I was the ship to proud to ever sink

Saw Saw 2004

2014-10-05T13:54:51Z

So I think it was some time before Halloween. That's great if I can be getting ready this month.

Saw Mr today. Not sure how I feel about that, but at least he saw me one last time as pretty. Now I ready to leave.

cstar @ 2014-09-12T07:41:00

2014-09-12T12:41:47Z

So what to do??? Do I take on more responsiblity or drift? Maybe if I had a plan, i'd be more at peace. Phram cashier ===> _________.

cstar @ 2014-09-09T04:50:00

2014-09-09T09:51:16Z

I feel better, like I've made peace with myself and God. I can live a "normal" life now. I'm just trying to get away from Wal-Mart for now. Hopefully things happen soon, it would be nice to have money for the state fair or go to Japan for my birthday.

cstar @ 2014-09-06T08:45:00

2014-09-06T13:45:34Z

The movie Undertow came out Oct. 22, 2004. We went to see it for my birthday. If I was having dream, visions, deja vu, etc. Then that means it was before my bithday. That's all I wanted really. To not to have to see another birthday like this.

God Bless.

cstar @ 2014-09-02T09:54:00

2014-09-02T14:54:35Z

I'm so excited! I've made a list of all the places I want to go. That's the biggest thing, travel. I can't wait to see the world.
*crossing finger* 2015 for sure :) Dec. 2014 if I'm really lucky.

Better

2014-08-31T12:48:37Z

I found my old transcripts to help jog my memory. I'm thinking late Nov. to mid Dec. I remember that at first I wasn't writing things down. It could have been at least a month before I actually made the first journal entry. Either way I should be free be Feb 2, 2015; I pray that it's over before then.

As time goes by

2014-08-28T12:52:01Z

*Happy* 12 year anniversary since 2002. I celebrated the 10 year since 2004 Sat. I'm going to see A Dame Worth Killing For and then heading over to Mimi's Cafe. I hope it's 3yrs 6months and that that 6 months starts in Sept. Father Please, amen.

Deadline

2014-08-23T14:15:01Z

So it looks the sometime Jan 2005. It could be earlier (Oh God please let it be earlier), but the farthest back the posts go is Jan 11, 2005. I was writing poems over the summer and during the fall 04 semester, but the first definite post was for sure was 1st week of Feb.

In otherwords I got 4 months to see this theory proven or debunked. *crosses fingers for true*

cstar @ 2014-08-22T09:04:00

2014-08-22T14:04:46Z

I feel like the answer to all my problems is literally sitting in front of me. I have the disks and the old computer tower sitting on the floor next to me.

GRRRRRRRRRRRR!! Never mind I'm done

I can't

2014-08-22T13:29:11Z

I can't narrow the date down any further. It happened between Aug 23 and Oct. 17, 2004. I deleted that entry that had the exact date now I can only guess. I hope I'm right about this. It's been almost 10 years, so I'm ready.

Wish I knew when

2014-08-21T13:56:44Z

So I went through my journal cleaning out all the old entries, but I deleted some I needed. I can't narrow down the date, but I know it's between Aug 23 and Nov 4. That's a big space of time.

cstar @ 2014-06-12T20:59:00

2014-06-13T01:59:37Z

I feel almost free. This is great.

cstar @ 2011-02-23T14:16:00

2011-02-23T20:15:59Z

I have nothing new to report. I just thought I would do something more constructive. Now I think it is just a matter of waiting.

Nocturine

Being so cold
I shiver
Fall deeper into sleep

Mind awake
But still dreaming
Roaming ceaselessly

I walk through endless prairies
Am adrift on open seas
Have it all
Then lose it
Left with only memories

Night after night
I watch planets be born
And stars die
Out searching for nothing
Looking for no one

Fall through the Earth
Sink into the sky
There is no space or time
No walls
In this world of mine

Planes intersect
Realities collide
I am anywhere I wish to go
On these nocturnal travels
Of my mind

Upon waking
I forget
Lives lived in the span of the night
Remembering instead the routines
Of my daily life

Sooner but still later

2010-11-11T13:49:59Z

I just wanted to post this before the big day. I am not leaving yet, but if I post this after I get back it changes the meaning. So before I get to busy and forget…

Surviving Wish

I dedicate my eternity
To keeping you alive
For if we are not forgotten
Then we shall truly never die

Remembering
The things you said
And the soul
Behind your eyes

Always dreaming
Of shared secrets
And happier times

I used to want death
And its endless calm
But as long as my heart still beats
Forever you will live on

Thank you for all the memories. You are who I saw when My Lord gave me hope.

Hurray! Family Vacation!

2007-06-02T15:02:32Z

Israel ~~For Dumbies~~ Spoiled Rotten American Kids.
http://www.answers.com/topic/israel

I might be going their with my family soon. We just have to see how things work out. I hope to go at least by next summer.

*Reads a little* Woopsie! I need to STFU about my "expect" knowledge of Israel :) It's a good thing I might be able to take a Modern Jewish History next semester. However, I was right when I said that one of their major industry is tourism, and that it "is one of Israel's largest sources of revenue" ;)

Thinspiration on Youtube

2007-05-30T16:22:00Z

I don’t get it and I have heard it mentioned before; have you ever notice that there is no happy median in American? If you’re skinny, you’re anorexic. If you’re not, then you’re fat. AND heaven forbid you be curvy, because then you’re a whore.

Who ever said “women hate other women,” and “women don’t dress to impress men, but other women,” were right. People’s biggest problem with me has always been the way I look. I never have to say or even do a thing.

The End

Where do you sign up?!

2007-05-14T01:58:23Z

*Goes back to training*

Another Dream

2007-05-03T14:26:33Z

Weird dream were I can’t move again. Only this time I fell off the bed and landed on my stomach. I regained some movement and wrote (call) “911” on the carpet. I also screamed, “Iron! I need my iron!!,” when they tried to give me an emergency tracheotomy with a kitchen knife. The people around me were either just insensitive, mildly concerned spectators, or bumbling idiots trying to help. I mean they were trying to perform CPR on someone who was already conscience and breathing.

I don’t remember if the paramedics showed up or that they were still on their way. I kept looking up at the clock. It kept doing that thing in movies and on TV were it expands and contracts to emphasis the character’s plight. Is it wrong that while I’m lying there I kept thinking, “Baylor is in the good part of town, so the paramedics really should be here any minute now?” ^^

This one was so much more comforting than the last two.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

2007-04-25T18:45:47Z

Chocolate molten Lava cake with vanilla ice cream. Need I say more??? I was almost ready to go out last night for it too.

Job openning part two.

2007-04-22T00:31:23Z

Do you ever have the feeling that you sound stupid on paper? That if you could just meet the person and talk to them in person, everything would be better. I have been trying to get a hold of this guy or someone to help me with my problem, but keep running into a brick wall. He's not a love interest, but the best way to put it is that he is part of the company I'm applying for a position at.

So I wrote him and various branches letters. Now I just feel stupid. I know they say things like take the initiative and be proactive, but I think I'm coming off crazy. I'm really trying to sound serious and intelligent, but I'm so exhausted and emotional half the time.

Have I been handling this wrong??? I thought you were supposed to call people and then call them back later. Maybe it's just the subject matter?

I need to relax, I'm too high string and upset. I'll try again later.

What do YOU remember?

2007-04-21T05:06:29Z

(meme) Got it from miztresslynz, who got it from elzed.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me.

It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.

Yesteryear, those of years of yore

2007-04-20T17:01:09Z

*sigh* Remember those days when TV was really good. I mean there are some show that work, but a lot more that are short lived.

In other news, my hair has gotten too long to do the messy curl thing. I think it's time for spikes. *cringes at the fact I actually have to do something in the morning other than wash my face and eat.* I miss my ponytail/bun.

Here's a quarter, call someone who cares.

2007-04-19T01:18:56Z

I can't wait to go back to not giving a crap about anything. It's not that I have no morals or goals, I'm talking about people. Watching other people live out their pseudo soap-opera lives. Drama is only "fun" in small doses.

I want to go back to minding my own business, not not caring about the needy. I want that! I want to work with rape victims, children, etc. What I don't care for is the vain, superficial ones. Unless they aren't bothering me.

I want to go back to being 'cool' with everyone. I want go back to being my happy-go-lucky, carefree, yet goal oriented self. I miss myself, at least that much.

Bent but not broken...no just refined. Man, I miss going home at the end of the day. I mean never mixing "business and pleasure", not bringing "work home" or "home to work."

If I could do it over I think I would:
Major in Political Science.
Take Economics as either a double major or a minor.
Probably not live in a dorm.

Heeee???!!!! Hontoo desu ka?

2007-04-13T03:57:52Z

I WANT IT!!!!!

http://rojaks.blogspot.com/2006/09/hello-kitty-craze-hello-kitty-airline.html

I never wanted to be a spoiled rotten, whiny crybaby so badly in my life XD!!!
I want the food because it's so cute!

*****Seriously though, it looks adorable.

****I got bored between papers

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them
You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky
You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter
It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

How Do Men See You?

CNBC: Game on

2007-04-06T16:26:25Z

OMG!! I never realized how much of a ~~nerd~~ gamer I was until I watched this show. I was just procrastinating, but then I really started watching. I knew of the curtain news about the subject, but the earlier history not so much.

Well in other news, my sociology paper is coming along. However, I wish my VCR worked so I could play my PS2. It really takes you back and dates you. I want that warm, safe feeling again not to be that age.

BTW: Computer Science was my original major at Baylor. It is part of the reason my I am so bummed out. With all my diverse talents, I could have at least been working in the story-broad department.