Welp

Sooo yeah. Basically that happened. Happy Friday of the 13th of the 13th newsletter of the 13th iteration of the 13th Cranocene. I’m writing to you from the back of some unmarked van driving to some undisclosed location down some long lone desert highway.

Let me back up…

So about 15 odd minutes ago or so I was just minding my damn business getting a sno-cone from the gas station with my cousin Hugo. We were just yapping away and whatever talking about The Boss (aka Bruce Springsteen) and just having the times of our lives.

That’s precisely the moment when we ended up getting snatched by these guys in the van. And now we’re here in the present.

Just my luck!

Cranny World is DOWN

They’re basically trying to shut down my operations in every conceivable way possibly imaginable to the human mind… My humble ass domain has been shut down. I’m working closely with very important tech geniuses to get it back up and running but yeah. Essentially, I don’t know what’s going on in the slightest and I’m very scared and starting to panic.

Just my luck!

ROBOMAGIC Glasses

My prevailing theory of what they want from me is the rights to my newest invention which I’ve partnered with HiROBOT to create using the power of ROBO-ai technologies.

What we’ve created is the future of glasses wearing and normal people who don’t wear glasses as well. Please take a look from our sister company HiROBOT:

Yes. ROBO-ai has now brought to you ROBOMAGIC GLASSES. For when you want to see the beauty in everything now you have ROBOMAGIC. Simply speak the words that you wish to see and with the power of ROBO-ai images will appear new before you. It simply uses artificial intelligence to generate crisp amazing pictures in front of your very eyes. Even it can alter the landscape!

as an example:

Using ROBOMAGIC tech, the creature appears in front of you! Now that it is amazing.

I don’t think it’s too farfetch’d to say that these guys want the robomagic glasses for themselves and probably to do evil with them too no doubt. Imagine if this technology were to get into the wrong hands… or should I say onto the wrong eyes/face…

Green Lightning Bolts

Well, there is one silver lining or should I say green lining. It’s that I recently gained the ability to shoot green lightning bolts out of my fingers. Which seems crazy/awesome I might have to add. I will have more to say about this later, perhaps even in video forme if you catch my drift. Perhaps it will even premier on CrannyTV. That is if I ever make it home…

Don’t be a-panicin’

Now don’t y’all worry your pretty little faces none ‘bout old Cranny Boy. He’s gotten himself out of worse situations such as these, ye best be believin’. Sorry the newsletter this month is a bit underwhelming. Only so much a guy can say when he’s in the back of some strange van and going about 90 down the dang highway… I’m about to lose my sno-cone.

We’ll be back soon with exciting prospects. Old Cranny just needs a refresh and hey probably a damn hot shower…

No Post Round-Up This Month

Be back soon!