Expected one type of bad news, got a DIFFERENT kind of bad news! (Part 1)
This is copied from my Tumblr on October 4th.
--What’s up, I am currently exhausted/worried about my whole fucking life right now. I got a reading from someone in my Filipino group to find out why my writing struggles have been ESPECIALLY crappy, even considering I knew writing would be shit to deal with. I was also worried about those spiritual “stress ulcers” that happened in my last spiritual post, because it’s not a good thing to start bleeding from the mouth while despairing, whether you’re in the Otherworld OR the mortal/flesh world!
AND GUESS WHAT ELSE I FOUND OUT???
The reader told me I am unconsciously depending on the anito to help me get a stable life/career and not only do they not enjoy my desperation, they… DON’T seem to like my urban-fantasy writing, either, because I’ve been unconsciously turning them into “caricatures” and treating them too closely?
Which is mightily unexpected, because… this whole fucking situation started with someone calling himself Haik (who’s supposed to be the Tagalog sea-god) just coming up and telling me stories and hanging out with me.
Like, who the fuck am I talking to, then???
The reader has admitted that she’s not experienced at deity-work, but even before the reading? I’ve been getting nudges from LOTS of spirits that my constant anger/despair is not sustainable or healthy, and I’m just going “yes, I know, but WHAT DO I DO ABOUT IT?”
So before she headed offline, she recommended that I talk to an albularyo / folk-healer in our Filipino group, and, he is very worried at 1) my reading results, 2) my spirit-ulcers, AND 3) when I told him that I’ve had a few encounters with the tiyanak (demon-children who prey on mortals). So, he’s ALSO doing a quick emergency reading. Like right now.
As for me and the spirits, I am trying to actually take a break like advised, but I will avoid listening to “whoever is calling themselves the anito” right now.
Behind the cut for length!
For the non-Tagalog spirits:
-Dionysus is yet again assuring me that I am not crazy. But his Artist Mode is on, and he’s like, not happy AT ALL that someone said my art is “offending the gods.” Like… what am I supposed to do about it?
-The Dagda is on standby in case he needs to force me to take that “spirit-world break” for a few days. The last time that happened was when my brother died, and I was wandering around the spirit-world in a daze, and the Dagda had to physically shove me out of it.
-Odin is giving me some mixed messages. He tends to agree with what “the person calling himself Haik” is saying. “Look, LISTEN to the reader, but do not TRUST HER too much, especially since she admitted she’s not used to deity work.” At the bare minimum, I need a second opinion. And I’m like “Okay, I get what you’re saying, but getting a reading from someone DOES involve ‘trusting’ their advice at least a little bit.” And he’s like “yes, everyone gets a little bit of trust. You do need a break. And you ARE worn out.”
-Loki is ALSO giving me mixed messages, because he keeps going “I TOLD YOU. I TOLD YOU. YOU HAVE TO STOP TRUSTING SO MANY FUCKING PEOPLE, JUST BECAUSE THEY’RE NICE TO YOU. NOW LOOK AT THIS SHIT YOU’RE IN!!!” But then… he STILL doesn’t like all of the news I got about my writing, and hearing that the (real?) anito have deserted me. Like, he’s constantly going “Well, whoop-de-do, your fictional writing offends your people’s gods, because they don’t LIKE how desperate you are? Guess the other Filipinos who write fiction are on thin ice if they start suffering like you are.”
So… great. (end sarcasm) I don’t know who the fuck half my spirit-world acquaintances are right now, creative writing is apparently NOT A GOOD IDEA right now, I need to placate the anito for being so desperate and then figure out who all these NOT-Anito spirits wandering around with me are, and in general, I need a break from the spirit-world.
Part 2 is here, and later updates would be on my spirit-blog,
the_bears_wife .