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August 28th, 2023

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butterfly
Disclaimer: I do not recommend the HP books anymore for obvious authorial reasons. I am about 68% in the camp "fuck all of her shit" and 32% "let's write the queerest shit she used to get WB to kill fansites for when they obtained the IP" team. (I'm not bitter the super detailed work I put into a HP roleplay site got taken down because of that in the olden days, no siree.)

Death of the author is such a thing, so as long as nothing is contributing to her profits? But by profilgating her works, that's tempting others to do so? It's a dilemma.

At this point, I figure most people who would be influenced by internet fandom content also have the ability to access media that doesn't empower TERFs, and I hope they do so, and that doing not is a choice. It's more the prospective new HP series that worries me.

If the WGA and SGA/AFTRA strike do anything, I hope it's kill the HP reboot (instead of paying Michelle and Jeri enough to lure them into ST: Legacy).

December 27th, 2014

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Boy at work who apparently really likes me asked me if I was bisexual today

(he had apparently either read me as queer (!! that never happens) or heard from somebody that this was the case, but been told 'no, I think she swings both ways' by other coworker)

as prelude to asking me out, I guess, because he wanted to find out if he has a chance and that I wasn't a lesbian?

that's kind of rad, that he was asking so as to rule-in hetero-attraction rather than assuming it or any of the myriad less-pleasant reasons to want that information

but I'm like "wellllllll, it's a little more complicated than that"

and he goes "what, like pan?"

I about fucking dropped a whole stack of pizzas

you go, enlightened pizzaboy from backwoods ghettoville!

he still didn't know what asexuality was but he was curious enough that I caught him asking one of other coworkers if he knew; other coworker's explanation was some version of weird sexual narcissism, though, so I had to step in there and try and fix things as best I could when I was already supposed to be out on a run, so hopefully kid goes home and Googles maybe

there was more than a little of "oh, but I'm like that too; I spend most of my time alone blah blah so is everyone", so the real test of whether this guy is a champ or not is going to be whether he gets the idea that I'm honestly not interested and backs off or decides that he wants to keep going for it because I obviously haven't had the right dick yet, but I'm hopeful.

June 20th, 2014

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Bonus, I'm linking to the Wikipedia or Goodreads pages of all the books, because 1000% recommend all of the below.

Articles of the Federation by Keith R.A. DeCandido is one of the few media tie-in novels that I've read more than once, because though it only features cameos from your favorite characters, it's a really rich expansion of a part of the universe that is pretty much a black hole on screen: Star Trek meets The West Wing, basically.  It's set in between Nemesis and the lead up to the reboot, and written by one of my favorite ST novel authors.  It's really brilliant, and if you're interested in the broader Star Trek universe outside of ships and the military at all, here's a primer on the civilian political system hidden within a captivating novel.

Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie was part of a colonialism theme in English class, and pretty much my entire introduction to anything having to do with Indian independence (like, the fact that it happened ?  Hello, history classes, what the fuck.)  So this was a world-broadening book, for sure, as this historical fiction/magical realism amalgamation required a decent bit of learning about the struggles of newly-independent India to understand both the political allegory and some of the actual plot events therein.  Also, Rushdie is partial to the very stream-of-consciousness writing style that I use myself (I was looking over notes for a presentation I had to give on the novel to remind myself why I liked it, and actually had to Google this bit to see if he wrote it or I did; the only hit was my blog pointing it out seven years ago, though, ahaha), so his words flow in my brain like they belong.

Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel García Márquez has such an interesting non-linear storytelling format that I was super inspired to try it out myself in some writing (which never actually came to fruition, but still).  While other things will inspire me in an "oh, I want to fanfic this" way, this was unique in that the story ideas in my head were forming around this narrative technique rather than around characters or settings.  I think I've put off my reread in the original Spanish for too long at this point to be able to do it without constant dictionarying, but it's still on my to-do list, and as it's a novella, it might be manageable.

Dark Passions by Susan Wright is another stand-out of the literally 100+ Star Trek books I've read (this is a two-parter, actually), but for less world-building and more "reads like a femslash fic" reasons.  This one has everyone's favorite things: it's heavily dominated by powerful female characters, many of whom are queer, and ties the TNG and Voyager characters into the mirror universe established in the DS9 episodes.  That's right: (even more) canon. mirror. universe. lesbians.

The Harry Potter series, because of the universe and the fandom and all the magic and memories that entails.

The Sherlock Holmes canon, also mostly for the fandom and the universe and all the fun that has come out of it.  I'm one of the newish (though with Sherlock and Elementary, I suppose I'm from an older wave, now!) Holmes fans who saw 09!SH and immediately went home and read all the canon and watched the Granada series and dove straight in to classic fandom while waiting for everyone else to catch up.  So even though this was a movie-inspired read, my love for the canonverse is no less strong (and stronger than that for BBC Sherlock, tbh, because I have massive love for Victorian England).  Specifically, I love SCAN for Irene of course (here have some meta notes on it from ages ago), DYIN, 3GAR -- okay, the ones whose titles come to mind are just the gayest ones and not the ones with the best stories or anything, sorry not sorry.

The Hot Zone by Richard Preston is a thriller about a filovirus outbreak outside of DC; after a solid chunk of the book on Marburg and Ebola to make sure you're up to snuff on why exactly you should be fucking terrified, we track from patient (monkey) zero of how it got there and how it was contained and hidden from the general public to prevent panic.  Oh, and did I mention it's nonfiction?  The drama makes it almost novel-esque, though there's enough background on the history and evolution of filoviruses (though from 1995, so I'd need a reread to see if anything's dramatically off of what we've learned since then) via discussion of other Marburg and Ebola outbreaks to make this a solid straddler of the science-read/fun-read category. 

Level 4: Virus Hunters of the CDC  by McCormick, Horvitz, & Fisher-Hoch is of a similar vein, but more scientific and less dramatized; it's comprised of stories written by the scientists who actually work in the level 4 containment facilities with the incurable plagues.  It's a great look inside the lab and was my first picture of medicine that wasn't straight up clinical, so it was really influential in that way.  This one was read probably every summer from 1998-2002, and along with The Hot Zone, put USAMRIID squarely atop both my lists of "Places I'd Love To Work" and "Places I Never Want To Be Within 200 Miles Of Jesus God".

Politically Correct Bedtime Stories (and the others in the series) by James Finn Garner is basically what it says on the tin: a satirization of classic stories where the humor is two-pronged -- the narrator is overwhelmingly garrulous in his inoffensiveness while the stories themselves have been updated for a ~modern world and are often changed entirely to be radically feminist or socialist (but I don't recall being angry or feeling poked fun at, because they were so ridiculous?).  The Christmas one was once an annual favorite.  We spent a week or so reading these aloud in the back of English class sophomore year of high school; they're really funny.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams is the funniest shit, eminently quotable, and easily the best six-book trilogy ever published.  I haven't read the posthumous one yet, and I hear it's not as good (Eoin Colfer's Artemis Fowl books were great at the beginning and suffered from series fatigue too, so I wonder if you can have the same problem picking up someone else's work), but they're all available on audio, many narrated by Stephen Fry or Martin Freeman, if you're into audiobooks like I am.

August 8th, 2012

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Random fantastic post of whining that was originally a tweet but I kept typing and hahahaha.

Laptop managed to get trojans that deleted its ability to network and I may have screwed it up more trying to fix it before I knew it was malware-caused (because stupid AVG said everything was fine like a moron) and there are somehow no system restore points on the laptop so no easy fix. It theoretically works totally fine minus the inability to network, but I HAVE SPENT THE LAST WEEK fucking with all the computers to set the server back up so this is Not Okay.

And I need to print off my resume so I can finally turn in this application but I can't print it from the laptop because aforementioned deleted ability to network and I haven't installed Word on the desktop computer yet. (Doing right now, but it takes a long time.)

And I need to go to the gym because that makes things better when things = wanting to put my fist through computers and the universe, but my stomach hurts and I'm too fat to leave the house and I don't want to go to the gym without this goddamned job application again I've been holding on to it for like a week.

And apparently my mom wants me to come home but I don't want to leave without turning this job application in because Important which is why I leave for home yesterday like I should have. Theoretically job more important but let's not kid ourselves I won't get called back for it I was ridiculously qualified for the last two jobs I applied for and got excited about and n o p e not even an email to say they'd filled the position nothing.

So by not turning in this goddamned application like last week and going home days ago when I could have I'm probably fucking up whatever plans she has but that's okay because I would hate them anyway because I am horrible and rotten and ungrateful.

July 8th, 2012

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How did I spend my afternoon? Oh, Google!stalking my old orchestra teacher and rocking back and forth on the couch over how much I miss having a reason to wake up in the morning.

LOL, nothing to see here, just a rerun of 'Alexandria Still Has A Giant Hero-Worship Crush On Someone Who Probably Has Forgotten Her Name' .Collapse )

March 6th, 2012

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So, um, don't consider this sound medical advice at all or anything, but just fyi:
  • If you have teeth coming in and they're at the point that they're stretching and rubbing little holes in your gums until they split

  • And especially if one of them is halfway in but there's still just a stupid band of gum covering the back half that food likes to get caught under

  • And all of this hurts like fuck

  • And you think "I bet I could just slit the gum right across the top of the hidden tooth and free it up a bit instead of enduring all this slow flesh-splitting misery"

  • And you have access to scalpels/really sharp microscissors/something you can sterilize

  • This is actually

  • A really good plan.

No seriously, I'd been thinking about doing it forever, and the pain finally got bad enough last night after I managed to wedge food under my gums though the tiny hole the tooth had worn away (this happens all the time with the one that was halfway in, but another just recently decided to start making an appearance so the gum was way more stretched and thus getting something under it was excruciating) that I just went for it, and it feels so much better now. Even immediately, while still spitting out gobs of blood, I was in 293487230 times less pain. Morning after, there's kind of mild achyness, but not even enough to bother taking an aspirin for and still less bothersome than the usual flesh-splitting misery; it feels more like I just bruised it a bit while messing around back there. Totally not kidding when I say that I wish I'd done it ages ago.

Only downside is that there is rather a lot of blood involved. If I'd had a 12-blade scalpel, it would have been a lot easier because I could have just stuck the curvy tip into the hole in my gums and slit straight upwards, but I only had 10-blades, so I ended up trying both sticking it in the hole and pushing laterally with the blade upwards and just pressing straight down through the gum on top of the tooth. The former method worked much better, as with the latter, you'd feel the crunch of some of the tissue splitting but not actually be making it the full thickness to the tooth (and then have to wait until the bleeding slowed down so you could see the field and try again).

/fuck yeah home surgery

March 4th, 2012

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Total alexithymia here but it feels weird that my mom is so behind my desire to actually get aspie/asd/whatever finally officially written down.

I mean, it's good that she's going to help, but shouldn't she be saying "no kid you're totally normal" instead of "yeah I always kind of wondered"? If you always kinda wondered why did every evaluation of me stop after I blew away the IQ portion?

Maybe this feeling is just extension of my vague resentment of everyone involved in my education? I know I've thought about this before, because I am pretty much the quintessential example of "kid who fell through the cracks because as long as she can pass the standardized tests we can't be arsed to figure out what's wrong with her". Like maybe the third time I got yelled at by the teacher for "rolling my eyes"/not making eye contact maybe that could have been looked into? and the head banging/si and the stimming and the inability to make friends and the clothing sensory issues and the food sensory issues and the sound sensory issues and how I had to lock myself in my room with the lights off for hours every day right after school/being in public to turn into a person again and the fear of the telephone and the weird obsessions and how all the comorbid things line up too etc. etc.

I mean, I can't blame my parents because when you've got a high functioning kid and a lower functioning kid I understand you've got to make sure the latter can actually graduate before expending the effort to ferret into the former's more hidden issues, but I still feel like . . . idk, like I fell through the cracks. And that if stuff was caught earlier, proper interventions and such could have reduced the probability that it would have caught up to me as hard as it has in college.

January 26th, 2012

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A sort-of response to "An Issue in Sherlock That Annoys Me and Why", which is an essay about gifted persons and emotion, with specific reference to the eponymous character in the BBC drama "Sherlock".

This is mostly just YES THIS with a large dose of WOW MY CHILDHOOD LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT IT encased in a few giant, run-on paragraphs. 

Also, let me just get modesty and such out of the way: labeling yourself as intelligent is such a Not Done thing (made even worse by societal expectations of women, but that's another rant), and I hate comparing/being compared to other people because I will always zoom in on the way(s) that I fall short, so this entire thing is extremely uncomfortable to write.  But if I keep apologizing every time I refer to the fact that I consider myself part of this group of Super Screwed-Up Super Gifted Super Freaks, it will be even more uncomfortable to read.  So.  Blanket "blah blah, I don't mean that other people are dumb, blah blah my self-worth on good days approaches that of a rock covered in toothpaste blah blah".

Read more...Collapse )

And okay, this has gotten too long and I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore because I'm kind of upset now, but blah.  There it is.  I'm not sure there's any meaning or even relevance in any of this wordvomit, but have some stories about me.

December 29th, 2011

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Is it weird to cry about not being in pain and feeling kind of good?

TL;DR — omg Valium + Gabapentin is all I want for Christmas.

I took a Valium for my dentist appointment, and some of my dad’s Gabapentin afterwards because I have some kind of nerve issue on one side of my mouth that becomes excruciating when people poke around in there idk.

And this evening was probably the best I have felt in recent memory, easily.

I don’t realize how just generally on edge I am until I’m not anymore. Feeling relaxed is such a foreign concept to me that it was almost weird. And my mouth stopped hurting, and the fibro pain that’s been killing my back lately went away, and I was able to straighten my legs after sitting crosslegged without literally rolling around and biting my fist to keep from crying, and EVERYTHING WAS BRILLIANT.

I wanted to play music and write stories and go run around with my dogs outside and frolic in the sun and I’m pretty sure this is how life is supposed to feel for normal people.

It’s long been a wonder of mine how much my depression contributes to my chronic pain and how much my chronic pain contributes to my depression, and this certainly seems to lend support to my theory that fixing the pain would make me a much happier person.

But then I started thinking about how it’s all going to wear off in a little while and then all the crying because askdjfalskdjf I want to feel like this forever. WHY CAN’T I JUST BE A NORMAL PERSON WITH NORMAL PERSON FEELS AND NORMAL PERSON LACK-OF-PAIN?

November 4th, 2011

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Sometimes, taking my ADD meds makes things even worse.

They make it so I can only concentrate on one thing at once, somehow, which would be okay if I hadn’t spent 20+ years training myself to live with horrible, horrible ADD by OMG MULTITASKING ALL THE TIME.

Also, Ritalin is kind of a fantastic (if temporary) antidepressant, and one of the side effects of that is this IMMA DO THIS AND FIX THIS AND KNIT A HAT AND STUDY FOR THIS TEST AND PLAY THIS GAME AND ALSO DO THIS THING I’VE BEEN PUTTING OFF AND THAT ONE AND GO TO THE GYM AND SAVE THE WORLD mentality. So I try to multitask like normal on a highly increased number of tasks and nothing gets done.

Basically, I’m normally a 2.2ghz hyperthreading, quad-core processor, and Ritalin turns me into a 4.6ghz single-core processor. Because of the extra speed, you feel like you can open more programs at once, but this is not the case.
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