Hair problems. Bleh.
So a couple weeks ago, I decided that since I had such a fantastic time using Dr. Bronner's-based shampoo, I should expand my options and try one of the scented kinds. (I use the unscented/baby-mild formula.) Seeing as I use almond oil for my hair already, I decided to get a bottle of the almond-scented soap.
BAD IDEA. I SPENT ALMOST TWELVE GORRAM DOLLARS ON A BOTTLE THAT I ONLY USED A THIRD OF.
Over the past month, my scalp's been getting progressively drier, and therefore itchier, whenever I used the almond-based shampoo. It was dry in the entirely wrong "NEEEEEEED WATER" way, not its usual "you now have two days before you turn into an oil slick" way. (As a personal pet-peeve, I hate that the almond scent completely drowned out my sweetgrass essential oil. BITCH, I WASTED SIXTY DROPS OF SWEETGRASS ON YOU.)
Even after I cut the formula to 1/4th soap to water instead of 50-50, my scalp was just about done with the whole thing. And occasionally I like using the leftover not-enough-to-shampoo-with mix as a body-wash, but that doing that with the almond soap just made my SKIN dry after a couple of uses as well. This was the SUPER diluted version, and my skin's normally indestructible. Like, I can brush off a cut that would leave my sister's sensitive skin welting or puffy.
It was only the really thin areas like my face and joints, but the corners of my mouth nearly cracked yesterday. If I hadn't put my ACTUAL body-grade almond oil on my face, I feel like my coworkers would have been terrified about why my mouth randomly started bleeding when I talked. So at lunch I got a bottle of my regular unscented Dr. Bronner's, and when I got home I dumped the almond devil-soap and its derived shampoo batch down the sink.
The worst part is, I have no idea why I reacted this way to one VARIANT of a brand and not the other. The only difference in ingredients is that there's almond fragrance oil in the almond-scented version. Maybe it's the fragrance oil, maybe the oils in general are more concentrated in the scented soaps than the unscented.
After two days with lots of fish, soup, oily foods, and eight gallons of water each, I have now taken a shower with my usual soap before my group’s drum-circle today. Everything feels much better.
But here's where it gets weird. (As usual.) The Cailleach showed up right before I started using the almond devil-soap.
-----
Minerva McGonagall from Harry Potter showed up in a meditation and I'm like, "PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL?!" and Brighid goes, "Oh, Cailleach! Hello!"
So... yeah. I asked why she was here, and she went, "Oh, just warning you to get ready."
"For what?"
"Spring." And everything went green for a minute.
So I say, "Yes--the Fianna, Aine, and the Morrigan have all been giving lots of spring vibes, too."
"But the boys REALLY jumped the gun on that. Barely Imbolc, and they're already dashing off with you?" Which referred not only to the drum-circle they appeared in, but to one morning in early February where after the sun barely went down, I started FREEZING. Like, my hands and feet were tingling and my stomach was cramping like mad. And it was kind of cold, but not enough to physically hurt, especially not indoors right after sundown. Since the ancestors went into key-smashy panic mode, it was definitely a spiritual manifestation of something.
Brighid comes by my tower where Spirit-Me is now in the fetal position, under blankets, and clutching Bear-Moritz, Dog-Taro, and Dove-Wendla. And she sighs and goes, "Ugh, I KNEW the Fianna shouldn't have come up so early. Winter's only HALF done." She told me to drink some tea and stay warm for a few days.
---
Speaking of the Fianna, I encountered Mordred a few days ago.
He disguised himself as Finn and I didn’t quite know what was wrong until he made this extremely un-Finn-like evil-laugh and started CONSTRICTING me or something. It felt like I was getting closed into a tiny, tiny box. And suddenly Jeff comes in, grabs Mordred, and hauls him off me going “BITCH, YOU ARE NOT FINN.”
And I’m still a bit shocked, so I ask, “Who are you, then?!”
He chuckled and went, “Mordred.”
Finn was also mad when he found out. He offered to unblock my energy, but I was still weirded out in spite of my logical mind, so Melchior did it.
---
Yesterday the Cailleach showed up again just before lunch, while I was moaning over how itchy and dry my skin was. She told me, "Well, aside from the soap problem, you ARE getting ready to cast it off." Which reminded me that the drum circle is going to be dealing with snake-medicine--shedding "skin," getting rid of old habits and ideas.
So I noted the coincidence and the Cailleach gave vibes that she'll show up at the circle before she left. For the past two days, I've been listening to the Fianna tell me stories in-between cram sessions on Irish history.
According to the Fianna, civil war crosses a major line because it's when a country actually turns on itself, as opposed to the myths where individuals/groups seek retribution for a wrongdoing. They're especially unhappy that their modern counterparts were a huge part in the Irish Civil War, because "THE FIANNA DO NOT DO THAT SHIT."
-----
Yesterday at rehearsal, my prof was telling us a story about how he got drunk on a show tour. His last memory was ordering lots of pizza and tipping the delivery guy a hundred dollars(!!!), and then he woke up eight hours away from his show's town in a hotel bathtub. And he'd taken the show's van. Luckily, he got back in time and DIDN'T lose his job, but that was the last time he got blackout-drunk.
Naturally, the Fianna found that hilarious. David asked, "Shit, didn't Finn get lost for a day, too?"
And Nick went, "Yeah, but he didn't even have his clothes."
So Thad laughs his ass off and goes, "Ha, I remember! Finn left the party pretty early and the last thing we hear is he's off with some chick from the coast, and then he finally gets back at fucking NOON the next day. Completely naked. He just bangs on the window and goes 'GUYS GUYS GUYS, LET ME THE FUCK IN--I HAVE PISSED OFF AT LEAST THREE FATHERS AND TWO BROTHERS.'"
"And the rest of us have mead-hangovers, too, so TRENT nearly shuts the door on him because 'Fiiiiiinn, not so looooooud.'"
"Was this before Aine or after?"
Finn steps in and remarks, "Before, man. My hair was still black."
Wes tells me, "And this is why you always keep spare jeans if alcohol is within three hours of the party."
“Three HOURS?”
“Do not underestimate peer pressure, little banflaith. Or being bored as hell.”
So I asked about the whole before/after Aine thing, and Jeff chuckled and told me, "Man. This one time, a few of us are hanging out with Aine and I had to leave for some reason--can't have been more than an hour, but when I get back everyone is trashed, Finn has no fucking clothes, and Aine’s GONE. And even the others don’t know what happened to Finn, so we're like, 'Finn, what happened to YOU?' And he just laughs and goes, 'Aine won, man.'"
"And the beer everywhere!"
"Was it, though? It didn't smell like it."
"And the liquid which was UNMISTAKEABLY BEER. Everywhere."
Wes then advises me, "This is why you never go drinking with Aine if you have a penis."
David concurs with, "Girl is slyyyy."
So after I stop laughing, I ask them whether they're the mythical Fianna or a particular fian that Moritz used to be part of, and David says, "Honey, the Fianna are in-between. We remember that shit with the Civil War where people called themselves the Fianna and then they ran around killing other Irishmen for NOT THINKING LIKE THEM. You don’t hear us bitching about Brighid or the Dagda being nitpicky, do you? I mean, they’re okay now, but the Fianna DO NOT TURN ON OUR PEOPLE. If you come to us or we come to you, and you put up with our shit? Hell, you’re ours.
“We remember when Finn and Aine didn't hate each other. We remember when Finn met Sadb; we remember when Sadb disappeared and then Aine turned Finn old, and we had to enforce the twenty-foot rule or else they’d start throwing shit. Or worse, they’d make US talk out their private things for them.
“We remember when Finn turned into a major dick and fucking WATCHED Diarmuid die. But we didn’t kick him out, because we weren’t about to be hypocrites and disown our leader. Even if he all but killed Diarmuid, we had to remember that he was Finn, and he made us. So we remember all that, but we also remember when Moritz used to be the Slayer of Doorframes."
"Why do you call him that, anyway?"
"Dude was GIANT." Another guy started mentioning the exact incident where Moritz got his nickname, but David shushed him. "The Fianna are part of the Tuatha De because of Finn, but we're also human; we're not young anymore, but we don't get old--"
"HELL YEAH, WE DON'T."
"Shut UP, guys, I am EXPLAINING." And he needs a minute before finishing with, "We're here, but we're also down there. Not quite like your ancestors, though." And then he just sent all these "spirit-of/tapping-into-energy" vibes. Like, they came not only because it's almost spring and the Morrigan told them to keep an eye on me for whatever reason she has, but because I'm personally in that midway point between childhood and adulthood that the Fianna are most experienced with.
-----
After I had a major energy-unblocking the night before last, Oz from Buffy the Vampire Slayer stepped into my tower, and I'm like, "Oz?"
"Nope, Pryderi."
"You are LOST right now. Plus, your thing with Llew Llaw Gyffes fell through, so Math needed someone else."</i>
"Really?"
"I might not be a bird, but Llew's way too impulsive. Then you've just got all this darkness, and he can’t get that."
"...Why?"
"He was raised by a king and a wizard uncle, and you obviously weren’t. Major difference right there. And when he got lost, it wasn’t for that long, but you were lost for way longer. Llew doesn't get that you can turn into your own worst enemy after what you went through."
“So, why did you volunteer?”
“I was lost, too.” Then the Gray comes up to him, and Pryderi laughs and says hello before the Gray turns human. And Pryderi starts whispering something to him, but Math tells me not to ask about it.
And then a drumbeat started up, and the Gray started stamping/dancing along to it: One-two-THREE-four, one-two-three-four. So after he’s done in a few minutes, I ask, “So, what did you tell the Gray?”
“Aww, he has no name yet?”
“But I asked his name and he never said anything!”
“Well, he’s YOUR horse. Quick, give him a name.” He’s really pushing me to say the first thing that comes to mind, so I ended up blurting out 'Overtime.' (Which is probably the most race-horse name EVER.) “Neat. Why that?”
“Well, Macha said she’s been looking after him for a while, and most likely she didn’t have to do that. So... she went overtime for me.”
So Pryderi and the newly-named Overtime smile at each other, and something PULSES. I ask what that means, but they both just chuckle and Pryderi says he’ll see me later.
He had some chicken and rice from my dinner.
-----
And now I’m just getting things done so I can head to the drum circle today. Probably going to be a separate entry tonight or tomorrow.
BAD IDEA. I SPENT ALMOST TWELVE GORRAM DOLLARS ON A BOTTLE THAT I ONLY USED A THIRD OF.
Over the past month, my scalp's been getting progressively drier, and therefore itchier, whenever I used the almond-based shampoo. It was dry in the entirely wrong "NEEEEEEED WATER" way, not its usual "you now have two days before you turn into an oil slick" way. (As a personal pet-peeve, I hate that the almond scent completely drowned out my sweetgrass essential oil. BITCH, I WASTED SIXTY DROPS OF SWEETGRASS ON YOU.)
Even after I cut the formula to 1/4th soap to water instead of 50-50, my scalp was just about done with the whole thing. And occasionally I like using the leftover not-enough-to-shampoo-with mix as a body-wash, but that doing that with the almond soap just made my SKIN dry after a couple of uses as well. This was the SUPER diluted version, and my skin's normally indestructible. Like, I can brush off a cut that would leave my sister's sensitive skin welting or puffy.
It was only the really thin areas like my face and joints, but the corners of my mouth nearly cracked yesterday. If I hadn't put my ACTUAL body-grade almond oil on my face, I feel like my coworkers would have been terrified about why my mouth randomly started bleeding when I talked. So at lunch I got a bottle of my regular unscented Dr. Bronner's, and when I got home I dumped the almond devil-soap and its derived shampoo batch down the sink.
The worst part is, I have no idea why I reacted this way to one VARIANT of a brand and not the other. The only difference in ingredients is that there's almond fragrance oil in the almond-scented version. Maybe it's the fragrance oil, maybe the oils in general are more concentrated in the scented soaps than the unscented.
After two days with lots of fish, soup, oily foods, and eight gallons of water each, I have now taken a shower with my usual soap before my group’s drum-circle today. Everything feels much better.
But here's where it gets weird. (As usual.) The Cailleach showed up right before I started using the almond devil-soap.
-----
Minerva McGonagall from Harry Potter showed up in a meditation and I'm like, "PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL?!" and Brighid goes, "Oh, Cailleach! Hello!"
So... yeah. I asked why she was here, and she went, "Oh, just warning you to get ready."
"For what?"
"Spring." And everything went green for a minute.
So I say, "Yes--the Fianna, Aine, and the Morrigan have all been giving lots of spring vibes, too."
"But the boys REALLY jumped the gun on that. Barely Imbolc, and they're already dashing off with you?" Which referred not only to the drum-circle they appeared in, but to one morning in early February where after the sun barely went down, I started FREEZING. Like, my hands and feet were tingling and my stomach was cramping like mad. And it was kind of cold, but not enough to physically hurt, especially not indoors right after sundown. Since the ancestors went into key-smashy panic mode, it was definitely a spiritual manifestation of something.
Brighid comes by my tower where Spirit-Me is now in the fetal position, under blankets, and clutching Bear-Moritz, Dog-Taro, and Dove-Wendla. And she sighs and goes, "Ugh, I KNEW the Fianna shouldn't have come up so early. Winter's only HALF done." She told me to drink some tea and stay warm for a few days.
---
Speaking of the Fianna, I encountered Mordred a few days ago.
He disguised himself as Finn and I didn’t quite know what was wrong until he made this extremely un-Finn-like evil-laugh and started CONSTRICTING me or something. It felt like I was getting closed into a tiny, tiny box. And suddenly Jeff comes in, grabs Mordred, and hauls him off me going “BITCH, YOU ARE NOT FINN.”
And I’m still a bit shocked, so I ask, “Who are you, then?!”
He chuckled and went, “Mordred.”
Finn was also mad when he found out. He offered to unblock my energy, but I was still weirded out in spite of my logical mind, so Melchior did it.
---
Yesterday the Cailleach showed up again just before lunch, while I was moaning over how itchy and dry my skin was. She told me, "Well, aside from the soap problem, you ARE getting ready to cast it off." Which reminded me that the drum circle is going to be dealing with snake-medicine--shedding "skin," getting rid of old habits and ideas.
So I noted the coincidence and the Cailleach gave vibes that she'll show up at the circle before she left. For the past two days, I've been listening to the Fianna tell me stories in-between cram sessions on Irish history.
According to the Fianna, civil war crosses a major line because it's when a country actually turns on itself, as opposed to the myths where individuals/groups seek retribution for a wrongdoing. They're especially unhappy that their modern counterparts were a huge part in the Irish Civil War, because "THE FIANNA DO NOT DO THAT SHIT."
-----
Yesterday at rehearsal, my prof was telling us a story about how he got drunk on a show tour. His last memory was ordering lots of pizza and tipping the delivery guy a hundred dollars(!!!), and then he woke up eight hours away from his show's town in a hotel bathtub. And he'd taken the show's van. Luckily, he got back in time and DIDN'T lose his job, but that was the last time he got blackout-drunk.
Naturally, the Fianna found that hilarious. David asked, "Shit, didn't Finn get lost for a day, too?"
And Nick went, "Yeah, but he didn't even have his clothes."
So Thad laughs his ass off and goes, "Ha, I remember! Finn left the party pretty early and the last thing we hear is he's off with some chick from the coast, and then he finally gets back at fucking NOON the next day. Completely naked. He just bangs on the window and goes 'GUYS GUYS GUYS, LET ME THE FUCK IN--I HAVE PISSED OFF AT LEAST THREE FATHERS AND TWO BROTHERS.'"
"And the rest of us have mead-hangovers, too, so TRENT nearly shuts the door on him because 'Fiiiiiinn, not so looooooud.'"
"Was this before Aine or after?"
Finn steps in and remarks, "Before, man. My hair was still black."
Wes tells me, "And this is why you always keep spare jeans if alcohol is within three hours of the party."
“Three HOURS?”
“Do not underestimate peer pressure, little banflaith. Or being bored as hell.”
So I asked about the whole before/after Aine thing, and Jeff chuckled and told me, "Man. This one time, a few of us are hanging out with Aine and I had to leave for some reason--can't have been more than an hour, but when I get back everyone is trashed, Finn has no fucking clothes, and Aine’s GONE. And even the others don’t know what happened to Finn, so we're like, 'Finn, what happened to YOU?' And he just laughs and goes, 'Aine won, man.'"
"And the beer everywhere!"
"Was it, though? It didn't smell like it."
"And the liquid which was UNMISTAKEABLY BEER. Everywhere."
Wes then advises me, "This is why you never go drinking with Aine if you have a penis."
David concurs with, "Girl is slyyyy."
So after I stop laughing, I ask them whether they're the mythical Fianna or a particular fian that Moritz used to be part of, and David says, "Honey, the Fianna are in-between. We remember that shit with the Civil War where people called themselves the Fianna and then they ran around killing other Irishmen for NOT THINKING LIKE THEM. You don’t hear us bitching about Brighid or the Dagda being nitpicky, do you? I mean, they’re okay now, but the Fianna DO NOT TURN ON OUR PEOPLE. If you come to us or we come to you, and you put up with our shit? Hell, you’re ours.
“We remember when Finn and Aine didn't hate each other. We remember when Finn met Sadb; we remember when Sadb disappeared and then Aine turned Finn old, and we had to enforce the twenty-foot rule or else they’d start throwing shit. Or worse, they’d make US talk out their private things for them.
“We remember when Finn turned into a major dick and fucking WATCHED Diarmuid die. But we didn’t kick him out, because we weren’t about to be hypocrites and disown our leader. Even if he all but killed Diarmuid, we had to remember that he was Finn, and he made us. So we remember all that, but we also remember when Moritz used to be the Slayer of Doorframes."
"Why do you call him that, anyway?"
"Dude was GIANT." Another guy started mentioning the exact incident where Moritz got his nickname, but David shushed him. "The Fianna are part of the Tuatha De because of Finn, but we're also human; we're not young anymore, but we don't get old--"
"HELL YEAH, WE DON'T."
"Shut UP, guys, I am EXPLAINING." And he needs a minute before finishing with, "We're here, but we're also down there. Not quite like your ancestors, though." And then he just sent all these "spirit-of/tapping-into-energy" vibes. Like, they came not only because it's almost spring and the Morrigan told them to keep an eye on me for whatever reason she has, but because I'm personally in that midway point between childhood and adulthood that the Fianna are most experienced with.
-----
After I had a major energy-unblocking the night before last, Oz from Buffy the Vampire Slayer stepped into my tower, and I'm like, "Oz?"
"Nope, Pryderi."
"You are LOST right now. Plus, your thing with Llew Llaw Gyffes fell through, so Math needed someone else."</i>
"Really?"
"I might not be a bird, but Llew's way too impulsive. Then you've just got all this darkness, and he can’t get that."
"...Why?"
"He was raised by a king and a wizard uncle, and you obviously weren’t. Major difference right there. And when he got lost, it wasn’t for that long, but you were lost for way longer. Llew doesn't get that you can turn into your own worst enemy after what you went through."
“So, why did you volunteer?”
“I was lost, too.” Then the Gray comes up to him, and Pryderi laughs and says hello before the Gray turns human. And Pryderi starts whispering something to him, but Math tells me not to ask about it.
And then a drumbeat started up, and the Gray started stamping/dancing along to it: One-two-THREE-four, one-two-three-four. So after he’s done in a few minutes, I ask, “So, what did you tell the Gray?”
“Aww, he has no name yet?”
“But I asked his name and he never said anything!”
“Well, he’s YOUR horse. Quick, give him a name.” He’s really pushing me to say the first thing that comes to mind, so I ended up blurting out 'Overtime.' (Which is probably the most race-horse name EVER.) “Neat. Why that?”
“Well, Macha said she’s been looking after him for a while, and most likely she didn’t have to do that. So... she went overtime for me.”
So Pryderi and the newly-named Overtime smile at each other, and something PULSES. I ask what that means, but they both just chuckle and Pryderi says he’ll see me later.
He had some chicken and rice from my dinner.
-----
And now I’m just getting things done so I can head to the drum circle today. Probably going to be a separate entry tonight or tomorrow.