the beach. "One summer before everything went down the pan with my father. Rick and I actually spent some time hanging out here on a family holiday, until he found a chick and lost interest in me. I had my first kiss here," he laughed softly and scrunched his nose up. "It was horrible. It was like she was trying to suck on an overfrozen Slusho, only they were my lips and not a straw... I like just us."

Serena laughed. "If I ever kiss you like I'm trying to suck on an overfrozen Slusho, I want you to just tell me and slap some sense into me. I like just us, too. Even if it's nice hearing you talk about your memories. I'm sorry they're not exactly happy ones."

"College were my happiest memories. Everything before that is pretty much a write-off. I have the odd nice memory here and there that I keep a hold of, but I'm all for going foward and not stuck on living in the past. Hopefully one day things are just a bit easier..." Chris murmured with a soft sigh. He just wanted that one day to come sooner rather than later.

Words: 6003

RP Log with geniuscowboy | More Than Friends

2010-07-21T10:54:45Z

Serena had gone home to catch a nap, and to set her roses up in a vase. She couldn't deny that the sight of them had sent her heart thumping. At first she'd been scared they were from Jeff, but thankfully they were from Chris and they confirmed those three little words he'd let slip the other night. It had been almost impossible for her to rest while she wondered what had happened with Rick's surgery, and how her boyfriend was coping. She hadn't had a chance to drop by during her shift, or even try and find out from someone else how Rick had gone. She drove back to the hospital after waking up and pulling on some sweatpants and a light sweater. She was still yawning as she made her way to where Rick was housed in the ICU and saw Chris still sitting beside his bed through the glass walls.

Serena watched the two brothers for a moment before going in. She was his friend as well as lover, so was it really so strange for her to be here? There was a slight feeling of fear like Serena was going to get caught at any moment, but if the roses could be sent by Chris to the nurses' station, then she could come and visit him. Rick was asleep soundly in the bed with his mouth hanging open while Chris looked like he was ready to dose off in the chair. Serena just came up beside him and rest her hand briefly on his shoulder as she gave it a squeeze. "I missed you too," she murmured quietly. Considering the glass walls she really wasn't about to try and kiss Chris, or do anything more than squeeze his shoulder.

Chris nearly jumped out of his skin and shot up in the chair at the hand on his shoulder. He probably was close to dozing off, and his awareness was probably slipping. Luckily he didn't do anything stupid like fall off his seat. He was still suffering over the ego blow of walking into a glass wall. He just didn't trust his brain to guide him effectively right now. He looked at her in confusion for a minute, obviously wondering if he was dreaming, before he looked at his watch, squinting with a murmured, "What time is it?" Stupid question considering he had a timepiece in front of him, but it sounded good in his head. "It's after midnight. You should be in bed," he told her and then glanced over at Rick to make sure he was okay, his sleepy eyes tracking the readouts on the screen for a moment.

"I was, but I'm here now. I couldn't not know. I just wanted to see if you were okay, and if Rick was okay. I hated not being here. I couldn't stop thinking about you sitting up here waiting for the surgery. Thank you for the roses, they were beautiful. I can't believe you even got them sent while you were stressed about your brother." She crouched down next to Chris and rest her hand on top of his. "How is he?"

"Me and Cindy in the florist, we're like this," Chris joked, holding his fingers up wrapped around each other. He sunk back down into the chair and wrapped his arms around himself so he wouldn't automatically reach to touch her. It was the middle of the night, though. They could probably just write it off to Chris being overemotional and needing comfort, which really wasn't a lie right now. "He's not that great. Got a lot of pain, which... you know, they took a vital organ out. Of course there'll be pain. It was a mess. She had to go from lap to open. He keeps saying it sucks, and he's telling me it's painful, which basically means he's not doing so good. He never admits to being weak."

Serena smiled a little as she looked up at him. "Sounds like another Deleo I know. Maybe you do have some things in common after all, huh? His doctor's looking after the pain, so he'll be okay. I'm sure he will be. If the surgery was a success he's at least got a good start now. Before he was just trying to find a quick fix. Some things take time, and he's learning that the hard way. If the kidney's gone, it'll be difficult but he could still get through this." She really did want to hug him but just made do with reaching for the exam stool and perching on it. "How about you? Are you okay?"

A frown appeared on Chris' face as he watched his brother sleeping. "Can you really determine a surgery to be successful if you're slicing a completely diseased kidney from someone's body, though? Inside and out, the tumours were everywhere. She had to take biopsies to see if it's shifted to anything around the cavity. We aren't going to know for a few days if the other kidney can hold up, and he has to start chemo. Is that really successful? I-I can't be positive, babe. I've tried, and I just... can't. It hurts. I don't want to lose him."

"Then don't be positive, and I'll stop trying to make you positive. We don't even need to talk if you don't want to. I just want you to know I'm here, even when I can't really be. So, okay, losing an organ probably isn't successful but... he's here. He's willing to go through anything to help try and fix this." Serena touched her fingers to her lips and just watched Rick quietly for a moment. He definitely looked sick, but there was something relaxed in his features she hadn't seen the first time she'd met him. Like maybe at least one issue had been resolved. It made her wonder if he and Chris were already patching things up. "Do you need coffee? Water? Anything?"

Chris shook his head. "I don't want anything. I need to be at work in, like, five hours. I'll try and have something closer to the time." He rubbed a hand over his face and felt that he needed a shave more than he usually did. He'd have to drop home before his shift to shower and change, at the very least. Or he could just do that in the staff bathroom in MT1. The latter was probably the better option. "He's only here because he has no choice. If there was a choice, I don't think he would be. I'm not naive, though. I'll take what I can get. I don't know what Dave said to him to get him here that night, but whatever it was, I'm grateful of. If Bella hadn't done all those tests, it would have just kept spreading. Who knows if it even still won't. It's pretty aggressive, but path is path. You gotta wait for the results."

Serena scrunched her nose up a little. "This is the part of medicine that sucks. Just like Dave having to wait until he hits to two year mark to relax. I was talking to Aimee, and it doesn't seem as if Dave's relaxing soon. It probably doesn't help when she's currently watching him like a hawk and playing nurse. Still, at least he has her. And us. It would be harder to do it alone." She glanced at Chris. "He seems to really want you here, and to be here with you. I don't think you should underestimate him."

"Dave doesn't mind Aimee caring for him like that. He understands people are going to react how they react. He didn't tell me, but he's not deliberately concealing any of it. He didn't tell me because he didn't want me to be scared. I can see that now. But he's been honest. He was with Proctor up front, he was with Aimee when he was faced with the downside of it. He has bad periods now and again. I guess anyone who nearly dies does. Aimee's really special to him, and I get a feeling he's a little nervous about getting it right because he's rusty with the dating thing. He's a natural though. Always has been. Got the romance thing down." Chris was watching Rick again and wet his lips before he dropped his chin down to his chest. "You can't tell me how to deal with my brother, alright? You don't know him. I don't even know him. I'm not underestimating him. I'm here, aren't I? I never fucking underestimate him. I've spent my whole life overestimating him, and I'm tired. You would get it if you had a family member continuously kick you in the teeth. That doesn't mean I want him to die."

Serena shifted away from Chris a little and tucked her hands in between her knees as she looked down at them. She hadn't been trying to tell Chris how to deal with his brother, she'd just been trying to help. Only now she'd probably just made it worse. This sucked. She couldn't touch him, she couldn't comfort him. She couldn't openly care about him because it might draw suspicion if she was seen to care too much. Maybe Tuck had been right about a secret relationship being hard work. It really was starting to take its toll, but the alternative was ending things and there was no way Serena was losing Chris completely. She also just knew that there were more important things in his life right now like Rick getting through his cancer. "He's really special to Aimee. She'd do anything for him, she's just scared about how she'll react if the cancer does come back. I can't see her bailing on him, though. She'd be there for him - whatever it took. I didn't say you wanted him to die."

Chris was back to hugging himself again. And again, a couple of worried, anxious tears manage to escape that came whenever he thought about Rick dying. With Serena looking down, he brushed them away and then rested his cheek on his shoulder from the slumped position he was in, he his head facing away from her as he watched Rick again. "No rulebook on how you react to cancer. Dave will take care of her no matter what." He fell quiet and swallowed, really hoping that sick feeling was going to get any worse than it already was. "Just humour me okay, S?" he said hoarsely. "I don't know how to deal with any of this, and I'm sorry for snapping at you. Just don't ever accuse me of underestimating him again, alright? You don't know the half of it."

Serena shook her head before she lifted it slowly and glanced over at him. "I promise I won't. I'm sorry, Chris. I'm just glad he at least got through the surgery okay. I know there's still a long journey ahead." Serena stretched her back out as she sat on the stool before she pulled herself closer to Chris and reached out to rest her hand on his shoulder. They were still friends, surely not all touch was restricted and she just wanted to give him something.

Chris didn't respond at first with much more than a shrug. He wasn't sure why she was here if it was just to make small talk. He glanced up at her with a small frown before he looked back to Rick again. He was so fucking confused, it wasn't funny. He pressed his lips together and drew in a deep breath through his nose, letting it out in a rush in some sort of attempt to stop himself crying again. It was lucky he had the knack of staying awake with his on-call shifts or he figured he would be really screwed right now. "Would you do anything for your brother?" he finally asked in a small voice.

Serena pulled her hand away again, and glanced out at the nurse sitting behind her desk. She would have given anything for these walls not to be glass so that all she could do was slip her arms around Chris and just hold him for a little while. She didn't want to make small talk, but it was all she had. Maybe she should have just stayed away after all. She tucked her hair behind her ear and nodded. "Of course I would. That was Drew, by the way. The guy you walked in on me with. He's in Miami for a job, but got sunstroke while sunbathing. Us Chicagoites and the sun don't always mix."

Chris' eyes fell closed with a small sigh at what she said. He wasn't going to even ask why she hadn't let him know that sooner, even just with a text. He didn't want to get into arguments, and his emotions were really heightened right now. One day, he just wanted to pull a bed curtain back and it not look like a dude was hitting on her. He linked his fingers together and rested his lips against his hands. "I owe you an apology right now. Everything you are saying is making me want to bite your head off, and I just need you to know it's not you. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I think I have a screw loose. I don't mean it, I really don't. You should go be with your brother."

Serena's eyes dampened with tears and she blinked them back as quickly as she could to try and hide them from Chris. "I guess I'm not exactly helping, either. I didn't mean to come here to make things worse. Maybe you don't mean to bite my head off, but I'm not making things any better. I should just leave you alone, but not because I should be with my brother. I want to be with my boyfriend... and I can't. And I'm trying to be with my friend, but I guess it's not quite working. You've had a long day, and you need your rest. Just try and get some sleep, okay? Take care of yourself and him."

Chris' mouth was still resting against his hands as he nodded. He was scared if he spoke, he would just lose it all over again. It had taken long enough to stop when he accidentally pulled the stunt with Rick earlier. He wanted to talk to her about something that just wasn't leaving his head no matter what he did, but it was stupid to even try now. He was going to get upset and it wouldn't get anywhere. It was probably stupid to make decisions like this anyway. "Catch you later," he got out, even if the words were choked and raspy. He gave her a small wave with his fingers for emphasis.

Serena frowned at the wave but she just gave her own fingers a wave as she got up off the stool with a huff. She felt unsettled about the whole situation but she couldn't actually put her finger on why. It was like she was throwing herself against a wall and not making any progress. She ran her fingers through her hair and almost stopped to say something else to Chris but she just glanced at Rick, and the monitors to check the eldest Deleo was still okay. Now that she was at the hospital she would go past her own brother's room and just sit there for a bit before going home. If nothing else, it just made her glad that Drew was in town so that she could go running to him when she needed to.

RP Log with rhythmictherapy | Another big brother on the scene

2010-07-19T09:04:36Z

According to the cute nurse with the blood pressure machine, today was 'an average day in MT1'. But comments like that could mean so much to a person who knew sweet FA about MT1, or even Miami in general. Drew lay on the gurney, leaning over a little to try and see all the passing parade through the gap in the flimsy curtains. He was too curious for his own good. It wasn't that he was foreign to Miami. This was his second trip here, even if the first was just a brief weekend visit to his little sister with his parents for Thanksgiving last year. The weather had been getting cold and it rained most of the time. This was entirely different. He had two reasons for being here this time. Business, mostly, and to visit his sister and make sure this dude she was 'seeing' wasn't in the realms of Steve Urkel or maybe the Yorkshire Ripper. And if he was anything like Mel Gibson, or liked Twilight, Drew really was just going to have to put his foot down. Sometimes, his sister's tastes in guys really were a bit questionable. He didn't want a repeat performance with the guy she dated in her first year of college. Drew didn't want to have to shave another dude's eyebrows and leave him buck naked on a sporting field drunk for punishment again.

The thing was, coming from Chicago, Drew really was used to the heat Miami was going to hit him with. Not like this, anyway. Apparently it was even a heatwave for Miami that day. The ER was overrun and this MT1, which Drew even knew meant Miami Trauma One was busy, but not completely mental. The beds were more comfortable too, and with family on the employment books, Drew figured he deserved preferential treatment. All it took was chatting up a few nurses to get him moved from the ER to here, requesting Dr Warren to attend him. Apparently he had heatstroke from sitting out in the sun too long. He didn't ever want to pass out on the beach and faceplant the sand in his life ever again, either. Waking up with a mouthful of sand was enough to make a dude think he was being buried alive... a phobia he had always shared with his sister.

Serena had been surprised when Tuck had handed her a case file on her brother, but she hadn't argued. She was glad that MT1 was under control enough and had enough space so that Serena could see to her brother. She hadn't even known he was in town and then there he was. She almost gave into a little pre-elevator dancing before she turned in the opposite direction to track down the wayward Warren. Not only had her boyfriend told her the day before that he loved her, her brother was in town. Her little Serena world was complete.

She pushed the curtain to the side and put on her best disapproving doctor face. "You know, there are these things called telephones now and they're really handy for letting people know you're coming. Did you really need to go and make yourself a beetroot to get my attention?"

"I was going to call you! But I just... didn't," Drew explained with a small, sheepish smirk. "I was going to, and in my own defense, I only got here this morning and you were working, so you couldn't see me anyway. I figured I'd hit the beach, only the beach is a bitch. It's fucking hot out there. I was working on some stuff, and I lost track of time and... you never told me you worked in the cavier of the hospital world, sis. All glass and no shit equipment. Really hot nurses. I should have come for a visit sooner." He dropped his head back against the pillow with a small moan. "I feel shit, but your air con here is way better than the ER. I'm almost waiting for someone to come offer me room service, or a chocolate on my pillow. Maybe that cute blonde nurse to come wipe my fevered brow?"

Serena cracked a smile as she gave her brother a look. "Cute blonde nurse, huh? Doesn't sound like Kathy so I won't warn you off. Yet. I might just have to interrogate every nurse that comes in here though, and make sure you aren't leading them astray. I don't need you turning MT1 into a porno movie set just because you're all with the sympathy and sexy music thing." She leaned against the edge of the bed and reached back to pick up his chart to have a read over it. "Can't believe you've got sunstroke. You're letting the team down. Even I've managed to avoid sunstroke and sunburn here. You're so Chicago."

Drew placed a hand on his heart, ready to offer some cheeky comeback, only to hiss in pain when the sunburn under the hospital gown protested to the slight pressure. He peeled the fabric away with a small whimper, peering down the front of it to survey the damage. "Holy fuck, I look like a cooked lobster. Better steer clear, sis. I might nip you with my big scary claws..." He didn't even want to know what his face looked like. He prided himself too much on his good looks to want to see them affected by bad sunburn and a peeling nose. It was true, he was a Chicagoite and always peeled when he got burnt. "I would never lead anyone astray. I'm too considerate and respectful. And hey! I deserve sympathy. I threw up in front of a gorgeous brunette lifeguard with D cup natural boobs! I'm extensively distressed here. Where is your sympathetic doctorly bedside manner, or do you just save that for single dudes with arms falling off?" He flipped her off carefully, making sure the gown didn't rub on his burnt arms. "Like you're all natural Miamian. One year still makes you so Chicago too. And just before you even think about it, please, please don't hug me! I love you, sis, but please no."

Serena had looked slightly panicked at the idea of her brother becoming a giant lobster but then she relaxed and smirked lightly before she leaned over to kiss his burning forehead. "Ouch, big brother. That's some temp you got going on there. I do not envy you when you start peeling. It is going to suck." She dropped down into the chair next to him. "Natural D cups? Wow, that really was some loss. Just remember that gravity isn't always kind to the naturally big breasted. Sure you'd still be okay with them once the swimsuit came off? And hey, I am so natural Miamian! I even got to be right up close to an alligator from some pond at a golf course. Dr Proctor was the one that fished out the hand, but I got to assist."

At the mere mention of a hand in an alligator and her boss - he remembered his name from the extensive amount she talked about him when she first started - fishing a hand out of it, Drew turned slightly green with a wave of nausea. He might technically have the doctor label, but he wasn't a huge fan of blood or bodily fluids that weren't his own... expect when it was to do with sex. "Never did like golf..." he mumbled, swallowing back the sick feeling and fighting the urge to give her a wet-willy for the bad story telling. "Come on, she was a nice girl. Why do all chicks seem to hate other chicks with nice breasts? It's like you all have some sort of vendetta against each other. Not all chicks are sluts, you know. Are you seriously going to deny your big brother some sweet lovin' just because you have a jealousy complex? That's not fair. You went and lost your virginity when I told you not to, so the least you can do is be happy for me when I find a sexy lifeguard."

Serena pointed her finger at him after she handed him a cup of water to help him keep his fluids up. "No, no I can't. The least I can do is continually remind you that you lost your virginity way before me and have enjoyed a lot of sex ever since. So you don't get to be all judgemental about my viriginity or sex life. Besides, I'm in good hands now so you can rest easy, okay? I promise. He's nothing like the other guys. By the way Jeff of all people rocked up in MT1 the other day. I'm really starting to wonder about all these men that need to get hurt to get my attention. What does that say about me? Was the lifeguard genuinely nice? Are you going to go find her?" She leaned forward a little and watched him to check if the green tinge to his skin was fading. "Was the alligator too much? Want to hear about the internal decaptitation?"

"No, I don't. Shut up, or I'll spew on you," Drew said with a huff and took a small sip of the water. It still didn't make his tongue feel any less swollen or his mouth any less dry. "And I'm older than you, there would be a serious, serious deficiency if you beat me to the cherry popping. I'd have to have been a Monk or something, and like that is ever going to happen. Jeff? Your ex? Fucking hell, you're a magnet for bullshit, aren't you? But seeing as you brought him up, I want to know about this new loverboy. Your track record sucks, sis. Maybe I should just give him a Talk now, tell him to piss off and leave you alone, save any heartache down the track. Please tell me you at least see this one in person and don't stick to dating by text message. Who is he? You haven't even told me his name. All I got was a 'I'm seeing someone'."

Chris was sauntering up the corridor of MT1 glancing into the bays to try and find Serena. She was around here somewhere. Something about some ER overflow patient... or patients. Chris wasn't really listening to Kathy when she told the story. He didn't listen to Kathy much in general now that Tuck was back, even if she wanted to be all with the arm touching and sympathetic enquiries as to his health. He heard Serena's voice and pulled back the curtain of the next bay, copping sight of her sitting at a blond dude's bedside. He raised an eyebrow, hoping to god this wasn't some other ex, or another patient to try and crack onto her. He really didn't have the patience today. "Excuse me... I just wanted to give you a heads up, I'm scrubbing in on Proctor's GSW. The bullet's nicked the dude's liver and pierced right through the bowel, so it's gonna be a good two hours. Can you keep an eye on my head injury chick? Waiting on the CT, but she needs obs on the half hour." He went to go again, more than in a rush. "Oh, and our, uh... patient... in oncology... surgery this afternoon at five," he added, a small frown appearing on his face right before he shot the patient in the bed a hint of a threatening look without realising it.

Chris' appearance had been a surprise and Serena had almost jumped out of her skin, but she managed to catch herself in time. She'd also been about to introduce her brother to Chris but the Chief Resident had pulled the curtain back into place and was gone. She had caught his look at her brother and his less than sneaky message about his own brother made Serena frown herself. She was silent for a long moment before she looked back at Drew and sighed. "I'm sorry, about Chris. He's... Well, you know how you were asking who I was seeing?"

"That dude seriously gave me the evil eyeball!" Drew protested indignantly. "Are doctors even allowed to do that? And Christ, all the medical talk and nicking of bowels. I don't want to know about nicking of bowels, alright? In fact, lets leave bowels out of the conversation totally, just to be on the safe side," he decided with a small shudder, but then his eyes landed on his sister questioningly. "Chris? The Dr C dude you were singing the praises of a few months back? The one shoe dude? That's him? What's he got to do with who you're see- oh. Ohhhhhh fucking hell, S. No way!"

Serena put her finger to her lips to try and get her brother to be quiet. "Shh! Kathy might hear you. This is the one time in your life I need you to be subtle, okay? Chris and I are still doing sneaky ninja dating. So yes, way! He's my exclusive. My boyfriend... I love him, Drew. Crazy love. He's still stinging from when Jeff was here. The douche told me he still loved me - in front of Chris. Don't feel bad about the evil eyeball. He'll understand when I tell him you're my big brother." She held up her hand. "Keep the secret, and I promise there won't be talk of bowels."

Now Drew just looked completely confused, his nose scrunched up as he looked at the spot where Chris had disappeared from and tried to put all the pieces together. "No, wait. You said the dude was a player. You're playing with a player, and that's just... just... I'll kill him. I will. If he hurts you, I'll kill him. No eyebrows and nakedness will be the least of his worries. If he cheats on you, I'll tear his dick off and shove it in an electrical socket. A very large electrical socket! He's too hot, chicks will drool over him! Chicks better not drool over him or I'll kill them too!" he insisted in a pointed whisper complete with emphatic hand gestures.

Serena raised her eyebrows as she listened to Drew. She'd never heard him get that carried away with threats before. "He was, but that doesn't mean he can't be a boyfriend. He's been a boyfriend. He hasn't played around since we went exclusive. He's been the best boyfriend I could have ever asked for. He's real, Drew. Really real, and he's mine." She couldn't help but give a smile filled with pride and just a little smugness. She'd bagged Dr C. It was hard not to be proud of herself. "I'll kill those chicks first, by the way. All that really is that they don't touch. And you haven't even spoken to him yet, Drew. Don't kill him until you do."

Drew was thinking back to the very brief glimpse he caught of the dude his little sister was apparently head over for. He seemed like a prat, on the face of it, but now the dots had been connected, he just had to wonder if the guy was all protective of her. He also seemed busy and distracted. "Isn't he the Chief Resident here?" he asked, remembering back to what she had originally said about the guy when she first got the gig here. "So, he's technically your boss. Jesus, S..." he murmured, rubbing at his forehead. "Is this wise? You could be fucking with your job here. Hopefully he's not the sort to make a habit of dating all his new residents..."

"He's not, he's really not. I'm the first resident he's dated and if I have anything to say about it, I'll be the last. We know it's risky. It's why we've been keeping it quiet. It's more his job that's probably at risk than mine. He's already convinced Proctor doesn't think he's a good doctor. Chris got sent home trying to protect me once because I'd made a mistake in surgery." Serena shifted in her seat, her hands tucked between her legs to stop herself from fidgeting, or fussing over Drew when it would just hurt him. "We've maintained an awesome working relationship regardless of dating. No one's any the wiser, and it doesn't diminish our skills."

Drew just shook his head for a moment and sighed. "They will be the wiser if he keeps giving patients the evil eyeball. That wasn't particularly the best ninja skills right there. I knew straight away something was up with the dude. And what was with that oncology thing? Was that some sort of code for a secret elevator fuck or something? Because he hesitated over it, whereas he smoothly poured out the info on the other patient without a hitch. You've maintained an awesome working relationship until now, but how long have things been serious? Or have you just been keeping secrets from us back home?"

Serena shook her head. "No, his brother has cancer. I met him the other day. As Chris' girlfriend. It's not a code for elevator sex. We don't cross the line at work. The evil eyeball needs some work, I'll give you that one. I guess they've been serious for a little while now. I got so used to not being able to say anything to anyone I guess I forgot that it would have been safe to say something to you guys."

"Cancer?" Drew asked, raising his eyebrows. "He said the patient was having surgery. That's his brother? Well, I guess that explains why he seemed preoccupied... and a little on the moody side. I was starting to wonder how a dude like that kept his licence. Why him, though? Out of all the dudes on the market, why him? You've got to at least have some time to yourself to look for a lay beyond work. Not that I'm saying there is anything wrong with him, because I don't know him from a bar of soap, but still. He's your supervisor. This whole ninja thing, sis, it's not healthy."

Serena gave a nod. "In his kidney. They're going to take it out. It's the best way to deal with it. Rick made the mistake of coming here a couple weeks back and having so-called experimental surgery. It was never going to cure it, or fix it. Now they've got to start being aggressive with the right way to treat it. There's a lot of history with him and Rick. It's not all good. We drew the long straw, big brother. So be glad you got me, okay?" Serena tried not to look too downtrodden that Drew wasn't embracing her choice of boyfriend. She knew he was just trying to protect her. "It works for us. It's a little hard sometimes, but it's worth. And why him? He fixed my clicker. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile just from a look and it doesn't hurt that he's hot and a great lay. I'm talking amazing. He's... He's Chris. It was just meant to be fun at first, you know? A bit of sex but it grew and I don't regret it. We've even had a mutual puke test."

Drew listened closely, even if he had drawn his lower lip between his teeth to bite on it in thought. He couldn't he wondering what their parents would think about this, if Serena even had any intentions of telling them. She had never been secretive before, so this new guy had to be to blame. Probably not intentionally, though. Drew wasn't a complete idiotic jerk, he could see the situation they had gotten themselves in and why the secrecy was there. "Wouldn't being honest just be the better thing at the end of the day? I mean, I get it, okay? No jumping down my throat to strangle me from the inside because I'm douchebag big brother who doesn't get it. But think about it. You both have intense jobs, weird and long hours, dealing with freakish things every day. You have a dude here who has that as well as holding the fort of residents as Chief Resident, and you're telling me he has a brother with cancer. Cancer, sis. The Big C. Isn't the whole secret ninja relationship thing just gonna cause him even more stress worrying about getting caught, worrying about staying out of sight? Hell, because you're on the hush, there's gonna be times you can't be with him when he might need you. Plus, you said yourself, the guy got sent home for trying to protect you. What the hell is your boss going to think when you choose to reveal this - or worse, he finds out on his own - that you two have been concealing this for however long? Protecting a colleague and fucking a colleague are two totally, totally different ball games. How hard you worked to get here, I never thought I would see you lay it all on the line for a dude... but you are, and that kind of scarily tells me how much you care about him. And vice versa, I guess."

Serena sat there quietly as she listened to her brother, already considering calling her parents to tell them about Chris before Drew tried to give them the big brother's side. She felt stupid now keeping the secret from them of all people, but it really was just out of habit. She was used to Aimee and Dave being the only ones to know. Now Rick, now her own brother. The circle was slowly starting to grow and Serena wondered if maybe it was a sign that ninja business should be over. She wanted to go and find Proctor to ask for the afternoon off to be with Chris while his brother was operated on, but she knew she couldn't. Chris was trusting her with his patient instead. "I think it's getting to him... us. There's more and more niggles that make us want to speak up, but it's a huge step. I don't think the timing's ever going to be right. If I knew it would be one less worry for Chris, I'd push to tell Proctor. It's just so hard to guage how he's going to react. Even after the other time."

Drew started scratching at an itch on his wrist near the IV line. Right up there with his medical aversion, he hated things stuck in him for no reason. Even if there was a reason, like now to stop him dehydrating, he still hated it. He wanted to pull it out, but he knew if he even tried that, Serena wouldn't hesitate to promptly deck him and maybe even shove it up his nose. "Well, you've talked to the dude a lot over the time, right? You said he was a good boss. Insightful, or something. How do you think he would react to it? Has he reacted unreasonably with anything else, or do all his decisions seem to make some sort of sense? At the end of the day, he's can't stop you two seeing each other out of work hours, and unless he has witnessed it on the job, he can't fire you for it either. So, what's the problem? Is there something else going on here?"

"What something else could there be?" Serena asked him. She was watching him with the IV line, waiting to pounce if he did take it out, but her brother behaved. "He really is a good boss. I've learned a lot from Dr Proctor. He doesn't seem to mind taking the time to show me procedures or the little things I seem to be missing in my technique. There's no one like him. I still don't know what he'll do. No one can ever anticipate his reactions. It's part of why Chris finds him so infuriating."

Drew really had no more brotherly pearls of wisdom to offer anymore. He wasn't familiar enough with the situation to make any calls about it, even if he didn't want his sister making things difficult for herself. He stretched in the bed a little, even if his skin protested the movement and then sighed. "Well, it looks like you just need to go with it for now. Just please don't consider eloping. Ever. You'll make Mom cry and I hate when Mom cries. Dad will be wanting to do the whole giving away thing, too, and I should rightfully be entitled to take your other half out and get him so piss blind drunk he can't remember his own name. Right of passage and all that. Because I can hear it in your voice, he's not like any of the others. I can't put my finger on why. I can just tell."

Serena pressed her lips together briefly as she felt a lump grow rapidly and lodge in her throat. She was in danger of shedding tears and she tugged at his bed covers in retaliation for making her teary. "I missed you, Drew. I really did. Please tell me you're here for longer than a few days... I want you to meet Chris and be able to talk to him. At least so you can assure Mom and Dad he's not some axe murdering psycho. Which is kind of another story for when you're not feeling so fragile..."

Drew did hold up his hand, his face scrunching up a little. "Please, and thank you. I don't know if I would be more angry that you were in danger, or didn't tell me you were in danger, so lets just leave off the more secrets thing for a little longer. I really hope you shake that habit, sis. You've never been secretive before, and this is hard to swallow. Don't let anyone swallow you up from being who you are, not even some blond surfer doctor dude you're having heart palpitations over. No dude is worth changing yourself for. Ever. Alright?" he insisted, holding her gaze and waiting for her response. "I'm here for a month, initially. A New York stockbroker is paying me to help his wife who has MS, and he wants her to have the treatment here in a nice setting."

Serena nodded. "I know, and of course. I'm sorry, big brother. I really am. It's just so much has been going on these last few months. It's easier than I thought to just stay focused on my bubble here." After a moment she broke into a huge smile. "A month? Really? That's awesome! You have to stay at my place. Promise me, Drew? It'll save you rent, or paying for a hotel room. Do you think you'll be able to help her?"

Drew held his hands up. "Wait, wait. You seriously want me hanging around and cramping your style with Dr Feelgood? Don't you think you better check with him first? What if he needs his brother staying there, or does the brother live local? All these gaps. I might need you to sit down and write me out an instruction manual. Yeah, I should be able to make things more comfortable for her, anyway. She'll be a piece of cake. She used to be a cellist herself before she got ill, so my job will be a breeze. It's why her husband wanted to try my therapy above all else."

Serena looked at him for a moment like he was crazy. "What? We're not living together. It's kind of hard to be secret ninjas when you're living together. I can just go to his place. I think he'd rather have Rick at his apartment than mine. You can still take my apartment, Drew. Really. It's somewhere for you to feel at home. Not just like a tourist. I'll talk to Chris about it, but it's still my apartment. The brother doesn't live local, but I think he's here for a while. At least if the treatment works..." Serena's face dropped again, and she glanced at the clock on Drew's bedside. "I hope the surgery will go okay, I really do. Oh wow, really? Then you two will have a lot to connect on. I still think it's amazing what you do. Music really does escape me still."

"You're still dating him. He should still know about it. He might not want me sticking my nose in when he's trying to cope with his brother being sick. Nothing worse than a houseguest hanging around when you just want privacy, whether you're living together or not. You're obviously pulling it all off somehow." Drew reached over and took Serena's hand to squeeze it. "Hey, it's not easy. It'll be just as hard for you knowing you can't just freely make with the girlfriend stuff whenever you want to. I mean, he said his bro's got surgery this afternoon? Are you even going to be off shift to be with him? Can you be with him without people getting suspicious? It's the same hospital, right? And I'm just lucky to have a job I love and I'm good at. Your thread of medicine, fuck, I'd be passing out everytime a patient landed in front of me."

Serena looked down at their hands and let out a heavy sigh. She really couldn't begin to tell Drew how grateful she was just to have him here. She suddenly felt homesick, but the idea of leaving Chris at a time like this hurt her more than she could even begin to fathom. "Sometimes I think it's just luck that we've gotten away with as much as we have. I want to be there for him... With him... But I can't. I know I won't get off while the surgery's going on. When I get off Rick will probably be in recovery, and I don't know if Chris will really want to be with anyone but his brother. We haven't exactly had a chance to talk about it. I can probably get away with stopping by, but it might seem strange if I'm there all night with him. And yeah, same hospital. Hey, if my price for being able to stomach trauma was a lack of musical talent I think I'm okay with that. I'd rather be able to watch you at work."

Drew raised his eyebrows. "He's not talking to you about it? Is he talking to anyone about it? Stuff like that, it's not healthy to sit on and stew with. It just makes it worse. So, what are you going to do? Go home and sit to stew yourself? You could always just say you went over there to keep him company because there was no one else to. You can still be a supportive friend in public, right? You can sit in the hallway and look pretty, but at least he'll know you're there." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "You should come along to one of my sessions. You're a doctor, the patient won't mind. She's pretty cool. Never could have kids of her own, but doesn't let it get her down."

"No, no. He does. A little bit. Only he just told me about the surgery right then. I'm assuming he didn't know until now. So there wasn't exactly a battle plan in place. Well, I do sit in hallways looking pretty very well. I'm like an expert now." Serena looked at Drew, her eyes lighting up. "Really? Are you sure?"

"Well, if he's going to hang about the hospital with his brother overnight, come back a little later to see him. Make up some shit about worrying about him and not being able to sleep. People will buy it, especially if you lot are obviously friends as well as a working team. You said they were friendly, like family. There will be less chance of anyone seeing you a bit later, and the surgery will be over. You'll have an outcome, at least." Drew nodded and smiled. "Yeah, of course. My area isn't like you lot with all your privacy issues and shit. It's okay for me to ask a patient if they mind someone sitting in on a consult. My clients are all there by choice, and I can usually get a feel how they take to it early on."

"Gives me an excuse to come back and check on my big brother too," Serena replied as she stood up to kiss him lightly on the forehead. She'd caught a glimpse at the clock by his side and realised it was probably time to get back to work. Those CTs for Chris' patient were probably ready. "You know, you keep enabling me with him and I'm going to start thinking you might actually approve. I'll drop off a copy of my roster lately, okay? We'll figure out a day for me to drop in when you're feeling better and back into the sessions. I'll be back to check on you in between rounds, too. You're not rid of me just yet."

Drew smirked and nodded. "Don't go getting into mischief now, little sis. I don't want anyone thinking I have a bad reputation," he joked and gave her a small wave. "I'll reserve judgement on the approval, but... I dunno, S. I can't even fathom what it would be like if you had cancer, so just do whatever it takes to let him know you're there. Maybe some things are just bigger fish to fry than boss' approval, huh?"